Trent Alexander-Arnold, Liverpool & England

Hawks boys

How i think the England NT players would behave when helping their child with homework:

masterlist

jack grealish

okay, so jack would definitely be just as confused as his child - if not more confused (there’s not a lot of thought behind those eyes is there jacky?). 100% he would be the one trying not to cry at the kitchen table instead of his child. In the end, he’d simply tell his child that homework didn’t matter and neither did school and then they’d sneak off to go play footy in the garden.

jordan henderson

hendo is the type of dad that wouldn’t let his child leave the table unless their homework was completely finished. he’d be very patient and understanding if his child was confused and would certainly give his child lots of praise when they completed their work.

jordan pickford

although they’re both mackems (hehe like me) i’m going to go out on a limb and say that pickford would be the complete opposite of jordan henderson. he’d definitely be the type of dad that would get frustrated when his child doesn’t understand something. pickford would end up having to physically leave the room to calm himself down and no-one can tell me otherwise.

mason mount

definitely a very fun dad. would somehow turn homework into a fun activity so that his child would want to complete it. lots of praise and sweets when his child gets something right. if he didn’t understand any of the work he’d probably call his bestie dec rice so they could be confused together.

declan rice

dec would just stare at his child’s homework in confusion before eventually giving up. he’d definitely ask his partner to help their child and then sulk when he gets booted out the kitchen. after that, he’d probably call his bestie mason and complain.

ben chilwell

i reckon chilly’s behaviour would be a mixture of jordan henderson and mason mount. so basically when helping his child he takes it very seriously but also tries to make the experience fun and enjoyable. would definitely reward his child with a kick-about outside after they’re done.

john stones

john would definitely start off strong, he’d be very helpful and patient but in the end he would get bored and start distracting his child rather than helping them. he’d probably play music or dance around the kitchen like a prat and get told off.

kyle walker

basically john stones 2.0 except i don’t think kyle would even try to help with the homework. he’d probably just give his child a quick pep talk and then just distract them with jokes and funny faces when they actually tried to work.

harry kane

just your average dad™️. he’s always up for helping his child out with homework - in fact, i reckon he kinda enjoys it. dunno if he’d be the most helpful though, maybe in maths? definitely not in english.

harry maguire (slabhead)

hazza would definitely be another average dad™️. however, unlike harry kane he probably wouldn’t find enjoyment in helping his child with homework. and although he wouldn’t necessarily want to help his child, he would be great at doing so. he’d definitely be able to complete the work in five minutes if he wasn’t supposed to be helping his child actually learn.

phil foden

if i’m going to be completely honest, i don’t think his child would even ask him for help unless it was absolutely necessary. i feel like phil would be fine with maths and english homework but with science or history he’d definitely work himself into a right state of confusion.

trent alexander-arnold

trent - bless his heart - would definitely attempt to help his child with their homework. however, i strongly believe he would fail. like phil, he would be fine with maths (although he would get a little confused with algebra) however he’d be absolutely baffled when it came to english and science. he would struggle and push on before giving in and calling hendo to ask for help.

FIFA 21

😵‍💫 hypnotising af

hits him with the babygirl beam

this pic changed me as a man (I am so much more gayer since)

long time no silly footy fanarts I've been doing comms and what not (I'm moving abroad lols) but have this lil smth I did in between before I head back out cheers!

@takiki16 tags on my post are too good not to be shared! The context is wild shit that legit happened in IRL football ⚽ that I need the Ted Lasso fandom to be aware of, because it'd make for excellent fic material:

the MANAGERS #the PERSONAL DRAMA#I KNOW that ted lasso is not designed to be an actual realistic show #I KNOW that this whole thing did in fact begin as a way to soft trap Americans into watching the Prem #to the point that JOSE FUCKING MOURINHO ACTUALLY HAD A PART IN THE ORIGINAL NBC AD #I do NOT want to change the vibe of the show at all #(but like…a dramedy about the EPL that REALLY wanted to roast some fuckers would perhaps…NOT look like ted lasso #if they wanted to start with the managers it would just be two middle aged idiots with BOILING beef #who had to be physically restrained from throwing hands every other game and have personally destroyed each others’ marriages

