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#having to write the id for this like. heres all the diseases.

isabelguerra · 2 years

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i’m making a new post 4 this bc i ended up thinking way harder than i thought i would which resulted in writing a small essay on fucking johnny jhonny. so i’m going to put this the tag and make everyone look at it. bc hes a cool character. heres the og post ok enjoy ily

@spoopyspoony i mean yea if we were dealing with ch1 johnny maybe. but we’re not, so i’m operating on 1 very important key factor here: we’ve ALREADY SEEN johnny not telling things to his friends!

this starts during hitball, the games’ ending is our as catalyst. we see that the words and actions of both hijack and max- hijacks bully/‘good violence’ monologue, max getting his arm broken to save a guy whos only been a jerk to him- begin sowing self doubt in johnny’s view of himself and his archetype role as School Bully. we even see this in action during the rope scene, ollie asks if somethings bothering him and johnny brushes it off in favor of deflecting. when ollie is mistakenly believed to say they wont use violence to get information out of ed, johnny jumps at it. we SEE ollie and rj give each other side eyes at his weird behavior. they dont pry, which is nice of them. but it also means he’s not talking to them, or anyone, about whats bothering him until we get to the ed scenes. there’s a lot going on in the ed scenes that i’m not gonna go into because it gives me a headache but my point is that johnny told a TOTAL STRANGER abt his teenage dodgeball-induced ego death crisis before he told rj, who is Right There.

‘yeah but johnnys fine by the end’ johnnys fine by the end bc he goes back to being cool w/ hurting ppl if it means his friends would still like him and everything stayed the same. u really think tht if it ended w him actually giving more entertainment to the idea ‘should i stop being a bully?’ instead of bouncing back immediately, if he was still made to question his friends’ love for him if he changed, he’d have the same happy outcome? miss me w that

so ultimately it’s not that johnny doesn’t trust his friends enough to tell them this secret/problem, but that their good graces and friendship mean SO much to him that we see him start to not tell them things if he believes it would jeopardize that friendship.

‘ok but thats why johnny wouldn’t tell his friends about THAT. its still doesnt answer why he wouldn’t tell them about THIS’ good point! here’s what we know: johnny LOVES his friends. johnny would do anything for his friends. including putting himself in harms way and keeping things from them if he’s worried it’ll negatively impact the existence of their friendship. so i’ll counter: ‘johnny has no reason to tell his friends about this shit’? no dude johnny has EVERY reason not to tell his friends this shit! his friends ARE the reason! johnny’s so ride or die that he’ll die if it means his friends can still ride.

forge’s little soliloquy on ch5pg97 hints at a perspective of spectral existence that’s much more grim than the ‘cool superpowered kids fight ghosts’ premise we’re led into the comic with. soooooo if this new change in his life were to. say. put himself or his loved ones in danger. actual, non-teenage, ‘my-last-medium-met-her-end-as-a-result-of-this-world,-and-there-is-nothing-that-can-ensure-you-will-not-meet-the-same-fate’ danger. or! not even put them in danger! just simply lead him to believe that them just KNOWING that danger exists for him, and there’s next to nothing they can do about it? to have the friends he cares so much about constantly worried about him? if they knew, a whole lot would change. to johnny, i think that guilt would be pretty tough to deal with

well. they cant worry if they don’t know, yeah?

#i dont always LIKE zacks writing but im still gonna look at it seriously and respect them as a writer. begrudgingly.#paranatural #johnny jhonny #character analysis #my writing #i had to retype this because my phone glitched and deleted two paragraphs and wouldnt let me undo the delete and i am so mad.#this isnt meant 2 be a shutdown btw i just LOVE character studies and really digging in to what makes them tick #taking them apart and putting them back together like a watch.#so if uve got a counterpoint or smth i missed genuinely id LOOOOVE 2 hear it this stuffs so much fun 4 me #im a literature studies minor. i study the literature. leeterachoore #anyway all this to say 'yes isabel and johnny ARE more similar than we give them credit for yes they WOULD be a good duo and yes i DO ne #ed them to talk. will it happen. no! but i can sit here and have fun with my little notes documents. wish fulfillment #ngl i really thought about Not typing all this. and instead writing 'my au my rules rule 1 i do what i want'#i did not end up doing that. evidently.#johnny disease

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sizzlingsandwichperfection-blog · 2 months

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Hi. I've started writing a semi-weekly TB Newsletter, if you're interested in that kind of thing. Here's the second letter--about public-private partnerships, leprosy, and my forthcoming big announcement about expanding access to tuberculosis care. You'll hear more about that on Thursday. Anyway, here's the newsletter. You can sign up here.

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In advance of the Big Announcement this Thursday, I made a vlogbrothers video today on how we end TB–with the comprehensive care plan often known as S-T-P, which is short for “Search, Treat, and Prevent.” But one thing I didn’t discuss in that video is the downstream benefits of comprehensive TB care.

Once you’ve hired community health workers to screen for TB, it becomes much easier to screen for other illnesses like diabetes, high blood pressure, and non-TB lung issues (especially lung cancer). TB is notoriously a disease of vicious cycles–a disease of malnutrition that makes malnutrition worse, a disease of poverty that makes poverty worse, and so on–but addressing TB can be a story of virtuous cycles: TB survivors become TB advocates, as I’ve seen with my friend Henry in Sierra Leone. More effective TB treatment leads to less stigmatization of the disease, as communities come to see the disease as curable and survivable rather than terrifying and deadly. And better access to TB care leads to a stronger overall healthcare system, because more community health workers are better connected to more primary healthcare clinics, which allows communities to better address all kinds of health problems.

—

Mycobacterium tuberculosis is not the only bacteria of its family that causes a lot of human suffering; there is a closely related species called mycobacterium leprae that causes the disease known as Hansen's Disease, or more commonly leprosy. There are still around 200,000 cases of leprosy diagnosed each year around the world, and while the disease is curable, it also remains–especially if not caught and treated early–a significant driver of suffering and disability in our world.

There are many connections between TB and leprosy: Not only are the bacteria that cause these illnesses very similar, but patients have often expressed similarities in experience. TB patients who were encouraged or forced to live in sanitariums often compared themselves to lepers. One disheartening parallel between the diseases is that in both cases, those living with these illnesses are often abandoned by their families and must make new social connections within the new community of “leper” or “consumptive.” Also, both Hansen’s Disease and TB continue to exist largely because of systemic failures rather than due to a lack of knowledge or technology.

—

I really recommend Dr. Salmaan Keshavjee’s TED talk about how we ended TB in the U.S., and how we can end it using the same strategy around the world.

—

Last link from me today: I’ve been thinking a lot about the complex intersection between public and private investment (for reasons that will be clear on Thursday!) and I keep coming back to one infographic in an excellent paper (https://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0256883) about the public money that was poured into the creation of the GeneXpert Machine, which can quickly and accurately test for TB. The GeneXpert machine has created a lot of profit for Danaher’s shareholders, and it has also created some societal benefit, but it could create a lot more societal benefit if it created less profit for Danaher’s shareholders. This tension seems to me one of the defining features of 21st century life. Anyway, here is the infographic:

That’s the money–over $250,000,000 of it–that came from taxpayers (mostly in the U.S. and Europe) to fund the creation of the GeneXpert Machine. And yet, this tech largely funded by the public is controlled entirely by private enterprise. I’m troubled by that model of value allocation, even if I still believe that private money and private enterprise have important roles to play in fueling innovation. But taking a quarter billion dollars of public money and then claiming total ownership over a technology, and using that ownership to deny the technology to the world’s poorest people, seems like a deeply flawed system of resource distribution to me.

I’ll see you on Thursday. I’m nervous and excited.

DFTBA,

John

#tuberculosis #it's so funny how this became my job #not like my paying job but the one i do and think about all the time #like of all things #it was this #this is my hobby #anyway #beats jkr's horrible fucking hobby anyday

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builtbybrokenbells · 9 months

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Gold Dust Woman | iv

Driven to the brink of insanity, y/n turns to her best friend for advice in her time of need. A Sunday brunch paired with day drinking leads to a world of new information she hopes will help her to better understand the new world she is caught up in.

Read part three here

Pairing: jake kiszka x f!reader, sam kiszka x f!reader

Word Count: 12.5k

Warnings: sexting, sort of phone sex I guess, dirty talk, name calling (ish?), pet names, touch of praise, teasing, drinking, swearing, gossip (is that a warning? idk anymore guys), mentions of cheating, but nothing super heavy for this chapter! sorry if i miss any!

in my hungover state I present you with this! I’ve been waiting to write this chapter literally since I’ve started this. it’s super important to the plot and I think clears up a lot of stuff!! plus it’s a good little summary of everything leading up to this chapter. also id just like to say a super sincere thank you for the love i have received on this series. it was a big step out of my comfort zone and i was really worried that it wouldn’t be enjoyed, but you guys are so kind and supportive. i <3 you all. as always, enjoy, be kind, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes 🫶🏻

The tiny diner was overcrowded for its size, but still as welcoming as ever. Cheer and comfortability radiated through the air from the minute you stepped inside, never failing to brighten spirits. The small booth in the very back corner was routinely reserved for you and Danny on your Sunday outings. Brunch, always, but it was normally followed by some sort of wholesome activity to fill the afternoon. Then again, it didn’t matter what you were doing; time spent with Danny was always wholesome, and quite fulfilling. His friendship was one of your most prized possessions, mostly because you never really experienced anything like it before him. The conversation was never dull, radiating a type of safety that made you feel like you could tell him anything. Jokes were always well timed, advice was free-flowing, and a gesture of comfort was routinely available if needed.

Sundays were your favourite day, because you got the opportunity to spend time with him. Sometimes, the other boys would join, but that was rare. Even if they opted not to, you were fine with that, because you knew that the booth in the very back would always be reserved for two. That day was no different; you picked Danny up from his apartment at the usual time, and you both showed each other new music discoveries from the prior week. After the high stress of the weekend, you were happy to return to some type of normalcy, even if your regret for your careless decisions were constantly looming over you. When you arrived at the diner, the familiarity of the scene wrapped you up in a warm hug.

When you settled in to the seat, you placed your purse beside you and your phone face down on the table. The morning had started in a strange way, still leaving you frazzled hours later. After yesterdays activities, you had woken up tangled in the bed sheets and wrapped around Jake Kiszka. You never thought you would find yourself in such a state, but the reality of it was all too overwhelming to ignore. Although it wasn’t a bad start to the day, you were still aching with residual stress from the entirety of the situation. When he woke, too, the feeling seemed to wash away. There was a few hours where things seemed perfectly right, instead of troublesome; laughing and kissing your way through the earliest hours of your day, cooking breakfast and sharing cups of coffee along with stolen glances and smiles. It was beautiful in its own twisted way, making you genuinely believe you could spend the rest of your life doing just that. Once he’d left you on your lonesome, the guilt creeped back in like a disease, eating away at every part of you and taking you for its own. It had yet to satiate, even with Danny in front of you and a promise of a good day.

“You look terrible.” He stated, taking a sip out of the coffee mug the waitress had quickly delivered. Your eyes snapped up to him, shocked at the blunt statement.

“Thanks?” You furrowed your eyebrows, a small laugh stuck in your throat.

“No, not like that.” He corrected, placing his menu on the table. There was no need for it; you both had tried the entirety of the menu the restaurant offered, settling on your favourites long ago. “You always look pretty. I mean, you look like you just saw a ghost.” He was right, you couldn’t deny it. The bags under your eyes were darker than ever, skin pale and eyes distant. You were a mess, definitely looking like yourself but a mostly just a shell of it. It didn’t take a detective to figure that out.

“Yeah,” you chuckled, unsure of how to respond to his statement. “Guess I just haven’t been sleeping well.”

“Penny for your thoughts?” He shot back, his gaze unwavering. You shifted under the stare, feeling like he had already picked up on your predicament. You hated that about him; he always seemed to know there was something on your mind, even if you exhausted every way to hide it. It was just a Danny thing, and you had picked up on that long ago. He cared too much, noticed too much. Secrets didn’t exist around him, and perhaps that was why you were so excited for this particular outing, subconsciously hoping you might be able to get at least something off your chest.

“I don’t know if there’s enough time in the day.” You grumbled, taking a long sip of water from your cup. “I wouldn’t want to make your ears bleed.”

“I’ll strike you a deal.” He offered, causing you to look up at him. “Bottomless mimosas on me, and a shoulder to cry on.” You eyed him, nervous to agree but comforted at the thought of speaking your mind. “What’s said at brunch stays at brunch. I’ll drive home.” His invitation was very tempting. As much as you felt like you should keep the turmoil to yourself, the idea of advice or even just to confess your mistakes was overwhelmingly alluring. After a moment, you decided you would have to say something, even just an elusive idea to get some kind of answer to your internal debate.

“Deal, but it stays between us.” You finally said, realizing that if you didn’t speak your troubles aloud, they would eat you alive. Besides, there was nobody in the world that you trusted more than Danny. You knew you could probably confess murder and he would only ask how to help. “But my lips are sealed until those mimosa’s get here.” You smiled.

When the waitress came to check in and take orders, you both settled on a meal and Danny was sure not to forget your drinks. As you waited for her return, you struggled to arrange the thoughts in your brain. You had no idea how to explain the situation to him, or even where to begin. You were scared he would think differently of you, even though deep down, you knew he wouldn’t. The whole thing was sick and twisted, and you were so on edge that you thought you might combust. The last thing you wanted was to lose your friendship with Danny because of your inability to understand your own feelings. When the champagne flute was finally in front of you, your stomach churned with unease. You looked up to meet his eyes, but found he was already waiting in anticipation.

“So, what’s going on?” Before answering, you grabbed the glass and made quick work at finishing the liquid in one go. You figured you’d need the courage to tell this story.

“Remember that lesson we were talking about?” You asked, checking the flute to make sure you didn’t miss any alcohol before setting it back down.

“Vaguely,” he smirked “but I don’t think you ever told me exactly what it was.”

“Yeah, because I still have no idea what the fuck it is.” You let out a nervous chuckle. “I made a really big mess of things, and I have no idea how to fix it.”

“Okay, don’t panic. We can work through it together.” Your heart warmed at his words, feeling a little better just at the thought of his input. Even if he were to tell you that you were an idiot, you knew you deserved it. There had never been a time where advice from Danny hadn’t helped, even if it was only for a moment. And, although you hated to admit it, he was almost always right. “What kind of mess?”

“A big one.” You said, unable to find a better way to describe it. “I guess I probably have to go way back to the start for anything to make sense.” You sighed, placing your head in your hands. Your plan for keeping your feelings quiet had crumbled long ago; if you were going to tell him anything, you would have to explain it all. “The lesson was Sam. I’ve been in love with him for months.”

“Mhm,” Danny nodded, pausing his response as the waitress walked over to replace your drink. Once she was out of earshot, he spoke. “I had an idea.”

“Was it that obvious?” He quickly averted his eyes, not wanting you to see his face as he reacted to your question. You could tell he was trying not to laugh, finding your inquiry quite funny. “Oh, god.” You groaned.

“No, not exactly obvious.” He lied. You let out a groan, embarrassed that everybody seemed to know about your crush. “I don’t think he did, though. He’s pretty oblivious.” He comforted you, the second part of his statement much more genuine. “Why is that such a big deal?” You audibly laughed at his comment, realizing that he had no idea the extent of the problem.

