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demi-shoggoth · 2 years

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2022 Reading Log, pt 5

21. How to Slay a Dragon: A Fantasy Hero’s Guide to the Real Middle Ages by Cait Stevenson. This is a fun one. Stevenson lays out the basics of the hero’s journey, from choosing the right mentor to the feast to celebrate your accomplishments, through the eyes of actual people living in the medieval period. There’s a good mix of legendry appropriate to the era along with real facts. For example, when talking about dragons, the book discusses Saints George and Margaret, along with St. Margaret’s role as protector of women in childbirth and the real threat of air pollution in London. I also like her definition of what “counts” as the Middle Ages. Her Middle Ages starts with the origin of Islam and ends with the Protestant Reformation, which makes sense to me as what would have affected the most people throughout Europe and the Mediterranean world.

22. Apples of North America by Tom Burford. Burford was one of the leading lights in the revival of heritage apples in the US in the 1980s and 90s, and this book is partially a reflection on a long career and partially a guide to some varieties of note. “Some” is the operative word here: living in Virginia, Burford focuses on East Coast varieties, and the apples covered are those that he could get his hands on to photograph and eat during the writing process. I would have liked a glossary; words like “lenticels”, “russetting” and “scarfskin” are used casually, when for someone who is not immersed in apple culture (like myself) they are somewhat baffling.

23. Monsters of Porphyra 2 by Perry Fehr and Mark Gedak. I don’t think I’ve read Monsters of Porphyra 1. This is a bestiary for Pathfinder 1st edition, put out by a 3rd party company, Purple Duck Games. For the size of the company, the production values are very high—full color, all original art for 150+ monsters. The monsters themselves are a mix of original creatures and conversions of 3.x monsters that are OGL compatible. I recognize some creatures from the Creature Collection series by White Wolf, and Green Ronin’s Book of Fiends. The mechanics are a mixed bag; the monsters follow the rules and are decently well built for the most part, but use a lot of spells and feats from 3rd party sources, and don’t say what those sources are. There’s a reference to the Purple Duck Wiki collecting these for reference, but I can see this book being somewhat frustrating to use at the table.

24. Underground by Will Hunt. This is a book about human relationships with caves, tunnels and other underground spaces. It is a mix of anthropology, history and memoir, and leans heavily into memoir. It helps that Hunt has had a lot of interesting experiences, such as getting lost in the catacombs of Paris with two clowns, being invited into a sacred ochre mine by a Wajarri family in western Australia, and meeting REVS, one of the most prominent graffiti artists of the New York subway system. The book has a decidedly mystical bent. Hunt’s thesis is that the original religion of humanity involved the underground as an otherworld, and that traces of this veneration and mystery percolate into even the modern secular consciousness. He also suggests that this has evolutionary roots in the burrowing animals of the Ediacaran or the microbes living in the Earth’s crust during the Archaean eon. It’s very Jungian, so if you’re annoyed by philosophizing, this might be a book to skip.

25. Eloquence of the Sardine by Bill François, translated by Antony Shugarr. This book also blends philosophizing with science, in this case marine biology. The chapters mix dreamy reminiscing about childhood with information on fish, crustaceans, mollusks and marine mammals; the author is both a scientist and a poet, and you can tell from the prose style. Attention is given to less charismatic species than usual for books about marine biology for general audiences—lots of talk about baitfish, like anchovy and sardines, and freshwater fish, which also tend to be neglected. I feel like this is more successful than Underground, above, at saying something about human connections to nature. It’s also shorter.

#books #reading log #monster book #pathfinder 1e #fish #marine biology #caves #apples #agriculture #medieval europe

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thorcat · 5 years

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LFRP| Ufah’ra Vamsidu the Ascian/Kitsune

ᛃ THE BASICS ––– –– –

Occupation: Mercenary/Cook

Hobbies: Reading, Cooking, Corrupting, Eating

Race: Ascian | Kitsune (Vessel) | Incubus (”Roommate”)

Sexuality: Bisexual

Relationship Status: Single

Languages: Due to his condition, pretty much every

Alignment: Chaotic Evil

Color-Wheel: Black-copper

ᛃ PERSONAL ––– –– –

Alias: Fox, Pasha

Residence: Void|Kugane|Goblet

Place of Work: Shogai in the Goblet, Odd jobs, legal Jobs or illegal Jobs

Birthplace: ???

Fears: Emet-Selch, Hydaelyn, that he might not find a stronger or at least equally strong vessel as he owns now.

ᛃ APPEARANCE ––– –– –

Height: 6 fulms

Build: Average

Age: ???

Gender: Male

Skin tone: Ashgrey

Eye color: Unnatural White

Hair color: Jet Black with Stained Copper Streaks

Body Mods: None

Distinguishing Marks: Freckles who move and glimmer gentle like real stars in their own night sky, Three Tails, Long Fangs, Claws,

Common Accessories: Few relics, one or two books, Dagger, Vial filled with Blood or Wine, A gun

ᛃ BODY LANGUAGE ––– –– –

Walk: Confident, almost soundless, preying

Voice: Sultry, mature, promising, sly

Tics or Mannerisms: Sniffing, Staring, touching randomly and in general inspecting pretty much everything with great curiosity.

Smell: Because of the incubus, he will always smell after something the person loves to smell

Posture: Mostly relaxed

Disabilities: None

ᛃ RELATIONSHIPS ––– –– –

Partner: None

Parents: -

Siblings: Sister, Valki Igeyorhm (A split half, who is hiding in the first)

Children: None, ..hopefully

Extended Family: -

Pets: Voidxolotl

Other: His student, he currently teaches the way of summoning @veloxaraptor

ᛃ PERSONALITY TRAITS ––– –– –

Extroverted / In Between / Introverted

Disorganized / In Between / Organized

Close Minded / In Between / Open Minded

Calm / In Between / Anxious

Disagreeable / In Between / Agreeable

Cautious / In Between / Reckless

Patient / In Between / Impatient

Outspoken / In Between / Reserved

Leader / In Between / Follower

Empathetic / In Between / Apathetic

Optimistic / In Between / Pessimistic

Traditional / In Between / Modern

Hard-working / In Between / Lazy

Cultured / In Between / Uncultured

Loyal / In Between / Disloyal

Faithful / In Between / Unfaithful

Addictive / In Between / Nonaddictive

ᛃ RP HOOKS ––– –– –

Void: If you have a Voidsent Character, you can always come to him to ask for advice or plea to share some -food- for him. Depending on mood, he might share

Odd jobs: Willing to pay a price of blood or relics? Ufah does pretty much any jobs, as long as he get paid with aether (which he will take from the blood he gets) or rare relics

Cooking: It might sound hilarious, but since he is a little older, he tends to burn some time with cooking meals for others when bored. If you love your food, you also need to love the food of your food.

