#he has always been a fundamentally fucked up kid don't @ me
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While I do love canon magician/wizard Magolor, I'm really starting to gain more love towards scientist Magolor.
Like, it really makes me laugh imagining this mofo in high-school (since I hc that he's one of the few formally schooled people) teaching the other kids how to make bombs, molotov cocktails, explosives or other sort of subtances; grabbing random animals to dissect them (prolly someone's pet was involed in all of those experiments) and making stuff like franken animals.
#admin talks#kirby shitpost#magolor#headcanon???#headcanon#he has always been a fundamentally fucked up kid don't @ me#tw: animal harm
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hm.
#negative cw#our other best friend came over and my roommate mentioned that hes here but never anything past that#and i just went to the bathroom and heard them all playing the board game we were all gonna play and. no one told me#like i would've probably said no bc the kids are here and I'd be uncomfortable but. it hurts?#its a game ive never played before (cluedo) that i bought specifically bc i thought it would be fun to play with my best friends but#god i hate this my stupid brain is so self sabotaging and now im just 'well okay so im never ever gonna play cluedo then this has ruined it'#i hate this i hate everything ab this but my brain gets so all or nothing in situations like this#and i will frequently go for Nothing bc i feel like this is a. it feels once again like i am being excluded from the only friends i have#and its. if it was any other day I'd say maybe they dont wanna keep me up bc of work but i dont work tomorrow#me not working tomorrow is WHY we were gonna play board games tonight literally the entire reason#bc i could stay up later and it'd be fine#but also its fucking 7pm its not that late and they've been going for a couple hours already#and i just. it hurts that they didnt even ask if i wanted to play when ive spent days excited for this#i have talked excitedly ab playing cluedo and now i never ever want to see that game ever again i hate it#i wish i had. i wish i had friends outside of just my 2 roommates and our best friend#like i don't even mean i want people im as close to as them i literally just. i dont know anyone else#no one else would ever want to spend time with me#and i am constantly watching them all make new friends and bring new people into their lives and i just. dont#and its not for lack of trying!!!!! i am always trying So Hard to meet people and make friends but just. it.#i have known for Years like at least a decade that i am fundamentally difficult for people to like especially in person so ive clung to#the trio ive had but i just. i feel like. they are moving on#and its felt that way for a long time for a lot of reasons and its just. i do not understand what im doing wrong#or why people never like me#i wish so badly i could've just been happy with the body i was born in i feel like if i had just settled w being a girl people might like me#i don't know this is stupid and depressing and will be deleted i just#hearing them playing and having fun and the fact that they never even thought to involve me just Hurts
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so, you've heard shows be recommended because they had gay characters. you don't really know what they're actually about though, and don't know if they'd be something you'd be into and are worried about spoilers. here's spoiler free plot summaries of em!
The Owl House
The Owl House starts out as a typical teenage girl goes into a fantasy realm story, but with a twist. Actions have consequences. The protagonist is a girl named Luz Noceda, who was being sent to a camp to make her behave normally by her mother after causing too much trouble at school. She ends up finding a place she's always dreamed of: a fantasy world. A world where everyone's so much weirder than she is. And she thinks, maybe if I don't belong out there, maybe people will like me here. Maybe I can be special here.
It's a story about found family, propaganda, erased history, living with disability, religious trauma, and neurodivergence. It's fundamentally a show about people who's brains work differently finding each other and making a family that treats them right. Definitely my favorite of the ones on this list. It's about people who've been oppressed being pissed about it and about finding yourself again after giving up on everyone around you for so long. It's basically a show about being a minority and trying to be understood and to understand yourself in the process. It's about growing up neurodivergent and how isolating it feels and figuring yourself out. It's about repairing broken relationships and parents who fuck up. And it's just. Such a love letter to anyone who was the weird kid in school. It's sad and heartbreaking and also so hopeful, and it's wonderful.
Content warnings: Abuse, Death, Grief, Animal Death, Suicidal thoughts, Vague suicide attempts, Depression, blink and you'll miss it s/h, body horror, religious trauma
She Ra and the Princesses Of Power
Adora was raised in the Horde since she was a baby, being fed propaganda about how cruel the princesses were. After learning how the horde actually was, though, she defects. But there's one problem. Her best friend, Catra, stays behind. Adora finds a sword that can transform her into She Ra, and might be the key to figuring out who she really is, while Catra takes her place as force captain.
It's a story about abuse, at the end of the day. Adora and Catra were stuck in a golden child and scapegoat dynamic, despite how much they care about each other. This leads to them knowing everything about each other but not understanding it. There's a fundamental disconnect between them, because both of their traumas are completely different. They have complete misconceptions about each other. Even in their initial split, they both have completely different perceptions of what's going on and why the other is upset. It's not a story about magic princesses, it's about the cycle of abuse and what makes it so complicated. Does it have flaws? Yeah. But ultimately I really really enjoy it, and when it does something right it does something RIGHT. Get through season one, it starts kids show-y but it gets very good during later s1.
Content warnings: Abuse (obviously), body horror, gaslighting (and I mean actual gaslighting, not what the Internet thinks gaslighting is), suicide, depression, flashing lights and eyestrain during the finale
Steven Universe
Steven Universe is a sins of the father story. Steven is the son of the leader of the rebel group The Crystal Gems, who's name was Rose Quartz. He navigates the confusion of being half gem and half human, as well as trying to figure out the mess of the rebellion and what his mother left behind. He's constantly in her shadow, for better or for worse.
It's a story about grief. How it impacts relationships, how it taints history, how it impacts family. It has some definite flaws, but ultimately it's about very flawed people who have lost so many people in their life trying to cope with it. Trying to handle what they lost and trying to adjust to life without them. It's about how expectations fuck a kid up and about agency and just a show about complicated relationships in general, at the end of the day. Also, it has some FANTASTIC music.
Content warnings: Grief, Abuse, body horror, very creepy people I don't know how to tag, heavy allegories for homophobia
Nimona
Nimona is a story about a guy who gets framed for murder. His name is Ballister Boldheart, a commoner who hoped to become a knight. It seemed everyone was waiting to watch him fail, so it was no surprise when he was the immediate target. Heavily injured and away from the man he loves, he's left alone trying to figure out a way to prove his innocence- until a strange kid comes into his life. This kids name is Nimona, and while he is intent on proving his innocence, she gave up on being anything but a villain a long time ago.
It's about deconstructing the model minority myth, trans rage, propaganda, and with a healthy dose of "FUCK the police".
Content warnings: Heavy injury, on screen suicide attempt, flashing lights
feel free to add more shows! just remember to keep the summaries as spoiler free as you can and add content warnings!
#show recommendations#movie recommendation#the owl house#toh#owl house#steven universe#shera#she ra#spop#nimona#queer#gay#lesbian#bisexual#trans#transgender#queer shows
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모래성 [LMH] (2) (M)
Description: You and Mark have had a friends with benefits relationship for almost a year now. He's in love with you, addicted to you, but you don't feel the same. You're his poison.
Genre: Smut/hints of angst at the end if you squint
Content Warnings: Explicit unprotected sex (Don't Do This LOL), rough Mark, hand necklaces (don't come for me), some angsty angst because I'm a sad bitch, oh also fem receiving oral and other fun, cool stuff
Word Count: 2,307
Pairing: Mark Lee x Reader
Part One | Part Two | Part Three
Juliet's Masterlist | Requests
Mark left you on Monday, and now it’s Friday. You didn’t expect to feel his loss like this—as if he truly is a fundamental part of your life. He’s done with you, and it’s something you’ll have to learn to live with.
In reality, you’re not entirely sure what brought all of this on. Or what made that switch in him flip. Although it doesn’t matter anymore, not when he hasn’t even reached out in the slightest. You see him active on socials, talking to Jaemin or Haechan, but he doesn’t mention you or even talk to you.
You briefly contemplate asking one of the boys, but if he’s done with you, you refuse to look like the desperate one. You just wish you knew what the hell was going on. Every time your phone goes off, you rush to grab it, hoping, praying it might be him.
Four days is a hell of a long time for him to go no contact. Mark isn’t usually a casual hook-up guy either, so getting random texts from him throughout the day wasn’t weird. For some reason, your heart sinks every time you realize it’s not him.
You’re in a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, sitting on your couch and watching your favorite TV show, when you get a phone call. Seeing his name on your screen has so many emotions racing through you—excitement, anger, confusion. You want to talk to him about anything he wants, but you also feel as if you deserve an explanation for his outburst.
“Hello,” you answer, shifting to cradle your knees to your chest.
“Can I come over?”
Wow, straight to the point. You scoff. “You’re kidding, right?”
“No.” He shuffles around with something in the background. “I’m so hard right now, and no matter what I fucking do I can’t get off. I’m convinced I’ll never cum again unless it’s inside you.”
You want to be mad at him. Truly. He hurt your feelings Monday night, but that doesn’t change the way the deep tenor of his voice travels from the phone and into your skin. It sends shivers down your spine and wetness to your core, forcing you to clench your thighs together.
“You can be mad at me all you want, but I know you. You’re already wet for me and I’ve barely said anything. I bet if I touched you, you’d be soaked.”