“He never gave me any idea he liked me back. Flirted with girls at my house, acted like I was just another one of the guys. I never really felt like I meant anything more to him.” You explained. “And I was too much of a coward to say anything. Thought it was better if I kept everything a secret. I didn’t want to risk losing you guys as friends. I like you all too much.”

“We like you too, y/n.” He smiled, finding your worry silly. He knew that whatever happened, he still wanted to be your friend. You were his solace away from the chaos of his band mates, and to him, it was the best thing in the whole world. You gave him a soft smile, taking a moment to sip at your drink again. “No matter what, you’re always going to be my Sunday brunch date.” He assured you. You let out a long breath, now preparing to get into the deepest part of the conversation.

“So that night, after you and I talked, I figured that I had to snap out of it. I spent every weekend watching him, hoping he would make a move, or even give me some sort of hint that he acknowledged I existed in any way other than a friend. I was tired of waiting. I wanted to have fun, so I asked you to play beer pong.” He hummed an agreement, letting you know he was following. “And I partnered with Jake.” And what a grave mistake, that was. “I was drunk, and at first it was friendly, no different than usual. Then he started looking and talking to me different. It wasn’t bad, obviously, but he was very clearly flirting.” You paused, noticing the small smile he was fighting back. You tried to ignore it, not liking the way he was looking at you. “I was really drunk, and it felt really nice to be noticed. I shouldn’t have entertained it, but I did. I played along with him, thinking it was harmless. The game ended, we went out separate ways, and I figured that was the end of it. It should have been the end of it.”

“It wasn’t, though, was it?” You shook your head at his words. The conversation was stopped by plates of food in front of you and another replacement for your empty mimosa. You took a break from the grievous topic to have a bite to eat before continuing. After a few moments, you answered.

“Nope,” you sighed, popping the p to accentuate the impact. “We talked for a little while longer, then I went to the bathroom. Heard someone playing my guitar in my room, so of course I had to check.” You cursed yourself for not knowing better. “There he was, playing so well that it draws you in without a second thought, looking as pretty as ever.” He got a laugh out of your statement, never hearing two compliments sound so much like insults. “I joined him and we talked for a while, completely normal stuff.”

“You guys hooked up?”

“Ah!” You snapped, pressing your finger to your lips, silently telling him to keep his voice down. He let out a hearty laugh at your dramatics, knowing that nobody in the vicinity gave a single care about what you were talking about.

“So that’s a yes?”

“Yeah, sort of, I guess!” You said, exasperated at the thought of recalling that moment aloud, especially to someone so close with Jake. You took another long drink, hoping the alcohol would calm your nerves. “I went to bed, and I didn’t know what to think. Part of me was thrilled, but a bigger one never wanted to do it again. I felt so guilty, almost like I cheated on Sam even though he had no idea I liked him. How stupid is that?”

“It’s not stupid, y/n. I think it’s pretty normal, actually.” He shrugged. “We live in our own head, and when we like someone so much, especially for a long time, it kind of starts to feel real. I think you feeling guilty is actually more normal than not caring. Means you really do like him, and it’s not just a surface level thing.” The confirmation was nice, but also made you feel even worse. You felt as though you shouldn’t be allowed to have feelings for Sam anymore, especially after how you spent your morning. “I take it that’s not the end?” He chuckled, picking up on your sullen expression.

“No,” you groaned, burying your head in your hands again. “I wish it was, but no.” He reached over, looping his fingers around your wrist and gently pulling your hand away from your face. You glanced up at him through your eyelashes, noticing his smile.

“It’s okay. What’s said at brunch stays at brunch.” He promised. You gave a slight nod, letting your hand fall into his. He rested them on the table, giving yours a reassuring squeeze.

“When I woke up and only saw you three in the living room, I kind of thought he regretted it, too. Figured he sobered up and… yeah.” You laughed, not feeling a need to get into your insecurities. “I was nervous, still feeling pretty guilty, but we were all hungover so I just blamed it on that. Things felt normal for a minute, when we were all just sitting and falling asleep. Then he came back. From the minute I saw him, I knew he didn’t regret any of it. He gave me my coffee. My coffee, exactly how I order it. He remembered, and I don’t even think I’ve ever told him.” You mumbled, feeling a blush rise at the memory. “We ended up going to the basement, and nothing happened, really. We kissed and talked, and we kind of agreed he would stay after everyone left.”

“That doesn’t sound bad.” He reassured you. You narrowed your stare, causing him to back down instantly.

“Aside from the feelings thing, no.” You admitted, feeling bad for giving him such a harsh look. “While we were playing songs, everything felt fine. It was fun, I wasn’t nervous or worried about anything, and I thought that maybe things would be fine. I know Jake isn’t the bad guy; he’s not someone I wouldn’t want to fall in love with. I think I’d like it, actually, if the situation were that simple. He’s always been kind to me, he’s funny, he remembers things about me that nobody bothers to. He cares about the little things. He pays attention.”

“And Sam doesn’t.” He affirmed. You nodded, agreeing wholeheartedly.

“He never has. I feel like I wasted months loving someone who didn’t give a shit whether I was around or not.” Danny looked like he wanted to protest, but bit his tongue instead. It was your time to vent, and he wanted you to say what you needed without interruption. “I went to the kitchen to get more coffee, more comfortable with everything. I thought maybe if Jake and I spent enough time together, the feelings for Sam would just be… obsolete. I’m sure it would have worked, too. But, he just had to follow me.”

“Sam?” You nodded, giving him a bit of clarity. You were so worked up that you were rushing yourself through the story.

“Yeah, we just chatted for a minute, both drank our coffee like normal friends. Then he tried to hold my hand! And then tried to hint around that he liked me, too!”

“He did not,” Danny sat back in the booth, letting his head slump against the seat, internally cringing at his best friends terrible timing.

“Sure did! The whole confession was pretty funny, actually. Not to me, but definitely to someone! It was like god was sitting up in the sky laughing at me while it happened.”

“He’s so stupid.” Danny groaned, clearly exasperated himself. Danny was so unapologetic about his secret love of girl talk, and it made you incredibly happy. He really was your best friend in every sense of the word.

“Yeah, and I was a little pissed off! It made me feel like I was only worth loving when he was afraid he couldn’t have me. We argued for a few minutes, and he basically pried the confession about Jake out of me so he could use it for his own personal agenda! Then, he got this grand idea that he’d make it into a competition between him and and his brother to see who can win me over.” Danny gave a wince at the thought, already aware of Sam’s thought process before you even said it aloud. “I told him it was a bad idea, and I meant it. It is a terrible idea.” You clarified before telling him any more. After a few moments of silence, his eyes were urging you to continue. “We kissed.” You sighed. He let out another laugh, like what you had said was a joke rather than something you deeply regretted. His hand squeezed yours once more, another gesture of comfort. “What’s so funny?”

“No, no. You tell your story, I’ll talk later.” He assured you. With an air of discomfort, you accepted the deal, deciding to purge yourself of the last bit of the story so you could get it over with.

“It was fantastic. Something I’d been waiting forever to do. It almost felt wrong because it felt so right. So I planned on ending things with Jake. It was the right thing to do; I know if Sam had kissed me even a day sooner, there would have been no problem or conflict. I would have been over the moon.” Danny gave a hum, understanding what you meant, but not certain he agreed with it. Still, he held his thoughts back until you were finished. “You guys came in, and Sam left. Jake was still in the living room, because I told him to stay after everybody went home. I went in to talk to him, fully prepared to end things, but when I saw him, it was like it disappeared. He’s just so… captivating. Like, when I’m around him, he’s the only thing that exists.”

“Yeah, he does have a pretty big personality. Hard to ignore. He’s quiet, but I think that’s part of the charm.”

“Yep, because everything that comes out of his mouth is perfectly thought out.” You snipped, angry at the thought of his perfection. “He started talking, and he knew Sam and I had done something in the kitchen. I didn’t even have to say anything to him. There was a lot of back and fourth, kind of unimportant. I don’t even think I could explain it, anyway. But, he basically said that they both had feelings for me and they decided that they should both have a fair shot at winning me over. Isn’t that fucked up? That they decided that on their own, and didn’t tell me?”

“Yeah,” he nodded.

“That’s what I thought! Anyway, whatever. Doesn’t matter now, I guess. He said some cryptic shit and I told him to leave, but it was mostly just because I was pissed off. I don’t think I really wanted him to go. Like I said, it doesn’t matter, because he stayed the night, last night. He left before I came to pick you up.” You sat back in your seat, defeated still, even after talking through the whole thing. The words being spoken into the universe only seemed to make you feel worse about the predicament. The only hope you had left was that Danny would have some sort of miracle advice to help you out, but you didn’t want to keep your hopes too high. “I think Jake’s been feeling the same way about me as I feel about Sam.”

“Okay.” Danny said, showing you that he was sufficiently aware of your predicament. “My turn?”

“Please.” You urged, finishing the last of your drink. You barely had the glass back on the table before the waitress was there to replace it. You were starting to feel the buzz of the liquor, realizing that you were genuinely getting day-drunk just to forget about your own mistakes. You were at an all time low, you decided. Your usual attitude towards relationships had continually assured you protected yourself, never letting anyone get to close, and never falling for anybody too hard. It was lonely, but loneliness was much preferred to how you were feeling in that moment. Now, in addition to a broken heart and a guilty conscience, you were scared you were going to lose the only true friends you ever had.

“I’ve known Jake and Sam for a long time. It’s a blessing and a curse. I love them to death, they’re family. Fun to be around, great friends, all that mushy shit. But, after so many years, you pick up on the bad stuff, too.” You were intrigued, now. As the fourth glass of the heartache remedy slid down your throat, you felt yourself leaning in closer to the table, not expecting a response like such. You thought Danny would call you on your bullshit, tell you that you were an idiot. You prepared yourself for that, still, because the conversation wasn’t over. It was still a possibility, but you certainly didn’t think his advice would lead in with the Kiszka’s baggage.

“You mean to tell me they’re not perfect? That god didn’t hand craft them and put them on earth just to make the rest of us feel bad?” He had another hearty laugh, finding your tipsy smile hilarious. Your ability to joke even through your turmoil was heartwarming.

“Seems that way sometimes, but no. At least I don’t think so.” He reassured you. “Jake and Sam are a lot more alike than everyone thinks, and not just physically. Sometimes, they’re more alike than Jake and Josh, which is incredibly hard to do. I mean, they’re brothers, so it’s expected, I guess. I didn’t notice it when we were in high school, but Jake wasn’t around as often. Once we all graduated, we started making music and spending a lot of time together. I think that’s when I realized how similar they were.”

“Mhm,” you agreed, wholeheartedly believing him. The two were strikingly similar in lots of ways, despite a few blatant things that offset their shared traits. You could even tell through their touch, or the small interactions that left you guessing if they previously conspired what they were going to say to you, or if it was just their Kiszka nature.

“Their taste in girls has always been one of those things. Over the years, girlfriends or flings caught interest in the other brother, or vice versa, and it was always a bit messy. It seemed like if you fell for one of them, you’d eventually fall for both of them. Or if one of them fell for you, the other would, too. It’s really fucked up, actually.” He gave a little chuckle, trying his best to explain the observation. “They caught on to it pretty soon, and fought over it once or twice, but it never seemed to cause an issue between them. They’d be mad for a few days, then they would move on like it never happened. I don’t know if they accepted it, or if they just didn’t care. Personally, I couldn’t do what they do. It would drive me crazy.” He added, clearly letting on that whatever he was leading in to was common, very deeply rooted and still pressing. You could see in his eyes that the idea was unsettling to him. “For a year or so, whichever way it went, the other just admitted defeat and moved on.”

“Oh, wow.” You breathed, trying to wrap your head around his words. It felt like you were learning deep lore about them that you weren’t supposed to know.

“I wouldn’t be telling you all this if I felt like I shouldn’t be, but it seems like they’re back to their old ways. Trust me when I say it’s much harder on you than it is on them.” You nodded, agreeing with the statement. The whole twisted relationship had given you nothing but turmoil since it had begun, and you were desperate for insight on how to fix it. To them, it just seemed like another day’s work. “Our first real tour, Sam fell super hard for a girl we met at a bar one night. Like, I mean head over heels, stars in his eyes, the whole nine yards. He got her number, and they were in love before we even left the bar. They ended up getting together, and things were really great between them. She even came along with us for a few weeks. They were happy for a while, but then Sam let tour life get to him, I think. He fucked up, hooked up with a random girl and threw the whole thing in the garbage. It was absolutely his fault, and I’ll never defend him over it, but he was young and had no idea how to handle the fame, even if we weren’t that big back then. He seemed to cling to every bit of attention he got. I know he regretted it as soon as he realized what he did, but obviously it was too late. I don’t blame her for leaving.” He shrugged. You were watching intently, immersed in every word.

“Now, I don’t know for certain what happened. Nobody talks about it anymore, and we never really did back then, either. It’s in the past, and everybody wants to keep it that way. But, that girl ended up in Jake’s bed after the big blowout. I don’t know if she initiated it, or he instigated, but it didn’t really matter, anyway. Sam found out and went insane, and he wasn’t interested in knowing who started it. They fought, like really fought, fists and all. We thought that would be the end of the band; they didn’t speak to each other for weeks. Rehearsals and concerts were constantly tense. The girl wasn’t even in the picture, anymore, Sam just felt betrayed and Jake didn’t want to admit he was in the wrong. Before, I don’t think he was ever really in love with anybody, so it didn’t matter as much. But that time, Sam reached his breaking point.”

“Holy shit,” you didn’t care about anything else happening around you. The story was captivating; both boys were very closed off, never giving too much away about themselves. They’d always answer questions if asked, but you never really heard much about the past, especially relationships. You were realizing why, now. “Poor Sam.”

“I guess.” Danny shrugged. “In that situation, yeah, but he’s not innocent. After they made up, he never let it go. He wanted to get back at him, and he did. Ever since then, Jake never had a chance to have a relationship. The minute he showed interest in someone, Sam was already trying to win her over. At first, I think it was just a coincidence. They’re similar, they like the same type of girls, obviously that can cause some issues. After that, it was different. Clearly intentional and meant to be hurtful. I stopped feeling sorry for them a long time ago. They know what they’re doing, and neither of them want to be the bigger person and apologize. Over the years, it’s just grown into a big mess.”

“So that’s why they’re doing this?”

“Yeah.” He felt no need to lie. “They’ve always been competitive. It’s a brother thing. Sam more than Jake, really. I think it’s because he’s younger, maybe feels inadequate sometimes. But to be competitive over girls with real feelings… I don’t like it. After so long, they learned to take the loss and move on. Better luck next time, to them. They mope around for a few days and then they’re back to best friends like nothing ever happened. The girls always end up getting hurt in the end, and that’s the fucked up part. They can hurt their own feelings as much as they want, but I don’t think it’s right to do it to anyone else.”

“That’s why Jake knew what happened in the kitchen. And Sam was so certain he was going to win me over. They’re masters at the game.” The whole wicked, devil-like persona’s were making more sense, now. Every move was thought out, meticulously planned and executed with grace. They’ve been playing this game far longer than you’d even been a part of it, and you were curious if they even had real feelings at all, or if it was just a part of the spiteful process.

“Masters, I’m not sure about. Cocky and annoying, absolutely. I don’t care what they have against each other. They have to settle that between themselves, not bring anyone else into it. All of us consider you a friend. A best friend. What they’re doing hurts everyone, but clearly it’s been hurting you the most.” You finished your drink, looking around for the waitress to get another refill. You were in information overload, more questions and worries filling your head with every second that passed. He picked up on the nervous energy, giving your hand another small squeeze to bring you back to reality.