The First: If your Character is from the First thats none of an issue, since Ufah as Ascian, is able to travel between worlds freely to look for new hunting grounds or simply relax a little in the smaller world.

Rumors: Stars who seem to lure into the darker parts of the night,

A fox who sneaks through the streets,

A confusing stranger who seem to offer his help,

Odd speaking stranger who seem to belong to no place

ᛃ About the Man|Creature ––– –– –

Ufah was born in the deepest and most hidden/sealed parts of the Gubal Library. At first did the fiend start off as simple incubus and feast slowly his way up, with not only eating his very own kind, but also preying on lost adventurers.

Slowly but steady did he grow, till he was strong enough to actually seduce others to his will. Though, he was not able to leave that place without a vessel, so he grabbed one unlucky adventurer to build him up and corrupt his body.

Ufah’s insane greedy turns didn’t stayed unnoticed and so dared an Ascian mixing into the fray, to show the fiend it’s limits and taking it off from it’s high horse. Ufah saw his chance though to fight the higher one, eager to eat him and grow even more. The fight was wild enough, to destroy each others manifestations. The soul of both carved swiftly a vessel and the unlucky adventurer was the only one presence at that time. Both invaded the man and continued their fight in his mind, mind using the vessel to finally leave the little protecting nest.

Sadly someone managed to rip out those two and ban them into a piece of auracite. If those were each in a stone, there would have been eventually peace..but with both trapped tightly in that stone, the souls started to merge and form into a weird mix of chaos, hate and greed.

After a while was the stone not able to contain the massive amount of insanity and dark aether, who seemed to steady grow inside. It burst, set the soul free and allowed it to seek out another host. With said host, they went out to find a more…fitting one. One that was hiding in the woods of yanxia.

http://thorcatte.tumblr.com/post/180524440705/demonic-showdown

(Art by @nnamier)

ᛃ LOOKING FOR ––– –– –

Interesting People: Ufah is always interesting to meet people who end up as potential partner for his way of teaching magics or simply play toy. Sometimes he favors someone and grands them a level of trust. Returning to them to simply chat, enjoy the evening and cook them meals..well before he eats them. Just a little.

Clients: He likes to do some jobs. Searching things, kidnapping...anything, for a price.

Voidal Allies: Sharing the Food is caring. If you help him, he will also help you. Always a give and take.

Mortal Allies: It’s a rare thing, but if you are an occultist or simply a person who is on good therms with voidal beings, you might be able to make ufah your little ally. As long as you feed him here and there.

ᛃ ABOUT THE MUN ––– –– –

Who I am: A pink Gecko, to licks monitors and eats steaks (34 years old mun, who shitposts alot and makes memes, to try making some ppl smile :p)

Server: Balmung, Crystal Datacenter

Time Zone: CEST European time Zone (Germany)

Availability: When i am online, since i work in shifts

Writing Style: Varies. I am trying to adapt to people and overwhelm them with too much text

Platforms: In Game and In Discord. On tumblr it’s more -what if- situations

ᛃ Restrictions ––– –– –

Generally not up to gore/maiming/killing, especially so when not brought up beforehand.

As much as i love writing smut, i want to know the muse a little more, before engaging in any nsfw content

No Erotic or Romantic themes if you or your character are under-age or just SEEM immature.

Even less Erotic themes if you are a lalafell. It’s a no.

Contact: Direct Messages on Tumblr or discord Thorcatte#6253

#lfrp #ascian #kitsune #ufah'ra #incubus #final #fantasy #xiv #ufah #vamsidu #vampire #dark #rp #roleplay #balmung #mateus #crystal #shb #shadowbringers #the first #void #voidal #villain #antagonist

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sepiadice · 4 years

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DiceJar 0 END: what could have been...

Being completed ghosted for a scheduled session once again, I suppose I should finally face the facts and call the campaign. Which is, of course, very disappointing.

Let’s review the experiments I attempted in this campaign.

Experiment 1: Using a published module/adventure.[1]

I thought I might gain some valuable insight by analyzing a ‘professional’ product. By using an adventure I’d previously played myself, I’d hoped my experiences would smooth out my figuring out how to run it. Eventually, I learned the value of bullet pointed action plans, because the formatting of Crypt of the Everflame was not good for skimming, as vital information was hidden in the middle of information texts so I’d miss it during the game if I didn’t make sure to call, say, dice roll mechanics for going down a slippery hillside. It also meant I could look ahead and edit out rooms and mechanics that didn’t move the story of dungeon.

So, this experiment was technically a success, even if the lesson I took away was ‘modules don’t work well with my improv style, but provides inspiration sometimes.’ More on that later.

Experiment 2: Get a group to meet regularly.

So I’ve been wanting to do an actual play show since… well, before Critical Role and The Adventure Zone made it cool. For that, I need players willing to collaborate and also respect call time. As you can easily conclude from the time stamps, I couldn’t manage that, even when a freaking pandemic swept in and made being home for online sessions theoretically easier![2] Admittedly, my work schedule is not exactly ideal, as my Saturdays are permanently called for, and my Sundays are a wild ride of inconsistency, while my peers are moving to more conventional work life.

So, the experiment failed, and to a degree that I doubt a career or just schedule change would help. I did learn that a biweekly schedule works well for me, since I can spend the off week on planning, and still have time for my pre- and post-performance need to separate thoroughly and enter a neutral state.[3]

Experiment 3: Finish a dang narrative arc.

Ha ha. This also failed! Couldn’t get to the end of the dungeon. Welp.

Other lessons learned

I don’t online play well! Just get distracted by other internet tabs. It’s not as bad when I GM, since the stress of running the game keeps me more focused, but both the Curse of Strahd campaign I quietly quit[4] and IndigoDie’s Troika session[5] showed that I’m a garbage player online. Possibly an adoption of webcams and faces would assist, but I can’t ask for that.