“Mark—”
“For the love of God, can I come over or not?”
Your brain says no. It screams at you, in fact, but nothing can overpower the ache for him between your legs. Your body is conditioned to spending almost every night with Mark. At least five nights a week. You didn’t necessarily have sex every time, but Mark has always been insatiable. It was often enough.
“If you’re not here in five minutes, I’m going to bed.”
“Oh, thank fuck,” he groans. “I’m outside, babe. I’ll be up in a sec. Unlock the door.”
He hangs up, leaving you barely any time to regret your decision before you open it for him. Once he appears down the hall, you walk back into your apartment. You run your fingers through your hair, anxiously awaiting his approach.
You’re in your kitchen by the time you see him. While you aren’t expecting to be happy about his presence, you certainly aren’t expecting the pang of sadness that floods your chest. You avoid his gaze, even looking at him entirely.
Soon enough, the small of your back is pressed into the granite countertop, his body slotted between your legs as if he belongs there. His hand trails up your arm, the tender, gentle touch leaving goosebumps in their wake. The tip of his finger finds your chin, tilting your head up.
His eyes are dark, a beautiful mahogany you find yourself lost in more often than you care to admit. Mussed hair is parted down the middle.
“Look at you.” Mark clicks his tongue. “You’ll never get enough of me, will you?”
“You’re the one who called.” You raise your eyebrows at him.
He recognizes that move. A taunt. A request, even.
“I missed you, baby,” he whispers. “I tried so hard to stay away from you.”
His close proximity to you has you refraining from rolling your hips into his. Both of you are so conditioned to each other, movements are mostly habit now.
“Did you miss me?” He leans closer, fresh mint laced in his breath. “You can’t even stand still, I know you want me.” He presses his clothed hardness against you, smirking when you dig your nails into his forearm.
“I let you in, didn’t I?” You let out a shaky breath, hoping he’ll do something soon.
His fingers lace through your hair, gripping the back of your head and yanking it back. You yelp, mentally cursing how it turns into a sigh the moment his lips graze your neck. His teeth nip at your skin.
“Your pulse is racing,” he mumbles, moving up to your earlobe and taking it gently into his mouth.
“Mark.” You reach down and palm him through his sweats. “Get a fucking move on.”
“Where to?” He thrusts into your hand slowly. “Whatever you want.”
Without another word, you pull your shirt over your head. He watches you hungrily, wetting his lips before they part slightly. Following suit, he throws his on the other side of the room, giving you the second he knows you need to admire his body. After, he slides his fingers into the band of your shorts and tugs downward, taking your panties with them.
He grips your hips, hoisting you up on the counter before practically falling to his knees. Looking up at you, he places his hands on your inner thighs, spreading them apart to make room for him.
“Look at you,” he coos. “I was right. Fucking soaked.”
You open your mouth to scold him for taking so damn long, but that’s exactly when his tongue flicks your clit. A moan slips out instead, which has Mark growling against you.
He finds your slit instead, obscene slurping sounds following as you squirm under his ministrations. God, he’s acting like you’re the first meal he’s had in weeks. You grip his hair, tugging gently. He whines into your core. Your stomach flutters and a knot tightens in your stomach as his nose nudges your sensitive bud while his tongue fucks you.
“Close,” you warn him.
He doesn’t stop. He takes your clit into his mouth and pushes two fingers inside you. If you weren’t so caught up in him, you would’ve been embarrassed by the scream leaving your lips. You try to close your legs, but he spreads them further, into an almost uncomfortable position.
He chuckles against you as you fall apart, body spasming as your orgasm floods through you like a tidal wave. You ride his face through it, chest heaving as you hold onto the countertop for dear life.
When he stands, his lips glisten against the dim lighting of your kitchen. You stare at him, breathless, craving to feel him inside you. Leaning forward, you tug at the waistband of his sweats. He kisses you roughly, helping you push them down to the floor. You taste yourself on his tongue as it dances with yours, but it does little to deter you.
“Tell me you need it,” he hisses, guiding your hand to his cock and helping you jerk him off.
“I need it, Mark.” Your voice shakes with need and you scoot closer to the edge of the counter.
As soon as you feel his tip against your entrance, he wastes no time sliding in. You stretch to accommodate him, the feeling making your eyes roll into the back of your head. Needing more, you roll your hips to take him. He slides his hands beneath your ass, squeezing it as he bottoms out.
“Could fuck you all night,” he groans, biting down on your shoulder to keep himself quiet.
When he starts thrusting, it feels like euphoria. His skin slaps harshly against yours, both of your grunts and pleasured sounds mingling together, all of it’s enough to make you forget Monday night ever even happened.
You’re so lost in him, you almost don’t realize when he picks you up. He holds you to his chest and walks to your couch. He sits, leaning back against the cushion. With a swift movement, he unclasps your bra and dips down to take your nipple in his mouth. He’s seated deeper inside you like this. While his tongue flicks, you grind down.
“What are you doing?” you ask.
“I want you to work for it,” he says, teeth grazing you. “Show me how much you want to cum.”
You lift yourself up, whimpering at the slick sound following. Gripping his shoulders, you set a steady pace for yourself, letting your head fall back as he squeezes your breasts.
“That’s it, baby,” he says through clenched teeth. “You take me so well.”
You call out his name. Gyrate your hips. He knows you need more, but he’s clearly enjoying himself too much.
“Mark, for fuck’s sake,” you whine.
“Tell me what you need,” Mark commands.
You settle on his lap, sticky wetness between both of you, and grab his hands. Keeping your eyes on him, you lead his right down between the two of you, pressing his thumb into your clit, and guide the left up to your throat. He wets his lips as he digs his fingers into the sides of your neck.
You start bouncing on him again, the lack of oxygen heightening your pleasure. He rubs you as you take him, and your legs start to shake the closer you get to the end.
“Fuck, cum for me.” His eyebrows furrow, jaw quivering as he admires you on top of him. “Cum on my cock.”
The bubble inside you threatens to burst, and all it takes is one more circle on your clit. You practically scream, moving wildly on top of him as you throw your head back in ecstasy. Mark’s eyes flutter shut, a loud moan escaping him as he tugs you down to cum deep inside of you.
You fall into his chest, both of you sweaty and sticking to each other. Gulping, you put your hand on his face, rubbing his cheek with your thumb. Neither of you says anything until your breathing calms.
“How the fuck do I live without you?” Mark asks, running his fingers through his hair. “Good fucking God.”
Your heart sinks. “What are you talking about?”
The look he gives you is everything you need to know. You curse under your breath, lifting yourself off of him and rushing over to the kitchen with shaky legs. Blinking back tears, you pull your clothes back on.
Mark follows you in, but you throw his shirt and sweats at him.
“Get the fuck out.”
“Wait a second.” He frowns, pulling his underwear and pants on. “I don’t even know why you’re upset—”
“You’re a fucking idiot.” You tug both hands through your hair and knock a cup off the counter into the sink. “Who do you think you are?”
“What are you even talking about?” Mark recoils, face scrunching in shock.
“You fuck me Monday night, then you say you’re done. Now you’re back here, only telling me this is still over after you fuck me. What the hell is your problem?” You feel like your body is on fire. Even after all this time and all you’ve been through, you want to hide yourself from him.
“You’re not good for me.” He shakes his head. “We’re not good for each other.”
“I think you’re missing the point.” You lean on the counter, immediately moving backward when you remember earlier. “I thought you’d at least have some respect for me, Mark. You’re not supposed to fuck girls before you leave them, you know? Kinda hits the self-esteem.”
“Why?”
“I’m not explaining to you why you should be a decent human being—”
“You know I dream about you?” He steps closer. “I go to sleep at night and all I fucking dream about is you. I’m not doing this to hurt you. I just can’t do it anymore.”
You gulp, trying to find something other than him to stare at. “Go, then.”
“Is that what you really want?” He tugs his shirt over his head. “If you want me to go, I will. But I’m not coming back this time.”
You let out a short laugh. “You need me. Whether or not you ever admit that is on you, but you’ll regret walking out on me a second time.”
He frowns, chewing on his bottom lip. “Sure.”
Without another spoken word, he turns away from you and heads toward your door. Thousands of thoughts are exchanged between the two of you. Your heart wants you to beg him to stay. You want to fall to your knees in front of him and make him stay, but you know better.
He touches the knob, glancing back at you once.
As the door closes behind him, your legs buckle. You hold yourself up with your grip on the counter, but eventually allow yourself to slide to the floor. Once the shock wears off, tears well in your eyes.
After a year, that’s all you’re worth to him? You’ve given yourself to him countless times, and even though you’d consider him a friend, the only thing he considers around you is his dick.
You promise yourself you’ll let him go. That you won’t chase him since he’s so complacent about you anyway.
And honestly, you last for a few days, but you’ll never have enough of him.
You call him before the fucking week is through.
#mark lee#nct mark lee#nct mark#nct dream mark#nct dream scenarios#nct dream smut#mark lee smut#mark lee imagine#mark lee x reader
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Courtney claims she kept accusing your father of enjoying hitting you until he stopped using spanking as a punishment. I don't know how true that is, but I'm wondering if there was any similar action taken to stop him spanking her. She claims she only got hit twice.
