I feel like I've complained about Tim's email situation in Gotham Knights before (edit: I have), but the truth of it is just so funny.

He's signed up for so many podcasts, video game streamers, and random news alerts; it's just a constant barrage of data going straight into his constantly whirring brain. Hell, he even floats the idea of the Batfamily having their own podcast as a way to correct misinformation about them (which Jason shoots down instantly), and it's made me realize something.

Timothy Drake would be a YouTuber.

In this universe specifically, Timothy Jackson Drake, the heir to Drake Industries and the foster son of the late Bruce Wayne would be a YouTuber.

Think about it. It'd be the perfect cover. Who would ever suspect that some 16-year-old nepo baby with a YouTube channel could ever be Red Robin? You'd have to be mad. I mean, look at him.

Red Robin just dropped out of literal thin air and garotted someone four times his size, and you expect anyone to believe that's the same kid who does 24-hour Minecraft charity streams and occasionally drops 6-hour video essays (his last one was on Lex Luthor's illegal bit mining operation on the moon)?

That kid?

You think that kid is Red Robin?

Ch'yah, okay, sure. And the Joker is funny 🤡.

guess what more headcanons but this time lacrimas and i dont think its long enough for a read more

lacrima are used for everything.

hearing aid lacrimas.

phone lacrimas.

internet lacrimas.

inhaler lacrimas.

music lacrimas.

sound-proof lacrimas.

your wheelchair has fuckin lacrimas in it.

as mentioned before most lacrimas do have electricity in em so yes if your hearing is good/if your brain doesnt tone it out you will hear them buzzing

again. internet lacrimas. theres youtube and twitch and twitter and tumblr (bc it is so difficult trying to explain how someone knows of a meme when there isnt). theyre not called tumblr etc but theyre somethin similar

laxus is Big on tumblr. he makes sure no one fucking knows it with few exceptions.

will quote “it fukin wimdy” and cana constantly chokes on her drink. she knows he knows where thats from. she fucking follows him. she KNOWS its him. she does this shit right back and he continues it.

will mutter “and now: the weather” whenever he hears music a moment before any normal mage would. this gets mirajane and she is Terrified about how he knows that. she never asks

the few times he was at the guild hall early in the day were for the tumblrsexyman polls on twitter then on tumblr. was one of the top blogs that did #cecilsweep, which made cana ask him what the fuck that was. she was quickly educated. mira did not hear but now cana also quotes wtnv and mira is, again, Terrified

most of the lamia scale/sabertooth/blue pegasus/fairy tail/etc guilds have a big twitter and most of the members have their own separate ones

non-mages treat the guild twitters like brands. it annoys most of the non-mages to no end and the mages themselves Will Block the dumbasses

teen laxus once took over the fairy tail twitter. makarov found out quickly and the damage was minimal.

teen mira then took over the fairy tail twitter and makarov Didnt find out quickly. the damages were astronomical.

the guild twitters follow all of the member twitters and sometimes retweets the more “consumer friendly” tweets. except for fairy tail. what the fuck are they gonna retweet like “just watched my friend’s exfriend kill their mutual friend who i just met on a giant lacrima that the magic council JUST shot etherion at.he wasnt very obdurate lemme tell ya” like NO

you could get lacrima implants. like a phone lacrima implanted behind your ear so long as you dont mind a big ass lump. its just a phone and like a music player unless you implant a screen lacrima between your eyes. barely anyone does this because it sounds like a scam and Why would  you do that are you really That addicted

after lucy joined fairy tail but after eisenwald she started a youtube series called “a day in the life of a new mage”. its how jude knew she joined fairy tail. she uploaded the entirety of the phantom bullshit and not only did it help soften (by maybe 20% at MOST) the magic council interrogations of fairy tail but it made jude’s business start going downhill.

people would randomly stream and upload fights natsu and gajeel were in. its how sting and rogue became their fans.

the raijinshu have their own twitch and sometimes start streaming whenever laxus starts talking about something weird. like the random noise only he hears and hes losing his mind. or when he gets really into talking music. or when he starts talking in chinese and doesnt realize it to bickslow who’s slowly turning more and more pale and starts sweating because What Is He Saying

all of the thunder legion have started streams when laxus was speaking not english to another member. currently evergreen’s started stream 14 times more than the others and freed’s been streamed 9 times more than the others. their followers keep count. freed gets so embarrassed when its mentioned again.

there was a time where someone (coughbickslowcough) accidentally started streaming and just left it on. for like four hours. it was in makarov’s living room where they were all hanging out for a bit. when the legion left laxus turned on his own music and started cleaning. chat was Shocked that there was actually barely any R&R on his playlist. he deleted the vod when he realized it was on.

laxus’s entire playlist has actually been leaked this way. chat does not know how to handle laxus listening to natewantstobattle and fucking luhan.

laxus got back at the legion for that. many times. like when he “accidentally” starts talking in another language and sees someone inching towards the shared lacrima.

all of natsu’s social media (twitter insta and twitch) are unnecessarily popular. he barely posts on the first two and has never even talked in anyones chat on twitch. he doesnt even know how people found it but whenever he tunes into cana’s drinking tournament streams he gets gifted a sub by a different person every damn time. hes a bit concerned.