“Do you think they even care about me, or is it just to piss each other off?” His eyes widened, realizing how easily you could have interpreted that from his story.

“No, y/n, not like that. I can’t speak for certainty on everything, but I am pretty sure Jake’s head over heels for you. He always perks up when we talk about you, and he’s the first one ready when we’re going to your place. Most of the time, he’s begging us to hurry up. I can see it in his eyes. We all see it, and I think that’s why I got so excited when I saw you guys flirting on Friday. Hoped that he’d finally get the courage to make a move.”

“Okay,” you whispered, scared to ask anything about the other boy, unsure if you even wanted to know the answer.

“Sam likes you, too. He told me himself, and not just yesterday, either. I’m not picking a side, or trying to get you to choose. Just telling you what I think you need to know so you can stop beating yourself up.” He explained. “I don’t know why Sam didn’t speak up, sooner. I told him you liked him, gave him encouragement, but he never said anything. He acted like he was oblivious, but he knew. Everyone knows you have feelings for Sam. I love you, but it was obvious.” Your cheeks turned rosy, embarrassed at your own inability to hide your emotions. “I think they both really like you, and they were scared of the same thing. They didn’t want the other to steal you away, but they fell into routine again and they’re doing exactly what they wanted to avoid. When Sam saw you with Jake, It probably lit a old fire in him, which is why it all happened so fast.” As much as you wanted the knowledge to give you reassurance, it only made the dread grow even larger.

“I don’t know what to do, Danny.” You sighed, closing your eyes to ward off the stress headache. You retracted your hand from his, missing the comfort of the hold almost immediately. You brought your fingers to your temples and gently massaged the area, satiating the ache slightly. “I never should have started anything with Jake. I had feelings for Sam. It was selfish, and I know that.”

“I think you had feelings for him, too. Maybe you just didn’t realize it.” He offered. “It’s not like you to start something like that without any reason. Plus, like I said, if you like one of them… history tends to repeat itself.” He said, keeping the truth light.

“If I didn’t, I sure do now.” You let out a humourless laugh, pushing the food around on your plate with your fork. “I feel like I maybe put Sam on a pedestal because I had such a big crush on him. I always thought I was in love with him, but I was never with him. I didn’t know anything beyond the surface, never experienced anything more than friendship. Not even an idea. Now, I’ve been with Jake. I know him, and I feel like maybe what I felt for Sam was just infatuation.”

“Could have been.” He shrugged, unable to answer that one for you.

“But when I’m around him, both of them, actually, they have this pull, like the earth is forcing me into their arms. It’s impossible to think clearly with them around, and I think maybe I just have to take a step back to figure it out.”

“Good luck with that.” He joked, eyes drifting to your phone on the table. “Your phone’s been going off all day, and I’m pretty sure I have an idea who it is.” You couldn’t deny anything, mostly because you knew he was right. Intermittently, another vibration would sound, and you knew if you picked it up, it would be one of the brothers you were trying so hard to ignore. “I don’t care if you ignore them, as long as I still get to see you. Wouldn’t give up our brunch dates for the world.” He sent a playful wink your way.

“Let’s just run away, get married and have mimosa’s for the rest of our lives on a cute little porch while we watch the sunset.” You grinned. “Don’t have to worry about anything ever again.”

“Don’t tempt me,” he smirked. “If I get involved in this, I’m definitely winning.” You both shared a fit of giggles, happy to ease the tension with light jokes. “But seriously, if that’s what you want to do, do it. I know how hard on the head they can be normally, so I can’t imagine what it’s like being in your position.” He sympathized. “It’s not fair to you. I think maybe that’s why Jake tried to be so secretive about it, he wanted to make the move and start something before Sam could get involved. But, it’s like some weird brother thing; they can always tell.”

“I don’t know what to do. I feel like I ignored too many lessons, and the universe is super mad at me right now.” You sighed, your attention grabbed by the waitress dropping another drink off. You mumbled a small thank you before she disappeared again. “I like them both, but I don’t want to hurt either of them. I don’t want to get hurt. The whole thing is fucked up.”

“May I offer my opinion?” He asked, mischief laced in his tone. You gave a nod, figuring that anything would help at this point. “I don’t think you’re going to hurt them nearly as bad as you think.” He assured you. “Yeah, obviously, however this goes, someone is bound to be disappointed, but they’ve been playing this game for years. If you like both of them, play the game with them.”

“Encourage it?” You were in disbelief that he would even suggest it.

“Yep.” He confirmed, no hesitation in his voice. “Listen, they started this whole thing. They think it’s okay to play with your feelings, so play with theirs, instead. Maybe teach them a lesson.” He explained. “Don’t let them run things. You’re in control here, even if you don’t think you are. Have fun with them, and hopefully they’ll see what they’re doing is wrong.”

“You’re evil, Daniel.” You contemplated the idea while finishing your final mimosa, feeling positively tipsy.

“No, just think it’s time they got some karma. They have to learn eventually, they can’t do this for the rest of their lives.” He said, throwing his cutlery and napkins on his plate. “As long as you think you can do it without hurting your own feelings.”

“I’m so pissed off at them that I don’t even care about that.” You chuckled, but it wasn’t funny. The statement was completely truthful.

“So teach them, and then we can eat our brunch in peace. When you do, hopefully they’ll never do it again.” You weren’t expecting Danny to side with you in the matter, but you especially weren’t expecting for him to cheer you on. As you listened to his story of the years he spent dealing with them, you understood why he was telling you to do it. Knowing Danny, you could only assume that there had been many instances where he had to do damage control because of Jake and Sam’s childish behaviour, and he was sick of it. Plus, he seemed quite annoyed with the amount of broken hearts that have ensued because of the brothers tyranny.

Part of you thought it was crazy, that there was no way you could do that to the boys. The other, angrier part of you thought it was a great idea. After only two days of turmoil caused by their behaviour, you were in shambles. Now, knowing that they were completely aware of their own actions, you had no issue handing it right back to them. “Okay.” You agreed. The liquor definitely had an impact on your decision making, but not enough for you to worry about it.

“There. Problem solved.” He smiled. “Maybe that lesson you were dreading wasn’t really your lesson after all.”

You both left the diner with a little more pep in your step than before. Your fears were settled, but not fully resolved. Still, the sense of doom that was looming over you seemed to ease up, and you accredited it solely to Danny. Without his words, you would still be drowning in your own misery. You spotted your car, making a move to get in the drivers seat. As you reached for the handle, you paused yourself, realizing that you were in no state to drive. You reached into your purse, fishing out your keys, and turned to see Danny already holding his hand out for them.

“All yours,” you said, dropping them in his palm. “Forgot.” You let out a giggle.

“Whatever,” he rolled his eyes, sending a playful smile your way. You walked to the other side of the vehicle, getting in to the passenger side. Once you had your seatbelt buckled, he began the journey home. You connected your phone to the speaker, clumsily tapping the screen to unlock it. You hit shuffle on your playlist, not having the mind to scroll through and pick a song.

You turned your head towards the window, letting your eyes take in the sights as you passed by. Your mind was spinning with thoughts, but none stuck out as they passed through. Most were a jumble of topics from the previous day’s events, no coherent nature to them. You wanted to check your missed messages, just to see what they’d been saying, but you couldn’t find the strength to do so. You were angry, still, upset that they had no issue involving you in their mess and seemed to have no remorse over it. Even so, the urge to talk to them, to be with them, touched by them, was growing more urgent by the second.

Danny was right; it would be impossible to ignore them. That left you with two choices; play along, or let them play with you and get hurt in the process. You still weren’t certain that the first option would keep your feelings safe, but it was worth a try. Even if it didn’t, hopefully it would ensure neither would pull a stunt like such ever again. “I think I drank too much.” You stated, another giggle laced in your words. He glanced over at you from the drivers seat, giving you a grin.

“Guess that was my fault.” He chuckled.

“No,” you shook your head, smiling softly. “You helped, a lot.”

“I’m glad.” He replied, turning down the street your home was nestled on. “I’m always available for free therapy and alcohol.”

“I always appreciate it. I appreciate you.” You said, watching your driveway creep into sight.

“I appreciate you, bug.” He shot back without missing a beat. The pet name made your heart warm with affection. He really was your best friend, always your biggest comfort and favourite person. Nobody else compared to him, and you hoped that no matter how the situation played out, you’d still have him by your side. A small, selfish part of you wondered why you couldn’t just fall for him; he was funny, sweet, and genuine. Any time spent with him was worth more than the world, and he was beautiful, too. For some reason, it was written in the stars that he was to be your best friend, but that was more than okay. A life with Danny as your best friend was a certain promise of a good one. As much as it sucked dancing with the devil, or the Kiszka brothers, rather, it was meant to be. Even while you wished it away, hoped you could fall out of their grasp and into someone else’s, there was a part of you that loved being loved by them.

He parked your car in its usual spot, getting out to open your door for you. He walked you to the house, stepping inside and closing the door behind you. You both went to the living room, collapsing on the couch with exhaustion, as if you’d just ran a marathon. “You’re stuck here.” You laughed, finally realizing that he didn’t have his own car with him.

“I’ll call a cab, don’t worry.” He assured you, grabbing his phone to do just that. As he found himself busy telling the company the address, you reached over to the chair beside the couch, grabbing the acoustic guitar Jake had been playing earlier that morning. As he hung up the call, you plucked at the strings mindlessly, eventually switching to a chord progression that you had grown to know very well. “Dinner and a show?” He teased, still in awe that you had hidden your talent for so long.

“You know, it would be a lot of fun to come with you guys.” You thought aloud, dismissing his joke.

“You should.” He affirmed your idea. “Even if you just came for a part of the tour.” You let out a low hum, letting him know you heard him without having to respond. Instead of pushing you further, he leaned back into the couch and watched you as you played. Once you were certain he wasn’t going to speak again, you began to sing along to the music, to the song you loved so much. Jake had pegged it as your nickname, and at first it was endearing, but the more you listened to it, the more the words resonated with the ache settled deep in your chest.

“Rock on, Gold Dust Woman

Take your silver spoon, dig your grave” you looked to the fretboard, feeling the need to focus harder because of the alcohol swarming in your system.

“Heartless challenge, pick your path and I’ll pray

Wake up in the morning, see your sunrise loves to go down

Lousy lovers pick their prey but they never cry out loud.“

You sang the rest of the song, breathless by the time you were finished. Danny had a smile stuck on his lips, understanding that sooner or later you would agree to their offer. He could tell how badly you wanted to say yes, but your anxiety was holding you back. You were thinking of the offer, too, but something more pressing came to kind in light of the song choice. Or the mimosas. Or both, maybe. You weren’t sure. Either way, Jake Kiszka had inevitably made his appearance in your thoughts once more, but it wasn’t like he had left in the first place. His presence was always existing within your brain somewhere, even if it wasn’t at the forefront.

It was horrid, never being able to escape him, but it was phenomenal all at the same time. In the last twenty-for hours, he helped you feel more alive than you ever had before. His touch was still lingering in your skin, electrifying every nerve. The memory was fantastic, but nothing compared to the real thing. He was addicting; his company was no longer a want, but necessary for survival. You wondered if you would ever be able to live without it, quickly realizing that you never wanted to find out. Before, the thought of not having Jake around was terrifying, but after having him so intimately, the idea was debilitating, stealing the air from your lungs and crushing you under its weight.

“I could listen to you sing all day, but I gotta run.” Danny broke you from your thoughts. “Plans for tonight, can’t get out of them.”

“Cheating on me, Daniel?” You let out a tsk, showing your displeasure. He let out a laugh, shaking his head.

“Could never do that to you, darling.” He said, as dramatically as possible. You put the guitar to the side, standing up with him so you could give him a proper goodbye. You pulled him into a hug a bit tighter than usual, catching him off guard. It only took him a second to return the gesture, wrapping you in an aura of comfort.

“Thank you for everything. I feel a lot better.”

“That’s what I’m here for.” He assured you. “I love you, and I’ll talk to you soon?” You nodded, head still pressed to his chest.

“I love you.” You said, parting ways with him. “And yeah, I’ll update you.” You smiled, your secret plan solidified by your words.

“Give them hell.” He said, a tone of pleading hidden in the joke. With a wave, he disappeared around the corner and the front door sounded a moment later. The second the door shut, the emptiness of the home already started to seep in.

You gathered your thoughts, shaking away the haunting feeling of seclusion, and made your way to your bedroom. Once inside, you switched the power on to your record player, resuming whichever vinyl you had left from this morning. You let your eyes flutter closed at the hum of the song cutting through the silence. Another vibration from your phone caught your attention, suddenly remembering the messages you had intended to ignore. Now, with Danny’s words sounding in your mind, and your first chance at alone-time, you channeled a new courage to reply. Your fingers pulled the phone from your pocket, eyes immediately drifting over the screen. There were a few texts from your own band mates, and when they could come over to practice. You made a mental note to respond to them later. You moved on, seeing Sam’s name adorned on a missed call. You opted to focus on him later, your eyes seeking the contact you wanted to deal with first.

The notification bar from Jake had three messages. When you tapped them, you expected to be met with filthy words to fuel your desire to get back at him. Instead, the first was a small message of thanks for letting him stay the night prior, confessing his enjoyment. It was simple, not detailed, but enough to make your heart beat a little faster and a blush to make its way onto your cheeks. The second message was a well wish for your lunch date with Danny, saying he hoped you had a good time. The third was much different, more on par with what you had expected from him.

Jacob

Let me know when you want to share some more secrets, Gold Dust Woman

You felt a surge of emotion rush to your stomach, the words so simple, but the feeling so large. It was so easy to give in to him; he barely had to look your way and you were jumping at the chance to be noticed by him. It was crazy how fast the dynamic changed, how quickly he became so important to you. Without a second thought, you were already typing a response.

You

What kind of secrets would you like me to share, Jacob?

You hit send, not expecting a response considering you had waited so long to reply. Before you could even shut the screen off, the text bubble appeared on the screen, signifying his presence in the chat. A smirk pulled at the corner of your lips, happy to see that he was on your hook just as much as you were on his.

Jacob

I can think of a few

You

I’m sure you can. Care to elaborate?

His response was almost immediate, as if he’d pre-typed the words in anticipation of your question.

Jacob

Still wearing that red thong from earlier, or was that just to show off?

You enacted a plan as soon as the text was delivered and you processed what it said. You threw your phone on your bed, quickly shimmying out of your clothes and discarding them on the floor. The alcohol was still buzzing through your veins, your decisions heavily reliant on the false confidence the champagne bestowed upon you. You retrieved your phone, making a move to stand before the mirror on the opposite side of your room. You pulled up your camera, taking a few pictures from different angles, clearly showcasing the red fabric he was so curious about. The pictures that included the matching bra was just out of generosity.

You sifted through the pictures in your camera roll, picking the ones you thought were the best. You swiped back into his chat, reading his message over again. Instead of saying anything else, you sent the few photos you deemed acceptable. You went to the kitchen, unable to find a care to put your clothes back on, and turned your phone screen off. You scoured the fridge, finding a bottle of wine unopened and patiently awaiting your arrival. As you poured yourself a glass, you listened to the repetitive vibrations of incoming text messages. You looked to the clock on the wall, noting the time. Then, you took a seat in a chair and enjoyed the beverage you had fixed for yourself.

