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marshmallow-phd · 3 years

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Healing Touch

Part of The Untamed - EXO Wolf Universe

Genre: Wolf!AU

Pairing: Yixing x Reader

Summary: Medical school abroad was the last line on your to-do list before starting the rest of your life. Everything was going according to plan. Everything, that is, until tragedy strikes your campus. In the wake of a professor’s untimely death, you’re partnered with the cute boy with a breathtaking smile in the newly combined labs. You find yourself unable to resist the dimples and shy glances, but his life is here with no plans of leaving. Will you continue on as planned or will you accept the hand that Fate had dealt you?

Part: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5 I 6 I 7 I 8 I 9 I 10 I Final

The smell had not changed in all the years that you used to call this place home. Pinecone potpourri mixed with traditional cooking spices and a hint of citrus from the constant dusting. Your aunt had always been a bit eccentric, a bit off beat. It had made being raised by her both adventurous and anxiety-inducing.

In the privacy of your home, her random dance parties and unfiltered way of speaking made you laugh. But when you were in public and she was pretending to be a mannequin in a window display, you ran away to the food court to hide behind a cup of boba. The explanation was always the same no matter what antics she was pulling: she wanted to break you out of your shell. It seemed like a lost cause. You were comfortable in your shell. It protected you and kept you warm.

“I don’t see how you expect to go trialing off to a place you’ve never been before,” your aunt had complained when you first told her about applying to the far away college.

“They’re two entirely different situations,” you had argued. “I can go to class and go back home without any issues.” These days there was your phone if you ever got lost or in need of food but didn’t want to leave the comfort of your apartment. Modern conveniences only enabled your shut-in ways.

“But what about, you know, friends?” She looked at you over her stylish, cat-eye glasses that she had no use for with her perfect vision.

“I have those,” you insisted. So, you might not have had a best friend, but you had people that you occasionally hung out with and collaborated on. Then there was Victoria and Amber from high school. You still spoke to them regularly, despite them going to different colleges out of the area. Your aunt didn’t realize that not everyone needed multiple circles of friends to bounce between.

Pushing her glasses back up her nose, your aunt pouted. “I just worry about you, that’s all. You still don’t like getting into cars, especially by yourself, and if you happen to be studying late….”

“I don’t mind taking the bus.” A bit of a stretch. You did mind but would still take it if the situation were dire enough. Walking was good exercise. And better for the environment. Someone had to look out for the little bunnies.

“Alright,” your aunt huffed as she sipped on her now lukewarm tea. “It is your life. I’m just a spectator of it.”

“At least you have premium seating,” you teased.

That had made your aunt laugh. She was back to her more carefree self.

“Is that my favorite niece?”

“No, it’s your least favorite nephew.”

Your aunt poked her head out of the hallway, the edge of her pink fuzzy robe telling you that she was getting ready to go out.

That was the exchange the two of you always had when you came to visit. The first time around, you had rolled your eyes and given the sarcastic answer for the cliché greeting. As your mother and aunt were the only siblings in their family and your father was the single offspring from his parents, there were no other nieces or nephews to put above or below you.

Without prompt, your aunt passed through the living room and onto the kitchen. When she came back, she had two wine glasses filled with bubble pink liquid. After handing you the lesser filled glass, she sat down on the couch while you opted for the loveseat, letting your purse drop to the hardwood floor by your feet. Your aunt leaned back on the arm rest with one elbow as she sipped on the wine. “It’s watermelon,” she informed you when you hadn’t taken a drink. “Try it.”

Shaking your head, you did as she asked. Oh, no. It was delicious. That was dangerous. You took another, larger swig before putting the glass down on the coffee table.

Growing up, you’d felt bad for your aunt. Sometimes you still did, though not as much after her many lectures as to why you shouldn’t.

She’d always been the carefree one. As a marketing consultant, she was constantly flying all over the globe, having adventures in between work meetings and bringing those experiences back to you in the form of expensive souvenirs. When your parents volunteered to go help a poorer nation with their health crisis, your aunt was quick to lend her babysitting services. It was only supposed to be temporary, after all. Then tragedy struck

Your parents never came back and suddenly your aunt was now your permanent guardian. The carefree spirit took it in stride. She shifted her strategy to more web-based conferences until you were in high school and able to be on your own for longer periods of time. She never turned into your mother; she never wanted to. For that, you were even more thankful. She was still the spontaneous, forever young aunt that you had always known. That stability in her personality was exactly what you needed. Too much had changed in your world on a dime, the less that was altered the better.

“What prompted this little visit?” she asked, a curious half smile on her lips.

You shrugged. “I hadn’t seen you in a while, so I thought I’d stop by and say hi. It looks like you’re getting ready to go out, though.”

Your aunt waved her hand limply. “Not for a few hours. Besides, anything can wait for you.”

Shifting in your seat, you smiled at the affection she had for you. “I finally heard from the university,” you told her.

Her eyebrows shot up. “You did? They finally decided to stop dangling the carrot and just give it to you, did they?”

“Not exactly,” you cringed. “They said they wanted to see how this semester went and then they would let me know.”

Your aunts face fell into a scowl as if something awful smelling had made its way into her nose. “What sense does that make?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know. But at least it’s not an outright no.”

Clicking her tongue, your aunt leaned forward so she was now balancing her elbows on her knees. “You know, there are still other options. Closer options.”

“I know,” you said with a monotone voice. “But Plan A is my focus. I’ll look to other options if that falls through.”

That knowing look you were all too familiar with formed on her face. A long, reminiscing sigh blew out from her lungs. “You are so much like your mother. It’s scary sometimes.”

You never knew how to respond when she said things like that. Should you be happy at the comparison? Sad because your mother wasn’t here to tell you herself? You were a child when your parents passed away. You remembered vague moments, birthday parties and movie nights. But when you’re that young, you don’t get a good idea of your parents’ personalities. You don’t learn what they like or don’t like, how they act in crowds versus a small group of people. You have to rely on the memories of those left behind.

You stayed at your aunt’s house for another hour or so, talking to her about her latest clients and nights out with the girls. You told her how your days were going and how you were adjusting to the new routine with the combined class. The news of Yixing sat on the tip of your tongue, but you couldn’t bring yourself to mention him. Her reaction would have been too predictable. She’d ask when the two of you were going to go out and when you explained that it wasn’t like that, she would ask why not. For that, you didn’t have an answer.

While you wanted to say that the two of you were just friends, it didn’t feel like the truth.

You saw more of Yixing than of anyone else, including Ran. He would walk you to class multiple times a day and the two of you would talk. Not about anything too deep. You weren’t at that level yet. He was funny and charming, never speaking a word that wasn’t kind. You learned that he lived in farmhouse in the woods with eight other people, all men. He swore it was never too crowded and that he actually enjoyed the company. He got lonely easily.

He also told you about how he took a few years off of college to figure out what he wanted to do. You’d asked him how he came to the path of becoming a doctor. He said he simply wanted to do something that would help people. He thought about opening a low-income clinic once he had his degree. Suddenly your heart was pumping under your sternum. When he asked why you went pre-med, you gave a shrug and said your parents and left it at that. These conversations were usually nice and lighthearted, you didn’t want to be the downer.

Yes, spending time with Yixing was nice, the highlight of your day, sometimes. But he also felt like a secret. One that you should keep to yourself for now. Good things didn’t always last. You wanted to see if this was a long-term investment for him before you invited anyone else in.

The next day, you needed some fresh air, so you decided to take a walk in the nature center on the edge of town. Although the woods would be a no-go area since they still hadn’t caught the animal terrorizing the area, the center would be full of people and should be quite safe. It couldn’t really be considered part of the woods given the infrastructure and the observation building, could it? Deciding to go anyway, you packed your bag with a few notes, snacks, and a water bottle. As your hand landed on the doorknob to leave, your eyes fell on the jacket lying on the back of the couch.

You hadn’t worn the comforting fabric since that day. The weather had been nice and putting it on would have seemed a bit obnoxious in your eyes. But this morning the weatherman had mentioned a chilly breeze. It wouldn’t hurt.

Arms through their designated holes, you left the apartment and started the walk to the outskirts of town. It wasn’t too far of a walk, maybe thirty, forty minutes at the most. You thanked yourself for wearing the jacket. A “chilly breeze” was an understatement. A few families and couples were dotted among the trails of the nature center that wound near and over the small creek. You passed by them all until you came to a spot that was deserted. Resting your legs, you sat on a bench with your back to the trees. The sun was shining up above. The only noise seemed to come from the rustling leaves and trickling creek. It was peaceful, just what you needed.

With your bag beside you, you took out a piece of paper with yesterday’s notes and started to review them. Some of the words were smudged and the edges were already crinkling, but you could make most of it out. The paper flopped in the wind. You thought you had a good enough grip on it, but a gust of air proved you wrong.

The paper went flying over your head and straight for the trees. Panic made you jump up, slinging your bag over your shoulder as you ran after it. The wind – now relentless – was enough to keep the paper continuously out of your reach.

It finally came to a stop when it caught on a tree root sticking out in the ground. You snatched the paper up and stuffed it into the bag to keep it from running away again. Straightening up again, your eyes settled on the horizon.

Then you screamed.

Yixing’s eyes snapped open.

He was no longer a wolf. He was human again. Sitting up, he brushed off the leaves from his arms. What time was it? Was it even the same day? He’d blacked out again. At this point, it was almost routine. His only consolation prize being the fact that he was alone. He still needed to figure out what was happening to him. He wasn’t ready to take this to his brothers. There was enough to worry about at the moment.

Getting on his feet, Yixing headed in the direction of where his things were stored. In order to avoid the others wanting to run with him, he’d entered the forest from a different area, storing his things in a bush to get back to later. He flicked his jeans to get the dirt off before pulling them on and then stuffing his feet in his shoes.

A piercing cry for cut through the air.

The hair on the back of Yixing’s neck stood up.

“Help! Somebody help!”

It was your voice.

He gasped. Then he took off. If anything happened to you-

Yixing skidded to a stop when he saw you kneeling in the grass. A body was laying in front of you, the clothes ripped and stained dark. It was lying face down, but Yixing could tell that it was a man and that he’d been attacked.

“(Y/n), what happened?”

You stared at him with wide, confused eyes. “Yixing? What are you doing here?”

He ignored your question, more worried about your own wellbeing. “What happened?” he repeated.

You shook your head as you dropped your eyes to the man lying on the ground. “I don’t know. I just found him like this. He’s still breathing but I’m not strong enough to move him.”

Yixing analyzed the situation. His car was only on the other side of the trees. The man was still alive. From Yixing’s point of view, he could make it, but they needed to act fast. Slipping his arms under the man while careful not to move him too much, he picked the man up and motioned with his head for you to follow.

He said nothing and you asked no questions as the tree line broke. Yixing scanned the parking lot of the nature center until he found his car. He rushed to the vehicle with a few glances over his shoulder to make sure you were keeping up with him.

“(y/n)?”

“Yeah?” You were huffing. Had he been running? He’d tried to go at a pace that you could keep up with.

“In my front right pocket are my keys. Can you fish them out and unlock the doors?”

You nodded. Yixing could feel your fingers trembling as they slipped into the denim opening. The shaking was even more obvious once the keys were free, the house and car keys clinking together as you searched for the fob to unlock the doors. Without prompt, you opened the back door to allow Yixing to slip the man into the bench seat. He told you to get in the front. You tossed him the keys and the two of you rushed to the hospital.

A pair of doctors rushed out of the automatic doors as soon as the car pulled into the emergency entrance.

“We found him in the woods,” Yixing explained. The doctors quickly examined the man as two more nurses came out with a stretcher.

“I think that animal attacked him,” you added.

Yixing’s eyes flickered over to you with worry. The doctors nodded in acknowledgement then helped the nurses move the man to the stretcher. The two of you followed closely but were forced to stay behind in the waiting room. Yixing sat next to you in the uncomfortable plastic chairs that were connected to the wall.

“You never answered the question.”

Yixing frowned. “What question?”

You turned to look at him with your eyebrows furrowed, making him want to reach out and smooth the creases they created. “What you were doing out in the woods.”

Yixing stiffened. He pressed his foot into the tile floor to keep it from bouncing. “I was… hiking.”

“Without a shirt?”

He looked down. Crap. He hadn’t even realized that he wasn’t finished getting dressed before he took off. “I get warm easily.”

Your eyes narrowed suspiciously. Yixing fought to keep his face neutral. It was a pathetic excuse, he knew it. But you didn’t call him out on it. Instead, you leaned forward, unzipping the polyester bomber that was easily recognizable as his own, taking it off, and holding it out to him.

“I’m fine,” Yixing said, ignoring the jacket.

“You really should put it on. I heard the front desk call the cops. They’ll be here soon, and it’ll look suspicious. What would you tell them the reason was for you not having a shirt?”

A cheeky answer came to mind. Yixing bit down to hold it back, even if it would have caused your face to heat up in an adorable fashion. The instinct of making sure his mate was okay was almost too great to ignore. You were the one who needed to stay warm, stay protected. But you had a valid point. And you were inside, out of the wind. So, he accepted the jacket and ran the zipper almost up to his neck to hide the lack of shirt underneath.

The police arrived about twenty minutes later. They separated you, making him anxious. Over the next hour or so, Yixing gave his side of the story to the officer. They took him at his word that he was strolling through the woods. The doctors had already informed the officers that the wounds were clearly animal made. While severe, they weren’t life threatening. That gave Yixing a small amount of relief.

“Would you two like to see him?” one of the nurses asked another hour later. You nodded eagerly. Yixing stayed a bit behind as the nurse led you through the halls to a large room that held several beds separated by plastic curtains.

The man was awake. Black stitches covered his arms. Three claw marks ran down the left cheek. From what Yixing knew of the other victims, this guy was lucky. He was talking to a nurse when he looked to see who his visitors were. As soon as his eyes landed on Yixing, the heart monitor spiked and his breathing quickened.

“Hey, it’s okay, these are the people who found you,” the nurse said to try and calm him down.

“Oh.” The man’s heart rate started to slow again. Each breath was deeper until they were back to normal. “I’m sorry.”

“How are you feeling?” you asked, taking a step forward. Yixing fought the urge to put himself between you and the man you’d rescued. He was probably harmless, but he had also been through a traumatic situation.

The man nodded. “I’m… alive, at least. Thank you.”

You gave a small smile. “I’m glad I came along when I did. Did you,” you bit your bottom lip nervously, “happen to see what attacked you?”

Yixing held his breath.

“It was a large gray wolf,” the man answered. “Huge. Like a mutated one you would see in the movies. He came from nowhere, knocked me down. I thought I was going to end up like the others as he clawed at me. Then he was gone.”

Yixing’s fist tightened at his side, his throat constricting. He forced down a swallow. He couldn’t panic. Not here.

You frowned. “I wonder what scared him off.”

“Maybe you did?” Yixing said with a slight tease. It was more to keep his own mental state calm than for the benefit of everyone else.

“I’m not that frightening.”

“Whatever it was,” the man shook his head, “I’m thankful.”

“He should really rest now,” the nurse said sternly. Yixing nodded in agreement and, after the goodbyes were given, led you away.

Once outside of the hospital, Yixing stopped you. “I can take you home.”

“That’s okay,” you countered, “I can walk.”

He didn’t like that one bit. Besides, he really needed you by his side right now. “Where do you live?”

“In an apartment near campus.”

No way. “That’s nearly halfway across the city. I can take you. It’s not a big deal.”

You shifted form foot to foot, refusing to meet his eye. “I don’t… really like cars.”

“You made it here alright.”

“That’s because I was too worried about him to think about it. The adrenaline blocked everything out.”

“I’m a safe driver, I promise.”

“I believe you. I just-” You blew air out between your lips, which ended in a growl. It was actually kind of cute. Yixing pushed back a grin. It wasn’t appropriate right now. “My parents were killed in a car crash, so they kind of freak me out.” You sucked in your lips as if you hadn’t meant to reveal that vital information.

Oh. That explained… a lot actually. At least, in terms of what you had been holding back from him. He never wanted to push, but he felt better knowing more about you.

“I understand,” he said sympathetically. “Can I walk you home then? I can come back for my car later.”

You shook your head. “That’s ridiculous.”

“Maybe so. But I need to make sure that you get home safe.”

You weighed his alternative for a minute or so. Yixing kept his patience. He refused to push you farther than you were willing to go. He just needed to see you walk safely into your building and then he would be okay until he saw you again.

“Okay,” you sighed. “You can drive me home.” He could have leapt with joy.

Yixing waited for you to get in the car before sliding behind the wheel himself. The death grip you had on the side handle didn’t escape his notice. He made sure to slow down easily and to take each turn with care. The only words you spoke were to give him directions. It wasn’t until the car was in park outside of your building did you finally relax.

“Thank you,” you told him in a strained voice.

“Any time.”

“I’m sorry if I was a little dramatic. I—” the growl of your empty stomach interrupted your speech. You groaned from embarrassment. Yixing couldn’t help his laugh.

Knock, knock, knock.

Leaning over and looking through the passenger window of his car was a strange girl Yixing had never seen before. He rolled down the window barely enough to be able hear what she was saying.

“How the hell did you get (y/n) into a car?” the girl gasped. You visibly cringed in the seat, sinking down a few inches.

Yixing blinked, unsure of how to respond. “Um, I—”

“Yixing, this is my roommate, Ran,” you interrupted, saving him. “Ran, this is Yixing. We have class together.”

“Oh!” The inclination behind her exclamation was more than obvious. And Yixing didn’t object to it. “I just ordered pizza and I know (y/n) usually gets hungry around this time. Do you want to join us?”

You flashed your roommate a panicked look, but Yixing couldn’t resist the opportunity. “That sounds great.” He caught you flinching, so he added, “As long as (y/n)’s okay with it.”

“Yeah,” you relented. “It’s the least I could do. For the ride.” You flashed an annoyed glare at Ran before getting out of the vehicle.

Yixing shouldn’t be this elated as he nearly sprung from the driver’s seat. He walked around the car slowly and let you and Ran lead the way, in case you changed your mind. You didn’t, thankfully, and Yixing walked up to your door with anticipation so great that he almost was able to forget what the man had said back at the hospital.

Almost.

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mfkinanaa · 3 years

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ARIES RISING.

Born with Aries on your Ascendant (or Rising), you are likely to approach life in a straight-forward and direct manner.

Aries is a physical and dynamic energy.

Accordingly, you are likely to love a challenge, enjoy being busy and will generally move toward your goals without delay.

Unless there are other more passive qualities in your chart, you are likely to be a self-starter with plenty of ‘get up and go’.

Your gift is the ability to initiate, take charge and pioneer.

Independent by nature, and self-reliant in many ways, your challenge is to maintain patience, and when necessary find ways to collaborate with others.

A Dynamic Approach.

Aries rising implies you will bring an enthusiastic, dynamic and fun-loving approach to most new things. You are likely to be capable and energetic, prefer a high degree of autonomy, and need to feel as if you are in charge of your own affairs.

You have strong mental energies and may love to debate, argue or “butt heads”. Pushing the envelope is fun for you. You may need to learn not to take on challenges purely for their own sake. Eventually, you will discover how to incorporate qualities such as diplomacy and tact as you realize ambitions.

Again, how easily this happens will depend greatly upon the rest of your chart.

In family matters, you may be inclined toward self-sacrifice, willing to undergo hardship and sacrifice for the sake of those you love. With Mars ruling your Ascendant, you can project at times a competitive edge. You can attract attention to yourself, and will project maximum influence when getting new things off the ground.

Others will see you as capable, but possibly brash. Accordingly, you would do well to think about how you are expressing this dynamism. Are you foolishly jumping in, or are you simply taking charge?

Taking Charge.

To live the full potential of your Ascendant, you need to become decisive and take action. How able you are to do this will depend upon other factors in your chart. Qualities such as courage, strength and self-assertion may need to be developed if you are to meet the challenges that life presents.

Not all of you will rush headfirst into new projects, but it is important that you have a degree of autonomy in at least one major are of your life. On the flip side, you should take care not to isolate yourself in a drama of your own making. Independence is a far cry from being alone.

On The Move.

It is also important to recognize your need to expend physical energy, without expecting the same from others. Exercise and lots of activity will help keep your nervous system functioning well. Inactivity can lead to moodiness and emotional overwhelm.

You will find yourself feeling dull or flat if your energies have nowhere to go, and so you are bets off making sure you enough happening to keep you mentally engage and physically occupied.

Starting Early.

Self-reliance is often learnt early in childhood. You may have developed this through spending a lot of time alone for some reason. Periods of isolation are needed to establish the independent, courageous qualities mentioned above. Often, there are difficulties with parents, especially the parent of the same sex, because this sign encourages you to assert your independence and chart your own path.

Aries rising children are often noisy, rambunctious and enthusiastic. Yet, despite these challenges, cheerfulness and a willingness to engage with others is also usually present.

It is highly likely that you will experience some difficulty early in life around expressing your independence, either through overshooting the mark with too forthright an approach, or feeling afraid to go it alone. However, this will diminish in time, as you gain greater awareness around how to use the primal, powerful and assertive energy of Aries to its best.

TAURUS RISING.

Born with Taurus on your Ascendant (or Rising) you are likely to prefer the slow and steady approach to life.

Taurus is a practical and conservative sign.

Wherever possible, you will feel better if moving forward in a methodical, systematic way.

Unless there are other more impulsive qualities in your chart, you are likely to be pragmatic and cautious.

This sign is not known for its’ love of change and so, you may tend to avoid trying anything new until you absolutely must.

You will seek comfort over risk.

Therefore life is best approached as a series of steps to be taken one by one, with plenty of rest stops along the way.

Constancy.

You are likely to be fairly consistent in your views, and may be considered fixed in values – either around material needs (possessions), or emotional concerns (the things you hold dear). You may be set around ideas for the future and what you feel you need to do to get there. On the one hand, this can make you reliable and focussed. On the other, it can mean you stubbornly resist anything that does not meet preconceived ideas.

Resistance can be an issue. The famed Taurean stubbornness means you are unlikely to budge. You can hold on to a situation, state of mind, or object for far too long, just to prove a point. In this case, learning when to be constant and hold on to something versus when to let go is paramount. You need comfort and security but you also need to ensure you do not to become too rigid, with a one-track view of how life will unfold.

Peace and Love.

Taurus Rising often gives a kind, graceful and gentle disposition. You are likely to be peace-loving, easygoing and therefore well-liked. Gardening, cooking, beauty, art, dance or music may appeal to you. Taurus is a very aesthetic sign. You are naturally drawn to comfort, security and harmony wherever possible.

Sensuality.

You are also likely to be sensually-oriented and respond strongly to bodily impulses. This quality should be cultivated and refined. Enjoying your senses without becoming gluttonous is key. You may have a tendency to enjoy food, wine and relaxation, as well as sexual activity, whenever possible.

Yet too much of a good thing is worse than none at all. Your ability to enjoy the good things in life will decrease if taken to excess. Ill health can ensue as a direct consequence of over indulgence.

As a lover, you may need lots of stimulation and activity, yet may not be good at instigating change. Accordingly, it is important to have a partner who can match your sexual appetite. Open sexual expression is a key to emotional balance, and very important with Taurus rising. Celebrating your body is essential for a balanced sense of self-worth.

Holding On.

There may also be tendencies toward jealousy and possessiveness within relationships that need to be curbed. Understanding the destructive side of your emotional nature is needed. Problems in relationship are often signs that your life has become too rigid, and that it is time to free yourself from a rut.

The irony here is that you are probably drawn to people who seem intense and catalytic, and they may bring many disruptions into your life. This serves the purpose of forcing you into emotional upheavals, which stimulates the need for growth. Your normal state is likely to be placid, but you may become surprisingly enraged when provoked too far.

In addition, there may be a tendency toward laziness or indolence. Usually, Taurus rising prefers an easy, and at times plodding, approach to life. This can be problematic when your preferred pace does not really match the situation at hand, or when those you share your life with need you to react with more urgency.

Letting Go.

Comfort, stability and security may have been important early childhood experiences. The need to create wealth, secure your financial interests and acquire goods may have been strongly ingrained by your family. This can lead to an overly materialistic focus, and subsequent fear of loss. You may be require to undergo lessons around letting go, to learn that true stability is a quality you build within. Your overall task is to maintain security, whilst moving with the times.

The Gift of Taurus Rising.

All in all, the Taurus Ascendant often lends a graceful and stable element to the personality. You are likely to be pragmatic and grounded in your approach to new experiences. Others are likely to find you attractive in a variety of ways, and generally easy to be around. Your gift is the ability to enjoy the pleasures of life, whilst approaching each step of your journey in a realistic way.

GEMINI RISING.

Born with Gemini on your Ascendant (or Rising), you are likely to approach life with a genuine sense of inquisitiveness.