gray’s is also popular but it does make sense this time because he posts a Lot. whenever he posts a picture/uploads/streams he always realizes After it uploaded/started up that oh hes shirtless when the FUCK did that happen. juvia now makes sure his shirt is on at All Times. sometimes they forget he strips his pants. thankfully no ass has been shown yet (sadly for his followers (juvia is a follower))

i’m sorry but my mind has been rotted with steamer! rin, hiori, and nagi ideas recently

like imagine them collaborating and steaming shit like dbd with each other all the time

i can imagine hiori having the prettiest most aesthetically pleasing layout out of the three but when he gets mad and opens his mouth, oh baby does he get vileeeee. it’s hilarious to watch him switch from sweetly talking to his chat then cursing out some teammate he randomly matched all within a span of one minute.

i feel like rin would have the most generic layout from a free template he got off of google images. he’s pretty much what you would expect from an emotionally repressed 16 year old male streamer: the most vile yet weirdly childish insults you’ll ever hear in a span of five minutes while borderline violating tos and his fans constantly defending him because “he’s just a minor who doesn’t know better🥺” (oh he knows honey he knows…)

nagi wouldn’t even gaf. if we’re lucky he would maybe just maybe have his webcam in the left hand corner with absolutely nothing else (moistcritical ass layout) even then his face would just be his classic neutral :x all the damn time no matter what happens

on their own, i feel like hiori and nagi would just stick to typical fps games (with hiori leaning towards the gorier ones ofc. i mean he gotta release his parental frustrations somehow). meanwhile rin would honestly stream any type of horror from triple a games to a free indie rpgmaker game he found on some random kinda sketchy looking website. he would gain such a loyal niche audience from that

hiori would hire a really good editor to edit and upload his streams to his youtube channel. he would most likely gain a whole separate youtube audience from that. prob has some youtube exclusive stuff as well.

nagi would just upload the whole damn archived stream to youtube, that is if he actually remembered to save the vods and not permanently lose the stream. he doesn’t even care that the uploading takes forever he still can’t be bothered with cutting down the video. (thank god twitch has a feature for viewers to cut out their clips from a stream cause lord knows nagi wouldn’t have done it)

rin would actually edit the clips all by hand, mainly bc he could only trust himself to edit them the way he wants. he can only spend a little time editing tho since he has a pretty busy schedule irl

i can imagine hiori being the most popular one out of the three with how much effort he would put into stuff like self promotion, connecting with his audience, plus him just having an overall nice and likable personality, etc. (also the sight of him and his cute face raging would be pretty fucking funny for his audience to watch)

rin would be the second most popular since he does put plenty of work into making his content at least decent since this is something he does in his free time. plus his channel name would be on twitter trending every now and then because of some iffy ass take he said on stream

nagi would be the least watched out of all of them since despite being pretty damn good at games, he would be pretty boring to watch tbh. he wouldn’t put much time into the self promoting part of it either. that is until he meets reo. when reo finds out about his little streamer side gig, he would totally have him put more effort into it, even if it’s small things like actually announcing stream times since that’s all nagi is willing to do. he kinda becomes nagis de facto manager. before then he just piggybacked on rin’s and hioris clout whenever the trio collabs together

an: ok so i’m gonna stop this post here since i have so many more ideas i want to vomit out but i don’t want this post to be too long so part two coming out shortly.

aot youtuber headcanons part 1

Eren: "jaegerbamb"

Eren games. ik this sounds like such a cop out answer but cmon...that dude would have streamy-worthy rage-quits, the best lives, and the most entertaining streams

he would repost all the edits people make of him

he moves to twitch after a while on youtube

all of his fans swear hes fine but everyone who's not is like "yeah hes like a 6"

he rarely collabs with anyone but when he does its always with either mikasa or armin who beat his ass, or connie just bc he loves connie

he HATES horror games and his subs know it so they always request those games and 9 times out of 10 he ends up crying

Mikasa: "wiccanest"

she does manifestation and spirituality stuff

she helps all her baby witches and is EXTREMELY avid about doing things the right way so her subs dont get hurt

she looks scary in her thumbnails but shes actually the softest person to ever exist in her vids

her cats are almost always featured in her videos. their names are keyboard and snufkin

shes also pinterest famous and uploads the most random yet aesthetic stuff

she did a gym vlog video with annie once and everyone went crazy bonkers bananas

Armin: "MinnieASMR"

an asmrist and i will die on this hill

he gives out studying tips on there too and does "study with me :)" videos

he did a mukbang once and never again because connie was in his comments like "ZAMN DADDY LOOKS GOOD WHILE HE MONCHIN??😍😍😍" & "THAT CRUNCH AT 8:29 IM ABT TO BUST A NUT😩"

does tiktok lives but falls asleep on them

choked on his water one time while the mic was at full vol still and woke up a good 2/3rds of his streamers

does the best energy plucks

Connie: "conman reacts"

a react channel

hes like coryxkenshin, but he only plays games with eren

hes actually really funny though, and he does a lot of streams so he can interact with people, and he also has a podcast that he hosts with sasha and jean

actually threw up on camera when someone asked if he and sasha were dating (that was the day they both came out LMFAO)

he is strong asf in every single try not to laugh challenge but the SECOND he hears "wenomechainsama" or any low quality meme and he loses it

he and mr beast did a video together once and connie blew a coke up in his face. he was not invited back

