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ghost-proofbaby · 10 months

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Hi!! I’m your friendly neighborhood Swiftie BEGGING you for Eddie - Sparks Fly

sparks fly (eddie's version)

warnings: tooth-rotting fluff. mutual pining. the works. <3

wc: 2.1k+

a/n: this one got mad cheesy. maybe a little too cheesy. idc. i had fun with it.

“You know, one of these days, you’re gonna have to talk to Ed,” the older bartender, Phil, muses as he wipes down the counter behind you.

You hardly hear him over the current symphony of electric guitars, riveting bass, and crashing drums filling the Hideout. You had one focus tonight, just as you did every Tuesday and Friday night, and that was the band on the stage currently commanding an even larger audience than last week.

You’d seen it coming. Building crowds, more buzzing conversations around town in hushed tones about the band that owned the stage of the hole in the wall. You’d stumbled upon them by accident, coming in and telling yourself you were just grabbing one drink after a particularly rough shift. But one drink immediately turned into four that night when the band had taken the stage, playing song after song, keeping you glued to that bar stool and completely enamored with one particular boy on stage.

Eddie Munson.

Every time you watch him command that stage, wild hair and vibrant eyes, it’s like the first time all over again. You can’t get over his wicked grin, the way he puts his entire self into each performance, the rasp of his voice – you’re down bad for a man you’ve never even properly spoken to.

By some miracle, you tear your eyes from the stage, swiveling to face Phil, “Excuse me?”

“Ed. You know, Eddie,” he repeats himself, leaning both palms on the bar, “He notices you, you know? Always asks me where you ran off to after their set’s done.”

Your heart is suddenly in your throat, embarrassment red hot in the pit of your stomach, “H-He notices me? Why would he notice me?”

“You’re at every show. Even before they started getting a proper crowd. The damn boy hasn’t shut up about you since that first night,” Phil pauses to hand off a beer to another patron wordlessly, “You’re lucky you pay with cash and not card, or I’m sure he would’ve tracked you down outside of here by now. Calls you his Cinderella.”

Like a clock chiming midnight, the final tinny note of the set rings through the bar, and you can hear that rasp of Eddie’s voice booming through the speakers.

“We have been Corroded Coffin! Thank you very fucking much!”

And just like clockwork, you’re rushing to dig into your purse, yanking a twenty from your wallet and smacking it onto the bar before grabbing your drink to down the last of it.

“I’m not Cinderella,” you choke out over the residual burn of the alcohol, face still scrunched up as you glance over your shoulder to see the boys have already left the stage, “I just like the music.”

“The music,” he hums, “Right. Well, your money’s no good here tonight, little miss Cindy,” he reaches out, and with a singular fingertip, pushes the cash back towards you over the sticky wood. When your mouth opens and closes in confusion, Phil’s eyes flicker up towards the side door beside the stage where a commotion has begun, signaling that the band is coming out, “It seems the music likes you, too. So much so that he demanded I add your drinks to his tab tonight.”

The coals of embarrassment burn even brighter, igniting you from the inside out. Your hand flies out, grabbing back the twenty and shoving it aimlessly in your purse. You keep looking back at the crowd, catching glimpses of dark curls over the small sea of people singing their praises, watching your seconds run out in real time. It’s not that you didn’t want to speak to the man who has had you captivated for several months now; you were just mortified that he’d noticed you in that crowd, noticed the way you attended each show.

One of these days you’d talk to him. But tonight, you had no bravery left for such boldness.

“You’re gonna have to leave behind a glass slipper for the boy eventually,” Phil only chuckles, watching you fumble to clasp your purse before you shoot up from the stool, “Hey, hold on-”

“Another night, Phil!” you call out, not even looking back as you make a beeline for the bar’s exit.

If you had, you would have seen your favorite ring that Phil was holding up, the one that you had taken off your finger to fiddle with endlessly before sitting it down at some point without thought, now left behind like some kind of glass slipper.

—

You were late. It was Friday night, the day had been a nightmare, and you were fucking late to Corroded Coffin’s show.

Your attendance had never faltered like this before. You were always right on time, sometimes five minutes early once the crowds doubled in size in order to secure one of your regular seats.

The deviation from your routine has you reeling, amongst other things. Your Friday had simply been shit. A nonstop rampant attack on your sanity, one thing after another testing what was left of your patience. You’d slept through your first two alarms this morning, you hadn’t realized you were out of coffee creamer until you’d grabbed the scarily light container of it this morning, you had to take a dreadfully cold shower rather than waste precious minutes letting the water warm, you’d worked through your lunch to clean up a mess made by your coworker – the list goes on and on.

You burst through the entrance of the Hideout, probably looking a bit crazed, stopping dead in your tracks when you realize two things.

One, It’s fairly empty. And two, Corroded Coffin is not on the stage.

“Look who decided to show!” Phil calls from his place behind the bar, waving dramatically to you, “Cinderella!”

“Phil, for the last time, I’m not-”

“Your favorite band canceled tonight, I’m afraid,” he bulldozes right over your retort as you approach one of your usual stools.

Your brows furrow, “Canceled? Is everything okay?”

Phil’s mouth opens. But it’s not his voice that answers you.

“Gareth’s sick.”

A voice you’d only heard on the stage, through crackling speakers and enthusiastic addresses to a crowd. A voice you had never heard one-on-one, and for good reason.

Your breath escapes you as you turn slowly, facing the man you’d managed to elude for months now.

“Pardon?” you squeak out, voice hardly audible.

Eddie still grins shyly, hearing you loud and clear due to how uncharacteristically quiet the bar is tonight, “Our drummer, Gareth – he’s, uh, sick. Sorry to disappoint.”

He’s just as captivating up close as he is on the stage. There’s still something wild in him, something electrifying that he seems completely unaware of.

“Don’t apologize,” you’re still whispering, internally cursing yourself for it. You probably look ridiculous right now; you can only picture your starry eyes and parted lips, looking at him with palpable shock, hardly able to utter a word, “I- I’m not disappointed. There’ll be other shows!” you stammer your way through your words, and when Eddie only continues to look at you with gentle amusement, the softest ripple of possible nerves from the way his hands shoved into his pockets, you continue to over explain yourself, rambling on, “I just- I, uh, hope he feels better.”

“Yeah, me too,” he nods in agreement before he buries his hands even deeper. Suddenly, as if he’s found something in those pockets, his face lights up in delight, “Oh! Hey, I-” his left hand pulls out of his pocket at lightning speed, still curled into a fist as he thrusts it into your direction, “I think this might be yours.”

Slowly, he unfurls his fingers, and in the center of his palm rests your ring. You had assumed it was lost to the fire, that it might have fallen off at work or outside your apartment, never to be found again. Just another thing to add to your checklist of things gone wrong.

And yet there it was, like a perfect glass slipper, right in the palm of Eddie’s hand.

Your nerves are all but forgotten as you get giddy, reaching out without thinking to take the ring from him. A gentle brush of your fingertips against this palm, and you swear you feel sparks flying from the minimal contact, “Oh! Oh my gosh! Thank you, I-” you slip it on easily, smiling widely before you look up at him gleefully, “I thought I’d lost it for good. Thank you.”

Eddie turns bashful, tilting down his chin and letting stray curls fall in his face that half hide his own contained grin. If the lighting in the bar had been better, you would have caught the pink spreading across his cheeks.

“And so the prince finally meets his Cinderella,” Phil mutters from behind the two of you before he suddenly smacks his palms on the countertop, “Alright! Well, if you two will excuse me, I have to…. Do some stock count in the back,” a blatant lie, “Don’t burn the place down, yeah?”

Eddie snaps out of his daze to look up to the older man, mock saluting him in a way that has an involuntary giggle leaving your lips. In an instant, he’s looking back down to you, almost surprised at the sound.

Cheap bar lighting can no longer hide his blush. Or your own adoration.

“The bar is yours! Make good decisions!” Phil continues to shout as he moves to the backroom, voice fading with each step.

Finally, you and Eddie are alone.

“And then there were two,” he murmurs, taking a step closer to you, finding something brave in him at the way you’re looking up at him in reverie.

The rockstar that had been enchanting you for months from a distance. The man who had been occupying all your thoughts far too much for having been a stranger.

This is your chance. No more hiding at the back of the bar, only admiring him with the safety of a crowd between you two. No more wondering, no more imagining, no more pining. Time stands still, not a single clock daring to strike midnight as the electric currents between you two come to a rise.

“Say,” you say right when he looks to be preparing himself to speak first. It’s time to be bold, take a risk, no matter the costs. “Do you… Do you want to grab a drink?”

His wicked grin is even better right in front of you, directed at you, “Well, he did say the bar is ours. What’s your poison?”

“Jack and coke?”

He shrugs, still a vibrant fool, like a schoolgirl with a crush, “I’ve been known to have a heavy hand with the jack, but… I think I can manage that.”

Electrifying, pulsing, the beginning of something new. You can see it now – the way you’re going to cling to his arm when he makes you laugh so hard you nearly fall off your chair, the way he’ll be able to charm you better over a jack and coke than he ever had been able to from behind a guitar, the way those eyes scream trouble. And yet at the end of the night, you know he’ll still walk you to your car through the empty parking lot. He’ll probably use the excuse of the bad weather looming overhead. When the sky finally breaks open and the first drops of rain fall, neither of you will be brave enough to admit what you both already know. Tonight’s not the night for kisses in the rain or talk of what-ifs.

That’s fine. For tonight, the sparks of something new are enough.

Eddie moves to walk behind the bar, but you throw out a reckless hand to catch him. Your first curls around his forearm for the first time tonight, and even with the layer of leather that separates skin, you can feel it. “Hey, did you really call me your Cinderella?”

Flashes and arrays of what’s to come flood both of you. It’s only the first drink. It’s only the first night.

It won’t be the last.

“I mean,” he nods subtly down to the hand holding him, where your ring glitters on your middle finger, snug on your knuckle, “If the ring fits, right?”

He’s right. The ring fits.

And a different ring fits years later, after all those kisses in the rain and many more jack and cokes that Eddie never quite perfects. And you’re still right where you belong, front row at every Corroded Coffin show, Eddie’s own personal Cinderella. When the clock strikes midnight, he’s no longer afraid – he knows you’ll be coming home to him now.

Phil only laughs when he receives the invite, chuckling to himself at the chosen theme for the two idiots that once haunted his bar who now had moved onto bigger and better things.

A gothic fairytale wedding, on a Tuesday night. How fitting.

"you touch me once and it's really something. you find i'm even better than you imagined i would be."

#speak now (ghost's version)#eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x you #eddie munson fluff #eddie munson blurb #eddie munson imagine #stranger things #gotta go see a dentist now #heavily inspired by the og version where she talks about meeting in a bar ngl #speak now is just so fairytale love coded to me i'm sorry #this also would have fit so well for enchanted too but #i listened to sparks fly as i wrote it i swear

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softest-cinnamon-roll · 5 years

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Reddie having a cuddly day and cuddling while doing absolutely EVERYTHING and being very much in love?

just a bad dream

summary: just another fix it fic!

pairing: reddie

words: 1,619

a/n: this fic is written for my love @tozier-boy because I love her so much and I wanted to make her happy! Also, to make up for my last sad fic, have some fluff!

*click title to read on AO3

* * * * *

“Honey…honey he’s dead.”

“No! No he’s not dead, he’s just hurt. Guys, please. He’s just hurt!!

“Richie, we need to go! Now!”

“No! Eddie! No please, he’s still in there. We have to help him! Eddie!”

Richie gasped, throwing his eyes open as the memory playing back in his mind on a continuous loop. Eddie throwing the spear at the clow, to knock Richie out of the deadlights and, in some sick twist of fate, died for it.

Eddie Kaspbrak. The love of his life. His first and last love. He was gone before Richie even got the chance to say anything to him. To tell him how he really felt. Bile rose up in the back of Richie’s throat and he threw his arm out to turn on the bedside light, leaning his head over the bed to bring up whatever he had for dinner.

He couldn’t even remember what it was he had for dinner in that moment. All he could think about was that fucking clown completely destorying any chance he had with the love of his life. Fucking asshole.

A groan and a hand on his back caused Richie to freeze up and he tried to rack his brain to when he brought someone home the night before. Just as he was about to turn around and ask them to leave, the voice spoke up, bringing more tears of shock to Richie’s eyes.

“Rich? Why is the light on? It’s like…three am.” The voice was soft and still laced with sleep but Richie didn’t care. He turned around quickly, his eyes focusing on the body next to his that was starting to sit up, rubbing his eyes. Eddie Kaspbrak was right there. Alive and in the flesh.

“Eds…” Richie breathed, tears streaming down his cheeks. “Oh my god Eds.” Ignoring the fact that he had just vomited all over the floor next to his bed, Richie lunged at Eddie, wrapping him up in a hug as he sobbed into his neck. “Oh Eddie, you’re here, you’re alive! I’m not- dreaming am I?”

Eddie’s body sagged a little as the words registered in his brain and a hang was brought up to lace through Richie’s curls. “Richie, babe, look at me.” Richie did, pulling back and looking at Eddie desperately. “Did you dream about it again? About what you saw in the deadlights?”

As soon as the words left Eddie’s lips, all the memories came flooding back to him in waves. The fight with IT, throwing rocks at IT before being caught in the deadlights. He remembered what the deadlights had shown him. His dream…the dream he had thought was reality, was in fact something that wasn’t real at all. It was nothing but a hallucination brought on by the deadlights.

Slowly, Richie nodded his head and Eddie wrapped him up in a hug, tight and secure. Richie could remember all the previous times this had happened, and how Eddie never once batted an eyelid. He was always right there to comfort Richie, no matter what time of day, or night, it was.

Suddenly, Eddie sniffed the air and pulled back, making a face at Richie, “Were you sick?”