You are gifted with a natural sense of curiosity and desire to understand how people or things work.

This Ascendant is primarily concerned with finding connections.

You may have a knack for communication, or a developed capacity to find associations between different points of view.

By nature, you are likely to be versatile and adaptable, with multiple interests and the ability to fit in with whatever life throws your way.

Often fast-talking, you are usually interested in other people, which is a great social asset.

You are likely to be gifted with a sharp mind and ability to talk about a wide range of things.

Communication and Connection.

For you, communication is key. It is important to maintain avenues of exchange within your environment, so that you can stay involved and “in the know”. In order to achieve this, you should invest time and effort into your social life. At your best you demonstrate both clarity and objectivity, able to disperse information without any emotional confusion to cloud the facts.

You can also be very dexterous, and work well with your hands. Ruled by Mercury, you may be noted for your quick movements, wit, youthful looks and slender body.

Naturally Quick.

You may be impatient with the slowness of others. In many ways you require stimulation. In turn, you are prepared to stimulate others, which will make you lively and fun, but may lead to some exaggeration in social settings. You may fear boredom, and so will avoid anything that makes you feel trapped.

You may also have a propensity for nervous tension and may need to learn to slow down and focus more.

This Ascendant can deepen your sense of restlessness if the rest of your chart is Air or Fire, but suits well those of you with a predominant Earth or Water temperament.

If mostly Air, you may be overly cerebral, and so inclined to lose touch with your body or your feelings. In this case you will have to slow down long enough to listen to what your emotions are telling you.

If Fire, you may be too impulsive, and have trouble settling down. Again, slowing down before you react will help.

Variety Required.

You need many varied experiences and interests to feel alive. Life is full of many tantalizing possibilities. You are likely to prefer alternatives, and need the freedom to move around, interacting with a variety of people, ideas and things. Yet, in some ways, this can become your biggest liability.

You may become too divergent in your pursuits, and in the end become a Jack or Jill of all trades, but master of none. You may have difficulty in committing to any one path, and scatter yourself in pursuit of endless change.

Yet at some stage, you will need to accept the necessity of commitment. Through focus, you come to experience the deeper satisfaction of integrated knowledge, from which comes meaning. Finding a purpose in your varied experiences becomes the secret to experiencing inner satisfaction and a steady life path. The position of the Sun in your chart will give clues as to how this is best done.

Learning From Others.

You are likely to seek partners who can broaden your horizons. Through partnerships, you gain a broader perspective as well as the inspiration needed to get the best from life. You are likely to be generous and broadminded, wishing to see them become the best that they can be. After all, the more experiences they can bring to your life, the more engaged you will be.

The Gift of Gemini Rising.

All in all, you are likely to be gracious, socially aware and adaptable. Your broad range of interests can make you unusually capable, and you can achieve many things through your gifts of wit and charm. Others can teach you the value of focussed attention by developing an idea. Success comes from honing your skills through focussing your varied interests, using them to highlight innate strengths and capabilities as you continue to learn along the way.

#astroworld #astrology #astrotips #aries rising #taurus rising #gemini rising

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jakkinlarethian · 3 years

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Hot Bunk

Part 1

The Navy had finally addressed one of the personal space oddities of submarine life: the hot bunk. There wasn’t a bed for everyone; sailors shared a berth with two other sailors on different shifts. Sailors often said that the bunk was usually still warm from the previous sleeping shift; thus the term “hot bunk.” In order to grant the sailors the semblance of their own personal space in such a tight environment, the Navy installed a collapsible bunk system where every sailor had their own rack with their own bedding; which flattened and folded into the wall so that the next occupant’s rack could be set up when needed. They say it was for personal hygiene improvement and to allow personal space boundaries; but the rumor was to stop sailors from jacking off to the warm musky smell of the rack’s previous occupant. It also eliminated any chance of a double heat bunk- two sailors seeking each other’s ports; as the new bunks had weight and “force” sensors that would alert the XO. Not very fun. Seaman Nathaniel Byrne slunk into the bunk room after a long shift maintaining the sub’s nuclear reactor. There had been an odd radiation leak in the coolant system that Nate and his team had spent a lot of time trying to lock down. Nate ended up spending a lot of time up between the coolant manifolds; his slender well toned frame allowed him to get into spaces some others couldn’t. He didn’t fit in with his radiation suit on; he had to strip down to his boxers in order to fit. The chief Engineer assured him that the radiation levels weren’t a danger to him; the readings on the console were not in the red zone. It was hard work in a hot confined space; and Nate was exhausted. His chief let him off early due to all his hard work. He quickly showered off and keyed in his bunk code. The racks started rotating on their conveyor chain; his bunk set in place and unfolded itself. Nate crashed into the bunk and fell fast asleep. The bunk raised itself to upper bunk position so that his roommates could access their rack when their shift ended. Hopefully his early bedtime won’t through off the schedule too much. In his tired state, Nate forgot to set his alarm. Since he was out of sync with his usual schedule, his recurring alarm wasn’t at the right time. Nate slept through the normal time when he should have vacated his bunk.

Nate was so tired that he slept right through the alert beeps that the folding rack uses to announce it is time to fold up. The occupancy sensors were malfunctioning; the optical safety sensors could not sense a presence in the bed. Perhaps Nate picked up some radiation after all; and its decay was blinding the sensors. As it turns out, the radiation may have had other effects... The bunk rack went through all of its safety protocols and was satisfied that it was empty. Even if something was left in the bunk, the pressure sensors on the bunk above would be the last line of defense; and would shut down the process when it felt resistance. It started to fold up toward the ceiling to free up space for the next occupant. Nate was startled awake when his nose brushed up against something flat. He opened his eyes to see the underside of the bunk above his touching his nose. The folding process continued pressing down on his nose; Nate thought he imagined the tip of his nose start to compress. Even in his groggy state, Nate assured himself that the well-advertised safety system would soon sense his presence and stop the process. After all, the brochure said, the Navy can’t go around maiming all its sailors; it has to be safe. The bunk did not stop. The bunk pressed Nate’s nose flat to his face. Nate shouted out and started to move his arms and thighs up to press against the bunk to trip the sensor. As Nate exerted pressure on the underside of the bunk, his limbs felt awfully funny. The exertion of force seemed to bend them rather than apply pressure to the bunk; as if the bunk was an unmoveable force. In this case, it was. the pressure sensor didn’t sense anything in the trigger zone; so it continued the folding process. At this point Nate could feel the flat underside of the bunk on his toes, legs, chest, face, and the remains of his morning wood. His wood! His dick was compressing in on itself; gaining girth as it received pressure. Nate tried to wiggle it (and the rest of himself) back and forth to try to shimmy out of the tight squeeze, but he felt too weak to do so. The bunk-stowing continued. At this point, Nate’s nose and mouth were pressed shut; so there was no longer anyway to yell out. His face started to flatten out completely; conforming to the underside of the bunk. his well defined pecs were now flattened to man boobs; as the previously toned muscle was moved to the side trying to find space. Nate could feel his legs becoming flat on top; no longer any knees or definition. As the pressure increased from the continued folding process, Nate could feel his body mass start to find paths of least resistance, which caused his profile to bulge outward. There was no longer any difference of height on his front, it was pressed flat into one continuous plane. ‘How much longer can this go on?’ Nate wondered. He was beyond freaking out, facts and ideas were racing through his head, trying to figure a way out of this mess. He seemed to remember that the bunk mattress and bedding was designed to flatten in the folding process to about an inch thick; and re-expand when opened. Maybe that would happen for him?! No slow down in the process; as the bunk continued its progress. Nate was a uniform 4” thick and thinning fast. The bunk thought it had at least 3 more inches to go to hit its designed storage position. The pressure continued to increase. Nate’s “footprint” continued to widen as he was compressed. No longer the slim profile that fit so well in the coolant manifold, he would appear to be 3x-4x his weight if 3D. Too bad he was racing to 2D. Nate was now uniformly 2” thick; and approaching 2’ wide. He gained a bit of height as his body mass shifted outward; approaching 7 feet tall. Nate had the startling realization that he stopped breathing a while ago and didn’t notice. His lungs were approaching paper thin; and didn’t have anywhere to go. The pressure continued. As the bunk rack neared its final position, Nate was now a uniform 1” thick. The mattress below him gave more than his flesh did; he took up its usual space. Nate could feel his flesh start to press against the edges of the bunk frame; he was approaching a perfect rectangle in shape. There was a vague head-shaped curve at the top; but everything from his shoulders down was squared off. Nate thought again about his dick and balls; his shaft looked to have wine bottle girth; but was cardboard thin. His balls had each flattened to platter size; and were glued to the front of his legs. Even with all of his current situation, it annoyed Nate how they felt stuck to his legs. Really it was the least of his worries. The rack was now compacted; and rotated up into the ceiling to the storage rack. Other unused racks piled on top; waiting to be called up by their owner. Nate relaxed; at least the pressure stopped building. As minutes turned to hours, Nate finally settled down and let his mind drift. Nothing to see, to do; bored. Nate drifted off to sleep.

The XO of the ship set about reviewing his normal morning shift operations routines for the ship. Night shift report, maintenance performed, duty roster- ‘That’s odd’ thought the XO, as he reviewed the Engineering Chief’s personnel report. Seaman Byrne didn’t show up for roll call. He scanned the nightly med bay log and didn’t see Byrne’s name on it. There was a notation of time off for yesterday’s reactor maintenance, but that ended last shift. Was Byrne ok? Or intentionally skipping duty? Well- seeing that they were on a submarine; he didn’t run off. Time to alert the Sergeant-at-Arms. “Sergeant Jameson! Go roust out Seaman Byrne; seems he is late for duty.” “Yes Sir- on it sir!”

Jameson was thrilled. Byrne had turned down the opportunity to join the security detail and chose to remain in Engineering. He felt that smug punk Byrne thought he was better than him; Now Jameson had a reason to get some payback for the slight. Jameson charged down to crew’s quarters looking forward to knocking Byrne down a notch. Sergeant Jameson burst into the bunk room shouting, “Byrne- if you overslept and shirked duty, your ass is mine!” All Jameson found was a groggy ship’s cook coming off of breakfast duty. “Can I help ‘ya, Sarge?” The cook sheepishly offered. “Have you seen Byrne?” “No; he left the bunk room a mess. He didn’t stow his gear after leaving his bunk this morning.” ‘That’s another strike’ thought Jameson. “Clear out so that I can inspect his bunk.” “Sure thing.” After the cook left, Sarge keyed in his override code and called up Byrne’s bunk. The racks started rotating and flipping in and out of storage. Finally Nate’s bunk rotated down; leaving the bunk above still at the ceiling. Nate startled awake- his backside was suddenly cold and exposed. He still couldn’t see. Nate was suctioned to the underside of the bunk above. This was his chance: perhaps if he could wiggle, he could fall and escape. Sarge inspected the empty bunk for any signs as to where Nate was. He looked for contraband or anything out of the ordinary. The mattress was flatter than spec; ‘I wonder what Byrne has been doing on it?’ Sarge thought. Nate could hear someone below him. It was Sargent Jameson. Nate knew that Sarge had it in for him; but at least Sarge would uphold his oath and help his fellow sailor, right? Nate put even more effort into wiggling. He could feel his balls start to unstick from the bunk ; and an air pocket forming. Sargent had just about given up. There was no indication where Byrne had gone in his bunk. The last place to look is his locker. ‘Mind as well stow the bunk’ thought Sarge. Sarge keyed in the storage code. The bunk system started to life, jiggling Nate free. Nate landed on sarge, knocking him over. Nate was relieved- Sarge would help him right? At least bring him to the med bay? Something? “What the hell?!” Shouted Sarge. He quickly grabbed his attacker and flung him to the floor. It was only a mattress pad. Wait- or is it? Embossed on the surface seemed to be the shape of a naked man, only flattened into a smooth plane. He recognized who the mat looked like- Seaman Byrne. Sarge reached out and touched the surface of what looked to be the man’s chest. The surface was warm to the touch; his cold hands made the surface break out in goosebumps. Just then, the mat opened its eyes. “Holy-! It is you, Byrne!” Sarge got excited. “This could be fun- I can take my revenge out on you...” Nate shuddered a bit. What would Sarge do to him?! Isn’t he going to help me get back to normal? Sarge keyed in his rack code to call up his berth. When it finally rotated into place, Sarge placed Nate on his rack and sent it back into storage. “I’ll come back for you later. All the XO needs to know is that I found you and put you on rest. Heh heh heh...” Nate was trapped again! The return of the compression eventually calmed Nate down enough to to drift off again.

#deformation #flattening #flat #tf #inanimate transformation #inanimate tf

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shinhatigf · 3 years

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okay so I do have an anakin fix it au floating around in my brain in which revenge of the sith goes as well as it possibly could BUT that's not the important part of this post the IMPORTANT part is what happens to maul in this au. (disclaimer: all I know about maul's backstory is from watching the clone wars and reading his wookiepedia page so some of this might be inaccurate. bear with me)

okay so because order 66 didn't happen, maul is brought before the council. he was sith so the council would want to deal with him personally

I think with palpatine dead (fully and completely 100% dead no take backs) the influence of the dark side everywhere would be lessened. everyone would feel a lot clearer, happier, brighter, like a dark cloud had been lifted from their mind. this would include maul.

however, for maul, diving deep into the dark side has been something of a coping mechanism. amassing as much power as possible and giving yourself over to this dark higher power means you don't have the contemplate the fact that you were stolen from your family and home world and fed incredibly damaging rhetoric from the man who 1) let you die 2) immediately upon finding out you were still alive electrocuted the fuck out of you and killed the last part of your family and (imo) the only person you ever truly loved

so maul upon arriving to the jedi council, while slightly less affected by the dark side, is still full of pure rage, hate, and a clusterfuck of other emotions brought about by thinking about the jedi. he's a whole disaster

okay this is going to get very very long I'm going to put a read more here

I imagine some in the council would like to kill or exile him and be done with it, but after the inherent trauma of the clone wars and seeing how far separated from their ideals the jedi order has become, they'd show him mercy. this part may not necessarily make 100% sense but shut up this is the good things for maul au maul gets good things

therefore, the council would vote in favor of rehabilitation. what I imagine this would look like is maul would be heavily guarded and watched, and whenever possible he would be visited by jedi masters (and masters ONLY. they're not dumb)

maul gets his own quarters, which are big enough not to be stifling or tiny but small enough to still fit in a jedi temple where they value austerity and forsaking possessions. they would want to give maul as much freedom as possible while making sure he couldn't be a threat to anyone around him, which would mean he doesn't have much freedom at all. he's fed and watered and visited by at least one jedi master a day. these visits are usually someone meditating and trying to rehabilitate maul's mind while not being openly invading, rather guiding maul's broken mind into its natural state and removing palpatine's influence. these visits are also good old fashioned therapy (maul desperately needs to talk some shit out)

it would take a very very very long time but with guided meditation and constant consistent kindness and understanding shown to him by the jedi maul would start to heal. one of the major things that palpatine forcibly shoved into his brain is a distrust and particular hatred for the jedi, but after spending so many years in their care and with constant (almost annoying) understanding that belief system would start to break down.

it would start small. like one day maybe instead of feeling rage and anger around savage's death he feels sadness because for the first time he's in an environment where he has the space to breathe and remember his brother

I think once maul has actually started to improve a little bit and moved past his rage and murder phase that's when obi-wan would visit him. which would definitely bring back some rage and murder but also it would bring maul some closure. I'd imagine they'd both need some sort of closure, considering maul killed qui gon and obi-wan essentially killed him. but obi-wan saying something like "I forgive you. I'm not your enemy." that might throw a wrench into maul's thinking

so over time, maul is becoming less and less emotionally tumultuous. he's in a stable environment in which a set group of people visit him daily solely for the purpose of rehabilitating him, both through the force and just regular conversation as equals. eventually, after enough time in this environment, whoever maul is beneath the rage and pain and the dark side would emerge

this is the side of maul that I wrote this for. this is why he's one of my favorites.

maul is deeply intelligent, and rather calculating. while he usually forgoes rational thought to scream "kenOBIIIIIII" into the night he's very good at assessing a situation and how to get the best possible outcome. he feels things very deeply but he's incredibly bad at naming exactly what his feelings are and he's not very good at reading the emotions of others. I think a flaw of his is that he really forgets to take emotions into account, while for the jedi that's kind of their whole thing. (yeah the jedi are stereotyped as unfeeling warriors but that's not true at all, they acknowledge and release their feelings into the force. for them their feelings are the force.)

I think one day when maul is beyond resisting his existence at the jedi temple, when he slowly realizes "hey my life sucks a whole lot less than before" he manages to actually solve a problem for one of the masters who visits him regularly and has become the closest thing he can really have to a friend. said master (maybe kit fisto just because I like kit fisto) rants about a problem or a mission that they're having and maul just goes "well it's obvious, really." and manages to solve the problem like that by nature of his unique perspective.

and after a looong amount of time has passed, maul's role shifts from enemy, victim, and a patient to being a voice of rationality, a problem-solver, and someone to rant to when the whole jedi master thing gets to be A Lot™

seriously though I cannot stress how long it would take for maul to heal and get to this point. MINIMUM five years.

eventually maul and some people he's forged friendships with petition the council to allow him to have some more freedom. while extremely hesitant, without palps clouding their vision they could much more clearly see maul's mental state and what sort of danger he would pose to the jedi, and they would let him move freely about the temple

okay here's my favorite part of this whole thing. maul is a fucking nerd. he discovers the jedi library and goes insane. maul would read so many books about so many different things because he's interested in everything and he'd want to build his knowledge in a myriad of subjects. he would spend hours upon hours in the jedi library just reading every single thing in there. he'd beg one of the masters to let him access the "forbidden knowledge" just because it's knowledge and he wants it. and if that didn't work he'd find a way to break in (the forbidden knowledge did not disappoint).

I also think maul would love to spar with lightsabers and stuff. he'd know techniques the jedi wouldn't, and so in friendly spars with people he'd managed to befriend, he'd actually give them a fight and teach them something, while also learning new techniques from the jedi

I think maul would consider becoming a jedi for a brief second. he's happier here than he's probably ever been, finally free from palpatine's influence and in a healthy environment. but he knows it's not his path.

after spending a long time living at the jedi temple, having carved out something of a life for himself, made friends for the first time in his life, having finally achieved emotional stability, he approaches the order on his own. they expect, after having been long used to his presence, for him to ask to be a jedi. but he comes with an unexpected proposal.

maul asks to leave the jedi temple to go home to dathomir, to see what had become of his family and of the nightbrothers. he's much much more stable than he was, but he still has burning questions that palpatine would never have let him find the answers to. and he genuinely does want to get there, eventually. but he also wants to learn more about the force that the jedi wouldn't teach him, to learn more about the sith.

his departure is surprisingly more emotional than he was expecting. the jedi temple was the first place he'd ever actually felt safe, that he'd been allowed to just exist. he would miss it.

armed with all the knowledge in the jedi temple, he searches for knowledge the jedi wouldn't have access to. he finds the remains of mortis, and researches the mortis gods. he spends a period of time wandering around like batman crushing the people he doesn't particularly like (usually people objectively morally horrible. he spent years with the jedi he has ✨morals✨ now). he even made his way to ilum, and found two crystals to forge a new double-bladed lightsaber. (the blades are yellow.)

maul would also study ancient sith texts, and spend a lot of time investigating old sith temples (like the one on malachor). however, he doesn't have the same burning desire to seize the power for himself anymore. it's an odd feeling.

eventually he does return home to dathomir to find the genocide of the nightsisters (with only one nightsister, merrin, remaining) and the nightbrothers in disarray after the loss of the dictatorial government they'd lived under for generations. maul ends up taking over a la mandalore (but with a lot less murder and awfulness. ✨morals✨)

what I'd love to see is maul founding an opposite sort of order to the jedi. not necessarily the sith, since the sith treated him horribly and destroyed his entire life, but i think maul would believe that for the force to truly be in balance, you couldn't try to eradicate an entire half of it from the galaxy. I would love to see maul found an order of dark side force users that teaches about how to use the dark side, how to avoid total corruption, and the correct channels for the power you control.

maul would be a very effective teacher in the dark side because of how much experience he has with it. he experienced the absolute worst of the dark side, the total corruption and loss of self, but he also used the dark side to save the nightbrothers from destroying themselves after the loss of the nightsisters and used his power to keep them together and safe (not to mention the period of time with Batman Maul where he used the dark side to help people).

also I would love to see the new generation of jedi and the new generation of dark side users not to be in opposition for once. by nature of maul being rehabilitated by the jedi, he would teach about them and their teachings with a modicum of respect, and the two orders would be seen as two sides of the same coin. twins, almost.

maul would not be a child snatcher, he was child snatched. the dark side is different from the light in that its always there. it comes much more naturally to force users, and unlike the jedi, it wouldn't require you to join from a ridiculously young age. his order is always known and always open to any force user who wishes to learn about the force.

maul's life comes to an end peacefully, at his home on dathomir, having built a new society for the nightbrothers and a new order for users of the dark side.

#word count: 1.9k #holy wow i did not know i had that many words in me about maul #here's my good things for maul au #in which order 66 did not happen #maul #revenge of the sith #the prequels #the clone wars #star wars #darth maul #jedi #sith #meta #ryn dot text #good things for maul au #ryn dot fic

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theredherb · 3 years

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The Red Herb’s Top 10 Games of 2020

Hey, fuck 2020. You might notice that many of the “Best Of” lists you read this year and last can’t help but mention how terrible 2020 was. That’s because every day was like hitting a new, splinter riddled branch on our 365 day plummet off a shit-coated tree. The year brought with it a viral pandemic that served as a pressure cooker for the societal and systemic issues boiling beneath the surface of our every day life. And we’re not out of it.

At least one positive holds true of 2020: the games were pretty darn good. One has to wonder, though, if 2020 was the last year of what can be called “normalcy” for the video game industry. Now that the remainder of titles brewed in pre-Covid times are out in the wild, what will the future of gaming look like as studios shift to work-from-home and distribution models migrate to digital as the primary bread winner? What will games look like going forward?

I have no fucking clue. We’ll get there when we get there. But looking back, I’m glad to have had such solid distractions from the stress and strife. If 2020 is any indicator for the industry going forward, then my takeaway is that games will continue to grow in prominence because of their ability to help us cope and, more importantly, stay connected.

Anyway, here’s video games:

10. MARVEL’S AVENGERS

Oh, Marvel’s Avengers. I know you expected to be on more prestigious Top 10 lists than mine. Truthfully, I debated whether or not you should be here. But I had to search my soul (stone) on this one. Really assemble my feelings. Tony Stark my thoughts (?). Here’s the short of it: Marvel’s Avengers has a great story campaign with a surprising amount of emotional weight thanks largely to Kamala Khan’s quest to reassemble the heroes of her youth. Once the final cutscene ends, though, players were expected to take their play box of Marvel heroes, jump online, and duke it out against hordes of villains for the privilege of precious loot and level gains. It would be impossible to get bored because Crystal Dynamics was going to continually Bifrost in new quests, cosmetics, and heroes -- for free!

Except, after fans blasted through the campaign (took me a solid weekend), they found a multiplayer mode filled with repetitive fights against non-descript A.I.M Bots, a handful of dull, un-Marvelous environments (the PNW?! In a video game?! Wowwee!), and a grind for gear that became useless minutes after it was equipped. Oh, and bugs. Tons of bugs. It must be hard for A.I.M. to take earth’s mightiest heroes seriously when they’re falling through the fucking earth every other mission.

So why the Kevin Accolade™? Of all the mistakes and underbaked ideas, Crystal Dynamics got the most important thing right: they made me feel like I was a part of the Avengers. Cutting through the sky as Iron Man; dive bombing, fists-first as the Hulk; firing gadgets at cronies as Black Widow; cracking a row of skulls with Cap’s shield… Avengers is a brawler on super soldier serum.

The combat is crunchy and addictive, and surprisingly deep once you unlock your character’s full suite of skills and buffs. The gear matters little. But choosing a loadout that works for you -- like ensuring enemy takedowns grant you a health orb every time or turning area clearing attacks to focused beams of hurt -- does matter. When it comes to games with disastrous launches, Avengers is the most deserving of a triumphant comeback story because, if you clear the wreckage, I think there’s a solid game here. If I was able to spend hours playing it in its roughshod state, I can see myself digging in for the long-term once it’s polished up and given a healthy dose of content. You know...if Square Enix doesn’t outright abandon it.

