Did I really just spend $20 on a baby plushie that barely fits in my hand.....

Yes I did.

Anyways I finished psychedelicha of the black butterfly... Like a week ago? Man I'm slow...

Anyways. Spoilers if... Literally anybody cares about this game. It was truly mid up until the very end but I have to give it some credit for that. Content warning for child death, attempted SA, some baked in misogyny (from the game), and gaslighting (from Karasuba). Now time for:

Basic character info

Beniyuri/MC/Ai

She's the heroine and because of that, she's kind of lacking in personality. Maybe. I'm sorry, at a certain point I started skipping through the side stories... But in the main story she's mostly defined by her willingness to help, her honesty, gullibility, and her fear. She's got some trauma and is fairly stuck in the past.

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Yamato/Takuya

If you went to his TV tropes page, I'm 95% sure he would have something like "Needs a hug". They aren't wrong, honestly. He's got a short temper and is almost always fighting with Karasuba. His favorite sport is soccer and when he was a kid he would "tease" (frankly, semi-bully at times) MC because he had a crush on her. Don't do that in real life. Monshiro's twin brother.

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Karasuba/Aki(to?)

My least favorite! He just keeps finding new ways to try and get MC to himself, and will not stop making very uncomfortable advances before calling them jokes. He is the character who figured out Hikage first though, and by his good ending he decides to work on himself and improve with MC. Still not redeemed but congrats! He would get upset if you followed any other dudes on social media, get anxious if you make even a slightly too long phone call or look at your texts too long. Would also beg for your PIN and get sad if he wasn't your lock screen AND homescreen. No thaaaanks.

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Hikage

Look. This image just goes so hard I HAVE to show it in it's full unaltered glory. He's the evil big bad and tricked the entire cast blah blah yeah he's basic as hell. He's also misogynistic! If I hear him talk about how all women are weak one more time, I frankly might just break down. He's like. So generic anime bad guy that I can't hate them for it, they're just following the assignment.

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Kagiha/Natsuki

This dudes dead! He's been dead since he was like, eight actually. I'm not sure how ethical it truly is to date him but I also am too tired to care. He's another of the least favs anyways. He made a promise to marry MC when they were kids and man is this dude taking it way too far. I have no idea what his plan is if he 'comes back to life' like Hikage promised since he's been presumed dead for ten years... He's also working with Hikage.

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Monshiro/Kazuya

Again I'm frankly not too sure on how ethical it would be to date him. He's been in a coma for ten years, since AROUND age 7. He leans on MC for comfort and has been wandering the mansion for ten years waiting to give MC her ribbon back. I don't know what else to say about him, he's not that fleshed out imo... Yamato's twin brother

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Usagi

Truly the most underdeveloped character. She's Hikage's little sister and the reason he's insane. I would ask her to get him to therapy or to be his therapist but there aren't any therapists here and if he saw her face he would genuinely lose it.

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The story is honestly pretty much summed up as "repressed memory trauma with otome game action and shooting segments." I'm sure it can be explained better than that but if I'm being honest I'm already starting to forget details. Whoops.

My favorite endings have to be the Yamato true end, the best ending/common route ending (it's literally just called "best end" on the flowchart, I don't know what to tell you), and the secret ending. I find it kind of strange that Hikage and Kagiha (whose names I continually mix up. I'm not very good with names) only have one ending each. I guess you could could the singular bad ending, which is also an honorable mention just for being there and being kind of awful if you accidentally trigger it, as an ending for Hikage since it's (probably) his book, but that sounds lame and doesn't completely check out. I guess you can also count the best ending as Kagiha's true ending but again, seems cheap? But also way better than his default ending where you seemingly lose your mind in the mansion and live in "happy married bliss" with Kagiha.

Probably also a good time to mention that Hikage and Kagiha are both dead.

Basically the whole story goes as follows

The main characters (minus Hikage) go to a summer camp at around ages 6-8. They get warned not to go to the lake because weather changes quickly in the mountains (where the summer camp was, I guess.) They go to the lake, find an abandoned mansion and start exploring, find some glass shards that ARE lore important, just ten years from now. Anyways it starts to rain incredibly hard and the kids desperately try to get to the shore and back to camp. Unfortunately MC and Monshiro both get swept under the water. Kagiha rescues MC first, then Monshiro who is still comatose from the accident ten or so years later. Kagiha ends up drowning and his body is never found*

(*His body is found in the common route ending, but I don't remember any mentions of it in any other endings.)

Ten or so years later, Karasuba, Yamato, and MC meet again after Karasuba and Yamato moved, following the accident. MC is still pretty torn up about Kagiha's death, partially from guilt, and semi-refuses to talk about it. Yamato has been visiting his brother in the hospital every day, also from guilt. Karasuba moved on, and was more concerned with becoming stronger since he could only stand and stare as MC and Monshiro drowned. They go on a Fun Bus Ride!™️ And plummet off the side of a cliff after the driver... Falls asleep? Gets hit by mother nature? I dunno.

They end up comatose and in a mansion that's in a place between life and death. They have to find the shards of a magical kaleidoscope so they can return to earth and Hikage can get his wish fulfilled. Frankly uninteresting romance happens. Yamato turns into a monster and then partially back. This all sounds cool when simply laid out but when you're playing the game multiple times and the slowness of the max speed of the skip button starts to hit? Maaaaaan it sucks. It also makes some sections of the game unintentionally funny because while voices don't play during skip mode, sfx do and it's kind of hard to take Hikage seriously when he's in his evil mode but his walking sounds like someone chopping veggies really fast.

One aspect that really disappointed me was that there was only one real (labeled) bad ending. There are no endings where you all end up trapped in the psychedelicha forever because you can't find the last shard, there's no ending where you give up, no ending where, in a mansion with deadly and aggressive monsters in it, you get killed. That might sound weird and honestly maybe it is but the one bad ending simply being a choice of whether you open a book (bad end) or not (you get to continue playing) feels out of place. Yes some of the characters endings can absolutely be counted as bad ends but... They don't get you the achievement that triggers when you get the 'Bud' ending. (I am unsure as to why it is called that.)

The true endings are all nice. Again Yamato's feels the nicest simply because he gets to apologize to his brother and make amends. He also gets reassurance that no, he isn't an awful person just because he made an admittedly very awful decision as a child.

Karasuba gets shown that he's kind of awful and gets to grow into a better person with MC. Good luck with the relationship.

Monshiro gets to give MC her ribbon back and also gets told that no, you didn't deserve to die instead of Kagiha. Good for him. I'm still conflicted.

The additional scenes unlocked after certain endings were nice too. Seeing Karasuba confront Hikage about his identity was honestly really cool. Seeing what Hikage was up to scheming before the games events was nice. Seeing Kagiha and Monshiro interact was neat, especially since they don't really do that very much. Plus it adds lore.

And finally... The secret ending. You get to make the choice of actually staying in the mansion during the summer camp, keeping everyone safe and alive. It's definitely a nice addition after spending this whole game in danger and having to deal with issues. I honestly had started to wonder why they didn't do that. Like yes they're kids but... None of them had thought of it? Damn. Being able to not traumatize MC was great. Having to deal with four clingy guys? Not so much.

Here's the complete in game flowchart if anybody was curious as to what it looked like!

In conclusion.... Yeah no I can't completely recommend this game. It kind of sucks, it's vita exclusive (I think?), and one of the mechanics forced on you (the butterfly hunt mini games) are kind of jank and annoying to replay and replay for points. And again this game is exceptionally mid. Not good mid, not bad mid, just true neutral mid. Anyways, remember: hooray! Hooray! Beniyuri-chan! Hooray! Hooray! Kagiha-kun!

8. book

I decided to start writing a book. A novel, it’s going to be fiction. It’s a big project. I dread big projects. I don’t feel as if I am ever able to complete them. It’s going to be left unfinished, why do I even bother? So many projects that I’ve started and never finished. I get an idea, then I can’t make myself do the actual work to make it a reality. Why do I think I can write a book when I can barely read books without becoming distracted and doing something else instead? I give up too easily. But, then again, do I really have it in me to produce something that is good? That people would want to read? Insecurity creeps in, telling me that I will fail. I fear failure. Of course I do, who doesn’t? Whenever people say that their greatest fear is failure, all I wonder is who out there is not afraid of failure? Is there someone out there with so much confidence that they absolutely do not in any way fear failure? Even narcissists technically fear failure, it is what leads them to such ridiculous overcompensation, putting on the facade of bravado to mask their actual dire sense of insecurity. Do not fall for the scams, no person is truly without self-doubt. (Well, I guess maybe psychopaths, but there’s a whole lot of things amiss with them.)

Ever since I was a kid, I’ve entertained myself by coming up with stories, fictional universes that I would populate with characters of my own invention. When I was a kid, what I really wanted was to become a comic book writer and artist. Well, in between other gigs I imagined would suit me, including at one point wanting to be a “singing farmer,” as I put it. Still, I’ve always returned to fiction and storytelling. There’s something about creating a world that lets you so fully distract yourself from all the stressful daily hullabaloo that goes on around you. Escapism, it’s fun, it’s therapeutic, I think. There’s a reason why humans have been telling each other stories for millennia, since even before we lived in houses. Back when we were all huddled around the fire, wearing our best comfortable animal furs, sharing tales of the hunt. Your uncle who once took part in killing a mammoth, the impressive beast nearly gorging him with its big tusks. How clever he was when he noticed that the mammoth had one leg weaker than the others, and used that to his advantage. How the entire hunting party banded together to bring the behemoth down, getting all that meat to feed their families with for months! Stories make you feel good. Like as if you have something to celebrate, even when you might be starving due to the more recent hunts not having gone as well. Damn that saber-tooth tiger that killed your uncle…

Storytelling is linked to acting. Both with acting and with storytelling you have to commit. Whatever you are doing, whatever role you are performing, you have to sell it. You may be on stage talking about that time you went scuba diving with your future wife, and how you encountered an oyster with the most magnificent pearl inside, and how you made a ring for the pearl and used it when you proposed to her. You have to sell it. You have to get the audience laughing, gasping, crying, going “aww,” feeling as if they were there with you that day. Of course, they don’t know it is all just lies. You made it up. It’s all fiction. But you committed, so they won’t ever know. Storytelling is a gift to others, people will appreciate you if you tell good stories, but you’re also kinda deviant. Even if it’s technically based on a true story, you’ve certainly added your embellishments. You’re a trickster, a devious individual. No wonder actors have historically been seen as dubious folks. They come into town, romances all the young women and men, telling them big tales of their lives on the road, and they can’t possibly know if you are telling the truth or not. You may just be lying. You probably are lying. Let’s be honest, you’ve probably not told a single true thing in your life.

I am bad at the hustle. No, I can talk quite well, and I can keep people’s attention for a long while. But I can’t be a huckster. Going out there, putting myself on the line hoping people will swallow my bullshit. I can’t really avoid speaking from my heart when I do speak. Or when I write, as I happen to be doing now. This blog has so far been thoroughly candid in places, in such a way I may come across like I’m at a confessional. Not that I have much evil to confess, but I can’t help but be transparent. I can’t flip into different kinds of personalities, each with its own schemes and plots, being some master manipulator, someone who you can never figure out what they're truly up to, or what they truly want. No, what I am is clearly written on my face. I’ve got one self, and it is the one before you. He’s hairy, and tall, and a bit of a dork. I am happy to talk to you, to engage with you, but I won’t be anyone but myself. I am me. I hope that’ll do.

Of course you are familiar with all those pick-up artists that plagues the internet. Or well, not just the internet. Go into any old-fashioned bookstore (where they store books on paper, not in digital code,) and you are bound to find some sleazy book written by a sleazy guy about how to sleazily seduce women. Those books don’t want you acting like me. According to them, seduction is all about manipulation. To figure out the very right thing to say to get women to fawn all over you. They don’t want you to be sincere, telling the truth as you see it. Nah, you gotta keep that stuff bottled up, deep down inside your soul, because most likely, your true self is ugly. It’s interesting how you can get little details from these pick-up artists depending on the sort of things they say, the tips they provide. The fact that all of them seem to harbour this festering misogyny is no big surprise, but every so often, you get these little glimpses of these people’s true worldview, one where power is everything, true love is a fallacy, and happiness is a lie manufactured by Hollywood to make us all into docile consumers. No wonder the “red-pill” so often leads to people taking the “black-pill.” First hucksters will lure you in, telling you that they’ve got the secret as to how to be a success, then when they’ve got you isolated, they reveal to you how truly misanthropic and bleak their actual beliefs are.

