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planets-and-prose · 4 years

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This one isn’t in sequence. I don’t know if this will make it into the final draft or where it will be. But I figured I had to post, since, well...

It’s really fucking gay.

TW for romance and discussion of sex. Oh, and it’s self-indulgent as hell for my poor lil ace alloromantic soul. So if that’s a problem, skip this one?

“Hey, Codell. Can I…say something?” Gil signed. His signs were very very slow, but they were getting better and better as he learned. Codell had taken to signing slowly so that Gil could keep up, and he felt incredibly at peace able to sign with someone who was…a little softer. Hikari was amazing, but they were the type of person who took a lot of energy to be around. Being with Hikari was like jogging, being with Gil was like taking a leisurely walk. There was room to breathe, it was gentle and soft and perfect in so many different ways.

“I won’t be able to hear it,” Codell joked. It took Gil a moment to process it, but when he did, he chuckled. However, he still looked a little bit nervous.

“Can we write? In your room?” It took Codell a minute to realize exactly what Gil was getting at, but once he did, he nodded and gestured for Gil to come with him. His heart felt as if it was about to beat out of his chest—what was he going to say? Why did it need to be in private? But he did his best to keep his composure; looks were something he could maintain, after all. Codell was used to shielding his emotions from others now. It had been an adjustment, but he’d learned to be harsh rather than open up. He’d put up barbed wire fences around him, and yet Gil just walked right through them like they were nothing. People like Hikari shouted to him from outside the fence, but Gil came up to the fence, sat against it, gently spoke to him from outside it and eased his way closer.

And now, Gil was inside, and Codell had no idea what to do about it.

When they finally got to Codell’s room, he let Gil in and then shut the door behind him with an inquiring look at Gil. Gil nodded, awkwardly standing until Codell sat on his bed and motioned for Gil to sit in. He could feel the bed dip to the side with Gil’s weight, something that Codell hadn’t really felt in years, and the way that Gil’s hip just barely grazed his before Gil scooted away…Gods, the sensation threatened to kill him right then and there. It took a moment without Gil doing anything for Codell to remember why he’d come, and get up and get a pencil and paper. Surely, he was blushing, but Gil thankfully didn’t say anything. He just took a breath and began to write with shaking hands.

“So, I…I haven’t looked in your mind. That’s, a really bad way to start this. But. I’ve not listened at all. Because…I know your privacy is really important, and…ugh. I should cross this out but. I wouldn’t really have much of a chance to do it if I was…speaking? Out loud? Anyway…I just…I like you. A lot. I have feelings for you. And I have been dying to see if you felt the same, but I thought it was…only right? To ask like this instead of looking? Sorry to put you in this position, I can leave if you want me to.” Gil couldn’t meet Codell’s gaze; he looked at his feet as Codell read. Which was for the best, given that, the minute that Codell read what Gil had written, he froze. He couldn’t tell if he lost all color or turned bright red.

Granted, he’d known that this was a possible future, but there were a LOT of possible futures, and frankly, he’d expected with everything that had already gone wrong, that no roads he’d taken would have led to this one. Codell knew that he was not charismatic or romantic or…really anything of the sort anymore. He was a gilded person—attractive on the outside, simply because he put a lot care into his appearance and not necessarily due to any natural assets, but with nothing real beneath.

And yet, Gil had seen what was beneath. He and Codell had long conversations about the things that might be beneath. Codell had shared more with Gil than he had with…anyone, really, since the contract. And Gil was still here.

Codell opted for brevity in his reply; Gil already looked like he wanted to disappear. “I have feelings for you as well.” It was a short sentence. Simple. But when Codell went to hand it to Gil, it seemed like everything in his body was stopping him. His heart was in his throat, he felt like he might even vomit. And he wasn’t even doing the difficult part! He knew Gil had feelings for him…yet it didn’t feel real.

Finally, in one, shaky movement, Codell shoved the note at Gil. Let it sit in his lap. He couldn’t bear to watch him read it. So it took him a bit by surprise when the paper slipped back onto his lap. This time, it only had five words.

“So…can I kiss you?”

Fuck.

THIS was exactly why romance was not going to go well. THIS was why Codell was convinced that it would stop before it even started. Because…he really did adore Gil, maybe even to the point of…love…but the thought of mashing their lips together, potentially with the exchange of tongues and saliva, was not anything that really appealed to him. He wanted to be close to Gil, yes, but the lip-on-lip contact was not something Codell had ever fantasized about. Kisses were supposed to be some incredible, dreamy thing that made the world stop spinning. Codell knew they wouldn’t be that for him. But maybe he was judging too quickly. Maybe he was just assuming, maybe it would be wonderful and he’d have just been worried about nothing.

“I’ve never kissed anyone before. So I won’t be any good. But yes.” The yes took a moment to write, and Codell’s usually elegant handwriting wavered. But Gil didn’t seem to care. He looked at the note, and the smile on his face, the perfect, wonderful smile, was worth whatever the hell this was about to be, and Codell knew it. So as Gil leaned in for the kiss, instead of being as nervous as he thought he might be, Codell felt a smile tugging at the corner of his cheeks as he let his eyes slip shut.

Their lips met.

That was really all that could be said for it, at least from the action itself. Their lips met. It was…awkward, and strange, and Codell didn’t really know what to do with his mouth. Gil pulled away, came right back, and Codell just wasn’t sure how to reciprocate. It was…strange, not necessarily something he’d ever crave again.

