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#especially as someone who struggles with that myself
thewulf · 21 hours
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Second Sunrise || Dallas "Dally" Winston
Summary: Request - Dally x buck merril's cousin!reader who buck adopted bc her parents were abusing her.
A/N: Ahhh protective Dally is the best kind of Dally!! This is a heavier one, please look at the trigger warnings before reading. Hope you guys enjoy.
Pairing: Dallas "Dally" Winston x Female Reader (Buck Merril Cousin)
Word Count: 5.2k +
TW: ABUSE, talks of abuse, hitting, bruises, cuts, blood, threats of violence, general Outsiders warnings
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The night at Buck's Rodeo Bar was buzzing with life. The jukebox played a raucous country tune while laughter and the clink of beer glasses filled the air. Neon lights cast a glow over the rustic scene illuminating the wood-paneled walls adorned with rodeo memorabilia. Behind the bar, Buck Merril, the owner, and a towering figure with an easy smile, was busy serving drinks. He handed another beer to Dallas "Dally" Winston who wasn’t just a regular; he lived in the small apartment right above the bar.
"Here’s another on the house," Buck said, wiping his hands on a towel. "So, Dal, still finding trouble or is trouble finding you?" He smirked knowing how tuned into trouble his friend was.
Dally was reclining against the bar with his leather jacket just catching the light gave Buck a wry grin. "A bit of both, I guess. Keeps life interesting. What’s been going on with you?"
Buck's gaze shifted to the end of the bar where a young woman was quietly serving customers. His expression softened a bit as he nodded towards her. "You see that girl over there? The one with the tray full of drinks?"
Dally followed Buck’s nod, observing her. She seemed out of place with her reserved demeanor.  Almost too gentle for the rough-and-tumble crowd of the bar. "Yeah, I see her. What about her?"
"That’s my cousin," Buck revealed. His voice lowering even as he kept his tone casual. "Took her in a few months back. Found her in a real bad way... her folks were the ones hurting her. Had to step in and bring her here."
The typical hardness in Dally’s eyes softened. A rare flicker of concern showing through as he took a longer look at her. "That’s rough. How’s she doing now?"
"She’s getting by day by day. It’s tough though, especially at night," Buck explained as his eyes tracked her movements. You skillfully avoided drawing attention to yourself. "She doesn’t talk much about it… tries to keep her head down."
Dally nodded slowly. His usual detached demeanor shifting towards something more thoughtful. "She got a name?"
"Her name's Y/N," Buck said, a touch of pride in his voice. "She's a tough one but you know how it is... the past has a way of holding on."
Dally took a sip of his beer. His gaze lingering on you as you laughed softly at something a customer said. "Maybe I’ll introduce myself, see if she needs anything. Living up here it’d be good to have someone to talk to who understands."
Buck clapped Dally on the back, grateful. "I’d appreciate that and I think she would too. She could use a friend around here."
As Buck moved off to attend to another customer Dally watched you carefully across the bar. There was a quiet strength about you that reminded him of his own struggles, sparking an unexpected sense of kinship. He decided he'd make the first move later that night. A simple gesture of solidarity from one survivor to another.
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On a chilly a few months prior during the evening Buck was at a local bar, not his own. He was just enjoying a quiet drink away from his usual crowd. The place was less crowded, dimly lit, with the usual murmur of hushed conversations filling the air.
At the far end of the bar Buck overheard a familiar voice rising above the low din. It was his uncle, Y/N's father, drunk and bitterly ranting to anyone who would listen. Buck’s ears perked up as the harsh words cut through the buzz of the bar.
"Yeah, that worthless girl of mine," his uncle slurred, his voice dripping with contempt, "Nothing but a dumb whore. Ain’t good for nothing but to kick around. She’s just like her mother. Can’t do nothing right."
The bar’s patrons shifted uncomfortably. Some trying to ignore the man, others glancing sympathetically towards Buck knowing the already strained relationship. Buck’s jaw tightened with anger and a fierce protectiveness rising within him. He had known your home life was troubled, but the cruel reality had never been so blatantly laid out before him.
With a hard slam of his glass on the counter Buck stood up, his decision made in an instant. He left the bar and drove straight to your house. His mind racing with every turn of the wheel. When he arrived, the scene was as bad as he had feared, maybe worse.
He found you in the corner of her dimly lit living room. Your form small and battered. A stark contrast to the storm raging outside. Your mother was the only other person present, her demeanor anxious and defensive as Buck burst through the door.
"What the hell is going on here?" Buck’s voice thundered through the small space as he quickly assessed the situation. His eyes darting from you to your mother.
Your mother tried to intercept him with her voice shaky. "Buck, you shouldn’t be here—"
"It’s too late for that," Buck cut her off. His voice firm and resolute. "I just heard that excuse of a father of hers at the bar, bragging about how he treats Y/N. I’m taking her with me. She’s not staying here another minute."
Overwhelmed and cornered your mother wilted under Buck’s stern gaze. "You can’t just take her. She—"
"I’m not asking," Buck stated flatly. His decision was clear in his tone. "I’m telling you how it’s going to be. If you have any objections we can go through the authorities."
He approached you, his demeanor softening as he reached out to help you up. "Let’s go, Y/N. You’re safe now. You’re with me."  With a comforting hand on your back Buck led you out of the house and into the safety of his car. The rain started as the two of you drove away washing over the car.
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Dally watched you move through the bar. Your interactions tinged with the newfound stability that Buck had given you. His thoughts on your resilience deepened. His respect for Buck’s bold intervention reinforcing his desire to get to know you better. The bond of shared struggles was forming, unspoken yet palpable in the busy bar.
You moved with a gentle grace. Your smile was warm yet reserved as you took orders and delivered drinks. Your interactions were polite and professional, yet there was a hint of wariness in your eyes. A shadow that seemed to linger from your past. As you paused to reset a table, straightening the condiments, and wiping down the surface, your attention to detail spoke of someone who took pride in your work. Dally thought that perhaps you found solace in the routines.
