#her story breaks my heart
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The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, Suzanne Collins / Antigone, Sofocles
How do you mourn a brother you wanted dead?
#does this makes sense?#I hope it does#i was rereading the Antigone and for some reasons this quote made me think of Tigris#of her feelings after snow died#the Snow she despised and wanted dead#the same Snow that was Coryo once#does she mourn that boy or has she been doing that since she first saw his father in Snow’s eyes?#does she finally feel relieved because the monster is dead?#i just love her so much#her story breaks my heart#my girl Tigris you deserved so much better#tigris snow#coriolanus snow#hunger games#the ballad of songbirds and snakes
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Thinking about Medusa wondering around tartarus after being killed
#greek mythology#lesbianism#feminism#i love her#her story breaks my heart#pjo#sure I'll tag this pjo who cares
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i made some doodles for @aireyverkhovenskys femswap au. the first three are all seperate but i put them together bc it feels wrong to not let them engage
#i like to think it tells a story#star trek tos#james t kirk#spock#leonard mccoy#using their government names but in my heart theyre just annoying girlies#leo draw#also yes bones is having a smoke. she needs a break. be nice#t'spock gets bullied for her lord farquaad haircut
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my new OC: cempaka!
she is based on the story/universe that my friend @haydardotjpg's OCs indra and yuwei exist in! pls go checkout haydar's art he is amazing!! his ocs can be found more easily on his ig but if you're lazy this is his oc indra (cempaka's one-sided love interest) and yuwei (indra's fated lover)
also, cempaka means "magnolia" in malay!! (she gets a flower name bc my name is lilly which is also flower c:)
bonus first iteration under the cut!
i accidentally had "poinsettia" flower in mind when i did this iteration instead of an actual magnolia, hence the color scheme. but yeah, this is as self-insert as it gets LOL like she's literally MEEEEEE but still very different and i love her as she is <3
#my art#original character#oc#oc art#art#im in love with her actually#she has 4 brothers all named after flowers#mawar kekwa orkid and melati#not me using google translate literally on the fly i hope im not being culturally insensitive 😭#but anyway they lost their parents at a young age so she was raised by her brothers#shes the youngest by far tho by like 9 years from her next closest brother#mawar is the oldest hes like 40 a very important Leader Of People so he is not very present in her life#kekwa is a doctor and 38 and he travels often for work so he is also not very present but he visits sometimes#orkid and melati are twins theyre both 30#orkid is a scholar and on track to being a professor at a prestigious uni#melati is traveling the world doing soul searching#cempaka is 21 she is literally a baby and her brothers send her back money but shes mostly alone#so she joins a traveling dance troupe and she gets really good at dancing#she meets indra while on the road dancing and performing and she is SMITTEN#like shes just head over heels in love with this man because hes so warm and inviting and he fills a void in her life#he makes her feel so incredibly seen and not alone and the feeling is addicting she cant get enough#ok idk most of the details bc i havent read haydars full story BUT#basically to my understanding yuwei and indra are separated for a while#and cempaka knows up front that indra is in love with yuwei like hes very honest with her about this and she appreciates it#but she still wants a chance because indras the only person in the world that has ever made her feel truly seen and loved#so she tries to be with him to ease her loneliness but it breaks her heart whenever he misses yuwei openly#also AGAIN listen im trying to basically write fanfic for a story that doesnt exist LOLL#HAYDAR IF YOURE READING THIS PLS WRITE UR STORY LMFAO
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Ouhhhh friendship I love friendship……..
