#fear of staying the same
Note
Can I offer them a bunch of groceries? The idea of them running low on supplies worries me ;v;
Horror: FUCK- YEAH- I M ean- yeah. thank you. this is appreciated s'much thank you-
(Creator sidenote: i can't draw grocery bags)
#horror sans#food#groceries#Horror is trying to hold it together as one of three uninjured people but his fear of running out of food lingers#and Nightmare finally passed out after staying awake longer than he normally would#Horror and Dust have a lot on their metaphorical plates#Horror would be super happy if Cross would rest instead of moving around so much#i'd say the same for Killer but he can't walk so instead it's just the fact he keeps falling out of bed ghsdjkfhsd#the grocery bags are actually fairly big Horror is just Super Fucking Tall (TM)#queue
163 notes
·
View notes
Text
I love you smile lines and worry lines and grey and white hair and wrinkles and purple spiderweb veins and the process of aging and living in a body that is standing the test of times. I love you experiences that make you wiser and stories that make you laugh, and every little process that happens to get to the point where you have so many memories because you have the fortune to be here and be so radiant
#positivity#pro aging#also i hate you 'anti aging' scams that capitalize on fear of aging. death by 1000000 papercuts for ye#saw a hair video where they restored the salt-and-pepper colour in an older clients hair and it looked SO GOOD at the end#i love when people throw in the towel and embrace their aging however that looks#it isn't productive to shame people who are ashamed of aging and i just want to. celebrate aging#in a world that simultaneously venerates youth and adulthood and hates BOTH you need to find some sense of freedom#as a Young Adult(tm) please please PLEASE older folks seeing this/following me know that i look up to you#older folks i need you to know that your worth NEVER diminished when you added a new number on your birthday cake#and your body and mind and soul NEVER lost worth because it started to creak a little at the joints#and i might be wrong about this because i'm still young but it can be SO tempted to miss your youth when you feel like...#...you've somehow LOST part of yourself by growing older. and so much of aging is about change and some things don't stay the same...#...and that IS scary and i will never once fault somebody for that. but please don't fall into the trap that because you've aged that...#...you somehow have forever lost fundamental pieces of Who You Are and you could never come back from that...#...for your own sake and sanity you deserve to find comfort and solice and understanding in who you still are...#...because you are still - at the core - the same. you can never take this away from yourself#and i know this might ring hollow because i just don't get what it's like to be older#but i have looked at my elders and felt awe at their age and their experiences#and i know what that is like and it's awesome. i just wish more older people knew that so many of us look at you with awe...#...and - if you can believe it - some of us ENVY your age or experiences or even body#i'm watching an 'older' content creator (older by internet standards 🙄) and i envy him for how eventful his life was#i envy that he experienced a different world - one that i have only heard about from my dad because i was too young to remember it#and i admire this person for their wisdom and thoughts because they've come from his experiences living in a Different World#it's that type of stuff that makes me unafraid to keep on living#inspired by following somebody like. twice my age posting about their excitement abiut growing older and !!!!!!! YEAHHHHHH#didn't realize they were closer to my dad's age but that's so cool???????????
208 notes
·
View notes
Text
headcanon that as sophie ages, she gets more and more off-put by how she still looks twenty at some age past 40. the only wrinkles she has are smile lines and a barely-there crease between her eyebrows that never leaves. no gray hairs. it doesn’t feel like there’s any physical evidence of how much stress aged her too fast.
(maybe she dyes more grays into her hair to feel better about her reflection, the more time passes by. maybe, on bad days, she contours wrinkles into her skin with makeup. maybe the bad days get more frequent as she ages outside the human lifespan. maybe.)
