I feel bad for Starlo. (pt. 6)
I think the main thing we were supposed to see as Star's character flaw wasn't that he was acting proud/arrogant/reckless/badass (I mentioned that it's fine for him to act that way because he deserved it after everything good he did and obviously I still mean it 110%), but how that proud, charming guy was never the real him. He literally lost himself trying to feel worthy and please everyone in town. For years he's been acting the role (for a noble cause) but the price was him losing touch with the nerd he is.
Yet STILL, if only everyone had been a bit more gentle with him, I bet he'd have toned it down during the WE section, and even before that. But they all decided to let him know the truth at the worst possible time, right when he was supposed to make Clover his deputy. Right after they attacked the kid because they were jealous. It was supposed to be the PEAK of Starlo's day and they randomly threw the "we never liked any of this" bomb at him instead of trying to talk it out BEFORE things escalated. I'd be pissed too.
Oh yeah...
... his brother doesn't take him seriously apparently and doesn't realize that staying positive and strong 24/7 is tougher than it looks, especially with Starlo's insecurities (and yeah being a farmer is hard work, but so is being in Star's position; on the contrary, it's even TOUGHER) ...
Orion should try being an entertainer for a day and see what it's like, let alone doing it for years
...Solomon says how Star thought him and Crestina didn't support his life choices...
... and how he rarely talks to his family...
...and it suddenly came to me: in all these years, they didn't ever bother telling him that they did support him? They didn't bother trying to reach out to him more? Understand his passion (Ceroba doesn't get it either; once again, I don't blame Starlo for caring about Clover so much, that kid understood)? Have an honest talk?
No wonder Star stopped interacting with them for the most part. Maybe him feeling worthless came from his family? Who knows (or he was bullied as a kid for being a nerd). In any case, he clearly had to deal with these feelings by himself.
This man's been through some stuff.
P.S. I know he has flaws like everyone, but you've gotta ask yourself the important question: WHY? where did all this come from? But clearly nobody in his life ever asked themselves this. So it all kept building up till he almost killed his deputy for... status. He was SO desperate to feel valued and get his friends back (who made him feel less alone.. but ultimately just left when he needed someone the most, at least ONE person) that he was ready to go all the way to achieve what he'd been lacking his entire life: *feeling like he MATTERED.*
I wonder If he'll ever go 100% back to being his true self. Slim chances :'( this is him now. Half farmer half sheriff
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Had another wild dream
There was a festival, the biggest one of the year. Where everyone comes together to celebrate. Everyone in this world has a hidden ability, like a talent but a bit more magical. This celebration shows off the most magical of them all, like the one who can take reindeer by just touching them, or the dude who can play any instrument without ever seeing said instrument before, etc etc. some are simple powers like reading fast, or able to draw anything, or even just a very good worker, but apparently I don’t have an ability and am seen as worthless. Anyway, There are many people who are invited to this festival, but in this world there are monsters, who trap and kill people in many different ways. This is important for later. Each person invited to the festival, if they are related to one of the performers, must help out in some way shape or form. Last year I tried and failed to help, by being the end flag for the army race, where the soldiers who are invited, race to see who is the fastest. I was told to hold the flag and change it when 10, 20, 30, minutes have passed, while also stopping the clock when the winner passes me. However they never told me that last part and I got in trouble. So this year they want me to just hold a plate of mashed potatoes and hand it out.
So while we are waiting for things to start we need to find our seats. Me and my siblings are sat somewhere up higher, however there are only three seats. So I’m told to just “sit near them” on the ground, but don’t literally sit on the ground cause it’ll make the place look bad. After I join the walk with my mashed potatoes, about half way through I’m out and tell the Sargent and he says “we’ll go get more from up front” which btw this walk is like walking around a mega church building. So yeah, I get pissed and walk back with everyone looking at me. I get back and decide fuck it I’m going to just sit and not do anything. So I climb in the seats where my siblings are, get yelled at by a dude who I have to pass by when getting to these seats cause “you should know better than to walk on my seat” bro it’s literally the only way to the other seats, if you know another path please show me. He just grumbles and says that I should know of another path. I ignore him and get to the seats and stand nearby cause my sibs are sitting there. The show starts then and that’s my siblings cue to leave their seats so they can be carried away to perform. So I’m left in the middle of the path that also acts as the stage and I just quickly get over to the side cause wtf else do I do. Only to get reprimanded by my aunt and mother that “I should be in my seat and not basically on the stage” I just glare at them and say “well maybe somebody should make sure there are ENOUGH seats for us then” only for them to say that there were and that I’m being unhelpful and just want to complain. I finally snap and just walk along the path/stage, backwards. I’m heading to my car and just running away cause I can’t deal with these shits.