If Courtney ever stood up for me, she did it when I couldn't see it. My parents themselves make the same claim, that they supposedly argued about several of my suspensions from school. Conveniently, I was never around when this happened.
I only saw it happen once in 5th Grade when I was sent home, was walking home, and the principal was following me in his van demanding I get in (which is actually really fucked up now that I'm thinking about it, no wonder my mother screamed at him).
Other than that, I doubt Courtney's sincerity. The last time I was ever spanked was when I was eleven, because my father was convinced I had purposefully caused a burn in the carpet.
Ironically what kept Courtney from getting spanked was me. I didn't actively get in the way, just that if she did something that would have provoked violence or even screaming, my father usually just assumed I had done it instead.
The truth of the matter is that my father always had a scapegoat. Before it was me, it was my brother. He was ALWAYS getting into these petty power struggles with my brother that often ended in fistfights. My father raised his three children to be like him. So they were rude, they were nasty, they were combative, and reacted very poorly to other people pushing them around. And he was the one pushing them around.
Part of my father's damage is that his father treated his kids like shit on the basis that "It's my house and when you have your house you can call that shots." So he clearly looked forward to being King of the Castle. And when his children routinely responded very negatively to his "Fuck you I do what I want" attitude, in his mind a very personal slight had occurred because some unspoken deal had been broken.
I talked about this in the Turning Red video. Parenting isn't logical, it's ideological (did you like that sentence? I thought it flowed rather well). It's not about whether something works. It SHOULD work, and that's all that matters.
Spanking children SHOULD work, and if it doesn't you just didn't spank them hard enough.
Remember that guy who got so angry that his daughter complained about him on Facebook so he filmed himself shooting her laptop? That's the kind of nutcase we're talking about. Someone who throws a mantrum when a teenage girl bitches about him.
The reality is my parents wheeled me into every single doctor they could find trying to fix my behavioural issues. And it didn't work. Even when I saw huge progress in the inpatient facility, once I got back home I was right back to being rude and disrespectful.
Because the truth is no amount of medication or therapy is going to make you respect someone who has a completely unlikeable personality.
The core fundamental problem in the house is that my parents were complete cunts. And they wanted their kids to just ignore that and respect them anyway. But nobody ever respects someone who behaves the way they did. And no amount of demanding respect is going to warp reality and make you respectable.
You can yammer on about how you own the house and pay the mortgage, but children have no concept of what those are. What they do know is you're mean, so they don't have to be nice to you. Because that is 90% of the lessons we teach children.
But none of this computes to a man whose entire worldview is "He who owns the house is entitled to treat the occupants like shit." In his world, he was entitled to do these things, and you weren't entitled to complain about it. But we don't live in his world.
#lily orchard#courtney peet#courtney orchard#brittany johnson#britts galaxy brain#lily orchard drama#lily orchard discourse#stalking#harassment
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Okay I have like ten minutes I'm gonna try to write all my thoughts about THE LAST SHADOWHUNTER (please be aware the maker of this post is extremely sleep deprived and in finals)
So, last year I made this post that was like "imagine the shadowhunter duty ends and now you have this whole ass civilization that's lived apart from the world since the beginnings of time and now their only duty is over and have to somehow carry on with that, like there's this fundamental part of their identity that just doesn't matter anymore, but they can finally have normal and peaceful lives". Now that's bittersweet if you ask me.
HOWEVER that's not what I'm gonna talk about right now, just a possibility that I'd like to put in everyone's minds (cuz crazy theories are my thing and I'm still haunted by this thought)
Now, I think about the last prince of hell. My best shot right now is that that's Lucifer (just think about it: the last king of faerie is gonna be an intro that's way too heavy, [the CC style] and somehow the gang is gonna find a way to exile eight out of nine and be like Yeah that's all everybody see you at Christmas, then Bad Thing Is Revealed and we're sobbing again. Or maybe they happen at the same time. Cassie likes to have fun with that). If Lucifer is the threat now, we are done. (Like, not done done, just holy mother of god take us out of this done, ya know?)
My first thought (as usual 😔) was Kit (IM A BASIC BITCH OKAY?) but I don't know. That'd be too easy (but I'm not taking him off the list completely). I saw some saying it might be Tessa (which would be cool as fuck) but Tessa already had her story and Cassie is known for letting each generation shine at their own time.
So, I decided to empower my most unlikely theories, and put my money on Ash. I am not an Ash expert, so I apologize in advance if I've got things wrong. But I'm of the idea Ash is in such an interesting position cuz he's had the opportunity to learn from three of the characters that despite shadowhunters the most. However, he is a shadowhunter himself, but doesn't feel any alienation to them (and either to the faeries as far as I'm aware? I think he sees himself as a completely different creature than those around him cuz He Has Gone Thru It™ but that's a conversation for another post). For what I know, at the end of the day Ash is just a kid that has never been seen as a person. He's always being the weapon, the trophy or the treasure. And out of all the cast, I think Ash has the potential to go thru the most devastating heart wrenching and infamous story line to get to that point.
And there's also the possibility it's a character that has not been introduced and we're just putting on our clown make up 🫠
#please be aware im aware that this post lacks a lot#please be aware im just having fune#if anyone wants to (nicely) talk about tsc you're welcome to my ask box :)))))#and please i know most of this is silly#cassandra clare#the shadowhuter chronicles#shadowhunter chronicles#cassieclare#cassandraclare#shadowhunters#cazadores de sombras#cassie clare#the wicked powers#the wicked powers conspiracy theories#the last king of faerie#the last prince of hell#the last shadowhunter#SCREAMING AT THAT LAST TAG STILL!!!!#kit herondale#ash morgenstern#not me almost tagging him as blackthorn 💀💀💀#man i need to sleep
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Sam, you’ve talked a bit about the anger that comes with going undiagnosed for so long, and with having parents that dismissed your struggles. I’m about your age and I recently told my mom that I am relatively sure I have ADHD and that I was looking into getting a diagnosis, and I was at least 60% expecting her to disagree. And instead she said. “Oh yeah, I always thought that.”
Like. ????? WHAT. WHY DID SHE NOT EVER SAY ANYTHING???? Also, she was a teacher for years, and she knows how much I struggled in school so I am just. I’m honestly not sure if this is better or worse than her trying to say I couldn’t possibly have it. Like, at least she acknowledges that I struggled I guess? :/ Anyways, how’s it going with you?
I mean, I'm a big fan of repression.
That's only partially a joke. I'm not a big fan of repression but I do believe in trying to correct negative/damaging thoughts when they can't lead anywhere productive. I'm not a "think positive" person per se, but...
Yes, I am angry I didn't get a diagnosis earlier, particularly since it's not like my family was ignorant about the issue. But meditating on that just makes me more upset, and discussing this with my mother is not going to be cathartic for me or productive for either one of us. Even if I just wanted to take out my anger on her, which is a childish but understandable impulse, it's not like she did it maliciously. She was doing the best she could alone with three kids to raise and she desperately needed at least one of them to be "normal", for reasons that have much more to do with her upbringing and mental health than anything to do with me or my siblings.
And that's all a fucked up situation, but there's nothing to be done about the past. So when I feel annoyance or anger, I stop and think, okay, but there's no point in lingering. Get it out if you have to, but then let's move on to how you can repair that damage. Then I talk about it on here so other people will feel okay about it, and I try to practice compassion, to remember that my parents tried to give their kids a good life with the tools they had and with their own disabilities to deal with.
It sounds like you're in a different place than I am, so I don't know how helpful this is. Not that you really asked for help, it's sweet that you just asked me how I'm doing, but I like to be helpful anyway :) I think the anger you're feeling is normal; the "oh yeah I assumed you had a disability and DID NOTHING" situation is actually quite common, you're not the first person I've spoken to who's had that experience. But part of managing the anger is making a conscious decision about what to do when you feel it.
Pema Chodron, a Buddhist nun, wrote a book called Start Where You Are that I read about five years ago and which I've found useful in managing emotions about things I can't change. I think it gets overhyped as a self-help book, but that's not really how it functions; it's more about explicating a specific line of Buddhist reasoning and using Buddhist practice to accept the difficulty of the world without buying into helplessness over it. Part of that is learning to sit in the pain of unhappiness -- to acknowledge an emotion, experience it, and move into either using it for a productive purpose or letting it go. It's a practice that doesn't come easily, but it does seem to help, at least for me.
Funnily enough, I started writing the Shivadh novels before I had a diagnosis but I knew from the first novel that Jerry was neurodiverse. Writing him with ADHD, even as a supporting character, has been very helpful for me because like me he can't really talk to his parents about it, with a father who has passed and a mother who is in denial. But he's still a fundamentally likable person who gets to demonstrably mature over the course of the books, to achieve things he couldn’t before and be praised for it. It's very satisfying to write about someone who got a late diagnosis and that made his life measurably better. Because it has, for both of us! I would rather have this diagnosis at forty than never have had it at all.
