#fuck the 3rd hokage
Text
#talkin#tik tok#naruto#naruto uzumaki#naruto shippuden#anime#hiruzen sarutobi#fuck the 3rd hokage#3rd hokage
108 notes
·
View notes
Text
no matter how many years pass i can never come to terms with the amount of pain and anguish the konoha mfs put naruto through i wish he blew that shitty place up
#i just cant#sometimes im all alone and having hormonal battles and I'll remember baby naruto all alone in his house and the fucking 3rd hokage actin up#like fuck u old man that's a child who TF are you showing that attitude with i hope u ROT love you orochimaru for k wording that scum#orochimaru may be slimy and creepy but at least he k worded hiruzen that gives him a good point in my book IDGAF#also fuck you jiraiya#time to read fanfictions where naruto has a happy sweet family and still has a normal hairline GOODFUCKINGBYE
19 notes
·
View notes
Text
Fugaku wasn’t the best father, but no one will ever convince me that Minato of all people is a better father than him
#Fugaku Uchiha#anti Minato#at least Itachi and Sasuke HAD a father: Minato put Naruto through hell bc he wanted to see if he could control a mystical beast#do I agree that Fugaku treated Itachi like a tool for a long time? yes. I also agree that he was in war#and he had to do things he didn’t want to do; if there wasn’t a war and his people wasn’t in danger Fugaku would never put so much pressure#on him; Minato is an idiot as a father and Hokage I won’t be moved on this#and since we’re here#Fugaku would’ve been a better Hokage too#Minato as a character is the core of all nationalistic themes that are in the series#Fugaku wanted to change the system to better his people’s lives and I know he could’ve done it#Minato did not care to change the means of the village and instead lost 2/3rds of his team basically lost his last student to mental health#sacrificed his son to a life of misery and then died leaving the village in worse shape than it was#if Fugaku wasn’t Hokage bc Minato was a better candidate he could’ve at least become it after he died#and also fuck the 3rd; I hate you hiruzen you ugly crinkly smoking bitch I know you smell bad
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
I've still been fucked up ever since I found out that(according to an actually plausible timeline), Konoha has only existed for like 90-something or whatever years??? It's not like. Fucking 200 years old or whatever. And that Madara died when he was 74 but he had himself hooked up to, fuckin what was it??? The Gedo statue?? A tree?? Whatever. In order to keep himself alive and you look at him all old and crusty and think he's like. Over a hundred at least. But no, that man's 74. He's just an average fucking grandpa!!! And Hashirama had been dead for a LONG while, so he actually died pretty young all things considered. And that also means Mito died like. Fuckin. I'm guesstimating here but in her 60s I guess???? But it's a significant thing that the Uzumakis have longer than average lifespans so like. What the fuck is the average life expectancy in Naruto for this bullshit to make sense???
#ever since i found out mada died at 74 ive been thinking those obi grandpa theories/allegations could actually be true#cuz doesnt he actually call obi his descendant at one point or something??? i mean i do think he meant that metaphorically#but at that age it actually could be possible#mada just woulda had to have a kid later than hashi did to make sense of the age difference between obi and tsun@de#and his grandma from the anime isnt canon so we can discount her in this equation#still fucked up tho over all hidden villages therefore being younger than a century#i think in my head it just feels like kages should be kages from like. their 20s or whenever the get the position#to like. their 70s or 80s or whenever they die#ya know like hiruzen made it to 68 i think??? and only died cuz of oro#but then again he did step down for mina like. 15 whatever years ago if were using 12yo nart for comparison#so going by 'they have the position for like a couple decades. maybe 2 MAYBE 3 then pass it on to someone else'#yeah it would then make sense for konoha to be on kage number 5 within a century#it just. doesnt really occur to me i guess. am i the only one fucked up by realizing this??? or has it always been obvious to everyone else?#granted when i was a kid i was ALWAYS so confused by how there could be a 4th hokage when the current guy is called the 3rd#i just never picked up on the idea that the 3rd returned to the position when the 4th died lmao#so yeah of course this has always gone right over my head#personal
5 notes
·
View notes
Note
Top 10 people naruto should have been allowed to bite
Jiraiya
The 3rd hokage
Danzo (oh god but he's covered in eyes, it would be squishy. Yuck.)
Shop keepers who threw him out just bc he was the Jinchuriiki.
Those two fucks on the council
The daimyo
Minato
Itachi
Madara (I think it would be funny)
Kakashi (but like in an angry toddler way)
+1 Sasuke (but in a sexy way)
39 notes
·
View notes
Text
i'm rewatching naruto with my sibling who's never seen it and i gotta say..
THE PACING IS DOGSHIT.
I can't even begin to imagine what it was like watching it when it was airing on TV..... a fight that could easily be 1 or 2 episodes is stretched to 6, and like 50% of the content is recycled and constantly getting showed as flashbacks.. WE WOULDN'T NEED A FLASHBACK FOR THIS THING IN THE BEGINNING OF THE FIGHT IF YOU DIDN'T STRETCH IT OUT FOR 5 EPISODES
anyway i love naruto (spoilers for the extremely popular manga/anime that's been around for decades), the plot is all over the place and doesn't really make sense and the author seems like he's never spoken to a woman before which leads to all the female characters (excluding tsunade and MAYBE temari) being ASS. I also really hate how often naruto (the show) does the "this character is a dick but then heroically sacrifices themself so it's all okay actually (looking at 3rd hokage, jiraiya, pain, obito, itachi kind of, these are just off the top of my head but there's probably WAY more) and like, i get it that naruto is not gonna go "the 3rd and jiraiya sucked ass, actually" because they meant the world to him (the bar was low) but the story does nothing to imply that they were even wrong in the first place, which is very frustrating. also obito should not have died, he should have faced the consequences of his actions and reconnect with kakashi instead of fucking traumatizing him AGAIN, FUCK.
but i really do love naruto, it's awesome and cool. ninjas are cool. tobirama is my favorite character. and iruka. and kakashi. and tenzou. sakura is not THAT annoying (she is 12) and sasuke is the most annoying (he is also 12). i don't really like itachi but he's the favorite character of my best friend so he's sort of my character-in-law. he is cool even if his morals don't make sense. thank you for your time.
