mumbles something about how we can neither prove nor disprove the existence of spiritual beings, but we, as humans, certainly don't know as much about them as we think we do, and to assume we can fully understand and communicate with them is foolish

questioning sexuality is so exhausting

I fucking hate my skin and hair it's extremely oily AND FLAKEY at the same time and it's pissing me off because it's making me insecure and we're too broke to buy the shampoo that actually works on my hair

god my current theatre classes at the local centre turned out to be kind of a bummer. I cannot back out now since I have a role but I'd really want to... fortunately in less than few months it should be done

some of u r really weird about mcr5 and dunes

GIVE IT UP FOR MEL RAMBLING NO.5! I feel... so deranged... Like I can fight god and have em listen to me ramble about my OCs deranged. Okay, I swear, I swear this will be the last post for the day about Mel.

It'll be a short one. Basically just wanna say that most doors in Mel's house aren't the circular turning down, but the one where you push down on, with a similar design to a toilet's flushing knob thingy. Why? Cuz at first, Mel only had 1 cat, and he lived at an apartment then. He wanted to teach Ace how to open doors and so he did.

Ace liked opening doors himself that when Mel got his own house, had most of the doorknobs replaced so Ace can easily open em. The only ones with a normal doorknob were the rooms to Mel's studio and office cuz he wouldn't want the cats to mess up the fabrics and he needs to work in peace for his job.

It was all fun and games where Ace was the only one that can open the doors to suddenly all 24 can, cuz they copied Ace. So there are moments where Mel forgets to lock the door and suddenly the doorknob's turning and then bam! Cats running inside.

He especially needs to keep the door to his bedroom locked, cuz Mel sleeps with all his hair piled to one side where it's mostly on the floor (it's why he keeps his bedroom exceptionally clean). Perks of also not moving much during sleep. But whenever he forgets to lock the door, the cats are now zooming inside, jumping on him or playing at his hair. He never gets much sleep then cuz getting em all to go back out is impossible.

...

legitimately, that they actually taught me what critically analysing art is, and that we Constantly were expected to do so in basically Every Lesson is one of the things i am the MOST grateful for about my time studying performing arts. cus BEFORE that, i was very much the same as all these kids who run around yelling about only Good Pure Nice things should be in art, only Evil People want otherwise (though i FULLY included violent shit in that, it wasnt a "sex is the only evil" thing for me)

being taught to sit in a room with 20 other adults who have all just experienced the same performance as me, and then actually hearing what all of them took from it in different ways, and seeing how each others interpretations could lead us to make new interpretations, and that none of them were canon, but all of them were true, and that none of them meant we wanted those things to Actually Happen, and being made to do so for art i stories i hated as much as for ones that i loved, and for ones i didnt care about....

it was insanely eye opening. and it makes the online discourse around what is "moral" to create in art so Obnoxiously painful and i Cannot stand it. it was enough that it put me off of fandom BEFORE this discourse started to become Insanely mainstream in fandom, so now fandom just looks like a toxic cesspool, and that so many sites are ALSO cracking down on what art is or isnt "acceptable" makes me so fuckin Insanely angry. I dont even see the point of sharing my art online anymore? i havent even created anything that could be viewed as "questionable" by these people, and yet it feels so INSANELY stiffling to me that i do not see the point in continueing to use art spaces online at all.

why should i bother when at the drop of a hat they can turn around and say "actually i hate your art now, thanks for using us for years and supporting us, now get out we dont need you anymore you creep"?

its Actualyl Insane to me

that i Literally went to college, and saw people sell and buy tickets to a play that was a hundreds year old incest tragic love story, performed by a bunch of 17-18 year olds, and yet if i were to post art of the Exact same thing online id be deomnised for it

none of you know what "art" actually is anymore, youre so damn used to what coperations have sold to you as "art" that anything that even Slightly challenges what they tell us art should be makes you all lose your heads and decide to shoot the artists.

U ever just

it’s interesting because the longer i stay in higher education the more and more i feel like i really make sense here and like it really clicks with me, but at the same time the longer i stay in higher ed the more eager i get to actually apply what im learning about and get to experiment with all the different sources given to me

im not saying its whats helping for sure (cause im on better meds too and in theory just moved out of a house that was making me worse)

but i can say im drinking 4-8 cups caffeine again and if anything my tummy is way happier with me and working way better

as in better enough no pain and i can eat 2000 calories like a normal person in a day. which is beyond amazing to me i am so thankful

I learned something about my writing today…..

As many of y’all know, I write angsty smut. The stuff that makes ya feel better because the guys love ya for who you are.

So to help me keep track of my WIPs, I made myself a new list! And it’s complete with a “how close is it to being ready to tumblr publish”, so to speak!

But as I wrote the statuses of each doc I realize something. I write smut. But DO YOU KNOW WHAT PART I HAVE THE MOST TROUBLE WRITING??? APPARENTLY ITS THE SMUT!!!

Like half of my WIPs say “has everything but the smut” as the status rn… it’s so hard to write it differently every fricken time, man! And to make it fit each scenario! And each individual man (read: each individual clone). Each man is so different, but I am just 1 person trying to write for all of their uniquenesses! I want to get better at it, but I don’t really have time to get better at it…………….

Just dropped my glasses and the anxiety spike was insane.

having the most irritating day at work 😊👍

hello my dear 7 followers (including one bot). dont worry if my recent tags (past weeks) have been getting weirder and weirder (too emotional and longing or just sad). im a okay (sleep deprived)

There are times when I'm glad my sense of time is such a horrible wreck that the passage of time itself is a blur to me cuz I do not want to be constantly reminded that it's nearing at most 2 months since I have no phone. (It feels like it had been a week to me but then time chose to remind me that it has actually been more than that).