So yeah I'm sad, and angry, and struggling, but crucially I'm not taking it out on myself or others, and I know that this is a temporary situation. These are feelings that will fade in time because they arise from grief for could-have-been, and it's worth the sadness and the anger to have the diagnosis and to finally have help. I can't help the failures and bad relationships and mistakes I made because I had a disability I didn't know about, but I didn't know about it -- and now that I do I can improve my life going forward. What I'm feeling now is passing; what caused those feelings is permanent, and from now on I'll understand myself better (and, at least in theory, have access to bomb-ass medication to help raise my quality of life).
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Okumura Haru, aka Noir: an analysis
so, my friend Keeper wanted me to help them get a sense of Haru's character because they missed her introduction and a fair amount of her confidant, and the result was this analysis. fast forward like a month and I realized "hey, this would be fun to post online actually" and here I am lol. fair warning, it's long and also in bullet point paragraphs cause I was trying to write quickly at the time and have since fleshed a few of them out a bit more (I have a lot of feelings about Haru lmao)
without further ado, here we go!
Haru's past
-first and foremost, Haru is the heir to a fuck off huge corporation. her father basically owns the equivalent of mcdonalds. though she doesn't always act like it, she is fundamentally a rich kid
-now in my original analysis, it had been a while since I'd actually gone through Haru's confidant, and I had mistakenly believed that Haru had at least to some extent been raised to take over the business. pretty sure I thought that cause I can't tell the difference between actual canon and stuff I've read in fics lol. but after playing through her confidant again and realizing she actually had zero business experience whatsoever actually makes her even more impressive in my eyes, because she more or less had to teach herself how to run an entire corporation, and by the end of her confidant she has a pretty solid handle on things already (doubly impressive because her confidant starts so late game, so depending on how fast you play through it... she's learning all this in like, two months max if you're getting through it before 3rd sem)
-in addition to that: rather than her father retiring and placing her in charge, she is literally thrust into it by her father's death. so she's learning all this business management, getting used to phantom thievery, and grieving her father all at the same time???? I could never
-presumably Haru inherited everything after her father's death, putting her in full control of his wealth? (I don't really know how businesses and shareholders work.) Haru's mother doesn't appear to have been in the picture, although to be fair that could mean she's either dead, has left, or is just never shown on-screen. I don't remember any distinct mentions of her
-her father's view of her: the conspiracy has obviously been in action for at least around two years (based on the timeline of the mental shutdowns and psychotic breaks inflicted by Akechi after he joined the conspiracy). Okumura Kunikazu's view of his daughter would presumably have become distorted during this time; obviously we don't necessarily know the timeline of any Palace formations except Futaba's and Sae's, since one was shown on-screen and the other discussed more than once. by the time we begin Okumura's Palace, he views Haru as nothing more than a tool for him to use in his financial and political ambitions ("subservient puppet" and her cognitive form's appearance as an obedient and extremely weak robot). he also is ignorant of her wants and needs, evident by him arranging to marry her off to Sugimura for his own political gain
-now, because Okumura becomes so distant from Haru as his Palace develops, whether intentionally or not, Haru is kept fairly far away from her father's unethical business practices. obviously she has her own suspicions as indicated in game, but seeing as her father doesn't really tell her anything, she presumably still had at least a decent opinion of him up until his Palace
Haru's character/personality
-Haru is very kind by nature. her childhood initially encouraged this (the cafe her grandfather used to run) but because of her father's distortion and changed parenting style she has mostly retreated into becoming a "seen but not heard" people pleaser. this results in a very reserved persona, but she isn't exactly shy - she is willing to reach out to help people, is generally friendly when approached (if you go up to her in the Shujin hallways before you even start the Palace, she's very polite, even if not explicitly cheerful), and as proved not long after we formally meet her:
-if a core belief of hers is challenged, she will stand up for it. one of our first interactions with her in game, she isn't afraid to tell us that after listening to our flimsy explanation of our motives as the Thieves, she cannot work with us. she calls us out immediately on not helping our own teammate, and tells us she cannot work with people who aren't certain of their motives/goals (I don't remember her exact wording but I remember it was definitely something along those lines). in short, she cannot trust us to truly want to help her father
-first proper meeting: other than the seconds immediately after her entrance alongside Morgana in her father's palace, she is very flustered and constantly getting things confused. based on my understanding of her as a person, I believe this is because although she already considers Morgana a friend, he's clearly established a role for her to play as well (replacing the Phantom Thieves with her, taking the spotlight for future changes of heart, etc) and she knows, deep down, that she is still being used, even if Morgana does have good intentions and wants to teach her to help people. deep down she knows this isn't the real her either. her full Persona awakening showcases this pretty clearly with all the fucking guns and rocket launchers hidden in Milady's skirt that are finally revealed (aka Haru's full, true strength simmering for a long time, hidden beneath the surface, because who in her life would have ever wanted her to be anything but obedient and weak?)
-she's also the one to push Morgana to be honest both with himself and the other Thieves, to admit he doesn't really want to leave and that he feels like this is the only place he belongs. she's struggled with being honest with herself in the past, accepting her true self and especially displaying it, and the Thieves helped her finally do that; given her kind nature I'm not surprised she wanted to be able to return the favor
-as we get to know her, we learn Haru is still very naturally kind and genuinely friendly. the thing is, she doesn't have a lot of friends. we don't see her interact with anyone (other than her father and fiance) beyond basic pleasantries until her formal introduction, including at Shujin. I'm fairly reasonably certain this is because almost everyone she's ever met has only seen her as "Okumura's daughter" rather than just Haru, her own person
Noir
-Haru is one of the strongest physical damage dealers, alongside Ryuji and Yusuke (both in terms of normal melee attacks and her powerful gun-type skills). she's also the only Thief other than Akechi who has gun-type skills on her Persona - and it's important to note that Akechi can only use gun-type skills in the third semester, with Loki and eventually Hereward, so Haru having gun-type skills significantly earlier in game than Akechi (especially with high crit chances) is quite useful. also her weapons are a grenade launcher and a large battle axe so that says a lot about her
-her Persona uses psy magic and ailment skills in addition to the gun-type skills. psy is particularly important since it triggers many kinds of technical hits, extra useful if you have a wide variety of ailments you can inflict via Joker's Personas. this also makes sense given the identity of her first tier Persona, Milady de Winter, the uncommonly beautiful and extraordinarily cunning female spy featured in The Three Musketeers by Alexandre Dumas. Milady is also described as ruthless, which I feel is a good representation of how Haru acts as a Phantom Thief. now in addition to the other skills, she does have the ability to cure certain ailments and also recover more quickly from ailments, and can use heat riser to give significant buffs to a party member and makarakarn/tetrakarn to protect a party member from a magic or physical attack respectively. obviously the specific skills she has available to her depends on how you choose to build her in game (I personally tend to lean towards emphasizing her gun-type and support skills over her ailment usage/curing, since I have no shortage of ailments in Joker's Persona stock and prefer to use Haru as a damage dealer, but that's not really relevant lmao)
-also, Haru is a sadist who loves killing/destroying Shadows. probably all that repressed anger and unresolved trauma. as rich as her father is, I seriously doubt he paid for a therapist for her. rich and emotionally distant fathers are just like that
The Empress
-I have some issues with her confidant that I think are about to become very evident
-Haru is the Empress Arcana (number III) and it shows. she is a girl in a position of power (head of a corporation) and as mentioned before, she is very kind by nature, and quite nurturing as shown by her love and skill for taking care of plants. the people in charge of assigning cards did a particularly good job with her
-her confidant is less based on personal relationships like Ryuji's or Makoto's; instead it focuses on professional development and relationships with subordinates and corporate associates and shareholders. she spends a lot of time throughout her confidant events figuring out who to trust and how to shift Okumura Foods into something she can truly be proud of, with a strong focus on undoing all the unethical practices her father put in place. though she of course wasn't expecting to be put in charge so soon, she does a very good job managing the sudden responsibilities. we also have no reason to believe her grades were slipping during this time, so she appears to be able to manage her schoolwork (from a prestigious high school, no less) right alongside her new responsibilities
Miscellaneous
-Haru has no qualms about spending large amounts of money on her friends - we literally went to the equivalent of fucking disneyland after her father's Palace and she thought it was no big deal, although to be fair to her, that was technically a special situation as the park had already been rented out by her father for a company event that ended up being cancelled due to his change of heart, so she really just took over the reservation. it's worth noting that this point is heavily represented in fanfics (based on what I've seen across ao3), as fanon Haru is, for example, often willing to give Yusuke in particular plenty of money for food, train fares, etc. I have seen at least two fics (though I don't remember the authors or the titles) where she happily spends lots of money on the other Thieves
-out of the Thieves, Haru is one of the most vocal about her hatred and mistrust of the police. this is very, very evident in Strikers, and remains consistent throughout that story (and, side note, it's fucking hilarious seeing how offput Zenkichi is about it every single time)
-she also later embraces her brief stint as the "Beauty Thief" and it's something of an inside joke amongst the Thieves (not sure that's the right term but idk how else to describe it). there aren't any hard feelings; the Thieves are already pretty chill about it the moment she joins the group anyways. the other Thieves affectionately call her the Beauty Thief in Strikers, particularly Futaba and Morgana, and Haru is happy to really lean into it sometimes (Zenkichi does not understand this either and I think she enjoys that)
Final notes - based on my impressions of her; not really analysis
-Haru is one of the most willing to fight god, and one of the most likely to win
-mixture of cottagecore lesbian and warrior princess
-her association with purple is partially rooted in her psy abilities, of course, but it's also a color associated with royalty and elegance, particularly fitting for the Empress Arcana
-Haru is not allowed to drive and should never be allowed behind a steering wheel (Keeper, if you're reading this, you'll understand this much later)
-kinda already mentioned this but she's very good at gardening (can grow hp and sp restoratives for the Metaverse)
-she took ballet for years and was good at it, which makes sense since she's quite flexible, as well as having natural grace
Conclusion
well, if you made it this far, I hope you liked this self-indulgent analysis! I relate to Haru a lot, so I like to think I have a good sense of her, and hopefully I've done a good job of representing her in this post. there are a few other Thieves I have enough thoughts on to write analyses similar to this one, so I'll probably be making those pretty soon. and again, although this is very personally motivated, I do still hope someone out there will like reading them!