“I- Yeah, a little,” Richie admitted sheepishly and Eddie sighed, placing his hand on his cheek and stroking his thumb across the skin. It was something they had both taken to do as an act of comfort ever since the return to Derry.

“I’ll go get the mop,” Eddie smiled. “Go brush your teeth and I’ll make us some tea. Maybe there’s some rubbish talk show on TV we can watch until we fall back asleep.”

Richie’s eyes softened and before Eddie could get off the bed, he wrapped a hand around his wrist. “I’m sorry,” Richie choked, biting his lip. “I know you have work in the morning and you need your sleep and-”

Eddie cut him off with a finger to his lips, “I’m calling in sick. So are you.” He announced, taking Richie by surprise. Many a time Richie had suggested they call in sick, but Eddie was always the responsible one. He kind of liked this side of Eddie. “We’re going to spend all day in bed, eating junk food and watching crappy TV. Okay?”

“Okay,” Richie nodded and let him go before stumbling his way to the bathroom to freshen up.

* * * * *

It was well past four am before they finally fell back asleep. Richie had stumbled to the bathroom and brushed his teeth before returning to the bedroom to find all the vomit on the floor was already cleaned up. Eddie really was fast at that. A few minutes later, Eddie was back with two cups of herbal tea, something that helped both of them sleep.

True to his word, Eddie had put the TV on and they had fallen asleep to an episode of Dr Phil, Richie’s head resting on Eddie’s shoulder, where it belonged.

He woke up with a crick in his neck, but nothing but warmth and love in his heart. Eddie was still fast asleep, his arm draped across Richie’s shoulder as his head had moved onto Eddie’s chest. He wanted to remain in that position forever, but his neck was really starting to hurt, so he slowly removed himself from Eddie’s embrace and stood up.

One glance at the clock told him that it was just after eleven and his stomach began to growl as it insisted it be fed. He made his way to the kitchen, making a fresh pot of coffee before looking through the cupboards for something to eat. They really needed to go shopping at the weekend.

Just as Richie was looking through one of the cupboards, a pair of arms wound around his waist from behind. He smiled and turned around to face a still half asleep Eddie Kasbrak. His hair sticking up in all directions. “Morning,” he mumbled into Richie’s chest.

“Morning,” Richie breathed back, kissing Eddie’s hair softly. “Coffee?”

At the mention of caffeine, Eddie pulled back and made grabby hands at Richie, who simply laughed and poured him a cup, sliding it into his hands. “There you go you demon.”

“Shut up, you know I need coffee to function in the morning,” Eddie grumbled, taking a long sip, followed by a contented sigh. Eventually, after a few minutes, he opened his eyes and met Richie’s. “How are you?”

Richie shrugged a little and reached for Eddie’s hand, squeezing it tight, “I’m good, Eds. I promise. Just a bad dream right?”

Eddie nodded, squeezing back, “That’s all they are Rich, bad dreams. That fucker is dead. We killed it and it can never hurt us ever again.” He sat his coffee to the side and leaned up on his toes, capturing Richie’s lips in a kiss. “I love you.”

His heart fluttered at the words and he rested their foreheads together. Once upon a time, Richie could only dream of hearing Eddie say those words, and now here he was, saying them half naked in the kitchen. Their kitchen. “I love you too, so much.”

“Sap,” Eddie laughed, stepping back to finish his coffee. “I called in sick, and I called you in sick too. So our day is completely free, just for us.”

Just like Eddie promised, they spent the whole day snuggled up on the couch, watching movies and feeding each other the last bits of food they found in their fridge. They would go grocery shopping in the morning.

As the day drew to a close, Richie was laying back on the couch and Eddie was on the other side, his feet in his lap. He had a fond look on his face and Richie was getting more and more curious as to what his boyfriend was thinking about. “Eds?”

“Mhm?” Eddie looked up, having been broken out of his thoughts. “You okay?”

“I was just about to ask you the same thing,” Richie answered, sitting up a bit. “You were lost in thought there. Penny for your thoughts?”

Eddie laughed and looked right into Richie’s eyes, the smile still on his lips. “I was just thinking…we should get married.”

Richie’s jaw almost dropped to the floor and he felt his stomach flip, “W-What?”

“I mean,” Eddie continued. “We’ve been in love with each other since we were kids. We are basically married already! My divorce has been final for a year now and well…I love you. I don’t want to waste any more time than we have already. I mean…twenty seven years is a long time, right?” He ran a hand through his hair. “I’m sure it was going to happen eventually so…why not now?”

“Fuck- Eds,” Richie breathed. “Are you serious? You want…you want to get married? For real?”

Eddie nodded his head and moved closer, lacing their fingers together. “I do. I want to get married, I want to adopt a dog with you, maybe eventually kids. I want to get a house and decorate it with you. I want to help you with your nightmares all the time and…and I want to help you with your career. I want to be there, right by your side for the rest of our lives.” He smiled at Richie, soft and loving. “So? Will you marry me?”

As if Eddie ever needed to ask, Richie nodded his head, “Of course I will, Eds,” he breathed, pressing their foreheads together. “On one condition.”

“What’s that?” Eddie asked, tilting his head to the side.

Richie smirked, but then softened it to a smile. “You gotta become Eddie Tozier.”

A pause. Eddie smiled back. “I think that can be arranged.”

* * * * *

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#reddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #it chapter 2 spoilers #fix it fic #writing tag

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aion-rsa · 3 years

Text

The 25 Best SNL Holiday Sketches

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The holidays are a special time around 30 Rock. While tourists flock to see the towering Christmas tree, the Saturday Night Live writers room is busy thinking of holiday sketches you’ll reminisce about as you put up the stockings for years to come. Some of SNL’s all-time great sketches illustrate the best of the holiday spirit or lack thereof as show’s biggest stars often shined the brightest just before the New Year.

From unlikely Santas to unorthodox gift-giving, we’re looking at 25 of our favorite Saturday Night Live holiday sketches. We’ll be going in chronological order here. There is a big dose of modern stuff in there, but what can I say? The show might be more miss than hit these days, but they really hit it out of the park year after year with the Christmas sketches.

Santi-Wrap (1976)

Very early in the show’s run, we get this classic where an adult woman (Laraine Newman) is all about sitting on Santa’s lap like when she was a little kid. The initial laugh is that before sitting down, she puts pieces of toilet paper on Santa’s leg for protection, like one would do in a public bathroom. Dan Aykroyd, her companion on this trip, seems shocked by this. Not that she’s trying to protect herself from germs, but because she’s not going far enough!

Suddenly, it turns out to be a commercial for Santi-Wrap, a festive and plasticky take on toilet seat covers. Not only do those two sell the product concept so well, but John Belushi as the mall Santa pushes it further by coming off as a complete disaster of a man who is probably riddled with disease.

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One of the show’s all-time best line deliveries is Belushi’s drunken, “Ho ho ho…” which has both defiant gusto and the sense that he’s seconds away from vomiting all over himself.

Mr. Robinson’s Christmas (1984)

Saturday Night Live has been a stepping stone to superstardom ever since Chevy Chase became a household name during its first season. In the 80s, Eddie Murphy’s recurring roles on SNL helped raise his profile as he eventually became one of, if not the biggest star of the decade. It was around Christmas time when Murphy’s spin on Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood became one of the sketches that came to define his tenure at Studio 8H.

Mr. Robinson’s neighborhood isn’t quite as nice as Mister Rogers’ but at Christmas time you have to make the best with what you have. Mr. Robinson was able to do that with a chunk of lettuce and a headless doll and Murphy was able to make the most of every opportunity he had on SNL.

It’s a Wonderful Life: The Lost Ending (1986)

If you’ve seen the 1946 American Christmas classic It’s A Wonderful Life, odds are you’ve been inspired by its heart-warming ending. Thanks to SNL and host William Shatner, we now have footage of the “fabled” lost ending to Frank Capra’s Christmas epic and it’s anything but heartwarming. Rather than end the film with everyone coming to George Bailey’s aid in his time of need and celebrating his lifetime of selflessness and kindness, it decides to give Mr. Potter a fate more explicit than being doomed to failure and loneliness. Phil Hartman pops in as Uncle Billy and not only remembers what happened to the missing money, but knows exactly who has it!

Dana Carvey makes the sketch as a George Bailey hell-bent on revenge. It just wouldn’t be Christmas without seeing him give Mr. Potter a beat down alongside his bloodthirsty loved ones.

Master Thespian Plays Santa Claus (1987)

Jon Lovitz’s characters were usually very hammy by design. Whether he was a pathological liar or the Devil himself, he always went to 11. One of his better recurring characters was Master Thespian, a scene-chewing Shakespearean actor who takes himself and his roles far too seriously.

In this installment, he would be playing the role of a mall Santa Claus.

Thespian doesn’t seem to have heard of Santa, but he’s down for the part. Finding out that there’s no actual script, he improvises and figures out the character via making mistakes and getting scolded by the Macy’s manager (played by Phil Hartman, choosing to base his performance on Frank Nelson because why not). To his surprise, Santa Claus actually LIKES children! These are notes a performer needs to know, man!

Seeing him play off the kids and Hartman is a blast. Speaking of which, one of the better gags is a fart joke that somehow proves how great an actor Master Thespian truly is. THANK YOUUUUUU!

Hanukkah Harry (1989)

Santa Claus (Phil Hartman) is violently ill with the flu, so it seems Christmas might be cancelled. Luckily, there is one man capable of fulfilling his obligations through the same kind of holiday magic. Hanukkah Harry (Jon Lovitz), Santa’s Jewish counterpart, is called in to help.

At its core, it’s a lengthy sketch about Jewish jokes and how lame Hanukkah is outside of it lasting eight days. Springing off of that, it actually makes for a really good, if a little touching, holiday story. There are definite laughs in there, but what was created to be a parody hits a little too close and becomes a genuine gem celebrating both holidays and the spirit of togetherness.

“On Moishe! On Herschel! On Schlomo!”

Motivational Santa (1993)

What started as a pep talk for troubled teens turned into Chris Farley’s iconic recurring character. Matt Foley, the thrice-divorced, sweaty, overweight man who lived in a van down by the river, crashed into our living rooms in 1993 and remained a fixture on SNL until Farley was fired from the show in 1995.

Sometimes a sketch is so successful that the writers are almost forced to bring one or more of its characters around again and Matt Foley was no exception. In one of the funnier times Matt Foley returned, he was hired to spread Christmas cheer as a motivational mall Santa, offering up this gem:

“‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the van Your ol’ buddy Matt fell asleep on the can. His children were nestled two time zones away, With his first wife and her husband, in sunny L.A. Matt woke up and realized with a chill and a quiver That he was living in a van down by the river!“

Though many of the same jokes and physical gags are recycled, Farley’s effort, from the painfully high pitch of his voice to crashing down the chimney, earns the Motivational Santa a place in SNL Christmas lore.

Adam Sandler’s Hanukkah Song (1994)

Yes, we’ve heard Adam Sandler’s “The Hanukkah Song” a million times over, but we shouldn’t let that cloud our judgement. It’s one of the first clips that pops into your head when you think “SNL Holiday Sketches” and it will go down as a landmark moment when the history of “Weekend Update” is written 200 years from now. Sandler didn’t use his time to evoke images of being a Jew at Christmas, rather he chose to praise the Festival of Lights and name-drop all the famous people who celebrate it. Since debuting the song in 1994, Sandler’s updated it for his comedy albums and standup routine and given Jewish kids something other than “The Dreidel Song” to belt during during the holidays. Sandler’s clever, original moment is about as influential as it gets for any not-ready-for-prime time player.

It did lead to the movie Eight Crazy Nights, so it isn’t free from sin.

TV Funhouse: Fun with Real Audio (1997)

It’s rare for SNL to get poignant, but here’s a fantastic example. In this animated short, Jesus Christ returns to Earth and spends the first opening minutes being ignored and shoved into the background for disagreeing with televangelists who use his name to line their pockets with donations or to justify their hatred of homosexuals. These bits are, of course, animated over actual audio of said real life sociopaths. Jesus is able to give them their just desserts with his divine magic, but it bums him out.

Walking the city streets, unnoticed by the public at large, Jesus watches Christmas-themed TV through a store window and is disappointed with what he sees. That is, until he comes across Linus’ speech at the end of A Charlie Brown Christmas and we get a final moment that’s adorable, uplifting, and pretty hilarious.

NPR’S Delicious Dish: Schweddy Balls (1998)

The dry, NPR-host banter between Ana Gasteyer’s Margaret Jo McCullen — who cheerfully admits that she leaves tap water and rice out for Santa because “Christmas foods really wreak havoc on the ol’ digestive system” — and Molly Shannon’s Teri Rialto as they discuss delectable Yuletide “balls” with Alec Baldwin’s Pete Schweddy is a can’t-miss skit. The trio makes monotone an art form, while remaining dedicated to the naivety of the characters involved. (In response to Alec Baldwin’s, “But the thing I most like to bring out this time of year are my balls,” their faces barely twitch.) It’s double entendre at its finest, and never fails to leave me in stitches.

Pete Schweddy returned in another episode where he introduced the women to his hotdogs, but having them show so much interest in putting his wiener in their mouths was a little too easy a joke to pull off.

I Wish It Was Christmas Today (2000-the heat death of the universe)

On one December episode, there was a short segment of Horatio Sanz, Jimmy Fallon, Chris Kattan, and Tracy Morgan playing a catchy, albeit incredibly stupid song about Christmas being on the way. Sanz played a skinny guitar while singing, Fallon occasionally pressed an elephant noise button on the keyboard, Kattan held the keyboard while shaking his head, and Morgan danced with a look on his face like he got dragged on stage against his will. It was silly and would have probably been forgotten soon after.

Instead, they returned a week later and insisted on playing it again despite being explicitly told not to. Soon they would start playing it during non-December months to show Christmas’ superiority over other holidays. After Simon Cowell insulted the group, he sheepishly agreed that he wanted to join them and broke out some maracas. One year, when Sanz was the only one left in the cast, he replaced his buddies with Fozzie Bear, Gonzo, and Animal while Kermit the Frog danced in a way that you have to wonder if a Muppet is capable of snorting coke.