Annie: "Annie's How To's"

self defense videos and life inspiration

posts maybe once every four months because she forgets that she has a channel

got acrylics PURELY to show people with long nails how to knock a motherfucker out

actually ended up liking them and gets them when shes not filming

sometimes appears in mikasas videos to do yoga with her

has little 8-minute mindfulness videos

Sasha: "sasha.b"

sasha doesn't do food videos bc im tired of always seeing her with food shit, so i say she does a brittany broski type thing where she literally just does the most unhinged and wild shit whenever and its funny as hell

connie is her sarah schauer and jean is her bestie taylor

shes gone on literally so many podcast episodes and just gets drunk while telling literally the most outrageous stories from her childhood

was a born and raised tennessee girlie that moved to chicago

is mikasas roommate and photobombs her videos almost constantly, but just with a little wave

obsesses over medias and just will not stop talking about it for weeks on end and then moves on in a blink

Jean & Marco: "Jean & Marco V.S. The Paranormal"

they are literally buzzfeed unsolved

jean does not believe in ghosts. marco very much does and says his Catholic Prayers at least thrice in each video

jean twerked for annabelle and she threatened to brutally kill both of them

marcos super respectful and is always like "the dress you have in this picture is just lovely" and jeans like "first of all...youuurrreee nothing but a trashy hoe." and then gets surprised when the ghost targets him

marco fell through a haunted bar's roof and started singing "the lord is my shepherd" and jean stopped himself mid rescue to laugh

a rumor got started that marco was actually dead and a ghost and there is now a national funeral day for marco in the "Jean & Marco V.S. The Paranormal" fandom

Hange: "Science Rulez"

an account purely for middle school science teachers

theyre an actual scientist not just a youtuber but on their off days because they love their job so much they'll do tiny little videos

they are VERY passionate about teaching biology in schools

they have pet turtles and ferrets that they heavily feature and call them their "assistants" (moblit has a "hey, im right here!" voice bite that they usually play)

moblit is their begrudging camera and light man because he just wants to be able to go on vacation with them on their time off

hange covers EVERYTHING from astronomy to fucking quantum physics and always gets comments about how they changed students whole grades and they ALWAYS respond and/or like

Animaniacs Headcanons

I recently came upon my 5 page Harry Potter HC google doc so I thought I would do it for one of my most recent Hyper fixations

- Hello Nurse Mindey and Katie Kaboom's Moms Sister - the mime creeps Wakko out, - Slappy basically adopted the Warners as her grandkids - all the Warners share traits with the animals they described themselves as in the "what are we" song - Wakko is partially colour blind - they also shake themselves dry after swimming, gating rained of etc - Dot sometimes can't handle water - Dot's claws grow the fastest and the longest out of all the Warners - Yakko bounces when happy - Yakko has really sensitive hearing - Wakko has pretty bad sensory issues, but they're calmed by their hat, - when having a but of a sensory overload Wakko tucks their ears into their hat to cancel out the noise - the Warners have a three teir bunk bed, and whever Dot can't sleep she usually alternates on which brother she goes to for comfort - when it's Yakko, he usually tells her a story and sings a song - and When it's Wakko they usually just Let Dot sleep in their bed and provides sufficient hugs - Wakko has read the whole Riordenverse multiple times - and Wakko hot Dot to read them too - Yakko is not much of a fantasy book fan but - Wakko is ambidextrous - Wakko is really good at physically demanding tasks - Yakko is the Brains of the trio, Wakko is the Brawn and Dot is the Beauty - Wakko prefers Skirts to pants - Dot goes out with Wakko to buy dresses, skirts etc, - Dot and Wakko act like twins, since their only one year apart in age they just treat eachother like twins (people also ask them if they're twins and they just say yes, cause it's funny) - Dot is really good at embroidery, cross Stich etc, and she makes little things for her siblings - Wakko and Dot once went as Dipper and Mabel for Halloween (Yakko went as Grunkle Stan) - sometimes all three Warners just pile on top of each other on Yakko's bed and sleep there - Hello Nurse is Basically the Warner Sibs mum - Minerva and Hello Nurse have a bit of a thing goin on (crack ships my beloved) - despite being severly lactose intolerant Yakko just doesn't care, he'll eat cheese, chocolate etc - on a separate Halloween Wakko and Dot dressed as Leo and Piper - Angelina fell first William fell harder - if the Warners were humans they'd be half British and half from Warnerstalk (Germany) and have Vertiligo - Angelina is German but has an American accent (VC Taylor Swift) - William is British and has a British Accent (VC Weasley twins) - Angelina is an only child and William has two siblings - Dot loves Musiums - after Pink Dot's favourite colour is yellow - Yakko's favourite colour is Lavender (this might be canon idk) - Wakko likes alot of the cool colours like blues, greens and Purples - Yakko is dog shit at math and I will die on this hill - Wakko is actually really good at it and helped write the Multiplication song - Dot is semi tiktok famous - Yakko gets into random fights with people on Twitter? X? idk anymore - Wakko streams of YouTube and Twitch - the Warners have a pretty big YouTube channel - Wakko is a really good cook - Dot can't cook for shit, she has burnt Water for Spielberg's sake - all three Warners love the Owl house - they dressed up as both the Blight kids (Y: Ed, W: Em D: Amity) and the Noceda kids (Y:Hunter, W:Vee,D:Luz) - Wakko has a mild Cat allergy - -all the Warners are Ace - Yakko is Pan, Wakko is Aroace and Dot is Bi -Wakko is Non-binary & uses They/them Pronouns -Yakko is a Demi-boy & uses he/they pronouns - Dot is the only Cis Warner Sibling (you could say that she's the Warner Cis-ter) -Hello Nurse is a Lesbian - Dr Scrach'n'sniff is Trans-masc & Gay -Hello Nurse & Dr Scrach'n'sniff co-parent the warners