Anyway, Remember the monsters? Once outside I see a few roaming around, they are different sizes and different creatures. I don’t care and just keep walking. Apparently last year I ran into one, it grabbed me and I thought that was it, but it just rubbed my head and cooed before putting me down, chasing another person, and then eating them. So I didn’t care cause I felt pretty safe around them, which is saying something when the step on a car and it explodes.
I’m making my way to my car when I hear that apparently my family is looking for me already. I’m like “shit” so start running across the town/city to get to my car. But once again the town is being swarmed by monsters. I get to an area where this grass tentacle monster thing is sitting, and there’s a group of others trying to figure out how to pass it with getting caught. I tell them just don’t get hit by the end of the grass thorn tentacle thing, cause that’s what’ll grab you, as I start causally climbing over the already grown tentacles. A few tentacles have fallen apart and I grab a few and say “check this out” before chucking them into a body of water. The tentacle then grow and form another monster, the exact same kind of monster that we just passed. I rub it’s little head and say it’s a good boy and needs to stay there until it’s big enough to leave the pond. The group is horrified that I just made more monsters and most run away from me in fear.
The more brave parts of the group quickly joins me and hopes I can get them to safety and I mention that the house next to the library has a spell on it that repels all monsters, and that I’ll be walking in that direction anyway so they can join me. Anyway we continue walking through the snow and crowds of people who are scurrying off to do whatever when another monster appears. This one is a classic giant who is seen chasing someone, he sees me and for a brief second considers going for me before returning to his original target. I don’t get to see if he successfully catches them or not.
Eventually we get to the house and I drop them off before going to the library cause it’s a bit closer to my destination. I get yoinked in by someone who is panicking cause there’s a monster running the library. I look over and it’s this little sand vampire lady monster. I recognize her cause a few years back she successfully trapped me in her sandpit. She started sucking out my youth before stopping and realizing that I wasn’t getting older, but she was still getting younger. She is confused and asks what’s going on and I just shrug and say that I have no idea but if she want she can keep trying until she feels she is at the youthful age she wants. She does and I still don’t age, I then tell her if she acts human and doesn’t attack anyone else, that I’ll help her maintain her youth…at least until I die. She agrees and starts to work in the library. She looks human but if you look closely you see her skin is actually sand. Anyway the person is freaking out and I just say hi to the librarian and ask how it’s going. She said fine and that she needs a little pick me up, so I allow her. Much to the horror of the other person.
We chat for a bit before another smaller monster runs in and grabs me and the shocked person shouting that another giant monster needs a sacrifice. He is this fur covered monster with horns and he rushes out, despite the librarian’s shouts. Then we see the a new monster, this giant tall skinny monster, their skin swirling with different darker colors (like dark blue, deep violet, black, and a hint of dark green too)
That’s when the monster carrying us puts us down and is about to shout at this bigger monster that he brought a sacrifice but freezes for two reasons, 1: monsters are not against attacking smaller monsters and mr fluff here was hoping to get on this big dudes good side but just witnessed the big guy rip another monster apart, and 2: he looks at me and says that I shouldn’t be there and that he messed up by bringing me. I’m still confused before it clicks in my brain. I’m not useless, I do have an ability and a very rare one at that. I have a monster ability, it’s why I don’t get attacked, it’s why I can walk by them, it’s why they hesitate and change their mind, it’s why their attacks don’t affect me and why I know so much about them despite not seeing some of these monsters. I stare at the monster who was holding me cause we both realized what I am, just then the giant dark creature is looking at us with bright violet eyes. I’m not scared and walk forward placing my hand in the middle of his face… I then wake up.
