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elliewiltarwyn · 8 months

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FFXIV Write 2023 | Prompt #4: Off the Hook

make-up day! hope you understand why this might have needed some fine-tuning @.@;

-1630 words -Spoilers for Sorrow of Werlyt storyline

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When Gaius turns away from M’naago and the militia officer, Mia makes sure she has planted herself there in front of him, arms folded, eyes narrowed, her brow furrowing around the third eye in her forehead. “I need to speak with you.”

To his credit, Gaius does not shy away from her; when he sees the look in her eyes, he nods, the lines in his face creasing and deepening as resolve settles in. “Very well.” He cocks his head towards a nearby alleyway, then gives Severa a brief nod when she looks at them questioningly. She does not follow them into the alleyway.

The moment they’re out of sight, completely hidden behind the wall and its shadow, Mia whirls around and punches Gaius across the cheek, then grabs the front of his coat before he’s even finished shouting in pain and slams him against the wall, pinning him against it—and she brings the tall ex-legatus down to her level, glaring at him with fury blazing in her eyes, her forearms braced across his chest.

“How dare you?” Mia growls, her vision blurring. “How dare you reap these rewards, this lenience, this respect—even though the whole reason we’re in this situation is because your past crimes are catching up with you!”

Gaius’s face is frozen in a wince, and he continues nursing the cheek that she struck. “...My… past…” he murmurs.

“The legacy you left behind, the values you instilled in those children!” Mia slams him against the wall again, eliciting another gasp of pain. “You came unto Werlyt, unto Ala Mhigo, unto Eorzea as a conquerer, to inflict and enforce your ideals unto them— ‘twas terrible enough in its own right, but to learn that you raised orphans from those lands to believe in the same things—!” Mia hauls off and punches him again—tears are forming in her eyes and her throat is beginning to go hoarse. “And now that’s what they’re not just fighting for, but throwing themselves onto the pyre for—it’s all because of you, Baelsar!”

Gaius lowers his hand, apparently resigned to the bruise on his cheek. His grey eyes slide up, meeting Mia’s out of the corners. There isn’t a hint of the anger or imperiousness he displayed on that funicular in the Praetorium’s depths. “...It is,” he says softly. “...They are my sins.”

“And yet you are rewarded—granted command over the militia you conquered, allowed custody over the daughter whose mind you poisoned!” Something burns within Mia’s breast, and she squeezes her eyes shut and grits her teeth, but she can’t prevent it from erupting as a strangled, agonized shout of sheer frustration. Her hand blisters with pain again, this time lasting longer on her knuckles; when she opens her eyes, she realizes it’s because she’s slammed her fist into the wall next to Gaius’s head. The force has left a barely-noticeable impact crater in the stonework.

“...Aye.” Gaius’s voice is so quiet, in comparison. So weathered. So tired. “I have been extended… a shocking amount of grace.”

“...And I was extended none.”

These words bring a strange life back into Gaius’s eyes, and he stares down at Mia. “How do you mean?”

Mia shuts her eyes again and breathes in, deeply. She dredges through her memories, trying to find the traces of beauty within all the sludge. There isn’t a lot. “...You know who I was before.”

“...Aye.” Gaius swallows. “...Maia jen Asina… the daughter of Aulus mal. The chief engineer behind many of the Empire’s most dangerous magitek. The architect of the artificial Echo that Fordola and Zenos wield.”

“And how,” Mia begins, her lungs burning with heavy grief, “do you think it went over when I defected?”

“...I cannot imagine you had an easy time of it.”

“That’s putting it lightly. Dear old dad cast me out, rejected me from my family and friends forevermore. I walked into Ul’dah with nothing but a rusted cuirass and the sword on my back—no home, no rights, nothing to hope for—cast out from your ideal Empire.” She sucked in air through her teeth. “I toiled in the ranks of the Gladiators’ Guild for years, until somehow, the Echo suddenly awoke in me and granted me a chance to fight back.” Her vision flares up again as she sets her gaze on him once more. “Against you, as you may recall.”