#i feel like fitz and dex are the only friends of hers that really get it#since fitz understands more surrounding human cultures than most elves thanks to his firsthand experience in the search#and dex grew up with his mom’s romcoms#which would probably show some human perspectives on aging#and his mom explaining some things that didn’t quite make sense to Smol Dex#but i’ve always imagined sophie turning up on fitz’s doorstep in the middle of the night#with tears running down her face and saying she didn’t know who else to talk to about almost-immortality feeling so so so wrong as she#gets older. not necessarily just because he knows more about humanity than most of her group#but also because like. there’s some part of her that says ‘if he can help you through learning to be an elf at 12 maybe he can help you at#42 too’. and they’re cognates. and they’ve gotten old enough to set aside teenage grievances with one another#and i like the idea of them sitting on a couch together by lamplight and trying to navigate the cultural and personal differences#in how the two of them and humanity and the lost cities view mortality#and not really reaching a concrete conclusion. but rather. a conclusion that keeps the two of them sane until they reach triple digits.#and then they have the conversation again. and come up with a plan to stay sane in their triple digits. and the same thing pops up in their#thousands. idk man the whole thing screams trust down to the bone and that’s what they should have when the war is over#is there anything more Cognate than talking through wildly different fears surrounding the same thing that make both parties#super vulnerable??? down to how your minds work in the face - or lack of - death?#maybe so but i can’t think of them off top of my head#kotlc#sophie foster#kotlc headcanons#keeper of the lost cities
47 notes
·
View notes
Photo
Listen, the truth is, the last year has been weird, you know? And I mean, you know, Max and Lucas and Dustin, they’re great. They’re great. It’s just… It’s Hawkins. It’s not the same without you. And I feel like maybe I was worrying too much about El, and, I don’t know, maybe I feel like I lost you or something. - Mike to Will in s04e04
#if mike gets vecna'd i want this song to start playing bc its the representation of him feeling like he lost will#and that could be one of his worst fears and nightmares#plus its bowie and iconic!#byler#mike wheeler#will byers#stranger things#byleredit#stranger things s4#stranger things spoilers#byeler#mine#gif:byler#theres always the distinction between will and mike and the rest of their friends ok#the way the ending of s3 was framed as mike already missing el was incredible when you rewatch it after s4 bc you see all the other things#he looked back at wills house and then he needed his mom's hug the same way after he thought will died in s1#he just keeps losing will and i want it to escalate until he needs to shout what will truly means to him so he will stay!!#i live for these parallels ;_;
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
dean really doesn’t know how to do the leaving. he doesn’t know how to leave people. he’ll never be the first to leave. sure, he’ll distance himself, he’ll push people away so they’ll leave him, be he’s never the first to go.
#dean studies#read that quote that was like 'someone always has to leave first' just now and was also thinking abt the tags of a post from the other day#where i basically said the same thing abt dean not being able to leave people and yeah#it's just not how he's wired he CAN'T leave people#and also obvs the abandonment issues like. he just wants people to stay but he's also terrifies so he'll push them away#so they'll become the self-fullfilling prophecy of his fears and leave him#but he won't do the leaving#vic.txt
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm really excited for the imodna reunion, but I'm also absolutely fucking terrified
#critical role#laudna#imogen temult#imodna#they went through such different experiences#imogen had a bad time but she didnt kill someone who betrayed them#laudna is terrified she opened the door for delilah to walk right through again and shes terrified of what she's done#she is not the same laudna she once was#she will probably still try to stay upbeat nd positive and so supportive but how long can she hide her deepest fear from a telepath?#they are both in danger of corruption but it's affected them in different ways and i dont know how they'll reconcile those differences#also i really hope we get some angst with prism#i need to see jealous imogen again#especially if there's gonna be imodna angst anyway
135 notes
·
View notes
Text
FTWDs final season could have been so much better if it was revealed that Troy was running padre and controlling madison (as revenge) this whole time. He knew enough about nick and Alicia to make madison think padre knew who and where they were this whole time. And here are some other reasons how this storyline would make sense and be more interesting:
- Troy has a military background so him taking over and running a military base makes more sense than two teenagers building it up by themselves because all the adults died.
- taking and training up children to be solidiers also would make a little sense because of his own fucked up upbringing and the idea he has of the type of people who were made for this world. He would have probably had the same idea as shrike, that the kids stood a better chance at padre than with their “weak” parents. The mother of his child dying for being a good person and not getting to raise their daughter (who would not be named after his abuser) could have also played into this idea of the kids being separated from their good parents.
- shrikes radiation cure experiments: Troy ran walker bite experiments before, just to see how people would turn. So it would also make sense if the work we see shrike doing was something he approved of or an idea he himself came up with. As for shrike, it would make sense that she turned out this way if she’d spent years being mentored by someone like troy otto instead of becoming evil and stealing children just because her dad died.