I am fascinated with cults, for much of the same reason why I am fascinated with storytelling. What is a cult leader if not just a great storyteller? They’re something like the modern day shaman, capable of spellbinding people with their weird idiosyncratic way of speaking. High-functioning people with autism are often said to have an idiosyncratic way of speaking. No, I am not suggesting that cult leaders are all somewhere on the spectrum, though it wouldn’t surprise me if some famous cult leaders did turn out to have been on the spectrum. However, for an autistic person to become a cult leader, I think they would have to be a true believer, and not some fraud just looking to scam others. Ultimately, no autistic person would want to surround themselves with people unless they truly do believe it is essential, to like, save mankind from damnation or something. It’s the difference between sincerity and insincerity. It is difficult for autistic people to be insincere, as insincerity requires a lot of social skills that autistic people struggle with. Having to juggle all these balls in the air, making sure you keep the big lie going, that you remember to change your behaviour depending on who you are speaking to in order to keep them from figuring out that you’re a bullshitter. Hollow people are great at being insincere. People like L. Ron Hubbard, the founder of the highly profitable cult that is Scientology, was at his core a hollow individual. He had no problems twisting the minds of the people around him, because he never felt a need to be sincere. If an autistic person were to become a cult leader, I can guarantee you that it wouldn’t be a profitable cult. Nah, autistic people aren’t in it for the money, we’re all about keeping it real.

Being a sincere person, surely I should be able to write a novel and make it feel earnest. Like it was delivered with passion, because I wouldn’t be able to write anything that wasn’t true to myself. Well, I do hope so. Having something I’ve made be referred to as genuine is something I see as a great compliment. I’m a student of art history, I’ve made some “serious” art before, I know how terrible art can be when it is not delivered with good faith. Sure, some art is cynical, or ironic, but even then, it tends to come from a real place. Good artists, even when they’re fully armed with the dada mindset, must believe in what they are doing. Whether they are doing it for a laugh or not, that’s irrelevant. Even if all you wish is to be silly and make something that is comical, you have to believe in what you are creating. Or else people won’t bother engaging with it. Why look at a painting by someone who is just interested in making money? Insincere artists do exist, and they can end up becoming quite successful, but ultimately, history won’t be kind to them. Damien Hirst comes to mind, heard he's into NFTs now.

Sure, I don’t like insincere people. Does that make me a bigot? Like, it’s not as if they can help themselves. It’s just who they are, spineless maggots with no soul. It doesn’t mean we have to hate them. No, no, no... I am just generalising. Don’t go thinking there’s just two kinds of people in the world, the sincere and the insincere. It’s not a binary. Most people are both, just like with introverts and extroverts, humans are complex. But there are definitely those that decide to feed into their insincere side, realising that it is often the key to success. Through insincerity, you learn to let go of self-doubt, you stop worrying so much about what others think of you, because you are never truly yourself. If they hate you, then so what? They don’t actually hate you, they just hate a role that you are playing. So what if you seduced that woman, made her feel as if you were the perfect match, then you ghosted her and completely forgot about her? It’s her fault for falling for your tricks. You were clearly just playing the game, being a super-seducer, she should have known better. By embracing insincerity, it’s like gaining a superpower. No longer do you have to care about the impact you have on others, no longer do you have to worry about what it means to be a social human being making choices that affect the others around you. Because you’re not the person they think you are. Actually, you’re not quite sure you’re the person you think you are… Who are you?

I’ve got the plot all laid out in my head for the novel. It’s going to be based in the fantasy world that I’ve been working on for the last few years. I’ve been working on this world for almost half a decade now, come to think of it. Why do I keep feeling as if I am never able to keep to a project, when I’ve clearly been working on a massive project all this time? Sure, it’s all just in my head, but it’s not as if most people have the kind of patience to keep going back to a single big project, even if it is just in their head. Not once, while thinking about my fantasy world have I been distracted and started thinking about cute puppies, instead. And you know how difficult that is. Maybe I am too hard on myself. Maybe I will finish this book, and maybe people will want to read it. Maybe it will even get a minimal number of angry reviews, like, I may get a book published without some folks trying to harass me into committing suicide for daring to think I can write. Some people may even be enthusiastic, blowing up my ego with great praise. Maybe someone will come along and tell me that they want to buy the rights to make my book into a movie or a television series. Maybe I will get rich? Maybe I will get famous! Woo! Success here I come!

Well, no, here I go being insincere. That’s not what it’s about. I should be writing this book because I want to write it. Because I want to prove to myself that I am able to write it. Sure, it’s not as if there’s not a little brain goblin inside my mind whispering sweet nothings about how one day I might turn out a real respected author. One with real fans that gets to do big book tours talking about how brilliant I am, how brilliant my work is, and how brilliant things are going for me. I am not going to pretend I don’t have the same aspirations for success that others have. Inside of me you will find the same greedy piglet of an ego hungry for more adoration and more validation that you will find in any person. Humans don’t know when to quit, we always want more. But I am at least safe knowing that I will never debase myself, descending to the same depths as those inhabited by soulless grifters who go through life abusing the trust of others in order to get by. I’m sincere, in the end. I always turn out sincere, in the end. I am a good boy.

And I am also really sexy. I don’t think I’ve mentioned this before on this blog, but I am really, REALLY, sexy. Like, you wouldn’t believe it. Oh, I am so hot. And if you follow and subscribe and hit that bell, I will teach you how you can be just as sexy as I am! And buy my book! And my merch! And my new single! And of course, my new cryptocurrency, by the name of “autism-coin.” It’s going to be a real success on 4chan, let me tell ya!

September Book Roundup, back-to-school edition aka The Season Of Red apparently?

Here is a selection of the books I’ve read this month. Summer is over, so the little bit of brain power I had managed to scrape together is quickly disintegrating, so enjoying the hodge podge of stories.

Binti

This was probably my favourite book that I read this month. It’s a novella I first heard about hear on tumblr and went to find a copy in my library. I have since bought the collected trilogy so I can read book two and three at my leisure because it was honestly just that friggin cool. This is exactly my flavour of scifi and I tend to be very very picky about the scifi I consume. It’s about a girl named Binti, a member of the Himba people (a real group of indigenous people from Namibia). They are a people well known for their mathematical and technical prowess, but due to their strong connection to their homeland and the earth they choose not to travel through space like so many other humans do. However, when Binti secures a position at Oomza University, the greatest university in the galaxy, she chooses to go against her family’s wishes and traditions in order to set out into space to attend. Everything is ruined though when her spaceship is attacked by a hostile alien race and everyone is killed but Binti, who must rely on all her intellect and abilities if she wants any chance at survival.

A seriously cool book with great world building – it really successfully introduces readers not only to the fictional scifi world and races of the novel but also to the culture and traditions of the Himba people. It’s a quick read, and feels like a cross between Dead Space and Tamora Pierce. Would totally recommend a read.

Fake Blood

A Canadian graphic novel. It was a goofy cute read. It’s about an awkward group of friends in middle school, and one boy with a crush on one of the girls in his class. Knowing her love for vampire stories, AJ decides, like any self-respecting middle schooler, to try to pretend he’s a vampire. Naturally nothing goes right and some things go wrong in unexpected ways. It’s funny and cute. Nothing amazing but it was a cozy evening read.

The Last Book On The Left

I’ve been listening to this podcast a lot since my friend recommended it to me and finally decided to read their book. For those that don’t know, The Last Podcast On The Left is a immaculately researched comedy podcast that’s hosted by Ben Kissel, Marcus Parks, and Henry Zebrowski, and explores the darker realms of human nature. Ghosts, paranormal, aliens, cults, and of course serial killers. In this book they collected several of their biggest name serial killer series, did some renewed research, and put together a book that is both informative, irreverent, gross, and very funny, complete with some really amazing illustrations by Tom Neely. A very cool read (and listen, if you decide to check out the podcast instead), I really love how they tell these stories without idolizing or romanticizing the people they talk about. Their humour always makes sure you know exactly how much of a pathetic loser these people are. Fantastic true crime, from someone who has never really felt the need to read about true crime before.

Midnight Sun

I won’t harp on this one, everyone is already going to firmly have their opinions here. I grew up on Twilight, I was reading them as they came out, and I still love them. Were they dumb? Oh my god yes. Did they have problems? Sure, they came out in 2005 it was part and parcel. Were they also a really fun for a thirteen year old to read? Absolutely, I don’t regret it. Sometimes teenage girls should just to get like things without being mocked.

Anyway, I am off my soapbox now (can you tell this is still a raw spot for me?) I unironically loved this book! Getting to see Edward’s perspective was really cool, and since he can read minds it essentially let you get the perspective of everyone else around him too. The Cullens family is a great set of characters so it was really cool to see more of them, and I was very impressed by how Stephenie Meyers took a YA romance she wrote in 2005 and was able to make it feel updated and more appropriate for a 2020 audience even though she couldn’t actually change any of the events themselves. So fans of Twilight, don’t be ashamed, go read Midnight Sun and have the shameless fun you deserve. Is there anymore appropriate book for the bizarre ass year that was 2020 than a return to this goofy nonsense?

The Paperbag Princess

(and Up, Up, Down, and Robert Munsch in general)

I’m back in schools so I’m back to reading children’s book! And honestly, and of you that don’t occasionally sit down and read a kids book out loud don’t know what you’re missing. Anyway, Robert Munsch is a Canadian author, and one of my all-time favourite children’s authors. It surprised me to learn he isn’t as well known in the States apparently? I don’t know if that’s changed or not, but he is a Canadian staple for a good reason, his books have ridiculous premises, are specifically written to be fun to read out loud, and have beautiful, involved, and hilarious illustrations. The Paperbag Princess is one of my absolute favourites, and as a kid it was one of the first stories I had ever read where a princess is the one saving the prince… and then telling the prince to piss off when it turns out he’s a jerk. Up, Up, Down is another favourite I reread this month, because it’s just hilarious funny and makes a fantastic read aloud with kids. Some other Robert Munsch I reread this month include: Mmm, Cookies, More Pies, Ribbon Rescue, Just One Goal, and Andrew’s Loose Tooth. You just cannot go wrong, for kids or adults.

Pit Pony

Another Canadian staple while I was growing up. If you’re a young adult know who went through the Canadian elementary school system, you probably had your entire heart ripped out and stepped on by this chapter book. It’s a historical fiction that looks at the economic hardship, debt slavery, child labour, and animal abuse that was tied to coal mining in the Maritimes. Finding a copy was harder than I would have expected give how pervasive it was a decade or so back, but reading it again was a pure shot of nostalgia.

Seeking Refuge

A graphic novel written by a German-born Canadian about a Jewish girl who flees Nazi-occupied Austria by way of Kindertransport to become a child refuge in England. It follows her as she is moved from host family to host family as the war continues to pick up and gradually makes it’s way to the United Kingdom as well. It’s very poignant and the pencil-sketch illustrations are an interesting change to a lot of the graphic novels that are out right now. This story is still aimed at a younger audience, so it never gets too brutal but it still is a hard hitting story, especially with everything else going on right now.

Silver Spoon #9/10

I know I’ve talked about these books before, but my library got some more since I last read them, so I’m continuing my way through the series. It’s about a teenaged boy who, after having a breakdown from the pressure he was feeling to study and succeeded, decided not to attend an academic, urban high school, but rather to apply for an agricultural high school so he could live in the dorms, far away from his parents. The series just gets more and more heartwarming as it continues. It’s all about failure and overcoming and how worth can be measured in different ways, and about family and understanding each other and coming together… but also about the realities of farming which aren’t always very nice, especially when it comes to finances and survival. It’s written by the mangaka behind Fullmetal Alchemist but I’ll be honest… I think I like this series more. It is honestly one of my all time favourite manga series, it just has so much heart.