After a few moments, the texts ceased, leaving you to sit in silence and ponder your actions. You sipped away at the bitter liquid, refusing to give in to the temptation of answering him. When your glass was half empty, the vibrations resumed. This time, it was an incoming call. The ticking of the clock caught your attention, realizing you’d left him on edge for about fifteen minutes. You figured if you let it go much longer, he would show up at your front door. The thought itself wasn’t terrible, and you certainly wouldn’t mind the company, but you decided you wouldn’t push him that far. His incoming call ended, but it wasn’t long before another one sounded. With a smile on your lips, you picked up your phone and accepted his attempt to reach you.

“Hi,” you said, cheerily, as if you had no idea he had been blowing up your phone. “What’s up?”

“Ignoring me, sweetheart?” His voice was low, no angry tone or hint of annoyance. The soft inquiry sent a rush of arousal through you, just knowing that you had bothered him so badly was enough to send you spiralling.

“Why would I do that?” You asked, tipsiness laced in your voice. He picked up on it almost immediately, thinking your new-found confidence was a result of the alcohol. In truth, he wasn’t completely wrong. Although you and Danny had devised the plan, the execution was heavily reliant on intoxication. For some reason, sobriety did not help your case with either brother. Their charm and wit held you in a chokehold, any time you had the courage to retaliate, they made another move to make you submit. Despite your lack of control, it was still quite enjoyable. Now that tables had turned, that he was the one sitting and thinking about you and slowly driving himself to insanity, you had to admit that it was enjoyable, too. Maybe even more so, if you had to choose.

“Don’t be a tease, angel.” He hummed, the sound of his voice through the phone sending a shiver through you. You thought you might give in, throw the act away and beg for him to come over, but you bit your tongue and powered through.

“I thought that’s what you wanted to see, baby.” You played innocent, taking another sip of wine to keep the spirits high. Your head was buzzing, swimming with many thoughts. Most were filthy, focused mainly on how badly you wished he was in front of you, rather than on the phone. It was ridiculous how fast he consumed your entire being. Thoughts of his hands, his tongue, and how good they felt when they were on you. You missed him, even if you opted not to say it aloud. It had only been a few hours, but it was much too long for your liking. “Was that what you wanted, Jacob?”

“Fuck,” he muttered under his breath, bothered by your use of the pet name, bothered by the sultry tone you were speaking in. A smirk formed on the corner of your lips, cocky enough to know that you had power over him, too. “Yeah, it was, baby.” He conceded, unwilling to argue the point. “You still didn’t answer my question.” He stated, not willing to let you off the hook so easily.

“What was your question?” You asked, one last attempt to get under his skin. He let in a long breath, trying his best to stay calm while you made it a point to piss him off.

“Why were you ignoring me, angel?” He was heavy on the terms of endearment, leaving you unsure if it was because they were genuine, or if he was using them to coerce an answer from you.

“Wanted to piss you off.” You admitted, feeling no need to lie to him. “Did it work?”

“Mhm,” he mumbled his response wordlessly. Even without an explicit affirmation, you could tell it did just by his tone change. He had expected the answer, but it didn’t seem to make him feel any better. “Didn’t know you were such a brat.” He noted.

“Maybe you just bring out the worst in me.” You snipped back almost immediately. He let out a chuckle, but it wasn’t because he thought your words were humorous. It radiated a tone of shock, as if he was trying to tell you that you had no idea what you were getting yourself into.

“Careful, sweetheart.” He warned. “Don’t make me come over there and fuck that attitude out of you.”

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” You teased. He could hear the smile on your lips through your words, making it difficult for him to keep up with the act. He found your joy infectious, and the teasing fun, in a greater sense than just sexual. He enjoyed all conversations shared with you, even if there was no sexual gratification. He just loved being around you.

“I would, but I don’t think you would.” He said, simple enough to get the point across, but powerful enough to worsen the growing ache between your legs.

“Maybe you’re the sadist.” You theorized, throwing his own idea back in his face. If only he knew how badly you lived to please him, his previous accusations of sadism would be laughable.

“You’ll have to wait and see. I’m sure you’ll find out soon enough.” His voice was soothing, even if the topic was filthy. You could listen to him speak all night and never get bored. He was devastatingly perfect, and he made it easier to fall for him every time he opened his mouth. Without thought, you opened your mouth to speak, letting the wine take control of the conversation.

“I miss you.” The statement was quiet, but impactful. In reality, the three words were barely loud enough to catch a normal listeners attention, but the sound was deafening, to him. When you were met with silence, a fizzle of regret formed in your chest, wondering if you took it too far. You would take it back, pretend you never said it or bury it so deep down that could never surface again, just to ensure he wouldn’t hang up the phone; the last thing you wanted was to scare him away.

Although drunk, your feelings were true. You did miss him: you wanted to stay wrapped up in him forever, whether it be just with basic comfort or with sexual nature. You didn’t care, as long as he was with you. In three days, his presence had not only caught your attention, but made home within the walls of your house. Feelings for him were blossoming from every angle, immersing you within them and tying you down with their roots. It only took three days for Jake to make you a fool for him, three days to produce a feeling that rivalled your feelings for Sam. If you thought you were in too deep before, you were drowning, now.

That’s the funny thing about love; it cares little about who it’s next victim is, only about the fatalities it leaves in its wake.

Despite equal consent to the game, fatality was most definitely the prize. By choosing to be ignorant to risk, all three of you willingly sealed your own fate. No amount of repent could save you from the consequences. Deep down, you were well aware of that fact, but the sin was so pleasurable that it no longer mattered.

“I miss you, Gold Dust Woman.” The words only solidified your desire to ignore the risk. It was the most beautiful statement you had ever heard, and it was laced with sincerity. Imbedded with so much emotion that it made your head spin, wondering if it was even possible for someone to speak with such unwavering clarity. As if he, too, realized the extent of his vulnerability, he quickly spoke to cover it. “I miss being inside you, more.” The sweet tone quickly turned into one of desire, but both of you knew it was a lie. He desperately missed the mornings activities, his arms wrapped around your waist with a kiss placed to your neck while the smell of coffee lingered in the air. Smiling and laughing, singing along and poorly dancing to the hum of the record player. Taking turns playing guitar for each other, him dedicating every song to you but leaving it unspoken. He missed the moments of silence, more comfortable than any other, where he could hear your breathing steady while your eyes fluttered closed, enticed by the idea of falling back into a slumber. He missed the fleeting feeling of you being his, and his alone. Even if the idea wasn’t wholly truthful, he liked to pretend it was.

And in a way, you were. Every part of you belonged to him in some sense, even if other forces were trying to pull you away. But neither of you would ever speak those thoughts aloud, scared of the same things, even if the ones you focused on were not the biggest threats. Instead, you played along, sad that he felt the need to discredit such a genuine confession, but relieved that you didn’t have to explain your own. You both fell in step with the devil once again, ignoring the ache in your hearts and covering it with animalistic attraction and half-truths. If only you could both hear how loud he was laughing, pleased that you carried on just how the devil intends.

“You know there’s always a place for you between my legs, baby.” You whispered, the low tone shaking him to his core, settling in his bones and breaking them under the weight of the statement. It was unspoken that the confessions of emotion would be ignored, as always. It was just the way things were. You could practically hear his need for you through the phone, even if he didn’t say anything.

“Is that what you want?” He posed the question in a derogatory manner, as if he was trying to make you to feel shameful for wanting him so badly. You could see through it, knowing that he just wanted to hear you admit your desperation for him. “You want me, baby?”

“Mhm,” You nodded, even though he couldn’t see you. As you realized that, you also realized how badly you wished you could see him. Before responding any further, you clicked the FaceTime icon on his contact. Within seconds, he accepted. The screen lit up with his face, immediately giving you a sense of relief. You took in the sight, noting he was sitting in his living room. You had only been to his apartment a handful of times, but you knew it well enough to recognize it. “Hi,” you smiled, almost forgetting the nature of the conversation.

“Hi, beautiful.” He disregarded the vulgarity for a moment, too, just so he could admire you. The blush that spread across your cheeks caused a smile to break out on his lips, too. He noted the wine glass in the frame before his eyes inevitably landed on your attire, the adoration in his eyes quickly fading into lust. The distant look let you know that he was already imagining what was beneath the flimsy red fabric. Remembering what lie beneath. As much as his expression enticed you, you couldn’t let him get away with it without making a comment.

“Eyes up here, Jacob.” You scolded, catching his attention again.

“Expect me not to stare when you look like that?” He asked, a smile still lingering on his lips. “Sadist.” He smirked, the word bouncing between you both, accompanied by pointed fingers and accusatory tones. Perhaps both of you were the sadists by continuing your entanglement without caution or worry about the future.

“I know how much you love the red, but I think you’ll love what’s underneath it, more.” You said, eyes never leaving his face. You could see the muscle in his jaw tense at the thought, proving you were correct.

“I think red is your colour, sweetheart.” He noted, disregarding your words. As bad as he wanted you to remove the clothing, he’d be caught dead before admitting you were right. “Sit back, baby. Let me see the rest of you.” The order was firm, making sure you knew that it was not a request. You propped your phone against the wine bottle, obeying the instructions and leaning back in your chair, allowing him a better view. He let out a sigh, content with the sight of your mostly exposed upper body.

“Like this?” You asked, bringing your hand to your chest and gently running your fingers over the edge of the cup on your bra, gently pulling it down in the process. It was enough to tease him, but not enough to show him what he was hoping to see. You let your finger linger for a second before releasing the hold. The fabric drifted back to its original position and you let your fingers trail down your bare torso.

“Just like that.” He affirmed, visibly bothered by the show you were putting on. “Be a good girl and take that off for me.” His plea was covered with dominance in attempt to hide his neediness, but it wasn’t working. Part of you wanted to give into the request; with the way he was looking at you, it was hard to want to deny him of anything. But, that little devil in your head was as angry as ever, now fuelled by the knowledge Danny had given you.

“Come over and take it off yourself.” You replied, trying to remain unbothered by his pet names. His eyes flashed with discontent, fed up with your continuous disobedience.

“You want me to come over?” He asked, playing into whatever game you were trying to start with him. You gave a nod, knowing that he wouldn’t be able to withstand the temptation for much longer. “You need someone to take care of that ache between your legs? To make you feel so good that you can’t remember your own name?” His tone was soft, sympathetic almost, but the flame ablaze behind his pupil and the slight tension in his jaw led you to believe he was being quite misleading.

“Yes, please.” You pleaded, ignoring your worry about his honesty. The arousal pooling between your legs was beginning to feel uncomfortable, like a constant, dull pain that would eventually drive you crazy. Something about Jake always led you to believe that life without him would lead you to the brink of insanity. The constant talk of want, or desire was quite minimal compared to how you truly felt about him. Necessity was closer to correct, depending on his touch more than your own heartbeat to keep you alive.

“You need someone to take care of that pretty little cunt,” he deducted, taking in a long breath at the sound of his own words. He was just as worked up as you, debating throwing his plan in the garbage and getting in his car that instant. “And you know I’m the only one who knows how to do it right.” He finished, finding the strength to stay seated and continue his merciless taunts.

“Please come over, baby. I need you so bad.” The words slipped out easier than any you had said before, the strength you had to endure his words was breaking apart every time he opened his mouth.

“I know, angel.” He hummed, soothing you for just a moment. You thought he was going to give in, to tell you he would be there in a minute, but when he spoke again, you wish you’d never started the battle in the first place. “I want to help you out, but you haven’t been very good for me. Being a tease doesn’t get you what you want, baby. You know that.”

“Jake, please. I’m sorry.” You begged, that feeling of familiar dread filling your stomach. “I’ll be good for you, I promise.”

“If I give you what you want, you won’t learn anything.” The irritation that grew from the smirk he was wearing was unbearable. You couldn’t genuinely believe that after the entire call, he would have the nerve to deny either of you the pleasure of spending another night together. “Go take care of yourself, sweetheart. Just think of me when you do.” Your teeth were clenched, frustrated that your efforts seemed to have no effect on him.

“Just come over, baby.” You tried once more, but his mind was made up.

“If you do what I say and behave, I might come and see you later.” So that was his plan; like always, he was willing to give in, but he felt the need to ensure you would suffer, first. “Another picture might help, too.” He sent a wink your way, so subtle that you almost missed it. Before you had a chance to respond, he had ended the call and you were met with the disappointing sight of your screensaver, wishing you had one more minute to admire the sight of his face.

You had two options: deal with the issue yourself, wait it out and hope he would feel generous enough to pay you a visit after a while, or call a cab and go to him, first. As much as the second option was tempting, you knew if you did so, it would only fuel his ego even further. He was well aware of the power he held over you, and running to him would only solidify the idea in his mind. Waiting to see if he would come over might do the same, but at least you would have the upper hand. By the time he showed up, your overwhelming need for him would have time to simmer. Then, you could give him a taste of his own medicine.

So you sat, sipping away at your wine, thinking that it wouldn’t be too difficult to wait it out. The closer the bottle got to empty, the more confident you felt about the situation. If he wanted to be an asshole, you could be, too. His request for more pictures would go unanswered, and he would have to give in. Even in your drunken state, you were aware of the power you had over him, too. Confidence did not equal satisfaction, though. You nursed the last of your wine until he showed up, or until you found something better to do, quickly realizing that time would not satisfy your craving for him. With every minute that passed, you hoped the feeling would fizzle away, but the more you ignored it, the worse it seemed to get.

Eventually, as you drained the last few drops of your glass for the second time (you had to make sure it was completely empty, of course), you heard a knock sound at the front door. A jolt of energy surged through you, realizing you had won the battle without putting any effort in at all. You stood, leaving the empty bottle on the table for decoration, and wasted no time following the sound of the knock. When you reached the front door, you ran your hand through your hair, straightening yourself out to look the best you could for him. Before opening the door, you ever so slightly peeked through the blinds.

In your drunken state, it seemed blatantly obvious that it was Jake standing outside. The tuft of brown hair that caught your eye was so familiar, immediately showering you with relief. But, if you looked for a moment longer, you might have clued in that opening the door in your current attire was a mistake. Had sobriety been in the question, you would have noticed the distinctive difference, how the body was taller, a bit more slender than the boy you were looking for. Maybe, it was possible you did notice, but we’re too blinded by excitement to cognitively understand that Jake was not the one knocking on your door. You wished to see him so badly that you overlooked any possibility of it not being him standing there.

When the door creaked open, you had a smirk on your lips, ready to throw his bluff back in his face. Instead of grasping the feeling of satisfaction for Jake’s failure, dread bled into every nerve in your body. It took a moment for both of you to understand exactly what scene you had found yourself in, but when you came back from the shock, you couldn’t even find the right words to express how you were feeling. Your limbs were frozen, unable to shut the door again and your heart was stuck in your throat. Sam’s wide eyes and parted lips showcased his matching emotions, also void of a proper response. Even in his complete surprise, he couldn’t help but feel his gaze drifting over every exposed part of you that was offered. If you wanted to be dramatic, you could even go as far as to say he was drooling at the sight of you.

After a moment of staring, you took a step to the side, covering as much of you as possible behind the solid door. “Do you greet everyone like that, or am I interrupting something?” He said, clearing his throat, joking to subtly to pass off his blatant gawking.

“Um, no… and no, I guess.” You squeaked, cheeks red enough to match the fabric that was barely concealing you.

