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millylouedward · 5 months

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Iris Kelly Doesn't Date - Book Review

In the famous words of Ruby Sutherland, "Read queer all year."

I am gay. So is this book. We are a match made in heaven.

Iris Kelly Doesn't Date has two main lovers, obviously, and then a circus of side characters who aren't really relevant to the romance at all. And that's fine. It's like when you're a little kid in church and you have a crush on the girl in choir. There's a whole bunch of people singing, but to you, it's only you and her. I swear I'm not speaking from experience (but I will save my religious trauma for another day).

Last year, I went into my first day at a new job. They took me into a room to do fingerprinting because this was an office that required security clearance. I was already riddled with anxiety but ya girl was pushing through. I'd made it all the way to 11 AM. I was on a damn roll. And then, the fingerprinting scanner wouldn't accept my fingerprints.

I kept trying the three fingers that wouldn't take over and over again. I began to think, what if I'm stuck here forever? What if I won't be able to keep this job? What if I died and I'm in hell and this is literally hell? Next thing I know, my heart is racing. My vision is getting blurry. I'm sweating like a possum in headlights. I puke into the nearest trash can, in front of my new boss.

Suffice to say, this was the worst panic attack I'd ever experienced. So when Stevie practically puked all over Iris, I was like, damn, she's so me.

I love the GAD rep in this book. Anxious girlies unite! And what's crazy about that first big panic attack that we see Stevie go through, is that it feels so real. I didn't notice we were even heading in that direction until it happened. That's exactly what anxiety is like for me. I don't notice my frantic thoughts or my racing heart until my body warms and I feel the vomit coming up my throat. The author has such a strong grasp on what it's like to have a panic attack that I almost had to wonder if she got inspiration from me (she didn't).

Let's talk about the spice. And no, I don't mean nutmeg. Iris Kelly Doesn't Date is sexy. Like blushing, covering my agape mouth, looking away from the screen sexy. I had to shield my screen from my cats for fear that their baby eyes would be exposed to such nasty smut, I mean that in the best way possible. I don't really read books for the smut though. It's fun and all, but I'm here for the romance damn it. I want to see this couple defy all odds to be together!

Ashley Herring Blake, I love you and your writing, but this book is too long, there are too many things happening, and there are too many characters. I get it, the fans want to see everyone from the previous books return. But I had a difficult time remembering who was who outside of the famed Delilah, Claire, Astrid, and Jordan. Everyone else was a blip to me. And between the play, the fake dating, the sex/romance lessons, the anxiety, the book writing, the New York, the Malibu trip and Adri stuff, there were just too many plots, none of which were fleshed out enough. Neither Stevie nor Iris really have the time to think and feel and take control over their stories because so much stuff is just happening to them. I like that in a YA adventure, but not so much in an adult romance. It was a lot to follow for me. I think if the author had cut some of these side plots down and fleshed out the others, it would've been a 5 star read for me. It's still 4 stars though!

Folks, this concludes my Goodreads reading challenge. I cannot believe I made it all the way to 52 books this year. At some points during 2023, I really didn't think I would make it all the way. But here we are, 52 whole books. I'm not done yet, though! I want to finish the PJO series before the year is up and maybe get through Chalice of the Gods. I have a couple library books available now too but had to delay those so I could finish this one. Keep an eye out for my best books of 2023 list soon!

#bookish #booklr #books #books & libraries #book quotes #new books #bookworm #book review #reader #reading #review #romance books #smut writing #bright falls #delilah green doesn't care #astrid parker doesn't fail #iris kelly doesn’t date #ashley herring blake #goodreads

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secretlywritingstories · 1 year

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The new year is just around the corner now. It’s already come to pass in other places of the world, and it’ll catch up with me and my little country soon enough.

Time is all a construct. The seconds, the minutes, the days, the weeks, the months, the years. We made it up for hour world, a reflection of what we saw, sure, but still all our creation. Humans do that a lot. Look at something and wish to find structure and meaning behind it. I quite like that about us.

I wanted to take a moment to reflect back on how 2022 have treated me and it has been quite a good year in a lot of aspects. I started off the year with a panic attack, and feeling quite lost and without roots. However, that was the only one I had this year, and while my brain hasn’t always been the best, we’ve been managing. I’ve gotten even more familiar with myself, and how to get up and push on. I know how, I just have to remember to do it.

I moved departments at work and went full time and came up to work that’s much more interesting and also a whole bunch of colleagues that make it a fun experience to go to work. I’ve spent the months still finding my footing and landing properly, and sometimes I still worry if I’m cut out for this corporate, adult 9-5 office job stuff. I like the stability of it, though, and the organisation I work for does important work.

I wrote and wrote, quite consistently all throughout the year and while I “only” journalled on some days, I’ve not missed a single day all year. Over 790k words written and over 550k published across tumblr and AO3. Those numbers are not even fathomable really. I had a goal of writing 2k a year and I did that and then some. But more importantly than the volume, I’m so proud of the works I put out this year. I’ve pushed boundaries, like releasing my first fic with smut in it on my actual account, and written for new fandoms and once again felt the warm embrace of a reading audience. I don’t think I’ll ever tire of that.

I also cut my hair, which might not seem like that big of a deal, and in some ways it really wasn’t. Over the last half a decade, I’ve grown hair out, had 30 cm. or so snipped off to donation and cut it just above my shoulder. But this year, I went really short, like above the ears, nothing to tie back, short. And it’s been so good. It’s so light and easy and I feel more myself. Like it fit me better.

I’ve kept a lot of the same wonderful friends that I had last year and they continue to be something to bring me joy in my life. Both the online crowd and the ones from real life are invaluable to me, and it’s always a pleasure to hang out with them, virtually or otherwise. I’m hopefully seeing a lot of the online friends for the first time in the new year, which is exciting.

My family is still doing well, as are the dogs and my dear horse. I’ve spent a lot of time in the family house, and in some ways that feels a bit regressive but in other ways I really needed that stability of people around me. And the dogs. Dogs to cuddle with most nights are very essential. I also know that this family home won’t be here forever, in a few years my parents will probably sell it and move into something smaller and I selfishly want to soak up everything I can. Though I do home to get better at splitting my time between the family house and my apartment.

