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spaghettificationandpretzels · 2 years

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The Reaper and the Death Angel Part 6

I'm feeling a bit better now, I'm hoping to do more on this series as well as the Vikings one. The next two chapters will start to line up with the show's timeline. However, the canon divergence will happen quickly. However, I think this chapter sucked.

Part 5

Contains: Talking about unwanted children and pregnancies, talk of children needing loving parents, talks of drug use, talks of child neglect and abuse (one paragraph not graphic), hurt/comfort, brief sexual harassment (it end in the guy getting what's coming to him).

1.8K words

Comment if you want to be tagged in this series.

Oatmeal and kind words.

Jax and Wendy had reconciled. You had become friends with the woman, you could tell how much she loved Jax. You weren't expecting the knock on your door late on a Monday night, it was Jax.

"Is everything ok?" he shook his head.

"Wendy's pregnant."

"Ok, come in and we'll talk about it." You did your best not to sound worried. Jax came inside, shoulders slumped over and took off his shoes.

"Would you like me to put on some oatmeal? I think it really helps when you're feeling down." Jax thought for a minute, then nodded.

"Sit down and make yourself comfortable, we can talk while I cook." Jax looked like he was on the verge of tears.

"I'm not going to stay with her, I've told her I want a divorce." You paused so he knew you were listening.

"I don't know what to do, I'm not ready to be a Father." his tone was becoming angry.

"If Wendy has her heart set on continuing the pregnancy, that's not your choice. However, it's your choice if you want to be a Father." You hoped you were conveying the seriousness of the matter

"How can I choose to be a Father?" He was being short, it came across as angry and dismissive.

"If you don't want to be a Father, you better decide fast. Children don't need wishy-washy parents who don't know if they want them. They need to be loved and adored." You didn't give him the chance to reply.

"Children are very perceptive, if you stay in that child's life and don't want them, they will know, and you will ruin their childhood." Jax looked like he was taking everything in.

"If you do want this child then you need to do right by both them and Wendy by being honest with her, asking for the divorce was just the first step. If not, go to the courthouse tomorrow and sign away your rights." A brief look of surprise crossed his face.

"You think I'm doing the right thing by leaving her?" You considered how to word your answer.

"Yes, I do. You don't work together, and a baby won't fix that. It's much healthier for a child for their parents to be separate but happy, rather than together and miserable." You could see him pick up a bit.

"I just don't want her to relapse because I'm leaving, I don't want this to become another pain for her." You could tell he still cared for her. In a way, he probably still loved her.

"I can understand that, but being in an unhealthy relationship isn't going to help her recover either. You can still be a part of her life without being married to her. If you want to Father to the baby, that's likely how it will go."

"But I don't know how to be a Father." He sounded so lost.

"I think that means you're doing ok, most parents are pretty unsure to start with. If it's something you want, you'll figure it out."

Ding

"Oatmeals ready, I'll go plate it, then we can keep talking. Take the few minutes to think." he nodded, already looking much more at peace.

You returned five minutes later with two steaming bowls and put one down on the table in front of him.

"Why oatmeal?" You gave him a strange smile.

"I don't know how much Sam has told you but we didn't have the best parents, oatmeal was a staple when we had a bad day and needed some comfort. It's easy to make, doesn't taste like much and warms you up; it's the perfect 'I don't know what I'm feeling, but it's bad' food." Jax looked like he understood right away.

"Can I be honest?" You nodded.

"I think my feelings changed for Wendy long before I filed. It's not that I don't love her, it's just that I don't see a forever with her." You leaned in a bit closer.

"There are different types of love, Jackson. By acknowledging that you don't love her like that, you've given her the chance to find someone who will." you gave him a sad smile.

"It's actually very noble, most people would just bail." The look on his face said it all.

Thank you.

"Now, no more wallowing, you've got to figure out what you're going to do. Once the food's done, we'll talk a little longer and go over some things ,and then, you're going to go home, alone, and really think about how you're going to deal with this." His back straightened.

"You're right, as always."

****

You were at the Clubhouse helping Gemma prep for the party that Friday night, it was still late in the afternoon when people started showing up. Jax pulled into T-M on his bike and walked over to you, and his Mum walked away to give you some space.

"I talked to Wendy again." You nodded for him to continue.

"I told her I was done with the marriage but wanted to be a Father for our child. I also told her I would take care of everything and that she could stay in the house, I'll stay here in the dorm until we can figure something out." You were smiling at him, but it didn't give anything away.

"I'm glad you came to a decision, and for what it's worth, I think you're doing the right thing." Jax put a hand on your shoulder.

"Thank you y/n, for everything."

****

The party was in full swing now, most of the guys had paired up with a woman, including Jax. You were sitting at the same spot at the bar that you always sat at, at the edge of the bar, facing the room and the front entrance. It had taken a while to get used to being around so many people at once, but after a while, it got easier. There were a few visiting Sons there tonight, including one prospect who was walking up to your spot.

"Hey there pretty lady. You need a drink?" You held up your glass of water.

"I've got one and I'm driving home tonight." He didn't like your short response.

"I'm just being nice, you don't need to be so rude."

What an entitled dick

To your surprise, you haven't had many problems at these parties yet, you had to tell a few people to 'fuck off', but it never went further.

"You don't need to be here if you think I'm being rude." He stood a little closer to you.

"I think you need to learn your place." You got up to walk away from him, but he grabbed your arm, Jax was ready to jump up a defend you when your Bother put a hand on him, you could just hear what he was saying.

"Just watch"

Pop-pop

The man screamed and went to fall to the ground but you were pulling him up by his chin and speaking into his face, no one could hear what you were saying but he looked scared.

Your Bother leaned closer to Jax and Jax heard a single word. It sounded ancient and powerful and frighting. He looked at Sam with a strange expression and Sam repeated himself.

"It means 'Death Angel' it's what the enemy called her. He's a lucky man, there was a time when touching her would have meant a beating, or worse." Jax was in awe.

You left the man in a heap and walked over to his president who was talking to Clay.

"His shoulder is dislocated, he needs to get treatment, or he'll have permanent damage." Your tone left no room for argument. Clay was glaring at you.

"You didn't have to hurt him that bad." The look on your face would have frozen hell.

"He touched me without my permission, what happens after that is his fault. Are you going to have a go at me for protecting myself?" He looked like he was going to but the other president spoke up.

"He would have never lasted anyway, I'm sorry about his behaviour miss." You gave him a quick nod in acknowledgement and walked away back to your spot.

****

"I'm sorry about the other night." Jax had gone out of his way to apologise to you in the grocery store.

"You don't need to say sorry, you weren't the one doing it." He looked like he was going to protest.

"And you certainly didn't need to time out of your shopping either. I'm a grown woman, I can take care of myself." Jax huffed.

"I'll say, half the guys are terrified of you now." You laughed.

"I can't let them think I'm too nice, now can I?" Jax shook his head in a silent laugh.

"Are you coming to Bobby's party tonight?" He sounded hopeful.

"Sadly no. A rush of cold cases has just come from New York and I'll be cataloguing all night." Jax looked disappointed.

"I'll try and stop by to drop off his gift but I'm not sure how long I'll be able to stay. I hate to say it, but I'm going to be pulling a lot of long nights over the next few weeks."

Jax put his hand on your shoulder sympathetically and said goodbye.

****

You showed up at 8pm, toting a simple paper gift bag. You paused to have a chat with Gemma before walking into the Clubhouse.

"That Bobby's?" You nodded.

"I'm excited to see what it is, your Brother won't stop talking about how much he'll love it."

"Well, I hope he will."

Bobby was sitting with some of the guys, he had a woman sitting on each side of him; he was clearly enjoying the attention.

"Happy birthday Bobby." You handed him the bag and he looked inside.

"You gunna tell me what it is, or are you gunna make me wait till I can open it?" You shook your head at him.

"I have to go back to work but I'm looking forward to hearing what you think."

Jax stopped his conversation to pull you aside before you left.

"Is everything ok?" He nodded.

"Yeah, I just wanted to talk to you for minute." You sat down on the stool and waved with your hand for him to go on.

"Where are you at with all of this?" You gave him a confused look.

"With the baby I mean?" You could see you taking a deep breath.

"You chose to do the moral thing, there nothing much to say after that." He did look satisfied.

"You're just so straight up, it comes off as kind of cold sometimes." You weren't hurt, it had been said a hundred times before.

"So you want my personal feelings rather than my informed opinion?" He nodded.

"I think you've got a really hard road ahead of you and there's a lot you need to learn in a very short amount of time. But I also think you're going to be a good Father, you worry about this is proof of that." He pressed his lips in thought.

"Thanks y/n."

You tapped his knee and walked away.

There's so much more to say

Part 7

I'm still not happy, I'm hoping I start to like my writing more when the timeline starts to line up with canon.

#Jax teller #sons of anarchy #sons of anarchy imagine #jax teller #soa #jax teller x reader #jax teller x you #jax teller x oc #jax teller imagine #jax teller fanfiction #sons of anarhcy fanficton

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starkshoe · 2 years

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Addiction

Pairing: Hvitserk x female!reader TW: drugs, knives, throwing up, getting drunk, bad translation, suffocating. Summary: You just returned to Kattegat and discovered that Hvitserk has relapsed into addictions.

NOT MY GIF

You walked hard on the muddy ground. When you entered the shed a nauseating smell pervaded your nostrils. Stunned moans came from the dark corners of that hellish refuge. Among those who were considered the waste of society you have identified a man with an attentive eye. He was holding a leather bag with strange plants inside. It was then that you understood why he was in that hovel. You approached that man and pushed him against the thin wooden wall. "I have no more stuff, girl, he comes back another time" the man teased, believing he had found a new client. You pointed the sharp blade of the dagger at his belly. "I don't need your filthy worm poison," I growled, pressing your forearm to his neck. "Stay away from him, you don't have to give him anything. If I learn that you have passed him, even if only by mistake, consider yourself a dead man" the man tried to answer but the air did not seep into his throat. . When you let go of his hold on him, he ran off taking the newly sold merchandise with him. "Hey, it's mine," Hvitserk tried to say as he lay on the ground. You approached him cautiously and with one hand you hit his cheek. "I leave you alone for a while and you become like this?" I screamed, collapsing to be able to observe his face. With your sleeve you wiped the acid liquid that dripped from his mouth and with his hand you stroked the part of his face that had just been hit. "Come with me," you said, taking his hands. "No, no, I can't ... There's Ivar, I have to kill him before he kills you," he shouted, pointing to a poor unconscious man. With all the Viking force you could muster, he grabbed the collar of his frayed shirt, dragging it outward. "My child, why have you reduced yourself like this?" I whispered, soaking the rag in the round tub for the millionth time. Inside him lay Hvitserk, his body motionless and staring into space. "Why are you doing all this?" he asked him without looking away. "You know why," I replied, wiping his skin. "No Y / N, I don't know." You washed off his dirty hair by resting your chin on his shoulder. "Because I love you Hvitserk." He was shocked to hear you say this. You were a perfect shield maiden, beautiful and strong and he was just a poor drunkard. You didn't think so. He brought your lips close to yours kissing you softly. "I'll recover, I promise"

#vikings #vikings imagine #hvitserk ragnarsson #hvitserk #hvitserk lothbrok #hvitserk x you #hvitserk x reader #hvitserk x y/n #ivar the boneless #ragnar lothbrok #vikings x reader #vikings x you

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kalixus · 2 years

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𝐐𝐔𝐎𝐓𝐇 @perdefinitio —

" you're not a monster " for immortal ilias, probably way way down the line once they're capable to talking again??? ahhh the thought alone makes me wanna d*e.

