#he thinks this is the best! why let a child live an unhappy life when they too can join him in terrorizing humans
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"I think Sam handles pressure better than Caitríona... As she said years ago about him being a calm center.: - Sam showed that when criticized, he's a woos. She never wrote a 3 page BS like he has, complaining how poorly he feels and including the mental affliction as excuse to make sure nobody would criticize him again. Cait is no push over and doesn't need Sam to "protect" her. He should fix his own problems as they didn't change since we've became aware of him in S1.
Anon...
Maybe your problem is assuming that Sam and Cait can't be similar (although even your dear Cait said that) and not admitting how they both support each other in all these (bad) moments.
I didn't say that Sam was exemplary, but the fact is he deals with "all this shit" better than she does... Okay, Hawaiigate 2.0 wasn't his best moment, but there's no way he could have come out of it well without resorting to the role of victim. And Cait supported him and his behavior in that moment. 😜
But Cait crossed the line, gave unnecessary answers in interviews and on social media over the years... Statements that did nothing to contribute to the image of the excellent actress that she is, and encouraged people to speculate much more about her personal life. Cait did nothing to benefit herself or her family. She let her sisters and mother get involved in this circus, until it culminated in the interview fiasco with her father.
Unlike Sam, Cait has the shield of her "perfect marriage" with Tony, so why would she need to be afraid of what the "small vocal group" thinks and says about her??? To the point that she mentioned, during an Oscar campaign for Vanity Fair magazine, something silly like a comparison of bedsheets?! 🤦🏻♀️
Okay, I've already made fun of Tony and I think that sometimes people cross the line, but Cait herself is the one who encourages this when she publicly treats her husband so coldly. She only seems to be an interested wife (and that on a few occasions) when the camera is in their faces.
If my husband were as uncomfortable as Tony is, I would be the first person to tell him not to go to these events with me.
Supporting someone you love is not being on their side out of obligation, to merely give a good impression as a couple... Support is understanding, accepting what the other person is and respecting that. Obviously, Tony didn't want to be at several of these events over the years... And the worst part? Cait ignored him and often appeared with that unhappy face next to him. And there are people applauding this. 🤦🏻♀️
I'm a mother and something I can't agree with is the talk of the happy family justifying that they had a son together. A child should never have this responsibility, be the reason to say that a couple is happy. This is not right and it is not reality.
And who are you in Sam and Cait's lives to say that Cait doesn't need Sam's protection, or that he has to solve his problems alone?!? Are you at least one of her or his family? We don't really know anything about these two actors and we're just here speculating and guessing based on the little they show us publicly. We're in the same boat, Anon. 😉
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Roy/Jamie/Keeley prompt: Jamie starts to feel weird and gets checked out. Turns out he’s got the carrier gene and is pregnant by Roy. He’s shocked but pleased. Kids just haven’t been brought up between him, Roy and Keeley. Later on at dinner Jamie casually brings up the topic hoping to surprise his lovers. He’s left heartbroken when both Roy and Keeley vehemently deny wanting any kids. Jamie doesn’t know what to do. Terrified, he asks Rebecca for a leave of absence and then disappears, leaving only a note explaining the situation. Roy and Keeley are devastated and desperate to get both Jamie and their baby back. Several agonizing weeks pass by until Roy and Keeley get a call from Georgie who can't stand to see her boy so alone and unhappy. She tells them Jamie's hiding in a little seaside village. Roy and Keeley rush to the village and find their beautiful but heartbroken Jamie. They convince him to come home and immediately seek out Dr. Sharon and the Richmond fam. They all come together to take care of Jamie and the newest edition to their Richmond Fam.
I’m not normally a Roy x Keeley x Jamie person but I’ll do my absolute best at them all together.
But once again. I’ve written and read worst things to be afraid of a little requested mpreg. I was in the Hannibal fandom for years, bring it on. . Again in this universe they can only have the kids by C-section thanks.
So tw. Mpreg.
Jamie found the cottage. The woman is lovely. Treats Jamie like a grandson, Jamie’s mom has been around a few times. She loves taking care of him. But hates watching him be so sad.
When he hears a car pull it it he drive he thinks nothing of it. Probably Marie checking on him and the cat she gifted him last week.
She said it would be good practice.
Jamie had to laugh. It hurts. Knowing that the baby will look like him and Roy. Christ.
There’s a knocking on the door. Jamie sighs and gets up. His right hip hurts today. Stupid baby. No not stupid. Incredible baby. Little baby girl. He’s thinking Lucy would be a good name. Lucy Tartt.
Lucy Kent.
Lucy Jones.
Fuck.
Jamie yanks the door open.
There standing on his small front porch is Roy and Keeley. “What the fuck.”
Keeley can’t tear her eyes away from where Jamie is showing. He’s only got a small bump not really noticeable unless you know what a carrier gene looks like in men. Or since he’s shirtless that’s also making it noticeable. Sue him. He was planning on a swim.
Roy coughs. He makes an aborted motion to hug Jamie. “You look good. Happy.”
Jamie thinks maybe the past four months have been a fever dream.
“Why are you here, leave.”
Keeley makes a hurt noise. “Jamie no baby please? Let us talk to you?”
Jamie laughs. “No hell no. You guys don’t want kids. I decided to remove myself from the situation. I’m keeping this kid.”
Roy winces. “You’re right we did say that. But things changed. We were wrong.”
Jamie laughs. Wrong answer. “No. You weren’t. You said what you said. Own it. Own it and think about the fact that this means permanently being in each others lives in some way. I refused to have my child have her parents in only glimpses of her life. If you guys don’t want her that’s fine. Then you’re out. Permanently.”
Roy reaches forward. “Her?”
Keeley has mascara running down her face. “A daughter?”
Jamie sighs. He wishes this had just been Marie checking on him. “Jesus Christ come in side I’m putting on a shirt.” He turns and walks away. They can make their choices.
-
They end up in the living room. Jamie is sitting in the leather chair he’s grown so fond of and Roy and Keeley are sharing the couch. His new cat is curled in his lap staring at them. He likes to think she’s threatening them.
Keeley catches sight of the ultrasound photo. “Oh fuck Jamie is that her?” Jamie smiles, he can’t help it. “Yep. All four months of her. Got that last week when I learned the gender.”
“I lied. I don’t know why. I was scared. But I want the kid with you Jamie. I want to help you do things. Watch the kid grow. Watch her grow. I wanna be there for all of it. Fuck I’m sorry if you ever thought otherwise.”
Jamie blinks at Roy. Shit. He’s serious.
He goes to speak when Keeley cuts him off. “I didn’t want kids because I assumed I’d have to have them. No way I’d do that. But kids themselves? God Jamie I want that with you two.”
Oh.
O h.
Fuck.
Jamie can feel the tears start. He doesn’t even mean to cry. Stupid baby hormones.
“You don’t hate me for having her?”
Keeley and Roy practically throw themselves off the couch towards Jamie. Roy makes it first and sits on the arm of the chair. “I love you for having her. Christ. A kid. Our kid. All of our kid.”
Keeley lands at his feet and wraps her arms around his left leg. “Love you for doing this. You’re so brave for being alone. I’m sorry we made you feel like you had to be alone.”
Jamie leans into Roy’s side. He reaches for Keeley’s hand. “It’s okay. I mean you’re going to have to explain all of this to Marie but it’s fine.”
Roy blinks down at him. “Marie?” Jamie grins and nods. “She’s a terrifying little French Lady. I think she adopted me.”
“Fuck.”
“Oh shit.”
“Also I’m naming her Lucy.”
Roy grins. He kisses Jamie. God it has been months since he kissed Jamie. “Love it.” Keeley crawls up onto the other arm of the chair. She leans down and kisses Jamie herself. “Lu for short.”
Jamie nods.
“We can go back to Richmond but I think Isaac and Dani might try to kill you guys. I uh. Told them everything. Colin too.”
Roy blinks. “Is that why they’ve refused to listen to me? They literally pretend I haven’t said anything.” Jamie nods. He taps his stomach. “Yep! They said they’d, and I’m quoting them here. ‘Rip out your organs like a good old fashion thriller movie.’ So maybe wait till I say it’s okay again.”
Keeley smiles at Jamie. “I’m glad they love you.”
Jamie smiles up at them. “Love you both. Even when you were stupid.”
Roy winces. “Yeah sorry. So sorry.” “Yeah Jamie. I’m really sorry.”
Jamie just shakes his head, “It’s fine. Just means I get to boss you both around for a while. Five months to be exact.”
Roy presses a kiss to Jamie’s hair. “Wouldn’t have it any other way.” Keeley nods. She kisses Jamie’s cheek. “Can’t wait to run to the store at 4am.”
Jamie smiles, he knows they’re going to have a lot to work on but hey. What family doesn’t have small issues. The important thing is that their kid will have love all around them.
#if this is your ick just don’t click!#ted lasso#jamie tartt#roy kent#jamie x roy#royjamie#roy x keeley x jamie#keeley jones#keeleyroyjamie#keeley x roy x jamie#cw mpreg#thanks for the ask I hope you like !#keeley x jamie#keeley x roy#they’re all one happy family!#I Play fast and loose with their forgiveness idk man
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1. Introduction (Video #1)
Caroline
Hey everybody!
My name is Caroline Okamoto-Nelson. I’m seventeen years old, and I live in Willow Creek. I like horses, cooking, shopping and J-pop. I really love swimming. I guess you might even say I'm obsessed with it. I'm really good at it too, and I have the medals to prove it.
People often comment that I look like both my parents, which is super funny to me since I’m not actually biologically related to them at all. I guess people say I resemble them because I have pale hair and blue eyes like Victor, and I have Japanese facial features like Yuri. Honestly, though, I don't mind if strangers assume I'm literally theirs. I am theirs in every way that matters, and being adopted is amazing because I know they love me enough to want to make me part of their family forever. I love them a lot, and even though I think about my biological parents sometimes, Victor and Yuri will always be my real parents.
Yeah, I have two dads, and to avoid things getting confusing I should let you know that I usually call them by their names. Some people think that's weird and a few people think it's disrespectful, but it's not weird to me. I started out as Victor and Yuri's foster child when I was six years old, after my biological father passed away, and I didn't want to call either of them Daddy or Papa or whatever. They were okay with that, and when they officially adopted me about a year later, the habit had already stuck.
I do call Victor 'Dad' sometimes, probably a lot more often than I call Yuri 'Papa'. Yuri says I only call him Papa when I really want something, which... is kinda not inaccurate. Luckily, he has a good sense of humour about it.
Let's see... Another important thing you should know about me straight away is that I'm blind. Before anybody starts demanding to know how a blind person can use a camera and make a video, remember blindness is a spectrum. Most people who fit into the category of blindness can see at least a little bit. There aren't that many people who're totally blind.
As for me, I was born with something called oculocutaneous albinism, which is why I look the way I do even though I'm one hundred percent Japanese. My condition means I have no pigment in my skin, hair and eyes, and it's why I have low vision.
I can see well enough to get around, but I do use my white cane at night or in unfamiliar places. I'm able to read large print, and I can see enough to use my computer and phone if I wear my glasses. I can do most normal things, actually. The only things that are really off-limits are driving and anything that requires good visual acuity, like cutting in a straight line, putting small objects together or sewing. Unfortunately, this means I'll never get to be a nurse like Victor. That's what I originally wanted to be, until I got older and started to understand my disability and finally realized that I don't see the same way everyone else does.
I don't want anybody to feel sorry for me because of my disability. I'm not unhappy or bitter about it and I don't need anyone's sympathy or pity. As a matter of fact, I have an awesome life, and I wouldn't want to change a thing.
On the subject of my life, that brings me around to why I'm making this video in the first place. I just started twelfth grade last week, and my best friends Forest and Camellia and I decided to sign up for media studies as one of our electives. The course runs for the whole school year, and we have to do one major project as well as some small assignments. Camellia and Forest got permission to work together — they're twins and they seem to want to do practically everything together — and they're making a podcast. I decided my project is going to be a documentary about myself. A video autobiography, I suppose you could say.
The plan is to chronicle my life from now till June, but it's not just going to be a video journal about random stuff that happens to me this year. I want to tell the story of my life so far, about how I went from being an unwanted baby in Japan to being the loved, talented, cute and successful person I am today.
These videos aren't going to be only me talking in front of a camera, either. I'm planning to interview my friends and family, and maybe also to give them the camera so they can record some thoughts of their own. Then, I'll edit everything and get it ready for the final presentation.
I've decided to call it Caroline & Company. I may be the main subject of this story, but nobody can exist alone. We all need company. I don't think it'd even be possible to survive without the guidance and support of family and friends, not to mention teachers, coaches, therapists, doctors and all the other people we interact with on a daily basis. Every person in my life is important, so I feel like they need to be acknowledged in some way.
Our teacher, Mr. Blanchet, is going to help our class design a website so that all our projects will be available for everyone to see at the end of the school year. Maybe it's nerdy of me to be excited for a school project, but I"m really looking forward to doing this, and I can hardly wait to see what my classmates come up with as well.
I think it's going to be an incredible year!
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Wasn't my intention to have back-to-back days with the same guy... But, well. I'm in a mood~ Might as well keep going while the iron's hot. :3
Let's talk about this goober~...