This is already getting entirely too long, but I am always a sucker for reflection and introspection. Perhaps you’ll see me again tomorrow with a spilled thoughts post about my hopes for 2023. I will end by saying that 2022 felt like I finally uncurled a little from the defensive position that I’d taken late 2019/early 2020. It had been a tumultuous earthquake of time that I think I still needed to recover form.

Now, I feel more like I’ve evened out my ground, patched the ridges and holes, and now we can actually start building again. I wish you all a very Happy New Year!

#2022 #spilled thoughts #personal #new years eve #Happy New Year

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professorlonic · 1 year

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!!!Lonic year in review/Media thread!!!

!!!Art Stuff!!!

!!!Favorite Games I played this year!!!

!!!Favorite new albums i listened to this year!!!

!!!Favorite shows/movies I saw this year!!!

Looking forward to next year!!!

Would like to spend most next year trying to learn/improve my art, I felt i've improved somewhat this year but only a little bit and haven't really gone out of my way to really learn a whole lot, and theres a bunch i would like to learn and experiment with!!!

Hopefully finish chapter 3 of Elegiac!! Its been kicking me in the ass for so long but I genuinely would like to finish it, just very burnt out still 😖!!!

Want to try getting back into game dev stuff again! I want to at the very least make something very small in any rpgmaker software next year!!!

Gonna try to save for college as well!!! I'm quite nervous about going back to school but I'd like to take some art and acting classes!!!

Also want to try making new online friends and engaging more with some cool peeps ive talked to!!!

Normally id make this kind of post last day of the year but felt like doin it now anyways!!!

!!!!!Heres to 2023!!!!!!

#blog posts #long posts

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sheliesshattered · 1 year

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So it’s occurred to me that I’ve got about 32 weeks until everything needs to be done for Dragon Con -- and for the first time since 2010, I’ll actually be working for most if not all of that. Work takes up a lot of time and energy (and I absolutely cannot slack on things like getting enough sleep and keeping up with self-directed physical therapy), and two months into this ten month contract it’s looking like I really won’t have much if any time to sew during the week. Maybe once I get to the handsewing stage I can fit that in here and there, but for the most part we’re just talking about 32 weekends to pull everything together

Which is to say, if I want to actually make anything new for Dragon Con, I need to get moving on it pretty quick here. I have a couple of cosplays I really want to make. One of them is lower priority, I’m not super into the fandom and it’ll still be recognizable a year or two from now. But the other one I definitely want to make for Dragon Con 2023.

So that’s what I’m going to be working on first. I’ve had a plaid shirt on my sewing table since like October (shortly before the new work situation suddenly happened) and I’m just not inspired to work on it, and it doesn’t have a deadline so it’s been easy to let slide. I’m going to pack that up to finish next fall, and shift gears into this cosplay that I am inspired to work on, and does have a deadline.

One of my all-time favorite Dragon Con experiences was when I cosplayed as Daenerys Targaryen in 2011, in her Dothraki outfit (complete with edible horse heart prop!). The show was popular and I was really into it, the GoT meetup was a blast, and random people shouted ‘khaleesi!’ at me in the hallways, it was fantastic. Twelve years later I’m still not quite ready to do another edible jello prop, but the whole cosplay was a lot of fun.

I’m not going to try to reproduce that moment in time or how popular that cosplay was. But it’s a good memory, and it helped me narrow down on what I want to make for 2023, especially if I only end up being able to make one new thing.

I definitely want to represent the House Of The Dragon fandom and my love for Rhaenyra, and after going through all of her s1 outfits I’ve narrowed down on the red dress with the lace-on sleeves that she wears in episodes 7 and 8. I tend to think of it as the dress that best embodies when Rhaenyra is happily together with her soulmate. She’s still wearing it years after the events of Driftmark, even when she’s pregnant and the dress is starting to be just a liiiittle too small. It’s a dress that makes her happy, that represents happy moments in her life, and that’s the side of Rhaenyra I most want to portray.

It’s also a good project for my set of skills in particular. There’s enough interesting things going on with it, particularly trim and beading, that I know I can make it into something eye-catching. But the shapes are pretty simple, and I have a lot of experience fitting that sort of princess-seamed dress to myself. I can sink my teeth into it without having to first make a foundational corset or something. And it should be pretty comfortable to wear around the con, with simple comfy shoes. The only one of my cosplay-for-cons checklist that it doesn’t check off is that there’s no good place to hide pockets in it, but eh I’ll figure out something.

I’ve been thinking about this cosplay seriously for about a month now, and in that time I’ve gathered up a bunch of reference photos, done a sketch of where all the seams are, and sourced all the fabric (3 kinds), trim (2 plus lacing cords) and beading (3 different types, plus lacing rings and grommets) that I’m going to need. I want to make it as screen-accurate as possible, but also stick to natural fibers like silk, cotton, and rayon for the lining. Particularly with the materials, I want it to look like something befitting the future queen of Westeros.

Today I cleaned up the mess of Christmas stuff that had encroached on my sewing space, and then took a bunch of measurements of myself so that I can draft a new pattern from scratch. I do have some existing princess-seam self-drafted patterns that fit me, but they’re not quite right (7 panels instead of 10, bust seam curves towards the armscye rather than continuing up over the shoulder) and were made with a different bra in mind, so I figured I’d just start from scratch, and use those as reference as needed.

After that I needed to take a little sit-down break (it’s all about pacing for this working spoonie) and thought I’d throw together a Tumblr post to start to chronicle the making of this cosplay. Next up, I’m going to actually pack that plaid shirt project away in a shoe box for next fall, and then see if I can start in on drafting tonight.

Once I’ve got the pattern drafted, I’ll need to go out and buy some muslin for a mock-up, as I don’t have nearly enough on hand. As soon as I’m even mostly confident in the mock-up I’ll start ordering fabric, as some of it is coming internationally and may take awhile to get here. I can keep fiddling with the fit of the mock-up while I’m waiting on fabric -- really all I need to know at this stage is how much yardage to order.