(and Keeper - I know you already read the first version of this and still wanted to read this version too, so a big thanks for enabling my brainrot lmao)
#haru okumura#okumura haru#persona 5#p5r#persona 5 royal#persona 5 strikers#i have not played p5 tactica so i can't analyze her there#character analysis#self indulgent
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do you think roy always knew he was into men or was he repressed until he realized he was into jamie?
oh anon. i started to answer this, then got inspired and started writing a fic in answer to it instead, then the fic turned into a bigger fic that's going to take me months to finish so i think it's best if i just answer the question. 😅
so thanks for asking, anon, i DO have some thoughts!!!! they are scattered and messy but i'll give it a go.
i don't know that roy has always known he's into men, but i think he's known quite a while. maybe not when he was younger - he might have known in the back of his mind that he liked boys, but he knew he wasn't gay because he definitely liked women, so that's that, no need to think about it past that, it's squared away. even if intellectually he knew about the existence of bisexual people growing up, he wouldn't have considered it an option for himself (and to be honest, i don't think it's a given that he did know it was really a thing. it was the 90s. bisexuality wasn't widely talked about. if you liked men, you were gay, and roy wasn't gay).
roy was born in 1982; he was in the academy and going through puberty and trying to figure out who he was in the 90s. things were not great for us in the 80s and 90s. i'm 8 years younger than roy kent would be, and the way i learned about the existence of gay people was aids and the rhetoric surrounding aids. and that was formative for me; it provided the only frame of reference i had as a kid of what gay people were. that was how i internalized that my queerness—the queerness i couldn't even articulate or understand—made me sick, dangerous, unclean. obviously that's not a universal experience, but it's also not a particularly uncommon one for our generation, and it takes a shit ton of work to unlearn. it would have been worse at roy's age, and i can see it being something that would shape his perception of what it means to be a queer man.
listening to roy talk about himself is fucking devastating and so telling. "sometimes i get concerned that i've been infecting you with the worst parts of me," he tells phoebe. infecting is a pretty loaded word, and it speaks to the deeply rooted shame that roy carries at the very core of his identity. we see over and over throughout the show that there's something about roy that he seems to truly believe is...rotten, repulsive. unlovable, maybe. a lot of people read roy as completely lacking self-awareness, and i get where that comes from, but i don't really read him that way. i think roy's sometimes plagued with self-awareness when he doesn't want to look, and he loathes the things he sees. he knows how he is. he knows the parts he hates about himself. and i think his queerness plays right into that.
ted lasso is, among other things, a show about masculinity, and roy's character arc throughout the show is, among other things, an arc about masculinity, so i think it only makes sense that his sexuality is tied up in that. because in his world, what could be more fundamental to your masculinity than heterosexuality? there's a shit ton of homophobia in football, and it certainly wouldn't have been any better during roy's formative years.
there's a lot you could say about La Locker Room Aux Folles and roy kent's sexuality, and i won't because this is already stupid long, but seriously, have you watched 3x09 while considering that the episode is about roy's repression as much as it is colin's? that it might be colin's coming out episode, but it's roy that functions as the episode's protagonist? that the message colin understands at the end when george hearn croons "i am what i am" is one roy can't let himself embrace by the end of the episode, not even by the end of the season ("i'm still...me"/"wait, did you want to be someone else?"/"yeah. someone better")? that colin may have escaped la cage by the end of the episode but roy's still in there?
the last thing that roy kent wants is to be what he is, and that kind of fundamental, foundational shame reads as very queer to me, feels very queer to me.
so, anyway, i do headcanon that roy sleeps with guys sometimes, at least by the time he gets to chelsea. i don't think it's particularly frequent and i don't think it's particularly healthy and i don't think he lets himself develop anything like a genuine connection, but i think it's what he's allowed himself. i think that's basically where he starts the show, occasionally sleeping with men, refusing to acknowledge it says anything about him. (i could also see him not having fucked a guy, although i like that less. regardless, i do think he recognizes he's attracted to men, even if he doesn't necessarily accept it.)
i definitely think that, when they finally get together, jamie would be his first boyfriend.
anyway, dear anon, you didn't ask for a 1000-word response to your 20-word question, but thank you for coming to my ridiculously rambling and likely incoherent TED talk about roy kent's internalized homophobia 😂
#thanks anon sorry this was 12 years long <3333#does any of this make sense? idk#asks#ted lasso brain rot#my writing
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Struggling to sleep but I've been seeing rumors that Dottore will be playable and get done kind of redemption arc like Childe and Wanderer.
Problem with that.
One: Childe never got a redemption arc. Hes just a very charming character who is a likeable antagonist. But also, as the 11th harbinger, hes still just a cog in the machine. Always has been.
Two: Wanderer's redemption is less about "redeeming" him and more about how this poor fucking guy couldn't catch a break and eventually he snapped, was manipulated and abused and tortured for centuries and is an allegory for abuse victims in general who acted out in horrible ways but are on the path to recovery after finding someone willing to let them have that safe space to do so. I see this less as a redemption arc because even as "Scaramouche", he HAD kind traits associated to him (like according to some lore he was kind to kids and elderly folk) so this story is about rehabilitation and recovery and less about redemption.
Three: While rehabilitation is overall the ideal for criminals rather than harsh punishment and imprisonment, when you have a character like Dottore--who, if Wanderer/Scaramouche is an allegory for an abuse victim in recovery--then Dottore is an allegory of an abuser. And not just any old abuser--a serial abuser. A selfish man who is arrogant and likes to hear himself talk who all lives in danger for his selfish aspiration for experimentation. A man who does not care for children or elderly people, only for himself... you can kind of see where I'm going with this. These are two very fundamentally different kinds of "bad"--Scaramouche was a bad person, yes, but he wasn't what I personally would consider to be "evil". Then you have Dottore who is evil, borderline a predator in behavior and in practice. I don't think he has any right or reason to be doing what he is doing.
As in. I havent seen a whole lot of redemption arcs for these kinds of characters done right. That's a big point of concern.
Another big point of concern is, I'm sure Dottore has his reasons for doing these things, it has yet to be revealed what those reasons are, aside from "Mad scientist wants to do horrible science" and for his own selfish gain.
His motivations don't line up for a redemption arc is what I'm getting at.
I really hope HYV doesn't. Try to redeem Dottore. Like I really hope they don't try. Just make him playable as he is people love a fucked up mad scientist you dont need to make every playable character the Traveler's friend PLEASE for the love of god.
And it's not that I dont have faith in the writing team to tell a good story (well... I dont exactly have full trust in them after the disaster that was the Sumeru Interlude Quest, but that's beside the point) but I have. Literally never seen a character who is a symbol of evil (i.e. the man has no redeeming qualities in personality, no apparent kindness or even willing to change his ways) redeemed in a good, tasteful, and thoughtful way. Like ironically I think the closest I've seen was... Teppei from Higurashi GOU/SOTSU. And that was incredibly muddied by the fact that Satoko herself became that kind of "evil" that wasn't truly redeemed by the end. Even that left a bad taste in my mouth.
So I just hope Dottore, if hes playable... idk. Don't try to redeem him, I don't think it's possible to redeem characters who symbolize the peak of humanity's "evil" so I don't want HYV to try. Like either keep him to be a terrible awful man or give us a fresh new Segment gone rogue who doesn't have anything like that attached to him.
It would be FAR more interesting of an allegory to me if they went for the latter route, actually. Kind of like, a family member of that "irredeemable evil" who now has that tied to them as a sin of the person they are related to but not themselves guilty of. It could be fun to see how HYV would treat such a character, and if done right, it could be a really fun way to explore how people (especially victims) often associate family members of abusers to the abuse they carried out but actually had no part of.
Anyway that's my 3AM rant of the day. I have Insomnia. Can you tell?
#Dottore#Il Dottore#Scaramouche#Wanderer#the wanderer#Genshin Impact#Higurashi GOU/SOTSU#Yuuto Wrenn#spoilers for Higurashi btw#its more of a mention but still worth noting
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3, 4, 7, 9 (outsiders asks)
EEEEE thanks for the ask anon!