Hi, I don’t really have a name, it's hard to explain. But you can call me Squirrel or Soul (~ 💚). I also have a stream partner who is a demon, his name is Neo but he also gets called Bat/Soul! (~ 🩷)

Here's a link to places you can find me!

And this is who drew my pfp: Dorimi0016 on IG

My tags are #KindSoulFanart #TheKindestSoul and #TheKindestSoulVT

I also have #KindSoulNSFW but will not reblog from it on this blog. If you get a like from a "TheVillainousSoul" however, that is me :3

I'll also reblog other Vtubers stuff here if I see anything I enjoy!

Have a nice day!!! ~ 💚

Important stuff under the cut!

This blog is strictly in character. (Except for this segment. Under this cut) And will contain fake scenarios, like "went to a cafe", it's just for funsies.

I switch between two models, one of a human Squirrel hybrid that came from a video game and one of an incubus.

If you recognise my art I have a few other blogs, including one @thevillainoussoul

Rules:

* I am trans man, please use the correct pronouns (he/him) for me. Thank you. Repeated purposeful misgendering will be blocked as well as "jokes" and other mean comments.

* Be nice and respectful. I'm not here to deal with any drama within the Vtuber community. The only times I'm okay with talking shit is with companies. Like, idk, Nijisanji (definitely random exmple).

* It goes without saying but, don’t promote your own stuff. The only ones allowed to do that are friends of mine who I hang out with regularly.

* No backseating on streams unless I specifically ask for help.

* Don’t ask to be a mod. Mods are people I trust, I won't just trust a random person I don't know. Even if I'm a small streamer/YouTuber.

* Sexual jokes/comments are to stop if you are asked to. I'm not your friend or your partner, I'm here to entertain. Do not flirt with other viewers or comments. (Some joking is fine but back off if people get uncomfortable.)

* Don’t ask to play a game unless I'm stating I'm playing with viewers in a tag on the stream. Don’t count on this happening, I just play with friends usually.

I don't know how big the Vtuber scene is on Tumblr, sadly where it's the biggest (besides YT and Twitch) is on Twitter and for several reasons, I don’t want to go on that hellsite again. But I do appreciate any support I get here regardless. That's it, thank you for reading this. ~ 💙

okay this is random and is just me rambling a lot so i’m so sorry dkjhsdf

i got a video recommended on youtube and it’s vixx but it’s only 3 of the members performing like 3 of their older songs so i was like ???? where’s everyone else?? i know hongbin’s gone but like what????

BUT that reminded me that i never knew why hongbin left and this whole time i knew it was bc of something he said when he was streaming  so my chronically-on-twitch ass assumed he was spewing gamer words, so i looked it up the other day and i was DYING because it basically said something along the lines of: he was dissing senior artists while he was drunk on stream and then leo apparently showed up and told him to leave the band???? that’s so fucking funny to me imagine spewing drunk shit on a stream and then one of your members shows up and is like “you need to shut the fuck up but also leave the group” jdshfkjsdh idk how true that is but the image alone has me rolling 💀💀💀

Disavowing "Content Creation is Easy"

Content creation online, whether that's a newsletter, a YouTube channel, a Twitch stream, is a very volatile- I think the best word for it is- market. Yes, it's something you can attempt for free, because all you need is either OBS on your computer or a camera and that's the bare minimum. However, to get anywhere, it's a fickle market. But this can apply to all forms of art. You do drawing commissions? It's gonna take a lot to get a decent amount of those flowing. You a musician? Have fun trying to do a shit-load of promo initially. And, with this, it's based on the consumers. When you're some McDonald's fast food employee, you don't need to place all your hope that someone shows up, McDonald's is already reputable and will have people. However, with content creation, you have to hope someone finds it. Rather than your job security being placed on a manager, it's placed on random people. If them, as a collective, decide to just not engage with it? Job's gone, that's it. I hate when people say "Oh, anyone can do this." Because, no. Not really. It's hard to get anywhere. Anyone can start, sure, but it's hard to GET anywhere with it. DanTDM didn't get to his position just because he could, it's because he pioneered Minecraft content. TommyInnit is humorous. Without those factors, both of them would probably not be where they are now. You need to do something niche enough where the market is untapped but not too niche where no one will care about it. With DanTDM, he was the first to do Minecraft content in a swarm of PewDiePies doing a variety of games, but none of them Minecraft. With TommyInnit, people are typically good for being all-around entertaining or good at the game, but Tommy added a level of humor to the videos, using Minecraft as a medium for joke-making. This sets them apart from everyone in the sphere. So, no, it's not easy. Creating a video for people to enjoy is an art. You have the actual content, you have a title and thumbnail to try to drive people in. It's not as simple as it is. A MrBeast video takes months of planning before it's even recorded. That doesn't even account for the thumbnail design, the recording or editing! Anyone can spout shit into a webcam, but not everyone can build a living off of it. It's a mix of skill and luck to get to somewhere like that.