NagiKae
Kaede Kayano, definitely one of the more "obvious" love interests for Nagisa Shiota... Well. It's obvious, and not-so-obvious. A lot of fans gloss over Kaede because she's too "vanilla" for Nagisa... Some even think it was just a kiss that turned her into a lovesick bimbo... That's not the entire story, though. There was a lot of lead-up to that kiss, the emotions born from it... So let's get to it.
Akari Yukimura was a famous child actress with a stage name of "Haruna Mase". We don't know much of her background, but her dad ran a pharmaceutical company, and wasn't too involved in Akari or her sister's lives. Though it would behoove us to mention that he arranged for Kotaro Yanagisawa to marry Akari's sister, Aguri, after their company struggled to keep afloat and Yanagisawa bought the company. You get the sense that Akari's childhood may have been a lonely one, with her dad likely never home because of running the company and her sister off to college. Perhaps that's why Akari turned to showbusiness, to give herself something to do, and maybe to help pay the family bills.
Even so, Akari loved her sister. That much is undeniable. Even when busy with school or laboratory work, Aguri would call and make time for Akari. Sometimes, they'd even meet up in-person. Though by the time the series started, it had been a while since they didn't have a phone between them. Whatever other friends or acquaintances Akari may have had as a child, Aguri was her best friend, the one she loved and adored the most. Akari was looking forward to meeting up again, talk about this new guy that caught Aguri's fancy... 'Cause Akari sure never liked Yanagisawa very much, and she could tell Aguri seemed unhappy, too. The new mysterious guy seemed promising...
... And then the unthinkable happened. Aguri died. Akari didn't even know the circumstances, and her sister was just... gone. What Akari did "know" was that someone was there when Aguri died and fled the scene, and that reeked of guilt. Who just flees a scene after an explosion, much less like how Koro-sensei did? Akari didn't know the circumstances, but it looked like murder. The note Koro-sensei left behind didn't help matters. And Akari wasn't the type to leave things be; Aguri was very important to her, and if she was murdered... then Akari would get revenge. She needed to.
That's why she gave herself tentacles and infiltrated Kunugigaoka. She barely understood what her sister was working on, but her instincts told her that she would need the tentacles to get her revenge. Akari forged documents to create an alias to not draw attention, and that's how she became Kaede Kayano, a previous one-off role she played in a show. She didn't know why the monster killed Aguri, why he decided to teach a bunch of Junior High kids... but she knew that she needed to be here. This was her only shot at getting justice.
It's safe to say that Kaede had no intentions of forging new bonds. Not when the most important person in her life was killed. But if she remained a loner, she'd draw attention to herself... Kaede needed to be a typical student, make friends, lead a happy-go-lucky life... on the surface, anyway. As much as she wanted revenge, she wasn't going to rush into this without any idea of her target and his capabilities. Kaede was clearly patient, and just as observant as Nagisa... the first guy she met in E-Class. There wasn't any rhyme or reason to pick him as a cover - it's simply that the sooner she made a "friend", the sooner everyone would drop their guards around her. She knew nothing of Nagisa's family life, the hardships he faced with his mom wanting a daughter as opposed to a son... Kaede just saw an opportunity to be cutesy, to make a simple change to his appearance and stand out a little bit less. Kaede couldn't know for sure how deep their "friendship" would ever go...
Things don't go to plan. Kaede might not have wanted to get attached, but think about it. Nagisa nearly died - that's hitting a little too close to home for Kaede. Maybe Nagisa is a means to an end, but Kaede isn't that heartless... Deep down, a part of her is yearning for someone to fill in the void left behind by Aguri, and right now Nagisa's the closest friend she has... and she almost lost him because a stupid jerk couldn't carry out his own suicide plan, Terasaka just had to make Nagisa do it... Kaede's an accomplished actress, but when a personal tragedy like this occurs mere days/weeks after losing her sister, that shock and anger is going to be all too real. ... I think she's struggling with herself to hold back, 'cause if Akari wants to kill Koro-sensei, what do you suppose she wants to do to Terasaka...?
It's a real pity this near suicide is brushed off pretty quickly, and no one talks to Nagisa about it on-screen ever again... But I think it's fair to assume Kaede draws closer to Nagisa over the coming weeks and months because she knows better to value what she has while she has it. Even if she didn't intend for Nagisa to be a true friend... her heart just won't give him up.
So, she gives Koro-sensei his name. Watches Sugino get in a funk over failing to kill the octopus, then later basks in everyone getting a shot because Koro-sensei ruined the flowerbeds. I'm pretty sure Nagisa went up a few notches in Kaede's book because he was starting a habit of keeping notes. Something she couldn't afford to do openly because she needed to keep a low profile. It still showed that Nagisa was a pretty meticulous guy, too, and she could throw her full support behind that, gleefully. If Nagisa missed anything, she could innocently point it out to him, but moreover having a second opinion was always great. Having Mister Karasuma formally join the class as an instructor is another bonus, resources and training.
Karma arrives, and Kaede is intrigued if nothing else than because he has a history with Nagisa. She probably suspected Karma would get his ass whooped, seeing as how none of them had much success. And she'd be right... after getting over the initial flustered reactions, Koro-sensei comes to expect Karma's repeated attempts. Turns it around on the guy. and pretty soon Karma's becomes a team player.
... Then Professor Bitch shows up, and oh boy... Kaede's not having a good day. (๑╹ω╹๑ ) This is one of the first major hints of Kaede's crush - not that the girl's conscious of it yet, but c'mon. Seeing a knockout of a teacher waltz in here and kiss her Nagisa...? And then smother him with those melons? Yes. Kaede has words. (๑╹ω╹๑ )
*ahem* Kaede just wants it on the record, that's sexual assault. Kaede does not approve. (๑╹ω╹๑ );;;
But yeah. Professor Bitch joins the class, and Kaede's all for that nickname, by the way. No, really. Listen to how chirpy she is in the next episode with calling Irina that, when they're making their way down the mountain for the assembly. Kaede-chan holds a grudge. lol Professor Bitch aside, Okuda also made an attempt on Koro-sensei, revealing her passion in chemistry... although like Kaede and Nagisa figured, Koro-sensei's "help" was really for his own benefit, making himself more flexible with the Liquify trick. After they make it down the mountain, Kaede's there when those two boys from D-Class mock Nagisa during the assembly. Outwardly she's not showing much inflection, but that's mostly because the rest of E-Class keeps their heads down, and Nagisa doesn't acknowledge those guys, either... I'll still bet that there's a part of her that wanted to yell back at those boys or comfort Nagisa.
Kaede really, really hopes Professor Bitch ditches this nasty habit, though... Damn femme fatale. (๑╹ω╹๑ );;;;;;;;;;
After the assembly, Kaede does miss a further altercation between Nagisa and those two from D-Class... At least Nagisa stands up for himself, Kaede would be proud. Still, the incident prompts the Principal to take E-Class down a peg for the First Term midterms, and they all take a hit there...
The Kyoto trip comes next, and they have to work in groups so that some professionals can snipe the octopus. It's clear Kaede, Nagisa, and Sugino are the beginnings of a group; Nagisa drags in Karma, and Kaede picks Okuda. Sugino nominates Kanzaki for the last member, and Kaede's totally for it~... Though I'll bet she notices Nagisa and Kanzaki blushing at each other. XD
The train ride to Kyoto is pleasant enough. Kaede and Nagisa are both excited to learn more about each other and their classmates on the trip. Even the first bit of touring the sites around Kyoto is fun, Kaede showing she has a sweet tooth, and Nagisa researched the Kyoto area pretty thoroughly (well, they all did, but some studied more than others). It's all fun and games until some high school guys throttle the boys, and kidnap Kanzaki and Kaede.
This little adventure is dramatic and tense; the highschoolers intend to molest Kanzaki and Kaede, the latter of which has to keep her composure and not reveal too much... even if she wants to kill their kidnappers. Kaede also learns more about Kanzaki, and bonds with her. The circumstances could be better, but it's really sweet that Kaede is making friends with E-Class... Nagisa was her first, Sugino and Karma are proxies of being friends with Nagisa, then she grew closer to Okuda, and now Kanzaki... Kaede probably figures this is just to keep up her facade, but after they're rescued the friendship clearly sticks. In terms of Nagisa, he keeps the guys and Okuda calm and collected, using Koro-sensei's guidebook as a way to track down the kidnappers and save their friends. Nagisa also calls Koro-sensei for backup, and they manage to get the girls in time before things got worse. Kaede sounds genuinely thrilled that Nagisa and the others found them, and stays upbeat after Koro-sensei throttles the highschoolers, glad that Kanzaki isn't traumatized by the experience.
After that episode, they retire for the evening at their hotel, breaking off into boy and girl groups. Both groups, unironically, end up talking... romance. The guys hold a popularity poll, and though we don't know who voted for who, I'm willing to bet that Nagisa voted for Kaede...or Kanzaki, though considering the relative closeness he has with Kaede... I'd say there's a good chance he supported his friend. Nagisa doesn't really have a crush as of yet, but that's more due to his meek nature. He doesn't see a way that any girl would like him as more than a friend, and moreover, they're young. Nagisa's not in a rush for romance. In the girls' group, there's the same level of ambiguity as Rio tries to get them talking about crushes on the boys in their class. Kaede doesn't chime in, and that's probably more due to the fact that Kaede's revenge-driven; consciously, she has no romantic interests. She just goes along with the lighthearted fun, trying to tickle an answer out of Kanzaki when she hesitates...
Then Koro-sensei gathers intel on the boys and girls, and garners a pincer attack on himself for his nosiness. XD
Kyoto ends off on this heartfelt moment between Nagisa and Kaede~ Even with all that happened, they're able to have a good time and bond. Nagisa's unsure of the future, his future, and... he wants to live in the moment. Because we won't find out until next season, but Nagisa has a hellish life at home. E-Class provides him a sanctuary, a place to have fun and make memories... And Nagisa's bittersweet about them going separate ways after Graduation, assuming the world survives. This is the happiest he's been in a long time... and Nagisa doesn't want it to end. Kaede doesn't understand Nagisa fully yet, but I'll bet she senses there's more to the story than Nagisa's telling her... She just doesn't want to pry too much, so Kaede empathizes with him instead. Kaede wasn't counting on making real friends and precious memories, but she is, and Kaede would love for the good times to last even just a little longer... Dragging her heels on her revenge scheme is taking on a whole new meaning - the longer she takes, the longer she can stick by Nagisa's side. The longer she can stay Kanzaki's friend. And Okuda. And Sugino. And Karma... Remember: This is a girl who came to E-Class because she lost her sister. Whether or not she fully realizes it yet, these people are filling the void left behind by Aguri. She's getting attached.
Ritsu joins the gang. Lovro tests Professor Bitch... Things get complicated when Shiro shows up with Itona. Kaede knows it's Yanagisawa; Itona's tentacles confirmed it, but Kaede likely had an inkling when Shiro performed the dove trick (in the manga, there's a panel where Aguri introduces Yanagisawa to her sister, and he performs the same magic trick), and Shiro's intimate knowledge of Koro-sensei. She keeps her head low, but Yanagisawa notes her presence, and later investigates. While Shiro agrees to not harming innocents, Kaede probably stuck close to Nagisa on the off-chance he got hurt from the brawl in the ring. Again, losing Aguri has...given her perspective. And why should she trust Yanagisawa, anyway? He let Aguri die, carried on that tentacle research. She's not losing someone else precious to her. Kaede's probably even relieved when Koro-sensei chases them off, as much as the teacher's thirsty for answers.
The baseball/basketball matches happen... And then Takaoka shows up. Right before that, Karasuma overdoes a defensive move when Nagisa gets the drop on him, and Kaede's there for Nagisa pretty quickly, like Sugino. Dunno if she was keeping an eye on him during the drills, but her concern for Nagisa is definitely growing. When Takaoka does rear his deceptive mug, Kaede probably suspects a deception on account of the bribe the new PE teacher brought them on the first day. ... But it's desserts, so how can Kaede refuse? The tentacles really heightened her sweet tooth, that's for sure.
Takaoka's real colors come out the next day, and it's Hell for a bit, with Karasuma and Koro-sensei powerless to stop Takaoka. But then Takaoka goes too far again with his sadistic teaching methods, and Karasuma has to step in; but Takaoka wants to settle it as teachers, making Karasuma pick out a champion to take him on. Kaede's most likely antsy about the chance of being picked for the match, since she wants to keep her cards close to her chest...but it's not her. It's Nagisa.
Nagisa has the choice to decline the knife, but he ends up agreeing to Karasuma's request, because he respects their original PE teacher. Kaede knows there's a pretty good chance Nagisa will get hurt, but she's once more powerless to do anything without breaking her cover. The show can't show too much conflict on Kaede's face because they have to keep that shocking twist for later, that there's more to Kaede than meets the eye. But even so, this is more than enough. Kaede's not overprotective, even if part of her wants to be, after losing Aguri. She watches uneasily, hoping Nagisa will pull through.