#I’m reading volumes 14-16 of the ouran manga OOUGHHH MY HEART#I love this weird little friend group so much its unreal#like u have this charming sweeps you off your feet prince but he’s actually a huge lovable idiot with a kind heart and his friends#who are all misfits that he reached out to and drew in because of his kindness and own weirdness like that shits TIGHT BRO#and the trauma part where he has some deep seated issues with love bc he thinks that itll break a family apart like with his mom#how his family isnt allowed to be together because his mom and dad fell in love and how he says he wants to build a big house#so that way one day everyone will get along as a family like. all he wants is not to lose everyone and the only way to do that is#by maintaining a certain order.. he both wants a complete family so bad and doesnt want anything to sour between anyone#so he assigns each of his friends a family role based on how he sees them and YEAH its mostly played for giggles and tamakis#already weird so its his way of showing theyre close to him but. god damn this boy has LAYERS#it also feels kinda meta towards how found family tends to get thrown around to assign characters as 'siblings' or family roles instead of#using it to describe characters who are close enough to be each others family. cuz tamakis doing that EXACT THING in a way tht#ties in with his character and i have to say its fascinating using that within the story itself and its completely plausible#theres a lot of things i can say about ouran that are good bad and questionable but. god i love it when characters are niceys to each other#i remember i really liked the mall episode bc kyoya and haruhi got to spend time together and their relationship isnt very close#but it was really nice to see their personalities bounce off each other. i think i also wouldve liked to see haruhi alone with kaoru#i also firmly believe all of the hosts are at least a little in love with haruhi and this can be anything like endearing romantic cuz like#who DOESNT love haruhi. kyoya i think would want to study her under a microscope like his fascination with her draws him in#but im fucking obsessed with whatever haruhi and tamaki have going on because YES hes obsessed with her YES he jumps at the chance to#put her in a cute costume but haruhi? she just fucking goes with it because she knows hes fun to be around even if hes a little wacky abt i#theyre all so. NNGGHHHH#ouran#ohshc#yapping
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After very little research into the other writings of Laura Ingalls Wilder and Rose Wilder Lane, my hypothesis about the Little House authorship question is that the writing is mostly Rose's, but the heart is Laura's.
In Laura's newspaper columns, the parts that sound most like Little House mostly come from the extracts she shares from Rose's letters (incidentally, it's kind of adorable how proud she is of Rose: "My daughter's in France!", "My daughter's in Albania!", etc.) The prose of Old Home Town, Rose's inspired-by-my-childhood-home novel, has some of the same concise descriptive prose that I've come to associate with the Little House style (I could hear passages in the voice of the Little House audiobook narrator).
Yet the Little House soul is all over Laura's columns. She's fascinated by the simple tasks of life, believes in home and family and hard work, believes in holding onto the goodness of childhood and looking forward with hope toward the future. There's an optimism, almost a romanticism, about life. The children's series that bears her name clearly comes from the same woman.
Rose, by contrast, is much more pessimistic. When writing about childhood, she's almost cynical about the life of a small town. She highlights the dark stories underlying the wholesome exterior, is extremely sensitive to the pitfalls of the social scene around her. Part of the difference is that Rose is writing for adults, but there does seem to be an essential difference in the personality behind the pen, despite the stylistic similarities to Little House.
(At the risk of pop psychoanalyzing people long dead, Rose seems much more neurotic and introverted and sensitive than her mother. In her writings and in the books about her childhood in Missouri, she comes across as child of a fairly comfortable modern life, with all the modern anxieties, in contrast to a woman who grew up starving on the prairie and knows that there are much worse things to endure than small-town gossip).
It's not much of a thesis, but I'm just fascinated by the fact that the Little House series can share so many stylistic similarities with Rose's writings, yet feel so much more like Laura.
#little house#laura ingalls wilder#rose wilder lane#i did not finish old home town because it came uncomfortably close to deal-breaking swearing and i don't feel like dealing with that#but the book was interesting in its way#rose clearly has an agenda about women's rights#but in focusing so heavily on social justice it loses a lot of heart#if the mother is supposed to be based in any way on laura she's a bit harsh as a mother#though more open-minded than her neighbors#(always standing up for the gossiped-about women)#rose's stand-in (i'm going to assume it's a stand-in because cranford has trained me to assume#(that any first-person narrator in a book based on the author's childhood hometown is a self-insert)#kind of disappears into the background#and it's very tempting to consider how the woman who made her living as a ghostwriter disappeared behind others' stories#(also this book unfortunately seems to confirm that almanzo was a mason)#(sorry mom)#(seeing the freemason symbol on pa's grave was my most terrifying moment as a catholic little house fan)#(i'm pretty sure my mom threw holy water on it)#(took me a few years to get over that)#(now i've just accepted that american history is full of freemasons)#(and as long as she's not spouting anti-catholic propaganda her books are fair game)
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Before Gentleman Jack: Emma Donoghue on Anne Lister and Eliza Raine
Bestselling author Emma Donoghue introduces Anne Lister (now often known as Gentleman Jack) and Eliza Raine, the real women behind her latest novel, Learned By Heart.