63 notes
·
View notes
Text
Imagine Naruto had social media
"WHO KEEPS PUTTING THE 3rd HOKAGE ON MY TL"
"When is Sasuke coming back? 🥺" "HE BURNED DOWN A VILLAGE????"
"Heres why the Akatsuki was right: a thread, no 1: their outfits are fire"
"Ranking every Killer B album"
"Imagine you wake up and your holy monuments are fucking defaced by a 12 year old yet again 😔😔😔😔 #hiddenleafliving"
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
So a lot of people criticize Itachi Uchiha for spending all of that time in the Akatsuki as a spy yet he failed to report anything actually useful about them. My head cannon is that he reported useful stuff about them all of the time but the truth about the Akatsuki is so batshit crazy that the Leaf Village just assumed that Itachi lost all of his marbles because there is no way that all of the stuff he told them is true.
Here are my head cannon reports from Itachi on the Akatsuki.
- The leader of this organization is an actual dead corpse who goes by the name Pein. I think he is an actual corpse reanimated by a necromancer (and if he is I need to find out if he has free will or if he is being controlled). Perhaps someone stole the 2nd Hokage's Reanimation Jutsu, or they figured out another method of necromancy. He has eyes like a chameleon but I'm unsure the entirety of the abilities of his kekai genkai.
Leaf Village Reaction: *thinking this all sounds plausible enough* OH shit.
-The second in command is a kunoichi named Konan. Her body is made of paper and she likes to fold bits of herself into origami. She says that it helps keep her flexible. Her paper is also resistant against water, oils and flames. I'm unsure if it's a paper clone jutsu or if it's a kekai genkai.
Leaf Village Reaction: ? "Weird, but ok."
- Next is Sasori of the Red Sand. He is still alive, sort of. He has taken up the hobby of turning living people into puppets (thousands of them in fact) and he also somehow turned himself into a puppet? He also turned the 3rd Kazekage into a puppet.
Leaf Village Reaction: "Surely Itachi must be mistaken? It is not physically possible to turn yourself into a puppet and still be alive afterwards. Plus Sasori was just a teenager when the 3rd Kazekage went missing, no way is he responsible for it."
- Deidara is partnered with Sasori. Deidara has mouths on his hands that he uses to mold clay explosives. His hands are always wet with his hand mouth saliva and when Hidan irritates him he puts his hand mouth saliva all over his face. He specializes in long distance combat and is training specifically to counteract genjutsu.
Leaf Village Reaction: "Gross, was that one part necessary?! Plus none of our medical ninja have even heard of a birth defect like that."
-Kakazu is also still alive. He has 5 hearts that are encapsulated in tentacle monsters with face masks. When he thinks he is alone he let's them out of his body and plays with them like they are dogs. He has killed all of previous partners for annoying him so Pein found an immortal to be his partner. He only cares about money and he somehow is a master of all elements.
Leaf Village Reaction: "Bullshit. That old fuck should long dead by now and it's impossible for anyone to use more than 2, maybe 3 elements. It is unheard of for anyone to use all 5 plus how the fuck does he have 5 hearts in tentacle monster pets? Is this even from Itachi?"
-Hidan is immortal. He performs human sacrifices for his God Jashin by standing in a sigil and stabbing himself after licking his enemy's blood. The terrifying thing is his ritual actually inflicts damage upon his enemy instead of himself. Do not engage in short distance combat with him no matter what. Send only long distance specialists or genjutsu specialists. He is not very bright and has not noticed in the past when I have put him under innocent genjutsus to test him.
Leaf Village Reaction: "I don't think that is physically possible??? Plus immortality definitely isn't. "
-Kisame is my partner and he is half shark half man. His sword eats chakra and he is one of the 7 Swordsmen of the Mist. Despite being known as a friend killer he is actually really nice? I'm not sure if it's just a ploy or if the rumors are wrong, but he seems to be really loyal to me. I think he knows that I'm a spy but he hasn't said anything to anyone as far as I know. He wants to fight Might Guy again as he deems him a worthy opponent.
Leaf Village Reaction: *Already knowing Kisame is half shark because he is famous* "Shit, does this mean our operation has been compromised? Is this why all of this information seems kind of bogus?"
-Zetsu is the final member of the Akatsuki. He looks like a Venus fly trap and he can go through any object to spy on people. He likes to eat decaying corpses and seems to have multiple personalities.
Leaf Village Reaction: *Knowing that Kisame is half shark because of imperfect sage mode, but knowing that you can't learn sage mode from a plant* "OK this has to all be bullshit. Just toss the rest of the information Itachi gives us. This operation has been compromised somehow but we can't call him back to the Village because of all of the murder. Plus if he actually has gone crazy we definitely don't want him back."
Meanwhile Itachi was telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth but it's just so insane that no one believed him. They thought he either lost his marbles or that he had been exposed and his letters comprised somehow and that is why I believe despite having an actual spy inside of the organization that the Leaf Village didn't know shit.
#leaf village#konoha#akatsuki naruto#naruto#akatsuki#itachi uchiha#kisame#itachi headcanons#deidara#kakazu#hidan naruto#zetsu#pein naruto#konan naruto#sasori
229 notes
·
View notes
Note
Road to Ninja!Mariko? Or maybe a zombie apocalypse au Mariko? I’m sorry I only have very stupid ideas.
An AU where she is reincarnated earlier in canon? Like around 2nd or 3rd war?
anon, you had no way of knowing this, but my original naruto oc was not in fact mariko, though the two share any number of traits! i ended up abandoning that line bc i couldn't wrangle the amnt of foreknowledge required to make canon come out vaguely canon-like, my ideas about canon kept evolving, and there wasn't a plot so much as a few scenes i had in mind.
but here, have nohara yua, who got assigned to uchiha shisui's genin team. (yes, that nohara) she's end-of 3rd war era, approximately, bc kishimoto's timeline is...flexible. i know this isn't quite what you were poking at, but it's what i've got so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Yua all but slams down the last of the dishes on the puny dining table in Sasuke's puny apartment before slamming herself down in front of it all.
