#fucking hell that difficult
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I FIGURED IT OUT FUCKING FINALLY
thanks @ae-neon
eyllwe = ethiopia
fenharrow = greece
melisande = italy
anielle = france
adarlan = england
terrasen = ireland (irish gaelic/gaeilge)
the frozen wastes = scotland (scots gaelic)
the western wastes = germany
the witch kingdom = wales
white fang mountains = gaul
the deserted land = mughal
the khaganate = mongolia
wendlyn and doranelle = aboriginal australia
#tog#fucking hell that difficult#adarlan's gotta be england#with all that colonization and conquering#tog era
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wheezes into my coffee cup about THEM
#art korner#steter#stiles stilinski#peter hale#steter art#steter fanart#teen wolf#oh my god drawing characters based on real people is so hard#particularly peter#fuck you and your beautiful and difficult face ian bohen#this isn't very exciting as far as artwork goes but i'd never drawn them before and had to get a feel for it lol#please send help it's 2023 and somehow i've fallen into steter hell and cannot get out
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(CW: Ranting/Venting; the fic I am talking about will not be named, nor will I give the author’s name away. Please send me a message if you want to know)
Did we even watch the same show? He’s not a caring, big brother? He’s a stick in the mud?
The only thing I’ll give you is that he’s full of himself… because he’s an idiot teenager with badass fighting skills and weapons. Of course he’s gonna be a cocky little shit. Most people with Leo’s skill would be.
I’m going to assume that you mean part of the time he’s full of himself. But if you mean all the time, then I’ll correct you there. More often than not, he is actually very insecure— a very common trait among the Leonardo’s.
“Maybe I shouldn’t be leading the team?”
“It’s all my fault. I let the guys down!”
“I don’t think I’ll ever be the same again”
“I’d just hold you back. You guys train, I’ll watch. It’s all I’m good for anyway…”
“I’m a liability to the whole team”
“I won’t be much help out there anyway”
Leo is a perfectionist and this shows in the way he leads— coming across as bossy or arrogant— and how he treats himself. The guy just got out of a three-month coma after he had the shit kicked out of him and what does he say when he’s by himself after everyone else went to look for Raph in the woods?
He holds himself to impossibly high standards— both placed by himself and some of the misguided lessons he was taught.
Alright, now for the stick in the mud part. Leo is a fucking dork (I mean this in the most affectionate sense). He loves Space Heroes to the point where he quotes it during missions. He likes puns, is fascinated by Japan culture, martial arts, meditation, etc. He trains very hard to excel at ninjutsu/martial arts— both so he can help his brothers in combat and because it’s a passion of his. That doesn’t make him boring in the slightest. He has some of the most ridiculous dialogue throughout the series:
“Alright guys. Let’s put Old Mother Hubbard back in her cupboard!”
“Hello!? Space Heroes!? Captain Ryan! Didn’t you see the episode where they fought the Cortexecons?!”
“Awesome! Oh, this is so rad! I feel like Van Helsing, but way cooler than him, actually. Way more rad than Van Helsing”
“Alright guys, prepare to dish out the mighty wrath of justice!”
“We don’t know he’s gonna do anything bad. He could be on his way… to… church!”
“I… don’t really have a pinky?”
He can’t lie for shit which leads to him saying silly things:
“Be cool. Be cool.” *answers phone* “uh.. hey man! What’s… what’s going down? *Raph says they better have not watched the Crognard finale without him and Leo laughs nervously* W-who, us?! Of course not! But I bet if we did watch it, we would have found it anti-climate… climactic!”
*gets asked by Chloe if there’s other turtles like him* “Nope! Uh-uh! Just me! Mr. Imaginary Talking Turtle!”
“He’s just kidding, Mrs. O’Neil. Kirby’s…uh.. on a.. safari! In Puerto Rico! And he won’t be back for a while.”
And he’s not the goody-two shoes and suck up people think of him as. He has gone behind Splinter’s back on several occasions, snuck out both willingly and unwillingly. The guy dressed in black and caused petty crime with his sister and her girlfriend Shinigami because he was pissed off at Shredder.
