Because I can, here’s a list of some of my favorite lyrics from my English translation of Rebecca:
“She had tried her best/fought with all her might/but I rose to do what’s right” -Last Night I Dreamt of Manderley/Ich hab Geträumt von Manderley
“I wish I could find a way/to forever keep my memories/to have it close to me/where you were meant to be/and it would never fade” -Bottle Full of Memories/Zeit in Einer Flasche
“She’s set me free/she’s put her faith in me/Is she still holding on?/I’ll never know but I’ll be there so she won’t fall” -Naturally Enchanting/Zauberhaft Natürlich
“But we’ve learned/he’ll return/with the second Mrs. de Winter” -The Second Mrs. de Winter/Die Neue Mrs. de Winter
“She’s still here with me/where she’s meant to be/“She will never come back here”/That’s what they say to me/No, they cannot see/but I still fear her spirit with me/She’s watching, she’s listening” -She’s Still Here With Me/Sie Ergibt Sich Nicht
“No man in the world was ever there for her/She was proud and free/I stood right there by her side/No man could ever satisfy her love/In the end she never really died” -She’s Still Here With Me/Sie Ergibt Sich Nicht
“Help me face the night/Make me feel right/I’m afraid to be alone/lost in my world/Could I now have a future?/Lead me from this nightmare/to something true/Show me what love can do” -Help Me Face the Night/Hilf Mir Durch die Nacht
“He loves and hates without control/His enemy is his own soul” -Something is Wrong With Him/Was ist nur Los mit Ihm
“She’s gone/She’s gone now/She won’t come back/She’s down in the sea/long gone/and never to return” -She’s Gone/Sie’s Fort
“I was a fool/to hope I could be saved/that night forever haunts me, haunts me/please, my god/you know my fear/why have I come back here” -Please, My God/Gott, Warum
“With swing and Coca-Cola at the parties/I admire and desire what is big/Everything that I do is…American made” -I’m an American Woman
“I’ll finally show them/they can’t make me feel small/Tonight I will amaze them all” Tonight I Will Amaze Them All/Heut Nacht Verzauber Ich die Welt
“Rebecca, you’ve disappeared from sight/A thousand bright lights shine/You’re sorely missed tonight/Like a star. I will give you a sign” -Rebecca (Act 1 finale)/Rebecca (Finale Erste Akt)
“When you look into my eyes, do you still long for Rebecca?/When I walk through the halls of Manderley/they talk of none but Rebecca” -What if I’m not Enough/Und Das Und Das Und Das
“She hears what you say/and knows what you are thinking/Watching you even now/He is still her possession/You knew from the start/He never loved you/Just a toy for his affection” -Rebecca II
“With this news/someone’s in trouble/Destiny’s taking its course/Whoever did this is bound for the scaffold/Til then I’ll watch this play out” -The Shipwreck/Strandgut
“Why can I still that smile?/Her name inside my mind/The words she said have lost their hold/But even now she’s still in control” -Why Can I Still See That Smile/Kein Lächeln war je so Kalt
“I want to be at home here/not treated like I’m just a guest/I will live life as I please/She can’t control me now” -Mrs. de Winter is Me/Mrs. de Winter bin Ich
“The hull was pierced with holes/The boat would surely sink/It was no accident/whatever you may think/Unless something strange occurred/it’s suicide or murder” -The Inquest/Die Voruntersuchsung
“I’ll scratch your back if you scratch mine/Don’t look like that/come off it/I’ll shut up/show me where to sign/You have your loot/Now I want mine/Yes, show me all my profit” -I’ll Scratch Your Back/Eine Hand Wäscht dir andere Hand
“Who is this man? This secret Dr. Baker/She was his patient/A gynecologist/What does he know of her?” -They Left at Eight/Sie füh’rn um Acht
“This was all just a game/she had thought she won/She tricked us all/She used another name that day/There was never a pregnancy” -The Revelation/Keiner hat sie Durchschaut
“Rebecca, I’ve always longed for you/There’s no point longing when you’ve disappeared from view/Even now, I stand waiting for you” -I Hear You Singing/Ich War Ihr Nah
“Conquer the night/Conquer the fear/Make the shadows disappear/Now we are free/We can bring in a future” -Conquer the Night/Jenseits der Nacht
“At last I feel the light of dawn surround us/The shades of night are gone forevermore” -Conquer the Night/Jenseits der Nacht
“The house I loved goes up in flames/The house that was my father’s pride and joy/is burning, lost for good/But with the house/burns all my memories/The past no longer haunts me, haunts me” -Manderley’s On Fire/Manderley In Flammen
“Only now and then/in our darkest days/something stirs the hurt inside/Yet we learn to live/mend and then forgive/and the past fades with the tide” -Last Night I Dreamt of Manderley (reprise)/Ich Hab Geträumt von Manderley (reprise)
“There are times in life/where we can forget/all the hurt that came before/We must take this time/search with all our might/and move on to make things right” -Last Night I Dreamt of Manderley (reprise)/Ich Hab Geträumt von Manderley (reprise)
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hi! i wanted to ask, would you ever consider writing carlando? i think you'd do a great job of it, and theyre my favorite pairing, so i thought to ask!