Whew, okay. 32 weekends to go. Let’s do this.

#2023 mood #my sewing #my cosplay #Dragon Con #Dragon Con 2023 #which is getting upgraded from #cosplay potential #to #cosplay plans #RRD cosplay

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floppyhatwitch · 4 months

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Last new year's eve, I made a resolution that I would learn to draw by drawing one page every day of 2023. I was meant to post this recap on January 1st, but it turns out that I have like a full thesis worth of infodumping about this project, so it got pushed back. Art dump time! <3

(editor witch here. This post is LONG. Like, tumblr-can't-save-the-draft-properly long. I've decided to split this into multiple parts to mitigate formatting issues and pulling my hair out when it inevitably comes out wrong. This is part 1 of 2)

Long post incoming! Art under the cut :)

First off we have the OG, the Day 1.

I try not to pass judgement on my earlier works, because getting more confident with drawing was the entire point of the resolution. However, I can definitely say I've improved a whole bunch since then. It's basically just copied from reference material and the proportions could use a little work.

Fast forward to Day 11 where I had the first piece I thought was kinda good.

Still goes pretty hard tbh. Love a good beholder.

The first piece I ever got a compliment on was this goopy texture text stuff.

Unfortunately since all the early drawings were done in pencil, a lot of them have been ravaged by the unholy nature of graphite smearing.

Day 49 is another one of my favourites, I'd just won big in a no stakes poker match against my mates and thought I'd celebrate with a rendition of Mr Green.

On Day 100 I decided to draw my top 100 favourite pokemon. It took SO much longer than I anticipated, but I still think it was worth it.

After passing the Day 100 mark I thought it was about time to start varying my materials, so I gave pen drawing a go.

I learnt crosshatching and absolutely loved it, it's still a staple technique whenever I go for pen exclusively, highly recommend.

By Day 121 I was fed up of fumbling MY way through drawing faces so I decided to really crack down and try and learn.

As you can tell, it was a long and arduous journey.

By Day 125 I had filled up the first sketchbook and started a new one. As has become tradition, I decided to draw V2 again to see if I'd improved.

While still not my best (that one's coming up) I'm definitely a lot happier with how this one turned out compared to the first. Being able to see how I'd improved gave me so much inspiration to keep going.

Day 136 was the first time I decided to crack out the coloured pencils, so I commemorated the occasion by depicting one of my homebrew DnD deities bring colour to the material plane.

Banger after banger Day 137 is still one of my favourites. One day I'll make it into an album cover or something.

Jeff Bezos exploding in space because his stupid fucking cowboy hat isn't pressurised at all.

Day 142 I started experimenting with including the day number in the art itself, which was a trend I continued throughout the rest of the project.

After seeing Across the Spiderverse, I couldn't just not dedicate two pages and 4 hours of my life to making a tribute piece to the film. I still absolutely adore it, it's easily my second favourite film of all time (right behind the first one).

On Day 163 I recreated the Creation of Adam with my hand and my son.

This is my son btw:

I love him dearly and he is an excellent muse (he sits so still!)

Anyway so the next day I drew my top-secret creative process since so many people were asking for it.

Gettin naked and eating paint in the forest, duh.

Day 178 I made a spidersona, which is kinda my first ever OC? Like official one anyway.

Gave him a spruce up and a colour for ArtFight (which is SO FUN OMG)

Day 183 was the halfway mark (if you round up from 182.5) so I had to pay homage to the modern classic.

The face is my favourite bit.

Speaking of ArtFight, I made a whole cast of characters for it! I was a little apprehensive to participate at first, since I still wasn't super confident in my abilities, but it turns out that the community is super welcoming <3. If you wanna see the whole shebang you can check out my profile here, but my most popular character was Alice.

Which is awesome because we need more rollerblading rep in this world. We have Jet Set Radio and Ramona Flowers, but we need MORE.

I went to see the Barbennheimer double feature and had the time of my life during it, so I had to go home and make art of it.

Come to think of it, I use art to commemorate a whole lot of stuff. Isn't that neat?

On Day 221 I had just finished my first real short film for school and I was so happy I had gotten it all done. It was like 30,000 words of documentation, 7 months of work and I had to act as a man in it (damn you gender binary!) So I personified the relief of completion as the spectacle of gratuitous violence.

On Day 230 I finished Act II of Ultrakill for the first time (which at the time was the full game) and I couldn't get over just how hard Gabriel's monologue goes so I had to draw my favourite intro ever.

I still haven't played layer 7 though so no spoilers pls.

My son again! This time he's posing like Kali Uchis in her album "Sin Miedo (del Amor y Otros Demonios)" I won't pretend like I understand what that means, but the album sounds so beautiful and the cover is to die for so I put my son in there.

Day 235, the first full appearance of Spider-Girl. She's talking to her friend (Batman Beyond) who is trapped by the Riddler and forced to write a analytical essay of 12 Angry Men. Fun little detail with the day number is that Doc Ock actually threw the D at Spider-Girl as an attack.

frog cowboy :)

I don't remember drawing Day 244, but I think it's actually really nice. Like an abundance of material slowly being wasted on someone hesitant to accept it or something. Idk I was probably sleep deprived to hell.

It's kinda pretty right? Some little art fairy must have broken in an done it for me

DAY 252! A momentous day. It was my second time switching sketchbooks and so I had to give V2 another crack and...

Still my favourite drawing of V2 I've ever done. Getting the ricochet coin in there as a framing tool is just so slay.

On Day 254 the pen I was using to take notes at school was finally laid to rest. I captured its final lines in this piece.

It's actually kinda moving. That pen was so good.

This is the part where I circle back and remind you that this is too long for one post, so check out part two here

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highly-opinionated-nerd · 4 months

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Watched in 2023:

(this isn't absolutely everything, but it's all the stuff I had something to say about:)

Zorro (1940)- did not expect to enjoy this as much as I did going in. Although, given that Zorro was one of the inspirations for Batman, I should have. Loved it.