Ruby Finds A Worry

aka Ruby’s Worry apparently? I can’t figure out why this has more than one title. I actually read it in French not English, so for me it was Le Souci de Calie. Regardless, this was a nice little picture book for talking about worries and anxieties with children… especially with the amount of Covid stress a lot of kids are dealing with. It explains in a really nice way how talking about anxieties are often the best way to make them more manageable, and how pretending nothing is wrong can just let it grow bigger and bigger. A good explanation for kids and possible a good reminder for adults.

War of the Realms: Journey Into Mystery

I read this because the Mcelroy family wrote it so I figured Hey! Why not give it a go! And I’m glad I did. Their brand of humour was all over it, and it made the story a delight to read. I don’t follow all of Marvel’s weirdness, so I didn’t actually know most of the characters (Miles and Kate were actually the only two I was familiar with) but they do a great job of introducing the characters and making them all feel distinct and interesting. I absolutely adore the Dog of Gods (God of Dogs) who is a very very good boy. And Miles is absolutely always a delight so you can’t really lose. It’s a single book that I think is a part of a larger plotline that I have zero interest in. This book is a fine one to read though if you don’t mind jumping into the middle of the action and just getting swept along for the ride. Also Mcelroys!

Witcher Omnibus

Bleh. Absolutely not worth it. All the misogyny and Dumb Bullshit that I hate in the original books and from video games in general. Honestly, Witcher III did way better by its characters than most of these short stories. The only one worth reading in it is Curse Of Crows – that one was actually really enjoyable, probably because it was about Ciri and had an actual fucking woman on the writing team. (Seriously guys what were you thinking with Fox Children that’s literally just a story from Season of Storms but done worse. Fuck off.) If you like The Witcher, go read Curse of Crows and skip every other story in this book.

Billy Stuart: Les Zintrépides #1

Another French (Quebecois) book I read, though I believe you can get it in English as well (Billy Stuart and the Zintrepids). It’s a chapter book / graphic novel hybrid, and was honestly a fairly fun little read. It’s in a similar vein to Geronimo Stilton but done much better in my opinion. The humour was funnier, the characters felt less like caricatures, and while it still used stylized fonts it was also less intrusive and eye-strainy than the Stilton books. Also when the story suddenly pivots into the main adventure and mystery of the series? Fantastic. Was not expecting a hell-beast to appear part way through the story. Very interested in reading more.

Over all, it was cute and funny, and I can see it being a good next step when children have read their fill of the Stilton series and want something similar but possibly a bit more involved and coherent.

I disagree with many people regarding Goblin Slayer

People talk about it and they make it sound like the first episode was setting it up to be an excessively gorey, sadistic, rapey, sexually violent manga

Just because the red herring “main characters” get destroyed in the first dungeons and the female character gets raped. By the goblins.

And... and I just disagree. It feels like the judging an anime by the first episode version of calling a pop idol a ‘cocktease’ just because it’s their job.

That episode established the goblins murder people and use the females to make goblin babies. They are absolutely horrible little beasts. And it didn’t graphically, gratuitously show the rape, like it would’ve in any 80s or 90s anime using it as a sex scene featuring a monster. As far as anime monster rape goes, it was basically a cut away and tasteful implications.

Much like those ignorant little level 1s, you’re thrust into this bad end scenario where the day  adventuring gets real.

You’re introduced to a broken and focused man that due to trauma is a hyperfocused avenger, and exceptionally good at what he does. Goblin Slayer’s first season is him breaking out of the retarded rut he’s been stuck in since his trauma ruined him.

It didn’t “cockteas” about being a sexual rapey comic. The first episode merely established the goblins do rape and impregnate human women to raise their numbers. And it’s.. it’s anime/fantasy. Sexual conflict and liberal sexy is to be expected. That was why we watched the shit in the 90s and 00s. Because as pre-teens and teenagers, it was a way to get the mature content, even if it’s just barest HINTS and SUGGESTIONS of the acts between people, of a softcore ecchi manga.

Misreading Goblin Slayer being in bed with the naked women and not acting on it as not committing to a sex scene just to keep people interested. Just.. what? No. The purpose of the scene was to show the sadness of the guy being so fucking broken he can’t even feel intimacy with women in the state he’s in. Even in his most private moments, he’s just an idle gargoyle, waiting for the next goblin to show itself so he can impassionately dispatch it with extreme prejudice.

I feel like the chip on peoples shoulder they have with their guilty pleasure from highschool and the ironic self-deprecating loathing of the shallow, sexual side, associating it with misogyny and exploiting the image of women, they forget just how light hearted, free and liberating most anime is supposed to be. The stories are not meant to be especially deep. Even owing to the foreign language translation, they’re just histrionic pap most of the time. Foreign PULP. And they act like Goblin Slayer committed some sort of old timey dinosaur boomer sin of getting hyperviolent and degredatively sexual to women and then was boring the rest of the time.

Criticizing the secondary characters as forgetful? Sure. Criticizing Goblin Slayer as the plot went/goes on? Okay. But from this direction, I take issue with saying it claimed to be something it wasn’t. That was other people that claimed that. Goblin Slayer was always about those evil little shits and how this poor poverity stricken Bruce Wayne time worked through his own damage coming back from just being a pest exterminator with a grudge.

I guess I’m just mad because misinterpretation of a work can spell doom for it’s popularity for unfair reasons, making it known for, controversial, or notorious for something it isn’t even.

Ten Favorite Fictional Characters

I was tagged by @skullhaver​ who chose some rlly choice people. We love so many of the same characters, for so many of the same reasons, but for the sake of fun, I’ll try to pick ones that don’t overlap theirs, or pick some characters off of the beaten path. I find this prompt a little tricky because I tend to fall in love more with worlds than characters. Sunless Skies and Dark Souls jump out to me as worlds that I really like but with no characters that I was really able to latch onto.

1. Rose Quartz, Steven Universe I love Rose Quartz’s selfishness. She spends the whole show kind of oblivious to the way she’s hurting people, although I think she is good of heart and intention. I think her deep empathy for other people manifests as this weird projection where by getting what she wants she genuinely thinks she’s helping others, and has no understanding that other people may not benefit from this. I like the way the narrative slowly reveals more about her, and it was a really exciting mystery to uncover, and to go, like Steven, from kind of revering her, to kind of resenting her, to kind of finding a middle path and acknowledging her complexity. Honorable mention goes to Stevonnie, also from Steven Universe, who is some great nonbinary rep.

2. Satine, Moulin Rouge! When I was in high school, I might have put Satine’s love interest, Christian, on this list, but thanks to gender discovery, I have been able to radically shift the way that I interpret romantic pursuit and seduction. I don’t think this was the intention of the writers, but I think there is ambiguity to be had in Satine’s character. Christian is charming, and the duke is rapey and awful, so I think the audience is supposed to feel that it’s obvious that she will fall for Christian, and of course her appeals to the Duke are only for show, but yet the only thing we know about Satine’s past is she has had a lifelong struggle for security, and I think the choice she is making is a real one. In my read of her character, Satine is like, actually so distant from her own emotional needs that she is not ready to fall in love, and I think she could find Christian’s in-touchness with his aesthetic ideals perturbing and alienating.

3. Karin, Naruto: Shippuden I have to love Karin because no one else will. She is not a good character; the writers make her fawn over Sasuke like 5 years after they should have realized that trope was dumb and juvenile, they gave her a shitty biting-linked power purely to titillate the audience as fanservice, and she gets treated like a punching bag. She’s like literally Naruto’s fucking cousin and they’ve never talked in canon. She represents every missed opportunity that show ever had, and is a perfect example of the way that misogyny hurts worldbuilding. In the New Era, she is kind and gentle with Sarada. Gay aunt vibes. Honorable mention goes to Orochimaru (Boruto only, when he’s in dad-mode) as questionable nonbinary rep, and honorable mentions go to to the rest of the Akatsuki for being absolute freaks, great villain writing, and finally honorable mention goes to Rock Lee for inspiring in me a certain kind of motivation and drive when I need it.

4. Iroh, Avatar: the Last Airbender Legit what is there not to love about this guy? His comic relief holds up after a decade, his wise and compassionate guidance helped foster one of the greatest redemption arcs of all time, and his physical prowess makes from some extremely well-choreographed fights. He really has the range.

5. Clare, The Nightingale (2019) This movie is far more violent than I usually enjoy, but there’s something about Clare’s descent into madness that was done really well. So many people talk these days about “feral women” but like, Clare, she’s feral, in the worst and ugliest ways. Her vengeance is completely justified, and its a rare story that while watching it I find myself thinking “yeah. i want her to commit murder. she deserves it :)” This is Rosemary’s Baby if Rosemary was a Tasmanian tiger.

6. April May, An Absolutely Remarkable Thing (2018) I bet you didn’t know this, but I like shitty, selfish women with hubris. I think they’re good characters. At least April, by virtue of being a protagonist, gets a serious growth arc the the second book, which none of the other characters above are afforded because their writers didn’t take them serious enough.

7. The Biologist, Annihilation (2014) Hey, I bet you didn’t know this, but I resonate with cold women making difficult decisions in survival situations. She is savvy and mostly self-aware, but still struggles with being out of her depth, and I resonate with the the way she is somewhat alienated from her past and her regrets.

8. Zaroff, The Most Dangerous Game (1924) It’s silly, and oversincere, and tropey, but I love the vintage horror of a lawful evil guy who hunts humans for sport. I like his weird period-appropriate racism. I like his faux-sophistication and worldliness. I find him oddly realistic. See also: my love for the Akatsuki, mentioned above.

9. Konata, Lucky Star I haven’t watched this show in over a decade, and I don’t want to, I am positive that it won’t hold up and it’ll be major cringe, but the fact of the matter is that Konata’s personality of gamer grrl, small-titty (because it’s fkn anime so that’s a personality I guess) innuendo-ridden persona despite deep naivete, it all left an indelible impact on my psyche. For better or for worse.

10. Viren, The Dragon Prince We love a power-hungry villain who is like, low-key a freak! We love somebody who sacrifices their humanity to get what they want! I love the way that Viren lies to his son, I love the way he and King Harrow were definitely gay for one another, I love the way that he takes advice from a magic caterpillar that lives in his hear. Honorable mention for Aunt Amaya, who is just wonderful, and we love the lady knight tropes she’s bringing

I will tag: @kit-kaboodle @theclockistickingwrite @fairy-creed @wymanthewalrus @soldier-author-batman @colcoction and you know, anybody else who wants in on the fun

Rising of the Shield Hero

More like downfall of the shield zero, amirite

I have a documented history of watching absolute trash garbage. Don’t weep for me, I do it to myself. Sometimes I enjoy holding a show’s impurities up to the light. It can be especially enjoyable when a show is especially bad. At least Rising of the Shield Hero is especially bad in some interesting ways. There were times when it felt like it was based on a particularly bad experience in an MMO. If that’s the case, I hope the author had all their purple items ganked or whatever. I don’t like Rising of the Shield Hero.

And you know, sometimes I get worried that the abyss might feel lonely without anyone to gaze back at every once in a while. So come, gaze with me. Content warning for slavery and misogyny. There will be spoilers below.

I’ve heard Shield Hero described as ‘incelcore,’ which is disturbingly accurate. This show has problems with women. I think I’ll just go from the beginning.

To start off, our boy, who I will only call Shield Jerk because I don’t care about his name or him in general, reads a book and judges the princess in the book for no very good reason. This foreshadows both how the actual princess in the show is bad and also the show’s problems with women as a whole.

OUR HERO

I just want to point out that the first episode is double-length, both to appease the wretched creatures who would want a double-shot of shield hero and to make me, personally, suffer. Anyway, we roll into our basic isekai premise: guy gets summoned to another world because he’s a chosen hero, one of four. His special weapon is the shield, and the others are sword, spear, and bow. 

We occasionally get POV shots from Shield Jerk that have this UI and let me just say the way this show gives everyone stats as if they were in an MMO, and makes everyone in the world aware of the concept of stats, annoys me greatly. It just raises so many questions that are never addressed. To be fair, this isn’t a problem specific to Shield Hero but it still manages to stick out on top of all this show’s other problems.