Of course they got mad at Mysta for not wanting someone to trauma dump. Bet it was mostly the parasocials who were mad. He didn't attack a fan, he scolded a parasocial.

Yeah, the way he worded it was bad and he said that, he definitely could've said it better. But that was most likely the first thing he thought of. He's apologized for wording it the way he did.

Moral of the God damn story, stop trauma dumping unless the person says it's okay. For instance, I'd be okay with it unless stated otherwise.

But the majority of people are not. Don't get upset when someone tells you not to fucking do that... bro.

Instead of superchatting to a vtuber about it, find someone who is more qualified to help especially if you feel you were traumatized from it.

You may trust him, but you don't know him and he isn't your best friend to vent and tell all your problems to.

Parasocials please go outside challenge. Better yet, parasocials get therapy challenge so you don't be parasocial.

Remember kids, vtubers are not your best friends, not even close friends or just even a friend. They're someone you watch on youtube or twitch or whatever. They don't know you, you don't know them. You don't know shit about them aside from what they show of their online persona. So don't treat them like that. Always remember you aren't going to meet them irl. They are very different than their character, 9 times out of 10. Make sure you aren't becoming attached. Don't. Be. Parasocial. Dammit.

Okay back to your regularly schedule random chaos

Also Ike's Outlast stream was fucking hilarious today, he was so energetic and funny as ever- is on going thing about being a pizza delivery guy- "did it hurt when you fell from heaven?!" "Hey I said he fell from heaven, not where he landed!" "Batteries?? Spare batteries? AnY B A T ?" Pizzasanji... his push ups... "if someone says they're laying a pizza in Sweden, they mean they're gonna throw up!" God this is why I love Ike lmao- get you a man like Ike-

If your man has glasses, brown hair with blue highlights, golden earrings, a chain on his glasses, a snazzy outfit, speaks Swedish, English, and Japanese, and can dona metal scream... that ain't your man

Thats Ike Eveland-

📌pinned📌

Hi there! I'm HearseHound! I am a trans-nonbinary goth/alt/emo catboy(he/they) who does random shit and occasionally posts about it. I am hoping to motivate myself to be able to do Youtube videos and Twitch streaming in the future! I am also a pagan and practice witchcraft, and so I will probably talk about stuff like that, as well as other interests and aspects of my life.

Below you will find all of my current links, and more will be added when ready!

☁Links☁

threads 📱

instagram 📷

linktree 🌳 (which has everything)

why are people on the internet so mean.

so the sims released the trailer for their new pack today and i was really excited for it, and my favourite sims youtuber, kayla (lilsimsie) was too when i watched her reaction video. in the video tho she missed a little text box that said one of the new items allowed you to summon the grim reaper at will, a feature i knew she'd be really excited about.

so then i went onto twitch and opened her livestream since i knew she was live and wrote in chat "pls tell me y'all told simsie about the summoning the grim reaper at will thing in the trailer after she missed it three times", to which a couple people very nicely replied "yes!" and "she did!", to which i replied "yay! I knew I could count on y'all!". i initiated this because I was excited for the feature and I knew Kayla would be too, and I hoped to spark a conversation on stream about it since I like her being excited about things.

I'm about to close the stream after this when I hear kayla say my username and start talking about what I just put in chat. she was perfectly nice and not targeting me in any way, just pointing out that so many people had brought up that she missed it. but then EVERYONE in the chat is going "people are so toxic" like constantly on repeat everyone is saying it. also, whole Kayla is talking someone says "you've done it now y'all you've broken her". and then kayla says "truthfully I did notice in editing I was just trying to get the video out quick and also I didn't want to take the time to add something onto the end because I had just found out my parents dog had cancer."

meanwhile, people are still yelling in the chat that people are so toxic for bringing this random feature up repeatedly (I'd just opened the stream I thought it would have already come up and i wasnt expecting kayla to respond to my comment if it had cos in that type of scenario she would just ignore the comment if shed already seen a similar one)

so basically the entire chat is yelling at me for bringing something up (in a very friendly way btw) because i thought kayla would be excited about it, and they're all making me feel shit about it and then I get the news that the reason kayla didn't go back and add it in afterwards is bc she found out her parents dog had cancer. which is really sad and obviously im sorry about that and kayla didn't do anything wrong in this situation.

but the CHAT oh my lord why were they so mean ;-; Kayla was perfectly nice about the way she addressed it, as we're the chat mods when they informed me that yes kayla had in fact been told about it, but the rest of chat were so freaking mean ;-; how on earth does this situation make me toxic. I was excited about the new feature. I knew Kayla would be excited for it too. I just wanted to hear her talking about it. I had no way of knowing if shed already been talking about it since I hadn't previously been watching the stream. but I'm toxic. great.

and then afterwards I knew I needed to rant about this whole situation bc it was pissing me off and I can't let go of things until I say them outloud (or type them ig) and I considered my boyfriend, but he was offline, and I considered my mum, but she was asleep, and then I realised I don't have a best friend to rant to. it got so bad I even considered twitter even tho I almost never use it anymore. eventually I decided on tumblr even tho I don't have a following who would be interested so no one's gonna reply to this being like "oh I'm sorry that happened that sucked" or whatever, which is fine ofc, but I just which I had someone in my life who I could be saying this rant to instead of saying it to an empty corner of the internet.