- the scene where madison smashes the glass to expose “padre” would have been such a good and shocking reveal if it was Troy. Imagine Madison finding out that Troy is not only alive but had been the one running this the whole time!
There’s also a lot of other things I would have done differently for the other characters too and I would have liked Madison to have a little villain era and do some really fucked up shit as she tries to take down Troy and padre. How dark would Madison go? Would she survive with her humanity still intact?
I know I’m just talking into the void here because no one care about this shitshow but I just hate it when shows have a plot that could have been good, maybe even great but then completely miss the mark and fans come with better theories and ideas with minimal effort and thought.
#somewhere dave erickson is screaming (and relieved that at least frank dillane stayed away from the show lmao)#fear the walking dead#ftwd#madison clark#troy otto#i also would have had s7a focus on strand vs alicia but v differently with only alicia’s ending staying the same pretty much#then 7b would have been wrapping things up with morgans family and actually seeing the group being taken by padre before having a time jump#then season 8 would have been the much better padre/troy/madison arc#the way these writers reaally do not know how to write for troy and madison#it’s like they tried doing what they thought DE wouldve done with them but couldn’t decide if they wanted them to be villains or be redeemed#anyway i will always mourn the arcs we were meant to have in season 4#madison becoming the villain vs nick and alicia and whatever was planned for troy#troy was only killed off bc dave didn’t trust the new showrunners with him and he couldnt save the OGs by killing them too lmao#but i am glad alicia is alive and we got to see daniel sharmans acting bc most of the cast were only giving about 20% atp#but who can blame them? the writing got to new levels of bad in s7/8 and their personalities were changing every few episodes#actually to be fair they did the best with what they were given they just seemed done#i only tuned in to alicias episodes in s7 so my opinion on the rest of it is from what ive read bc i just could not get through it#so my opinion on the characters full arcs in s7 may be wrong
39 notes
·
View notes
Text
i feel so bad for constantly hopping from franchise to franchise and saying that I'll do this and do that but i actually don't do anything at all and the only thing I'm doing is imagining it in my head thinking i CAN do it BBKGGKGJDDHHD
#I'm fucking twirling pk.mn/pkpst/pkspe. - id.v - a LITTLE BIT of tnmn for the oc and now I'm like mmmmm little nigh.tmares FUCKIN STOPPPPP#no like /gen sorry i keep saying ill do this and that and it's just gotten so annoying and i never even do it SATYGFDDHHFFHJJ#i don't know man maybe it's the fear of rotting in the same thing for so long i feel that i have to skip over to another franchise#it feels like I'm trying to get attention i dunno 😭😭😭#if you told me to slow down and stay in one franchise are you willing to listen to me talk about steven everyday and get tired of it SBDNJFF#IDK I SUDDENLY GOT INSECURE HHNJJHJJ
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
to anyone dealing with ptsd, has there been anything that has helped relieve some of the symptoms?