The song still gets brought out now and then, usually on Fallon’s show. It’s even been covered by Julian Casablancas and Cheap Trick of all people!

They did sing a completely different Christmas song one time, but nobody cared.

Glengarry Glen Elf: Christmas Motivation (2005)

Alec Baldwin seems to be the go-to host for classic Christmas sketches. Playing on his iconic Glengarry Glen Ross character Blake, Baldwin (in a way) reprises the role as 615-year-old “elf from the home office” sent to straighten out the subpar work of Santa’s elves. There couldn’t have been a more perfect break in character than when Baldwin says “Always Be Closing” instead of “Always Be Cobbling” as scripted. It’s a slip-up that makes for a perfect holiday sketch, full of deep-bellied laughs.

TV Funhouse: Christmastime for the Jews (2005)

Not only is the witty “Christmas for the Jews” written by comedy legend Robert Smigel, but it’s sung by David Letterman’s Christmas angel Darlene Love. In “Christmas for the Jews,” the characters see “Fiddler on the Roof,” grab an early dinner, and enjoy dreamland Daily Show reruns. It’s an intriguing and catchy look at the other side of the Christmas season, complete with a very Rankin-Bass animation style.

Digital Short: Dick in a Box (2006)

Justin Timberlake is one of the most entertaining, versatile hosts that SNL has been gifted. A member of their prestigious Five-Timers Club, “Dick in a Box” is Timberlake’s most memorable sketch, filled with skeevy, disgusting come-ons from Andy Samberg and Timberlake, which has been viewed just millions and millions of times. In 2006, Timberlake had already impressed critics and viewers alike with his acting range in Alpha Dog, but his comedic turns on SNL solidified him as an actor. Timberlake has done a lot of impressive things in his time as an entertainer, but there are few more enjoyable (or laughable) than “Dick in a Box.”

These two R&B weirdos would return later on to sleep with each other’s moms as reciprocated Mother’s Day presents and later swear that being in a two-guy/one-girl three-way isn’t considered gay.

John Malkovich Reads ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas (2008)

As quipped by the man himself, no one emits Christmas spirit quite like John Malkovich. This admission yields the self-reflexive irony of Malkovich reading “The Night Before Christmas” to the children of SNL’s staff. Malkovich, pausing during his reading of the holiday classic, asks the children about the suicide rate rising during the holidays, talking about how shooting a home invader in California is “perfectly legal,” musing about how the tonnage of Santa’s sleigh and reindeer would (scientifically speaking) burst into flames, how in Portugal their version of Saint Nicholas steals children’s toes, as well as reciting the gem: “You know what they say about hopes; they’re what we cling to when reality has left us nothing else.” If you’re in a lighthearted Christmas mood, Malkovich’s monologue is certainly one to enjoy.

Stefon on Holiday Travel (2010)

Bill Hader was highly respected for his versatility and range during his time at SNL, but it was his improvisational skills that turned a Weekend Update bit into a must-see recurring segment. Stefon, likely the defining character for SNL during the 2010s thus far, informed New Yorkers and tourists alike of the city’s hottest nightclubs – with Hader almost always breaking down in laughter as his cue cards were frequently changed from the rehearsal to throw him off.

Stefon knew how to get weird and you can imagine he’d save some fun things for the a “classic New York holiday.” Make sure to check out the Lower, Lower East Side dump hosted by Tranderson Cooper or find a club with the right amount of Puerto Rican Screeches or Gay Aladdins. Just don’t run over the Human Parking Cones.

Stefon would return with more Christmastime insight three years later, where he’d discuss a club called [loud Tauntaun noises], founded by Jewish cartoon character Menorah the Explorer.

Under-Underground Crunkmas Karnival (2010)

Good God, I wish there were more Under-Underground Records sketches. As a parody of the Gathering of the Juggalos, we’d regularly see DJ Supersoak (Jason Sudeikis) and Lil Blaster (Nasim Pedrad) excitedly talk up huge concert events that are needlessly violent and inexplicable in their randomness. For instance, there’s the Crunkmas Karnival, which features such musical acts as Dump, Boys II Dicks, Scrotum Fire, and…Third Eye Blind for some reason.

It’s just a bunch of loud humor that goes back and forth between being stupidly hardcore and being meekly out of left field. Yes, you can go check out a “dong tug-of-war,” but you can also see a special 2D screening of the Owls of Ga’hoole or meet Spaceballs star Pizza the Hut. Not to mention the return of their most fondly remembered running gag, the endless undying and dying of Ass Dan.

This Christmas-based event will take place in February. Sounds about right.

Ornaments (2011)

Every now and then, SNL will do a sketch towards the end of the show where the guest will talk about whichever holiday is coming up and awkwardly go into one of the aspects of it, such as Easter eggs or Halloween candy. In this instance, it’s Steve Buscemi unloading a box of Christmas ornaments and commenting on each one. All the while, Kristen Wiig plays Sheila, his girlfriend who appears to be more than a little off and doesn’t quite grasp tree decorating.

Buscemi’s descriptions range from delightful non-humor to outlandish and disturbing. He might make an intentionally lame joke about one ornament before holding up another and matter-of-factly letting you know that, “I put this one up my butt.”

And somehow he’s still the straight man in this bit.

You’re a Rat Bastard Charlie Brown (2012)

This sketch is centered on Bill Hader playing Al Pacino, playing Charlie Brown. The rest of the cast turns out bang-up impressions as well: Jason Sudeikis playing Philip Seymour Hoffman playing Pigpen, Kate McKinnon as Edie Falco playing Lucy (as Charlie Brown’s drug peddling therapist, causing a holiday-blues Charlie to say, “Oh yeah…I want something to take me sky high!”), Martin Short playing Larry David playing Linus, Taran Killam doing Michael Keaton as Schroeder, and Cecily Strong as Fran Drescher as Charlie Brown’s mother, all performed in front of a baffled childhood audience.

For anyone who grew up watching Charlie Brown and Co., watching Bill Hader/Al Pacino/Charlie Brown unleash the expletive-laden “You’re gonna hold that f***ing football?!” towards Kate McKinnion/Edie Falco/Lucy, and saying, “Ow, you bitch!” after she pulls it away is absolutely to die for.

Jebidiah Atkinson on Holiday Movies (2013)

For a time, Taran Killam played Jebidiah Atkinson, a Weekend Update character based on how an old newspaper editorial was discovered that panned Abraham Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address. Atkinson, somehow still alive, would appear and read review snippets about other big speeches he hated.

One of his return appearances had him discuss holiday specials and movies. Every single one of them he hates. Every single one of them gets roasted. His vicious energy is so over-the-top that the good jokes land and the bad jokes still get a laugh from the misplaced confidence. Over these several minutes, he screams about how much of a depressing bore A Charlie Brown Christmas is, how the Grinch stole a half hour of his life, and how every time they play It’s a Wonderful Life, an angel blows its brains out.

This one is admittedly a bit dated with its biggest joke, where his distaste for Snoopy is so great that he wishes Family Guy killed him off instead of Brian. The horror from the audience still makes it worth it.

St. Joseph’s Christmas Mass Spectacular (2014)

Ah, Christmas Mass. The drum solo for every childhood during Christmas time. It’s uncomfortable and especially boring. Ergo, liven it up by framing it as a big, in-your-face event via what amounts to a monster truck rally commercial!

It’s a brilliant use of contrast. Take an event that is so mundane with so many familiar and shared experiences and treat it like it’s some extreme thing. The familiarity of the pastor making corny jokes that get the most minor of laughs is treated like a once-in-a-lifetime event. It shines a light on the weird tics of the prominent people you see at church and feels amazingly universal.

The SNL cast is fantastic here, but the MVP is Cecily Strong as the middle-age woman who is way into doing a reading in the loudest, most overly articulate speaking voice possible.

Sump’N Claus (2014)

Getting gifts from Santa Claus is great and all, but when you grow up, you realize how hard it truly is to be nice all year round. Luckily, there’s an alternative. Introduced via an extremely catchy song, we meet Sump’n Claus (Keenan Thompson), a pimp-like offshoot of Santa who not only used to work for St. Nick, but also appears to have some dirt on him.

Sump’n Claus sings several verses about people who have had breakdowns and would be thrown onto the naughty list. Sump’n Claus doesn’t care about that. You be you. Every December, he’ll still be there to hand you an envelope full of twenties and fifties. He’s the holiday mascot for adults, basically.

One of the highlights is how he mentions that Santa is not your friend as friends don’t watch you while you’re sleeping.

The Christmas Candle (2016)

Christmas has been saved by many different things: ghosts who see through time, an angel trying to earn his wings, a reindeer’s glowing nose, New Yorkers singing “Santa Claus is Coming to Town,” and so on. Then again, sometimes you need a savior for something with lower stakes.

In the form of a mid-1990s all ladies group that gives me kind of a Celine Dion vibe, we’re given a wonderful song that starts with the tale of a woman who had to get a coworker a gift for Secret Santa. She found an old peach candle in her closet and just gave her that. The second verse is a similar situation where not only is a peach candle given as a throwaway gift to an acquaintance, but it’s THE SAME candle. Yes, somehow this one peach candle is re-gifted across the globe through latter December by women and gay men who couldn’t be bothered to put thought into their presents.

Truly a miracle.

First Impression (2018)

Beck Bennett plays a guy about to finally meet his girlfriend’s (Melissa Villaseñor) parents and he’s nervous as hell. She assures him that he’ll be fine, but he really wants to impress them. Sure enough, he tries to impress them in the weirdest way by hiding somewhere in the house and speaking in a high-pitched voice in order to dare them to find him. Her parents (Jason Momoa and Heidi Gardner) are notably confused, as is she.

It’s already a strange and silly bit, but Jason Momoa shifts it into gear by suddenly being COMPLETELY into it. Removing his jacket with purpose, Momoa excitedly starts searching the house for this guy. The fact that Momoa is playing an overweight 60-year-old man is enough of a novelty, but he brings this oddball zest to the role as he starts to literally tear the home to pieces in order to get a look at his daughter’s elusive boyfriend.

The boyfriend’s plans here are both overly complicated and half-baked, culminating in an ending that’s as happy as it’s inexplicable and off-putting.

North Pole News Report (2019)

When Eddie Murphy returned to SNL, there was much fanfare. A completely solid episode, it admittedly spent too much of its runtime revisiting his old recurring classics like Mr. Robinson, Gumby, and Velvet Jones. The final sketch of the night goes full blast with his manic energy as he plays an elf eyewitness on the elf news, screaming bloody murder about a horrible tragedy. Mikey Day is reporter Donny Chestnut, looking at the destruction of a toy factory. As he tries to make heads or tails of what’s going on, Murphy bursts onto the scene, screaming about a polar bear attacking the elves and eating them like Skittles. And just screaming in general.

The best line comes from the elf (who keeps declaring, “IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT MY NAME IS!”) bringing over one of the survivors, and noting that, “This white, teenage elf girl ran out here, straight up to me – a black elf in sweatpants – and asked me to keep her safe. That’s how bad it is!” Despite this elf being right about the situation, Donny Chestnut keeps trying to sideline him for being increasingly erratic about Santa’s potential role in the slaughter and what it means for Christmas. Even as he trips over some of his lines, Eddie Murphy is so damn precious here.

AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!

December to Remember Car Commercial (2020)

It might be in bad form to include a sketch from this very year, but man, this joke is not only long overdue, but the acting is top notch. Heidi Gardner’s barely repressed rage is something special.

You’ve seen the commercial a million times. It’s Christmas morning and someone reveals a brand new car to a loved one. As part of Lexus’ December to Remember, Beck Bennett reveals a brand new Lexus with a giant bow to his wife (Gardner) and their son (Timothée Chalamet). What initially appears as shock turns out to be fury and confusion over what is a selfish and short-sighted decision. Buying a car is a huge deal and isn’t something you don’t tell your significant other. More than that, Bennett’s character hasn’t been employed for about a year and a half and has no way of affording such a thing. The thread is pulled away, unraveling both how much of an idiot he is and how doomed their family life happens to be.

Then neighbor Mikey Day shows up and it hits another level. Beck Bennett is the expert at playing guys with misplaced confidence who haven’t come close to thinking things through.

The post The 25 Best SNL Holiday Sketches appeared first on Den of Geek.

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Herbie Hancock

Herbert Jeffrey Hancock (born April 12, 1940) is an American pianist, keyboardist, bandleader, composer and actor. Hancock started his career with Donald Byrd. He shortly thereafter joined the Miles Davis Quintet, where he helped to redefine the role of a jazz rhythm section and was one of the primary architects of the post-bop sound. In the 1970s, Hancock experimented with jazz fusion, funk, and electro styles.

Hancock's best-known compositions include the jazz standards "Cantaloupe Island", "Watermelon Man", "Maiden Voyage", and "Chameleon", as well as the hit singles "I Thought It Was You" and "Rockit". His 2007 tribute album River: The Joni Letters won the 2008 Grammy Award for Album of the Year, only the second jazz album to win the award, after Getz/Gilberto in 1965.

Early life

Hancock was born in Chicago, Illinois, the son of Winnie Belle (Griffin), a secretary, and Wayman Edward Hancock, a government meat inspector. His parents named him after the singer and actor Herb Jeffries. He attended Hyde Park High School. Like many jazz pianists, Hancock started with a classical music education. He studied from age seven, and his talent was recognized early. Considered a child prodigy, he played the first movement of Mozart's Piano Concerto No. 26 in D Major, K. 537 (Coronation) at a young people's concert on February 5, 1952, with the Chicago Symphony Orchestra (led by CSO assistant conductor George Schick) at the age of 11.