Dally’s gaze followed your movements until he found himself standing up, driven by an impulse to bridge the gap between them. He approached the bar where she was lining up drinks on a tray.
"Hey," Dally started. His voice slightly hesitant as he leaned against the bar. "You’re Y/N, right? Buck’s cousin?"
You looked up with a flicker of surprise crossing your features before you nodded hesitantly, clearly unsure of the man standing before you. "Yeah, that’s me. And you are?"
"Dally," he replied offering a small, reassuring smile. "I live upstairs. Heard a lot about you from Buck. Said you’re tough. I can respect that."
A trace of a smile touched your lips. Your guard lowering just a bit. "Thanks, I guess. It’s been a... well, it’s been quite a time adjusting here."
Dally picked up a coaster, spinning it between his fingers. "I get it. Had my share of rough patches too. Buck’s a good guy, though. You landed in a decent spot."
"Yeah he’s been great," You agreed with him. Your hands busying themselves with the drinks attempting to hide a slight tremor. "I’m just trying to make the best of it now."
"Mind if I help you carry these over?" Dally gestured towards the tray. He was eager to extend the interaction, to find more common ground with you. You seemed so hesitant and afraid. Not that he could blame you.
You paused for a fraction of a second before nodding. "Sure, that’d be nice. Table six, over there."
As you walked over to the table together Dally felt the initial awkwardness begin to dissipate. "So, you ever think about what’s next or you just taking it one day at a time?"
"One day at a time, really," You said as you reached the table being careful to set down the drinks with a thankful smile from the patrons. "But I like it here. It feels like a fresh start away from… them."
Dally nodded feeling a kinship in your words. "Fresh starts are good. Hard but good. If you ever need someone to talk to or anything, I’m just upstairs. Sometimes it helps talking to someone who gets it."
You looked at him with your expression softening further. "Thanks Dally. I might just take you up on that offer." For the first time in a while a genuine smile crossed your face at his words.
Over the next few weeks, a subtle shift began to unfold between you and Dally at Buck’s bar. What started as casual exchanges of small talk over the bar counter deepened into late-night conversations that lingered long after the last customer had left.
One evening as the neon signs were turned off and the bar quieted down you found yourself sitting at one of the tables with Dally with a deck of cards spread out between you. He had insisted on teaching you poker, claiming that it was a sin you didn’t know how to play. That got a laugh out of you as you agreed with him. The game was merely a pretense. It was a backdrop to the intimate dialogue that wove between you two. You touched on topics neither of you usually shared with others.
"So, do you have any dreams? Like things you wanna do now that you’ve got a fresh start?" Dally asked. His hands idly shuffling the cards almost afraid to look into your eyes.
You paused as you traced the wood grain of the table with your finger. "I don’t know," you confessed softly. "I used to think a lot about traveling. Seeing places that are totally different from here. Maybe write about them. But that doesn’t really seem possible. What about you?" You tried your best to flip it around on him.
Dally let out a soft, wistful laugh. "Me? I’ve never been much of a dreamer. Always been about getting through the day. But I guess, maybe, finding some peace? Could be nice to have a real shot at something stable, you know?" He’d told you all about his shitty situation that made your heart hurt for him. How could anyone be so cruel to him? Sure, he had a rough exterior but had anybody ever tried to get to know Dallas Winston? He was a sweetheart through and through. Albeit a little awkward about it but he always seemed to put your needs ahead of his. How could you not start to fall for him?
Your eyes met then met his with a mutual understanding crossing between you. Both of you knew what it was like to long for something more than just survival, more than the daily struggles that had so often defined your lives.
As autumn deepened and the nights grew colder your meetings at the bar became a regular fixture. Sometimes you would both sit in silence each lost in your own thoughts yet comforted by the presence of the other. Other times you would share stories of your pasts—guarded tales of pain and resilience that you entrusted to each other.
One winter evening as you walked back from a nearby diner that Dally and you had become accustomed to you wrapped your arms around yourself against the chill. Dally noticed and without a word draped his jacket over your shoulders. Neither of you broached the subject of what the hell was going on. Rather you simply just decided to enjoy the others company. It was easy with him. A rarity in your fucked up world.
"Thanks," you murmured. Your cheeks flushing slightly as you pulled the jacket tighter around you. “You sure? It’s cold.���
"I’m sure. It’s nothing," Dally replied with his voice low. "You know, talking to you... it’s the first time in a long while I’ve felt like someone actually gets it." His eyes looked everywhere but yours. A slight flush crossed his features as he admitted so. You’d come to learn how difficult these emotional conversations were for him. But you did get it. They were hard for you too. Neither of you were raised with love. You were always the second thought. The bitch daughter or the troubled son.
You nodded to him with your eyes reflecting the streetlights. "I feel the same. It’s weird, isn’t it? How talking can make things seem a bit lighter." You tried reassuring him with your words.
You continued your walk-in comfortable silence, whatever it was between the two of you growing with every shared glance and laugh. By the time you reached the bar again your laughter echoed softly in the empty street. You’d never laughed so much in your life as you did when you were with him.
The bar was alive with the usual Friday night revelry as you knew Buck needed your help. Once you entered the bar you waved Dally off with that genuine smile he adored so much. The air was filled with laughter and the twang of country tunes. You stood behind the bar pouring drinks and sharing easy smiles. You felt more secure and content than you ever had in your life. Dally was there too. He didn’t want to leave or go upstairs after your dinner not date. He watched you from across the room with a protective gaze that had become a comforting fixture in your life.
But the fragile peace shattered the moment your father staggered through the door.
His arrival cut through the noise like a cold front. His eyes scanning the crowd until they landed on you behind the bar. With a cruel smirk twisting his lips he made his way over to you. Each step heavy with menace. You tensed when he stood in front of you. Your hands gripped the edge of the bar trying to ground yourself back into the situation. Why? Why couldn’t he have just left you alone? It’d been months and you hadn’t heard from him. Why did he have to come now?
