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#for the most part things just always got Longer than I meant them to lol
sharkneto · 5 months
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now that joining together is coming to a close (which, holy moly, congratulations!!!), were there any ideas or drafts that ultimately had to be cut for whatever reason, things that didn't work out in the flow of your story that you wish you had time to explore further? conversely, were there any major last minute changes you made that surprised you? thanks for your work, as always!
I think the only officially cut thing from JT is this deleted scene from Chapter 23. Other cuts that happened very early on in getting JT ready to start sharing was that there used to be a couple more people in Sarah's lab - a post doc and a second grad student. It was too many people and Megan's role absorbed them both. The fic is better for it. Another cut thing I played with was that, during the Extra Ordinary arc, Rick would have had a talk with Sarah about the book because he read it, becoming the only Lab Member to have read it and finally kind of getting Number. I liked the idea because it let Rick be a bit more of a character, but ultimately didn't add enough and the pacing was so much obviously better to keep the focus tight on Sarah and Five, so I never even wrote any of it. Rick gets to continue hanging out as a quarternary character with the defining character trait of Tall.
As for how things have changed, I've had the basics of the final chapters written for like two and a half years, so I've always known where we were headed. But, the exact Vibe of them and how we got there shifted. It was originally just Extra Ordinary drama - the Sarah Argument was a relatively last-minute addition, but I think it's better for it and better supports the rock-bottom of the rock bottom Five is at.
Another thing that surprised me, just overall in writing it, was how goddamn long it took for Five to be friends with Sarah and Rob. It took like 60k words. Jesus fucking Christ. I just wanted to write them as friends already but Five was Not Ready and I wasn't going to rush it and cheapen the development even if I just wanted to write them all hanging out already.
I think the largest oversight I had (and cannot believe I missed!) was that Five could have taken a class from Sarah. I've been thinking about this series and Number and Sarah for over three years, and this only occurred to me a couple months ago. It's too late to go back and add it in, now, but I might have to write that one of these days as a little bonus. It's just so fun and would have been perfect to slip in in their early days, when they're Friends but before Five is really part of the Walters family. The beats for this chapter would be as follows: Second semester of Five in Sarah's lab, he signs up for one of her classes. He incorrectly assumes that, because it is Sarah's class, it means he doesn't have to go to it and can just work in the lab through her lecture and discussion. When she tracks him down to yell at him about skipping, he is disappointed that he has not found a loophole to the Agreement. He has to go to class. He sits in the back and grudgingly participates when Sarah forces him to, otherwise spends the class texting Sarah his thoughts about what she's teaching but mostly about the other students. He has a good time and does learn some things despite himself.
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jojissalsa · 7 months
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Perfect body, Pretty face
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Warnings: dom!Leon x fem/sub!reader, power dynamics (boss/assistant), daddy kink, mentions of nudes/sex work, taking pictures during sex, facial, condescension, slight praise, mentions of age gap (reader is in mid 20s), clothes ripping (tights), reader is bratty at some point.
hello again :3 i wanna post what i can while i have the time, so i can kinda build this page up. hope u guys enjoy this one even if i feel like i made a few mistakes and lmk where i can improve! constructive criticism, reposts and requests are always welcome :D (minors don’t interact, touch grass.)
WC: 3.3k (proofread)
When Leon first came to the D.S.O, he expected bigger missions and harder work. Not boring ass reports and paperwork. The missions were definitely longer, which meant piles atop piles of paperwork that would take longer than it should. When the D.S.O realized Leon needed more time on his reports compared to the rookies or standard agents, they gave him a hand. You, his new assistant. And god, were you helpful. You were more than a sight for sore eyes, you were distracting at first, but even more so as he got to know you. You even remembered his favorite coffee order, and what he liked most for lunch. To him, you were just doing a good job. But in reality, you just wanted to get in his pants more than anything.
Your last boss was such a douchebag, the typical mansplaining and ungratefulness. But Leon? He was such a sweetheart, and so understanding. He didn’t get annoyed when you made a tiny mistake, a couple minutes late or working slower at the end of your shift. You knew damn well your attraction to him was bad for you and this job, but Eve still ate that apple didn’t she? You were the same, always attracted to forbidden fruit. But when it was Leon, who cares about forbidden? It just adds to the flavor. Obviously being an assistant didn’t make the most money, but at least you got a pretty face to work with. And there’s no shame in a side hustle, right? That’s what you thought when you made a Twitter account when you first became an assistant, well, intern at first. The job was so damn stressful and your shitty boss didn’t help. It was harmless fun at first, posting a few lewd pictures of your cleavage or in cute two-piece bathing suits you got. And then it got even lewder, posting pictures of your bare tits, dim lighting from your computer, things like that until you said fuck it and showed all the goods. Complaining about your shitty boss became part of your brand, as well as the faceless part of your nudes. You never showed your face, only your hair if it was a full body picture, not because you were ashamed of what you were doing. Not in the slightest, actually. You were just worried about word spreading around the office, especially since you were getting fairly popular. No face, no case, right? Plus, it’s not like anyone had x-ray vision to see if you had the same tits. It’s not like it hurt business either, you had a perfect body. You weren’t the skinniest person in the world, average like most people’s bodies. But to you, it was perfect. It suited you and flaunting it made you happy.
Your brand definitely shifted when you changed bosses, less complaining about how much your job sucked to more complaining about how badly you needed your boss to look at you differently. Pictures of you up-skirt under your desk whenever he wasn't looking or left to grab you both coffee or lunch, captions that always mentioned him.
"is it bad that my boss gets me this wet?"
"wish my boss would crawl under my desk and take care of this ;p"
And they would only get more and more risky. Posts of your increasingly skimpy outfits and a courtesy picture of you out of them captioned "you guys think my boss will like? lol". A video of you cumming in the bathroom at work, another where you cheekily slipped your fingers in your cunt, rubbing your slick over your clit before giggling as you turn the recording off.
Leon really didn’t mean to find something of yours this personal, he was just a guy looking for porn where he knew he could find it. He may be old but the man still needs to get off. And he was a man of taste, he liked the amateur stuff, and he knew Twitter had it. When he stumbled across your account, he thought it was perfect. At first he didn't know it was you, but by your most recent posts, it was obvious. You never name dropped him, or even said what he looked like, only saying he was fine and looked like a dilf, which was definitely an ego boost when he figured out it was you. It was easy, really. He was bored at night, couldn’t sleep like usual, and hoped that jacking off would clear his head a bit. It didn’t clear his head in the slightest when he saw your most recent video. It was of you working overtime, fingering yourself on his desk. Biting your lip to stay quiet but failing miserably as your fingers keep rubbing against that spongy spot in your walls, palm slapping against your clit. The best part? You said his name while you came. Maybe not his full name, but the way you let it out subconsciously, saying "Mr. Kennedy" in the most pornographic way possible, realizing you did and then giggling when you felt no remorse. Only an "oh shit" and a cutesy laugh as you abruptly ended the video. He was gonna say something tomorrow. He had to.
The second you walk in the door with that polite smile you always have, cute pink blouse and short pencil skirt, he waves you over to his desk. "Y/n, come here for a sec." His stern tone makes you blush and immediately walk over after setting down your bag. "Yes, sir? Is there something you need from me?" You expect him to say he needs a file or some kind of paper, but he shocks you when he turns his monitor around to show your twitter page. "You know anything about this?" You don't show it on your face, but the way you clench your jaw makes it obvious. You've got a good poker face, he'll give you that. "No sir, am I supposed to?" You get a bit of an attitude, mainly because he just totally called you out. "I don't know, you tell me." He scrolled very little down to your last post, the video. You gulp, knowing damn well you said his name. "Is that you saying my name?" His tone is still stern, but it feels more teasing now, considering his cocky smirk. He has you in a corner. "Don't you think it's a little sleazy to be prying into my personal hobbies?" Your attitude gets more prominent, crossing your arms and giving him a sharp glare. You were more prideful than anything, his smugness starting to piss you off because of how turned on you were getting. "Don't you think it's a bit slutty to finger fuck yourself on my desk?" When he shot back at you with that you froze, face going completely red. Not only was he right, you had no room to talk about his habits, but the way he said it was so fucking hot it lit a fire in you, shockwaves shooting straight to your clit.
You felt uncomfortable under his gaze, your lips parted as you felt your pulse throbbing between your thighs, knowing your panties were soaked. "You gonna say something or just come over here already? Stop wasting my time, I have work to do." It was instant when he said that, hips swaying as you walked to him, holding your hands in front of you as you looked down at the ground. "What's got you all shy? You certainly weren't shy last night." His teasing was really getting to you, making your lips squeeze as you shift your thighs again, your chest feeling so heavy with every breath you took. "Didn't I tell you not to waste my time? Sit on my desk and spread your legs." Your breath hitches at his demanding words, hopping up on his desk and spreading your legs. You thank god that it was a little chilly today, making you wear sheer black tights. Not that you'd be wearing them long, you just hope the wet spot on your panties wasn’t noticeable. "Jesus, soaked through your fucking tights? You're that excited?" His teasing made you go wide eyed, whimpering at his smug gaze piercing through you. "Yes sir.." You finally manage to speak, even if it sounds breathless and needy. Your eyes stay steady on him, taking in every feature you can. You lick your lips from the sight of his hard cock pressed against his tight slacks, not daring to close your legs in the slightest even if you were desperate for friction. "See something you like?" You watch him palm over his hard on, just watching something that sinful makes you moan softly. "I thought you said not to waste your time? What are you waiting for?" You throw any bit of shyness out the window, brattiness taking its place instead. After all, he meddled into something private, why make it easy for him? That’s no fun~
His brows furrowed as he gives you an annoyed look, groaning in frustration as he shoots up from his office chair and grabs your waist, pulling you from his desk and flipping you to bend over. He certainly doesn't waste any time now, pulling your skirt up and ripping a massive hole in your tights, making you gasp and squirm, turning your head to try and see the damage. "Don't complain, no point in denying you like it. Why else are your panties fucking drenched?" You throw him a frustrated glare before grumbling something about those being expensive under your breath. "Sorry, what was that?" You gasp as his hand slams down harshly on your ass cheek, whining at his gentle kneading on the now stinging red spot. "You're trying so hard to be bratty, when you're usually such a sweet girl. Always coming here early, bringing me coffee, remembering my favorite lunch. You don't do that because you like this job, hell, a slut like you doesn’t care about working hard. You do it because you want my attention." His hand keeps kneading the fat of your ass, making you back up into his palm for more. That doesn't stop your attitude though. "Oh boo hoo, as if you didn't love every second of it. How'd you even find my page? The nursing home gives you internet after 10?" Your bitchy tone doesn't go unnoticed by him, and neither does your smug smirk that is clearly challenging him, if anything it lights the same fire inside him, dick twitching under his slacks. He shoots you a glare that says "you really wanna do this?", as if you care about that silly warning. What's the worst he could do? "Y'know they shouldn't give a pervy old man like you access to stuff like that, it rots your brain~" You get cut off by another slap on your ass, harder than the last one, he doesn't even bother to soothe the sting with his hand. "Pervy old man? Then what are you? Some slut thinking of her boss's cock all day. How high and mighty." Another slap, and you're already unraveling by the second, the tingling sensation from his spanks sending shock after shock to your clit.
"You go on and on about me on that damn site for thousands to see, so why not take what you want? You're getting nowhere by being an ungrateful brat." He's really starting to make sense with how desperate you are to be touched, for that release you so desperately need. And with how hard his spanking is getting, it's making your head dizzy. He presses his hard-on against your ass, making you whine and grind against him. That's not enough for him though, he needs you to say it, the same way you said his name last night. "C'mon pretty girl, get what you want and ask for it, I know you can." He grinds against your ass, finally snapping through the sane part of your brain. "Fuck! Fine, please, please give it to me, I can't wait anymore, please Mr. Kennedy.." You beg in a gravelly voice, nails digging into his desk as the neediness in you builds. "Need what? You can say it." He slaps your ass again, a little gentler now that you're finally getting there, sliding his hand down to press his thumb on the gusset on your panties, hissing at how wet it felt. "Your cock, Leon, please, I need your cock so bad.." You whimper in broken fragments from your voice breaking, sighing in relief as he finally pulls down your panties, feeling your slick connect to them in strings and the cool air contrasting how hot you feel. As you heard the sound of metal clinking and a zipper pulled down you wished he flipped you over, because you really wanted to see his cock, turning your head in a desperate attempt to steal a quick glance. "Don't worry baby, you'll get a good look later." You don't care enough to question him, you care more about his tip pressed against your folds, threatening to stretch you open.
The coil of anticipation that's released when he finally slides inside you is the most euphoric feeling, growling as he fills you completely, balls nestled right against your clit. "Fuck, barely had to do anything and it slipped in so easy. Like you were made to take this cock, huh, sweetheart?" He goes slow at first, letting you adjust to his thick size, agonizing in how slow he drags his cock along your walls. All you can mutter is 'yes' like a mantra to keep you in reality, but every stroke is sending you further into that cloudy part of your brain where all you can think about is how you can feel everything. His hands on your hips to keep you in place, the way his cock kisses right against your cervix then pulls all the way out just to make you drunk off the feeling, his low and heavy grunts dangerously close to your ear, and it's all getting you even more impatient and needy. "Leon, please, go faster, need it faster." You speak through broken sobs and high pitched whines, looking back at him with a pleading pout. You can't say no to this cute face, can you? His nails dig into your hips, finally fucking you faster, and so much harder, you can feel the air in your lungs get choked out with every harsh thrust. "Just can't help yourself, can you? So fucking impatient." He can hear you getting louder, and between you and the sound of skin slapping against wet skin, he can at least silence one. "So loud, the whole fucking office can probably hear you." He puts his hand over your mouth and pulls your head up, body arching backwards as your head meets his shoulder. You can barely make out his smug grin as he looks down at you, glossy eyes with blown out pupils, your cheeks flushed a deep red.
"You look so pretty like this, looking up at me without a thought in that pretty little head. Just needed Daddy to fuck you stupid, huh?" He gets a wicked chuckle at your wide eyes, the way you clench tighter and move your hips to meet his rhythm. You curse yourself mentally for tweeting about that godforsaken daddy kink you have, or any of your kinks because now he knows every little thing that makes you tick. How frustrating. "Ohhh, didn't think I would look that far? You have no idea, spent hours looking at your stuff, even during missions I couldn't help but think about this sweet pussy wrapped around my cock." Your expression goes blank at his words, completely cockdrunk. You know you shouldn't do any of this, you can only imagine how much trouble you’d be in if someone walked in right now. But who could blame you? You couldn't name a single person who would throw away an opportunity like this. Who needs responsibility when you could have the simple yet intense pleasure that Leon Kennedy brings?
"Almost went crazy when I heard my name in that dirty fucking mouth, never been that hard in my life. Gonna make sure that mouth is full of my name every chance I get." You scream and whimper, the sound rumbling against his hand as you get closer and closer, toes curling into your heels. The sight is so damn beautiful to him, and he just has to see what you look like when you cum in person. When you cum on his cock, not some silly toy that could never satisfy you the way he can. His free hand takes its time sliding up your blouse to palm your tits over your bra, his fingers raking over the soft skin of your stomach before stilling at your bunched up skirt around your waist, right above your clit. "You wanna cum, don't you, baby? You're gonna be good and ask nicely, yeah? Go ahead, tell Daddy you wanna cum." He moves his hand away from your mouth but keeps your head up, gripping your face instead, watching as you greedily suck in air between mindless moans. "Please Daddy, please, please, please let me cum, need to cum so fucking bad-" Your pathetic babbling cuts off when his fingers put pressure on your clit, rubbing fast circles that make your brows frown as your walls clench, the knot in your stomach slowly coming undone. "There you go, such a good girl, asking me so nicely. Cum for me, sweet girl, cum on my cock for me." And you do, harder than you have in a while, squeezing your eyes shut so hard you see white spots, those sweet, broken sobs leaving your lips involuntarily, moaning his name as he slows down.
Before you know it, you're on your knees in front of him, finally getting a full, up close and personal view of his fat cock. He's thick, pre-cum pearling at his tip as he uses your slick to finish himself off, fisting his cock feverishly. "Told you you'd get a better look, now open up sweetheart. Gonna cover that pretty face in my cum, maybe even take a picture for those depraved little boys that get off on you." He’s one to talk.. His grunts and soft whimpers between his words make you bite back an eager grin, lolling your tongue out and getting blessed with the salty taste on his tip. You keep your lips pursed on his cock, looking up at him with doe eyes that make his cock kick in his hand, your own hands resting on his thighs. He pulls some hair away from your face with his free hand and keeps it there as he finally coats your cheeks and tongue with pools of cum, chuckling through breathless moans as he slaps his cock on your tongue. He grabs his phone as his free hand leaves your hair to press his thumb on your tongue, keeping your mouth open. He groans with a smug smirk as you look up into the camera, a clear, empty head as drool dribbles down your chin and onto his fingers holding your chin. "You'll get this picture tonight when I drive you home, 'kay?" He helps you back to your feet, cleaning off your face with his handkerchief and pulling your skirt down, fixing your wrinkled blouse. “Now go finish those reports for me, try not to work too slow, don’t wanna work overtime, do you?” He softly strokes your back, coaxing you closer to your desk. "Yes, Mr. Kennedy.." You breathe out, still wobbly on your feet as you walk to your desk, feeling the sting on your ass as you sit down, shivering at the tingle. Worth it.
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lightlycareless · 1 month
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omgggg, that Toji x reader (*plus* Naoya) was incredibleee, ignore me if you want, I know you made Toji chosing to keep distance from reader and Megumi permanently BUT what if one day he ends up finally seeing Megumi, either personally or by pictures/videos 🥺 We know Megumi it's the spitted image of him, I mean, Gojo's face when he saw him for the first time said it all 😅 And also knowing his baby has the Ten Shadows technique (I cant stop thinking about how proud he was in the canon manga/anime 🥺 he always KNEW from the start Megumi was blessed/gifted, since his first breath, the fact Toji named him is not random) making the entire Zenin clan eat their shit
Heya anon!!
I'm so glad you liked it heheheheheheh a oneshot that I didn't intend to write but it just happened!! aren't we glad it did? lol
I didn't mean to ignore you, I was only focusing on other things first 😅 oof, I still have lots of request to go through, which I plan to do it slowly but surely...