Through his teens, Hancock never had a jazz teacher, but developed his ear and sense of harmony. He was also influenced by records of the vocal group the Hi-Lo's. He reported that:

"...by the time I actually heard the Hi-Lo's, I started picking that stuff out; my ear was happening. I could hear stuff and that's when I really learned some much farther-out voicings – like the harmonies I used on Speak Like a Child – just being able to do that. I really got that from Clare Fischer's arrangements for the Hi-Lo's. Clare Fischer was a major influence on my harmonic concept...he and Bill Evans, and Ravel and Gil Evans, finally. You know, that's where it came from."

In 1960, he heard Chris Anderson play just once, and begged him to accept him as a student. Hancock often mentions Anderson as his harmonic guru. Hancock left Grinnell College, moved to Chicago and began working with Donald Byrd and Coleman Hawkins, during which period he also took courses at Roosevelt University (he later graduated from Grinnell with degrees in electrical engineering and music. Grinnell also awarded him an honorary Doctor of Fine Arts degree in 1972). Byrd was attending the Manhattan School of Music in New York at the time and suggested that Hancock study composition with Vittorio Giannini, which he did for a short time in 1960. The pianist quickly earned a reputation, and played subsequent sessions with Oliver Nelson and Phil Woods. He recorded his first solo album Takin' Off for Blue Note Records in 1962. "Watermelon Man" (from Takin' Off) was to provide Mongo Santamaría with a hit single, but more importantly for Hancock, Takin' Off caught the attention of Miles Davis, who was at that time assembling a new band. Hancock was introduced to Davis by the young drummer Tony Williams, a member of the new band.

Career

Miles Davis Quintet (1963–68) and Blue Note Records (1962–69)

Hancock received considerable attention when, in May 1963, he joined Davis's Second Great Quintet. Davis personally sought out Hancock, whom he saw as one of the most promising talents in jazz. The rhythm section Davis organized was young but effective, comprising bassist Ron Carter, 17-year-old drummer Williams, and Hancock on piano. After George Coleman and Sam Rivers each took a turn at the saxophone spot, the quintet gelled with Wayne Shorter on tenor saxophone. This quintet is often regarded as one of the finest jazz ensembles yet.

While in Davis's band, Hancock also found time to record dozens of sessions for the Blue Note label, both under his own name and as a sideman with other musicians such as Shorter, Williams, Grant Green, Bobby Hutcherson, Rivers, Byrd, Kenny Dorham, Hank Mobley, Lee Morgan and Freddie Hubbard.

Hancock also recorded several less-well-known but still critically acclaimed albums with larger ensembles – My Point of View (1963), Speak Like a Child (1968) and The Prisoner (1969) featured flugelhorn, alto flute and bass trombone. 1963's Inventions and Dimensions was an album of almost entirely improvised music, teaming Hancock with bassist Paul Chambers and two Latin percussionists, Willie Bobo and Osvaldo "Chihuahua" Martinez.

During this period, Hancock also composed the score to Michelangelo Antonioni's film Blowup (1966), the first of many film soundtracks he recorded in his career. As well as feature film soundtracks, Hancock recorded a number of musical themes used on American television commercials for such then well known products as Pillsbury's Space Food Sticks, Standard Oil, Tab diet cola and Virginia Slims cigarettes. Hancock also wrote, arranged and conducted a spy type theme for a series of F. William Free commercials for Silva Thins cigarettes. Hancock liked it so much he wished to record it as a song but the ad agency would not let him. He rewrote the harmony, tempo and tone and recorded the piece as the track "He Who Lives in Fear" from his The Prisoner album of 1969.

Davis had begun incorporating elements of rock and popular music into his recordings by the end of Hancock's tenure with the band. Despite some initial reluctance, Hancock began doubling on electric keyboards including the Fender Rhodes electric piano at Davis's insistence. Hancock adapted quickly to the new instruments, which proved to be important in his future artistic endeavors.

Under the pretext that he had returned late from a honeymoon in Brazil, Hancock was dismissed from Davis's band. In the summer of 1968 Hancock formed his own sextet. However, although Davis soon disbanded his quintet to search for a new sound, Hancock, despite his departure from the working band, continued to appear on Davis records for the next few years. Appearances included In a Silent Way, A Tribute to Jack Johnson and On the Corner.

Fat Albert (1969) and Mwandishi (1971)

Hancock left Blue Note in 1969, signing with Warner Bros. Records. In 1969, Hancock composed the soundtrack for Bill Cosby's animated prime-time television special Hey, Hey, Hey, It's Fat Albert. Music from the soundtrack was later included on Fat Albert Rotunda (1969), an R&B-inspired album with strong jazz overtones. One of the jazzier songs on the record, the moody ballad "Tell Me a Bedtime Story", was later re-worked as a more electronic sounding song for the Quincy Jones album Sounds...and Stuff Like That!! (1978).

Hancock became fascinated with electronic musical instruments. Together with the profound influence of Davis's Bitches Brew (1970), this fascination culminated in a series of albums in which electronic instruments were coupled with acoustic instruments.

Hancock's first ventures into electronic music started with a sextet comprising Hancock, bassist Buster Williams and drummer Billy Hart, and a trio of horn players: Eddie Henderson (trumpet), Julian Priester (trombone), and multireedist Bennie Maupin. Patrick Gleeson was eventually added to the mix to play and program the synthesizers.

The sextet, later a septet with the addition of Gleeson, made three albums under Hancock's name: Mwandishi (1971), Crossings (1972) (both on Warner Bros. Records), and Sextant (1973) (released on Columbia Records); two more, Realization and Inside Out, were recorded under Henderson's name with essentially the same personnel. The music exhibited strong improvisational aspect beyond the confines of jazz mainstream and showed influence from the electronic music of contemporary classical composers.

Hancock's three records released in 1971–73 later became known as the "Mwandishi" albums, so-called after a Swahili name Hancock sometimes used during this era ("Mwandishi" is Swahili for "writer"). The first two, including Fat Albert Rotunda were made available on the 2-CD set Mwandishi: the Complete Warner Bros. Recordings, released in 1994. "Hornets" was later revised on the 2001 album Future2Future as "Virtual Hornets".

Among the instruments Hancock and Gleeson used were Fender Rhodes piano, ARP Odyssey, ARP 2600, ARP Pro Soloist Synthesizer, a Mellotron and the Moog synthesizer III.

From Head Hunters (1973) to Secrets (1976)

Hancock formed The Headhunters, keeping only Maupin from the sextet and adding bassist Paul Jackson, percussionist Bill Summers, and drummer Harvey Mason. The album Head Hunters (1973) was a hit, crossing over to pop audiences but criticized within his jazz audience. Stephen Erlewine, in a retrospective summary for AllMusic, said, "Head Hunters still sounds fresh and vital three decades after its initial release, and its genre-bending proved vastly influential on not only jazz, but funk, soul, and hip-hop."

Drummer Mason was replaced by Mike Clark, and the band released a second album, Thrust, the following year, 1974. (A live album from a Japan performance, consisting of compositions from those first two Head Hunters releases was released in 1975 as Flood.) This was almost as well received as its predecessor, if not attaining the same level of commercial success. The Headhunters made another successful album called Survival of the Fittest in 1975 without Hancock, while Hancock himself started to make even more commercial albums, often featuring members of the band, but no longer billed as The Headhunters. The Headhunters reunited with Hancock in 1998 for Return of the Headhunters, and a version of the band (featuring Jackson and Clark) continues to play and record.

In 1973, Hancock composed his soundtrack to the controversial film The Spook Who Sat by the Door. Then in 1974, he composed the soundtrack to the first Death Wish film. One of his memorable songs, "Joanna's Theme", was re-recorded in 1997 on his duet album with Shorter, 1+1.

Hancock's next jazz-funk albums of the 1970s were Man-Child (1975), and Secrets (1976), which point toward the more commercial direction Hancock would take over the next decade. These albums feature the members of the Headhunters band, but also a variety of other musicians in important roles.

From V.S.O.P. (1976) to Future Shock (1983)

In 1978, Hancock recorded a duet with Chick Corea, who had replaced him in the Davis band a decade earlier. Hancock also released a solo acoustic piano album, The Piano (1979), which was released only in Japan. (It was released in the US in 2004.) Other Japan-only albums include Dedication (1974), V.S.O.P.'s Tempest in the Colosseum (1977), and Direct Step (1978). VSOP: Live Under the Sky was a VSOP album remastered for the US in 2004 and included a second concert from the tour in July 1979.

From 1978 to 1982, Hancock recorded many albums of jazz-inflected disco and pop music, beginning with Sunlight (featuring guest musicians including Williams and Pastorius on the last track) (1978). Singing through a vocoder, he earned a British hit, "I Thought It Was You", although critics were unimpressed. This led to more vocoder on his next album, Feets, Don't Fail Me Now (1979), which gave him another UK hit in "You Bet Your Love".

Hancock toured with Williams and Carter in 1981, recording Herbie Hancock Trio, a five-track live album released only in Japan. A month later, he recorded Quartet with trumpeter Wynton Marsalis, released in the US the following year. Hancock, Williams, and Carter toured internationally with Wynton Marsalis and his brother, saxophonist Branford Marsalis, in what was known as "VSOP II". This quintet can be heard on Wynton Marsalis's debut album on Columbia (1981). In 1984 VSOP II performed at the Playboy Jazz Festival as a sextet with Hancock, Williams, Carter, the Marsalis Brothers, and Bobby McFerrin.

In 1982 Hancock contributed to the album New Gold Dream (81,82,83,84) by Simple Minds, playing a synthesizer solo on the track "Hunter and the Hunted".

In 1983, Hancock had a pop hit with the Grammy-award-winning single "Rockit" from the album Future Shock. It was the first jazz hip-hop song and became a worldwide anthem for breakdancers and for hip-hop in the 1980s. It was the first mainstream single to feature scratching, and also featured an innovative animated music video, which was directed by Godley and Creme and showed several robot-like artworks by Jim Whiting. The video was a hit on MTV and reached No. 8 in the UK. The video won in five categories at the inaugural MTV Video Music Awards. This single ushered in a collaboration with noted bassist and producer Bill Laswell. Hancock experimented with electronic music on a string of three LPs produced by Laswell: Future Shock (1983), the Grammy Award-winning Sound-System (1984), and Perfect Machine (1988).

During this period, he appeared onstage at the Grammy Awards with Stevie Wonder, Howard Jones, and Thomas Dolby, in a synthesizer jam. Lesser known works from the 1980s are the live album Jazz Africa (1987) and the studio album Village Life (1984), which were recorded with Gambian kora player Foday Musa Suso. Also, in 1985 Hancock performed as a guest on the album So Red the Rose (1985) by the Duran Duran spinoff group Arcadia. He also provided introductory and closing comments for the PBS rebroadcast in the United States of the BBC educational series from the mid-1980s, Rockschool (not to be confused with the most recent Gene Simmons' Rock School series).

In 1986 Hancock performed and acted in the film 'Round Midnight. He also wrote the score/soundtrack, for which he won an Academy Award for Original Music Score. His film work was prolific during the 1980s, and included the scores to A Soldier's Story (1984), Jo Jo Dancer, Your Life Is Calling (1986), Action Jackson (1988, with Michael Kamen), Colors (1988), and the Eddie Murphy comedy Harlem Nights (1989). Often he would also write music for TV commercials. "Maiden Voyage", in fact, started out as a cologne advertisement. At the end of the Perfect Machine tour, Hancock decided to leave Columbia Records after a 15-plus-year relationship.

1990s to 2000

After a break following his departure from Columbia, Hancock, together with Carter, Williams, Shorter, and Davis admirer Wallace Roney, recorded A Tribute to Miles, which was released in 1994. The album contained two live recordings and studio recording songs, with Roney playing Davis's part as trumpet player. The album won a Grammy for best group album. Hancock also toured with Jack DeJohnette, Dave Holland and Pat Metheny in 1990 on their Parallel Realities tour, which included a performance at the Montreux Jazz Festival in July 1990, and scored the 1991 comedy film Livin' Large, which starred Terrence C. Carson.

Hancock's next album, Dis Is da Drum, released in 1994, saw him return to acid jazz. Also in 1994, he appeared on the Red Hot Organization's compilation album Stolen Moments: Red Hot + Cool. The album, meant to raise awareness and funds in support of the AIDS epidemic in relation to the African-American community, was heralded as "Album of the Year" by Time Magazine.

1995's The New Standard found Hancock and an all-star band including John Scofield, DeJohnette and Michael Brecker, interpreting pop songs by Nirvana, Stevie Wonder, the Beatles, Prince, Peter Gabriel and others.

A 1997 duet album with Shorter, entitled 1+1, was successful; the song "Aung San Suu Kyi" winning the Grammy Award for Best Instrumental Composition. Hancock also achieved great success in 1998 with his album Gershwin's World, which featured readings of George and Ira Gershwin standards by Hancock and a plethora of guest stars, including Wonder, Joni Mitchell and Shorter. Hancock toured the world in support of Gershwin's World with a sextet that featured Cyro Baptista, Terri Lynne Carrington, Ira Coleman, Eli Degibri and Eddie Henderson.

2000 to 2009

In 2001 Hancock recorded Future2Future, which reunited Hancock with Laswell and featured doses of electronica as well as turntablist Rob Swift of The X-Ecutioners. Hancock later toured with the band, and released a concert DVD with a different lineup, which also included the "Rockit" music video. Also in 2001 Hancock partnered with Brecker and Roy Hargrove to record a live concert album saluting Davis and John Coltrane, entitled Directions in Music: Live at Massey Hall, recorded live in Toronto. The threesome toured to support the album, and toured on-and-off through 2005.