"Y/N.” He spit your name out with vengeance. “You think you can hide from me?" He slurred.  His voice loud and filled with malice. He reached over the bar grabbing your arm and yanking you towards him. You should’ve expected it, but the shock of his arrival had you paralyzed. His other hand struck your face. His ring cutting a sharp line across your cheek. You let out a quiet yelp as the pain burned bright.
The bar fell silent. The music fading into the background. Before you could react, Dally was there in an instant. His presence like a storm. He grabbed your father by the collar and threw him back with such force that your father stumbled and fell onto his back with a heavy thud.
"You lay your hands on her again and I swear it'll be the last thing you do," Dally thundered, standing over him. His fists clenched and ready. His breathing was heavy as he looked like he truly would kill him should he try that again.
Your father, sprawled on the floor, looked up at Dally with a mix of shock and rage. "You stupid worthless whore!" he spat at you. His words echoing through the now silent bar. He jumped to his feet attempting to get his hands back on you.
Dally’s response was swift though. His fist connected with your father's face, a sharp, resounding impact that sent him back to the ground, blood spattering from his lip. All you could do was gape at the situation unfolding before you.
Buck rushed over appearing out of nowhere. His face set in a hard line. "That's enough!" he declared standing beside Dally. His eyes bore the same expression of Dally’s, "Get out of my bar and don't come back. Next time I'm calling the cops."
With a hand from Dally your father was hauled to his feet and shoved towards the door. His exit was met with relieved sighs and a few scattered claps from the patrons, but the atmosphere remained tense. You couldn’t seem to focus on what would come next as your eyes were trained on Dallas and only him.
As the door slammed shut behind your father leaving the bar in an uneasy silence. Dally turned his gaze back on you. His heart nearly shattered seeing your bleeding face mixing with a few tears that’d slipped down. He could see the pain flicker across your face not just from the cut but from the reopened wounds of your past. Slowly he walked back over to you with his hands up. He didn’t want to freak you out further than you were. With a gentle touch that contrasted sharply with the fierce protection he had just displayed Dally leaned in close.
"Come on sweetheart. Let's get that cleaned up," he said softly nodding towards the staircase that led to his apartment above the bar.
You hesitated. A mix of emotions swirling within you—gratitude, relief, but also a deep-seated fear from the confrontation. Sensing your hesitation Dally offered a reassuring smile. "I promise you, you're safe with me."
Trusting him you allowed Dally to lead you up the stairs to his modest living space. The apartment was small but welcoming with a warmth that felt comforting after the cold violence of the night. Dally guided you to a seat at the small kitchen table, then wet a clean cloth with warm water and approached you gently.
"May I?" he asked. His tone was more tender than you’d ever heard from him. You nodded and he carefully dabbed at the cut on your cheek. His touch was so light you could barely feel it. As he tended to your wound the kindness of the act—so at odds with the harshness you had grown used to—overwhelmed you and a fresh set of tears began to stream down your face.
Dally brow furrowed in concern. "Hey, it's okay," he murmured while he set aside the cloth to pull a chair up close beside you. He sat down. His brown eyes searching yours. They were so full of empathy. "You don't have to hold it all in, sweetheart. Not here."
You looked into Dally’s eyes seeing there not just the rugged survivor of the streets, but a kindred spirit who had seen his share of pain and still chose kindness. With a shaky breath you leaned into him, your head resting against his shoulder.
Dally wrapped his arms around you holding you gently. "You're safe here, Y/N. As long as you need, as long as you want."
In that quiet space with Dally's steady presence enveloping you, the fear and tension that had knotted in your chest began to dissolve. His apartment was small and unassuming, but it felt like a sanctuary and his embrace a shield against the chaos of your past.
The night wound down quietly with you and Dally sitting together. The two of you talked softly about nothing and everything until the early morning light began to seep through the curtains. It was the first night in forever where you felt truly safe, truly seen.
As the first light of dawn painted the walls of Dally's apartment a soft, warm hue, the room was filled with a sense of quiet intimacy that had grown over the course of the night. Sitting side by side on the worn couch both you and Dally were enveloped in a reflective silence. The kind that follows after a storm of emotions.
Dally was the first to break the silence,. His gaze fixed on the faint light peeking through the blinds before turning to look at you. "You know," he began with his voice low and a little rough from the long night, "tonight was a mess, but it kinda cleared up something for me."
Your heart fluttered with a mix of anticipation and nervousness as you met his eyes. "What's that?" you asked softly. You were almost afraid to hear the answer but desperate to know.
Dally took a deep breath as his hand found yours. His fingers gently intertwining with yours. "It's you," he said simply. "All this craziness... it made me realize how much I care about you. More than I thought possible, actually."
Hearing his words a warmth spread through you, mingling with the fatigue from the night’s events. You squeezed his hand, the gesture simple but filled with meaning. "Dally, I feel the same. I didn't know how to say it before, but you've become so important to me."
The corner of Dally’s mouth lifted in a half-smile. A hint of his usual cockiness peeking through his tired features. "Yeah? That’s good to hear, 'cause I wasn’t sure how you’d take it." You giggled at that feeling a sense of euphoria at how this all actually turned out.
As the conversation dwindled, a yawn escaped you breaking the tender moment with its stark reminder of the night’s toll on your body. Dally chuckled softly. He pat his leg in a gentle, inviting gesture. "C'mere, sweetheart. Lay down here and close your eyes. I’ll be right here when you wake up."
Grateful and too exhausted to protest you shifted closer, laying your head on his thigh as he adjusted to make you comfortable. His hand found your hair, fingers brushing softly through it in a soothing rhythm.
With the comfort of his presence and the security of his promise you allowed your eyes to flutter closed, sleep overtaking you swiftly. The last thing you felt was Dally’s protective gaze and the gentle pressure of his hand in your hair. It was a silent vow of his commitment to be there no matter what came next.
