#genuinely praise be to God.
Text
Eclipse
May night descending be a mere eclipse;
Dim light hung close, but brushing harmless by
May shadows curl in sleep with softer curves
Til gleaming slivers wisp to brighter day
May sun’s bright rays ever ’round corners be
The lamps mere stopgap for the light to come
The cooling winds bring nothing but relief
To sweat-slick skin in summer’s sneaking burst
Between winter and spring. Stranger and friend
Alike shall pour onto the new-mow’d lawn,
Impromptu-picnic-party in full force.
Press safety glasses into your friends’ hand
Stare up towards the moon’s new waltzing dance-
The dark has passed. It’s alright. Go to class.
#orchids write poetry#im in a sonnet kick lately#point being#I woke up having a Straight Up Awful Fuckign Day#got semi-outed to my mom (read: cried too hard abt mom complaining about trans ppl)#(and she figured out that I knew that she knew I was not cis)#(she still loves me. which is nice. Hope she comes around to the idea.)#Point Being!!!#I still had to go to ASL class. and the time I left was right when the eclipse was starting#my ASL TA flagged me down and shared their glasses with me so I could look#and then my teacher started cracking jokes to make me feel better#we didn’t do much actual work in class but I felt much better#and then I went to my best college friend’s house and we went out to the market to buy ice cream#and binge season 16 of drag race#praise be to God. today wasn’t a wash. what felt like night was simply an eclipse.#genuinely praise be to God.#even now He is with me. in the many little joys.#I feel a lot better now.
0 notes
Text
So, so, so ridiculously relieved I deleted my BoJack fanfiction off of AO3. Doesn't happen very often but every now and then a new consumer will post about looking for fanfiction and we'll say that 'disappointed" at the lack of fanfiction or even at the fanfiction itself. I'm relieved that finally my work is made the exception to that after years of breakdowns of being called worthless and other various vague posts. It's literally all that I have in many ways, genuinely, and you don't even know about what my life is like in the living hell it is in this celebrity, slave wage culture outside of that niche interest and passion I have
#in every possible way I'm told that I'm worthless and I'm trying to go into full-blown shutdown mode because I'm sick and tired#I've even attempting to exist when it's so clear that I don't matter and I've always only been under the illusion that I ever have#there's not even any point in even posting anymore#thank God#full-blown shutdown mode and eventually my death and it was like I was never here#I'm one of the fear that I'm pretty sure was actually genuinely too good for this world but keep letting those billionaire pigs be#praised and being tolf that they deserve everything
37 notes
·
View notes
Text
You know every once in a while I watch that q!BBH breakdown stream(s) and like...
Holy SHIT did we move on from this way too quickly, the acting is genuinely phenomenal.
cc!BBH needs an oscar for managing to like act out a person going insane for MULTIPLE hours, like how does one do that ??
#q!bbh#q!badboyhalo#bbh#badboyhalo#qsmp#bbh genuinely improved so much from the dsmp it's insane like#bro his acting chops need to be experienced by other people in the qsmp#i don't see enough praise for his acting like#i'd argue he is one of the best actor in the server alongside people like cellbit and forever (and prob others i forgot to mention)#i could make an actual piece on how cc!bbh's roleplaying skills are genuinely fucking insane on so many levels#cause god there is a loooot to say
62 notes
·
View notes
Text
Wanting to post fanart of a thing a like but also I do not want to be torn to shreds by the people who dislike the thing.
#Man I love becoming a fan of a show only to go online and see literally everyone hating on it#it does so much for the mental health#Genuinely pretty scary the things I've seen that have happened to people like- my goodness#I get not liking a show but leave the fans alone my god.#I don't care if 'they're cringe' or 'annoying' that's not a justifiable reason for harassment and hate#And I mean like the average fan not the uh... [those] ones#Also I don't want people to praise my stuff while bashing on the og that's just-#ew.#I say this and yet hate on TNR all the time lmao#that's different#TNR was actually just a half-assed cash grab#<- but also I could care less if someone was a fan of it like- you do you buddy#anyways#just wanted to rant for a moment#Good day to you :)#Kos speaks
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
okay but can i seriously look into christian witchcraft or is that actually a sin? i know love is love, but is the line drawn at practical devotion and adoration?