* send ‘ you’re not a monster ’ for my muse’s reaction , accepting !

“ 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐚 𝐦𝐨𝐧𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫. ”

ah , there it is. the hardest part about hearing severin’s voice utter those words was that he was borderline convincing. it had been a year and some change since ira brought ilias back as a wedding gift to the group : the never ending cortège of immortals. the cynical part of him ( yes , that bitter old viking never ceased to exist ) wondered what would happen when one of them finally died , disrupted this normalcy of immortality. he had spent a good while mulling it all over ——

the point of life is happiness for some. contentment for others. and a few in between sit in the shadows , because they’re convinced that happiness is a ploy. they say fuck the little things in life : the rare perfect cup of tea in fides’ cabin , the sound of birds emerging from the forest line at dawn , the moment a dimple emerges on a loved one’s smiling face as they laugh , a nap after a filling meal . . . fuck it all. ilias had come to the conclusion that it’s all temporary. in his life , he had been a pirate for the longest duration. then , he became an explorer. then an educator , a soldier , a lonely ice fisher , and the list goes on because there was a beauty in the banality. he’d catch himself at times wondering when things would change. the moment only lasted for as long as he could muster , half a second — no more and no less. then , he’d remember that those banal moments were the very ones he craved.

because even still , everything ended. every single thing , every attachment , every beautiful moment , every epiphanic thought. ilias was no longer angry at love or mortality , rather — he was truly tired of living. waking up every day knowing that there was no end for him despite the expiration dates that surrounded him. all he had to look back on were his excursions with maria : hidden from the others for the sole purpose of forgetting their eternal fates. ilias knew very well that severin and ira disapproved of their bond over adventure and thrill , of feeling mortal again. god forbid , that the youngest immortal finds solace and understanding in a monster. they were more similar than he’d like to admit , but in their anger was passion. something an immortal could easily forget.

ilias looked down for a moment , when would tension cease to exist between him and his brother? everything else did , why couldn’t this end? for a split moment , he remembered that before ira —— they got along fine. but the prince changed everything about their lives , a spanner in the dynamic that would have otherwise been a tall tale of two brothers. the prince. the chosen one. the one that ilias now found an immense respect for. living on despite it all , carrying his burdens and swallowing his pride. but it still left a sour taste in the viking’s mouth , ‘cause old habits never really die. without thinking much of his response , ilias spoke in a dampened tone.

“ yeah, well — ” after all this time, positive hope still seemed to surge through severin’s veins. the daily dose of love was sure to do that to an old soul like severin. ilias lifted his eyes and sighed , exhaustedly. “ we’re all monsters in my book. ” he didn’t mean to sound crude or dramatic , but it simply bore that level of truth that he craved to hear from another immortal.

“ i’m done fighting , anyway. ” his eyes did not hinder as they locked onto severin’s. he was tired of arguing , tired of continuing , tired of trying to find his end , but he was most certainly tired of living and waiting for the time to pass. “ whatever you think i could do , i’ve already done it. i’m done trying. you’ve got nothing to worry about. ” ilias smirked bitterly , feeling like an addict on the verge of a relapse.

with that , he took a sip of the worst cup of tea he’s had in ages.

#❪ ⋆、𝐈𝐌𝐌𝐎𝐑𝐓𝐀𝐋 𝐕𝐑𝐒 ：IF I COULD / I’D FEAR THE GODS * ❫#❪ ⋆、𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐍 ：ALL THAT IS GOLDEN AND PURE CANNOT LAST * ❫#so i might have been listening to the 'prince of egypt' soundtrack while writing this and i might have cried a little bit im not gonna lie #he'll never stop hating being immortal sev / i'm sorry .#i'm queue da ba dee da ba di

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thestupidhelmet · 3 years

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seeing as HLWH is being brought up again, i have a question. those of us who have read it know what happens between Hyde and Donna, and the reasons behind it. i also noticed a little Hyde/Donna moment in Beneath a Shattered Sky (or Reflections Through the Glass? don't remember), in which Donna shows hypothetical interest in Hyde (a "What if" type of thing, if i remember correctly). what do you think of Hyde/Donna as a ship post-s1? do you think there's a slight interest in each other beneath their friendship (or because of it)? not big enough to overpower their friendship status or their feelings for Jackie and Eric respectively tho

I don't think Donna has any true romantic or sexual interest in Hyde at all. Ever. He's definitely in brother territory. I do think, though, an in-great-pain Donna could convince herself otherwise. That's what she does (or considers) -- for a minute? -- in Beneath a Shattered Sky because of how Eric is acting toward her vs. how Hyde is acting toward Jackie in such dire circumstances.

Once the foundation of Hyde's character is rebuilt in "Prom Night" (1x19), Hyde more than respects the fact Donna is in love with Eric, so he lets his romantic feelings for her fade and accepts his friendship with her.

Yes, he teases her in "The Relapse" (4x06) about being a willing sex partner for her (so she wouldn't have had to go to her ex-boyfriend, i.e. Eric). But, really, the majority of their interaction in that scene depicts an intimate platonic love between them. Hyde is long-over his romantic feelings for her by then. "Jackie Bags Hyde" (3x08) shows where his romantic interests lie (i.e. Jackie).

My story "One Difference: Donna Doesn’t Date a Kelso" explores much of what I've written in this response.

Summary: Point Place High declares Eric its Most Eligible Viking, and he wants to date other people. Jackie tries to set Donna up with Kelso's brother, but Donna's interest lies elsewhere.

Rated: T

#That 70s Show #That '70s Show #Donna x Hyde #Donna Pinciotti #Steven Hyde #Ask #basure #My Meta #My Essay #Meta #Essay #Fanfic

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gustafsnightangel · 3 years

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Shattered Lives Ch 38 Pt 1

She woke to Gustaf sprawled across her, arms and legs relaxed, face curled into her neck, his steady breath tickling her skin. If she moved he’d wake, so she lay still, content to let him sleep, let her thoughts drift. She realized she was sore, in a good way, but she hurt after the nights frivolities. Her mind however was clearer than it had been in days. He did that for her, took her to the edge of actual pain and skated that line so finely it was nothing short of sinful pleasure. Fucked her so thoroughly she couldn’t spell her own name, let alone remember it.

“Stop thinking.” He slurred into the pillow without so much as twitching a muscle, her chuckle light with amusement.

“Good morning love.” She moved, much to his displeasure, and kissed his head. Rolling he snuggled in further, curling those ridiculously long agile limbs around her like a constrictor and squeezed her to him.

“Mine.” He growled and nipped her shoulder before kissing it.

“I’m all yours sweet man.” His eyes found hers, nothing but love and kindness in them.

“I am so stupidly in love with you.” He said simply, the sentiment choking her up. Words that were once so difficult for him to say fell with ease now.

“Right back at you.”

“How are you feeling after last night?” He asked, lips ghosting hers, the tip of his tongue teasing her bottom lip.

“Sore, a good sore. Muscles I forgot I had.” She scoffed.

“Not raw in places that you shouldn’t be?” He kissed her clavicle, lips caressing her skin.

“No, just stiff muscles.” Her fingers teased his shoulder in lazy circles.

“Maybe I can help you with that.” He murmured and nuzzled her throat, erection pressing against her thigh, her giggle making him smirk. “Fuck Sildie I can never get enough of you.” He breathed, as his mouth claimed hers tenderly. “You’re my fucking kryptonite.”

“I’m weak for you too love.”She murmured as she reached a hand between them and stroked him, the length of him hardening at her touch. “Lay back.” She whispered, lips brushing his.

“I’m always down for a slow morning ride.” He grinned as he rolled to his back at her request.

“I’d say you’re more up than down.” She smiled cheekily, still stroking his length, his deep chuckle rumbling through his chest. Tangling his fingers in her hair he guided her to him and slowly devoured her mouth. “I love it when you kiss me like that.” She sighed.

“I know you do.” His tone husky with need for her. Teasing her lips with his she straddled him, the soft groan as she positioned him at her wet heat making her smile.

“I love taking you like this.” She breathed as she rocked her hips inching herself onto his cock.

“My goddess.” He groaned into her mouth as she enveloped him, silky, wet walls stroking, enticing. They danced as one, the pleasure they found in each other mutually satisfying. He gently thrust up to meet the long downward rock of her hips, filling her, brushing against secret places only he could reach. “Look at me.” He murmured, her breath mixing with his as she peaked. “Let me watch you come love.” He kissed her tenderly, tongue teasing hers.

“Gustaf.” Her soft cry as she teetered on the edge.

“Go over.” He flexed his hips and watched as she fell, his name on her lips as her climax slammed through her. “Mmmmm.” He hummed as he claimed her mouth. “So beautiful.”

“Only to you love.” She murmured, lips nipping his playfully. “Give yourself to me.” Her eyes glittered as they found his, Viking blue looked back.

“I’m yours love, always.” He said, cock twitching with the thought of her riding him.