3. Favourite character outside the main seven
Tim Shepard! I feel like Hinton threw mentions of him and Curly in there as a sort of foil to Darry and Ponyboy's dynamic but I have SOOOO many headcanons about him (and Curly and Angela too).
PS. The only reason I said Tim and not Angela is because she's not technically mentioned in the book. Angela is my favourite outsiders universe character ever and since theres not enough content for her I've decided I have to make my own lmao
4. Rank the main seven
OOF omg ok this was a hard one
First, Steve. Probably seems really random and unpopular but I feel like theres so much depth to his character that there just wasn't enough book to provide. We know he has a rough background and a soft spot for Sodapop and that Ponyboy's narration of him is biased since he thinks Steve doesn't like him. Tbh tho I think Steve really does care about Ponyboy in his own way, it's just hard for Ponyboy (and probably a lot of younger readers to see). My love of Steve was kind of an evolution but I can firmly say he's my favourite out of the gang atp.
Second, Darry. My man was a 20 y/o whose parent died who had to give up on his dreams to raise two younger brothers who he loved so much the feelings bled off the page. He NEVER should have hit ponyboy and it was such an out of character moment for him- AS IT WAS INTENDED TO BE. I have a LOT of thoughts about him but as someone who has grown that I'm almost the same age as him I cant IMAGINE having gone through what he went through and dealt with it as well as he did. My man needs more recognition.
Third, Ponyboy. He's such a dumbass and a weirdo but so reltable and sarcastic and profound. He's a main character who never gets in the way of other main characters and he's so quintessentially 13 that reading his story when I was that age fundamentally altered my brain chemistry and I haven't been the same since.
Fourth, Johnny. He was the gangs favourite for a reason and such a good friend to Ponyboy. I feel like the fandom infantilizes him sometimes, which is partially due to Ponyboy's narration, but the book makes it clear he's a really tough kid who looks like trouble but isn't. He's such a prime example of how the lottery of birth can fuck up someone's life. He is so tragic to me because he never had a chance.
Fifth, Sodapop. I know he's a fan favourite and I'm not saying I don't like him, but he's just kind of...boring? imo. Like, not much there, and not as much depth as some of the other characters. maybe its because we see a lot more of him in Ponyboy's thoughts but I'm not curious about him the way I am about some of the others.
Sixth, Dally. He's not likeable- but he is, as johnny said, gallant. I know it was by design that he's mysterious but I wish we got more backstory for him. I've just never connected to him the way I connected to other characters.
Seventh, Two-Bit. Again, probably unpopular and I know he's a fandom favourite but to me his issues have always jumped out more than his redeeming qualities. His alcoholism is a hallmark of his character, and i think at one point Ponyboy mentions he's a dead weight on his family's finances. He also has a little sister that's Ponyboy's age thats mentioned like once? I just feel like he's kind of a deadbeat for his family if that makes sense.
7. Favourite non romantic relationships. i could (and probably should atp, whoops this got long) make a whole other post about this but:
darry and ponyboy's relationship
johnny and ponyboy's friendship
steve and sodapop's frienship
johnny and dally's relationship
9. Favourite scene/moment from the book?
When Ponyboy runs directly into Darry's arms as soon as he sees him at the hospital. Gets me right in the feels every time.
Bonus: the moment when that guy tells Ponyboy he shoudn't smoke and he's all confused, like why? theres not a no smoking sign? and the dude is just like uh? but youre a kid? it's just such a stark reminder that while Ponyboy has grown up sheltered in some ways he has absolutely not been in others and his background is really rough and agh it gets me every time its such a clever scene.
ANYWAY this got longer than i meant it to, whoops. Thanks ever so much for the ask :)
#the outsiders#darry curtis#ponyboy curtis#sodapop curtis#steve randle#johnny cade#dallas winston#two bit mathews#angela shepard#tim shepard#curly shepard#the outsiders asks
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Wei Wuxian and Jiang Cheng's relationship fucks me up so much because, like, as much as they love each other, and even though they grew up together, they are completely unable to comprehend each other's emotional realities. Even when one of them can see the objective facts of the other's suffering, they can never let themselves fully understand what it means, and this all leads to so much miscommunication and unnecessary pain.
For example: objectively speaking, Wei Wuxian is abused by Madame Yu. She regularly whips him as a punishment (to the point that his back is covered in scars through his teenage years), and she also seems to have a habit of scapegoating him and punishing him alone for being an instigator, even when Jiang Cheng and the shidi have also committed whatever crime Wwx is being punished for. Even by the standards of a society that endorses corporal punishment for children, this is unreasonable and cruel.
Jiang Cheng knows how his mother treats Wei Wuxian. He also, judging by how he reacts when things escalate during Wang LingJiao's visit, at least tries to talk her down when things begin to go too far, which means he can recognize what she's doing as wrong. However, even though he knows, intellectually, that his mother is unjust and cruel to Wei Wuxian, I don't think he's ever truly absorbed the reality of what that means. I don't think he's ever processed what the effects of this treatment are for Wwx emotionally, or how it might have informed his relationship with the Yunmeng Jiang.
The man spent years of his life being constantly abused for "causing trouble for his sect." Of course his reaction in the face of crisis is to cut ties with Lotus Pier in order to spare them. But do you think Jiang Cheng ever considers that when he's raging over Wwx "choosing the Wen over him?" No.
Because the thing is, the full ramifications of his mother's actions are an unacceptable reality for Jiang Cheng. He cannot consider them. The Jiang sect defines his entire life; it defines him as a kid when his parents groom him to be sect leader, and it defines him even moreso as a young adult, when the sect is all he has left and rebuilding it becomes his life's mission. And even his mother, who he knows is cruel, gives him plenty of reasons to want to remember her well. Her last living act is to sacrifice herself to save him (and the sect by extension). So with all that in mind, how can he possibly internalize the cruelty of Wei Wuxian's treatment? How can he genuinely accept and internalize that the mother who saved his life very nearly ruined Wwx's? How can he face the fact that the Yunmeng Jiang sect, the guiding star of his life, violently abused their head disciple (a child that the inner Jiang clan itself had welcomed into their family)?
He can't.
Jiang Cheng may know the facts of Wei Wuxian's abuse, and he may think he understands it, but he never truly has, because accepting it would run counter to the Jiang Sect's fundamental goodness. And this means that, despite their brotherhood, he has never understood Wei Wuxian’s reality.
And on Wei Wuxian's end, though it's a less severe case (since Jiang Cheng's suffering isn't such blatant abuse), he skates over his brother's troubles in exactly the same way.
Jiang Fengmian is emotionally distant from his son, showing him notably less open affection than he does Wei Wuxian, and this has a pretty major effect on Jiang Cheng. Growing up knowing that one of your parents doesn't like you fucking sucks. And Wei Wuxian is well aware of the difference in how Jiang Fengmian's treatment of him. He straight up points out that Jfm probably wouldn't have come to Gusu if Jiang Cheng had been the one in trouble, and he later tries to justify the difference in affection as a natural result of their situation.
Yet, though he's aware of the issue, his reaction is always to try and reassure Jiang Cheng that it's not that bad, and he shouldn't worry about the issue. If he ever stops to really consider what effect Jfm's distance might be having on Jiang Cheng, we certainly never see him do it.
Because for Wei Wuxian, Jiang Fengmian is a massive force for good. He saved him from a life on the streets, and he's the kind and friendly face to contrast with Madame Yu's abuse. It would be really difficult for someone, especially a teenager, to reconcile that kind of goodness with "bad father," so he brushes off the issue and insists that everything is natural and fine. It's a way of protecting himself and his own relationship with Jfm as much as it is a way of comforting Jiang Cheng.
And overall, this kind of miscommunication is everywhere with the two of them. They don't understand each other's moral codes, and they can't bring themselves to fully process/accept the other's trauma, and it's one of the main things that ends up destroying their relationship. Even when they have all the same facts, they just. cannot understand each other's emotional realities.
#this is one of those posts where I'm afraid I might be kicking a hornet's nest by posting it#ah well#mdzs#mo dao zu shi#the grandmaster of demonic cultivation#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#wei wuxian my beloved#jiang cheng my beloved#twin prides tag#mdzsposting
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What is avantasia relationship like with each family member (plus ches and lif)
yippee my first ask here!!!! thx for the ask <3
Avantasia's Relationships with her family, Uncle Ches, and Lif
Dee
polar opposites of each other, almost like they're clones of their parents.
these two have been headbutting each other since they were in the womb.
not a day would pass w/o these two fighting over the smallest things. snacks, the bathroom, who did what, etc. on rare occasions, the two would throw hands at each other.
"You ate my limited-edition spicy ramen imported from Korea, didn't you?!"
*has some sauce on his lips* "Ionknow."
"DON'T 'iOnkNOw' ME!! IT WAS EITHER YOU OR HEAVY!!"
Dee is jealous of Ava's musical talents and her ability to make friends easily, while Ava is jealous of Dee's quick thinking and his ability to control his emotions.
But they do care for each other.
Dee has to remind Ava to take breaks from practicing, and Ava has to reassure Dee from their dad's harsh but honest words.
Twin Telepathy™️
*giving an intense scowl.* "Don't you fucking do it."