Anyway, we’re hit with the first major grossness when Shield Jerk is falsely accused of rape. I shouldn’t have to explain why that’s a terrible thing to have as a plot element. If you’re here I hope you understand why this is a problem. If you don’t… look I don’t have time to explain, there’s so much other horrible ground to cover. The princess (who Shield Jerk had already pre-judged as ‘slutty’, remember) accuses him of raping her and this is when the show starts leaning hard into its persecution complex. Because in this highly fictional world everyone immediately believes the princess when she accuses Shield Jerk of raping her and he’s completely ostracized. Not actually thrown in jail of course, because they need him to help fight the demon waves he was originally summoned to deal with and because the plot just fucking loves him.

This line will be ignored for a full half of the show. I’ll point out when it actually becomes relevant to the plot again. 

I don’t know why the princess does this. I mean, I know the story wants our poor Shield Jerk to be the underdog in the hopes that we will like him, but I don’t know what in-story reason the princess has for this. We will find out later that humans are prejudiced against the shield hero as a concept for no adequately explained reason (like I said, persecution complex) and maybe that has something to do with it, but otherwise it’s just there to be an example of ‘women be lying.’ Like I said, incelcore.

We then run head-on into the next truly awful thing about this show when Shield Jerk buys a child slave. See, no one will join his party for grinding with that rape accusation hanging over him, so he follows a shady guy who turns out to be a slave trader. And he buys the only slave he can afford, a waifish demi-human who he then proceeds to recklessly endanger in the pursuit of personal power. And she gets a tattoo that acts as a magical shock collar. The girl is, of course, enslaved because of fantasy racism. We’ll get back to that.

OUR HERO

Understandably, the other heroes don’t look too kindly on this. Except that slavery is apparently legal in this kingdom but also the king (you know, the king who rules in this matriarchy) looks down on it so I don’t even know. The spear hero, who has the princess in his party, challenges Shield Jerk to a duel to get him to free his slave and removes her magical tattoo. Except that by this point the girl (Raphtalia) has decided she likes being Shield Jerk’s slave. Because the plot fucking loves him. Shield Jerk wins the duel because the princess interferes, even though Shield Jerk got some outside help from some monsters he brought to the duel but that’s apparently not the same thing. And then Raphtalia levels up which means she magically turns into an adult.

 WHAT

THE FUCK

In the next episode the newly-adult Raphtalia decides to get a new slave tattoo because she loves being a slave. Shield Jerk also buys an egg from the slave trader that hatches into a not-chocobo. The not-chocobo (Filo) reveals that she can turn into a little girl and she loves helping the Shield Jerk. She can turn between human and not-chocobo forms because she’s a queen not-chocobo, which is a stroke of luck I’d excuse in a different (better) anime, but this is on top of so much other stuff I can only boggle at how many breaks the shows gives Shield Jerk. Because the plot fucking loves him. Filo loves Shield Jerk so much that she also chooses to get a slave tattoo.

The show goes out of its way to point out how much she loves being useful.

The next few episodes have Shield Jerk and Friends dealing with fallout from some stuff the other heroes have done while trying to do hero things. This is where it really feels like Shield Hero is based on a bad MMO experience, with how much it keeps pointing out how dumb the other heroes are. It almost feels personal. During this, Shield Jerk’s magic shield absorbs some power from an undead dragon, which is the only explanation we’ll get for why he’s so overpowered later.

Yes actually this show does actually make me hate everything.

This is also when the show introduces the third major character in Shield Jerk’s party, the other princess of the kingdom, Melty. She’s also a fan of Shield Jerk (who is accused of raping her sister) because the plot fucking loves him. Also the kingdom (which is supposed to be a matriarchy) does have a living queen but she’s under house arrest and the king’s in charge because of reasons. Also during this time Shield Jerk points out to the other heroes everything he’s had to clean up because they’ve fucked up. Which might be something I’d appreciate, if the show wasn’t so relentlessly focused on how perfect Shield Jerk is and how he can do no wrong. Like I said, it feels personal.

This is a weird show to include a Spider-Man reference.

Then there’s a weird plotline about doctored scrying footage being shown around to make Shield Jerk seem like more of a bad guy for killing guards who were trying to take Melty back. It’s politically relevant in a way that’s disturbing when put together with everything else.

We run into more fantasy racism where we learn about Raphtalia’s backstory and they go deal with a racist noble who’s selling demi-humans into slavery. You may remember that Shield Jerk bought Raphtalia as a slave, and she’s technically still his slave. So it’s kind of hard for him to maintain the moral high ground here. It’s even more difficult when he never goes back to put the slave trader he originally bought her from out of business. But you can tell the show wants him to have the moral high ground, with how he stops Raphtalia from killing the noble. And this kind of betrays the promise of the first episode. It wanted to show off how edgy it was with the false rape accusation and the slavery, but a show that really wanted to live up to that would have actually had the heroes flat-out killing someone in the name of justice.

YOU BOUGHT A CHILD AS A SLAVE

Skipping ahead, the pope is revealed to be a bad guy who betrays all the heroes because, I don’t know, he wants the church to have all the power to stop the demon waves or something. The pope gets defeated, the queen is placed back on the throne, and the king and princess who accused Shield Jerk of raping her are both sentenced to death for their part in the pope’s attempted coup. This involves the princess getting a slave tattoo and the show makes sure to show off her getting zapped for lying. However, in his generosity, Shield Jerk spares the king and princess from being executed and instead just has their names legally changed to ‘Trash’ and ‘Bitch’. And everyone loves him for it.

This is just so unbelievably petty.

 It’s astounding how far this show bends over backwards to give this fucker everything he wants. Sure, he starts at the bottom (due to gross reasons) but that lasts for all of five minutes before we’re gleefully shown how he can do no wrong.

Now the show should be over there, but it finds time to cram in an arc about the heroes all going to an island to grind where all the heroes except Shield Jerk get seasick because the plot fucking loves him. They end up fighting another demon wave, and I haven’t even gone into the waves of demons the heroes were originally summoned to fight and how they somehow tie in to other worlds that summon heroes and the heroes have to fight each other or their worlds will be destroyed in a way that’s never actually explained. There’s too much other horribleness that’s going on.

And then, to wrap it all up, we get this:

The slave trader Shield Jerk bought Raphtalia from is still fine! No one gave him so much as a stern talking-to even after that whole arc about how terrible demi-human slavery is.

There are some positive parts about Shield Hero, some things it does that I can respect. But after spending all that wordcount on its major, MAJOR, problems going over the silver lining wouldn’t accomplish much. 

And most of its problems revolve around women. The female characters in the show are either obstacles who must be humiliated or are constantly fawning over Shield Jerk. There are no actual friendships between Shield Jerk and any women, or even any friendships between Shield Jerk and the male characters. The other three heroes are only shown as rivals, and incompetent ones at that. Just their to point out how much better Shield Jerk is.

Shield Hero might actually be the worst anime I’ve watched. Goblin Slayer at least had a specific problem that you could imagine removed and have a decent, if generic, fantasy series (plus I do really dig Goblin Slayer’s design). Magical Spec Ops Asuka at least tried to do something neat. It went about it in about the worst way possible, but the idea’s there. Hell, I’ve even heard that Tanya the Evil’s creator intended it to be a critique or parody of Tanya’s mindset and if that were true I’d at least place it a peg higher than this. This terrible, hateful show with the terribleness so deeply embedded in it any effort to salvage it would be wasted.

I will leave you with this image of three girls, all technically children, fawning over Shield Jerk. It nicely sums up some (SOME) of the show’s problems.

why jiraiya sucks: a meta

so i’ve talked about wanting to write this meta for a long time. i get asked fairly frequently why i feel so strongly about hating jiraiya, and i usually give a pretty direct answer but. i think it deserves a full explanation.

jiraiya is one of the more loved characters in naruto - i wouldn’t say he’s a big favorite, since he’s an older mentor rather than a protagonist. but the narrative wants you to love him, to grieve his loss, and most fans coming away feeling that way.

but i’m here to ruin that and make you hate this scumbag as much as i do and be glad the fucker’s dead.

(sry if ur mobile bc this things long) (warnings for discussions of csa)

so let’s address the elephant in the room

1. MISOGYNY

so this is the most glaring of jiraiya’s flaws - hell, it’s his defining character trait. naruto almost exclusively refers to him as “ero-sennin” (pervy sage, in the english translation). he literally makes his living writing erotica like... it’s. his thing. 

now, one could argue, he’s a grown man, there’s nothing wrong with expressing his sexuality! and i’d agree as far as his profession goes, that’s like, fine. but that’s. hardly all. the literal first scene we see him in, he’s spying on women at the onsen - a huge breach of privacy, hugely violating.

(love u naruto)   jiraiya prefers to treat women as objects of titillation rather than as people.

the women in his life are treated merely as romantic and/or sexual objects. he’s pursued tsunade near their entire lives, despite her consistent rejections. and even til the end seems to act as if he’s somehow owed romantic intentions from her, rather than accepting the lifelong friendship she’s given him.

of the ame orphans that jiraiya took time out of his life to raise and care for - konan is the only one who gets this kind of comment. and i really hope i dont have to explain why that’s deeply unsettling.

when i’ve brought this up before, i’ve had people argue that this is meant to be a funny character trait, that it’s just part of the trope in anime for the Perverted Old Man character. and i find that... dangerous. 

i can’t speak for the japanese context, as i’m a white american with little japanese cultural contact beyond its media, but speaking to the western trope of “dirty old men”, it serves only to normalize misogyny and child abuse. this normalization does not make it normal or okay, it makes it that much more threatening.

still a western perspective, but an interesting article i found tied to this (”Worst Anime Tropes – The Perverted Anime Male” if you’re interested) says:

This is a huge problem for me because in the real world, the perverted male personality is unacceptable. It’s not something for people to “laugh” at as is the expected response when watching anime because this behavior isn’t tolerated.

treating abhorrent behavior as funny, as something harmless in a mentor character - that’s. not. a good thing. 

anyway let’s move on.

2. NARUTO’S NEGLECT

WHERE.

THE FUCK.

WAS HE. 

i will admit this is, most likely, just a writing failure on kishimoto’s part. he wanted to make jiraiya personally relevant to naruto, later on, to up the tragedy of jiraiya’s upcming death, etc. jiraiya as a character likely was not even kind of conceived of at the beginning of the manga. but taking this at face value, jiraiya was naruto’s godfather, and just. never fel the need to take care of him throughout his childhood. he didn’t even acknowledge that he knew who he or his family were upon meeting him. naruto suffered alone for so long because! this guy just couldn’t handle the responsibility i guess!

i’d wondered if this was an issue of cultural context - a western interpretation of godfather vs. japanese. but from some cursory research that does not seem to be the case. again, i could be wrong due to lack of info, but he. really should have been there.

that said, i’m not even entirely convinced he would’ve been the best parent for him to have.

while naruto was in his care, he consistently treated him poorly. in this case he literally stole the life savings of an orphan for his own benefit (booze and paying sex workers). who does that! who! just does that! is he a cartoon villain?? (yes)

and unfortunately his mistreatment of naruto largely ties into my next point.

3. NARUTO & MISOGYNY: CSA 

jiraiya has no interest in taking care of naruto until he is a sexual object for him. he is quick to dismiss him, and is even a bit cruel to him considering he’s. a child.

but as soon as naruto is presented sexually (as a woman), jiraiya suddenly has every intention of spending time with him.

the context of it being a Magic Jutsu Joke makes it hard to put this in a context we can understand, but i think the best real life comparison is literally naruto dressing up sexually, and jiraiya encouraging this. he emotionally manipulates him through spending time with him and training him in exchange for seeing a twelve year old perform for him sexually. this continues even beyond this first interaction, despite that it’s clear that it upsets naruto - it’s even more prevalent in the anime than in the manga.

i think considering that jiraiya ought to know who naruto is, this is even more despicable. he’s his godfather, who has neglected him for his entire life - of course this kid is desperate for attention and care. of course he’s willing to do this for him. it’s honestly tragic!