Ocean’s Eleven (2001)- what I love most about this movie is that there is exactly zero pretense of the noble thief going on here. We’re normal thieves, with a normal lack of honor, and the audience is still rooting for us because Tony Benedict is such a jerk.

Avatar the Last Airbender (2005-2008)- nth rewatch. My big takeaway this time was trying to piece together who knew what about previous events at any given moment. When Zuko said that Mai was his girlfriend, Sokka had met her onscreen a grand total of about four times. Things like that, you know, perspective.

Superman (1978)- look. I love all things DC, but I’d only ever seen clips of this one before, for whatever reason. But one of our clinicians mentioned offhand that John Williams did the score, and that was the push I needed to sit down and watch it. And it was. DELIGHTFUL. I had noooooo idea exactly how much Christopher Reeve was BUILT for that role. He’s skinny, he’s tall, his legs are a million miles long, he’s GENTLE, all the things I love for Superman to be. And the rest of the cast??? New favorite Perry, first of all. The only Lois I’ve ever actually liked. Stupid underground Lex with his underground pool and his Odyssean Need for everyone to know his name at all times. I loved it.

Jurassic Park (1993)- *shows up to the movie 30 years late* what’s UP, everyone, I’m a Jurassic Park FAN now. WOW. I liked this one a lot more than I thought I would. New favorite-at-first-sight in Dr. Malcolm. I, too, was once one of those weird little girls obsessed with dinosaurs. Tim and I even have the same teeth. Before watching this I thought the dinos were the villains of this movie, just used for scary purposes. Nice to see that they were treated with respect, and by highly educated characters. They were also scary, but, they can be both. I used to have recurring nightmares a lot like some of the velociraptor parts. I’m a little baby about scary things and the whole experience left me a little bit jittery, haha. Remind me never to read the novel version- I’m sure it’s absolutely terrifying!

Winx Club season 1 (2004)- one of many attempts at a peace offering to my inner little girl, but she actually liked this one ok! Both the dialogue and delivery are absolutely abysmal, but I like the style of it, and the concept of the three different magic schools. The Red Fountain characters cracked me up every time I see them.

Captain America: The First Avenger (2011) and The Winter Soldier (2014)- one is a nice superhero movie, with a bunch of lame one-liners and gratuitous explosions and a succinct core story. The other is a Nick Fury movie with Captain America sprinkled on top, pretending to be a superhero movie. The way they talk is different. I love superheroes but god, I hate the MCU. It just makes me a bit sad how seriously it takes itself. I'm convinced the only reasons The First Avenger is better is because 1. it's set in the past and 2. more concretely based around a preexisting comic storyline.

It’s A Mad Mad Mad Mad World (1963)- rewatch. TELL me you’ve seen this movie. This classic. This absolute riot. Favorite bits include Sylvester crying in the car, the dentist shhhhing at the explosion in the basement, the entire drunk pilot sequence, and Ginger and Billy Sue talking to each other through the two phones.

Singin’ in the Rain (1952)- I saw this in middle school, and the only bit that stuck with me was ‘you wouldn’t believe the things you can hide in these sleeves’. I've been familiar with some of the music through the years, but I'm very glad I remembered to give it another full watch, it’s a delightful story. Love, love, love all the costumes, especially the green flapper dress

One Piece live action (2023)- I’m an annoyingly big fan of One Piece, and I didn’t plan to watch this adaptation, since I knew it probably wouldn’t live up to my standards, but my friend convinced me. I could go on and on forever with petty complaints, but I can’t lie, the visuals were great. The diverse cast, the effects, and the attention to detail were all good. They completely messed up Zoro and Buggy, but they did Mihawk probably even better than the manga. Mixed feelings. I give it like 3/5 overall.

Generator Rex (2010-2013)- rewatch. I love everything about this show- the premise, the characters, the balance of action, scientific speculation, and humor. But more than anything I love CAESAR SALAZAR

#recommendation #as we speak I am experiencing a violent blorbo renaissance re: Caesar #somehow I didn't manage to see atsv but I will! at some point!

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chelzone · 8 months

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Assorted Thoughts (08/26/23)

got a bunch of random thoughts bouncing throughout my head lately that i feel like spillin in one post rather than multiple ones so ummmmmmmmmm

ive been acting a lot more responsible with my time lately, especially when sticking to my working schedules for projects. recently, ive been making a good effort to change my drawing plans about to make sure i start recording video stuff at a reasonable time instead of too late in the night / having to scrap said video plans cus its too late

having a webcomic has been a godsend lately for two art-focused reasons. on certain days i might feel too tired to do a full-scale drawing, so working on my webcomic acts as a good way to get something done that is still part of a big project but is absolutely not stressful nor super time-consuming at all to draw. second reason i appreciate working on it is that on nights when i DO wanna do more work at night, the webcomic is a great choice for said work!!

ive been playing Terraria lately and jesus christ this game is so much fucking fun, no matter how many years its been since i last played it (may 2020?). like,, for starters, my partner zajac has been playing it too lately so it has a sort of communal feeling as we play it at similar times these days. second its like,, the whole progression thruout the game's arcs / acts / ''''story'''' is so fucking fulfilling and fun and the grinding aspect is somehow relaxing as hell. i wish Minecraft had this feeling for me, cus i fucking hate going thru its survival mode honestly

i feel like im doing well since i started doing art digitally (2013) in terms of improving upon it AND experimenting regularly. lately ive been having fun messing with lighting a lot, doing it in a form of blocks in harsh alternating chunks. you can see it especially in the pieces i have uploaded of my characters Brady Bray and Celeste Mateus. sure, it's not '''realistic''' or '''clean''' but thats never EVER been a goal with my cartoony art.

making new characters AND writing down stories for them to debut in textually lately has been so fucking fun like oh my GOD!!! i can feel myself getting better and better at both, and using the new characters and stories to build upon the already established lore, factions, and older characters' lives has been great and feels correct as hell. also having fun dabbling with more characters of different real and fictional species alike!!!