But the feeling of Gil’s body against his, Gil’s hands slipping into his, Gil’s quick breaths huffing against his skin, the closeness, was amazing. Codell would never crave the contact of lips, but the way that one of Gil’s hands slipped out of his hands and moved to rest on his hip, then his back, then to pull him closer…he’d be fantasizing about that for days, weeks, to come. And after a moment, he gained some courage and rested one of his hands on Gil’s hip as well. The kiss only lasted a few moments. The lip contact itself felt like it took far longer, but…the feeling of closeness was interrupted far, far too soon.

“Okay?” Gil signed. Codell nodded, reaching for the pad and paper. It would be better to tell Gil right now about his sexuality. Granted, it might not have to come up SOON, but if Gil wanted to do more than making out, anything of the sort, and if this was going to lead to sex…well, Codell would rather just have a taste of something and have it taken away rather than end up living a lie.

“It was amazing. But I figure I should tell you. I don’t…experience sexual attraction. I loved being close to you and holding you but I thought I should let you know that I don’t have much desire for sex, if any. Just. So that we didn’t start something and end up disappointing you.” He took a deep breath and passed the note to Gil. And…surprisingly, when Gil saw the note, he…chuckled? Started…laughing?

“Sorry, sorry,” he signed. “I…one minute.” He scribbled out a reply and passed it to Codell. “This is amazing, I was…terrified you’d want to have sex right away. Because, well, I suppose I should be honest too. I was…born in a “female” body? I still have breasts and…I don’t have the parts you might think I have? I was afraid you’d find out at the wrong time, and that it would put you off when it came to sex, but if you aren’t into sex, then I don’t need to worry about that. As long as you’re alright with it?”

Codell read the reply, and immediately felt himself grinning so much that his cheeks hurt. He nodded. “I’m fine with that,” he signed. A lot of things made sense—the strange futures where a woman called Gil “Gillian” and made him upset, futures where Gil underwent some sort of surgery or spell. He had suspected, but hadn’t looked much into it, since it didn’t really matter. He cared about Gil as a person, not as a gender, and that wouldn’t change.

“Really?” Gil signed back. He was grinning radiantly, and if Codell had thought that his previous smiles were amazing, this one was almost like looking into the sun. As he saw that smile, Codell could feel himself melting inside, overwhelmed by love for this amazing man right in front of him. It was handsome, adorable, perfect…there were no words to describe just how wonderful seeing that perfect smile was in that moment. “I thought that I’d never find someone who was alright with my body. I was afraid you’d be angry.”

Codell shook his head vehemently, motioning for the pad. Gil gave it over to him, and within a moment, Codell passed it back with a scrawled note. “Of course not! I mean, I was afraid you wouldn’t like me if I didn’t want to have sex. But…I like you for much more than your body. I didn’t develop interest for you because I wanted your body. I…I care about you, Gil.”

As Gil read, tears even started to well in the corner of his eyes. “Are you okay?” Codell signed. Gil just nodded and scooted next to Codell, resting his head on Codell’s shoulder. Codell moved a tentative arm around Gil’s body, and quickly signed “Okay?” with his free hand. Gil nodded into his neck, and pressed a gentle kiss to Codell’s cheek. Now that kiss…it was a gesture that Codell could thoroughly enjoy. It made him feel so thoroughly loved, so wonderful…he could have a million more of those and never have enough.

It was perfect. Just what had been fantasizing about. Hopefully he wouldn’t find a way to ruin it.

But half the things he’d been worried about, he’d confessed. And it hadn’t been ruined yet. Maybe, just maybe, there was some sort of hope.

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planets-and-prose · 4 years

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Happy Storyteller Saturday! Tell us about a moment your WIP made you smile :)

HI I’M GOING TO THROW SOME QUOTES IN HERE BECAUSE THIS IS MAKING ME SO HAPPY TO ANSWER. Sorry this ask is gonna get long lol

First we have trans-ace mlm love and communication and understanding and my h e a r t (basically. ace boi is afraid that his lack of interest in sex is a dealbreaker. transboi is afraid that his lack of transition is a dealbreaker. they communicate and it’s cute):

Second: smartass hypersexual/asexual banter (bc they are really best friends even if neither of them will SAY it)

“Was she attractive?”

“I don’t know, I can’t judge that in the way that you want me to? She was average height I think? Maybe a bit taller. She had dark skin and dark hair?” Hikari let out a long-suffering sigh.

“You’re of absolutely no help,” they muttered as they signed.

“By design,” Codell smirked.

“Fine, be that way.”

“I didn’t need an invitation.”

Third–platonic soulmates!! (and a dash of disaster gay)

“Okay. Let me know if you’re gonna fall over or some shit. You don’t look like you weigh anything, I’ll carry you if I’ve gotta.” I’ll carry you. The phrase threatened to make Rose melt into goo, thinking of feeling Amber’s muscles as she lifted her up, feeling Amber’s heartbeat between her breasts…

“No! I mean! I’m alright, thank you!” Rose squeaked out, wincing at how audibly her voice cracked. Though he didn’t say anything, she could feel Niko giving her a Look, judging her silently for being such a disaster. And she didn’t even have information about anyone he was pining over as collateral. Damn. “Here, let’s get going.” Everyone started walking, and thankfully, Rose’s steps slowly started to be more stable. However, Niko still stuck close to her, within easy distance to catch her if she fell.

“Seriously, let us know if you need anything,” he told her softly.

“I will. This isn’t the first painful transformation I’ve had.” Rose looked at the road ahead of them, knowing that it would be so much longer even than this. “And with what we’re about to do…I have a feeling it won’t be my last.”

I also loved writing Serilee and Vandita’s sibling banter, and Seri’s fight for freedom over her curse, but I won’t make this ask longer. Thank you for asking, I loved finding these!!!

#sts #storyteller saturday #signature powers #sp #sp excerpt #sorta #listen these kids are a fave #i love them #thanks for asking!#raevenlywrites

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