As you settled against Dally your breath evening out in the quiet rhythm of sleep, he watched the soft rise and fall of your shoulders. A sense of peace settling over him. The apartment was quiet now the only sound the faint hum of the city awakening outside. In this moment, with the early morning light casting gentle shadows across your face, Dally found himself in a rare state of contemplation.
His hand rested gently on your head. His fingers lightly tracing through your hair. It was a simple, almost unconscious gesture that soothed both of you. The weight of the night's events lingered in his mind—the confrontation, the fear in your eyes, the way his heart had raced when he stood up for you. It all solidified something he'd only begun to admit to himself: how deeply he cared for you, how fiercely he wanted to protect you. How he may have even loved you.
As he watched you sleep Dally’s thoughts drifted. He was used to solitude, to the rough and tumble of a life lived on the edges. But sitting here with you breathing softly against him, he felt a pull towards something different. Something more. It was terrifying and new. This feeling of wanting to belong to someone, of wanting someone to belong with him.
He couldn’t remember the last time he had allowed himself to be so vulnerable with another person or if he ever truly had. But with you it felt right. It felt necessary. He realized that this—caring for you, being there for you—might be the closest thing to home he had ever known.
The morning grew brighter, light filling the room and Dally’s own eyelids began to droop. The exhaustion from the night's adrenaline and the emotional toll of opening his heart were catching up with him. But he didn’t want to move. Didn’t want to risk waking you. He wanted you to sleep as long as you needed, to wake up feeling safe and cared for.
His hand continued to run through your hair slowly, rhythmically, until his own eyes finally closed. Sleep overtaking him in the quiet comfort of his apartment. Even in sleep, his presence remained steadfast. A promise to be there when you woke up, and for whatever came next.
As the morning sun climbed higher with its rays streaming through the gaps in the curtains the apartment above Buck’s Rodeo Bar held a quiet, peaceful scene. Dally and you were asleep as an unspoken love formed in the shared silence of rest after a tumultuous night. However, this tranquility was soon interrupted by the sound of the apartment door swinging open with casual familiarity.
Buck strolled in with a steaming coffee cup in one hand and a bag of breakfast sandwiches in the other. His voice breaking the morning calm with a playful tone. "Well, look what we have here," he exclaimed. "Our very own knight in shining armor and his damsel tucked away from the world. You two sure skedaddled out of the bar pretty quick last night. Place your bets, folks!" He snickered seeing you and him so coziest up on the couch together.
Before Buck could spin another jest Dally's eyes snapped open, immediately alert. His protective instincts still sharp from the night before, flared up at the intrusion. “Buck, shut the hell up. She’s sleeping.” Dally hissed with his tone both irritated and fiercely protective. He glanced down quickly to make sure you were still out, undisturbed by the noise of your cousin.
Buck paused at the threshold, a knowing smirk spreading across his face as he took in the scene—the way you were nestled comfortably against Dally, his hand resting protectively in your hair even in sleep. "Oh man, Dally’s gone soft," Buck teased in a low voice chuckling to himself. "Never thought I’d see the day. Truly."
He set down the coffee and sandwiches on the kitchen counter. His movements now deliberately quiet though his eyes twinkled with mirth. “I’ll keep it down. You lovebirds need your rest after all those heroics last night.”
Dally just glared at him, but his posture relaxed slightly as he saw that you were still sleeping peacefully. His gaze softened as he looked back down at you. The fierceness melting into something tender and caring.
Buck watched the exchange. His chuckle deepening as he backed out of the room shaking his head in amusement. “I’ll be downstairs,” he murmured before pulling the door almost closed behind him. "Don’t rush Dally. The world can wait."
As the door clicked shut Dally’s hand resumed its gentle motion through your hair, his eyes lingering on your face. He let out a quiet sigh while the tension eased from his shoulders. The world outside could indeed wait. Right now, being in this quiet moment was all that mattered. He wanted to keep you safe making sure you felt cared for. And as he settled back closing his eyes once more he knew deep down that whatever came next, he was ready. So long as it was with you.
Later that day after a few more hours of much-needed sleep, you and Dally made your way back down to Buck’s bar. The place had regained its usual lively atmosphere with the afternoon crowd bringing a bustling energy that filled the air with music, laughter, and the clinking of glasses.
You and Dally settled into a quiet corner booth a bit removed from the hustle and bustle. The events of the previous night still lingered in the air between you. An acknowledgment of everything that had happened and everything that was still unspoken.
Dally slid into the booth across from you his demeanor relaxed but his eyes keen, watching you with a softness that was new. "So," he started while breaking the comfortable silence, "feels like we got through some kind of storm, huh?"
You nodded wrapping your hands around a warm cup of coffee that Buck had brought over. His knowing wink making you both smile. "Yeah it does. But it feels like it’s clearing up now," you replied before meeting Dally's gaze with a hopeful smile.
Dally's lips curved into a slow, genuine smile. "I think so too. We've been through a lot, but maybe it's just what we needed."
"Right," you agreed. Your heart feeling lighter than it had in a long time.
The conversation drifted then to lighter topics. Plans for the bar, stories from Dally's wilder days, your dreams of traveling, and with each story and shared laugh the love between you deepened. It was as if the foundations for something new and hopeful were being laid down with each passing moment.
As the afternoon wore on the bar began to fill up with the evening crowd. The music grew louder and the sounds of a lively night taking shape swirled around you. Yet, in your quiet corner of the bar it felt like a sanctuary with him.
Finally, Dally reached across the table taking your hand in his. His gaze conveyed a silent promise of support, understanding without needing to articulate it. The clamor of the bar seemed to fade into the background as Dally broke the silence. "Hey," he said. His voice softer than the din around you, "I was thinkin'... How 'bout we go out tomorrow? Just you and me, no chaos, no drama. We could take my bike, hit the road, see where it takes us."
Your heart that was already warmed by his earlier protectiveness leapt at the invitation. His offer was simple but filled with the promise of new memories, new experience. Just Dally and you learning the rhythms of each other's joy. "I'd like that," you replied with a grin. Your voice equally soft. "A real date, huh?"