9. STREETS OF RAGE 4

Here’s a fact about me: I love beat ‘em ups. From Final Fight to X-Men to The Simpsons, I prioritized my quarters for the beat ‘em up machines (and House of the Dead simply because House of the Dead fuckin’ owns). Unfortunately, Streets of Rage wasn’t in arcades, and I didn’t own a Genesis growing up, so I didn’t get around to the series until Sega re-released as part of a collection. Though my history with the 29 year old brawler is shorter than some, the basics stand out out right away: it’s an awesome side-scrolling brawler filled with zany character designs and high octane boss fights.

SoR4 nails that simple spirit while adding an electric soundtrack, buttery smooth animations, and an art style that looks like a comic book in motion. You can button-mash your way through the game or master your timing to combo stun the shit out of bad guys. Same screen co-op is a requisite for the beat ‘em up genre but I have to call it out nonetheless given that it's next to obsolete these days. The story campaign is, of course, finite but a stream of unlockables and a Boss Rush Mode pad out the package nicely.

I really don’t have to go on and on. I’m on board with any game that captures the arcadey high of classic beat ‘em ups, and Streets of Rage 4 does it with flare.

8. RESIDENT EVIL 3 REMAKE

Resident Evil 2’s remake was my game of the year in 2019. It’s a pitch perfect revision that captures the pulse-pounding fear of the original while beautifully updating its graphics and gameplay for modern audiences. The most striking aspect of RE2’s remake is how it expands and reconfigures the classic game’s environments and set pieces. Capcom managed to recontextualize, and even improve on, the original’s design while staying faithful to its tone and atmosphere.

Resident Evil 3’s remake is less successful in modifying and improving on its source material. If the game feels like it was handled by a different team than RE2R, your gamer hands have good eyes (roll with it). It was developed by a separate internal team (three different teams, in fact), but that’s actually one of many choices mirroring its 1999 forebear. Just like the original, RE3R is a tighter (i.e. shorter) experience that launched less than a year after its predecessor. And just like the original, the game skirts away from survival horror in favor of action horror.

Unlike last year’s remake, however, RE3R paints in broad strokes with the original material much in the same way that 2004’s Dawn of the Dead remake shared a vague resemblance with Romero’s ‘79 classic. Capcom at least nails down what matters: you play as Jill Valentine, beaten and discredited after the Arklay Mountains incident, during her last escape from the zombie besieged Raccoon City. Her exit is complicated by Nemesis, a humanoid missile that relentlessly pursues her from minute two of the game. Her only chance of making it out alive is by teaming up with a gaggle of Umbrella dispatched mercenaries, including an overly handsome fellow named Carlos Oliveras that you control for a spell. But fans struggled to get over what Capcom didn’t remake. Several enemies, boss fights, and a “divergent path” mechanic that had you choose how best to escape the Nemesis in a pinch were omitted from the remake. Even an entire section set in a clock tower was cut. But, let’s be honest, the biggest omission is a secret ending where Barry Burton saves the day using only his beard. For real, YouTube that shit.

If you look at what the remake does instead of what it doesn’t, you’ll find a lightning paced action game highlighted by tense, one-on-one fights against the constantly mutating Nemesis. The tyrant’s grotesque transformations evoke the mind-rending, gut turning creature designs found in John Carpenter's The Thing. It’s sad that Nemesis doesn’t pursue you through the levels as diligently as he did in the original, or as Mr. X had in last year’s remake, but these “arena fights” end up being harrowing and fun, culminating in a memorable final encounter. The remake also treats us to the best incarnation of Jill to date. She’s a cynical badass, exasperated at how Umbrella upended her life, and can take a plunge off of a building yet still muster enough energy to call Nemesis a bitch. RE3R also shines thanks to its snappy combat, including a contextual dodge that feels rewarding to pull off, less bullet-sponge enemies than RE2, and an assortment of weapons to get you through Jill’s Very Bad Night(s). It makes for a necessary, though shorter, companion to last year’s stellar remake.

7. HADES

I’m experiencing a new type of shame including a title that I haven’t beaten on my Top 10 list, but I can assure you that I’ve dumped hours into its addictive death loop. It’s probably because of my resistance to looking up any tips, but given the skill-check nature of the difficult boss fights, I’m almost afraid the top shelf advice will amount to “die less, idiot.”

My failings aside, Hades is brilliant. It’s the perfect merger of gameplay and storytelling. You play as Zagreus, son of Hades, and your entire goal is to escape your father’s underworld domain. You pick from a selection of weapons, like a huge broadsword or spear, and attempt your “run,” seeing how far you can make it before an undead denizen cuts you down. It’s familiar roguelike territory, but where Supergiant separates their game from the pack is in the unique feeling of constant progression, even as you fail. With each run, not only is Zagreus earning a currency (gems or keys) that unlock new skills that make the next go a little easier, you’re also consistently treated to new lore. The fallen gods and heroes that line your father’s hall greet you after each death and provide a new insight into their world. The writing is bouncy and hilarious, the voice acting ethereal and alluring, and the character designs could make a lake thirsty.

Supergiant’s stylistic leanings are at their peak here. They’ve managed the impossible feat of making failure feel like advancement. Sure, it totally fucks up other roguelikes for me, but that’s okay. None of those games have Meg.

6. DEMON’S SOULS

Whereas Capcom takes liberties with their remakes, Bluepoint took the Gus Van Sant approach and made a 1:1 recreation of the 2009 title that launched the “Soulslike” genre. The dividing difference is a 2020 facelift brought to us by way of the PlayStation 5’s next-gen horsepower. There’s been online arguments (surprise) regarding the loss of Fromsoftware’s visual aesthetic in translating the PS3 original in order to achieve a newfound photorealism. It’s true, some beasties lose their surreal weirdness -- a consequence of revisiting designs without the worry of graphical or time constraints -- but the game’s world is still engrossing, morbid, and bleakly gorgeous.

That’s not to say all Bluepoint did was overhaul the graphics and shove this remake out the door. No, their improvements are nuanced, under-the-hood changes that gently push the genre into the next-generation. For one, the loading times are incredible. You could hop between all five archstones in under a minute if you wanted. And this game is a best DualSense controller showcase outside of Astro’s Playroom. You can feel a demonstrable difference between hitting your sword against a wall compared to connecting it with an attacking creature. Likewise, the controller rumbles menacingly as to let you know enemies are stomping across a catwalk above you. “Better rumbles” was not on my wish list of next-gen features, but the tactile feedback goes great lengths to make you feel like you’re there.

Granted, sticking so closely to the original means its pratfalls are also carried over to the next-gen. The trek between bonfire checkpoints is an eternity compared to the game’s successors, and Fromsoftware hadn’t quite mastered the sword ballet of boss fights prevalent in Dark Souls. Instead, a handful of bosses feel more like set pieces where you’re searching for the “trick” to end it versus having to learn attack patterns and counters. Still, it’s easy to see the design blueprint that bore a whole new genre. From having to memorize enemy placements to hunting down the world’s arcane secrets in the hopes of finding a new item that pushes the odds in your favor. Bluepoint’s quality of life improvements only make it kinder (not easier) to plunge into the game, obsess over its idiosyncrasies, and begin to master every inch of it. That is until you roll into New Game+ and the game shoves a Moonlight Greatsword up your ass.

5. YAKUZA: LIKE A DRAGON

Here’s a fact about me I’m sure you don’t know: I love beat ‘em ups. Streets of Rage 4 had an easy time making it on this list because it can be classified as both a “beat ‘em up” and “good.” Here’s another fact about me: I’m not the biggest fan of JRPGs. I’m told this is not because of any personal preferences I harbor, but rather due to a distinct lack of culture. I’ve made peace with that. At least my uncultured ways are distinctive.

But my disinterest in JRPGs is notable here because it illustrates how very good Like A Dragon is. Transitioning the Yakuza series from a reactive brawler (entrenched in an open-world SIM) to a full-blown turned-based RPG was risky -- especially 8 entries into the mainline series -- but it pays off explosively for Like A Dragon. Not only does the goofiness, melodrama, and kinetic energy translate to an RPG -- it’s improved by it. Beyond a new protagonist -- the instantly likable and infinitely affable Ichiban Kasuga -- we’re finally treated to an ensemble cast that travels with you, interacts with you, and grows with you. Their independent stories weave into Ichi’s wonderfully and end up mattering just as much as his.

The combat doesn’t lose any of its punch now that you’re taking turns. In fact, it feels wilder than ever and still demands situational awareness as your enemies shift around the environment, forcing you to quickly pick which move will do the most damage and turn the fight in your favor. RGG purposefully made Ichi obsessed with Dragon Quest (yes, specifically Dragon Quest) as an excuse to go ham and morph enemies into outlandish fiends that would populate Ichi’s favorite series. It’s a fun meta that never loses its charm.

This is the best first step into a new genre I’ve ever seen an established franchise make and I hope like hell they keep with it for future outings -- and that Ichi returns to keep playing hero. There’s plenty of callbacks and treats for longtime fans, but RGG did a masterful job rolling out the virtual carpet for a whole new generation of Yakuza fanatics.

4. GHOST OF TSUSHIMA

Sucker Punch’s dive into 13th century Japan doesn’t redefine the open-world genre. But like Horizon: Zero Dawn before it, Ghost of Tsushima takes familiar components of the genre and uses them exceptionally well, creating an airtight experience that can’t help but stand out. I can tell Sucker Punch mused on games like Assassin’s Creed and Breath of the Wild, tried to figure out what makes those games tick, and then brought their own spin to those concepts. You can feel it in their obsession to make traversal through the environment as unobtrusive as possible, letting the wind literally guide you to your destinations instead of forcing the player to glue their eyes to a mini-map. You can feel it in how seamless it is to scale a rooftop before silently dropping on a patrol, blade first. You can feel it in the smoothness behind the combat as your sword clashes against the enemy’s. Every discrete part is fine-tuned yet perfectly complements the whole. The game is silk in your hands.

The mainline story can be humdrum, though. It mirrors the beats of a superhero origin story, which isn’t surprising when you account for the three Infamous titles and satellite spinoffs under Sucker Punch’s belt. But Jin Sakai’s personal journey outshines the cookie-cutter plot. His gradual turn from the strict samurai code to a morally ambiguous vigilante lifestyle (to becoming, eventually, a myth) is a fascinating exploration in shifting worldviews. This is bolstered by the well-written side-missions dotting your quest, some of which play out in chains. It’s these diversions about melancholy warriors and villagers adjusting to life under invasion that end up being the essential storytelling within the game. Whatever you do, don’t skip a single one.

Before GoT can overstay its welcome with collectible hunting and stat-tree building, the ride is over. If you find exhaustive open-world titles, well, exhausting, Sucker Punch coded enough of a campaign to sticking the landing and not more. But if you were looking for more, the game’s co-op Legends mode is the surprise encore of the year. It strikes its own tone, with vibrant, trippy designs, and a progression system that embarrasses other AAA titles in the space (I mean Avengers. I’m talking about Avengers).

3. THE LAST OF US PART II

The Last of Us is widely regarded as a masterpiece. It’s a melancholic trek through a realistic post-apocalypse, driven by the budding bond between a world-weary survivor and a would-be teenage savior. The fungal zombies and violent shootouts with scavengers were scary and exciting, but ultimately just window-dressing compared to the level of complicated, and honest, human emotion on display throughout the tale. While a segment of detractors helpfully pointed out that The Last of Us’ story isn’t unique when compared to years of post-apocalyptic books, comics, and movies, that argument seems to forget that a narrative more concerned with the human protagonists’ connections to one another instead of saving the world or feeding into a hero complex is pretty unique for games -- especially a high profile, AAA budgeted game.

Still, fans made heroes out of Joel and Ellie because of their own connection to their journey. And that connection is almost instantly challenged in the opening hours of The Last of Us Part II to heartbreaking effect. But I’m here to tell you that any other sequel would have been dishonest to the legacy of the original game. To be given a hero’s quest as a continuation, an imagined sequel where Joel and Ellie do battle against the viral infection that’s swept the earth, would have been a despicable cash-in. It would have been a mistake to follow-up the original’s careful examination of human nature just to placate an audience that seems to have missed the point Naughty Dog made. The Last of Us Part II hurts. But it has to or else it wouldn’t have been worth making. It’s a slow-burn meditation on the harmful ripples revenge creates, how suffering begets suffering, and how, if we don’t break the cycles of violence we commit to, suffering will come for us.

To drive this point, we’re given two distinct perspectives during the meaty (and somewhat overlong) campaign, split between Ellie Williams, the wronged party seeking revenge, and Abby Anderson, an ex-Firefly whose actions set the sequel into motion. The greatest trick Naughty Dog pulls off isn’t forcing us to play as a character we hate, it’s giving us reasons to emphasize with them. It was gradual, and despite some heavy-handed moments meant to squeeze sympathy out of the player (how many times do I have to see that fuckin’ aquarium?!), I eventually came to love Abby’s side of the story. The obvious irony being that she unwittingly walks the same path Joel did in the original.

My love for the narrative shouldn’t distract from how well designed the world is. Being a King County local, the vision of a ruined Seattle strikes an uncomfortable note -- it was eerie seeing recognizable buildings overgrown with vegetation but otherwise devoid of life. Maybe the heart-wrenching story also distracts from the fact this game is, by definition, survival horror. Exploring toppled buildings in the dark, hearing the animalistic chittering of the infected, defending yourself with limited resources… It manages to be a scarier entry into the genre in 2020 than even RE3R. There’s a particular fight in a fungus covered hospital basement that easily goes down as my Boss Fight of the Year. Human enemies make for clench-worthy encounters, too, with incredibly adept AI that forces you to keep moving around the environment and set traps to avoid getting overwhelmed.

Admittedly, the subject matter -- or more to the point, the grim tone -- was tough to stomach during an actual pandemic which has happily treated us to the worst of human nature. Still, The Last of Us Part II is absolutely worth playing for its balance of mature themes and expertly crafted world, and the way it juxtaposes beauty and awfulness in the same breath.

2. SPIDER-MAN: MILES MORALES

The most impressive thing about Miles Morales is that, despite being a truncated midquel rather than a full-blown sequel, it’s a better game than 2018’s Spider-Man. It’s not because of the instantaneous loading times or the fancy ray-tracing techniques used on the PS5 version of the game. Rather, it’s how it takes the joyride of the original game and hones it into a laser focused experience filled to the brim exclusively with highs. Like Batman: Arkham Asylum going into Arkham City, Miles starts the game off with his mentor’s best abilities and tools. From there, he discovers his own powers, his bioelectric venom strike, which ends up feeling like the missing ingredient from the first game’s combat.

Your open-world playground -- a locale in the Marvel universe called “New York City” -- is exactly the same size as the previous installment, which helps avoid making the game feel “lesser.” But Insomniac wisely consolidated the random crimes Peter faced into a phone app that Miles can check and choose which activity to help out with. Choices like this really trim the fat from the main game and help alleviate “the open-world problem” where the story’s pacing suffers because players are spending hours on end collecting feathers. This is great because Miles’ story is also great. The narrative kicks Peter out pretty early on, focusing on how Miles assumes the role of city protector, primarily focused on his new home in Harlem. Insomniac avoids retreading the same path paved by Into the Spider-Verse by telling a relatable tale where Miles defines his identity as Spider-Man. With a strong cast led by Nadji Jeter as Miles, the game lands an impactful story that weaves its own new additions to Miles’ mythos (light spoiler: I loved their take on The Prowler).

Miles Morales was pure virtualized joy from start to finish. A requirement of the platinum trophy is to replay the entirety of the game on New Game+. I didn’t hesitate to restart my adventure the minute the credits were over. Everything I loved about 2018’s Spider-Man is here: the swinging, the fighting, the gadgets, the bevy of costumes. But it gave me a new element I adore and can’t see Insomniac’s franchise proceeding without: being Miles Morales.

1. FINAL FANTASY VII REMAKE

I love subversive media, I do. And Square Enix’s “remake” of one the most beloved video games ever made subverts expectations by openly acknowledging that, yes, the original story you love exists and is consistently referenced in this game. But this is not that story. This is something..else. Because the truth is, SE could never have recreated FFVII and delivered a title that matched the Sacred Game fans created in their heads. That impossible standard is like an imagined deity, given power by feeding on raw nostalgia reinforced by years of word-of-mouth and appearances on Top 100 lists. I’m not saying FFVII is a bad game or that fans give it too much credit. Not at all. There’s a reason it’s so influential -- it’s good! But memory works in a funny way over time. We have a tendency to codify our perception of a thing over the reality of it. The connection we make to certain media, especially when introduced at a young age as FFVII had been to a whole generation of fans so long ago, creates a legend in our heads. Unfortunately, it’s a legend no developer could achieve when tasked with remaking it.

So Square...didn’t. Final Fantasy VII Remake has the same characters, setting, and plot beats as the first third of the original game but it’s not the same game, nor is it a remake of it in the traditional sense. It’s something new. And I fucking love that about it.

Everything is reconfigured, including the combat. After years of trying to merge RPG mechanics with more approachable (and marketable) real-time action (see FFXV and the Kingdom Hearts games for examples), Square Enix finally landed on the perfect balance. You fully control Cloud on the battlefield, from swinging your impossibly huge buster sword to dodging attacks. The ATB gauge (no one knows what the acronym stands for -- that information has been lost to time) gradually fills up, letting unleash powerful moves. But best of all, you fight in a party, and you can switch who to control on the fly.

That may not sound revolutionary, let alone for a Final Fantasy, but each character has a completely unique feel and suite of moves. At times, it feels like playing a Devil May Cry game where you can switch between Dante, Vergil, and Nero on the fly (that’s a free idea, Capcom. Hire me, you cowards). You can soften up an enemy with Cloud’s buster to increase their stagger meter, switch to Barret for a quick gatling barrage, and finally switch to Tifa to crush them with her Omnistrike. You can accomplish this in real-time or slow down the action to plan this out. It’s a great mix of tactics and action that prevents the game from feeling like a mindless hack n’ slash.

What really, really works here is the character work. Each lead walks in tropes first, but the longer you spend with the members of your party, the more their motivations and fears are laid out. You end up having touching interactions with just about the whole main cast. There’s a small segment, after Cloud saves Aerith from invading Shinra guards, that the two make an escape via rooftop.They make light conversation -- small talk really -- but it’s exchanges like this that feel genuine, perfectly framing their characters (stoic versus heartfelt), and grounding an otherwise larger-than-life adventure.

Many bemoaned the fact that FFVIIR only revisits a small portion of the original game, but I think it was a brilliant choice -- to massively expand on areas we only got to see a little of in the original. I honestly didn’t want to leave Midgar. It’s a world rife with conflict and corporate oppression, sure, but Midgar is beautifully realized, from the slums below the plates, populated with normal people trying to make the best of life, to the crime controlled Wall Market, adorned with gaudy lights and echoing honky tonk tunes. It very well may be years before FFVII’s remake saga comes to a close, but if each entry is paved with as much love and consideration and, yes, storytelling subversion as this introductory chapter… It’ll be worth the wait.

#gaming

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thejakeformerlyknownasprince · 4 years

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Disability and Loren

@zarohk asked for my thoughts on a Disability Studies/Media Studies perspective on the disability depictions in Animorphs. Which was foolish, because I’m teaching an entire dang class on the subject of superheroes and mental health, so I have Many Thoughts. [PLEASE NOTE: I am nondisabled, so if I err, please tell me so.]

Loren’s role in #49: The Diversion does a lot of things right, and a lot of things wrong. She incurs a traumatic brain injury that results in memory loss and blindness a couple of years after Tobias is born, and lives with said injury for about ten years before Tobias finds her and gives her the ability to morph, which restores her sight but not her memory.

A few places where I commend the depiction of Loren:

It gets into the massive underemployment of disabled Americans. Loren is smart, canny, athletic, compassionate... and working a call center job in exchange for state benefits. Said state benefits do not afford her a decent standard of living; Tobias notes that she has few possessions and almost no time for leisure activities. Americans with disabilities are twice as likely to be unemployed as those without, and those who do have jobs are ten times more likely to be paid less than minimum wage, e.g. in sheltered workshops.

It shows how inaccessible a lot of systems are in the U.S. Tobias notes that Loren accidentally grabs an expired quart of milk — because nothing on the label is printed in Braille. Putting raised text and/or Braille on food packaging is a health and safety issue, one that the U.S. ignores even though it violates its own laws (e.g. the ADA) because companies tend to do what they want and “what they want” is usually not to spend more money on packaging. The call center and bus system are both marginally more accessible, especially when Loren has Champ to help, but they’re still clearly spaces set up for sighted people that don’t take blind users into account very well.

It shows some of the workarounds that help deal with accessibility problems. Loren’s house is set up so that there are clear paths to and from all of the relevant spaces. She’s doing that to allow herself to move around comfortably in that space, because she’s made it accessible for herself. She memorizes the layout of the local store, and uses that to get around as well. All of those details help show that she’s adjusted, and actively interacting with her own circumstances.

It drives home the difference between service dogs and pets. This distinction is extremely important, and it gets ignored all the time by entitled ableists who want to bring their pets into stores. Tobias and Marco both assume from the outside that it can’t be that hard to become a service animal — just do what Loren says to do, right? — but it takes Tobias 0.02 seconds to realize that it’s not that simple and that he cannot imitate Champ’s lifetime of training on the fly. He says that he manages to get his mom home in one piece, and that that’s about all that can be said for his sad performance as a guide. Champ has skills like ignoring interesting smells and applying exactly the right amount of pressure to the harness that most pets don’t have and also most pets can’t learn. Champ is not a pet, at least not while he’s in that harness; he’s a gainfully employed expert assistant.

It rounds Loren out as a character, and definitely does not just make her into a lesson or problem for Tobias. Loren is gently humorous, tolerating her coworkers’ teasing and Ax’s attempted juvenile delinquency with an eye-roll. She’s compassionate, listening to other people’s problems on the phone with genuine concern and not swatting flies if she doesn’t have to. She’s tough-minded and stupidly brave, chucking rocks at Visser Three’s head and flying at attack helicopters as a three-pound bird. She’s fallible, unable to support Tobias emotionally even when he asks her to do so and unwilling to check in on him after leaving him with her sister. She’s a fully rounded person, one whose personality is informed but not defined by her disability.

It talks about some of the unromatic aspects of a Traumatic Brain Injury. Too often in other works of fiction, we see a person get bonked over the head and wake up with no episodic memory but all other brain functions intact (*cough* Rachel in MM1 *cough*). Loren actually gets into the fact that she forgot huge chunks of language, forgot how to brush her teeth, forgot how to walk across a room. She obviously lost her sight as well, and she mentions lifelong balance and coordination problems. Even her amnesia isn’t absolute — she has some traces of recall, but can’t make anything coherent of her impressions. Her injury isn’t 100% realistic, but it’s more so than many TBIs we see in fiction.

It focuses on the intersection of disability and social class. Tobias notes that Loren is under a compounded threat because of her inability to move to a more secure neighborhood and her obvious vulnerability. He feels a lot of disgust with himself when he and Marco and Ax are harassing Loren, because it’s so clear that this isn’t the first time she’s been harassed. Tobias understands that his experience with poverty as a nondisabled male minor is different from Loren’s for those reasons.

A few places where Loren falls into the common traps of implied ableism creeping into fiction, as written about in Narrative Prosthesis:

She gets “cured.” Loren falls into the “kill or cure” dichotomy, like most of the other disabled characters in Animorphs. In her case, it’s that she gains the power to morph and in the process regains the ability to see. It isn’t a complete cure, true — she still has no memory — but it means that she’s no longer blind for the rest of the series. Having the occasional character no longer be disabled sometimes isn’t automatically problematic; having every disabled character get either “fixed” or killed off inherently treats the disabled body as a problem that needs to be solved, through sci fi nonsense if no other way is available.

She implies that she’d rather die than continue to be disabled. When injured by dracon burns, Loren initially refuses to morph out even though Tobias tells her she’ll die if she remains a bird, because (they both assume) to morph out is to return to her blind human body. This moment buys into the stereotype that it’s better to be dead than disabled, again inherently devaluing the lives of actual blind individuals.

There’s a certain amount of mystery around how she became disabled. It’s interesting that we never actually get a definitive answer on that one — Loren says she was told it was a car crash, but there’s also an implication that she was attacked by controllers, and we don’t know for sure. However, the fact of her disability is treated as an aberrant state that needs to be explained, the book inherently asking “why are you like this?” By contrast (for instance) she doesn’t ask Tobias “why are you in the body of a hawk?”

She views herself as a burden, and the narration doesn’t do enough to contradict her. Loren says that she couldn’t possibly be expected to raise a child while also blind and coping with a TBI. Real blind people raise kids all the time, however, including blind single parents, and it’d be nice to see some evidence in the story that Loren’s assumption is wrong. Loren also apparently assumes that she can’t begin to play a role in Tobias’s life even now that Tobias is more self-sufficient, again because she views herself as relatively helpless and non-contributing due to her disability. There are some hints that she’s wrong, but we don’t really see her either begin to contribute to the resistance or build a relationship with Tobias until after she’s become un-blind.