#im emotionally stuck due to the constant reliving of what happened#i get these weirdly intense flashbacks where i can remember the how the fabric of the couch looked like up close#and how they felt. and how everything looked. the way the colored lights hit the room a certain way#i think i did myself a disservice by thinking i was soooo in love that i didn’t want to forget any details lmao#now i can remember everything like a photograph and sometimes i find myself back in my old apartment and the fear floods my chest#and i can’t breathe and my stomach starts turning it’s terrible. i really felt like i was in hell#i stopped smoking ouid 3 weeks ago bc whenever these flashbacks would happen the high would make them HD and it would send me into a loop#but now i think weed was the thing keeping me above water… it’s been a rough 3 weeks. but before i start smoking again#i wanted to ask if anyone found something else that made it a little easier#it’s been months since our break up and i really want to move on. i’ve tried to meet other people but i’m terrified of men#and i find myself unable to connect with anyone…#i’ve been physically better which i am so grateful for because being unhealthy was my biggest reason i was so depressed#i’ve been doing therapy but i talk about the same thing with her every week. i’m tired of it#i think i’m still in disbelief that they did that to me. i never thought they’d be capable of hurting someone so badly.#i can’t get over the fact that he r***** me for months while i was disabled and pretended not to know what he was doing was bad#i realized he knew when he tried to make it look like i was crazy. that made me really sad. i think i was hoping he was clueless so#i could still believe he was a good person… or at least the man i fell in love with. i was willing to forgive him once he apologized…#when he tried to make it seem like i was going insane the blindfold came off and i saw him for who he really was#like no wonder i was so scared of u dude… no wonder i kept having panic attacks anytime we were together and i couldn’t sleep next to u#i’ve been afraid to admit that shit broke me as a person. i don’t think i’ll ever be the same. i can’t function.#plus knowing i stayed for her bc i was worried for her and didn’t want her to experience the same thing without someone there bc i realized#how good he was at gaslighting and lying. only to find out she was waiting for an excuse to get rid of me… she wanted me gone…#i went thru all that for nothing…#and i still don’t understand why each time i tried to leave for my own good- to get medical help and support they begged me to stay!!! why#brain vomit
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
I know everyone is talking about Mickey Mouse, and, like, yeah, absolutely go insane y'all, do what you've always wanted! ...But I'm admitting now that I am absolutely shit terrified of the original Mickey Mouse and now every post is already a horror movie dear god help me
#mickey mouse#all the early cartoons terrify me#i think it's the art style#i remember i was so scared of cuphead (same artstyle) that whenever a family member played it i had to leave the room#literally i saw the title screen and they had to turn it off#i have had NIGHTMARES about the early cartoons#they just... terrify me#i think i have a fear of media from the 1930s-1940s in general#i think it goes back to being scared by doctor who with the empty child- specifically the gas mask#i dont know why i have such a strong fear though#i went to a museum with old transport and that once and couldn't even stay more than 10 seconds inside the ones you could go inside#i think im just really weird. idk.
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
this book
“If anything, [Kirk’s] problem finding his balance with you is that you’re too much like him. You don’t give him the counterbalance he’s used to.”
“Maybe [Kirk] just needs to find a new equilibrium. Once he gets used to you being the more regimented, unemotional one, maybe he’ll give himself the freedom to loosen up some. Maybe he’ll finally feel free to embrace the emotional instincts that are such an important part of his success as a commander—even if he doesn’t always realize it.”
(C. L. Bennett - The Captain’s Oath)
why is it that in my Trek fandom experience people always only talk about how Kirk and Spock are opposites??? 🙄 when this book gets it. Good first weeks of their acquaintance~
I’m also just gonna copy something I wrote a while ago, but never posted, since it’s related:
Kirk is very serious, no-nonsense, by the book, and in some ways cold, and holds everyone at an arm’s length.
Which is why at the beginning of the series, it’s actually Kirk who McCoy argues with directly. He’s trying to connect him to his humanity and melt some of his cold and logical demeanour. McCoy also approaches him "on the most intimate personal levels” (this is actually a quote from ST Writers’ Guide, not me lol), making sure that Kirk won’t get lost, that he won’t do something he would regret. As a human. As a person.
But obviously, McCoy knows nothing about command and command decisions. Spock does. And Spock’s thoughts and ideas are actually pretty similar to Kirk’s own. That’s why Kirk searches him out, that’s why he asks him for opinions even when he doesn’t have to because it gives him “emotional security” knowing that this logical Vulcan agrees with his chosen course of action. If Spock does, it means it’s right. Spock being his XO allows Kirk to take some things more lightly, to be more reckless, to open himself up more as a captain. (The idea that Spock calms Kirk down is so ??? to me.)
If Kirk goes too far he knows there will be two people who will stop him and catch him and bring him back to the correct path. Not just one. Both of them. That’s why every time he goes too far, it’s both Spock and McCoy who confront him. Not just one of them. (and when he dies neither is there, which is actually very poetic, and I love it worked that way, even though it wasn’t planned)
When McCoy sees that Spock’s logic has the ability to influence Kirk, and even allows him to become more open, he starts to argue with Spock and ceases to challenge Kirk, because next to the Vulcan XO, Kirk can be just a little bit more human (with a different XO, Kirk wouldn’t be able to do that. When Mitchell was still alive, Kirk had to keep his bravado and serious mask up, he wasn’t allowed to truly open up. Only the combination of McCoy and Spock at his side allowed him to do it, because McCoy, in contrast to Mitchell, also knows when to not rely on emotions because he is a surgeon and he needs to be able to turn them off in order to do his job well. And when he sees that Kirk gets too emotional, McCoy is able to bring him back. Mitchell would only encourage it.)