Anyways, I might've not gone down that route, however... why not something angsty? I mean 😏I've had this in my mind so... yeah 😏😏😏😏😏😏😏
Warnings: mentions of infidelity. Pregnancy. Naoya is, unfortunately, a prick. this is the oneshot anon is talking about. 100% read that first hehe. this is an AU from that, so the second part doesn't count??? I guess. excuse the proofreading. also I haven't written toji that much so please excuse my oocness as well ahahahahha :')
Happy reading!
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As much as the three hoped to ignore the bases of your pregnancy, behave as it didn’t rise from an adulterous act, a direct transgression to the principles of the Zen’in, and keep it a secret, it wouldn’t take long before the guilt in each other’s mind began to weight heavy on their mind, ultimately betraying them and revealing the truth to the light, excusing the angered elders to finally get rid of two birds with one stone.
“Where—Where does this accusation even come from?!” You gasp, blood turning cold at the implication—at the notion of the truth. “Do you know the gravity of such words?!”
“Better than you of the act, it seems.” Another accuses. “We were quite aware of the rumors surrounding your ill-fitting behavior, but we never believed it would actually extend to this point!”
“I—I won’t tolerate neither of you disrespecting me!” you cry. “Nor will Naoya for that matter!”
But calling for his aid would no longer prove sufficient, for Naoya, too deep in his own insecurities by that point, had come to the disheartening conclusion that this situation had gotten way out of hand for a simple diversion.
A supposed act of mercy.
He shouldn’t have let this happen in the first place, should’ve respected what you and your marriage represented, what meant to him, and discard his pity for Toji—the man has been alone most of his life, what difference would that make that now?
But he didn’t, he allowed you to go to Toji—no, he handed you over to him, thinking he was doing something right for his cousin, or perhaps something deep inside him was allured by the sick idea of you being with another man and now, he was suffering the consequences.
Consequences he did not like, not one bit—because it got too real for him: you were now pregnant, with Toji’s child, and not his.
And this only highlighted what he considered the pitfalls of this relationship, a strike against his ego and the supposed inability to beget children, a rumor that grew bigger and bigger by each passing day, spreading like wildfire to the point where even outsiders became aware of it.
Which, for a prideful man like Naoya, was only a nightmare.
He loved you, he really did—Naoya never envisioned spending the rest of his life with anyone else…
But he loved his pride more, and when his clan began to actively confront him about it, he couldn’t take it anymore.
And thus….
“…Naoya?”
“This marriage was broken before it even started.” Your husband would say, unexpected words that pierced straight to your heart. “My family advised me well in avoiding you, but I falsely believed I could achieve differently.”
“What—what are you even saying?” you breathe. “What do you mean by—by differently?”
And… where does everything you lived with him stand?
The time you spent with him, the sweet nothings he’d whisper into your ear, to love you both swore to one another, reminding each other that there was no one else that compares…
And that you were the only woman who has ever made him feel this way—loved— and would do everything in the world to make happy…
Was it… all … a lie?
All for… nothing?
Or were you the only one that actually believed the other’s words?
“I cannot look past these transgressions.” Naoya continues. “You’ve left me no choice.”
“But you—you made me do this!” you gasp. “I never—I never wanted to be with anyone else! All this time, my heart only belonged to you!  How could you—how could you abandon me after all we’ve gone through together?!”
Naoya doesn’t say anything else anymore, instead, he simply turns around, exiting the room to leave you in the hands of the vengeful elders who did not hesitate to do what they had long desired—banish you from the estate.
Swiftly yet cruelly, you wouldn’t be able to take anything with you, not even a change of clothes or even money (you didn’t even ask for much, just enough to survive the week) as you were forced to face a new life of your own—alone, pregnant.
Going back to your family was also out of the question; the shame that you’d bring upon their name was one the Zen’in didn’t not waste time to remind them of—at the end, there was only so much your father and siblings could do against the invasive ways of the elders, and perhaps, a part of them deep inside, were also disappointed that you’ve succumbed to such foul thing.
And so, you were tossed onto the street, with nothing more than the clothes you were wearing, whatever you had for savings throughout the years, managed to take it out before either clan could close your account—but most importantly, with a broken heart you believe will never heal, not after the grave wound your husband’s indifference inflicted on it.
The pain you couldn’t even mourn properly due to all the things you had to worry about now.
The first thing you did was search for a place to stay, though getting one was proving to be an almost impossible task.
Thankfully, you were allowed to keep one other thing, maybe it eluded their minds when all this was happening, but you’re not going to question why when it was going to help you pay for a roof.
Naoya’s ring, your wedding ring, was something many would consider expensive, the kind of flashiness expected from a prestigious family like the Zen’in.
You remember a time when any kind of ring would’ve been enough for you to marry him. You didn’t need anything extraordinary to commit your life and heart to him.
That’s nothing but a far cry from what you felt now.
It still hurt to pawn it, but it was the only way you could accommodate yourself and the unborn child inside you, in the only area you could afford with what you got, for even then many suspected that your ring… well, had dubious origins.
When was the last time you even had to worry about the costs of living? Food, clothes, water…?
Many years—it had to; ever since you got together with Naoya, he’s been the one that took care of you.
You just had to say the word and he’d disappear all of your worries—even from the simplest of wants, Naoya indulgingly obliged.
It was a happy life you eventually considered for your child—imagining how happy they’d grow to be without a single worry, solely focusing on what they’ll have to play that day, or how to escape their over doting parents.
A long-gone dream, tossed to the side as a nightmare quickly took its place.
Did Naoya ever mean the words I love you?
Or was he doing all this just to keep you there, complying, just in case someone better came along, just like his clan wished would happen?
There mere thought of his devotion being nothing but an act tightens your heart with sorrow once more, gifting you the tragic notion that perhaps, all this time, you never knew your husband…
Maybe ex-husband, by this point.
All that was left from those moments, the slightest semblance of that marriage was this baby, created from what you thought your unconditional devotion to him, turning out to be your very own downfall.
The only one that would know of these struggles would be your baby, the one to accompany you through the darkest point of your life, hopefully to a brigther dawn.
And yet… you’ve never felt so alone.
Time surprisingly, went quicker than you anticipated, though not as easy as you would’ve wanted.
Life in your new home was still very difficult to get used to, even when it’s been months since… that.
But with the job you managed to get (whatever place hired pregnant women—they’re supposed to be at home, some would say, you didn’t care.) and some extra jujutsu work you did on the side, you managed, enough to give you a, not exactly comfortable, but just enough lifestyle.
As long as you sacrificed all the things you once considered granted and turned them into luxuries: such as warm showers, take out, and the sweets you liked to indulge once in a while; your pregnancy has been horrible because of that, and that’s without considering the medical bills you’re struggling to pay as well.
But if that wasn’t enough, your noisy neighbors presented issues of their own as well.
You’re not going to deny that your presence there was like moths to a flame, starting from your somewhat suspicious acquisition—all cash—of the small house you were living in.
From there, your loneliness, alongside your pregnancy; single mothers were unheard of, or rather, highly criticized, thus, all eyes were on you, down to your smallest movement.
Yet, even then, as annoying as they were, you were ok as long as it meant you never get to see those that hurt you ever again.
However, what you want isn’t necessarily what’s going to happen, and that would be reminded of one fateful night with an unsuspecting knock, just after you were getting ready to go to bed.
It wouldn’t be the first time someone came to bother you, but it would be the first time someone did so at this hour, and with such insistence that far from worrying you, it made you angrily storm at the entrance, ready to demand who’d be so inconsiderate enough to visit you so late at night!
And you’d get your answer soon enough, in the most shocking, horrifying, if not sorrowful manner you could’ve possibly anticipated, prompting you to close the door as soon as you saw his face, or attempted to, his reflexes much faster than yours.
“Get—get away from me!” you shrieked, hands trembling as you did your best to hold the door shut against his overwhelming strength— but even your husband has admitted that in terms of power, he excels like no one else.
“Y/N—” he breathes, somewhat amused that you’d been able to hold him off as much as you could, though eventually he was able to break free from your grasp and enter your home, you step away from him soon after.
“What are you even doing here?!” you gasp. “No—that doesn’t matter! I don’t want to see you! I’m not going back!”
“I’m not here to take you back” He quickly responds, eyes falling down to your stomach, making his face soften at the subtle bump evident through your clothes—with this sight, he knows he can’t take you back.
“Then—then why are you here, Toji?”
Perhaps Toji needed to see through his own eyes, what the whispers went on about at the estate regarding your absence.
He wasn’t there when it happened, promised himself to be far away from you as soon as your pregnancy was announced to the estate.
Toji would’ve normally taken this opportunity to act on retribution against his family, rub it on their face that the future of the clan came from him, a low life.
But he couldn’t bring himself to do so when you cheerfully paraded around the halls, happy to finally be forming a family with your beloved husband, even though it wasn’t of his making.
For the first time in his life, he thought himself to be too cruel for having planned such atrocities against the only person that has never been rude with him, always welcoming him with a smile on your face, or at least whatever you permitted when not following Naoya around like a lost puppy.
And the baby… well, he won’t deny that he was glad that his child would have a vastly different life from his—with you as his mother, it couldn’t be any other way.
Or so he believed.
Even when promising to keep away, he still attempted to check in on you, especially now that you were pregnant, whenever he had to go to the estate that is. That day was no be no exception, begrudgingly coming back to see what else he could scam out of his family to ensure his living outside.
Toji’s slyly scanned the hallways for your figure, the briefest indication of such, either through your giggle, staff, or even his cousin’s annoying voice—there were moments where he imagined how delightful it must’ve been to have you by his side, instead of Naoya’s; to be receiver of your laughter instead of that man who clearly didn’t deserve you.
But even if it was with him, he still found comfort in the fact that you were around, there.
Not like now, gone from Naoya’s side.
In fact, you were nowhere to be seen! Not with your staff, not eating by the gardens, or even indulging in one of your husband’s idiocies.
Nothing.
And no one had seen you either.
Or more like didn’t want to say, that much became evident when he stomped his way towards a nearby staff member, demanding your whereabouts, only to be responded with a fret falsely feigning ignorance, or foolish diplomacy.
At the prospect of your disappearance, Toji felt his blood run cold, almost like the estate lost whatever little warmth it had, worsening each time he asked another servant, and he’d get the same answer.
The implications behind your absence were growing heavier in his mind, to the point it sunk his heart to his stomach…
And propelled him to the one person who would undoubtedly know where you were.
“Naoya—Where is Y/N?!” Toji commands the moment he sees the heir, the young man instinctively flinched at the sight of his angered cousin, almost as if he knew what was running through his mind and attempted to make a run for it, only to be stopped by the collar, dead on his tracks. “Do not run away, coward! Answer me!”
“She’s—she’s not here anymore.” Is what Naoya manages to squeak, but Toji doesn’t need to be reminded the obvious.
“Where. Is. She.” He hisses, the worst of his assumptions slowly becoming a reality. “What have you done to her?!”
“What—what needed to be done!” Naoya gasps. “I—I couldn’t allow it!”
Toji doesn’t remember much after Naoya told him that the clan decided she was better off on her own—only that the heir was on the floor, bloodied and whimpering while attempting to cover his face, either trying to control the throbbing of his skin, the blood from spilling anywhere else, or perhaps even shame.
No. It couldn’t be the last. To have done something like what he did required a shameless man to do so.
Nonetheless Toji didn’t bother to find out nor to be reprimanded, quick to assert what needed to be done and heading out the estate; he couldn’t even bother cursing those that had done nothing but the worst after the worst, each time a new low, for his mind solely pertained in finding you.
It took him a while to do so, as expected, but he knew it was only a matter of asking around for a woman that simply didn’t fit to do the job—and such, here he is now.
“I want—needed to see you.” Toji takes a step closer.
“Get—get away from me.”
“No, I’m afraid I can’t do that.”
“You were fine doing that before—what’s so different from now?” You spat.
“This is different, Y/N. You’re alone—and you need me.”
“I’m not alone—I don’t need you.” You gasp. “Get away from me or I’ll—I’ll call the police!.”
“If you don’t need me, then the baby does.”
It’s like he struck a nerve with his words, because soon after tears would begin to fall down your cheeks, revealing that the sight you attempted to portray, the strength you so fiercely put up against him, was nothing but a façade, a way to hide the fact that indeed, you needed help.
Exhausted from facing all these uncertainties on your own, afraid.
But not anymore, not when Toji was here, more than willing to step in, as seen in the way he swiftly holds you in his arms when he sees you almost faint from distress, attempting to comfort you as you continued to cry.
“Get— get away from me…!” you’d say again, still fighting against his hold. However, he doesn’t fight it, he simply allows you to vent, taking in all the pain and hatred your heart harbored from the moment you were kicked out of the estate. “Don’t touch me!”
“I’m not leaving” Toji insists, he feels you trying to squirm your way out from him, but his strength doesn’t allow it. “You can struggle all you want, but I’m not leaving you on your own—”
“What difference does it make to you? Your family abandoned me to my luck! And even forced my family to do the same!” you breathe, Toji’s eyes widen—he did not know that; his fury for the Zen’in grows, but this is not the time to deal with that. “They don’t care if I die on the street!”
“I know.” He murmurs, holding you tighter against him.
“And I—And I tried my best to—to move on, but I can’t! I can’t do it!” you sob. “I’m so alone, and scared, and—and ashamed! I don’t want to live like this anymore!! I don’t want to die!”
“…I know.”
“Why—why is this happening to me?! All I ever wanted was for—was for Naoya to love me. I never wanted anything else! I never wanted money, I never wanted to hurt anyone either! I just—I just wanted to live a happy life with him, to make him happy!
But then he—he tossed me away, at one thing he didn’t like, he acted like I didn’t even matter! He didn’t even put up a fight to defend me! he just—he just let them hurt me, like what we had was—a lie!
 Did he never—did he even love me?”
Speechless, all Toji could do is continue holding you as you kept on pouring out your feelings, hearing the heart wrenching sound of your sobs that just kept reflecting how wounded you were by Naoya’s betrayal, the transgressions of his family, and the disappointment of yours.
And all because of something you didn’t even suggest in the first place. It was him who made his way into Naoya’s mind, and eventually, it was Naoya who pushed you into it, regardless of what happened later.
He wanted to do it; you know?
He wanted to go back there and murder them for all they’d done against you.
But when he left that place one last time, he promised he would stop thinking about himself, and start doing what is right—what was needed.
If Naoya wasn’t to step up and be a man, then he would.
Toji would gladly throw away his own pride, his own anger and thirst for vengeance, just to see you safe and happy once more.
Things your husband, could simply not—but he… he’d do it in a heartbeat.
“I promise you.” Toji would reassure you once carefully placing you down to the bed after tiring yourself from crying, followed by a gentle kiss on the top of your head.
 “I swear, Y/N— I will not let my family do the same things they’ve done to me to our child. Even if it costs me my life, I will do everything in my power to keep the two of you safe.”
And unlike your husband, he means it.
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Yes, a second part is coming :) just gotta put this one out first hehe.
Anyways, it's not exactly what you asked but I think it's going there??? I mean Toji STEPPED UP and was like OK imma take care of my baby mama. also, here Naoya .I. put it where it fits. ugh, can't say we're done with him...
agihajkgksa I'm excited for what's to come, I haven't written this level of angst in a while!! oof!!!
Thank you so much for your patience and for sending this ask :> I'm super happy you've like my oneshot so much!! I hope you'll be able to like this too!!
Take care, and see you soon! ❤️❤️
126 notes · View notes
heartkyeom · 2 years
Text
now or never pt. 3
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xu minghao x fem!reader
part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 (finale)
word count: 9.9k
synopsis: when you make a chance encounter with your ex, you end up saying that you're engaged to your estranged neighbor xu minghao. when you find out your ex is coming to your friend's wedding, you've only got a month to become a convincing couple.
warnings: mentions of chronic illness, food, smut, brief flashbacks, shitty ex!joshua, mentions of family planning (…no comment)
notes: HI HI HI omg I am so happy to have this out you have no idea. this shit has been burning a hole in google docs for a month lol … the mentions of chronic illness are based on my own experiences as someone with a chronic illness, so I am not talking out of my ass I promise! this one has Some Drama and other developments and I am excited to hear your thoughts as always!!! pls enjoy, sorry for such a long note bye <3
tag list: @lavenderautumnx @mangogyu @idyllic-ghost @thetigeragenda @sleeplessdawn @tea-and-regret @butterfliesinthenightsky @sugarrimajins @hitorijanaikara-blog-blog @cosmicwintr @lztespring @soffrine @justasoftstan @lilactangerine @jeongiegram @hoohoohope @trashygigi @itzelise06 @bonsaijoons @playboygeniusphilanthropist
Things between the two of you were noticeably different after the kiss debacle at your apartment. His glances lingered on you longer than normal, you held hands whenever you saw him, and you didn’t pull your hands away from his when they accidentally brushed yours.
There was hugging that sometimes ended with a kiss on the cheek or the lips, maybe even the forehead when he was feeling especially happy to see you.
Out of all the new things that came from your romantic tension, you decided that you liked kissing him the most. Each kiss felt so intentional as if he didn’t want to waste any time not giving you what you wanted. Even when the kisses felt more intense, they were still tender and it fascinated you every time his lips were pressed to yours.
This resulted in you kissing him just for the need to feel that sensation over and over.
As the wedding was quietly approaching, you found him standing at your front door most evenings to spend time with you after work.
That’s how you found yourself on the couch, him laying across your lap while you sat upright. You absentmindedly ran your hands through his hair, and his soft hums were his nonverbal stamps of approval.
“Idiot,” You called out softly.
“Hm?” He didn’t look up from his phone.
“When are you taking me on a date?”
He looks up at you with a neutral glance, pondering his response for a moment.
“When are you free?” He smiles at you knowingly and you roll your eyes.
“Ha ha, very funny,” you reply in a deadpan tone, “but I think I can fit you in for Friday night.”
He nods in approval, lips slightly pouted in understanding. “I’ll brainstorm and let you know what we’ll be up to.”
You nod back, sighing to yourself quietly. Were relationships always meant to be this warm? You decide to yourself that they should be. It seems like he doesn’t have to try to be inviting, everything comes so naturally.
There’s only a brief moment of silence before he speaks up again.
“Let me make you something to wear for the wedding.”
“What?” You almost think you heard wrong when he says it, it sounds so outlandish.
“I’m serious,” Minghao’s glance was focused on you, but you’re not completely convinced.
“I just don’t want you to do that if you don’t want to,” you look away from him nervously. You had a hard time accepting gifts, especially when you didn’t think you deserved them. You never splurged on yourself, never with something big like designer clothes anyways.
“You have a fashion designer as a fiance. I promise whatever I make for you will be miles better than what you were gonna end up buying.”