i know it's been some time since my last music release (Jan 2023) or game release (Nov 2022) but like,, i need to realize that that is 100% OKAY!! things take time, and it's entirely reasonable that as the scope of my projects grow, so will the time to development them. its not a race, and id rather put in the longer time to make something shine than rush to get it out to stay relevant. one day at a time!! regardless, the current plans still are for my next game release to be the kinky text-adventure Hallowed Discharge and the music release to be the soundtrack for the semi-romantic wizard-focused visual novel Enchanted Bliss (which said game is slated for release after the former mentioned here).

i think thats all i can muster for thoughts rn, my head is about to asplode if i write anything else rn oops

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bergens-adventure-tours · 1 year

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Week 4: March 6th – 12th, 2023 // Rocks on Rocks on Rocks UPDATED March 20, 2023

This week has been such a fun one! I really made an effort to disconnect more and really focus on being present, cutting down my screen time and moving my body.

During the week, I spent my time in Hobart at Alissa’s place, hanging with Sam and Annie a bunch, getting more stuff together for the van, and exploring around town. The theme for this week though was for sure rock climbing. I got into climbing during university with some friends, and have loved it since the start, but I’ve been out of it for a good couple of years due to injuries and general life stuff. It no longer became a priority for me, so actually investing time into and having people better than me to climb with has been so motivating! I had met people back in Canada that helped re-spark the love just before I left, and I’m so thankful to have some great people out here to keep that going.

I got out to the climbing gym a couple times with Sam this week and some of his friends, and we got to see Reel Rock 17 in a little local theatre! If you haven’t heard of Reel Rock and are looking for some quality inspiration and adrenaline films, I highly recommend checking them out. They’re an annual film festival that goes around the world showcasing 3 new independent climbing short films. They’re so beautifully filmed and cover such an arrange of topics/teachings/lessons that can apply to anyone, anywhere. https://reelrocktour.com

This past weekend was also SUCH a turning point and eye opening experience into climbing. Sam, Annie and I drove out to Coles Bay for some outdoor trad climbing and oh my goodness I had the best time. I’ve spent most of my time bouldering in gyms, so getting to explore outside was such a game changer. You feel a different level of connection with your body and sense of self getting to be outdoors. There’s also a whole new level of adrenaline that really forces you to step out of your comfort zone, trust your body, and trust your climbing partners.

This week also involved a lot of connecting with new people on travels - ranging from middle age married couples making the most of their time between work to Aussie’s taking a year off work to some Brits exploring on the same Visa to a NSW Nomad living off his bike for months. These interactions always remind me + reaffirm why I love this lifestyle. You meet such incredibly interesting, kind and inspiring people who are also going through the process of stepping outside of their comfort zones and really connecting with themselves, from such an array of backgrounds and lifestyles. There’s comfort in knowing and interacting with those who are going through similar journeys to you, and a reminder that these journeys are for everyone, whenever you need and want it.

I have SO much more to share, but I’ll be keeping this weeks post shorter as I’m currently typing this on my phone at a random beach off the highway on my way to Port Arthur’s; I’m in the process of sorting out a fix for charging laptop and camera on the road so photos are a bit limited this week, but I have some that I’m REALLY excited to get up and show you all. I’ve been out of service pretty much since Saturday and will be continuing my trip in and around Port Arthur’s for some camping and hiking, where I imagine service will be limited again, so might be a bit before I get some proper stuff up.

Stay passionate and curious, Hunter♡

03/12/2023

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seamus-ly · 1 year

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Starting 2023 Not With a Bang, but With a Post

Happy holidays and happy new year, first of all. I'm one of those people who tends to struggle throughout the holidays, and so it was a bit rough for me, but I sincerely hope that it was better for a good majority of the rest of you.

I ended my 2022 by falling asleep 15 minutes before midnight and waking up at 1:30 AM. The first thing I did waking up was opening Twitter and writing out a few 2023 goals I had in mind but couldn't find the energy to commit to paper before the year turned over.

In an effort to use this account more often to document my progress through my career, because I want to hold myself somewhat accountable by putting it all down somewhere, and because I find it therapeutic to talk about these things, I'm gonna throw down a few things I'm hoping to achieve this year.

Career-related goals in game dev, and some of my achievements from 2022

Health-related goals for this year so I don't go insane

Other goals like art and setting up a tip jar

Career-related Goals

I'm a game dev, and you probably already knew that going in.

In 2022, I had a hand in two games that had their official releases (and are still on sale heehoo), and I'm currently working on two other indie games! This was a big deal for me. Not only in that I had mostly positive experiences and it was a huge turning point in my career in games, but because I had some negative ones too.

The negative doesn't come close to outdoing the positive, but it did help me reprioritize some things in my life and reflect on events from the past few years. Though I'm a bit heartbroken by some things I'll likely never get back, I'm ready to keep moving forward.

With that out of the way, I'm hoping to make at least 1 new game this year--not counting projects I'm already working on. I made Wish You Were Here! and finished the very first prototype for TECHNOLYMPUS in 2022. So, my big hope is to polish it up and finally get an idea for what TECHNOLYMPUS will really be about through that.

(They were both featured by the Hand Eye Society last year as well!)

I'm also hoping to participate in at least 1 game jam too. Setting the bar low so I can realistically cross it.

Health-related Goals

These ones matter the most to me, if I'm being honest.

Late 2022, I had a bit of a revelation thanks to my well-meaning and lovely friends. They are my best friends of all time, but I will still (jokingly) blame them for my horror in realizing just how much ADHD was affecting my everyday.

I'm undiagnosed, but my family has a history of ADHD and it never occured to me that it extended to me as well for a bunch of silly reasons. In retrospect, and after properly researching it myself, I guess it was always obvious and I just didn't know enough about it to understand what was going on.

But executive dysfunction obliterated me last year, and it's about time I stopped pretending it's because I'm not working hard enough.

So, my big goal is to get medicated. Secondary goal is to lose at least some of the weight I've gained from falling into some really bad mental health pits over the last 6-7 months or so.