... And he does. Oh, boy, he does. Nagisa's innate skills are on full display, and they let him get the drop on Takaoka without so much as a scratch. Kaede's blown away just like the rest of them, not even Karasuma expected it to go this well. Again, she has to to keep a low profile... but she joins her classmates in gushing over Nagisa, and that's probably all genuine. Her worries about Nagisa's wellbeing are alleviated, and now they don't have to put up with Takaoka anymore. Plus, someone as skilled as Nagisa... That's her friend right there. I'm pretty sure Kaede's stoked to have such a promising ally, both inside and out. Kaede doesn't have to fake any of that elation, she really is thrilled.
Shiro and Itona make another attempt on the octopus... Kaede is threatened just as everyone else is due to the fact she can't swim with the tentacles inside her. But thankfully, that incident manages to blow over easily enough, with Terasaka learning a valuable lesson. This was also the first time the class subconsciously learned that one of Koro-sensei's biggest weaknesses...is defending them.
The First Term Finals come around, and it's really just adorable with how close Kaede and Nagisa are, being on the same wavelength with reactions, like when Isogai first offers the chance to study in the library, and then when they all threaten the Big Five 'cause they were being dicks... XD They were both feeling bad for Ren hitting on Yukiko, and Nagisa was trying to warn her about Kaede's, um...book cover sliding off.... (๑╹ω╹๑ ) "Puddings of the World", eh, Kaede-chan? Nagisa and Kaede did their best on the exams, but in the end it was Rio, Isogai, Okuda, and the Terasaka gang that scored the highest in various subjects. This earns them the trip to Okinawa from A-Class.
Okinawa's a pretty big adventure for E-Class, because they come together as a group to try and take out Koro-sensei... Unfortunately, it doesn't work out because of his Absolute Defense Form. Still, it's quite a thing to see the class operate as a unit, and when Nagisa was blown into the water, Kaede was pretty quick to bring her boat over to him~ And they're both deadpan when Karma's sadistic nature rears its head again with Koro-sensei so...vulnerable, in that ball. Everyone's pretty bummed about failing again, but it did get some good data.
... Unfortunately, the hits keep on coming. Takaoka contracts some professionals to poison some of E-Class, and he wants Nagisa and Kaede for the handoff of the cure. Nobody's really eager to send them in there alone, however, and the remaining members of the class come together to save their ill classmates.
Scaling the hotel, there's a few adorable hints for NagiKae. They're just...very much in sync, and are glued to each other's side. They don't understand Fuwa's fourth wall-breaking gimmick... They're pissed like everyone else when Koro-sensei comes off as whimsical and way too carefree for a guy stuck in an indestructible ball... They're impressed with Karma's growth as a person...though slightly terrified of his sadism, too.... And then Nagisa goes in with the girls to infiltrate the club, and he's not too happy to be forced to crossdress... The girls just carry on, however, and leave him at the mercies of Yuji. ... Thankfully, Kaede comes back for him, though, and everyone's deadpan with Yuji trying to woo them with his...dance skillz. Or lack thereof. They get through the party floor, but Nagisa's still uncomfortable with the whole experience, feeling like he didn't really do anything. At least Kaede tries cheering him up, insisting Yuji's better off that Nagisa was there with them. It is a tender moment for Kaede and Nagisa... though of course, Karma spoils the mood with having a pic of Nagisa crossdressing.
After getting past the sniper in the auditorium, they reach the top floor and discover it was Takaoka behind the whole thing. He calls Nagisa out for screwing up his life (not really Nagisa's fault, and the others do stand up for him as they should), and demands to face Nagisa one-on-one if they want the cure for their friends. Kaede shows a lot more emotion this time, and rightfully so; last time was just a training exercise, more or less. But this time? Takaoka isn't going to take chances. Nagisa will definitely get hurt if he goes up to that helipad, and Kaede's frightened for him. ... But Nagisa feels he can't refuse. He needs to play along, at least until they work out a more concrete plan for taking Takaoka down. Kaede's uneasy, and she can certainly protect Nagisa if she wanted... But again, that would involve revealing herself. She holds herself back...barely.
... Takaoka forcing Nagisa to apologize on his hands and knees probably was a real test of Kaede's patience... Just saying~
It's brutal for everyone to watch Nagisa get beaten down in a one-on-one fight...but it's especially crushing for Kaede. She was there after Aguri was killed, she didn't watch her sister slip away. But here...? There's a very good chance Nagisa could die. The beatdown is just the start, but when Takaoka goes to pick up the knife, makes that psychotic declaration of carving Nagisa up and savoring his screams... Kaede just can't take it anymore. She needs Karasuma to shoot Takaoka. She manages to hold it together and not intervene, but damn... If Takaoka cut into Nagisa with that knife, that might've sent Kaede over the edge. There's no concrete proof of that, but she's definitely getting emotional over Nagisa's pain and torment. Kaede's hysterical, but that's because she's lost someone before, and she doesn't want to suffer another loss.
Mercifully, Nagisa turns the situation around with the technique Lovro taught him before the trip. He uses Terasaka's stun gun to beat their enemy, even if the victory becomes bittersweet with Takaoka's unconscious body crushing the remainder of the antidote. For Kaede, though... she couldn't be more relieved if she tried. Nagisa pulled through again, and he just keeps getting better in skill. A part of her must realize, deep down, that she doesn't want to risk Nagisa... So as good as he's getting, as happy and proud as she is to have his support.... There's probably a part of her that wants to handle the assassination alone. To not endanger Nagisa further. After the dust is settled and they're relaxing on the beach, Kaede confides in Nagisa that she's glad he can handle himself... but she really worries about him. And that's the truth. At least Nagisa's sorry for worrying her...
Can't get away with an anime series without a "love scandal" episode~... I think it's awesome Koro-sensei picks up on the close bond Nagisa and Kaede share, and pair them up. He just... He just knows! XD Nagisa's as dense as Mister Karasuma, but Kaede definitely has a soft spot for the blueberry~... Of course, Koro-sensei's scheme to "inspire romance" in his students royally backfires, but it's still a fun excursion that results in them all trying to hook up Professor Bitch and Mister Karasuma.
... You know Kaede is pushing hard for that ship. (๑╹ω╹๑ ) Leave. Nagisa. Alone. (๑╹ω╹๑ )(๑╹ω╹๑ )(๑╹ω╹๑ )
Their time in Okinawa comes to a close, and they return home for the remainder of their summer break. But they all end up coming together again for the summer festival, and it's nice seeing Nagisa and Kaede pair off again. For Kaede, it's probably been a while since she got to enjoy a festival, if she's ever gone out for one at all (with friends, anyway). She plays games with Nagisa, enjoys yummy food, and watches the fireworks with everyone~... All in all, a good memory for Kaede and Nagisa.
Soon enough it's September, and Kaede decides to make an assassination attempt, to make sure she's "contributing" to the cause and not drawing attention to herself. Of course she has to center her plot around pudding... It's so... Kaede. (๑╹ω╹๑ ) Nagisa gets to support her for once, and it feels...melancholic for him. Like, he's happy to, there's no mistaking that. ... But I think the ultimate reason for his subdued presence in the episode is that he's down on himself again. Because Kaede's stepping up, and she's showing that she can be a leader very easily... something he would struggle with. From his perspective, Kaede's miles better than him, even if he did pick up the Clap Stunner. Kaede's just...capable. But he never vocalizes any misgivings he has, that's just not Nagisa's style. He thinks his insecurities are, well...not that big of a deal. Kaede would disagree, but you get the picture.
In the end, Kaede is on the verge of ruining her own plan, because her love for pudding wins out... but Koro-sensei sniffs out the trap, defuses the bomb, and save some pudding for the whole class. Kaede's overjoyed despite the inevitable failure, and she's tickled pink with Nagisa's admiration of her. Even teases she has more that she's hiding, but I think that's just the result of how...happy Nagisa makes her feel. It's endearing that Nagisa can have this effect on her~
... Though, she can do without the "Forever Flat" label that Yanagisawa gives her... She's really, really bloodthirsty about that moniker. (๑╹ω╹๑ );;;;;;;;;;
Before long, Itona's formally recruited into the class, bonds with the boys. They start developing their parkour skills... They go to support Isogai at his part-time job with the diner, but man...poor Nagisa. XDDD Tries to bring up middle-aged ladies dote on him too, and the girls (Kaede included) are flippant about it, despite admiring Isogai for it... lol It's probably Kaede messing around, or going overboard with Isogai's gentlemanly aura... But, it's for the humor, so....
The Big Five blackmail Isogai with his part-time job, and challenge E-Class to a pole-toppling competition. The boys manage to come together and win. Then the accident with Principal Matsukata happens, and E-Class helps out at the daycare... Kaede's actress side oozes out with the stage play, and Nagisa tries tutoring Sakura... and finds he has a knack for it. He inspires Sakura to change, to think outside the box when faced with bullies at school... That on top of renovating the daycare is enough to win Principal Matsukata over and let him forgive E-Class for the mishap. E-Class doesn't do so well on the Second Term midterms... but there's time to turn things around again. :3
The Reaper incident happens not long after this. Nagisa and Kaede's group are assigned the task of getting a grownup gift for Professor Bitch's birthday, and it's nice to see these two have a moment like this~ Makes it feel less one-sided with the bond they share.
Of course it doesn't take the flower salesman long to reveal his true colors, and mock Nagisa and the rest for being taken in. Kaede's giving Nagisa a sympathetic look the whole time the Reaper is talking down to them, and... I think it's really a clever detail to throw in there. Yes, Kaede is concerned for him, but it goes deeper than that. Kaede was duped as well, but moreover, she's also putting on an act and fooling the class... Kaede feels some guilt over that, at least when Nagisa's involved. Seeing Nagisa's devastated expression is a grim omen of what Kaede's in for, when the truth comes out - at least, that's what Kaede fears. At this point, she doesn't want to lose Nagisa's friendship... But she also can't give up on her revenge.
E-Class tries to battle the Reaper on his terms, with Professor Bitch at stake... but naturally, their enemy doesn't play fair, and he's leagues above them. Dispatches them as easily as swatting flies. Another good moment, however, is when the Reaper hurts Kaede; it's another test to keep her mask in place, but moreover, Nagisa is incited to take action because of Kaede's pain. It goes to show that, even without romance, Nagisa cares a great deal for Kaede. He tries to take care of the Reaper... and gets soundly defeated. Everyone's rounded back up in the cell, and it's another neat detail that Kaede's over by Nagisa, fretting over him again. If she'd exposed herself and beat the Reaper, she could have spared Nagisa the embarrassment of defeat...and she didn't. Frankly, she's lucky that the Reaper didn't kill Nagisa, so she's taking solace in the fact they're both alive.
Thankfully, Koro-sensei and Mister Karasuma come to save the class. Karasuma makes amends with Professor Bitch, and the Reaper is defeated. The next "threat", however... well, we finally dig into Nagisa's background.
Nagisa's indecisive about his future, what career he should settle on... He knows his mom's plans for his life because she won't stop going on about them, but as for himself, beyond assassination he just doesn't know what else he'd be good at. We were kind of overdue for this conflict, because we've been in Nagisa's perspective for a while, but we've never understood the struggles he's had to face. We got a taste of it, back when we saw his dad and they revealed Nagisa's parents divorced a while ago. But then it just took a backseat to everything else going on, until now. Nagisa's mom isn't happy that her son is stuck in E-Class, and she wants to go as far as bribing a teacher to get him higher up the social ladder. Also, she has this obsession with dressing him up like a girl, because she wanted a daughter...not a son.
This is the first time Kaede's learning about Nagisa's home life. They don't go into much detail with her own reactions, but it's clear from what little we see that she's paying very close attention... And later, some of the class eavesdrops on the meeting between Koro-sensei and Hiromi, and Kaede and everyone else are overwhelmed at how angry Nagisa's mom can get... Again, not much is shown from Kaede's perspective, but in a way... the lack of information is a possible clue of how she's...feeling. I mean, eavesdropping on that parent-teacher meeting gave Kaede a real life expose of what Nagisa goes through on a daily basis. That... wouldn't make anyone happy to know their friend is going through something so hellish. Kaede won't do anything at the moment because Koro-sensei is handling it... But I imagine if Nagisa continued suffering after this episode, she'd kick up a fuss about it; she still wouldn't expose the depths of her real feelings just yet, but she would damn well do anything to help her friend. Because... she did nothing when Aguri was dating Yanagisawa, and look how that turned out.
Fortunately, Nagisa's home situation gets...resolved, with a little further assist from Koro-sensei, and they just drop the issue that Hiromi tried burning down the mountainside campus (not to mention all the previous abuse Nagisa suffered)... Not exactly a warm and fuzzy resolution as far as giving Nagisa a truly stable home life, but the boy genuinely loves his mom, and wants his parents to get back together. She's at least acknowledging him and letting him make decisions...
The Fall Festival takes place soon after, and Nagisa gets a little further confirmation his mom will support him... she just doesn't want to let him go yet. Kaede's reactions are glossed over again, but she's probably happy for her friend... for the most part. Probably still holds a grudge for the past abuse, but Kaede's obviously not gonna show that. She's supposed to maintain a cheery, bubbly persona.