People still hard! Still haven’t figured out how to get anyone invested. Can’t really be upset at the silent cancellations because I’m technically doing that with Curse of Strahd, and thus would be a hypocrite.

What was planned!

It’s only fair I give some amount of closure.

Session three ended with Bean dying, and there wasn’t a narratively consistent way to introduce a new party member…

Well, I guess if NavyDie consented to playing a bandit, or rewriting the scared dungeon prepper the party skipped…

What I decided was thus:

Bean's eyes open. The sharp pain of the punctures and tears, and the slow ache of liquid passing through those openings are gone, as is much of the world's color. The torches and other sources of light shine blue.

His companions are gathered around him, their mouths moving as if speaking, but Bean hears nothing.

For some reason, Bean feels at peace with this. This is correct.

Footsteps echo from the stairs, growing louder. A figure emerges from the floor below. When it enters the light, at first it is blurry, like many images projected upon the same space. Within the time that Bean's now still heart would have beat, the many silhouettes fade, leaving one form: Bean's father, though not the frail man Bean saw before he left Kassen, nor how bean's father looked before he was ravaged by illness, but the impossibly tall, strong, noble figure that Bean remembers his father being.

Though this man's smile has none of the warmth, and his eyes glow with an eldritch light.

"Seems you've come to some misfortune, Bernard Dipp," says this Mr. Dipp-who-is-not-Bean's-father. "Would you like some help with that?"

This mysterious fiend would become Bean’s patron for a level of Warlock, and ride around his head for the foreseeable future, threatening death if Bean didn’t do as ordered. You know, an excuse for Bean to continue adventuring instead of taking over the family farm.

As for where this fiend came from… well, I easily adapted that into the dungeon’s lore.

Kassen, whose visage is all over the crypt, is not the only one entombed within. There are also those who perished alongside him during his final battle, as well as those who perished facing him in the final battle. This includes Asar, who once adventured with Kassen until the two became bitter enemies or whatever, ending when Asar lead the charge against Kassen.

Anyways, an amount of time ago, bandits stumbled upon Kassen’s Crypt and started looting, and disturbed the coffins, looting a pair of medallions.

Here’s my adjustment: the medallions are now artifacts sealing away a fiend, and reuniting them freed him, whose presence radiated enough necromantic energies and roused Asar, who was deeply offended to be interred in a shrine to his enemy. Stupid, egotistical Kassen. Let’s channel this necromantic magic laying away and get some skeletal minions and kill those who bother me.

Which wasn’t great for the bandits, then later the advance party from Kassen, sent to make the trial safe for the youths. Blood was spilled. It wasn’t great.

Then our heroes arrived, and (hypothetically) resolved matters. Kassen’s ghost would then appear, thank the party, probably convey embarrassment at how the place is decorated, and grant boons to the party[6] before sending them on their way with a lit lantern.

Back in town, a grand celebration would turn somber as word of what happened in the tomb occurred, by it would be mixed and a feast would still be held.

The module ends with someone inviting the party to join the Pathfinder Society, but I’d cut that.

As for the fiend? Well, he’s transferred his tether from the amulets to Bean, so now he can ride the boy to wherever.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have anything particularly exciting planned for the others, as Bean was the only one who I got the opportunity to saddle with a commitment.

IndigoDie quit anyways.

Delilah I could motivate with eagerness to be free of her parents.

Yot… is a mercenary, so maybe Delilah could’ve paid him.

I could’ve figured something out if the players insisted on continuing with their characters. That would’ve been a discussion for after the module was completed.[7]

Moving forward!

So DiceJar waits evermore. I don’t want to admit that it’s an implausible goal, but I’m not in a great headspace about it. I still crave role-playing, but I think I’ll wait for someone to start their own campaign, or I guess see if I get a turn-over of my friend group.

NavyDie mentioned wanting to try a Powered by the Apocalypse system, and it’s only fair I actually try the mechanics before completely writing the rule set off.[8]

The next experiments I want to run when I return to behind the GM screen relates to system: Savage Worlds (once the most recent edition is back in print) as I search for a generic system that fits my needs, and Ryuutama, because Ryuutama just looks fun.

But… I don’t know what to do from here.

Until next time, may your dice (and whatever dice governs me) make things interesting.

[1] The correct terminology isa matter of pointless debate. [2] Charisma and Constitution are obviously my dumb stats. [3] Not sure my meaning is conveyed correctly. I’ll probably nail it down in a future write-up. [4] The group was too large, and after IndigoDie quit there were insufficient participants I knew and was comfortable performing with. [5] Which didn’t get a write-up because I didn’t have anything of substance to say. [6] Which, in the original Pathfinder, was something the each player can evoke for a temporary stat bonus, but in 5e I was going to change to a free Inspiration recharge. [7] Though I would not send them to Last Wall. It would’ve been time for me to spin off to my own stuff, and Last Wall… is not something that needs to be repeated. [8] I’ve never heard an Actual Play where Powered by the Apocalypse wasn’t either a hindrance or irrelevant.

#SepiaDieGMs #crypt of the everflame #Dungeons and Dragons #Fifth Edition #NavyDice #IndigoDice #limedice #VermillionDice

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thegreatnyehehe · 6 years

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A Winter Veil Carol: Part 3

Well, children, now that this old fuddy-duddy has seen his past, and perhaps the error of his wicked ways, he’ll turn over a new leaf! Our hero- er… villain…? Oh, whatever he is, that next spirit is sure to rear his face any moment! Aren’t you excited, children? …

No? Really? Oh, well, I’m invested somewhat, at least! Now, let’s see how this “The Great Nyehehe” fellow is doing, shall we?

After a few moments after the second bell had rung, The Great Nyehehe was still in a fetal position, his eyes shut tight but still freshly wet. Muttering and grumbling to himself of stupid spirits and that dratted Winter Veil, perfectly content to do so for the rest of eternity, he was interrupted by a booming roar of laughter and the phrase “Come up, and know meh betteh, lad!”