“I will never forget it,” Gaius murmurs.

“And yet here we are. You at the head of a revolutionary militia. Your crimes swept under the rug—and then roaring back out from under it to attack us.” She feels her whole body vibrating in fury. “And you’re just… being let off the hook.”

Gaius just looks down at her for a long, long time before he exhales and says, “And you are completely correct; I do not deserve a single onze of the grace I have been extended.”

Mia stops short, freezes over entirely, down to her bones and the blood in her veins and her heart. “Wait, what?” Of all the tacks she had expected him to take, she never once thought he would agree with her.

“It pains me that the Alliance trusts me to lead their efforts against Valens’s ambitions, when I myself am responsible for everything about how those ambitions have taken form.” He keeps his gaze fixated, unwavering, on Mia, but he does rapidly blink as tears begin to roll down his cheeks—right over the bruise Mia had left him. “That they think I am still worth trusting… that Severa and Valdeaulin and Allie still believe me trustworthy… when I may as well have thrown Allie’s siblings upon the pyre myself. ‘Tis beyond the pale.”

Mia wants to keep pushing; she feels she has so much more she has to say—so much shit she’s been through that Gaius needs to know so he can maybe finally grasp some understanding.

…But does he already understand?

“...And you are right. Those ideals… the ones they have been sacrificing themselves for. The ones I upheld, as I marched forth into these territories to conquer them in the name of the Empire.” His shoulders sag, and he hangs limply against the wall, propped up solely by Mia’s grip. “...Madness. Nonsense. And ephemeral—Valens makes mockery of the Empire that I believed in… but that Empire never existed in the first place.” He squeezes his eyes shut in pain. “‘Twas naught but honeyed words, to satisfy the personal ambitions of cruel men.”

Mia tightens her fist in the front of his coat. “...That Empire was also a flawed, terrible, and self-destructive concept at its core.”

“...It was.” He opens his eyes and his gaze flickers elsewhere, nowhere in particular, but Mia has an idea of what he’s thinking about. “...Naught proves that better… than the corpses of Milisandia and Ricon and Rex… and all those in our wakes.” The shadow in his eyes makes it all too clear to Mia; he is deathly, horribly afraid that Alfonse and Allie will be added to that list.

…His children.

Orphans, by his hand… but children that he nevertheless cared for and loved. In the way that my father never did. Never had the capacity to.

…I did not believe the man we fought in the Praetorium had that capacity either. I still don’t, and I doubt he did when he destroyed those children’s families before.

…But what about this man before me?

Mia suddenly releases her grip, and Gaius staggers and nearly falls over before regaining his footing. He rubs his shoulder and grimaces as he straightens back up and meets her gaze once more. “I don’t deserve your trust either, Mia,” he says quietly. “And I will not ask for it. But… there is something I would ask of you.”

She clenches and unclenches her fists, stretching her fingers out, her lips tightly pressed against each other as she breathes. “...What?”

“…Please hold me to account. Even if the Alliance will not.”

“…You’ve asked the same of Valdeaulin and Severa, have you not?”

“I have. And to their judgments, I will also submit.” The look Gaius fixes her with is filled with resolve—and none of the fury she had seen in his grey eyes when she destroyed his eyepiece in the Praetorium. “...But before then… in this moment… I must right the wrongs I have committed. Whether or not the Alliance believes it meet or just for me to do so… whether or not my children believe otherwise. I must face my sins and bear the weight of the consequences inflicted on not just me, but so many innocent peoples.” He does not waver. “And though you may not trust me… I certainly trust that you are capable of putting me back on that hook.”

And mayhaps for the first time ever, Mia sees Gaius Baelsar’s mouth curl into a wry smile. “You have done so once already, after all.”