Soon after, the Second Term Finals occur, E-Class lands in the Top 50. Principal Asano tries assassinating Koro-sensei and gets his life turned around, accepting E-Class as they are... The Drama Festival goes on, and then... we get to Kaede revealing her true colors.
Even though she set up this trap to isolate Koro-sensei, it's a little telling that she uses Nagisa as her... bait for the octopus. It's a complex decision on multiple levels. For one, she's letting her fondness for the blueberry get away from her again - she really cherishes these moments with Nagisa. But also... she takes this trap as her last opportunity to reminisce with him. Because once she starts fighting Koro-sensei, there's no going back. There's also the fact that she trusts Nagisa the most out of the whole class; if she involves anyone in her trap, at least Nagisa won't bungle it up somehow. ... Maybe even a part of her, deep down, hopes that Nagisa talks her down from this scheme. Unfortunately, Nagisa's presence is not enough to deter her. The tentacles demand she take action... and she does. In the process, though, she does hurt Nagisa... both physically and emotionally.
It's too late to turn back, however. She reveals her identity to the class after she fails to kill Koro-sensei right then and there. She splits off to recover and make her preparations for her real attempt at killing the octopus. Meanwhile, the class puzzle over the fact that she's Haruna Mase, Nagisa is especially vexed as to why she hid behind him all this time (he privately wonders if he was just a tool to her), and want answers from their teacher... But he won't tell them until Kaede is back with them. He needs to save her.
The next confrontation with Kaede is still just as cold and disheartening. She's set on this path because the tentacles aren't giving her a choice, but she's also a little bitter how quickly everyone forgot about her sister... So she's not completely separated from the situation at hand. Kaede tries dismissing Nagisa's wounded expression, puts on airs that all this time meant nothing to her... But I think that's because she has to. We've seen numerous times, Kaede hates seeing Nagisa hurt... Yet here she is, a grand, duplicitous avenger. Betraying him. In her own way, she's probably trying to give him closure, inwardly accepting that she selfishly severed their bond, accepting that he should hate her... It's easier to lie and say it all meant nothing, because if she allows herself to become conflicted now, there's no way she'll be able to kill Koro-sensei. She has to harden her heart and give this her all.
... Even if it costs her life. Nagisa is alarmed at how far she's willing to go, but she's barely listening at this point. The tentacles have just about fully taken over, and she's giving this assassination everything she's got. Itona points out it's too late, talking her down won't do anything; they've got minutes until she's dead. Koro-sensei knows this well, and deep down Kaede's hoping that he'll save her.
And this is where it all comes together. They have to distract Kaede from her bloodlust by any means necessary, and Nagisa has that flash of inspiration of how to save her without hurting her... He'll use what Professor Bitch taught him, way back. But it's not just a mechanical, knee-jerk reaction... Even Nagisa knows how deeply intimate kisses are. And he privately reflects on him and Kaede... This kiss is Nagisa making his decision to trust in the Kaede he's come to know all this time. He absolutely refuses to accept it was all a lie... Nagisa might not dare to speculate about the full depths of his emotions for Kaede, but it's indisputable that all of their time together has made him truly treasure their friendship. I would even go so far as to say he loves Kaede. On many levels. He's bonded with all of his classmates, but Kaede's bond feels... especially powerful. She's been by his side the longest, given him confidence, fretted over him... Nagisa might hesitate to admit any romantic feelings he may have, but that's because the kiss was... forced on her, and he's anxious that this is enough to really ruin what they have. More than that, Nagisa still has this doubt in him about why girls would fall for him romantically. He figures Kaede can do a lot better than him, so he focuses on what this action might've done to the bond they have.
... But Kaede, oh Kaede... She finally wakes up from a long dream. Here she is, throwing everything away for the sake of revenge... Throwing her friends away. Throwing Nagisa away... And this boy comes right up to her and kisses her. Refusing to give up on her despite being so hurt by her betrayal. Kaede's completely caught off-guard, and rightfully so. She's shocked at Nagisa's resiliency, such a huge heart he has... But it's not just Nagisa. She's... floored how overwhelmed she feels. This kiss has snapped her back to normal, put her back in the driver's seat instead of the tentacles... And Nagisa keeps kissing her, even after she's back in control. He's not shying away. He's daring to be close with her, intimate with her. For once, she feels this genuine connection she's built up with Nagisa... and it's just too much. She's trapped in this euphoria, this love, and she doesn't want to escape. Nagisa can never replace Aguri, but seeing him risk his life like this... for her... Establishing their bond was, is real... Kaede doesn't understand what's come over her, but damn if she wants it to stop. She's spellbound, and just lets Nagisa save her. After 15 Hits, Nagisa breaks the kiss, and Koro-sensei extracts the tentacles from the lovestruck girl.
Even after Kaede wakes up, she's stunned that Nagisa (and everyone else) is worried about her. He conveys in words this time what she's done for him, why she means something to him... And he makes a plea with her to listen to Koro-sensei's story. Kaede can't really say no to that... because she can finally abandon the act. She can finally be real. Just real. She's here, and she doesn't want to leave.
They all hear Koro-sensei's story, and then Kaede goes to rest at the hospital for the winter break. I'm guessing that this is the first day she's allowed visitors, otherwise Nagisa wouldn't be making this nervous apology about the kiss.... He's uncertain if he should stick to calling her Kayano, or switch over to Yukimura, and Kaede just accepts 'Kayano'. Kayano's the one that built up a rapport with E-Class, not Akari Yukimura. ... Though I'm sure she wouldn't mind changing that. Everyone's been so lost over the break, wondering what they're gonna do from now on, and Kaede feels guilty about forcing this on them... Yet like the sweetheart he is, Nagisa comforts her, refusing to let her blame herself. It's all fun and games until things get real. She's caught off-guard when Nagisa apologizes for the kiss, and she spaces out, unable to look away from his lips... (๑╹ω╹๑ ) But then she snaps out of her lust-filled haze and forgives Nagisa, 'cause... he really did save her. ... And she has no earthly idea of how to handle these repressed emotions inside, so she hides under the blankets so as to not worry Nagisa further. Not wanting to embarrass Kaede, Kanzaki suggests they let her rest, and they take their leave.
... Kaede is left scrambling to calm herself down, because she still doesn't understand why that kiss worked so effectively. This whole time, she was focused on her revenge, focusing on remaining in peak condition... And Nagisa brought her down with a kiss... The thing is, these feelings have been building up for ages. She's only just now become fully cognizant of them. She underestimated Nagisa, and she underestimated herself. All this time, her heart's yearned for someone special to fill the void left behind by Aguri, and Nagisa is definitely the closest person she's been to for months... Sure, it was originally because of her "cover", but Nagisa became her friend through and through. Her best friend. She had fun with him, got angry alongside him, cried alongside him, worried about him, admired him. She became truly alive, capable of moving past Aguri's death... even if she didn't want to. Nagisa was everything she aspired to be, the best assassin in the class... But it wasn't just his deadly skills, Nagisa had such a big, warm heart. He uses his skills for saving people, places everyone else above his own wellbeing...
Nagisa Shiota terrifies her, but in a good, warm and fuzzy way. Kaede really has no idea where this love began or where it'll end... But she's here. She's here because Nagisa and Koro-sensei saved her... All she can do now is...play the part of his friend. She's not sure she deserves that honor... But she'll live because Nagisa fought so hard for her sake. And she'll fight for his sake now. It's only fair.
A chance to begin repaying Nagisa arrives soon enough... The class is divided on what they should do about Koro-sensei, whether they should save or kill him. Kaede makes her choice and sides with Nagisa, because all-around this is an excellent way to redeem herself. She was so dead-set on killing him before without knowing all the facts, and Koro-sensei still risked his life to save her...both he and Nagisa did. She has all this freedom, and she absolutely wants to support the people she loves. The guy her sister loved. And...the guy she loves. It's just a win-win for Kaede.
However...to her dismay, Kaede gets knocked out without shooting any of Red Team. Still, it is nice to receive that affirmation by Okano that whatever happens, they'll stay united as a class. No more masks, no more hidden agendas. It's a weight off Kaede's shoulders, but she still wishes she properly helped Blue Team... In the end, it comes down to Nagisa vs Karma, and Kaede knows the kind of person Nagisa is. He won't take an easy victory over Karma, he wants Red Team to understand where he's coming from. ... And that tenacity and grit pays off, because Karma returns that courtesy. Kaede fretted over Nagisa again...but it all worked out.
They organize a hijacking of a trip to space to get data they need to possibly save Koro-sensei. Nagisa and Karma take point as representatives of the two teams, and Kaede's content to keep giving her support. Nagisa and Karma make it back in one piece, and everything's fine... The risk of Koro-sensei exploding is less than 1%.
The year's not over yet, however... February and entrance exams arrive, and with them comes... Valentine's Day.
At this point, Kaede's feelings have peaked. There is no way she can love Nagisa more than she does now... Kaede has mulled over these feelings for a month, and she's certain it's Love, wholly and completely. At this point she can't keep it to herself... She needs Nagisa to know... But she's so anxious about what she should say to him. She's played roles, studied it... But this is her first time truly experiencing this powerful emotion. That's why she went all this time not knowing what Nagisa meant to her - she was honestly as dense as he was. She's probably anxious about how he'll respond, but more than anything... She wants to convey her heart. Tell him so many things... She's tongue-tied.
... Karma and Rio butt into her conundrum, and at first she's defensive... flustered beyond her wildest imagination when she sees the two Demons preserved that kiss for posterity... She can't hide anything in this state, and she grudgingly accepts the troublemakers' help. They do some recon on their classmates, see how the other girls bestow chocolate, and the ultimate takeaway is...just be yourself, Kaede. Say what you need to say. Karma promises to keep Koro-sensei busy as long as she had that...gift prepared. It all comes down to Kaede now...
And she does. She tried. Standing in front of Nagisa, words escape her as she frets over the little things, like how she looks, feeling flustered when Nagisa shows concern over her silence. She delays the confession and asks what he'll do after Graduation. She is genuinely curious... And without saying directly what he wants to do, Kaede understands right away. He wants to be a teacher, she's seen him look up to Koro-sensei and the way he admires their teacher for everything he's done for the class... Of course Nagisa would want to go down a similar path... He knows better than most kids, there's always going to be children in need. Children without a good role model to follow... Children that just need someone to care. Kaede was one of those kids, too. Everyone in E-Class was like that. Kaede's further impressed with Nagisa, and awed into silence yet again...
Nagisa is unsure what has Kaede so lost in thought, and he cares enough that he doesn't want to disturb her too much. He'll wait as long as possible, but...he briefly looks away and gets distracted by Koro-sensei up in a tree. Without even thinking, he withdraws his gun and aims it... but Koro-sensei's out of range. Much to Nagisa's chagrin. For Nagisa, it was just a moment of distraction. Kaede was still the priority for him... he wants to hear what she has to say...
However, Kaede understands everything now. The reason she was initially attracted to Nagisa... It was that unwavering, straightforward focus. His drive. His commitment. His bloodlust Kaede can't take this away from Nagisa, she doesn't want to distract him. Even after March rolls around and they move on, Nagisa's going to be busy with his dream. She knows from how hard Aguri studied and worked, teaching is a massive undertaking. It's...a good way to live, and above all else she wants to support Nagisa. She can set aside her own happiness, use her acting ability for something good for once... All this time Nagisa supported her without knowing the real her, and she wants to pay him back. She needs to. There's no way she can give him up completely... she'll stick around in his life, but she'll fade into the background.
Nagisa's confused when she gives him the chocolates and thanks him for staying by her side... And he's baffled when she starts pushing him along, ending their conversation as he tries to get a word in edgewise, figure out what her real feelings are... Eventually he gives up for now and accepts she wants to be alone, but I'm sure he leaves pretty reluctantly. If nothing else, he wants to convey that he should be thanking her... But she just won't hear it. She wants him to focus, achieve his dream.
After Valentine's Day, they strap in for the final part of the year... E-Class failed to assassinate Koro-sensei, so now the government steps in. Yanagisawa initiates his endgame strategy, using Koro-sensei's original student as a more refined "Koro-sensei". The teacher is outmatched for a while, but he does manage to hold his own... at least until his students are threatened. And then Kaede makes a foolhardy attempt to distract Reaper 2.0 and give Koro-sensei time to recover... It ends as you'd expect, getting stabbed so thoroughly and...dying.
This is enough to have Koro-sensei unleash his full power, but I noted how Nagisa was the one to scoop up Kaede, how morose he looked with her passing... It would've been nice to flesh that out more, but considering all that was going on, it's understandable that moment was kept brief. And besides... after Koro-sensei defeated his student and Yanagisawa, he did revive Kaede. So Nagisa has an additional moment to convey his joy and relief that she's okay... But shortly after they all celebrate, the time comes to send Koro-sensei off. If they don't... the government's just going to do it for them. It hits them all hard, Kaede and Nagisa included. But they get through the ordeal... The government rewards them, and they're allowed to graduate with their schoolmates from the main campus.