"All right, kid," she says, starting to serve herself from the pot of stew. Sasuke warily follows suit. "We're gonna have a talk, and it'll be a bit gross because feelings are a thing, but bear with me. Itadakimasu."
"Itadakimasu."
Yua prods her stew until it's fully mixed with her rice. "Right. So, excepting my older sister with whom I do not get on most days ending in a y, and a friend who's probably crazier than me, I've basically lost everyone I've ever loved. Family, friends, mentors--my heart's a graveyard. And this isn't my idea of attempting compassion," she says warningly, not missing Sasuke's sudden curled lip. He frowns at her instead, caught out. "I'm telling you this because you should know from the get-go that I'm not what you might call emotionally stable. On the other hand, most shinobi aren't, but then again, most aren't quite the level of fucked up I've attained. Though I can name a few. Whatever. That said, I'm also really fucking good at my job."
She shovels a couple of bites into her mouth while Sasuke looks on with an expression of vague disgust at her lack of manners. Yua doesn't give a shit.
"The Academy's probably going to be doing away with early graduation entirely pretty soon since we aren't in wartime and no one wants to chance repeating your precious brother--" Sasuke flinches almost imperticibly and Yua tramples on "--but with that caveat, I graduated at the age of nine, got promoted to Chunnin at ten, and was a jounin by the time I was fourteen. I made the bingo books when I was twelve, and right now I'm listed anywhere from B to S rank. Depends on the country, but Suna's shit and practically lives to piss me off, so the day they give me the satisfaction of treating me like a real threat is the day they get snow in their forecast. They're just bitter that I'm better at wind jutsu than them anyways. Iwa and Kiri are better, though, they take me seriously and have a pretty accurate take on my abilities between the two of them.
"My honest self-assessment is that I'm A to S rank, depending on what type of work you're looking for. I'm not an all-rounder by any means. My taijutsu is decent, bukijutsu is acceptable, and my genjutsu are good but my repertoire is pretty small. I'm ninjutsu type, through and through, and that much I'm damn good at. There's maybe two ninja in the village that can give me a run for my money in ninjutsu, and one of them's the Hokage."
Sasuke has virtually abandoned his stew to stare at her beadily, interested despite himself.
"Now I did all that without any bloodline bullshit, without clan techniques, and almost exclusively being self-taught. And since you're clearly wondering why the fuck I'm telling you my résumé, I'll say: if you wanna learn, I'll teach you."
Sasuke's eyes flare wide and, never one to miss an opportunity to pause dramatically, Yua takes another couple bites.
"Why would you teach me?" Sasuke demands as soon as it's clear that she's not immediately going to explain herself. "I barely even know you."
Yua chokes on a laugh while mid-chew and then starts coughing. She ends up having to gulp water to clear her esophagus.
"Yeah, that's true enough," she admits once she has herself under control. "I've got no credentials as a teacher, either; I've always sort of brushed off taking on a genin team even though I'm sure I'd like it. Partly it's because once you teach someone something, even though you're technically responsible, you've got no control over how they use what you've taught them. Students go errant all the time. And partly it's that I'm an emotionally stunted softie who would imprint all over a bunch of baby genin and mother them within an inch of their lives.
"But I'm still hoping that you'll take me on, kid. Itachi wants to fuck up our lives? Fuck that, I say. He wants you to get strong, to live like shit, all full of unhappiness and hate just to have the chance of taking him in a fight?" Sasuke's hand is white-knuckled over his spoon. "Fuck that," Yua says passionately. "Fuck that asshole and fuck what he wants. I'll make you strong enough that there won't be a damn person in the world, not Itachi or anybody, who can tell you how to live your life. Because if I can give you my skill set, your eye magic baloney combined with the fact that you've got talent in spades and a damn good work ethic will mean that you'll be virtually untouchable."
It's true, too. A Sharingan user with perfect chakra control would be able to steal and then duplicate any jutsu like Kakashi on steroids because of the lack of chakra drain from being able to properly turn off the doujutsu and the efficiency in performing those jutsu. A Sharingan user with perfect chakra control who can use substitution jutsu so well that it's basically teleportation? Unmatched versatility in attacking, superior speed, evasion, illusions-- the word invulnerable comes to Yua's mind.
---
Yua decides that it's time to step in when Naruto is unconscious at Sasuke's feet and the transformation granted by the curse mark starts to recede from his body. She substitutes from her place in the trees to a spot atop the water in his line of sight, just far enough away that he isn't going to feel provoked. Nonetheless, he jolts when he sees her, and she feels the chakra rising in him as though to attack.
"Calm down," she says quietly, words nearly lost in the crashing rush of the waterfall behind her.
Sasuke's hands return to his side, but they're clenched into fists and he regards her warily.
"Yua." His voice is raspy, a little dull. And no wonder, if he's just finished attempting to beat the life out of his best friend only for his tutor to show up. "I'll fight you, too, if I have to."
There's no relish in the words.
"No," she says, still quiet, feeling like the moment deserves her solemnity. "I'd say you've demonstrated your resolve to leave. I won't be the one to drag you back."
---
Sasuke stares at Yua, feeling something almost like panic climbing up his throat.
"The--your mission--"
"Fuck the mission, Sasuke," she says gently, and her expression is sad but not accusing.
He doesn't understand. He'd steeled himself as soon as he'd seen her, knowing that for her to show up at such an opportune moment meant that she'd likely been watching the fight between him and Naruto and that she now has a perfect grasp of her surroundings and Sasuke's condition. And Sasuke knows that even if he were in top shape and had the full use of the curse mark, even if his chakra wasn't as weak as the flame of a candle, he would stand little chance against Yua. She'd shown him the gap in their skills often enough, after all, and she's the one that he's closest to ever since everyone died, the one who made sure he ate well and did his homework and got enough rest, who taught him chakra control and how to shunshin, who calls him things like Little Duck and ruffles his hair no matter how much he protests. Naruto may be his friend, but Yua is the closest thing to family that he has left, is the person with the strongest claim to him, the one most likely to make him return, either through force or personal ties.