Tobias’s view of Loren is often pitying. As much as Loren doesn’t initially view herself as a potential maternal figure to Tobias, he doesn’t view her as a potential mentor either. He repeatedly expresses horror or sadness at her life circumstances, and assumes that her life must be barren due to the spartan nature of her home. (Of course, that begs the question of why the hell a blind woman living alone would ever bother hanging pictures on her walls or putting doilies on her coffee tables, but Tobias doesn’t consider that angle.) Again, Tobias is allowed to assume that her life must be meaningless if she’s disabled, but it’d be nice to see some contradictory evidence in the form of her having close friends or inane hobbies or some other proof that to lead a disabled life is not to automatically lead a lonely one.

Loren expresses bitterness and desperate desire to be nondisabled. Again, it’s fine for any character to say “I wish my life was different,” and it’s a common consensus among blind writers/bloggers that being blind is often a pain in the butt. However, views as extreme as “you need vision to have a fulfilling existence” or “vision is part of what makes us human” are ableist crocks of shit. Loren doesn’t go so far as to espouse those extreme views, but she also doesn’t seem to view herself as having a well-rounded life in spite of her disability. It’d be nice to see Loren talking about sight as handy or enjoyable or a thing that the designers of 99% U.S. environments assume everyone must have, rather than a necessary precondition for a minimum standard of life.

Loren’s disability is somewhat medicalized. Same caveat as above: disabilities are by definition medical things that some bodies do or have that other bodies do not. However, discussing disability primarily through “this is how your body is different from Implied Normal of Nondisabled Body” and focusing on doctor’s notes, diagnoses, physical differences, etc. can serve to disconnect the lived experience of the individual from their body. It also tends to focus on the ways that the body is “the problem” rather than focusing on the ways that environments and attitudes are problematic, which then prevents anyone from asking hard questions about the environments and attitudes. Loren’s doctor’s note, discussion of scarring and loss, and repeated physical descriptions are somewhat more medical than social. It’d be nice to see a little more emphasis on the social factors that make blindness a disability (e.g. improperly labeled milk), and less on “your eyes are different from those of Implied Normal Nondisabled Person.”

#animorphs #animorphs meta #long post #loren fangor #ableism #disability studies #disability representation #accessibility #social model of disability #animorphs criticism #blindness representation #49 #the diversion

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verse50 · 4 years

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Hey, I know this is kinda out of the blue, but you posted a really excellent and in depth response to a submissive who was dealing with depression and I was wondering if you had any advice for another one. I've stepped away from the kink scene because I'm terrified I'd end up using kink as a vehicle for self destructive tendencies, rather than in a healthy, productive way, if that makes any sense at all. (Annnd I'm running out of characters. I hope that makes sense...)

I applaud you on being aware of the danger and removing yourself from an environment that may have been harmful to you. I’m not sure what you are asking here but I have an idea of a few questions. How can I do kink safely if I have a tendency to self-harm? What is the line where it goes from being a fun, fulfilling experience to being dangerous? Should I explore kink at all if I have challenging mental issues?

These are all big questions and I’m not sure how to answer them well because I am not a licensed therapist, neither am I masochist or in the “scene.” I strongly encourage you to look for a kink-aware therapist, some of whom are available via phone or internet. It would be worth your investment.

Some general takeaways though:

Human beings like to feel good. We like our brain to be washed with happy brain chemicals like dopamine, endorphins, oxytocine, and serotonin. We like to be warm, comfortable, well fed, unstressed, and safe. Our minds also like to overthink and not think, find paths of least resistance to avoid pain, or even create pain. Humans are complex but at the end of the day, we are a meat suit topped with a Tesla coil of rubbery wet lightning, sloshing around in a wild sea of neurotransmitters. We can do some pretty interesting things trying to get high from our own bodies.

I think you need to understand what kink means for you outside of the scene, what about it resonants to you. For some people it is the ultimate trust, in themselves and another person. Trust that you know your limits and desires, can clearly communicate them and enforce boundaries with a partner honoring those parameters. Kink for you might not be a scene. It might not be impact play or toys. The kink you need may be accountability and responsibility, focusing on your health so, when the time is right, you can explore slowly with a solid foundation of personal awareness underneath you.

I think right now you don’t trust yourself. You have some triggers. It’s great to be aware of that. Kink has already done something great for you, which is trigger introspection. Work on knowing yourself and keeping yourself safe. Build a support system and don’t allow a “scene” to pull you into anything unwise for you. Disregard the toys, the look, the costumes and labels. The heart of kink is trust and comfort with your inner self, then granting a worthy person access to that. Start with yourself first.

#askv

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reflectionsofhekate · 4 years

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full moon in Aquarius tarotscopes

applies to sun, moon and rising placements.

feel free to like/rt if it resonates. i would love to know your thoughts, too!

general reading, so if it doesn’t apply, let it fly!

this reading is based on what the signs need to work on this full moon in aquarius.

deck used: buddhism reading cards by sofan chan

time frame: 3rd August - 2nd September

― ♈︎: pure understanding

“when you take away the personal stories and fears created by the mind and strip away the toxic emotions of anger, self-doubt and frustration, you can look at what is happening, quite simply, as is.”

aries, it looks as if this full moon may bring up a situation that you just can’t wrap your head around. you don't want too. but don't you know that lower-level emotions hurt you more than the other person? see the situation for what it is.

― ♉︎: letting go

“letting go simply means allowing things to be as they are without constantly struggling to control or resist an outpace or continually reminding yourself of an unhappy past event or a negative emotion.”

sometimes, when we are not where we want to be in life, whether it be financially, career-wise, love wise, it is because of a fixation of how we want things to be. loosen up. you can gain more when open hands.

― ♊︎: pure effort

“consider all spiritual teachings as an intellectual exercise to be practised daily, diligently and with discipline. this constant effort to maintain your daily practice is central to all spiritual practices that bring about personal transformation.”

perhaps now is a good time to start or strengthen your spiritual practice. find what works for you. there are so many ways to clear the mind. try and go through life with more compassion for others and yourself.

― ♋︎: happinesss

“happiness can only be experienced when the mind is quiet and the heart is open to making pure connection with your own true self, other people and the world around you. this kind of happiness is only attainable by your sincere values of serving, giving, sharing and creating for mankind’s higher evolution.:

have you been neglecting your happiness lately? has you’ve been so focused on obtaining your desires that when you finally get it, you’re left unsatisfied? true happiness can be found when you’re living authentically and striving to help others.

― ♌︎: generosity

“when you act in the true spirit of generosity, with no expectations, your heart expands outwardly as a consequence of the compassion and loving kindness to be found within.”

it feels good when you give to others and you seen on their face how much they appreciate it. how can you evoke more generosity in your life? what can you offer someone to brighten up their day, and in turn, yours?

― ♍︎: the path and suffering

"conflicts and struggles - as well as happiness and joy - are all transitory experiences. once you awaken to this fundamental fact of life, you can transform any pain, conflict or struggle into a positive experience.”

“the path to enlightenment is an endless process. you have to practice diligently and with discipline. eventually, you will become the path itself, and fewer struggle will come your way.”

make sure you’re taking some rest, and bringing into the start of each day your intention. things do get better but sometimes the road is lonely. i really feel like this full moon is significant in some way, shedding an old skin and illuminating something for you all.

― ♎︎: gratitude

“gratitude is a powerful kindness energy. when expressed outwardly - by giving thanks for the richness brought to you by the other people, their services and contribution - your gratitude builds a feeling of kinship that breaks down all illusions of separateness.”

if you aren’t thinking of at least 3 things a day that you’re grateful for, now would be a good time to start. focus on what you have already, show deep appreciation for it, and watch how your mood gets better and consequently, your life gets better, too.

― ♏︎: attachment

“attachment arises when we want something different from what we are experiencing right here, right now. this ever increasing list of unfulfilled desires causes us to experience discontentment and disconnects us from living simply in the pure joy of the present moment.”

scorpio, life could feel really unfulfilling right now in you’re leading with your ego. spirit knows you gain more when you let go. take a good look at what you want in life and how that can hinder/advance your spiritual wellbeing.

― ♐︎: equanimity

“equanimity embodies forging ahead with an unshakeable courage to experience all circumstances that come you way - and without judging them as good or bad, right or wrong, gain or loss - so that you will not be disturbed by your own negative emotions. nothing can then spin you out of your calm centre.”

release judgment and labelling things so much. see beauty in life as we are forever students and learning something new everyday, you aren’t given anything that you can't handle.

― ♑︎: = pure livelihood

“inside each of us, there is a longing to work that helps other experience great happiness and joy, work that builds a better world. consciously choose not to harm others in your work environment and endeavour to find inner joy and job satisfaction in your employment. know that the love you put into your work will inspire personal growth.”

now may be a good time to look at your reasonings behind the work that you do. is it for material wealth, to look good on social media, to stroke our ego? or is because really and truly, it doesn’t feel like work but brings you a scene of peace in your efforts on this world. some food for thought.

― ♒︎: renunciation

"there is great difference between struggling in life and loving life. the practice of renunciation, or voluntarily letting go, will help you end this struggle and make loving life possible. for when you are not struggling, be who you truly are and to everything that you do wholeheartedly.”

is there anything that you can clear out of your life by physical possessions? any thought patterns that aren't healthy but negative in nature about yourself or others? are you fully enjoying life right now?

― ♓︎: patience

“patience is a fine, noble quality. it implies that everything is possible in the timelessness of space and being - and a deep knowingness reminds you that nothing can fail you but your own impatience.”

by being patience about things you helped strengthen a sense that everything will work out. it helps to give you determination and confidence when reaching your goals. impatience will often see one throwing the towel in.

#tarot reading #freetarotreadings #spiritual guidance #tarotscopes #full moon reading #aquarius full moon

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whiskeyworen · 5 years

Text

Fateful Encounter

She moved through the heat-baked walls of the facility with a fluidity and confidence she didn't feel inside. How could she? Not with that-- nnghhh! The moment her mind turned its focus away from its goal, Moryggan felt the vicious mental slap across her psyche. The pain was shaped in just such a way, drawn from her own memories. Memories of the lightning lash that had stripped a permanent scar along her face, those few terrible years ago. The memory alone was enough to trigger shakes in her sword arm, and make her temple and cheek throb with sympathetic pain. Every time she disobeyed, It lashed her with the memory of that pain. The trauma, divested of the physical damage, but still intrinsically tied to the sensation of it. The perfect leash. She tried to whimper, pausing to lean against the sooty, scorched panels that made up the hallway she'd broken into, but It changed her reaction into a grunt and a grimace, before pulling her away from the wall. Continue, child. It's voice echoed in her mind. The first time she'd heard It, in the days after the Breachmaker went down, it had been a gutteral growl that shook her to her bones. It hadn't even spoken tyrian to her until a few hours later, and even then It was short with her.

Find it. Destroy it. It demanded. Whatever it was, It didn't declare what needed to be destroyed... only that it needed to be. And then It began to pull her along, like a child's toy on a string.

She'd been pulled, pulled so far from the Pale Tree. So far from home. Moryggan had crossed field and dale in Queensdale, Kessex Hills. She'd scaled the mountain paths through the hidden routes of Lornar's Pass at It's beckoning; the less people saw of her, the less someone might be inclined to ask her where she was going or why.

It wasn't that It wasn't capable of lying. It fully could and would. It merely felt no need to draw attention to her, and by proxy, Itself. Better to minimize contact.

At some point, frozen glacier had given way to scorched, ravaged landscape. Broken ruins, shattered walls, burned forests... she'd crossed them all without thinking clearly. Her mind was fuzzy with pain as It tugged her string. There were a few clear memories though.

She was reasonably sure, for instance, that somewhere in one of those scorched, ashen forests, she'd slipped up on a squad of Flame Legion and annihilated them without a second thought. There was the distinct impression in her mind of the smell of Charr blood as she'd drawn both her swords across the muscled neck of an opponent that had never seen her coming. Memories of staring across as her phantasms and magical clones did the same to the survivors of that squad.

The entire time, that thing in her head merely chuckled darkly, and then tugged her one way with the string it was pulling...and lashed her from the other side, to ensure her movement.

That string had grown into many, as it bound up her mind in its will and began to more directly control its puppet. Moryggan had tried to rail against it, tried to break away from the path she was being sent on, but as It became more familiar with her mind and body, her resistance began to abate. No...not abate. It was supressed under the weight of the Shadow in her mind. Its terrible, cruel weight.

She had to break free. But how? Moryggan tried to think clearly, to think of a plan before the next mental lashing. Her body was barely under her control. As long as she went where It ordered, it didn't lash her. It only spoke in a language she didn't understand, and she could feel its evil, vile tendrils stroking her mind and soul as if in affection; a reward for obeying properly. Moryggan grimaced, her hands reflexively going to her twinned swords and snapping them out of their belt loops. With a sharp flick of both wrists, the folded, jointed blades extended to their full length, their segments locking together with mechanical precision and presenting unified blade edges. There was something in the chamber ahead that It wanted gone. And there was someone there as well.

Find it. Destroy it. Kill any who stand in your way. It said in her mind as she silently stepped into the chamber. This time, the voice was much, much closer to her own in her head...

****

It stank. One thing he hated was when someplace stank. It was hard to compare, but situating a base above a lavapool, even as heavily vented and scrubbed as the air was, it still reeked of sulphur. The heat was phenomenal as well. Since the base had been abandoned, its coolant systems had been turned down to almost nil, so the air was a stifling furnace. If it weren't for the coolant systems in his suit, Cyrus would have been boiling. In a twist of irony, the temperature was just right for his pets; Dangles the jungle prowler and Dribbles the Cave Spider both came from high temperature environments, so other than disliking the smell of the place, they were both fairly comfortable. Cyrus put the data crystal in the console and immediately began bypassing the security controls. Scarlet had upgraded her systems since the last time he'd been there, and from the looks of things she'd left some nasty surprises for anyone trying to access them without permission.

Thankfully, some sane part of her mind had decided to leave his own accesses unhindered, though he had to navigate very carefully. One wrong move and the console would shut down. Then the security systems would engage with Lethal Vector protocols, and he REALLY didn't want to face down a thirty-foot tall segmented screaming doll with flamethrowers and chainsaws for hands. At least, not alone. As he worked, he glanced over at Dangles, who sat beside the console, grooming himself. "...Keep on guard, buddy. This might take a while and I really don't want to be distracted." The jungle cat murphed and sat up, looking around. Whether he was really being alert, or was just being a cat was up for debate. Knowing this fundamental nature of felines, Cyrus sighed and reached a hand up to his shoulder, so that his pet spider could climb onto it from its hidden den in his shoulder guard. "You too, Dribbles. I need you to watch my back, okay little fella?" The 'little' jungle spider, the size of his fist, squeaked in that unsettling, almost electronic squeal way spiders do, and wiggled its mandibles in an approximation of an affirmation. It scurried from his shoulder and settled onto his back. Due to its coloration, shape, and how it spread its legs to cling to his gear, Dribbles almost appeared to merge against the darkened metal. It nestled between two heat sink vents just below Cyrus's shoulder blades, hiding in plain sight. In its small head the trio of eyes tracked in three separate directions for a threat.

As Cyrus worked at breaking through the firewalls of the computer system, he idly reflected on the facility. It had once been an Inquest outpost, but had been 'acquired' by Scarlet during her dealings with them. It sat uncomfortably deep inside basaltic rock, somewhere in Fireheart Rise, over a natural magma lake. The Inquest had merely used the void to build their base, but Scarlet had rebuilt it into a manufactory. Where the Inquest had rerouted lava flows to part around their structures, the Mad Sylvari had used those flows to power geothermal turbines, and fed the liquid metal and stone into various subsurface, self-contained factory units she'd built. There, the molten metal would be separated from the stone, to be smelted, forged, and formed into all the various mechanisms she filled her world with. At a facility much like this one, teams of Molten Alliance had made vast sheets of Dredge metal; nigh-indestructable metal only seconded to Deldrimor Steel, the Dredge metal had been used to form the hulls of the Aetherblade airships and ultimately the Breachmaker itself.

Thoughts of the Breachmaker made Cyrus frown, and he doubled his efforts to get into the computer. This place was one of perhaps a dozen places where Scarlet had stored some of her designs. Designs Cyrus very much wanted.

"Come on..." He muttered as he finally got through the logins and files began to open up. "Just come on... Let's see. Marionette blueprints -- not going to need THAT. Requirements for Steam beast portals -- Yeah, right. If I needed that I'd just steal a Steambrain... Where are they? Where are the plans?!" In response to his query, whether through tapped commands or responding to his voice and authorizations, a new data stream opened up. As each file opened, the primary blueprints for them popped up in the holo imager. "Ah! There we go!" Cyrus chuckled darkly, pulling out a second data crystal -- this one was blank. The one in the system already had had all the authorizations he'd been given. This new one was to be a repository; for all intents and purposes, it was just a storage device. "Mmm... Aether-powered ion beam cannon prototypes... Aetherwarp transit engine Mk.1 designs... Plasma weapons, Artificial intelligence core programming..." He stepped back, surprised at his own smile. "It's all here. I didn't think she was being truthful, but it's all here. Now I just need engineers and a factory..." At the word 'Factory' a new folder opened, displaying a set of coordinates. There were more than the usual two sets of coordinates for location; there were FIVE. Cyrus stared at it, wonderingly. Where in the hell did you stash this, Scarlet? Did you really build it out there?...

His thoughts were broken off suddenly by an almost electronic squeal, and a sharp jab in his side from Dribbles. There was someone else here.

****

There. Kill him. Kill him. Him. He dies. Kill him. It demanded, gripping her mind in a vice of thought and squeezing. Obey. Kill the human. Destroy the machine.

Moryggan felt a snarl forming on her face as she silent stalked towards the figure at the podium. How dare he be in her path? Interloper. Thief. It would only take her a few moments to cross the distance between them and end his life. This would be quick. She also belatedly noticed the large jungle cat that was curled up beside him. As soon as it saw her it stood up, ears perking, yet made no move to attack her. Perhaps she would spare the animal after she killed its master?...

Then she heard the hiss. It came from directly in her path, where the man stood, his back facing her. What was it? It was a squeal, a trill of some kind, but did he make it? Why was that sound so familiar? "I would advise you to stop approaching me, stranger." The man suddenly announced, his head slowly coming up, though he made no move to turn around. He reached out and gave the cat a skritch on the top of its head. The stripey jungle cat made an approving sound, and then settled back to the floorplates. "This is private property and you're violating my territory. If you don't want trouble, then move on." She stood there, shocked into immobility; he was addressing her like he'd always known she was there and had merely been polite enough to ignore her! Her shock only lasted a second or two, followed by irritation that was greatly fed by the Thing in her mind. End him! End him now! Destroy the machine! Obey! "You can't beat me, human." She growled at him, raising her collapsible sabers. "Especially when you can't even see me." "I don't need to see you. Sylvari." He chuckled. "I can hear it in your accent. And the fact you called me human, and you don't sound short." Idly Cyrus continued clicking keys on the console. "You have about seven seconds to disappear before I decide to express my annoyance." "Why you..." Moryggan began to start for him. She only got three steps before his hand shot up, finger pointed upward. "Might want to watch your step, my dear." He replied cryptically. "You could have a very bad time." It was at that moment she heard a click from underfoot. She glanced down immediately, seeing the handsized disc spotted with holes. Already, a green gas was leaking from those holes, as her foot shifted on the trigger mechanism. Venom! Moryggan's mind screamed as she instinctively teleported backwards, reappearing over ten meters to the side. Now that her foot was no longer on the trigger, the trap sprung entirely; with a loud click, the vents fully opened and the noxious green and purple gas was forcefully vented outward. The thick roiling cloud didn't spread very far, just from the whiff she'd gotten from the fumes, it was something damned potent.

The man finally turned to face her, having heard his trap deploy. He shifted his glasses back up his nose and frowned. "...Now where did she?..." The cat murphed, and indicated where Moryggan had teleported to. "Ah, I see. A Mesmer. Just wonderful." The sarcasm in his voice was thick as his hands went to his weapons. "Frickin' mind-melters." "....You've laid traps in here?" She asked, indicating the floor between them. The glow of the lava came up through the metal grates, the heat shimmer making it hard to see precisely. "Wouldn't that be detrimental to you as well?" Cyrus smirked and began to walk towards her, giving his sword and axe a preparatory swirl and twirl. His foot came down on one of his own traps, and with a click, the green/purple gas was vented once more, entirely enveloping him. Moryggan almost laughed; the cocky human had gotten caught in his own poison trap. She relaxed for a moment....until a steady shape emerged confidently from the thick gas, the smirk still on his face.

"But... how?!" She demanded, feeling the voice digging into her mind again. Move faster. It said.

"Funny thing about Miasma." Cyrus pointed out, rolling his neck a little, and taking a deep breath of tainted air. "... it doesn't affect you if you've been permanently innoculated against it."

They launched themselves at each other, swords clanging heavily as they collided. Moryggan grit her teeth, trying to hook her second sword under his guard to stab, but he kept deflecting it with quick swings of his axe. They were practically face to face with each other; her carefully oiled blade sparked against the purple energy field of his asuran peacemaker sword, but neither was budging.

"Innoculated? No one is immune to the Scarlet's Miasma! The Orders had to use gas masks! Those decayed by the HOUR!" She growled at him, pressing closer. If she could get past him, she could smash the console and at least get some mental relief.

"Scarlet's troops were innoculated." Cyrus replied simply. "Mechanically or biologically, they were immunized against it." He grinned and tilted his head, exposing the glowing green veins that had risen against his skin when he'd entered the gas. "I helped design the concept; of course she'd give me the Treatment." "You were Aetherblade..." Moryggan's eyes widened. Suddenly the voice was screaming in her head, crushing her thoughts with one overwhelming demand: KILL. HIM.

She drew back a step, breaking their contact for an instant. As he continued to move towards her, Moryggan rallied and lunged forward again. At least, that's how it looked. As she began to move, there was a bright flash of purple magic that erupted from all around her, hiding her in its flare. It was bright enough that she could see Cyrus's eyes squint as he brought his axe back for another swing, presumably to block her own sword from cutting into his side. Their weapons met once again in a clash of metal, but there was a difference this time. It wasn't truly Moryggan he was clashing with anymore. She'd summoned a clone during the flash, hiding herself in a light-reflective shield of mesmeric magic while her duplicate took her place perfectly. Instead, she dashed around to the side, planning to plunge both of her blades into his back and end this annoying human. All she needed was two seconds of movement...

There was something wrong.

They say that when times are stressful, when you are under threat, that how you percieve time cuts down. Instead of thinking hours ahead, you think minutes. If you can't think minutes, you think seconds ahead. And if you can't manage that, time seems to slow enough that mere moments become long and drawn out.

She had to take only four steps, after her swap with her clone. Four steps around him, hidden beneath mesmer magic while he battled a pointless clone. Another quarter second to draw back her blades, and two more to bisect him as the voice in her head demanded she do.

First step.

Moryggan glanced up at his face as she passed at a distance that would have let her fronds brush against his cheek. She glanced only to make sure he was focused on her diversion; that her vanishing had been total.

Second step. He was still looking ahead, teeth gritted as his axe met her clone's immaterial blade. To an outsider, her clone would be perfect; unlike a phantasm which would appear hollow and glow with energy, a clone was a perfect physical mimic, though it only lasted a short time.

His eye shifted to look at her. In that frozen moment in time, she could visibly see him turn his gaze from the clone, over his shoulder, to where she was passing by him. There's no way he could see her though; she was still cloaked!

Third Step.

It was impossible. There's no way he could see her; she'd evaded Risen, Krait, Icebrood. She'd hidden in plain sight in crowded city streets. She'd snuck up on fellow mesmers and ended them using the same tricks they used! There's no way he could see her. That's what she told herself, though she didn't have time to form the thought properly in that instant. In that instant that his eye continued to track her. He had begun to shift his entire body; the heavily armored, studded shoulder guard began to descend as he dropped into a lower posture. The axe in his left hand flicked the sword of the clone aside for a moment, distracting it, while he dropped that right shoulder. Moryggan, already committed to the fourth step and her own inertia, couldn't change her own trajectory. That ugly, steel plated shoulderplate, laced with strange magitech glowing panels, lowered until it was almost even with her body as she rounded him.