#genuine question#because i’d love to revisit my witchcraft days with a christian lense of praise and prayer#ineptias loquor#i know god is my god#but having a way to express that more hands on i think would help me#if that makes any sense?#christian witch#christianity#witchcraft
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#God if he's not an option WHY is he the only boy ive ever met who is this emotionally intelligent and mature and God-fearing#and not afraid of vulnerability and has such strong principles that he just straight up says No i will not when he knows he should not#and the only guy who's ever been able to tell when i'm sad when i'm trying to hide it (and is able to read me surprisingly well)#and who is gentle and humble and wants children and genuinely wants to prioritize his future family#and the only guy who i know and can trust is both a servant-hearted and honourable leader AND a attentive and compassionate listener#and who does SO MUCH for everyone in the background and never asks for applause or praise#AND is the only guy i'm this comfortable around (this is a FIRST) and can talk to for hours. why!!!!!!!!#why must he check all the boxes!!!!#also why must he have such beautiful eyes. they are GORGEOUS.#obnoxiously beautiful blue eyes that are just. very focused and gentle and tender. yes i also hate that i notice this#anyway literally HOW many times have i prayed the liturgy for the death of a dream from every moment holy this year. HOW MANY TIMES#i KNOWWWW it will never happen i KNOW this and yet!!!!! it's like i wake up and agonize over it all over again#why must he be like one of the loveliest people i know!!! why must it be like this!!!!#edit: i KNOW amazing men are allowed to exist and not be attracted to me lollllll but still i am trying to get the sadness out of my chest#as irrational as it may be at times#the waiting room chapter
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
iv been doing a lot of ddadds reminiscing lately. that game is very very close to my heart and has been for years - it's kind of surreal to return to the fancontent i made for it having grown a bit, and seeing precisely why i latched onto mary as a character as much as i did. (hmm, the guy who'd just gotten out of a bad relationship and was also an unknowing aroace latched onto the character with relationship troubles and conflicts about presenting as someone in love, who would've thought?) (also she's autistic) (i'll still fight people on this)
mary still continues to be one of my favorite characters of all time - and i still have dream daddy to thank for a lot. it's just such a genuinely warm and sweet and funny game. it's got such a kind and lackadaisical approach to adulthood that spoke to and continues to speak to me a lot as someone kind of terrified of growing up, in a lot of ways. and despite being such a silly game, joseph's ideals of the "margarita zone" spoke to me way more than i care to admit.
i wonder if the people i'd shared ddadds servers with and the like, way back in 2019, are doing well. i wonder if the old friend i did that batshit insane mary-damien cult ending rp with that read like a damn slasher film remembers it at all. i hope the people i talked about my ocs with are doing well. i hope the mary rper i lurked on the blog of is doing well. i hope the person who made the official character spotify playlist knows how much they shaped my music taste and how much i listen to them to this day. i hope the developers of this game know it's more than a silly gimmick dating sim that was popular for a year to people. (i hope they know how much damn gender euphoria it gives me lol)
i'm a huge sap with my fandoms in general. but dream daddy's such a spot of comfort for me even now. i still think about it, and maybe one day i'll properly revisit it. and i know i'm going to be so insufferable about it when i do. my own special little margarita zone.
#babbles#ddadds#dream daddy#dream daddy a dad dating simulator#mary christiansen#comfort characters#its so funny to reread on the rocks (my old robert/mary postdivorce fic)#not because im embarrassed of it or anything but the recurring themes in it in retrospect#of love and romance being a scary evil construct and its so much safer and happier to just be close with your friends and not worry about#defining it...#Bestie you were talking about a qpr. You're aromantic.#its the most 'the author of this hasnt realized theyr aro' fic ever. i love it so genuinely#i was cooking though MORE FRIENDS TO LOVERS ROBERT AND MARY PLEASE GOD. THEY ARE SO BI4BI IS ANYONE HEARING ME#this is kind of embarrassing to post but i would rather be full of love and cringe than have people not know how much i love things#INCLUDING the silly dad dating sim from 2017.#that i still hold to people being way too hard on etc etc but you could figure that by how much i sing its praises haha
34 notes
·
View notes
Text
the fucking shitshow i experienced today…
#i won’t even get into the details of it but my work is being undermined and i didn’t say anything about it bc i was so taken aback and in#absolute shock. i have literally never Ever experienced something of this sort im not being dramatic i went into my office and told my#coworker girls what happened and everyone was staring blankly like ‘they said that to YOU??????’ bc it’s genuinely fucking unbelievable#got told some out of pocket shit that i willllll notttttt let slide but i need to get my shit together and think up the best way to respond#bc this wasn’t just undermining my work it was borderline humiliating. all from this woman who is supposedly my PhD mentor who NEVER#fucking helped me with anything and now she’s trying to tell me something that is SO insanely unfounded and just insane truly#as if i didn’t take over the entire goddamned (multi million) project and played the role of *drumroll* two phd students three#collaborators and TWO mentors one of whom was supposed to be the project lead. all that did so well that our ceo STILL praises me in#meetings and he never fucking praises anyone. as if i wasn’t offered two job positions in two separate labs while in one of london’s top#universities. as if i haven’t published 8 papers and a scientific book chapter which I’m the first author of#all without her help and now she wants to play mentor by trying to talk shit. oh my god im so miserable right now you have no idea#i can’t fucking stand her and no one in the company likes her anyway lmao but like#when i get out of this fucking state of SHOCK she just put me in im about to tell her to fuck off forever so politely and so wonderfully#that she will not know what happened to her. doubting MY capabilities ohhhh as if. as IF.