You grabbed a pillow from the opposite end of the couch and hit him in the face, his giggles filled up the air while you lightly swatted the pillow at him.
“You’re right, but don’t say it like that,” you pouted, finally throwing the pillow back to its original spot toward his feet.
He finally sits up to look at you, grabbing your hands instinctively. “But seriously, brat, you deserve something nice. If you wanna make Joshua jealous, it’s gotta be with something good.”
You offer him a smile, but you feel a pang of guilt in your chest. You forgot that this was supposed to be a plot against Joshua, that none of this was supposed to be real. He was only meant to be in your life for another week and a half, but you can’t even try to imagine parting with him so soon.
You pushed any lingering thoughts to the back of your head to focus on him again, on the gift that he was graciously giving you.
“Yeah, it’s gonna be my revenge dress,” you state confidently, pushing your chest out. He shakes his head at you with a curious smile on his face.
“I promise it’ll be worth it,” He asserts.
“I don’t think you can make me something I’ll like,” You let out a short laugh, moving your hand away from his grasp to tuck a stray hair behind his ear.
“You’re really doubting my styling abilities.”
“I’m not, I promise,” you whine, and his hand comes up to pinch your cheek.
“It was a joke, baby,” He doesn’t seem to realize what he’s done until he sees your eyes widen.
“No, no, don't get any ideas, you’re still a brat,” He tries to defend himself, but you’re still smiling as wide as ever. He let down his guard, even if only for a moment, and it made you so content to see new sides of him.
“What’s that? You’re calling me baby now?” You coo, and now it was your turn to pinch his cheeks, his face had dissolved into a cute frown.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” He was being more of a brat than you, but you decided to leave it alone.
“Anyways, you swear I’ll like the dress?” You give him one last skeptical look, but he can see through the facade.
“I know you will.”
The next day, Minghao insists on holding a private fitting session for the dress that night. You figured he would just text you asking for your measurements, but he insisted.
“Stop being stubborn and let me show you my studio,” He sounds resigned over the phone.
You have been persistent about Minghao not making a big deal about the dress and you don’t want to process why you’re pushing back so hard about it. In a way, it felt like you were trying to test him to see if he would give in. If you wore him down enough, maybe he would give up on trying to perform a nice gesture for an unwilling recipient.
Yet, you knew you were projecting. It was just hard to admit you were wrong, so it was easier to double down instead,
“I’m not being stubborn, most designers just make the clothes without being too hands-on. The models don’t get a tour of the designer’s studio, or maybe I’ve just been reading Vogue too much,” You sigh.
“You are reading too much Vogue and I’m not taking no for an answer, brat. You’re coming to the studio, end of discussion.” You can practically see him scowling at you through the phone, that lecturing tone of his is stuck in your brain.
“Fine,” you respond petulantly.
“I know you’re pouting. Stop pouting.” How is he so good at reading you even over the phone? He still manages to be precise even when you least expect it.
“Fine,” You adjust your tone of voice to satisfy him.
“And you’re not just a model, you know that. You keep trying to minimize yourself and I’m not gonna allow it.”
“I’m only your fiancée for another week,” You keep pacing around your apartment to distract yourself, even if it means your worst thoughts are coming out of your mouth.
“You’re deflecting! That’s not even what we’re talking about. Seriously, what’s going on?”
“I’m sorry, I’m just not used to this at all,” You settle on your couch, burrowing yourself into your plush blanket before responding again, “I’m terrible with gifts, I keep thinking it’s an inconvenience for you.”
“It’s not, trust me. It’s not just about him, it’s about how you want to feel. I want this dress to make you feel like he doesn’t have any power over you anymore.”
That brings tears to your eyes. You wished it was that easy to forget his presence in your life, but it wasn’t.
“Is it bad that he still has something over me?” Your voice shakes and you suddenly wish that he was next to you, giving you reassuring touches. You push your face further into the blanket, barely acknowledging your phone.
“No, definitely not.”
Your cries are so quiet that he can’t tell the difference, he only questions that you may have disappeared. “Y/N? Are you still there?”
“Yeah, I’m here,” You attempt to stifle your sobs, but your voice is far too broken to convince him that you’re okay.
“We don’t have to do this tonight, it’s okay,” His voice is softer than you’ve ever heard it, it throws you for a moment.
“No, I need to get out of this fucking apartment. We can still do it tonight,” You laugh through your tears.
“Okay,” he agrees reluctantly, “I’ll text you the address now. Be on time, though. I want us to start as soon as possible.”
“No problem.”
You’re sure it won’t be a problem, you’re already mentally planning all the details you want to mention before he starts making it. Somehow, your mind immediately runs to references that you want to embody.
Despite your mood, you still want to make the most of the session, and Minghao’s words leave you determined to make your opinions known.
“I’m outside,” You hesitate to speak, mostly because of your own nerves. You didn’t expect Minghao’s work building to be this tall, but that thought is foolish considering the circumstances. Minghao hadn’t necessarily explained the ins and outs of his job yet, but you knew it was substantial enough to warrant a private studio.
“Okay, I’ll just meet you in the lobby,” He responds nonchalantly before hanging up. When you enter the revolving doors, you’re thrown by just how high scale the entire office is. Everything is crisp, clean, and minimalist, minus the numerous runway shots and art prints that line the walls. You really try not to minimize yourself as Minghao mentioned before, but you feel far too out of place here.
The receptionist gives you a reassuring look, but you still feel an underlying sense of judgment. As soon as you feel your thoughts begin to spiral even further, Minghao appears from around the corner.
“Hi,” He smiles at you, pulling you into a brief hug. You take refuge in his scent and your anxiety is already disappearing.
“Hi. You weren’t kidding when you said this was a big office,” Your eyes wander around the lobby again, mouth slightly agape in wonder at the scope of everything.
“Yeah, it’s a lot to get used to. I’m honestly not used to it yet,” He admits softly.
“Are you ready to go upstairs?” He holds your hand, intertwining your fingers and tapping his thumb lightly on the back of your hand.
“Yep,” You take a deep breath, still trying to quiet those last few nerves. He senses that nervousness and gives you a kiss on your hand. He always manages to offer you a quiet kind of encouragement, especially when you need it the most.
“Okay, let's go,” He offers you a reassuring nod before walking with you toward the elevators. You’re silent as he presses the up button on the elevator. It opens almost immediately and again, you watch him press the button for the 15th floor.
“That’s really high up,” You whisper to yourself, but he manages to hear it.
“It is, are you afraid of heights?” A hint of concern pulls across his face, but you’re already shaking your head no before he can finish the question.
“Oh my god, no, just thinking out loud.” You’re not sure why you insist on making every step of this process so painfully awkward, he clearly had every intention of making you feel comfortable. Wearing the dress would be such a transitional moment in your personal growth, whether you want to internally admit it or not. It’s a symbol of a more confident person, one that leaves Joshua Hong in the past where he belongs.
“I have things in mind for the dress,” You finally speak up, you remember the folder of references in your bag that you organized just a few hours prior.
“I figured you would,” He smirks but you know there’s no malice behind his words. “What are you thinking of?”
“I brought some stuff with me, but I’ll wait to get into it.” He gasps in slight shock, it makes you excited to see him react so strongly.
“You’re really building the suspense here,” He ruffles your hair out of the blue without looking, but he turns his attention to you fully.
“Can’t give everything away,” You insist.
“Is that so?” He lowers his voice, it comes off a bit more sensual than you expected, and you don’t know how you haven’t completely lost your wits yet. You almost think he’s gonna kiss you, but even with your blooming relationship, he remains a tease.
The elevator chime saves you from replying, and he’s leading you out before you can feel properly flustered. His private studio is right off of the elevator and you’re captivated the moment you step through the door.
“Welcome to my 2nd home,” He takes a deep exhale and gives you the space to look around for a bit. The space is just so him in every way possible. It does remind you of his apartment, just slightly smaller. Just from a quick glance, you can tell he has a penchant for edgy and bold looks, it’s a major evolution of his personal style from college. He seems much more comfortable in his style now, even the dress forms have designs that reflect how much he’s changed over the years.
“This looks incredible, Minghao,” You look at him with a new sense of admiration, it makes you so happy to see what he’s made of himself even though you hadn’t seen much of him in the recent past.
“Thank you,” He sheepishly accepts the compliment. “Now show me these references you’ve brought,” He turns his attention to him before the kind words can linger on him for too long.
“Okay, so,” You reach into your bag to retrieve your folder, “I hope this isn’t too old school for you.”
“No, that’s okay. I appreciate the change of pace honestly, I miss having paper references to hang up at my station,” He’s already intrigued at the images laid in front of him before you have a chance to explain anything.
“I really wanted to lean into the Princess Diana revenge dress, so I pulled that and I also want to channel some 90s supermodels as well,” You spread the photos out across the table and show him just exactly what you want.
“So a Naomi Campbell type of energy?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what I want,” Your eyes widened with excitement. You felt like the models of that era always had such an effortlessly cool style, so you wanted to exude that energy at the wedding.
“I can definitely work with that,” He organizes the photos back into the folder and moves to his desk, placing it near his computer.
You both spend a few more minutes debriefing about what your ideal dress would look like, and just from his initial descriptions, you can tell the dress will make a big impact.
“You have everything so organized, I’m the complete opposite,” You take a moment to observe just how neat the space is. Considering the type of work you’ve seen from him, it makes sense that everything is so clean cut.
“Yeah, I need it to be very organized here or else I can’t focus,” He continues to look around the space, grabbing items that catch his eye immediately. It seems like his mind is on autopilot, he doesn't have to think twice about what to grab. You’re sure he’s taken countless measurements, you’re just hoping it goes well without any issues.
“Okay, go ahead and step up there for me,” He gestures toward a circular platform near his dress forms. You place your bag down quickly before stepping up on the platform.
“It’s been a while since I’ve been measured for anything, I think you’ll have to be careful with me.”
“I think you’ll do just fine, but I’ll be extra careful. My supermodel,” He winks at you.
“You’re not supposed to flirt with your models, remember?” You outstretch your arms out of expectation. He chuckles at your eagerness and tilts his head slightly.
“Good, keep your arms out. And you’re not just a model, stop saying that before I hit you with my clipboard,” His fake anger melts into giggles and you can’t help but laugh as well. He extends his tape measure from your shoulder to your fingertips. You see the gears in his head turning as he writes the measurement down on his notepad.
“I’m gonna just come around here and measure your back,” He disappears from your view, but his touches are still considerate. There’s a brief silence, but you decide to get to know him despite his compromising position.
“How long have you been sewing?”
“It’s more like how long haven’t I been sewing,” He scoffs before continuing again, “I learned when I was young just by watching other people do it. Then, I finally felt confident enough to make my own clothes. It just kind of snowballed from there.”
“Wow, so people have been asking you to make clothes for them your whole life,” You watch him come back around to the front of the platform, eyeing his next target for measuring.
“Yes, and now I actually make the clothes I want, such as your new dress.” He did a broad gesture to your body before taking some more notes. It made you appreciative that you were in good hands with someone who was not only experienced, but passionate about their work.
“Hold on, I’m gonna put this around your bust,” He remains focused on the task at hand, yet you can’t manage to take a breath. This has to be the most intimate thing you’ve done with him outside of kissing, and yet he barely has to do a thing to build you up.
“It’s okay, you can take a breath,” He offers in a quiet tone. You let out a shaky laugh and take the breath you’ve wanted for the last minute or so. He still doesn’t seem upset, in that particular way of his.
“I’m sorry, you just have a certain kind of touch,” You give him an endearing smile and he takes a moment to laugh. He drops the tape measure and gets a better look at you, yet he tries to regain his composure before getting back to work.
“Don’t apologize, I know I’m a little bit irresistible,” He wraps the tape measure around your waist with a lilt in his voice, taking a second to remember the number in front of him. He drops the measure once again and jots down his findings, now taking a bit longer to analyze if he has all the right numbers.
“Ok idiot, you should ask me something you want to know about me now,” You finally put your arms down.
“Am I your first romantic fling since Joshua?” He states unremarkably, as if the state of your love life was small talk.
“Minghao!” You exclaim loudly, stepping down from the platform absolutely scandalized.
“What? I want to know about it. You’re not exactly forthcoming, as we’ve previously discussed,” He retorts. He’s not exactly wrong, you were private about it. Then again, who wouldn’t be? You didn’t exactly want to be single again for this long, it just sort of happened. Romance was less of a priority compared to actually surviving day by day.
“Well, yes, you are the first. I felt too miserable to date after Joshua until I forgot that I was supposed to be actively pursuing dates. Then this whole thing happened,” You push your lips out into a frustrated sigh.
“There’s no shame in that. I also haven’t had many remarkable relationships until now,” He placed his materials down at his workstation, slowly making his way to his desk.
“Really? I thought you’d have some escapades, Mr. Irresistible.” Even if you didn’t end up in this predicament with him, he still seemed like a pretty attractive boyfriend from an outsider’s perspective.
“Not many people like dating a workaholic, no matter how irresistible I may seem,” He gestures at himself with a dejected laugh.
“I’m assuming that’s not the only thing that got you in trouble.”
“You’d be right. I wasn't really emotionally mature enough for what they needed, and I thought I could get away with a lot of mean shit. That took a long time for me to admit to myself,” He nods solemnly.
“That’s probably not what you wanted to hear from me, was it?” He looks up at you with anxious eyes, but you’re not really deterred. Instead, you pull the chair from his workstation and next to his desk.
“No, but I appreciate the honesty. Nice to know you’re not completely emotionally stunted,” you joke, but it’s still serious in your mind. Minghao was always honest and upfront about what he wanted, even if you weren’t used to it. As bad as it sounds, you weren’t used to hearing that kind of vulnerability within your romantic relationships. You hope that could stop with this evolving relationship.
“Not completely, but I would like to keep growing of course. Nothing’s perfect about me.”
“You’re giving me a free therapy session and a dress, you should really start monetizing this,” You work to lighten the mood again and he catches the shift easily.
“I know, I should put all this free space to use,” He gestures to the rest of the studio and you burst into laughter.
“You can stay if you’d like, but the sketching and sewing process is not super glamorous,” He shakes his head. You didn’t want to stand in the way of his work, but there was still a sense of longing that sat in your heart.
“It’s okay, I don’t want to be a distraction. I want the dress to be perfect,” You stand up and make your way behind the desk, sinking onto his lap without thinking.
“It’ll be perfect, I promise,” He leans into your face, stopping just short of your mouth. You take the cue to kiss him, placing a tender hand on his cheek to steady yourself. Your hands wander to the nape of his neck, slowly weaving your fingers through his hair. He lets out a quiet moan that encourages you even more, slightly grinding your hips onto him. He kisses you just as eagerly, but his restraint appears just as quickly. You can tell he wants more, but the rational part of him took over.
“Don’t start something you can’t finish,” He presses one last kiss to your cheek and gives you a warning look. As much as you want to dive into your wildest fantasies inside his studio, your mind and body are probably not prepared for the consequences.
You can’t help yourself one last time and push his hair aside, leaving a soft kiss on his forehead. You stand up to walk toward the exit before you can catch his reaction, so you almost miss the blush on his cheeks.
“Text me when you get home,” you face him for a moment before turning around again. “Please eat before you go home too,” You call from the entryway.
“I will, to both,” He waits for you to turn around again before giving you a short wave. You offer a short smile back and finally retreat to the elevator.
As you ride back down to the lobby, you’re convinced that he has a hold over you. It’s not apparent until he’s gone that you’re itching to have another piece of him. It should be embarrassing, but you don’t have any kind of rebuttal. He’s found his way into your heart and there’s nothing you can do about it.
Minghao insists that the date should be a surprise, so he left you guessing until the very last minute.
He blindfolded you which took lots of convincing on his part, especially when you heard people whispering about why you must be blindfolded. You heard him convincing people on the street that no, he was not kidnapping you, he just needed to get you to the date without ruining the surprise. You were already skeptical of the situation, but he was trying to be romantic, so why not let him?
Wherever you were, you were definitely outside. It made sense after climbing lots of stairs on the way, he really didn’t appreciate your complaints but it was a bit of a treacherous journey. The breeze pricked your skin, instantly leaving goosebumps on your arms.
“Okay, are you ready?” His calm voice brings you back into focus.
“Yes, please hurry. I’m already cold,” You can’t help shivering, you hate that you didn’t bring a better jacket.
“Okay, you can take it off.” You unravel the loose knot of the cloth and pull it off your eyes.
You’re standing in front of a rooftop dinner that was meticulously laid out in front of you. The white tablecloth blew gently in the wind, along with the candles that were lined up across the table.
Two plates of pasta sat across from each other and you looked at Minghao with a big smile on your face.
“You remembered that I was craving pasta,” you replied excitedly.
“You ranted about it yesterday on the phone when you were drunk, I couldn’t forget it,” He was practically beaming, he seemed just as excited as you.
He instinctively pulled out your chair and let you sit before going to his own seat. You noticed the glasses of white wine near your plates and silently praised him for his choice.
You were so hungry that you barely spoke to Minghao for a few minutes. You look up to see him admiring you, it makes you feel a bit self-conscious but he clearly liked you enough to see past it.
The conversation comes soon after though, you talk about anything and everything. It ends up being a mix of catching up with each other, joking with each other, flirting, and complimenting until your wine is gone. You hadn’t seen each other in person since the studio fitting, but there were still a significant amount of things to mention to each other.
He pulls the bottle up from beneath the table. “Do you want more?”
“Yes, please.” He takes that as a cue to refill your glass and looks at you with a mischievous glance. “Is that because you’re not enjoying the date?”
“Shut up, I’m having fun.” You look away from him towards the skyline with a smile on your face. You hear him laugh and place the bottle back near his feet again.
In the silence, you decide that Minghao makes things easy. Even though it’s technically a first date, it feels far too comfortable for that. It reminds you of the distant familiarity you have, and it brings the memories of college to the forefront of your mind.
“How did we meet again?” Minghao asks you out of the blue. It was strange how he could read your mind.
“It was at one of Chan’s parties, wasn’t it?”
“No, we met after that.”
“Stop, it was definitely at one of those fundraiser parties he used to throw,” You placed your fork on top of the empty plate, insistent that your memory was correct.
You remember the moment vividly, the memory still remains fresh in your mind after so long.
-
Chan had invited you to a fundraiser party he was throwing, but despite your continued questioning, he wouldn’t disclose what it was for. He wanted it to be a mystery party where you approach a certain person and they would give you more information.
