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demetriandelibinaryboyfriends · 3 years

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What if after the teams merge everyone is a LITTLE mean to Eli because they don’t trust him yet (like they’re not bullying him or anything just a little like 😒 lol) like they’re teasing about the sleep enuresis and stuff and Demetri feels so bad because he can see the look of “about to cry” on Eli’s face (and it was all Eli, no Hawk to be found) before he runs out and of course Sam is slapping Miguel’s arm for taking things a little too far and of course he feels bad, he was just teasing, but Demetri runs after him and Eli’s crying and whispers “you weren’t meant to tell, ever” and like saying how he deserves it but he just can’t believe he publically humiliated him about THAT particular thing because it was their biggest secret together 😭

;____;

THAT’S SO SADDDD OH MY GOD

But yeah, I’d like to see the sleep enuresis thing come back to bite Demetri in a “you deeply violated my trust and now I don’t know if I can ever trust you with secrets or intimate personal stuff again” kind of way, rather than just the “GRRRR YOU MADE ME BIG MAD BY PUBLICLY HUMILIATING ME AND NOW IMMA BEAT YOU UP” thing they did in canon. Like...as much as Hawk deserved to be taken down a peg after the way he’d been treating Demetri and as cathartic as it was to see Demetri finally retaliate and strike back against Hawk’s attacks in his own way (as physically striking back had been proven not to be his forte), spilling the beans about the bedwetting was definitely a dick move. Not that Hawk didn’t deserve it, and I did love seeing how much him acting like a cocky douchebag failed to get him girls after that, but like...that’s probably something Eli hated about himself for years. And Demetri accepted it, never seemed to judge him for it and never made fun of him for it (aside from some lighthearted teasing, maybe, but never truly mean-spirited), but Eli still found that he was terrified of it getting out, because shit...Kyler would have an absolute field day with the fucked-up lip and bedwetting. But Eli was always so certain that info was safe with Demetri, and felt secure in the fact that Demetri would never tell. That his best friend would never hurt him like that on that deep and intimate a level. He was scared of it getting out, sure, but he never in a thousand years thought it would be because of Demetri. Maybe his mom would make a comment while picking him up from school and one of the mean kids would overhear. Maybe Demetri’s mom would accidentally mention something about “Eli’s Waterbed” while gabbing with some other mom, and word would eventually get around and make it back to the teens at their school. But Demetri letting loose about it??? Not even fathomable. Eli thought it was so outside the realm of possibility that he didn’t even cross his mind to consider it.

It just makes that tiny, devastated “Don’t” Eli lets out right before Demetri tells everyone about the sleep enuresis all the more heart-wrenching because like...you can tell this is the very moment it comes crashing down on Eli that this thing that he’d always thought to be totally inconceivable is happening right in front of him. It probably just...fucks up his entire worldview and makes him question everything he thinks he knows for a hot minute. Because if Demetri, who Eli’s always counted on to keep the most embarrassing, disgusting parts of himself concealed, can betray him like that, then what the fuck else that he’s always considered an absolute truth and an irrefutable fact of life just...isn’t???

Hell, maybe that’s why he went as crazy and psycho as he did during the school fight, going after Demetri--like he wasn’t just angry about being humiliated, Eli was literally questioning his entire reality. To the point where his very sanity was slipping for a bit there. If anything, the thing that seems to finally snap him out of it is the little shoulder squeeze Demetri does right before kicking him into the trophy case. @jackonthelongwalk suggested that Demetri uses shoulder touches to kind of comfort and reassure Eli, like we see him do at the party in Season 2 when Demetri’s trying to help him feel better about Moon. Demetri does the EXACT same shoulder squeeze when grabbing Eli during the school fight, when he says “no hard feelings.” This could be Demetri’s way of communicating “Hey, I know we’re fighting, but I still care about you” and THAT’S what finally snaps Eli out of his kinda crazed rage. Because if Demetri caring about him is still a fundamental truth in his life (despite Demetri obviously fucking up big time by spilling his secrets in a petty revenge plot), then maybe all the other truths in his life aren’t going to suddenly unravel after all.

You’ll notice in Season 3 that, although Hawk certainly still tries to fuck with Demetri and make his life miserable, he never really does it with the same pure sadistic glee and almost-psychotic mania that he does in that hunting-down-in-the-computer-lab scene. Hell, even when Hawk breaks his arm, he notably hesitates in a way I’m not sure he would have during that school chase scene and immediately regrets it afterwards. My theory of why that is is basically that Hawk’s entire world was upheaved when Demetri broke his trust like that, to the point where he just became unhinged. He was just like “Haha :) Nothing matters! :) I don’t even know what’s true anymore! :) Might as well go beat Demetri to a pulp, since it’s his fault everything is spiraling and everything is confusing and I don’t know facts from lies anymore, hahahaha! :)” Once Demetri stabilizes him again, he’s a lot more, er, controlled--like he’s still a chaotic disaster, of course, and he’s still generally a very angry individual, but he’s not mentally losing it and reveling in a serial killer-esque glee at finding and beating the shit out of his ex-best friend the way he was before.

Anyways, yeah, I think spilling the deets about the bed-wetting fucked up Hawk on a much deeper level than Demetri realized. Like it shattered his perception of the world and everything he thought he knew for a hot sec, and Demetri probably never imagined it would affect him that deeply and fundamentally. All Demetri wanted was to knock him off his high horse and turn that inflated ego down a few notches, and he ended up just like...almost mindfucking his friend into oblivion by accident and most likely giving him some pretty bad trust issues for a while D: I really hope we get a genuine apology from Demetri for his “roast” in Season 4, and it isn’t just not brought up again...because even after all the shit Hawk pulled, I still think that hurt him really deeply and Demetri’s gotta make some kind of amends for that before they can fully rebuild their trust and their relationship.

ANYWAYS LONG RANT but I’ve been meaning to talk about Demetri’s little “roast” for a while now, and then I guess I got carried away and just went where the post took me XD

#hawk x demetri #demetri x eli #binary boyfriends #hawkmeat #eli x demetri #demetri x hawk #elimetri #demetri cobra kai #eli moskowitz #cobra kai #cobra kai season 2 #cobra kai season 3 #hawk #demetri #eli #my askbox

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shelsgovroomvroom · 3 years

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Have you seen everyone saying that Gab is racist to Japanese people? Her “racist tweets” that they use as proof she did apologize for but I can’t see how they’re racist rather than her complaing about the society and government of a country she lived in at the time

Sorry I had to rant and idk anyone who watches her!!

Yeah honestly I don’t buy into that. I saw the tweets and the apology did seem genuine. I also don’t believe she really is racist towards Japanese people, it’s not my place to say if I think the tweets themselves where racist or not. But either way, I don’t think she meant them in that way.

I mean, Gab spent years getting a master’s degree in Japanese, she lived there for years and she knows so much about Japanese culture. I don’t think those are the actions of someone who is racist towards Japanese people. I just don’t. She wouldn’t have dedicated years of her life to a culture whose people she didn’t like.

Also, honestly I think some people were just looking for a reason to not like her because she’s dating Sean.

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thezodiaczone · 4 years

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Libra Compatibility

LIBRA + ARIES (MARCH 21 - APRIL 19) ♥♥♥♥ You're opposite signs who can match up well, but you sometimes baffle one another, too. Aries rules the self and Libra rules relationships. Libra is a lover; Aries is a fighter. Your polar extremes can be a great complement if you borrow what the other does best. Rash, temperamental Aries could stand to give others the benefit of the doubt, to look before leaping—something the wise Judge does well. Languid, overly accommodating Libra can learn to speak up, say no, and take action instead of pondering the possible consequences for a year. Although your differences can be irritating, they also make you a well-rounded couple if you play them right. When Aries needs to rant, patient Libra offers uninterrupted listening, capped with sage, sensible feedback. In return, Aries helps Libra overcome a mortal fear of conflict, teaching this sign how to stand up for his rights. As parents, or even business partners, you play the good cop/bad cop routine like seasoned pros. Just be willing to adjust your internal thermostats as needed. Hotheaded Aries will need to dial down the anger, lest all that concentrated emotion throw Libra's scales off balance. Erudite Libra will need to descend from that lofty, cultured perch and take a bold risk. (No, Aries does NOT consider ten years a reasonable time to wait for an engagement ring—and never will.) Compromise is essential for you to find a rhythm.