As for not being a caring brother. You mean this guy?! This Leo?! ⬇️
Couldn’t be this Leo, right? There’s no way he’s a mother hen— being both doting and getting after his brothers.
“Don’t talk with your mouth full!”
“Mikey, you never cease to amaze me”
“Leo never left your side” — April when Raph was reduced to a mere plant by The Creep
“I’m sorry about Spike, Raphael.”
“Donnie, don’t lose sight of who you are!”
“Nice job, D”
“Donnie, the go karts worked great. Nice job!”
“Mikey, come on! It’s not that bad! And Raph promises not to make fun of you anymore.”
Not the Leo that uses all his strength and stays behind in the Technodrome holding Kraang Prime so his brothers and April can escape. Not that Leo who while just barely awake after a coma goes after a mutated monster in the woods to get his family back. Not that Leo who forced himself to stay calm so the others can be calm while they go through the most insane shit, or cannot grieve in the moment because he has to ensure the rest of their safety, so his focus during missions and battle is scattered in different places. Because he couldn’t possibly help bandage their wounds, worry when they’re hurt and not give up on a family member. Not Leo preventing Donnie from straight up unaliving Don Vizioso because Leo doesn’t want his younger brother to do what he did and change him like it changed him. He doesn’t sacrifice himself over and over because he loves his brothers, right? Right??
#tmnt#tmnt 2012#tmnt 2012 leo#Mari rants#mari rambles#just say you didn’t watch 2012 and I’ll be fine with that#I seriously don’t understand what is so fucking difficult to grasp#Leo isn’t an asshole who is boring as hell#he doesn’t hate his brothers#he isn’t master splinters golden child or the favorite as much a you wanna think that#tmnt 2012 mikey#tmnt 2012 raph#tmnt 2012 donnie
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HEY
YOU KNOW ANTISEMITISM IS STILL BAD RIGHT!?
RIGHT!?
#im just a dumbass goyim but fucking hell#'genocide is bad and should stop' and 'antisemitism is bad and should stop' are not conflicting statements!!!#EVER#and dont you dare pivot to islamphobia#both Jewish and Muslim people are PEOPLE!!!!#who deserve basic respect and human rights!!!!#ffs#this part isnt difficult!!!
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Ok, I'm burnt out, pretty grumpy, and having a really hard time, so I'll be turning asks off for awhile. Posting will be more sporadic. I know I don't have to announce things like this, I figure I'll let people know so they don't think I'm ignoring them or anything. I'm just having a shit time, y'all.
Take care, everyone.
#personal#blog post#sorry for literally just coning back from a posting a break and leaving immediately after#shit just really fucking sucks today#I've been having a shit time throughout this entire move#but the moment we got on the road and the moments after have been fucking hell#i didnt sleep well most of these nights either#as I've been sharing a bed with my mom#and she's used to a bigger bed so she keep stealing blankets and kneeing me in the side#I'm just having a shit time#even spirituality has veen difficult lately#i haven't been able to feel the presence of any deities and that's been reallt hard#because it feels like I'm praying without reason sometimes#but i try to push through those feelings#but i also just feel bad that i keep asking and asking for hwlp without being able to give offerings atm#i just don't feel well#and there's not much i can do about it
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when will my queen return from the war…
#back on my bullshit#talia al ghul#spent last night imagining a comic that’s abt young her being dorky and a teenager…#she must’ve been such a nightmare to raise and like fuck yeah give ra’s hell#but also I think having a comic where she’s just like any other teen would really help people that think she’s heartless#pretty difficult to argue that the teen girl with Polaroids of her and her crush on her wall is the worst mother on the planet ever#but yeah#it’s in my ideas folder now <3
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hard to come up with funny lil coping posts when all i can think about is how bayern has had so many seasons to prep for the impending transitional period where we have to reconstruct following the departures of a lot of our key core players and here we are at the end of thomas's second to last season and we are probably in the worst position we could be in ! great.