Her mouth savaged his, a hungry need to take him suddenly flooded through her. His eyes never left hers as she entwined her fingers in his and pinned them to the headboard, sitting back she took him deeper. She rocked her hips slowly, grinding against him, the sensations whipping her body closer to peak again. His hands gripped hers, gaze finding eyes of ice blue as the soft moan fell from her lips, go over it said, take me, take what you want, what you need, I am yours. Tossing her head back she let the feel of him, the thickness of his cock stroke her as she cried out, coming hard. As her climax ebbed he saw the glint of mischief in her gaze as it locked with his again, that seductive smile as she raised up on him and started to ride. The small bounce as she impaled herself on him had him tense under her, sparks of lust streaking through him. Her rhythm destroyed every brain call he had left, he gave himself over to the feel of her, the sight of her as she took him. Leaving his hands at the headboard she gripped between them and trailed fingers down his arm and over that expansive chest she adored. His breath shuddered out as he peaked, her hand snaking behind her to stroke his inner thigh as much as she could reach, nails digging in making him hiss. She teased him relentlessly, the unspoken command that he had to wait to come in her gaze as her bounce became more forceful.

“Sildie.” He choked as he bottomed out inside her, those nails raking along his package sending spikes of pleasure up his cock.

Her hand dropped from the headboard to his chest as she felt her muscles tense. “So big.” She gasped, riding him hard, the glazed look in his eyes telling her he was lost to her and everything she was doing to him.

“Please.” He pleaded, that rasp to his voice making her pussy quiver. She loved it when he begged, the tone empowering her. “Sildie.” His fingers gripped the headboard tightly as he fought not to ruin it by blowing his load too soon, her nails erotically torturing him.

“Do you want to feel me come again love?” She purred as she raked her nails down his chest with enough bite to earn a hiss.

“Yes.” His breath shuddered out, brain not able to form any more words.

“Feel how big you are inside me.” She gasped as her own words fueled her release, pushing her closer to the edge. “No one fills me like you do. So thick.” She came with a soft cry, body writhing on his cock.

“Sildie.” He groaned as she slammed her hips down riding him harder, forcing him deeper.

She watched him peak at her change in rhythm, muscles straining as his body arched, a poets face lost in the throes of ecstasy.

With a sharp cry of his own he came so hard lights danced in front of his eyes, his goddess pleasuring them both into bliss. She rode him until he was spent, content to have him cocooned inside her as she sprawled out over his chest, her mane of copper like silk against his skin. With chest heaving he pried his fingers from the headboard and stroked them her along the length of her body, relishing the feel of those lush curves as they both caught their breath.

“I love it when you do that to me.” He said softly, his fingers toying with the loose waves of her hair. “Ride me.” He leaned his head up and kissed her brow. “Sets me free in a different way.” He added and she lifted her head up to look at him. “You set me free love.” He murmured, his eyes searching hers. “I’ve never felt so loved and at peace as when I’m with you.” His kiss was tender. He could speak the raw truth, to her he could be brutally honest, about life, about himself. “I can be myself.” He said quietly, almost afraid of voicing that fear, the vulnerability he so often felt. And it was fear, a fear of relapsing, becoming the person he’d worked so hard to overcome.

Her heart swelled and ached at the same time. “My sweet man.” She said softly, her fingers toying with his scruff. “That’s who I fell in love with, you, just as you are.”

“You see me for who I really am. In here.” He said laying a hand over his heart. “And accept me for who I am in here.” He tapped his temple. “Who I’m trying to be.”

She knew where this was coming from, had expected it, his departure in a few weeks, the compounding factor of Ana. The anxiety was creeping in, the uncertainty he was leaving behind when he left for filming. “You’re enough Gustaf, for me and the kids you are enough. You’re all we want, all we need.” It was the absolute conviction in her voice that always choked him up, complete acceptance of who he was, shitty bits, demons, and all.

“I know.” He nodded, that slight smile tugging his lips.

“What’s bothering you love?” She asked gently and stretched up to kiss him.

“I’m worried, concerned that if this shit with her isn’t resolved by the time I leave... I...” He blew out an explosive breath, his anxiety spiked sharply, heart hammering in his rib cage, it had snuck up on him. “I...”

“Breathe.” She said calmly as he sucked in a shaky breath.

“Shit.” He choked as he let out the breath he was struggling to relinquish.

“And another.” She smiled as he did as she instructed. “The kids are safe, we’re safe.” She said softly. “Just breathe love, let the calm in.” Her fingers drew lazy patterns on his chest as she spoke, her tone helping him settle. She did that for him, grounded him like no other. It was only when he’d wrangled it under control that he spoke again.

“Sorry.” He breathed out before continuing. “I just have a gut feeling shit is going to get worse before it gets better.” He kissed her, slowly, thoroughly, before looking into those ice blue eyes he’d fallen for the first day on her threshold. “Sometimes I feel like I’m not doing enough to protect you or the kids, that I should be doing more. That spirals into I’m not good enough. You know where that spiral leads.” He could be honest about his sobriety with her, his demons. “I’m trying not to let all this shit set me up to spiral out of control when I’m away from you like it did before.”

“First things first.” She said gently. “You are enough.” Her smile and sweet kiss made him tear up. “As to the other shit. There’s not much more either of us can do that we’re not already doing, unless we lock ourselves away and stop living.” She said gently. “And if we do that, she wins. And I have no intention of doing either.” Her kiss was tender, that soul deep love that he felt such solace from, wrapping around him, lifting him. “How do I help you while you’re away?” She asked honestly. She’d do anything to see him succeed in keeping his anxiety down, his spirits up, his sobriety in tact.

“You can’t really, I need to keep it together, to stay in control of my demons.” It was truth, these were personal struggles that only he could conquer. “This is on me love.” His tone resigned as his fingers toyed with her hair.

“We can help though, right? Would our Friday night tea dates help? I know the time difference will make things tricky.” She shrugged. “But we could set up a day, any time when you’re not as busy and I’ll take that time off work to talk to you. I’ll work it around your schedule and mine.” She kissed him. “Even if it’s at two in the morning and you need to talk. You know I’m always here.” That smile was everything to him.

“I’d like that. When things settle down I want our Friday night tea dates back again, I miss those.”

“So do I. The holiday season made it a bit difficult.” She scoffed.

“It did, but we can start them up again and it’s a nice way to unwind from the week even when I’m away.”

“That’s easy enough to schedule. What about your workouts and meditation? I know that routine helps you too.” She asked gently not wanting to force the issue.

He nodded. “I had Daisy schedule it in around the shoot already. It eats into the social time, but this takes priority, the meditation helps to keep the calm where it should be.” Determination edged his voice and it made her so proud.

“We can schedule calls with the kids too if that’s something you’d like to do again. I know they love your before school calls, but the time difference and filming might put a wrench in that plan.” She toyed with his scruff, loving the feel of it. “Think about it ok? Whatever you need love, I’ll make it happen. They maybe your own demons to conquer, but there’s nothing in the rules that say you can’t have a kick ass support team.” She wouldn’t push, the decision was his as to what he needed, he had to be in control, but at least he knew there were options and she was on board one hundred percent. His fingers tangled into her hair as his mouth claimed hers, the kiss a desperate need to convey how grateful he was to have her in his life, in his corner. “I’m proud of you love.” She said quietly. “You wake up every day and fight to live the way you want, not what your demons demand, and that is such strength.”

“I love you.” He choked, the emotion welling in his eyes. “I meant what I said at midnight as we danced, you’re the best thing to ever come into my life Sildie. The absolute best thing.”

“So are you love, you saved me too.” She felt such love from him, that love he’d hidden from the world at one point, kept it protected, it flowed freely from him now. Free to be given, free to feel loved in return.

“God I’m going to miss you.” He said quietly.

“Me too. I’ll miss this.” She fanned her hand out over his chest. “Our talks, our snuggles, just being with you.”

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled, these were the times he felt guilty for leaving her for so long.

She shook her head. “Your career is nothing to be sorry for. You’re doing what you love and we’ll get through it just like we’ve done before.” Her kiss was seductive. “One day at a time, and an added bonus, you’ll have us to come home to.”

“You are my home love.” He said honestly and she smiled at him.

“You’re my home too sweet man. We’ll make it work.” She kissed him tenderly.

They showered together, the softness from them both soothing any lingering emotions, the closeness cherished. They stripped the bed and changed the sheets before settling in the kitchen to cook brunch, the sleep in exactly what they needed. With a small feast of eggs, bacon, hash browns, pancakes, and fruit, they sat at the table, Gustaf pulling her onto his lap with giggle.

“You’re not getting away that easy.” He growled and nipped her neck, he wanted her close. “You sore anywhere? Raw where you shouldn’t be?” He asked seriously, he always liked to make sure what they did was pain free.

“I’m good.” She said and fed him a piece of bacon. “Oh so good.” She drawled with a grin, almost drooling.

They ate and talked about the days leading up to their getaway, a real family vacation and some time to de stress. Stellan texted Gustaf just after they ate and they decided to collect the kids early, his father needing Gustaf’s help with a last minute project for the rest of the afternoon.

“You don’t mind?” Gustaf asked as they got ready to leave.

“Why would I mind?” She said off handily and then stopped and looked at him. The guilt trips from Ana, she thought, as she mentally kicked herself. Wrapping an arm around him she kissed him sweetly.

“Sorry.” He sighed. “It still gets me sometimes.” He’d tried so hard to not have those emotions creep up on him and it had been weeks since he’d felt it.

“You’re enough love.” Her finger trailed his jaw before her lips claimed his tenderly. “Time with your family without me and the kids is important too. Besides, I think the kids and I will tackle cabin preparation. Get a few things packed, laundry done, brainstorm how many snowballs are going to end up down your shirt.” She chuckled.

“I love you.” He kissed her slowly, the overwhelming love he had for her freely flowing from him.

“My sweet man.” She smiled. “I love you too. Every bit of you.” Her hands playing out over his chest.

“You keep saying things like that and we’ll be late.” He grinned and swatted her ass as she opened the front door.

“Is that a promise daddy?” She purred.

“Absolutely.” He growled and nipped her neck playfully. “Right after the kids are in bed.” He grinned and her giggle made his cock twitch.

Sildie stayed for a coffee, the encounter with his family a little less daunting for her each time she was exposed to it. It would get easier with time, Stellan and Megan making it as carefree and easy as possible. With the kids eager to get home to pack she was practically dragged out of the apartment, a bubbly Lily in her arms.

“I’ll see you in a little while.” She said softly and kissed Gustaf on Stellan’s threshold.

“You will. The kids are getting an early night tonight.” He murmured, nipping the spot below her ear. “We need another soak in the tub together.” Her chuckle had a grin spreading across his face, those wrinkles at his eyes she adored blooming with such joy. Brushing a thumb over his crows feet she kissed him tenderly.

“More water sports huh?”