And today’s addition:
maybe this “I can be more human because of Spock” is also why Kirk focuses so much on “you seem quite human, we’ll make a human out of you yet, his soul was the most human” because he wants him to free himself, because he knows personally how hard it is to kill a part of himself...
#leni reads trek books#tos nonsense#headcanon times#just in case :D#since the mitchell stuff is mostly just my own interpretation#my 'rant' was written in relation to some of my fears about SNW lol but I won't post the whole thing#i've already accepted they will ruin what i like about spock and kirk's relationship. it's just validating to know that this book sees it in#the same way#unless there's something later in the book that will contradict it lol we'll see#(but maybe snw will surprise me and will characterize them well and in accordance with the 2nd pilot and early s1)#my wish for s2 is them never actually interacting. that would make the most sense#or if so it's just a very surface level kind of interaction#at the end of the day if they want to stay loyal to tos the development of their relationship happened during tos not before it#people might think i don't want them to interact because i don't ship them or whatever - that's literally irrelevant.#i would hate if mccoy and spock met during snw too
25 notes
·
View notes
Note
Heya, I know that given in-game circumstances it's probably almost impossible, but could I request something where you can get both cuno and cunoesse out of there? Or help them both or something. I get so sad about her
CUNOESSE — “FUCKING USELESS PIG!” Her voice echoes across the ice, seemingly loud enough for the whole world to hear. “FUCKING NAKKI! I’LL KILL YOU! I’LL KILL CUNO! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!” She balls up her little fist and hits you right in your bad leg.
PAIN THRESHOLD — It nearly folds beneath you and sends you sprawling on the ice. Nearly, but not quite. You manage to stay upright thanks to the cane in your hand, but it slips dangerously on the ice.
“What the hell, kid?! I’m trying to *help* you!”
“Fine! Fuck you, too! I don’t know why I even tried.”
“God, I’m sorry, I know I’m a failure. There’s probably nothing I can do for you.”
“Cunoesse, please, listen to me...”
CUNOESSE — She does not listen. She just keeps on trying to slam her trembling fist into your leg. “You’re a fucking liar!” she seethes. “Not even the other *pigs* want you! You’re stuck here, you stupid cunt! YOU’RE STUCK HERE FOREVER! FUCKING NAKKI!” Rage rips her voice violently from her throat. Angry tears stream down her face as she screams curse after curse. Some you understand, some you don’t.
EMPATHY — She is in so much pain. More pain than should even be able to fit inside someone so small.
CUNOESSE — “You’re gonna die alone here, you hear me?! You’re gonna die and they won’t even care!”
“So what if I am?! It’s not like *you* would care!”
“I’m not alone! I have Cuno! You’re just jealous!”
“Nobody ever cared.”
“Is that what you’re afraid of? Dying alone?”
CUNOESSE — “I’m not fucking afraid of anything, pig! Go ahead and kill me, I don’t care!” Despite her words, she sobs as she beats her fists uselessly against your guarding arms. “You can’t even do that, can you? You’re no good to anybody! You just—”
Suddenly, her foot slips out from under her.
REACTION SPEED — Panicked, you reach out to try and catch her. But you’re even more unsteady than she is, and you grasp helplessly at thin air as she slams into the ice. For a long moment, you both seem to hold your breath, the groans and crackles of the ice setting your teeth on edge. But then... nothing. Cunoesse just lies there, and you are just watching her, and the world is silent and impassive.
CUNOESSE — Another sob pushes itself through her teeth. She lays her trembling arms over her face, defeated. Burnt out like a discarded match.
YOU — “Cunoesse...”
CUNOESSE — “Just leave me alone,” she chokes out. “I hate you.”
EMPATHY — She hates everything about you. Hates that you’re a cop. Hates that your bullet missed her. Hates that Cuno likes you. Hates that you let him down. Hates that they left you alone on the shore to die. Just like her.
YOU — “...You scared Cuno away so that he would leave Martinaise with me, didn’t you?”
