#fuck my life huh
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had a dream my phone broke and now its crashing when I so much as TRY to open up the keyboard.
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the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.
three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.
two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.
their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.
one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.
i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.
i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.
and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?
you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.
a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.
someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.
#writeblr#warm up#this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru#but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist#ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school.#like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it.#was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes.#but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create''#when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work#part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just#like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent.#speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r#ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week#this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice.#''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism#imagine if we said that about literally any other profession.#''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt?#u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky''#we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY#''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''
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The thing about 12-step programs is that the basic model involves getting a bunch of vulnerable, impulsive nutsos together in a plausibly cult-y atmosphere where they're likely to have already burned a lot of social bridges. That it doesn't turn out to be a hotbed of abuse would be the more farfetched assumption.
#the more and more distance I have from that part of my life the more I'm like wow actually what happened WAS kinda fucked up huh#dodged a bullet no big deal all's well that ends well etc but YIKES
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After all… This is a death match for a reason.
-- Click for better quality! Sketch and sword version under the cut! --
(if you see this did you notice the left tumb is on the wrong side?!?? bc i only did after like 500 notes help i am screaming)
#Freddy draws#limited life#inthelittlewood#martyn littlewood#limited life spoilers#limited life martyn#limited life fanart#mcyt fanart#dude bro my brain nooo why the finale was amazing#I am still loosing my mind over this#martyn what the fuck#but like affectionately#that really was something huh#(also I drew this with the coolest axe at first only to got back and be like oh he had a sword#yk what maybe im just posting the axe one too yk what#i like the axe one better compsition wise anyway
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every time someone calls moirallegience just an alien qpr i wilt a lil like YEAH thats more or less the CLOSEST human thing but its also Literally Not That. like a qpr is fundanmentally not romantic and thats not even going into moirails whole Actual Purpose of calming ppl down. its just. aughhhhh pisses me off i see the confusion but, as aformentioned, aughhhhh
OH MY GOD THIS HAS BEEN BOTHERING ME TOO.... but i don't want to get petty at the people in my notes always saying "moirails are QPRs!" because in some ways that is the closest human thing so it's hard to be mad...
i think there's definitely some overlap in some ways. but NOT because moirallegiance and qprs are the same at all really, but INSTEAD because both relationships have unconventional boundaries defined by the people within them.
you know... like every relationship.
like the only reason the two have overlap is because they are both partnerships that emotionally care for each other but can choose to not bang (which is true for any romance anyway, even if it's considered abnormal). they're both just romances* that are unconventional to human norms, which makes people view them as the same thing when they're not.
i think the REAL issue here is that humans insist on using human words to understand things that are just, fundamentally, alien. can't we just appreciate alien romance for being... alien romance?
no, it's not platonic, it's romantic. it's just romantic in a way you aren't quite wired to understand, is all.
*in generalization, most QPRs are not romantic, because they are made up of aroaces who are life partners in a non-romantic way. however i want to disagree with you that none of them are romantic, because that is up to the partners in question.
#quadrants#homestuck#moirallegiance#BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS FOR SO LONG OMG THANK YOU FOR THE ASK#its just i USED to think they were the same#and then recently i kept getting pissy when people said they were the same so i was like. okay let's unpack this#what's the overlap here and what's the differences?#and really people THINK theyre the same because they think theyre both like. 'im gonna platonically marry my friend!' ^w^#(which is obviously not actually what either of them are like. lol)#when REALLY what they have in common is 'hey you're a person i want to have a committed partnership. but potentially not sex or tradition'#and it's not really fair to compare them because they come from totally different places and have totally different standards#QPR was created as an ALTERNATIVE to allonorms. its about saying 'hey lets make up our own rules. my life partner can be platonic if i want#whereas moirallegiance IS a norm and its not counter any culture. it's just 'trolls have biological romantic feelings/needs in This way.'#idk idk how to explain it any further because ive spent a fucking hour on this post and i have a massive headache so feel free to ask me--#more specific questions if the shit i said here doesnt make any sense (；￣ー￣)..#<- wow haha the troll fictive autism really jumped out with this post huh. whoops#hsmeta#long post#op
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the entire season they've shown sylvie perpetually being okay to just walk away from the fray and getting no consequences whatsoever. which would be ok since she doesn't rlly care about them like loki does. but in the end she just moves on so fast after she watched loki isolate himself and go off JUST to fix her mistake.......
meanwhile mobius is there, frozen in that time, left behind by the person he's an "expert" on not only bc of his job but bc of their friendship, him quitting the job that was his entire life, because loki has left and his previous purpose didn't have loki anymore
it's just fucked up how everyone else got their happy endings (good for them) except for loki and mobius. they're apart, separated once again, looking miserable in their last shots. just like last season.