#shit ava says#like blah blah blah third place sucks and this being our first trophyless season sucks etc#but idk. i'm more just annoyed that there is no direction in sight.#like i'm okay with charging through difficult times because the transitional period is inevitable#but the fact that we have no idea what the fuck is coming next season actually sucks ahahahaa xxxxxx#i'm just mad because we've had years to prep and we did not just NOTHING but actively made our position worse. what the hell#a far cry from what i know is controversial but like the bayern dna that was at its height during pep/jupp/flick etc#i know a lot of people do not like him and that's fair but#i think that's why i was a lot more lenient on nagelsmann#because i felt okay we have to be patient... this is a long term project etc. and then it wasn't! welp
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i just want to be normal and to be a good friend to the people that matter most to me
#and yet for some reason its so fucking difficult#this is a girlblog#hell is a teenage girl#im just a girl#female hysteria#coquette#girlblogging#girlhood#female insanity#femcel
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The new Kesha album Gag Order ABSOLUTELY FUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!! I've been listening to it on repeat the last several days. It's intense and heartbreaking and chaotic and disturbing and wistful and motivating. Listen to it when you have emotional space for it, but definitely listen to it.
#personal#kesha#gag order#gag order album#edit: it sounds like what it feels like to have a trauma breakdown#like a long one over a series of months and years. she got it perfect. i hope this album was healing and cathartic for her.#it's so important to be able to express the 'ugly' emotions#her anger is justified. she gets to be angry about all the shit that's happened. and she gets to talk about it. it's so so so fucking hard#nothing happened with my rape case. i never heard back about any of it (except the university telling me they dropped my case).#i can't imagine going to court with people pointing cameras in your face and then having your case dismissed AND have your rapist file a...#...defamation suit. and the years that that bullshit has been going on. fucking hell. it's so hard. i feel for her and i hope she has...#...all the support she needs to get through it. she deserves all the love and care in the world. holding powerful people accountable for...#...their actions is so fucking difficult.
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I just wanted to say as someone who has stumbled across your blog and has read your Wednesday wips and posts about anything topgun related that your thought process and consideration of mav and ice, specifically their political beliefs and relationships with their own identities, is honestly so impressive and cool. You have brought such realism and life to these characters which is just so refreshing to see. idk i just wanted to express how cool and awesome i think that is
Because of the thought into these characters does it make it difficult to like them or understand them if you have differing opinions from them? for me personally i feel like if i were to ever actually have a convo with ice or mav regarding identity politics i would actually start to lose my mind (like how one feels when your dad or fun uncle talks for too long at thanksgiving dinner). If it does make them difficult to like, does that make it difficult for you to write them sometimes?
oh yeah! i think, my ice i really empathize with & really love & really could get along with, once he grows out of the sexism of his teens & twenties, but my maverick drives me crazy. someone sent in an ask a while ago that was like “WHY is cyclone simpson your one true love??” And it’s because i too would absolutely hate maverick & hate working with him lol. people who are overly cocky & un-self-aware & a bit self-centered make me CRAZY. (narrator voice: compacflt is a hypocrite as all these things also apply to compacflt.)
Politically… It’s difficult to say. no one really wants to hear the intricacies of one person’s political journey, which is why i won’t give you mine, but suffice to say—since the start of the russian invasion of Ukraine, and my semi-concerted effort to learn more about the political landscape of modern warfare, my own personal beliefs have shifted a whole bunch. definitely aided in that shift by my top gun fic project that specifically aims to understand the conservative straight-passing male mindset as it relates to military matters… there are many end goals to a project like mine, but one end product is a filter you can take away and hold up in front of your eyes and see the world through it. When writing from the eyes of a conservative straight (passing) white man, your priorities totally shift. I had to write from the perspective of someone who doesn’t care about identity politics. Because they don’t! A core tenet of conservatism is very proudly not caring about that stuff, and being very annoyed when people (usually left-of-centers) make that stuff very visible and want you to care about it! “Don’t shove it in my face,” etc., etc. Don’t force me to care about this taboo, private thing I really don’t care about. It violates my freedoms, or whatever, to be forced to care—or even bear witness to—stuff that i don’t care about. Etc. And then, to be nominally a part of that community that you really, really don’t care about, and then to be told that you have to care about it because of your publicity… people asking you to be proud of something that has had a negative connotation for much of your entire life… that’s not a transformation that happens easily.