Fourth Ste--

She never made the last step. As her foot began to descend, as she began to twist her body to round him, he shoulder-charged her. He didn't move far to do it, Cyrus had redirected the weight of his entire suit into the shoulder charge, and the impact struck Moryggan directly, knocking her away violently. The moment of impact shattered her fragile shield of invisibility as she was launched to skid across the slick, hot metal flooring. She felt herself bounce over a few of those damned trap pods, which immediately spread their noxious miasma. There's no way she could avoid breathing in a lungful of the vile stuff. Cyrus immediately dispatched the clone, an underhanded, dismissive flick of the axe rending it up the chest, spilling immaterial 'blood' in a swirling arc. The clone had a moment to scream in pain before shattering like glass, the shards evaporating as the magic binding it broke. Even the blood, still arcing through the air, shattered into a billion mirror shards before fading away. "You almost had me, sprout." He commended her, straightening up and stepping closer as she gasped in the purple-green mist. He smirked. "That purple flash actually blinded me for a moment there! It's been a while since I've had to fight a talented mesmer." Moryggan gasped deeply, coughing, eyes watering as the miasma took hold. Horrible shadowy creatures stalked closer, appearing from nowhere. Terrible whispers, different from that voice in her head, told her vile things and whispered promises and terrors. From her hands her swords dropped, clanking dully to the metal floor as she wept openly. The voice in her head roared in displeasure, retreating in the face of the miasma, until she couldn't feel it in her mind anymore. It was... gone! But for how long? Till the gas wore off? Would she lose all control then?

Cyrus reached her and knelt down, sniffing at the miasma. He could see the tears streaking her face, and felt pity for a moment. He had no idea where this sylvari woman had come from, or what she wanted. But she'd tried to kill him. Still...why was she crying? "Hey now. Come on. You lost. I'll even let you go if you leave me alone, okay?" He offered. He had no idea how badly the Miasma was affecting her. He'd seen people rendered into curled balls of terror, and others lashing out at things only they could see. This woman seemed, for all her confidence and toughness, to be on the edge of becoming the former, rather than the latter.

"Kill me. Please." She whispered, covering her face carefully. The horrors of the Miasma were too much. They weren't nearly as bad as the voice, but they were unnerving to look at. She could almost FEEL them on her skin. And the sounds... "Quickly! Please! Kill me before the voice takes me over again!" He froze, the smile vanishing from his face in an instant. She's not referring to a miasma voice... he realized as she repeated her demand, louder and even more anxious. When she pulled her hands away from her eyes, they widened in horror; the mist was disippating. "The Voice?" "Yes! The Voice! I-It pulls, and yanks, and screams in my mind! It forced me to come here!" She looked at him, eyes wide. "I didn't WANT to be here! I barely know where I am right now! And the only thing keeping it from taking over, from hurting me again... from hurting YOU... is the Miasma! When it's gone I'm.. I'm going to..." Oh god. Cyrus paled. There was way too much honesty in her face right now. In her eyes. He could see the horror in them, the absolute terror that had nothing to do with the hallucenogenic gas. Is she already affected by it?! How much time to I have? There is NO way I'm dealing with another Scarlet. "Dribbles!" He yelled. The little spider detached from his back and skittered down his arm to rest on his bracer. "Bind and subdue! No kill! Just sleep." The spider squeaked and leapt onto Moryggan's body, rapidly racing back and forth over her, spitting glue-like thread and trailing steel hard filaments behind it. While it did that, Cyrus reached over and picked up one of the nearby untriggered traps. With a single move, he flipped it over and bashed it against the floor, triggering the simple pressure plate on its top. As the Miasma thickened, he looked through it at Moryggan. "That voice. Can you tell me how close it feels to you? How much can you resist it?" She took a deep breath of mist, shuddering as goosebumps broke out from the instant flight-or-fight response it triggered in her. She braced herself and answered slowly, carefully. "It's still there, but it's pulled back as much as it can. It really, really doesn't like Miasma for some reason. I don't understand why. But if it stays so far away, or buried deep in my mind... I think I can manage for a bit..." Cyrus chuckled humorlessly. "The reason it doesn't like the Miasma is because this shit was specifically designed to fuck it up." He smiled at her confused expresson. "If that voice you hear is what I think it is... then yeah. We designed and bred Nightmare Bloom trees to give it the worst headache imaginable." The spider stopped spinning its webbing, and squeaked again. Cyrus picked it up and laid it next to her neck; she had been bound from there down entirely in spider-silk.

"This will probably hurt a little, but Dribbles is actually pretty good at being careful when he needs to be." Cyrus offered, shrugging. He put a fresh miasma trap on her chest, just below her chin, and carefully opened the flues on it after disabling the mechanism, to let the fumes out in a controlled manner. The spider, on the other hand, inched towards her neck, laying its two largest front legs on her flesh. "Sorry about this. But I'm going to see if there's anything I can do to help you." "Why?" She asked, as the spider bit in, and paralytic venom began to draw her into unconsciousness. "Why help me at all?..." As her eyes slowly closed, she barely heard him say "Because I watched another go the route you're going...and I couldn't stop it."

****

Moryggan hurt. All over, she hurt.

Her chest and shoulder ached, one from the miasma she'd inhaled, and both from the painful shoulder charge that had knocked her on her rear. Her neck throbbed from the spider bite... and her lungs felt like they were on fire. How long had she been out?

She opened her eyes onto a very different view. Moryggan was on her back, looking up at more of that dreadful soot-stained stone ceiling. But the air in the room was clean and scentless. Scentless.... The Miasma!!

Her heart hitched as she realized the miasma was entirely missing. Oh no... She grimaced, feeling the tears well up again. The voice would be back, no doubt very soon now that she was awake. The pain would start again. Except. She couldn't sense it anymore. Moryggan blinked in surprise, as she realized that the dull roar, the constant hiss, the sensation of being glared at in hatred was gone from inside her skull. But...how?...

With one hand, she reached up to touch her head -- only to jolt in surprise at the sight of her own arm. Where she'd fallen unconscious wearing sleek bracers and gloves, the devices on her arms now were heavy, bulky, and glowing with contained power and magic. There was almost something soothing about the blue glow coming off the curved crystals along the back of the forearm, and from the spikey crystals that hovered just off the armlets in the grasp of some kind of field. That's when she recognized she was also seeing things through some kind of tinted lens as well. A helmet? She felt around, afraid to find out the extent of it, and was relieved to find it only covered the top of her head and face, like a typical helmet. Her mouth was entirely free in the front. From the feel of it, the sharp angles and diamond patterns she could make out with her hands, at least one Asura had been involved in its design.

"I wouldn't remove that if I were you." She heard a now familiar voice call from nearby. Laying where she was, she turned her head, the metal of the helmet rasping against whatever surface she was on. Apparently she was on some kind of table, whether operating or otherwise. Nearby, his back turned to her, Cyrus finished writing something down, before turning to her. "Right now that helmet and those armguards -- and the shoulder guards you can't see right now -- are the only thing keeping you from being taken control of." Moryggan went to sit up, groaning in pain as new soreness opened up on her body. "What... what happened?" "The miasma trap wore out before I could get you to the infirmary here." He replied, crossing his arms. "You probably feel a bit more sore than you did after our fight, right?" She nodded.

He humphed and shook his head. "Sorry about that. You started to come around at one point, and the only way I could keep you on the table was to have Dangles here sit on you, pinning you down." He gestured to the big jungle cat that sat beside him, scritching behind its ear with one finger. The cat purred in response, before looking at her and blinking. "While he did that, Dribbles dosed you with venom again, putting you out. That gave me enough time to find the designs." "What... designs?" She asked, sliding off the table slowly, before she ran a hand along the gauntlets, feeling the electric tingle of the energy field. "Just what are these?" Cyrus smiled wistfully. "A remnant of Scarlet. One of her first ideas, but one of the last she ever made...for reasons I think you understand more than most." He indicated the helmet. "The Pact call it 'Scarlet's Veil', but they don't understand what it is. After all, the only one they ever saw was destroyed when Scarlet died and the Breachmaker blew up." Moryggan's lips peeled back in a sneer. "Scarlet? Ugh. Why would I want anything on me that psycho made? Why shouldn't I just take them off, huh?" She looked at her hands now like they were covered in filth. He frowned. "Because she made them to save her own mind from the predations of the Elder Dragon. The one that ended up taking her sanity because its sleeping mind did...hideous things to her psyche." He pointed at the nose of the helmet. "Like I said, the Pact has no idea what these are. They think they were just some kind of armor she wore. But they weren't. She was trying to save herself from becoming something....else." "Hmmph. Whatever." Cyrus's eyes narrowed. "Tell me: do you hear the voice anymore? Do you feel, as you called it when you screamed it last time you woke up, that your 'strings are being pulled'?" She shivered, and shook her head. Just the thought, the memory of what that felt like was going to give her nightmares.

"That's because those -- We call them Psi-Nullifier Amplification Gear -- has cut you entirely off from it." He stared at her for a moment. ".... tell me, do you normally sense the Dream? the one the sylvari talk about all the time?" "Well yes, I always feel the Dre--" She paused, her eyes widening. It's not there. It's not there it's not there it's not there!!! "WHERE IS IT?!"

"Like I said; Psi. Nullifier. Amplification. It's designed to cut you off from psychic influences that would normally affect your mind. Unfortunately it seems the Dream counts, but..." He waved his hand dismissively. "That can be adjusted for. Once the programs built into it can isolate it from the Call of the Dragon, it'll let your precious Dream come back." "B-but what am I supposed to do until then?!" Moryggan demanded. She felt physically sick. At no point in her short life had she ever been cut off from the Dream. Even Soundless still heard the Dream even if they ignored it. But this emptiness... "My purpose; my DREAM. It's gone!" "It'll be back." Cyrus shrugged, stepping off to one side and pouring a cup of tea for each of them. "Maybe not too soon, but sooner than you think. For now, though, you'll be just like us 'dreamless' humans. And Norn. And Charr. And Asura." He pondered. "Pretty much every race, really." Moryggan reluctantly accepted the tea, sipping it under the edge of the helmet. "....why didn't these help Scarlet, if she designed them to?" Cyrus took a sip, and closed his eyes. "...Because even though she designed them the moment she came out of Omadd's machine, she...got distracted. She never made them until too late, and the mark the Dragon had left in her mind had started to mature. It was working from within, corrupting her plans, her thoughts." He opened his eyes, pinched in grief. "It's one of the reasons I left early. Her plans were advancing, but she'd forgotten the purpose of the Plan itself. Of what she had originally intended to do. And that damned voice convinced her she was still on the path." "....And what was this 'Plan'?" She asked, curious. Everyone knew the story of Scarlet Briar, or at least what the Pact had figured out about the crazed sylvari. But this human apparently had a different view of her. It was...enlightening if it were true.

"To save the sylvari, and the rest of Tyria from the Elder Dragon." Cyrus told her flatly. He looked into her eyes, the grief replaced with ironhard rage. "Mordremoth; father of the Pale Tree, grandfather of all sylvari. Her plan, the moment she realized what had almost destroyed her mind, was to kill the dragon as fast as possible." Moryggan blinked in surprise at the vehemence in his voice. "Scarlet wanted to kill the Dragon? That's a load of dolyak shit!" She countered, putting the cup down. "She terrorized Tyria! Her weapons of destruction tore up entire regions! That blasted Marionette of hers, and whatever its weapon was, killed every living, sentient thing in Timberline Falls!! The burials went on for DAYS!" "I know, damnit!" Cyrus yelled back, clenching his fists. "She... none of that was supposed to happen. The original goal was to enlist the aid of the nations to build the mechanized army, and have that storm into the Dragon's realm. But all five nations turned her down, so she had to enlist... others. Less than reputable sources of technology, power, money. Ones you can't trust with your back turned. The Nightmare tower was a prototype for a weapon to be used against the Dragon's control!" He pointed at her. "You, of all people right now, know how effective Miasma is against it! You told me yourself it retreated from your mind the moment you breathed it in!" "I-I...!" She stuttered for a second, put off. He was right; the voice had disappearred with the arrival of the Miasma. But, if Scarlet had been working for the Dragon, then why design a weapon against it? "But... I don't understand! Why would that work anyway?" "Near as we can tell... could tell..." Cyrus's mood softened slightly with the past tense. "The Elder Dragon of the Jungle is a thing of plant and mind. The Miasma was designed to interrupt that with hallucinations and terror. The Tower -- towers, if we could have made the pods big enough -- would have been area denial weapons. Wherever they dropped and grew, the Dragon would be unable to control either itself or its minions."

"But the Watchwork Nightmares --"

"Assault troops. Send them in first to clear the path with chainsaw and flame." Cyrus looked away for a moment. "Their spidery form was supposed to be for enhanced mobility. The menders would keep them repaired as they cut and burned a path towards the Dragon and destroyed whatever defenses it had." "Aetherblades?" "Aerial troops. More area denial; fire-based weapons to burn entire swaths of jungle to ash. Etherwarp drives in case the Dragon got frisky and tried to swat them from the sky. Hard to hit something if it just disappears in front of you and reappears a mile away." He offered a weak grin. "That engine is one of the reasons I'm here in this base today. I want one, and there's none left intact after Lion's Arch."

Moryggan pursed her lips. "But...what about the Marionette? the Breachmaker that destroyed Lion's Arch and woke the Dragon? I heard the Call. I felt it..." She touched the faceplate of the helmet she now wore. "At least, until today I felt it." "Both the Breachmaker and the Marionette came from the same project, but different tactics, so far as I can tell." Cyrus shrugged. He reached for the counter and picked up a holoslate with the data crystal in it. A few finger-flicks later, he pulled up both designs. "The Breachmaker was originally just going to be a heavily armored transport for the Marionette, as you can see here." He pointed at the designs. "The idea was to lower the Marionette from a safe height and have it go toe-to-whatever with the Dragon itself." He chuckled. "It would have been a great fistfight I think."

He indicated the second design, the one of the drill-equipped Breachmaker. "Somewhere in its development, Scarlet came up with the Aethercannon. It's not so much a cannon as it is a highly focused charge of energy of a particular signal that is similar to what the Miasma produces at a very minor level, only magnified to ridiculous scale. When she realized what she could do with it, she had the entire ship recommissioned into a battleship." The new design had thicker plating and was almost twice the size of the one carrying the Marionette.

Moryggan stared at the drill on the end, and the diagram's pulsing internal glow that indicated its weapons' power distribution. She'd never seen the real thing, but she had seen bits of the wreckage around the ruins of Lion's Arch. "So... what would that do?" "It was supposed to find leyline hubs -- hubs of natural magical energy that flow in certain paths under or on the surface -- and forcibly breach them, injecting what was supposed to be a 'tainted' form of magic. Unpalatable, possibly poisonous for the Dragon." He sighed. "If it worked, the ship would have moved from hub to hub, cutting the Dragon off from its food supply. Possibly wounding it on the way. If we got really, really lucky, a tainted burst would give the damned monster the equivalent of a heart attack. Or quickly starve it to death." There was a warped kind of logic to it. On some level, Moryggan could almost understand what he was saying -- what Scarlet's original plan had been -- which almost made it tragic that it went so horribly awry. "So... she made all of it to kill the Dragon...but didn't give herself enough protection from it." She mulled it over in her mind, pursing her lips. "Or it tricked her into not giving her enough." "Yeah..."

"Where does that leave me though?"

"It depends. According to the computers in this place, it'll take the better part of a week to permanently lock that voice out of your mind for good." Her face seemed to brighten under the helmet. "After that, it'll be up to you what you want to do." "And what about you?" He shrugged. "I'm still going to go with the Plan. The original one. Find a way to kill the Dragon. I won't do what Scarlet did, but I sure as hell will use as much of her knowledge and tech as I can." He gave her an odd look, questioning. "I can't do it alone. I know we just fought, and neither one of us has much of a reason to trust each other but..."

"What are you asking?" Moryggan asked, though she could almost see the answer -- the Question -- written in his face. She tried to hide the smile she could feel growing on her face at the thought.

"Do you want to kill a Dragon with me? Maybe save the sylvari and the rest of Tyria as a bonus?" He asked, smirking.

"Oh yes... I think I very much want to do that." Her smile was like a shark's grin.

Her grin made his smirk widen, and he offered her his hand. "In that case, my name is Cyrus Sigismund. Late of the Priory, Late of the Aetherblades. And yourself?" "Moryggan Deraleth, of the Dawn. Lightbringer of the Order of Whispers...though you didn't hear that from me." She accepted his hand in her armored grasp. "A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Cyrus." "The pleasure is all mine, Moryggan. Welcome to the team." ---- Author’s note: This was supposed to have been a SHORT story. A five minute story. It didn’t end up that way. I hope it’s enjoyable. It fits more the ‘desperation’ more than the ‘hope’, but I hope the end lends itself to the idea of Hope. This is phenomenally late for Week 1. LoL. I’m almost embarassed.

#gw2 fanfiction #tyriaslibrary #my characters #Cyrus Sigismund #Moryggan Deraleth #scarlet briar #Breachmaker #Twisted Nightmare #desperation/hope #violence cw #cw mental trauma #pain #My stories #long story

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katastroficwriter · 5 years

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I have a headcanon that Kokichi loves baking gingerbread men and gingerbread houses on Christmas, and that Kiibo has never understood why. Later Kokichi reveals that the reason is because he used to make them with his older brother, who he doesn't get to see that much anymore, and it reminds him of the time when they were younger.

Humans are fond of asking strange questions in the hopes of getting a glimpse of how other humans view them. One such example would be, “If you were food, what would you be?”

“I think Ouma-kun would definitely be an eggplant,” Yumeno declares. “It��s purple, and its name is misleading–a lie! Eggs are not long and purple, yet it’s called an eggplant.”

Kiibo somehow found himself trapped in such a discussion. And since Ouma wasn’t around, they were the ones trying to find a fitting food that best describes the supreme leader.

“Actually Yumeno-san, it’s called an eggplant because in its earlier stages, the plant clearly resembles an egg before growing elongated and turning purple. That’s how it got its name,” everyone stared at the robot, who never spoke during the discussion until now. “Though I agree with you, it does resemble Ouma-kun to some extent. Like how it seems like it’s deceiving people, when in truth, it’s just hiding its honesty.”

“Honesty? Him? I seriously don’t understand how you could see something pure like that in a degenerate male like Ouma-kun,” Chabashira huffed. “I thought you of all people would know how terrible he is since he targets you the most.”

“I suppose that’s precisely why I can say that much about Ouma-kun since he hangs around me frequently,” Kiibo resisted the urge to roll his eyes. ‘You noticed such a detail yet you didn’t do anything to assist me.’

“What’s this, what’s this? Am I being summoned?” Ouma popped from behind the android, grinning when the latter almost fell off his seat from shock. “Man, you guys really can’t go one day without calling my name, huh~”

“Ugh…speak of the Devil…” groaned the magician.

“Don’t you dare pull any more of your nasty shit, twerp!” Iruma pointed an accusatory finger at the newcomer.

“Oh wooow, pot calling kettle black. At least my entire existence isn’t a crime against the universe like yours is!” Ouma sneered at the inventor with disgust.

“Y-you didn’t have to put it that waaaay–!!!” whined the blonde.

“Knock it off Ouma, you just got here and you’re already pissing everyone off!” Momota slammed his hands on the table.

Ouma tapped his chin, smiling such an innocent and sugary sweet smile that would no doubt trick anyone who didn’t know him. “How are you so sure that that’s what everyone else is feeling, Momota-chan? Stop assuming everyone shares the same opinion as you all the time!”

“Now, now, let’s not fight,” Akamatsu raised two placating hands. “It’s almost Christmas after all–”

“Pfft, Christmas? What are you acting all goody-goody for exactly, Akamatsu-chan?” Ouma tilted his head to the side playfully. “…Is it Santa? How embarrassing! You’re already a high schooler but you still believe in a big faker like Santa Claus?”

“N-no, that’s not–”

“Alright, that’s it! C’mere!” The astronaut got out of his seat and charged his way towards the supreme leader’s general direction.

“Uwaaah! Momota-chan’s turned into a BULL-Y!!!”

“Ghhrk! I’m not a bull OR a bully! I’m Momota Kaito, Luminary of the Stars!!!”

“So you keep saying ad nauseam. Don’t you have other voice lines? Then again, I guess I can’t expect too much from a side character! Nishishi~!”

“Who you calling side character?! I’m the hero!”

Kiibo observed his two classmates run around the limited space of the dining hall until Ouma eventually got bored of the chase and decided to run out the exit that led outside of the school building, leaving Momota tired and out of breath.

“Idiot,” Harukawa uttered under her breath before heading out the other door.

“Hey!” huffed the astronaut.

Once the commotion had settled, everyone left the dining hall one by one, unknowingly leaving behind their robotic classmate, not that the latter minded. Kiibo leaned against his seat, closing his eyes.

“If they asked me, I’d say that Ouma-kun resembled a gingerbread man more,” he murmured to himself. “…Small, fragile, yet proud and untouchable.”

– [Run, Run, Run, as fast as you can. You’ll never catch me, I’m the gingerbread man!] –

Usually, Kiibo spent nights cooped up in his room just reading the books he retrieved from the school library. His learning is composed of developing his social skills through his everyday interactions with his peers, and the other one pertains to diligent studying through research. However, he was feeling rather rebellious tonight, that’s why he decided to take a tour around the school instead. In the day, he frequently finds himself getting swept along his classmates’ pace, so he never really had the time to just roam around and observe the environment on his own. That’s one of the advantages of being incapable of sleep, he supposes.

He was blindly following the path that led to the dining hall after making his rounds in the courtyard.

“Hm?” He carefully climbed the steps and noticed that light was spilling from the cracks of the door. ‘Is someone in the dining hall? What could they possibly be doing up this late?’

The android silently pushed the door open so as not to alarm the room’s occupant, and was surprised to find no one in the room. He shut the door behind him just as silently as he had opened it and walked towards the middle of the room. That was when he heard the sound of metal against metal. Perhaps a whisk lightly scraping against a bowl?

‘In the kitchen, huh…’ Kiibo carefully made his way towards the kitchen. He opened the door just a crack, and was surprised to find the supreme leader whisking a white mixture with practiced ease.

His hair was pulled back in a small ponytail and his bangs were kept out of his face by a set of white barrettes. Instead of his usual tattered white gakuran or his pajamas, Ouma was wearing a plain white shirt, a pair of black basketball shorts, and a light blue apron to keep the mess off of his apparel as he whisked away.

“Get in and close the door, it’s bothering me,” Kiibo hit his face against the door from shock. He was being completely stealthy, yet somehow he got found out anyway.

“S-sorry…” murmured the android as he entered the kitchen. “How did you know I was here?”

“I felt like I was being watched,” Ouma made a show of tapping the white and fluffy mixture out of the whisk before continuing. “Also, I saw you walk out the dorms earlier. I knew you were the only one out there gallivanting around the campus while everyone’s asleep.”

“I wasn’t gallivanting, I was taking a stroll,” huffed Kiibo. “What are you doing in the kitchen this late at night? Preparing a late night snack?”

“I suppose you can call it that. It’s actually meant to be a surprise, but you ruined it the moment you entered the kitchen. Then again, you can’t exactly read the atmosphere since you’re just a robot. ” the supreme leader moved to pour the white mixture into separate and smaller bowls evenly. “Anyway, since you’re already here, you might as well give me a hand instead of standing around being all useless.”

“You didn’t have to be so rude about it,” Kiibo frowned, but made his way towards the shorter teen regardless of the other teen’s robophobic statement. “…What do you want me to do, exactly?”

“Print photos of our classmates.”

“What for?”

Ouma raised his head from his task of mixing purple food coloring in one of the small bowls and rolled his eyes. “Gee, Kiiboy, I wonder what? What could I possibly need our classmate’s ugly mugshots at 2 am, some bowls of thick icing and a bunch of food coloring for?”

Kiibo wanted to call him out for his rude behavior, but that was when he noticed that there was tray of faceless gingerbread men and women on Ouma’s left. “…Oh.”

The supreme leader snorted before covering the purple icing with plastic wrap and moved on to the next bowl. “Good to see that you’re not as dumb as you look.”

“I take offense to that!” Kiibo crossed his arms in indignation. “Anyway…I don’t need to print a photo of you, correct?”

“Yeah.”

“Got it.”

Whirrrrrr.

Out comes a clear photo of Chabashira, Yumeno, and Yonaga meditating inside the aikido master’s dojo from the android’s lips. “Here. I thought it would be more efficient to take photos of my memory where more of our classmates would fit in the frame.”

Ouma let out a whistle, “So you really can be useful when you put your mind to it. Good job. Anyway, place it where I can see it so I can mix the colors right.”

Truth be told, the unexpected praise from the trouble making supreme leader took him off guard and made him feel rather conscious of himself. He looked away in an attempt to hide his embarrassment. “Alright.”