Tangentially related to my health, I work multiple jobs right now and I also desperately require me-time. I tried to make a schedule of when I'd be doing what, but I couldn't stick to it on account of my deteriorating mental health and the whole executive dysfunction thing. Which, predictably, just made things worse.

I'm going to try really hard to stick to a schedule for at least a few weeks in January. Maybe I'll ask if some of my friends can keep my accountable and yell at me if I'm working in what are supposed to be my off-hours.

Other Goals

Here's some other stuff I want to try to do, and are a bit more lax with one exception.

I want to set up my Ko-fi for like actual tips and stuff. I don't have a ton of stuff to offer as rewards, and I don't think I'll have the bandwidth for regular updates (maybe monthly?), but I'd like to be able to offer something for people if they're going to support me. I'm currently thinking of little game dev or Unity tips, or art.

And speaking of art, I'm going to draw more! I haven't cared about developing my art style for literal years. I don't do it for my job, it's just a hobby. But I want to keep trying to get better regardless in light of how I've begun doing it in my downtime again. Going to work on developing my style drawing humanoids again, and working out something that works for me instead of trying to force a style I'm not too pleased with.

Lastly, I want to start drawing a ton of Pokemon. Damn, I love Pokemon. I'm going to draw all of them someday hopefully, even if the next gen comes out before I come even close to finishing all there is now. There's no timeline for this, I just want to start working through the National Dex sometime this year.

That's All, Folks

If you made it to the end of this, thanks! I don't write these lengthy posts for a need of keeping people updated (because I don't have that big of a following frankly), I write them because I like keeping a record of my progress.

But I truly appreciate anyone who stay up-to-date with what I'm doing, and I hope that whatever scraps of content I put out there appeals to you in some way.

2022 was both parts great and awful, and I feel like that's normal for the weird few years we've all had. I wasn't doing so hot at the end of the year, and it's likely I'll probably start feeling the dip in mood again soon. In spite of that, I'm looking forward to whatever steps I manage to take this year. And I hope that you manage to do what you set out to do as well.

#personal #long post #seamus speaks #i also only slept 3 hours today lmao oops

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mischiefthedreamerx · 3 years

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To Never Give Up

Summary: By mistake, Loki takes a portal leading him to New Asgard, where he meets Thor who is broken & hopeless after the events of Infinity War. Thor is given some closure and Loki can finally say goodbye.

Pairing: Loki x Sylvie implied.

A/N: Idk how Loki ends up in New Asgard in but that's irrelevant. Towards the end I kind of lost inspiration & ideas so it flopped a bit but I wanted to finish it.

Word Count: 3k

- - - - - - - -

Loki landed ungracefully with a loud 'thud' against a hard cold floor. As he lay down in his new surroundings, the awful smell of the room hit him first, making him scrunch up his nose. Getting up to his feet with an exhausted sigh, he took in the room. It was small, dull and unkempt. Only a slither of light broke through the closed curtains. Empty food packets and cans of alcohol littered the table and wooden floor. Loki saw some controls with wires connecting to a thin rectangular box next to a TV. The stoned-wall room looked abandoned, claustrophobic. How could anyone possible live here? Blankets lay over a gloomy sofa as if someone was sleeping on it too.

Loki cautiously walked around the room for any sign of life, avoiding treading on the litter or touching anything for that matter. He thought whoever lived here would probably not be much of a threat. Outside, he heard the sound of birds squawking and ocean waves.

The next thing he heard was a sudden high pitch creaking sound of a door opening. Loki conjured up a small dagger, eyes narrowing to the direction of the sound. Someone was home. The door closed and within seconds, the resident appeared in front of the room.

Loki’s dagger fell to the floor as he froze in place. He stared openly, wide eyed, trying to process who this heavy figure was. The figure in turn dropped a white plastic bag of food.

"Thor..?” Loki gasped in horror. His brother wore a grubby white t-shirt and a knitted cardigan, hair long and tangled. At first, Loki wasn't even sure it was Thor.

Thor mumbled out a bunch of incoherent sounds before managing to form actual words. "Loki..? Loki! You're alive!" He let out a laugh as he pulled his brother into a tight hug.

Loki was left speechless. Tears prickled in the corner of his eyes, hesitantly placing an arm around Thor to return the embrace. A warmth spread through him. Loki did not wish to let go though Thor eventually did.

A bright smile crossed his lips. “You bastard! You had me fooled there, thinking you'd actually died again! And for good this time. You truly are quite the trickster, brother. " The laughter continued as he pat Loki on the back.

Loki swallowed. "Thor..I'm.." His stomach ached at the thought of telling Thor the truth. "I'm not from this timeline." He guessed since Thor was not on Asgard that their home had been destroyed on this timeline by Ragnarok and Thanos had attacked. Loki placed a hand on Thor's shoulder. "I'm not your Loki." He said softly.

"Wait..this isn't another one of your silly little tricks, right?" He kept up his smile despite the uncertainty in his gaze.

Loki raised both hands in an attempt to calm his brother. "Thor. I need you to listen to me."

But he did exactly the opposite. "Please come in! Excuse the mess. I-i wasn't expecting visitors. Not that I, er, getting any.." Thor mumbled as he hurried in, removing any litter from the sofa and tidying the blankets. Loki turned to watch Thor helplessly, unable to move from his spot. He sucked in a heavy sigh. "Have a seat." Thor spoke.

Loki forced away the numbness in his limps and slowly sat down. "Thor, please. Just listen to me." He said in despair.

"Right. Of course." Thor muttered, siting himself down.

"What year is this?" Loki asked.

"Um.." Thor frowned, scratching himself. "2023."

"I've come from the year 2012." Loki explained. Thor stilled frowned.

"This isn't a joke is it?" His little piece of happiness faltered.

Loki shook his head, a pained smile reached his lips. "I wish it was."

Any trace of a smile left Thor completely. "So.. you're from another timeline..which means.." He sniffed. "..you're still.."