LIBRA + TAURUS (APRIL 20 - MAY 20) Your signs are both ruled by Venus, but your disparate elements prevent this from being an ideal match. Taurus is a fixed Earth sign who builds his castle by the sweat of his brow, then lords over its inhabitants. Libra is cardinal Air, a Queen bee who buzzes around, ruling the hive without doing the drone-work. You both want to be in charge, but your clashing leadership styles create a patchwork parliament that can't agree on anything. Taurus is planted on terra firma, and Libra lives in the clouds. Of course, if the Bull is content to be the provider while Libra dresses up and plays charming host, then this can work. You're certainly an attractive pair of aesthetes, and you share high-end tastes in fashion, décor, food and all the Venusian pleasures. Shameless snobbery is a shared affliction, but neither of you cares to be cured. You love to talk about art, literature, politics, everything under the sun—though Taurus may find Libra's values superficial, and moderate Libra will take offense to the Bull's heavy handed opinions. At least your sexual attraction is strong, and that will take you far enough. However, conflict-avoiding Libra will need to build up some backbone to avoid being steamrolled by dominating Taurus. The Bull will need to turn down the volume, and Libra must get better at addressing issues head on, rather than letting them fester.

LIBRA + GEMINI (MAY 21 - JUNE 20) ♥♥♥♥ You're compatible Air signs with silver tongues and gilded wings, a magical match indeed. Libra is a pretty pixie and Gemini is an impish sprite. Your meeting rouses the fairies and gnomes, stirring up mischief in your midst. You love to mingle and schmooze, and you'll chatter like two little tree monkeys, gabbing a mile a minute. But will the breathless excitement last? Getting past the superficial romance stage is the challenge. You're both so indecisive that nailing down a commitment is like catching moonbeams in a jar. That said, the illusionary quality of your relationship is a magic you both enjoy. It's when life becomes too real that you vanish in a pinch of enchanted dust. To make this last, you'll need to dip your toes into the murky morass of intimacy, then learn to swim. Money can become an issue between you, particularly the way you spend it. Gemini is ruled by intellectual Mercury, and would rather invest in college degrees, a film collection, enriching travel. Libra is governed by beauty and pleasure-loving Venus, and splashes out on art, couture, custom suits, spas. You'll need separate wings for Gemini's books and Libra's handbag or shoe collection. You have different approaches to romance, too. Libra loves a lengthy courtship with all the trimmings, but Gemini bristles at picking up too many tabs, especially with Libra's extravagant taste. You'll probably need to keep separate accounts to avoid meddling in each other's purchase habits. Cut up the credit cards, too—many happy relationships can be destroyed by debt. Don't let that happen to you.

LIBRA + CANCER (JUNE 21 - JULY 22) You're a sweet, romantic couple, but not always a perfect match. On the upside, Cancer is ruled by the caring Moon and Libra by romantic Venus, casting a tender glow on this love affair. With your flair for color, style and objets d'art, you could open an interior design business (your home may in fact resemble an Architectural Digest spread). Now, the challenge: Cancer is a deeply emotional Water sign whose moods fluctuate like the tides. Libra is a social Air sign who prefers to happy-dance through the daisies. Between the Crab's fatalism and Libra's denial, nobody has a strong grip on reality. Better keep a few grounded Earth sign friends on speed dial when you lose perspective. Failing that, you'll need to adapt to each other's opposing natures. Like a stone skipping across the water's surface, Libra averts the plunging depths of Cancer's inconsolable undertows and cloying neediness. Yet, avoidance is futile, since it only upsets the Crab to be ignored. Libra should learn that a hug, flowers and an apology (however undeserved) pave the quickest path to peace. Not that Libra doesn't have his own powerful undercurrent: when those scales tips out of balance, he can escalate a minor breakdown into a Code Orange catastrophe. Admit it: you're both big babies at times. For long-term success, find activities you both enjoy: travel, language classes, dancing, dinner parties. You're gracious hosts and culturally literate people with lots to talk about. Get out and savor life together.

LIBRA + LEO (JULY 23 - AUGUST 22) ♥♥♥♥ You're a pretty pair, attracted to the other's good looks and charm. The courtship phase has all your favorite trimmings: massive bouquets delivered to your office, iPod mixes of your favorite angsty love songs, sonnets inspired by your affection. Leo and Libra are two of the zodiac's most romantic signs, and you love everything to be pleasant and harmonious on the surface. The challenge comes when it's time to get real. Rather than show your unpleasant humanity, you coat issues in saccharine, avoiding touchy topics to keep the happy vibes flowing. However, the artificial sweetness soon leaves a bitter aftertaste, especially for Leo. The Lion is a Fire sign, with a much more passionate disposition than cooler Air-sign Libra. Leo is pushy, Libra procrastinates, and you can get caught in a dance of anger as a result. When truly upset, the Lion roars. Libra can bellow right back, but he's more likely to withhold attention, the thing that Leo most craves. Leo's demands for affection, praise and validation can drain Libra after a while. Dramatic highs and lows tip Libra's scales off balance, inciting a passive-aggressive backlash. It starts with locked doors and escalates into Internet porn or even affairs if Leo doesn't get the hint. You may be better off as friends if you can't get beyond this impasse.

LIBRA + VIRGO (AUGUST 23 - SEPTEMBER 22) You're next-door-neighbor signs who can learn a thing or two from each other. Virgo is a cautious Earth sign who plans for the worst and prays for the best. Air-sign Libra not only expects the best, he demands it—and thus, he usually gets it. In stressful times, Libra's charm and balanced perspective is a breath of fresh air for anxious Virgo. The Virgin is ruled by mentally-stimulating Mercury, and his mind goes a mile a minute. Libra's ruler is Venus, the goddess of beauty, love and pleasure. Like a gentle lullaby, Libra smoothes the rough spots, helping Virgo relax and trust that everything will be okay. While this may be an illusion, it still has a hypnotic effect on Virgo. Socially, you mix well. You both enjoy arts and culture, and you'll never be at a loss for date ideas: museum openings, concerts, readings. You're also a fastidious pair—you'll have the cleanest house on the block if it's up to Virgo, and the most tastefully decorated home if Libra has a say. The one dynamic to beware: Virgo is the zodiac's helper and Libra is its pampered diva. This can easily turn into a master-and-servant scenario, with Libra feigning helplessness and Virgo scrambling to save him. Like Persephone eating the pomegranate seeds that doomed her to Hades, Virgo must be careful not to swallow Libra's intoxicating tales and sob stories.

LIBRA + LIBRA (SEPTEMBER 23 - OCTOBER 22) This perfectly pleasant combination works best when one Libra is at least ten years older than the other, like Librans Catherine Zeta-Jones and Michael Douglas. That way, it's clear how to divide up the roles. One of you has to be the primary decision-maker, after all—no easy feat with two sets of vacillating Scales. Heck, you lapse into analysis-paralysis when the grocery checker asks, "Paper or plastic?" Because of this, it can take time for your signs to gel—that is, if the connection doesn't taper off before the first date. (Hint: waiting three days to ask each other out is acceptable. Three years? A little long.) Procrastination can be your downfall, as can terminal politesse. At all costs, you should have separate vanities and dressing rooms, as you both like to primp and preen. Zeta-Jones herself once declared individual bathrooms the secret to a successful marriage. Well, for two Libras, non-adjoining sinks and mirrors might just make it into your wedding vows. Once you do come together as a couple, your loyalty to one another is fierce. You make a cunning tag team who should go into sales together. One lash-batting Libra oozes charm, wrapping your prey around a manicured finger; the other swoops in like a hawk for the kill. Later, you'll divvy the spoils into equal portions and celebrate in lavish, Bonnie and Clyde style.