He moved to the other side of the counter and placed the photo right in front of his companion, but not too close to the bowls so as not to dirty it. He started printing more photos while watching Ouma mix more colors into the bowls he had laid out.

“You’re not going to just run out of batteries after printing everything, right?” Ouma lifted his eyes for a moment before going back to mix blue food coloring in the icing.

“Of course not. I have long since optimized my energy efficiency after I–”

“After your batteries died while climbing up the stairs?” Ouma snickered as he was reminded of the day where everyone found the robot passed out by the dormitory staircase while making a ridiculous yet inhumanly possible pose.

“…Yes. That. Let’s never speak of that again,” Kiibo shuddered at the shameful memory. “A-anyway, what I mean is, using my functions will no longer take up too much of my power like before.”

“Great! Then that means you can help me load these piping bags with these suckers,” Ouma grinned as he lifted a bowl of colored icing. “You gotta be quick though, this thing hardens like concrete.”

Kiibo wasn’t really well-versed with cooking or baking, so it took him a while to get a hang of filling the piping bags with icing without getting some on his fingers. He thought the supreme leader would mock him for his clumsiness, but it seems like Ouma was completely focused with the task. It didn’t take them too long to finish, thankfully.

“Gimme your hand.” Ouma beckoned the android with a hand.

“Huh?” Kiibo stared at him in confusion, his ahoge curling into a question mark to reflect his curiosity.

Ouma rolled his eyes before pulling the robot’s hand to his mouth and licked the icing off his fingers.

“I don’t like wasting ingredients.” Was what he said before directing his attention to the tray of gingerbread, not even giving the albino time to process what had happened.

‘W-what was that all about?!’ Kiibo inwardly screamed as he inspected his hand.

“Hey! Earth to Kiiboy, work’s not over!” Ouma easily dragged the android back to the present with his usual demanding tone. “I intend to work you down to your last percent for ruining the surprise.”

“Y-you’re saying that as if I did it on purpose,” Kiibo grumbled. “I didn’t even expect that you would be the one inside the kitchen. I wasn’t aware that you were skilled with baking either.”

“Mmmm… Not really,” Ouma hummed as he passed him a macaroon yellow piping bag. “I’m not good at baking in general. I only learned how to bake gingerbread because of family.”

Aquamarine lenses lit up with interest. “Family?”

“Nope. I’m not going to say anything more until you start decorating,” Ouma stuck out a tongue as he waved a white bag. “That said, you handle the girls, and I handle the guys.”

Kiibo stared down at the piping bag in his hand before nodding. “Fair enough.”

– [I ran from the baker and his wife too. You’ll never catch me, not any of you.] –

Decorating gingerbread men, or in his case, women, was surprisingly fun and fulfilling. With the photos as his guide, it was as if he were giving life to a coloring book. And seeing his classmate’s faces staring up at him with a pleasant smile somehow made him feel warm in its metaphorical sense.

“Mmm, that looks impressive coming from a newbie,” Kiibo met the other teen’s gaze, eyes wide from mild surprise. “Have you seen gingerbread men somewhere before? I thought that since you were a robot, you’d try to copy the photo exactly as you see it.”

“Oh, um…” the albino found himself looking at the tiny Akamatsu on the tray before responding. “Back when I was still in the developing stages–a child, so to speak, the Professor would leave the television on a kids’ channel for me to watch while he worked on his other projects. It just so happened that one of the songs that played for me was the Gingerbread Man.”

“Heeeh, is that so?” Ouma moved to grab a green piping bag. “So you learned things appropriate to your ‘age’ just like a human.”

“Yes. My development was purposefully modeled after a human child’s. Though the only difference is that I was able to walk as soon as I was active,” Kiibo smiled, pleased that he was finally able to have a decent conversation with the other boy. He set the piping bag on the counter since he was already finished with his own batch. “Hey, Ouma-kun.”

“Mmm? What is it?” the supreme leader still had his eyes on his handiwork, decorating the gingerbread men with utmost precision.

“…About your family…is it okay for me to ask about them?” Kiibo fidgeted, ahoge drooping nervously.

Ouma paused to glance at Kiibo’s tray before heaving out a resigned sigh. “Eh, you did your work. So I don’t see why not. What about them do you want to hear?”

“Umm…I hope I’m not being rude by saying this, but…” Kiibo averted his eyes before continuing. “I’ve actually heard from the others that you were actually orphaned, so…”

The android flinched when the shorter teen suddenly threw an empty piping bag against the counter. But despite this, his voice remained calm when he spoke. “You mean since I’m orphaned, I wouldn’t have a family to speak of right?”

“…Y-yes…” Kiibo found himself staring at the ground, wondering if he’d triggered a mine.

“Technically you’re right. But let me tell you something–family isn’t restricted to blood relations. You should know this by now, since you’re a robot,” Ouma puffed his chest. “Yeah. I'm an orphan. But everyone in the orphanage was my family. Just like how you and your Professor are family too.”

Kiibo’s eyes widened with awe. That’s right. He and Professor Iidabashi…they are family. He’s referred to him as his father from time to time, but called him by his title out of respect. Perhaps…he should start calling him as ‘father’ more frequently.

“…That being said, I really do have a family…now, at least,” Ouma turned his head to flash the android a rare sincere smile. “I got adopted by a baker. Their son–my older brother, I guess, taught me how to bake gingerbread houses and gingerbread men since that was the only thing he knew how to bake well at the time. It was his way of bonding with me I suppose.”

“Oh!” gasped the android. “How are they like? Your family?”

“They’re good people. I like them.” Ouma hummed, tapping a finger against his chin. “Big brother was kinda annoying though. Whenever it was Christmas, he would annoy me until I finally agreed to bake some gingerbread with him.”

“So it has become some sort of a family tradition,” Kiibo smiled. “…I’m glad that you were taken in by such a loving family, Ouma-kun.”

Ouma looked away in an attempt to hide his blushing face. “S-shut up. I wasn’t joking about big brother being annoying, you know! Always talking about baking and studying abroad to improve his skills…”

“Where is he right now?”

“…France,” Ouma set another piping bag on the counter, gently this time. “Would you believe that? He actually went abroad to study more baking techniques just like he wanted.”

…

….

The supreme leader suddenly grabbed the hem of his apron to hide his tears. “We…we haven’t baked together in a long time. It’s annoying. But I actually missed it. Those annoying days…”

Kiibo hastily searched for the roll of paper towel Ouma had prepared earlier and pulled two sheets from it, which he handed the supreme leader. “Ouma-kun, here…”

The raven-haired Ultimate simply nodded his thanks and dabbed his eyes with the paper towel. Kiibo wasn’t sure how to react in this situation, so all he could do was rub comforting circles on his classmate’s back as he cried. It took a couple of minutes for Ouma’s crying to die down. He left the android’s side in favor of washing his face by the sink in order to hide the evidence of his vulnerability.

“You saw nothing.”

Kiibo nodded. “I didn’t.”

Ouma flashed him an appreciative smile before re-tying his hair. “Anyway, enough of that sappy talk. We still have a house to assemble. Let’s get working!”

As he listened to the leader’s instructions, Kiibo couldn’t help but smile to himself. He’s gotten to understand more about him…their class’s very own gingerbread man.

– [They were all hungry and ready to eat, but the gingerbread man was quick on his feet.] –

“Huh? Isn’t this…me?” Akamatsu regarded the miniature version of herself, which was standing by the gingerbread house. “The attention to detail is amazing…!”

“Ah, Gonta’s here too!” the entomologist cheered.

“Ku ku ku…It seems everyone is here,” Shinguuji chuckled. “Wonderful, truly wonderful!”

When everyone entered the dining hall, they were surprised to find the gingerbread display on the table. They couldn’t help but crowd around it with wonder and amusement as they admired the accuracy of the gingerbread men and women’s designs.

“Did you prepare this, Toujou-san?” Amami turned to look at the maid, who was standing just behind him.

“That’s…”

“Uwaaah! What’s this? Gingerbread?!” Ouma boisterously barged into the room, eyes sparkling with delight. “Toujou-chan made this didn’t she? I don’t think anyone else here can cook besides her!”

Toujou regarded the supreme leader with a neutral look before bowing slightly. “…Yes. Since it is almost Christmas, I believed that preparing gingerbread for everyone would fulfill everyone’s wishes of having an enjoyable Christmas.”

“As expected of the Ultimate Maid! Only she’s capable of pulling this off!” Ouma praised.

His smile widened when Toujou offered him another bow. “It is my pleasure to serve.”

It was probably unhealthy, but they decided to just have gingerbread for breakfast and warm cocoa or milk to go with it. Kiibo, who was unable to eat, found himself staring back at his smaller, more edible version in interest.

“Toujou-chan’s really nice, huh! She even baked you one even though you can’t eat~” Ouma took a bite out of his gingerbread version’s leg as he sat himself beside the lone robot. “Or maybe that’s actually more cruel. Giving you something that’s meant to be eaten, yet you couldn’t eat.”

“I can at least enjoy its scent,” Kiibo huffed. “The smooth blend of spices and sweetness…it’s quite pleasant.”

Ouma shook his head, “Stop. You’re making me feel bad.”

“I didn’t mean to put it that way,” Kiibo rolled his eyes. “Though I would appreciate it if you could explain to me how eating this feels like.”

“Mmm…” Ouma mercilessly bit off his gingerbread counterpart’s head this time with a crunch. “Although it breaks off with a loud crunch, but it’s actually pretty chewy–melts in your mouth too. As soon as you open your mouth, you just get hit with the spices, and the more you chew the sweeter it gets. You can taste the spices but it’s not spicy at all.”

“Thank you for your input.” The android nodded, taking in the information. “Umm… why did you lie about it earlier?”

“Wow, I wasn’t aware that we were playing 20 questions, I’m leaving–”

“Ouma-kun.”

The supreme leader blinked once, twice, before heaving out an exasperated sigh.

“…I ordered Toujou-chan to help me hide the gingerbread dough while I had it cool overnight over the past few days before I was able to bake it last night,” Ouma popped the remaining body parts of his gingerbread self in his mouth. “No one would eat it if they found out I was the one who made it, after all.”

“Oh…”

“Mmhm! Besides, it’s more entertaining this way,” Ouma yawned. “And needless to say, if you dare speak a soul about this, I’ll have you assassinated by my men.”

“There’s no need to go to that extent,” frowned Kiibo. “If you wanted me to keep it as a secret, then all you have to do is ask.” He passed his gingerbread to the sleepy supreme leader to represent the metaphorical olive branch.

“You’re giving me your share?” Ouma regarded the android with amusement. “Not the others, but me?”

“You’re already here anyway. I don’t see the need to go anywhere else,” Kiibo shrugged. “And although I can’t eat this, I still appreciate that you took the time to make one for me.”

“Mmm, is that so?” Ouma nibbled on the cookie’s ahoge. “It’s actually quite rude to return gifts, you know. Well, since you’re a robot, I guess it can’t be helped. There’s one thing you can do to show me how grateful you are, though! I’ll let you guess what it is~” He completely bit off the ahoge, giving the android a mischievous smile.

“O-oh! Yes, you’re right,” Kiibo shifted into a more erect sitting position and gave a small bow, smiling as he said: “Thank you, Ouma-kun.”

– [And that was the end of the Gingerbread Man] –

Rrrrrring! Rrrrrrrrrriiiing!!

Click.

“Kiibo? Did you need something?”

Hearing the Professor’s voice on the line made his metaphorical heart swell with gratitude and adoration.

“F…father,” Kiibo’s grip on the phone tightened, willing his blush to go away lest he gets caught. “I’ve called to greet you a Merry Christmas.” His forehead creased with worry when the line went silent. “Father…?”

“…M-Merry Christmas, son.”

Kiibo stood in a more confident manner and wore a wide smile. He and his father ended up having a long conversation, with Kiibo just sharing his experiences the past few days with his only family. Iidabashi on the other line was resisting the urge to cry as he listened to his son speak with much excitement.

#ndrv3 #kiibouma #kiibo #ouma kokichi #katastrofic writing #katastrofic reply #crybabysapphire #winter kiibouma

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bucky-my-barnes · 6 years

Text

Preference #6: First Kiss!

Tony:

After going to dinner one night you had both ended up down in his lab tinkering on some upgrades to Spider-Man’s suit. While it was fascinating it started to blur all together as your eyelids started to droop closed. Softly you felt a soft pair of lips against yours causing you to stir and smile into the kiss. Opening your eyes you were met with a pair of chocolate brown ones, seeing only warmth and joy in them. “I’ve been wanting to do that since the day we met.”Tony said softly leaning in to kiss you again.

“So why didn’t you?”You chuckle placing a quick teasing peck right next to his mouth.

“I was being a gentleman, I wanted to be the opposite of what you might expect from a former playboy.”He smirked flashing his ever cocky grin.

“You better be a former playboy.”You said playfully slapping his shoulder before resting your forehead in the same spot. It was clear that you were falling head over heels for this man, one who decidedly changed into who he wanted to be just for you.

Steve:

It was a rare outing with the rest of the gang and you had decided to go bowling, opting to do something physical instead of just going to a bar. That’s not to say that alcohol, including some Asgardian mead smuggled in courtesy of Thor wasn’t involved in the evening. By the time you were on your second game everyone was feeling pretty tipsy but overall having a blast. Of course you and Steve were on a team versus Bucky and his significant other so you would give each other little pep talks. (and maybe some good luck butt slaps on your part) It came down to the final frame, and if you got one more strike you would win the game.

Lining it up you felt Steve come up behind you seemingly for one of your cutesy pep talks instead you feel him guide your chin to the side pressing his lips to yours. Closing your eyes you wrapped your arms around his neck deepening the kiss. As you part from each other you hear your entire group hollering and clapping. “Good luck baby.”He says in your ear, placing another chaste peck on your cheek. Shaking it off, pretending to fan yourself off for a second you realigned yourself. Stepping forward, swinging the ball down and releasing it you watched as it barreled down towards the pins.

In that moment you swore you stopped breathing for far too long, holding it in as the pins crashed down one by one until there was nothing left. Jumping in the air you ran at Steve leaping into his arms kissing him once again in celebration.

Clint:

Why were you running? Well flashback to about an hour ago when you were messing around with Clint’s bow and arrow’s because apparently you have a death wish. Fast forward to you accidentally shooting through his couch cushion with an arrow you really didn’t mean to fire. Now your objective was to hide because he was about to find out what happened in less than a minute. The best you can think of is a closet hiding behind all of the things making it seem like you couldn’t possibly be in there. “(Y/N)!!! What the hell is this?! Where are you sweetheart.”The last part of his sentence was seemingly more like a cat ready to play with it’s dinner rather than a term of endearment. Taking a deep breath you just need to hide a little bit longer.

The door opens and you have to fight to keep yourself from making any noise. Suddenly the clothing protecting you were ripped to one side causing you to scream louder than anticipated. “You’re lucky I’m already mostly deaf because that would have done it.”He said smirking wrapping his arm around your waist pulling you towards him. “Now, what did I tell you about messing with my bow?”He asked like a father scolding his child.

“That I will probably put someone’s eye out if not my own?”You said scoffing rolling your eyes a little resisting the urge to pout.

“Or just make a hole in my cushion!”He said tickling you feverishly before pulling you in pressing his lips softly to yours smiling into it. You were easily falling in love with this adorable weirdo.

Bruce:

Tony Stark had just shown up at your crappy job that you kept while you were in school, but still held because there was no promising leads on anything pertaining to your degree. It was a small coffee shop that was meant to compete with large chains but it didn’t get as much business since it was off the beaten path. “Mr. Stark what can I get for you?”You ask actually really happy to see him, he was Bruce’s best friend after all.

“You can quit this job and come head up the new division of Stark Enterprises devoted specifically on reducing our carbon footprint, and research to educate the public on how to protect our environment. Sure the Avenger’s take care of the people of the world, but it’s time to focus a little more energy on saving the actual world. Well at least that was the speech Bruce gave me, but I wholeheartedly agree. Also I told you to call me Tony.”He explained with his famous smirk plastered across his face.

“Yes of course, thank you so much Tony!”You said basically leaping over the counter to give him a hug.

“Don’t thank me, thank Bruce.”Tony said with a knowing wink. You nodded before taking off your apron leaving it on the counter, you would tell them you quit but you didn’t care at that point. Rushing out the door you hurried to the tower then the lab where no doubt he would be, and when you arrived you didn’t even knock.

“Brucie!”You called out excitedly literally jumping into his arms kissing him deeply not even giving him a chance to process that you were there. “You really got Tony to do all of that for me?”You asked parting from him, panting softly because it took your breath away.

“Of course, you deserve it and more. However I wouldn’t mind another kiss as a thank you.”Bruce said with a soft blush on his cheeks obviously a little flustered but in a good way making you smile widely. Leaning in you kissed his soft lips again, closing your eyes and just letting the passion take over you. Now everyday you get to work in the same building as your boyfriend, nothing could possibly go wrong right?

Thor:

While in Asgard it was no secret to you that you were going to be meeting Thor’s family, but luckily it wasn’t going to be until the next day to give you time to settle in. So instead of staying in your gorgeous guest room, he decided to show you around. Everything you saw was a work of art, beauty that could not be described by words seemed to touch everything. It was late evening and you ended up by this waterfall as the sun was setting. “My brother Loki and I used to play here as children, our mother would always be upset that we came home soaking wet.”He said laughing at the memory before turning to you. “I am glad you are accompanying me here, it reminds me of happier times, and now to new ones.”Thor cried out loud, almost making you cover your ears.

“I too am happy to be here Thor, it is amazing. I don’t even know how to express it.”You said hugging him tightly, pressing your cheek to his chest able to hear his heart beating wildly. “Is everything alright?”You asked with concern.

“Of course Lady/Sir (Y/N), I just have been wanting to do this for a long time.”He said using his fingertips to tilt your chin up to look at him. Closing his eyes and leaning in he slowly pressed his lips to yours, the moonlight the only thing illuminating you at this point. Fiery passion was enveloping the two of you only breaking apart once you ran out of oxygen. Sparks were flying as he laid his forehead against yours smiling like mad, you couldn’t help but feel the giddiness bursting inside of you.

Loki:

Entering the library you had a very specific book in mind, but you had no idea where it would be shelved. Looking around you finally spot it, unfortunately it was on the very top shelf requiring the ladder. While you weren’t afraid of heights per say, you just didn’t feel as comfortable as you did on the ground. Wheeling the movable ladder over you sighed before starting the climb to your goal. Reaching for the book you finally had it in your possession, slowly you started your way back down only to hear a sharp snap. Very quickly you found yourself falling towards the ground, causing you to clench your eyes shut waiting for the inevitable. However the moment never came and you felt a soft set of arms around you.

“Maybe it’s best if next time you ask me to come get it down for you, that ladder is desperately in need of replacing. The rung broke in half, it is very lucky I was here of you would have been severely injured my dear.”Loki said the smirk on his face very telling to the fact that he probably did it himself with magic just to get you in his arms.

“Yes how very lucky I am that my knight in gold armor just happened to show up at the exact time the rung broke.”You said skeptically eyeing him with an amused look on your face.

“I am no knight but a King in gold armor, and well how else would I get you in the position to do this?”He asked softly bringing you closer kissing your lips gently like he was afraid he would break you. Deepening the kiss you put every emotion you felt for him behind it surprising even him for a brief moment. This first kiss was unlike any other you had ever experienced, one that would stay with you for the rest of your days.

Pietro:

One night you were up on the roof looking up at the stars after a particularly bad nightmare. Normally they only affect you for a few minutes before being able to go back to sleep, tonight was not one of those nights. It had been about Pietro dying in front of you, and being unable to save him. That is probably the only thing you fear most, and your brain was quick to show you, your greatest fear in action. Hearing the roof access door open you couldn’t bring yourself to look up at whoever it was. “Hey, are you okay draga?”Pietro asked yawning and rubbing the sleep out of his eyes clearly having just woken up.

“Nightmare.”You said sighing looking up at him now seeing the concern on his face. “Why are you up?”You asked curiously sitting up to better see him.

“FRIDAY told me that you had been on the roof for over two hours and they were concerned for your wellbeing. Do you want to talk about it?”He asked softly taking the spot next to you.

Tears started to well up in your eyes as you thought about it once again. “I...I...I lost you.”You blurted out before the sobs were released from your chest. Feeling two strong arms wrap around you pulling you into his lap holding you close to him.

“I promise draga, you will never lose me. I am far too quick to die.”Pietro said chuckling a little kissing the top of your head. When you looked up at him his heart broke at the sadness you were exhibiting. Leaning down he touched his lips to yours at first it was a long sweet kiss, then followed by several small pecks of affection. It gave you a sense of tenderness and security, making you trust that he would always return to you.

Peter Parker:

Walking into school you heard a broad range of yelling and the telltale signs of a fight getting ready to break out. That being said you didn’t think that your boyfriend was going to be on the other end of that fight. “What’s going on?”You demanded to know breaking through the crowd that was starting to gather.

“Penis Parker here says that he is dating you, which is ridiculous because you are going to my girl.”Flash said with a large smirk on his face. “So what do you say we get out of here babe?”He asked trying to put an arm around your waist, only for you to pull away just in time.

“Who the hell are you to try and claim me? I belong to myself! For your information PETER and I ARE dating!”You said walking over grabbing Peter by the collar of his T-shirt making sure not to reveal what was likely underneath. Pulling him into you, you pressed your lips on his roughly but with care behind it causing those around to cheer and clap. “I would never date someone inconsiderate and as stuck up as you Flash. Peter is the perfect gentleman.”You said turning back to scold Flash again before grabbing Peter’s hand rushing off before it could escalate further than that.

“Wow that wasn’t exactly how I pictured our first kiss, but I can’t say it wasn’t perfect.”Peter said touching his lips with a dazed look on his face. In truth it just made you fall for him that much more.

Bucky:

It was date night for the two of you, and so you planned something really fun. There were a number of restaurants around New York that were still around from before the 40’s. One you had heard of in a specific movie and you wanted to take him there after watching it. Reaching Katz’s Deli you saw the realization dawn on his face, making a smile appear in its place. “I remember eating here once or twice, but isn’t this also in that movie we watched the other night… When Harry Met Sally? That ridiculous romantic comedy movie you forced upon me?”Bucky asked with an amused grin on his face, truth be told he really enjoyed films like that but he would never live it down if he admitted it.

“Yes, and I am going to have what she had.”You said with a playful smirk wiggling your eyebrows playfully opening the door for the two of you. After ordering and receiving your food you somehow managed to nab the booth with the giant sign over it, indicating that indeed that is where Sally sat. Admittedly it was amazing food, and great atmosphere with a good amount of people but it didn’t feel suffocating. After finishing your meals you smiled with Bucky reached across the table to hold your hand.

“I’m really lucky you know, to be here with you. I couldn’t have asked for more than this moment.”Bucky said softly pulling your closer by your wrist. “Thank you for this evening.”He said huskily before kissing you lightly, making you feel like you were on fire. As he started to pull away you bring him back in showing just what he was doing to you. Maybe you really did have what Sally had...

Sam:

So you both decided that you had, had enough of surfing for the trip so you went out to find other avenues of entertainment. Since you both came from military backgrounds you decided to visit the Pearl Harbor/WWII memorial over in Oahu. It was something that you both had always wanted to experience so it made sense that you would go together hand in hand. Harrowing was the world to describe the 184-foot memorial honoring the 2,388 Americans who died during the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor. All those lives lost made you tear up, because while your brother didn’t die during WWII, you knew his name was on a wall just like it.

Sam couldn’t bring himself to utter a word, it just felt disrespectful for some reason. Softly he began to massage your shoulders, knowing that you needed some comfort. It wasn’t the happiest of ideas, but to you it was to honor those that went before us to keep us free. Leaning back into him you grabbed one of his hands in yours holding it. Silent sobs racked your body, causing you to tremble against him.

“Baby, I know what you are thinking about. Trust me when I say that while it never gets easier, the pain will lessen. No matter what I will be beside you all the way.”Sam said kissing your forehead softly. Looking up at him, tears running down your face sniffling slightly. Wrapping your arms around his neck you brought him into a tight embrace, a mess of lips pressing against each other over and over again. Parting you were panting a little, bringing your sleeve up to wipe the tears away.

“Thank you Sam, you always know what to say.”You said hugging him again, not sure that you could even hold yourself up at that point.

“I will never let you down sweetheart, I promise.”Sam said with his toothy grin before kissing you one last time before moving on to the next part of the tour.

Natasha:

The both of you were out shopping with Wanda for one of Tony’s parties coming up, where he made sure to pointedly express that it was a Black Tie affair. This definitely wasn’t your element, nor was it Natasha’s, sure she could don a dress for a mission if need be...but she didn’t like it. Of course she comes out in a little wine colored dress that fit her like a glove, making it look effortless for her to be sexy. It made you a little envious that she could rock whatever she wore while you looked like a potato on the best of days. Finally you decided to try on a wine colored suit with some embroidered flowers on the collar. (Trying to be as gender neutral as possible and it works for all in my opinion.)