Time marches on. E-Class lead their separate, fulfilling lives. Kaede goes back into acting, and Nagisa becomes a teacher (well, a teacher-in-training). There's no on-screen development for these two, but they've at least kept in touch. Nagisa inherited Koro-sensei's spirit, and Kaede...has some interesting potential dreams~ Like having children... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Doesn't mean she's pregnant now... but wouldn't that be something~ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Hardly needs to be said... but I'll die buried with this ship (人◕ω◕) Kaede deserved better than holding herself back. Nagisa needed to open his eyes. But... It is what it is. Canon gave us more than enough to go on, and especially in the wake of Koro-sensei's death...they needed each other. Nagisa keeps Kaede grounded, gives her hope and love after losing so much... And Kaede's so... dedicated. Like she's already his wife and wants what's best for him, wants him to achieve his dreams. There's always room for a relationship once he becomes a teacher, but c'mon~... Even Karasuma and Professor Bitch got hitched. Had a kid. You're telling me in seven years, we're shown no signs of a deepening relationship for Kaede and Nagisa...? Sheesh. XDDD Japanese and their traditions... Well, it's fine. NagiKae wasn't shot down. So long as the potential exists... I'll sail with this ship forever~ So much chemistry~ So much love~
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The first song of spring (pt. 1)
Elrond x reader
I don’t know how good this is... and I have no idea when part 2 will come out, sorry!
*****
Imagine being an Elf that escaped from Lindon as a youth after an accident. After more than a century wandering alone from one place to another, you met two Dwarves who had kidnapped baby prince Gamli; you took the child and were able to bring him back to his family in Khazad-Dum. Grateful and relieved, Durin and Disa offered to reward you, and you asked to be allowed to remain in the kingdom, which was granted.
For fifteen years you lived among the Dwarves, working as an handmaid to the princess; you and Disa became close as sisters and you were also friends with her husband and children, even though most of the other Dwarves ignored you or treated you with open contempt, because of your race, including the King himself. In your heart, while you love Disa and her family and appreciate them letting you stay, you are deeply unhappy with that solitary life, with so few friends and the rest of the kingdom keeping you at a distance; most of all, you miss your father terribly, but you know you will never be able to go home.
Elrond meets you when he visits Durin for the first time in twenty years; you are the first subject the Dwarf prince broaches after making peace with his friend.
"I don't think it is healthy for her to stay here. There will always be a place for her as long as we live, and our children, but she's so alone, cut off from her people and living among those who despise her."
"Why is she living with you, rather than among her own kind?" Elrond asks, intrigued; relations among Elves and Dwarves are tenuous at best, excluding him and his friend, and the idea of one of his people choosing to live in Khazad-Dum is surprising.
"We have no idea; she never told us, but I do believe she is running from something" Disa says "Will you please talk to her? Maybe you will convince her to go live among her people, or at least in a place where she is better appreciated."
In his heart, Elrond doubts the mysterious Elf will listen to him just because they belong to the same race, since they have never met each other before and he cannot have any influence on her. Nonetheless, he accepts.
*****
You are in the princess's quarters, preparing the clothes and the jewels she will wear for tonight's banquet, when you see her enter... and she's not alone.
"This is Elrond, Durin's dearest friend; he spoke so much about him, remember? He was so eager to meet you, why don't you take a walk?"
You love Disa as the sister you never had, but at the moment you wish she would shut up, and leave you alone. You feared something like this would happen ever since Durin told you about his Elvish friend (who he still loved dearly, even though he was hurt over how long had passed since he visited) and now he is here, and you can't simply ignore him, since he is a friend and a guest of the prince.
The young Elf bows to you, speaking softly in Elvish as he tells you he is glad to make your acquaintance. He is handsome, you must admit, with a strong and graceful figure and warm, deep brown eyes.
"If you are not too busy with your duties, would you like to take a walk? I would be curious to know what it is like for an Elf to live in a Dwarven kingdom."
Obviously you can't say no, not with the smile, kind and happy and implacable, that Disa is offering you from behind Elrond, fully knowing you have no pressing duties for the rest of the day.
"Of course; I would love to." you answer, mustering a little bit of entusiasm so as not to offend him, and you take the arm he is offering you.
Despite a bit of awkwardness, the walk is pleasant, and Elrond's company even more so. He tells you about his life, his duties as the King's Herald and, since both Durin and Disa trust you, the project that brought him to Khazad-Dum. In turn, he asks about your life, whether you enjoy living among Dwarves and your tastes in food, music and other things.
It is, you admit, a very pleasant experience; Elrond is the first of your people that you meet in many years, and even though the events that brought you where you are are painful and traumatic, brief moments that changed your life forever and drove you to desire to never met another Elf as long as you lived, you hadn’t realized how much you missed speaking your own language, not having to ask about every specifically Dwarvish idea or concept you hear, or even just not being two feet taller than your interlocutor and anyone in the surroundings. It is really nice... he is really nice, you realize hoping you are not blushing too much, handsome and kind and with a smile whose beauty rivals the Silmarils; against your better judgement, you find yourself hoping to see him again, or at least that he won’t have to leave so soon.
In the end, you are back to Durin and Disa’s quarters, suspiciously empty at this time of day; you sit together under the tiny tree born from the seed that Elrond gifted the Prince, and you know that your conversation is going to turn dramatic, and therefore unpleasant, in a moment, but you can’t help it.
“I know why Disa and Durin asked you to talk to me; I am so sorry you got involved, but you can save your breath: I will not rejoin my people, or leave Khazad-dum; I will stay here as long as I am allowed, and then I will go even further away.”
“You really wish to completely break off relations with your own people?”
“I already had, until today. I do realize it is odd, and you are understandably curious, but please, if you are the honourable Elf I sense you are, you will not try to change my mind, and will not ask why I have chosen to live such a lonely existence.”
In his heart, and while he is sorry he has to disappoint Durin and Disa, Elrond knows you are right: in the end, he has no right to tell you how to live your life, or to demand to know the reasons behind your choices. You seem, if not happy, content with your situation, and determined not to look back. You are an adult, and he is not your father; why should he meddle?
“Forgive me, it was not my intention to intrude in your affairs" he apologizes in the end “I promise not to ask for anything you are not ready to offer voluntarily. Let us enjoy the time we have left; will you show me your favourite places here in the kingdom?”
You happily accept, and in the end, when Elrond has to return home, the two of you part as if you have been friends for centuries. Disa and Durin don’t look disappointed that he has failed his task, but they share an eloquent look behind the two of you, looking approvingly.
“I was glad to meet you; you made my visit even more pleasant” Elrond says; he feels suddenly shy, without an apparent reason, and reticent to leave the dwarven Kingdom... to leave you “Maybe... Maybe you will allow me to write to you? If you are not too busy?”
You were going to propose the same thing, even though you felt it was premature on your part since you have just met; you are happy to have made a new friend, and you can’t wait to receive a letter of his, even though...
“I would wish nothing more; but I have to ask a promise of you” you say holding his hands in yours; Durin and Disa have left after saying goodbye -probably because they have some important matters to attend to, you naively think- and you and Elrond are alone, the mountain looming above you, his beautiful brown eyes that make you feel safe, at ease, as you never felt after leaving your home.
He doesn’t hesitate before answering: “Name it.”
“Please, do not tell anyone in... outside Khazad-Dum you have met me. Keep my name, and my whole existence, for yourself. I know I am being vexing, but I beg you, my presence here must remain a secret.”
It is a very unexpected request, and one that makes Elrond hesitate: why would his new friend wish so much to remain hidden? What terrible past is she trying to escape? Was she hurt? Or banished? What should he...?
“Please.”
Your pleading eyes touch something deep inside him. “Of course. I promise, I will tell no one I met you; your secret is safe with me”
You hug him close, and he hugs you, and the two of you remain there for a while, filled with emotions no words can describe; when you part, feeling way less awkward than you would have imagined, you look at Elrond, at his beautiful smile, at his kind eyes and elegant features, and you feel your shyness, and the promise you have made to yourself to forego any contact with your own people, disappear like snow at the first song of spring.
“You are welcome to come back, if you want; Durin and Disa would be happy to see you again... and I as well”
Elrond promises he will; he’s again holding your hands in his.
It is only two days later that you receive his first letter.
Tagging as usual @starlady66 and @grinkitty. Hope you like this!
#The Lord of the Rings#The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power#The Rings of Power#Rings of Power#Elrond#Elrond Peredhel#Elrond x reader#Robert Aramayo#Bellona's stuff
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LOVE YOU SYNDROME ─── three
─── 𝕃𝕆𝕍𝔼 𝕐𝕆𝕌 𝕊𝕐ℕ𝔻ℝ𝕆𝕄𝔼; sano brothers x sister reader
๋࣭⭑ warnings! emotional incest, abandonment, short and rushed chapter, mentions of manipulation
๋࣭⭑ authors note! In @chxrrydarling 's ver the 3rd chapter is a flashback of how Shinichiro sees things but for me I'm gonna make it a Izana chapter. So basically the 4th chapter of this rewrite will her 3rd chapter, does that make sense? also, I'm planning on making one for Mikey to- like, an explanation of why they're so in love with you (I hope all of you know I cringe before posting anything related to writing)
index - two - three - four
Izana couldn't help it. He could help but fall in love with you. I mean, how could he not?
Ever since he was a young child, no one ever paid any attention to him. Nobody cared for him.
That was until the day he met you.
You talked to him in such a polite tone, like a loving parent to their child.
You asked him if he was okay, you asked where he was from, you asked who his parents were. Even he didn't know the answers to your questions.
His answer, “I.. don't know. I don't think I have parents.” it made your hurt ache.
So from then on, you declared him your brother. You made him a part of your family.
Of course, his love for you started out innocent. Just a normal brother-sister relationship.
But as time passed by, as everyone grew older, his love for you ‘evolved’ from a platonic way to a sexual and romantic way.
or maybe he always did love you romantically, he just didn't realize that it wasn't the normal type of love that are shared between siblings.
He was in sixth grade when he realized that you're the girl he wants to spend the rest of his life with.
He knows when you and Shinichiro started the relationship the both of you have, and he also knows that your unhappy but you don't feel like you can stop it.
Because if you do, then Shinichiro would be the one that's unhappy and then you'd feel guilty and selfish about it.
He was a first year in middle school (12-13 years old) when he began making a plan for you and him. He wants you to be happy, and clearly you'd be happy when you get away from Shin.
It was simple and easy to come up with, but the executing part was the hard part.
First, he'd save up money. Get a stable way to make money to make sure that in the future you wouldn't have to worry about money.
Second, he'd start buying you gifts through out the time where he isn't able or allowed to buy stuff like houses yet. When you would ask about money, he'd just tell you he was getting part time jobs and saving up the money. Of course, being the way that you are, he told you to save his money for him and to not spend it on material things for you but that wouldn't stop him. It was a way for him to make you like him even more.
The money he made would be divided into four categories. First, money that he would spend on gifts like dresses and other stuff you might want, second, the money he would save up to buy a house and to pay for the electricity, third, is for college tuition. Both for you and him. Fourth, is a back up for if anything happens.
The third and final step of his plan was the one he is most anxious about, Actually asking you if you'd like to get away from them.
He writes down what exactly he would say when the day comes, and practices in low voice in his room so that no one would here him. He only ever told one person about his plan, and that person is his best friend.
Kakucho thought that this plan was crazy, and would constantly try to find holes in the plan to try and make Izana at least give this a second thought but he would always find a way to solve the issues.
What about Mikey, how would he fit into all this? He'd let Mikey live with the both of you, but of course since he knows about Mikey's growing obsession with you he'd make some rules for Mikey to follow. Like, never making any moves of you.
What about Shinichiro? He couldn't careless about him. Shinichiro has always been a dick to him despite all of his efforts to get close to him. He hates Shinichiro but he'd never say it out loud. If you did worry about Shin then he'd just reason that Shinichiro is a grown man and he could probably deal without you.
What about you though? Well, he'd reason with you. Why would you even want to stay with Shinichiro anyway? Wouldn't you rather be with him? He'd treat you much better. In other words, he'd either manipulate or guilt trip you into going with him.
If you say no, then he'd pretend that he understands. He'd pretend he understands you reasons to stay. But in actuality? He'd be making up a whole plan to make you want to get away even more. A plan where you can't even connect him to everything that's happening. He'd probably get Shin to act like an even bigger asshole or something, it doesn't matter.
He'd do anything to get you to want him, after all.
Ik it's not that big of a deal, BUT TWO CHAPTERS IN A MONTH? I'M SO PROUD OF MYSELF EVEN IF THIS CHAPTER IS CRINGE
tbh I posted this so that I wouldn't have to post in March so maybe no chapters next month lmao✌🏻
#shinichiro sano x reader#manjiro sano#manjiro sano x reader#mikey tokyo revengers#shinichiro sano#tr shinichiro#izana kurokawa
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(Stark Sands) [THE BLOOD BROTHER]. Please welcome [PATRICK 'TRICKY' GALLAGHER (HE/HIM)] to Huntsville, WV. They are an [42]-year-old [VISITOR] who lives in [TOWN]. You may see them around working as a [WATCH RANGER (SOUTH)]. Poor unfortunate soul. We’ll see if they survive.
