the problems with dating as a gnome...

(audio is from good deal by jimmy o. yang)

“The pen is mightier than the sword.” Bullshit. Never have I seen someone get killed by a pen, but I have seen people get decapitated by the sword. Also, when you say “The pen is” you’re spelling out “the penis” so you lose twice!

I’ve been using 12 hour timers on my phone to track pokemon emerald berry timers bc I need a lot of berries to get Milotic. I am quite tired and was thinking about going to bed early even if it’s a Friday night, but then I thought “I can’t go to bed now, I have berries in 2 hours!”

Imagine. Your good friend Keyleth, in the midst of Solstice prep, brings you a young group of adventurers, begging for your help to bring back a dead companion. She was the person made to look like your wife and hung as a warning over fifty years ago. She is attached to Delilah Briarwood. Your wife and other friend go directly against your wishes and bring her back. Surprisingly, it’s fine. You apologise for what the Briarwoods did to her. The woman named her rat after you and calls it your long lost cousin. She begs you to touch the Sun Tree and apologises to /you/ for what the Briarwoods did to you. Your wife invites these strangers to stay in the castle. The faun tries to steal from Pike. The rat is now alive?? And talking?? You are Percival De Rolo III and everyday you wake up.

The faun asks for a gun for her monkey? Sure, why not. What else do you have to lose right now.

я не знаю, когда доделаю кучу задуманных мемов, так что пощу этот отдельно

Felix has definitely been mistaken for a goblin in the dark

The initial sketch for this drawing, which I always thought ended up having a really cute sort of casual slumber party vibe :3 Girls night at the bathhouse, maybe? ALSO bonus thank-you smooch, because I suddenly wanted to draw kisses and this file was already open

the main problem I've had with trying to do 'your PC as other races' art is that when other people have done it, including ryoko kui's changeling comparisons, they always keep the character's original palette-- and that ends up being an immediate stumbling block for me when the first place I'd be inclined to start is with Elyss, whose main point of difference from an ordinary human is that she is green

from what I can gather from your hcs, Peppino is immune to Gustavo's gnome charms. But the MOMENT that little man does something casually cute? Pep's exploding

I am giving poor Gus a bad rep 😭 i am tempted to make an actual post about it so i can put my ramblings under a readmore lmao

He is first and foremost very earnest and very sweet! He is not an opportunist trying to swindle money out of people😭 hes just really small and really cute and he learned that they get better combined tips on days when hes manning the counter 😭 So the little cutesy face is Less about him trying to con people out of things they want, and more like him playing around bc hes like ‘this little face gets us sooooo much money; its clearly bc of my Charm 🥺✨ ’ even tho he knows it wouldnt work on pep 😭

With that said, Gus being like passively cute works on Peppino bc hes just enamored with everything Gus does ☺️ yes even the playfulness of trying to pretend to con Pep is enamoring💖 he is sweet and silly and playful and whimsical and a rlly good and helpful little buddy n friend

Look, I may have accidentally created an aroace character, but now I'm going back to make a non-aroace character so I can romance the disaster wizard and live in his magical library.

This is a completely rational action and not in any way weird.

Look, man, when you're just a lil guy, you have to get creative sometimes if you want to kiss your boyfriend

love when someone says whatever astarion has against gnomes is bc of trauma why wasnt he saved etc etc like i dont believe that sorry. i just think he's weird and has something against gnomes for the hell of it

To everyone wondering why the realm has been plunged into darkness:

Me again. I stole the sun this time. I killed Melos, God of the Sun, and stole the sun from him. Don’t worry, the reason that nobody has frozen to death is because I’m using magic to distribute the sun’s heat as normal. I’ll deal with the darkness situation later.

Thinking about using the sun to make a super death laser.

romancing astarion has thus far made me exponentially less attracted to him. can we go back to you serving face in the background and contributing the occasional quip while i go do my hero things? i can't listen to the pickup lines i cant. they're bad they're not good they're bad. and i don't know if hes doing this on purpose as some kind of sick and twisted test of faith or he thinks he is a master casanova. also if astarion can't lift a backpack full of plate armor he sure as hell cannot lift up my entire PC. sorry.

New Tav!!!

So, I noticed all four of my Tavs so far are Beautiful Women with Trauma, so I decided they needed a Diversity Hire...

Meet Cyrill!

He is anxiety in gnome form. He likes his clothes and boots to stay clean. He's a germophobe. He likes tea and books and not going on adventures. Stress gives him a tummy ache.

He became a bard because he took singing lessons to try and cure a stutter he had when he was younger, and people liked his singing and kept asking him to perform, and he was too scared to say no.

He does not like having a tadpole in his brain. He does not like that he has seen Hell now. He does not like that people are asking him to save Faerun but he's too anxious to say no. He was tadpoled while on his way to return his library books, and he is very concerned about the late fees.

elves are lawnmower-less therefore I propose to keep the lawns and grass neat and proper the gnomes go around like goats and eat it. they are the lawnmowers.