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//ableism mention tw
ok just gonna say something really quick: i absolutely hate Abe's characterisation in the reboot of Clone High because it is nothing like how he acted in season 1 and it just. isn't funny. they've turned this good-intentioned but flawed loser kid who just wants to be like the original Abraham Lincoln but doesn't know how to, into a self-centered and arrogant asshole who literally almost said a horrible ableist slur twice in the first episode. like. i'm being serious, he almost says the R-slur twice in the same minute and i dunno about you but i really don't find it very funny when a) the only "joke" behind it is "oh look at how bad Abe is compared to the more progressive sensitivities of the new generation of clones, isn't he just terrible", and b) they felt the need to completely rewrite a pre-existing character that fans are already attached to to do something against his own morals for the sake of a shitty joke, and c) TOPHER WAS RIGHT THERE!!! isn't he supposed to be the asshole or am i missing something?? like...
i'm not saying you can't have "edgy" or "dark" comedy or whatever, but personally, i don't find it very funny when a character that actually means quite a lot to me and is one of my favourites is twisted and rewritten into an arrogant asshole in an apparent attempt to appeal to the people who hate Abe for his flaws in the original show. especially when he's rewritten to be someone who would say a slur that's literally been used against my fellow disabled peers, myself included. it just feels... wrong. it actually hurts a lot to see a character i once loved and found to be one of the funniest and most important characters in the show be turned into an arrogant dick, with barely any thought or meaning put into him. i don't like what they did with the rest of the OG cast as well (such as Joan making a complete 180 in her entire character, JFK's character assassination, the removal of Gandhi, Cleo barely being in it etc.), but to me, they did Abe the dirtiest in this season and i'm really disappointed that one of my favourite shows had to continue like this :(
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ok so while my ds is getting sand poured into it at alarming rates I'm thinking about how jrpgs in specific have a really weird desync with How Important Death Is. like some address it better than others but it very frequently happens where if you take a step back youll go "am I wild or is everybody just like, Really down with murder in this game". and consequences for said murder, especially in a characterization sense but even just actual physical consequences, don't really happen? unless it's a vehicle for conflict but like. when it is a vehicle for conflict it feels weird because why are These Guys actually taking the fact we killed somebody in broad daylight seriously and coming after us for it while all the other npcs and even the main party took it like it was another saturday evening
see I Think where the issue lies is in the fact that everything is in its own little world when you're in a battle? like. when you fight an enemy and you get leather out of it it's seen as something the enemy Drops and not. their hide. when you defeat a character in a battle it does just feel like you Defeated them. unless there's dialogue afterwards that says otherwise you don't even mentally assume you killed em you just wounded them enough to make them flee or dissolve or whatever. and it's Weird to just. have that assumption there because for a lot of games it really isn't clear if you're killing them or defeating them !!
that last point is extra important when you have the specific brand of Skittish Hero / Noble Hero Who Doesn't Kill People / Rational Hero In Way Over Their Head or whatever where you really don't think they Would kill a guy just to get them out of the way. in that case it's REALLY weird because it's hardly brought up. even if it Is brought up that that guy Sure Did Die the mc doesn't tend to actually have a reaction ??? and I don't know why this is ???? like Any written reaction would be more interesting than nothing even if the guy doesn't have a full on crisis about taking another life having them go "oh shit, The Consequences" would be nice. really anything except (oh cool we can advance the plot now).
I will also mention that Some deaths do matter plot wise but very frequently what makes them matter is how much of it is linked to an in game battle I think. if your mc just finishes a fight and comes back to the overworld and the guy's Disappeared or Dissolved or whatever it means they don't matter. if the guy's still around after the fight it means it's more significant, especially if they're still alive but wounded or Really Shaken Up. because this clears up the indistinguishable line between if a battle is lethal or not and if a character decides to deal a finishing blow now it's Way more telling of their character. even though this is basically the same thing that happened in the (killed In A Battle) scenario. just with more dialogue. I will also mention that the person who deals the finishing blow is Rarely Ever that good hearted protagonist and often they'll even go :0 at somebody else committing a murder despite them instigating and helping murder quite a few people. just. In Battle. so it's less bad. I guess.
this is leaving out the fact that in party deaths are often a Major Major Blow because like. ok that's fair. that's A Guy You Knew that's understandable. anyway I don't really know where I'm going with this I just think it's interesting how in these types of games death can swap from not mattering at all to mattering a Lot and if u don't think about it too hard u don't even question it. I'll probably be putting some examples in the tags idk
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