“Expecting someone else?” The corner of his lip upturned into a smirk, finding humour in the awkward moment. He knew you were likely expecting his brother, but his cockiness allowed him to use the knowledge to his advantage.

“No,” you said after a long bout of silence, trying to sound confident. The alcohol was sending the devil in your head into a drunken rampage. Your plan to play into their game was bouncing around within your skull, urging you to take the embarrassing greeting and make it into something better. If Jake wasn’t willing to give you what you needed, you were sure that Sam would have no problem helping you out. If they wanted to involve you in their mess, you should have no issue using it for your own benefit. You were both playing with fire, but the heat was gradual; welcoming at first, and only burning you after the fact, once you were too far in to turn around.

“So I showed up at the perfect time, then?” Your anxiety washed away, even finding yourself able to produce a genuine smile at his ridiculously childish response. Your eyes drifted over his face, taking in the details of his expression. He had recovered from his nervous state, too, but his eyes were still glistening with appreciation at the beauty of you before him. You could have shut the door, turned him away with an apology and let the memory die, but his beauty was captivating, and you were drawn in by the way he was watching you. If you had found yourself in the situation with a lower blood-alcohol content, the whole thing would have been ridiculous and terribly wrong. Maybe it was the wine, or the brunch conversations that lead you to the conclusion in which you were headed towards. It didn’t matter, anyway, because you had already made up your mind. You didn’t want to turn him away; you were eager to let him inside.

“I think so.” You agreed, playing into him.

“Red’s your colour, princess.” He noted, trying to catch another glimpse of what you were trying to hide from him without being too obvious. Just another blatant show that Sam and Jake were in fact brothers, and brothers indeed. Too alike for their own good, and too foolish to see the problem. “You should wear it more often.” His voice was quiet, much different than his usual chipper tone that sounded through an entire room. You had never heard him speak in such a way, except for the small moment shared in your kitchen. It was enticing, perfectly alluring and dangerously gratifying.

“You should come in,” you stated, not as a request, but a fact. He watched you for a moment, attempting to convince himself that you were serious and not just pulling his leg. When you kept your composure, no hint of anything other than a genuine nature, he made a move towards you. Once he was inside, you closed the door behind him with little thought.

Perhaps too much carelessness for such a grave decision that would ultimately seal your fate.

Lousy lovers pick their prey

but they never cry out loud

TAGLIST: @itsdannysworld

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attic-club-sandwich · 7 months

Text

A Sweater will Make it Better

My first writing entry for @love-and-lore's self ship event going on right now hosted by @meggsngrits and @kailali! This is a self ship of my Obey Me! MC Shae and Mammon. I really hope that you guys enjoy!

For reference to those who aren't familiar with Shae:

Shae & Mammon

Shae's Student ID

Summary: Shae comes down with a cold after visiting the human world. Thankfully, she has Mammon to take care of her. Just your average cute little fluffy sick fic.

Tag List: @amberrskiies @obey-me-posts, @sassykattery, @delphi-dreamin, @bite-sized-devil, @a-hidden-gem, @otomefoxystar, @todothedodo, @marvelous-maniac, @nonbinary-disaster, @selfmadender, @animeismyhappyplace, @vampire-tr4mp, @ana-dear, @gaychaosgremlin, @sidgethegamer, @meiloorun-tea, @temnuk0

floral banner below by @/saradika

Shae’s dreams are rudely interrupted by the annoyingly high pitched sound of her alarm going off on her D.D.D. Head still face down in her pillow, she reaches over to silence it. “Ugh…” she groans, turning her head to the side, desperate for air. Except she could barely get any through the stuffiness of her nose. And her head was pounding. And she felt like she was dying. Shae slowly sits up in bed, pressing her face into her elbow to fight off a sneeze as she contemplates what to do. The thought of going to classes all day at RAD was already exhausting her, and she had a feeling she would just barely make it through the day. I must have caught something from my trip back home the other day… she thinks miserably.

She had only wanted to go back to the human world for a couple of days to visit her family as well as get some of her favorite treats from the farmers market that is always open near her home in the fall season. But of course, she usually also got sick this time of year as well. Grabbing her D.D.D. off her nightstand, she decides to send Lucifer a quick text.

Hey, Luci. I won’t be going to classes today, I think I caught some sort of disease from the human world.

She figures he probably won’t see it right away, as he’s most likely busy hustling his brothers down for breakfast and soon enough they’ll be out the door for the day. However, she doesn’t have the energy to stay awake waiting for his reply. Instead, she snuggles back under her covers while sleep takes over her once more.

****

The pounding in her head and the inability to breathe stirs her awake again. She groans, rolling over to check the time. It’s mid morning now, and she figures she’s now alone in the house. Another sneeze captures her and she reaches for the box of tissues on her nightstand, also grabbing her D.D.D. in the process. She sees that she has a text from Lucifer from earlier that morning.

Please take the day to rest then. I’ve sent Mammon to grab you some medicine. He should be there shortly.

Her heart flutters at the mention of Mammon. Knowing her boyfriend, he’s probably worried himself sick by now. Just then, a small knock sounds at her door before it opens up and Mammon is inviting himself in. “Comin’ in.” he mumbles, carrying a bag of things over to the table. “Uh, what’s the point of knocking if you’re just going to come in anyways?” Shae asks, rolling her eyes and pulling the covers up to her chin. “Hey, you could be dying’ in here you’re lucky I even knocked!” he quipped. “Besides, I knew you were going to need this.” Shae glanced down at the box of cold medicine and the bottle of water that he was holding and practically sobbed tears of joy. “Oh thank god.” she says, taking both the water and the box from his hand. “I dunno why you’re thankin’ Him, I did all the work.” It’s Mammon’s turn to roll his eyes as Shae giggles, opening up the box and popping a tablet into her mouth. “Sorry, I mean thank YOU, Oh Great Mammon.” The white haired demon snorts, picking up the bag of stuff he had brought and carried it over to her bed. “Well lucky for you, I brought some more things to make you feel better. Everyone wanted to give you something to cheer ya up.” Shae watches as he pulls out a couple of video games, a couple of books, a sachet of tea, a bath bomb, her favorite fuzzy blanket from the attic, and even some of her favorite snacks. “Wow, Mams, thank you…” she sniffs, her violet eyes growing watery at the thought of the brothers all picking out something for her. “Wait, I got the best for last! Are ya cold?” He squints as he glances down at her arms, attempting to investigate for goosebumps. “I know You’re always cold even when you aren’t sick, so I brought you one of my sweaters.” He grins, pulling out a chunky knit, brown patterned sweater. It had fall leaf designs, as well as several stripes of deep reds, browns, and golden hues that were perfect for the fall season. Shae’s heart grew warm at the thought of wearing Mammon’s sweater. “You know me so well.” she grins. Mammon motions for her to lift her arms up, and suddenly her shirt is being lifted over her head. The sudden exposure to the cool air causes her skin to actually form goosebumps this time, but is quickly replaced by the soft material of Mammon’s sweater being pulled over her head. “There, now you’ll be nice and toasty.”

Shae snuggles back down into bed as Mammon heads to the kitchen to make her a cup of tea from the sachet that Lucifer gave her. While he’s gone, she can’t help herself from pressing the sleeves of the sweater to her face, inhaling the scent. It smells like him, his cologne mixed with the musky smell of an old drawer. She was convinced that this was all she needed to make her feel better. Mammon returns with 2 cups of tea, handing Shae one as he climbs into the empty spot next to her. She breathes in the steam from the cup, and her shoulders relax as it begins to clear her sinuses. It smells like peppermint and honey, and Shae practically melts at the added warmth in her hand…and her bed. “Thank you, Mams. I feel better already.” Mammon smiles, leaning over to press a kiss against her temple. “It’s my job to take care of ya.” He pauses, a flush forming on his cheeks. “Both as your boyfriend and your protector.” Shae giggles, leaning into his shoulder. “I’m the luckiest human in the Devildom for sure.”

They sit together for a while, talking and watching out her window as rain begins to patter against the glass. The sound is soothing, and mixed with the warmth of the tea, Shae’s eyes grow heavy once again. Mammon takes notice of this, watching as her eyes begin to flutter and gently takes the cup of tea out of her hand. “Oi, Shae, how about ya get some rest now?” Shae blinks, realizing she had been about to doze off. Yawning, she snuggles back down into the blankets. “Okay. But you’ll stay with me, right?” Mammon smiles, turning over on his side to face her. “Of course I ain’t goin’ nowhere. I’m staying right here with you in case ya need anything.” Shae smiles, pressing her forehead to his. “Thank you. I love you, Mams.” The white haired demon blushes, pecking her lips with a quick kiss as her eyes finally flutter shut. “I love ya more. Now go to sleep and get better so I can kiss ya all I want!”

#cass writes #my writing #obey me writing #obey me fic #obey me mammon #mc!shae #mammon x shae #self ship #love & lore: sweater collab #love and lore event #obey me! shall we date?#obey me! one master to rule them all

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mthofferings · 7 months

Photo

iam93percentstardust

See iam93percentstardust’s existing works here and here.

Preferred contact methods: Email: [email protected] Tumblr: iam93percentstardust Discord: iam93percentstardust Twitter: im93prcntstrdst

Preferred organizations: - Clean Air Task Force - Coalition for Rainforest Nations - Waterkeeper Alliance (See the list of approved organizations here)

Will create works that contain: Happy endings, angst with a happy ending, fluff, smut, established relationship, getting together, mutual pining, team as family, slice of life, friends to lovers, most AUs, omegaverse dynamics, dark characters

Will not create works that contain: Incest, MCU-compliant after Age of Ultron, Hogwarts AU, high school AU, alcoholism/drug abuse, kid fic, major character death, noncon, graphic depictions of torture, sick fic, genderswap, hanahaki disease, character/ship bashing, hurt no comfort, mpreg, unhappy endings, homophobia, bathroom kinks

-- Fic or Other Writing --

Auction ID: 1063

Will create works for the following relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark - MCU

Work Description: I’m offering a 15k to 20k fic that I can begin work on in early 2024. It will most likely take me around 2-6 months depending on the length of the fic and how busy my school/work schedule is. I’m happy to include background relationships, preferably platonic but we can discuss romantic as well. I work well with specific prompts but don’t mind working with something more open-ended. I also have a list of works that I’ve been thinking about writing if you’re not sure about what you’d like to prompt. While I prefer to write bottom/sub/omega Tony, I am open to discussion. Please feel free to contact me with any questions about prompts, ship dynamics, or AUs.

Ratings: Gen, Teen, Mature, Explicit

Can pods bid on this auction? Yes - Podbids welcome!

CLICK HERE TO BID ON THIS WORK

The auction runs from October 22 (12 AM ET) to October 28 (11:59:59 PM ET). Visit marveltrumpshate.com during Auction Week to view all of our auctions and to place your bids!

#iam93percentstardust #auction: fic #mth 2023

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vormov · 5 months

Text

part 2 ('the place in between breathing')

did you place yourself in that the prior wreckage? notice the spot in which contains your absence, where did you go? did you lie to us at the start? i know where you went.

am alive went above below it was again, never to know their mothers—"oh well" we couldn't have known what we were doing, agaze like the oceans bled out and we had held all the breathe the earth could hold, let it go, we'll go on.

agaze like all those things we held onto but meant nothing feel it as the sun collapses among us, and sets these feelings alight fry me alive that i'd think so highly of our simple place and time or that id defend it so keenly with my sanity, only for a place to be governed. let it be, we'll go on.

we'll go up and see it for ourselves, won't we? delicately dance up there warn these dire fates, like we really saw who we are. ill never know quite where to leave it

to fortune or measure to future or concavity to feature to bedrock with welcomed eyes that can see the beyond-the-sky i'll ease their path forward with a true example, a place where i feel at home.

i can't begin to speak where these margins were in a way that you'll understand, i'm afraid its above my head let it be known i was never against you or me, like the gods above deciding whether we were just accustomed to the pain. with an ease we can go again towards the sky and leave you alone. why ask you what you think?

nevertheless we'd go beyond this rock like we weren't quite tethered to the earth below nor the sky above, as the skies below aloften dreams die, they go down below to pillow those within asunder 'like moths to flames.' i'll glow as a beacon to all those who step in

welcome to this dream-domain and find myself a feat less than becoming self, id rather die. of love pieced together a place for me so long ago 'i'll never be wanting more' i'd tear apart up gazing at it's enormity, like i saw a spectre of The Lord having one above us. wed be doomed without such pleasures like we had drempt our way unto the lost highway and never knew where to fly away. we all know now. without a whim i'll collide with this our incoming star and whisper to all the other fates that we all weren't quite in alignment, let it be known the fallacy of man was displayed again, lessers to man to me i'd love to gaze above it all, let it go and see where the fuck we go in life. as illumination spectres meant to flow the life into inaugaration i'll be there to tether them as they go. so that they might know the new bounds upon them, and see these strings so visible in our sky they'll know our next thoughts so well that we'll say "good job" welcome to the end of what they give us to grasp onto i'd rather have died in the skirmish. the less we know the better, am i right?

like a pill for igorance is welcomed to us the enlightened? and When We Speak To God it doesn't go so well, it never does, as you see He and I don't get along where the wisps of the winds trended down to the scrapes of the icy down.

a love of self was left behind us to be rediscovered as a love behind everything like a simple bulb creating all the light. wasn't it wonderful, to be here and now.

i wrote a letter to the prior self and he said "alone i become and see it out alive where this sun accords us in time, let it flow beyond you an see the rays illuminate where you cannot. a gaze above isn't necessary as we let ourselves be here now, just be here now."

a song plays in the distance where i recognize but don't hear it quite so well, a feeling of welcomed disease definitely write this one down for later i'm sure we can find something cool there.

a distance split of the self and becoming as the sun erupts the earth each day and let it speak the birth and death of the day, proclaim it with each word with us as we sing i'll never know the song i hear, i'll place it with this encompassment forever never to see another context, as dry as the desert felt as a cough in the throat we'll have to imagine a world where we didn't have to split the self so far down in the middle,

let us understand where this tide sweeps us up into it's frenzy oh let us go… …

(11-24-23— "I'd love as much as you, as much as you, to understand these ways of life these ways of love, of joy but the space we made was blue, oh so blue." Slight edits, fucking sorry*)

#stream of consciousness #poetry #poem #writing #my writing #my poem #life #2023 #alt lit #music inspired #series #accidental synchronicity #edited

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cursed-and-haunted · 5 months

Note

id love to hear about your other wips! are they all horror too?

Not all of them are horror. But most of them contain some horror/thriller aspects

My biggest wip that has the most work done on it, the most worldbuilding and lore, the most ocs (50+) is a fantasy titled the Nine Realms that takes some inspiration from Norse/Germanic and Celtic myths. It follows several generations of one family from the dawn of humanity to its fall as this family climbs to the hight of nobility and then eventually falls into obscurity. There's Giants and Elves and Dwarves and prophets and shapeshifters and spirits and dead gods that lurk in the shadows and whisper strange things in your ear.

My second biggest wip is This Is The Way The World Ends. It's about superhumans in a world where superpowers have been normalized and are now a normal mundane thing. It follows a group of thieves who steal something very important from a mob boss in Las Vegas and have to deal with the consequences of that. A lot of weird shit happens too because superpowers are weird, at one point they kill god and it's like a normal Wednesday for them. This one is more humorous than the any of the other ones.