#hhnnggg i dont hate sylvie i think she deserves peace and to rest#but the fact that loki had to sacrifice everything he's work on (his friends. his changing. the love of his life) just to fix HER mistake#marvel why the hell do you hate loki huh why do you keep making him lose everything#idc sure his arc has changed but what does he get? what's his reward? doesn't he deserve something too in the end? yes he fucking does#loki: i dont want a throne i want my friends back#writers: ok here's a throne where you're lonely asf and are at risk to end up like HWR who's been isolated for so long too#also fuck your friends and your lover#LIKE?!?!?!?!?!?!?#(if anyone wants to chat i beg of you please dont hesitate)#tag talk#loki tv show#loki tv series#loki tv#loki season 2#loki series#loki show#loki season two#lokius#mobius x loki#loki x mobius#anti sylki#not really anti HER but it was so unfair
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have u ever considered gojo trying to tease you about how into it you get whenever you suck him off, but how flustered he gets when you admit yeah, I like it more than I thought i would, mainly because it’s you, because you’re so pretty to look up at, you always treats me so well when I’m on my knees for you. now you’ve killed him, especially with the way you’ve been touching yourself all the while running your tongue up at that one vein on his shaft. dead. gone and buried.
#dead once more#I know sucking guys off isn’t the most popular topic on here (VALID CAUSE WE SHOULD COME FIRST)#but god. there are a few characters that I know sucking them off would be life changing#like kinda kinky but after a while becomes a comfort in a sense???#like feeling the head pop in and out of your mouth and how soft they feel against your cheeks#oh my god. who am I. why am I speaking of such harlot ways#this was inspired by the thought of Toji showing gojo how to fuck your mouth but I didn’t think anyone would wanna see it#(lie I’m just having anxiety about writing lately)#IM RAMBLING GOODNYE#—new treat in the streets! 🍫#gojo treats! 🍬#pause rereading my tags omfg the oral fixation really jumped out huh
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A former ninja I met in the clink said that exposing those who work in the shadows… is to pass the death sentence upon them.
What did they promise to do to you? What can be so horrible that you would rather choose to become a splat on a concrete.
#HIS BREAKDOWN WAS QUITE HAUNTING HUH#ace attorney#my art#ace attorney spoilers#dual destinies spoilers#phantom aa#bobby fulbright#hooo babe#time to sleep!#sorry but guy screaming his lungs out asking who he is#what he is#and pleading for his life#was very scary for the first time lol#and then he got shot lol#like a fucking dog
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Have you seen Lilia's vignette yet? Our insight into his initial parenting skills sure was, something.
HA HA YEP, Lilia's. questionable parenting has come up a few times and it's always, like, he read Baby Instructions 101 and went "ooh, I like red, I'll do those ones :)". he has Dad Instincts, but unfortunately they are Stereotypical '90s Sitcom Dad Instincts.
it was, however, worth it to see Sebek (watching Lilia gleefully dunking a bat into a coffee cup) just slowly turn to Silver and go "how the fuck are you alive".
#twisted wonderland spoilers#also sebek: 'for the first time in my life i feel respect for you as a person'#it's okay even the bat was like 'no it's cool he's doing his best'#'he's my dad now and i will never leave him'#silver's childhood was literally a tom and jerry cartoon huh#fortunately dr. zigvolt(!) and mrs. dr. zigvolt(!!!) were like 'oh my god' and swiftly intervened/made lilia step up his fucking game#they continue to be the absolute best characters despite never actually appearing#also just absolutely delighted by malleus' mom energy in this one#'why aren't they back yet. they're going to miss dinner. :('#then when they finally show up: 'it's not like you have a curfew i just want to know if you're going to be back late'#i half expected him to be like 'but i made SPAGHETTI'#i mean yes canonically he doesn't cook (except eggs once) but he just has spaghetti vibes. you know.
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very disappointed in all of you for having scitty discourse on mumbo tiddy monday. for shame.