Full Name: Patrick Ryan Gallagher
Birthday: September 30
Age: 42
Hunter or Gatherer: Hunter
Sexuality: bisexual
Height: 6'1
Relationship Status: single
An only child for the first ten and a half years of his life, Tricky had a fairly standard upbringing, however his dad implemented 'traditional' male hobbies from the start. Tricky never minded though - he actually enjoyed hunting and watching old war movies with his dad, and while he wouldn't admit it, it's part of why he did wind up joining the marines at all.
When Addison came into his life, Tricky was fiercely protective of him, always wanting to be the one to hold him or play with him. Even into the first parts of his teenage years, Tricky enjoyed spending time with his baby brother. However, as time went on, Addison wanted more and more of his attention, and Tricky wanted to funnel it elsewhere. Addison would cry and Tricky would slam his door and their parents would try to sooth things over.
The minute Tricky graduated high school at eighteen, he enlisted in the Marines. His father couldn't be more proud, but it absolutely broke his mother and Addison's heart. He was sent off for training and deployed shortly after completing it. The Marines were good for Tricky, all things considered - however there was no doubt he was changed forever because of it.
The Howling Thirteen was the best thing to ever happen to Tricky. His company team became like family to him, so much so that it's why he wound up in Huntsville - but more on that later. The horrors of war take its toll on a person no matter how they enter it, and when Tricky came back after deployments, he was different. He would stay locked in his room for days, despite how often Addison begged and pleaded for him to come out and spend time with them.
There was a deep hole of sadness and unrest in Tricky's heart, and it effected everything around him. He would often lash out, making stupid decisions and getting into situations that would cause those closest to him to get hurt. Addison was often spared from the blast, but it was a huge factor in why he had an on again / off again partner. They were the one constant in his life and no matter what he threw at them, somehow they always took him back.
During one of his particularly bad spirals, he decided that what he needed to do was pack up his entire life and move to Huntsville - that's where Rusty and Leon were, and he felt like if he could just get part of the Howling Thirteen back together, then everything would be okay. Addison begged to be taken with, and surprisingly, Tricky agreed. They made their way to town in 2013 and while most people would see it as a curse, Tricky almost saw it as a blessing.
Adjusting to life with Addison was very difficult. They were needy, and perky, and Tricky's depression didn't just cure itself during the move. So while Addison always has a bedroom at Tricky's house, they decided to move into the commune instead, where they could get all the attention they could handle, and Tricky didn't have to feel like he made the worst decision for Addison when he agreed to take them with him.
With the addition of Duck - with whom he has a vastly different relationship with than Rusty - parts of Tricky's life feel far more stable. While he still struggles with ruining his life and hurting those closest to him, he tries to only let himself be the one who's affected by his decisions. He's fairly convinced he's just going to die alone and unhappy once he finally manages to push even Duck, Rusty and Addison away, but he just tries not to think about it too hard.
Fun facts that are important but don't fit into the bio
He has a 13 tattooed on his hip - every member of the howling thirteen has one somewhere
Tricky has never had kids or wanted kids; however he does like them and it's part of why he was so excited to help raise addison for a few years
Carries an immense guilt over getting addison trapped here but he had no possible way of knowing this would happen and addison was so happy tricky let them come with
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Imagine ur 18 years of age
(Tw: minor child abuse)
Your 18 and you just got a offer to escape ur abusive household.
Last year of my high school, we had a exchange teacher, he was Italian a history professor at a university. From the start of the year I did great, I was best in history... I was close with the teacher I wasn't aware at the time it was bc he realized my family situation.
It's June ... No more needs to study only inpatient waiting for the school graduation.
My history teacher approaches me telling me I got in few universities I apply for but he tells me a thing that would change my life for ever. He told me tmw he is leaving for Italy back to his old university job , he got me to graduate early and asked me one question.
"Visne libertatem gustare?"
(Do you want to taste freedom)
He informed me that I could, leave my abusive household behind and leave with him tmw. I agreed ofc I felt the freedom at the tips of my fingers.
I ran home trying to hide my happiness, when I enter my dad is home, he yells at me for smiling before trying to hit me with a beer bottle, that shatters in million pieces of green glass... I entered my room. Pull out my bag...
It hits me, what should I pack?
How am I supposed to know I never ran away from home ...
I opened the bag and start shoving clothes, a sketch book ( I had two but I left behind one) ...
My mother came behind me unhappy as always with that stupid belt, I don't fight I let her do it... The reason she did it I later remembered it that i skipped religioun class...
When she leaves I grab few books:
• The secret history, it was falling apart, blood on some pages, tear stains...
•dead poet society, It had blood too from the same incident , grip marks I held the book so tight once that it left a mark
•virgin suicide , damaged too
•the great Gatsby, blood smeared over the cover
...
The books left, I regret not taking with me ... But I couldn't...
I shove them in the bag , shoving my phone in there too.
I looked around the room, panicking what should I pack. Even though I was 18 I grabbed a plushie I had since I was a kid shoving it in there....
That night I couldn't sleep, no matter what I did , how many times I turned, i didn't fell asleep.
In the morning I ran away...
We were driving in his car, I felt a strange feeling, was it freedom, happiness... Sadness...
Maybe they would miss me when I am gone ... I overthinking to myself...
When we arrived , I stayed in his apartment for the whole summer learning Italian to a expert level...
I hopped they would come looking for me at least miss me a bit...
But on 11th of July, my history professor came , sat me down and gave me the paper... I was disowned
It was no surprise... I expected it surely I did... But why did my heart shattered in so many pieces when I read it... They didn't care I knew that... But deep down I hoped they did...
I cried for days , I longed for the comfort I never had from them...
Few days later he gave me another paper... Legal guardian... He became my legal guardian... Well he didn't.. he needed me to sign it for him. I didn't think twice scribbling my name on the paper... Ofc I didn't need to do that since I was 18 years of age but I did ...
I changed my first name and last name, it was my choice. Now every time I hear someone calling me by my old name I feel blood freezing in my veins.
Ofc my life got better, I go to therapy and I am doing better mentally...
But the memories the slightest touch , a flash back bring me back into that dark place, into my bedroom...
I love the love that I receive now , but sometimes the guilt and feeling that I am selfish for not being satisfied with the love that I received ...
Deep down in the darkest bits of my soul lives a unfulfilled desire for that unfulfilled parentale love I never received.
All I wanted was for them to love me and still I crave at nights their love I never got...
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thoughts on "lift us where suffering cannot reach"
i've seen a couple different reviews of this episode, some positive, some not. i'll tell you my opinion right off the bat: superb.
i want to talk about some of the common criticism that i've seen regarding the episode and my thoughts on those points.
continuity issues with the prime directive
so i've seen this a couple times now. some people are saying that pike should have saved the first servant bc a life is more important than the prime directive. (think the beginning of star trek: into darkness. i bet the trek fans upset with this episode would HATE the comparison lmao.) bending/breaking the rules for the sake of a moral cause is kind of star trek's bread and butter. it happens. it happens all the time, actually. crews find ways to circumvent the prime directive in order to achieve their own (selfless, usually!) goals. in the tng episode "pen pals", data goes AGAINST the prime directive to save an alien child from a planet that's about to be destroyed.
so, let's recap. spoilers ahead.
a shuttle under attack hails the enterprise and asks for help. enterprise attempts to deescalate the situation, but the attackers fire on the enterprise, and the enterprise is forced to fire on their ship, destroying the attackers. the first servant is transported to the enterprise for medical care. the enterprise holds an investigation of the attackers. during this time, the first servant is almost kidnapped, but spock finds him and they return the first servant to majalis, where he undergoes the ascension. pike realises that the ascension is basically torture for the good of society and attempts to stop it, but he is overpowered. pike is told that attempts to remove the first servant from the device will kill the first servant. pike stares moodily out of the window, and the episode ends.
(this leaves out ALL of the poetry, but you get it.)
i get why this episode rubs people the wrong way. it doesn't feel very heroic. in many ways, pike has caused the suffering of this child by interfering with the kidnapper's attempts. but how is he supposed to know that? no one told him! the story would be VASTLY different if the kidnappers had come to pike and told him, or if the investigation revealed more information, but it didn't. pike is doing his best to keep this child safe! how the hell would he know that the first servant is destined to be a human battery?
in essence, it seems like people are mad that pike is... *checks notes* doing his job? i don't know.
the whole point of this episode is that sometimes succeeding can lead to a larger failure. in this case, a moral and ethical one. it's very much a "we did it. but at what cost?" moment.
2. cynicism and unhappy endings
this one i understand. i get it. so far, snw has been pretty feel-good. "spock amok" was a delight, and this episode is a hard left from that. but it's not unheard of for star trek to have bummers. ds9 is full of uncomfortable truths and allegorical storytelling that doesn't always work out for everyone.
for example, the episode "cardassians" revolves around determining who will gain custody of rugal, a cardassian child born on occupied bajor and raised by bajorans. it's not a hijinks-bodyswapping story. sisko is confronted with the option to a) send rugal back to bajor with his adoptive parents who love him but hate cardassians, therefore teaching rugal to hate himself or b) send him to live with his biological father (who is a war criminal, right?) on cardassia with cardassians, who ruagl has learned to hate. it's a great story, but not a fun one. and honestly? i don't think sisko makes the right choice by the end of it. i don't think there's a right choice for him to make.
also, remember when spock died in the end of wrath of khan? yeah, that was a very similar situation. the suffering of one, given for the lives of many.
i don't want to tell people to suck it up and get over it, because that's neither helpful nor kind, but if you're telling stories about the world now and what it could/should/can be, there can't just be laughs. there needs to be introspection and cautionary tales and emotions of all kinds.
also, this story is inspired by "the ones who walk away from omelas" which is NOT a happy story.
3. pike's romance subplot and saviour complex
i honestly don't get the problem with this. i thought that pike and alora's relationship was handled really gracefully.
the major issue, i guess, is that the pike/alora romance somehow cheapens the epsiode? but even that i don't understand. giving pike a personal connection to alora prompts him to help as much as he does, leading to the first servant's willing ascension and unwitting suffering.
and there's a tragedy in that. pike's desire to help makes things worse. because pike lacks cultural context and understanding, he fails to address the institutionalised violence and horror inflicted on the first servant. that's a very poignant lesson, and an important one, especially when looking at the world around us.
also, it's a tragedy, and i LOVE a good tragedy.
#star trek#snw#strange new worlds#star trek snw#snw spoilers#captain pike#christopher pike#lift us where suffering cannot reach#episode analysis#spock#i do love a good tragedy
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My Journey to Catholicism
Feel free to read or not. I just wanted to share my experience.
When I was a child, my family didn't speak about God, or Jesus, or religion at all, really, outside an academic context. My grandfather was a Methodist minister, and when we went to visit the grandparents, we knew we had to say "oh my gosh" instead of "oh my God", and if we were there on a Sunday, my brother and I would go to Sunday School and color pictures of Noah and the Ark until our parents came back to claim us. My parents told me I could choose a religion when I got older, if I wanted to.
When I was 12 my parents were getting divorced, and I huddled in my bed after dark, listening to them fight in the room above me, and I prayed to Jesus to make them stop fighting, to keep them together, to make the nightmare end. I prayed quietly, because I didn't want anyone to hear me. I was embarrassed to be bringing up Jesus at all, but it just seemed to me like the right thing to do when you were desperate.
When I was in middle school, I started going to youth group with my best friend at a Methodist church. I was struggling a lot with family problems and emotional problems, and that youth group was the first time anyone ever said to me, "It's okay to be broken. You are loved." I started going to a small girls' group, and they let me talk about my fears without judgment, and I never really understood the God-stuff, but I kept going through all of middle school, and it helped.
When I was a sophomore in high school, most of my friends were male, seniors, and Christian. One of them started an apologetics group at his house, and we talked about religion, about Christianity, and I learned a lot. I started listening to Christian music. Part of me wanted God in my life; the other part just wanted my friends to think I was cool for being into the same things as them.
When I was a junior in high school, everything fell apart. My friends had all graduated and moved away, and my mental health was very bad, and I started hanging out with a new friend group. All of them were atheists. I followed them to parties where I drank alcohol and smoked cigarettes. I let them convince me to try marijuana. I let people use my body for their pleasure. I made bad choices, and I hated God, because my friends told me to. I made jokes about Jesus, because my friends were making jokes. I was deeply unhappy.
When I was in college, I stopped drinking and smoking pot. I slowly, nervously tried to make my way back to God. I would sneak into Methodist services on Sundays, sneaking out again at the end before anyone could stop me and try to talk to me. At the same time, I was self-harming and giving in to same sex attraction and absolutely loathing myself. I felt completely lost. Untethered. Alone.
When I was a senior in college, I met my future husband. He is good and kind and he stuck with me and supported me through a lot of my mental health struggles, including taking a leave of absence from my university and checking into a psychiatric hospital for several weeks, which was immensely helpful. We didn't really discuss religion; we knew we both were "vaguely Christian, maybe." He was baptized, I wasn't. He was raised Catholic, but hadn't been to a Mass in years. We slept together and lived together before marriage.
When I was 23, we started going to a church that met in a high school gym. They were very nice and welcoming - aggressively so. They helped us join a Bible Study, and a small group, and convinced us to come to extra services on Wednesday nights, and it started to feel suffocating. We both began to feel uncomfortable, but when we tried to step back, the church folks doubled down. They wanted us to come to more groups. They wanted to "re-baptize" my husband, and they didn't like that we were living together but wouldn't tell is why. They wanted more tithing. We both had a bad feeling about it, and so we left.
