Where do you think the line is between "feminine man" and "trans woman?" How about "butch woman" and "trans man?" Where do binary identities end and the gender binary begin? (this isn't a gotcha question, I am questioning my own gender)

Gender feels like a game where everyone knows the rules except for me. It's frustrating! I wish someone would explain.

There isn't a line, it's a gradient. Sorry I can't give you a definitive but there literally isn't a line between any of those identities- there's no hard place where one ends and the other begins. Many time, those end up being the same people. Not always for individual people, many people draw their own personal hard lines in the sand.

Being adjacent or similar experiences doesn't mean there's a hard line between them. While many people want there to be a hard line between feminine man and trans woman, and butch woman and trans man, there isn't one, and because of that, there is a wide gradient of experiences between even those two similar identities. The ambiguity is good, because it means no one is forced to make decisions they do not want to make.

There are butch women who go on testosterone, and there are trans men who don't. There are feminine men who take estrogens, and there are trans women who don't. Many trans women start off viewing themselves as feminine men before realizing they're women, and still identify with being a feminine man after transitioning. Some trans men start off viewing themselves as butch women before realizing they're men, but still end up identifying as a butch woman.

There are feminine men who think they're trans women only to realize they are still men, and butch women who think they're trans men only to realize they're still women. There are people who end up being both a butch woman and a trans man, and people who end up being a feminine man and a trans woman. You can be both at the same time.

You mentioned feeling like everyone knows the rules but you: that's because there are no rules, and if you approach it thinking that there are some, you are naturally going to feel completely out of your depths and confused. That's the wrong approach, I think learning that there are literally no rules when it comes to queer identities is the most important step to get rid of that confusion. if you're constantly looking for lines in the sand, you begin to create boxes. That's not what these identities are here for, they are flexible, and can be used in a variety of ways that are completely up to the individuals using them. Every queer uses their terms a bit differently, and this is a good thing

Hope that made sense. Good luck figuring things out -K

The fit + the inspiration 💝🤍😍

FEMPRETTYBOY

‼️ specifically for trans men‼️

flag for trans men who see themselves as feminine pretty boys while being feminine or masculine in expression while still being a trans man !!

feminine + pretty + boy

masc version !

Will you imagine yourself as a woman? IV. Nov 21, 2023

i feel like my experience being a trans man is so different from every other trans man that i see.

ever since i realized that i was trans (at 15), i've always seen just tips on being masculine and just stereotypical things and tips that seemed to help every other trans boy and not me.

i'm pretty sure i'm not the only trans man who feels this way but my gender dysphoria is more based around my sex and the physical aspect of myself more than how i express my gender socially. i "changed my gender," i didn't change my style or personality. i've always been a pink, barbie, faerie, mermaid loving fruitcake.

Anastazy outfits :3

mermay day 11 I just wanted to draw a pretty boy merman, and I think it's important to draw fat men because they are pretty! I've drawn a bunch of fat mermaid, but not merman yet lol so here it is. Also in this new rendering style because it's really fun! I'm still playing with it but I like it so far

Ok so I might sound kinda crazy but hear me out, do you ever feel like you're cis when you're transgender based on reality? I know that doesn't sound like it makes sense so lemme explain my situation to you a little bit but please be aware it's probably not gonna make much sense to anyone other than me and hopefully a few other people I guess? But whatever, anyways: So basically to start us off at the beginning, I've known I was somewhere on the transgender/genderqueer spectrum for like I think a few years now or atleast 1-2 if that's important and at first it was like I was fine with not being completly a girl, but at the same time it didn't feel like a big deal because I was still mostly a girl and I had the idea that no one would get mad at me if I just lived like a cis person when I actually felt like a demigirl or something related to that because I still liked being feminine while at the same time I wasn't completly female like my birth gender. Then, awhile later I realized I felt more boyish when it came to my gender identity, but at the same time felt more girly and felt my sexuality changing it's personal definition so I was like..."Yo wtf why am I getting so upset all of a sudden being feminine? I atleast thought it wouldn't be that bad" because on certain days I would get dysphoric but also be ok on other days. Keep in mind, this was around the time still where younger me was being influenced by the transmedicalist/truscum debate points that were more popular on the internet to say the least so it was obviously gonna be negative and cause me to push those feelings of mine aside for not wanting to be seen as a "trender" or someone fake or whatever. Ofcourse I would eventually grow out of that and realize with the internet that all trans people are different and that you don't have to pick between trans boy, trans girl and nonbinary" which was slowly turning into a binary at some point by cis people. Blah blah blah, eventually I decided that I was a trans dude(ftm) but also genderfluid which is sorta accurate today but I felt more bigender then when I identified as such than anything now so I don't know uhh. Why'd I bring up all this past gender and sexuality spectrum clutter again??Oh right, because I've been noticing changes with how I present myself atleast sorta recently. To keep it somewhat sane-sounding, for the past 4 months at the very least, while I do recognize that I am technically and realistically a trans boy due to being afab, at the same time for some odd reason, I keep feeling...like a cis-ajacent man for a lack of a better term? Like its not that I wanna be some sort of "pick-me" or whatever, far from it actually but like...I do identify with the label being ftm but at the same time apart of me doesn't because I already am a man despite not being like that at birth???I feel less like a trans guy and more like a feminine cis dude trapped in a mostly female body??I know it doesn't sound accurate to you all but I hope it somewhat can make sense later? Tbh it's better when explained verbally irl than like me attempting to write down a complicated experience of mine coherently. I don't wanna be a cis male either since they hurt so many people so there's that...