anon, im so, so sorry about this. i couldnt get it out of my mind ever since i woke up and came to this hellsite and saw whats happening. the NARRATIVE is too compelling. oops <3
He posts the story. It's for the best. He knows what's going to happen when the news break, and he loves her too much not to do something about the mayhem of some of his "fans" and the inevitable invasion of privacy that will follow. Lando owes her that much, and he doesn't mind. He just wishes there was more he could do.
There is something niggling in his brain when he looks at his lock screen, displaying the date and the time over a picture. It's a sunset on a golf course. It used to be -something different, but he's changed it when his relationship ended. (The time before that, it was also because - a relationship ended. He doesn't think about it.) He checks the clock. Enough time to make it to his first interview.
His notifications start blowing up the moment after. He closes Instagram, and opens the messages with his brother.
god ur stupid
lan wtf
did u even think this through for a second
Lando frowns. His brother knows everything that's been happening, and he's been supportive of his decisions and there for Lando when he was unsure what to do, so the words take Lando by surprise.
wut? mate u know what happened
i dont get it
The reply comes instantly.
tell me, whats the fucking date u idiot
Lando is still frowning. It's September 1st, what is Ollie getting at -
"Oh. Oh. Shit. Shit!"
His eyes widen and he scrambles for his phone. He opens Insta, refreshing it, and the first post that comes up is the official Ferrari post wishing Carlos a happy birthday. Which Lando still hasn't done.
Unless you count anouncing my breaking up with my girlfriend on his birthday as a present, the thought sneaks in, and Lando blanches. He's calling Oliver before he even realizes he's doing it.
'Yes, you stupid fuck,' Oliver answers, and Lando whines.
"I don't - that's not - it's not like that, Ollie, fuck," he says, and his brother laughs at him. "I didn't - I forgot -"
'Hmm,' his brother hums. He can hear the baby doing the baby-speak in the background. 'Did you now?'
"Yes!" Lando tugs on his hair. "I knew today was something - like, I knew it was an important day somehow, thats why I wanted to post this today, but like, I couldn't fucking remember what it was," he whines. "Oh God, they're all gonna - fuck, the PR is going to kill me, fuck!" He starts panicking a bit, he won't lie. "Fuck, they're gonna - I'm so stupid," he moans and concentrates on not having a panic attack.
'Lando,' his brother says with fucking - meaningful emphasis. 'Would seeing the baby help you calm down and not have a complete mental breakdown about being in love with your best friend and former teammate?'
"I'm not," he tries to say, then huffs when Ollie outright snorts at him. He can hear the baby repeating the snort and then giggling. He leans his head on the wall. "It might," he says sullenly, and Ollie laughs and turns his camera on, and Lando spends the next fifteen minutes waving at a semi-interested baby and avoiding his brother's knowing gaze.
It calms him down enough not to die of embarrasment when his PR officer bursts into his room and takes his phone away without another word, typing on it furiously and then pocketing it. He swallows down any protest he might have head when they look at him like they'll stomp on him if he dares speak another word. It's probably for the best, really.
McLaren should really hire better PR people, he thinks. At least Charlotte knew what she was doing. Oh wait, they probably won't have money after they pay out Danny, he thinks, and then makes himself not think about anything, because it's time for his interview, and he has to concentrate not to be a complete and utter disaster. As if that ship hasn't sailed a long time ago, his mind supplies. Fuck.
***
He avoids the invasive questions as best as possible. His friends on the grid already knew about it, so he's spared any sympathetic talk. (All knew, except one, and Lando refuses to think about that.) He compliments George's outfit, and spends some time talking to Danny. He is so tired of the drama and the fuckery. He's tired in general, and they're not even like, halfway through the triple fucking header.
"Hola, Landito," comes the voice from behind him, and his stupid, silly heart speeds up, like it always fucking does. "And hello, Daniel."
Lando turns around, and there Carlos is, looking like a fucking Disney prince, with his perfect hair gleaming in the sunlight and the stupid Ferrari shirt tight over his perfect shoulders and his perfect fucking forearms.
"Hi, Carlos," he manages to say in a completely normal tone. "How are you?"
Danny takes one look at Lando, then laughs out loud and fist-bumps Carlos.