Begrudgingly opening his eyes, he looked around and saw that he was no longer in his old home in Brill, but in a warm inn of Elwynn architectural style boasting a magnificent feast. Pumpkin pie, roast Pig, Pandaria dumplings, all manners of soups and salads, various fruits, some glazed bread, kegs full of beer and ale, wine and bourbon, and countless other delectable delights surrounded him. Unfortunately, The Great Nyehehe despised most mortal food, finding it to be beneath him and allegedly favored mortal souls and ‘the blood of his enemies’, and took only a passing glance at it, for he was more distracted by the hulking figure sitting infront of him: the most gigantic dwarf he had ever seen.

Despite his imposing stature, his bushy beard, well-meaning face, and slight pudginess would lesson his intimidation somewhat for most people, but The Great Nyehehe only found his jolly features infuriating and thoroughly suspicious. Even sitting down, he had to tilt his head up just to see the spirit’s jolly face.

“Come, and know meh bettah, lad!” boomed the gigantic dwarf, “Look upon meh! Yeh’ve nevah seen the likes ‘o me b’fore! Har har!”

“The Great Nyehehe never has before, and he would have preferred for it to have stayed that way!! Bah!!” barked the old fool.

“Yer complaint is noted, but I, the Spirit ‘o Winteh Veil Present-”

“Present?” interrupted Nyeh rudely, “Is The Great Nyehehe getting some gumptious gift for all this afterall? He better be, lest this all be merely a wiley waste of time!! Bah!!”

“Yer only reward will be yer redemption, yeh fool! Now lemme speak!”

“Redemption!?! That’s The Great Nyehehe’s present!?! Bah!!” he moaned.

“Shush! I’ll be showin’ yeh Azeroth durin’ Winter Veil, how it changes each frown teh a smile and each enemy a brothah! ‘S a wondehful time ‘o year, truleh!”

“The Great Nyehehe knows very well of what Winter Veil does to mortals!! How this foolishly feel-good season melts every villain’s heart of ice, how it forces even the most foul of fiends to give generously and be merry!! How he loathes it so!!”

“Yeh, well, we’ll see how yeh changed by the end ‘o it anyway! Come, grab me robe! Know meh bettah, lad!” firmly demanded the spirit.

“The Great Nyehehe definitely shan’t.” protested Nyeh, muttering.

“Do et, you miserly moron!“ the spirit roared. Knowing that he’d have to get this half-witted haunting over with, he muttered something under his breath bitterly as he held onto the spirit’s robe. There were no more bright flashes or nauseating feelings, for the spirit simply snapped his fingers, and they were elsewhere.

Nyeh blinked, and in a moment they were in a down-trodden, dirty ghetto, its grey smoke filling the air, industrial wonders, and the occasional sound of an explosion clearly defined it as a goblin neighborhood. Though the house beside them was rather shabby, and seemed prone to falling over at any moment, it was, in the least, decently-well decorated for the Winter Veil season.

“What is this place, spirit?” inquired Nyeh, thoroughly befuddled.

“This is the home ‘o yer most hard workin’ but pooe’rest accountant, Bozo Cratchcrank! Surely yew’ve visited b’fore?” the spirit boomed.

“Accountant? The Great Nyehehe employs no accountants in his wicked works of dastardly deeds!! Obviously!!”

“Yew employ hundreds ‘o em! How do yeh suppose all tha’ moolah yer Bilgewater Cartel makes is handled, Gallywix?”

“Gallywix?”

“Ach! I forgot! Yer not Jastor Gallywix, roite? Consarn et! I had all these scenes set up fer ‘em, too! Ach… what’d they say yer name was? ‘The Good Nyohoho’, roite?”

“That’s The Great Nyehehe to you, you bearded buffoon!! Bah!!”

“Roite, well, the Cratchcranks are some ‘o the kindest, sweetest, and sappiest folks ‘round, so they should at least show yeh somethin’ ‘o compassion!”

“The Great Nyehehe severely doubts that.”

A goblin in a rather shabby suit came walking down the lane, his son limping beside him, relying on his cane. The spirit smiled at their upcoming presence, “Ah, there’s Bozo an’ his boy, Tiny Tib, now!”

“Oh, papa! I can’t wait for the Winter Veil oatmeal!” chirped Tiny Tib optimistically.

“I’m sure your mother’s cooking it now, son! Now, let me just get my keys…” said Bozo as he rummaged through his mostly empty pockets for his keys.

“Mama!” piped up one of the Cratchcrank daughters, whom were so identical and so trivial plot-wise that, for these reasons, shall remain nameless. “When is daddy and Tiny Tib getting home?” the other shrugged.

“Your father and Tiny Tib are probably still out at church. Sister Goldskimmer oughtta be giving a rousing sermon on selflessness and generosity. Nevermind that I saw her swipe some of the moolah donated to help out that portion of Kezan that’s still on fire from that blasted black dragon from years ago! Now, you girls watch your manners for Winter Veil, and stay patient!” nagged Ms. Cratchcrank.

There was a clanking sound, and the copper door swung open with a screech. Out strolled in Bozo and Tiny Tib cheerily.

The phrase “Merry Winter Veil!” and various hugs and kisses were exchanged throughout the family, all very delighted to see eachother.

“Merry Christmas, dear! How wa Tiny Tib at the Sermon?” inquired Ms. Cratchcrank as she pecked her husband on the cheek.

“Oh, as good as moolah and better!I’m so glad now that I’m with you all!” laughed Bozo, “As long as we can all celebrate Winter Veil together, I’m perfectly content with the life I’ve been gifted. Merry Winter Veil, honey.”

“Mama, Papa, is the Winter Veil Oatmeal ready yet?” asked Tiny Tib preciously.

“Oh, so it is!” snickered Ms. Cratchcrank, “Let’s eat!”

“The Great Nyehehe understands not… why are they all so loving and happy, almost irritatingly so, when they have so little? They seem so pleased with themselves, but they don’t seem to have even a single dastardly deed among them!! The Great Nyehehe sincerely doubts if they’ve ever even schemed up any evil plots to conquer the world!! How could they possibly be happy, spirit?” inquired Nyeh, hopelessly confused.

“Har har! Yeh truly got lots ‘o learnin’ ahead ‘o yeh! Yeh don’t need things like moneh or… the world, in yer case, teh be happeh!” roared the spirit in laughter.

“Such delicious oatmeal this ought to be!” squealed one of the Cratchcrank girls, the other cheering in agreement, as the family of five sat down to dine.