Then there's Cosmic a low sci-fi about a woman's suicide mission to get revenge and it takes place on a circus themed cruise space ship (you know how we have cruise ships its like that but in space and with clowns... and a woman trying to blow it up). This is the web weaving for it.

Things Behind The Sun is a sci-fi about cyborgs and androids. It's also about bodily autonomy and disability and how corporations crush the poor and disabled just for a profit. Typical cyberpunk tropes.

Heaven Must Be Burning is about a witch who makes a deal with the devil but feels like she was cheated so she travels through the nine circles of hell so she can kill the devil and then god. Not sure if this one is a horror but it does have a lot of creepy stuff in it.

Now for my horror wips:

Godlings is the horror prequel to This Is The Way The World Ends. It is the villain origin story of the Big Bad of TITWTWE. It's about 5 superhumans who go on a killing spree together and then one of them turns on the other 4 and starts hunting them down and killing them one by one until he is the only one left standing.

Darkside is a sci-fi horror about a group of scientists who go to an alien planet and one of them gets possessed infected by some alien disease that makes her homicidal and makes her body rapidly decay and she tries to kill everyone.

Meet Me In The Woods Tonight is about a small town with a lot of secrets. One of them being that there's a fucked up deer creature in the woods that eats people. My icon is inspired by this wip. My hometown is also the inspiration for the setting in this.

Another wip (whose tilte I can't decide on) is about a true crime writer who gets the chance to write a book about an infamous serial killer and the during the interviews the two become obsessed with each other to the point of murder.

Between The Walls is about a haunted house that's haunted by the ghost of a cannibal and the cannibal's victims. This one started out as a uquiz which you can still take here.

#sorry this is so long #but I have a lot of wips and these are just the ones that are the most developed #asks

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salt-baby · 9 months

Text

Medical IDS

I'm about to buy a new medical ID, so I figured I'd share how I get those and what I put on them.

There are some companies which produce custom jewelry-style medical IDs, but I'm a little scared of breaking those and my health changes too often for that to be a practical expense, so I personally buy dog tags. I let people who I spend the most time around know that I'm wearing a medical ID. Almost all paramedics check the wrist, and some will check for a necklace (where I wear mine). I wouldn't recommend wearing a medical ID anywhere else.

The following information is what I put on there:

Full Name - This doesn't necessarily have to be your legal name, but should be the name that your medical chart is attached to.

Medical Conditions - Specifically, this should be conditions which can render you unable to explain yourself, either because your condition can make you unconscious, too disoriented, or create barriers in communication. My conditions include hypoglycemia, allergies, and POTS. Other conditions that fit this criteria might include diabetes, seizure disorders, narcolepsy, some cardiovascular diseases, etc. It may be helpful to include something like mutism or being deaf, if it would make it easier to explain yourself in an emergency. This site provides a good list (although their EDS information better applies to other subtypes, I include hEDS on mine because it's short to write.)

Medications - usually, blood thinners and Epipens. Off the top of my head, I might also recommend immunosuppressants, anything implanted (ports, insulin pumps, CGMs, pacemakers), and any uncommon meds or meds with dangerous drug interactions.

Emergency Contact - This should be someone who lives within an hour of you, and who you talk to frequently enough that they can help fill in the blanks on what you've been up to recently. Ideally, this is someone who can say "they stopped taking their meds a few days ago" or "they've had a headache for two weeks". I would highly recommend discussing what you want this person to do in an emergency with them. You should list full name and number for this person.

Other - you may also choose to list here if you have a DNR. Some people also choose to list an explicit "Call 911". You can also choose to give instructions, like "Meds in Wallet" or "Epipen in Bag", but its unlikely these will be seen in an emergency. Realistically, a medical ID isn't for the paramedics - it's for the emergency room.

feel free to send me an ask if you have questions!

#they make some really pretty dog tags like i can get little rainbow flower ones #when i say like full name on the id tag ideally this should be full legal #for some people tho theres a question of whether its worth wearing your deadname around just in case of emergency #my advice is no if your new name will pull up your medical record when searched #regarding eds specifically #my opinion is that heds isn't a high priority to list #anyway #disability #hypermobile ehlers danlos syndrome #heds #eds #ehlers danlos syndrome #pots #postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome #chronic illness #salt baby talks

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undertow-story · 7 months

Text

PROLOGUE

SACHIEL

I’ve lived in this place for as long as I can remember now. Which is not very long in the scheme of things. I’ve been in the Undertow for at least a year and a half if I had to guess, but time doesn’t feel like it flows quite right down here.

My name is Sachiel… At least, this is the name I’ve given myself based off the ID I found in my pocket upon waking. I seem to have lost all memory of my former self, and given the information I have, I’m not from around here. If that wasn’t obvious enough, then I would have figured it out given the fact I am the only one of my kind.

I wish I knew what my kind was, admittedly. Claws. Fangs… Ears, cropped like that of the common mongrel leashed around by the thugs and bandits in this city. Tail and horns- piercing thin slitted eyes just like the creatures I hunt.

I must be a monster.

Not that it bothers me. It’s the only fathomable explanation I can assume anyway. I however, seem to be the only one capable of speech out of the creatures I’ve encountered so far. In this place, it’s kill or be killed obviously, as we’re overrun with horrific entities I cannot explain.

This world is best emphasized by the word ‘survive’.

Rather, uh… This sector is described that way. Look, I only know so much, but also it makes sense to me to write down the things I do know so far- in case my brain gets smacked around enough again to lose all the knowledge I’ve got.

The area I reside is called The Undertow, or just Undertow depending on who you talk to. We are the filth. Cast out from the glistening lights of the city above- we’re forced to live in the waste and squalor of the wealthy fucks put themselves above us. Our home is lit by neon, and is dark around every corner. Disease, Crime, Violence… it’s all rampant here. I have not yet seen the sun for more than 2 hours at a time. Which is unfortunate because the creatures residing here love the darkness. I feel pity for the people of this place. So many just trying to live their lives, get by…

Banished to this horrible place just because they’re not good enough by the standards of those above.

I don’t know the name of the place above us.

I’m not meant to. None of us are.

I saw it once from the outskirts when I left on a hit. The upper lands glow so blindingly bright, and it’s much smaller in comparison to the dredges below it. I personally don’t understand how they can live, I’d go blind. Y'know, how the pompous types are. They don’t care about us. The only time they need us is when they want someone dead…

Speaking of, that seems to be the case.

On a board bolted to a wall in the middle of a bustling market, Sachiel looks up from his book, closing it and putting it away as he takes a paper off the board, holding it in his rough hand. The paper reads: “Wanted: Hunter for removal of Important Persons, please send applications to xxxxx_xxx-x we await your chance to take on this ‘Golden Opportunity’.”

What specific wording.

“Reward: 10,000,000c”

Whoo, this guy must have really fucked up for them to ask a price like that.

Here, if you’ve got the skill then people will let you take on jobs for them… they generally involve killing. Usually it’s for monsters that rampage and cause destruction in specific sectors that threaten the foundations that hold the upper city aloft. Sometimes you get hits for persons- and other times you get hits for assholes like this. The ones up above.

I registered to be a Hunter some time back… maybe after a month of eating rats on the street. I decided I would rather at least be able to afford a beer here and there- maybe actual food instead of just whatever I could scrounge up. I don’t care to take on hits against persons- they don’t interest me… Humans aren’t fun to hunt. However, this is an awfully good deal. I could actually get an apartment instead of sleeping in whatever nearby dumpster I can find…

Never hurts to try I suppose.

His ears bent back, he headed off deeper into the city, clearly somewhere in mind.

Another day in paradise.

Tch-I gotta stop saying that it’s becoming a habit.

#first proper post will be the prologue bc its allowed to exist

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mittenwonders · 16 hours

Text

I’m sitting here crying as I write this. Lucky unfortunately is not a good fit. I know it’s only day 3 and everyone says “you gotta give it time!!” But here’s the thing: I have worked with animals and dogs my entire life. I volunteer at so many dog organizations and there has never been a dog I have never bonded with. I know that doesn’t hold significant weight and there will always be a time when you find one that won’t and my time has come.

It’s not that we DON’T get along - when he’s sweet, he’s real sweet and a cuddler. Unfortunately, due to his circumstances, and my circumstances, we just don’t fit like we should. Yes it’s day 3 but I’ve never met a dog that didn’t learn “no” fairly quickly. The only thing he responds to is “sit” and even that takes his entire focus. My mom and friend both mentioned that maybe due to the car accident, he could have some neurological issues. It’s been chaos since he’s come home and so when he finally tuckered out, I read the paperwork sent home with him in detail.

At the shelter, they went over the basics. I kept asking what breed he was. They just said “shepherd mix.” I was like ok but WHAT is he mixed with. They just kept saying get a DNA kit because they’re fun. The one thing I said I could not have is a pit bull. I’m not anti pit bull but unfortunately I live in a city where they are not permitted or covered by home insurance. I have kids who live all around me. One bite and I’m done for. Well turns out this shepherd isn’t even a shepherd. He’s a Black Mouth Cur. And guess what it said on his chip ID: pit bull terrier mix.

To say I’m pissed is an understatement. Regardless, I unfortunately have to give him back for that alone. But behavioral issue wise, it’s my gut feeling saying it’s not working out. While no neurological issues have been stated, it did go into detail about his car accident. It was brutal and awful and made me cry reading it. He was vomiting blood, lost his eye - he shouldn’t be alive which is why I renamed him Lucky to begin with. He won’t respond to the name. He won’t even respond to his shelter name of Ralph. When a dog just won’t respond period, how do you even begin to train? He caught onto being rewarded outside for potty real fast and we’ve had minimal accidents in the house which is surprising but he has SO MUCH ENERGY. The unfortunate thing is I live in a city where this is high traffic. He’s terrified of walks. After getting basics down is where I would have to then slowly introduce cars and walks to him. I have a big backyard but even then is not enough to get his energy out. He always wants to play and I LOVE that but due to his injuries, he has the mindset of a 2 month old puppy and he’s 6 months. He never learned bite inhibition and unfortunately his bites are BITES!! My arms this morning are bruised up and down. I’ve been playfully bitten by hundreds of dogs I’ve worked with and none have bruised. I am in so much physical pain today. Yesterday at my doctors I got taken aside and asked if I was being abused at home - it’s THAT bad.

There’s no way to get him under control in months. Eventually my dad will come home from rehab and with his new skin disease from his kidney failure, it just won’t work. He literally could kill my dad. My nephew loves him and he’s not hurt him at all. I know dogs sense special needs and I’m so happy nothing has happened but my niece is terrified of him. My sisters dog hates him. I know it takes time to bond but last night he curled up on me actually whimpering and crying. Little doggy tears rolled down his face and then I sobbed because holy shit this dog is laying on me crying literally the look of begging to get rid of him.

Last night, the ASPCA recommended when all else fails, rub bitter spray on yourself. It did stop the biting but then he also avoided me altogether and didn’t listen. Well fuck, that won’t do either. He’s stubborn as hell and would not get up this morning to go potty. He held it all night which surprised me because he’s also deathly afraid of rain!! I know some dogs don’t like it and hesitate but he was AFRAID. It makes me wonder if it was raining when he got hit by the car. I had to literally pick him up and carry him outside this morning. Then we had a morning play session and went right for my arms again. When I tried to take them away and stand up to walk away, he lunged for my neck. That was my hard stop and I’m crying because I know what needs to be done today.

Every puppy training classes I have looked into are 3-4 months and under and he doesn’t fit the criteria. He doesn’t fit the criteria for the advanced classes in his age group either. I could hire a private trainer but I also don’t want to invest more money for a gut feeling I already know the answer to.

Sometimes it just doesn’t work out. He’s not a bad dog by any means, but I’m not the right environment for him. I believe he has the potential to live a very happy and healthy life but not here. He’d do better in a one person home, with no other dogs and no kids and living country side where there’s no cars and room to really run. I didn’t want to be the person to have to return a dog as I know you take on the commitment but they also lied to me about a lot of things. I could have made a better, well informed decision and said no before I brought him home. I know it can be traumatic for dogs to go home to home especially a special needs pup but he at least needs to be with a good foster for a while and get some of the basics down before he’s officially adopted out. Just from what I saw, he moved through the system super fast so I was technically his first home since the original owner surrendered him after getting hit. I’m crying because I feel like I failed but I also think the best thing is returning him to be rehoused so hopefully he can have a better quality of life with someone who can provide what I cannot. I know rescues can be wonderful as that’s all we ever had but sometimes it truly just doesn’t work once they’re in the home environment. After the neck thing, I’m also scared of him myself which is never good anyways, no matter how long you have had them.

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goldfishlover73 · 1 day

Note

2, 8, 17, 22, & 23 for the fanfic writer asks! 💞

2. Do I reread my own fics?

Yes! This is a recent development!

The first fic I started doing this to was "A gutsy travel through time" I actually have it on my Kindle. I now go back and reread a lot of my more recent old stuff.

I'm actually looking forward to a time I can reread some of my more recent works (looking at you boba!!!) and are so far removed that I can look at it with fresh, non hate filled eyes.

8. Current projects!

Currently I'm working on three massive projects and one pet project. The three are in the revision stage and as my brain refuses to write new stuff.*

Which is fine! I have been dragging my feet with magical garment girls and it will need at least one (probably three) more good revisions before it's done! I'm hoping to have that done by the end of the year!

The other project is that hanahaki disease story. My goal is... May, but after some poor scheduling on my part for my last story, I'm not doing deadlines. Hopefully it will be ready by May, but it will definitely be done... By the end...of summer...

... No promises...

*my pet project is from my og fandom dcmk!!! It's not a story as much as a bunch of snippets!

I do have a dcmk id like to get done by December! That's my 20 years writing fanfic and I'd like to do a full circle before my anniversary 🥰

17. Anything learned while writing fanfic?

Loads! Marigolds are cabbage worm deterrents! How far San Diego is from me. The science behind baking. Naruto's plot. How to hide your search history.

Lots and lots and lots.

22. Will I know how it ends before I start?

Sometimes! You know where you start, you know where you end. The middle is questionable at best.

But sometimes I get lost on the road of life (whatever Kakashi says) and the characters want someone different.

That's... How magical garment girl got 15 more chapters...

But other times I just finish a sentence and... Stop. It will seem like a good place to stop and I reread it and try to go where I wanted but it just doesn't work. I guess this is where it ends. It's beautiful that way.

23 where to end a chapter!

This is tricky!

When I'm initially writing I kind of just stop "this is fine" and move to the next chapter. But after I finish the story (I Wait to post multi chaps until it's all done) I review chapter length and try to get chapters to the same length (unless I'm being artsy fartsy and change the pg length for some reason).

So usually they are the same length with a SD of a page or two. For magical garment girl, each chap is 7-10 pages on average. Misadventure was 4-6 until the time jump. Then they got longer on purpose.

Boba was a pain because I wanted them all to be at least 2-4 pages, but I didn't want to bloat it. So some were very short

I always try to have something important happen in a chapter, whether it's world building, character development, or story progression. Or setting up for one of those things. I don't want anyone to read something and think "what was the point?" (... Unless I'm setting plot up for later)

My biggest fear with a long fic is people getting bored while I drag out the plot (mgg 😭), but we're also here to have fun.