Who was Eliza Raine, and what was her relationship with Anne?
I wish Anne Lister’s first lover was just as famous as her, but Eliza Raine (1791-1860), shamefully mistreated during her long life, has been ignored ever since she died in obscurity. This fascinating woman – orphan heiress of an English East India Company doctor and his Indian ‘country wife’ – deserves attention not just for her beauty, her importance to Lister and her vivid letters, but for her outsider perspective on Regency England. Banished to the so-called motherland to be ‘Englished’ at six, with a sister she never got on with, Eliza Raine must have witnessed society from a uniquely critical perspective, and so I found it was her untold story that ended up as the centre of Learned by Heart.
Is Gentleman Jack based on a true story?
Yes, the two seasons of Sally Wainwright’s BBC/HBO series Gentleman Jack (2019-22) are not only gripping, big-budget period drama, but they’re based on archival documents. Wainwright somehow managed to craft the dramatic arcs of each episode from the daily minutiae of Lister’s five-million-word secret diary. I can’t think of another example of TV adaptation actually contributing to an archive in a virtuous feedback loop: Wainwright not only used a screenwriting award to fund scans of the massive diary, but the fandom spawned by her show helped inspire hundreds to sign up as Code Breakers (aka Lister Sisters) and do the comma-by-comma work of transcribing it. A smaller group of the Code Breakers also made it possible for me to write Learned by Heart, by transcribing and making sense of about a hundred letters between, by or about Lister and Raine.
#learned by heart#emma donoghue#eliza raine#anne lister#gentleman jack#sally wainwright#i'm going to read this even though it's going to break my heart#and i feel more ambivalent about anne lister the more i learn about her#but writers of this caliber bringing her to life for us and shining a light on the life of a woman like eliza raine#a 'lady of colour' as she once called herself#whose life story is devastatingly tragic#also so interesting about the show's halo effect and how it led to emma being able to write her book
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I will never be normal about the family of the First Humans in my Hazbin Hotel AU. I will never be normal about it. I really took this AU and said "Family angst to the MAX". Also this may or may not contain spoilers about Hazbin Hotel, so be warned about that when reading this.
Since we don't know much of anything about Eve in Hazbin Hotel's canon universe, the Eve included in this post is obviously how I imagine her character. Also, there are some major changes to the relationships between some of the characters. For starters, Vaggie and Lute are sisters, but they're also direct creations of Adam's.
Let me explain.
So in this AU, Adam and Eve became a thing shortly after Lilith ran away to be with Lucifer. And in this AU, they were only able to have Cain and Abel before Eve ate the Forbidden Fruit and ultimately died (I might elaborate on the whole Garden of Eden story in another post). But they'd talked about having daughters and Eve was especially excited to have little girls. Clearly, that never ended up happening. So how does this tie into the story? Because Adam made Vaggie and Lute with the idea of them being the daughters he and Eve were never able to have.
(To take this a step further, this AU started as a Reimagine series where I went over how I would've done it all, so there were also name changes. Vaggie and Lute were two characters who got their names changed; Vaggie's name became Evelyn [originally Evangeline but I thought that too long and didn't roll off the tongue as well] and Lute's became Edith, with Vaggie being named after Eve and Lute being named after the Garden of Eden. And if you want even MORE angst with that idea, Adam sometimes called Vaggie "Eve" as a nickname because of how much she reminded him of her. There's nothing romantic there, I just wanna clarify that in case anyone jumps to conclusions. The changed names aren't important to the post, I just wanted to mention this little background fun fact from before I decided to make it a regular AU)
I may not have diddly squat about Cain and Abel in this aside from the fact that they exist(ed), but BOY do I have a lot to say about these four. First, let me just start with the parallels between Eve and Vaggie in this AU:
Both someone Adam swore to himself that he'd protect at all costs
Both fell from grace and are in Hell
Both of them are on the opposing side (for Eve this'll rely on the post I eventually make about the GoE story, but the gist is that she was completely unwilling; Vaggie saw no other way)
Both of them fell in love with demons
Like... Vaggie reminds Adam of Eve so much that sometimes, it physically hurts. In this AU, Vaggie wasn't left to die in Hell, she got attacked and left behind. Adam thought she was dead, which was part of why he pushed to move up the date of the next Extermination and why Lute is so set on revenge, wants to kill ALL demons, etc. And Adam doesn't care about sexuality- he doesn't care if Vaggie's bi, pan, lesbian, ace, etc. In this AU, he only cares because Charlie's a demon (and the daughter of Lucifer, but that's another thing). The way Adam sees it, he's been losing everyone he loves to temptation and sin. He believes he lost Lilith to Lucifer's seduction (even if he was an angel at the time, he eventually became a demon), he lost Eve to both Lilith & Lucifer and the Apple, he lost Abel to Cain's jealousy and wrath, he lost Cain to his inner darkness, he originally thought he lost Vaggie to the demons, and then he thought he lost her to seduction (even though Charlie didn't do anything like that). And this- this is why Adam's both so close to Lute and why he smiles when he dies in this AU. He died believing that he failed everyone he cared about except Lute, even though- in the back of his mind- he told himself he still failed her. Because he wasn't going to be able to make it back to Heaven and stay with her.