“Wait a second…” paused Ms. Cratchcrank, peering up and down the tabel searchingly, “Where’s the special Winter Veil cinnamon and sugar? Bozo?” Her expression of surprise turned to slight bitterness. “Did you forget to buy it?” she nagged.

“Oh, I forgot, we couldn’t afford it this year, I’m afraid. As Mr. Gallywix hasn’t had the time to pay me any Winter Veil bonuses for tasty spices or for our dear Tiny Tib’s medicine he so dearly needs.” apologized Bozo with a shrug and a sigh.

“That’s alright, Papa! We don’t need things to have a wonderful Winter Veil as long as we have eachother!” piped up Tiny Tib, sounding slightly hoarse.

“Oh, such a smart boy! He’s right, kids. If only that slob of an employer of yours could just pay you adequately for all the work you do, Bozo.” sighed Ms. Cratchcrank.

“Oh, don’t say that, dear! Mr. Gallywix is a fine and upstanding goblin! He does all he can for me, I’m sure. If not for him, we wouldn’t be having any of this at all! Mr. Gallywix is the founder of the feast, after all!” protested Bozo,

“Oh, I suppose you’re right. Sorry, dear.” sighed Ms. Cratchcrank with a soft smile, “Merry Winter Veil, all!” Another round of “Merry Winter Veils!” were lovingly exchanged by all at the dinner table.

“Merry Winter Veil, everyone!” hooted Tiny Tib quotably, before he keeled over, erupting into a fit of harsh coughing and slight spasms.

“Tiny Tib!” shrieked Mrs. Cratchcrank as she and Bozo jumped up from their chairs to aid him.

“There there, son. Just go and sit on your stool by the Winter Veil tree and your sickness will calm down. There there…” murmured a very distressed Bozo as he and his wife helped him walk to his stool, “Just got a bit too excited was all…”

“Nyeh? The goblin child is sick?” asked a befuddled Nyeh as Tiny Tib coughed into his hand repeatedly.

“Yep, ‘fraid teh say. The quack doctor ‘round here says it’s some weakeh form ‘o tha’ Corrupted Blood sickness from years ago. Has teh have a cane just teh get ‘round.” the spirit explained grimly.

“Oh… Nothing could be done for the boy…?”

“Nah, I can’t meself. The medicene’s awfully hard teh get, yeh know.“ sighed the spirit, depressed that even he could not help the poor child.

“Tell The Great Nyehehe this, spirit,” Nyeh stammered out sorrowfully, “Will the boy live?”

“I see a vacant seat ‘a tha’ table, and a crutch withou’ an owneh, carefulleh preserved. If these shadows remain unalteh’d by the future, the child will die.”

“Nyet!! Nyet!! That can’t be so, The Great Nyehehe shan’t allow it!!’ shouted Nyeh fiercely.

“His fate is not yours teh decide. Come, you have seen enough for now.”

“The Great Nyehehe desires to stay!! Why can’t he celebrate with these Cratchcranks!?!” barked Nyeh, stomping the ground childishly.

“Touch my robe, you old fool!” demanded the spirit, his voice booming loudly.

After a long bit of mumbling and muttering, and a sad look to the Cratchcranks, The Great Nyehehe gave in and held the tip of the spirit’s robe with two fingers. He blinked, and suddenly he was no longer prying through the Cratchcrank’s window, seeing them comforting poor Tiny Tib or nibbling at their tasteless oatmeal, but instead the polished marble hall of the famed Stormwind Cathedral, decoratively scarcely for Winter Veil.

“Oh, drat!! Not this place!! The Great Nyehehe loathes the church!! He despises the Light!!” groaned Nyeh as he recognized his surroundings.

“And why would tha’ be? The Church ‘o Stormwind is a mighty fine place full ‘o great people! They fund orphanages an’ food drives fer the needy people ‘o Westfall, they aid in the recovereh ‘o the sick an’ the wounded, an’ their many courageous and devot’d paladins and priests have been combattin’ the forces ‘o evil fer generations! And the Light drives ‘em all to do so! What could yeh possibly hate ‘bout it?” asked the spirit earnestly.

“All those reasons, of course, but most importantly because these moronic mortals worship something other than The Great Nyehehe!! Why would they do that when The Great Nyehehe is right there!?! Bah!!”

“Er… Roite… Well, look up there, lad. See them folks on the benches?”

“Hmm? Oh, nyes, unfortunately. The Great Nyehehe sees them, and he seems that dratted Draenei who invited him to some stupid sermon!! Bah!!”

“Spot on, lad! Lets listen in, aye?” insisted the spirit with a snap of his fingers. With that, Nyeh could hear the worsshippers sitting on their benches perfectly fine, despite being quite a ways away. The Great Nyehehe didn’t care for whatever sort of mortal trickery or magick this was, put he held his tongue.

“Such a shame that Nai-hee-hee could not make it to the sermon! He would have loved being here, no?” sighed the Draenei to his fellow vindicator.

“I sincerely doubt that, exactly, but you are well aware of how he is. I don’t believe him to be a very religious man.” she replied with a shrug.

“It is not just that, you know, he does not seem to want to be merry at all during Winter Veil! He can be most standoffish, especially during Winter Veil. It is most sad.”

“He doesn’t seem to want to be merry any other time of year either.” she scoffed, “I have no pity for him.”

“Oh, but I do, friend! He believes goodness and Winter Veil to be so unlikable!” the Draenei lamented, “And who suffers from this? Not those he curses at on the street for their mere greeting of him with “Merry Winter Veil!” Not us! No, friend, he suffers all the pleasant moments that we share during this season, and all others! I give him the chance for friendship, and each time he refuses.”

“Oh, oh! Bishop Farthing is starting his sermon on the Light’s Love is starting!”

“*Ahem*” coughed Farthing into his fist, “Alrighty, guys, sorry to be so late! Had to go talk things over with some shadow priests at- er… I mean regular, Light-wielding priests. On to the sermon! During this busy Winter Veil season, let’s remember and give thanks to the Light! Do not turn from the Light’s embrace, do not shun its teachings like me, lest- er… I meant like the traitor Archbishop Benedictus! Yes, so be merry and joyous, but remember the Light and all we’ve sacrificed to use it to wield off the Legion! Alrighty, I’m done! I’ve got to run to Tirisfal Glades for something divine and unsuspicious! Merry Winter Veil, all! “

And with that, the Bishop rushed off the podium, an inconspicuous, loose, shadowy tentacle dropping out of his pocket as he ran down the Cathedral stairs.