You weren’t close to anyone here besides Chan, so the prospect of approaching strangers to figure out the theme of the party was daunting. Yet, Chan wanted you here, so you figured you should play into everything.
The party was moderately loud, everyone was busy in their own corners with friends, casually drinking from plastic cups.
The house was big, far bigger than any college student could afford on their own, and you wonder who phoned it in so that Chan could have a family home act as the location for his party.
You wanted to find at least one area where it was relatively quiet, and your wish was granted when you found a study past the living room.
When you open the door, you discover that the room was practically a miniature library, books were lined across the walls in color-coordinated patterns. The dark wood and jewel-toned furniture made you feel like you stepped into a Sherlock Holmes novel, and the person sitting at the desk seemed to give off similarly mysterious energy.
“It’s $5 for the drink,” he stared at you unemotionally. Confusion spread across your face immediately after.
“Wait, what? Why am I paying for drinks?”
“He didn’t tell you?”
“No?” You reply in the same questioning tone and he lets out a small laugh.
“Chan is raising money for his dance showcase final. He needs a proper studio to record in and there’s a lot of costs with that,” The unnamed person releases a sigh, as if he’s the one raising the money.
“Oh, that does sound expensive,” You furrow your brows slightly and look at the floor.
“He’s got enough rich dance friends who will donate, he’ll be fine,” You hear the reply and nod to yourself.
“Are you a dance major?” You look up to ask and he nods.
“I’m a dance and fashion design double major,” He seems tired from having to man the station, so you figure you’d give him some enthusiasm.
“Holy shit, really?”
“Yeah, you sound like you’ve never met a double major,” He giggles at your surprise.
“I haven’t, I guess you’re right,” You feel a bit shy underneath his gaze and look at your surroundings instead.
“What about you?”
“I’m a fashion design major too,” You nod decisively at him. He nods back and doesn’t explore any further than that. You’re silently grateful, mostly because you don’t want to talk about school more than you have to.
“So, are you gonna buy a drink?”
“Yeah, I think so. It’s for a good cause, so why not,” You reach into your wallet to find a $5 bill and hold it in your hand.
“Okay, I mostly just have hard cider and spritzers. He gave me the fun drinks, as you can tell,” He observes the cooler near his feet.
“I’ll just take some hard cider, then,” You laugh through your ask and it manages to make him crack a smile.
“Yep, one second,” He plunges his hand into the ice to grab your drink, placing it next to you.
You place the bill down next to the drink and he nods at you, placing it into a small chest of money.
“Thanks,” you smile and open the drink, taking a short sip before sitting down in one of the plush chairs next to the desk.
“What’s your name? I completely forgot to ask,” You shake your head at your lack of manners, but he doesn’t seem too offended.
“I’m Minghao. What’s yours?”
“Y/N. Nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you too,” He gives you a small smile again and it makes you feel a little less alone at such a strange party.
-
From the rest of your drunk memory, you remember that you spent most of the night with him, giving him the rest of your cash for drinks. You can’t recall how much money you ended up giving to Chan’s fund, but you do remember that Minghao eventually stopped taking your money. It was sweet, the entire night with him was sweet, and you treasure that memory more than most experiences in your college career.
“Remember? We were in that old library study room for the rest of the night?”
Minghao’s face is blank, shaking his head no at the idea of this scenario even existing.
You sigh loudly, slightly annoyed that he doesn’t remember any of it.
“Well, you should remember how you fucked up my midterm project,” He pokes you in the arm and you clutch the area, whining lightly at the pain.
“Shit, I do remember that.”
“You should, it was very upsetting,” He lets out a deep laugh, reflecting on the nightmarish experience of his sophomore year midterm for textiles.
-
Minghao was deeply annoyed.
You, the last model needed for his textiles midterm presentation, never showed up to the class and it threw him off completely.
He met you at his scheduled fitting and he was extremely grateful that Chan found another person to help him complete the assignment. Your measurements were taken, everything was fine, but it seemed to unravel right in front of his eyes.
He luckily had another model as a backup just in case and had another outfit made for said model, but it was ultimately frustrating. He loved the outfit he made for you, it was the one he would have preferred to present in front of his professor, but fate had ultimately not been kind.
Thus, when you finally walk into the classroom 2 hours late, he’s admittedly not happy to see you.
“You’re fucking kidding me.”
“I’m so sorry, I seriously didn’t mean to blow this off,” You look completely disheveled, but it doesn’t move him at all.
“You almost cost me my midterm, I don’t accept your apology,” He moves his attention to cleaning up the remains of the presentation, organizing his files into one spot.
“You have to hear me out, please,” His back was turned to you, but he whips around at the response.
“I mixed up the times, I completely forgot I had an appointment across town and I realized I couldn’t make it back on campus in time.”
“You could have let me know,” He runs his hand through his hair with a defeated sigh. “Shit, you could’ve told Chan and he would’ve told me.”
“I know and it’s completely my fault.”
“The last model could barely get out of class to come help me. My professor would’ve taken off 30 points if all my outfits weren’t on live models. You have no idea how much work this took me,” His voice is emotional yet his tone is still even, that’s what scares you the most.
You had some idea of what it took to complete the project, but he was right in the fact that his designs were extremely intricate. It was something you liked about his work and what gave you the push to help him when Chan told you about his friend’s project.
“I’m really sorry,” Your voice is small, you can’t help the tears that welled up in your eyes.
“I just need you to leave,” His voice is quiet, but the conviction is there.
“Minghao, please-“
“Don’t. Just leave, please.” He doesn’t wait to watch you leave, just goes back to organizing his things before he hears the classroom door close.
-
When he finishes the story, you can’t help the deep sense of shame that washes over you. He wasn’t completely right, you did meet him for the first time at the party, but this second time was so disappointing that you wish it didn’t happen at all.
“I’m still really sorry about that,” Regret laces your voice and you don’t know how to contend with the details he still doesn’t know about.
“I know you are, it just really hurt me at that moment.”
The silence overtakes you both for a while. A few minutes pass with you both just looking at the city skyline, tuning in to the noise from the streets.
“What was the appointment for?” He asks and it forces you to close your eyes.
“I got a chronic pain diagnosis,” You shudder at the memory of yourself crying in the doctor’s office alone, questioning how you could live through the rest of college, the rest of your life with debilitating pain. He shifts in his seat at the response.
“It was hard because I knew it was something bad, but I didn’t think it could be like that,” You shake your head, trying to fight the tears in your eyes.
“I struggled with that kind of pain since high school, but it was never something I couldn’t handle. And you want to know what’s awful?”
He nods at you, silently asking you to continue.
“When we were at the gala, I was jealous. I was sad that this could have been my life. If I was just healthy enough to get through years of interning, I could be something like you. It hurt me in college to see all that coming true for you. I couldn’t do anything to further my career and it fucked me up,” The tears were flowing freely now and it took everything in you to not sob.
Yet, when you see him move his chair next to yours and place his arm on your shoulder, you just collapse into his arms.
His touches are so gentle, not intruding in any way, yet it hurts all over. The hug felt like a silent apology for not being understanding years ago, but he couldn’t have known. Plus, you shouldn’t have had to disclose anything. It was simply a lost cause.
“I hate that you feel jealous of me. No one should have to kill themselves to get these kinds of opportunities, you shouldn’t have to suffer,” His words make you question what you’ve been taught about pushing yourself to succeed, it almost makes you sick thinking of the guilt you felt for something that was out of your control. You can’t even nod at him, you can only continue to let out cries until you feel a bit of strength.
“I never wanted to work in corporate. I never wanted to be like my parents, I didn’t want to suffer in a job I hated just to survive,” You slowly sit up to face him again.
“You still have so much time, you still have the rest of your life to chase that dream if that’s what you want. The job isn’t standing in the way anymore, right?” He grabs your hand. You nodded, your sniffling took up the silence between you two.
“Ok, so you have the power. Is fashion what you love?”
His question almost makes you cry all over again.
“It’s everything to me. I just have no idea what to do about it,” Your words are clouded in uncertainty.
“Don’t even think about that right now. It’s just enough that you want to start,” You nod at the idea of not having to decide anything right now. It will put your heart at ease at least for a little while.
“When did you get so wise? You were just the guy who was perpetually mad at me for most of college,” You laugh shakily, squeezing his hand tight.
“I’m not that smart, trust me,” He shakes his head and brushes the hair out of his eyes.
“Don’t say that.” You cup his face and run your fingers across his cheeks. It feels almost instinctual to be as gentle with him as he is with you.
“I’m supposed to be comforting you.”
“Let me do this. I missed you,” You give him a short peck, forcing yourself to push the desperation in your stomach down and leave it there.
“It’s only been a few days, brat,” He presses a kiss to your cheek and pulls back to face you again.
“Too long. Thank you for all this,” You pull him into a hug and inhale his scent, it’s sweeter than usual but you like it. His hand lands on the small of your back and you feel it idly running up and down.
“You’re welcome. Let’s go home, okay?” The idea somehow feels lovelier every time you hear it, as if home is something you two can create without it being a physical location.
You make it home, but the desperation in your core doesn’t let up. The way his hair falls in front of his eyes, his grip on the steering wheel when he’s driving you both home, the hand that gently strokes your thigh.
He brings you back to your front door and you don’t want him to slip away.
“So we’re gonna roadtrip up to the wedding venue, it’s only a few hours so it shouldn’t be too bad.” He leans against your doorframe, the top 2 buttons on his shirt are undone and it’s all you can focus on.
“Okay, sounds good.”
“Before I forget, I’m gonna give you the dress tomorrow. I managed to finish it earlier today.”
You simply nod, getting lost in his eyes. He seems to notice when he waves his hand in front of your face. “Earth to Y/N,” He prods you out of your daydream and the embarrassment hits you immediately.
“Yes, sorry. The road trip and dress. Got it,” You run your hands through your hair to deflect the attention, but he’s still concentrating on your strange expressions.
“What are you thinking about?”
“You, mostly how much I wanna fuck you,” You say it before you can realize it and you immediately catch yourself. You blame it on how tipsy you are, but he’s already laughing.
“Wow, so you’ve been objectifying me all night, then?” He smirks at you and readjusts his stance.
“No, not really,” You shake your head.
“Do you want to do something about that then?”
“Only at your place, though. Still haven’t seen that bedroom of yours.”
He puts his hands over his mouth and laughs loudly, enough to make you smile back at him. “I guess I can arrange that.” His breath hitches and he grabs your hand, leading you to his apartment a few doors away.
He’s able to balance his keys without letting go of your hand, unlocking the door without too much trouble. As soon as he pulls you inside and locks the door behind you, he has you pinned against the door, slipping his tongue down your throat in a heated kiss.
You reciprocate almost immediately, your lips responding to him naturally. Your hands travel to the back of his neck, your fingers desperately carding through his hair. He pulls away from your mouth to leave a trail of kisses across your jaw and down your neck. He bites and sucks a hickey onto your neck, but you’re too satisfied with the pain to care about the blooming bruise that will appear.
Everything is desperate about the way he holds you, the way he frantically kisses you as if he can never do it again.
You let out a small moan and cradle his head even tighter, it drives you crazy how he knows your pressure points already.
“Get up,” He taps your hip and nods at you, you wrap your arms and legs around him. His arms support you so easily, he raises you without much effort.
He brings you into the bedroom, but you don’t have much time to look around before he’s placing you down at the top of the bed. He pulls you back into a kiss, but now his hands are wandering across your body.
His hands land on your breasts, gently squeezing them and teasing you by circling your nipples with his fingers over the fabric. You curse yourself for not wearing a bra, since it’s easy for him to tug down the straps of your dress to reveal your chest completely.
He smirks for a second and you feel slightly concerned. “What? What’s wrong?” You whisper.
“Nothing, you just look beautiful,” He returns his attention to your chest and kisses your nipple, taking it in his mouth and leaving small bites. It pulls a moan out of you immediately, in fact, you probably haven’t stopped moaning since you got inside of his apartment.
“Can I take it off?” He places his hands on your hips, slightly gripping the fabric of the dress but still looking at you expectantly.
“Yes, of course,” The response comes out too quickly, you can barely wait for him to move. He tugs the dress down and off of you until you’re nearly naked. He notices your heels are still on, so he places a loving hand on your calf and takes the shoes off easily, tossing them on the floor without a second thought. His eyes focus on your underwear which are very clearly soaked from his ministrations.
“You really did want me, huh?” He asks you quietly. You can only nod, you’re trying to will away the throbbing but to no avail.
He hooks his fingers underneath the band of your underwear and pulls them off quickly. His fingers are so tender, but you still flinch at the contact.
“Relax, baby, it’s okay,” He doesn’t correct himself on the nickname and it drives you insane.
His fingers graze your entrance, carefully stroking you. He pushes his fingers inside you and the pressure makes your waist lift off the bed. His strokes aren’t intense from the start, but rather a slow build that makes everything hurt in the right way.
The dull ache of his fingers is subsided by his other hand running up and down your leg, along with him occasionally whispering some praises at you. You feel selfish asking for more when he’s doing perfectly well, but the need overtakes your shame.
“Hao, please,” you whine, dragging out the words.
“What’s going on?”
“Need more, please. Need you inside me,” You can’t stop yourself from squirming, and he practically has to hold you down.
“I’m just gonna stretch you out first, then we can do more, I promise.”
“Okay,” you nod and he briefly stops his movements so he can lean in to kiss you. It gives you just a bit of reassurance before he continues again.
It’s only a bit longer before you feel adjusted to him and he slips his fingers out easily.
“You did really well,” He brings himself up to your face again, cooing over you for a moment.
“I’m okay,” You mutter just loud enough for him to hear, you hate that you’re trying to deny yourself how good it felt to be underneath him.
He nods at you and takes the next few moments to strip out of his date night clothes. For a moment, he’s not hard to read or unbothered at all, he’s simply your person. Yet, he hadn’t been that unbothered cold person towards you for a while. You don’t know why you unconsciously put that assumption on him, but you decide to analyze that at a later time.
When the fabric of his patterned shirt falls to the floor, the definition of his arms and abs make your head spin, so you try to focus on his expression instead.
Seeing him naked brings up a feeling you’re not familiar with, the feeling that you just want to lie on his chest with no sexual escapades to focus on.
That fantasy had to come to a halt as he’s fully naked now, the way he puts on a condom clouds your thoughts even more.
“I’m gonna start, okay?” You feel his cock pushing at your entrance and you can tell it’ll be rough, but his encouragement spurs you on.
You let out a small noise of approval, you hate that your words get stuck in your throat when he needs to hear you the most.
The push forces you to grit your teeth, you can barely contain a scream so it comes out as a mangled kind of moan. He obviously looks concerned, but you insist you’re fine. You’ve just never felt this full with anyone, and when he bottoms out, you’re finding it hard to catch your breath.
“Gonna go slow,” he whispers and his movements align with his words, it has you desperate to touch him. He angles himself lower so that he can really hit your walls with the right amount of power.
Once he finds the sweet spot, he speeds up and it all has your orgasm crashing in sooner than you expected. The only sounds you can hear are your moans and his skin slapping against yours, he’s so focused on you that it’s almost overwhelming.
“You feel so fucking good,” He says it more as a moan, avoiding your glance like he can barely contain his pleasure.
“Look at me,” You manage to get the phrase out and his eyes flutter open, mouth slightly agape. You catch him smiling for a moment before he speaks again.
“You look so good taking me like this,” He leans down to give you a languid kiss, it’s sloppy but you capture his words in your mouth.
“Hao, I think I’m-,” You feel tears pricking at the corners of your eyes, his movements are so perfect that you nearly fall apart on the spot.
Your moans get higher and higher until you go silent. Your body stills, unable to verbalize that you’ve crossed over the edge. Your jaw is slack, eyes shut, chest fully heaving as you come down from your high. Your vision is fuzzy when you first open your eyes, but he’s using the last of his strength to get himself there.
When your eyes finally focus, you notice the tension in his eyebrows. His breaths are low, but the intensity of his orgasm is close to yours when he clutches your shoulder and falls into the crook of your neck.
You’re still for a moment, just listening to his breath radiate near your ear as the warmth tries to pull you towards sleep. You fight the urge by running your fingers through his hair slowly.
“That feels too good, you’re gonna make me fall asleep,” he hums. It makes your body shake with laughter, but you won’t let him fall asleep when you remember he’s still completely tucked inside of you. That ache is starting to build again and it forces you to speak up.
“Idiot,” you whisper.
“Hm?”
“You’re still on top of me.”
“Shit,” He pulls out of you almost immediately and the relief is palpable.
You watch him get up and walk into the bathroom, not expecting him to say anything.
“Don’t stare at my ass,” He stops in his tracks to face you before turning around again.
“I’m not,” you insist, but you know he won’t believe you. He squints his eyes and turns around again.
“Yeah, right.”
“I’m serious,” You raise your voice with a giggle, steering your eyes away from the bright lights in the bathroom to focus on sitting up instead.
He’s gone for another minute or two before running back out to the bed with a few things in tow, namely towels and clothes for the both of you.
“You’re a liar,” He exclaims, landing on your lap with a big grin, straddling you which brings a giggle out of you.
“No, I’m not,” You try to hide your face in your hands but he pries them off too easily.
“Yes, you are,” He peppers kisses all over your face until your protests make him sit up again. He grabs one of the towels and silently starts to wipe you down. You still aren’t used to those soft touches of his, it fascinates you how focused he is on you.
“Hao,” You squeak, unaware of how spent your voice is.
“What’s up?” He glances up at you, yet his movements continue.
“I don’t wanna go home tonight.” You’re not sure why you sound so scared, but the idea of sleeping alone when he’s nestled himself into your bed multiple times over the past week makes you nervous.
“You can stay. You can always stay,” He replies fondly. It brings a new sense of comfort in your chest that you haven’t felt in a long time, the safety that pushes away any doubt that may pop up in your mind. It’s a simple statement, but it does so much for you internally that you’re sure you’ll be replaying it in your head for a while.
He presses a chaste kiss to your lips, moving his face a few inches away to analyze your face for a moment. You can almost sense how enchanted he is by you, but he won’t say it. “Go freshen up, I’ll keep the bed warm for you.”
You slowly get up and the aches are already starting to set into your muscles, but he’s worth it. The few minutes spent in the bathroom pass by quickly, you’re sure that you can get away with not doing your skincare routine for one night.
You open the door and he’s nearly asleep, his eyes are closed and his quiet breaths calm you even from afar. You make sure to turn off the lamp next to you before sitting down again on top of the comforter. When you settle under the covers, he stirs awake briefly, his arms instinctively pull you into his chest.