SO

those are my main points. i might add on if i think of others of note, but i think this covers my major concerns. and this is why if jiraiya comes back then kill him again.. thank u

to all the boys i’ve loved before: the good, the bad & the ugly

THE GOOD

I live my life with the belief, not in any religion, but in several other truths: pineapple topping on pizza is a crime against humanity. FOUR is the superior One Direction album. The book will always be superior to the movie based off of it.

Actually, maybe we have to reconsider that last one.

I first watched To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before expecting a slightly polished version of a Disney channel original. I was- to my surprise, and delight- proven wrong. Sure, the premise is a bit flimsy (why, in god’s name, would Lara Jean put her letters in envelopes and address them if she had no intention of mailing them?); there’s a multitude of cliché YA tropes (naïve, introverted MC meets floppy-haired white boy ft. some reincarnation of Regina George who happens to be his ex with a vendetta against the poor, innocent MC; the GBF); I’ve got several concerns about the casting (the Covey girls are supposed to half-Korean. The actors playing them don’t even have the same ethnicity? Nor do they look like they could pass for siblings?); and the soundtrack is- well. They could’ve done better.

BUT. And that’s a big ‘but’, which is why it’s in all caps. There were so many things I loved about the movie, so much more than the ones that bothered me. My little Asian heart always bursts in joy whenever I see a positive representation of someone like me in media- I don’t care if they’re South Asian or East Asian or SEA or Middle Eastern or anywhere else from the Asian continent. For so long, the only representation in Western media- if any; having Asian characters is a rarity- were perpetuating stereotypes; Lara Jean and her sisters are such a breath of fresh air. Noah Centineo’s… well, a lot of people find him cute, and he’s got a charming smile. Kitty is my spirit animal. And the aesthetics are so cute- Lara Jean’s wardrobe is a dream, and her room even more so. I loved the To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before movie, and I will go to my grave defending it.

Since I loved the movie so much, surely, the book would be better! Right?

… Sigh.

THE BAD

The cover’s very cute, I’ll give it that. Arty font, reminiscent of something you’d find in a love letter, good call. The color scheme’s adorable. The girl on the cover is very pretty. And, um… that’s about it.

Right off the bat, Lara Jean’s monologue made me go, oh. It’s that kind of protagonist. The one who spends way too much time telling and not enough showing (blame all the writing advice videos I watched on YouTube. It never used to bother me before, but it’s all I can see now).

(Also, “After I write my letter, I’m no longer consumed by my all-consuming love.” You’re proud of that, aren’t you, Miss Jenny Han?)

And, see, I wouldn’t mind (I probably would) if Lara Jean’s thoughts were particularly riveting. Mildly entertaining, at the very least- that’s all I’m asking for.

Lara Jean is uninteresting; almost painfully so. Film-LJ’s quirkiness barely translates to the pages. Sure, Lara Jean likes romance… and baking… and antiques… and writing letters to boys who are supposedly out of her league and who could never fall for little old her. And she’s a bad driver. She idolizes her older sister. Decent character traits for a YA protagonist. And, as far as I recall, no internalized misogyny that comes in the form of slut-shaming, which is a rarity for the genre of YA. Great.

And yet there’s something about book-LJ that feels so… contrived. A little Mary Sue-ish, if you will. Papery.

Which can be said about almost every other character (except Chris and Kitty. Margot, to an extent, but I don’t like her).

There are loads of useless info-dumps strewn throughout the story, which makes me wonder if it wasn’t edited. The writing’s just… bad. It’s more like a Wattpad story (when did ‘Wattpad story’ become the paragon of bad YA? Honestly speaking, though, all the popular Wattpad books give the website a bad name. There are some incredibly well-written works on it- yes, even Harry Styles fanfiction. Not every Wattpad story is going to be *bleh* After or The Kissing Booth. But I digress). Lara Jean goes into too much detail about her outfits and the trivial details of… everything, really. And, well, no one gives a fuck.

Which brings me to: the love triangle. Beloved of all YA clichés, pretty much a staple in the genre at this point. Always with the female main character choosing between two men, both conventionally attractive in a very Eurocentric way. Usually, it’s painfully obvious who gets the girl; “Emma Notlikeothergirls has to choose between the handsome, confident, gorgeous, athletic, strapping Ashton Dreamboat and that rando who lives next door, Billy Whatsisname. Whoever will she choose?”

I’ll give credit where credit is due. The book makes both Peter and Josh (unrelated, but why are the boys’ names so standard Hoosier boy-ish? You’ve got girls named Genevieve and Margot, and the boys are pretty much the twelve apostles) pretty evenly matched. Josh has the whole boy-next-door, childhood friends, I-have-always-loved-you cliché going for him, while Peter’s the popular boy, the jock, the guy every girl wants to be with and every guy wants to be.

And yet they’re both complete dicks.

I’m supposed to be rooting for one of them. Team Peter or Team Josh; either Peter-Jane or Lara-Josh. Either the guy who’s got nothing but his looks going for him, or the guy who slept with her sister and kissed her without her consent. hOwEvEr WiLL sHe ChOOsE???

And I was never really convinced that Peter actually developed feelings for Lara Jean, ever. Maybe I’m just oblivious, but they seemed more like friends instead of lovers. I was lowkey shipping Lara Jean x Chris, even though I knew that was plain wishful thinking; I already got my Asian MC, this won’t be getting too diverse.

Other clichés I’m tired of seeing but were unfortunately present: Lucas, the token Gay Best Friend (I was annoyed with the movie for making him the Rafiki to Lara Jean’s Simba and nothing else, but rereading the book made me realize that they didn’t have much to work with in the first place); Margot, the Bitchy Sister (I never forgave her for lying to their dad about Lara Jean having sex. Seriously, how low can you get? JOSH kissed LARA JEAN, not the other way around! Margot’s supposed to be the same age I am, I think, so I believe I have the ability to call her out on her bullshit); Genevieve, the Bitch Queen Extraordinaire; Kitty, the Annoying Younger Sibling (but I love and cherish her so I don’t mind it).

“The sibling dynamic was surprisingly better written than a solid 75% of the book,” says me, an only child.

Also, a final complaint: is having sex that big of a deal? I get Lara Jean being (rightfully) horrified at the accusations, and Peter Kavinskydick deserves a decent roundhouse kick (the movie did a better job of making Peter’s actions forgivable), but why does everyone else care? Seriously, do you have that little fodder for gossip?

THE UGLY

Am I going to complain about the sequel to the movie based off of the sequel to the book that I can’t remember anything of besides the fact that John Ambrose was ten times the man Peter Kavinsky was? You bet I am.

In all honesty, I can’t remember much of the book version of P.S. I Still Love You. Rest assured that I was Team John Ambrose all the way, both while reading the book and watching the movie. I don’t want to make myself suffer through the book again, so I’ll resort to bashing the movie sequel.

This movie sucked balls. Not on the level of Sierra Burgess is a Loser or Swiped or The Kissing Booth or- yikes- The Kissing Booth 2, but it was still pretty bad. It’s pretty obvious that the two movies weren’t directed by the same person. For all its plot-related shortcomings, the first film was charming and pretty widely well-received. The second film takes all that charm and cuteness and fluff and flushes it down the toilet, along with the tiniest bit of affection I had for the character of Peter Kavinsky. Lara Jean, too, to an extent.

At least Peter and Josh were evenly matched. John Ambrose is lightyears ahead of Peter. And yet Lara Jean chooses Peter because… the first dick is the best dick? Make it make sense!

She’s leading John Ambrose on during the entire film, and I normally hate using that term because it’s such an incel way of putting things. But she doesn’t tell John Ambrose about Peter and her dating, even though she’s had the opportunity to do so countless times. She gets mad at Peter for being close to Genevieve, and yet? Hypocrite much? Not to mention she kisses John Ambrose, right before she’s like, “whoops haha guess I don’t like you that much after all :/ lol my bad”.

John Ambrose deserved better, and that is the hill I will die on.

Breakdown: Teppu (The Sports Anime That Will Never Be)

SPOILER FREE ZONE

Teppu: Seinen manga, 2008-2015, supposedly finished. Done by Moare Oota which is evidently a pseudonym for someone else but I don’t know who.

Tropes: Unlikable Protagonist, Unlikable Women, Star Player, Anti-Hero, Genius

Not-Your-Wikipedia-Summary: Natsuo is taller than everyone and and athletic genius. Which makes her life a living hell because nobody can stand for her to be such an insufferable genius, not her brother, not her volleyball teammates, not her two-times-national-karate-champion-ex-best-friend Sanae. Natsuo is bored shitless- until she meets a girl, Yuzuko, who’s just moved from Brazil to Japan and does MMA and who is disgustingly happy. All the time. Especially when it comes to MMA. Naturally, Natsuo wishes, more than anything in the world, to beat the ever living shit out of her. But is Natsuo’s natural talent enough to bring a lifelong MMA nut to the ground?  Cue the queer sadomasochism references here, please.

TL;DR Review: It’s hard to review this without going into too many spoilers but- GODDAMN I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS SHIT. A totally sadistic bitch who can’t stand the “hard work will pay off! Pain doesn’t hurt!” hero?? Queerness EVERYWHERE? No fanservice?? FACKYUS. But seriously, this series goes out of its way to destroy a lot of sports manga tropes. Natsuo doesn’t join the school MMA team with Yuzuko and her Brazilian-adopted-sister/badass-MMA-fighter. Natsuo can’t stand their fucking cheerfulness. No, she joins a local MMA gym and happily deals with the bitches there in order to get stronger. Natsuo isn’t all “oh maybe I can grow stronger!” she’s more “maybe I can find someone strong enough to give me a challenge... and the pleasure of wiping their smile off their fucking face.” The way the author paces the fights with the flashbacks to the history between various characters is also done really well. It gives us the feeling that it’s not just a fight at stake; it’s the definition of who these people are that’s at stake. And these people are twisted. So that makes it even better. The only drawback to this series, to me, is the ending. (Read the “Male Writer Fuckups” section below the cut.) It really didn’t have to end like that either- this could have been the beginning of a really great longer series. They could have gone much farther with it. But whatevs. I’ll just not read the ending when I re-read it.

‘Objective’ Score: 7/10 The art was weak at the beginning, though it really strengthened up at the ending. The story jumped around a bit at the end as the author tried to cram in shit since he was clearly looking to end the series, so there’s some confusing bits there. But overall, an awesome subversion of a lot of tropes and a great addition to the genre.

Personal Score: 8/10 (1 point deducted for misogynistic/abuse-affirming ending)

SPOILER ZONE

Full Thoughts: Okay so this author gets a lot of things right, the least of which are his meticulously-researched MMA/karate/ju-jitsu techniques, and the most of which are his fantastically unlikable female characters. Because there’s multiple of them. We have, on one side of the spectrum, our main character who we know from the beginning is unlikable. In the middle of the spectrum, we have her teacher/MMA fighter, Kotani Karin, who is a savvy, older woman trying to do right by her students and women’s MMA, who sometimes picks on Natsuo because she, understandably, doesn’t like Natsuo and thinks the best thing for her is a swift kick in the ass. 

Then on the OTHER SIDE of the spectrum.... we have Yuzuko. She’s the traditional main character of a sports manga, one who started young, who just loves the sport, who doesn’t care about the pain, who isn’t naturally talented, but works three times harder than everyone else. She seems, on the surface, likable. UNTIL it’s pointed out to us that that is fucking crazy/stupid/psychotic. Yuzuko is missing a goddamn screw in her head, and her Brazilian friend/sister Ringi and her father (an undefeated MMA champ) are the only ones who really realize it. Yuzuko, in the end, is just as unlikable as Natsuo because she is fucking insane and stupid.

So really, they’re perfect for each other. And the manga doesn’t shy around the queer coding. And speaking of queer, shout out to the not-even-coded, but totally gay stuff going on in the karate club of kickass women.

So this author, Oota, gets some things right. That women are complicated and not always likable, and they can all kick some serious ass. BUT. His misogyny and his rush to finish the series get in the way of two things: 1, a good ending, 2, a clearer/fuller understanding of these characters. 