“What a most wonderful speech, no?” chuckled the Draenei.

“Yes, very moving.” she agreed.

“If oly Nai-hee-hee could have been here. Come then, friend! Here’s to Nai-hee-hee!” boomed the Draenei as he raised his fist in the air, cheering.

“To Nyehehe!” half-heartedly cheered his Vindicator companion and a very confused group of nearby clergymen.

“Nyeh-heh-heh?” asked the befuddled Draenei vindicator, so used to his pronunciation due to his dialect, “Oh, nevermind! Come come, friends! Let us go prepare for the Winter Veil gifts for the Orphanage, yes?” And with that, the clergymen and crusaders swarmed into a side room to wrap and box the presents, chatting and chuckling cheerily on the way.

“Well? What do yeh think yeh learned ‘o that, lad?” asked the spirit as he nudged Nyeh’s side.

“The Great Nyehehe learned that that very familiar-looking buffoon of a bishop is absolutely awful at orating even the simplest of speeches. Bah.” Nyeh grunted.

“Well, I won’t say yer wrong, but the real thing teh note was tha’ folks care about yeh! They even like yeh once in a while, despite all yer horribleness and yer bad attitude!”

“Oh…?” mumbled Nyeh bewilderedly, actually taking half a moment to rethink his actions and the feelings of others before the spirit’s booming voice halted that train of thought.

“Well, ‘least yer thinkin’ a bit! Har har! Alrighteh, thas’ enough ‘o tha’, I guess. Come on, hold on teh me robe!” chuckled the spirit.

After one last glance to the halls of the Cathedral Church, Nyeh shrugged and held onto the spirit’s robe, firmly this time. In a blink of the eye, he was elsewhere. When he opened his eyes, the air was denser, the climate warmer, and much, much louder. Ironforge’s commons lied infront of him, all spurced up for Winter Veil. Goblins were peddling their wares beside a grand Winter Veil tree and a crowd of rosy-cheeked children of all races and their impatient parents were waiting eagerly to sit on Father Winter’s lap.

Rather than some young young dwarven boy or girl sitting upon Father Winter’s lap, however, was a hulking, bulking behemoth of a humanoid, a particularly chunky ogre. It blubbered out in a childish undercommon “Gorkrod wants a pony, and a footbomb, and a Gnomish radio, and a signed Elite Tauren Chieftains™ poster, and a dinosaur plush, and a Delxuse Hearhstone Board: Special Edition set, and a new motorbike, and a pirate ship all for myself, and a bongo set, and twenty cases of Kaja’Cola, and new battlegrounds, and…”

“Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!”

The Father Winter howled, “I’ll get yeh anythin’ yeh want, just git off meh legs!! Me bones are breakin’ under the pressure!!”

“This… er… wasn’t what I thought was gonna be goin’ on here, lad. Was gonna show yeh how magical a time ‘o year Winter Veil is for people, ‘specialleh the kiddos. Father Winter here was ‘sposed to be part of it, but tha’ ain’t happenin’.” the spirit muttered nervously.

“Nyet, nyet… The Great Nyehehe understands it. There’s no need to speak falsehoods. The Ogre is symbolic of even the least educated of Azeroth’s denizens understands the importance and the true goodness of Winter Veil. It’s a beautiful scene, nyet?” spoke Nyeh.

“Er… Right! Yer completely right! Har har!” laughed the spirit, trying his best to seem like that was the plan all along. “Now, we’ve got one last stop teh go. Touch my robe once more, and know me bettah, lad!”

The Great Nyehehe, almost unwontedly civil, held the spirit’s robe one last time. He blinked, and his surroundings were colder, darker, but more familiar. The Stormwind graveyard was chilly that night, a half-moon far above their heads, but the brick pavement was splattered with some of autumn’s last fallen leaves and was in need of raking.

The Great Nyehehe turned and looked up at the spirit, though he didn’t need to tilt his head nearly as high to see his face as before, taking a moment for studying his wrinkles, grayed hair, and lack of hair upon the top of his head, a feature they now both shared. The spirit looked back into his eyes sadly.

“Thought this would be an easy place to drop you off, so close to home and all.” the spirit explained hoarsely.

“Spirit… You look so old.” Nyeh spoke caustiously.

“Aye, I live a very short life indeed, I’m afraid. I must look five hundred years ol’ by now! Har har!” the spirit laughed, until that once vigorous laughter turned to a harsh cough, “The Present only takes place on the one day of the year, now don’t it?”

“What will happen to you tommorow, then?”

“I shan’t have a tommorow! I believe my time on Azeroth ends at the strike of three. Say, do yeh happen to have the time?”

The bell rang once, heard clearly from the top of the nearby Cathedral..

“Nyet!! Don’t go, spirit!! The Great Nyehehe has learned so much from you!!”

The bell rang twice, and the spirit’s form began to fade.

“And now, lad, I leave you with the Spirit ‘o Winter Veil Yet to Come… Go forth, and know him bettah, lad!”

“Spirit!!” the old fool shrieked.

The bell rang thrice now, and the spirit looked divinely peaceful, closing his tired eyes, as he faded to the wind.

And then, he was alone, sobbing and sniveling by himself in the graveyard.

#winter veil carol #winter veil #3/5 #holiday

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coll2mitts · 4 years

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#83 The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)

Merry Christmas in August! Full transparency here, I was so burned out by The Muppets Take Manhattan that I took an entire month break on this project. This was a good movie to dip my toe back in the water, as it is extremely charming, even though it is 90+ degrees outside and I’m generally melting. The amount of popsicles I’ve eaten this summer is not only staggering, it’s embarrassing.

The Muppet Christmas Carol is a true to form Muppets movie, starting with a panoramic landscape view, following-up with 4th wall breaking gags, physical comedy, jaunty songs, and sincere emotional moments. The Great Gonzo plays Charles Dickens, an omniscient narrator of the redemption story of Ebenezer Scrooge. He and his sidekick Rizzo provide the needed levity throughout the entire movie, while we watch Michael Caine make every version of a sad and distraught face he can muster in an hour and 30 minutes.