"Hey man, happy birthday, I gotta run, catch you guys later," Danny says, and Lando kinda wants to punch him a bit. Then he's gone, and it's just Lando and Carlos. Stupid, perfect, handsome Carlos, who has a birthday today which Lando completely forgot about.
"So, happy -"
"I'm sorry -"
They speak at the same time, and break off simultaneously. Lando hates how nice Carlos' smile is. He looks around, not even noticing the surrounding, so that he wouldn't like, get lost in Carlos' eyes or something. Carlos waves his hand, indicating Lando should go first.
"Happy birthday," Lando says. "I'm sorry I forgot your present."
Carlos hums and reaches for Lando's cap. He flicks it, and smiles wide, and Lando can feel his cheeks flush. Fucking Carlos. (He would. He doesn't dare think it properly, but fuck, he would.)
"Did you forget it?" Carlos asks, and his accent is familiar, and so hot to Lando, the careful intent with which he speaks every word. "I thought I got my present this morning," he says, and Lando can feel himself blush. "It was quite a surprise, since I didn't know about it," he goes on, and there is an undercurrent of hurt in his words, and fuck, Lando should've told him before, or something. "But I liked it despite everything," Carlos says, and steps only a tiny bit closer. "I only wonder, if it hurts you, then I will not like it, nor will I mention it again."
Lando looks into Carlos' eyes; really looks. Who the fuck says 'nor' and doesn't sound like an asshole, he thinks. Carlos, that's who. Carlos, who is Lando's best friend, but not quite. Carlos, who is always patient with Lando, and always kind to Lando, and always there to listen to Lando when he needs it.
Carlos, who Lando has been in love with probably since he was nineteen years old.
Lando swallows heavily around a lump in his throat. His eyes flicker away from Carlos', and he sees his PR manager waving him over. Fuck. They don't have time.
"I'll - I'm sorry for not telling you," he says quickly. "I need to go, but, we can, fuck, I don't know," he huffs in frustration, because he has no idea what his plans are, and Carlos probably has his own plans.
"Lando," Carlos says calmly, and steps closer, and hugs Lando. It takes Lando a second to catch up, but then he smells Carlos, same as always, steady, wonderful Carlos, and he hugs him back, and his heart races but his mind quiets down, and he clutches at Carlos' shirt.
"We can have dinner tonight," Carlos says, and it's not quite a question, but it's also not a statement. Lando inhales the scent from Carlos' neck, and nods against the material of his shirt, not daring to touch his skin, because he knows he won't be able to stop. "And we can - we can talk."
"Yeah," he says. "Yeah, Carlos, yeah."
When they separate, Carlos' smile is blinding in the Holland sun. Lando can't help but smile back, and think that maybe, maybe, it may all turn out alright.
Maybe, he isn't an utter and complete disaster.
***
"We have a long future ahead of us (...) relationships change (...)"
"If anything, I feel like my relationship with Lando has improved (...) we can openly speak more about (...) feelings."
***
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(Mey-Rin and Bard are sitting at the kitchen table; Sebastian enters)
Sebastian: What’s that book you’re reading, Bard?
Baldroy: ‘The ABC of Sex’.
Sebastian: Well, surely could keep stuff like this for when you’re on your break.
Baldroy: Aye, I know, right? The A, B, and C. Three whole positions. The more ya know, huh?
Sebastian: (sighs)
Mey-Rin: Finny’s starting to ask about sex, yes he is. Me and Bard just wanna be prepared.
Grelle: (entering) What are we talking about?
Sebastian: (turns back to preparing the food, behind them) Bard’s reading pornography.
Grelle: Ooh, let’s see, then!
Baldroy: Am not!
Sebastian: Are too.
Baldroy: Am not!
Mey-Rin: Stop it! We’re learning about sex so that we can tell Finny what’s what, yes we are.
Grelle: Oh, don’t worry about THAT. I can tell him all he needs to know.
Baldroy: Ah, thanks, Miss Grelle. We really appreciate it, don’t we, Mey?
Sebastian: I don’t understand why the two of you require a book to discuss such things - back in my day, we didn’t have a book. Well, apart from the Karma Sutra, maybe.
Grelle: Me neither.
Baldroy: Well, it’s all changed since your two’s day, I’ll tell ya that for nothin’. Why, I remember when me ’n’ my missus back in America-
Grelle: Yes, yes. Long lost families, and all that dribble. But, surely, nothing’s changed THAT much.
Sebastian: I can assure you, some of the men of today will still take you out and expect you to perform fellatio. No man worth his salt, mind you, but-
Grelle: ...Fellatio? Really, me? Sing opera?
(...)
Grelle: He’d have better chance at asking for a blowjob.
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