LIBRA + SCORPIO (OCTOBER 23 - NOVEMBER 21) Libra is light and Scorpio rules darkness, but your searing sexual chemistry blazes through borders. As a couple, you're quick to bed and slow to wed. In many ways, the long prenuptial pas de deux is a mutual choice. Romantic Libra loves an extended courtship—long dinners, vacations and lavish gifts. Shrewd, suspicious Scorpio will subject Libra to a battery of character tests, gauging whether Libra can be trusted. Libra is an incurable dilettante whose surface skimming can feel lightweight beside Scorpio's obsessive, detail-focused nature. Because your temperaments are so different, your initial phase can be fraught with misunderstandings. Libra is an outgoing butterfly and an unrepentant flirt, provoking Scorpio's jealousy at every turn. Possessive Scorpio prefers passionate bedside confidentials to paparazzi and parties, but Libra quickly feels smothered without a social scene. To say you'll need compromise is an understatement. Combine your strengths, though, and you can also make a powerful society couple—with Scorpio dominating the world from behind the scenes, and Libra presiding as its lovely, doe-eyed diplomat.

LIBRA + SAGITTARIUS (NOVEMBER 22 - DECEMBER 21) You're fast friends who make each other laugh, sharing a sharp, sarcastic wit. People watching is your favorite pastime, and you can amuse each other with clever observations all day. Romantic Libra brings poetry and flowers to Sag's gritty, profanity-strewn world, and active Sagittarius gets Libra's nose out of the rosebush. Still, your different paces could cause friction. Languid Libra likes to take everything slow, weighing and measuring possibilities on those iconic Scales before acting. Naturally, this frustrates impetuous Sag's text-message attention span. The Archer prefers to leap before looking, relying on luck and goodwill to save the day. Such gambling and lack of security throws Libra's delicate constitution into a tizzy. Sagittarius finds Libra's champagne tastes too snobbish and materialistic—why pay over $20 for anything you can get at a thrift shop or make yourself? Sagittarius' half-baked ideas and churlish outbursts rain public embarrassment on Libra's carefully cultivated rep. When Libra plays damsel or dude in distress, independent Sag flees instead of saving the day. So why stay together? At the end of the day, your friendship remains solid. There's no conflict you can't talk through after a time-out. Although you may drift in and out of platonic feelings, you genuinely care for each other—and that speaks volumes.

LIBRA + CAPRICORN (DECEMBER 22 - JANUARY 19) Capricorn is the provider sign, forever seeking a mate in need of financial backing. Libra is a vain dilettante who's happy to play muse to an Earthy benefactor. You have your oft-irreconcilable differences, yet you stay together all the same. In many ways, you have what the other needs. Libra is a master of social graces with a billion air-kissed "friends." Capricorn can be an antisocial grumble-puss who cleaves to childhood cronies and family. Libra spends on impulsive pleasures; Capricorn plans for tomorrow. Battles can be brutal. You're both convinced of your natural superiority; your haughty contretemps and ego showdowns merit a Bravo series. Of course, antisocial Capricorn would never allow cameras into the estate, while Libra would whip together a stylist, understudy and five-star craft services. Therein lies the difference: your values. Not an easy hurdle to scale, even for a determined Goat or a patient Judge. A successful relationship will require much compromise. The fawning affection romantic Libra craves will be in short order. Capricorn shows love through acts of service and loyalty, not pandering. Libra must learn to accept love in a less-adorned package, and trade a few parties for cozy nights in. Capricorn must exit the cave to meet new people, play host and smile once a season. You can do it—but will you be happy? That's the question.

LIBRA + AQUARIUS (JANUARY 20 - FEBRUARY 18) ♥♥♥♥ You're one of the zodiac's easiest matches: just two carefree Air signs breezing through life with a full roster of friends, travels and adventures. Together, it's twice the fun. Although Libra is more the dashing diva/dandy and Aquarius the quirky Bohemian, your sunny social dispositions pair well. Every stranger is greeted by your hail-fellow-well-met embrace, and you collect friends wherever you go. Indeed, you may meet while chatting at the cheese counter, lounging poolside on the Riviera, or in a dog park scene reminiscent of an Ephron rom-com (picture Aquarius' retriever pouncing on Libra's dainty teacup terrier—what a metaphor). Your conversational chemistry guarantees a great first date, even if the prevailing vibe is platonic. If you hit it off, you'll host lavish parties with an eclectic mix of Aquarius' artsy, leftist comrades and Libra's highbrow circle, bringing them all together with panache. Caution: your casual natures can impede intimacy. In private, you can both be moody, making pouty, indirect plays for affection and sex. Aquarius is also far less romantic than Libra, at least in the traditional sense. That humanitarian bent will clash with Libra's caviar wishes (animal cruelty!) and fondness of bling (blood diamonds!). Most days, you take those differences in stride. Having a lifelong playmate is worth it.

LIBRA + PISCES (FEBRUARY 19 - MARCH 20) Drifting into a dappled dreamscape of your own imagination, your poetic souls entwine against astrological odds. Libra is an Air sign and Pisces is a Water sign; together you can stir a gentle sea breeze or drown in your own sexual tsunami. But oh, the romance is worth it. Like any good bodice-ripper, there's passion, intrigue and mystique to spice up this storyline. You can get lost for days in a decadent meal, a gorgeous sonata, each other's luminous eyes. While the cynics gag, they secretly envy your enchanted, oxytocin-addled bliss. Living in a fantasy is fun for your signs, and gratification eclipses all boundaries and structures. Another Sancerre, an hour less sleep—it can all be justified in the name of pleasure. It's when reality steps in that things get hairy. After waking past noon in your umpteenth limb-and-linen tangle, you remember that pesky paycheck, your stuffed Inbox, the unopened mail. Oops. Hung over and wholly unequipped to deal with the overwhelm, you lash out at each other. Without outside contact and obligations to anchor you, you can both descend into bouts of moodiness, indulgence and even depression. Balance—the Libra catchphrase—must be practiced early on.

#libra #compatibility #astrology #zodiac #love #relationships #libra compatibility

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blue-shaded · 4 years

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Hey Blue. I’m the black anon with the rant. This is my first time submitting something so please can you keep it anonymous:

For the record this is just my personal opinion. And this could apply to a lot of Youtubers and influencers, but this is a Sean discourse blog so I’m only making it about him. Feel free to disagree with any part of it.

For the past few months, I’ve watched Sean copy jump on bandwagon after bandwagon, like Animal Crossing and Siren Head, and run those into the ground. I’ve felt for a while that he’s been doing things for headlines and clout, as his reposting news articles about how much he donated in his streams seem to suggest. I’ve felt like he’s been interviewing these celebrities not because he’s actually interested in journalism, but is interested in the second-hand fame he’ll get from talking to and associating with these people. I say all of this to say that to me it feels his promoting of the BLM movement is just another thing for the him to say he did something good, but let me explain:

I’m black. I do NOT speak for all black people, I’m only speaking for myself and my opinion. I do not call myself an African American because I personally feel like that should be reserved for people who’s parents or family are from Africa and have connections with their African heritage. That’s not the case for me. My family has lived in America for generations and I have no connection to my ancestors’ African roots, so for me calling myself African American feels disingenuous and honestly like another way for black people to feel different from other Americans in this country. So I’m just black. A black American.

I’m 21 now, but I was 13 when the death of Trayvon Martin really sparked the BLM movement. I was absolutely distraught when his murderer was acquitted of his crimes, because it confirmed to me that black people, teenagers like myself at that, could be killed with impunity. It was a very painful awakening for me and it hasn’t gotten any easier to digest. Since then the BLM movement has been ongoing. There’s been marches, peaceful protests, walk outs, “die ins”, petitions and everything for the past 8 years, flaring up whenever another unarmed black person was unjustly killed, such Eric Garner, Sandra Bland, Philando Castile, Alton Sterling, Tamar Rice, and most recently George Floyd, and that’s just to name a few. My point is, there has been plenty of opportunities for Sean to get involved in the movement but he never said anything before now about it, and I’ve been watching him since 2015. That’s not necessarily a bad thing (it’s better people start supporting BLM at some point rather than not at all) but he’s putting himself on a pedstal already for it when this has been going on while ALSO condemning people for talking about his girlfriend’s racist remarks. It doesn’t add up.