Doug Walker Jumpscare

My routine for the last full week has just been work, sleep, and slowly force myself through all of Channel Awesome's movies. More accurately 2 of those days were spent watching Kickassia and Suburban Knights, and the last 5 have been me procrastinating finishing To Boldly Flee, because god, that movie has got to be one of the single most unbearable things I have ever watched. I watched them all in the form of a Twitch stream with commentary and The 9/11 Brothers (don't worry about it.) and I don't think I could've gotten through any of those films without those 2 silly little ducks. To be fair, Suburban Knights, and Kickassia weren't the worst, like I found some enjoyment from those 2, especially Kickassia that movie was just genuinely fun, but I could not tell you a single thing about To Boldly Flee other than that every scene was really awkward in a non-funny way.

Doug Walker is like, actually so unfunny that he integer underflows into being the funniest person ever entirely on his own, every single scene involving him (which was almost all of them) became extremely entertaining after a certain point. He has 3 jokes, and 2 tones of voice and he acts exactly the same in every situation, he always feels like he is simultaneously trying way too hard and also has no clue what he's doing acting. It was so hard to tell when a scene was supposed to be serious, or if it was him being self-aware and making fun of himself, like some of those scenes have to be ironic, they can't not be, but they're filmed and acted in the exact same way as the actually serious scenes it's such a mess. Like it sounds like I'm just making fun of him at this point, which I am I think anyone who's ever talked about these movies inevitably does because it's really easy to do, however I did genuinely find these movies (with the exception of To Boldly Flee, which to be fair was probably just because I watched all of these movies back to back and that was not a good idea) to be really fun to watch, and it's very clear that Doug had actual genuine passion in making these and probably really enjoyed filming them (even if the rest of the crew very clearly did not).

This has been like the least productive week ever, I have done NOTHING all because I refused to let myself do anything until I finished these films in their entirety. Tbh I do this a lot, I will very frequently start something and refuse to move onto anything else until that thing is complete, no matter how unimportant it is, it's kind of a problem ngl lol. The worst part is whenever I do just say fuck it and move on without finishing something, it will eat away at me for an indefinite amount of time afterwards, 2 years ago I played Persona 4, got to the final boss then just stopped, like I didn't even attempt the fight I just stopped despite enjoying the game and being at the very end, and that has haunted me ever since.

I don't know where to put this because I suck at structuring things, but like, I just want to bring up a few of my favorite moments (all of them are from Kickassia my brain completely turned off for the other 2 I don't remember shit). The scene where Cinema Snob gets exiled from Kickassia and everyone just awkwardly stares at him as he walks away is easily the best part of any of these movies, it's filmed so weirdly, and it goes on for way too long, like it feels like just a full minute of cutting back and forth between him walking off into the desert, and everyone else on the other side of a fence waving. The point where they just straight up play a random clip from Board James completely out of nowhere was also peak fiction, I love how that small clip of someone else's Youtube show is filmed so significantly better than this full length movie. Another really odd thing is that Doug is just like, obsessed with Ma-Ti from Captain Planet, like he's a recurring character in all 3 of his films, like why him, it just feels so random? I literally don't remember a single other moment from any of these films they left so little impact I actually remember more about the 3 minute Board James cameo than anything else why did I waste my week doing this it wasn't even that funny.

Recommendation Time Part 2

You should probably read the previous ask first

And like i said: don't post this one! (especially bc i'm basically about to just copy and paste parts of someone elses tumblr post) just either delete it in case you're not interested or keep it for reference if you wanna get into redacted audio

First of i highly, highly recommend checking the description of every video for content/trigger warnings before watching

"People have different opinions on this, but I recommend starting with Freelancer Season 1. You get a lot of the important lore and meet a bunch of characters, all with one listener."

"But then...maybe don't go on to Season 2 until you've listened to some of the werewolves and vamps. "Sadism's Hold", "Sovereign State", "Carpe Deus" and "Project Meridian" are largely independent of what's happening with the Freelancer Storyline and the werewolves and vampires...at least for now."

"From there, the only other listening advice I would give is:

1. ...NOT to listen to the E&E Games & the Inversion arc (posted December 2021/January 2022) until you're familiar with most of the characters. (Those were kind of "Infinity War"-style crossover events where characters who don't normally interact finally met each other, so you want to be at least a little bit familiar with most of them.)

2. Be aware that Imperium & Cataclysm are an AU and are very dark. Just be advised.

3. At one point last fall, Erik (Redacted Audio) had to move a lot of things off of YouTube, which has left some holes in the playlists, but he's very good about either leaving a modified version of the original in their place to maintain the plot OR leaving a placeholder there to send you to his Patreon, where you can listen to anything "Removed from YouTube" free of charge."

"If you ever get confused about lore: Erik has posted a timeline" (https://redacted-audio.com/timeline-all)

"If you just want to listen to every single video in release order, there's a playlist for that."