Jesus, I could write an essay about this. I have, several times by now in responses to asks over my blog. But there is so much that I could talk about. I think… I really worry that some of my writing falls into the first of the below categories:
I really try not to romanticize conservatism in my writing—I tried to show that ice and mav’s happiness is the price they pay for their conservatism. They’re actively choosing to be unhappy—but because they prioritize their honor over everything, due to EXTERNAL PRESSURES they cannot control, and which I think are often ignored in the fandom space for one reason or another. The fact of the matter is, in 99% of IPs, characters prioritize something other than their sexualities. It’s never Maverick’s personal identity that is at stake in either Top Gun or Top Gun: Maverick, because he has built himself so impermeably masculine that there are no grounds upon which to question his personal identity. He just isn’t thinking about it. He’s thinking about how to get into Charlie’s pants, how to win the Top Gun trophy, how to uphold his promise to Goose, et cetera. If he’s fucking guys on the side, it’s because he wants to and because hes maverick and he does what he wants without thinking about it—that’s the whole point of his character, from a story-construction standpoint. That’s his archetype. He’s a renegade maverick superstar who is both thoughtlessly brilliant and thoughtlessly dangerous. He’s thoughtless. His priorities are to survive and to look cool doing it, and that’s it. He is a savant in the Naval Air Force, where honor is your lifeblood, who feels he has been dishonored by his own family name, and who willingly joined the conservative post-Vietnam Navy right when/after Ronald Reagan was elected President, and who wears cowboy boots and who disrespects women to their faces, and who is eager to get into altercations with Soviet-Chinese-DPRK-X-second-world-country-coded-but-EXPLICITLY-Soviet-manufactured-Mikoyan-Gurevich-MiG-28s(-F-5s-painted-black)… I’m sorry. In my opinion, the conservatism is baked into him as a character. I find it extremely difficult to separate him from his conservatism, because in some ways his patriotic conservatism is his raison d’etre. IMO if you take that away from him, he ceases to exist.
Same thing with Ice and his unwillingness to openly rebel or go against the grain. That is his whole reason to exist in the story at all. I know that I’m saying this in a fandom space where the whole point is to change characters & put them in different situations (fanfic) but… in kind of a perverse self aware way, as in I know I sound ridiculous and pretentious, i guess i don’t really understand an impulse to change the core tenets of a character irreparably in fanworks. We are shown that ice always goes by the books in TG. Then we are shown that he achieves the fruits of that labor (four stars) in TGM. So he is rewarded for never rebelling, whereas Maverick, who always rebels (but NEVER in a way that challenges his personal identity), has stagnated in the ranks at full-bird O-6. And that’s Ice’s character. That’s what he’s there for in the story—he’s a tool to show us the value system of rank and prestige you earn by following the rules of the Navy. Why take that away from him? That’s his priority! Canonically, that’s his priority and reason for existence! And historically the way to achieve that priority is through conservatism.
And you ask me if it’s hard to like my ice and mav. Yes, but that’s not my choice. The movie already did that for me. They are not, I’m sorry, likable people. I am not a straight white conservative male writing about straight white conservative men to validate my own beliefs—I’m a queer AFAB person of color writing about straight white conservative men because I want to understand the limits of their conservatism. What they do and do not care about, and what it takes to make them care. And from what we are shown in TG… ice and mav would not care about ME. At all. And they would not want to be forced to care about me. Ice’s casual careless dismissiveness… “the plaque for the alternates is down in the ladies’ room…” mav following Charlie into the bathroom… turning the key in the ignition and driving away while pretending not to hear her… “what?? i can’t hear you! 🙉” … they do not care. They have no desire to care.
Again. Maybe I subscribe to a very very old-school and labored and pretentious ideology when it comes to writing… I know a lot of people write just to have fun. I do not. I wish i could, but I don’t. And when you’re not writing to have fun, you don’t have to like the characters you’re writing about. They’re nothing more than tools at your disposal to get your point across more effectively. No, I don’t like them! Of course not! My ice is cruel and cowardly and careless and hypocritical and subservient and weak, and my mav is demanding and dangerous and dismissive and oblivious and so, so, so unbelievably bitter.