Not sure if I answered your question! TLDR: I don't know what I'm doing 🙃

Thank you for asking!! 🥰🥰🥰

#asks

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transsexualsaintsebastian · 4 months

Text

I Missed My Flight And I'm Writing This To Avoid Relapsing

And I hunch over the men's toilet in the Tampa International Airport,

choking out my breakfast (I only ate it thinking I wouldn't eat during the hours long layover)

and attempting with careful strength and precision to be at such an angle that my knees hover above the ground,

too afraid of what dirtiness could be on it but not too prideful to be a better person than the type of man who vomits for strangers in the other stalls to hear.

It's funny because when my mother talked to me about the terminal,

I thought she said "terminate" at first.

Oh, you know how this goes.

Don't make me keep repeating the story.

The last time I took this same flight I ended up

lost trying to go bus to bus back to campus from the airport

and ended up lost in the city, a woman petting my hair

telling me I'm beautiful and

"You just look so young, you know?

I just can't believe you're 18, are you sure?

You have such lovely hair.

Are you a student?

Are you really not so young?

Hey, come over here."

One day that little corner is going to be the death of me,

the day these aching bones of mine catch up to me.

I keep these tabs on me,

filed maps in my head of all the street corners everybody avoids,

the parts of each town I visit where I know to stay far away from but I can't pretend are nonexistent forever.

It's like running down empty train tracks:

Right now I am lucky. One day I will not be.

I think I'm always waiting for the sound of that train whistle barrelling towards me.

I once had a boyfriend who caught me with a white lighter.

He took it and tossed it,

told me I didn't know what it meant and I shrugged.

I haven't bought another since but I always knew what I was doing,

just didn't believe in what could happen.

I haven't died yet, so maybe he was right to toss it.

I missed my flight today;

I lost my ID somewhere between my family's house and the airport.

I never was the type to misplace things as a child,

always used to be so organized.

There was a place for everything and I was

so meticulous and so studious and

oh so afraid of ever learning how to fail.

I missed my flight today;

I lost my attention to detail somewhere between

the shelf above my aunt's fridge high enough to keep from children and

the lockbox-

my own fault it even ever got locked,

never in arm's reach after that first time getting caught,

the hospital visit and the charcoal down my throat and-

yes,

somewhere between the shelf and the lockbox (my parents have used the same code for everything my entire life.

They don't realize I know. )

I had to call my mother after leaving TSA.

"I'm sorry,

I'm so sorry,

I don't know what happened. I wish I did.

I don't know where it could have gone."

(You are me and you are a college freshman and

you sit in a cold office with

much too many of those doctor-office-shade-of-green decorations, and a man sits across from you.

"You can say no if there's anything you're uncomfortable with talking about right now, alright?

This is just an intake to figure out where you're at."

Howoftendoyoudrinkanddoyoudoanyothersubstancesandwhatisthefamilyhistoryandistherepasthistoryofabuseandwhenwereyoulasthospitalizedandhowlongdideachtimelastandwasthereadiagnosisand-

"You mentioned your Mom dealt with a lot of these issues too in the past, would you care to discuss your relationship with her?"

Pause. Break. Clenched fists, bitten tongue.

"I don't want to talk about this."

Two weeks later you relapserelapserelapsewhyisitsohardand-

You sit in that cold office again and the man is still staring at you with those piercing blue eyes and those unsettling green decorations you hate set up around him.

He asks about your flight home the next weekend,

if you think your mom can help you.

He tells you to tell her everything,

tells you she'll understand.

"Addiction is a disease.

A mother wouldn't love you any less for it."

You think about finding a new therapist.)

And at the end of the day the worst part about missing the flight

is the drive back to the house when the plug texts again asking why I stopped responding,

and it's like the entire sunshine state can feel the craving inside of me.

Florida, I love you,

all the way from the blackout night beaches

to the house my father overdosed in

a couple streets away from my first taste of bliss

and all the way down the road to Suncoast.

I am seven days sober today.

I missed my flight.

A week has never felt so long.

#original writing #writing #dark academia #original poem #poems on tumblr #poets on tumblr #writers on tumblr #poetry

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ebp-brain · 1 year

Text

new fic coming soon!

Hi! I have news: I’m going to be posting a new multi-chapter HP fic soon! It’s a canon divergent 1980s fic about the Marauders as part of London’s queer wizarding arts scene. (Spoiler alert: Remus and Sirius are going to fall in love in it.) It’ll be called The Bent, after the gallery where the Marauders show their works.

I’ve been feeling the importance of our queer history especially intensely these last few years, what with all the transphobic and homophobic attitudes and laws that have been on the rise. In particular, I think it’s crucial to remember how central the fight against censorship has been to queer activism. In the 1980s and 90s, the AIDS crisis ramped up anti-queer sentiment, some of which manifested as pushback against queer art and literature. This art was called “obscene”: the bodies were perverse, the sex deviant, the people threatening to children and families. One response from some gay and lesbian people was to attempt to conform to straight norms, reassuring the public that they were harmless and ordinary—just like everyone else. Another response was to get weirder, defiantly embracing kink, non-conformity, and radical politics. These days, it feels increasingly important to me that we take the latter route; it seems clear that no amount of insistence that we are “safe” to be around will make queer people safe from the far right.

So I wanted to write a fic that imagines a queer wizarding arts scene of the 1980s pushing back against rising anti-queer, anti-part-human, and blood supremacist attitudes and legislation. In order to make this work, I’ve gone a bit canon divergent, imagining that the war with Voldemort was averted but Death Eater ideology stuck around, simmering underneath wizarding society. The Marauders and friends all, therefore, got a chance to reach their late twenties, and no one had kids super young (sorry, Harry!). I’ve also decided that, like with other Muggle diseases, wizards don’t get AIDS, but the epidemic still has a big impact on the queer wizarding community. So everyone is navigating these complicated cultural waters together.

My plan is to post author’s notes here on Tumblr along with the link to each new chapter once a week. These notes will include some queer history related to the fic, with links for more info. I may also post some other stuff about 80s and 90s queer art and culture during the time I’m putting out the fic. I’ll tag it all “bent posting” and include relevant content warnings. I’m planning to post new chapters on Sundays, starting this weekend (Dec. 11); it’ll be twelve chapters long, and almost the whole thing is already drafted. It’s been living in my head for a long time and I’m really excited to finally share it with you all. <3 <3 <3

[img ID: detail from a Robert Mapplethorpe photo of the side of a man's head with curly dark hair in profile. Next to the head are the words "the bent by earlybloomingparentheses."]

#my fic #harry potter #hp #wolfstar #bent posting #earlybloomingparentheses #cw homophobia #cw transphobia #cw AIDS

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bteezxyewriter12 · 1 year

Text

Soulmate/ 1

Pairing- Hobi x Named Reader

Word count- 3.6k

Includes- Oral, pussy eating, face riding, cum eating, riding, sex from behind, multiple orgasms, one bite on the arm, multiple orgasms, fluff

Tag List- @mingtina @jaxxmine @yeosayang @delightfulmoonbanana @tannie13 @y00nzin0 @marsstarxhwa

@borntowalkaway @soulseobi05

Masterlists- check out for more fics

📝Series Masterlist 📝Masterlists

📝BTS Masterlist 📝Hobi Masterlist

J POV

"So your coming over later right?", Hobi asks over the phone

"Tonight? I dunno Hobi. I got work tomorrow", I say, "Besides don't you have practice or songs to write or whatever?"

"Yea but I'm stressed out and I need you."

I snort, "You don't need me Hobi. You just want sex and I'm the one giving it to you."

He pauses, "That's not true. You're the only person I've ever done this friends with benefits thing and we agreed not to sleep with anyone else for now."

Hell yea

I didn't want any diseases

Neither did he

"Beside you want it too.", he adds

"Do I?", I ask sarcastically

"Fine. If you tell me right now you don't want it tonight, then I won't bother you about it....for now", he challenges

Usually I'd take a challenge and make him wait but he's right

I do want it

It's been a week since he had any free time and I miss him

"Well I didn't say that", I give in

"Ha...I told you."

"Well.....shut up!", I say

"So you're coming? You can stay over too and leave for work in the morning.", he says hopefully

"Yea fine. I'll be there in an hour.", I say

"An hour?", He exclaims

"Yeah Hobi, I have shit to do! Besides you'll get me all night. You can wait an hour. Christ.", I snap

"Ok fine. I'll see you later."

We hang up and I sigh

I get up and start packing some clothes for tomorrow

---------------------------

Jung, Hoseok better known by his stage name, J-Hope, is my best friend.

I moved to Gwangju, South Korea when I was 15 from New York

I was a bit of a wild teen and my mom couldn't control me

My dad passed away when I was young

I got in with a bad crowd and did some things I'm not proud of

I think my mom drew the line when I got arrested

Granted she didn't like the tattoos I got- a sleeve on my right arm that I spent a year getting and one on the my right side of my torso- all at a place that didn't ID or really care as long as they got paid

O the piercings on my face- eyebrow, lip, nose, tongue

Or the way I dressed

Or the color of my hair

Or anything about me really

She especially hated it when I came home drunk

But being arrested for stealing and underage drinking was the last straw

My mom had my brother and sister to think about and she didn't want me to get in anymore trouble in New York

So she called my aunt who was transferred to Korea in the business she worked at and asked if she could take me for awhile

Looking back that was the right call my mom made

The way I was going I'd either be in jail or dead

But of course that's not what I thought when I moved here

I was pissed

I was being sent to live with my aunt, in a place where I couldn't speak the language or even read it

I spoke English and I also spoke spanish because my mom is spanish

But I didn't know anyone who spoke Korean

I hated Gwangju from the minute I stepped off the plane

My aunt picked me up and drove me to her house

There she laid the ground rules down

I thought I could get away with things but boy was I wrong

My aunt is a strict woman and she whipped me into shape

It took time and I fought her but it worked

Anyway I met Hobi on my first day of school

I had to wear this ugly uniform with a blazer that I was sweating in Since it was spring and not too cold I had to wear a skirt and a button up t-shirt, with that damn blazer

I added my own style by wearing my combat boots and spiked bracelets.

Yeah I thought I was a bad ass

That day was hard for me

First there were the stares

I was a white girl from New York in Korea

To say I stuck out would be putting it lightly

Not only that but at the time I had pink hair and all my piercings still in

So I was met with looks of surprise and disgust

Then came the fact that I had no clue what was going on in my classes

They were all taught in Korean

Which I did not speak

I heard that they teach English in Korean schools but nobody said anything to me in English

Nobody said anything to me at all

I spent the day getting lost and getting to my classes late

In class I spent the time spacing out or doodling in my notebook

In one class, I was dying in the blazer and I saw that some of the other students took theirs off

So I did too

When the teacher noticed, she started yelling at me

In Korean

I had no clue what was going on

She kept gesturing to the blazer

"I'm hot", I said

"No!", she yelled and continued in Korean

"It's hot", I repeated helplessly, "I'm sweating"

I saw some other students look at me and laugh

I glared at them and they stopped laughing and turned around

I looked back at the teacher who was glaring at me but I didn't know what she wanted or why

The guy next to me turned to me and said, "Your jacket. Put it on."

I stared at him, "You speak English?"

"A little. Not much.", he answered

"Jung, Hoseok", the teacher yelled

The guy who spoke to me turned to her and answered her in Korean

She said something to him and he answered

She nodded and turned back to the lesson

He said to me again, "Put the jacket on."

"Why?", I shot back, "It's hot and everyone else has it off."

He nodded to my arm, "Your tattoos. Not appropriate for school. You're too young"

"Seriously? So I have to sweat because I have tattoos?"

He shrugged, "The teacher doesn't like it. Just put it on."

I made a face but I put on the dumb blazer and sat sweating for another twenty minutes

When class was over I looked at my schedule

Lunch

Finally

I started to get up but the guy who spoke to me called me

"Uh. Russo...Joanne?"

I turned to him, "Um what did you call me?"

"Um your name? Russo, Joanne right?"

"Oh you guys do the last name first thing.", I remembered, "Um yeah that's my name but you can just call me Joanne. Or Jo works too."

"Jo?" he asked

"Yeah. My family calls me that."

"Ok."

"And you are?"

"Jung, Hoseok"

"So....Hoseok?", I clarified

He nodded, "Yes. Or Hobi."

"Ok Hobi", I repeated, "So tell me what it is you want? And could you make it quick, I'm hungry "

He looked confused for a minute

I wondered why he wasn't saying anything until I realized he either didn't know what I was saying or didn't know how to say what he wanted to in English

Well this sucked, but I tried again

"You want to talk to me?"

"Uh, yes.", he said

"Ok"

He gestured for my schedule and I handed it over

"Um you have lunch now.", he said slowly

I nod

"Me too"

"Oh ok", I said,

"Want to come with me?", he asked

I gaped at him for a few seconds surprised he was actually interacting with me, let alone asking me to go to lunch with him

I pulled myself together and answered, "Sure why the hell not? It's not like I have any friends. I'd probably get lost trying to find it anyway and then I'll be starving and sweating" I say

He just looked at me, unsure

"Oh right.", I said to myself

"Ok", I said to him

He smiled and I followed him to the lunch room

---------------------------

Since that day Hobi and I became inseparable

I found out he lived in the house next to my aunt's

Hobi is an amazing friend

He was there for me and helped me turn everything around in my life

He always made me laugh and he is so funny

He still makes me laugh all the time

He helped me with school and especially with Korean

I also practiced hard on my own because I wanted to talk to him more

I helped him with English as he wanted to learn it

Now we're both fluent in English and Korean and speak to each other in both languages

I also found out Hobi loved to dance

He loved hip hop dancing and he was amazing

He competed with a dance group in shows and competitions.

Once I found that out I went to every show and competition he had.

I loved watching him dance

He was mesmerizing

Still is

When we graduated high school Hobi auditioned for a company called "Big Hit Entertainment."

He was picked to become a trainee as a solo artist- a rapper and dancer

He had to move to Seoul for his training

It actually worked out because I was moving to Seoul to go to school there for paleontology

So we went together

Hobi was a lot more busy than I was especially when he debuted

But I was there with him supporting him all the way

I will always support him no matter what

---------------------------

I get out of my car and go to Hobi's apartment

Hobi and I have been doing this for about a year

At first it was just sex

Too bad I had to fall in love with him

But I'm very good at hiding my feelings

I used the keys he gave me and opened the door

🐿️🐿️🐿️🐿️🐿️🐿️🐿️🐿️

Hobi POV

I hear the door unlock and I know she's here so I get up and go to the door

When she opens it, I grab her, slam the door closed and push her against it, my mouth on hers in an instant

I feel the cold metal from her hoop lip ring on my lips which feels good

I need her

Now

She drops her bag and responds to me immediately, her hands going in my hair, pulling me closer

My hands are all over her, groping her body

She tugs my hair and I can't help it, I make a whiny sound

I feel her smirk

She knows I like it when she pulls my hair

I reach down and pick her up, her legs going around me as I carry her to the couch

We're not making it to the bed

I lay her down and I rip her shirt off

"Hey! That was a new shirt!", she protests

I roll my eyes, "I'll buy you a new one"

"Not the point", she says

Ignoring her I lean down and kiss her, her tongue moving in my mouth

She reaches for my shirt, pulling it up and I reluctantly move from her lips to help her get it off me

I look down at her, admiring her

She's so beautiful

I kiss down her neck and her body shakes

I move down and kiss down her tattoo on her side, making her shiver more

She loves it when I do that and I love doing it

I usually don't like tattoos especially for me

But I love hers

It's not Joanne without all her tattoos, it's part of who she is

And they're beautiful just like her

I get back up and kiss her on the lips again, one of my arms wrapping around her and going in her hair

I start kissing down her neck again

She turns her head and makes a small sound before she bites my bicep and I moan

She's a biter and I love it

I keep kissing her and she moans "Hoseok"

It drives me crazy when she moans or screams my name

I can listen to that all day

I smirk then kiss her lips as I start to pull her pants off

Her hands are moving all over my body and then they reach my pants pulling them down

I get up and we get all our clothes off, tossing them around the living room

I lay down on my back on the couch, my head against the arm rest

I smirk at her, stick my tongue out and motion for her to come to me

She climbs on me stopping at me hips

"No", I tell her, "Higher"

She cocks her head confused but she moves up and hovers above my stomach

"More", I say

She moves up to my chest and I say, "More"

"What? Where am I supposed to go? There's nowhere else to go"

I smirk and say, "My face"

"Excuse me?"