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The opening number, “Scrooge”, is reminiscent of “Belle” from Beauty and the Beast - the entire town is singing about the fact Scrooge is the literal worst, and they wouldn’t waste spit on his grave. The cast is a good mix of Muppets and humans, but my favorite part of this song are the singing vegetables that also don’t like him. I was having intense Making Fiends flashbacks, and I couldn’t stop giggling.

“Eat vegetables for every meal, or your lips will start to peel, and your eyeballs will fall out, and your feet will smell like trout.”

Once Scrooge makes it to work, he lashes out at his employees. He first complains that millennials are buying avocado toast instead of paying their mortgage, and if they keep it up, he plans on evicting tenants left and right like he were an American landlord in the middle of a pandemic. Kermit, our Bob Cratchit of the film, advocates for workers rights, and while he succeeds in convincing Scrooge to close the next day for Christmas, he fails at preventing his colleagues from dressing up like... whatever this is and dancing around like it’s August and they’ve eaten their weight in watermelon fruit bars.

Scrooge’s only living relative, Fred, pops in long enough to wish him a Merry Christmas and give him shit about being like Smaug hording his immense amount of wealth. After being hit up for money from cinnamon roll Professor Honeydew to help wealth-insecure people during this joyous Christmas season, Scrooge tells them to shove off. He processes his anger about the holiday, his employees asking for a living wage, losing money on rent, his Cheshire cat-grinning nephew, and most of all - socialism, in a productive and non-violent manner by chucking a wreath at a passing Christmas caroler.

Deciding he’s had enough of the general public and they’re cheery, caring ways, Scrooge heads home to brood in peace and work on his night cheese. The rest of the Muppets, free of his tyranny, decide to celebrate by singing something that suspiciously sounds like the Christmas Vacation song.

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Once Scrooge returns home, the real crux of the story begins. For a children's’ movie, I was impressed at the detail given to set the ambiance for each ghost. There is a true sense of suspense before his former business partners arrive, starting with the excessive ringing of the bells and the extinguishing of the fire. The camera sweeps around the room, and seemingly nothing is amiss, but then you notice the fog rising from the stairwell. The shaky camera focuses on Scrooge’s face, sweating, in a panic, as the room around him is distorted. For a second you think it may be all in his head, until Statler and Waldorf, playing the ghosts of Jacob and Robert Marley, appear, and start ripping into Scrooge in true heckler fashion.

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This is where I confess that I dislike Charles Dickens. I was forced to read Great Expectations, Oliver Twist, and A Tale of Two Cities in high school, as if there were a shortage of other white male authors we could read. His writing style is extremely tedious to me - I think I finally lost it when there were 3 pages in Great Expectations describing how someone butters their bread, and how particularly they eat it. Unfortunately, every other story written by him is guilty by association, including this Christmas classic that has been adapted 7000 times.

All this to say, I appreciated the Dickens burn when Scrooge utters, “There's more of gravy than of grave about you.”

The Marley brothers warn Scrooge if he doesn’t alter his behavior, he’ll end up tortured and chained like the two of them and their several singing lock boxes. They warn him 3 ghosts will visit: one of Christmas past, one of Christmas present, and one of Christmas yet to come. The spirit of Christmas past reveals Scrooge’s value of money hindered his relationships, so his sweet girlfriend leaves him alone to stew like an incel for the next like 30 years. Conversely, Gonzo continues to exhibit a healthy chicken-based sexuality.

The ghost of Christmas present, while very large and jovial, counteracts any good-time feelings by allowing Fred to get in a few sweet burns against his uncle, and chases that with the knowledge Cratchie’s tiny son will die if he doesn’t get any money to treat his unknown, crutch-based disability.

The ghost of Christmas yet to come, who is a literal ring wraith, just points at shit to show Scrooge nobody is going to care when he dies. And for someone who, up until this point in the movie, didn’t seem to care about what others thought about him, is really bothered by this for some reason.

After the ghosts complete their haunting, Scrooge wakes up in his own bed, and is so motivated by his new lease on life that he visits all the shops Kermit told him would certainly be closed on Christmas. He buys everyone presents and gathers enough food to feed a feast for kings. He even makes that tiny caroling bunny lug around a massive turkey all around town, as a treat. As Scrooge’s new found-family sits around the table to celebrate the holiest of Christian holidays, the cast reprises “When Love is Found”. Awwwww.

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Honestly, this is the only adaptation of this story I can stomach, and dare I say, enjoy? The Muppets are adorable, the songs are fairly good, the story is well paced, and Gonzo and Rizzo are the most adorable comedic relief throughout the entire movie. I almost burst into pieces after Rizzo offered jelly beans to an exasperated Gonzo. They’re so supportive of each other :cries:

Muppet Treasure Island is next, which is my brother-in-law’s favorite Muppet movie, so if this turns out to be garbage I’m holding him personally responsible.

#unwarranted opinion #100 best musical movies of all time rotten tomatoes

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travelonlinetips-blog · 5 years

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New Post has been published on https://travelonlinetips.com/9-of-the-best-townsville-restaurants-and-cafes-you-need-to-try/

9 of the best Townsville restaurants and cafes you need to try

Something happened to Townsville while you weren’t looking. A serious foodie revolution took over the streets, stealthily throwing up healthy new trends, dishing up international flavours, and stoking the fire of long-standing award winners.

With a veritable food bowl on one side of this city and ocean on the other, chefs here are harnessing the freshest seafood and tropical produce, infusing it all with the north’s unfussy attitude – propelling Townsville City into the upper echelon of food destinations in Queensland.

Hungry? Here are 9 of the best Townsville restaurants and cafes to try.

Donna Bionda

If you’re hungry like a hot-blooded Italian, make like this local and follow your nose to Donna Bionda in City Lane.

The atmosphere envelops you as soon as you pull up a stool in the laneway or slip into the dining room and, with hands wrapped around glasses of pinot noir and platters of fresh salumi and cheese laid out in front of you, you could just as well be in your favourite wine bar in Rome.

Everything on the menu – from the juicy slow-cooked lamb and piping hot pizzas pulled straight from the wood-fired oven, to the truffle-oiled risotto, handmade pasta and a classic tiramisu for dessert – is a harmony of robust flavours and delicate presentation. The service is swift and as warm as the heat emanating from the pizza oven.