Y'all. I don't know WHAT made me decide to focus so much on these four... but this is what I got. This is what happened. They're devouring my brain.
#hazbin hotel au#hazbin hotel adam#hazbin hotel eve#hazbin hotel vaggie#hazbin hotel lute#my heart breaks for this whole family in this AU#especially eve because i feel like her story is very tragic#and adam is meant to be very flawed#but still someone who is trying and he does care#like even though eve's a demon he still loves her and he wanted to see her again#i just#why did i do this to myself#there just needed to be background lore#and this is what happened
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You know, I appreciate that post clearing up the whole Maevelander relationship because I've always found Maeve's character writing to be confusing, mostly because it's never given much focus so her motives have never made total sense to me. But when she says that line about "I might be in a cell but today was still my best day because I saw you afraid", it always struck me as sorta pathetic of her to say, that seeing Homelander shaken is her "best day", but reading your post, Maeve IS actually pretty pitiful when you look past her surface-level toughness. She's what Starlight might have become if Star stayed at Vought. Maeve has been commercialized and used by Vought too, to the point she has no life outside if it after her gf dumps her over her callousness over the plane crash footage, and like you said, Homelander saw her as his property because Vought told them to be a couple because "it's what the fans want!" She even refuses to leave with Starlight in S2 despite Starlight's kindness in offering because she has nowhere else to go and fills her time with drinking and meaningless flings. It's only when Maeve "dies" that she can have a life at all. I've never thought of her that way (tbf I've never liked Maeve), but this has helped me understand her character a bit better.
always happy to shine some light! I do really love Maeve, but my major complaint IS that she was underwritten and didn't get nearly enough screen time.
you're right in that she didn't have anything outside of Vought because Homelander wouldn't let her. he likely killed or scared off anyone that got close to her, which is why Elena was such a tightly kept secret. why she broke down trying to explain to Elena that they couldn't fight him, telling her the story about the director Homelander tore apart just for taking his seat next to her.
that was her best day because for once, he was the scared one. how cathartic that must have been.
Maeve spent years just trying to survive him. it's hardly surprising she turned out the way she did. and yes, she absolutely was meant to be a reflection for Starlight and show what she could become, which is finally what really kicked Maeve's ass into gear. she didn't want to see it happen again.
#when the writers fail to do right by the women I PICK UP THE SLACK!!!#i see sooo much potential in her story and god. she's so overlooked when it comes to Homelander's victims.#breaks my heart#queen maeve#homelander#the boys meta
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A sweet dream
"Aether..."
"Aether...!!"
Finally ー At last, they were reunited.
Lantern Rite spent together with her brother, it felt like a dream.
...
It was a dream.
When she woke up, her heart felt terribly empty. Her brother was not actually with her - it was all just a sweet temptation.
Lumine felt tears welling up in her eyes, her chest aching painfully as the harsh reality slowly sunk in.
"Hic...Uu...Hic..."
These were times of celebration - a festival to come together with friends and family and feel connected as one.
Yet right now, she felt so terribly alone.