And let me be clear. Racism against all races needs to be eradicated in all of its forms. We’re rightfully focusing on black people right now, but that doesn’t mean we should ignore the racism other races face. The same racist ideology that leads Gab to say what she said about Japanese people (and allows her to hide it) is the same ideology employed against black people. I understand that the BLM movement is bigger now than it has ever been before. I understand many new people are finally waking up to the reality of black lives in America and around the world. I appreciate that and all of the support that BLM has been getting lately. It’s been a slow, uphill battle just to get people to see and understand what’s been happening to black people especially in America. But racism is global and unlearning that racism has to be fundamental. Sean’s latest post and his condescending tone in it is not it. It was actually insulting to me that he tried to shame people for their legitimate criticisms of him and Gab right now when he seemingly JUST got on board with the movement. Like, yeah Jack people have BEEN suffering, thanks for finally feeling like it’s worth talking about since it’s been a trending topic for the past week. I’ve BEEN afraid for the lives of my dad, brother, nephew, uncles, and cousins for a very long time. I was actually pleasantly surprised he mentioned anything about it at all on his Twitter, but the more I thought about it and his recent actions, and his refusal to call out Gab for her racist comments toward the Japanese, the more the stuff on Twitter did not feel really genuine. The more it felt like Sean was still missing the point despite his donations and retweets, and understanding the point is CRUCIAL. Don’t get me wrong, donations and support are great, but it takes more than that to really fix this problem. It takes understanding and a commitment to dismantle racist ideology. Not to mention its crazy his first mention of anything BLM related on Tumblr is an angry call out post against tea blogs. Like if someone only followed him on Tumblr and no other social media, that’s all they see from him even though people have been posting helpful stuff here too.

I agree with you, Blue, it’s not enough to just think about it as black vs white, but as racism vs anti racism, in all of its forms, even it’s blatant and it’s more casual forms. I know Sean probably doesn’t like to have stuff thrown back in his face (nobody likes that), but what he should have done is faced it, owned up to it, and apologized. Especially now while everyone is on the topic of racism. I would have been genuinely impressed if Sean had admitted to trying to ignore and hide Gab’s racist remarks or being ashamed about them and actually apologized for it. But instead he double downed on it being us just hating on him, fueling a “petty hate agenda” which tells me he has not really learned anything from the past week of unrest. Recognizing your personal involvement in enabling racism and vowing not to do it anymore is a part of the process towards real change. Teaching others to dismantle their own biases is part of the process. Any other reaction is part of the problem.

Let me conclude this by saying to everyone it is great if you support BLM, no matter if you’ve been supporting from the beginning or just started yesterday. Trying to understand is the first step towards progress. Honest, genuine support is always helpful and welcomed, but don’t just do it because it’s trending right now. Please work to learn how prevalent racism is and how it affects many aspects of society. Black people have to live with this reality every day and no other race should have to deal with it either. I’m at least glad Sean has said and done something to help BLM as opposed to not doing anything at all. But he, like other white people, have to realize that they are capable of doing or enabling racist things, even if they aren’t racist themselves. By refusing to address Gab’s comments and trying to hide it and pretending it doesn’t exist, makes them a part of the problem. Even if they’ve talked about it and agreed it was bad in private, the apology should be just as loud as the disrespect was. And then having the audacity to try to shame other people for speaking up about that is really baffling coming from someone who’s seemingly first act to truly combat racism was a few days ago.

I know Sean wants to be known for fighting for what’s right, but don’t do it because of the accolades or praise you might get for being on the right side of a movement. Don’t do it for the headlines or be able to brag about your donations. Do it to understand, like really understand. Do it to actually dismantle the racism that may surround you. Do it because it’s the right thing to do.

#submission #anonymous submission #read its important!#jacksepticeye

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ajarofpickledtears · 3 years

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rant about my main body related insecurities

me: likes the aesthetic of make up

also me: depression would make it difficult to actually get my arse to do it, but! additionally I don't think it would be good to put anythong on open wound/sore skin. which I always have. and I scratch/pick, which would probably ruin make up too.

fun times.

problem numero two

my ears. are so different. like, it's literally not the "nothing on the body is symmetric, there are always gonna be differences"

my ears are literally like someone cut them off two different people and stuck them onto me.

even the same ear rings/jewellery doesn't fit equally cause my one earlobe is thicker, so with shortish bars I have to be really careful that it doesnt get sore ore dig in.

and like, actual rings? small ones can be basically snug on the one ear, and have a gab on the other.

I probably wouldn't be able to get a helix, cause that edge/rim of the ear is so flat you couldn't really get under it. that ear is rather close and "flat" along my head in general, the other one sticks out a bit.

and, last but not least, saggy boobies. first due to huge weight gain, now due to huge weight loss. there's just so much loose skin. and I hate it. if I could change one thing about my body... it would probably be my breasties cause even though no one really gets to see them, they probably give me the most insecurities.

actually, one could now also mention my weird frizzy hair structure which prevents me from ever having smooth, silky looking hair but

#i know theres different words for all kinds of stuff #so #the face skin thing? foundation?#i could do other things but i feel like it would draw even more attention to the mess of my face #insecure #insecurity #mental health #body issues #long post #cylas speaks

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hanhan156 · 5 years

Text

A new fic to my Stadium Tour series

Tumblr has been a pain in the ass for me recently. First, my sideblog’s posts’ tags are not shown in the feed and secondly, my last fic’s link disappeared suddenly from the tag feed. I have no clue why - maybe the god’s of Tumblr didn’t like when Paul was laughing at Reesh’s goofy outfit.

Anyways, I keep my fingers crossed and post this fic straight here. Enjoy. ~

ps. Once again, it's just my headcanons, no means to offend anybody. I'm just playing around the characters. This time, there's a bit of angst, but in the end I promise, it's gonna be fine.

Tales from the Stadium Tour pt. 2: Night terrors

Only two months to the start of their biggest tour ever, and everyone is understandably being exhausted as hell. Nobody hasn't said or done anything to it before their lead guitarist cracks and threatens to quit the whole band.

Luckily, Paul is there for him.

Being a world-famous band, some days tended to be the best ever, while some were being the absolute worst. Today, evidently, the latter - at least for their lead guitarist.

“So ein Misthaufen!!! Fuck this lousy band and fuck this even lousier tour!!!” Richard yelled, after another string from his guitar broke in the middle of the song. He usually treated his precious instrument like a woman he adored, but at this stage of upset, he almost threw it to the brick wall. “I said in the first place that this stadium tour was the dumbest idea we’ve ever had. It’s gonna be just a fucking farce the whole thing, I tell you!”

The guitarist rushed demonstratively towards the door turning to his fellow band members the last time before exiting the room. “I’m gonna leave this whole Scheisse, so have a nice tour without me!!!”

Schneider, confused and annoyed from the strange situation, stood up behind his drum kit. He had to interrupt this somehow. “C’mon Reesh, we’ve had way worse moments before. What the hell are you talking about quitting now? Should we cancel all the sold-out stadium shows then, huh? Don’t be ridiculous. It’s been just a bad day, it’s unnecessary to act like that!” He didn’t think they really had played so poorly – hell’s, back in the days, they’d even performed to full festival audiences, completely wasted, and with all of their instruments being out of tune.

“Hire a fucking substitute, it’s your problem now. I don’t care anymore! So verpiss dich!!” Richard snorted and showed the rudest hand sign known in the western culture to his band members before slamming the door and disappearing from their practice.