Even so, he'd been willing to fight.
So for her to stand before him now and announce that she's abandoning the mission that so many of his peers have hurt themselves over, that she'll ignore the orders of her Kage with ease, and all of it without the faintest trace of judgment on her face after he's tried to kill his best friend--he's just like Itachi who stole Shisui from her--
Yua must understand whatever his features are telling her without words, because she says, "I told you at the beginning that the danger of teaching is that the teacher has no control over how the student uses what they're taught."
Students go errant all the time, his memory echoes, as if summoned by her reminder. He feels it like a punch to the gut. He'd known, before, that he was essentially betraying her by leaving Konoha for Orochimaru, but now he knows it the same way that he knows one of his ribs is fractured.
"But I also told you," she says, "that I wanted you to be strong enough that no one could tell you how to live your life. And that's what I want, for you to have the power to make your own destiny. And you think that Orochimaru has something that no one else does. That his offer of power is unique, superior. So, as the one who promised that to you initially, I apologize for failing you."
And she inclines her head--Yua bows her head--
"Stop," he says in a gasp, and there's moisture building in his eyes. If it sounds like he's begging, it's because he is, because if Yua keeps talking, keeps forgiving him, then his resolve will fail him and everything will have been pointless.
"No," she says, with sudden firmness, and she stares him straight in the eye. "You're choosing your own fate, Sasuke, and I won't resent you for it. This is the path you're walking now, and you can't turn back, you can't be swayed. That's what it means to tangle with destiny--there's no room for regret. And if you're going to Orochimaru, there can't be a single doubt in your heart."
"But why?!" The question rips out of him in his desperation to understand. "After all of this, after everything, why would you let me go?! How can I--how--you--"
"Because I love you," she says without hesitation, even though he sees the glossy film covering her eyes and starting to stick to her lashes. The ferocity of her words takes him aback as much as the content. Literally, too; Sasuke takes a half-step back. "Love is the tie that binds us to one another, but it's not a chain. And anyways, I promised you freedom."
Yua starts to walk towards him, and he stands frozen beside Naruto's unconscious form until she's right in front of him. He thinks, somewhat hysterically, that he really doesn't stand a chance against Yua in a fight if all she has to use is a few words before he's as paralyzed as a fearful rabbit. Naruto--and he forces down an absurd giggle--could stand to learn from her.
She pulls him into her chest tightly and he's helpless against her. No matter that she's only barely taller than him now, no matter the muscle and experience he's gained; she overpowers him.
The hand she has pressed to the back of his head trembles. And then, before he's had time to relax into the embrace, she releases him.
"Take care," she says, and a pair of tears streak down past the purple marks on her cheeks. Sasuke studiously ignores the damp spot he's left on her shoulder.
"I--I will," he says.
They stare at each other for a long moment, each aware that they won't be seeing one another any time soon, and that the next time they meet they may very well be on opposing sides. Sasuke feels something burning deep in his chest, something that's been aflame ever since he'd started fighting Naruto in earnest. It hurts him, warms him; he feels like he's going to choke.
"Now get outta here, kid."
Still helpless against her, he listens.
---
Yua's washing her parents' and sister's headstone like she has every fourth Friday for the past several years when Kakashi finds her. She hands him a soft brush; she's learned to bring more than one.
Kakashi, faintly smudged with dirt and smelling of tree sap and algae and sweat, takes it from her wordlessly, crouching and dousing the brush in her bucket of water. His strokes across the stone are precise and thorough, practiced, and they work in quiet symphony for several minutes.
Finally, he leans back on his heels and says, "I thought you were going to talk some sense into him."
If it's not anything to do with work, Kakashi tends to say only exactly as much as he has to, speaking in bare thesis statements without the supplementary paragraphs that show how he's reached his conclusions, and as such, Yua has become extremely good at reading between Kakashi's lines.
Sasuke is gone, and Kakashi doesn't know why she didn't do more to stop him.
She exhales slowly and with purposeful evenness, offering respectful attention to the characters of her mother's name as she washes them. "I think Sasuke is operating from a different definition of sensible."
Kakashi's snort lacks humor.
"He's no fool, Kakashi," she says lowly. "Rash and impulsive, sure, but not stupid. I'm sure he knows exactly what he's walking into. Orochimaru's made no secret of wanting Sasuke's body for his own."
"I fail to see how giving Orochimaru the precise thing he wants fits any definition of sensible," Kakashi says dryly.
"There's a three-year timeline before Orochimaru can take another body," Yua contradicts. "And I think that for Sasuke it'll be plenty of time."
"For?"
"Becoming strong enough to kill Orochimaru and eliminating the threat against him altogether." Kakashi's head turns to her slightly, but Yua only notes the motion in her peripheral vision. "For better or worse, Konoha's changed since either of us were genin. At his age, I was a chuunin in the bingo books of all the major countries and you were a jounin. Don't get me wrong, in terms of comprehensive skill level, Sasuke is above where I was, but I would've won in a fight because of experience. Experience is a hard teacher, but if you manage to survive it, there's nothing better. And with that stupid curse mark and the certain knowledge that he's targeted by Orochimaru, how much field work could Sasuke really have been guaranteed?"
Kakashi's gaze on her is wary, but he doesn't interrupt.
"If he'd stayed, Sasuke would've been trained to the bone, but he would've been coddled from the world outside the village," Yua says. "And Orochimaru's already breached Konoha's defenses, has killed the Kazekage and the Sandaime Hokage. There's no guarantee that he wouldn't do something equally drastic again for the chance of getting at Sasuke, with no attention to collateral damage. And besides, if we were truly capable of keeping him safe, he wouldn't have that curse mark in the first place. So I'd say Sasuke is taking a lot of factors into account."