Dally's smirk was one of triumph mixed with a bashfulness that you had come to find so endearing. "Yeah, a real date with a beautiful girl," he confirmed. "Figured it's about time we did something normal for a change sweetheart."
The bar around you hummed with life. The energy of people embarking on their nightly escapades, the clatter of glasses and the laughter serving as a backdrop to this quiet, pivotal moment between you and Dally. It symbolized not just a return to normalcy but the blossoming of something new. Something hopeful.
As Dally's thumb gently caressed the back of your hand you felt a chapter closing on the past and a new one beginning. Here in the heart of the bar's fervor you found a peaceful anticipation for the future. This wasn't just an end to the turmoil that had swept you into Dally's life. It was the start of a journey together. A journey that promised the warmth of shared sunrises, the thrill of open roads, and the comfort of hands held tight in solidarity.
In the cacophony of the bar, you both found a shared rhythm. A mutual understanding that this was just the beginning. And with Dally's hand in yours, the future, once so uncertain, now seemed filled with endless possibilities.
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steakout-05 · 4 months
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//ableism mention tw
ok just gonna say something really quick: i absolutely hate Abe's characterisation in the reboot of Clone High because it is nothing like how he acted in season 1 and it just. isn't funny. they've turned this good-intentioned but flawed loser kid who just wants to be like the original Abraham Lincoln but doesn't know how to, into a self-centered and arrogant asshole who literally almost said a horrible ableist slur twice in the first episode. like. i'm being serious, he almost says the R-slur twice in the same minute and i dunno about you but i really don't find it very funny when a) the only "joke" behind it is "oh look at how bad Abe is compared to the more progressive sensitivities of the new generation of clones, isn't he just terrible", and b) they felt the need to completely rewrite a pre-existing character that fans are already attached to to do something against his own morals for the sake of a shitty joke, and c) TOPHER WAS RIGHT THERE!!! isn't he supposed to be the asshole or am i missing something?? like...
i'm not saying you can't have "edgy" or "dark" comedy or whatever, but personally, i don't find it very funny when a character that actually means quite a lot to me and is one of my favourites is twisted and rewritten into an arrogant asshole in an apparent attempt to appeal to the people who hate Abe for his flaws in the original show. especially when he's rewritten to be someone who would say a slur that's literally been used against my fellow disabled peers, myself included. it just feels... wrong. it actually hurts a lot to see a character i once loved and found to be one of the funniest and most important characters in the show be turned into an arrogant dick, with barely any thought or meaning put into him. i don't like what they did with the rest of the OG cast as well (such as Joan making a complete 180 in her entire character, JFK's character assassination, the removal of Gandhi, Cleo barely being in it etc.), but to me, they did Abe the dirtiest in this season and i'm really disappointed that one of my favourite shows had to continue like this :(
#clone high#abe lincoln#rant#sorry this post is a little heavier than what i usually post on here but i just felt like i really needed to say this#abe from clone high is actually quite an important character to me and i'm still upset that he's been written so poorly in season 2#like he's a silly parody of a teen drama protag but honestly i think his struggles in the original series are actually really meaningful#like he's a little shy and doesn't exactly know how to express his ideas in the best way but wants to help and i just think that's so real#especially as someone who struggles with that myself#he has so much pressure to live up to the OG abraham lincoln and he really wants to be like him and tries but doesn't get it#i mean he even says something like that in episode 2 when joan and gandhi come to see him in his room and that's really relatable#so to see him so horribly misinterpreted as a selfish asshole really hurts me.#they've essentially done the thing where a fandom will tear apart the neurodivergent coded character#and write them off as selfish and arrogant and completely misinterpret everything about them#not saying that Abe is written to be neurodivergent but you get my point#it's kinda like that#he's relatable to me as an autistic person and a lot of his struggles are similar to what the autistic community experiences#also i'm sad that gandhi had to get removed because he's important to me too#he's actually one of my favourite ADHD reps on tv i've seen and he's just really funny#i know he was removed because people in India got offended and they probably don't wanna cause another incident like that again#but still it's such a shame he couldn't be included because he was a great character#also slightly unrelated but i think turning characters into a moral debate it stupid and often results in stuff like this happening#ableism mention#tw ableism mention
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northern-passage · 1 year
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one thing i find really difficult about navigating the IF space is the direct line of contact between readers and authors. we share the same space, and i think that plays a big part in this weird blurred line we have in this community and overall lack of boundaries.
for a lot of people this is a fun hobby and while i personally try to keep it... semi-professional most of the time, it's easy to get wrapped up in having fun on tumblr (or the forums, or reddit, wherever it is that you mainly post/interact) and have a lot of personal interactions with both readers and authors alike - which is fun! i like it more often than not, but i also think that's why a lot of comments in this space can end up being really entitled, over-familiar, and inappropriate.
it's no secret that most authors get really weird messages on here, and while this is also a problem on social media at large and not just specific to IF tumblr, it is still definitely a big problem in this community.
and to be clear i'm not saying that you can't be friendly with authors or readers (i've become friends with a handful of readers myself) and i definitely don't mean to imply that there needs to be a huge divide between us; that's silly - again, most authors are readers, most readers are authors, we’re just people on the internet sharing the same space. but all of us deserve to have our boundaries respected. this is my story, and we are strangers. as a general rule of thumb: if you wouldn't say it out loud to someone you just met, you probably shouldn't be saying it to a stranger online. especially anonymously.