"Dead." Loki said. "Your Loki is dead." Loki felt a heaviness in his chest. Dead.

Thor wrapped his cardigan around himself. "Then why are you here?"

Loki took a moment to gather his thoughts. "It's a very long story. I took a portal and by chance it lead me here. To you." His gaze met Thor's. There was no sign of that prideful hero left in those empty eyes. Nothing that once resembled a would be King of Asgard, a saviour to many. Loki wasn’t sure it was a good idea to tell Thor about the whole TVA situation either.

“How come you’re alive?” Thor asked.

“After New York, I escaped with the Tesseract. I’ve seen a lot..I saw the events that happened to my future, from the Dark Elves to Ragnarok and the attack by Tha—“

“No. We don’t say that name here.” Thor choked out, cutting Loki off.

Loki nodded. Thor had lost everything and so had Loki too, though in return he found Mobius and Sylvie to help with the loss of his family but Thor was alone. Not even the avengers came to visit him from the sound of it. Loki fought the urge to let his fingers curl into fists.

"Sorry." Loki apologised. "So this is your new..home?" His eyes scanned the living room.

Thor fumbled with his fingers. "It's not much. After the..well, you know, the humans were kind enough to offer us this village. It's a bit fishy but it's all we've got. They even gave us a sign too." Thor forced on a smile. "It's not quite like home." He looked down at his lap.

"Asgard is not a place." Loki said.

"It's a people." Thor said quietly, finishing off the common saying amongst the Asgardians.

Loki knew he should not stay too long, it would only hurt Thor more when he left but maybe this was what they both needed despite not being from the same timeline. Loki told himself to go. Was it selfish to stay for a little while longer? Maybe this was meant to happen?

"Why don't you show me around this new kingdom of yours?" Loki suggested with genuine smile.

"No, I don't really go out much."

Loki stood up. If he was going to stay for a while, he wasn’t willing to be confined in this depressing room. "Well I'll just go ahead on my own, if you don't mind?" He smirked. "I'll be on my best behaviour."

Thor scrambled up to his feet. "I don't think that a good idea. You're suppose to be dead, they'll see you."

Loki chuckled. "No they won't. You still underestimate me, brother."

- - - - - - -

Loki concealed his presence from anyone nearby, though it wasn't too busy, some had gone out on their boats. They both walked along the pier, Loki had conjured up a black coat due to the weather. The sky was hidden behind grey clouds, as a breeze swept across the ocean. Rays of sunlight managed to break through occasionally. Thor briefly spoke about their job with trading and catching fish for nearby villages in this place called 'Scotland'.

After about half an hour of wandering along the pier, they both stood on a hill overlooking the coast and houses of New Asgard. Thor bent down, placing in hands on his knees to catch his breath.

"Are you okay?"

"Don't worry about me. The exercise will do me some good." He said sucking in the ocean air before standing up straight, stretching his back. Loki gave him a moment to steady his breathing back to normal.

"So what are your daily king duties on this fine and wonderful kingdom?" Loki asked in light humour.

Thor scratched his brow in thought. "You know, king stuff, the usual. It's not like I stay inside all day shouting at a bunch of fools on a screen."

"Sounds..exciting." Loki said flatly.

"What about you? Causing chaos wherever you go?"

Loki thought of his words carefully, there was no need for Thor to know all the specifics when he already had enough to deal with.

"Something like that." He smiled. Chaos was too much of a small word to describe what he had gone through. "I've been protecting the sacred timeline." Loki joked with enthusiasm.

Thor frowned but did not question it. "Oh, yeah? And how's that going?”

Loki's facial features tightened. "Marvellous.”

Thor did not have the effort to ask Loki to expand on his response, he probably thought Loki was lying but it did not matter to him.

They both stood together watching the ocean. Loki closed his eyes, tipping his head back as he let the breeze blow against him, prolonging their time together. There was something about the ocean that brought him a sense of calmness. As Loki's eyes remained close, Thor turned to look at his brother who appeared to be so at peace, a feeling Thor had rarely often seen Loki experience.

"You've changed." Thor said absentmindedly, his voice mirroring the calmness between them.

Loki opened his eyes, a warm expression crossed his face. "I know. Seeing one's own life play out on screen was certainly an experience. I finally heard what I needed to hear for so long.” That he was loved.

"I met people I could trust.” Well, it was still an ongoing process for some part of it. “Someone who told me I could be anything I wanted to be, even someone good.”

A tinged of jealousy pinched inside Thor's chest. "Met anyone special along the way?" He nudged Loki with his elbow as he grinned.

"Well," Loki placed his hands in his pockets, letting out a nervous laugh. "it's complicated."

The shining grin remained. "I wish to hear about them.”

Loki shied away for a moment, trying to force his smile back but unfortunately failed to do so. "She's sometimes irritating and very reckless." His expression then softened. "She reminds me of how I used to be..so full of anger but deep down she's hurting, a lot. She doesn't trust, or let anyone in. Or even know what it’s like to love someone.”

"And then you came along with all that charm of yours.” Thor teased.

Loki scoffed. "Cut it out. We're..still figuring things out. I think."

"Truly, I am happy for you, brother. And what is this fair maiden’s name?" She was definitely far from a ‘fair maiden’...

Loki averted his gaze downwards, their last moment that they shared together played through his mind. "Sylvie." He said, almost as a whisper to himself. A name that weighed heavy in his heart.

"Sylvie." Thor repeated, testing the name. “You know, brother, for the first time in my life. I'm actually jealous of you. Who would of thought that?"

Loki frowned. "Jealous? Of me?" This would of once made Loki feel victorious that the roles had been reversed after many years but now it only pained his heart to see his mighty brother succumb to such sadness.

"I mean, look at you! All happy and in love. And then there's me. Barely even a king, I spend every day inside pretending I'm fine, it's not like most of my people haven't died when I was suppose to protect them or-or that half of the universe has been destroyed, that we failed them, failed each other and fell apart..” Thor rambled on. “We lost.”

"If this means anything to you; I still think you're worthy." Loki said softly. Thor turned with tears prickling in his eyes.