Okay WHO would Roy have managerial beef with. I vote Arteta. Actually as @elizabear suggests, it's funnier if it's one sided

He would also instinctively dislike Rob Edwards of Luton because Jamie once said he's the hottest manager in the EPL. Roy's annoyed and he doesn't know why. (Rob Edwards is very hot)

For an example of managers throwing hands... the Tuchel/Conte handshake

In fact here's a whole compilation of managers throwing hands.

Thank you for bringing up Mourinho! This is his ad, btw. "What do you WANT Ted?" lives in my mind rent-free

After much soul-searching I've decided Roy likes Mou a lot among all the managers he's played for. YES, he is a total cunt BUT

he's really fucking funny about it. Like, really.

he's never met a referee he didn't have beef with but most of all Anthony Taylor (as a Roma fan I have to agree with him on that)

the entire 2005 Chelsea team would've died for him. I've said this before, but there can't be a Frank Lampard in TL if Roy plays the box-to-box midfielder role, so this quote about Mourinho walking into Lampard naked in the shower to give him a pep talk? That's Roy. To me.

I can't even pick a quote among all the shit he's said about all the managers he's played against, but I especially enjoy when he used to be a bitch about Pep and Pep was like "I don't know her." It was like a one-sided crush dating back from their Barca days

#if they wanted it to be about the players the literal sky is the limit. WHATEVER the writers room can come up with#it cannot come CLOSE to the batshit drama that real Sockckckckcer Playahs have amongst each other#also intricate rituals. NOT ENOUGH INTRICATE RITUALS#when Jamie scored that free kick after getting permission to be a prick Dani should have kissed him with tongue

Here's some homoeroticism:

#but TO COME BACK TO OP’S POINT ABOUT ACTUAL GAMEPLAY#I want to see Coach Roy get red carded and have to sit in the stands for the next game cursing and swearing

He'd get, like, 3 red cards a season MINIMUM. Mourinho who. Here's Klopp losing it a bit. Here's Pep being passive aggressive as fuck. Pochettino from 2 days ago. Also from last weekend: De Zerbi's "I don't like 80% of referees in England" he's so right for this.

Manager Roy would get himself red carded the week before Richmond play Chelsea away. Totally accidental. So he doesn't have to have a lil cry about it.

#I want to see what it would take to get Zoreaux sent off#and then they have to stick Bumbercatch in goal and it turns out he has some Hyper Specific Phobia about the situation#he manages to save the team but his coping mechanisms for dealing with Forcible Keeper Phobia make up the comedy B-plot of the episode#

I want CLUB RIVALRY. dunno where Richmond actually physically is but imagine if they had derbies#Ted has to be made to understand that no coach - for THIS game we will not stop till we see BLOOD#Richmond wins but bc they are playing away the home fans actively are tossing crap at them as they celebrate on the pitch#also the sprinklers come on and it’s a bus full of soaked greyhounds on the ride home

They're in West London! Maybe they just fucking hate Fulham. Or Brentford.

Actually, I've thought long and hard about Richmond's derby rivalries. Semi-canon sources say they have a bit of a West London rivalry with Brentford BUT to me it doesn't make much sense because Richmond are supposed to have been mid-table in the Prem for years, top-flight but mediocre. Brentford only made it to the Prem in 2021.

Actually, I've decided that Richmond kind of take the place of QPR for most of their history, except they didn't get relegated when QPR did. This is because 1) it'd be too many London-based clubs otherwise but, more importantly, 2) when Man City won their first title in 2012 with Agueeeeeero!!! that was against Richmond. It's funny, To Me.

Also you know Roy still fucking hates Newcastle from his Sunderland academy days. If his pundit career had lasted longer he'd be having top tier shithousery with Alan Shearer every week about it.

Anyway here's a whole youtube playlist about WILD derbies.