#i also think this is why some criticisms get so messy in this space as well#authors should not always be in the same space as the readers/reviewers#and readers shouldnt be able to directly @ authors with their extremely negative reviews esp when it's subjective#(‘’i hate this’’ as opposed to pointing out genuinely harmful content or other criticism)#for everyone's sake#& on a kinda related note: speaking as someone who has been receiving targeted harassment for *checks watch* over two years now#some people really need to reevaluate the way they interact with certain media#i think IF feels very personal due to the interactivity and the customization of the mc#but not everything is written for you. and it's fine to just not like something#without sending weird harassing anonymous messages for 2 years straight to a stranger on the internet. lol#honestly criticism is another can of worms and that's not really what i'm talking about here#but i do think that's also part of the entitlement and overfamiliarity as well#so imo it's connected a little bit. something to think about#at the end of the day my advice to other authors about this is to know your limits and know when you need to extract yourself#and know that you don't have to respond to every ask#especially if it makes you uncomfortable#and im definitely not trying to sound like the authority here this is something i've struggled with as well#like i said it is hard to navigate#and authors can be guilty of this too. wanting to defend yourself or insert yourself into conversations where you shouldn't#i've done that myself#and i've also had other authors i dont know be way overly familiar with me in the past#all of this is just an unfortunate part of online community i think. but im trying to be more mindful about it#anyways. this post brought to you by the weird messages in my and my friends' inboxes lately#i just think you should not be telling authors about pesonal bodily functions in anonymous asks#as an example. lol#personal
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bluegekk0 · 5 months
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still thinking about that "what emotion do you create from" quiz result
"to cope with an unhospitable reality, you create more welcoming worlds to consume your work and your waking hours". "such vivid fantasies are the dream of one who considers reality a prison".
what if i ugly cried
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ronkeyroo · 1 year
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I know it can be hard to see ourselves and our work through the eyes of another, but if you could, you would be able to see how much we cherish your presence and everything you do. Your value goes of course beyond just what work you put out in the world, but who you are and the energy you share with us. I wish you could see yourself the way we see you. You breath so much life into the work you create and it makes me so happy to see when you're thriving and my heart goes out to see when you struggle. Please always follow your passions and do what makes you the happiest, that will be gift enough for rest of us <3
P.S sending 1000 "<3"s for our favourite wolfy bois, you make me fall in love with them all over again everything your art pops up on my dash ^.^
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i don't dislike witchcraft because i'm skeptical of the possibility of the spiritual, far from it. i dislike it because i deeply resent the fact that there's an entire industry that allows brands to slap the word 'witchy' on products and sell them at exorbitant prices to scam largely neurodivergent people who struggle with unreality, that's being actively fed into by a community that lures them in with harry potter nostalgia and tiktok aesthetics, that's built of an utterly unscientific melting pot of cherry picked history where if any actual research is done beyond pinterest boards and books bought from spencers, will lead to either blatant cultural appropriation, or dump you directly in the middle of the pyramid of conspiracy theories thats like one step under the antisemitic point of no return into viking romanticizing, white people dreadlocks having, aliens-build-the-pyramids, white supremacist paganism
pinterest witchy kids, if you see this, please please do not buy that 45$ quartz crystal from etsy, especially if its to protect yourself from abusive family or something. it is not going to work, you're gonna need that money to move out one day, and whether the person selling it realizes it or not, youre being scammed.
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rutadales · 8 months
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Stages?
👀
STAGES IS MY BABYYYYY i love writing about grief and loss of self, and how to cope with that. C!Dream is perfect for that type of analysis. It started bc I really wanted a way to explore dream and bads relationship and their similarities. They both lost their families and both believe that what happened to them was mostly self inflicted. there's a lot to explore there. And of course I love rivals duo and also wanted to write a scenario where techno isn't able to repay the favor. And, ya know, healing and growing together is such a good trope.
I already have the first chapter posted on my AO3 but I've written so much for this fic but still never managed enough to finish another full chapter ughhughhuh. I've also posted some of this fic here but there are so many nuggets I've written that I'd love to share (sorry all my excerpts are so long 😭😭)
"I can barely walk, I can't fight-! I'm helpless. I'm at everyone's mercy and I hate it." His hands are shaking, the pencil moving like a record needle— up and down and up and down— in his weak grasp. Dream wants to steady it but can't, hasn't been able since Quackity's first visit, and he hates that too. His body isn't his anymore. It's a malfunctioning tool, but there's no fixing it. No quick repair. There's no fixing him.
Nothing can cure him, not potions, not time, not XD. He's broken, plain and simple. And all that's left is crossed wires.
A hand lays over his own and Dream looks up into Techno's eyes. His hand still tremors underneath the warm grasp, but it hurts less, now.
"You're not helpless, Dream. You're not. You're just changed, and I know that hurts. And I know I can't fix that but let me make it a little easier for you." His voice chokes on the last syllable, the emotion making it crack.
Sweat pools on the back of Dream's neck as he quickly adverts his eyes. A million thoughts run through his head, seeing Techno's care so plainly on display. He can't bring himself to pull away though.
"I don't get it." It's an admission he wouldn't make normally, but Dream wants to understand at least this about Techno, if nothing else. "You've more than repaid the favor, you don't owe me anything anymore."
"Yes, I do." Techno says, so quietly Dream is half convinced he didn't hear it at all, before Techno continues as if he hadn't said anything to begin with. "When are we just going to admit we're friends, Dream? We can be that to each other, you know."
Now, he does pull away, just barely. Their hands touch still, if only slightly, and the contact burns.
"Fine," Techno speaks, not with anger or frustration. "I'm doing it because I'm selfish. I like having you around, and keeping you healthy makes that easier. Not to mention you're skinny enough to be one of Phil's scarecrows. We can hang you out in the fields and you'd scare all the crows off, nice and easy. That's why I'm doing this, for the good of my crops."
Dream furiously ignores Techno's smug smile when that draws a laugh out of him, but it doesn't get rid of the pit in his stomach. Dream knows what happens to his friends.
He doesn't want that for Techno.