CUNOESSE — “Who fucking cares?” she spits between shaky breaths. “Shut up about Cuno. I fucking hate him, too.”
DRAMA — Not a lie, but not the truth, either, sire.
EMPATHY — She hates that she is nothing and nameless without him. And she hates that she is the reason that Cuno went this long without running away.
“I’m sorry. It’s all my fault, I messed everything up.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll probably die soon, and you and Cuno can go back to how things were.”
“It’s just life. You’re still young. It’ll get better.”
“I’m just trying to help. Just let me help you.”
“I’m not going to leave you to freeze to death on the ice.”
CUNOESSE — She lets out an exasperated sound, somewhere between spitting and sighing. “Why don’t you?”
“I would feel too guilty.”
“Cuno would hate me.”
“I love you, too, Cunoesse.”
“I just won’t.”
CUNOESSE — A long silence, broken only by sniffles and halting breaths. And then she pulls her arms away from her face, glaring darkly at you.
“Fine. Just help me up and get lost, pig.”
DRAMA — The anger and bravado have sputtered out. She can only drag herself wearily back to the shore.
CUNOESSE — She won’t take your hand, but she grabs onto your coatsleeve and pulls herself unsteadily to her feet. And then she’s storming wordlessly back to the fishing village, her stubborn back to you.
VOLITION — But at least she’s going back. She will leave thoughts of the sea behind for now.
#disco elysium#cunoesse#harry du bois#suicide tw#requests#clowngirl-bebop#THANK YOU FOR THIS ONE. CUNOESSE IS ONE OF MY FAV CHARACTERS IN THE GAME#ig this one and the cuno one are sort of part of the same continuity where harry decides to stay in martinaise after the ''bad'' end#anyway im so curious what went down between cuno and cunoesse but#my assumption was always that cunoesse did smth to scare cuno off and leave martinaise partly out of anger and bitterness#and fear that he would betray her#but also partly so that there would be no chance of him not taking the opportunity to leave with harry#cunoesse u have so many layers...
100 notes
·
View notes
Text
vent post in tags
#have i developed a fear of going to bed?#i do not fear sleep#i just fear the agony of insomnia because that means more time for intrusive thoughts and loneliness#and i want to call my friends and be like 'long distance sleepover lol'#but at the same time#i know i can't ALWAYS do that or expect that from others#but i just.... don't want to spend nights alone anymore#I do read my Bible and practice devotionals and I do have good nights but sometimes it's just.... there are times when things get bad#anyway if any mutuals know how to counteract insomnia without drugs i would really appreciate the advice#part of me is also just begging God to bring me someone who will stay up all night with me#even just once#i don't even really pay attention to the plotline of Big Bang Theory but when mom turned it off tonight and said 'I'm gonna go to bed'#and left me alone in the living room i had to fight the urge to cry#it's just#i needed to say this#i don't expect anyone to message me but please at least keep me in your prayers because this has been going on for months and I don't want#to be silent about it anymore
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
For someone who doesn't want anyone's pity, Day sure lets everyone else do all of the emotional labor for him
#last twilight#last twilight the series#last twilight series#last twilight bl#i need him to suck it up get over himself and go apologize to mhok#cause mhok still loves him but that fear that something will happen because he's not there is still very real#and still very present and it's not going to disappear just because day made him disappear#despite day BEGGING mhok not to disappear literally earlier in the same damn episode#i hope night at least stays in communication with mhok#even if they don't talk about day because mhok needs a friend#porjai is going to live with her mother#mhok is probably going to travel for work now and be in a foreign place and know no one#and night is a reasonable person who doesn't agree with what day did#i hope he at least checks in and makes sure mhok is doing okay#you know it's bad when only one person notices the pain mhok was in and it wasn't his boyfriend#and in case i haven't made it abundantly clear#fuck day's mom all the way to sunday#i hope she calls off a cliff#i hope she loses her ability to taste so she always under seasons her food#or over salts it#she can eat my ass
17 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
unbridgeabledistances
in silence the heart raves
y--ee
火红YEE
naviculariis
*Temp Haitus until 5/2: traveling*
yn-barnes
y'all im that gurl!
petrarose
Petra Rose