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
therapy review: apparently the combination of my fear of praise and my need for praise to feel like what I've done matters does actually come from the same chronic trauma. also the fact that praise when I don't think I deserve it making me nauseous is in fact a fear of praise.
#zeph posting#like dude dan what the fuck do i do with this one#the chronic trauma is the combination of being told how special i was and proud everyone was of me for my grades and everything#along with how my brother was treated for not being as good at school despite genuinely putting in the same amount or more! work into it#just because it came more naturally for me and i was already traumatized enough to be able to be too scared of being anything but#well behaved in school and had a different flavor of adhd/autism than he did#which like. god. he deserved so much better! like why the fuck was i praised for results that i barely put work into#while he was in trouble at school all the time when he was trying his best and put more work into school than i did#and the fact that this genuinely fucked me up more than it did to him is like. god it sure is something isnt it.
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
I genuinely think Vil Schoenheit could fix me btw
#I thrive on constructive criticism straightforward directions and subsequent praise for my efforts#something something I’d destroy myself for him if he wanted me to but he’d never ask for that#brb finding god in his eyes and salvation kneeling at his feet#srry can’t talk- busy giving him the genuine devotion he craves#forging deeply intimate bonds with him bc despite seeing one another for all our respective neurotic tendencies and flaws#we’d choose one another every time again and again#anyway who said that#twst#Vil posting ！(◎_◎;)
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
Ngl the last 2 dw eps were actually fun and it's so surreal for me to actually feel interested in what's happening
But good lord, dw fandom is so annoying, like people cannot have fun at all
#me being me#like these were genuinely fun and i finally enjoyed stuff? without being bored? which feels real nice#but god dw twitter is so annoying#you've got some total jerks who are upset by literally everything from one side#and people who are ready to praise rtd for any minor thing because it's brave!!#plus folks who are moaning the episodes don't feel like celebration enough#like I'm here happy to have the eps that allow me to watch through them#y'all dw bar is so high 😭
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
I have recently discovered my type as being 60-70 aged older men and women. 40-50 aged is good as well. (Why the exclusion of the 50-60 age group you ask? Well, my parents are in that group so.)
I am crushing (for over two months) on an irl 62 aged person I know, and I really wanted to gush about that to someone... so here it is laid bare to the internet ig
#Grey hair is so impossibly hot MY GOD#WORSHIP#PRAISE#HAIL#etc etc#I don't know what to tag#crush tag.. ig?#crush tag#age g4p#age#it is not for some daddy k!nk or whatever sexual/monetary reason#it's not like that#I am genuinely majorly attracted to older people#Its the half a century long life experience that gets me off
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
not a bot, we're friends but i genuinely admire you so much 😭 i think i really love you. but alas, i am much too shy to start talking to you often again or shoot my shot! so confession ask be upon thee
ive been replying to these asks casually or ignoring them altogether bc i never got follow ups and i thought it was some weird bot or a random person, but now that i got confirmation that the last one comes from a real person with real feelings, i'm replying your confession with the seriousness and honesty it deserves
so hey, good on you for confessing. im glad people admire me, and im glad you looked at me and saw something that made you go "oh i like that!". and also please dont do that ever again. this is aimed towards everyone -- please stop confessing to me on anon. it makes me so fucking uncomfortable, nervous and paranoid, as someone who has had a LOT of people throughout the years form some fucking weird parasocial relationships with me, both online and irl, both strangers and friends i considered safe, both openly and secretly
look at it from my perspective: sure, you know me. you say that we're friends and maybe we are. but i dont know you. youre literally on anon. you could be making shit up for all i know. you could be one of the people i had to cut off from my life because the way i was didnt match the way they expected me to be, who fell in love with my dumb online persona, or who projected so much of their issues onto me that they confused admiration for genuine, romantic love. what is a cute, risque ask for you is a nightmare for me, and if we're not close, then i understand that you're not aware of this. its fine if you didn't know this, the fact that you weren't aware of this tells me that we're not close enough for you to even love me beyond the captions i write on my posts
#please stop saying that you love me when you dont know me#dont idolize me put me on a pedestal or praise whatever image you have of me blindly#i genuinely cant fucking take that stuff. i seriously cant#if its some silly crush thats fine. those are fun and lighthearted. i crush on friends all the time#but dont use intense words like that on me. im still recovering from the shit that happened to me#ive been trying so fucking hard to keep it casual because i dont want to blast my fucking personal life here#or make ppl depressed over being rejected. but god. i got very fucked up over this