Kakashi sighs, running a hand through his messy stack of hair. Yua glances over, intrigued as always at the sight. If his hair is stiff and voluminous enough to defy gravity as it does, how does his hand not get caught?
"Then I guess I'm having a hard time accepting that my student is relatively safer in the hands of the S-class nuke-nin that wants to throttle his soul and possess his body," he bites out. "Especially since I like to think that between the two of us, even Orochimaru wouldn't be too much to handle."
"I'm retired from field work," Yua reminds him, though in truth she's warm at the open expression of respect at her abilities considering how long it's been since they've worked together.
Kakashi gives her a flat look. "I seem to remember you holding your own during the Crush just fine."
"I suppose," she says blandly. "But the fact of the matter is that Sasuke doesn't think that he has anything left to learn from me. And maybe he's right; there's only so many chakra control exercises I can give him. I'm in no position to offer field work."
"There was an easy way to change that and you know it."
Yua drops her brush and pours the remaining water over the stones. Some of it splashes at her bared toes. Kakashi offers his brush back and it clatters into the bottom of the bucket.
She joins Kakashi in resting in a squat, butt nearly touching the ground and her arms crossed over her knees, chin resting upon them.
"My goal in teaching Sasuke was to make him strong enough to choose his own destiny. And what he does with what I've taught him has always been his decision."
"Yua--"
"Was I supposed to drag him back?" Yua interrupts, surly. "He's demonstrated his resolve to leave, I'd say. I couldn't love that boy more if he were my own flesh and blood, but I'm not going to chain him down based on some hypocritical idea of what I think is best for him. I can only trust that I've taught him well enough that he'll make it. The other option is despair and agony and I've had enough of that for my lifetime, thanks very much."
She presses her eyes into her forearms. "I've made, Kakashi. I kept him as safe as I could all this time, I trained him and made sure he ate properly, I taught him how to keep house for himself, asked about his grades in school and what he learned in class. But never once did I tell him about my true motive in retiring to hospital work. I wasn't as honest as I should have been, and part of me--I want Sasuke in my life forever, but part of me is glad he's gone so I don't have to worry as much about the fallout of my actions. And part of me is scared of what he'll do when he finds out what I've kept from him."
There is, for a long moment, silence.
"You've always acted according to Sasuke's best interests." Kakashi's voice leaves no room for rebuttal. "If you weren't honest with him, it's because it wasn't safe. You know that as well as I do--better, even, so don't go beating yourself up about it. No one expected you to take care of Sasuke and no one would have asked it of you, but you stepped in where no one else did. You've done a good job with him, Yua, and if you're saying that you think he's strong enough to make it on his own, I'm sure he'll come out on top. Though I don't like it.
"And as for what'll happen when he finds out the truth…" Yua dares to peek up from her arms as Kakashi pauses, and he treats her to an eye smile. "Maa, don't underestimate how much that brat loves you, too."
"Tch." But despite the lingering sense of anxiety, Yua does feel comforted. And then she snickers. "Look at us, having a conversation about feelings like emotionally competent adults. Is there snow soon?"
"You can speak for yourself," Kakashi says primly. "I am certainly not and never plan to be something so dull and mature-sounding as emotionally competent. It's likely dreadful and far too much work. Besides, I have an image to maintain."
"Yes, heaven forbid that I mar your reputation as the Angst Lord of Konoha."
"Precisely."
"My name is Hatake Kakashi, and I like the gloom. My dislikes are sunshine and good cheer. Hobbies include brooding over my tragic past and staring moodily off into the distance. I have no dreams for the future because hope is a delusion for those too afraid to engage with the despair that is reality."
"You know me so well."
Yua laughs.
---
Tsunade hasn't been back in Konoha for very long, but she's been around long enough to hear about how Konoha's once-notorious Nohara Yua, whose fame had reached even derelict pubs and casinos, had turned into the sweet-mannered, harmless-looking woman barely past girlhood that had first greeted Tsunade upon her arrival in the village hospital. Well, Tsunade has nothing against sweet manners or looking harmless, acknowledges their advantages, even, but Nohara Yua had embodied those qualities to the extent that Tsunade had started to think that the girl who had been renowned as the Windwalker and internationally feared as a ninjutsu master had been the result of overblown rumor, carefully planted misdirection, and willful blindness.
Initially, Tsunade had found her to be a competent enough doctor, and generally inoffensive. Upon learning who exactly had briefed her on her new patients' statuses and given her the rundown on current hospital procedures, the cognitive dissonance had been so great that she'd had to be assured that yes, it was that Nohara Yua. No, really.
And the nurse assuring Tsunade had, with the reluctance born of politeness and the thoroughness born of a love for gossip, told an astonished Shizune and skeptical Tsunade in an undertone why the Windwalker was working as a member of hospital staff. And then Tsunade had been well aware that she was in no place to make comments about lifestyle choices after losing a lover.
Still, that the woman apparently took on D-rank home repair missions as a hobby did not inspire Tsunade to believe that Nohara was ever anything other than a reasonably talented kunoichi whose offensive abilities had been rather exaggerated, both out of strategic convenience and a desire by other kunoichi for a female figure to look up to as the next--well, her. And even if Nohara had been as lethal as her reputation had painted her, Tsunade had been sure that that person was as dead as Uchiha Shisui, replaced by someone content to live out the rest of her life in a much quieter fashion.
But Tsunade only had been sure because right now the woman in question is standing in front of her desk next to Hatake Kakashi, explaining oh-so-succinctly about the steaming pile of shit that Hiruzen-sensei had left her to inherit, the ooze and stench of which is still far from stale for all that the rug has been thrown over it for almost half a decade. The same festering dung heap that Nohara has apparently been investigating secretly and under her own initiative, with no one but Hatake in the know, for the last four years.
"So let me get this straight," Tsunade says, in the full knowledge that she'll be getting absolutely plastered later this evening no matter what Shizune has to say about it. "The Uchiha were planning a coup against Konoha leadership."
"Yes."
"And the Sandaime was aware of this."
"Yes."