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citrlet · 1 month
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did anyone else cry while going through the main story of dreamlight valley
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dan-crimes · 9 months
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I love writers I love when they ramble on abt characters and their motivations, their core values and the reasons why they react to things in certain ways and having character interactions work off of each other due to their differing ways of viewing the world and in general I just love character analysis
#as someone who loves humans and human behaviours and figuring out why people react to things the ways that they do#uhhh I'm actually surprisingly really bad @ writing characters with those same traits 😅#unless it is smth I can connect to on some sort of level like a few of my characters have issues that I specifically relate to#thereforee I can understand the ways they act in certain circumstances#BUT when it comes to characters that are like almost entirely outside of my wavelength it's pretty hard for me to understand how they work#and it's pretty basic habits and behaviours I just fuckin lack them in general#like the concept of clinginess or abandoment issues or wanting to stay around people who treat you badly or jealousy or missing people#also love like I understand my type of love but my type of love isn't typical from what I've seen from others#even some of my own past issues like dealing with trauma have kinda been lost on me especially bcuz I'm the type to ignore stuff#like I just ignored it til it came back to bite me in the ass and had to just kinda struggle with it and go completely numb#until I got tired of feeling that way and pulled myself outta it step by step and my various negative ways of thinking elude me#since I just gradually built myself up and rearranged my brain so that all negative thinking eventually turns into dust#whether be positive or purely neutral until I'm able to handle it better#REGARDLESS I try to get a sense of what these other traits are like and how exactly they work for people but it is VERY difficult for me#bcuz the stuff is just such an alien emotion to me like people get REALLY emotional about things that simply aren't a problem for me#and I wish I could understand why and what goes on in the brain that causes that but my brain just doesn't work that way#SOOO me trying to make characters of typical issues I see people having DOESN'T really work when I have no idea what's going on#like IN GENERAL my characters need to have more emotion behind them but the emotions I need them to have are#like I said before. something I totally lack ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ so I have no idea how to do it#I mean I think I need like a check list I need to make a list of traits my characters have in general cuz I never write anything down#it'd be easier to figure it out if I had words to go along with it and then I could figure out the behaviours behind those words#plus I need to draw my characters cuz I'm very much a visual person I can't get as good of a feel without some visuals along with it
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genekies · 4 months
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screaming in the club
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time for another vent in tags
#so i was joking and i thought it came through but im also dumb and autistic and my jokes dont always cross. sO#i was joking about one of my roomates not seeing Nightmare Before Christmas before bc i was showing 2 of them my picture vinyl of it and whe#n one of them said they never saw it i said “but you were a loser on tumblr in the 2010s wdym” and their fiance was just rude to me and i th#ought it was clearly a joke but ig not and they lowley attacked me for it? im just?? i tried to clarify that i was joking and they know im a#utistic. hell the one i was joking to is also autistic but idk so now i feel like utter shit especially after all i did today thst juet drai#ned me. ive been trying to fix our 2nd shower. i had a meeting. i had an extremely hard therapy session. and i showered today. its been hell#like i am trying to get thru relapsing on SH and my ED and ofc they dont know but that shit made it worse and i dont want to say anything bc#then ill feel like im guilt tripping? idk but im also super nervous about a HRT appmt i have coming up and i cant afford it and we have no#food in the house i can eat rn and no one has gone shopping. i cant go shopping either bc i cant drive/dont have a car. and its making it#harder to help get back on track with eating when theres nothing for me to eat? so everything is fucking amazing right now.#the only meals i could POSSIBLY have and all claimed by the one roommate i was joking with. it all takes up half our freezer too so thats#fucking awesome. all this food for one person and none that i can eat or the other vegan in the house can eat. i have been hungry for DAYS.#all there has been for me to eat is cup ramen and grilled cheese. AND SOMEONE WHO WASNT FUCKING VEGAN ATE ALL THE VEGAN CHEESE IM GENUINELY#SO PISSED OFF? like dude yall have your own cheese wtf#the thing is its already really hard for me to tell when i am actually hungry bc of years of ignoring it so when i actually feel it and ther#es nothing it really gets to me. im so tired and idek where my EBT card is to get myself something. its all just so much.#i just want to lay in my bed and sleep for days. but i cant. i have too much shit to do. like even just tomorrow i have to clean the#bathroom. mop the kitchen. do dishes. shovel snow. and just generally take.care of shit because since we have 2 roomates MIA right now and#no one else wanted to do shit i had to step up and i am STRUGGLING. i have been for a while. the thing is everyone that didnt sign up for sh#it didnt have much going on besides probable seasonal depression#i relapsed. have debilitating mental health. i can barely get out of bed before 4 pm. and i have to take care of myself and my cat.#im so close to snapping on them at this point#i need the one roommate i actually like to come back or i swear i will lose my shit. hes only been gone for 6 days but HOLY SHIT#everything has gone to shit#vent over ig im going to sleep soon. still hungry if i cant find something.
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bewby · 1 year
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the urge to be seen so badly but also terrified of being perceived because you're always on edge because you are so convinced everyone will turn around to reject you anyway ALL The time because you're inherently annoying and unlikable 👍🏻👍🏻 i hate living like this i hate being so afraid of being judged for everything i hate knowing people see me but i also want to be seen so badly because i want friends and i want to be happy and not lonely. my brain is aboutto fucking explode oh my God
#everytime i see people i find cool i just am like. you would never truly deeply like me. and maybe that's ok but i wish i could be someone#who's smart and witty and cool too but i'm not i'm just a people pleaser and i have no personality of my own because all my life i just#used up all my time to escape my parents bullshit which explains the chronically online-ism. i'm fucking EMBARASSED about my entire existenc#i know life comes with like rejection and people will not always like you but how do i deal with that and how do i deal with these#conflicting feelings of like. wanting to be seen but also terrified of it. jdshshhs#there's so many layers to this i recognize how alot of this wanting to be seen stuff is because of my ex too because he had a crush on me#without us even knowing eachother personally like he liked me for just existing and then he loved me like. unconditionally even After he#got to me know alot and it's like. i can't fucking believe that that is even possible with someone like me and i'm 100% sure he just had a#savior complex like yes he loved me and he loved me despite that savior complex but like. i think people can only like me because they feel#bad for me. they don't actually like me as in like. who i am. what i like what i post about#i know i have friends on here who like me but i know all of you wouldn't like me if you talked to me more because i just .#think that i'm deeply unlovable and it's so bad to say that especially because i blame myself for struggling with bpd and adhd and like#i can be liked despite being likr this. despite being mentally ill obvioisly i love my friends and they're all mentally ill#but i feel like i'm a different case because i just feel like i'm so lost and i have nothing special about myself HDJDVSVSBJYY#okay. i'll stop i'm so fucking sad
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qqueenofhades · 2 years
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Turning 34 tomorrow (yay?) and I genuinely think this is the actual first year of my adult life in which I have not totally hated myself and everything about me. You know what, I'll take it.