“Thought you were asleep,” You mumble against his collarbone.
“Waiting for you kept me up,” His voice is already raspy, the vibrations of his voice make your heart stir.
“Good night, idiot.”
“Good night, baby,” He still doesn’t notice before he drifts off to sleep, but you ultimately don’t mind.
It makes you realize just how different things are already, and the changes continue to sneak up on you.
“I can go get the tea.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I need to get something too so it’s no big deal,” You’re already looking out the window toward the convenient store, mentally preparing yourself for the task at hand.
After the debauchery of last night, you convince Minghao to get breakfast outside of the house. He then realized once the meal was over that he ran out of his favorite tea, so you volunteer your services to do the convenient store run. You’re grateful that he’s not going to protest any further.
“Okay, I’ll stay in the car then. Text me if they don’t have it.”
“Got it,” You reassure him before stepping out of the car, slamming the passenger door shut while adjusting your hoodie.
You really do try your best to hide your soreness, but the moment you enter the convenient store it’s a lost cause.
You can bear it though, this trip is only gonna take you a few minutes anyways. You find Minghao’s jasmine tea relatively easily, recalling the distinctive logo you saw in his pantry.
You tuck the box under your arm as you wander to the snack aisle, your mind quickly gravitating to pretzel sticks. There were honestly too many things that you wanted to buy, but you remind yourself that this isn’t a proper grocery trip. You grab the large bag loosely, letting it hang from your fingertips as you walk through the store.
You rack your brain to think if you need anything else, but your mind stops when you see him.
It’s Joshua, standing directly in the middle of the family planning aisle. He’s not holding a box of condoms, but a bottle of prenatal vitamins instead. He’s looking intently at his options, but his eyes unknowingly stray to you for a moment.
You walk away before he can get a good look at you, the sight of it makes you want to abandon the tea and pretzels altogether.
She was pregnant.
The woman he cheated on you with was pregnant and it wasn’t going away. In fact, you had witnessed the final nail in the coffin, the proof that she was keeping the baby.
“Y/N, wait,” You hear him calling your name, but you have to keep walking toward the self checkout, you must in order to keep your sanity.
“Stop,” He eventually catches your arm and you turn around with a disgusted expression.
“You’re unbelievable, you know that?” You spit out at him.
“I didn’t want to tell you like this, I was waiting for the right time,” His response already seems defeated, as if he knew none of his words would satisfy you.
“When were you gonna tell me Joshua? When she was about to go into labor?” You’ve backed him into a metaphorical corner, he has to scramble for some excuse.
“I was gonna wait until the wedding,” he sighs, looking away from you briefly. You weren’t sure if you wanted to slap him or just curse him out in front of the entire store. You ultimately opt for something in the middle.
“The wedding!” You exclaim in a hushed tone, trying not to disturb the other patrons in the shop. “You,” you point the box of tea in his face, “are a fucking asshole.” You turn around again and walk faster towards the self checkout. You scan your items hurriedly, tuning out the automated voice in return for whatever Joshua wanted to say.
“I just wanted to give you closure, that’s all,” he replies in a hushed tone.
“How is that closure, Joshua? The man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with flaunting the fact that he got his mistress pregnant is not closure,” Your back remains turned to him as you swipe your card. The approval chime on the card reader fills the silence, you quickly bag your items and snatch it off the bagging area.
“I’m sorry.” He responds finally. You turn around to look at him again, stopping just short of the shop’s automatic doors.
“You’re not sorry, you’ve never been sorry. I’m happy for you though, really,” You force your voice to be even.
“Y/N, please,” It almost looks like he could cry, but it’s not possible to feel sympathy for him at the moment.
“You were always gonna be a good dad, I dreamed of the family that we could’ve had for months while we were dating,” You sigh when you think of the person you were almost 5 years ago, back when he was your entire future. You’re so grateful that he isn’t now.
“I just didn’t think it was gonna be at the expense of me in the process,” You turn away for the last time and walk through the doors with your head held high. The one time you should be crying, you can’t.
You simply take a few shaky breaths, you close your eyes to ground yourself again before opening them. You quickly spot Minghao’s car and knock on the window to signal your return, you hear the click of the lock shortly after.
“Everything okay?” You hear him as you sit in the passenger seat once again.
“Yeah, I got the tea.”
“Good. I saw you talking to Joshua for a second, what was he talking about?”
“I dropped something, he just ended up talking to me for a few minutes,” The lie feels too bitter to tell him, but you do it anyway for the sake of your own peace.
Minghao only nods again, not asking any further. You were again very grateful that he minded his business.
This secret would live within you, at least for another week until the wedding.
The gentle hum of the car on the road lulls you to sleep, but you can’t fight the tear that falls from your eye as you wander into unconsciousness.
The only thought in your head is you hope that the rehearsal dinner goes without a hitch.
Yet, you know in your heart that the impending news would likely unfold into a disaster.
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whomstress · 6 months
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Heme no jax (A song for Jax)
First Crush Human au BunnyDoll Fic I promised with the poll on Tumblr!I've been practicing Hula dancing and learning more about Pacific Islander culture and LOVE this video and how the professional hula dancer in this moves. It's just so graceful and beautiful. And the tradition and heart that goes into it really inspired me.
SO I based my obsession of this amazing dance on my current hyperfixation lol. It's short so you can watch it or not but just know that Ragatha is pretty much dancing the same as the woman in the video and she is singing the song in it.
This very much a passion project fic so I hope you guys like it.
It was a beach day again. Caine tried not to do the same thing every day, but of all the time he’s been here, there have been a handful of days by the water. Usually by the lake, but on a rare occasion he’d heard from Ragatha, he’d take them to a room he made. A beach that only reached about a mile around in a circle. Sand, cocunut trees, and the ocean included.
Rolling his eyes, he lazily lays in a hammock under the sun with his hands behind his head and watches the others from behind. It’s been a while since he got some serious sun, and his skin was starting to look more purple than brown, which always rubbed him wrong way. They were all granted bathing suits, and they got to choose, for the most part. He chose to avoid it all together, changing into a purple hoodie and yellow swim shorts. He may be the most attractive one here, but he also had to be humble that way. He couldn’t help but chuckle at his own sarcastic thought.
He looked around at the others, as most of them played in the water. Kinger was building himself an actual sand castle to hide in, while Gangle helped him with her comedy mask intact for once. As much as he hated it, the old man actually had a good body. How did the guy always bend over, like a question mark, and have abs? Gangle, of course, was boring as hell and also sporting a jacket, but it had little cat ears and cat paws to cover her hands. She was hanging out with Ragatha as she went over her encyclopedia of ocean knowledge. As someone actually forced to have stupid animal ears come out of his head. The cutsie jacker made his eyes roll so back in his head that he actually saw black for a moment.
Ragtha, of course, had to be wearing some kind of traditional hula outfit. Cheater. That wasn't in his options. It was a long red dress with many folds that looked fluffy but sturdy at the same time and swayed with every move she made and, whatever that leafy hula hat thing was called on her head. He made a joke about weren’t hula girls supposed to wear coconut bras and grass skirts with a wink, but instead of getting flustered, she gave him a 5-point lecture that he once again only half listened to.
Ever since Caine let them know they were going to the beach Ragatha had practically been vibrating in place from excitement. He never quite paid attention to what she was saying when she’d gush about going to the beach, but since she told everyone and their mother too, he happened to pick up that one of the few things she remembered all this time was her being Hawaiian and having a deep appreciation and “heart” with the ocean. Whatever the hell that meant.
Jax understood her, kind of. One of the few things he also remembered, though he rarely spoke it out loud, was thinking in Spanish as much as English and the food he grew up with. He didn’t like speaking about, and he liked to be left alone about his past.
Not that he’d ever admit they had something in common. Her chipper attitude did get on his nerves at times, but over the years, he’d been there with the variety of characters he’d cycled through. He’d rather have her stick with him this long than anyone else. Kinger was fun to mess with, but he was also so out of it most of the time that his insults and jokes went straight over his head. When Gangle lasted longer than most, she became a new target as well.
There was always something different about Ragatha, though, that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. He didn’t like to dwell on it too much, but he did learn when her smiles were fake and rarely true. Though he stayed mostly to himself today, Jax caught himself staring at Ragatha more often than normal. Not that he usually stares, but it was just that her smile was brighter than the damn sun today.
It was… weird.
And it made him feel weird. She’d directed her smile straight to him at times and beckoned him to come over to them as if she genuinely wanted his company for once. He refused every time but something uncomfortable would stir in his chest, seeing her smile fade for a moment like she was upset, he wouldn’t spend time with her. He decided he wouldn’t even entertain a thought of what that could mean, and even with the blazing sun, he forced himself into a sleep. A habit he unfortunately had to learn to do.
He slept in what could only be described as a gentle nightmare. It was the first time he broke down when he got there. The memory of that awful day and all the feelings that came with the realization that he couldn’t leave. He'd tried so many things to get out. But on that horrible, horrible day, he had a nightmare about what happened after running out of options to escape. Everyone was a monster to him, believing they weren’t real. He even threatened Ragatha with a knife he found, but she showed him he couldn’t get a cut on her, and he broke.
This is usually where his nightmare ends, but today he remembered what happened next. As everyone else backed away from his downward spiral, whispering something about "abstraction,” she walked forward. He tried to threaten her again, but she just kept coming. She tried to touch him, but he wouldn’t let her, and when he thought he was at his bottom, he heard a beautiful voice. It was gentle and calm, and even with his hiccups and heavy breaths, he could hear her through it. He listens distantly and slowly focuses. He doesn’t know when he starts to calm, but he’s mesmerized by the voice. It’s in a language he doesn’t know, but it doesn’t matter because his breath begins to even out and his head finally starts to clear. He doesn’t know how many times she’s sang the whole song, but it’s enough times he starts to notice the sounds of the first lyrics when she starts over.
Jax doesn’t know her name, but part of him coming down from his terrible high is taking in every bit of her face. Her eyes were closed, but she looked like a doll. Her frizzy red curls looked like they were soft as yarn, and her skin looked plush. He focused on her mouth and her slightly pink lips as they formed beautifully around her song. Something like a chill comes over him when she slowly opens her red and blue eyes and gently smiles at him. “Are you okay?”
He doesn't answer, but says, “One more time.” He’d never ask again; this is the only time anyone here would see him like this, including her. He says it all in his eyes, and without a word, she nods, starting over.
Jax closes his eyes and waits for the soothing feeling to come over him one more time.
“O Kalākaua he inoa
'O Ka pua mae'ole i ka lā”
His eyes snap open, and he searches for the sound to make sure he hasn’t lost it. It’s sunset, and his vision takes a hit from accidentally looking directly into the sun. As his vision clears, he finds Ragatha dancing on the beach, singing the same song she sang to him years ago. And all of a sudden, he’s back. Back to that day, back to that moment, where he is mesmerized by every one of Ragatha’s gentle moves and sounds.
“Ka pua maila i ka mauna
I ke kuahiwi 'o Mauna Kea”
The way she moves her body almost completely matches the waves behind her, as if she and the sea are dancing together. The movements are so fluid and blend together so effortlessly that it makes it seem easy, but from spying on her trying to teach Gangle earlier, he knows it's anything but. Her dress flows when she spins like a halo around her body.
“Ke 'ā maila i Kīlauea
Mālamalama i Wahinekapu”
Dancing always seemed like a waste of time to him, but watching her movements as captivating as her song, he finally understood why it was a profession. How can someone invoke such beauty and emotion with such a simple melody and sway of the body?
“A ka luna o Uwēkahuna
I ka pali kapu o Ka'auea”
And her song. so kind to the ears. It wasn’t just him. Even Kinger was completely still for once, allowing everyone to lull into a comfort they no longer had the luxury of.
“Ea mai ke ali'i kia manu
Ua wehi i ka hulu o ka mamo”
Anyone could fall asleep to Ragatha like this.
“Ka pua nani a'o Hawai'i
'O Kalākaua he inoa”
He wanted to fall asleep with Ragatha like this.
“He Inoa No Kalani Kalākaua Kulele”
Finally, she finishes with a strong movement, just slightly out of breath, and silence lets the moment of tranquility last a little longer before Cain sets off a confetti cannon, scaring everyone half to death and inviting them to a dinner. Coming back to earth Gangle and Kinger rush to her side, giving her compliments galore, and he watches her as she tries to stay as humble as possible while also showing appreciation for their compliments.
Ragatha is so distracted she doesn’t notice Jax had come closer when Kinger and Gangle started to move toward the feast. She saw him from the corner of her eye and turned to him with a teasing smile to ask, “So what did you..." She paused at the intensity of his eyes and asked, “think?”
Jax stays steps closer, her tan skin glowing with a golden light from the sunset, making her look like an angel in the light. She shuffles a little, uncomfortable under his powerful stare, her face starting to flush pink. She tries to joke, “Was it that bad?”
“What do I think?” He moves closer into her space, and she moves back just a mini step suddenly realizing how much taller he is than her. He looks at her face over like he's trying to memorize what she looked like before slowly moving to her eyes. “Do you really want to know?"
She pauses moment and then nods. Her mouth is slightly parted and he's watching her reaction when his hand moves closer. He brushes a loose curl behind her ear before dragging her fingertips softly across her cheek, making her shiver. One finger reaches her lips and he places the slightest pressure as if testing the feel agaist his skin, and she gasps. "I think," He pauses holding her in anticipation and moves in just an inch closer, but she feels like there’s no space left between them. He looks up back to her face a in a deep blush and hooded eyes and smirks just the slightest bit in pride, moving so he can whisper in her ear, “You're weird.”’
She blinks not registering anything but his hot breath against her ear when he snaps back with a with a wicked smirk and lazily walks away with his hands behind his head. “You coming, or what dollface? I’m starving!”
She’s left there light-headed and breath still caught in her chest, and it takes a moment to compose herself and her flustered nerves. What was he doing? He had never acted like this before, she questioned herself. But what she doesn’t know is that he was asking himself the same thing.
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swanqueensalad · 1 year
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A very long, sad deep dive on the Snow & Regina dynamic, post-everything, for anon
snow and regina are best friends. it's very weird. nobody really wants to use that phrase around regina lest she fireball them... snow really really wants to use that phrase all the time (this is their whole dynamic lol u don’t need to read the rest of the post)
i would say it happened naturally, but it really didn't. it happened with a lot of hard work, honesty, effort, dedication to being better from both of them, and then once all of that was done it was natural, it was sort of impossible to be any other way.
because snow and regina have known each other a long time. longer than most people in their family, in their town. and despite everything that happened after, all the tragedy and pain that the adults around them orchestrated, they were once two little girls that should have been friends. little snow idolised regina and looked up to her in every way, the beautiful kind hearted girl who saved her from a horse, and the instinctive bond between them was always there. there was a sisterly relationship there from the start, and i think for regina as a lonely girl with an awful family life, snow was sweet, and refreshing company to have, even if she got in the way sometimes (just like a little sister would).
and then of course everything comes crashing down, and it is snow's fault but it also isn't, because at the end of the day she was just a little girl mourning her own mother, who cora knew exactly how to manipulate.
but i think the reason regina never saw it this way was because she too was very young and sheltered and her worldview was totally limited by cora's abuse: when regina was snow's age, nothing she did would ever be excused by 'but i was a child'. at snow's age, she had to mind everything very carefully because to put one foot wrong was to be punished severely, held 100 percent accountable. i truly believe the reason regina never excused snow for her age is because she was never excused for hers, ever, even as a tiny child, and as a victim of such abuse in such a controlled environment it never would have occurred to her that that was wrong, or even abnormal.
(i believe a big part of regina and snow's relationship healing was regina's worldview shifting as she grew and changed and worked on healing herself, because as she reevaluted the things cora taught her, she can see the world and the past events in a whole new light. this is of course, a hard and complex process that regina is still working on, but ultimately she does come to realise snow was a child who meant no wrong, who only wanted to help, regardless of the outcome. which doesn't make it not her fault, necessarily, but it adds layers she could not accept before)
regina was married to king leopold for a long time. this is something i've spoken about before, but it's still something i think isn't so well understood, purely because the show didn't go into it that much (and i believe it didn't because it would have simply been too dark and uncomfortable for primetime abc. the writers knew the situation they had put themselves in and kept a distance). if snow was about 10 when regina and leopold married, and 18 when he died, that is 8 years. the better part of a decade. that is a long, long time, especially for a grieving, growing, traumatised girl like regina trapped in the most awful environment in which literally every powerful adult around her was brutally using her in one way or another, manipulating and preying on different parts of her trauma, grief and vulnerability. (while her brain was still developing and processing everything that had already happened and she had zero support system, zero outlet for any emotions. like, some of y'all do not understand how fucked up regina is.,, like, think about that. or don't if you don't wanna be sad forever)  
and all the while, the little girl who caused it all sees nothing wrong! no difference in their relationship, to her! except now she wants to call her mother. (even stepmother is bad enough from a girl no more than 8 years younger than you) and thinking about this stage of their relationship is agonizing to me. regina is at princess snow's beck and call, and this hurts because despite everything, she still feels some affection for her, that sisterly love did not die clean with daniel. the hatred and the blame and the fury just go along with it now, except she cannot express one bit of it. she has to smile and play dolls with her like everything is fine.
snow truly, for a few years at least, saw nothing wrong, or at least convinced herself nothing was wrong because her worldview as a well loved princess meant she could easily excuse any questionable things she picked up on. and this is something i think she definitely struggles with later, and even way into her healed post everything relationship with regina. (we talk a lot about regina's guilt and internally never feeling able to atone for it all, but god, snow feels so much guilt for everything regina went through. and i think at some point, they are able to talk about it. not in depth. not in detail. but with very few words, they both understand the depth of meaning and of immense shared pain. regina is not sure what she feels about forgiveness, but she knows she loves snow, and that snow has always loved her. she knows that now they are family, and their time together is lovely, and so she has acceptance at least, if not forgiveness).
i think the moment leopold is dead and snow is out on her own, she starts reconsidering everything. in the last few years she has questioned things a little more, but never let herself really go there, because she has never had to, and why would she when it is so painful? but alone, with her father dead and regina behaving so out of character (or is she, snow wonders), she can't help but look back without the rose tinted lens of her childhood. she remembers things. regina's silences and trembles at the breakfast table. the way she was ignored, sidelined, stared at. the dark circles under her eyes. all those times they had been playing, or walking, and regina seemed to be a million miles away, jolted back to earth only by snow's insistence.