Stiff atmosphere landed the room. The question marks inside the other band members’ heads were almost visible. What on earth was that? Flake stared at his keyboard without saying anything. He really hated drama and usually when that occurred, he wanted to discuss and settle things with diplomacy rather than with yelling and swearing. He had to admit that he was sometimes a bit frightened about the melodramatic attitude their lead guitarist had. Flake knew that Richard was emotionally unstable - mostly, because of his neglecting family and other difficulties he had encountered through his life, so it was definitely understandable - but still, he was never prepared for the drama. He would have wanted to help the poor man, but didn’t really know, how.

In the other corner, Ollie was playing some random bass riff without an amplifier. He tried to keep himself busy and hide his disorientation as well. Schneider was bit in a shock and was handling it with never-ending gabbing.

“What the fuck was that, why he had to be so mean? He should definitely learn some manners, he can’t say things like that or show us the middle finger, like he would be the boss. We are all adults, for god’s sake…” He inhaled and continued, a notable concern in his voice: “Where did that thing about quitting come from? Right now, just two months before Gelsenkirchen? I don’t understand, why is he being such an asshole…”

“That’s enough,” Till interrupted their drummer’s rambling and cleared his throat, continuing: “Yes, he was being an ass towards us, but we shouldn’t judge him still. As you said Schneider, we are all adults, so let’s act like ones, even though Reesh didn’t. We all have our bad moments, and bad days, but we’ll still stick together, right?”

Paul was sitting legs crossed in the middle of the stage, listening to the discussion - or it seemed more like an argument now. To be honest, he wouldn’t have wanted to participate anyhow to this, but he didn’t want anyone to be upset though. Richard had once said that their band’s relationship was like a marriage, so despite all the uncomfortable things happening, he still felt responsible of their band members - especially Richard, who he cared deeply.

“I agree with you that he’s been like a bear shot in the ass lately, but still, we shouldn’t hate him. There must be an explanation to all of this,” Paul said and turned towards their singer, desperation in his voice: “Till, what should we do now?”

The singer just shrugged his shoulders.

Schneider, still annoyed, carried on his ranting: “So what could help then, huh? Should we let the diva continue being an ass towards us? What if he was serious about quitting, what are we gonna do then? Cancel all the shows, get real jobs? Guys, I’m definitely not accepting this. Not at all. We shouldn’t always go his way.”

There was a brief silence in the tight atmosphere before Till gestured Paul outside the rehearsal room. “Can I have a word with you, privately?”

The puzzled guitarist nodded and followed.

“Have you noticed anything…unusual in Reesh’s behavior recently?” Till asked when they were just the two of them.

Paul was thinking for a while what to answer. “Yes. When I think about it, he’s been even more annoying than usually,” he tried to ease the tight atmosphere, but Till still looked dead serious, so he clarified, “or I mean that he really gets annoyed even about the smallest things nowadays. Sometimes, I don’t dare to say anything to him because everything seems to upset him more. He also looks exhausted and doesn’t have the energy he usually has. He seems like…he’s not being himself anymore.”

“Exactly,” Till answered. He was happy to hear that Paul had noticed the same things as him.

“Do you have any idea, what might it be? You’ve known each other quite a long time so has he been like that before?”

“Couple of times, yes. You know that he’s being sometimes unnecessarily dramatic, but I think this time, he has a reason.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you have to admit that we - especially I - sounded like a vulture’s diarrhea ass today. You know how perfectionist Reesh is, so it made him even more distressed, and now he must think that our band is a total bullshit in general.”

“I agree that we weren’t at our best, but of course we’ve had bad days before and always managed still. I just don’t understand what made him to crack like that now.”

Till stared at the wall, avoiding Paul’s eyes, when he said: “I think he is mostly annoyed to himself rather than to us. He is clearly in a huge stress about this tour, about the news songs, about every single damn detail you can imagine. I can see that he’s not being his lively self, as you mentioned before. He tries to control everything too much and now, just two months before the tour should start, he has realized that it’s impossible to handle everything with a way he’d want to.”

Paul didn’t know what to think. In his opinion the stadium tour had been a good idea, something new and exciting for them. They’d had so much fun while creating their crazy-ass performance and the good old creative vibes had been around them. It felt amazing to play together once again, and like a cherry on top, it had lit that inner fire Paul had missed for a long time. He was also thrilled to perform the new songs - despite they didn’t have any clue yet, would the audience even like them, he was happy to play something new beside the old classics to which he was a bit fed up with. To be honest, he was even relieved that they had deleted Feuer Frei from their set list - even though it was a popular song, musically Paul thought it was one of their worst.

But, of course, when speaking of this kind of massive tour, everything doesn’t always go as expected. Paul didn’t mind it so much and he liked the idea that there was always room for some improvisation and surprises. The most important thing was that they and their audience enjoyed themselves. Besides, you’d always learn from failures and you could laugh at them later. He didn’t really understand, why Richard had to be so concerned about everything.

One thing his fellow guitarist had said before worried him the most. “Do you think he was serious with this ‘I quit’ bullshit?”

Till looked uneasy as well. “I don’t know. He is pretty unpredictable to be honest.”

“Then, what should we do? You know him the best, so should you go to talk to him?”

“Not me.”

“Why?”

“Because he doesn’t listen to me. It might make him to feel even worse. If he sees me, he probably just wants to smack me in the face.”

“So, what’s the solution then? Should we just let him be?”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea. It’s not once or twice he has ended up doing something stupid in bad mood.”

After a brief silent moment, Till looked Paul, almost like a begging dog. “Can you go to talk to him? I think you are the only chance we have now.”

The guitarist gave a laugh. “Me? What the hell, I’m not a professional psychologist. Besides, you know him way better than me.”

“It doesn’t matter, who knows him the best. Have you happened to notice the way he looks at you, listens to everything you say? He clearly adores you, so I think you should do it. If it doesn’t work, then we’ll figure out something else.”

Oh mein Gott. “But what am I supposed to say? I…I’m not good at this kind of stuff. What if I make him to feel even worse?”

“Just improvise,” Till said, and patted Paul’s shoulder, trying to make him to relax. Instead, the other man gulped notable loud. A huge pile of responsibility was on his shoulders now.

What the hell did I just promise.

Finding their angsty little teenager ended up to be pretty easy; Paul just had to follow the thick fog hovering in the corridor. Seriously, he should cut down that smoking.

In no time, Richard was hearing a knock on his door. Verdammt.

“For fuck’s sake, lass mich Ruh!”

“Sorry to interrupt, but can I come in?”

Hearing Paul’s voice cooled Richard down a tiny bit. At first, he’d been completely sure that it was Till who came to interrupt his own peace. Now he was so surprised that he couldn’t even reply anything to the other guitarist’s question. The other part of him wanted to welcome him in, hug him as tight as he could and weep all of his sorrows to the other man, while the other part just wanted to pout alone and act like nothing was wrong.

When Paul didn’t hear anything, he decided to take a risk and come in even without a permission. At least, there wasn’t that childish swearing anymore.

“You know very well that we all agreed earlier that we are not smoking inside,” he said, trying not to sound too judgemental. He knew that Richard was an eternal rebel, but still, he should at least try to obey the rules they had set together.

Even though Paul didn’t mean it, Richard took the other man’s comment as an insult. “Oh, I didn’t know that my stepfather has taken a form of Paul suddenly.” Even a thought of that horrible family member made Richard to shiver a bit.

Paul sighed. “You know very well that I didn’t mean to sound like him, just that some of the tour staff told us that they might get a terrible headache from cigarette smoke. We don’t want anyone to get sick at this point. You are not a teenager anymore, so you should start to respect others’ opinions as well.”

Just to annoy Paul more, his fellow band member lighted up another cigarette even though the first one wasn’t finished yet. Richard didn’t even bother to give a glance to the other man, like he would have been just thin air to him.

“Hallooo Mister, I’m talking to you now!” Paul shouted, waving his hands at the same time in front of the cocky man.

But still, Richard just continued smoking, without saying anything.

Paul tried to think what to do. Sensible talking clearly didn’t work now so he had to make up another kind of tactic.