“Perhaps.” He winked and her pussy clenched at the thought of what he might do to her.

The twins didn’t stop talking the entire ride down in the elevator, telling her everything about the past few days. The bowling trip a top favorite. It was good bonding time for the kids and the rest of Gustaf’s family. Even Brendan was excited to spend more time with grandpa and the younger Skarsgard boys. She felt that pang of jealousy start to rear it’s ugly head and slammed the emotion down, there was no need for her to feel that way. No place for it in their lives.

The smile fell from her face when the elevator doors opened and she heard the profanity being hurled at their door, her fight flight response kicking in with vengeance. Protect the kids, was all it screamed.

“Open up Sildie you fucking cunt whore.” The male voice spat. Terror and fury filled her body instantly.

She grabbed a hold of Liam’s collar and shoved him back into the elevator rather forcefully as he went to walk past her, the kid slightly stunned at the gesture. Looking at Brendan she realized he knew who it was too.

With a hand still containing Liam she spoke quietly to Brendan, the teen taking Lily from Sildie’s arms abruptly without being asked. “Take everyone upstairs, stay with grandpa, send Gustaf down. Now B.” She looked at the twins. “Don’t argue.” She snarled at Liam, as he opened his mouth to say something and stopped fighting her instantly, that tone unmistakable. The guy continued his rant at their door, the twins stepped back closer to Brendan, the death glare from Sildie leaving no room for argument. He sounded drunk, and there was an extreme possibility he was high. He was violent when he was high. “Phone the police and building security. Go now.” Stepping out of the elevator she slammed a hand on the number for Stellans floor and waited for the doors to close fully before turning to confront him. She only hoped Brendan could get them all to Gustaf safely.

“Hello Elias.” She said, letting the lawyer surface. There was only one way to deal with Dana’s brother, head on. “You’re violating your restraining and court orders.” She said loudly, hoping the cameras Gustaf installed on their apartment doors would pick it up. She knew he’d installed one on her apartment in the event Ana had come after her while she still lived there and knew it was recording 24/7. “You can’t be here, ever. You need to leave.” And how, Sildie wondered, did he get a hold of her address? He was knocking on Gustaf’s apartment door not hers. How did he know where her and the kids were living? Something to ponder later, but for now she shoved it to the back of her mind.

“I’ll go wherever the fuck I want, bitch.” He slurred, taking a few steps toward her. She wouldn’t shy away and if he laid hands on her she wanted it all on record.

“This’ll be your third strike Elias. They’ll put you away for longer this time.” She said with an even tone, not wanting to provoke an attack. “Maybe for good.”

“Where are the brats? They stole what my slut of a sister owed me.” Yes she thought, high as well as drunk, not a good combination.

“They’re safe, far away from you and the rest of your miserable family.” She snarled and stepped back as he stepped closer, she had to keep out of arms reach. “And they don’t owe you a damn thing.”

“When my cunt of a sister married your brother he stole everything from me.” His tone was pure venom.

How do you figure that?” She knew of course, it was the inheritance from Dana’s grandmother. When it came down to it, it was all about the money with her family.

“That money should have been mine when she died.” He took another step toward her and Sildie stood her ground. “Instead she gives it all to the brats she spawned with your fucking brother. They OWE ME!” He spat.

“They don’t owe you shit Elias. They had no say in what your grandmother bequeathed to Dana. Just as you have no say on what she left to her own kids.”

“Sure you’d say that, seeing as though your rolling in the money that should have been mine.” His face snarled into a grotesque shape of rage.

“I have no access to that money Elias. It’s all held in trust for the kids when they reach a certain age. You know this, it was explained in the court hearing with the rest of your family.”

“I WANT MY FUCKING MONEY!” He screamed, the words slurring. “Maybe I’ll just take what I’m owed from you instead.” His focus suddenly snapped to her, gaze roaming her body which made her feel nothing short of dirty. “I hear you spread your legs for addicts and drunks, nice rich ones. What a movie star slut you’ve turned into, fucking his brothers on the side are you? Or his father maybe? There’s no stopping a cunt whore like you.” He grinned, malice and hatred rippling off him. “I think it’s my turn now. I’ll take what I’m owed from you.” He snarled. “I’ve always wanted to fuck that smart mouth of yours.”

“Not unless you want me to bite your dick off.” She seethed, knowing where this was going to end up she hoped to every Viking god Gustaf was on his way down and Brendan had phoned Leon.

He moved quicker than she’d anticipated and soon found her back pressed against her apartment door, with limited options and room to escape. One thing she knew is she’d go down swinging if he laid hands on her.

Gustaf and Stellan were just getting started when there was an almighty ruckus at the front door, screaming and banging. Wrenching the door open Gustaf looked at the four kids, and a puzzled frown crossed his face that Sildie wasn’t with them.

“Brend...”

“It’s Uncle Elias, you need to get to Sildie. NOW!” He shouted and watched as Gustaf’s eyes went wide at the teens tone.

Brendan wasn’t fucking around, pure fear and panic radiated off the kid. Gustaf took off at a sprint for the stairs, the elevator would take too long, and there was no time for questions to find out what the hell he was walking into, what Sildie had walked into.

“Don’t let me be too late.” He muttered over and over as he took the stairs two and three at a time, barely keeping his balance, hand hovering over the handrail ready to bail him out of plunging face first down the stairs. Undiluted fear streaked through him, adrenaline filling his system as he moved at breakneck speed to get to her.

Gustaf wasn’t quick enough to stop the backhand to her face, his feet had just hit the bottom step when she was struck, body hitting the wall, dazed. Sudden white hot fury rose to the surface, that anger he’d long kept dormant was instantly primed and ready to unleash on the world, on this asshole in front of him. He didn’t like it, the way it made him feel, but he’d use it, if it came down to it he’d use it with no restraint to protect her. He saw the guy grab her wrist, fingertips inching toward her throat. He didn’t think he just moved, kept moving as all these thoughts screamed through his mind at an alarming rate. Three strides was all it took to be between her and the asshole know as Uncle Elias. He’d use himself as a shield, gladly take the next hit as he was already one punch too late to stop her from getting hurt. Grabbing a fist full of the guys shirt collar he stepped into him and slammed him against the wall across the hall, his forearm along the guys collarbone, dangerously close to his windpipe. Sildie crumpled, half conscious against his spine, her wrist still grasped in Elias’s meaty hand.

He felt the lethal rage surge through him, he wanted to and quite possible could kill this fucker for touching her. He felt Sildies hand at his ribs to steady herself, her body slumped against him. She was quite possibly the only thing grounding him, the only thing stopping him from tearing this asshole apart with his bare hands.

All it took was a blink, from the backhand connecting with the side of her head, Elias’s fingertips brushing her throat, to Gustaf appearing between them. He was suddenly just, there, with one arm wrapped behind him securing her to his spine and one pressed dangerously close to Elias’s throat he was her shield. The world seemed to move in slow motion yet very quickly, like her brain was processing in one speed and everything else moving at an alarming rate.

Her free hand shook as she held onto Gustaf, palm against his ribs face pressed between his shoulder blades to steady herself, her head was spinning, teeth singing in pain, and bile rising trying to choke her. Elias’s grip tightened around her wrist and she couldn’t help the whimper, his fingers digging in painfully against bone. She felt the nausea bubble up, her breath shorten, the anxiety and panic start to take over. Her face throbbed and she felt light headed and dizzy as black crowded her vision. I will not pass out, she told herself, repeating that mantra over and over again. I can’t pass out and make this more difficult for Gustaf, she thought as it clanged through her mind, her thoughts disjointed and scattered.

“Think very carefully about your next move.” Gustaf said quietly, lethal calm rolling off him. He had to keep a level head until the police arrived, hoping to everything holy Brendan had called them.

“Fuck you asshole this doesn’t concern you.” Elias slurred and attempted to move out from Gustaf’s grip, he couldn’t so much as twitch. Gustaf was sober, stone cold sober, the guy currently pinned to the wall like the cockroach he was, not so much. Gustaf could smell the alcohol, could see the drugs swimming in his eyes. He knew that look, knew that feeling, and the invincibility that came with it. At the moment, Elias thought he was ten foot tall and bulletproof.

Gustaf leaned in so only Elias could hear his next words. “It does when you lay hands on my wife.” Gustaf snarled, quietly. “Let her go.” His growl bordering that of an angry caged animal waiting for the opportune moment to pounce and rip your throat out, the glare backing up that promise ten fold. “Or you’re going to have a very serious problem, because I will drop you like the sack of shit you are.” He meant every word and to emphasize his point he released his grip on Elias’s shirt, jabbed a fist into his solar plexus, fisted a hand in his shirt again, and brutally slammed him against the wall hard enough to make bones rattle. Elias gasped for air and involuntarily yanked Sildie to him, the knee jerk reaction only bringing Gustaf that much closer. She cried out as his grip tightened on her wrist and that’s when Gustaf decided enough was enough. He got in the dudes face and brought his forearm up to apply enough pressure on his windpipe to have Elias wince, still struggling to suck in a full lungful of air.

“I’m not going to ask you again asshole.” He said calmly as he applied a little more pressure. He had a good six inches on the guy and wouldn’t hesitate to put him in the fucking morgue. One thing most people forgot when they looked at Gustaf was that he maybe a lean build and in general, a non-violent peaceful person, but he could and would resort to violence if needed, if pushed. This guy had pushed.

The sound of cuffs ratcheting snapped Gustaf out of his haze, he’d been so focused on Elias he hadn’t seen or heard Leon stand beside him, cuffs at the ready to arrest Elias.

“Let the woman go.” Leon said quietly. “It’s over Elias.”Elias glared at Gustaf before he let her wrist go and Gustaf gently cradled it against his chest over his heart wanting nothing more than to feel her close and so she didn’t move from where she was until the danger had passed.

With his forearm still pressed to his throat he leaned in applying more pressure causing Elias to choke a gasp. “This is your first and only warning.” Gustaf growled at his ear, ignoring the quiet warning from Leon to back off. Not yet, he thought, I will say my piece. “If you ever lay hands on Sildie or the kids again, I will hunt you down like the piece of shit you are and fucking destroy you.”

“Fuck you asshole.” Elias spat which only earned him another jab in the solar plexus followed by a knee connecting with the tender parts of the male anatomy before he was slammed against the wall much harder than before. Gustaf saw the fear creep into his drug filled eyes this time. Ten foot tall had been reduced to six and Elias was starting to realize he may not be as bulletproof as he once thought.