Hot tip: Make a booking, especially if you’re heading to Donna Bionda on a Tuesday when their 2-4-1 pizza deal has locals flocking like seagulls to a hot chip from 5pm.

JAM

When a dish has been on the menu for seven years, you’d be a fool not to order it so start your day the tropical Townsville way with the Asian chicken omelette at JAM, made with Saddle Mountain eggs and loaded with snow pea, bean shoot, fried shallots and chilli jam.

Everything on the seasonal breakfast menu at JAM provides a feast for the eyes as well as the stomach. Popping with textures and colours a la charcoal sourdough toast and dragon fruit sorbet smoothie, this is a menu made for the ‘gram.

But come back for lunch or dinner and you’ll be treated to an entirely new experience. Think chicken roulade with harissa chickpea crème or pork and ginger wontons with street chilli sauce, and kafir lime mousse for dessert.

Hot tip: Got a special occasion coming up? You can book JAM’s private dining room for up to 18 guests with to a 6-course degustation menu to feast on.

Longboard Bar & Grill

Water views + tacos + beers = a good time in anyone’s language.

Make a beeline for Longboard Bar & Grill for any occasion – from a quick lunch through to “just one beer” – and soak up the Hawaii-meets-Townsville vibes perched on The Strand with Magnetic Island just beyond your bowl of waffle fries (yes, waffle fries. Just order them and thank us later).

The menu dances between American south-west and Mexican, with the likes of braised beef nachos and thick and tangy BBQ chicken wings through to the appetite-obliterating 500gm chargrilled rib eye on the bone topped with chimichurri.

Hot tip: The Sunday Sessions are legendary here and you’ll absolutely need to book ahead.

Miss Song’s

The Ville Resort Casino has undergone a $40 million renovation, with not only a new waterfront pool and deck to take the resort vibes up a notch, but also the unveiling of one of Townsville’s best restaurants.

There may be sounds of the roulette wheel beckoning but keep your eyes on the (food) prize and walk through the fresh lobby to enter a world of Peking duck pancakes and dim sum in Miss Song’s.

This is a place to roll up your sleeves and get stuck into conversation with friends over baskets of steaming dumplings, crab meat and prawn curry fritters, and five-spice crispy pork belly. Keep the share plates coming but save room for the warm apple and ginger pudding for dessert.

Hot tip: Love seafood? Select your own live mud crab from the tank or opt for lobster steamed with ginger, shallot and light soy sauce.

CBar

Neighbouring Longboard Bar & Grill on The Strand, this Townsville institution is a #nobrainer when it comes to lunching al fresco and slipping into serious holiday mode.

It’s the kind of place you head to when you want something more than a pub feed but not so fancy that you’ll be wondering which set of cutlery to use first.

While you’ll find baguettes, burgers and haloumi chips on the menu here, if you’re a fan of seafood, there’s no better spot for some crispy-skinned Australian saltwater barramundi or calamari salad with coriander, garlic, chilli and lemongrass.

Hot tip: Order yourself a cold glass of rosé, sink back into your chair and clear your afternoon.

The Beet Bar

With a city as health-conscious as this one (count the gyms and protein supplement stores as you cruise the streets), you need plenty of (wholefood) fuel to stoke the fire.

Open for about three years, The Beet Bar has become the go-to for superfood bowls, smoothies and quick and healthy takeaway eats on Flinders Street.

Caffeine fiends, have no fear, there’s Organic Fairtrade Genovese Coffee if you like it hot and Mr Bean cold press coffee from Airlie Beach – steeped for 22 hours and tripled filtered – to go with the line-up of gluten-free, dairy-free, refined sugar-free raw cakes and slices. Their menu of CocoWhip sundaes will blow your connotations of vegan out of your almond milk.

Hot tip: Order a black detox bowl for a charcoal infused hit of acai… but maybe not if you’re on a first date.

Born Wild

Paleo, gluten-free, vegan… whichever dietary persuasion applies to you, Born Wild in City Lane has you covered.

This once exclusively-Paleo cafe turned more well-rounded caveman has you covered from acai bowls to lactose-free lattes, bone broth to fajitas, and you’ll even find beers in the fridge.

This isn’t just laissez faire attempt at paddock-to-plate either, if you grab Kymbo the owner he’ll tell you exactly which paddock the beef came from on his farm, Catumnal (which has been in the family for over 100 years).

Hot tip: Stop here to pick up ready-made meals for a pimped picnic and don’t forget the kombucha.

Rambutan

There are three indicators you’ll have a good time here: Rambutan is part of a ‘flashpackers’, there are swings at the bar, and the menu runs the gamut of food you’ll want two napkins to work with.

Mexican and Southern BBQ eats reigns supreme at this rooftop restaurant and smokehouse, set around the pool, where blue and white Parisian bistro chairs and vintage farmhouse tables look out over the action of Flinders Street.

Hot tip: You’ll want to try ALL the wings but our bets are on the Japanese BBQ variety, sprinkled with bonito.

Bridgewater Q Restaurant and Bridge Bar

Feast your eyes first on the supreme river views, then on the next-level menu experience at this super-stylish establishment from the mastermind behind JAM, chef Matt Merrin.

Townsville’s newest food opening boasts a splash of coastal elegance with a restaurant upstairs (more fanciful fare) and a bar downstairs (after-work drinks and nibbles sorted). Tuck into tuna and grapefruit salad with red chilli paste and goats cheese tortellini at the former, or duck spring rolls and charcoal salt and pepper calamari at the latter.

If you’re sticking around for dessert, Matt’s ingredient du jour is ruby chocolate, which he fuses into a delectable strawberry cheesecake.

Hot tip: Time your visit to watch the sunset over the river and you won’t be disappointed.

6 more Townsville restaurants worth checking out:

Shaw & Co – for eight different types of steak and mood lighting in City Lane (hello, date night!)

The Pier – perched over the water, this is the ideal spot to splurge on a seafood platter

A Touch of Salt – for casual fine dining and an exclusively vegan and vegetarian menu to boot

GYO – get hands-on with sukiyaki and shabu-shabu or order up from the Japanese tapas menu

Wild Goose Brews and Chews – two words: chicken schnitzel

The Palm House, The Ville – buffet-style feasting, but not as you know it

Have we left your favourite Townsville restaurants off the list? Tell us about them in the comments below.

*This post was first published in 2017 and updated in April 2019.

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