When I was 24, we joined the United Church of Christ. It was a better fit for us, and I was baptized in that church. We participated in volunteer opportunities and made some good friends. My husband lightheartedly referred to the UCC as "fake church," because Catholic church, for him, was "real church." I was too nervous to go to "real church" because I knew absolutely nothing about Catholicism and it seemed ludicrous that someone from my background could join a church like that. We left that church when we moved across the country.
When I was 27, my husband and I finally got married. We went to the courthouse with a few witnesses. A few months later, I was visiting family and my husband was walking out in the rain on Christmas Eve when a UCC pastor ushered him into the church where it was warm and dry. My husband stayed for the service, and started going there every Sunday, and joined the choir, and even convinced me to join, too. He continued to call our church "fake church," and lamented about the lack of tradition in the UCC. He liked it, but he was never fully comfortable there.
When I was 28, we moved back home and I finally agreed to give "real church" a try. We were living in my own hometown, and I'd driven past the church hundreds of times, though never been inside. I was thoroughly intimidated, but I went anyway, and was surprised to find that I liked it. He explained the Mass to me - he explained, as I called it, "the rules" to me - and I was delighted to learn as much as I possibly could. I loved the predictability of the Mass, the ritual of Reconciliation. I loved praying the rosary and reading the Catechism. I loved the hymns and the daily readings and the crucifix. I couldn't get enough. It felt right. We started volunteering at St. Vincent de Paul, and through that eventually both ended up with jobs at Catholic Charities.
When I was 29, we started RCIA. It was a small town, with only one Catholic church, and my boss was sponsoring one of my fellow catechumens, and my own sponsor was a fellow volunteer at St. Vincent de Paul. I'd gotten to know the pastor pretty well through my work at Catholic Charities. Everyone was intertwined, and I felt like I was part of a family. I felt like I was finally home. I felt whole.
When I was 30, I was confirmed and took my First Communion at Easter Vigil.
It's been 5 years since I joined the Catholic church. There have been lots of ups and downs. We moved to a different city. COVID happened, and we stopped going to church. I had to leave my job and apply for disability. I struggled with sexual sin and our marriage suffered for it. I went 3 years without going to confession because by the time I felt comfortable going out in public again after COVID, I was so ashamed of my sins I didn't even want to think about them, let alone tell them to a priest.
And then we slowly started going to Mass again. And I started to remember how much I loved it. And I was jealous of everyone taking the Eucharist, I wanted that. I wanted Jesus.
And I still didn't go to confession for several months.
But finally, one day, I was ready. I was nervous and jittery but when we got there, there wasn't even a line. And when I went to confess, the priest was kind and efficient. It felt like the entire process had been orchestrated to be as comfortable for me as possible. And then - and then I was free.
Since that day, we've been going to Mass and taking the Eucharist every Sunday, and going to Adoration on Friday nights, and going to confession when we need to. And I feel safe and comforted in a way that I haven't in a long, long time. I've been reading G.K. Chesterton and listening to worship music. I've been praying and reading the Bible.
I know it won't always be like this - I know there will be more times when I struggle. When I don't pray, or read the Bible, or even go to Mass. When I can't get out of bed, or I end up in the hospital. But knowing that God is with me always, no matter what - that he's brought me through everything so far - is what matters. Whenever I'm hospitalized, I read the psalms, and I find great comfort in them. And that will never change.
I know that God loves me - that Christ died for me. What more could I possibly want?
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Since we're on the subject of npcs I'd like to give a mention to my favorite oni boy Takuya.
It's been a long time since Itto's character quest but after experiencing Shinobu's hangout, I've been plague by wholesome found family Arataki gang thoughts.
I kept thinking Takuya would basically be in Traveler's place around the squad, being the one trying to be responsible but ends up dragged into shenanigans anyways.
I'd imagine his relationship with Shinobu is a "your the only bitch I trust in this house" type of thing being the only other person holding any braincells (she low-key favors him more than the others sometimes but no one really notices cause my queen is subtle).
I have a soft spot for the Arataki gang in general as you can see.
But of course we can't forget about the sad priest boy Kasala who I keep throwing so much angst at.
Since you said dilf!Kasala here something:
If reader and Kasala had a child together before reader died of eleazar I can imagine how hard it'd be for him to not only process the grief but support their child going through losing a parent as well.
Maybe after Deshret's sacrifice, Kasala just lost all faith in anything anymore so he gives his child to someone trustworthy to take care of as he locks himself away to keep guard of a temple.
Kasala at end of his life, despite dying peacefully can't help but regret everything that happened to his family.
Helplessly seeing the love of his life dying before him.
Not doing enough for the last living remnant of their love for each other.
Letting his child loose both of their parents so soon because of his selfishness.
So as Kasala close his eyes for the last, his final thoughts were a hope for his little to be safe and forgiveness he knows he doesn't deserve.
Okay maybe Haitham isn't the only character I like to see cry at this point
Honorable mentions to Niwa who I can't help but feel like Kabukimono had a small crush on at some point.
I feel like Niwa's good with kids so imagine him and Kuni babysitting the children of tatarasuna together and at night he'll read bed time stories to some of them but Kuni ends up falling asleep to Niwa's voice too because of how comforting it is.
Mostly wholesome from me tonight.
- Vagabond Anon
Admittedly I have not done Itto's quest so I only know Takuya in a surface level but *pulling up pictures of him* Best looking npc in the game engine by far, they really made effort to implement him
But Itto's little found family is my favorite, it's like Mondstadt on a tiny level (adding in the three youkais from Akitsu Kimodameshi too, oh they're growing!) but on the back office it's actually Takuya and Shinobu holding the whole thing together hahaha Takuya being the Traveler, Takuya and Shinobu being tired parents, oh I love all of it
Hey when did I say dilf - YES DILF KASALA, MORE PAIN MORE REPENT
Continuing the curse of unhappiness down the line, how cool would it be if Cyno is part of the bloodline of his past self but their history has been lost thru time or whispered scarcely by his elders so as not to be discriminated in the age of the Akademiya ohhh
What if their child took on the temple duties after he died, or maybe Rukkha took care of them too aww why must we torment this unnamed child we just conjured
Also true, like a small possibility maybe innocently, Niwa supremacy in everything that he does. I want more Niwa content, he died too soon (fuck you Dottore) he's definitely the Tighnari of Tatarasuna in my mind, and Kabukimono is like Collei? Oh wow I'm starting to see parallels - ack I miss him so much, I'm gonna listen to his voice now-
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📓👀
Hello my beloved mutual teatimewithgiles! I have been trying to think of a single idea I have not already told you about, especially bc I know I've told you about all the ones I daydream about extensively lmao.
Anyway! I don't think I've told you much about "How to Be an Empty Nester (And Love Every Minute!)". Basically, it's set after Buffy goes to college and Giles has gotten this parenting/self-help book, which the fic is titled after, about how to cope with your child leaving for college. Each section of the fic begins with a piece of advice from the book-- stuff like "building shared routines or rituals can help you and your child stay connected while they're away" or "don't helicopter: give you child some breathing room to discover who they are"-- and is followed by Giles dramatically failing to implement the advice. Sometimes it fails because it's just ridiculous in the context of their lives and who they are as people, sometimes it's just because he interprets it in kind of a ridiculous way, and sometimes it's just because he tries it and Buffy is like "uhhh what is going on what are you doing why are you acting so weird".
This all comes to a head with the piece of advice that's something like "reconnect with your child through a shared activity: a common goal is a great way to bond!" because Giles interprets that as. Summoning a small, relatively harmless demon :) For them to fight together :) As a bonding activity :)) Let's all keep in mind this is s4 Giles when he is not exactly as his most mentally well lol, he's not making the most sound decisions at the time.
Of course, Buffy finds out that he summoned the demon on purpose, is not exactly pleased about that for many reasons, and they get into a bit of an argument where he confesses that he got this idea from a self-help book (and she's just like ... a self-help book told you to summon a demon...?) and he explains that, no, but he's been trying to follow the book's advice because he feels so disconnected from her but he had no idea how to best reach out to her and stay part of her life. She's still pretty unhappy in the moment so Giles thinks he's really messed things up until a couple days later when (and this is the final section) he comes home to find Buffy in his courtyard with a pot of (atrociously bad) tea and she says something like "you said you have tea down here sometimes so I thought maybe we could... have tea?" as her gesture of goodwill and trying to reach out to him too. And it ends with the final piece of advice which I haven't exactly figured out how to word yet, but it's basically "be yourself: near or far, your child loves you for you!". And it's extra cheesy because being what finally worked for him to reconnect with her was when he was honest <3
Will I ever write this? Hopefully someday...
Thank you for sending me this ask!
Put “📓” or some other version of a book emoji into my inbox and I’ll explain the plot of a fanfiction that I haven’t written but daydream about.
#i also should mention that im pretty sure its olivia who tells him to get the book#she's like bestie youre dynamite in bed but girl get your shit together <3#and ofc consulting a book is his method of getting his shit together lmao#I should also add that the ending was Kyra’s idea (kyra if you see this Hi!!!!)
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So, what does Cole feel about his Grandpa in Shadows of the Past?
((for Echoes of the Past, Cole is initially *very* unhappy with him after he finds out who he is form Wu.(going to give coles Gpa the name ‘Igneous’)
"Why did you do it? You knew Chen wasn't going to make anything better! He was the one starting all of this up in the first place!" Cole pointed, unable to look him in the eye. No wonder his mom rarely talked about him, a traitor didn't deserve the acknowledgement, especially one working for such a horrible person.
"My friends and family were serpentine!" He retorted, "I didn't work for Chen because I wanted to, I worked for him begrudgingly because he promised not to drive the serpentine away!" His voice boomed through the monastery walls, fully catching Cole’s attention who flinched at the tone. “What good that did to me, all it did was drive a wedge between me and my daughter...”
Both earth elementals held their breath in tense silence, neither satisfied with the predicament. “I didn’t want any part of it, but I had to choose-”
“And why’s that? Why didn’t you run away like- like Libber did?” he pointed.
Igneous kept his gaze, “They wouldn’t let me. I was too much an asset. Any elemental who’s immune to the one thing that can stop them is an asset.” He stepped around Cole and sunk into the cushions of the couch, staring at his reflection through the black TV screen. “Come, I will tell you my story so that you may understand, and then you will decide if I am justified.”
Cole contemplated the offer. On one hand, he could be lying about this whole thing, his sincere tone a front to something sinister, but on the other, what better account of events than from the person who’s incriminated? Wu was never one to talk about past elemental masters, and who knew how long this anomaly would last?
The couch frame creaked as he sat beside him, “Okay.”
“I lived in Metalonia for most of my life, and I trained very hard with varied substances, Rocks, clay, sand, minerals, the works. I was the best at what I did, but I thought it was stupid that vengestone could hinder even my own powers, so I trained with those too. Then the spinjuitzu brothers approach me in awe at my overcoming of it and requested me to be a spy prisoner in an anacondrai settlement. I agreed because it was unwise to go against the word of The Master’s children. Then they wanted me to be placed in a different prison and another, and then they wanted me to fight so I did, and I did, and I neglected my family at their request.
“I thought it would be all for good, no? Tensions were high and they needed information to lower them. Then I learned of this plan to be rid of the serpentine, and I learned I was helping them for that reason. I felt betrayed, and decided that I wouldn’t have any part of that, so I went to Chen and told him everything. Err I may have been sweet talked some, he knew everything I told him already, but he knew of my abilities and decided to let me side with him.
“When the fighting was over, I fled. I thought I would be safe to return to my Lily, but she had ran away from home.... It may have been a trap, the Spinjuitzu brothers knew that I could not be outmatched by another elemental so they sent the dragons to deal with me.”
“the dragons...? What did they do?” Cole swallowed.
Igneous stared through him, “They tore me to pieces. I only remember losing my leg.”
It stung an old memory, one of which his mother told him when he was a child. It was a bedtime story, about the vicious otherworldly beings of the sky. “It.. was true?”
“I do not want sympathy,” He stood up, “But I do not think we must be at odds for the actions of the past.” ))
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A very good analysis of Aşk-ı Memnu (the book) characters. (Ignore the show photos).
https://seyler.eksisozluk.com/ask-i-memnu-karakterleri-kitapta-nasil-anlatiliyor
This person really disliked Nihal and funnily enough I agree with every word they said. Actually I agree with everything they said about every character. It was a pleasure to read.