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cryolyst · 7 months
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#they speak!#ignore this#my coworker needs to move out and i can't tell if he was mostly joking or completely serious but he asked if i wanted to rent a place w him#and it's so tempting it's. so fucking tempting i want to move out so bad#and especially on days like today where i have to listen to my parents fail to communicate without getting loud and angry#like i feel so awful. i'm 22 and i still have to hide in my room and try not to cry. i can't live like this anymore.#and it feels so hopeless because what else can i do? fuck up my health even more by working more hours?#so i can afford renting a tiny place? when i'm already so unwell and struggling to take care of myself??#and i know i'm not at a place to cut my parents out of my life so i'd have to endure all the judgement they'll have about who i room with#and i know know know no matter who i room with there'll be judgement. because i can't even talk to friends casually without it lol#not to overshare on main but i was omw to work on friday and almost cried at the bus station#because i was thinking about how i never really had an adult in my life that really truly loved and nurtured me#like yeah i had teachers and later in my teens some community members that supported me and were positive influences with positive impacts#and as much as i am hurt by my parents they still very much cared for me and shaped me as a person. both for better and for worse.#and yeah be the adult that is there for yourself now and all that but.#i can never change the fact that there wasn't someone that was there. and i wish i could stop mourning but it's hard. it's so hard.#and one day it will get easier but for now i just have to endure it. i guess. hahaha. :)
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icharchivist · 8 months
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i mean i get why it sucks but i've been having an existential crisis that keeps me up at night for most of my life too and i'm not producing people expressly to abuse them and use them as tools about it. Astrals are just on something else i guess
i'd say it's a question of scale in general, as in an existential crisis coming so deeply from a whole different life in your head would fuck someone up much more. but anyway i keep saying Lucilius' way to treat other is bad, in those same posts in fact, just that his issues with depersonalization/derealization are also extremely compelling and actually make me feel bad for him. Those two feelings can coexist, and i don't mean that you have to be nicer to him or anything. i'm just saying he's still an interesting character.
#like idk as someone who suffered from both scenario ie: abuse from family and lover#and this feeling of twisting yourself to try to overcompensate on the neglect you've been through#AND as someone who genuinely feels like i'm walking my life as dissociated from reality#and have to constantly remind myself to remain close to earth while being scared when the apathy knocks in#especially after too-realistic dreams that can really make it seem like something is deeply wrong with me and i shouldn't be here#i have actually deep feelings for both situation#yeah Lucilius's way to treat others is wrong. i've never denied it or implied that because he was a sad meow meow it was forgiveable#all i've been saying is that damn actually this feeling of complete disconnect resonate with me to the point of shattering my glass house#and while compassion and empathy are stuff i deeply deeply prioritize in my life#i have those episodes of pure apathy especially after a disconnection like that#that genuinely scare me and that i have to work twice harder to feel myself back into controlling my thoughts#and therefore am deeply scared of the flipside of not managing to fight it#which actually make me much more empathic to characters who can't. actually.#like i have this thing where i see characters who struggles with similar issues than me and make all the wrong choices#because i pity them like i'd pity myself in the mirror on a bad day#like i'm sorry i don't want to be tmi or justify myself in such a way but i've tried just being more general#and if we're going to put personal experience into all of this i have all day#i have a trauma for all of the stuff i have lighthearted but strong opinions about#i insult Lucilius every other day i feel like it's a bit sad that the day i say i do actually like how interesting his drama is#that i have to argue for the reasons why those issues - while not erasing his flaws - are worth being emotional about#and i'm not asking you to feel this way and you should stick to how you feel bc your personal experience is what should shape your feelings#but you also need to accept that i have my own as well#ichareply#anonymous#ichafantalks gbf
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chocobox · 10 months
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levi ackerman comes in clutch once more by being the guy i turn to when i want to slack off on self care. i have been hating myself so much recently but it's nice to have a voice in the back of my head reminding me that he'd want me to keep myself and my surroundings clean because he knows what living in filth does to a person and he wouldn't want that for me
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katyspersonal · 2 years
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*sees your hcs about Adeline that actually value her as her own character and not as a shipping barbie doll*
“Damn I wish this person wasn’t my mortal enemy” /hj
- maasanox
Hahaha;;;;
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Well, not going to lie, it does bother me a bit, and I've been holding back on the topic. I keep saying that there is no legal obligation to write character all 'deep and interesting' or elaborate on them, and if people are just happy with ships/memes/etc - let them, but like...
After all, what is the fun of being an 'overthinker' fan if you are not at least a little bit salty when character you like is just a gay prize for some other popular character? :p
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It is very hard to find some stuff about Adeline that is not just about mariadeline ship, which can be frustrating for people that like the character as her own being and... honestly, frustration with how a character is treated in the fandom should not be something 'bad evil and elitist' as long as person is just salty and doesn't attack the ship or something! I'd go further and say that a "competition" between casual fans and nerdy fans can be productive and motivate each side to create more stuff!
And I would love to create more stuff about her, you have no idea. My biggest problem is that I struggle to prioritise what to create. I just have too much to say, on too many characters (but everyone noticed... :/).
I am not sure if you referred to the posts in just this blog or no, but I did have a reference of her progression too, here ( x ) if that's relevant; But I am glad that we are on the same page in at least some things tbh!
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