more reluctantly, she thinks about her father and the way he treated her. the way he looked at her. the way he spoke to her (or didn't). spoke about her. the things he must have done. this is something snow still doesn't really process for a long time, because snow idolised her father, but eventually she cannot deny he must have hurt her.
and then there's that episode of season 1 where we get the dialogue 'she thinks i ruined her life' 'did you?' 'yes'. i think bandit snow, processing these things, dealing with a lot of new feelings of anger and pain, started putting two and two together. (but i don't think she fully confronts the real, most awful truth until years later, because she can't.)
i think ultimately the thing that hurts the most about all they went through when they were basically at war was that deep down, they still cared for each other. 'love never left the room' and all that. hatred and pain and fury existed too, overwhelmingly, overpoweringly so, but ultimately they grew up together. (it's just one of them grew up having to 'raise' the other). they still had  memories tined with warmth of horse riding together, walking together.
and so when they do start to heal, (as i believe snow always fiercely hoped they would, deep down), it's not so much that they have to create a relationship but to rebuild and unearth one that was already there, one that never should have been torn down like it was. of course it's tentative at first, but snow never once stopped having hope that one day regina would change and they would find their way back into each others lives. and once the trust is back, the feeling of family, of working together for the same goal and being willing to risk everything protecting each other because of circumstance...
once that's there, it's the other things that re emerge more softly and slowly.
the coffee at granny's. first, a little awkward, a little quiet without emma and david and henry to fill the gaps in conversation. but gradually, they realise they have a lot to talk about, a lot of shared opinions in ways that matter and vastly differing opinions in ways that don't, but are fun to debate.
the parenting advice. the stories regina has to share about henry as a little boy, the grandson whose first ten years snow only ever saw as a school teacher. the way regina helps her learn to care for neal. the passing on to him of henry's saved onesies and blankets.
the silly jokes that gradually start to form between them, against all odds.
the teaming up against david and emma when they suggest something particularly dumb.
the cooking together! snow is hopeless but enthusiastic, regina is skillful and finds it calming, so it becomes a thing.
the clinking wine glasses at family dinners.
the extreme competition on board game nights.
the hugs at the end of the day, which go from being stiff and quick and awkward with pain and memories caught up in every brush of the fingers, to warm and natural as anything.
the way snow is able to sit down with regina when she is caught up in her own thoughts and issues, and give her rational advice from a far more positive and balanced place than regina's brain allows her. the way she is able to hold regina's hand and support her. (it feels like making up for past tragedies. not nearly enough, but it's something.)
the way regina, equally, is able to keep snow grounded and bring her down to earth when she's panicking, the way she can simply and efficiently allow her to talk through her worries and daily struggles, give her space to ramble and talk and be, but also to give her to the point, no nonsense, blunt advice that snow needs and rarely gets anywhere else.
the way that somehow, strangely, against all odds, snow beings mothering regina a little, in a weird turnaround of events that feels more right and more balancing than anything else. the way she holds her hand, looks out for her, checks in with her, gives that kind of advice and reflection. because now it's regina who needs it, and snow who can provide it. because somehow, seamlessly, regina also became her daughter in law, and her relationship with emma is something that brings snow a deep sense of peace, gratitude, warmth. (now regina is truly family in the beautiful way she always was meant to be. now she knows regina and emma will both be cared for, loved, as they deserve. she knows someone will look after regina, someone will ground emma. they will laugh and cry and build a home and life together, a life not too dissimilar from the one with daniel that snow inadvertently stole from regina a long time ago)
i think they do speak about things that have transpired between them, sometimes, when it comes up and one or both of them feel they have to vocalise something. it's never in front of others, even david and emma. some things are entirely between the two of them, and nobody else will understand, or needs to.
they speak softly, respectfully, giving each other space and quiet validation. sometimes they cry, or get angry, but it's never really at each other and they both understand this now. sometimes they cry for the girls they were and what was taken from them both. sometimes one or both of them feels or thinks something they cannot speak or say to the other, and they both respect that.
i think they have both apologised. sincerely. and i think they don't need to go into any detail, really. they both just know.
but they are equals now, entirely. no more titles, no more real power dynamics, despite any maternal/caretaking instincts that snow might feel. they are the equals they were always supposed to be, and the people with the friendship the girls they once were would have wanted.
and they can laugh together. this is the thing that warms my heart most. just thinking of snow and regina laughing together, simply, over some very silly joke that isn't even that funny.
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raytorosaurus · 2 years
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Has literally anyone in the band ever said they dont like danger days?? I've seen some gatekeepers getting on their high horse about how they only played one dd song last night and how the "posers must be fuming" and one specific person tried to argue that the members don't like it. But I physically can't find any evidence of it beyond the tour being a generally shitty time for them?? If anything theres more evidence that they DO like it? Sorry if this is weird or pointless but I can't tell if this person has actual proof or are just pulling shit out of their ass because they don't like danger days lol
UGH. im on mobile rn so im not gonna link to specific interviews but they all love the album and talked a lot about how proud they were of it when it came out, and how writing it was actually a very fun and harmonious process. it was controversial in the fan base at the time of its release (partly because of the major aesthetic change the band underwent, partly bc it was pretty heavily advertised in a way some fans felt was disingenuous i guess) and it undersold the black parade, and then their world tour following it also didn't sell as well as expected. they even ran out of money to make the third mv they'd planned in the na na na/sing universe, so compared to the black parade it was technically a commercial failure. in hindsight, gerard especially has said that tour was a very bad time mentally. it was certainly hard for both him and frank to be away from their children. but they were never anything but proud of the album itself and made that clear in interviews. the only vague negativity from the band i can think of was when frank did a lengthy interview for...i believe ap? in late 2020, where he spoke about his whole career, and touched on the breakup of the band. he mentioned being disappointed that they didn't end up releasing the conventional weapons songs and said he thought in hindsight they should have worked on danger days for a little longer because some of the songs as they are feel slightly incomplete to him, and that was one of his only regrets relating to my chem. The ONLY other thing is an offhanded comment their producer, rob cavallo, made when speculating potential reasons for the breakup, when he said that maybe in hindsight he thought frank was struggling to find parts to play on danger days. but frank himself never confirmed that (he actually made a point of saying there was no tension between him and ray during dd), and in my opinion his guitar parts are much more interesting and less sparse on most danger days songs than they are on most conventional weapons songs, so i'd take it with a grain of salt. i think the gritty simplicity of cw is just kind of more to frank's taste than the more instrumentally conceptual sound of dd, so offhanded comments he's made about that have stuck in people's minds as negativity towards the album maybe.
i for one am very grateful we got to hear conventional weapons in the end because some of those songs are up there among my very favourite mcr songs, but im inclined to agree with what the band said over and over again at the time that scrapping cw as an album to release danger days instead was definitely the right choice. it sounds cliche to say but it was definitely a bit ahead of its time. if my chem had come back from the hiatus with an album that was just a collection of really good songs, and not an actual event with a concept and aesthetic and clear thematic thread, i think it would have been a disservice to the band's core mission statement, which was always to be subversive and unexpected, and to lean into the weird and take the risk even if it meant being misunderstood. conventional weapons is great, and it even kind of addresses some themes similar to danger days (dissolusionment with the state of the music industry, life in that side of LA etc) but it does it without any of the grandiose metaphor and pageantry and uniting aesthetic that's gerard's biggest strength and a huge appeal of the band, yk? anyway. it's fine to not love danger days of course, everyone has their opinions, but it annoys me to see people putting words in the band's mouth. "that was a bad time in our lives" =/= "we don't like that album we created together." also they've played sooo much dd at other shows...you don't see anyone going around saying they hate bullets when they've played entire shows this tour with zero bullets songs on them 🙄🙄
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iamstartraveller776 · 2 months
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Not 500, but see below :P
"Oh, but Loki wasn’t ready for playtime to be over yet. He hurried to the door ahead of Jane, opening it hardly more than a crack to imply that his companion had to make herself presentable.
“Looking for your friend?” he asked the dark-haired girl in the hallway.
“Whoa! You’re actually kind of hot,” she said, sizing him up with the same kind of annoying interest the others had shown him earlier.
He gave her a wry smile. “Shocking, I know. But you’ve come for Jane.” He nudged the door all the way open and said conspiratorially, “She’s been keeping me company.”
Jane’s friend gasped as her gaze flicked between the two of them, very obviously drawing the conclusion he’d intended.
He let out a sigh. “It’s a pity we were interrupted when things were getting really fun.” To Jane, he gave a forlorn expression. “I suppose you have to leave now.”
She was gearing up to deny everything by the wild glint in her eyes, and on impulse, he took her face in both hands and drew her up to him for a kiss. He’d only meant to shut her up and perhaps lend weight to the misconceptions he’d been seeding, but damn. When she forgot herself and relaxed into him, tilting her head just the right way, he was tempted to slam the door shut on her friend and have a good snog. Who knew the teacher’s pet had it in her?
But despite his every instinct to deepen the kiss, he broke apart from her. Because—yes, that. The glazed-over look she gave him, rosy lips parted in an absolute stupor. That was worth cruelly ending their interlude too early.
“I’ll see you on Monday, then,” he said with another wistful sigh as he stepped back from her.
She nodded numbly, staggering as her friend dragged her out of the room. It wasn’t until they were halfway down the hall that he realized she still had something of his. A wondrously horrible idea came to him as he leaned out of the doorway.
“Oh, and Jane!” he called after her loudly, making sure to get the attention of everyone milling about nearby. “You can borrow my books any time you want.” He winked at her horrified expression before shutting the door and succumbing to another fit of laughter.
Finally something new. And he was only getting started."
Ah, yes! A New Kind of Fun. I had to switch over to my laptop to answer. (Because I hate typing longer things on my phone, lol.)
When I started Rumor Has it, what, 8 or so years ago, it was initially just an answer to a writing challenge—where I had to include four words given to me. It was only ever meant to be a little ficlet that went nowhere, and I don't recall how it grew to be a much longer story. But one thing has always remained true: even though it's written entirely in Jane's POV, I know why Loki does everything he does in it. In the back of my mind, there's always a version of events from his POV.
So, when I got your prompt ("Trouble" by Natalia Kills), it fit the vibe of Loki's choices in that first chapter. From Jane's POV, it appears that this whole exchange was purely a happenstance, that he was flying by the seat of his pants the entire time. We aren't sure if he felt anything with that kiss, even. Was he drunk? Had he intended it to be a silly little one-off then thought better of it over the weekend?
So yeah, here we have his POV. And while it was a happy accident for him to find Jane in his room, we learn that she has been on his radar already at least a little bit. We learn that it's here that he decides that he's not done with her after his shenanigans. And yep, he liked that kiss. But overall, the game is, at this point, what matters most to him. He can snog any number of girls. Messing with Jane Foster, though? That's far more interesting to him. In a way, she's been a challenge for him (academically), and now he's found a way to return the favor.
It was a lot of fun to write this from his POV. It's been my goal in RHI to keep some of his motivations a mystery to both Jane and the reader, and dole them out little by little. And it's only because of the seven chapters I've already posted that I felt comfortable sharing this version of the inciting incident without spoiling the overall story. We already know that he wasn't keen on his family's move to the States and he didn't have a high opinion of American girls thanks to his conversation with Thor in Hal's diner. We already know that he has a complicated relationship with his brother. We already know he is super aware that being wealthy doesn't equate to happiness thanks to his conversation with Jane at the butte. Perhaps here I revealed more clearly how much he puts on a front. But we've kinda already seen that with his private moments with Jane, when he lets the mask slip a little.
Anyway, I'm rambling, lol. Thank you again for playing!
Send me a 500 word or less snippet of one of my stories, and I'll give you a dvd commentary on it!
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scarlettriot · 2 years
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Can you pretty please continue that headcannon about you and Kiri adopting that baby? 🥺 i felt so much happy feelings while reading it 🥺
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I’d be happy to, Nonnie!
Here’s the original p o s t
Friendly reminder this is a super self indulgent HC, lol
((I named the baby in this but use they/them pronouns for them. Reader is GN as well. This is in no way edited.))
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After adopting your first child together, Eijiro knew he wanted to be ready in case any other children needed a place to go, needed help. This was how you two became foster parents.
You just weren’t exactly expecting your very first placement to be this itty bitty baby…
They were brought into a hospital at just three weeks old. Security cameras were checked but no one could identify who dropped them off. So, after sometime in observation, the infant was turned over to the system; over to you both.
You were called to the hospital. Eijiro met you there, coming right from a patrol (he didnt even waste time changing into civilian clothes), and were promptly taken back to the little one. The happy baby smiled up at you both and you right back down at them.
“Hey there,” For a man so big and bulky, Eijiro had a way of softening his tone that made him a natural parent. He wanted to push the purple blanket back the baby had brought up to their face but instead they grabbed onto his pinky finger. Their whole hand wrapped around it, and you knew right then and there, this baby was gonna steal both your hearts.
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For the first week they were with you, Eijiro took time off work, since there was no way he was asking you to take care of them all on your own. You each took turns getting up in the middle of the night for feedings and diaper changes, and many a time, you found him in the babies room, sitting in the rocker with his hand in the crib, their little hand wrapped around his pinky again.
During the day though, the kid was always around with Eijiro. Most activities he was doing, he realized he could do with a kangaroo pouch on. And the baby loved it. Cleaning around the house, all smiles and giggles. Opting for a run, the baby went in the stroller with him. And when it was nap time, he was able to catch up on some of his reports.
After one week off, he decided to take another, but now the two of you were facing a problem…
“I know we said we wouldn’t give them a name, that their parents, who ever they end up being, would name them… but I’m getting real sick of just calling them ‘baby’.”
He had a point. You’d been out at the store earlier that week and someone asked you their name and you felt so embarrassed when you couldn’t tell them anything.
“Okay, what would you like to call them then?”
“How about Izumi?”
Three more weeks passed and Eijiro went back to work… part time. He always made a point to stop home for lunch when he could, wanting to help out as much as possible.
Friends came by frequently though. Mina made sure Izumi was up to date with all the latest fashion trends, Denki showed them a vast assortment of music, and Sero always had a new book for them when he came over.
Katsuki took a little longer to warm up to Izumi. But, eventually, he was over damn near every single day. It became a regular routine for Eijiro and him to go to the gym together with Izumi. Taking turns holding the baby while the other did their sets.
You knew Izumi had won Katsuki over when the blonde showed up one day with the cutest set of plush weights for them to take to the gym. “Gotta start ‘em young!”
He’d even cover for your husband when the baby got sick and he knew Eijiro got absolutely no sleep. Katsuki was more than willing to pick up an extra shift or two if it meant Eijiro was around for you and the baby.
All together, you had a really good thing going. Izumi was a part of your little family. But, you were only fostering.
You always had it in the back of your mind that one day the call would come in that a family was ready to take Izumi home permanently. It was a great thing, you and Eijiro knew that but, it didn’t make any part of this easier. And you sure as hell didn’t want it to come this soon.
It was the hardest thing packing up all their little belongings, making sure the family would have everything Izumi had accumulated over their time with you. Both of you cried while doing so, not even trying to hide how much this hurt.
Eijiro and you ended up falling asleep in Izumi’s room. The following afternoon the new family would be there to pick them up so, you wanted as much time with them as possible. And then another phone call came, one that broke your heart even more.
Eijiro held Izumi in his arms with silent tears rolling down his cheeks when you told him the news.
Neither of you wanted to wait for another family to adopt Izumi… not when they were already apart of yours. And you didn’t even wait until the following morning, you called the agency right back and informed them that you and Eijiro would like to start the adoption process.
“Back where it all belongs.” Eijiro beamed proudly. By the time you were off the phone, he had nearly all of Izumi’s things unpacked and in their rightful place around the room. It felt good to have everything back. It felt right.
Roughly three months later, there was a party hosted in your backyard, surrounded by family and friends as you and Eijiro officially welcomed Izumi Kirishima to your family.
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jackoshadows · 2 years
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I was also thinking about that quote that everyone here loves, the one where Ned says Arya and Sansa are like the sun and the moon. It has some beautiful imagery but rereading that book I don't think it's meant to be read like Ned is right? Because this is after what happened to Mycah, if I remember it right, and the Sansa and Arya discussions is not just two sisters not getting along. A boy got killed and Sansa doesn't feel bad about it, and Arya has to live with this trauma. So for Ned to be like "you girls just have problems but deep down you love each other uwu" sounds like he doesn't fully get how serious things are kinda like the fandom lol. I might be wrong tho, it's just that Sansa has some quotes that are really overhyped here and I'm kinda tired of seeing them all the time lol
I do think Ned sees it as a mere squabbling between his girls and does not give it much thought or attention. Just like Catelyn overlooks how Arya is treated by the Septa, Sansa and her friends and the effect it has on Arya. Think of them as parents in the medieval ages. As much as Ned and Cat loved the kids, we are not seeing modern day parenting.Think of how Jon was treated as a child.
Ned still wanted Arya to conform and be more like Sansa. He warns Arya not be to like Lyanna. He sends 14 year old Jon off to a penal colony without even warning him of what to expect at the Wall or telling him about his parentage before Jon makes a decision that he cannot change, no matter what. Ned, who is already frustrated by how utterly useless Robert Baratheon is, just wants his daughters to stop fighting and get along while he tries to figure out the quagmire he has stepped into by accepting the job as hand of the king.
I agree that the ‘Sun and Moon’ quote is over-hyped - it’s over-hyped because there is nothing else going on for the Sansa-Arya relationship in the books. They have a contentious, antagonistic relationship and so these rare quotes are over used by the folks who think Sansa is the best sister ever and it was just a sibling squabble and they will unite and it will be all rainbows and hearts and nothing more because ‘the same blood’ dammit! Never mind that GRRM LOVES, loves writing about dysfunctional families and every member in each house is different and they don’t all get along. 
Part of the problem is, as I mentioned earlier, that Sansa’s relationships with the other Starks is so thinly sketched out by the author that there is not much that fans of the character can use and hence they tend to reuse the same few lines again and again ( Ex: Sun and Moon, It would be so sweet to see him again) and a lot of what we see in fandom is made up headcanons.
In the case above, Ned should have rightly given Sansa a talk about her lying regarding Arya and Joffrey. However, GRRM chose instead to focus on Ned and Arya because Arya is our main character and her relationship with her father defines large parts of her journey back to home and family - ‘the lone wolf dies and pack survives’ - and being a leader of the North.
Similarly, I would like to think that after the whole Arya/Joffrey incident at the trident Ned had already decided to call off the Sansa-Joffrey engagement after seeing what a terrible kid Joffrey was. We just don’t read his thoughts on any of that or Sansa/Joffrey, though he does behave as if that marriage is no longer happening. We finally learn that he is calling off the marriage when he plans to send both girls off to Winterfell and it comes as a shock to Sansa.