The year 2005 saw the release of a duet album called Possibilities. It featured duets with Carlos Santana, Paul Simon, Annie Lennox, John Mayer, Christina Aguilera, Sting and others. In 2006 Possibilities was nominated for Grammy Awards in two categories: "A Song for You" (featuring Aguilera) was nominated for a Grammy Award for Best Pop Instrumental Performance, and "Gelo No Montanha" (featuring Trey Anastasio on guitar) was nominated for a Grammy Award for Best Instrumental Performance, although neither nomination resulted in an award.

Also in 2005 Hancock toured Europe with a new quartet that included Beninese guitarist Lionel Loueke, and explored textures ranging from ambient to straight jazz to African music. Plus, during the summer of 2005, Hancock re-staffed the Headhunters and went on tour with them, including a performance at The Bonnaroo Music & Arts Festival. This lineup did not consist of any of the original Headhunters musicians. The group included Marcus Miller, Carrington, Loueke and Mayer. Hancock also served as the first artist in residence for Bonnaroo that summer.

Also in 2006 Sony BMG Music Entertainment (which bought out Hancock's old label, Columbia Records) released the two-disc retrospective The Essential Herbie Hancock. This set was the first compilation of his work at Warner Bros., Blue Note, Columbia and Verve/Polygram. This became Hancock's second major compilation of work since the 2002 Columbia-only The Herbie Hancock Box, which was released at first in a plastic 4 × 4 cube then re-released in 2004 in a long box set. Also in 2006, Hancock recorded a new song with Josh Groban and Eric Mouquet (co-founder of Deep Forest), entitled "Machine". It is featured on Groban's CD Awake. Hancock also recorded and improvised with guitarist Loueke on Loueke's 1996 debut album Virgin Forest, on the ObliqSound label, resulting in two improvisational tracks – "Le Réveil des agneaux (The Awakening of the Lambs)" and "La Poursuite du lion (The Lion's Pursuit)".

Hancock, a longtime associate and friend of Mitchell, released a 2007 album, River: The Joni Letters, that paid tribute to her work, with Norah Jones and Tina Turner adding vocals to the album, as did Corinne Bailey Rae. Leonard Cohen contributed a spoken piece set to Hancock's piano. Mitchell herself also made an appearance. The album was released on September 25, 2007, simultaneously with the release of Mitchell's newest album at that time: Shine. River won the 2008 Album of the Year Grammy Award. The album also won a Grammy for Best Contemporary Jazz Album, and the song "Both Sides Now" was nominated for Best Instrumental Jazz Solo. That was only the second time in history that a jazz album had both those Grammys.

On June 14, 2008 Hancock performed with others at Rhythm on the Vine at the South Coast Winery in Temecula, California, for Shriners Hospitals for Children. The event raised $515,000 for Shriners Hospital.

On January 18, 2009, Hancock performed at the We Are One concert, marking the start of inaugural celebrations for American President Barack Obama. Hancock also performed Rhapsody in Blue at the 2009 Classical BRIT Awards with classical pianist Lang Lang. Hancock was named as the Los Angeles Philharmonic's creative chair for jazz for 2010–12.

2010 to present

In June 2010, Hancock released The Imagine Project.

On June 5, 2010, he received an Alumni Award from his alma mater, Grinnell College. On July 22, 2011, at a ceremony in Paris, he was named UNESCO Goodwill Ambassador for the promotion of Intercultural Dialogue. In 2013 Hancock joined the University of California, Los Angeles faculty as a professor in the UCLA music department where he will teach jazz music.

In a June 2010 interview with Michael Gallant of Keyboard magazine, Hancock talks about his Fazioli giving him inspiration to do things.

On December 8, 2013, he was given the Kennedy Center Honors Award for achievement in the performing arts with artists like Snoop Dogg and Mixmaster Mike from the Beastie Boys performing his music.

He appeared on the album You're Dead by Flying Lotus, released in October 2014.

Hancock is the 2014 Charles Eliot Norton Professor of Poetry at Harvard University. Holders of the chair deliver a series of six lectures on poetry, "The Norton Lectures", poetry being "interpreted in the broadest sense, including all poetic expression in language, music, or fine arts." Previous Norton lecturers include musicians Leonard Bernstein, Igor Stravinsky and John Cage. Hancock's theme is "The Ethics of Jazz."

Hancock's next album is being produced by Terrace Martin, and will feature a broad variety of jazz and hip-hop artists including Wayne Shorter, Kendrick Lamar, Kamasi Washington, Thundercat, Flying Lotus, Lionel Loueke, Zakir Hussein and Snoop Dogg.

On May 19, 2018, Hancock received an honorary degree from Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute.

Personal life

Nichiren Buddhism

Since 1972, Hancock has practiced Nichiren Buddhism as a member of the Buddhist association Soka Gakkai International. As part of Hancock's spiritual practice, he recites the Buddhist chant Nam Myoho Renge Kyo each day. In 2013, Hancock's dialogue with musician Wayne Shorter and Soka Gakkai International president Daisaku Ikeda on jazz, Buddhism and life was published in Japanese and English.

#04/12

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mwolf0epsilon · 5 years

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DBH - OC Ideal Pets

I'm still trying to finish up the Fallout AU Info Doc (I'm stuck on a few choices for what characters will be, especially Josh), so to keep up some activity I've decided to do a post about which kind of pet would be ideal for my OCs.

The list will be a bit long (because I have an absurd amount of OCs) so I'll put it under a cut if anyone is interested in taking a look.

---

[[MORE]]

--Androids--

Joel (EM400) - Despite being terrified of dogs, Joel's ideal pet is and will forever be Chitin, the android German Shepherd that has been nothing if not patient and loyal towards him. Joel's fear of dogs (especially rottweilers) still persists on some level, but Chitin helps him as a therapy animal.

RJ (EM400) - Despite being a rogue unit of the Jerry hivemind RJ still has a fascination for pirate thematics like his many brothers. As such, he has a fondness for exotic and brightly colored fish and other aquatic critters. The grand jewel of his vast collection is a tiny blue ringed octopus he calls Kraken.

Sergei (PL600) - Due to his many psychological issues, Sergei is not allowed to have a pet of his own. Instead he's being educated on proper petcare by Noah who keeps a close eye on him.

Noah (PL600) - Thanks to his great love for animals and veterinary studies, Noah is very capable around all sorts of critters. He has at least three cats (Elvis, Freddy, Brian), one dog (Melanie), five bunnies (Emma, Geri, Beyonce, Shakira, Kesha) and a guinea pig (Phil). They're all named after old singers which Sergei finds amusing.

Dimitri (PL600) - Dogs. Lots and lots of dogs. He has a lot of love to give to creatures that are inherently loyal and loving towards him. He's not only a professional dog-walker but also the Cullen family's official dogsitter. He has two puppies (A Rottweiler named Peach and a Doberman named Bowser) and is also quite attached to Roky and Chitin. He'd want to get a pet bat just to teach it to divebomb people (the threat of rabies is amusing to him).

Seymour (PL600) - Animal magnet. All animals just naturally love Seymour since he goes out of his way to feed strays. As a result you'll find a group of cats and dogs following him around town when he's either on or off duty as a police officer. He owns a massive Great Dane named Adonis.

Apollo (AP700) - He loves dogs but wouldn't be opposed to having a cat since they're more independent and he has Chance to care for. Despite his fondness for animals he'd appreciate it if Dimitri didn't constantly bring strays back home...

Proteus (IO100-P) - Took in his creator mom's three android cats and roomba after he returned home from the Io escape mission. He absolutely loves cats and would be the kind of guy to become a crazy cat-person. He thinks it's less of a problem and more of a compliment.

Dakota (CX100) - She would love to have a parrot. Chatty smart critters are a delight to her, and she'd greatly enjoy teaching it to greet people at the door or even on the phone. The only reason she doesn't own a pet is because she's very indecisive over what species she'd want to get.

Monochrome (CX100) - Not much of a pet owner. He's content with playing with Mile's bizarre android python, PB, who has the processor of a dog. He thinks she's pretty cool.

Baptiste (CX100) - He's terribly scared of animals.

Jindosh (HR900) - Horse kind of guy. He would greatly enjoy owning a ranch at some point, where he could train draft horses. He's not much of a rider himself, but just working with imposing and powerful animals brings him a sort of blissful tranquility.

Veronica (WR400) - She's a cat-person and isn't very fond of dogs, which is hilarious considering her and Scott's situation. She eventually gets a Siamese cat she calls Sir Rolland the Regal.

Scott (HR400 In K9300 Body) - As he's currently stuck inside a dog's body, it's pretty silly to get a pet. When he eventually does get a humanoid body again, he actually keeps the K9300 body and gets a processor for it. The dog's name is Old Friend.

Miles (RK300) - PB is the best noodle puppy in existence and he loves her too much to get any other pet. He has a great love and admiration for snakes, and thinks dogs are lovable and loyal.

Tristan (RK700) - He has a pet chameleon named Preston. It's a pretty ornery thing, but quite chill when he handles it. He likes to carry it around his apartment when he's alone and sort of vents to it since the reptile won't pass any judgment on his past actions. Tristan would kill for his pet chameleon if anyone so much as eyed it weirdly. He's incredibly attached to it.

Uma (???) - She spends a lot of time at Mr. Siddiq's abode to mingle with the exotic animal androids. She seems to be really taken with big cats and with wolves. At some point she rescues a wolfdog that was sent to a shelter to be euthanized. She named it Essex.

Bo Siddiq (YK500) - She doesn't keep pets since she already has access to all of her dad's rescued animal androids. Her best friend is Sasha the tigress.

Hearse (MC500) - He isn't very good with living beings, Dr. Ojomo's children are already complicated enough to look after, but he won't deny possums are pretty "metal". He started feeding one that's gotten into their garbage lately... He calls her Raven.

Eddie (WK218) - Myu's cat, Bravo, is his bestest friend in the whole world. He's extremely gentle with him and loves to spoil him rotten.

Stag (Hybrid Model) - Due to his alterations he's not patient enough with animals. He does follow a specific herd of deer sometimes and admires them from a distance. They seem to not be scared of him due to his antlers.

Bear (Hybrid Model) - Jordan wishes he could keep a pet as company. Sadly, since his reprogramming causes him to go aggressive whenever something approaches (excluding a very minute list), he doesn't want to risk going near any local fauna. He doesn't like bears very much (contrary to popular belief), instead if he could he'd like to own a rat (he thinks they're cool and pretty smart).

--Humans--

Valentina Hernández - She has Regi who honestly is more his own person and her personal bodyguard than a pet. She also rescues animal androids that have been negligently modded (she was the one who gave Miles PB since she couldn't undo the damage her original owner did to the poor python) by amateurs. If she were to get a pet she would go out of her way to either get a goose or a goat (her father had a goat named Pablo and her mother a goose named Rosalinda, they used to tell her stories about them).

Artyum Kutznekov - Has a brown tabby cat named Misha, and often rescues abandoned kittens he finds on the streets, nursing them back to health before finding them proper loving homes. He's a very nurturing guy despite his grumpy disposition and intimidating size. Val finds it hilarious how he can hold three kittens in one single hand.

Benjamin Peterson - Has a thing for spiders, which has caused several arguments between him and Val. He owns a Mexican Red Tarantula named Tarantino, and he is definitely the guy you call when there's a spider somewhere in your house. He either rescues them or (if they're big enough) offers them up to Tarantino as sacrifice.

Dr. Ojomo - She has a great fondness for birds, specifically birds of prey. On weekends she goes to a sanctuary to help rehabilitate endangered wild birds. She has handled owls and vultures alike. She's taken notice of Earl's habit of feeding the possum that keeps getting into their garbage and finds it adorable.

Elisa "Myu" Corvo - She's without a doubt a cat-person, but she does like dogs as well. She owns a rescue cat named Bravo.

Mr. Asad Siddiq - He rescues exotic animal androids from negligent owners. His collection is incredibly vast and even includes dinosaur androids. All of his animals (except a few very difficult abuse cases) are incredibly fond of him and will approach him openly. His favorites are Sasha the tigress (his very first rescue), Ahri and Jolene (a coral snake and a rattlesnake), and the large herd of giraffes he has amassed from different zoos.

#detroit: become human #detroit become human #OC Stuff

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papermoonloveslucy · 6 years

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BOB HOPE’S WORLD OF COMEDY

October 30, 1976

Produced and Directed by Jack Haley Jr.

Written by: Charles Lee with Gig Henry, Jeffrey Barron, Katherine Green, and Jack Haley Jr.

Bob Hope (Himself, Host) was born Lesley Townes Hope in England in 1903. During his extensive career in virtually all forms of media he received five honorary Academy Awards. In 1945 Desi Arnaz was the orchestra leader on Bob Hope’s radio show. Ball and Hope did four films together. He appeared as himself on the season 6 opener of “I Love Lucy.” He did a brief cameo in a 1964 episode of “The Lucy Show.” When Lucille Ball moved to NBC in 1980, Hope appeared on her welcome special. He died in 2003 at age 100.

Lucille Ball (Herself) was born on August 6, 1911 in Jamestown, New York. She began her screen career in 1933 and was known in Hollywood as ‘Queen of the B’s’ due to her many appearances in ‘B’ movies. With Richard Denning, she starred in a radio program titled “My Favorite Husband” which eventually led to the creation of “I Love Lucy,” a television situation comedy in which she co-starred with her real-life husband, Latin bandleader Desi Arnaz. The program was phenomenally successful, allowing the couple to purchase what was once RKO Studios, re-naming it Desilu. When the show ended in 1960 (in an hour-long format known as “The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour”) so did Lucy and Desi’s marriage. In 1962, hoping to keep Desilu financially solvent, Lucy returned to the sitcom format with “The Lucy Show,” which lasted six seasons. She followed that with a similar sitcom “Here’s Lucy” co-starring with her real-life children, Lucie and Desi Jr., as well as Gale Gordon, who had joined the cast of “The Lucy Show” during season two. Before her death in April 1989, Lucy made one more attempt at a sitcom with “Life With Lucy,” also with Gordon, which was not a success and was canceled after just 13 episodes.