For example, we never get a full understanding of Yuzuko. Is she just stupid? Is she psychotic? Is it masochism? The last is implied, but I don’t entirely buy it. And Natsuo- is she truly sadistic, or is her sadism an excuse to search for someone who can beat her, aka masochism? Her abusive relationship with her brother would imply masochism as well. This isn’t entirely cleared up with either of these girls.

Things Male Writers Always Fuck Up On While Writing Female Characters: Endings.  For those of you who are reading this spoilers section without reading the manga yet, this requires some background: Natsuo started karate with her brother when they were little, but she had so much natural talent that she outshone him easily. The brother quit karate and started getting beat up at school. When Natsuo beat the shit out of the guys who were beating him, he blamed her -and her natural talent- for all of his problems (misogyny 101: “you being good means I’m not good and so you should lower yourself to make me feel better”). But Natsuo, being an impressionable sister who only wants to be friends with her brother, takes it to heart.... even so far as to let her brother start beating her when they’re little kids, all in order to make him feel better. There starts an abusive relationship with her loser older brother.

This girl’s got fucking issues.

NOW. A girl having these issues isn’t a problem. Especially if she works through them and grows into saying “fuck you older brother, if you’re weak it’s your own goddamn problem, don’t make it MY responsibility, and if you hit me again I’ll show you what I learned in MMA.” But is that what happens? No. 

Because at the end of this story, this author makes the Golden Mistake When Writing Female Character’s Endings: he makes it about the brother’s personal growth instead of hers.

At the end of the story, Natsuo and Yuzuko are in a really awesome fight. Now we know that Natsuo has been looking to lose and she hasn’t lost yet. She needs to lose, for her personal growth. But the author brings in her brother to watch the fight and, at the very end, Natsuo sees him in the audience. Then she loses. Whether or not she loses on purpose or genuinely loses is unclear.

After the fight she has a dream where he suddenly likes her now and they watch movies together like how they used to. Outside of dreamland, her mother nervously asks her brother, as he shuffles into the living room, if she can cut his hair (implying that he’s been a shut-in for awhile and, now that he’s seen his sister lose, is finally joining the rest of fucking society).

This is not just misogynistic... this is abuse-affirming.

This is a child hoping that, maybe if they roll over and show their belly, their abuser will love them again. This is a boy shaming/abusing a girl because she was strong, literally tearing her down because he couldn’t stand how talented she was. And this ending is a girl letting herself be torn down in order to make her abuser-older-brother feel better and hopefully love her again. 

It’s sick, guys. This ending, more than anything else, is what puts it in the seinen (older) genre category. It’s unsatisfying, it’s misogynistic, it’s affirming of patterns of abuse. From my eye, it’s written by someone who wanted to write a mature story but didn’t want to take responsibility for representing those issues in a non-toxic way.

So, mixed feelings. I really enjoyed 4/5ths of this story. The last 1/5th was like finding a shit seed inside a piece of fruit though. 

Voltron Paladins on: Who’s the hottest Young Avenger?

I’m posting this as a one-shot to tumblr because it can feasibly stand alone as a fic, but it’s actually an omake of sorts for the Voltron fic Just a Little Death. The only things you need to know are:

1. The paladins figured out a way to get into contact with home, and have gotten some things. Lance’s family sent him a kindle loaded with a bunch of things he likes, including comics. 2. Some of the characterization may seem a bit unusual, because this scene takes place after after eighteen chapters in JaLD.

Other than that... well, warnings and such under the cut. This is almost three thousand words of nonsense.

If you happen to be a fan of Cheung's V1 artwork or aren't comfortable with the idea of someone poking fun at Tommy Shepherd, maaaybe skip this. I’m not as careful as usual about keeping my biases under wraps here.

Anyways! There's a bit of a ramble in there about Noh-Varr, so I need to lay out some warnings.

WARNINGS: Mentions of mind control, torture, medical experimentation, and mass murder (all to or by a minor, because Noh's life is a shitshow for a while).

o.o.o.o.o

“Bullshit,” Lance said, slamming a hand down on the table. “That is just… such bullshit.”

“My tastes and your tastes are not the same,” Hunk said. “You asked who I thought the hottest character was, and my answer is Teddy.”

“How?” Lance whined. “How can you pick anyone other than Noh-Varr? Like, I can maybe see Kate or America, but anyone else? Sorry, buddy. The space roach wins.”

“You know,” Pidge said from the doorway. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I kind of want to know just based on the fact that I heard something that was almost my name.”

“There’s a comic that Lance likes from like… the turn of the century,” Hunk said.

“2012 was not the turn of the century,” Lance argued.

“Called Young Avengers,” Hunk continued, like Lance hadn’t just interrupted.

“Written by Kieron Gillen, illustrated by Jamie McKelvie,” Lance said. “A dynamic duo of comics if there ever was one.”

Hunk shot him a look.

“…fine, for that era. Stan Lee and Jack Kirby are the true heroes, as always, may their souls rest in peace despite the misogyny of many of their works,” Lance allowed. “Anyway, I got Hunk to read the comics a while back, and I was expecting him to make the obvious choice when asked who the hottest Young Avenger was.”

“I still say it’s Teddy.”

“And I still say you’re wrong. Noh-Varr is straight up pin-up boy material.”

“This is exactly the kind of bullshit that I’m glad I missed out on back at the Garrison,” Pidge said.

Keith poked his head into the room. “I heard yelling. Is there a fight happening?”

“Why don’t we get Pidge and Keith to weigh in?” Hunk suggested.

“Fine,” Lance sniffed. “I’m sure they’ll make the right choice. Let me just get the right pictures up.”

He fiddled with the tablet his siblings had sent along.

“Your brother and sister sent you digital comics from half a century ago?” Keith asked.

“I think Tío Ricardo just added everything he thought I might miss, and since this is my favorite series…” Lance shrugged. “Okay, so I’ve got a group shot and a couple of solos.”

“Which group shot?”

“Kate’s getting a call from Freud.”

“…right, the harpoon! Okay, so the solos: anyone from V1?”

“Nah. Cassie’s too young for it to be comfortable during her time with the team, especially with how unnecessarily sexual some of the art of her gets in V1. Like, she’s fourteen? Stop ripping her clothes off and highlighting her boobs? Same goes for Nate and Jonas on the age thing, and Eli is an age thing too, but also just… I love him, but Cheung’s art style. It doesn’t do anyone favors, but it’s especially harsh on Eli.”

“Why do you hate Cheung’s art style so much?”

“Have you looked at V1 or Children’s Crusade?”

“The writing wasn’t bad!”

“The writing was mostly fine and absolutely what made me love Eli. But you have to admit that Cheung’s art style is really same-face syndrome and that it’s just plain messy and… why. Why. McKelvie’s got a bunch of same-face too, but at least it’s clean and I can tell who’s who in the close-ups and he isn’t sexualizing fourteen-year-olds.” Lance buried his face in his hands. Hunk patted him on the back.

“Moving on… Kid Loki shape or Agent Loki shape?”

“He’s kid shape in the group shot, but just after the age-up in the solo.”

“David?”

“Tried to find something out of uniform, but no dice except the party, and his big scene wasn’t even in McKelvie’s style, so… yeah, uniform.”

“Tommy?”

“Do I have to?”

“Lance…”

“He’s such a fuckboy, though!”

“Still part of the team.”

“Barely.”

“They traveled dozens, if not hundreds, of universes to save him.”

“…I mean, I did add his picture to the set. I just, you know, don’t want him to win.”

Hunk snorted. “Okay, thene. I’m guessing you probably added those shirtless Noh shots from the first issue.”

“Noh-Varr’s hot, okay?” Lance brought the back of his hand up to his forehead. “Like, absolutely smoking hot. Like Uptown Funk ‘Hot damn’ hot. Like, ‘the things I would do to that man…’ hot.”

“Lance, are you okay?”

“No.”

Hunk bit his lip, suppressing a grin, and then seemed to realize something. “Wait, are we including villains?”

“I mean… I guess? Why? You’re not going for Oubliette, right?”

“What? No, of course, not. But dude… Leah.”

“This is true.” Lance nodded. “I mean, she’s terrifying, but at least that version of her isn’t entirely real even in-universe?”

“Or Loki would be dead.”

“So dead,” Lance said emphatically. “Also, if we’re talking hot YA villains, then…”

“Don’t.”

“Sylvie Lushton.”

“How is your taste in comic book villains so bad?”

“I’m not saying she’s a good person! But, you know, she’s hot!” Lance protested.

“Also kind of evil and not exactly the brightest bulb in the box.”

“Still hot, Hunk.”

“Hi, I have a question,” Pidge interrupted. “Which of these guys is the smartest?”

Lance put a hand over Hunk’s face before he could answer. “We’re talking aesthetics only. No choosing based on intelligence. You can revamp your choice later if we change criteria, but right now we’re only going on aesthetic hotness.”

“Boo you, whore,” Pidge said, then stuck out her tongue at him. She looked down at the page again, and then pointed. “Okay, in that case… her.”

“America Chavez?” Lance eyed Pidge for a moment, and then nodded. “Acceptable.”

“You’re ridiculous,” she told him. “But yeah. She looks ready to kick ass and I guess the expression on her face is appealing? She looks like she’s not taking anyone’s shit, and also I like her hair.”

“This is a pretty good summary of her basic surface personality,” Lance acknowledged. “She’s deeper than that, but it takes some reading between the lines, or rereading after the reveal at the end, to realize, especially if you don’t read the point one issue.”

“I’m torn,” Keith announced. “Can I get names for these guys, at least?”

“Real or code?”

“…real?”

Lance pointed to each character in turn. “Noh-Varr, Kate Bishop, Loki, Billy Kaplan, Tommy Shepherd, Teddy Altman, David Alleyne, America Chavez.”

“Tommy and Billy are identical twins, but Tommy’s hair and eyes changed color when his mutant powers manifested,” Hunk added.

“The Tommy guy is in a different style from the others,” Keith noted.

“They had guest artists for the issues he featured in most,” Lance explained. “Couldn’t really find a clear picture of him in McKelvie’s style.”

Keith nodded, looking down at the pictures. After a moment, he pointed at David and Tommy.

“No,” Lance gasped dramatically. “You traitor.”

“Oh boy,” Hunk muttered.

“Listen,” Keith said, obviously holding back a laugh. “I have my reasons.”

“How could you choose Tommy over Noh-Varr?”

“Well, the Noh-Varr guy looks like he’s about to try to convince me to try his weed brownies or free range quinoa,” Keith said.

“That’s not a thing,” Hunk said. “That’s… that’s not even logically possible. Quinoa’s not an animal product. It can’t be free-range.”

“Exactly,” Keith said, as though that explained everything, which it kind of did. “Meanwhile, this Tommy guy looks like he’s about to ask me to help him hotwire a car for the hell of it.”

Lance’s mouth opened and closed a few times, and then he whirled around and draped himself over Hunk. He wailed, “Betrayed! By the one closest to me!”

“What does that make me, then?” Hunk asked. “If Keith is the closest?”

“You’re not just close to me, Hunk, you’re part of me,” Lance said, as though it should have been obvious.

“Ah, right, of course.” Hunk nodded and patted Lance’s back.

“Anyway,” Lance said, and then went back to wailing. “Oh, the horror! The humanity! Keith has betrayed me!”

“I really hope this is just Lance being dramatic about something relatively inconsequential again instead of something serious,” Shiro said from the door. “Please tell me this isn’t something I need to actually worry about.”

“Keith thinks that Lance’s favorite character isn’t as hot as Lance’s least favorite,” Pidge said.

“Tommy Shepherd is a fuckboy, okay?” Lance whined.

“You mean like you?” Shiro asked, keeping his voice mild.

Dead silence reigned for a moment.

“…Should I not have said that?” Shiro asked, sounding a little more nervous. “I may have overstepped a line. Ah. I’m sor—”

“Ooooooooooooooooh!” Pidge yelled, Hunk joining in after a moment.

Lance let his eyes roll up and pretended to faint, right into Hunk’s loving arms.

“Lance Álvarez has been found dead in Miami,” Pidge announced, deadpan.

“Oh god, is he okay?” Hunk asked, not even looking down at Lance in his arms.

“Yeah, but he’s dead.”