“Now that I have your complete attention.” Gustaf murmured, completely calm. “I can and will tear you apart with my bare hands if you touch her again. I’ll send you home in such small pieces no one including the police will be able to recognize you.” Sildie didn’t know what was scarier, his words, or his tone, eerie calm mixed with lethal fury. “This is your only warning Elias. You and your family are not welcome here, ever. Stay away from Sildie, stay away from the kids. I see you again, smell you again, hear so much as a squeak from you or your insufferable family, I will come for you.” Gustaf saw the recognition in his eyes, his drug addled brain processing the threat. It was only then that he eased off him and let Leon take over.

“She’s nothing but a fucking cunt whore.” Elias snarled as Leon and two uniformed officers moved him away from Gustaf and Sildie to read him his rights.

She felt Gustaf tense, his body coil and wind up ready to hurl this guy down the hall and use him as his favorite punching bag. She held him to her tightly, mainly to stay upright.

“He’s not worth it.” She mumbled, her own voice puzzling her as she sounded half drunk.

Gustaf watched them cuff him and wanted nothing more than to beat the ever loving shit out of him. The rage he’d mastered and kept in check for so long seductively calling to him to be that man again, to let it out. Sildie holding onto him the only thing stopping him from doing so. With Elias being frog marched down the stairs Gustaf tried to turn but couldn’t, she was plastered to his spine. “Are you ok?” He asked gently as he let his own heart rate level out, let the anger go. Holding onto it now wouldn’t do him any favors, he needed to care for Sildie. Leon, thankfully, had hung back to give them time and space.

“No.” She choked. She felt stupid, she couldn’t let go of him. She’d frozen, her entire system threatening to shut down.

“Let go a minute.” He murmured. “Please love, let go a minute so I can turn around.”

“I can’t.” She was shaking violently, the panic rising way to fast, hands now fisting in his shirt, those dark shadows creeping in around the edges of her vision ready to claim her.

He slowly turned in her arms, a challenge as she gripped his shirt. His hand held her head to him tenderly as he stood there and let it roll through her. The shock, the fear, the adrenaline coursing through her system in desperate need to be out. “Breathe love.” He soothed as he heard the panicked wheeze. “Breathe.” He felt her knees go out from under her and lowered them both to the ground, curling her to him. She was only just conscious, anxiety and panic consuming her. “Sildie breathe.” He snapped out the command sharply and she sucked in a shuddered breath, her body on auto pilot. “I’m here love, take another breath please.” He kissed her head, fingers soothing her scalp, massaging the base of her skull, anything to get her system to settle, to bring her back to a level where she could function. “Breathe love, I’m here, just breathe.” He sighed. “What were you thinking?” He asked calmly, when all he wanted to do was rage at her for putting herself in this position.

“I had to protect them.” She choked, the emotion bubbling up, her breathing ragged and wheezing again. “I couldn’t let him get to them.”

“I know love. Breathe for me.” He soothed. “Calm deep breaths.”

“I promised.” She sobbed. “I promised I’d protect them.” His heart broke at her words, something he hadn’t considered. He was so scared and angry she’d deliberately placed herself in this position he hadn’t thought as to why, what had forced her hand. Their relationship still too new to completely override the singular primal need to protect her children. And they were her children, legally and emotionally.

Once her breathing had leveled out he pulled away from her and gently cupped a hand under her chin. “Let me see.” He said tenderly and even though she wanted to fight him on it she eventually turned her head so he could see the bruise already blooming along her cheekbone. “We need to get some ice on that and an X-ray.” He said gruffly. Grinding his teeth together he kept the anger simmering below the surface in check. He silenced her with a chaste kiss. “Don’t argue. I’ll hog tie you and carry you there if I have to. Besides, Leon’s going to need it for the report and charges were going to file.” He would keep his word to Elias, right down to the last syllable, he was going to fucking bury him. And considering he couldn’t legally do it in the physical sense, he would hit the asshole with everything he could law wise. If Dana’s family thought Sildie had been harsh on them, they were in for a rude awakening. Not only did Gustaf have Sildie and Elsa to help, the law on his side, he also had a bank account to fund any further precautions Sildie wanted to put in place. He’d even go as far as hiring someone to monitor Dana’s family permanently if it meant it gave her peace of mind and kept them safe. Hell, he might just do it anyway. He would keep his family safe.

She sat there on the floor in his lap and gave up. Her head was aching, she couldn’t keep up with the conversation between Gustaf and Leon, her jaw and teeth were throbbing, and she just wanted to close her eyes and sleep. Great, she thought sarcastically, I have a slight concussion, that’s just perfect.

Gustaf gave Leon his keys and watched as the detective pulled the video from both apartments, he’d watch it later to see what this was all about, because Sildie was in no condition to tell him anything coherently. Texting his father he gave him the short version and took Sildie to the ER after giving Leon his statement and patiently waiting for Sildie to make hers, the blow to her jaw making her brain function slower than normal.

A few hours later they made it home, Stellan and the kids playing Lego Harry Potter in the living room, the smell of pizza making her stomach growl. They were both exhausted.

“I’m fine. Sore jaw and a mild concussion, but I’m fine.” Sildie said as Brendan tackled her in a bear hug, she missed the look between Stellan and Gustaf, missed the concern from the older Skarsgard. “Thank you for taking care of your siblings.” She kissed his head and sighed, relief washed over her that the kids were safe. “Thank you for helping me protect them.”

“Love you mum.” Brendan mumbled as he gripped her tightly.

“I love you too B.” She released him and dropped to her knees and hugged the twins. “I’m sorry I got snappy with you both, I needed to get you somewhere safe.”

“He was scary.” Finn said softly.

“Yes he was. And he’s dangerous love.” She held them both and breathed a sigh of relief, home, safe.

“Sorry I fought you.” Liam mumbled and Sildie hooked a finger under his chin so he’d look at her.

“I’m sorry I didn’t have more time to explain why I pulled you back so harshly. I didn’t want him getting his hands on you.” Liam nodded at her words.

“Love you mum.” He said hugging her hard.

“Love you too. Go play.” She smiled.

Stellan left them to it, Gustaf reassuring his father that they would be fine and he’d call if necessary. Shutting the door he engaged the top lock and saw Sildie wander to sit in her office, writing everything down before she forgot. Concussion or not he left her to it, let her settle, they would talk before the night was done, he had to let his own emotional state calm down before that conversation. He got the kids situated with games and ice cream and went to close himself in his own office to make some calls.

“She’s ok.” He breathed quietly as he passed her office door, Sildie talking to Elsa as she cuddled a half asleep Lily in her lap.

He called Leon for an update and passed along his lawyers information. The next call he made was to building security and the security firm he’d hired to shadow Sildie and the kids. He would see to it that they were protected from Elias and Dana’s family.

“That’s some family you have Dana.” He muttered as he waited for Terry to pick up.

“Mr. Skarsgard. How can we assist you tonight?” Terry’s formal greeting always made Gustaf smile.

“I have another job for you. Just add it to my ever increasing invoice.” He said bluntly.

“What happened?” Jerry’s tone suddenly serious.

Gustaf ran through the altercation with Elias, answering questions as Terry threw them at him.

“If Elias makes bail we can shadow him. We’ll add a shadow to the family members, if Sildie has pictures it’ll make it easier.”

“I’ll see what I can do, but I’d rather not toss that in her face right now.” Gustaf said quietly, not really wanting to have that conversation with her either.

“I can get the addresses from the restraining orders and we’ll take a look We can up security rotation of your building to cover it 24/7 even when you’re home, and when the kids go back to school and Sildie goes back to work we can discreetly cover all areas.”

“Good.” Gustaf tried keeping the shake of fear and rage out of his voice but his emotions were on thin ice.

“We’ll keep her and the kids safe Gustaf.” Terry said gently, as if reading Gustaf’s mind.

“He can’t get near them again, there was real fear in her eyes Terry. If I hadn’t...” His voice choked. “I never want to see that fear in her again. I don’t want to think about what he would have done to her if I hadn’t got there.”

“He won’t get near her again.” Gustaf could hear the edge to Terry’s voice. “I can’t promise that he won’t try, but I’ll make damn sure your family’s safe.”

“Any word on Ana?” He asked wanting to change the subject to get his emotions in check.

“Nothing, or at least not near your building since the other night. I have a team at the hospital to cover Sam and your mum, the rest of your family too.”

“Thanks.” He blew out the breath he was holding, the anxiety getting to a point it would consume him soon. “What a fucking mess.”

“It is, but we’ll do what we can.”

“Send me the invoice, and if you could keep an eye on the place while we’re at the cabin I’d appreciate it. Valter is crashing here while we’re gone just in case.”

“Will do. Go get some rest and we’ll take care of it. I’ll send you weekly reports to your email unless we hear something urgent and then I’ll phone.”

“Thanks Terry.”

“Anytime.”

Gustaf relaxed back in his chair and rested his head back to look at the ceiling. “What a fucking shit show.” He muttered as his phone chimed. The next few hours were eaten up by the lawyers. He had a new appreciation for how hard Sildie worked, the paperwork alone was insane.

As his lawyer had explained, the fact Sildie already had restraining orders was one thing, but now that they had another physical altercation on record it added more weight to their case.

“What were the other physical altercations? This has happened before?” He asked his attorney. It wasn’t something he really wanted to ask Sildie about but he needed to know a little more.

“With Dana and the eldest boy, Brendan.” Claire said. “At least that what’s on file.”

“He hit Brendan?” Gustaf felt something ugly inside him wake up and pay attention.

“The child was five at the time.” She started reading the report in front of her. “Elias confronted him out the front of their home while he was playing. Quinn intervened and knocked him out cold. Brendan had bruises and a broken clavicle where Elias had pinned him down before he beat the kid bloody. It wasn’t long after that incident when Dana and Quinn moved away and bought their new house and set the restraining orders firmly in place.”

“Had I known this Elias wouldn’t have drawn another breath today.” He seethed, no he would have gone fucking nuclear had he known. No wonder the kid was terrified of the guy.

“Probably a good thing you didn’t know then. I like you Gustaf, I don’t want to have to find a defense or criminal lawyer for you.” Claire said honestly.

“Probably. He won’t be as lucky next time he decides to come for my kids.” They we’re his kids, just as Sildie had said enough times now. They were his kids as much as hers.

“Just don’t go looking for it. He’ll do time Gustaf. There’s enough here to put him away for ten to fifteen even if he sings once they nail the connection between him and Ana.” She warned. “They’ll cut him a deal for the involvement with her, but the rest, the altercation tonight, that’ll stick.”