"And not only did Itachi not go insane and kill his entire clan, but he was acting under orders. From Danzo. Whom Itachi believed to have the Hokage's approval."
"Yes."
"And Itachi is now acting as an undercover agent without a handler in the international terrorist organization known as Akatsuki."
"That's correct."
"While Danzo is currently operating a secret military organization within Konoha itself, which answers only to him, and which the Sandaime falsely believed to have been dissolved as he ordered several years ago."
"Yes."
"And this organization has infiltrated Konoha's active forces on every level with no one the wiser, and has been taking and executing missions without official sanction."
Nohara's gaze slides to the alcove of Tsunade's office, where the ANBU agent on duty is hidden under seal--oh fucking shit--
"ANBU Cat is someone I trust with my life," Hatake inserts smoothly.
"What a fucking relief," Tsunade snarls. "Cat, get over here."
Cat is crouched in front of her in a flash.
"Get that decorative plate off your face, Cat," she snaps. Cat follows her instruction with admirable speed and Tsunade looks into the unassuming features of a man approximately Yua's age who is clearly struggling to master some kind of emotion that makes him look extremely nauseous. "Your name, Cat. Not ANBU designation."
"Tenzou, Hokage-sama."
"Right. Tenzou. How long have you served in ANBU?"
"Seven years, Hokage-sama."
"Long enough to have known Uchiha Itachi."
"We were briefly on the same ANBU team, Hokage-sama, along with Kakashi-senpai and Yua-senpai."
"And do the events that Nohara has just finished describing sound plausible to you?"
Tenzou's eyes lower momentarily before conscientiously returning to meet her gaze. "They sound as plausible as Itachi having a violent mental break, Hokage-sama."
"And do you know of this organization called ROOT?"
In response, Tenzou opens his mouth and sticks his tongue out as far as it will go. For one horrible second Tsunade flounders, wondering if this is some faddish gesture she's too old to understand, and then she sees the seal.
"That bastard," Tsunade whispers.
Nohara snorts. "Yeah, he likes to seal up the tongues of anyone who does work for him so they can't blab. Most of my investigation into ROOT has been looking at what should be there, not what is. You find it by spotting the empty space.
"I know that he has shinobi that he's trained specifically for years, and then there are others who have engaged in missions with him thinking that they're partaking in some extra black black ops, not aware that they're doing anything that isn't perfectly legitimate, if secret beyond all reason. Kakashi got sucked in years ago, before he realized that Danzo was operating off books, and Danzo dropped him like a hot cake and left him to fester under that godforsaken seal. Recon work has been a bitch."
"If your goal was to squirrel out ROOT, why didn't you return to ANBU?" Tsunade questions narrowly. "Surely it would have been easier to gather intelligence while on Danzo's recruiting grounds."
Nohara stills, looking discomfited for the first time. "There were several reasons," she says finally. "Part of it is that I wanted to be there for Sasuke, and having a set schedule at the hospital and no missions taking me out of the village made that considerably easier. Part of it's that I want Danzo to think I'm none the wiser to his schemes, and I'd say I've done a good job of being soft and overly emotional, exactly like he hates in shinobi. And then, well, I honestly wasn't in any shape to take on ANBU work." Nohara clenches her hands at her sides, and her stare is borderline defiant. "My partner had just died under suspicious circumstances, my friend and captain had killed his clan and turned missing-nin. Not to mention, I'd just finished recovering from a mission that I'm pretty sure was supposed to off me. Bluntly, I was a fucking mess."
Hatake slides Nohara a look and Tenzou does the same, though Tenzou's look has the distinct tinge of pity whereas Hatake's is merely assessing.
"Mostly though," Nohara continues, "I no longer had faith in the Hokage. Shisui went to the Sandaime about the coup, and the next thing I knew, Shisui was dead and the Uchiha clan was gone. Things had gone extremely and terribly wrong and I knew that either the Sandaime was in on it, or he'd been too ineffective to prevent it. I could never betray the village that Shisui loved so much, that my family died to protect, but neither could I serve under Sarutobi Hiruzen."
Tsunade understands her phrasing perfectly. The village that her entire family--barring one estranged sister--had died for. The village that Shisui had loved. Not Yua.
"I can understand using Sasuke's departure from the village as the the impetus for bringing this to my attention," Tsunade says slowly. "But I have to ask the question: what do you plan to do if I don't pursue your investigation? What if I decide to leave things buried, or even to silence everyone in this room?"
Hatake freezes entirely, expressionless, and Tenzou's eyes widen.
Nohara merely blinks.
"I came to you with this information because I think that you have a sense of justice," she says. "The Sandaime was too focused on mercy, not realizing that mercy without justice is nothing but weakness. Honestly, I think the man was a coward. But you know the pain that I know, Tsunade-sama, and you left Konoha because you couldn't abide the senselessness of the loss, and I think that you're back because you want to see that loss made meaningful. And if that's the case, if what I hope and think about you is correct, then I'm ready to serve you in whatever capacity you think best without reservation.
"But if not." Nohara's voice doesn't harden or raise, her face doesn't shift. Even so, the room feels a degree colder. "Even heaven won't stop me, Tsunade-sama. I'm not interested in revenge, but if you deny justice to me, to Sasuke and Itachi and all the dead, then there will be no stopping me. I won't let anyone demean the ideal that every shinobi on the Memorial Stone died to honor and uphold. I won't let the Konoha that so many have fought and hurt for turn into an empty shell, devoid of meaning. I've done my best these last few years to work so that this wrong can be resolved as peacefully as possible. And even if I let it be a convenient face, I've genuinely tried to live gently and kindly. But in the end, I'm a shinobi. If it means that I can look the boy I raised in the eye, if it means I can take my friend's hands and let him put down his sword, and if it means that when I die I can say to my parents and my sister and my partner that nothing they suffered was in vain, then I will use every scrap of knowledge and strength I possess for violence, and I won't hesitate to cut down you or anyone who stands in my way."