(https://m.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLEm8kgm65Yt4OIgNQzXa__5mO8ICtyyR2)

And also my personal other recommendation in case you'd like a podcast of two people just talking about random shit to listen to while doing the dishes or someting, the creator behind Redacted Audio (Erik) also has a podcast on youtube with a friend of his that does twitch streams but idk if their sense of humor matches yours or not (https://m.youtube.com/@hewllyeahpodcast/videos)

That sounds so cool. I love that the videos are so short that you can get through them whenever you have time. I can't wait to get through them. Thank you so much for recommending them to me!

10/31/22

The night got away from me. It's 5:30 again. This is tiring, the whole like... fighting this sleep schedule because I'm afraid people are gonna judge me or something. Like... I don't know, maybe if I were more productive I would be more okay with staying up all night. Like... I do work pretty much every day, in one form or another, but lately I've been so stressed out and emotionally overwhelmed, and social deprived, that I've been self-soothing more than usual. And I think Twitch is kinda simulating social interaction, so I end up completely sucked into a chat room, even if I'm not participating. And that might be part of what's throwing off my rhythm?

I think the switch from YouTube to Twitch kinda fucked me over. I was much more productive when I was watching YouTube stuff in the background while working. I guess it's that hunger for social contact that pulls me in and is so alluring with Twitch.

It's unfortunate. I mean, streaming would be a much better fit productively than watching streams... but the cost for that is just ridiculous nowadays. You have to subject people to ads, you can't listen to good music, you have to be careful what you say because you're not just live but recording, and you don't know who's listening - either live or for however long the vod is saved. Hard to really... just chill like that... I feel like the anxiety of that, when I have fear just sorta lurking right ahead of every corner... and tailing me from like half a block behind, at the same time. It's like I'm stuck in a bubble of stability with scary sad shit in my wake, and scary sad shit up ahead. And I'm just trying to get through each day creating at least one beautiful thing. And planting seeds.

That theme is in the first line of the first song I listen to every shower, in my new shower setlist. Shine On by Kristoff Krane.

I've been very re-inspired by this album, and I've been acquainting myself with Kairos Part 2, which I've never really spent enough time on. Sea Spider is my new favorite off that one so far. I've been listening to Kairos 2 on the way to the skatepark the past 2 days. I should really get AirPods or something, I think my mom might have an extra pair. Skating with music would be really nice, I miss it. And no one is there, so it's not like anti-social or anything.

The past two times I went to the park, the people who were skating there left pretty quick. Actually, every time I've gone when there was someone there, now that I think about it... I want to get insecure about it and be like... well, you're old. Well, you probably smell like litterbox and mildew and weird essential oils and goat milk soap. Well, you have a shaved head, a beard and are wearing all black tattered clothes that are probably like 10 years old. Well, your posture isn't great, probably look like a creep or a weirdo or something. My insecurity is super nice to me, a real sweet-talker. I don't know what his deal is, I really don't understand fully what his job is or why we keep him around here. My insecurity is like that guy that worked at the retail store you worked at, or in the kitchen you worked in, who you really don't know how he's still hired. Like, all he does is talk shit and lay around and come up with excuses and shit. He doesn't even really get that much work done for the cost, either. I don't know how to like... manage this dude without being pretty self-aggressive, which is just... counterintuitive and feels counterproductive. And the worst part, I can't fire him. I can't banish him. Because he's me, he's part of my chorus of personality facets.

I just took a peek to see how the hell I got on this topic and completely derailed my train of thought. So let's just pick a random one, shall we? I feel like I shouldn't walk away from this one. Like...I think insecurity and anxiety are really important things to talk about, it's just like... by nature, it's the last thing people talk about openly and honestly. Embarrassment, humiliation, shame. That kinda shit. It's one thing to be a stand-up comedian making a joke about their own childhood, that shit is still difficult... but its a completely different ballpark from actually expressing your honest humility in front of an audience. I mean, fuck, people barely even talk to their husbands or wives with full humility, try an open mic night, or broadcast TV! So I think it's actually rare for people to fully see... accurate examples of what humility looks like. What human vulnerability looks like, and how to express and experience it in a healthy way. It's just... not something that's on public display. Not in a way that's truly honest.

Naw, I mean... it's there. I'm not 100% on the nose here. We still have poetry, we still have music lyrics, we still have art. It's still here, and everything I'm describing here is absolutely art. I'm just realizing how there's really not a lot of demand for art, at least for people involved in my life, people I'm in proximity to. Maybe I need to be in proximity to different people... yeah... duh... that'd be pretty damn smart. If I'm stuck around Twitter doom and gloom gossip drama all fucking day just so I can hear a few really funny jokes... is it really worth the cost? I think I'm subtly becoming convinced that this social problem is more widespread than it is, because I'm just seeing how pop-culture, social media junkies are acting. They literally mock honest, truthful, emotional expression. For a living. So... maybe I should take a few steps back from it and find a social pool that isn't just comedy, but actually putting a positive message out there. Something more about individual expression and creativity than... pop culture references and roasting people.