“Just make sure it sticks. If it doesn’t and he walks, I want to know.” His voice quavered as his emotions threatened to overwhelm him. “Does he have grounds to go after me for tonight?”

“He could try, but claiming defense is your best course of action. You were protecting Sildie, your home. Keep to that, nothing else.”

“What I said to him is recorded.” He chewed on his lip, thoughts racing.

“We’ll deal with that if it comes to it. I’ll watch the feeds and let you know how it could go if he comes for you.”

“Thank you.”

“Get some rest, take care of your family. I’ll keep you apprised.”

“Will do, thanks Claire.” Gustaf hung up and blew out a shaky breath.

His thoughts went to Brendan as he sat there staring into space, not able to really comprehend what Claire had told him. “Sounds like you’ve got a good right hook Quinn.” He huffed a chuckle as he sighed out the breath caught in his throat. “I’m sorry I didn’t get to her fast enough.” And that thought burned him. He hadn’t been quick enough to stop the first blow landing. “Ok, I need to deal with this.” He said suddenly, the emotions and thoughts becoming way too loud for him to stay in control of it all. It needed out.

He felt the fury and anxiety bubble up, prickle his skin as he walked to his workout room to pound on the bag, it wasn’t going to be pretty. Closing the door he slipped into his shorts and donned the gloves. Bringing every image, every emotion, every ounce of anger and rage back to the surface, he unleashed. Fists and knees connected in a violent dance as he envisioned what he would do to Elias if he ever showed his face here again. What he’d done to Brendan, to Dana, to Sildie. He’d not felt this ugly form of anger in years, hated how it made him feel, the temptation of keeping it on the surface and rolling with it. He was better than that. Rage fueled his workout, he used it to channel his energy into a release that was violent by nature, but in the long run hadn’t harmed anyone, just a bag filled with sand. After an hour and a half he slowed to a stop and watched the bag swing as his chest heaved. Silently he tapped the bag, deciding if he needed to go again or if it was done for the moment. Reaching inside himself he found the firestorm banked. Removing the gloves he sat for meditation, the deep breaths helping to calm the rage still simmering. “That will not help now.” He said quietly. “The need for that emotion has passed. Let it go.” Calm steadying breaths leveled his system and after nearly three hours in his room he came out to Brendan getting the twins in the bath, Sildie still in her office.

“Has she come out of there?” He asked the teen.

“For a bit to put Lily to bed and check on us.” Brendan said softly. “She said to leave you alone.”

“Thanks B. You ok?” He asked tentatively. He wouldn’t ask the kid outright about what he just found out but he needed to be sure Brendan felt safe.

“I’m ok. Scared me a bit when I heard him at the door.” Brendan shrugged, but Gustaf wasn’t fooled. The fear in his eyes gave it away, the kid remembered all too well what uncle Elias was capable of.

“No doubt. He’s locked up now though and we’re all home safe.” Brendan nodded as Gustaf spoke. “He can’t get to you guys in here ok?”

Brendan nodded. “I know. You keep us safe.”

“I’m trying.”

“I’m sorry I shouted at you before.” The kid blurted out quietly. “When you opened grandpa’s door.”

Gustaf pulled him into a sweaty hug. “B, never apologize for getting my ass moving when it’s important kid.” He said choking up. “Never.”

“Mum was pissed. She was scared but you know that angry quiet voice she gets? It was that, but worse.”

“Oh, I know it.” Gustaf chuckled. “Every woman has it.”

“I just wished I got upstairs sooner.” The teen said slightly bummed.

“Me too.” He let him go, and watched as he headed for his room. “Brendan?”

“Yeah?”

“You did good kid.”

“So did you.” He grinned.

“And thanks, for taking care of your brothers and Lily.”

Brendan simply shrugged as if it was no big deal. “We’re a family.”

“You’d be proud of him Quinn.” Gustaf muttered as he watched Brendan go. “I sure as shit am.”

@hausofobsession @ill-skillsgard @grandpa-sweaters @authentic90skidd @tuckersgirl @fairlyfallacy @flowers-in-your-hayr @raewritesfiction @stinkerbelle007 @kamie-b @mrsaugustwalker @skrsgardspam @loliwrites @trippedmetaldetector @lihikainanea @fay-walden @nandadb

#gustaf skarsgard #shattered lives #gustaf skarsgard fanfic

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nukyster-blog · 3 years

Text

Changing course Chapter 24) Safe Keepers

.-.-.

Piglet had taken Ivar’s demands to heart and had the decency to portray herself as a cheerful companion. The ten years of being a slave taught her to mold herself into the perfect image, to whoever had a claim at her.

Ivar didn’t buy her overcompensation for a bit and refused to eat anything he hadn’t seen her previously take a bite from herself. Piglet, the queen mother of spoiling meals.

But Ivar would rather have this actress clinging to his lips and dancing to his needs then have Piglet relapse into that impossible state of smolder and angry eyes.

Piglet talked more, too, which meant she spoke over four words. She kept her talks to basic chit-chat; about her labour, about the animals. The cold, the kitchen bitches. But it was nice to hear someone speak in his mother tongue while playing a game.

“Have you seen the fair maiden?”, Ivar asked bluntly while it was Piglet’s turn to throw the knucklebones.

Piglet’s dull stare and raised eyebrow told him enough; she was playing dumb again. Ivar pulled the golden necklaces from his pocket and let the cross spin in front of Piglet’s face.

“The fair maiden who gave me this,” Ivar continued, “have you seen her recently?”

Piglet was clearly not amused that he brought up his “quote-unquote” mistake. It showed in her bearing, although she tried her best to maintain a blank face.

“No”, was her simple and short answer and she threw the knucklebones on the floor. “Your turn.”

Ivar wasn’t willing to settle with such a useless answer and swiped the bones away.

“Speak the truth Piglet,” he warned her.

“I am,” Piglet stated, annoyed. “Play Ivar,” she pushed and nudged her head to his balled fist.

‘And we’re back at four words’, Ivar thought to himself, rolling his eyes as he tossed the knucklebones in the sand. In a flash he counted the pieces and smirked.

“I win”, he stated and Piglet huffed, “you lose, Piglet.”

Recollecting the bones Ivar dared to ask Piglet a very direct question: “Have you ever been in love?”

Piglet smiled, but it wasn’t her bright smile that showed her perfect teeth and crinkled her cheeks into dimples. This was a condescending smile.

“I hate men, Ivar.” She testified and pretended that his question did not take her off guard. His words turned her jittery, made her fingers wrinkle and unwrinkle the tattered fabric of her skirt.

Ivar noticed: “But yet here you are, playing games with me. I’m a man.”

Piglet seemed appalled by his statement and made a face as if he’d forced her to eat a slug. “Maksura,” she nodded to his legs and then eyed up at his crotch, “you’re broken, you don’t count as men.”

This was a very nasty blow below the belt and Ivar’s jaws tightened. She was pushing all the right buttons to make him stop speaking to her, questioning her. Digging into her personal realm of secrets and mystique. Her spiteful words were the only defence mechanism she had against him.

So, after managing a clear face, Ivar calmly continued his interrogation: “aside from my handicaps, I’m still the thing you despise. Yet you’ve cared for me from the start. Before Ludolf returned home. You didn’t have to do that, yet you did and remained doing, even after I treated you like dirt. Why?”

Piglet stared him dead in the eyes for a while before crossing her legs in her lap and straightening her back.

“You have a Djinn inside of you, spirit,” she spoke toneless, “it’s right behind your eyes and it comes out in anger. Djinn will protect you, but feeds on you. You’re cursed Ivar.”

Ivar felt the tiny hairs on the back of his neck spike up by her confession and took a moment to let her words sink in. Her confession made sense; it verified the feelings of always being different. A fraud, a changeling. Maybe his brother’s spiteful accusations held a sense of truth.

“Two peas in a pod,” Piglet locked eyes, “I have Djin too. It never comes out, hides. Protects me from inside, keeps men away.” She let her eyes roll back and made a spastic neck motion, “My curse, my safe keeper.”

Although Ivar still had one more question to ask as a rule of their three-question-game, he quietly picked up the knucklebones. Throwing them into the sand he wished he’d asked a different question.

.-.-.

Piglet’s revelation left Ivar conflicted and troubled. He wished he could simply scoff at her words and label her mad for speaking such foolishness. But the longer he thought about what she explained to him last night, the more sense it made.

Everything.

His lack of empathy, this unearthly feeling of being dead inside. Maybe that was hitting the nail on the head; death, maybe the Djinn was the cause of his explosive nature, his unhealthy satisfaction of seeing other people’s suffering. Maybe there was a thing inside of him that feasted on his heart, soul, of all his emotions.

He’d always been an outcast, not just physically. He did not think like other men. He was different, ruthless and cruel.

But then, how could Piglet be a kindred spirit? Her empathy was overwhelming and much stronger than her hatred towards the Christians. She loved her animals and had a nurturing soul.

They were as different as day and night, inside and out. A dualism, an opposition of each other. Ivar’s rage had always been external and explosive. His relentlessness to survive had proven itself more powerful than the Christian’s death penalty.

Piglet’s force was that of the imploding kind, shaking her to the core and forcing everyone around her to take a few steps back.

They were as different as fire and ice, yet their paths had been intertwined. Maybe long before they physically met. For Piglet had been his savior from day one and the first woman he’d felt generally concerned for, aside from his mother.

It’s right behind your eyes, oh how Ivar wished he’d been able to have a glance at his own reflection. He realised he hadn’t been able to take a good look at himself for a very long time. And maybe that was a good thing, because he hadn’t had a proper bath or shave ever since King Egbert’s broken promise. His short hair had grown till the tips of his shoulders, all tangled up and impossible to put a brush through, if he had that luxury. He’d never had a lot of facial hair, but now a scraggly beard had climbed his face like last year's ragged vines after a severe winter.

Ivar feared that he would not recognize his own reflection and, after Piglet’s revelation, maybe not even his own bright blue eyes.

What if he’d see something behind his eyes, what if he’d witness something unearthly staring back at him?

‘Two peas in a pod, two peas in a pod, Ivar spent his day with gloom, staring across the box while his mental state deteriorated.

“I’m going mad Piglet”, Ivar confessed when the slave girl placed his meal near his feet.

Piglet hummed aloof and started eating. She was forced to be decent to him, but that didn’t mean Ivar could count on her sympathy.