Edit: Okay, I will translate the parts about Nihal and Beşir:
“Nihal: Her annoying personality in the show that I have seen and heard about is multiplied by ten in the book. A third of the book, maybe more is about Nihal and her inner life which is similar to a black hole. If Electra Complex were a person she would be Nihal. She doesn’t want to share not only her father but everyone around her. No one should change, no one should leave, ah Nihal my dear Nihal, she is so sensitive; with her being raised even more as a princess after her mother’s death she became the only center in the world. Despite some situations where she is in the right she is the most annoying character in the book for me. She depresses one, she exploits the heart and soul of one, she shows why an adolescent shouldn’t be loved in any situation. Also she treats Bihter very well while Adnan is not around, when Adnan is around she either treats her like shit or ignores her. She constantly tries to provoke her, tries to fight, you want to say “go away” even when she is in the right. People who have someone in their lives like this will get older by ten years every year, she is that terrible, she is a type who thinks that she must be the center of life. She doesn’t say “my father looks happy, let me be content, let me not make others unhappy”. Pure annoyance, pure “let everyone be attendant to my needs”. But though she doesn’t really feel for Behlül as for a brother, she is not content with Firdevs Hanım’s talk about the engagement even though she agreed with it jokingly at first. Here the whole insistence comes from the pervert Behlül’s side. Actually she doesn’t consent to the marriage till the last day”.
I agree with every word :)
The longest analysis is the one about Beşir and it is really good.
“Beşir: Ethiopian, Black castrated servant. He is of a close age with Nihal and is deep down in love with her; though he does whatever she wants he hides his love inside his heart and doesn’t show it; both because of this love and because of him witnessing the forbidden love and not saying it he becomes tubercular and dies. Most of all I became sad for him when Behlül told Nihal that he loved her and tried to persuade her to marry and he witnessed that while coughing fatally. When all came out he couldn’t help himself and confessed to Adnan Bey that he knew about the Bihter-Behlül relationship. His emotions and the truth he knows cause his death. He was the character I was the saddest for. When even Mademoiselle couldn’t speak the truth while knowing it you never think of asking a poor child-adolescent in love why he never told the truth before. He is a child who dies young, who hides his illness until he is taken to the doctor, who even when he is coughing till his livers get destroyed does not show it or expect any attention, who is so shyly in love with the girl he serves that he does not show it, who is the loneliest, the most futureless, the least mentioned, the one whom the fate never smiles to.
Of similar ages, on one side Nihal, on one side Beşir.
On one side the drama queen Nihal who believes she deserves the best and who manages to be unhappy even when she has everything; on one side lonely, orphaned, hopelessly in love, child-servant Beşir whom the fate never smiles to.
Of course I do not think that Nihal should have understood that Beşir loved her and returned his love, they are both children. And Beşir’s love is childlike and pure. Maybe it is the only thing he holds onto in life. It is just that I am sad that while one is getting more and more spoiled because of all she has, the other lacks all she has. A short, melancholic life. And in the book there isn’t any histrionics about the orphaned, poor Beşir. But he was the one who made me the saddest with the littlest amount of information. Maybe Bihter is the second. I hope that you are happy where you went Beşir”.
Beautiful. Thank you for this wonderful analysis Ekşi Sözlük user uzayli kakasi. I know you will never see this, but I loved it.
@ariel-seagull-wings @artemideaddams @longagoitwastuesday
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David and Goliath - The Remake
I think most people are familiar with the story of David and Goliath, a story from the Book of Samuel in the Bible. David is a young shepherd boy with the Israelites and Goliath was a giant fierce warrior with the Philistines. For forty days Goliath came out twice a day and challenged the Israelites to sent out a single warrior to do battle with him. Finally David accepts the challenge and faces off against Goliath. David, the Shepherd boy kills him with a single stone from his slingshot.
David and Goliath is so famous that it now refers to just about any story where the underdog defeats the heavily favoured, normally bigger and more powerful opponent. Everybody loves an underdog.
I am quite literally, and figuratively David and I am fighting my own Goliath, the only difference is that my Goliath is going to be victorious over me. No matter how hard I fight, I know the fight is lost before I start, but I fight anyways, I am fighting for my life. You see my Goliath is ALS, Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis, a rare incurable neurological disease. It is characterized as a fatal type of motor neurone disease, it is the progressive degeneration of nerve cells in the brain and the spinal cord. To put it simply, the messages being sent from the brain are no longer reaching the muscles that they were being sent to. Slowly parts of your body just stop working, you look at your leg or hand willing it to do something, and it just ignores you like an insolent child. As well as slowly robbing you of the ability to function as an independent person, it also slowly keeps taking more and more of your dignity away from you, as time goes on the list of humiliating incidents gets longer.
ALS is a pretty rare disease, if you get it it is like you won as lottery, just a lottery that you, nor anyone else wants to win. It is estimated that 3,000 Canadians are living with ALS every year, 1,000 die every year, and 1,000 new cases are diagnosed. Ten percent of people with ALS have Familial ALS, for the rest there is no how or why explanation for it. There is no cure for ALS, just some very expensive medications that you are told slow the progression of the disease. People like to ask are the medications working? I don’t know, I have nothing to compare it with. Would the disease be progressing faster if I didn’t take them, that’s what my Neurologist tells me. All I know is that I am getting over three hundred thousand dollars worth of medication a year, thanks to my Benefit Plan and Government Subsidies. Did I mention that my benefits run out when I turn 65, in another fifteen months or so.
When you get ALS you enter a Game of Trust. You hope that the Neurologists are truly doing what is best for you and not dishing out medications of companies that support their research. You also hope that these very expensive medications are helping you more than they are hurting you. Right now the Blood Tests are telling us that my liver is very unhappy. That is one of the side effects of one of the medications I am taking, the medication that is said to be the least effective of the three I am on. So do we stop that medication and risk the ALS Progression speeding up while looking after my liver, or do I sacrifice a healthy liver to slow down the ALS? I will let you know after my virtual appointment with my Neurologist next week.
So how did it happen? One month I was snowshoeing long distances and the next month I tripped twice falling to the ground. Not something that I normally did, and what I later learned was the start of “Drop Foot”. Eventually I was stumbling and having more trouble and I went to my Doctor who thought I had a pinched nerve in my back and recommended Physiotherapy. After a few months of getting worse I went back and told the doctor that this wasn’t a pinched nerve in my back. He got me a rush appointment to see a Neurologist, a rush appointment was a month away.
My wife was isolating as she had surgery the following week, but my daughter was visiting so she drove me the hour to the nearby town for my appointment. Honestly I hadn’t given the appointment much thought until I was en route to it, that was when it entered my mind that I might be headed for some bad news. My daughter dropped me off and I went in, he did a bunch of tests on me, making notes as he went on. When he was finished the tests and still writing away I interrupted him and asked him, “Hey Doc, how scared should I be?” He responded with “Are you here alone today?”, well I thought to myself this is about to take a really bad turn. I explained that my daughter had driven me and was picking me up. He went on to say that he really hated to do this, but he strongly believed I had ALS. Now all I knew about ALS was it was one of “those” diseases and that getting it was not a good thing. My head was still reeling when he followed that up with, People tend to die within 2 - 3 years of being diagnosed.
Now I imagine that everyone who gets that kind of news has a different reaction. My first thought is how do I tell my wife and my daughter, even more than the fear of dying is the overwhelming sadness of leaving them behind in this world while I go elsewhere ….or nowhere…. My second thought is damn it, I should have started taking my Canada Pension Plan at 60 instead of waiting until I was 65. My third thought is that Tim McGraw song, Live Like You are Dying. My fourth thought, was relief that the Canadian government had just recently passed M.A.I.D. legislation. Medical Assistance in Dying would hopefully at least give me some control over how my story ends.
What the First Neurologist believed was later confirmed through a bunch of tests at Sunnybrook Hospital in Toronto two months later. Well it is now ten months after I first heard those ALS letters used to refer to me, I progressed from being unsteady on my feet, to using a cane, to getting ankle foot orthotics, to using a walker, to now using a manual wheelchair. I will be accepting delivery of an electric wheelchair in a few weeks.
I have sold my motorcycle, tractors, pickup truck, my woodworking tools and machinery, as well as all the farm equipment I had built up over the years. My purchases now consist of medical assistive devices which help me manage my disability. We are moving from the home that we love and had dreamed of for years, moving south to a Condo where family and friends can assist with my care.
Yes you are right this is not how I pictured the final chapters of my life unfolding. Yes there is struggle every day, but every day there is kindness and love shared by friends, family and sometimes strangers. Just like nothing in life is all good, nothing in life is all bad either.
So what are the Reviews for David and Goliath, The Remake? Apparently it is a flop, nobody likes it. Sad stories don’t often sell in Hollywood, people want Comedies, Action or Superhero movies. Nobody wants a movie where the underdog dies in the end….but for now life goes on. There will be no sequel.
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honestly one of my fav things to think about is baby queer matt murdock. like in my brain his first exposure to queerness was elton john because his father was a huge fan. jack noticed how matt gaped when an interview of elton john talking about his sexuality came on. jack KNEW. he tried to be supportive but matt was still really young and never said anything. matt knew who he was from a young age but pushed it deep down after living in a catholic orphanage for so many years. i can think of high school matt becoming absolutely smitten with one of his guy friends and them having a cute romance where whenever matt is like “idk this is a sin..” his bf just has to pound acceptance into matt’s thick skull.
out and proud matt is just so personal to me. usually in fics it’s always foggy who’s loud ab his sexuality which is technically correct but c’mon now we all know how loud and eccentric matt can be.
Welcome to me projecting my religious trauma onto Matt!! I'm sorry anon I know you want Matt to be out and proud but it'd take him a while to get there
like every queer person has what I like to call the "ring of keys" moment, the recognition of the self through the other. And I do like Elton John for Matt, like the show and the darker comics don't like to acknowledge that Matt is a drama queen and a show off, but he is! He loves drama, he loves presenting an image of himself and I imagine the performance of Elton John would resonate with him. You know lawyers are just theatre kids that realized how to make money.
Now it is tempting to say that Jack Murdock notice that Matt had queer tendencies and was accepting, but as I said, I'm projecting. Like Jack was a good dad, he wanted the best for Matt, but looking to the future did make Matt unhappy. Like when we get flashbacks of Matt's childhood and it's not filtered through his biased worship of his father, he resented that his dad made him study so much and couldn't be there for him as much as he needed. I imagine that Jack probably had a "kids will be kids, he'll grow out of it" moment. Like he never worried about it because he died so early in Matt's life, acceptance through apathy.
So depending on where Daredevil is set in time, nuns might still be gay before the Vatican reformed nun practices. It's a whole thing, nuns are a lot gayer than we think, let's say Matt is raised by nuns post-reform. The orphanage has the same apathy as his home, like he knows he's different, knows he has feelings that he shouldn't but doesn't have the words to express it. The stance of the catholic church in the 90s was if you feel homosexual urges, it's your job to repress them and fight them and it also could be a sign that you're called to monastic life. So maybe Matt goes to Father Lantom and says, I want to be a priest. And Father Lantom is like where is this coming from, you are the most wrathful prideful headstrong child I've ever met why would you ever put yourself through that? and matt's like well... and then they have to have a conversation. I'm not going to make Matt experience conversion therapy just because I did, there are other comic characters for that. Father Lamton tells him that he's sorry the church made him feel that he can't be fully loved by God and he'll always be welcomed no matter who he loves. But it's also the 90s so he really can't point Matt towards any queer resources nor can he encourage him to talk openly about it.
Matt experiments in college. Like canonically Matt has a lot of sex and despite his Catholicism, he doesn't feel bad about it. I think he lets himself break the rules, but he does use the internalized Christian homophobia to deny himself commitment. Like he can't marry a man in a Catholic church, so what's the point of going beyond sex. Because Matt needs Catholicism, needs God, more than he needs a partner. He needs that connection to his father, to a higher power, to redemption, and if he separates any part of his life from that, his worldview crumples. I think what a lot of people miss about Matt is that he's not a practicing Christian, he's a cultural Catholic. And if you didn't grow up in the church and then get deeply wounded by the church, I really can't explain it. It's all the familiar comfort of ritual but none of the intimacy of a divine relationship, the firm belief in God, but not his love or that his love is in others.
I think years later, Matt and Father Lantom are talking and Lantom is like "do you still want to be a priest" and Matt breaks down. And Lantom as the cool and correct priest reminds Matt that the church is an institution and that God is love, divine and complete and above human hang-ups. Lantom tells him that he wishes he had the words when Matt was a kid, that he could have pointed him to other queer people, but he's human. He'll do his best to love Matt like God does and the nuns that raised him will too. And maybe not everyone in the church can love Matt, but the important people do
and you know what, he is proud. He likes that he's bi and he loves men and women and he loves himself. He argues for federal marriage equality in college mock trials and then he goes on to do it in his career. He learns the history, he talks to people in his community, he feels connected. Foggy's a bit quieter about his queerness and Karen and Matt are both like fuck respectability politics. Although Karen is definitely more the "pride was and still is a riot" type while Matt's more the "justice can be achieved through the legal system" type.
Also, there's a pride flag in the office. Clients ask about it, Matt pretends he has no idea that it's there. Karen thinks it's hilarious and Foggy doesn't after the first time so he gets Matt a tiny bi flag and puts it on his desk. Karen gets two more for both of their desks. Matt knows there's flags, he's just not sure which ones and now Karen and Foggy have spun the joke back on him
#asks#i'm sorry for projecting my religious trauma onto matt#i will not stop#he can have a little internalized homophobia as a treat#listen growing up gay and catholic in the 90s would have fucked him up no way around it#like he doesn't need to have a whole crisis of faith#matt doesn't have those about sins and indulgences he has those about the big questions#but i think he'd have a complex
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