I have always found it a little weird that some of the most ardent house Stark fans are also big Sansa fans considering how, other than maybe Rickon, she’s the Stark with the least fleshed out relationships with the other Starks.
There’s so much Ned in Arya, Jon, Bran and the Cat/Robb chapters. Jon keeps recollecting Ned’s advice (There was a lot of this in Jon’s LC arc in  ADwD), Arya is a mini Ned, dispensing justice Stark style and memories  of hanging out with her father. The story starts with Ned teaching Bran about fear and the man who passes the sentence, swinging the sword. Robb following his father’s advice. Ned is in Cat’s thoughts all the time.
At no point ever does Sansa reflect on her father’s advice or words of wisdom. It’s baffling, almost like they never interacted. It’s Littlefinger who is giving her advice in her chapters and it’s his advice she’s most probably going to  recollect and use the same way Jon, Arya and Bran recollect and use Ned’s advice to survive and as leaders. 
The same is true with  respect to Sansa’s relationship with her siblings. There’s her contentious  relationship with Arya - which is pretty much her most important Stark  relationship. The two positive anecdotes we get of her childhood over 5 books is of her and Jeyne playing in Winterfell with little Arya running after them to catch up and another of Bran and Arya ambushing her with a snowball.
Sansa supports Joffrey over Arya, throws Arya under the bus as having the traitor’s blood and thinks her dead little sister was entirely unsatisfactory compared to beautiful, graceful Margaery. She has no relationship with Jon Snow and there’s very little in the text with Rickon as well. For all her stans try to portray the 11/12 year old Sansa as being motherly, she doesn’t seem to have spend much time with her baby brother. In fact, Rickon seems to have interacted more with the bastard Jon Snow.
Bran and Robb are the siblings for whom she shows the most affection in her thoughts, in terms of how she wants her children to look like them etc. However GRRM doesn’t spend any time writing and fleshing these relationships out either. Other than that one Sansa/Arya/Bran moment there are no anecdotes of Sansa and Bran playing together (Like Arya and Bran playing in the snow that Jon recollects or Bran recollecting him and Arya dueling with sticks) or Sansa remembering anything she and Robb did together  (Like Robb and Jon or Jon and Arya or Bran and Jon and Robb or Arya and  Bran).
We are even introduced to Rickon stopping by to say hello to Jon at the feast and the Bran being a big brother to Rickon in Winterfell in AGOT and ACoK and when they flee with Osha.
Take a look at Jon’s childhood memories:
He remembered the day he had left Winterfell, all the bittersweet farewells; Bran lying broken, Robb with snow in his hair, Arya raining kisses on him after he’d given her Needle.
Even the thought made him feel foolish; he was a man grown now, a black brother of the Night’s Watch, not the boy who’d once sat at Old Nan’s feet with Bran and Robb and Arya.
Playing, Jon thought in astonishment, grown men playing like children, throwing snowballs the way Bran and Arya once did, and Robb and me before them.
And because Sansa’s relationship with the other Starks is so thinly sketched in the books, so much of what we have in the fandom is either made up headcanons or over use of the one or two lines again and again. This has been going on for so long, over decades that when actual book quotes are used to highlight - for ex. Arya and Sansa’s actual relationship - some people get offended and see it as ‘Sansa hate’.
Jonsa is a byproduct of this kind of behaviour. Sansa fans have been making up headcanons as book canon for so long that they invented a completely new relationship between Jon and Sansa in the books. And suddenly the so called neutral experts, who participated in making up headcanons are shocked at Jonsa being a thing.
I know the show is responsible for a lot of this by making  Sansa the face of house Stark by replacing Jeyne Poole with her and  sidelining the other Starks and giving show Sansa story arcs and scenes with Jon, Arya and Bran and the ridiculous farce of her wanting Northern  independence and all that shite. However, even the so called neutrals or book Sansa stans often treat her as The Stark who is most like Ned  (This opinion is mind boggling - I find Sansa to be the least Ned like given her propensity to selfishly lie and side against family) and apparently Arya and Sansa are just siblings being siblings and she has close relationships with all her siblings etc. And she is going to go North and be leader of house Stark and all the other siblings will support her and so on and so forth.
Sansa clearly had a happy childhood, however GRRM doesn’t seem interested in writing little stories and emotional  anecdotes for her relationships as he does for the rest of the Starks. It still amazes me that Sansa spends time in the Vale pretending to be a  bastard and not once does she mention the bastard brother she grew up. This is the equivalent of the complete lack of emotion Jon  displays when the Sansa-Tyrion marriage is brought up. GRRM’s lack of  interest in these relationships couldn’t be any more obvious. On the  face of it, it looks like Sansa’s closest relationship in Winterfell was with Jeyne Poole.
And then all the other stuff  - like a blanket condemnation of violence. When of all the kingdoms, the North thrives on being a harsh and brutal world and House Stark’s motto is ‘Winter is coming’. Ignoring the direwolves, when house Stark’s sigil is a Grey Direwolf. The discourse around how Arya is not the right kind of girl and is male coded, when a lot of the female characters in the North have similarities to her. Most Sansa stans seem to dislike everything about the North and yet weirdly want Sansa to live there and lead the Northern people who are the antithesis of everything Sansa is. Ideally, Sansa stans should probably wish for Sansa marrying into house Tyrell and go live in Highgarden. 
Anyways this turned into a long post. Yeah, there are some issues with the writing in AGoT and I think that’s a result of GRRM narratively focusing on his main character Arya in book one.
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thebiggestmenace · 9 months
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What are your thoughts on Abby?
Absolutely no judgement wether you like/dislike her, I feel like this is a controversial question within the fandom lol
hi, anon, I have many a thought and this is definitely a controversial question in the fandom lmao
I think she grows on you. when I first watched a gameplay, I absolutely hated her, I hated the fact that you had to play as her and that her part might be longer (it felt like it at the time, but I'm not sure if it is actually longer) than Ellie's. but after watching it for the third time, I do not despise her anymore. I get why she did what she did, but I do not love her.
again, I get why she did the golfing, but really? it was 4 years, Abby. surely, you noticed that you'd just be passing your own grief onto someone else? and shooting him in the leg? really? I imagine that was because Abby knew it wouldn't have been an easy fight if he wasn't injured, but still. he helped you, man. once Ellie got there and Abby had to hear the cries and the screams from her, did she not realize that Joel was a father figure to her? that she would just be pushing her own giref onto her? and 4 years, really? I know I already mentioned that, but seriously. she had to have realized at some point that killing Joel wouldn't help her.
however, they did make Abby similar to Joel, so it isn't a strong hatred at all. her willing to risk everything for Yara and Lev, then doing everything in her power to protect Lev. Joel did the same for Ellie, and look where that got him. I don't know how to properly articulate this, anon, but I do get why she did it, I just don't like it.
and that isn't solely for the fact of the golfing. it's also - it didn't need to be that brutal. at all. it didn't need to happen in front of Ellie. Abby wasn't there for Jerry's death, and Jerry's death was pretty clean cut. there was no pain. just a shot to the head. Joel's?? first you shoot him in the leg, then drag him down to a basement and beat the shit out of him with a golf club? and not stopping when his daughter comes in? it didn't need to go like that.
and the theater?? yes, Ellie didn't need to kill every single one of Abby's friends, but tbh Ellie lost everyone that meant something to her, so Abby taking Joel was most likely just the final straw for her. Ellie wasn't in the right state of mind for that whole trip, and yes, she was in the wrong, but that isn't to say that Abby's in the right. I know Abby didn't know this, but Ellie did not know Mel was pregnant, Abby was told point blank that Dina was, and she still tried to kill her. I am forever grateful that Lev got her to stop, cause man, I would not have survived that. but it's just a constant cycle of grief. Joel kills Jerry, Abby kills Joel, Ellie kills Abby's friends, Abby kills one of Ellie's and tries for more.
and then the epilogue???? this has many variables to it, in my opionon. yes, Abby did leave Ellie after the theater, so Ellie going after her was her own choice and so she could've deserved what happened. but I don't think it was really Ellie's choice in going. this is why we don't like game Tommy, by the way. Ellie wanted to go after Abby before she showed up at the theater, Tommy wanted to take Dina and everyone back to Jackson, so they did. and then once Ellie is living as best a life as she can, all things considered, Tommy shows up and yells at her to go back after Abby because "'I'll make her pay.' That's what you said once we got back to Jackson." and Ellie does go after her, because this grief is just. so heavy in her, she feels she has to.
but her going to Santa Barbara means that she was able to save Abby and Lev. so she did, and then she fought her. I'm torn for the fight because Abby kept telling Ellie to just let them leave, and they'll forget everything and they won't have to see each other again. but also Abby bit off her fucking fingers, so. her biting off the fingers has always gotten me. I know Abby doesn't know about Ellie's life outside all this fighting, but that was her one connection to Joel. and now. it's gone. but Ellie was able to realize that killing Abby wouldn't do anything. it wouldn't bring Joel back. it wouldn't make any of this better. if anything, it'll make it worse and also pass it onto Lev.
so yes, this is how I feel about Abby. I do not hate her, but she is not a favourite. she's very neutral to me currently, but everytime I rewatch the game, I hate her less, so with this fourth rewatch, my opinions may change again. but this is how I currently feel
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bitegore · 2 months
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🍄♻️🤔
🍄Describe your wip/one of your wips in the format of “_ + =__”
okay for the sake of my fucking sanity i am NOT going to presume I get any real wiggle room here. or i will do another 400 line proof. because it is fun but oh my god it takes so long.
((Felyx + Taran)(Rex + Haven + Taran) + fake dating)^spite = fireworks
♻️A scrapped idea for your current WIP(s)
not sure it qualifies as a "wip" because I haven't actually decided to pull it out of the graveyard of abandoned-works out-of-progress yet - call it a wip-aspirational or something lol - but the more I poke at Haven and Taran's actual story the more fun I have thinking about siccing Rex on the two of them. In like 2020 or 2021, so, a good while ago at this point and at a time I'd describe myself as "rusty" I started working on whatever the worst version of a meetcute is (ending in the equation above) lol. If I recall correctly my endgame then was that the three of them would fall into a stable orbit. I think that's kind of silly now. They're not that kind of people.
other scrapped idea, same story: Rex and Taran were meant to get along. That's not happening. It's a lot funnier if Rex and Haven (both deeply, deeply difficult people to get along with who hate accommodating for other people) can find a way to coexist pleasantly but Taran, resident NormalGuy who is extremely accustomed to unpleasant asshole bullshit, genuinely cannot get over Rex's various fuckeries beyond, like, the civility of "I recognize that you are living in my house now because the other person who lives here really likes you, and I don't want to have a screaming match in my own fucking kitchen." I tend to make Rex tolerable to speak to when I write him on his own because it's narratively difficult to use a protagonist who will just spit anything handed to him in someone else's face, but in this particular setup he is actively attempting to get Taran's genuine actual hatred on purpose because he's under the impression that's the goal and he's having fun with it also, so it lets me just make him a huge cunt asshole too which is more fun than having him show any scraps of humanity anyway :D
ok let me come up with something you have actual interest in lol
The Rex & Casey conversation fic I was working on ran into an unrecoverable roadblock (I decided the premise needed work) and has to be restarted in a different place with a slightly different version of Casey (tragic!), so one of the things I had to scrap to keep it rolling is Rex commenting on the color of the sky. It's really sad for me because I always think it's funny when you have a guy In a hell dimension like "damn... this place is weird.... the sky isn't bright red, it's eerie". But I can't justify The Story bringing Rex into The Real World as a Plot Element now that I know more about how it works, so I
......
Aha. Well. Actually. I can't justify Alan using The Story to bring Rex into The Real World, because I know how he works. Might have fixed my opinion on my own premise.
We'll see, I'll sleep on it. It needs to cook longer anyway. I also realized (aw2 spoilers) (for serious) (skip this paragraph now if you havent at least finished the first run of the game) if it happens in The Story In The Real World it's got to be situated between Saga's first time going through the loop with Alan and the Final Draft, but I still haven't found enough time to watch t full playthrough of Final Draft, so I'm sure when I hit Zane's part in there and then endgame I'll know a bit more about the direction I want to take.
🤔What’s a story you’d love to write but haven’t even started yet
Anything like that I have, either it's so busy being a concept I cannot write it yet, or I've started it just to make sure I won't forget it XD so it's hard to come up with. And most of the concepts are less "this is the kind of story I want to write", so much as "this is the kind of effect I want it to have". You know. I want to write something ~mind-bending~ or I want to ~do talking animals but cool~ or whatever.
A lot of words to say I'm drawing a huge blank on this question.
I think - and this is something I keep approaching with different stories but not leaning into, because, frankly, I'm the first line of concept-check for myself, and i get bored - I'd really like to try a story that works as one extended record-scratch. You start at the very end, in a scene that means basically nothing to anyone, and then in the events of reading the entire rest of the story you get more and more context until the very end of the book is the exact same scene as the first part, like, down to the description, and then it just loops infinitely. Something you could read spiral-binding style so it doesn't really have a "start" or an "end", just points between chapters with cardboard so you can close it anywhere, if it's a physical book. you know, some experimental shit.
Unfortunately I find time loops boring as hell to write. This would be ONE loop, so it'd maybe be better, but I'm still kind of burnt on being willing to touch another timeloop from how badly I did not enjoy the one I wrote for an exchange like two full calendar years ago. And also I do have other things to be doing.
That's also not a story! That's a plot structure! I might as well say I want to write The Hero's Journey for all it really tells you 😂 at my heart I'm a parodist, I'm going to need to see someone do it wrong and decide to do a better job than they did to really get a fire lit for an actual narrative here. I do love me some themes of insurmountable stupid bullshit you put yourself into on purpose because you decided you could surmount it and then discovered you couldn't, and some futile attempts at some stupid shit for retroactively-really-dumb reasons that weren't worth it, so it'll have that. as seasoning. because what is a permanent stable timeloop but one person committing suicide over and over? I'm only really able to approach the properly frozen-in-sequence ones as either Hand Of God (boring) or Sunk Cost Fallacy On Steroids (fun! interesting! miserable in a slightly unusual way!) so...
....well, it's going to have to keep simmering, because I like what I've got in the broth, but there's no meat in there yet, only spices. It would make a terrible meal right now. But it answers the question, I think.
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borreloadsavagedragon · 11 months
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Maybe 10, 49, and 50 for the fic ask meme!
10. How do you decide what to write?
Oh boy
Half of my wips are decided on either stray ideas I have to satisfy my needs only
Anything else that pops into place is spur of the moment, so a lot of what I start won’t even see the light of day because it’s a writing itch to get a scene or some dialogue stuck in my head down rather than writing to finish a piece, sometimes it translates to longer projects but yeah, I don’t really decide based on anything except stray pieces of dialogue or scenes
49. What are you currently working on? Share a few lines if you’re up for it!
AHHH TOO MANY THINGS, I’ve got a long 3+1 fic project for an upcoming shipweek in August, a MizaKai drabble bc I refuse to have my only work for them be nsfw rn lmao, there’s other pairs or post canon concepts
But also there’s this massive brainchild I have rn that’s very GOT/HOTD inspired, mostly in terms of the politics, warring kings, and the dragons parts
It’s a post canon/canon divergent au that’s kinda hard to explain and it’s told through present time in post canon and in past life memories back to the time of Nasch, so know there’s an entire past life of lore full of warring kings, dragons, politics, plus secret card lore, a way for me to write duels with decks I love, and an OC who I’ve been trying to design for months LOL
Without having to over explain anything specifically crazy like names, terms, etc, here are a few lines of just a little of what to expect-
—-
“You’re difficult as always, can’t give a straight answer even when your dragon could depend on it. There could be a presence calling out to him somewhere, perhaps where his roots are. Tell me,” Mizael turns his attention back to Kaito.
“How did you two meet? Because there is no chance your dragon was created by your father, not with how it reacted to me. To Tachyon.”
A difficult question. Because it wasn’t very… special. Kaito has a shallow memory of that day. At most, he remembers that his body felt numb from recovering from the operation that changed his life and he had been greeted by his father with cards to bolster his deck at that time.
Photons, Faker had called them. A fitting umbrella term to use when he finally saw their designs. His father and Heartland designed the archetype as a calling card for the Heartland government officials. Only those who passed Heartland’s inhumane training programs and high standards were given them.
And with Kaito’s own special place, naturally he’d passed. Not only would they be powerful tools for special, chosen duelists, this meant they would be strong enough to handle the Numbers he’d be collecting at the time.
It was at the top of the little card pile that had been his Galaxy-Eyes. Although… The dragon’s card admittedly had been a touch more worn out compared to the soldiers, machines, and spellcasters that followed it. So had the cards with the word ‘Galaxy’ in their name. As though those ones were older relics, maybe references used to finish the Photon archetype.
“… He was a gift from my Father.”
Mizael immediately makes a face.
“Humans. Dragons aren’t mere gifts you’d give to a person. They’re partners, their love and loyalty cannot be pawned off under the guise of a present.”
Kaito mirrors his frown right back.
“You’ve met the man. Not exactly the most respectful person in the world. I don’t know the rest or where he came from. At first I did think he was created solely for me and my deck, but that was until I met Yuma and Astral, then I knew for certain that couldn’t be the case once I met you.”
—-
50. Answer any question of your choice, or talk about anything you want to talk about!
I don’t have a question I wanna pick at but I do wanna talk about HOW UNDERRATED FANFICTION IS!!! GAH
I saw a take earlier that was like “don’t commission fanfic writers” and their reasoning was literally “just because” and like???????????
Fanfiction is SO taken advantage of in fandom space, writers and writing in general is taken advantage of outside of fandom even, look at the Strike rn, and it’s infuriating, writing like every other hobby and creative outlet takes a lot of time and not everyone can do it, AIs and machines can’t do it
LEAVE KUDOS AND COMMENTS, SHARE YOUR APPRECIATION FOR WORK
REBLOG WRITER’S LINKS TO THEIR WORK
COMMISSION WRITERS WHO HAVE AND OFFER COMMISSIONS
I’m good now
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twdmusicboxmystery · 11 months
Text
Daryl Dixon Sneak Peek, Part 2
@galadrieljones:
Idk if I ever mentioned this before but the rat in the walls reminds me of this old short story by Ian McEwan called “First Love, Last Rites,” in which a newly married couple keeps hearing a rat scratching in the walls and it’s meant to represent something they’re not sharing with one another but that is gnawing at the connection between them. The fact that it’s a “rat” is not idiomatic, a la “a snitch.” It’s just a pest that you can often hear but cannot see, that stays hidden just long enough that it’s easy to ignore until suddenly it’s in the soup.