Okay, you asked for this, you damn teenage diva.

Without any prior warning, Paul sat on Richard’s lap, dumped the precious cigarette to one of the many beer cans on the floor, and turned the other man’s head, forcing him to look straight into his eyes.

“Do I finally have your attention, Herr Kruspe?” Paul asked, in a provoked tone. If this wouldn’t work, he would suggest to the guys that maybe they should hire a new lead guitarist after all.

But, to Paul’s surprise, despite his earlier arrogant acting, Richard’s face didn’t look as aggressive as he had sounded. Instead, his eyes were actually glossy. The sight sent a wave of empathy inside Paul and now he was really concerned instead being annoyed. Okay, this must be something serious now.

“Reesh, what’s the matter?”

“Nothing,” Richard answered, turning his eyes from the other man’s inquisitive, yet sympathetic, gaze. I am not a fucking baby, so don’t you dare to pity me like that.

But resiliently, Paul continued: “It’s clearly ‘nothing’ when you are almost crying.”

Richard didn’t like it when Paul had to see him in this weak state. “You shouldn’t have come here. I bet that Till sent you.”

“It doesn’t matter who send me and why. I am seriously worried about you. In fact, we all are.”

Richard didn’t say anything, he just stared at the table in front of them even though it was difficult when the other man was sitting on his lap, being so freaking close to him. But to be honest, in any other situation, the other man’s proximity would have actually felt really pleasant. Right now though, he was so distressed that it was difficult to concentrate on anything.

“Reesh, honestly, we all are under a huge stress because of the upcoming concerts and stuff, but how you are acting and threatening to leave us, are far from normal. Please, tell me, what is concerning you,” Paul begged.

There was once again a silent moment. For a while Paul thought that this was a lost case - maybe Richard didn’t want to tell him anything and would rather to stay alone. This was probably a stupid idea in the end. Damn you Till and your “just improvise”.

But, just before Paul thought about leaving from the other man’s lap, Richard broke the eerie silence with a huge sigh. “Y-you are correct, I am actually in a huge stress.”

Now Paul’s attention arose again. Maybe this isn’t a lost case after all. “Do you want to clarify what do you mean with ‘a huge stress’? You know very well that I’m not a telepath, so I can’t enter your thoughts if you are not telling me, what’s going on.”

“I’m just so fucking scared of…all of this,” the other man managed to say, with a trembling voice. He desperately tried to fight back tears - it was too embarrassing to cry when somebody was witnessing. Richard was so used to keep his tough mask and now when it was falling off, he felt suddenly so helpless.

“Scared of what exactly?”

“Of everything…about this new tour and…stuff.”

Without getting a very clarifying answer, Paul tried to keep on asking. “We all can see that you are not being yourself. Can I ask you, have you even slept or eaten properly? Cigarettes and coffee are not considered as food.”

There was no point to lie or hide anymore, so whatever Paul was asking, Richard had to answer. Shit. “Well, a couple of hours now and then.”

“How much did you sleep last night for example?”

“Well, actually I…umm…didn’t sleep. And when I think about it, maybe I didn’t eat anything either. I really cannot remember…My head is being a bit fuzzy because there’s so much going on.”

“Holy hell, did you know that at our age we should care about our health even more! That’s not gonna end up really well, if you continue that kind of lifestyle. We are not young anymore, our motor doesn’t run with only drugs and alcohol!”

“Seriously, why do you have to sound like some fucking nurse now.” Of course, Richard knew very well that what he was doing wasn’t really healthy, but he couldn’t help it.

“It doesn’t matter how I sound, the most important thing is you now. But could you tell me, why haven’t you slept? Is there something bothering you?”

Richard nodded and shivered a bit. Fuck it, maybe I just have to tell him. “I can’t sleep because…because…I’ve had so horrible nightmares lately that I’m actually…afraid of falling asleep…it’s easier to stay up as long as I can.”

“Do you want to tell me what kind of nightmares?” Paul knew that he really started to sound like a psychologist, but he was so concerned, that he didn’t care about it right now.

They’d been sitting on the couch for a while and Richard had been trying to avoid Paul’s physical and mental proximity as best as he could. But, as he started to open up, he had a sudden urge to seek for attention from his friend. To Paul’s complete - yet, pleasant - surprise, without a warning, Richard grabbed him tightly and started to pour out, sobbing desperately at the same time: “I’ve…had of course nightmares before, but…not as vivid as these…i…it’s so fucking disturbing…”

“There’s nothing to be afraid of now, I’m with you,” Paul tried to calm his friend down, stroking his hair gently. “What is happening in your nightmares?”

Richard cleared his throat and started to mumble to Paul’s shoulder: “It begins…pretty normally. We are having a gig, everything goes well, and we are having fun, even though…I’m a bit dizzy when I see the huge audience. Seriously, it seems like there are millions of people there. Just staring at us. And I feel a nasty twitch in my stomach when I think about how they are…judging us, especially me.”

“You know that in our concerts, most of the people are probably so wasted that they don’t even remember anything. They don’t care how you sound or look, they are just having a party of their lives,” Paul said, trying to ease the other man’s horror.

But Richard didn’t hear what Paul was saying, he just kept continuing: “Then, we are doing the boat thing…I always thought it was a bad idea. You know what happened to Flake earlier.”

“And you know that Till has said you thousand times that you don’t have to do it, if you are afraid.”

“But…I don’t want to be…a coward.”

“You’re definitely far from being a coward.”

I wish I would believe that also. Richard gulped and continued to describe his terrible dream: “Everything is pretty ok and I see you are doing fine while you are boating through the audience - in fact, you seem to enjoy yourselves with Schneider, shaking hands with the people and stuff…I’m jealous to you when you manage to remain so calm.

When it’s finally my turn to step in, I feel like I have to throw up. When I look at all the people, they resemble an enormous pack of greedy wolves, ready to tear me alive. It’s fucking terrifying...

Then, I manage to go with the boat for a while, and when I’m finally convinced that it’s gonna be alright, suddenly something happens…I fall down and hit my head. I nearly pass out, and try to shout for help, but…nobody’s listening. Instead, the audience - looking like fucking werewolves with their huge red eyes - is tearing me apart, kicking and hitting me in the face so hard it’s impossible to breathe. I’m coughing blood and spitting out pieces of my teeth. At the same time, those animals are shouting…pretty nasty stuff to me.”

Paul noticed that as the story carried on, his breathing was getting shallow and his hands, still caressing his friend’s hair, were shaking. Yet, he tried to remain as calm as possible because he wanted Richard to tell him all, despite how horrible it would be. “What kind of…insults?”

“They are calling me…” In this part, it was difficult for Paul to get what Richard was saying, because his voice was trembling so much. Still, he tried his best to listen. “…a numb, a complete failure and that I have just failed through my life. That all I have achieved so far is a fucking farce… that nobody cares about me and…I would be better off dead. Some of those freaking werewolves even have the judging voice of my stepfather. He always thought that I’m nothing, I’m just a total loser. After all of these years his words…still haunt me.”

“Reesh, that’s so horrible…I’m so sorry to hear.” Paul wasn’t sure, what kind of words were the most suitable in this kind of situation. For Richard though, he wasn’t hoping to hear the right words, he was just so relieved that somebody was listening to him - and he was even more relieved when the person listening to him was Paul.

Richard parted from their embrace, now looking straight into the other man’s eyes. His grey eyes were filled with pure horror and self judgement. “But the worst part is just coming up.”

“Do you…do you want to tell it to me?”

Richard squeezed his friend’s shoulders so tight it hurt, but it didn’t matter.

“Reesh, please tell me. Everything is ok now, I’m here for you…”

So, the horrifying story continued. “In the end, the audience disappears and I’m relieved when I see all of you approaching me. I raise my hands, begging for your help, but you… just continue doing the same terrible things as the audience…Till points and laughs at me…that laugh is still echoing in my head…Rest of you behind him start to mock me. I also hear somebody of you saying that thank god you are finally getting rid of me, because you all hate me so much.

