“The pen is mightier than the sword.” Bullshit. Never have I seen someone get killed by a pen, but I have seen people get decapitated by the sword. Also, when you say “The pen is” you’re spelling out “the penis” so you lose twice!

if i was a gnome i wouldn't do any fucking jolly pranks or mischief im different i would mind my fucking business and drink chamomile with my wife in our separate beds and no we arent chaste we are raw dogging every single day but we sleep seperately because i am so small and when the sun rises i will turn back into stone in whatever position i was before the sun showed its fucking face and it would be really uncomfortable for her to roll over onto my little stone body and also i might get crushed because shes so big

this is my story

I took this fat pigeon picture for Tumblr because I have learnt so much about pigeons here.

secretly there is a gnome but we dont know where he is

If you're a gnome you're practically eye level with Astarion's crotch.

You're welcome.

Why are there only garden gnomes? I want kitchen and bathroom gnomes!

Ye who approacheth the Gnomus Tower must answer me these questions 3, err the inside you’ll see.

I find D&D gnomes kind of bland so for my homebrew world, I spiced them up by merging them with Warhammer 40k orks

Wait, hear me out

So I didn't make my gnomes murderous fungus people, but I did draw on the ork ability to make their technology work because they believe it works. Gnomes are describes as tinkerers who build fantastical technology, but this somehow never impacts the world's technological level. I decided that in my world, large numbers of gnomes living together can make their technology work just by nature of being there. Take a gnome invention away from gnomes and it will suddenly malfunction, explode, or just be a hunk of scrap. This also scales with the number of gnomes present. A small village could create some interesting gizmos like what you get from the rock gnome pc stats. Meanwhile my world's biggest gnome city is a bizarre place made of towers where buildings were just plopped on top of each other with no thought for stability or safety and remain standing despite being completely structurally unsound. They are connected by haphazard bridges and cable cars and the city is alive with the sound of clockwork robots and the flapping of ornithopters. Its a place of nonsense and even though its part of a larger empire, the empire lets it be pretty much autonomous because they're afraid that if they step in, the whole place might collapse or explode. Artificers in my world were the result of an attempt to make gnome tech that everyone can use and that wont explode if there aren't enough gnomes around

Ok so I was scrolling through the Gävlebocken tag looking at the funny ha-has of the whole concept as a whole and I got curious enough to check out the actual wiki page

It was great and all, looking at all the different ways this poor goat got torn apart every year BUT CAN I JUST BRING ATTENTION TO WHAT I FOUND IN THE RECOMMENDED ARTICLE SECTION

FUCKING GARDEN GNOME LIBERATIONISTS

TAKE A LOOK AT THIS SHIT

Hi! I love your metas and I had a question if you don't mind. I love Barcus but I'm a bit confused by the Ironhand gnomes and why they were so mad at the Gondians? Did I maybe miss something?

Omg, I'm so glad someone asked me this! Thank you, anon. I broached this exact subject with my friend a few days ago, and I'd already considered writing a post about it, so this was the kick I needed! Barcus is hands down my favourite NPC (perhaps of all time) and the gnome plight is easily my favourite side quest in the entire game, so I'm excited to share what I've learned!

To preface, I'd like to mention that most gnomes, according to D&D lore, live in clans and keep to themselves. This is especially true for deep gnomes, as the Underdark is an exceedingly dangerous homeland. Their people are often enslaved by drow or duergar, or eaten by other nefarious creatures that lurk in the shadows. As such, they have become a profoundly somber and cynical race, relying only on each other for survival. They're also extremely wary of strangers, as Barcus perfectly demonstrates when we first meet him.

Now, a history lesson. The Ironhand Gnomes, who at some point left the Underdark, worked in Baldur's Gate for generations, providing the city with the best mechanomagical inventions the populace had ever seen. Though they still kept to themselves and worked in isolation, they were well respected by the citizens, and flourished enough to inspire other gnomes to seek a new life in the city as well. This may not have been their goal, but whether they meant to or not, they brought gnomish innovation to the forefront of one of the most multicultural cities in all of Faerûn.