#;; ic#;; genshin liveblog#genshin spoilers#// yo Xianyun's story quest threw angst at me so you all have to suffer with me#// Lumine crying breaks my heart man#// but I'm glad they're showing this vulnerable side of the traveler#// Xianyun comforting her after and acting like a big sis was *chef's kiss* too
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kinda feeling like i'll never be over all of the parallels in imogen and laudna relationship and in their arcs, all of the coincidences?? and episode 37 just brought so much of it together even more???
imogen and laudna, both farmgirls who grew up so lonely. ostracized for inherent powers they didn't understand and had no resources to learn about. both then haunted by external powers they don't understand, but cannot escape. (spoilers under the cut)
imogen, isolated because she hears everything from the people around her, knowing they're often not what they claim.
laudna, isolated because everyone is scared of her because she is undead, never caring to know who she really is.
but then, across decades and continents, they meet. imogen, who can hear laudna's kindness and believes in her heart. laudna, who had dealt with stranger, more malicious magics and knows what a voice in her head with ill-intent is actually like.
imogen's nightmares plague her openly, laudna buries hers deep inside.
laudna offers to enter imogen's nightmares, her trauma, with her. "no one should have to walk into the storm alone."
but then laudna dies. and imogen believes it is her fault. and she admits, of her own powers and marks, "as soon as i realized i could defend, like when i defended laudna when she came to town, it was proof that i was stronger than i thought i was. but now, it just feels like evidence."
laudna dies. and to save her, imogen travels with their friends across cities and continents and planes of existence to find her, to fight for her.
imogen walks through laudna's nightmares, her trauma, without her. calling to her, the only one able to hear these fragments of her. "we're gonna get you home, okay? we're here now. we'll help."
imogen asks if laudna can get free of the tree and laudna says, "i think that'll depend on you, darling."
imogen, narrowly being missed by what absolutely would have been the last hit against her, raises her hands and her eyes flash white and she uses this power that is both her strength and her burden, this power that put laudna in this danger in the first place, this power that she has time and time again used to defend laudna, to protect her, and she deals the final blow to the tree, to delilah, and frees laudna's soul.
#long story short laura and marisha accidentally created exandrian soulmates bc they both wanted to play sorcerers this campaign#and frankly i applaud them for it#imogen temult#laudna#critical role spoilers#imodna#critical role campaing 3#critical role#cr spoilers#imogen x laudna#cr3#c3e37#c3e37 spoilers#bell's hells#anyways laudna deserved someone to fight for her because she has been fighting for 30 odd years.#and maybe i'll make a different post about this but it breaks my heart that laudna says she she hasn't been able to fight her#because it was a fight to survive those decades of delilah in her head and still work to be kind and good and loving in a world so hateful#always minimizing her feelings and her past and her hurt because it's too scary too ugly#and now she has these friends she has imogen to look at it all in its entirety to fight for her and her life#anyway obviously critical role has caused me irreparable psychic damage but it's fine.
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i didnt think i would cry so hard after reading xiao xingchen’s story in the novel cuz like i already knew it from from the donghua but i cried like a bitch anyways lmao
mdzs is not good for my heart but im not stopping
#xiao xingchen#mdzs#this story just breaks my heart in a million ways#<//3#his soul was absolutely broken oh lord#i hope in another universe xue yang has a good childhood#and he lives a good life but he also never crosses paths with xiao xingchen#and i hope xiao xingchen and song lan have the happiest lives </3#also a qing! my queen! i hope she lives with her daozhang happily always
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Creepy guy liking all my posts on Instagram and commenting “U always look so beautiful” etc. etc. Why is my life like this. I want to die.