ALSO I DREW THIS WITH BIG INSPO AND REFERENCE TO FAVOURE BC LOVE YA ART THATS WHY IT LOOKS SIMILAR OK THANKS BYE
#hermitshipping#trafficshipping#suggestive#third life#hermitcraft#mumbo#art#my art#hc#aha. never posted something like this before huh.#mumscarian#scarian#grumbo#discourse#goodtimeswithscar#grian#mumbo jumbo#fuck you im maintagging#Lesson: block the tags you dont want to see. why else does the block tag function exist.#trafficsmp
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Dragon!Howdy is gonna have multiple limbs, of course! Maybe… butterfly-like wings? Just, like, scaly? Idk, lol-
His iconic red nose could turn into a spike at the end of his green snout, tho!
i was struggling so much w/ dragon!Howdy and then you busted through the wall with "his nose could be a nose horn" and Oh Boy The Thoughts Are Flowing Now!
keeping him wingless due to him being distinctly a caterpillar (not butterfly) in ~canon~. also i wanted to draw him as a lanky worm dragon
#this is still somewhat of a preliminary design#since its these are my First Two Sketches of dragon him#also you and the dragon poppy anon are saving my life right now#unless youre the same person. in which case You Specifically are saving my life#ty for the inspo & design assistance#so far ive got wally / barnaby / poppy / sally / howdy (kinda)#scribble salad#wh dragon au#welcome home#whos left....#eddie frank and julie#the face i just made thinking about trying to turn them into dragons. augh#how the fuck would i dragonify frank. genuinely how. huh#julie... im trying to incorporate her hair since its a Big (literally) part of her design#but i hate!!! giving dragons hairstyles!!! agh!!!#i even tweaked wallys design to look more natural - like sheep wool#julie should be easy-ish bc shes already a rainbow monster. but noooooo
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genshin impact rlly just said--
if you are sad and your friend is dead, youre an airbender.
i know venti isnt the one thats personally giving the visions out but like--
there is a goddamn pattern here-- wE GET IT VENTI YOU MISS YOUR FRIEND--
#lol just wait for the reveal that hEIZOU ALSO HAS A DEAD FRIEND AHAHAHHAHAHA#also FUCK-- WHATLL HAPPEN TO 5WIRL NOW--#i mean it can still work since traveller is literally every element ever but like#if we were gonna keep aether in the boyband-- what the fuck will it be named NOW--#FUCKINGGGGG-- AN6MO???? 6WIRL????#the genshin idol au is going to be DEVASTATED#also HIIIIIII#been a while since ive posted huh?#life happened lol#just wanted to talk abt this a lil-- ill try to update yall on my vibes on the next chapter update AHAHA#genshin#genshin impact#scaramouche#wanderer#genshin impact scaramouche#genshin impact wanderer#genshin scaramouche#genshin wanderer#the balladeer#genshin balladeer
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Warrior Nun truly is the most fucked up fucking show in the whole fucking world isn't it
Thecla (Ancient Greek: Θέκλα, Thékla; Greek: Θέκλα; Turkish: Tekla) was a saint of the early Christian Church, and a reported follower of Paul the Apostle. The earliest record of her life comes from the ancient apocryphal Acts of Paul and Thecla.
In one scene, female beasts, particularly lionesses, protected her against her male aggressors.
It is also said that Thecla spent the rest of her life in Maaloula, a village in Syria. There, she became a healer and performed many miracles...
...but remained constantly persecuted.
In one instance, as her persecutors were about to get to her, she called out to God, a new passage was opened in the cave she was in, and the stones closed behind her.
Around AD 280, Thecla features as one of the characters in Methodius of Olympus' Symposium, in which she displays considerable knowledge of profane philosophy, various branches of literature, and eloquent yet modest discourse. Methodius states that she received her instruction in divine and evangelical knowledge from Paul, and was eminent for her skill in sacred science ("Logos 8").
According to some scholars, Thecla's story inspired many later stories of women saints who dressed as men
All of these women were empowered by Thecla, a woman who did things that not many women would ever dare to do
In Spanish-speaking countries, she is also facetiously counted as the patron saint of computers and Internet, from the homophony with the Spanish and Catalan word tecla ("key").[citation needed]
(text on Thecla of Iconium taken from Wikipedia)
#jillian salvius#warrior nun#thekla reuten#I'M NOT SAYING THIS MEANS ANYTHING I'M JUST SAYING#[insert i'm not saying it's aliens but it's aliens meme here lol]#the craziest thing about it is that i wasn't looking for it. i was reading on tiepolo#as in yes art history. then a painting about a st thecla showed up in the text and it all snowballed from there#you have to admit that some of these parallels (or quasi-parallels anyway) between jillian and st thecla are... uncanny#funny and or misc#no i am not putting this in my analysis tags because this is for the lols (or is it)#editing this to add in the tags that sylvia de fanti is a leo#so a lioness in her own right so to speak. when lionesses were the ones to protect st thecla#i mean if you really want to fuck it up... thekla is a virgo. jillian as a VIRGIN MARY figure anyone...?#if we're gonna mix up real life and fiction might as well do it in style huh#this fucking show sdkljfghsdkjghkjsg#OKAY FINE I AM PUTTING IT IN MY PERSONAL ANALYSIS TAG#exercises in observation
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Something I've been thinking a lot recently after becoming a lot more social and going out is like. How different people really LOOK in general. Or rather, I've always seen it but I've been noticing it more. Different body types, different faces, different features.... etc. Everyone is so different looking.