Which annoyed him dearly, but exploiting her to shed a tear and hold his hand would make him feel feeble and weak.

Ivar decided to take another turn and started talking, just for the mere sound of his mother’s tongue. He spoke of how he was Viking, a fearless, seafaring raider. He left out the part where he threw up the entire content of his stomach due to seasickness and the time he nearly pissed his pants during the storm.

Piglet didn’t buy his grandiloquence bluff but listened to him without any interruptions. Of course, she did not believe the crippled slave of de Haar was being honest. Ivar was aware he didn’t resemble the imposing berserker he was portraying himself to be.

“I once slaughtered a Christian, you know?” Ivar revealed when Piglet rolled her eyes and scoffed at his speech.

“When I was a mere ten winters young,” he continued watching how Piglet stilled and sat back down, “I ripped him apart and used his bones for my tafl game. Maybe once I’m done with the Giant we can use his for our three-question-game, eh?”

His grotesque statement made Piglet shudder and bite her lip, but then she eyed the chains that kept him locked inside the shed.

“Caged Ivar,” she told him firmly and almost taunting, “crackbrained.” She added with a smile creeping up her face.

Ivar shot forwards, howling when he felt the cuts on his back stretch and was abruptly stopped a few inches in front of Piglet’s face.

“I will burn this castle down until there's nothing more than ashes,” he hissed, bearing his teeth. If he wanted, he could grasp Piglet, send her back to the ground and overpower her for daring to look at him so boorish. For a moment his hand twitched, but turned into a fist and slammed itself down into the sand.

“Ivar the martyr, Ivar the bloody,” Piglet belittled, “Ivar full of shit. Ivar slave. Ivar dog with muzzle.” She barked as she flinched back to avoid his fist smashing her nose.

“And what does that make of you then, huh Piglet?”, Ivar shouted. “You’re just a mediocre, foul bitch, with despoiled skin and seizures.”

“Still bitch without a leash,” Piglet informed him, mockingly. Her laughter echoed through the shed as she jumped the border of his box to avoid being hit in the face with Ivar’s bowl.

.-.-.

A/N: Well that was almost half a chapter of them not getting into each other’s hair. So close. So the Djinn, I came up with this possibility a while back when I wondered where Piglet’s reselicance to keep Ivar alive comes from. She needed more than just a caring nature. Pity didn’t seem right, so I wanted to give her something inside of Ivar she’d recognize within herself. She’s an outcast, not just for her skin. She has a handicap too. What I liked in Vikings is how Ragnar explained to Ivar that his crippled legs were his strength. I still feel strongly that Ragnar only said this to coach Ivar into taking revenge. But still, a very strong message. So, basically we have two cursed outcasts versus a castle. I always love the underdogs.

Xoxoxo Nukyster

The kickass beta: @sarahh-jane

The tagged ones:@youbloodymadgenius @xbellaxcarolinax @saldelys @shannygoatgruff@pieces-by-me@apenas-mais-uma-pessoa@readsalot73@lauraan182 @conaionaru@sarahh-jane@peachybonelessIf you’d liked to be tagged, please let me know:)

#Ivar te boneless fanfic #ivar ragnarsson #ivar the boneless #vikings #vikings fandom #vikings fanfic #alex hogh andersen #ivar the dog

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athedemonsqueen · 4 years

Text

The King and Queen Of Kattegat (Vikings)

Season 2

Chapter four

Ivar’s P.O.V

I did not cave and tell Headmund about Hvitserk killing Lagertha. Although I could feel myself breaking each day. Headmund came in with some bread and herring for me. It is hardly a meal. I did not hesitate to take from him and began to shove it down my throat. Headmund sits by me, exhausted I suppose from interrogating me.

“She has moved on with Hvitserk, Ivar,” Headmund said.

I ignored him as I continued to eat. Just the other day, he brought a woman to me in chains claiming she was Yrsa. She was the splitting image of her, but then I remembered she has a large tattoo on her thigh of a bleeding flower. This woman did not have that.

I chuckled in relief, “That is not, my Yrsa.” Headmund did not like I fell for the trick and I was beaten that night. Now, I wish I did go along with his trick, I would’ve laughed with myself.

Headmund suddenly takes the food I was eating and throws it on the other side. He knows I can’t even crawl over there to get it.

“Look at you, King of Kattegat and you’re groveling for food,” Headmund said. I got on my arms and slowly pulled myself over to the food. I only made it halfway before falling to the floor. I cried in my language,

“I can’t do it, Father.”

“Father?” Headmund questioned. He crawled over to me and lifted me up by my chin.

“You mean Odin?”

“No, my Father,” I said, breathlessly. “Ragnar Lothbrok.”

“Huh.”

“I feel bad for you, Ivar Lothbrok, everyone you thought ever loved you has abandoned you. Your mother and father are dead, those who you rely the most. Your brothers have deserted you, and your wife has moved on from you.” Headmund got up and went over to the window.

“Then just kill me then, I have nothing worth living for,” I said, laying my head down on the ground.

Headmund came back over to me, “Not until you tell me where Yrsa is and who killed Lagertha.” I could tell he was growing impatient, normally that means he's ready to leave.

I laughed weakly, “You’ll never find Yrsa, she is way too clever for you.” “As for Lagertha, at this point that day is a blur to me.”

Headmund grunted as he stepped on my bread and kicked the herring into the dark. My heart ached as I put my head down. Before Headmund left, he turned to me and said,

“I do feel bad for you, Ivar Lothbrok, your father should’ve left you to the wolves!” When he left, I finally let my guard down, and cried.

I looked over to the small window and managed to crawl over to it. I needed some fresh air. My mother would always bring me outside and away from the drafty Great Hall. I could hear the chatter of the men over the bars that hold me. I looked up at the sky and noticed a full moon, a dark blue sky, and bright stars.

I forgot about my situation and eased myself against the wall. I forgot about my pain and I felt nothing but complete peacefulness and hope. I felt a presence with me that is not of this world, and I gladly accepted the company with open arms. I sighed, leaning further against the wall.

My mind for once, did not focus on the pain, and instead traveled back to one slither peaceful time in my life. I was a little boy, and it was Ubbe, Sigurd, and Hvitserk. They were playing near the lake, naturally I could not swim, I just sat near the edge where the water just touches my toes. Suddenly, the ball went into my face, knocking me down.

I heard my brothers laughing as if they were meant to throw the ball at me. I just laid on the floor having tears roll down my face. This is my childhood. Even my own family did not love me.

“Boneless, get up,” Young Hvitserk said. My eyes glanced over to him as he stood over me. I reached my hand out and he pulled me up.

Hvitserk then went behind me and sat down, putting his legs out in front, and wrapped his arms around my waist. He is holding me up with his body. I turned to him curiously,

“I have you, Ivar,” Hvitserk said. I smiled, leaning over as I dug my nails into the sand. From then on, I knew I could always count on Hvitserk.

A couple of years went by, Hvitserk was ten, and I was nine. My wagon broke down and I could not fix it. Hvitserk managed to scrape some nails and fixed the wheel. The day of Yol, Hvitserk surprised me with an upgraded version of my wagon. It was big enough to fit me in it. My heart was filled with happiness and for once, I felt loved. As my gratitude to my brother, I settled a horse on the wagon and we took a ride in it together.

That night I crawled into Hvitserk’s bed with him. He caught a cold from being out in the snow. I sprinkled some magic water on his face that the dwarfs have given me. I laid my head on his shoulder and whispered,

“The dwarfs gave me this to make me walk, but my brother is more important to me than my own legs.” Hvitserk and I always had our differences, but in the end, we would always run back to each other.

As my mind came back to me, I then realized how much I loved my brother. “My Dear, Hvitserk…” I weeped.

“Please know how hard I’m trying to protect you…” I whispered. I clutched my chest and felt a twinge in it. It is painful, but manageable.

My heart. My Yrsa. My beautiful wife. I’m so sorry if my absence has caused you any pain or sorrow. Don’t cry for me. I did this to us, Ivar the Ruthless. My only request is that you protect my brother and Hvitserk you protect her too. You need each other right now. Please do so. My Yrsa, I will see you in Valhalla one day.

As I closed my eyes, I could feel her lips touch mine. I could feel her warmth and I could feel her. I can see her eyes, I can see her spirit. I can see her dancing against the fire. Her smile is bright, and her heart is light. I then saw Hvitsek caressing her, her having his child, and he is King. I pierced my lips together in agony. My sadden tears are angry now.

I was too tired to be angry. I could only weep for myself and my family that was waiting for me. I looked up in the moon and put my hands around it,

“AllFather…” I cried. “Why have you abandoned me? Why do you not hear my cries?”

“I want to go home.” I don’t care which home. I just want to go home where I’m welcomed.

My fatigue got the best of me and I fell asleep during mid prayer. I suddenly got kicked and I was startled awake. I was somewhere back in Wessex. The lush green forest was damp and hot. I looked up to see my father- Ragnar alive again! Although, he is young and healthy this time. He almost looks like Ubbe.

“Father!” I cried, hugging him. He chuckled, wrapping his arms around me.

“My son…” He said. I looked up at him with tears in my eyes.

“Odin has answered me, I’m in Valhalla.”

“No, son, you are not in Valhalla,” Ragnar whispered. I did not understand at all.

“There is no need to worry,” he said, putting my legs in his lap. “I’m here now.”

I smiled, feeling contempt in my father’s arms. “Ivar, you must return home now.”

“How?” “My legs-” I said, looking down.

“Do you not remember what I’ve told you about your legs?” “They are not your weakness, they are your strength.”I tried to smile against my tears. My father grunted as he wiped them away from my face.

He pulled me closer to him, “YOu are my son! You are Ivar the Boneless! You are ruthless!” He said. “This is not where your journey ends!” It was tough love which I desperately needed. He then kissed my cheek and looked in my eyes.

“Now go home to that pretty girl.”

I woke up with the warm sun in my eyes and the heat comforting me. The sound of chaos broke out startling me wide awake. I kept myself well hidden as battle cries covered the entire camp. A knife was suddenly tossed into my cell. I don’t think purposely, though. I picked it up and held it close to me.

Now go home to that pretty girl.

I began to breathe heavily out of excitement and fear. I have a new profound hope of getting out of here. I’m not sure how I will with no clothes and an empty belly, however. The thought of Yrsa waiting for me weighed heavily on my mind. I then thought of Kattegat and how it needs its King. I then thought of Hvitserk, my poor brother relapsing on mushrooms and causing harm to himself. Yrsa must have her hands full every which way.