And that’s what my story needed, to get my point across. So, shrug. My point was my priority. I don’t care too much about the characters themselves.
Re: icemav & identity politics. Part of hopefully selling this story is the attempt at empathy for the conservative male, to bring this discussion back to the top. Why write fiction at all if you’re not going to write about people different from you, and why write about people different from you if you don’t want to understand them? So… part of trying to understand them was to understand and have empathy for this shift in priorities. Conservative guys do not want to care about labels, or sexual orientations, or, God forbid, discussion of their gender identities. I can kind of see Ice tolerating it by the end… but, there are limits. Again, it’s supposed to be private. I think he’d chafe against getting labeled gay—he wouldn’t want to be called the first gay compacflt, or SECNAV, etc. He can’t say, “i slept with like a hundred fifty women before I even MET the ONLY man ive ever slept with,” because that’s like intensely private personal information!! No one deserves that information, but people still want to call him gay, even though in his head he really is not!!!! Again—from the conservative perspective, it’s a public imposition of left-wing, overly sexualized, too-neat labels and politics onto an area of life that has typically been kept private and respectable—I don’t agree with the conservatism, but I can at least empathize with it. Pre-Maverick’s death (pre-coming to terms with it), it would’ve been shameful & embarrassing to him; but even after coming to terms with it, it’s still not something he “takes pride” in. I think he thinks of it like this—most people aren’t proud of being straight. Like, it’s weird if you are. Same thing with being proud of being white, etc. Why be excessively proud of things you have no control over? Why not take pride in your ACTIONS—for instance, his career that he has actively sacrificed so much of his pride for? I can really empathize with that thought. I don’t necessarily agree, but I get it, especially in his professional circumstances, where he has so much to be professionally proud of, and yet people keep wanting him to publicly care about this private part of him he has no control over and can’t change.
Maverick though. I think he’d be actively hostile about talking about it in public. He Does Not Care. he does not want to care. It’s all an insult. They call him the first openly gay Ace cause he’s married to another man— “okay, but, like, I’m not. Stop calling me that. Neither of us are. Oh my god we have slept with so many women. Stop calling us that.” Ok then what do you want us, the press corps, to call you? First openly bisexual Ace? “No that’s worse!! That’s a word some teenager made up and doesn’t mean anything!! I’m sixty years old stop asking me to talk about this stuff im too old.” What do you have to say to LGBT kids who want to go into the navy? “😎👍 there’s a place for you etc etc. Let’s go back to talking about all the planes I shot down.” Maverick does what he wants without thinking about it. That’s the core tenet of his character. Very conservative. Don’t ask him to care too much.
Idk. No I don’t like them. But I understand them, if that makes sense. Like their conservative anti-label logic does make emotional sense to me. So that’s part of what I took away from this project, for better or worse… probably worse: I understand why conservatives don’t like the modern over-publicity of sexuality. They don’t care and they don’t want to care. And because they are small-C conservative, my ice and mav still don’t care lol. So, yeah. It doesn’t make them hard to write, because thats why I wanted to write them in the first place.