I say clearly, "I want you to ride my mouth"

"Hobi...really?"

"Really", I answer, grabbing her and lifting her up until her legs are on either side of my head and she's hovering above my mouth

I lift my head and attach my mouth and lips to her, tasting her

She lets out a scream as I move my tongue

She immediately gets so wet and I love how she tastes

She moans loudly and her hips start moving against my face and I love it

I stick my tongue inside of her and she screams my name

"Hoseok! Oh god Hoseok!"

I start moving my tongue, fucking her with it and tasting juice as it runs in my mouth

So good

Her hand goes in my hair and pulls and with everything she's doing, how she's screaming my name and how good she tastes I feel my hard cock leaking cum

I stop for a second to tell her, "Baby cum in my mouth"

Then I lick her slowly again

"Wha...what", she moans out

"I want you to cum on my tongue", I say between licks

"Hobi..."

"Please baby, I want you to so much. You know you taste so good and I want it. Please", I beg

"Yes Hobi", she moans

I start licking her faster and her moans intensify

"Hobi, Hobi", she screams and I know she's ready

I stick my tongue in her again and wiggle in as far as I can

"Hoseok!"

I feel her cum, her tightening and pulling on my tongue, her cream tasting so good

I eagerly swallow her sweet cream, wanting so much more

Latching onto her clit, I suck desperately, her fingers twisting my hair, the pretty moans falling from her throat sounding in my apartment

Her clit throbs in my mouth and I'm so hard, it hurts

The next suck has her coming in my mouth and I greedily swallow all of it

So fucking good

When she finishes her body relaxes but I'm not done yet

And I know she isn't either

She can go for a long time

I grab her by her hips and lift her up, slamming her down on my cock as I lift my hips up, burying length inside her in one stroke

I let out a shout at how incredible she feels as she yells too

"Oh my god!", she screams in pleasure

I pick her up, almost off me and slam her down again and again and again, her pretty pussy opening just for me, the pleasure astounding

She's so tight, clinging desperately on my shaft, her pretty slit opening to fit me inside her

She keeps squeezing and clenching me over and over so that she's so tight when I slide in her

I groan and keep slamming her on me faster, right into her spot, her cunt creaming my cock so much, the sight so beautiful

"Don't stop Hobi. Please. Don't stop" she yells

And I don't

"Fuck Hobi! You're so fucking hard fuck. Such a big thick cock baby. You feel so fucking good", she wails as I continue to fuck her on my dick

I look up to see her head back and her body wet with sweat

I feel myself about to lose it

"Cum baby!",I yell

"Mmmm", she moans

"Please Joanne. Please. Cum on me!", I beg her, slamming her down hard, my hips all the way up going so deep in her

She does, screaming, her pretty body shaking on me

When she clenches and pulls on me I let go and shout her name as I cum, ecstasy hitting me hard

Her cunt pulses around me, milking my cock and prolonging the pleasure

My god, her orgasms are so fucking pleasure

I've never felt anything like them and fuck I'm addicted

When we finish, she collapses on me, both of us breathing hard and sweating

We lay like that for a few minutes, with her kissing my jaw and neck over and over

I feel my skin tremble under her kisses, sending shivers down my spine

I run my hands down her back, squeezing her cute round ass in my palms

And I get hard again

She can make me hard so quickly and she hardly had to touch me

She giggles and whispers in my ear, "Again Hobi?"

"Mmmm..hmmm. You know I can't get enough of you"

I sit up and push her back gently, helping her get on her hands and knees

She knows what I want

When she's in that position, I give her full control and she can move however she wants on me

I position myself and wait for her

She looks back at me and giggles

"You want it Hobi?", she teases, shaking her ass at me

I gulp, "From you Jo? Always"

I moan loudly she slides on me and her behind hits my pelvis, bottoming me out

She moves almost completely off of me and then slides back down me faster, making noises as she does

"Fuck", I moan

She moves faster and faster

I look down and see me going in and out of her, her leaving me drenched every time she pulls away

I can't tear my eyes away and it turns me on so much more

"Hmmm you want it Hobi?"

My eyes snap up and I see her looking at me over her shoulder

I nod

She moves off me, turns and pushes me back, climbing on top of me and putting me back in her

She starts bouncing on me, up and down, over and over

I love when she takes control like this

I watch her ride me and my hands go up to hold her boobs

"No Hobi", she says,

I get excited knowing what shes gonna say

I love when she does this

"No touching Hobi"

I growl at her, "But-"

"No touching or you don't get anything"

"Jo!", I whine

She continues to move on me

Then she says, "You want it Hobi. You wanna cum?"

Fuck yes I wanted to cum

I nod over and over

"I wanna cum too", she moans

"I want you to cum too baby. I love seeing your cream all over me"

She keeps moving, harder, leaning on my chest, the squelching sounds of her cunt taking my cock inside so fucking pornographic

"Tell me you want to cum Hoseok and maybe I'll let you", she says as she moves faster, intentionally clenching me and smirking

"I...I...", I stutter, the pleasure she's giving me is so intense

"Wha..what was that?", she pants

"I....wanna cum. Oh my god, ahh, I wanna cum so bad!", I shout

"Then cum Hobi", she whispers and my body obeys her and I shout as I explode, shooting my load deep inside her

She starts moaning and then screams my name as she explodes too

I grab her hips to keep her from falling off me, keeping her on my cock, letting her ride out the pleasure on me

After, I help her off me and get up, letting her lay on the couch

I'm starting to get up when she takes my hand asking me to stay with her

She moves on her back, pulling me on top her

We get into a comfortable position, my head using her boobs as soft bouncy pillows

She wraps her arms around me, softly playing with my hair

I glance up at her and she smiles at me

Her smile is so beautiful

She's so beautiful

I can't help it

I say what I've been wanting to say to her for a long time

"I love you", I whisper

She freezes and her eyes go wide, "Wha...what?"

"I love you Joanne. I'm in love with you. I've been for a long time. I've been wanting to tell you but I was scared. But I want you to know. And if you can, can you give me a chance to be with you? For real?"

I don't know what I expected her to say or do but I'm still surprised when she smiles.

"I love you too Hobi", she confesses

"You do?", I ask shocked

I did not see that coming

"Yeah. I guess I'm really good at hiding my feelings", she says, "I've been in love with you for a long time too."

I smile at her, so excited that she loves me too

"And yes. I want to be with you"

I'm ecstatic when I hear her say this

I reach for her and pull her into a searing kiss, so happy I finally got the girl I've always wanted

#Soulmate fic #hoseok fanfic #jung hoseok fanfic #hobi fanfic #jhope fanfic #hoseok smut #bts hoseok smut #jung hoseok smut #jhope smut #bts fanfic #bts smut #bts hobi smut

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goosemixtapes · 1 year

Text

max’s top books of 2022 :3

past top tens here & here! as always, these rankings are based on some nebulous alchemical combination of “it’s objectively good” and “i like it a lot.”

weird reading year! lots of mediocre books! lots of rereads! lots of things i felt very mid about! but i did finish the shakespearean canon, so, fuck yeah! more details beneath the cut.

in place of runner-ups this year, i’m pioneering a brand new category called BOOKS I LOATHED. those being: Mourning Becomes Electra by Eugene O’Neill (why would you write a retelling of something as cool as the oresteia and make it stilted, misogynist, and incestuous); Dracula (holy fucking shit is this book boring. i did enjoy dracula daily, though); this fucking Dan Brown book i couldn’t even finish which is rare for a guy with completionism OCD; and, of course, my least favorite book of this year & one of my least favorites ever, Robinson Crusoe (i can’t summarize my thoughts in parentheses. click my review)

my top anticipated 2023 release is alecto the ninth. no notes.

okay, the list, in order of increasing enjoyment:

10. The Ides by Stephen Dando-Collins

roman history hyperfixation went fucking insane this year, gang. roman history hyperfixation went fucking one thousand. i haven’t read every book about the late republic (not even close to it), so i can’t speak to how this measures up in the field, but if you’re interested in the assassination of julius caesar, you should check this shit out. i particularly appreciated the amount of direct quotes from historical figures included, because that 1) made it easier to read 2) made the historical figures it concerned feel closer. this book flows like a thriller until the actual ides; the discussion of the aftermath is a little less gripping, but so goes history.

9. What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Fat by Aubrey Gordon

this is the first of its kind i’ve ever read--a book centered around the oppression fat people face, focused on 1) breaking down fatphobic factual misconceptions (like the idea that diets are a cure-all or even that diets are all that effective) and 2) examining the effect that fatphobia has on individuals and society. beautifully well-researched; beautifully written. wish i could beam this entire book into the head of everyone around me. (gordon has a new release coming out in 2023!)

8. Sorry I’m Late, I Didn’t Want to Come: One Introvert’s Year of Saying Yes by Jessica Pan

this is not a self-help book, but i read it like one. it is not, either, despite what the title may suggest, some trite thinkpiece about introversion being So Cool And Quirky Special!, or about introversion being A Curse On The Bloodline That Must Be Cured. it’s more autobiographical than that: it’s the author’s story of a year in which she tried to exposure-therapy herself into being more outgoing, friendly, and honest, and not only is it very well-written, it’s also just really fun to read! have you ever wanted to experience improv vicariously without actually having to do improv? this is the book for that.

7. Aeschylus’s Oresteia

greek tragedy doesn’t do it for me like shakespearean tragedy, but hooooooly shit. holy shit. i had the pleasure of studying these plays in a class and they made my head spin inside out. the IMAGERY! the VIOLENCE! the TOXIC FAMILY DYNAMICS! the RAGE! the GRIEF! the VENGEANCE! the MILF! the oresteia has it fucking all! if i pop up with a lesbian orestes book in five months, look away. (goosemixtapes, inc would like to note that there is no lesbian orestes book in progress.)

6. The Coldest Girl in Coldtown by Holly Black

AKA the only vampire media that exists. in which vampirism is a contagious disease, and vampires are sectioned off in government-run quarantine “coldtowns,” where some of them kill people and some of them become instagram influencers. (not literally, but they might as well; this book is almost metacommentary on the allure of the romantic-gorgeous-sparkly-pop-culture vampire). every character is beautifully well-drawn, especially for a YA standalone; i even found myself rooting for the heterosexual romance! also, there’s a trans girl, and she doesn’t even die! this was a recommendation from my dearest @yvesdot, and it has crack in it. it has crack cocaine in it

5. Wasted: A Memoir of Anorexia and Bulimia by Marya Hornbacher

apparently i’m on a nonfiction sweep. (to be fair, “read more nonfiction” was one of my reading goals this year.) this is what it sounds like--a candid and shockingly clear-eyed memoir chronicling the author’s fourteen-year struggle with eating disorders--and also more than that--an incisive exploration of both hornbacher and the family and society that shaped her, with some of the rawest and most evocative prose i’ve read in a long time. not recommended for the faint of heart or people with triggers around disordered eating (or, at least, i recommend you step very carefully), but wow, i’m going to be thinking about this one forever.

4. Cassandra by Christa Wolf & Lavinia by Ursula K. Le Guin

okay, this one is a double feature. which i recognize is weird, because these are different books by different authors published in different years, but on a metatextual level, these books are holding hands. these books are lesbian kissing, even. both of them take a character from classical epic/theater--cassandra the prophet from troy; lavinia from the latter half of the aeneid--and tells the story through her eyes, in a very deliciously metatextual way. wolf’s novel (more of a monologue), written in east germany under the looming threat of nuclear war in europe, is rife with themes about war and destruction and the rise and fall of cultures. le guin’s novel is more interested in narratives, fate, and fictionality, but war themes are again at play, because it’s the aeneid. also, both of these authors truly understand aeneas from the aeneid and i don’t say that fucking lightly. books written for a target audience of me

3. Roman Shakespeare: Warriors, Wounds and Women by Coppélia Kahn

okay i don’t even have anything to say for myself here. i’m thinking about victor @asimpleram saying my yearly top 10 list is just an english class assigned reading list. but as one of the few people in the world who is derangedly interested in how gender is constructed in antony and fucking cleopatra (and also julius caesar. and shakespeare in general. but i got really into FUCKING antony and cleopatra this year), i could annotate this book for ages. i filled a google doc with so many screenshots from this book that it negatively affected my drive storage situation. shakespeare fans eat fucking good

2. Saga by Brian K. Vaughan

i’m not particularly into outer-space scifi, so i wasn’t expecting to like saga, but i started it, again, at the behest of @yvesdot (as i was in their house and they were handing it to me). and then it proceeded to do horrible horrible things to me to the point where i haven’t picked up the new issue because i’m still recovering from the way volume 9 got my ass*. this comic is a fucking masterclass in 1. creating compelling characters in a reduced amount of space and 2. maintaining constant narrative tension while also sprinkling in just enough happy/hopeful moments that the devastating plot beats hurt all the more. also, the character concepts go crazy hard and it’s anti-war as fuck. also, again, trans woman who doesn’t even die! cw for lots of, um, explicitly drawn sexual content (sooo many dicks in this comic oh my god) but if you are ready to have your heart broken you need to pick this up.

*i am physically fucking incapable of attaching myself to characters who survive things. just fyi

1. the Locked Tomb series by Tamsyn Muir

and speaking of having your heart broken. i dearly dearly hope nobody is surprised by this one. lumping all three of these into one category because i don’t want to pick a favorite (it’s GTN), and because i have the same thing to say about all three of them: READ THESE BOOKS. i knew before i turned the last page that Gideon the Ninth was going to be my book of the year; it’s been a long, long, LONG fucking time since i’ve wished so badly i had written this exact book myself. do you like BUTCHES? do you like NECROMANCY? do you like CATHOLIC AESTHETIC THAT ALSO CRITICIZES CATHOLIC IMPERIALISM? do you like DYNAMICS WITH THE COMPLEX TOXICITY LEVELS OF NUCLEAR POWER PLANTS? do you like SEXY WORLDBUILDING? do you like expertly-crafted ENSEMBLE CASTS? do you like STORIES THAT ARE WELL-WRITTEN? do you like WORDS? man, you’ve gotta try TLT. yes, i know that the worldbuilding is sometimes abstruse; i know that everyone spends 90% of the first read in absolute confusion; i know that muir’s sense of humor isn’t universal. but i also know these are some of the best books i’ve ever read, and some of my favorites of all time. absolutely world-changing.

if you’ve read this far--you’re very brave! please tell me your favorite (and least favorite) books of the year! drop recs if you have them! and have a happy new year!

#max.txt #misc book tag #every year the taste gets more esoteric.#no prizes guessing the number 1 winner this year.#readings

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