*grinning menecingly.* "Watch me, bitch."
Dee is overprotective of Ava. He still treats her as if she were still little, though he's 9 minutes older.
If there's anyone in a room and they have to discuss something in private, they have their own language to communicate (They made it up when they were kids. It's basically Gibberish.)
Heavy
She loves Heavy to death and will kill anyone who hurts him and herself.
Heavy looks up to her as a role model and is always in awe every time she plays her euphonium or any other instrument.
"So with the euphonium, you can blow your lips onto that and play a note?!"
"More like buzzing your lips on the mouth piece, but yeah."
"That's so cool!! I wanna try!!"
Ava teaches Heavy how to defend himself with all of the fighting skills passed down from their mom.
Most, if not all, of them end with Heavy crying and Ava trying her best to calm him down.
Homework with Heavy... Good God, Ava tries her best not to screech whenever he gets something wrong. She is helping him, though. It's better letting her help than Dee or Glam.
If she's not doing anything other than practicing music, then they just hangout together. Doing pranks, going on bike rides, watching movies...
"Avaaaa!!! Can we go to Curlton's and TP his neighbor's place?!"
"Yeah yeah, give me a minute, Heavs."
He tries his best to defend his older sister from bullies (and fails), leaving Ava to fend off herself (successfully).
Glam
He's both a mentor and a father to Ava.
Glam switches from loving father to stern music teacher quickly every time she enters his office.
Checking on her instrument, fundamental techniques, tone production, scales, reading and playing difficult music, practicing techniques... It's all there.
He's even pressuring her to go to a conservatory and be the best of the best. Just like how his father did.
"Ava, you are breathing through the rests. Do it again"
*huffs* "At least give me a few seconds to breathe, Dad..."
"Not possible if you are auditioning or on stage."
Ava grits her teeth and tries not to get an outburst in front of him. Her head gets dizzy from buzzing her lips for hours on end.
But still, Glam still views Ava as his little angel.
He absolutely adored dressing her up in cute dresses and putting her hair up in pigtails when she was younger! (Ava hated every second of it.)
He starts to become aware when Ava is at "that age" when boys start to come to her. His piercing stares and eerie smiles start to become more and more intense whenever his daughter is even NEAR a boy.
Ava gets stressed out whenever she's with her dad in public, both because of his expectations and that he's just so lovey-dovey towards her.
"Yes, my dear Ava is the sweetest! I remember when she and Dee used to have tea parties all the time when they were little!"
"Dad... please stop."
Victoria
They're besties!!!
Ava has looked up to her mom all of her life. This is how a REAL woman is like!
She's a mini version of her mom, only more controlled with her emotions and smarter.
Growing up, she was spooked that her daughter was gonna grow up to be one of those "girly girls." She's relieved that Ava grew up exactly like she did; playing with bugs and mud and hating dolls and dresses.
Teaching Ava how to ride a motorcycle was... an experience.
"So... this is the ignition??"
"Wha- No, Ava. THAT'S the hand clutch. Now don't grip on it too hard-"
BRRRRRRRRROOOM!!
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"
"FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-"
Needless to say, Ava was scared of motorcycles for a while.
Since she was a toddler, Vicky has been teaching Ava how to fight. Glam was a bit concerned about his wife's teaching methods.
She's proud to say that her daughter is as mighty and strong as her. She's even prouder when she's stronger than her brothers and other boys!
"Guess what mom? I gave those dickheads who were harassing me the other day intense purple nurples."
"That's my girl!"
Ches
Ava enjoys Uncle Ches' company, even when he's spewing nonsense about GMILFs.
She and Dee visit his record shop weekly to check out new CDs and vinyls. Also to check up on him and how he's doing.
Ches, on the rare occasions when his mind is right, gives his niece some helpful music and life advice.
"Heyyy Ava, let the music speak for ya... Play the hell outta that lil' tuba."
"It's called a euphonium, Uncle Ches."
Whenever Ches recalls his times with WhoAreThoseFreaksOnstage, Ava is emersed in the stories of him and her dad being rising rockstars.
She's even surprised whenever Ches recalls him and Glam's early days at the conservatory.
Lif
Ava sees Lif as her first "real" friend, since she's been relying on her brothers as friends throughout her life.
They get along well! They make playlists for each other, hangout at the graveyard, even Lif drew a bunch of portraits of Ava!
Dee is very fucking jealous of his sister by this point.
"Dude! That looks so fucking rad!!"
"Aw, thanks! Maybe you can show me some of your drawing talents?"
"Haha... It's been a while since I've last drew something."
Ava teases the hell out of Dee about his crush. She even says that she will steal Lif from him (As a joke...?)
Not only does Dee have to worry about Heavy, but Ava too, being close to Lif... This is War.
#asks#metal family#metal family oc#ocs#metal family dee#metal family glam#metal family heavy#metal family victoria#metal family ches#metal family lif
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Hey it was me huey zoomer who pointed out the child predator shit in different cultures and economies systems
Oh and well…might save my rant for later
Sorry socialists, I prefer being bezos bitch for 10 hours for 4 days then being force to reproduce with up to 5 female slaves starting at 15!
Ugh sorry I don’t want to use my enslaved ancestors as a crunch. I just want to point out the hell my ancestors went through prior to industrialization
Also this thread have a clip from a video I watch that pointed issues I have
https://x.com/lavenderghast/status/1771018961968157013?s=46
And incase you wonder what type of “consultants” devs are going to
One is the bitch that shit over Akira early black designs
At least he approved on his black characters
Also there a FUNDAMENTAL difference between Pixar getting Mexican and African American consultants so they can be authentic to the cultures their using
Then using the black American activists that thinks skintone=entire personality
Because I just realize something with Killmonger
Black activists can’t separate the difference between a common thug vs a Navy seals cia agent that purposefully trained in destabilizing countries and treated wakandans like shit
“He was a victim of systemic oppression!” And who joined the cia that been used as the basic for
Wait wait
Holy
Fucking
Shit
Are you telling me
These late 20’s-30’s
College educated
Narracists
Didn’t pick up on the huge middle fingers Vietnam vets or friends did to the cia in the late 70’s-00’s media did they?
Or how cops in shows LOATHE working with the cia
They’re crooked too
But it ain’t rocket science who gave the narcos and cartels military grade weapons that no regular American can buy much less third world citizens
Oh and the CIA/FBI FUNDED CRACK AND COCAINE EPIDEMIC
I mean if I was a rookie cop that say low thugs have military weapons my station don’t have. I would be wondering how the fuck they got it here in the USA?
Sorry it always been a issue, but Killmonger shows how twisted they see black and white
The fucker made a deal with the devil in his current suit. Yet he the victim in everything?
don't think that even really registered with that one, was wearing out about then, changed the tag on it
Sorry socialists, I prefer being bezos bitch for 10 hours for 4 days then being force to reproduce with up to 5 female slaves starting at 15!
Oh I don't know, that could be fun......... (kidding, I'm all for monogamy)
Also this thread have a clip from a video I watch that pointed issues I have
https://x.com/lavenderghast/status/1771018961968157013?s=46
And incase you wonder what type of “consultants” devs are going to
One is the bitch that shit over Akira early black designs
At least he approved on his black characters
A lot of Hollywood stars, the big ones, have people that go over their scripts for them and get changes made so that they fit in with the persona of the actor, it's why you pretty much always know what you're going to get with a Will Smith movie, people went through and did rewrites to make sure his lines sound like Will Smith lines.
Video games using established characters should look into that apparently, so the stars of the game don't just become (more?) generic, which would suck.
Also there a FUNDAMENTAL difference between Pixar getting Mexican and African American consultants so they can be authentic to the cultures their using
Then using the black American activists that thinks skintone=entire personality
Disney in general is pretty good about that and getting better, Pixar has always been over the top about it which shows.
But it ain’t rocket science who gave the narcos and cartels military grade weapons that no regular American can buy much less third world citizens
Thanks Obama. Next we'll discuss the policy he put in place that lowered civilian deaths by listing anyone in the blast area of a drone strike as a terrorist.
Oh and the CIA/FBI FUNDED CRACK AND COCAINE EPIDEMIC
Mostly FBI, it's insane how after all that and things like the Tuskeege syphilis experiment how many people in the black community trust the government, oh it's just the cops that are bad, na fool the Fed is directing it all.
Though it did result in black Americans having a lower covid vaccination % than any other demographic IIRC.
I mean if I was a rookie cop that say low thugs have military weapons my station don’t have. I would be wondering how the fuck they got it here in the USA?
That's why we need more gun laws, if it's illegal to have those I'm sure the various gangs and such will turn theirs in.
Sorry it always been a issue, but Killmonger shows how twisted they see black and white
The fucker made a deal with the devil in his current suit. Yet he the victim in everything?
Still haven't seen the movie, but ya by my understanding there was no nuance there at all.
Hopefully they learn better when it come to making a villain.
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I don’t know if it’s been asked before but why do you like Batman? What’s so special about him?