Mia’s gaze flicks down, then up, scanning him from head to toe. She sighs out a deep exhale and meets his eyes once more. “I didn’t do it alone.” Ellie’s and Lily’s faces, smiling kindly upon her, surge to the forefront of her mind.

“...No, I suppose not.” He lets out a small huff. “I believe that’s proof enough you were right all along.”

For the first time ever, Mia favors him with a wry smile too.

“Gaius—Mia—I hate to interrupt.” She’s shocked from her reverie and turns to see Severa at the head of the alleyway, her brow knit in concern as she looks between them. “But we have to address Allie’s situation.”

“Allie?” Mia’s veins freeze over once more.

Gaius breathes a deep, exhausted sigh and plaintively looks at her. “It seems I must ask you for that favor even sooner than I had hoped.”

#ffxivwrite #ffxivwrite2023 #my fanfiction #ffxiv fanfiction #werlyt is...*contentious* in some of the ffxiv circles i run in #like “screaming about how much this ruins the game” contentious #i don't think the actual writing is that good and the way it handles some very sensitive topics is pretty clumsy #but for some reason gaius's character in it is fascinating for me--probably because of mia #like how would she feel about his apparent treatment when she's garlean herself. obviously it's not *great.* how could she process that.#also hey! think this is the first time i've mentioned: she's aulus mal asina's daughter!#she doesn't regret killing him at all! he was an asshole! :D #anyhoo uh yeah. hoping i didn't poke the hornet's nest that harshly.

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passiveaggressiveturkeys · 1 year

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So I was meant to be having an operation today, would’ve been going through intake right now. I was prepared for it, I even had to stop taking my medication that helps control my condition in order to have the operation but I figured that was okay because the operation would sort that out anyway but now I will only be getting sicker

Why was my operation cancelled? Because after the tories refused negotiations and so naturally the planned strikes started, the hospital became so overrun that they’ve literally put people in broom closets

I was told with the aftereffects of this that they don’t expect there to be much improvement going into January. I have no idea when I’ll be able to have a relatively simple operation

I am pretty much bedridden, I can spend maybe a couple of hours a day out of my bed, maybe a bit more if most of that time is spent on the couch. The only place I have been in weeks is the hospital, one 3 night emergency admission and once for my pre op assessment. They almost operated during my emergency admission, they decided against it as I was scheduled to come in for it only 3 weeks later

My operation cancellation along with having to be off my medication for it only means the chances of another emergency admission is more likely. Except this time there would be no space for me. The last time it came very close to turning septic, close enough that I know I would’ve died without medical intervention. I am terrified for the coming weeks and months before I can potentially get this sorted out

I live in a country with a free national health service and I am having to consider using the money I spent years saving for my masters degree, for my future, to even have a future at all by paying for the operation myself

But why the hell am I having to choose between my education and my health? It’s not even really a choice, I can’t do the degree until I’m better. So I’ll pay for the operation and once I’m better I’ll work to save my money again, all while paying taxes to a system, a country, a government which has failed me completely. I want to pay taxes for the NHS, I want that free healthcare both for myself and the millions of others who need it but I’m honestly not sure that version of the NHS is ever coming back

So anyway anyone feeling like a little revolution?

#long post #rant #personal #health tw #death tw #uk politics #the nhs #fuck the tories #and fucking kill them too #they’re killing enough civilians that if they actually stood trial for their crimes #and if we still had the death penalty #then well you know #they’d hopefully would get the death penalty in that world #god I wanna live in that world #or like one where labour won and was still in power #I don’t even like labour that much but I think it’s pretty telling #that the last labour pm came up with a workable solution to the energy price crisis #when I don’t think any of this years 3 Tory pms have even mentioned a real solution #sorry yeah the ad campaign was great #like hey people who don’t have the heating on cause you can’t afford it have you heard of turning your heating down?#like my dude you can’t turn something that’s off even more off #no matter how much you wanna believe it #anyway guy Fawkes was right and we should say it more often

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