Neil Simon (Himself) is a playwright and screenwriter responsible for more than 30 plays, most of which were seen on Broadway and adapted into films. At the time, one of his most enduring plays The Odd Couple was being done on television. In 1983 became the only living playwright to have a New York theatre named in his honor. In 1960, when it was still called the Alvin Theatre, Lucille Ball appeared there in the musical Wildcat.

Don Rickles (Himself) worked as a stand-up comic in nightclubs for nearly 20 years before making his film debut in 1958. Rickles was known as an insult comic and became a staple of Hollywood roasts. In “Lucy the Fight Manager” (TLS S5;E20) he made his first and last acting appearance with Lucille Ball, but would be seen with her on variety shows and specials through 1988. Rickles was the voice of Mr. Potato Head in the animated Toy Story franchise. He died in April 2017 at age 90.

Norman Lear (Himself) is a television writer and producer responsible for such hits as “All in the Family,” “Maude,” “One Day at a Time,” “The Jeffersons,” and many others. He received three Emmy Awards for his work on “All in the Family.”

Caroll Spinney (Big Bird) started playing Big Bird on “Sesame Street” in 1969. In 2000, Big Bird was named a Living Legend by the United States Library of Congress. Created by Jim Henson, Big Bird is one of two Muppets to have a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Spinney has been honored with four Daytime Emmy Awards for his portrayals on the series and two Grammy Awards for his related recordings. Two recordings of Spinney's voice have earned Gold Record status.

As with many Bob Hope specials, the show is sponsored by Texaco.

Bob Hope's opening monologue talks mainly about the Presidential Election, which would take place in two weeks. Incumbent president Gerald Ford ran against Jimmy Carter. He also touches on the World Series, the Swine Flu epidemic, Zsa Zsa Gabor's multiple marriages, and the CB radio craze.

Bob's first guest is Big Bird from “Sesame Street” (Caroll Spinney). Big Bird does an ad-lib impersonation of Jack Benny that makes Hope laugh. This kicks off a montage of clips about animals.

A pet shop staffed by Bob Newhart

Jackie Gleason playing golf with Mildred, a chimp in How To Commit Marriage (1969)

Roy Rogers and Trigger “the wonder horse”

Julie London with puppies who prove not to be housebroken

Dan Rowan with a horse and Dick Martin with a camel

Hope with his dog in a vet's waiting room and Betty Grable there with a race horse

Hope and Greer Garson in divorce court fighting over their dog, Mr. Smith

Lassie as the subject of “This is Your Life” in a spoof from “The Bob Hope Show”

Next Hope introduces a montage of clips featuring international stars.

Maurice Chevalier (France)

Eva Gabor (Hungary)

Zsa Zsa Gabor (Hungary) with Angie Dickinson

Ingrid Bergman (Sweden)

Anita Ekberg (Sweden) with William Holden and Robert Strauss

Olivia Newton John (Australia)

Rex Harrison (England) and Lilli Palmer (Poland) with Janis Paige

David Niven (England) with Marilyn Maxwell

After a Texaco commercial, Bob introduces Lucy Ricardo aka Lucy Carmichael aka “the bionic woman of comedy” - Lucille Ball.

Lucy reminisces with Bob, which leads to a black and white clip of a sketch from “The Bob Hope Show” (September 24, 1962). In it, Lucy plays a District Attorney and Bob a gangster named Bugsy Hope.

Back on stage, Bob asks Lucy the secret to her show's endearing success. She says that it has to do with the realatable domestic situations created by the writers. Bob add that the physical comedy gives her comedy world-wide appeal. Lucy says that as of last count her shows were seen in 79 countries. Lucy says she's heard herself dubbed in Japanese, and that in South America it is HER who as the accent. Asked about being a legend, Lucy says it is “kind of like an obituary” but she's very grateful.

After another Texaco break, Bob talks about slapstick and introduces a montage of clips.

Ernie Kovacs trying to sell his house during an earthquake

Bob as Bobby Riggs playing against Billie Jean King (Ann-Margret)

Hope and Douglas Fairbanks Jr. as astronauts walking in space

Jack Benny using hidden cameras in his home to avoid paying Hope a guest-star fee

The second hour of the special kicks off with Hope introducing playwright Neil Simon. They talk about writing, the difference between drama and comedy, and ethnic humor, which is the cue for the next montage of clips about vaudeville.

Hope and Crosby do a routine

Hope, Crosby, Steve Allen, and Jack Paar are child actors competing for the same job

Danny Thomas as a candy seller interrupting Hope's act by stealing all his punchlines

Donald O'Connor as Wingo the Magnificent, a knife thrower, with Hope as Courageous Targo, his human target

Hope introduces Don Rickles, who promotes his new show “CPO Sharkey” which he compares to Phil Silvers in “Sergeant Bilko.” Hope says he's been the victim of insult comedy, which begins a montage of clips where Bob is insulted by:

Milton Berle

Tony Randall

Redd Foxx

Glenn Campbell

Gina Lollobridgida

Jerry Colonna

Dorothy Lamour

Tony Bennett

Fred MacMurray

Joan Crawford

George Sanders

Frank Sinatra

Troy Donahue

Hedda Hopper

John Wayne

Dyan Cannon

Debbie Reynolds (with Jack Benny)

Juliet Prowse

Bob Hope introduces Norman Lear, who mentions he has no shows on NBC. They talk about “Mary Hartman Mary Hartman,” the 'Family Hour,' his flops like “Hot L Baltimore,” and Archie Bunker. The next batch of clips is about satire.

Johnny Carson as a playboy movie star Rock Carson appearing on a talk show

Hope, Burt Reynolds and Dyan Canon spoof the TV series “Paper Moon”

A sketch called “Bananaz” (“Bonanza”) starring Bing Crosby, Bob Hope, and Juliet Prowse

A “Batman” spoof starring Martha Rae as Bat Girl and Bob Hope as the villain Lobsterman

Medical dramas are poked fun at by Hope, Barbara Eden, and Lee Marvin

After a commercial, the montages are about dancing. Some of Hope's choreographed clips:

Dancing with Raquel Welch

Doing Eddie Foy's famous sand dance

Soft shoe with Pearl Bailey

A trio with Jeanne Crain and Betty Hutton

A challenge dance with George Burns

Rare footage of Dean Martin dancing alongside Hope

Polly Bergen, Jimmy Durante and Hope dance as babies while on their knees (above photo)

A partner dance with Ginger Rogers

Hoofing with Hope and Jimmy Cagney

Modern dance with Ann-Margret

Hat and cane steps with Sammy Davis Jr.

Hope wraps up the special with a look at some of the comedians of the past.

Budd Abbott and Lou Costello (above photo)

Fred Allen

Gracie Allen

Cliff Arquette aka Charlie Weaver

Mischa Auer

Robert Benchley

Jack Benny

Willy Best

Fanny Brice, the original 'Funny Girl'

Joe E. Brown

Billy Burke

Eddie Cantor

Jack Carson

Charles Correll, Amos of “Amos 'n' Andy”

Wally Cox

Joan Davis

Marie Dressler

Leon Errol

W.C. Fields

Billy Gilbert, the greatest sneeze in show business

Ted Healy and the Three Stooges

Hugh Herbert

Judy Holliday

Edward Everett Horton

Buster Keaton

Edgar 'Slow Burn' Kennedy

Ernie Kovacs

Burt Lahr

Stan Laurel and Oliver Hardy

Harold Lloyd

Carol Lombard

Harpo and Chico Marx

Donald Meek

Victor Moore

Jack Norton, the perennial drunk

Franklin Pangborn

Joe Penner

Will Rodgers

Irene Ryan, Granny of “The Beverly Hillbillies”

Charlie Ruggles

S.Z. 'Cuddles' Sakall

Max Sennett, king of the Keystone Cops

Arthur Treacher

Burt Wheeler and Robert Wolsey

Ed Wynn

This Day in Lucy History – October 29th

“The Diet” (ILL S1;E3) – October 29, 1951

"Visitor from Italy" (ILL S6;E5) – October 29, 1956

"Lucy Buys a Sheep" (TLS S1;E5) – October 29, 1961

"Lucy and Andy Griffith" (HL S6;E8) – October 29, 1973

#Bob Hope's World of Comedy #Bob Hope #Lucille Ball #Neil Simon #Norman Lear #BIg Bird #Caroll Spinney #1976 #TV #NBC #Jack Haley Jr.#Don Rickles #Texaco

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90simaginesandfanfics · 6 years

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Cradle Broken Glass - Chapter Thirteen

It had been weeks since she had seen anyone. All Layla did was go to work, come home, spend time with Phil and sleep. She had stuck to her word that night at dinner and had decided to distance herself from all of her friends. Working at the diner meant that it wasn’t easy to do, as when the Mookie Blaylock gang – as they decided to call themselves – realised that she was avoiding them, they started to come into the diner to talk to her. She had ended up hiding in the back so many times that eventually Cindy had told her she could work some different shifts if it really bothered her that much. She was so thankful that Cindy hadn’t asked many questions about what was going on, she just assured Layla that whatever she needed, she would help her out with. In the process of blocking out the whole world, filled with paranoia that her boyfriend was fucking every woman in Seattle, she had become lonely and desensitised. And she wished she could feel differently. But no matter how much she tried to convince herself that she was doing the right thing, a small part of her brain was whispering that she would be a lot happier if Phil wasn’t in her life anymore.

*****

Layla was working her usual midnight shift, this time on a Tuesday night. No one had come in since she had arrived, since everyone was at home or out partying the night away. She was comfortable, trapped in her little bubble of silence that no one could disturb. She hadn’t talked to anyone but Phil and Cindy in the past two months and she was slowly accepting that she was fine with it. She continued sweeping the floors, lost in a daydream, when she heard the bell above the door chime, alerting her to someone’s presence. She composed herself within seconds, forced a smile on her face and turned around, ready to greet the customer who had invaded her silence. But after meeting the face staring back at her, the smile left her face and she looked at the floor, unease seeping into all of her pores.

“Hey.” He said in a subdued manner, almost looking frightened that she might run away.

“Hey… Eddie.” She replied, so quiet he could barely hear her. They stood in a deafening silence for what felt like hours, neither knowing how to start a conversation with each other.

“You haven’t been around much, I thought you might have disappeared.” He said with a brief laugh at the end. He had his hands in his pockets, and was staring at his feet. After seconds of silence, he continued.

“Or I thought you were maybe ignoring me.” He finished, continuing to fidget around and refusing to make eye contact with her. Layla herself couldn’t bring herself to look at him for more than three seconds. She felt guilty for going out of her way to avoid everyone, including him. But she still couldn’t help but hate herself for being unfaithful to Phil and lusting after Eddie.

“I’ve just been really busy.” She said quietly, hoping he wouldn’t question her obvious lie.

“Yeah, me too. The band’s been playing non-stop.” He said. She was happy he had changed the subject and saw how he was trying to initiate a conversation.

“Really? I’ve only heard two songs so far.” She replied.

“Well we’ve written loads in the past couple of weeks. Maybe you could come around and hear them sometime.” His voiced was laced with hope, and he finally looked up, peering at her through his thick eyelashes. She stopped breathing for a minute, overwhelmed with how attractive he was.

“Well, I’m working all this week. I don’t know if I’ll be able to go to your rehearsal space before it shuts for the night.” Layla replied, trying to let him down lightly. But she couldn’t deny that she really wanted to hear all their new songs and talk to the guys again. She had missed them, no matter how much she didn’t want to admit it.

“Well all five of us are staying at mine and Jeff’s place on Saturday night. Playing and drinking and everything. Cornell might be coming as well. You should come.” He offered, his voice hinting that he was desperate and wasn’t going to leave until she agreed to meet up with them. She thought in her mind whether it was a good idea. She could possibly lie to Phil and say she had to work.

“Sure.” She replied bluntly, knowing that if she didn’t agree now, she would never have the balls to go anyway. Now that she’d agreed, she knew she had to turn up. She peered up at Eddie’s face and it was lit up, a bright smile that made her swoon reflecting on her face. She couldn’t help but remember what his lips felt like on hers.

“I’ll see you on Saturday then, around 8.” He said, then smiled to himself, looking down at the ground, appearing to be silently pleased with himself that he had convinced her to come.

“Yeah, I’ll, uh, see you then.” She turned around quickly and continued sweeping like she had before he had come in. she heard the door open and close again, and turned her head to see him walking back down the street. She felt her cheeks and could feel how heated they were. They had most likely been red the whole time they had been talking. She told herself that she was going to enjoy Saturday, no matter how conflicted she felt about what was going on. Maybe her and Eddie could even talk and come to an agreement that what happened was wrong and wouldn’t happen again, no matter how much she wanted it to. With that thought on her mind, she got back to work.

*****

Well I hope everyone liked the new chapter. Chapter Fourteen may be up by tomorrow since I have the day off. What do you think's gonna happen at Jeff's house. Something definitely will, so you've been warned 😂

#eddie vedder fanfic #eddie vedder fanfiction #eddie vedder #pearl jam #pearl jam fanfiction #pearl jam fanfic #grunge fanfic #grunge fanfiction #grunge #cradle broken glass #imagines #imagine #oneshot #fanfiction #fanfic #alice in chains #soundgarden #nirvana

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bonerpillz-blog · 7 years

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Mellifluous - Reddie (Part Two)

Mellifluous - A sound that is sweet, smooth, and pleasing to hear.

(part 1 here)

Reddie AU- Richie Tozier, a 17 year old broken boy in a broken home and his best friend/first love, Eddie Kaspbrak, a 16 year old mute boy who’s silence is loud enough to keep Richie sane.

hey guys! so as you know, if you read my post, i’ve been dealing with some stuff which is why part 2 was not posted right away. obviously though, here it is!! i really hope you enjoy it :-)

Warnings - a homophobic slur in the flashback, panic attack (things that happen during panic/anxiety attacks)

Italics - Flashbacks

Word Count - 1.5k

Richie parked outside of Bill’s house, reaching into the back seat of his truck to grab his bag.