It's been talked about a bit by me just rambling, but never really explained in depth, and even then, I never mind repeating myself <3
So, a not insignificant part of it is that one of the first TV shows I ever remember watching, other than Redwall and Dragon Tales was the DCAU Justice League show, and I immediately fell in love with their version of Batman, especially how he was performed by the late, great Kevin Conroy. So I just started seeking out that version of Batman through the DCAU shows when I was really young, like, seven years old, and it just kinda imprinted itself on me, the way media often can when you're a young child. And I do maintain that, despite some flaws (like the Jason Todd-ification of Tim Drake for no reason, and the obsession with making Bruce and Barbara a couple, which just.....hurl) the DCAU characterization of Batman as a person and as a hero is is the gold standard. But I did start reading comics once I ran my way through all the shows, and that core love still remains.
Part of it is, again, he's Amélie's very first blorbo ever since the mid-2000s, but Bruce as a character is genuinely compelling. Bruce goes through an unimaginable trauma at a very young age, and rather than how most people would react, he chose to do something with it. Seriously, if you think about something like the death of Batman's parents happening in the real world and you just read about it on the news, that's horrific, and it makes sense that it's not only fucked Bruce up, but could have potentially resulted in him turning into a mess. And he is a mess, don't get me wrong, but he also chose to be more than that. He chose to create Batman, to try and help a city that was drowning and make it better. There's an element of choice to Batman's character and his arcs that I've always liked. He doesn't need to do anything that he's done. There's no outside force compelling him to try and create a better version of his city where no one has to experience the hurt that he went through. There's no external pressure demanding that he protect the world even in the face of odds that he cannot win just to keep innocent people safe. There's no ulterior motivator making him take in children who have nothing, children who need a home and a family and loving care, other than the fact that he wants to do right by them and he has an infinite capacity for love in his heart. Bruce has no responsibility to Gotham, the people of Gotham, to other heroes, to the world, to random kids he meets on an off chance. No one asked him to do anything he does, and he's under no obligation to do it or continue. Bruce could stop being Batman tomorrow and dismantle the entire operation and turn his entire family into civilians, and nobody would be able to say he can't do that because he had no duty to start it in the first place. But he did. He chose to do good, to turn his pain into a drive to try and make life better for people in his city, to take a drive that could become a very selfish motivator (for instance, devoting resources solely to finding Joe Chill) and using it for something purely selfless (putting his own self on the line, in all possible ways, just to make sure people can lead better lives and that no one ever experiences the pain that he has).
There is a fundamental goodness to Bruce Wayne's character that is incredibly compelling. Because it would be so easy for there not to be. And he's had a fair amount of writers who've forgotten that it's there (people who write abusive Bruce Wayne are never seeing heaven), but if he's got someone who understands the character, then yeah, he's good. He's selfless and he's kind and he's got a capacity for love and care that is astounding. He opens his heart to children he has no connection to purely just to give them a good home, he refuses to harden himself against letting people in even with the amount of times he's been hurt, he never stops trying to help people who are hurt or sick get better (as clearly seen in his neverending quest to try and help Harvey Dent be rehabilitated). He's a good person who chooses to keep that goodness and not let it slip away from him, no matter what, even when he would be well within his rights to. He never lets himself. I mean, God, Bruce Wayne is someone who will personally resuscitate a man he hates more than anything, a man who murdered his child, just so that his other son won't become a killer and have to live with that guilt (that's real fyi, Dick Grayson once beat the Joker to death after the Joker had taunted him with details of his murder of Jason Todd's, and Batman, along with possibly Robin, managed to revive him so that Dick wouldn't be guilty of murder). Bruce Wayne is someone who could have been fundamentally broken by the things that happened to him, if not the murder of his parents then certainly the murder of his child (and we know it did alter a lot of his personality, which makes sense, cuz his kid died), and no one would have really blamed him. He could have become cold and cruel and a killer, and he knows he has that capacity within him, but he actively chooses not to.
And he doesn't always do the right thing; trust me, if you're a fan of Jason Todd, you're well aware of the fact that Bruce doesn't always do the right thing. He falls short. Batman is only human, and he makes mistakes. He makes wrong and bad choices, he fucks up and needs to try and fix it, he fails to meet his own standards (I don't know how many times I need to say it, but for all intents and purposes, Batman has absolutely broken his no kill rule, going into his confrontation with the Joker in Batman #429 with the express intent to kill, refusing to save him when he can, and never expressing a moment of doubt or remorse when he's believed to be dead, is basically Batman breaking his no kill rule, the only reason it doesn't technically count is because the Joker is revealed to have survived, but he had intent and he never had any remorse or second guessing, it counts as breaking the rule). Bruce has fucked up, with rogues and cases, and with friends and family too, and he's had to live with those mistakes and, if he's got a good writer at least, try to rebuild from there and earn whatever redemption he needs to depending on how big the screwup (and how much the writer either thinks Bruce is an untouchable god/hates whoever he hurt, no I'm not bitter about Certain Storylines, why would I be bitter?).
Bruce Wayne is incredibly human, painfully human. He lives in this world of gods and monsters and there he is, a man with a plan. And it is enjoyable, from a character perspective, that this man who is nothing but human, entirely ordinary, is able to fight and talk and think circles around people who'd routinely be considered superior, who has this place as one of the most god-tier people in his universe entirely because he's earned it, because he's lived up to his potential and his reputation. But there's also something beautiful in that. Like yeah, Bruce is stupid levels of rich, but beyond that, there's really nothing outwardly special about him. He's just a man. But he becomes larger than life through his actions, the choices he makes, the fact that he be brought low as he could be, low as he'd have the right to be, by his circumstances. His goodness remains intrinsic to him, and he refuses to give it up, because it's the core aspect of his humanity, a humanity that he refuses to relinquish in the face of greater and mightier odds and unspeakable evils, and it speaks to an immense fortitude as well as just how good he is.
(and I know there are a lot of generally bad faith criticisms made about the concept of Batman, and what Bruce chooses to do but a) no he does not go around beating up pickpockets and the mentally ill, he either stops crime non-lethally and informs the cops or is specifically asked to intervene in something by the authorities, not to mention that the "mentally ill" people that are his rogues are also basically domestic terrorists who are often full murderers, sorry that my heart does not bleed for the fact that the Joker has some kind of disorder while Batman punches him in the nose, and b) the fact that the system Gotham has in place is made explicitly clear on numerous occasions to not be remotely adequate to deal with what they have to deal with, that a lot of the cops and politicians and people meant to protect citizens are either completely inept and terrible at their jobs or just straight up corrupt and actively making the situation worse, and I do find it amusing that a lot of the criticisms of Batman come from left wing Twitter activists who crow about the incoming revolution but then go catatonic at the idea that a fictional character has decided the system is too corrupt to work with and thus forcibly changes it from the outside, isn't that what y'all's fucking incoming commie revolution is meant to do? Just sayin. Also no, he's not a fascist, tf, words mean things.)
And from a character perspective, from my enjoyment of him as a part of a fiction and an overall puzzle piece in a greater story (cuz I always do try to separate liking a character as a person vs liking them as a character), I'm not immune to the fact that Bruce's complexities come from a good number of tragedies. He's not real, and it does add to interest in him as a narrative device that he deals with a lot and needs to react to it and overcome it (and he deals with a lot, I wrote a list and it's not even comprehensive I definitely left out a lot just out of pure forgetfulness). Watching Bruce as a character, already with all the traits I enjoy listed out above, deal with the things he has to deal with makes him not just a character to enjoy as person, but a character to enjoy as a character, as part of a larger story, as a significant part of what makes that story rich and compelling and routinely interesting even when it's been going on for close to a century. Plus, again, from a character perspective, he's got fascinating interpersonal relationships that are captivating as well and add to his own complexities, relationships not just in terms of romance, but with friends and allies and enemies and especially with family (I think it's kinda impossible to be a Batman fan and not have an insane number of thoughts about the relationship he has with at least ONE of his kids).
There's a lot that's been written about Batman that I don't like, I am not a fan of DC's insistence that Bruce is a shitty dad who routinely beats his children, and it does feel a lot of the time these days like Bruce is a character that I like more for his potential than the way he tends to be written. But I still love that potential, and the kind of character he can be in the hands of a competent writer (and given what a decentralized medium comics are when it comes to canons and characterizations, you have to allow for that kind of leeway in a way you can't with other forms of storytelling) is one that can be truly great. As a character, he's kind of everything you can want, flawed and imperfect and deeply human, but always trying, and with not just a rich interior but complex relationship dynamics that have helped shape who he is.
Ultimately, I think why I like Bruce is best summed up by something Amanda Waller said in the Justice League Unlimited episode Epilogue: I've never met anyone who cared as deeply about his fellow man as Bruce Wayne. And I love him for that.
#personal#answered#anonymous#batman#bruce wayne#so this got.........Long#he's just special to me ok#the way i literally paused my ghost files episode when i saw this pop up in my inbox#that should tell y'all why i like batman#tldr there's this element of choice in who bruce is and how he takes on the world that i just adore#and also a lot of childhood nostalgia is involved#seriously watch epilogue#(this is also probably not comprehensive just cuz i slept badly and my thoughts are all over the place)#(and again he's a character that's been around for so long i'm probably forgetting a lot of why i enjoy him)#(but have the behemoth of feelings)
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