Boyfenbymasc Pride Flag

Boyfenbymasc or boyfembymasc: a midterm in which someone is evenic or cusper of boyfem and nbymasc; an experience halfway between azurenby and rosboy; being a feminine man and a masculine non-binary folk (but not necessarily a feminine non-binary or a masculine man); a boyfemme (femme guy) that is parallelly an enbymasc (masc enby).

i was originally gonna ask if it was weird that i only identified as transmasc despite being more feminine when it comes to my presentation, but after writing it out i realized that, obviously, there's nothing wrong with being feminine despite being transmasc. i think witnessing transphobes say that being transmasc Must mean i'm masc in terms of presentation did a number on my brain due to seeing myself as a pretty boy being the biggest thing that brings me euphoria. like... what someone else might find "a girl thing" is what helps me affirm i'm a guy. does that make sense? (last part is rhetorical, though hopefully this isn't as much as a word soup as i fear)

i hope you don't mind that i still sent this even though it didn't become the question i thought it would! i guess i'm more curious abt what other people might have to say about this more than anything

i'm super glad you were able to process that, that actually kicks ass!!!

you're right, there's absolutely nothing wrong with being a feminine trans man. if cis men are allowed to be feminine, trans men can be, too! any person can be feminine if it suits them regardless of identity. who cares if you're trans, that doesn't change your ability to self express who you are!

what you like aren't girl things, they're you things, and because you like them, that makes them a guy thing. who cares what it means for other people, it means that for you, and you're allowed to define your experience! your experience is yours and nobody gets to tell you what behaviors and things about yourself are masculine, feminine, etc. you are the one who defines that!

take care, i'm glad you were able to realize that about yourself! good luck with everything, feel free to come back if you need any extra help!

A little bit of boy tummy to help you finish the week! I appreciate you!!! 💝🥰

Totally promise I’m still working on his Halloween costume! It’s just a little bit difficult rn🥲

PSA for feminine peeps (regardless of gender ID)

hey look at me. look at me directly in the eyes (or if you hate eye contact pick up a stim toy to focus). you do not have to have any "masculine" traits, not one, to be cool or redeemable or worth anyone's time. you can be the sensitive, weak one who loves animals and wears their emotions on their sleeves and dresses femininely and likes sewing and baking and sweets and the color pink and only girly movies and music; you can want to have or be around kids, you can be a family or romance oriented person, you can giggle and snort laugh over every little thing and cry over every other little thing, WITHOUT ANYTHING TO "BALANCE IT OUT" OR WHATEVER. you don't have to make up for it. what i'm saying here is that when people go "oh this person is weak and stupid because they can't fight or be strong", "this person is a baby they cry too much and just want everyone to be friends how stupid", "this person is shallow because they only care about romance", or whatever, and say they need masculine traits to make them a "real"/"interesting" person or character, they're being jerks. You have merit and you matter and your interests matter. You're not shallow. Being yourself isn't shallow. Loving what you love isn't shallow.

if you have masculine traits too, that's great!!! if you like masc stuff organically, that's pog!!! But if you aren't like that, don't force it!!! You are still a rounded person and your dreams and hopes and self expression are still beautiful and nuanced and worthy!!!!!!!!!!!!!

its always "gender doesnt matter and gender is fake !" until a trans man is feminine or when a trans women is masculine. dont even get me started on these same people who also get upset when nonbinary people are not "genderless" or are not androgynous. stop creating more stereotypes and boxes to place people in. you want to be palatable for cisgender-heterosexual society. cissexism and cis-heteronormativity is not cool. if cisgender men can be feminine so can trans men. if cis women can be masculine so can trans women. stop acting like the gender police. im not a "faker" because im a feminine transgender man. being transgender is not about gender stereotypes. trans meds are stupid too. you know how many trans meds bullied me to the point of going back into the closet FOR A YEAR because i was told i was faking being trans because i was not masculine ? a lot. so many of you are not accepting. i used to be a trans med, trust me i know what its like to try and be the gender police. just stop it guys. its not going to change anything. you are just sitting here and getting mad at people for being themselves. its getting weird. i thought we were over the stupid transphobic, trans medicalist bullshit that people like kalvin garrah and blaire white has filled into the heads of trans people. stop trying to get picked by the cishets, its not going to happen.

Taru :3 I love catboys

Sally Face if he was girly pop