“You guys suck,” Lance moaned, getting back up. He turned back to Keith. “Wait, what about David?”

“He looks like he could stare down a bomb without even twitching. Like he’s just that dead inside because he’s seen so much shit.” Keith tapped the picture. “Basically, he seems like the guy that’s sitting off to the side mostly quiet but offering sarcastic comments whenever someone does something stupid.”

“You’re not that far off,” Shiro said. “David’s experiences in everything are fairly expansive, due to the mental osmosis that his original powerset consisted of.”

“Wait, Shiro, you’ve read YA?” Lance demanded.

“…yes? I preferred Runaways, but—”

“Which Young Avenger is the hottest?” Lance demanded, scrambling away from Hunk and towards Shiro. He stopped just a foot or two away, visibly restraining himself from grabbing Shiro’s hands and pulling them up to his chin.

Shiro looked at him for a long moment, wide-eyed and surprised. “Um… I haven’t thought about it in a while?”

“Stick to V2 since all the V1-only characters are too young,” Lance suggested. “Aesthetic hotness only.”

Shiro looked down at the tablet that was still on the table and bit his lip. “I’m… going to have to with Marvel Boy and Hawkeye?”

“Yes!” Lance yelled, pumping his fist in the air. “Fuck yeah! Noh-Varr’s the hottest!”

“Ah,” Shiro said. “Who did the rest of you choose?”

“Teddy,” Hunk said. “Pidge chose America. Keith decided that he was torn between Tommy and David.”

“Nobody chose Billy, then?” Shiro asked. “Or Loki?”

“Billy’s more sweet than hot, I think,” Lance said. “Even aesthetically. Same thing goes for Teddy, I’d say, but Hunk’s got his own weird tastes.”

“And Loki just doesn’t suit anyone’s tastes?”

“He spends two-thirds of the comic as a twelve-year-old, and the last third looking like he’s about to try to sell you snake oil as a hair tonic,” Lance mused. “So. That might be it. Loki’s more appealing in AoA, honestly. I feel like Lee Garbett’s style is better suited to that Loki than Jamie McKelvie’s.”

“Hm. I’d have expected Pidge to like David the most, but I guess if she doesn’t know anything about him, and just had to go by image, America makes sense.” Shiro swiped through the tablet. “That is… definitely a lot of shirtless Noh-Varr shots.”

“I’m not sure what you expected from me,” Lance said.

“What’s so special about David?” Pidge asked. “Why does Shiro think I should like David the most?”

Lance exchanged a look with Hunk and Shiro, then turned back to Pidge. “Do you want to download some of my comics so you and Keith can read some? My uncle downloaded pretty much my entire online comics library onto here.”

“I don’t know… I’m more of a DC kind of girl.”

“I’ve got some DC and Image on here, too.”

“The Image comics are more Gillen and McKelvie, unsurprisingly,” Hunk said.

“Phonogram and WicDiv are fucking works of art, Hunk!”

“I never finished WicDiv…” Shiro mused. “I got spoilers, but…”

Lance pressed his tablet into Shiro’s chest, wide-eyed. “My poor man: I have them. Read.”

Allura and Coran walked in on five paladins near-silently reading comics half an hour later.

“Allura!” Lance yelled, scrambling to his feet and switching windows on his tablet to the earlier set of pictures. “Quick question: which of these characters would you say is the most physically attractive?”

Allura blinked at him, and then down at the tablet. “Why are there so many pictures of this one shirtless?”

“Because he’s my favorite,” Lance said, utterly unashamed.

“…I can see why, but that one hanging bang of white hair reminds me too much of Lotor,” Allura admitted. “Both of the girls are very attractive, though, and I like the hairstyle and the fabric that this one is wearing.”

She tapped the screen, right over Billy.

Lance squinted down at the photo, and then back up at Allura. “At least you didn’t betray me like Keith.”

“Are you serious?” Keith asked. “Are you going to bring that up forever?”

“You picked Tommy,” Lance repeated. “You picked Tommy in an argument of attractiveness when Noh-Varr was an option.”

“You do realize that half the reason he did that was to fuck with you, right?” Pidge said.

“Well, yeah, but pretending to be pissed off about something inconsequential is fun,” Lance said. “I don’t even dislike Tommy, but like… it’s fun to talk trash about one of the most popular characters. I shit talk with love, I promise.”

“Also, if we were going by personality as well…” Shiro trailed off. “Actually, assuming that a decent pattern of communication was in place and Noh-Varr wasn’t self-sabotaging with his own PTSD, he probably wouldn’t be that bad of a romantic partner. At least you’d always have music.”

“And a meat shield, apparently,” Pidge piped up. A glance told Lance that she was partway through the Marvel Boy miniseries, which meant she’d probably run into something about his indestructability by this point.

“Wouldn’t have to worry about being widowed, since he’s nearly impossible to kill,” Hunk added.

“And he can eat all the leftovers, including the parts that aren’t actually food,” Keith said.

“Life wouldn’t be boring either, given the extensive number of people that would gladly try to kill him for the Phoenix debacle or what he did to Manhattan,” Shiro added.

“He served his time for both of those incidents, did his reparation work, and got tortured a lot as punishment! I really don’t think you can hold all of that against him, given his circumstances!” Lance protested.

“I mean… the Phoenix was a result of misinformation, true, but Manhattan?” Shiro wiggled a hand in the air. “I’m only giving it a pass because I’d say all the torture, mind control, and so on, both before and after, is punishment enough for just about anything.”

“I’m not,” Hunk said. “But he actually tried to do charity work in his own weird superhero way afterwards, so… that’s not bad?”

“This isn’t a real person, correct?” Allura asked. “Just a fictional character?”

“Yes,” the paladins answered in unison.

“Trust me, I wouldn’t be trying to explain away the Fuck You Fires if he were a real person,” Lance said. “However, he is in fact fictional, and his circumstances were weird as shit—”

“Being part of a hive mind and feeling your entire family die and then watching them get dissected while you’re tortured by your captors will do some interesting things to a fifteen-year-old’s mind,” Shiro acknowledged.

“And then the Cube,” Lance added. “We do not forget the fuckery that happened at the Cube.”

“Comics are convoluted,” Keith said, staring down at the tablet in his own lap. “Very convoluted. Why are they so convoluted?”

“Because you have about twenty different writers at any given time writing the same characters in new situations, frequently causing crossovers between individual groups of characters, switching out at least three or four writers per year for someone new, passing on the characters to new writers who must then find something original to do with them, resulting in increasingly ridiculous plots as the writers struggle to find something new and interesting to do so that the audience doesn’t lose interest,” Lance rattled off.

“Often commenting on contemporary events,” Shiro added, “and matters of social justice.”

“Never forget that Captain America was the creation of two Jewish men in response to widespread support of Hitler in the early days of World War II,” Lance added.

The Alteans stared at him and Shiro in blank confusion.

“Hey, Allura, want to see something funny?” Hunk asked.

“I’m getting a bad feeling about this,” Keith said. “But also I kind of want to see what you’re planning.”

“Same,” Pidge said.

Allura looked at Hunk for a long moment. “I have no idea what’s going on, but alright.”

Hunk grinned and turned to Lance. “Hey Lance, is Magneto the Maximoff twins’ dad or not?”

(It took fifteen minutes for the team to get Lance to stop ranting.)

o.o.o.o.o

“Okay, Shiro was right. David’s my favorite now. Programming a miniature Cerebro in five minutes?” Pidge pretended to fan herself. “If I wasn’t ace… I mean, I still want to marry his brain anyway. Platonically. Just… damn. I have a favorite Marvel character now. I’m supposed to be a DC girl, but this has me hooked. Damn you, Lance. Damn you.”

“…just read the comic, short shit.”

o.o.o.o.o

A/N:There were a couple of characters I couldn't find decent V2 reference pics for; Tommy in particular doesn't show up in McKelvie's style much, since his two biggest appearances in V2 are both in issues that have guest artists.

I feel like Lance would have really strong opinions about bigoted retcons and the importance of remembering the minority influence on comics as a medium.