It's gonna be weird transitioning out of humor every day, it is pretty helpful to have around... but I think it builds my insecurity and hopelessness about like... what the world is devolving into. Like how they can act outraged about someone acting "racist" towards a Cuban gang... and then have like 20 people doing the most offensive Russian impression I've ever seen. Adidas track suits, vodka, a live bear, snow, AK-47s, shitty house music and all. I guess it's just like... you know what. That's just so blatantly clear right there... so I really don't have to explain it. Either make fun of everyone or make fun of no one. We don't have to make it any more complicated than that. Either do the over-the-top Chinese accent and the over-the-top Russian accent, but please for the love of god do not pick which factions it's okay to do caricatures of based on current international politics. Good lord. That's just... never ends well.

Think of it this way before I drop the topic entirely and hopefully just never have to talk about this unnecessary drama ever again. Today's enemies can be tomorrow's neighbors. It's just a thing. Japan is a good example, even UK for US if you got far enough back. Though we'd really like to pretend that grudge is over with. And you know what? We get it. We feel the same way, a lot of us at least. So if we're gonna say "you know what, fuck Russia, the entire country, the entire culture, the fashions, the traditions, it is a representation of something evil that is happening in the world" you're literally attaching the actions of a political party, or military groups, to a culture of people. That's just... I mean they're civilians, dude. Get mad at the people doing the bad shit. Make fun of evil politicians. Make fun of evil soldiers. The individuals themselves. But don't drag a whole culture into a political satire. Like... a caricature of George W. Bush in the New Yorker or something is like... political satire. Those old posters of Japanese or German soldiers with horns and shit, that's wartime propaganda. And maybe we shouldn't cross that line just for some cheap laughs, I don't know. It makes me feel weird. I don't like it. I want to change the channel when I see it.

So yeah, maybe I'm being sensitive, I have some Russian heritage, not a lot but some. But I'm not gonna pretend that's the reason, I have no idea about Russian culture. It's the fact that they literally changed the voices of several major characters in their lore to make them less offensively Asian. And I don't think a single one of them even know that Russia and China are neighboring countries. So... it's kinda just awkward and weird that they're so okay doing bottom of the gutter Russian impressions, simply because they're this year's "bad guy". I don't know. I often feel like I'm watching something that in like 3 years they look back at and go... yeah, I'm not proud of that.

So... now that that's out of my system... I'm kinda just changing the channel whenever they do this political satire stuff. It's just too much for me, too South Park but not as clever or well written.

Productivity is how I got on this. Haha! I remember! I'd be much more productive if I went back to listening to audiobooks or something. It's just... those are single-player games. I become very aware of that fact and it makes me feel very lonely. So... I'm gonna try to address my fear of making friends tomorrow. I have my first meeting with a Betterhelp social worker, we'll see how it goes.

I hate the first meetings. I've had so many therapists, the first meeting is always like... "Hi stranger, here's my life story in a nutshell because I've done this 20 times." At least now it is. No coaxing answers out of me, no milking my story and giving snippets out over the course of months. Both barrels, out the gate. And I'm starting to identify this isolation stuff as being the biggest problem by a longshot.

I think most, if not all, of my major problems would dissipate if I had like... a girlfriend and maybe one good friend, too. That's really it. So that I don't just burn out one person, I have a back-up for myself and for them if they need the weight lifted or need backup. I mean that sincerely, I think most of my issues would be completely manageable if I were around the right people. I think most of the skills I need for that have been very well trained the past few years - communication, humility, patience, forgiveness, self-study, developing new language. I just need to really sort through my trauma responses and insecurities. There are pretty thick layers of anxiety and avoidance just covering all social things lately. Until I get there, in the moment of the social event, and the anxiety just melts away. It's anticipatory anxiety. And it's very convincing. But the second I prove it wrong, it all just evaporates.

Being able to get more practice with this, explore this... should help a lot when I move. Which I am very anxious about, its approaching really quick.

So yeah, I don't know, if this guy can help me find good people and help me normalize social interaction... help me feel comfortable starting to date again. That would be really helpful. It's really weird. Okay, let's get this out and then try to wrap up.

It's really weird to be so deeply starved of social contact that you are actually begging and bartering with people - explaining medical reasons why you need it - just so they will spend time with you. It's surreal. And the more starved I get, the harder it is for people to be around me. It really does work a lot like hunger. And people can get overwhelmed around me, I think. Not just because of my ADD and my super strong unthrottled emotions, but because I am basically getting an intoxicating dose of oxytocin at that moment. I'm like a rescued dog eating for the first time in 2 days. I think that can fuck with people a bit. A certain type, at least. Even if they don't overtly detect what it is that's off-putting or... suspicious... about it.

So yeah, figuring out what kind of people to be around, learning to detect the ones that are doing this to me... learning how to walk away from people that consume me, re-learning how to meet people, re-learning how to be comfortable and feel safe around people. I need help with all that. And I don't know if that's something he can help with, most other therapists I have met with haven't had much insight. "Go to the skatepark" was the mantra, and they were right, but there's more to the picture. And practice and safety pads are really helpful for the learning process and building confidence. Ask any Olympic gymnast or vert skater.

We'll see how the meeting goes, it's right around sundown tomorrow, so no Halloween skating, oh well, I'm due for an off-day anyway. I'll put more time into the hoodie instead.

I'm gonna get to bed. My mind has been clearly very scattered tonight, it has been most of the night. Maybe I'll do the Samhain deep-dive tomorrow night as my journal for here. I'll do a little research for myself too. Because it's technically gonna be tonight... It's been a while since I've read a new myth story, I'm pretty excited to get back into it.