There isn't a way you could possibly gauge how "beautiful" someone is because everyone is so different, and everyone's perception and preferences are different. Someone who you could consider extremely handsome could have deep seated self image issues, and someone who looks unremarkable to you might be someone's ideal.
I feel like being online and constantly exposed to the same types of faces, especially the type of people who become popular online due to the appearance, they always have the same set of features, same set of body types. It's not inherently bad, people do gravitate towards them because there's beauty standards that certain people fit. But in general exposure to people who look all similar rots the brain. It rots your self image. It distances you from your own community as well.
It bleeds into how people handle their relationships, it brings prejudice to people just based on their appearance, and it sucks so much to actually like, fully consciously REALIZE. Everyone is worthy of love, no matter how they look like (this includes you btw!! Yeah you!!! <3) no matter what the media says. It sounds like something sooo obvious but it really is something that grows roots in your brain given the chance and is hard to pull out.
Feeling like you're in an arms race against your peers to "score" someone who you could pass for an instagram model, instead of finding someone who you truly connect with. Having to deeply justify your partners and friendships to your family as being worth it, when they don't look like celebrities on TV and just look like regular people. (This has been my personal experience for a long time, but I feel like theres probably more people who have gone through the same)
"What will other people think? What will my family think?" is something constantly on my mind whenever I make any friends, and im only recently realizing that it really does not matter what they do think what matters is one's own happiness.
Not sure where I am going with this post I just wanted to write it out for a few days now and I finally did it <3 have a swag day
#thunderclap#words#i just think people should live without the constant pressure of appearances both your own and your peers. its literally brainrot#everyone everywhere is so different there are a thousand faces a thousand bodies a thousand features theres eight billion people on earth#its so terrible that we are always focused on the same ones and call them beautiful when theres so much to people in general#does this make any fucking sense? god im so tired but im feeling this a lot recently. man..........#my own appearance has been both praised and degraded for years years years and its fucked up my way of perceiving people for my whole life#idk... theres so much nuance to this whole conversation ofc i cant fit it all into one (1) post#like... recently realizing my mom is to blame for like 90% of my body image issues has had me reeling. like hello.#dont get me wrong i love her but damn that family can self project their flaws needlessly on the next generation huh
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"God loves you so much he wont let you die horror trope" is basically the plot of the first few seasons of the venture bros from hank and deans perspective except instead of god its rusty and also they spend like 16 years not knowing this is happening
#the venture bros#hank venture#dean venture#rusty venture#also they die all the time#i was thinking about how multiple people have come up to hank and deano and told them#yeah ive seen you die you should not be here#and how fucked up that is#rusty 'i grew up surrounded by death and superscience and now death is meaningless to me beyond a hurdle to jump' venture#rusty 'everyone in my life controls me except these two kids who i control and i refuse to let them go' venture#rusty 'my kids have died a dozen times and each death lives inside of me forever' venture#damn what a show huh?
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Neil just never shutting up about the fact that Andrew is solid, a wall, something to hold him up when he needs it, etc.
and at the same time never shutting up about the fact that there is not a goddamn thing on the planet that could get him to stop running at full force, as quickly as possible.
only for him to not at all recognize that, in fact, Andrew is an immovable object to him, even though he says it 15 times a day, right up until he slams into that wall at 60 miles per hours and goes oh.
#andreil#Neil Josten#Andrew Minyard#aftg#the man is literally the most unreliable narrator lmao#like he is straight up already thinking about Andrew holding him up when nicky and him talk in the library#LIKE Nicky goes on a rant about how romance is important and how Erik saved his LIFE by existing#and Neil's response is to be like “huh andrew's sorta like that....” and then proceeds to fucking internalize that#for ANOTHER WHOLE BOOK#the man really just says “yeah but he's ANDREW” and throws it in the back of his head lmao#R U KIDDING ME#my posts
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