#this is a third person from the two men I mentioned earlier this week . although this guy is still substantially older than me.#although unlike the other 2 older guys I am genuinely freightened of this person in some ways#he is fine to talk to in person a little but quirky but his Instagram/Facebook really freaks me out#he’s still into creepy pasta well into his 30s and he seems to get obsessive over women#I think he’s bi (although on other ocassions he’s said he’s only into men) yet whenever he breaks up with a girl he says he’s never dating#women again because they’re all crazy#he also really fetishes women in a weird way - he’s the type to do those weird duets with hot women on tik tok (the ones you find on cringe#accounts) and he finds a woman he knows vaguely irl and posts multiple images of her to his Instagram stories#saying that he’s their biggest fan and in love with them essentially#also his most recent story is about how he needs to be with someone because he has a really high sex drive and can’t stand with not being#without a partner#like that’s just a really fucking weird thing to put on your story#and what did he do after that? he started liking all my photos and commenting hearts under them#why can’t a normal person be interested in me#why am I thrust into these situations#I feel like I’m going insane
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Anyway I feel like it kinda gets glossed over that Knives was a child when he caused the big fall and idk I think that's kind of important because he's lived with that for over 100 years and just like Vash has lived with knowing the people he loves and fights for don't see him or his kind as anything more than a tool at best or a monster at worst, Knives has most definitely lived with knowing he's the leading reason why this system has remained in place
#knives millions#millions knives#like he can and most definitely does rationalize away conscious guilt by going 'this is what humans would have done anyway'#but like#goddamn alisduflsiafuh he was a child#and for all his resentment toward Rem she was still his mom#and he still initially intended for her to be saved with them#and this isn't me wanting to handwave everything else he'sdone#but i think it's an important part of his character to remember#(especially in the trimax manga where imo he's had a death wish of some sort constantly since he found out about tesla)#(the only thing keeping him going was Vash staying alive and freeing the other plants)#(and when he failed to take the other Plants away with him. he starts asking Vash to just shoot him already)#(like idk man sometimes i just remember that he was a kid when he caused the big fall and my heart hurts)#(he was already building his self fulfilling prophecy)#(and then tristamp has him find conrad way younger than in the manga and the forced witness of a Plant being killed happens as a teen#(and OW)#(like the fact that he and vash experience so many of the same things but have key pieces of formative disconnect...)#(their story breaks my fucking heart)
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It's interesting, Asylum and Apocalypse leaned very heavily into the born evil trope, 1984 went the opposite direction.
#ahs#american horror story#ash asylum#ahs apocalypse#ahs 1984#ahs fandom#horror fandom#diary pages#i mean... with michael langdon you can't really tell since his upbringing would have driven anyone off the rocker#but there was that other antichrist nobody wanted#my heart breaks for lana#she let that prick live and that's how he thanked her
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uyou dont underastand the.
the potential
ininia being adopted by garuga and atuarto you sdont get it it would be so
like
the thought of like
i mnot okay
ok wait this is a note i wrote in august:
do you think galga and atuarto will like
adopt ininia.
its just
cause
i
what if
they like
do?
and she tries to reverse the memory wiping
and like
😭😭😭😭
its a wishful thought
and im not sure
but like
aoughffuqgdmfgghhhhaaa
i do really like the flicker of regret ininia shows.
she feels bad about it
she just cant admit to herself
but she felt bad seeing the aftermath, how the person closest to galga suffers
and
aaauHgHHzhdfhgh
can u imagine them as a little family
like i do wonder
if atuarto will find out that ininia is a brimhat and reason for galgas memory wipe
and how hed react
knowing she is just a small child
but like is she
who knows
but he thinks shes a child
and theres someone pulling the strings in the background
and i wonder if he would want to help
he seems like a kind soul
would he try to step in
and get her away from restis
ok no hold up have a look in the tags too i put too much in there whoops
#do you see the visiom#ive been thinking about this since ch66 came out#the#i ??? like#i cant put my thoughts into words at all but you get it right#DONT MIND HOW WEIRDLY SEGMENTED THE NOTE SECTION IS#THATS JUST HOW MY NOTES GO OKAY 😭😭😭#witch hat atelier#idk if theyve showed up again since whenever i last left off.... ch70 something somewhere#witch hat atelier spoilers#anyways they break my heart#like shes jsut a kid and she gets to see the consequences of her actions in that chapter and it has to really sink in and shes just like i#omfg weeeeeh 😭💔#and she gets to experience first hand just how caring and kind garuga is and she has to live with the fact that she ruined this mans life#im normal i swear#dont know if any of this rambling makes sense at all#i just. im really interested in the three of them and how their stories r gonna go and aguhhhg#i wont rlly be upset at all if they dont end up as some weird little family cus if and when g&a find out ininia was behind the memy wipe#like theyre completely justified in not wanting anything to do with her and all but also i think with witch hats theme of like. treating ki#s with respect and care and all that jazz and with the two of them being caring and auhgh#yknow ??#yknow???#help me please i help+?#i am so incredibly normal#ive had a shit day lemme have this word vomit moment alr
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