Silence reigns, and Tsunade doubts that her left eyebrow has ever strained so high. Yes, the woman before her is certainly no accommodating doctor. This is a woman who is every bit the efficient killer of her mythology and then some, crafty and slippery and with a diamond will.
She scoffs. "I'll consider myself warned, then."
#this is Old old#parts of this make me wince to re-read but i overall do still love it#and yua is rin's younger sister#there's also older sister mai and she and yua don't talk#i'm assigning yua's parents as 'dead during kyuubi' as they tried to help ppl#a medical family! yua sort of bucked the trend out of necessity and mai is anbu medic#yua and kakashi's relationship is friendly but extremely fraught#yua used to follow rin around everywhere--that era's team seven definitely knew her#would make obito reveal super fun!#the universe outside us#internet user demands answers#(yikes this is actually fic length...)
54 notes
·
View notes
Text
anyways i just read all of naruto in like a week so i am now qualified to have The Most Correct Opinions.
Land of Waves arc is unironically the best one
its also the ONLY standard mission in the entire manga?? literally, at no point does anyone interact with a client after tazuna, its all in response to orochimaru/akatsuki. Naruto your resume is ridiculous. The reason Kakashi is 6th Hokage is not because Naruto wasn't strong enough, but because he needed to learn what the actual job of being a ninja entails. Yes you are very strong but you do need to have a basic grasp of paperwork systems.
Its kind of weird that, out of all the akatsuki, kisame is the one who hangs around the longest. Most of the others show up, do their bit, and then are immediately killed. Kisame is introduced first and dies last.
i've already mentioned this in another post but the Cycle of Hatred thing does not work. It worked as a motivation for Pein, but like. The reason the villages kept declaring war on each other wasn't for revenge, it was because their economic system was inherently tied to being the one with the strongest military and also they were paranoid that if someone else got too strong they would be invaded first.
Related: they should've had warring clans exposition and details about the 1st, 2nd, and 3rd wars BEFORE Pein showed up. If there were more details about wars in the past presented in a tragic-but-still-overall-necessary light, then Pein showing up and going "you miserable bastards trample over everyone weaker than you and deserve to be punished or it." It would have had more weight. Literally you could've slotted this during Naruto's initial training with Jiraiya as a follow-up to Hiruzen's "The chuunin exams are a replacement for war" speech.
Sakura why the fuck didnt you marry Ino
Kishimoto did Sakura so dirty at every turn. Literally every time she gets screentime she goes "THIS TIME... I WILL BE THE ONE WHO PROTECTS YOU...!" and has a cool moment, and then gets immediately overshadowed.
Literally at one point she's like "in the chuunin exams i was so weak... i hid behind you guys at every turn" and i felt like I was going insane because both during wave and the chuunin exams she has moments where she's like "yeah i dont have any special powers but i DO have a knife and you're going through me FIRST, fucker" which is honestly way cooler to me than like 90% of all the jutsu bullshit. Literally she stands in between a berserk gaara and a crippled sasuke armed with nothing but a kunai and pure fucking grit.
its very funny to me that the first time naruto ever does a nature transformation its rasenshuriken. Kakashi woke up in a cold sweat one day and realized he forgot to do the most basic teaching about chakra theory when they were genin. Whoops.
Im sorry but i legitimately do not care about the sage OR his sons OR the reincarnation twist. Its not interesting to me and I WILL be ignoring it. I'm all for the sage being reminded of his kids or the idea of history being cyclical, but explicitly going "no youre a reincarnation, this was Fated" is dumb and kishimoto SHOULD feel bad.
Edo Tensei arc is unironically very funny to me. Kabuto is having a mid-life crisis and has turned into a snake about it, and has decided to raise a bunch of dead badasses for. reasons. honestly i am not sure how his goals required obito or the akatsuki??
Anyways he raises a bunch of badasses and WHOOPS theyre all comedians. Deidara and Sasori are bickering, Itachi is being even more of an unhinged control freak than normal, the Mizukage is curbstomping everyone while berating them for not hitting the weakpoints he's explicitly telling them about, Tobirama is annoyed at everyone but mostly himself for actually coming up with this jutsu, and madara puts his entire plan on hold for a minute because he sensed his ex boyfriend and got incredibly horny.
Orochimaru gets brought back to life and promptly goes "actually i take back my plans about konoha, watching sasuke is INFINITELY more entertaining. Also I'm going to help out against the akatsuki because Kabuto's snake fursona is a tacky knockoff of me and I'm disowning him for being lame." I also liked him being chummy with Tsunade, that was very cute. I kind of wish Jiraiya HAD gotten edo tensei'd so that all three sannin could have been reunited on the same side? It would have been cute??
I feel strongly that Sakura and Karin deserve to go to some hot springs together and mutually complain to each other about being unfortunately attracted to the most misogynistic man on the planet after kishimoto himself. Orochimaru and Ino can tag along because they LOVE gossip and complaining.
Gai being the only person on the planet strong enough to beat the crap out of Madara is great, actually. Yes you can block all ninjutsu and genjutsu, but can you block his fists? No.
The "special chakra" produced in uchiha brains is actually entirely unrelated to the sharingan. It mostly just causes brain damage. This is why Madara, Obito, and Sasuke are all Like That.
Obito's heel face turn and the ensuing team up with Kakashi is, against all odds, actually good. I am willing to overlook Obito temporarily coming back from the dead through sheer willpower both because its cool and because we've already established chakra is bullshit and ghosts exist.
Obito your plans are dumb, your motivation is stupid, your critical thinking skills are nonexistent, and your coping mechanisms are insane. Somehow I still like you, despite this??
Does anybody at all like kaguya. Anybody.
Everything about the epilogue annoys me. Mirai and Sarada can stay, everything else I am actively choosing to ignore.
Frankly I'm confused and appalled that kishimoto wrote sasuke and naruto like that, and then put them in heterosexual marriages with other people.
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
47 notes
·
View notes
Note
Villain ask meme: Orochimaru from Naruto
Evil and fucking love it | A Whiny psycho | Really Dumb motive | Cool motive still murder | I don’t know enough to rate them | They have a point but they are a dick about it | Road to hell paved with good intentions | They are in the right here | Look if it were me I’d have been So MUCH worse | How are they not the hero? | Yea, I’m routing for the villain.