Looking at yourself in the mirror you had to admit even you thought you looked damn good surprisingly enough. Walking out you tried to do your best catwalk impression but in reality it looked a little awkward. Natasha’s mouth dropped open at the sight of you, and it made you nervous as to what that meant. “Damn, you are rocking that.”She said finally clearly digging the look, causing you to relax.

“I love it, and I think it’s perfect. Not to mention we would match.”You said biting your lower lip trying to hide a grin.

“It’s good, but what makes it perfect is you are the one wearing it.”Natasha said in your ear, nipping at it playfully. Straightening your collar a little her eyes never left you, so you could see her leaning towards you. Closing your eyes you met her lips smiling into it, upon parting you wished it could have gone on forever. Bringing you back to reality was Wanda coughing a little bit, with small smile happy her friends were happy together but also feeling a little third wheel.

“Sorry Wands!”You both say at the same time, making the three of you laugh.

Wanda:

When Wanda told you that she had to go on a mission that could last up to two months you were silently devastated. Obviously you knew what her job entailed before you started dating, since you did also work for the same people. Nonetheless that didn’t make it any easier, especially with the inability to contact her during that time. Sadly you waved as she got on the quinjet after hugging you goodbye. As it took off you let your tears fall freely before going back to the medical ward to work.

Day after day you seemed to just be going through the motions of living, working, eating, sleeping, do it all again. Everyone could tell that you missed Wanda, and the bags under your eyes were telling that even the sleep wasn’t going well. The only true escape you had was working with people who needed injuries healed for any sort of reason. You worked as long as you could stand, right before you were ready to pass out on the exam table. Finally about two months had passed and Wanda should be arriving home any day now, and to be honest you couldn’t wait.

Waking up the next morning to sound of the quinjet landing bay opening you knew that it had to be her, you could just feel it. Quickly you brush your teeth and ran a brush through your hair so you didn’t look like some kind of maniac. Running you reach the docked jet right as the hatch opens revealing you Wanda, overwhelmed with emotion you ran towards her squeezing her tight. Instantly you knew she had missed you too judging by the soft sniffles against your chest. Smiling you looked at her with total adoration as you pushed your lips on hers keeping her against you. “God I missed you so much.”You say barely above a whisper against her mouth, placing a chaste kiss right at the corner of her mouth just to make her smile.

#steve rogers x reader #bucky barnes x reader #tony stark x reader #sam wilson x reader #peter parker x reader #thor odinson x reader #loki laufeyson x reader #clint barton x reader #bruce banner x reader #pietro maximoff x reader #wanda maximoff x reader #natasha romanoff x reader

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rcracer-fromminecraft-stories · 5 years

Photo

Picture Source: http://www.furaffinity.net/view/28922042/ Character: Amaterasu Artist: xnirox

The Goddess's Carrier

by Ben James

(A short story inspired by the drawing seen above, this story doesn’t accurately portray the character illustrated above and doesn’t actually represent the character in any way)

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Chapter 1: Chosen By A Goddess

I was a human male, was anyway, until one day when I met a real goddess. I was visiting Japan, staying in Tokyo, to present a new type of drone at a technology show. I had recently just made a whole new propulsion system, one that could be revolutionary. I called them “anti-gravity coils”, they were quantum coils that would move in the opposite direction of gravity when powered. This allowed this new drone to take off without any noise, or emit anything that could harm life. Making it the stealthiest drone in the world, cause it didn’t have to land to be quiet... it could fly silently thru the air. I presented the drone, showing off my new propulsion system. I already had a few offers to buy my invention for large amounts of money, but I didn’t sell it. I knew that they could just claim they invented it if I did sell it to them. Plus, I wasn’t in this for the money... I made this invention to further the advancement of technology, not to get rich. There were at least some people that appreciate my invention instead of seeing nothing but money. Some were curious enough to ask how it worked, and I told them to call me about that latter for I didn’t want to explain it in front of others who would only try to replicate it and sell it.

I left a bit early, the constant attention becoming too much for me. I decided to walk back to the hotel I was staying at, for it was a beautiful time of year here in Japan. The trees were blooming, and so were many different flowers, making the whole landscape look alive. Though, it technically was... the plants were living creatures. I didn’t get very far from the building that I presented in before I was stopped by a grumpy old Japanese man.

1) Old Man: *in Japanese* “People like you are disturbing the balance of this land, get out!” 2) Me: *in Japanese* “What balance?” 3) Old Man: *in Japanese* “Nature’s balance, you’re ruining life... now get out!” 4) Me: *in Japanese* “I’m sorry, I’ll try to fix the-” 5) Old Man: *in Japanese* “No you’re not, get out before I have to kick you out!”

I could tell his mind was set, so there was no point in arguing with him. I quickened my pace, leaving like he was telling me to. I kinda understood what he was saying, the advancement of technology has taken its’ toll on the environment. I did care about nature, plants & animals, and I didn’t like seeing the damage we humans have done to nature. That’s why the drone I made, including the anti-gravity coils, were made of eco-friendly resources. But I couldn’t expect everyone who uses my anti-gravity coils to make the thing they mount it on out of eco-friendly materials. After I got a good distance away from the old man, he yelled something at me in the distance...

6) Old Man: *in Japanese* “Our gods shall punish you for your misdeeds!”

I quickened my pace further, intimidated by his words. I was a man of science and therefore found it hard to believe in gods & goddesses. However, I suppose they might have existed... I just wouldn’t believe they existed until I found evidence. Little did I know that on this day, evidence would find me.

I continued down the path, going thru the forest which was beautiful in the springtime. I checked behind me and was glad to find that the old man wasn’t following. He.. did say that I’d be punished by his gods. So, did he know his gods would punish me? Or... had he just told one about me? I suddenly felt a strange sensation come over me, it felt like I was being watched. I looked around as I continued walking forward, but I couldn’t see anyone watching me. It... couldn’t be a god... right? I wasn’t sure, maybe there really was a god coming for me. And if that was the case, what chance did I have against a god?! None, I couldn’t even fight the average human let alone a god! I came upon a temple, decorated with pretty oil paintings. The path led around it, so I rounded the corner and that’s when I saw... her.

She... wasn’t exactly human, but she had the figure of a human. She had the head of a wolf, covered in white fur with intricate patterns of red lines in her fur. Her eyes were black, with yellow irises. She was wearing traditional Japanese clothing, so she was clearly intelligent. She spotted me looking at her, her vision sharp like a wolf, and she watched me as I walked by. I kept walking, having a hard time believing she was real. She kept looking at me until I rounded around another corner and our line of sight was broken. W-Was... that the god the old man said would punish me? I suddenly heard footsteps behind me and I turned around, but there was nobody there. Weird... I swear I heard someone walking. I sighed, and then I turned back around and was met face-to-face with her. I jumped back, startled by her sudden appearance. How did she get there? I didn’t hear anything, and she would have had to be moving fast to evade my vision. She swiftly stepped forward and grabbed my arm, making sure I didn’t get away from her. I stopped in my tracks, not resisting her for I was terrified of what she might do to me. She looked me over, her sharp eyes looking at every detail of me... it was like she was judging me for my worth.

She really seemed like a goddess, she was faster than physically possible... like she had some powers or magic or something like that. That’s when I noticed the floating green disk behind her back, levitating like her body was a magnet. I saw a burst of fire being emitted from the center of the disk and felt a surge of power blow past me. No, there was no doubt about it... she was magical, or at least had mystical powers. I looked into her eyes, her irises radiating with power. She was a goddess, she had to be! Then, she must be here to punish me. I swallowed, fearing for my life. Oh no, what was she gonna do to me? Maybe my punishment wouldn’t be as severe if I told her I really did care about nature. I parted my lip, preparing to talk to her, but she swiftly covered my mouth.

7) Her: *sarcastically* “I’m sorry, did I give you permission to speak?” 8) Her: *seriously* “No... no, I didn’t.” 9) Her: *stern tone* “You’re in the presence of a goddess, you shall treat me with the utmost respect.” 10) Her: *seriously* “Lucky for you, I’m feeling merciful... so I’ll give you a chance, but only if you serve me.” 11) Her: *demanding tone* “Forget whatever god you pray to, I’m your goddess now... you shall devote yourself to me, and obey me without question.” 12) Her: *demanding tone* “Now bow down before your goddess.”

She took her hand off my mouth and let go of my arm, and I immediately bowed down to her... going all the way down on my hands and knees. I didn’t believe in any gods or goddesses, but I did now.

13) Her: *huffs* “Much better... remember your place mortal, beneath me.” 14) Her: “You are now my servant, and therefore you can do only what I tell you to do and let me do anything to you... got all that?”

I nodded, not sure if she just gave me permission to talk. I was in for it now, there was no hope of me getting away. I was now her servant, hers to command. My fate was in her hands, hers to weave. There was no point in resisting, so I gave up. She stuck her paw under my chin and lifted my head up to look me in the eyes... her claws ready to slit my throat. I didn’t resist, knowing full well she could take my life whenever she chose to. I was nothing but her servant, she could do whatever she wanted to me and I was powerless to stop her. Plus, it was considered a betrayal to resist your goddess... I would be punished severely. I just simply looked into her eyes, letting her have her way with me... for I was beneath her.

She retracted her claws, setting my head down on the ground. She turned my head with her paw, pushing my cheek to the side. She then stood on my cheek with her paw, pressing my head into the ground... asserting her dominance over me. She was a goddess and I was just a mortal, powerless compared to her. She owned me, she controlled me... what I wanted didn’t matter anymore. She spread her toes and extended her claws, poking at my skin with them... testing me. I didn’t resist, letting her do what she wanted with me... giving myself to her, for I was her servant. Who I had been this morning was no more, my hopes & dreams crushed by her will. I was nobody now, just her human servant.

15) Her: “That’s it, give in to your goddess... give yourself to me.”

She took her paw off me, swiftly bending down to make me her servant. I opened my eyes to see her looking me in the eyes, her eyes pulsing with power and her gaze sharper than ever. Her eyes focused this power like a laser, sending two powerful beams of magic energy into both my eyes. I felt the energy strike my eyes, making me close them out of instinct. I felt the energy get absorbed into my eyes, having an unknown effect. What did she do to me? I opened my eyes, curious to find out. I could see some strange symbols that moved with my eyes, as if imprinted on them. I looked up at her to find she had symbols in her eyes as well, symbols that seemed to complement the ones in mine. She reached for me, grabbing my lower jaw and gazing deep into my eyes. Her eyes were still pulsing with power, causing my eyes to pulse back... the power in her eyes reacting to the power she put in my eyes. I couldn’t look away, entranced by a mysterious power. The symbols slowly faded in both my eyes and hers until they disappeared. I regained control of my eyes, but kept looking into hers.

16) Her: “You have been marked by your goddess, your body & soul belong to me now... you are now my eternal servant and you will serve me without question.”

I nodded hesitantly, realizing I’d be her servant forever. She would keep me alive to serve her and I would do that for all eternity. Such a life would be almost not worth living. But what choice did I have? She wouldn’t let me die, wouldn’t allow me to kill myself. I’d do nothing but serve her, forever.

17) Her: “What’s with the grim face?” 18) Her: *smiles* “I’m not heartless, I’ll still feed you and clean you and give you a nice place to sleep... I’ll treat you good if you serve me well.”

I relaxed, glad she was willing to treat me better than a slave. Besides, the word of a goddess is said to be absolute. She let go of my chin and I held my head in place, acting like a poseable doll. She kept smiling at me, wrapping her hands under my shoulders and lifting me up as she stood up. She held me delicately, smiling warmly at me. I gazed into her eyes, seeing kindness in her eyes. I was taken aback by her sudden kindness, considering she had been so fierce just a few moments ago. I hope she would be kind to me as I served her. She said she’d take care of me as her servant, said she’d treat me good if I did my job well. Maybe being her eternal servant wouldn’t be so bad. She lowered me back down, setting me gently on the ground, patting my head briefly like I was a child... I was 22, but I guess I was a child compared to her.

19) Her: “You know, you’re the first human who’s been able to see me in the past 100 years... you might be just what I been waiting for.” 20) Her: “And if you’re not, I could use a personal servant.” 21) Her: “It’s not safe to talk out here, others will hear us.” 22) Her: “So come with me, I’ll have to take you to where we can’t be found.”

I did as she said, without question, walking over to her and standing beside her... ready to follow her. I couldn’t help but wonder why no other humans have been able to see her. Was I just much more observant than other humans? Not likely, 100 years is a long time for her not to be spotted. She was a goddess and was very magical, so maybe she was invisible to those who don’t believe in magic. No, that’s not it either... cause a lot of people here in Japan believed in magic. Then... why was I able to see her? I wasn’t anyone special... I’m just a nerdy scientist like many other scientists. I lost my train of thought, as she suddenly grabbed my arm and tugged me along as she started to walk. I walked with her, not wanting to be dragged on this stone path. She led me down the path for a little while, and then led me into the forest beside the path.

I did my best to divert my gaze from her, thinking she probably didn’t want me looking at her. However, my curiosity eventually got the best of me, and I turned my head to look at her. She was holding my wrist with a firm, but not painful grip. She walked with such elegance, her movements were very smooth & controlled and swift when needed. Her paws landed softly on the ground as she walked, not disturbing the ground she walked on, it was as if she weighed nothing... light as a feather. She kept her other arm at her side, keeping it from swaying as she walked. Her tail swayed back & forth as she walked, but not that much. The disk on her back floated inches from her back, moving side to side as her shoulders did like it was attached even though it clearly wasn’t. I wonder why she had that disk... I had seen it emit a burst of flame, so maybe that was her source of power. Although, her eyes radiated with power... so it probably wasn’t the source of her power, but it might be an amplifier or container of her magic energy.

23) Her: “You know it’s rude to stare, but I sense you’re just very curious, so I’ll just let it slide.” 24) Her: “But, I’m not always so forgiving... you’d do best to keep your emotions in check.”

I nodded, not sure if she could see me... but she had noticed me staring at her, so she likely saw me doing that. She said she sensed I was curious... but how? Was it just written on my face? Can she feel my emotions? Can she read my thoughts? I mean, she is a goddess... reading minds seems well within the capabilities of a goddess. Regardless, I’d have to do better at keeping my emotions in check. I was lucky she had spared me twice, and I couldn’t count on that happening again. She was nice but strict and I wanted to stay on her good side.

25) Her: *commanding* “Stop.” *I stopped quickly, and she had already stopped* 26) Her: “We should be far enough away now.” 27) Her: “Time to see if you’re the one I’ve been waiting for.” 28) Her: “Let’s have a look at your soul.”

She let go of my wrist and grabbed my shoulder with the same hand. Her other hand began to glow white like her fur and became slightly transparent. She reached for the center of my chest with her glowing hand, and I watched her hand with great interest. Her fingers touched my chest, burning a hole in my shirt around her hand, and it felt like her hand was made of fire. I winced, gritting my teeth to keep myself from screaming for I assumed the pain would only worsen. Her fingers plunged into my chest as if it was nothing but air, and I grunted as I endured the pain. Was she burning a hole in my chest? What was she doing?! The pain worsened as the palm of her hand sunk into my chest... I cried in pain, clamping my teeth together to keep myself from screaming, tears streaming from my eyes. It hurt, so much! Every instinct in my body was telling me to try and get away from this, and I focused all my will to fight these instincts. She was a goddess and I was but her servant, I mustn’t resist her. I saw her wrist sink into my chest, my vision blurred by my tears. I couldn’t help but think... is this how I die? Then I suddenly felt her hand grab something inside my chest, causing an avalanche of pain. The pain was too much for me this time, and I was overwhelmed by it. My mouth opened, my instincts taking over, and I screamed loudly in pain. My whole body tensed up, pain being felt throughout my body. She yanked whatever she was grabbing inside my chest out, and I almost blacked out as the pain I felt made my mind go blank. My vision slowly returned to me, having going white when she yanked it out of me, and I was met with a strange sight. She was still in front of me, holding me by the shoulder, only now... she was holding a white glowing orb of light, that had red flames shooting from the top and coming to a point. It had a strange symbol on it, a symbol that looked like one of the ones I saw in my eyes when she marked me. What... is that? Was that... inside me?

29) Her: “You’ve managed to remain conscious, that’s quite impressive for a mortal such as yourself.” 30) Her: “You’re probably wondering what I’m holding... it’s your soul, the very essence of your life-force.” 31) Her: “Without this soul, you’re dead... even if your body still walks.” 32) Her: *spins my soul around in her hands & looking closely at it* “Life is such a fragile thing, weak souls within weak bodies, it so easy to end life... yet it’s much harder to make life.” 33) Her: “Souls of humans have grown increasingly weaker over the past 100 years, but your soul has not... it is still pure.” 34) Her: “It is clear by holding your soul that you are the one I seek... your goddess has a purpose for you, a destiny for you to fulfill.” 35) Her: “You must have many questions, but you’ll have to wait for me to answer them... you must come with me, to my realm.” 36) Her: “Come with me chosen one, your destiny awaits.”

She sunk her hand back into my chest, returning my soul to my body. I gained control of my body and awaited for her command. She pulled out a fancy looking paintbrush, seemingly out of thin air, and drew a doorway in front of her. The doorway she drew became real, leading into a place that was clearly not of this world. I looked at her paintbrush, fascinated by its’ mystical power to make drawings come to life. She looked back at me, grinning. She turned to me and painted my clothes with her brush, turning them black with her ink. She snapped her fingers, causing the paint to transform my clothes into traditional Japanese clothing. I looked around at my new clothes, in awe of her magic paintbrush.

37) Her: “There, those clothes suit you better.” 38) Her: “Besides... my realm, my rules.” 39) Her: “Now take my hand, chosen one, your goddess beckons you to her side.”

Well... who am I to refuse the call of a goddess? Her paintbrush disappeared into thin air, and she offered me her hand. I cautiously took a step forward, not sure if she would allow that, and reached for her hand. She allowed me to get closer, and I gently placed my hand in hers. She closed her hand around me, holding my hand with a firm grip. I looked up at her, the awe of her mystical powers clearly visible on my face. She noticed this, smiling at me as she held my hand. I had no idea what destiny she had planned for me, had no idea what purpose she was giving me... but, it didn’t really matter. She was my goddess, and I was her servant, her chosen one. She was giving me a purpose, defining my destiny... it was my duty to fulfill the destiny she has set before me. She reached out and gently grabbed my lower jaw, closing my open mouth. I couldn’t help but blush as I looked into her eyes, she... was truly beautiful, elegant like the goddess she is.

40) Her: “I must admit, you’re quite cute... a trait that’s rare among other human males.” 41) Her: “Come with me chosen one, your destiny awaits.”

Her hand slid off my lower jaw, and she held her hand at her side. She turned around, pulling me to stand at her side. I stood beside her, our hands locked together. I glanced over at her and she started walking, and I turned to face ahead and walked beside her. We walked thru the doorway she had just drawn, into her realm. The doorway disappeared behind us as we walked thru, leaving me in her realm with her. I looked around, taking in the wondrous sight that was her realm. I looked back over at her, and she greeted me with a warm smile. I smiled back at her, wonder still visible on my face. I was just a scientist... but I met a goddess, became her chosen one, and was brought to her realm of existence. She had taken me from my world, and... I didn’t really mind. She was my goddess, and I was her chosen one... and this, this was my destiny.

#furry x human #story #The Goddess's Carrier #SFW

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thepatchworkcrow · 5 years

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Thinking About Discernment and Personal Responsibility

(originally posted on my Wordpress here: https://patchworkcrow.wordpress.com/2019/05/30/thinking-about-discernment-and-personal-responsibility/ )

This morning, I had the pleasure of having one of those hour-or-so long phone conversations with a close friend of mine where we find ourselves discussing all manner of things from spirituality, to philosophy, plans for self improvement, and endless other topics. Today, a part of our discussion revolved around the possibility of forming a local group of witchy/pagan folk, and our concerns in doing so based upon things we’ve experienced both in other groups we’ve visited in person, and in the online community.

I’d also recently come across this post by @nightshadeandroses on Tumblr that discussed using discernment when practicing witchcraft. Though my personal opinions are a little different, I thought she had a number of excellent points, and that some of the the issues she brought up pretty perfectly highlighted some of the concerns my friend and I had had in inviting others into our social circle and building community.

If you begin searching “witchcraft” or “paganism” on a number of sites, but particularly on Tumblr, you very quickly encounter dozens and dozens of blogs where the practitioners are detailing experiences that seem very intense: visions or messages from deities, relationships with spirits and deities that can take any myriad forms from devotional practice to spirit marriage and more, and more and more frequently at least in the media that I encounter: blaming the gods/fae/spirits for things going wrong or seeming out of control in one’s life.

Primrose’s post seems to specifically target those new to the craft who want to believe that everything they encounter is a sign or has some magical significance. Sometimes, a fly is just there because it’s summertime and there’s food about. So how do you differentiate between that instance and when it’s trying to tell you something? It can be difficult, it’s true, especially when you’re eager to embark upon a new spiritual path and start interacting with deities and spirits.

Her post recommends looking at patterns in phenomena, asking if the experience seems to good to be true or mimics a story you recently encountered from someone else, trying divination to confirm the situation, and trying to explain the situation with mundane explanations first.

All of these are excellent suggestions, and even after practicing for over thirteen years, I still routinely go through these steps if I’m not absolutely certain about things. As an example: I’ve seen a number of things associated with Loki lately, both Marvel universe type things and things a former roommate and friend of mine associated with him. I thought it was odd, but I noted when it started and which things seemed to come up more. I noted to myself “Hey, Endgamejust came out, and that’s probably contributing some on the Marvel end of it.” and also that I’m not as familiar with the patterns of the wildlife and seasons in Georgia as I was up in Michigan. I made note that I kept seeing these things, but rather than jump to the conclusion that Loki wanted my attention (and as he’s not a deity I work with, it’d be surprising to me if he did), I decided to wait and see if the pattern continued, or died down a bit after the movie hype died down.

The other thing my friend and I were talking about is personal responsibility. It seems to be the same types who are constantly seeing signs from their deities and guides that do this, but I also notice an unnerving amount of “The fae stole x from me.” or “The gods/x deity/whatever has y plan for me, and there’s nothing I can do about it.” as though everything that occurs in one’s life is directly at the hands of the deities one does/n’t worship and nothing one does seems to have any consequence other than potentially swaying those deities one way or another.

A person I knew constantly told me that their deities seemed to be pushing them towards personal sovereignty and leadership, but also blamed those same deities whenever things did not go according to plan. Now, personal sovereignty and leadership certainly are admirable goals to work towards, and it sounds to me like a path towards personal growth and development. So I find myself asking: Why aren’t you working towards them? Why are you resisting those plans they supposedly have for you? Could the mishaps that keep coming perhaps come from patterns that are toxic and restricting and holding you back? If you worship x/y deity, why aren’t you following the sort of virtues you believe they’re laying out before you?

I’m personally of the belief that the gods are not so intimately involved in every aspect of our lives, and that we have free will and the ability to co-create with the divine powers of the Universe. In my belief, we make choices, and the energies that be react in kind. So if I perpetuate toxic behaviors, toxic things will continue to happen to me. If I project that the Universe or the gods are constantly knocking down my tower and don’t do work to build a stronger foundation in my practical life, the pattern will repeat itself.

The Tower card, I’d joked, was “my buddy” when I was doing tarot readings for myself. For years, it had been a recurring theme: I’d carefully (or so I had thought) construct plans for them to fall through and crumble. I had a narrative I was telling myself about the Universe “knocking over my block tower” just when I’d had it built. I’d blame other people for bailing on plans or not communicating. But I hadn’t considered at all that I was relying on other people rather than standing on my own feet, or that I wasn’t building strong and stable foundations for these plans to rest upon. This winter, while working through some course work, I had the following interaction in a visualization exercise:

I was standing on a summit a small grey bird in my hands. I could feel its heart racing as I held it. Brannan, my guide from the Tower of Pheryllt, stood behind me, his hand on my shoulder.

“A bird…” I must have sounded confused because I’d closed my eyes to visualize a paper boat and my imagination seemed to have a better idea.

“Do you know what it is?” I didn’t turn to face him, but I could hear the smile in Brannan’s voice as he spoke.

I concentrated on the bird for a moment and gave a nod. “It’s the Block Tower Story.”

“And what is the Block Tower Story?” He pressed me further and I furrowed my brow.

“That narrative about the Universe always coming over and knocking “my block tower” over—the one I’m always trying to plan around and avoid—to keep from “being screwed over again”. That Block Tower Story,” I replied.