#ALSO BC SUAREZ IS COMING TO MIAMI - BITING INCIDENTS CAN THEY DO THAT

As an Italian I am legally obliged to SAY that if Suarez hadn't bitten Chiellini at the World Cup we would have gone past the group stage because Uruguay scored off a corner they won while Italy were all busy telling the ref that there was a fucking cannibal on the pitch. I don't forgive and I don't forget.

Anyway for context: cannibal Luis Suarez. He's a repeat offender. Someone at Richmond would think it was very funny

Him and Xavi look so much alike next to each other

Footballers as vines part 1

part 2

part 3

Part 4

Leah Williamson photo dump 🫶🏻

Louis might not be chucking bricks at No. 10, but people are responding like he’s never displayed leftist politics or challenged a government position on anything. He supported demands to the government about a fix for UK touring musician post Brexit and Marcus Rashford’s petition about food insecurity. He fought the police about their social media use in 2018 and criticised the UK government position/support for factory workers in the pandemic. The things he speaks about are usually UK issues and meaningful to him or his family and friends. He’s also most likely to speak when he isn’t working. Also that specific anarchy has a punk anti authoritarian message as well. That statement fits Louis pretty well. He has been a poster boy for not sitting down and shutting up and doing what you’re told since 2012. If he was he probably wouldn’t have a solo career and he definitely wouldn’t have sold out the O2.

I like this point about him speaking out more when he's not working, I think that's a really great and useful observation and makes so much sense. I feel like it makes sense in two ways right now: like first, I don't blame him for not wanting to do things that would jeopardize how beautifully everything is going for him right now after the number of setbacks and troubles he's had to get here, it must feel so precarious. And knowing for a fact that any political statement you make will spawn a dozen tabloid stories and all kinds of outrage is bad enough, but add to that the fact that it's simply impossible to predict which thing will turn into a huge viral mess- it's a lot. And second, he's not just working, he's been on TOUR! I've been around musicians my whole life and one constant is that tour is time outside of normal time and life, it's a bubble, it's only paying attention to right where you are and what's in front of you and the people there with you and everything else is put off and neglected, is for when you get home (and have massive post tour letdown depression and fatigue). I'm not saying he can disconnect with the outside world entirely... but putting everything on pause? I would be surprised if it were any other way, and I would be surprised if he's been following the news and counter news and so forth closely enough to feel comfortable speaking out publicly about anything when it will be so scrutinized and picked apart. I would add to your list supporting the rail strike (something we wouldn't even know about if it hadn't been tossed in as an aside by an interviewer in the print only version of a piece, he didn't post about it or anything) and attending and posting about the BLM protests (not to mention telling people to pirate his stuff come on how punk is that), and I agree he is much more likely to speak out about UK issues which makes sense: most people are most moved by issues that are close to their lives in some way, and it's his brand. And I agree that even though as an anarchist I love talking about what anarchism as a political ideology actually is, the symbol does also have a common meaning in the world as just basically standing for anti-authoritarianism, and Louis as a guy who rejects authority and the status quo is nothing new at all and one of the reasons we love him, and in the last few years I feel like he's been going further in that direction both aesthetically and politically, and we love to see it! Plus he has pretty much always sported this slightly punky aesthetic to some degree, even when he was being dressed up like a little ken doll he snuck in skater looks and indie band tees and so forth (something something it's part of why his fanbase was so primed to love his new sound and it wasn't the risk he feared it was because people were always drawn to him who were already into that aesthetic even when his sound wasn't that yet) it's not like it's just a brand new out of nowhere side of him or something.

dear followers, today i offer you ✨ darwin's pretty hair ✨ tomorrow? who knows...

i just heard my dad say the words "homophobic slur" and i've never been more fucking shocked in my life

YES DRAWING POST AGAIN

THIS IS A BIRFDAY GIFT FOR @adonislovesurmommwah HAPPY BIRFDAY :3

As always, here are animals explanation

Livi - Pine Marten

Bono - Striped Hyena

Emi - Coyote

Julian - Least Weasel