“Hey, Eds,” Richie spoke, getting out of the car and waiting for Eddie to meet him on his side, “Maybe they’ll let you pick a movie tonight.” Richie smirked, handing Eddie the pillow he brought for him.

Eddie just rolled his eyes, shoving Richie softly and walking ahead of him. Eddie knew that Richie wasn’t being serious. The losers always made fun of the quiet boy for wanting to watch some “dumb” musical or a rom com. He didn’t care, really because that wasn’t going to change what he liked. Those genres made him happy just like Richie did.

The two walked up the front steps, Richie’s knuckle rapping against the door. They waited in silence for a few moments before the door swung open, revealing a smiling Bill.

“H-hey guys come on i-in. Everyones in t-the l-living room.” Bill stepped aside for them to enter and Richie let Eddie go ahead of him, pushing him gently with his hand against the small of Eddie’s back. Bill didn’t notice.

“How is everyone already here?” Richie snorted, looking back at Bill as he shut the door. Richie patted Eddie’s shoulder blade to tell him to go to the living room and Eddie nodded, continuing to walk. Richie heard the voices of the others welcoming Eddie and it made him smile. Eddie was so accepted by all of them and Richie was for some reason beyond grateful for that.

“Y-you know h-how we like a movie n-night,” Bill smiled, walking past Richie and into the living room.

Richie smiled faintly. He did know. Eddie was a great distraction for him but he needed the rest of his friends too. He walked, absentmindedly as well as out of habit running his hand over his lower arm as he sat down next to Eddie, at a respectable distance of course. Richie pulled his knees to his chest and his sleeves over his hands as he watched his friends bicker over what movie to watch. And then he looked at Eddie, who was smiling at the group’s argument.

The lighting in the living room was dim but Eddie’s face seemed to glow. He was a small piece of what they called the universe, but he kept Richie together.

Richie had been too lost in his thoughts about Eddie to hear what movie they had picked. Halloween 4.

If you had asked Richie years ago what the best Halloween movie was, he would’ve said the fourth one. Hands down but not anymore.

Richie’s eyes glanced to the television as Mike pressed play and he felt his stomach drop.

The sound of the front door slamming against the wall stunned Richie. He had been home alone all night, eventually deciding to watch his favorite scary movie, Halloween 4.

His favorite part was coming up when his parents arrived home, his mother obviously a little too drunk but that wasn’t much of a surprise.

Richie tried to turn back to the movie, hoping his parents would just go to bed and that if they did fight, the screams from the television would drown them out. He was wrong.

His mother made her way to the kitchen, the items in the refrigerator door jingling as she pulled it open carelessly. It was silent for a moment before his mother screamed.

“RICHARD TOZIER!” she seemed to shriek, stomping back into the living room and standing right in front of Richie. His father just watched, lighting a cigarette in the corner.

“Y-yeah, mom?” Richie stammered, barely above a whisper.

“I don’t suppose you know who drank the rest of my krupnik?” Maggie spat, her face now even closer to Richie’s while she obviously accused the boy.

Richie shook his head, staring at her.

“SPEAK WHEN YOU ARE SPOKEN TO!” Maggie screamed, causing Richie to jump, her saliva landing on top of his skin.

“N-no, mom. I don’t.” Richie was shaking, the screams of an innocent child being murdered on the screen behind his mother, casting a glow around her that made her appear to be dark, completely black even.

“Don’t you lie to me, you stupid little boy.” She said, quieter this time. She was staring him right in the eye and Richie felt genuinely scared. He started to moved sideways, hoping to get up and run to his room but his mother grabbed his arm hard and yanked him up, pushing him to the ground. “I’d rather have a daughter than a little faggot like you.” she spat, stepping over him and heading back to the kitchen.

Richie’s father said nothing, just asking the cigarette in the tray on the windowsill and following Maggie. Richie stayed put on the floor, staring up at the ceiling and shaking violently as the screams from the television seemed louder than ever.

Richie felt a lump grow in his throat. He didn’t feel like crying, it was more of just a feeling of not being able to breathe. “H-hey guys,” Richie spoke, looking at the others, “do you think we could watch something else?”

They all looked at him, skeptical as to why Richie Tozier out of all people didn’t want to watch a scary movie. “What are you scared or something?” Bev laughed, and so did the others. Richie just felt his cheeks heat up and he shook his head.

“No it’s- nothing it’s fine.” Richie responded, looking back at the screen and feeling his heart ping against his chest. He could feel Eddie’s eyes against him as he pulled his sleeves even further over his thin fingers and curled up under the blanket.

Richie was shaking. What was once his favorite scene in his favorite movie had him remember his mother’s spit against his skin and his back against the hard wooden floor. Eddie noticed this but tried to give Richie space. He didn’t know what was going on and he didn’t want to upset Richie by attempting to touch him. That was until Richie let out a weird sort of noise before getting up and quietly excusing himself to use the bathroom.

None of the others even really noticed, giving Eddie the perfect opportunity to follow Richie without being questioned. He got up quickly, heading down the hall on his way to the only door with a light shining through the crack of it. Eddie knocked, barely audible but Richie heard it.

“I’m good.” Richie forced out of his mouth, sitting against the bathtub in front of the toilet, hugging his knees to his chest as he struggled to breathe.

Eddie knocked again, obviously not able to say anything. Richie most likely figured that it was him because the lock clicked and Eddie was able to open the door. He took a deep breathe before stepping inside, feeling his chest tighten at the sight of the broken boy curled up on the floor. He shut the door behind him, quickly moving to sit in front of Richie. He didn’t know what to do or how to ask Richie what was going on as Richie was too busy hyperventilating with his eyes shut.

Richie had tried letting Eddie teach him sign language in the past but he always got too frustrated. The alphabet was simple but he could never remember it. The only thing he ever really learned was how to spell Eddie’s name.

Eddie grabbed hold of Richie’s shoulders, shaking him delicately as if he were about to break into pieces at any moment. He needed to get Richie’s attention but Richie wouldn’t look at him, he wouldn’t even open his eyes. All Eddie could do was pull the shaking boy into his arms, his legs on either side of Richie.

The sight of Richie liked this really frightened Eddie as he’d never done this, at least in front of anyone, before. Eddie moved his hand to Richie’s head, slowly combing his fingers through the thick curls over and over again, rocking them back and forth.

After what felt like hours but was most likely 5 or so minutes, Richie’s sobs had resided to soft hiccups and Eddie was still rocking them.

“I’m sorry.” Richie’s voice was mumbled thanks to his face being pressed against Eddie’s chest. Eddie tapped the older boy’s shoulder, causing Richie to look up. Eddie raised furrowed his eyebrows as if to ask “why?”

Richie shook his head. “I- I don’t- It’s too much to explain right now.” And Eddie nodded, pulling Richie’s head back to his chest.

“Can we just stay here? I don’t want to watch the movie.” Richie continued and Eddie squeezed his arm gently, rubbing Richie’s scalp once again.

Richie felt himself calm down to the sound of Eddie’s heartbeat and the boy’s hand in his hair. He didn’t know how to tell Eddie what was going on and eventually decided that if Eddie didn’t bring it up again, he wouldn’t tell him at all.

TAG LIST: (If you would like to be on this, message me off anon!): @losercrewzer @richietoaster@edsrich @80srichie @phil-lesters-ass @gayzebos @rhubarberous @alreadydone99 @11stayradstaybad11 @the-tempus-eatass-rerum @livsig @tastefulcaring @reddie-sett-go @smiley-riley-pokipine

sooooo that was part two.... what did you guys think???? stay tuned for part three :-)

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blues-and-roll · 5 years

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Black Label Society - Bored To Tears (Official Video)

Zakk Wylde can be considered one of the most successful guitarists of his generation, accumulating several titles and prizes, becoming the Most Valuable Player (MVP) in the election of the American Guitar World magazine. In 2005 he was also chosen as "Best Metal Guitarist", and also received the prizes of "Riff Lord" and "Golden God" of the English magazine Metal Hammer.

Over the years, Zakk Wylde has developed several highly regarded side projects, such as the Book of Shadows acoustic album and the Southern Rock Pride & Glory self-titled album coLive at Budokan) and in 2002 he recorded his own with Black Label Society (Boozed, Broozed and Broken Boned) in a memorable performance at Harpo's in Detroit, where along with the great public present managed to one night to end the entire stock of drinks from the house of shows during the filming. It was the first time in the history of Harpo's Concert Hall that this happened.

Zakk has also made some TV appearances, such as the comedy series "Crapsntando also with special appearances in several works of other bands, like the début of the Damageplan (guest vocalist) and the album of Derek Sherinian," Black Utopia ", next scored by Yngwie Malmsteen.

Zakk Wylde also appeared on some DVDs with Ozzy Osbourne (Live and Loud / hoot) with Jim Breuer, and starred in the Hollywood film industry as "Ghode," the lead guitarist for Steel Dragon, which had been created especially for the occasion, being responsible for the soundtrack of the film, still in its formation no less than the musicians Jason Bonham (UFO, drums) in the paper of "AC", Jeff Pilson (Dokken, down) in the role of "Jörgen", Jeff Scott Soto (Yngwie Malmsteen's Rising Force, vocals) performing vocals for actor Mark Wahlberg and actor Dominic West as guitarist "Kirk Cuddy." The film also features other well-known figures such as Nick Catanese (Black Label Society, guitar) in the role of guitarist "Xander Cummins", from the fictional band Blood Pollution.

Zakk is married to his former girlfriend since the age of 16, Barbaranne, with whom he has four children. Hayley-Rae, 14, Jesse John Michael, 13, Hendrix Halen Michael Rhoads, 4, and Sabbath Page, born in 2012 ("homage" to Jimi Hendrix, John Michael Osbourne and his band Black Sabbath, Eddie Van Halen, Mike Piazza, Randy Rhoads, and Jimmy Page). He was a very close friend of the late guitarist Dimebag Darrell since 1993, even getting to receive guitars from each other in mutual admiration as partners in the song. Dimebag had presented Zakk with an exclusive Dean Custom guitar displaying the painting in the "Bulls-eye" design, a trademark of Zakk's guitars, shortly before his death. Wylde decided to dedicate the song "In This River" to his friend, citing that although the song was not originally made for that purpose, the lyrics would be appropriate for the situation. Wylde has offered the song "In this River" to Dimebag at every performance of it at his shows.

Zakk began to get serious about guitar lessons when he was 15, while working at Silverton Music, a music store in Silverton, New Jersey. He practiced with his guitar daily for about 12 hours, which ended up harming his studies, since he was always falling asleep during classes in high school. It did not take long and began to play in his first band, called Stone Henge and later integrated the local band Zyris. At age 19 and practically unknown, Zakk Wylde made his big step to fame by getting the disputed wave of guitarist in the band of Ozzy Osbourne, also assuming the function of co-author.

Zakk had entered to replace the excellent guitarist Jake E. Lee, who in turn was the substitute of legendary Randy Rhoads, who had died at the age of 25 in a tragic and unfortunate air crash on March 19, 1982. Rhoads is considered as a true idol for Zakk Wylde, who had a kind of altar built in honor of the guitarist who inspired him so much.

There are several stories about how Zakk landed Ozzy's band. One of the most known is reported as follows:

Zakk's girlfriend at the time, Barbaranne (Today's Woman), had heard on Howard Stern's radio program that Ozzy was looking for a new guitarist and sent a demo tape. Ozzy rejected the tape as well as thousands of others, saying they were "just another clone of Randy Rhoads." But a few weeks later Ozzy's drummer told him that he had discovered a great guitarist from New Jersey and then Ozzy agreed to call him for an audition. It was obviously Zakk Wylde himself. Ozzy recognized him on the demo tape and then hired him.

Ozzy saw a lot of promising guitarists pass him after Jake E. Lee left. From the day of his predestined audition, Zakk remembers being hired right away even before he started playing while still tuning his guitar. sources] Zakk was admitted to the Ozzy solo band in 1987 and his first appearance was on the album No Rest for the Wicked of 1988. It is rumored that the first live performance with Ozzy would have taken place in a penitentiary.

Two more successful albums followed (Just Say Ozzy (1990) and No More Tears (1991)) getting huge repercussions in the media. But in 1992, after the No More Tears album tour, Zakk eventually left Ozzy's band and started to focus on the side projects he had been developing, releasing the self-titled album from the excellent band Pride & Glory a powerful Southern Rock sound, loaded with Blueseiras levadas with Heavy Metal. There are those who consider this album the cornerstone for the emergence of the Black Label Society.

In 1994 Zakk returned to work with Ozzy and the numerous sessions of recording of the album Ozzmosis begin. In that same time, Zakk was being probed to integrate the Guns N 'Roses, arriving to make some Jams with Axl Rose. But the lack of an agreement between Zakk's attorneys and Guns N 'Roses, who faced a complicated lawsuit after the departure of the original members, made Zakk's entry into Axl's band never happen. With plenty of time on the agenda, Zakk composed and released in 1996 the acclaimed acoustic album Book Of Shadows, considered by many to be the best of his career.

Parallel to Ozzy's albums in which he participated next, Zakk began to come up with ideas for a solo project to create his own Heavy Metal band, modeled after Black Sabbath. In 1998, in partnership with Phil Ondich (drums), Zakk founded the band Hell's Kitchen, later renamed the Black Label Society, and in 1999 released Sonic Brew, their first album with the new band, assuming their vocation for the post. frontman Zakk Wylde's solo career began to grow, then releasing another studio album and one live at the head of the BLS.