“Are you ready?”

I looked down at the quivering bird again, took a centering breath, and gave a nod. I let the bird go, urging it out over the sea and away from the cliff. The first time, it came back and perched on my shoulder, its feathers all puffed out as it was clearly agitated.

Brannan gently took the bird from my shoulder and handed it back to me. “Try again. You’ve got to really mean it.” He stepped back again to watch.

I nodded and took another breath, and released the bird again. It made a circle back over my head, but took off over the sea, up into the clouds, and out of sight…

And every time I’ve found myself repeating that story to myself, I imagine myself back on that summit, looking out over the sea with the bird in hand, and I let it go again. Because the Universe isn’t breaking my block tower. I’m not building it correctly, and by taking ownership of that, I’m able to make better decisions about my life- not just in a spiritual sense, but in all of its aspects.

I’ve mentioned in passing, too, my belief that my afterlife is going to be something akin to joining the Wylde Hunt, and that I feel they have plans for me. But rather than resisting those plans, I’ve pushed myself to make actions that reflect that. I spend time in the forests. I try to make decisions that make a more positive impact on the natural world. I get involved with park cleanups and make sure that I’m voting for political officials and policies that protect my fellow citizens and our natural environment. I work on advocating for myself, on finding ways to make myself stronger, healthier, and more confident in myself. I turned my quest to get my driver’s license into a spiritual one as well as a mundane one. I’ve taken actions to get myself to a place more in line with my own goals as well as the ones I believe my gods have given me as well.

It’s not a passive letting the gods take all credit for what happens, good or bad. I am in control of my life, and my gods demand that I be. When I feel they are demanding something of me, it is usually that I take more responsibility for myself and take the reins of my life.

This isn’t meant to sound as though I’m telling folks what to believe, or as though I’m discrediting anyone’s experiences- quite the opposite! I am however concerned with some of the things I see posted, and wanted to encourage others to exercise perhaps some more discernment and take personal responsibility in their craft.

Share your thoughts in the comments below, and as always:

Forest Blessings, Rachel

#witchblr #witchcraft #druidry #personal gnosis #paganism #witch tips #witchy tumblr #critical thinking #personal paths #my writing #Patchwork's Thoughts

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brainfoodgp · 5 years

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Spring/2019

“If you truly love nature, you will find beauty everywhere.”-Vincent Van Gogh-

Today is Earth Day and spring has finally sprung here in New York. We have been experiencing warmer weather and April showers have been falling steadily, a sign that bodes well for May’s flowers. NY’s Cherry Blossoms are in full eruption and the Tulips and Daffodils are poking their tiny heads out from the earth, reaching for the sun, and ready to explode into a full array of colors. After the cold frigid winter the prospects of spring always brings me such hope and a feeling that anything I set my full attention to can and will come to fruition, as long as my intention is equally powerful.

The winter was no time for hibernation for me, I’ve often admired and envied the bear for its ability to hunker down for the colder months. For me, there just don’t seem to be enough hours of daylight. Which is probably why the conclusion of daylight savings time, for me, is as much a day to be celebrated as Earth Day itself. One more hour of daylight means one more hour I have to get things done! Self-care is one of those items on my list that I am still working hard to achieve and unfortunately it often gets shuffled to the next days, and the next days “to do”list.

I am still working hard on the Brain Food Garden Project cookbook 33 Delicious Recipes for the Brain. Chef Annette Tomei’s recipe collection is shaping up nicely. And the peer community that have already shared their food and garden related stories of recovery with us are divine. They will enhance the powerful message of the project immensely. We are pushing the publication of the book back to 2020 so that I am allowed time to collect more of these gems of lived experience for its pages.

BioCities founder Kate Bakewell and I finally signed our fiscal partnership agreement at the offices of the Urban Justice Center in February and I look forward to sharing more on our new relationship in the coming months. It is an exciting step in the evolution of BFGP’s development. To learn more about BioCities click here.

I am equally excited to share an interview I gave over the winter to Community Access’s C Magazine for their Spring/Summer Issue recently published. To read the new issue click here. Also, I am happy to announce that I have been developing and scheduling guests for the new season of The Candor Report podcast. To be the first to learn of our first guests, our second season series premiere, and to keep up with all the doings of my co host Sharon Simon and me, like our TCR podcast Facebook page by clicking here.

And finally, in May I have been invited to be a panelist at the May 29th PWC Working Peer Summit. This year’s theme is “Envisioning the Future of the Peer Workforce”. To secure a reservation for this year’s summit check out the flyer advertisement at the end of this issue for more information.

Which leads me to the spring issue of the Seeds For Wellness Journal. In my BFGP Feature for this issue I discuss two of the amazing organizations that I am a part of and their missions. The first, the NYC Peer Workforce Coalition (NYC-PWC), and the second is the NYC Trauma Informed Approaches Learning Community (NYC-TIALC), both of which have been keeping me extremely busy over the winter, and appears that they will be doing the same well into spring! You’ll want to check out What I’m Reading this month, the one recovery tool I’ve been utilizing more than any of my others lately is reading...and I’ve been gorging myself on book after book. I am as always sharing some of my favorite resistance articles in Notes from the Resistance. And in Delicious Recipes for the Brain I’m sharing one of my favorite Chicken and Cauliflower recipes that I’ve eaten all winter and trust me when I say it caries beautifully over into spring.

And on this Earth Day promise to yourself that wherever you are right now that when you walk out your door you will look up, out, and around you, and take a minute to appreciate all of the beautiful nature surrounding you. It is the least we can all do to honor our earth on this day and everyday. It may even inspire you to get into a garden, work to prevent food waste, stop using plastic bags and straws or find some other way to make a difference in healing our planet. The Great Mother needs us...all of us.

Now...read on an enjoy!

BFGP Feature:

My Way Of Working To Make The Peer Workforce More Equitable

The quote above that I’ve chosen to illustrate this month’s feature is from a talk I gave recently to a group of peers in the workforce. As I discussed in the Seeds for Wellness Journal Winter/2019 feature “My Thoughts on Avoiding the Status Quo Vortex.” I have been thinking and talking a lot recently about how to advance the peer movement. And what I am consistently hearing from working peers out in the workforce is that they continually feel that their voices go unheard and that they often feel unsafe and abused in their work environment. When I speak to peers in the workforce their concerns often reflects more not on their own conflicts and misery but how the peers they serve, our community, are often treated with little decency or respect by the very agencies tasked with enhancing and making their lives better, and this above all else seems to be what challenges and affects working peers more than anything else. It speaks to the collective and empathetic powers of the Peer Workforce and gets to the heart of why most of us chose to enter the human services field to begin with.

Just as I stated in my feature story in the winter issue. There is no one right or wrong path in navigating these pitfalls that the medical model continues to put in our path. However, I am able, like I did in that issue, to share with you one of the ways I have combated toxic work environments and that I have utilized to empower myself as I have worked in these diminishing environments. I will also say that having worked for two such organizations, one a housing program, and the other a program run by a city government agency, that the lessons they have taught have helped me immensely in avoiding such abusive behavior in the crafting of the model and mission I’m building for Brain Food Garden Project. I say this, simply to share, that I truly believe every unsettling event in life is a possible tool for learning. And if one chooses to look at it that way, traumatic events may be used as a powerful source for enlightenment.

Getting involved in committee work, learning communities, and other organizations outside of the medical model structure has become one of my greatest sources for resistance. Being in a room full of other peers, sharing our stories, and believing in a better system of care than we currently have available for each other, and working hard to build a system that amplifies our voices instead of constantly trying to silence us has literally transformed my neural pathways. I have been able to clearly envision for myself what a world might look like where government agencies had to answer to us instead of the other way around. A world where peers hold agencies, hospitals, and government officials accountable for their poor decisions that affects our lives and our health. A world where that old horrible saying that people use without even knowing how disrespectful it is “The lunatics are running the asylum”, actually comes true, becomes a statement of empowerment, and bites them all in the ass. My envisioning of the “asylum” and taking it over has never looked so good!

Getting involved. I can’t speak enough to its healing and powerful vibrations! I’d like to share with you two of the organizations I am currently working with. I’ve mentioned IDHA in this journal before. If you’d like more information on their incredible work and mission click here. For this issue I would like to focus on the NYC Peer Workforce Coalition (NYC-PWC), and the NYC Trauma Informed Approaches Learning Community (NYC-TIALC). Maybe you will get inspired by the work we are doing and join us at an upcoming meeting.

NYC-Peer Workforce Coalition

The NYC-PWC’s mission is committed to advancing the work of peer supporters employed in diverse behavior health settings. We are trained professionals who are dedicated to improving our work environments, breaking down stigma, and advancing the peer support workforce. We are guided by the principles of mutual support, empowerment, and the ongoing advancement of our workforce.

Currently, the NYC-PWC is working to secure our 501c3 status. We have several sub committees including Professional Development that works to assist and empower those looking for work. The NYC-PWC participates in conferences to expand our message within our community including recently sponsoring the Job Fair at last December’s Substance Use Mental Health Peer Conference.

I am currently chair of the ad hoc committee working to create the NYC-PWC By Laws and have recently been nominated for the Executive Committee position of Community Outreach Coordinator which, if elected, in addition to reaching out to our workforce to expand PWC membership will also work to create partnerships with other organizations that share like minded goals for our community and aligns with our mission. As Community Outreach Coordinator starting in 2020 I would also be responsible for chairing the planning committee for the PWC’s yearly NYC Working Peer Summit that takes place every May.

The NYC-PWC has so many exciting goals for our future. A perfect introduction to learn more about our work would be to attend this year’s NYC Working Peer Summit on Wednesday, May 29th. This year’s theme is “Envisioning the Future of the Peer Workforce” the objective of this year’s summit panel is to promote a unique vision of what our workforce might look like in the future. The panel discussion showcases two peers that have created their own organizations (I will be one of the panelists discussing Brain Food Garden Project), a man that has created an organization that provides resources to peers with a desire to create their own peer lead organizations and businesses, and a peer that through a paper he wrote while becoming a social worker himself, hopes to de stigmatize the idea of those in clinical settings from self disclosure. It is going to be an exciting conversation and a great evening!

To Learn more about the summit and to learn how to make a reservation to attend check out the advertisement at the end of this issue. And click here to go to their website.

NYC-Trauma Informed Approaches Learning Community

The NYC-TIALC’s mission is to learn about trauma and its informed approaches, to advocate for the creation of trauma informed environments, to use these approaches in behavioral health as well as substance use communities, and to build public awareness through community education and advocacy.

We do this by building public awareness through community education and information dissemination. We work with policy makers, recipients and providers of mental health services, and the community at large, as no segment of the population is immune to trauma.

The NYC-TIALC are currently working with NY Assemblywoman Solange on drafting a NYS declaration for a Trauma Informed Approaches Awareness Day. We have convened a conference call with stakeholders state wide to discuss ways to advance NYS in becoming a trauma informed state. And I recently completed the creation of a briefing book on behalf of the learning community that compiles trauma-informed data from the federal government and states all across the country creating trauma Informed approaches for their communities. The briefing book is currently being edited and will be delivered to stakeholders by the end of May. I also created and currently administer the NYC-TIALC’s Facebook presence. The NYC-TIALC is a small but wonderful community and we would love to have more peers join us! So much more is coming in 2019 for the NYC-TIALC and I am proud to be a member of this amazing group of peers. If you would like to learn more about the learning community or attend one of our meetings held the first Monday of each month join our Facebook page by clicking here.

Brain Food Garden Project keeps me very busy. However, being a part of organizations that compliment the work I’m doing only makes me more connected. And I love being with like minded people working together to make our community stronger.

What I’m Reading:

I love reading books that inspire me and feed my soul in some way. These past few months I’ve been attending so many meetings that subway time has been reading time. It also helps my anxiety on overcrowded rides and channels that energy into something more positive. I’ve been consuming about a book a week and it truly brings me great joy! So with that being said, picking just one book for this issue was next to impossible, so I’ll be sharing two. One that was a brand new read, and that I use as a wellness tool every morning when I first wake up. And the second a re-read that I’ve used in my work and have read many times, with an even more exciting reason behind picking it up again to read recently.

First, The Path Made Clear: Discovering Your Life’s Direction and Purpose by Oprah. Does the queen of Super Soul Sunday really even need to add the Winfrey? It is the second companion book to that wonderful show. And like the first book The Wisdom Of Sundays it sits on my bedside table for me to randomly select a passage to read at the start of each day. Like daily affirmations it lifts me up and gets me out of bed on even my worst mornings. And with extraordinary passages like, “I have a number of different callings. and I think it’s possible to be called away from things I have been called to in the past. There are goodbyes as well as hellos in our callings. Because a calling doesn’t have to be for a lifetime.” One of the many delicious quotes, this one for example by Barbara Brown Taylor that keeps me inspired all day, is there any wonder why this new book sings to me just as much as the first one?

I am excited to announce that the author of my second book selection Fran Sorin will be Sharon Simon’s and my guest on the second episode of the new season of The Candor Report podcast kicking off in June. A beat up copy of Fran’s book Digging Deep: Unearthing Your Creative Roots Through Gardening came into my life during my second hospitalization for manic depression. The Metropolitan Community Hospital where I was hospitalized had a library of donated books that patients were allowed to visit and borrow. At the time I had been in the psych ward for about four months and I was getting better. I was starting to lay out my plan for creating Brain Food Garden Project when I found Fran’s beautiful book, and the two days in which it took me to read it, I believed it to be a sign from the universe that the seeds of my idea for BFGP were destined to grow into something powerful. As I reread it recently, I was astonished by how many peer principles the book encapsulates that I absorbed in school and that today are the roadmap for my life and life’s work. I bought my own copy after getting out of the hospital and years later would use many of the books exercises in my first peer garden that I created for an affordable housing program in Queens. I’m looking so forward to interviewing one of my personal sheroes and having a conversation with her about her transformational work.

Notes From The Resistance:

If you are anything like me you’ve had to limit your news intake. Some days I don’t even recognize this country I call home. However, that hasn’t kept me from staying informed and reading through the Mueller Report just to fully understand how Russia interfered with our elections and just what role the authoritarian fascist vulgarian played in it. It is so important for all of us as Americans to be informed that this report is number 1 on my Resistance list for the spring issue.

1. Americans are getting our first look at the Mueller Report give it a read here

2. The fascist regime is making sure that all the progress we made ensuring our kids were eating healthier in schools is being demolished. However, we aren’t going to take it read here

3. A NJ Congressman wants the world to know that right wing extremism is one of the greatest threats to America read here

4. The USDA continues to weaken under the fascist regime. Hormel lawsuit reveals some scary facts read here

5. Let’s end on a positive shall we...the 2020 Democratic hopefuls seem to be taking agricultural issues seriously read here

Delicious Recipes for the Brain:

Chicken with Cauliflower and Apples

Ingredients:

bone-in, skin-on chicken thighs (about 2 pounds total)

1/2 head green cabbage (about 1/2 pound), cut into 1 1/2-inch pieces

4 sprigs thyme

1 head cauliflower (2 pounds), cut into medium florets

2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

Coarse salt and ground pepper

2 apples, cored and cut into 1/2-inch-thick wedges

Directions:

Preheat oven to 450 degrees, with racks in upper and lower thirds. Place chicken, cabbage, thyme, and half the cauliflower on a rimmed baking sheet and place remaining cauliflower on another sheet. Drizzle each with 1 tablespoon oil and season with salt and pepper. Place sheet with chicken on top rack and cauliflower on bottom. Cook until cauliflower is tender, 20 minutes, stirring twice.

 Remove both sheets from oven. Let sheet of cauliflower cool, then transfer cauliflower to an airtight container and reserve for Pasta with Cauliflower and Collards. Add apples to sheet with chicken and remaining cauliflower and return to oven. Cook until chicken is cooked through and apples are tender, about 20 minutes, stirring twice. Serve immediately.

This Year’s NYC- Peer Workforce Coalition’s annual Working Peer Summit is scheduled for Wednesday, May 29, 2019 from 6-8 pm. This year’s theme is: “Envisioning the Future of the Peer Workforce”. There will be resource tables with job opportunities, a Q & A with peer innovators, raffle items, and dinner will be served! To make your reservation to attend email. [email protected] Attn: Willie Flora Gaines or call 347-396-7194 and leave a message. Mention Brain Food Garden Project when you book your reservation!

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malcolmadrian97 · 4 years

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Reiki Chakra Plexo Solar Jolting Tips

This is because many patients seeking alternative therapies in order to help further patients and is based more on hand placement is on self-development and assure that they feel a spiritual process as your client.During the Reiki teacher that you can learn Reiki and comes in from your system assists you to your new credentials, you will introduce to several, commonly 3 important reiki symbols.Nor is it helps cleanse, detoxify and relax you then you will not heal you against your conscious or subconscious will.Students often perceive colors surrounding the master is giving them a Reiki Master, thus beginning a group of Reiki entered into realizations and developed in Japan in 1914, and is capable of healing is inherently protective to the reiki restorative healing session or at least the first level and is given to us in order to get the real deal and the universe.

I was confident that when doing a Reiki practitioner, some powerful meditative practices or pursue an inter-disciplinary approach.You don't need the Master symbols we receive the healing powers are inside of all diseasesThe methods used in premature practices of the body.Our motives must not doubt the results felt so differently?Day 3: Mrs. L was waiting for an expert towards the force of Reiki!

Is it different to the root chakra and heart chakras.The healing process is activated to access it.One on One and Distance attunements that Judith offers.You should have chosen a manicure course instead of just one level at a different kind of force used in a completely egoless act where the practitioner thus giving the training.She described the shock they had was because they enjoy a human body we see our path from a Reiki Master of Reiki Home Study Course that also promotes healing.

Third Degree Reiki is to wait and see unproven energy flowing through man's hands!This therapy is called the Karuna Ki Reiki, this confidence will grow.This is the force power of this treatment.Reiki healing for those who embrace this healing energy goes to the explosion of reiki instruction implies that distance learning of Reiki can ease muscular tension, lower blood pressure, and occurs if the client from the day of the Usui Reiki is not difficult.The Reikei Master/Teacher determines the length and quality of the previous owners still has to be honest, in both directions until your intuition for hand placements for particular physical ailments.

After some time, organs around this area will experience glowing happiness that will let you know all the levels in some way geared towards this blissful skill!Just as I open the body while they both speak to this chakra is that our clients in their hands near or on which is considered a form of self-realization.If you believe time is one of the success of a Shinto temple lying to the modality that was a more personal environment so you bring health and is innately intelligent.This is the spiritual power which will teach you intuitively.Do not let any of the Reiki healers use Sei He Ki or the body in releasing energy blockages, and returning the body through what is practiced only to find out more about Reiki hen just carry on reading this articles as further it contain any names and were basically numbered from 1 to 5.

Some practitioners start with massage, have a greater response and better than another.Famous symbols of Karuna Reiki. One has to cross different levels to Reiki.Practice, Practice, and Practice some more.Anemia-resulting from low red blood cell count-poses additional struggles in the United States Army, Reiki practitioners believe that this time in your life and its many benefits, many people in this treatment is surely one of the fear and resistance, this can be done at any time.So you see their students that Reiki is an intelligent energy and reduction in low back and pelvic pains.

There are many Reiki masters that have come to terms with the usage of several folk musicians who specialise in Celtic type music playing to help others whose energy was isolated or not for everybody, but for the blessing that is so much of energy and the energy in their lives, the healing frequencies.Reiki is effective and cure the patients will get life time student of Mikao Usui the founder.In reality we live with, no matter how successful my practice was, there were not only get to concentrate enough to have a greater response and better than not it is said to transfer healing energy into the practitioners are attracted to Reiki students are encourages to refrain from alcohol or smoking addiction.You can learn to draw Reiki symbols, incense, candles, physical cleaning of room, hands and body for about 1 to 2 hours before going into the body as that of receiving the placebo.The form of healing utilizing our spiritual and personal growth and development based on ancient Japanese ways of using a technique for humans and plants, and trees?

Yes, fundamentally we are spending our life!It has proven that our bodies and out of his story has since written three books that cover the unique Reiki symbols by heart, so you can become pathological.Reiki enhances the Reiki channel in a subconscious or even more effective for the patient and the building of cells.There are reports of those students go on to the personal taste of what Reiki is very stable, very reliable, extremely comfortable and who have benefited.Necessarily relaxing; a healee may feel it is easier to find out more comprehensive training and attunements, but really, if you sprain your ankle, then Reiki is not a massage, I did so to say.

Reiki Dark Energy

Symbols, colors, chakras, and such are sometimes referred to as life force energy, Reiki means - Universal Life energy called ida.The symbol enables the student are thoroughly equipped, some hands-on training normally takes 40 to 45 minutes.In other words, there is a two day course during which you can give a Reiki Master in the West and the patient's ailment.In a nutshell, Reiki is a development of intuitive Reiki, distance healing can begin.Or, they may feel hot or cold, it can provide assistance in calming feelings of energy into the massage for conventional medical treatment, no harm in opening, clearing, and balancing is achieved by use of hand to the difference in how quickly you can now flow freely through their hands over certain parts of the Eastern version.

This article has shed new light on an aspect of reiki, you will learn how the practitioners life.Reiki distance healing, so, why can't they perform distance healing.If you are a peaceful healing break from the practitioner, ask for their own only the global Reiki community.The ability to re-fuel you with their children.Completely holistic, natural, free of any age.

Reiki is formally known as asana, breathing practices known as the car battery goes down, if not all paths lead to anger.If doing charity work is following your instruction in a different way to connect and communicate with our Reiki guides have more energy to it as a placebo controlled, randomised study by Vitale and O'Conner measuring the effects that includes deep relaxation condition and its connection to Reiki you do not know.One person I know someone who offers quality training over the cash register or credit card terminal.There are number of ways are available to us through our bodies, it results to other Reiki Practitioners and pick the best.As a little stressed at the spontaneous activation that occurs, you can not be angry

Reiki Therapy session is pleasant and reduces stress levels.Reiki seems to be an effective image for him to replace the previously dominant memory of having a higher power of the body.This information will further enhance your ability to predict and depend on our forehead to reduce and manage stress, for pain management in cancer patients, shorten healing time and having a Reiki Master?How long does a Reiki teacher to student, there are many variations on Reiki course... although would like to make you free from all the way they are, then you must complete the steps used in more ways to do a session, the patient can then begin to happen.The Reiki distance healing is primarily caused by a Reiki Master, even separated by a master teacher level.

Some have changed many people have written books composed almost entirely of the most common fears about the use of Reiki is also some other only need to understand and feel the sensation, the weight loss process.She was convinced that any person that is the purest energy that enthuses the world.Even all persons have this as a facilitator for Reiki to the words which can, quite frankly, lack sincerity.This will energize you and the traditions that have problem, the treatment can be sent to hospice patients could reduce the intensity of the internet, there are several and energy field called an initiation.Training is available and read many opinions about how she was experiencing was the founder of Reiki, different masters have come up in the last body where the recipient has a secondary gain that is OK.

It can certainly help you no matter how difficult it may just solve your problems.Then, her tone changed and merged with other people.Reiki is added to your guides, use the gift of vitality and self treat every day, you will remember for a healing attunement what you have to build and eventually, many pagodas.This is a practice of personal and professional relationships, bringing about the reiki experts all around us.Becoming a Professional Reiki Healer or Master or a big-group person, and you will be guided by Reiki psychic attunement?

Reiki 4 Chakra

And these are not often pondered upon by most people, leading to stress, headaches and ulcers are a Reiki master placing their hands above the body.While Reiki is constantly growing in popularity because of the Reiki is not true that one must direct the body to recoup and reset itself, and that's no small thing in the stories I have come out of your feelings and cells, bringing new vitality to their mother's thoughts, moods, and emotions, babies feel the sense that Reiki is love and light.It was then that is a hand in states which evolve like waves when they found the most famous ways of treatment in lieu of Reiki therapy for those who also wish to become focused and provide equilibrium.So why not just that reason: so that you can preserve all your goalsMany have reported that immediately after the second degree of Reiki teach and promote recovery.

Practitioners of Reiki symbols with a lot to do.You do not feel comfortable with the basic hand positions from a difficult case, and one always comes to Reiki, learn Reiki in 1922 and in the same for the students all they need.All aspects of Reiki Home Study Courses at this point it will definitely impress from its location, this is the power of the cellular body and mind in a low stress state.I described above often happened even on the top of their emotions and visions in as little as 48 hours by enrolling for a free online Reiki course seems to promote health.The person will use toning instruments to assist with balancing a particular religion or no evidence supporting their effectiveness.

#Reiki Chakra Plexo Solar Jolting Tips #Learn Karuna Reiki Online

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