Superstar

From wrestling to fame, but oddly the fame story is a Buffy story instead of an Angel story, which means, I hope, less grit and more silly, since the basic strengths of the two shows are that Buffy does silly better and Angel does grit better. We’ll find out, I guess. 1. Apparently we get to deal with the emotional fallout of Riley not recognizing Faith wasn’t Buffy when Tara did. Also, Adam. And Jonathan, who we last saw bringing a high-powered, scoped rifle to school to shoot himself. This sounds like a blast! 2. Buffy, Xander, Willow, and Anya are fighting vampires. They killed one, but then found four eating somebody. So they need to get help. 3. Now they’re at a mansion. The help they went to get is Jonathan. Who gets dime-store Bond music. 4. You know… if they’re going to insert Jonathan into the opening credits like he’s an essential part of the show - which absolutely makes sense given what appears to be the episode premise - they also have to credit his actor in the opening credits. It doesn’t work otherwise. 5. Anya, Buffy, Willow, Jonathan, and Xander are at Giles’s house, getting weapns and drinking milk. Jonathan is training Buffy, and out-sparring her. Jonathan is better at everything than the best cast member at that thing is, so they all kind of act as decoys and backup for him. 6. Wow, he’s patronizing Buffy and she’s taking it and this is uncomfortable. But Buffy also seems aware that this wasn’t as good as she usually is. Slayer magic resistance? 7. Jonathan just caught Spike creeping around. “Wonder Jonathan and his Fluffy Battle Kittens.” Buffy’s one-liners are terrible. Whatever has changed reality hasn’t raised Jonathan up; it’s pulled everyone else down enough to make a barely-better Jonathan suddenly the best. 8. God, Jonathan’s one-liner is also bad. Better than Buffy’s, but bad. 9. … Willow and Tara have a Jonathan shrine and holy FUCK this is creepy. 10. Riley has a Jonathan poster in his room. And… is that a framed picture of Jonathan, too? He’s no Jonathan. Riley isn’t eating Initiative food, and they haven’t been able to track Adam. Buffy doesn’t want to sit near Riley. And she can’t sink baskets. She wants Slaying to be a competitve sport, so they can have figure staking. She left. 11. Buffy is talking to Jonathan about how terribly Faith messed everything up. She also put sugar in Jonathan’s coffee for him, and Jonathan is signing autographs mid-conversation. He’s creepy, but he’s not wrong about what’s upsetting Buffy. Buffy’s not right, though, that Riley couldn’t have known. Tara knew. When Giles was transformed, Buffy knew. Jonathan has a shoe brand. 12. Colonel George Haviland is here, and has taken over the Initiative. They’re having a facility review and also chasing Adam, and have called Jonathan in as a tactical consultant. He’s way shorter than the Initiative guys. Adam doesn’t eat, and is powered by by a small nuclear reactor. He doesn’t need his head and has to be annihilated. 13. A woman is watching Jonathan’s house, but now she’s being attacked by a fuzzy naked demon that’s very gross and ot actually that fuzzy much more mangy. 14. Now Jonathan is giving Riley advice. And shooting apples off soldiers’ heads blindfolded. 15. Now there’s a swing band playing at the Bronze. Anya was calling out to Jonathan when she and Xander were having sex. Buffy thinks Anya can beat Xander in a fight. I’m with her. Now Jonathan is going to sing for Riley and Buffy. He’s… not bad. Not great, but not bad. Buffy and Riley are going to dance, apparently. Jonathan has repaired Buffy and Riley’s relationship. And now he’s playing jazz trumpet from his new album. Xander and Anya are going to have sex. Pretty sure they’ll both be moaning Jonathan’s name. 16. The girl from outside Jonathan’s house is there. Jonathan took her to his manion. Buffy’s there too. Karen’s going to tell them about the demon. It had a mark on its forehead. Riley gave Karen paper to draw it. She gave it to Jonathan, who looks momentarily horrified. He is also hiding the picture of the symbol, and is dismissing the idea of hunting the demon, which he called a monster or an animal. Buffy is suspicious. 17. Adam is at the computer lab. He’s never heard of Jonathan, and says that the pictures on the TV are lies and the world has been changed. Adam knows every molocule of himself. That’s the most interesting thing about him so far, actually. Adam says that the magic that changed the world is unstable and corrosive and will lead to chaos, and he’s interested in chaos. 18. Jonathan has a pair of attractive blonde women asking him to come to bed. But he’s too busy looking pensively at the fire instead. He has a brand of the symbol from the demon’s head branded on his back. 19. Jonathan got the Class Protector award at the Prom. Buffy and Willow and Tara were walking and talking, and Tara went home, so now Buffy’s talking with Willow. Tara’s in her dorm, and hears growling. Doors slamming. The demon is there, attacking her with its claws. She got out of its grip and is is casting a spell, but she’s wounded. She conjured fog to slow it down, and locked herself in a supply closet. Now Buffy’s at Tara’s place, and Tara’s terrified. She was in the closet all night. Describing the demon to Buffy, who recognizes it as the creature that attacked Karen. She apparently saw the symbol, and is showing it to Tara. Willow is disbelieving because Jonathan said they were safe. Does that imply Willow has less magic resistance than Buffy? 20. Buffy is at Xander’s basement to look at his collection of Jonathan stuff. Anya is reading Jonathan’s book. Buffy asks if it’s weird that Jonathan is so good at everything. Anya is trying to make Buffy feel better. Apparently, Anya once granted a wish to make a man fall in love with Bill McKinley, who I’ve been using as my example of what I expect from Presidents for a while now. Anya is describing the kinds of alternate realities magic could make, like a world without shrimp or a world with nothing but shrimp or a freaky world where Jonathan is some kind of not-perfect mouth-breather. 21. Jonathan apparently crushed the bones of the Master, blew up the Mayor, and coached the Women’s US World Cup Soccer Team. And starred in the Matrix. And graduated med school. Riley is backing Buffy up. Buffy doesn’t know what to do. Giles has a Jonathan swimsuit calendar but doesn’t want to admit it. Buffy found the mark on Jonathan’s back in the calendar, but Jonathan just arrived at the house. Whenever Jonathan fights the monster, he gets confused. But he put the mark on his back to remind himself not to underestimate the creature. Buffy basically compelled him to join her in a hunt for the monster or lose face. 22. They ran into Spike, who’s being creepy. Spike wouldn’t give info to Jonathan, but Buffy threatened to cut his supply off, so Spike’s telling them where the monster is. 23. Riley is learning about magic. Maintaining spells takes concentration, but casting them doesn’t always - Xander set his book on fire. He shouldn’t speak Latin in front of the books. Willow found the mark, though… an augmentation spell that turns the caster into some sort of paragon. It also creates a monster to balance the good the sorcerer can do once the spell’s been cast. Xander: “So he did a spell to make us think he was cool?” Giles: “Yes.” Xander: “That is so cool.” 24. Huh. There’s a notable value to this episode - it gives us a decent relative measure of the various characters’ resistance to magic. Adam has the most, followed by Buffy, then Willow and Tara. After them comes Giles and Anya and, I think, Riley, followed at the end by Xander. I wonder if that’ll shift as the show goes on? 25. Anya is worried Jonathan’s going to betray Buffy. 26. They found the monster, and it knocked Jonathan out. Willow and Anya are surprised Buffy is right. Buffy is fighting the monster, then Jonathan gets a stalactite. He knows what the monster does, but is helping Buffy fight it anyway. Apparently, if she hurts the monster, the world will start to shift, restoring her power and knowledge while stripping his. Buffy is remembering how her fighting of evil actually works as she fights the monster. It almost tossed her into the hole, but Jonathan tackled it into the hole and Buffy caught him. Now the spell is broken. 27. They’re talking about it, so they do all remember. Nobody can remember who starred in The Matrix now. Buffy saw Jonathan and went to talk to him. They had an interesting little talk, and now Buffy and Riley are kissing. Looks like episode end. Overall: Wow, do I have mixed feelings about that episode. The episode was the show taking the easy way out of a bunch of heavy emotional stuff for Buffy and Riley, and less so but still significantly among the rest of Buffy’s circle of friends. I don’t actually mind that - television is meant to be entertaining, and frankly the long, rough soul-searching that would have eaten the rest of the season to deal with the fallout of the Faith two-parter wouldn’t have been fun at all to watch. It wouldn’t have even been enjoyable melodrama - it just would have involved watching people we love sticking knives of various sizes into their own and each other’s hearts for like three episodes and nothing really being resolved when it all stopped. So this wrapped that up as nicely as it could have been, allowing the show to move on from a necessary and very good story without getting bogged down in the things that story would have done to people. On the other hand… good God was Jonathanworld creepy. It reduced the overt misogyny the story would be burdened with by having Jonathan reduce the stature of Giles and Riley and Spike nearly as much as he did Buffy’s, but having one of the very few woman-led action shows on TV get taken over by a mediocre white guy even for one episode was still a bit of a gut punch. The cast does a lot of rescuing of the premise here, with Nick Brendon and Emma Caufield bringing enormous humor to every scene they were in and Anthony Stewart Head being utterly delightful in his reaction to the question of if he had a Jonathan swimsuit calendar. I… think this one goes in the list of Good Buffy Episodes rather than Bad Buffy Episodes? But it teetered on the brink of disaster basically the whole way through.

Hello!

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Linz’s Updates

Ugh chronic pain is useless and work gave me a new grey hair, but I got promoted and finally had anniversary dinner, so balance?

What Linz read:

The Wife by Meg Wolitzer: Contemporary novel about a woman’s life as a a famous author’s wife. It’s not breaking any ground and the “twist” is telegraphed pretty hard early on, but it’s well-written and I enjoyed it

Sisters of Shadow and Light by Sara B. Larson: The publisher has kindly asked us to not post reviews until 2 weeks before sale date, so I don’t want to say anything just yet about this fantasy story involving 2 sisters who are stuck in a Paladin citadel, but I’ll post my review on Goodreads Oct. 22.

What Linz is currently reading:

The Good Luck Girls by Charlotte Nicole Davis: OK so I’m an idiot and thought this book was about girls who were forced into magical servitude via cursed tattoos, but, like, as child soldiers, not prostitutes-in-training. Whoops. So given that I thought this was a very different book, I’m not into it yet, but I’m gonna try to hit 20% and re-evaluate if I finish it.

My Lovely Wife by Samantha Downing: JUST got this from the library and I’m a little excited to start reading it today. From Goodreads: “We all have secrets to keeping a marriage alive. Ours just happens to be getting away with murder.”

Sam’s Updates

It’s starting to get cold, so, like Linz, my chronic pain is flaring up. But who can think about that when thE NATS ARE IN THE WORLD SERIES?! We also have Dewey’s 24h Readathon this Saturday so my TBR is here too.

What I read this week:

Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern: So this is where I would normally tell you what this book is about, but IM NOT GONNA. It’s so much better to go into Erin’s books blind and I’m not going to ruin that. What I WILL say is it’s got a giant (as in world size) library. I have no words. This book was perfect and I already want to reread it. Drunk review comin sooon.

The Broken Kingdoms by N.K. Jemisin: This is the second book in the Inheritance series. Parker wrote a hilarious review. Listening on audio. I enjoyed this a lot more than the first one. Maybe it’s because I understand it more? Idk. I already downloaded book 3 from the library so that’s good news.

What I’m currently reading:

  Wild Beauty by Anna-Marie McLemore: So this is a story of a family that always has 5 girls, 5 cousins. The men that spawn these women disappear, so it’s always the women. 5 ladies, 5 mothers, 5 Grandmas (abuelas), when suddenly a boy appears. He has no memories. Guys I know I’m slow going at this but some stuff happened in the book and now I’m v v sad.

Gods of Jade and Shadow by Silvia Moreno-Garcia: This is our book club book for the month. Basically it’s the 1920s-ish in Mexico, and our main character Casiopea accidentally lets the god of death out of prison and he gotta put himself back together before he turns mortal and for a variety of reasons (including potential death herself) Casiopea goes with him. I am getting some SERIOUS Hades and Persephone vibes from this and I love it.

Aurora Rising by Jay Kristoff and Amie Kaufman: This is the first in a new sci-fi series by our fave Illuminae duo. Tyler has it made, he’s gonna get the #bestsquadever. But then when he’s out practicing space stuff, he finds a ship that has a buncha dead people in cryopods, except one isn’t dead, she’s Aurora. Anyway he ends up with the last of the last crews and may have accidentally witnessed the start of an intergalactic war. So.. that. I’m really really liking the dynamic of the squad, everyone is a little odd and a little broken but they’re starting to get to know each other. We’ll see if my love for them overcomes the pace of the story (slowwww).

Dewey’s 24h Readathon TBR

…And Other Disasters by Malka Older: I got this ARC in the mail a few weeks ago and I want to knock it out before it comes out. It’s a collection of poetry and short stories and I can’t wait

A River of Royal Blood by Amanda Joy: I picked this up at ALA and the cover has me hooked. Cannot wait to read it.

Girls of Storm and Shadow by Natasha Ngan: This is the sequel to Girls of Paper and Fire which Linz reviewed. I wasn’t super impressed with book 1, I’m giving the series another chance with book 2.

Minda’s Updates

What Minda finished:

These Divided Shores (Stream Raiders #2) by Sara Raasch – So really loved the second installment and double love that it was a duology. I think two books was the perfect amount to explore the intricacies of the island melting pot of Grace Loray and the threat its people face from the mainland. With plant magic! Stay tuned for review. 4/5 shots.

What Minda is reading now:

HEIST by Kezzy Sparks – A debut magic-based paranormal suspense novel that I will 100% finish this week. Look for the review around when the book drops Oct 31

Ginny’s Updates:

Well, I finished my first full week as an aunt and it was delightful! I got about 8 hours of baby time today (which equals approximately two hours of reading while mom, dad, other aunt, and nana all takes naps). Also, there were some other surprises this week (no worries – no books were harmed… actually some comic books were harmed, but for a good cause).

Currently Reading:

Queen of the Unwanted  by Jenna Glass: This is the sequel to Women’s War which came out last year. Because I got the arc of that, Netgalley asked if I was interested in reading this and the answer was YES. I’m not super far in but I’m excited!

Agent to the Stars by John Scalzi: I read a book by John Scalzi a while back called Fuzzy, where the main character discovers the cutest animal ever and it turns out to be sentient and he has to prove it. This is the kind of the opposite, aliens exist but they look like the thing of nightmares but are actually super cool. Tom, the main characters, is a Hollywood agent who has been tasked with figuring out how to introduce the aliens to the public. It’s pretty delightful, the idea and the characters are fun. You can tell it’s one of Scalzi’s earlier novels as there’s some undertones of (as the news has told us) industry-standard misogyny. The main character, luckily isn’t a dick, but there’s still some statements that were a little bit cringey. Doesn’t change the fact that I trust Scalzi and I’m enjoying this book.

Finished:

Laughter at the Academy by Seanan McGuire: I’m lucky enough to have gotten this as an ARC from Netgalley. This is a collection of short stories from throughout McGuire’s career. It’s delightful to see some of the earlier stories next to things that have a more modern feel. I’m planning on writing a review for this one!

Pocket Apocalypse by Seanan McGuire: Yes, okay, I read two of these books in the same week. This is the 4th book in the InCryptid series and continues to delight. Alex has to go to Australia to try to help end a werewolf infestation. Yet again, planning on writing a review of this so I’m not going to say too much.

How Long ’til Black Future Month by N.K. Jemisin: This is another book of short stories and like all collections, some are stronger than others. That doesn’t change the fact that there’s some absolutely amazing pieces among this collection, the kind of pieces that make you never want to write a single word ever again because you aren’t going to be able to write something so good. My particular favorites ended up being a story set in a reality bubble where people are only connected via blogs and one set during Hurricane Katrina that included a set of lizards that could talk. Both of those stories (and many of the ones I didn’t mention) had this beautiful flow to it, and had these really subtle feelings of hope or dread. 5/5

Until next time, we main forever drunkenly yours,

Sam, Ginny, Linz, and Minda

Weekly Wrap Up: Oct 6- 13, 2019 Hello! BIG NEWS PEOPLE! Our Will Read For Booze twitter account (formerly Sam's personal account) is going to be dedicated to the whole blog!