“I’m coming home,” I said, glaring down with the knife tightly in my hands.

@youbloodymadgenius

#ivartheboneless #hvitserk lothbrok #fanfiction #lovestory #blood #thesonsofragnar #ivarlothbrok #history #ifihadaheart #illseewhattomorrowbrings #raiding #kattegat

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groggycascade · 5 years

Text

Ballbusters Anonymous, Pt. I

This is the beginning of a promising story by squishednuts that was never completed. Pt. I is the original author’s work, Pt. II is my continuation. I may take a swing at Pt. III, but if anybody else wants to do so please be my guest.

“One, we admitted we were powerless over ballbusting and that our lives had become unmanageable. Two, came to believe that a pow-”

The droning reading of the steps did little to rouse her from her crazed stupor. She’d been a few days clean, her cells on fire to deliver a kick or elbow to some poor sap’s balls. Holding it all in was unnatural. That was part of the program, about how natural ballbusting is, which makes it one of the hardest things to quit.

“Hi I'm here for th-” the man set in with a sparkly lisp, after peaking his head in through the slightly opened door. Forty sets of lustful hungry eyes bore holes in the seat of his pants, as if by their combined internal wills, he'd telekinetically hover to the center of the room and offer his balls up for sacrifice to their group need.

One of the old timers gave him directions to the gay ballbusters anonymous meeting at the community center across the street.

How do they manage discussing ballbusting in a room full of balls? She wondered, trying to put a lid on her fantasies of rushing the guy outside for a quick knee before leaving these inane meetings once and for all.

“Are there any newcomers in their first thirty days of sobriety who’d care to introduce themselves? This is not meant to embarrass you, but just so that we can get to know you better.”

She raised her almost shaky hand halfway, dropping it quickly.

Eyes fell on her and a silence hovered about the room.“You're supposed to introduce yourself now.” A woman whispered, a few seats beside her.

“Oh, I’m Zoe, Ballbusterholic, and I have three days, I think.”“Hi Zoe” the women replied in eerie sync.

“Tonight's chairperson is Tiffany! And with that, I hand the meeting over to you.” The secretary of the meeting said, relaxing into her chair.

Tiffany wore a soft blue business suit, which despite its flat geometry did little to hide her huge watermelon bust.

“Hi I'm Tiffany, and I'm a ballbusting bitch!” she flashed a sharky smile.

The group laughed as she broke protocol by not addressing herself as a Ballbusterholic.

“Hi Tiffany” they offered in sync.

“Before I start I just wanted to say I almost relapsed today.”The room grew silent and serious.

“I have this employee, he's new and young, and I asked him to do something for me and he did everything so wrong I felt like he was just trying to spite me. He stood in my office smuglike despite his offense, and it took everything I had to not pull his balls out of his trousers and staple them to my desk right there” she stared into the floor, through the floor, into memory. Her face frozen in a grimace. “Thank you for bearing this with me, it helps to admit it, I know you all can relate.” She began to breathe again, getting back into the rhythm of the group.

Zoe crossed her legs tightly, dizzy with the thought of stapling a young man’s balls to a desk, she clenched her teeth and tried not to get wet.

Tiffany continued, “My story starts when I was a little girl playing with my brother. I saw these dangly things in his underwear and grabbed them trying to pull them away, 'Mine now!’ I screamed at him, thinking he had an extra toy. He curled up and screamed and cried, begging me to stop. I think this next part is where it shows how I was always different, just born this way. But instead of letting go, I squeezed those things harder… I liked how it made me feel to see him like that. To make him like that. Not long after my mom rushed in and I feigned innocence and she taught me all about boys private parts and why not to hurt them, unless you're in danger.”

Zoe was blind with lust and unusually vivid visualizations of the begging crying boy. Her eyes were closed and her brow furrowed.

“For the next few years I was a ballbusting devil. All my mother taught me was: don't get caught.” She gave a toothy grin as her audience smiled and giggled in mutual understanding.

“You know, I'm ashamed to admit it, but I'm honestly shocked my brother’s testicles remained in tact. Any one of the stunts I pulled could've ruptured one or both of his testicles… I just thank God that never happened.”

A small sea of concerned brows sided with her, as Zoe saw through the charade, seeing how secretly delighted and powerful Tiffany felt, especially in implicitly competing with these other women for brutality to testicles.

“What's worse, and what I'm coming to grips with now, is the realization that I wanted to rupture his nuts. Not just one, no no no, none of this 'He can still have kids and have sex’ nonsense. I wanted both of them. Ruined. What kind of sister wants to castrate her own brother?!” She asked, incredulously with a self-deprecating air.

“When it came down to it, that's how I felt about most men my entire life. How, secretly behind each kick, knee, elbow, punch, and every kind of blunt instrument I used to convey testicular harm, was the intention to fully destroy each set of balls.” She relaxed into the table, her humongous breasts squished across it. Half the room shined green with envy.

“I succeeded three times...all in one night… and that's when I hit bottom. It was a typical alleyway mugging, whatever you're picturing, that's it. They weren't expecting my bear mace, and as they writhed on the ground. That's when I did it. I started kicking one over and over. All my rage translating into those kicks. You see, I'd been trying to white knuckle it for a while. I hadn't hurt any balls in months, I was being good. But we all know how when we relapse, we often go to the extreme end of things. It's just how the pendulum swings, as my sponsor says. Anyways, I was kicking him and it felt so good. I didn't want it to stop. I didn't call the police or call for help. I made the rationalization in my head that I just wanted to humiliate them, and that's why I started unbuckling their jeans tugging them down to their ankles. But we all know how our rationalizations work, everything is always so innocent. Once their balls are exposed I keep kicking the one guy, I mean, really kicking him, his balls are bleeding a little. I crouch down and grab them, they're so soft now, and I just squeeze as hard as I can. I watch the flesh conform in my grip as it splurts out besides my fingers. He passes out and I almost do too, it was such a rush! Feeling them squish to mush inbetween my fingers. I didn't even know his name but he's forever changed because of me. The other two muggers were still moaning from the-”

“Ahem!” Coughed the secretary, before interrupting Tiffany fully, “This is a meeting about recovery, sharing our strength and hope. Please hold off on the excessive details of ballbusting. Thank you.”

Zoe was delirious at this point.

“Nutting those three muggers is integral to my story though, I wouldn’t be here without them, but alright.” She turns to the main body of the meeting, “If any of you’d like to hear more just ask me after the meeting!” she chimed.

She continued her story of recovery, sparing the details on the one thing Zoe wanted to hear about.

“The topic of the meeting will be… our small victories. Not the kind we even tell other people, but the kind we acknowledge on our journey. One for me is I showed up tonight even though I was nervous and felt like dodging it. I try to get out of my own way, because coming here keeps me sane and it's where I need to be, Lord knows.”

“Is this a tag meeting?”Secretary whispers.“Oh ok. Then I'll tag.. Marissa!”

Marissa was a bronzed viking of a woman, tall, blonde, more than amply endowed by the way she filled her shirt.“Hi I'm Marissa and I too, am a ball busting bitch!” She grinned the same as Tiffany, though it seemed more feline than sharky.

“As most of you know, I'm a mother of three boys, which has its challenges for any mother, but for one of us.. Those challenges run a bit deeper. Just the other day Ralph broke an old item of furniture my mother left me after she passed, and it was only through the work I’ve done here, in this program, that allowed me to spare his balls. I just left the house, went for a walk. If this happened years ago, when I was younger, I wouldn’t have cared if he’s my son, he would’ve lost a nut from the battering I’d give him. And well, that’s one of my little victories. I didn’t explode, or make him explode” the room softly chuckled, “and that’s what this is about for me. Great topic by the way, I mean, it’s one day at a time, and everything in life worth accomplishing happens one small victory at a time. Anyways, I think I’ll call on.. Grace!” she finished, settling deeper into her seat. The next woman tagged was a pale skinned brunette with an upturned nose in her late 30s, her thin gray sweater did little to hide her braless torpedo breasts, “I think it's important to talk about what brought us here.” They jiggled as she spoke animatedly, “Even if it's uncomfortable for some of us to hear. Every meeting is different and every story is different, we shouldn't all try to tell the same story. What helps one of us doesn't help all of us. And castration is part of the story that brought me here too. I just don't see how admitting that I skewered my ex-husband’s testicles with a kebab stick,subtracts from any meeting. By the grace of his heart he never pressed charges, but everything had to have come together the way it did to bring me here, now. And I call on.. Ashley.” As she finished talking she folded her arms, squishing her sweatermeat out of her arms way.

Are all the busty women here castrators?! The gray sweatered woman had to have at least EEs when she reigned them into a bra, and Tiffany the speaker, had impossible breasts, probably JJs. Zoe wondered about the others as she glanced at the mass of breasts spread across the room. Apparently her own overfilled C cups were the smallest set in the room!

Lost in thought she hadn't realized Ashley had finished her short turn, and called on the newcomer, which was her.“Uhh.. okay.. I'm Zoe and I'm a ballbusterholic..”

“Hi Zoe!” they rang, again in unison.

“I'm not as advanced as a lot of you.. I mean the worst thing I did was kick this guy at the mall so hard he puked everywhere. While he was curled up though, I knelt down and grabbed his hands away from his balls and stomped on them a few times. I was so angry I didn't want to stop stomping him. I don't know who he was though or if I ruptured any. I guess it gives me a rush, knowing I might've caused him permanent damage. And that's why I'm here. It got to the point where I needed to do it everyday. I'd go loiter around public places waiting for certain guys to pass by, you know, the ones who you just know aren't gonna tell anybody about it or do anything.. I don't know how much I'm supposed to share. But even guys I liked, when I'm about to give them head.. I just bite their ba-” “And thank you so much for sharing!” the secretary interjected, a bit too late. As everyone knew what she was going to say.

“And that’s all the time we have for tonight! Great meeting girls! Let’s close with the Lord’s Prayer and I’ll see you all next week!”

That familiar chorus of murmuring enveloped the room as everyone began to stand, encircling the room. As Zoe joined hands with the women next to her, she wondered how much testicular destruction these feminine hands had wrought. She shuddered pleasantly at the thought. She just might enjoy going to these meetings after all. After the meeting, Zoe rushed over to the chairperson, Tiffany. "Oh hey, hi, um, great story! I was wondering if you could, you know, um, tell me the rest of the story? You know.. with you and those guys? In the alley?" Zoe spoke quickly and excitedly, hoping for the best.

#ballbusting story #castration story

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