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
oh my god earlier this week i was talking to my mom abt how i used to constantly feel bad even at elementary school despite having good grades and not having social issues or mental illnesses yet (undiagnosed autism aside). and she really helped me crack the code by saying "yes you always came home angry about (kid in my class) getting better grades than you in math or (friend) being better than you in english even though you knew she is american" and then it clicked. i was simply always a jealous competitive annoying little bitch who has to be the best and most specialest at everything or i may as well die
#this isn't even the result of being raised in a certain way. beyond praising me for being smart my parents really tried their darnest -#- to inspire me to be mediocre and not crash over being less than perfect#i was literally born this way...... god damn#it's a bit annoying. bc it's one of my biggest issues and why i have trouble in almost every field#(as in. socially. creatively. educationally when i was still at school)#how the fuck does one even unlearn that shit if you're born with it... that's like the only constant thing about my personality...#>:( god dammit#vent#kinda????#is it??? idk!!!!!#i will say it does ig. best way to put it in english. make me despair to think about#bc if it's an inherent part of me and it brought me so much pain for literal decades now. what hope even is there. yknow?#idk how people function like that like i see ppl talk abt this sort of thing but they just keep going??#i genuinely shut down when i am less than perfect. that's kind of why I'm so stagnant all the time. also why i wanna die constantly#bc like what is even the point of living like this. this is meaningless. i may as well be dead and achieve the same results#well now it IS a vent so it's a good thing i put that tag there. but I'll also add#negative //
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
Finally, an undertale au that doesn't focus on sans and actually understands papyrus' character
(I love this au so much, I wish I had discovered it sooner. As I'm posting this I'm nearly finished waterfalls' section and I can't wait to continue)
(Tap image for better quality)
#undertale#my art#inverted fate#papyrus#seriously i love this so much#i can believe this au keeps everyone in character despite their roles being swapped/changed#and we actually have a frisk and papyrus dynamic and its the best thing ever WHY ISNT THERE ENOUGH OF THESE TWO BEING BEST FRIENDS#every single person working on this project diserves so much praise#the art. character dynamics. THE CHARACTER WRITING OH MY GOD#i know this post wont get much attention. but if your really looking for a genuinely good undertale au then please go check it out#it diserves the attention
95 notes
·
View notes
Text
that feeling when you want to write a long post ranting discussing something you feel especially strongly about but you're just. too Tired to actually sit down and do it
#also it's technically vaguing other posts which I don't want to do#but tbh this is something I really have wanted to talk about for a while I just didn't realize how frustrated I was until now#anyway:#you do know that it's possible to recognize Henry VII's success as King without completely erasing Edward IV's entire reign impact#and achievements* in the process right?#(*achievements that massively BENEFITTED Henry VII and gave Henry several useful precedents which he actively followed.#If you're genuinely interested in Henry you should be able to acknowledge that and use it as part of your analysis of him)#like I'm sorry but if the only way you can compliment Henry is by erasing someone else's credit and policies that Henry himself referenced#I don't think your opinion can be taken seriously. even though I very much do agree with your broader point#There are ways to highlight Henry's considerable success without diminishing Edward IV's own success that preceded Henry's#(and also without incorrectly caricaturing the entire Wars of the Roses as decades of bloody ravaged in-fighting my god)#(there was a 12-year reign of relative stability and economic recovery from 1471-83 that you're literally erasing completely.#are you fucking stupid?)#It's weird because I obviously dislike the way Henry VIII is glorified at his father's expense#and dislike when Henry VII's achievements that contributed so massively to his son's reign are minimized#so when I see people defend Henry VII using the exact same method to praise Henry at Edward IV's expense (except Edward is#just entirely erased and overlooked rather than vilified)...#it's rather hypocritical imo?#to be clear it's not about Edward I know it's about Henry. and it doesn't generally happen because Henry is not generally#talked about positively at all. he's often regarded negatively in a way that makes no sense and which I'm very frustrated by#But when he IS given praise it's usually exacerbated by people who (implicitly; perhaps unknowingly) minimize Edward IV in the process#and it's irritating to say the least#anyway. sorry. I didn't mean to vague I don't generally do this. but I really do have a lot to say about this topic#I do want to make another post about it sometime but not anytime soon#I might delete these tags in a bit let's see#(super unsure if I should post this but. whatever)
4 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
qualitystarlightsalad
Untitled
beetlejuicebetelgeuse1
Beetlejuicebetelgeuse
fentyace
for choice & blink
assignedasassassin
cherii
kawaguy
Sans titre