#what does it say about me that i put myself in their shoes & understand their position#i don’t agree with it but I understand it#the annoyance and the bad optics and the over labeling of hard-to-label sexuality#being a gay republican has got to be the seventh circle of hell#note my ice and mav are not republicans#but also note my story would not change even one bit if they were#i don’t LIKE gay republicans because they’re republicans. but i can empathize with them cause that’s gotta fucking blow.#normie median biden voter ice#now I think if a kid came up to maverick at an airshow and was like…#sir im trans and I think I want to go into the navy to fly & you’re my hero…#he’d freak out like ‘omg that means so much to me actually thanks!! it might be difficult for u i won’t lie but we need more people who#can overcome adversity…omg let me set you up with this admiral i know… yes yes yes…’#he doesn’t like the conceptual discussions but he likes the people if that makes sense#& he really likes people massaging his ego#i find them incredibly annoying. but that’s what character development is for. if u start out liking ur characters ur doing smth wrong#& if they weren’t incredibly annoying then i wouldn’t have a story to write.#pete maverick mitchell#tom iceman kazansky#icemav#top gun#top gun maverick#asks#edts notes#**obvious disclaimer this is just my interpretation!!!**
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AAARRRWWWWWGGGGGHMMMMMMMNN
#this stupid outfit + song is all i’ve been able to talk about today#he’s been delivering so hard recently oh my hod#fanart#käärijä#my art#doodle#kärtsäri my beloved#also this expression is fucking difficult to draw jesus christ#also can you tell that i have no fucking clue what’s going on with this outfit???#what the hell is he wearing#not complaining cuz massive slay but dear god#what the hell
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Continuing my Dorley reread and in many ways Dorley is a comedy and one of the most horrifying ways in which Dorley is a comedy is the comedy of watching Steph's idiot self be convinced that she can pull one over on a cult to get transition services from them without herself getting radicalized by said aforementioned cult
#genuinely her lack of self-awareness as she's actively talking herself into being okay with kidnapping is HILARIOUS and also horrifying#theres a lot in here about the inertia of abusive institutions#and how they perpetuate themselves by forcing a lot of otherwise good people to be complicit in them in order to be able to live their live#and how difficult-to-impossible it is to reform that because it's not by a single malicious design so much as a massive pileup of bullshit#and in the case of Dorley it's exaggerated to hell but we've all had to jump through insane hoops at the whims of abusive institutions#in order to get basic fucking healthcare#dorleyposting
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out of all the things that could've happened on this trip, did not expect a make-out session with a woman to be one of them
#fucking hell im bisexual#like i knew. but now i *know* via experience#how do people comprehend this my brain is exploding#livvie rambles#applogies for anymore rambling i do about this#my real life friends know this person so its difficult to bring it up
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thinkin about tam lin as a fairytale
thinkin about rude princely men held captive
thinkin about bold heroes violating social mores
thinkin about faeries tithing your love to hell
thinkin about stubbornness and bravery
thinkin about holding tight onto nightmares
thinkin about trials that end with your naked love in your arms
thinkin about tam lin as a border ballad
thinkin about it as a metaphor for border reiving
thinkin about hob's canonical banditry during that era
thinkin about him stealing cattle and sheep
thinkin about him finding a beautiful man in the woods
thinkin about him stealing dream from the faerie queen
#dreamling#the sandman#thinkin about a difficult and unfulfilling life and then meeting a stranger in the forest and just banging him then and there#thinkin about hob being strong and funny and harsh and getting his heart absolutely stolen by dream#thinkin about hob who leads raids and provides for kin and once stole three hundred head of cattle#dream: i'm about to be tithed to hell and i am property of the faerie queen#hob: (hearing and taking that as a personal challenge)#dream: get the fuck out of these woods don't touch that flower#hob: this flower? this one? oops#whoever mentioned tam lin on the kink meme look what you've done to me
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Not me bawling and crying to my bf who’s at the airport travelling to another country about my Manager fucking up my ratings for appraisal 😭
#he be at the check-in consoling me while i was bawling#my dad’s like ok tell them to fuck themselves and come home and chill till u find a new job#my bf is like oh fuck that bitch and tell her to shove it and let me spoil you for a few months#but i wanna stay at my workplace out of pure spite and make her life hell#absolutely hell 💯 and make her breathing difficult by putting a stack of feedbacks she cant handle#also ill fight 💪🏻 cus she has no justification of my ratings#but dad’s option is so tempting though#hes like didnt u want to do an mba?? go upskill#en rants#deleting later
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aventurine please let it be April 17th already. I’m tired of getting cucked by Sam because 4 star healing isn’t enough :(
#And also if only Ruan mei’s skill could attack#Then it’d be really easy but NOOOO#And whenever you use a skill it consumes your HP LIKE FUCKING HELL#I have the dps but not the survivability#Sigh I wish I pulled fu xuan instead of IL…#And thing is I could used him for the second half but then the first wave would be too difficult#DoT teams ftw#And also because I was a Kafka believer since the beginning#I ain’t selling out to acheron#(Well also because I need all the pulls I need for aven and topaz and ratio’s lc…)
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