Anyway I am literally just riffing here. I hope this is helpful or at least at all useful lol. Very interested in all thoughts on any of these matters!!
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Oh one more thing I just thought of, is that the search for Rick is historically a way of subverting Daryl’s failed search for Beth. This is ofc why he finds the harpy in the woods who ends up looking like Beth. He finds her, but it’s not what he thought. It’s all connected. So now, everyone thinks he’s of “looking for Rick” again but ofc this search for Rick is so much more complicated than what it seems. It’s a way for Daryl to complete the narrative he could not complete many years ago.
(And ofc because Daryl is Daryl he can never admit to himself who/what he is actually searching for—love. Beth. Her. The one who got away.)
(He hopes that if he can find and save Rick, then this feeling will go away.)
OH, also, I read in a couple places that people are speculating the device Daryl is talking into is not a radio, but a handheld recorder. Some are speculating that this will be used as a thematic device, to help break down Daryl's psyche a little, allow him vulnerability, as he's such a stoic character.
I like this idea a little bit. I am interested in the kinds of things he will say when he thinks no one can hear.
It's also this very interesting callback to Beth, who writes in a journal. It's a recorded journal. Hmm.
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That's it for my immense ramble for the evening. Hope you all are sleeping soundly
@wdway:
@galadrieljones, you know the old saying be careful what you wish for, well you might feel some regret when I ramble on and on because you asked for thoughts on your speculations, haha. I just want to start by saying how much I enjoyed everything that you've talked about yesterday and all the research you did was outstanding, as usual.
I'm definitely thinking that we're not seeing the previews or the two previews, the short one and the longer one in the correct sequence of events in the storyline. I think that the second one, the longer one where it starts with him getting off of the boat is probably several episodes into Daryl's s1 storyline.
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I do tend to want to think that Daryl did in fact start his journey towards Paris from the Mediterranean coastline port of Marseille. Most of that is in telling his story I don't think they would take the time to have Daryl land closer to Paris or on the Atlantic coast then have him journey down and around and back up to Paris. Keeping in mind that we're only talking about six episodes and anywhere between 40 to 50 minutes of actually air story time per episode. The other thing is they have to keep it simple and not get overly complicated in lesser important details.
The GA needs to be able to follow what's happening or will be able to piece together what's happening easily. The spin-offs and especially Daryl's and Rick/ Michonne's needs to hold on to their faithful fans, bring back old fans and create new ones. The plot line not being too overly complicated in order to understand what's going on will be very important.
As always there will be things that the writers will put in that in the scheme of things only a few will pick up on and poke and pick apart. We're part of that that very small group. There will be a lot of things that the majority of the viewers will never notice that we will be jumping out of our seats when we see it or hear it in the dialogue. I believe the writers, Gimple and a few of the long-term producers enjoy leaving these types of hints, clues and plot details that only a special few will pick up on and enjoy the genius of it all.
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For the good of the overall TWDU franchise they need to increase their numbers of viewers and that means that they have a good overall story with lots of Walkers/zombies that has twist and turns and major shockers. That will keep the viewers happy and coming back for more. I think it's safe to believe that the things that they announce or allowed to be leaked are simply the things they want in the off-season for people to talk about, to keep the buzz going, but the things that will make viewers sit up in their seat and OMG!!! what did I just see, I've got to rewatch this! are not going to be leaked or previewed unless it's part of the plan to bring people in.
An example of this is knowing that Carol will be in s2 is making a lot of viewers very happy. It's not the shocker. The shocker will be something coming from left field (left=Beth) that no one, or at least the majority of the viewers are expecting. A shocker that will be talked about for days and week and people will tune in in order to see what comes next.
I warned you long ramble.
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I definitely like the thought that Daryl would be keeping a verbal journal of his thoughts. I so agree with you that it would give a great opportunity to get into his mindset. It also opens up Daryl speaking, not just us watching him, but us being able to listen to him without having to create other characters that need to have some kind of deeper storyline in order to be believable that Daryl would be opening up to them with his inner thoughts.
Daryl's line of, "I went out looking for something," instead of," I went out looking for someone," suddenly struck me as making perfect sense if his search at this point is for information. He hasn't found the information, yet. His first mission is to locate the information. And if we are correct in that he finds either recordings or video information in that building where he appears to have an epiphany that in fact Beth lived past Grady, than that will send him on his next mission of finding her.
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@galadrieljones:
In the original teaser, we see Daryl wash up on a straight beach. There’s no indication of where he is, as far as I can tell. There are beaches on the Opal Coast or northern coast of France but it wouldn’t make sense for him to then somehow end up in the Mediterranean. Ofc there are also lovely beaches on the southern coast of France. But how the heck would he have just ended up floating around in there? That’s a lot of information.
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I think you’re right that his ultimate destination must be Paris, since that’s where we know of the majority of filming taking place, not to mention all the Paris clues in WB. I agree too that things need to stay somewhat simple. For him to end up in Marseille that is just mysterious enough to get us talking.
BUT it’s also somewhat bizarre. Why would he be in the Mediterranean Ocean?
Just enough intrigue. As far as the GA is concerned if they even saw the sneak peak they probably wouldn’t know where Marseille was. I’m not trying to denigrate them lol but even I wasn’t positive of where it was located and would have looked it up if you hadn’t already.
So to them it’s just, “oooh fancy France!” But there’s a deeper story implied here.
@wdway:
That's one of the examples of what I was talking about. The writers, Gimple knows that the average viewer does not care, nor would they take the time to even find out where it is, but we jumped on it and had great fun with it.
@galadrieljones:
Here is a French comm on YouTube wondering why he “took the long way,” when he could have docked in Normandy or Brittany. I scanned a lot of comments to find one person asking this question. Most are just stoked the show even exists.
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@wdway:
I have some ideas about Carol and Daryl being taken but I need to do some research. It has to do with some subtle hints that were left in the s10&11 and all the things in Fear this season showing us the East Coast has brought certain ideas back to my mind of how I was toying around with how Daryl getting to France and now with including Carol how my original thought could be reworked to make sense. Only speculation but I'm looking for speculation that would make sense. I'll try to pull it together and kind of present it to you guys maybe late tonight or tomorrow.
@galadrieljones:
Looking forward to it!
Also an interesting discovery from the comments: the bridge Daryl crosses in the trailer is called the Pont-du-Gard and is a day’s trek on foot from Marseille. I looked it up and it is indeed on the way to Paris.
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Not very far lol but perhaps a clue he is heading that way
@wdway:
This is not part of what I'll be researching and my theory I'll be putting out to you guys later. I just want to say if he originally landed by ship or plane around the Canary Islands/Dog Islands which is closer to Spain rather than go upward he takes another ship or other transportation around Spain and ends up in the coastal town.
Another thing is if this is in a later episode we don't know where he has been before that. Where he is when he meets the nun and her group. I feel that he very purposeful in the preview where he's going. This isn't random, he has a destination in mind. If he and Carol both knew that they want to find the lab or working place of the scientists then they would both know where they could ultimately find each other.
Even if they're not on the same time but I find each other later they know that they're going to be somewhere in the area of paris. Maybe for once they do plan out a system of clues of symbols that they can leave on walls or places along that way they would only recognize would be left by each other. I'm totally just rambling putting down thoughts as they occurred to me.
@wdway:
@galadrieljones, you are the queen of quick research so I have an assignment for you if you choose to accept it. Mission Impossible reference. Would you check out where the equivalent of the CDC would be in France.
@galadrieljones:
Lol I love it
I will see what I can find!!!!
@galadrieljones:
Okay so a couple results. First, in France, Sante Publique is the c for public health, and that is in Paris. However, unlike the CDC, the Sante Publique does not have any laboratories, and it is definitely not a Level 4 Biohazard research facility. The CDC seems unique in this respect. Sante Publique France seems more just like, a bureucratic c which publishes research, holds discussions and conferences, makes decisions on public policy based on health-related issues, etc.
There is also a Sante Publique Quebec in Canada. There are three Level 4 Biohazard research facilities in France. Two are military, one is a private research company that focuses on infectious diseases. Two are in the suburbs of Paris, and one is in Lyon, which is like 275 miles south west of Paris, in the direction if Marseille. Level 4 labs are “used to study infectious agents or toxins that pose a high risk of aerosol-transmitted laboratory infections and life-threatening disease for which no vaccine or therapy is available.”
So like, per Jenner’s example of “weaponized small pox.” There is one in Galveston, TX and several more in the US as well, beyond the CDC. So like it’s not totally a 1:1 comparison but if there was major virus research happening in france most likely it was happening near Paris. In the US, these facilities tend to be in weird, almost rural places, like Manhattan, KS and Hamilton, MT, I would imagine to keep bad things away rom population cs, but ofc we have the space for that.
@wdway:
I love how you included Manhattan as a rural location, haha.
Thanks for this information Tarah. I can always count on you for amazing research duty. The site in Lyon, France is interesting, don't you think. 80 miles from Marseille to the Pont-du-Gard and from there 146 to Lyon. That's regular roadways. It could definitely be a possibility of where he was going. The place we will be seeing is fictional. That there is a Level 4 laboratory in Lyon is a reasonable location with shown that Daryl pasted the Pont-du-Gard on his way to that building.that could be used within the story.
@galadrieljones:
Lol. Didn’t even think of that Manhattan, KS is some ways outside Topeka
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therealvinelle · 2 years
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The last week or so I've actually been writing stuff down in the hopes a good main plot comes to me while I work out some of the characters and interactions, and that's more than I normally do, so I'm feeling hopeful about me actually continuing with it. And tonight I was sitting here writing out how a couple characters meet, even though probably none of it will make it in the story itself it might be referenced later, and I need the practice so something offscreen anyway seemed good for that. (Sorry, I'm rambling aren't I? I do that, especially when I'm excited, and I'm really excited to be writing something and since I have no one to talk to about it isn't all coming out here lol, I'll try and hurry to my point.) Anyway, I'm definitely trying to loosely base how the characters treat everyday life as how I see people do in life, like if I know anyone that would actually say or do something or react a way, and if not question of it's because it's badly written/thought out or just the character not being anyone I know irl, and one thing I've definitely realized is everyone has their preferred way of messaging, and then most people I know will still have another 1 or 2 they use a lot too and maybe more depending on the person. I myself have some people I can message 3 diffrent ways, and will occasionally have up to 4 diffrent conversations all going on with 1 person at once because they're all in diffrent places. And so, finally the point of my question: first, I guess would you even bother trying to write characters using messaging like that, not to that crazy extent or anything but even just using regular text messages to have a conversation about one thing, then some other app to talk to them about something totally diffrent, and have them clearly being had concurrently, and then if you would how do you think you would go about keeping the conversations clear to the reader? Second (I actually thought of it last though) is if you have anything you do that keeps you motivated to keep going once the initial woo of starting a project wears off, or anything like that from when you were starting, I would love to soak up any wisdom you have to share. And uh third is I guess how does it make you feel that when I was trying to think of a nice and safe seeming place to ask my writing questions I thought to come here first? Sorry this got way longer than I meant lol 😅
Okay, I'll answer this to the best of my ability (to answer the third question first: I'm delighted! I feel very honored.)
So, before I get to answering your first question, I feel I should say that the most important part of writing is to have fun. Sure, sometimes you'll hit a slow part of the story and it'll take a bit of discipline to get through it, but overall writing should spark joy.
I'll also say that while I have my writing tricks, those are tricks that work for me and they won't necessarily work for others. My advice is just that, advice that works for me and suits my tastes, and in no way the "correct" way of going about writing because there is no such way.
So! To answer your first question in several parts, as it's a multifaceted question:
Writing characters who text
I'm a plot oriented kind of gal, that is to say, I want everything in my story to serve the story in some way. So, my advice here is that if the characters texting serves the story, then go for it.
In this vein, realism is good but it should go hand in hand with what's actually necessary (and this is where the above advice, do whatever you want, comes in). We can learn a lot about the characters, their relationships, and their lives from how they text and what they text about.
Character A never replies to the group chat unless someone @ them, but if it's character B texting them they open it instantly. Character C is never on Messenger because they loathe Facebook, but they're always on Discord.
Little things like that will tell the readers a lot about your characters, and you can use the texting to sprinkle in plot events, and heighten intrigue. Character A never hears about a hugely important thing that happened in character B's life, they've been texting all weekend and character B chose to never bring it up.
So, yes, texting can absolutely aid the story, but how it aids it will depend on the kind of story you're telling. Some stories don't have room for it, others will lean on it. (I can recommend the Norwegian TV show SKAM for how texting is incorporated into storytelling. I know there was an American remake, as well as an Italian and a French one, but I don't know if the American one is any good.)
It sounds like you have a lot of texting for texting's own sake, and if so then in your place I'd cut it down a bit. But, you can use it to establish a lot in your story so by all means, if you want it in your story then use it for all it's worth.
How to go about keeping texting conversations clear to the reader
I'd say you should treat it like a dialogue. Keep the text in italics, maybe, but have the characters interact with the texts the way they would spoken line. Character A picks up his phone, stares at the speech bubbles wondering what his friend is thinking and if he should reply right away or pretend he's a little busy so he waits a minute before texting back, and he thinks about what to text back before texting it and then immediately regretting his use of "ROFL".
If you just write a wall of text that goes:
username: this is a text!
username2: this is another text!
username3: @ username2 this is a third text!
Then that is a style choice that could work out, I personally don't like it but there are people who appreciate it. But, again, depends on the kind of story.
I hope this answers your first question?
How to stay motivated
To me, the answer is discipline and locating the source of the problem.
I'm currently regretting the choice to have Aro narrate my new fic Arrested Eternity so much, you have no idea, and the second chapter has been through several drafts. I'm not giving up on it, though, and the problem isn't that I don't want to write the fic, but that I'm not sure how to go about writing a story with an in-universe narrator. If I want to get anywhere, I'll have to figure that out, simply staring at a blank document until I write won't help me.
If I do know what I want to be writing, and I'm just being a miserable twat about it, (the later chapters of Nebuchadnezzar's Dream were drags) then... be a miserable twat about it, but get it done. Only way out is sometimes through.
Hope this is all helpful! Good luck with your story.
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golbrocklovely · 1 year
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Im so glad I found older snc fans because I was starting to think it was just pretty young fans who can’t seriously discuss their relationships and lives and content.
this got to be a very long response, so sorry in advance lol
what i find very interesting about fandom culture as it is now is that when i first joined snc's fandom back in 2018, i was on insta only and literally there were confession accounts on there. basically in a similar vain to here, ppl would dm the person that owned the account "confessions" or opinions they had about anything related to snc and then the account would post it, and ppl would talk in the comments about it. usually those accounts would get out of hand eventually bc ppl would send in a lot of mean ones that would end up getting the person that owned the account in trouble.
wow, things haven't changed lol
but i think what ended those accounts was at one point there was an account that talked about a girl colby was possibly dating at the time, and the confession was shitting on her, and then colby commented on that post and said the equivilant of "hey i get you guys have opinions and i love that you want to share them and i don't mind seeing them, but if they are hurtful or mean i don't want that in my life". and i think that solidified the end of confession accounts, at least in this fandom.
i also think there was a major shift during the pandemic where ppl just didn't want to see anything deemed "negative" so now ppl are hyper vigilent to call out those that seem to be doing anything not positive. which i can understand sometimes, but i think a lot of fans take things too far. both sides do this.
my thing is, i've always enjoyed seeing other ppl's opinions, even when i don't agree. especially when related to fandom stuff. bc a lot of what we talk about on here is meant to be light-hearted and goofy and not to be taken seriously. i mean for christ's sakes we talk about the girls colby may or may not have hooked up with. and mind you, we barely have proof of any of them ! so again, it's all supposed to be silly and not urgent, important info.
but i think the reason why a lot of fans, sometimes younger, don't like seeing conversations like this is bc they think it's inappropiate or goes too far or bc it's not ultra positive all the time, it's deemed not worth having. which i get. i won't argue over that. my thing is….. yall are having these conversations too, you just keep it in dms and gcs. and if you pretend that isn't the case and "no i would NEVER talk about snc like this", you're lying. or you're very foolish to think that not everyone else around you is doing the same thing. the difference is i allow these conversations to happen publicly on my page.
i think bc i also allow ppl, for the most part, to vent about snc and others related to them, i'm seen as agreeing with their opinion - whether good or bad. but that usually isn't the case, but bc i'm allowing someone to have a voice when they otherwise wouldn't, i'm deemed bad or a hater.
on twitter, i think a lot of the disconnect comes from this idea of younger fans vs older. i think a lot of the younger fans don't want to interact with the older, and that's totally understandable. god knows 16 year old me wouldn't have wanted to talk to someone a decade older than me. and vice versa. i think the issue that arises is that the younger fans see the older ones as… too old to still be here. they see someone my age and go "why are you still around, you should have left already" or that i shouldn't be on social media to begin with. that whole idea is funny to me bc i've been online longer than some of them have been alive (but please note i ain't saying that as a flex lol). i also think a lot of older fans make younger fans uncomfortable, especially on twitter, for being very…….polarizing. and i think the older fans see the younger ones as annoying. like younger siblings that just won't fuck off.
do i agree with either one? no. i don't see younger fans as annoying, for the most part. and i don't see older fans any different. i think a lot of the problems that have appeared over the years is bc of the pandemic; too many ppl stuck inside for too long with nothing to do, mixed with a terrible world getting worse, and now everyone just feels the need to be assholes whenever they can bc they're sick and tired of being sick and tired all the time. and it's easier to take it out on one another in fandoms than it is to do it irl, but even that doesn't stop those from doing it.
i will note that there are a decent number of older fans on twitter in the snc fandom that make it very hard to be an older fan. like a lot of the ones that are on twitter say a lot of extremely sexual shit about colby. and look, i don't mind talking about that man sexually. but there's also a level to it. some of these women borderline write fanfics about him, but include themselves in it, and then all of that is one twitter. and that can be off-putting. i won't name names, but some just need to take it down a peg or two, that's all.
but that also isn't to say that younger fans don't do the same in some regard. i'm just saying some of the older fans take it farther than necessary.
i think there is a lot of nuance to this, and a lot of reasons why ppl act the way they do. i'm not trying to blame any one or any particular age demo, i'm just saying what i've witness and what i believe to be true. doesn't make me right however.
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