And in the end, the rest of the guys, expect for you, leave the scene. You stare at me, looking so curious - like a scientist glaring at his guinea pig - and so unusually…cold. I’m drained and exhausted, still hoping that at least you would help me. But, in the end…you come close to me and whisper to my ear…” Richard’s voice suddenly broke and he couldn’t breathe properly anymore.

Paul’s whole body was on goosebumps, but still, he wanted Richard to continue: “What…is it I whisper to you?”

The other man answered with his eyes closed: “You whisper to me that…’you fucking piece of shit…du bist ein Scheitern’…”

“…A failure? Why would I ever call you that? That’s… so fucking horrible…I’m so sorry…I would never call you with that horrendous word…”

“And you keep repeating it over and over until I’m begging you to stop, but you just continue…”

“Holy motherfucking hell, you should know that I would never, ever say anything like that to you…”

“And in the end, you spit on me and disappear, laughing with a voice so cruel that it…still hurts me to even think about it…I’d want to cry, but I can’t. I just lay on the dirty ground, alone, torn in the pieces mentally and physically.”

Paul was completely shocked, squeezing the other man tightly. “Holy shit…why am I acting like that in your dreams… I certainly hope that you are not really thinking that I would ever do something like that to you. Not in this lifetime. Not me, Till, Flake, Ollie or Schneider. We all love and support you and we’ll stick together, whatever happens. The audience can be shit sometimes, but we’ll always be there for you. For each other.”

Richard was crying to Paul’s shoulder, this time without even bothering to hide his awful feelings. Even though it was horrible to say out loud all these things which had bothered him for so long, it felt like a catharsis to finally speak about those horrors.

Richard parted from Paul’s embrace to blow his nose. “Es tut mir wirklich leid…how embarrassing, an adult man weeping like this.”

“Hey, there’s definitely no need to apologize.”

“Yes, there is. I was an ass towards all of you today. I really don’t know why I said all those cruel things…I’m just somehow so shocked and horrified about everything…”

“Well, all the guys were quite confused about the scene you created, but they will definitely understand and accept your apology. These are hard times for all of us, you are not alone.”

Richard wasn’t really convinced, so he continued: “Why am I so weak, why do I have to show my emotions like this…you all seem to be so happy about this new tour so why am I acting like this…”

“We all are afraid, of course. I’m as well and sometimes, it’s difficult for me to sleep, even though you know pretty well how good I’m at napping.”

Richard gave a dry laugh through his tears. “Yes, I definitely remember that lousy night after a gig in Mexico City, in that even lousier motel bunk we had to share. You were snoring so loud, and it was so freaking hot next to you, that I couldn’t sleep a second.”

Paul grinned. It was a good sign that Richard was joking, so he could be distracted from all the terrible things they had just discussed about. “To be honest, I don’t even remember anything from that night.” They both made a sound so weird that it was difficult to tell whether they were laughing or crying. It warmed up Paul’s heart to see his friend smiling, at least a tiny bit.

“But yeah, coming back to our Stadium Tour, it’s gonna be a huge thing for us. A challenge and an enormous step forward. I’m excited and yes, so afraid at the same time, but also, I am willing to just jump into the crazy rollercoaster - to see where it will lead us. And I’m completely sure that in the end, we will succeed and be even a bigger band we already are.”

“But how are you able to manage with all the fears and concerns? You seem so calm while I feel like I’m breaking into pieces even though the tour hasn’t even started yet.”

“I think the biggest reason I manage is that I know that I’m not alone. Whatever happens, we’ll stick together. We can, and we actually are bound, to ask for help - you should remember that as well. We don’t have to act like we are stronger than we are - we are, in the end, just a bunch of normal guys. Not some superheroes.”

Richard sighed. “I wish I could be like that as well. This freaking perfectionism is killing me.”

Paul understood what Richard meant. His friend was definitely that kind of a person, who’d be concerned if 1 person out of 100 didn’t like him, and he’d remember that single negative feedback for the rest of his life, even though there were actually 99 people worshipping him.

“Reesh, let me tell you something.”

There was a puzzled gaze in the other man’s eyes when Paul turned him to look at him again. “I just want you to know that you are an amazing person and a talented musician. Honestly, you are fucking amazing at anything you do. And if there happens to be someone who doesn’t like you, it’s his problem.”

Richard was blinking his eyes, confused from all of this. Still, after all these years, he wasn’t used to compliments. It felt a bit similar when passionate fans came to him, praising him from head to toe. “Now you must be just flattering me.”

Paul looked at him with a serious gaze. “Everything I said before is true, it’s not just some lame flattering. You deserve so much more positive things. I said it because I lo…” He cleared his throat and continued, feeling a rush of warmth on his cheeks at the same time: “I…umm, adore you very much.”

“Thank…you.” Richard was completely dumbfounded by the sweet words.

The two men were still embracing each other. Richard felt like his legs were getting a bit numb from Paul’s weight, but it didn’t matter. His whole body had calmed down, and he actually felt like he could finally fall asleep now, being safe with his friend.

His dreamy state was interrupted though when the other man asked: “Just one last thing. Were you serious with this ‘I quit’ stuff?”

Richard smiled. “Maybe I admit that I overreacted a bit. Of course, I’m not quitting, because I don’t want to get rid of any of you. Especially from you, Paul. I enjoy irritating you way too much.”

Hearing that felt like a heavy load finally dropped from Paul’s shoulders. “That’s wonderful to hear.” Then he came closer and whispered to Richard’s ear: “And you are definitely not getting rid of me, never in this lifetime.”

They both chuckled and Richard went back to his sweet, dreamy state. His eyelids weighed like led and slowly, he was dragged into the miraculous world of his unconscious mind.

Suddenly, Paul said, like from the distance, even though he was still close: “We all should relax.”

“…but I thought we have a tight schedule,” the other, drowsy man, mumbled.

“Yes, but it doesn’t help if we forcefully continue, exhausted and drained. We’d be too tired when the actual tour starts. We should take a tiny break.”

There was complete silence and Paul could only hear Richard’s calm, rhythmic breathing. “Are you sleeping under me?” he asked, pressing a couple of light kisses on the other man’s forehead.

“…maybe…does it matter?”

Paul gave a laugh. “Not at all, just that it might be a bit uncomfortable position.” He finally stood up and immediately, Richard positioned himself to the sofa more comfortable so he could take a nap. Paul handed him a blanket and sat next to him, caressing him still.

“I actually got an idea what we could do.”

“…huh?” was all that Richard was able to answer from the edge of consciousness.

“I’ll tell you later. Now, just get some sleep, mein Liebling.”

“Wonderful to hear that he’s now resting,” Till said while they were walking towards the little kebab kiosk nearby the rehearsal place. Even though Till tried to maintain a healthy lifestyle, Paul’s idea of getting some junk food and watching a crappy movie from Ollie’s endless B film -collection, was a very good one indeed. It was no use to do anything meaningful anymore today and they all really needed something else to think about than the tour. It had been a long time since they did something else together than music related stuff.

There was still one question bothering the singer. “But I’m curious, how did you manage to calm him down when he was so upset earlier?”

“Well, I had my own ways,” Paul said, grinning himself.

“You two clearly have something special going on.”

With a dreamy look in his eyes, them fixed to the red sky, Paul whispered so quietly that Till could barely hear it: “…vielleicht…”

#rammstein #rammsteinfandom #richard kruspe #paul landers #till lindemann #flake lorenz #christoph schneider #oliver riedel #paulchard #my fics

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thelasthundredmiles · 51 years

Text

August 18th, 1973

[continued]

My mother and I had a conversation finally-- early this week about my being gay. I simply have no words to express the absolute awe with which I regard my mother. Although I had attempted this conversation when I was here last February-- nervously making ideas with words like Bisexual-- I suppose trying to be as protective as possible-- this time she brought the subject up and I am very very pleased with her approach to knowing that I am homosexual.