Yea… he’s creepy af and I still to this day don’t get how he got a f***ing redemption arc. Like he KILLED THE 3rd Hokage!
And the kazekage but no one cares about that dead beat.
He is an example of going too far for knowledge. Also he was an orphan. But really he kind of went nuts.
29 notes
·
View notes
Text
Jiraiya and Kakashi are not good teachers, they are bad teachers.
For one, Kakashi did teach Sasuke the Chidori, but that was mainly because he was about to fight Gaara, who destroyed Rock Lee's body, but then again, he didn't teach his students anything about Chakra control UNTIL they have an A rank Mission, like ??? Why would you not teach them BEFORE the A rank Mission, or at least when you FIRST MET THEM AS A TEAM?! Not to mention, he didn't teach shit to Naruto and Sakura about Chakra Natures and how to change them, no, only when Sasuke almost KILLED HIS ENTIRE TEAM with 1 JUTSU!
Secondly, Jiraiya did teach him how to use the Rasengan, sure, and he did somewhat did something to the Chakra Seal, but that's it. What did you do in the past 3 FUCKING YEARS?! Fucking teach him how to make his Rasengan bigger?? BRO, you are a Sannin and the boy is your student's, aka the 4th Hokage, son, you could've taught him so much that he could've matched Sasuke. Not to mention, he wasted Naruto's money on booze and some whores. Yeah, top tier Senseis all right.
You know it is bad when a man that killed the 3rd Hokage and experimented on humans is a better teacher than you.
#naruto#anti kakashi#anti kakashi hatake#kakashi is a horrible sensei#anti hatake kakashi#anti jiraiya
31 notes
·
View notes
Text
So, from what I understand abt Naruto and it’s fandom just off of Pinterest memes and YouTube videos
The fandom feels toxic but at the same time not bc they have a valid point but at the same time they feel assholey, it’s weird
I’m pretty sure Naruto and Sasuke were supposed to be gay or something but the creator just wussed out but at the same time them getting together would’ve made no fucking sense
Why the fuck do team 7 give a proper fuck abt Sasuke, didn’t they properly know him for only like a year or two or so before he dipped, the academy doesn’t count bc do u remember anybody from your class that you weren’t properly friends with, maybe it’s the shared child soldier trauma
Ppl are assholes abt Sakura, did she do anything concrete or impactful in the show overall? Probs not but still, no need to be such asses abt basically-a-background-character-shoved-in-front, she’s still fun
Also the whole “the 3rd hokage sucked ass” thing. Didn’t basically every orphan in Naruto live alone when their parents died? Kakashi, Iruka, Naruto and probs Sasuke. They all just probs get given like an allowance or something. This is a fucking military village ppl. And the hokage is the fucking president idk, mans has to be doing shit, he was always in his fucking office or attending official shit when we saw him. Still doesn’t mean it’s not fucked tho.
Don’t get me wrong, I love absorbing this medias bullshit
#naruto#naruto shippuden#konoha#konohagakure#naruto uzumaki#sasuke uchiha#sakura haruno#kakashi hakate#iruka umino#look at the for some reason I remembered his last name#no clue why
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
Fuck the 3rd hokage forever! That man always was on some bullshit
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Naruto shippuden things that made me lose my mind (ep 347-365):
Danzo in disguise: I am Kanzo, friend of Hanzo
It makes me feel insane that nagato made the leader of the akatsuki an actual literal corpse
Hiruzen: orochimaru can't be hokage. I sense he's a greedy bitch
Minato looked at kakashi's blossoming suicidal urges and said let's channel that energy into something positive, like becoming a faceless murder machine
An ANBU: Hey, minato, kakashi keeps one shot blasting ppl with chidori. He seems a bit... not good. 3rd hokage @ Minato: Make him guard ur wife from afar. That will keep him from hurting himself but also keep him distant from someone who could help to heal him
Hiruzen (a fucking liar) to dying kushina: sure, I'll protect naruto
Ah now I understand how everyone in the world knows who kakashi is. He never fucking wears his ANBU mask
There is a clan of ppl who turn into smoke and if they got outside they fucking blow away in the wind
OK so tenzo has been twice swallowed by a giant snake
Gai: let me join Root! Danzo: I only employ edgelords
Konoha elders: let us ostracize the eyeball freaks (the uchiha. Not the other eyeball freaks)
Everyone: kakashi is real fucked up, having a set of kids will soften his heart. 3rd hokage: *gives kakashi the most fucked up kids in the whole village* this is a great idea
It's just 2 sad uchiha vs the entire world 🖤
God. I love the way Obito gives Madara the bitchy side eye
Madara abt obliterating the allied shinobi force HQ: yay, they're dead 🤗
And neji's death for hinata is confirmation that in Naruto you truely cannot escape the pull of fate. They are all caged birds and the only escape is death.
#everytime madara opens his dumb bitch mouth i lov him a little more#is it controversial to say that i think hinata and neji shoulf have switched places in 364? bc i feel like that makes more sense for neji's#arc and hinata's. like she gives one big speech and thats it. she sacrifices herself for neji. thereby ushering in a new age for the hyuga#ya kno. just saying#maybe i just want to save hinata from the story. like i cant imagine her treatment getting any better so... ah hinata just makes me uncomfy#i loved the tenzo stuff so much. and kakashi's pain#kakashis delicious delicious pain#his life seems so exhausting#ppl need to stop putting so much pressure on naruto tho. i hate it#justice for neji. like wtf happened kishimoto? why not kill kiba or something. hes got nothing important and world changing going on lmao#naruto#naruto ramblings#unrelated
76 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
tramduccion
Lost in translation
mydaysasone
MyDaysAsOne
scarletwidowaf
CEO Of Lovestruck Scarletwidow
teori-of-huh
lurk n creep around bc interaction's so scary srry
kristinsansmotsdire
kristinsansmotsdire