More importantly, the Ironhand Gnomes worshipped a lesser deity called Gaerdal Ironhand, who Wulbren's ancestor, Wolverforce Bongle, allegedly conversed with. Massive however, in all of my research, I haven't been able to find any evidence that he was truly capable of such a feat, nor is he ever referred to as a "Chosen" by either himself or anyone from his clan. Therefore, it's possible this is nothing more than an unsubstantiated claim made by zealots. A book called Ironhand Gnomes: Our Grievances can be found in the gnome hideout in Act 3, verifying some of this information, but it's glaringly biased against the Gondians, with radically religious and violent undertones.

But where did this hatred come from? Well, according to the book, the Ironhand Gnomes shared some of their expertise with other clans, and some of those clans took what they learned and opened their own workshops. The Gondians, who worship Gond, did particularly well, constructing their own factories and becoming quick competition. They even built a Gondian Church in the city, and attributed their success to Gond; god of craft, smithing, and inventiveness. For whatever reason, the Ironhands didn't appreciate this and accused the Gondians of stealing their methods and designs, as well as pointing out flaws in their "shoddy" craftsmanship.

However, Gondian work was relatively flawless, as well as artifice-based, meaning it relied on science and raw materials. The Ironhands specialised in mechanomagical inventions, meaning they imbued their engines with arcane influence. This put the Gondians and Ironhands at odds with each other, as Gond espoused artifice supremacy, whereas Gaerdal Ironhand, according to Wolverforce, accused Gond of being a thief. So yes, we've reached the crux of the issue—religious turmoil. Both gods, I should mention, are good-aligned and easily misinterpreted, so of course that adds another layer of complications.

In response to the Ironhand's accusations, the Gondians started slandering the Ironhand clan, losing them favour in the city. In other words, the feud quite literally became a he said/she said situation, with both clans acting like petty children. Whether or not the Ironhand Gnomes taught the Gondians a few tricks, they weren't owed credit for their inventions. That would be like my friend showing me how to use Adobe Animate, then demanding credit for all of my artwork thereafter ... and all while criticising it. And the Gondians, though attempting to protect their reputation, had no right to spread lies about the Ironhand clan, not all of whom participated in the drama. They could've let their work speak for itself.

But this war of finger-pointing dragged on, with both sides losing and gaining support from confused Baldurians. Eventually, the Ironhands became desperate to get the upperhand, rousing Wolverforce to experiment with the thought-to-be mythical runepowder. This led to what became known as the "Unfortunate Runepowder Incident", wherein the overweening Wolverforce caused a massive explosion, killing himself and countless others in the blast. Wulbren blames this tragedy on the Gondians alone, and many Ironhands seem to feel it was the root of their exile, but there's more to it.

In reality, the Ironhand Gnomes were banished from Baldur's Gate because they aligned themselves with Sarevok Anchev, the Bhaalspawn who tried to destroy the city in the first game. For some reason, Wulbren completely glosses over this detail, likely because he can't bring himself to admit the Ironhands are responsible for their own downfall. In fact, he brushes it off, as if it's some insignificant happenstance that deserves forgiveness without merit. After all, it happened over a century ago. Then, in Act 3, he says a painfully backwards line about how he thinks the Gondians would've joined Sarevok, if given the chance. But they did have a chance, and they didn't join him. The Ironhands did. As far as I'm concerned, this highlights Wulbren's extensive denial.

Which brings me around to Barcus and why he's such an endearing character. He doesn't care about ancient feuds or gnome supremacy. He made a name for himself, despite his clan's reputation. The Gondians never saw him as an enemy, and he in turn saw the value in their work. He prefers diplomacy and open dialogue, and he abhors violence to the highest degree. With a little hard work, he proved that the Ironhand Gnomes could've redeemed themselves without resorting to such extreme and radical measures; which is why I will always argue for him to take leadership. He's the best. He's everything. He is the shining future of unity and creation.

Entering my Gnome Era!

On the Gnome grindset!

Wear a pointy hat!

Frolic in the meadow!

Live in a mushroom!

Befriend a Fairy!

The book I asked for at the library by local Tumblr author @natalieironside is ready to collect! They actually bought it!