I had maintained a blunt silence-- a simple no-communication regarding Richard. Which is not typical. Usually, mom and I sit around and gab about every little new development in each other’s life. Absolute silence. I knew she was dying to talk to me-- question me-- find out. But I waited patiently for her to approach me. Oddly, and sadly, enough, I think she could finally contain herself no longer and had to say something-- not about my being homosexual-- but about Richard. One night while we were in D.C. she and Richard sat up till nearly 4:00 in the morning drinking and talking. I’m sure it was one-sided. I’m sure Richard did all the talking. Or rather ranting-- whining-- crying-- raving.

Although neither one of them described in any detail what they talked about-- the next day I got the impression from both of them that it had been a real open heart talk. Mom said Richard cried several times. What an asshole! Jesus... Anyway, Richard said I might be mad when I found something out. I deduced it had to be either of two revelations. Either he openly told her we were lovers or they had a massive conversation about “pot.” I think now it was the latter. I think they were sitting up drunk and Richard dragged out the dope.

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purplesurveys · 5 years

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425

What website is it easy to spend too much time on? Reddit. I’m pretty easy to please - I just go through the Popular tag and I can stay scrolling for a straight hour. What's been bothering you lately? This one class with the horrible instructor I’ve been ranting about in my last few surveys. It’s 12:54 AM and I do NOT want to be thinking about it rn. Do you ever get cravings for cheese? Never. My stomach doesn’t go loco for cheese so I don’t actively look for it. Do you ever crave affection? All the time, but just with my girlfriend. I don’t like being affectionate with other people, like leaning on their shoulders for too long. Would you name your baby after someone or give him/her his or her own name? For a boy, I’m planning the name Owen at least as a second name, as a tribute to Owen Hart. For a daughter, I don’t really have solid plans yet...probably Ava (for Ava Gardner) and Audrey (for Audrey Hepburn).

Do you think boys can wear pink and girls can wear blue? Anyone can wear any color they want. It’s 2019, I thought we’ve been through this before? Which hair curlers have you had the best luck with? None of them. I don’t use hair curlers. What is the best way to curl your hair? Umm I’m not sure but the flat iron thingy that looks like tongs usually works. Idk what I’m talking about because I only ever get my hair curled by other people and only for special events haha. Don't you hate it when people act like idiots just to make you mad? Did you mean, college groupmates? If you were thrown into a lion's den, would you trust God to save you? Welp, I lived a good life. Do you wish you could call the police on the police? OMG yes. Philippine police are a joke. Do you write in cursive or print more? Print. I have to write hurriedly when taking down notes in class, and I realized that my cursive is really ugly if I have to scribble quickly. Were you alive before the Internet came out? Nope, the Internet was already well alive when I was born. Do you like that trends from the 90's are coming back in style? I do. I wasn’t conscious then so it doesn’t give me that ~nostalgia vibe, but 90s fashion highkey slaps nonetheless. ...or would you rather have the trends stay the same as the last decade? Last decade’s trends were so awful...denim on denim, bell-bottoms, skirts and leggings in one outfit, low-waist jeans, boot cut jeans, cropped vests, dresses and pants...we do not talk about that time. What was a horrible trend when you were in high school? I think the trends took a turn for the better when I started high school. All I remember are rubber bracelets/armbands/whatchamacallem, but those were in 6th and 7th grade. What is a horrible trend now? Anything from Forever 21 that has some dumb print at the back that says something like “I hate everyone.” What would you do differently if you were God? Oh no, I wouldn’t exist. Have you ever met anyone who claimed to be God? Fortunately no. Do you believe there is any hope left? Outside the country, yes. Inside this country, very little. Do you hope that everyone is held accountable for their sins? Can I like, skip the Christian questions...ty If you had to leave the US and never come back, where would you move? Well firstly I don’t even live there. Secondly, Canada or Australia. Would you buy a castle if you could afford one? No, I don’t see the need for one. I’d rather get a swanky, fully-furnished minimalist square house. What is something you aren't okay with? Animal abuse. Do you know anyone who isn't fake? Sure. Name five people you know who aren't fake. I don’t feel like it. Do you fully trust anyone? My girlfriend. How many true Christians do you know? Do you know any? What qualifies as ‘true?’ Do you think someone's value is based on how much money they have or make? Not at allllll. There are so many billionaires who are also the biggest assholes. Would you rather be an aborted baby or a victim of child abuse? This is a horrible, tasteless question. What's one trend you're behind the times on? Anything rap, anything A$AP. Do idiots act like know-it-alls a lot around you? Hahahaha they do, actually. Do you think it's ok to call an idiot an idiot? Only if they turn into a blatant asshole, but I think being respectful still takes precedence for the most part. If you had a child with down's syndrome, would you keep him/her? I think I would, but it would honestly worry me a lot. I’d want that child to get the best care 24/7 and I know I’d never want to leave them behind. Don't you wish people who weren't qualified would stop getting handed leadership positions? Lmfao, this is deadass the PHILIPPINE GOVERNMENT. There is absoltutely no fucking one qualified on those seats right now. So to answer your question, I give you an absolutely exasperated yes. Who is the worst plagiarizer you know? Honestly every guy groupmate I’ve had have been useless and lazy. It’s very easy to tell if they simply got an entire paragraph from a website. If someone tried to murder your child, do you think it would be wrong to expose them publicly and talk about it on social media? No. I say expose them. It’s so much easier and quicker to get things done that way. Why do you think people think this is wrong? They could argue that it’s not the proper venue and that authorities should be addressed first before anyone else knows, but I’m honestly all for shaming the suspect and making sure the story makes the rounds. Probably the journalist in me. Is there a toxic person that you miss? OMG no never. Good riddance!!! Are you still contemplating going back to someone you shouldn't? I haven’t thought about the person for as long as I can remember. What do you need right now? I need to get work done and catch up on work, but I’m soooo absorbed in my one-week break that it’s hard to get out of bed :( When was the last time you had a new crush? I’ve only had one crush and that happened five years ago. Do you know any "Christians" who are rude and judgmental? All of them, save for like two people. What would you do if your Bible was falling apart? The Bible I had to use for Catholic school (because we had to read it everyday throughout grade school and high school) was worn out. I think I just stored it in the storage closet when I went off to college or something. Do you have coffee with Jesus every morning? This is a creepy question. Do you pretend to be someone you're not on facebook? Why or why not? No. It’s unnecessary. Do you know anyone who pretends to be a Christian to get attention? I don’t think so. Do you want Jesus to come back soon? OMG WHEN WILL THIS END Do you believe that Jesus is going to come back in your lifetime? NO Would you rather wear blue jeans or jeggings? Jeans. I don’t think I’ve ever owned jeggings. What is the most comfortable type of pants ever? Culottes. They don’t suffocate your legs and they give them air instead. What is something you can't wear because of your body type? XXS flowy spaghetti straps/tanktops/sleeveless tops still look large on me. Would you feel self-conscious if you wore a girls size 12 as an adult? I’m not sure what that means ahaha oof. If you have curves, do you like them? What is the curviest part of your body? My butt. Have you ever been punished for doing the right thing? Not that I know of. How often do you cry? A lot. I’m quite the crybaby. How many Christians do you know who actually care? Is Tumblr all that it's hyped up to be? Not anymore, but it’s still fun to hang around here. At what age do you think someone is old enough to give advice? Any age is good enough as long as it’s accompanied by experience. Have you ever worn matching pajamas with someone? Nah my girlfriend and I don’t have those. What helps you fall asleep? Scrolling on social media, having the AC on. Do you have a nighttime routine? No, I just lie in bed and go on my phone until I pass out. What was the last mountain you climbed? Never climbed any yet. Who is the fakest Christian you know? OMG I’m begging you to stop Who are the fakest friends you've had? Wahahaha ez question but I’m not dropping their name here! Who's the most narcissistic person you know? GAB (not my girlfriend, it’s another Gab). Who gives the best hugs? Gabie :( And Laurice. Who was the last person you hugged? Gabie.

#survey #surveys

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