no ones ever gonna understand how much i love daigo doin this stupid shit after dissolving the tojo

Hi this is a vent post! Continue scrolling if you'd rather not see that

I just need to get something off my chest about getting "complimented" for my body

I hate it. It makes me so uncomfortable when people tell me that they wish they had my body. But if I ever dare complain about it, people think I'm fishing for compliments when I'm definitely NOT. And I know my problems aren't nearly as bad as the ones on the other side, but it makes me feel so awful because I feel like I'm somehow reinforcing the mindset that fuels fatphobia. It just makes me so upset that people use me as an "example" like that!!!

"You're so lucky you’re skinny." Shut up. Shut up shut up shut up. I do not CARE about being skinny. I literally couldn’t care less about how thin or fat my body is. This just happens to be my body's resting position. I am a small person. I celebrate when I gain weight because my ADD meds surpress my appetite, and it was such a struggle to eat EVEN WHEN I WANTED FOOD BECAUSE I WAS HUNGRY. I literally always eat food when I'm hungry because why wouldn’t I??? Why would you deprive your body of something it is literally begging you for????? Why do people have to think that one body shape is superior and that that shape is worth the deprivation??????

"Why do you eat so much bread? That’s so many carbs." Do you even know what carbs are for. Also I eat bread because it tastes good. Nothing anyone says will ever get me to stop living on bread and rice. "But you'll get fat!" SO WHAT???? What is so wrong about being fat???? NOTHING! Stop trying to make me feel bad about what I eat for absolutely no reason. I literally couldn’t care less what you think about me. I am mad that you had to be a 'phobe about it.

But seriously. I did ballroom dance for more than a decade. Competively. Every single costume that my studio used had the dresses made to make the girls look skinny and busty with hips to spare. "You were blessed, unlike the rest of us," my coach once told while she unstitched the padding from my dress. The lady that measured us thought it would be funny to tell everyone that my waist was the same size as the biggest guy on the team's thigh. I overheard one of the moms comment on a girl, whispering to my mom to ask if the girl was pregnant. She proceeded to tell my mom, "It’s too bad my daughter doesn’t have a body like your daughter's."

And they wonder why nearly every girl on the team ended up with an eating disorder????

After I came out as ace, I had someone tell me that my body is "wasted on someone that's not going to use it." Oh, so my worth is now being equated to how "sexy" you think my body is???? Are you even hearing yourself??????

It's not fair that people keeping putting up this invisible divide between me and those with bodies that they for some reason don’t like. I literally love fat people, and there have been way too many times that I've been used specifically by a 'phobe to make fat people feel inferior. Leave me out of it!!! I don’t care about your stupid diet culture or whatever!!! Stop trying to use me in your sick and disgusting ways of shaming people that are literally perfect!!!!

Girl like. The reason he said "this is how it should be" and faced death with a smile....is cuz he wanted to die. For 2 years he sat there thinking he was worthless and deserved to die. If he hadn’t be shot, his death would’ve been suicide, he was fully planning to die in a gutter somewhere undetected. When saying "this is how it should be" hes literally saying "don’t cry because I’m dying, my death is a good thing actually because I fucking suck and you are better off without me". I don’t think that’s badass even slightly, it’s actually really sad and really shitty. Shinjiro is so convinced that he deserves to die and hates the idea of anyone giving a shit about him because he literally can’t wrap his mind around the idea that he will be missed when he’s gone, that his death is a bad thing actually. And his last words were meant to be comforting because he fully did not intend for anyone to be there when he died, he intended to die alone, so he says them as a reminder that he’s not worth crying over

Personally, if it were me, if I was holding my dying best friend in my arms who was deeply depressed and suicidal and he said "this is how it should be" uh. I wouldn’t admire him for it??? Like am I losing my mind when I say the way this game handles Shinji is bad or is anyone else seeing this too 😰

said it before i say it again. maybe it's less internalized misogyny and more "girls who look and act like this literally bullied me from kindergarten to 12th grade and beyond" so no i would rather not talk to girls who treat female beauty standards as the holy law

i immediately block r/196, refugees from twitter/x and reddit, and other platforms

Superhero movies are only good when theyre silly and for kids like thats the only time it feels heartfelt 😔

yknow what. sometimes. i don’t wanna have gender feels. sometimes. the gender feels are atrocious.

update: im gonna be on extended hiatus for a while!

hard thing about Being Me is i will write things that are So Good but i cannot show them to people because it will mentally destroy them

finished my normalcy phase returning to the horrors

also people yelling at americans to do something about our country as if i chose to be born here, as if everyone here actually gets a say in how things are run, as if our government doesn’t actively work to disenfranchise everyone who isn’t in a position of power. fuck off

tw discussion of school shootings in the tags

i’m pretty excited for today!! i haven’t had friends for a while and i got my new-ish (we met in january for the first time)friend a real gift that is more than a drawing. im getting her a book, chocolate and a cute pen. it’s so nice making a person you like happy even if i don’t get it myself

.

Vent