"I am?" He questioned, sniffling. “I’m not quite sure anymore.”

"You are forgetting who you are. You can't let Thanos take everything away from you. He is no god.” Loki knew mentioning Thanos would displease Thor but Loki knew the hard way that hiding your pain, forgetting that it exists, only made everything more worse. The only way out was to face it head on. Loki would certainly know.

Thor shook his head. “No, no. Loki, I can't. Not without you. I've lost everything." He trembled in his words. Loki regretted not leaving sooner. He had failed to comfort Sylvie, to save their trust within their final moments, now Loki had to find some way to bring closure to Thor who was possibly past his breaking point. Comforting others was a tricky task, a trait he had not quite naturally inherited from his mother.

"You don't need me. Our paths were destined to diverge." Loki had found a way to move on and Thor needed to do so as well. "All is not so lost, brother." When you live for so long, loss must be something you became familiar with but regardless of long you knew someone, there was never enough time for when you'd be ready to say goodbye.

"I know. I know." Thor mumbled to himself. Despite his larger size, somehow he seemed to cower into himself, making him seem so small.

Loki cleared his throat. "So the Avengers..they disbanded?" He asked.

Thor nodded. "Seemed that way. Not heard from them since the whole 'snap' disaster." They abandoned him, Loki thought in anguish, failing to hide the disgust in his features.

"The mighty so-called Avengers gave up, is that it?" Loki folded his arms across his chest.

"You seem angry, brother." Thor commented out of curiosity.

Loki shrugged. "They call themselves heroes, protectors against evil but when they lose, they go and hide away from their mistakes like cowards.”

"Then what makes someone a hero?"

Loki blinked several times, his annoyance was caught off guard by Thor's question. Someone who blindly follows the rules? Who uses their powers for fame and fortune? Those who believe they are perfect? But it seems after all, that they were anything but perfect.

"I don't know." Loki looked across at the waves, straightening up his posture and gave Thor his answer; "They are selfless, willing to sacrifice themselves for others without question. They don't just give up even when they lose. They keep on going." Loki attempted to keep his frustration under control but tendril of it managed to slip through.

A small smile portrayed across Thor's lips. "So is that who you are now?"

Loki frowned, turning his attention to his brother. "What do you mean?"

"A hero."

Loki chuckled. Him? A hero? He'd never stopped to think of himself as that. Loki had been many things, taken on many roles; the villain, a trickster, an outcast, a prince. But never a hero in the eyes of others or himself.

"Is that really such a bad thing, Loki?"

"I suppose not." Loki huffed out in uncertainty.

"Whoever said you could be anything you wanted to be was right." Then Thor repeated the words he once said to his Loki on Sakaar; "You could be more."

"Thank you." Loki spoke sincerely with a smile. Maybe he was thankful that he had stayed after all. A final chance to see his brother and for Thor to know that on another timeline, Loki was alive and well.

"No need to thank me, brother. I should be the one thanking you. I am glad fate has brought you here to me, to remind me of who I am."

"My pleasure." Loki nodded.

After a gloomy start to the day, the sun had won its battle against the clouds and shone its rays against the ocean, blessing New Asgard with its glorious light and warmth.

"Looks like the sun is finally making an appearance." Loki commented, looking upwards. "This place is rather melancholy to say the least."

Thor's eyes widened in bewilderment, his gaze switching between the sun and his brother. A tear trickled down his cheek. Fate was truly cruel in some ways. Loki noticed Thor's odd expression.

"Thor?"

Thor shook his head to escape himself from his thoughts. "I'm fine. And don't talk badly about my newly established kingdom. It's a...work in progress. Come back in a few years time and we'll have towers across these mountains."

"I'll take your word for it." Loki chuckled, though their happy mood soon faded. Loki would not be back here in a few years time. He would likely not come back at all. Thor picked up on Loki's sudden change of mood.

"Why can't you stay, Loki?" Thor asked despite knowing that he could not stay.

"As much as I would wish to stay with you, I can't. I.. have people wanting for me." He needed to find Mobius and Sylvie, to fix this mess that had unfolded, he will not run away. Thor nodded with a sniff.

"Will you at least come and visit?" He pleaded. Loki did not want to make any false promises, though he so easily could to make this less painful for Thor but in the long run, the guilt would soon eat up inside of him. He had enough of it to deal with already.

"Thor. I can't. I don't belong here."

Thor’s newly found confidence collapsed, hands beginning to shake. Loki made the decision to leave before the pain was too much to bear for both of them.

"No." Thor shook his head. "Don't leave me."

Loki placed a hand on his brother's quivering shoulder. "I have to. People need need me."

"To be a hero?" Thor managed to force smile as the tears shone in his eyes

"Well I guess." Loki smiled back before opening up his arms to embrace him in a hug. He let their embrace linger on.

"Don't give up." Loki whispered until they let each other go one final time. Thor did not have a chance to reply when Loki waved a hand of green sparks across Thor’s tear stained face.

"Goodbye, brother." Was the last words Thor heard before a gentle darkness overtook his sight.

- - - - - -

"Hey, man. You waking up anytime soon?" Said a voice. Thor felt something small and solid hit his face. "You're not dead are you?" Another minor hard object made contact with his cheek.

Thor had awoken, he was inside his beach hut, Korg stood above him catching a rock in his palm. "Sorry, hope that didn't hurt too much."

Thor ignored him, shrugging off his blanket as he stood up, stable onto his feet. There was a gleam of strength in his eyes that had been missing for far too long. A broad smile made an unusual appearance as the sound of thunder rumbled in the distance.

"Must of been some good dream you had there, buddy?"

"We need to contact the remaining Avengers." Thor demanded as he strode off towards the front door.

Korg scratched the back of his head. "Why?"

"Because heroes never give up!" Thor beamed.

Thank you, brother.

- - - -

@cazzyimagines @maciswack

#Loki fanfic #marvel #Loki tv show #mcu fanfiction #mcu loki #thor #mcu #loki #thor fanfiction #avengers #loki fandom

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