In 2001 Ozzy released the album Down To Earth, in which Zakk ended up not participating in the composition of any of the tracks. In fact Zakk already had a whole set of songs ready to put in the album of Ozzy but this rejected them, saying that "sounded very Black Label". The songs that were then rejected by Ozzy were all used by Wylde on the 1919 album Eternal, which curiously ended up becoming one of the Black Label Society's best albums, releasing several hits such as Bleed For Me, Demise Of Sanity, Bridge To Cross and Graveyard Disciples.

On January 17, 2006, Zakk Wylde was immortalized at the Hollywood Rock Walk of Fame, located at 7425 Sunset Boulevard, leaving his hands and signature on the pavement of fame in recognition of his victorious career as a musician and their contribution to the music industry. The ceremony was attended by several rock stars.

Zakk Wylde's playing style is generally characterized by pinch harmonics and his technique in soils is based on the use of the Small Pentatonic Scale with box-pattern fast Licks using strict alternating picking, creating an attack with a quite distinct footprint when compared to musicians with a more fluid style of playing. Another notable feature of Zakk is the liberal use of chicken picking, a technique generally related to the Country music style being rarely used in Heavy Metal, possibly acquired from musician Albert Lee, one of its influences.

Zakk is known primarily for his preference for the Gibson Les Paul Custom guitars with what would become his trademark, the unique painting with the Bulls-eye design he deliberately adopted so that he could visually differentiate from his idol Randy Rhoads (although he has long used an identical hairstyle), which he usually played with a Les Paul Custom cream.

The "Bulls-eye" painting actually should have looked like the spiral of the movie "Vertigo", but although it came from Luthier incorrectly, Zakk liked the result and decided to keep the guitar anyway. Curiously enough, Zakk also owns a replica of Rhoads Flying V Guitar which he considers to be one of his favorites.

In recognition of his charisma and musical success, Gibson Guitars has launched an entire line of custom guitars by Zakk Wylde, a true certificate of his enormous commercial success. Zakk Gibson Les Paul Custom "Signature" custom models include a guitar with the red and flame-maple Bulls-eye design, a white model aged with the Bulls-eye in black, a "Buzz- saw "orange, and a model" Camo "" Bulls-eye "with the greenish camouflage paint. The "Inlays" of the arms are made of mother of pearl.

Zakk's original guitar was bought in a store (and not custom-made, as one might think), being baptized (according to the tradition of several guitarists) of "The Grail". She was missing for some time when she had been stolen from Zakk on the return of a "Gig" (Tour) in Texas. It even offered a reward to anyone who had any information that could lead Zakk to recover his guitar, since it had a great sentimental value because it was a graduation gift received from his parents. Zakk only regained "The Grail" years later, after a fan got it in a pawnshop and realizing if it was authentic "The Grail" guitar through the serial number present in the "Headstock" and the initials "ZW" recorded on the back of the guitar, contacted the Webmaster of Zakk to get his return.

Despite the news of an audition for the possible hiring of a new guiarist for Ozzy, he went back and decided to keep Zakk integrating his line-up, as was seen in the recent performance of Crazy Train at the UK Music Hall of Fame.

In 2006, Zakk Wylde entered the studio for the recording of the new BLS album, Shot To Hell, which was in the US on July 3. Another great success of Zakk Wylde was the song "Stilborn" considered by many admirers of Zakk Wylde and his songs in the Black Label Society the best of his solo career Zakk also gave important touches on Ozzy Osbourne's songs like "Crazy Train" and many others .

#black label society #bored to tears #zakk wylde

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ciathyzareposts · 5 years

Text

Missed Classic: The Archers – Won or Lost? (With Final Rating)

By Ilmari

Last time I managed to complete two of the four parts of The Archer. Now, it’s time to try the two remaining ones.

Part three: Eddie Grundy

Trevor Harrison, the voice of Eddie Grundy

After a droll old conservative and a love-sick teenager it’s time to let the comic relief in. Eddie Grundy was born in 1951 to Joe and Susan Grundy. The Grundy family didn’t really play any role in the life of Ambridge until 1970s, when Joe Grundy was introduced as a tenant farmer at Grange Farm and a widower with two sons, Alf and Eddie. Alf was always an on/off-character, who spent a lot of time elsewhere – usually in jail – while Eddie soon joined his father to become staples of Ambridge life. From the very beginning Grundys got the role of perpetual underdogs, who never had the opportunity or good luck to rise above their working class position.

Come the eighties, Eddie Grundy had already settled into the role of a lovable rogue. He spends a lot of his time at Grange Farm, although he also hopes to make it big as a country singer. In 1980s, Eddie has recently married Clarrie, the daughter of farm labourer Jethro Larkin, and this marriage will last all the way to the present day. And oh yes, he has ferrets as pets.

New arrival

Really, do I have to spell it? You have to choose between Chicken Kiev, a ferret and a baby, which one is going to interest the audience?

The problem is that the Grundy family is poor and Eddie doesn’t have the money for an extension that a third child would require. So, Eddie has to make one himself. He starts digging something, puts his boot on it and falls into septic tank. I think I’ve set the standards for the rest of the season.

In the end this plot line goes nowhere – Clarrie wasn’t really pregnant after all.

The love life of Joe Grundy

Joe Grundy refuses to do work and is just a nuisance. I make Eddie suggest Joe could move in with Martha Woodford, the village shopkeeper and a widower. Joe asks Martha to a movie, where the romantic atmosphere affects him and he proposes to Martha. Martha is excited, but Joe backs up when he hears that Martha would want costly wedding with champagne and caviar.

Holiday

Clarrie wants to go on a holiday. Having no clue where to take this plot line, I make Eddie suggest that Clarrie should look at paper for ideas. At first Clarrie wants to visit Disneyland, but then she settles for Torremolinos, since Andie and Fergy went somewhere nearby. Although it would be a nice little surprise that they would find on the spot that their hotel has not yet been built, that gets a reprimand from BBC, because Spanish tourist council complained.

The sad tale of Jumbo the sow

Joe Grundy has purchased an old sow, Jumbo, from the market. The problem is to get the pig back to the farm. I make Eddie put Jumbo at the back of his van, together with his wife and children. Then the pig makes a mess and Clarrie won’t have it. Eddie tries to sooth the sow with some music and she does like “June is busting all over”, but gets all restless with Eddie’s hit record “Poor Pig”.

Jumbo puts her weight onto the back of the van and flies out. Where does it land? As you can see from the picture, on the bonnet of Jack Woolley’s Bentley, driven by Higgs. Jack tells Eddie to move the pig, but she won’t budge. They have to drive to Grey Gables, and when Eddie goes to ask for Jumbo, he hears that Jean Paul, “Wally’s froggy cook, has cut Jumbo into little cutlets”.

Audience loves the story, censorship brigade not so much – they are after my head because of Jumbo’s fate.

Eddie’s cars

Eddie’s van is on its last legs and its doors keep falling off. I decide Eddie should get it renovated. Later I learn that Hollerton Motors did a lousy job, since the doors open just when Eddie has a load of poultry in it. Eddie phones infuriated to Hollerton Motors and demands a repay. The company suggests a new car in return, and Eddie chooses a Triumph Stag.

Later, Eddies notices that brakes of Triumph are very sluggish. He decides to get the brakes fixed, but then someone nicks the car. “Oh well, it wasn’t much use to getting the pigs on the market.” BBC thinks I am getting too unrealistic – how can the Grundys afford so many car repairs?

Fred the Ferret

Clarrie doesn’t like that Eddie is keeping a pet ferret Fred in their bedroom. Eddie puts ferret in the kitchen, where his son William pokes his finger into the ferret cage. Result is Fred biting William.

I could let Eddie bang either Fred’s or William’s head, but this seems too drastic a method. Instead, Eddie lures Freddie away with Clarrie’s chicken, and Clarries gets mad, because it was their dinner. Fred is banished outside.

After a few days, Fred’s cage door is open. Eddie finds him in the shed, nibbling his way through some sacks of feed. Now the ferret goes out into the dog house and has strict rations and no treats for a month.

After all the turmoil, Fred gets sick and doesn’t want to eat at all. Eddie calls in the local vet, Martin Lambert, which always means a call from Veterinary Association afterwards. Old Martin doesn’t fail us. He insults Eddie for calling him in to see a ferret, Eddie insults him back and the next thing you know is that Eddie’s nose is bleeding. Eddie goes to see the local doctor, who thinks that the only condition Eddie has is an unhealthy obsession with ferrets.

“The whole world is going barmy. I sit and wonder why the world is not kinder to ferrets.”

The Jailhouse Rock

Eddie’s bigger brother, Alf, is getting out of prison. Since he has no money nor job, Alf wants to be with his kin. Eddie dislikes the idea and goes to meet him with Clarrie. Eddie tries to persuade Alf not to come, but Alf starts to cry, which makes Clarrie go soft and invite Alf in.

Eddie has to now decide a proper way to celebrate his brother’s arrival. I at first suggest that Eddie just gets some cans in, but he and Joe drink them before Alf arrives. Instead, Eddie arranges a party at Cat and Fiddle, a local pub. Clarrie and Eddie go to the pub, and Clarrie complains about people being sick. Then Alf arrives with his lady friend, Delectable Dolores, and the party really starts. Clarrie can’t stand it and goes home.

When Eddie, Alf and Dolores get back to the farm, the party continues. Alf gets the lager out and Dolores dances in tune with Joe Grundy’s gramophone. Clarrie doesn’t like it and threatens to move to her father with the kids. Eddie begs her to come back, which she does, but only on the condition of getting a new dress. Eddie sends Alf and Dolores to bed and breakfast – at his father-in-law.

Country road

Eddie’s band is finally hitting it big, and they got a real gig! The only problem is that Eddie needs fancy cowboy boots. I make Eddie go around the town asking for work, and Phil Archer hires him to help with harvesting. Unfortunately, Eddie backs the combine into the shed.

Next, Brian Aldridge (Phil Archer’s brother-in-law) hires Eddie to paint some holiday cottages. While Eddie is whitewashing the fence, his friend Bugsy arrives with biker girls. Eddie invites them in to have some quality time. While they are busy with drinking and smoking and Eddie has his hands filled with a biker girl called Big Bertha, gamekeeper Tom Ferret bursts in and Bertha hurls a can at him.

Eddie ends up nicked because of all the damage done to cottages. I get in trouble too. BBC is furious, because my script pandered into lower instincts. Besides, people were worried what happened to old Tom. I get sacked!

I start all over again from the spot where Eddie needed some money. This time, I make him raid Joe Grundy’s sock drawer. Eddie finds £ 40, but also a love letter. Eddie decides to leave the money and blackmail Joe with the letter – unless Joe will improve his wages, Eddie will pin the letter up at the local pub. Joe does give him a raise, but only for two quids. Eddie cannot afford the new boots and has to wear his old wellies for the gig.

Part 4: Nelson Gabriel

While I managed to complete third part with only one reload, the fourth and final part was a different matter. I tried different tactics five or six times, but without success. I suspect the ending won’t be worth the effort of continuing, so winning the game is left as an exercise for the reader.

Jack May, Voice of Nelson Gabriel

Unlike with the previous characters, it was difficult to find information about Nelson Gabriel. Main reason for this is that the actor Jack May – and with him, the character he portrayed – died in the nineties, while the majority of Archer pages on the web focus on the current set of characters. Still, from what I’ve managed to learn, Nelson had been a major figure of the show almost from the very beginning.

Nelson Gabriel was born to Walter and Annie Gabriel in 1933. Gabriel family had traditionally been blacksmiths of Ambridge, but Walter had chosen another career and worked as a tenant farmer. Walter’s wife had died young, and Walter spent the rest of his life, until his death in 1988, dedicated to his son, always willing to turn his blind eye to Nelson’s failings.

And failings Nelson was rumored to have. Notoriously, he had been suspected of the 1967 Borchester mail van robbery, especially as he had faked his death just around the incident. Jury never found enough evidence to convict him, but rumours of illicitly gained riches persisted.

Nelson tries to keep a veneer of respectability in his role as a man of the world, owning both a sophisticated wine bar and an antique shop. Still, local police force has doubts about Nelson: could he be selling stolen goods?

Spoiled brat

Elizabeth Archer has a considerable debt for Nelson’s wine bar. Nelson can threaten to phone her dad and he can even go to Sicily to learn some creative ways for collecting debts (although Italian embassy will then complain to BBC about this misrepresentation of harmless Sicilian farmers). Eventually they come to an agreement that Elizabeth will do some cleaning for Nelson. I have little sympathy for Elizabeth, the whining teenager, but I must feel pity when I see how Nelson treats her. Nelson makes her polish all the brass in his house – and he has lot of brass items. “What it is to see an Archer toil!”

Nelson’s regular cleaner, Elsa, goes after Elizabeth, pointing out all the smears she hasn’t noticed. Elizabeth can’t take it anymore, so she pours a bucket of water on Elsa. Nelson gives Elsa an extra £ 10 as a consolation money and adds it to Elizabeth’s debt.

Later, Elizabeth is hired as Ms. Snowy the ice cream lady and makes enough money to clear her debt and to buy a bottle of Monet for Nelson. Nelson thinks he might have chosen the wrong career, if ice cream sellers are paid so well.

Depressed dad

Nelson’s father, Walter, is depressed and thinks his days are numbered (well, he will die in a few years). One possible answer is to buy a small macaw to Walter, but it will eventually grow up and Nelson has to get rid of it by selling it to a gypsy. Back to square one.

Finally, after other false leads, Nelson organises a tea party for his dad, inviting all the Oversixties of the village. Nelson catches Joe Grundy nipping some chocolate fingers into his pockets. Whatever Nelson does, it all turns against him in the end, but let’s say he suggests to Joe that milking time is coming soon. Joe doesn’t get the hint and finally someone else notices the missing chocolate fingers. Nelson accuses Joe, but then Tom Ferret makes a crying confession that he has been eating chocolate fingers for the whole evening. Meanwhile, Joe has managed to sneak away and the common opinion turns against Nelson, for blaming an innocent man. Nelson tries to point out how suspicious it was that Joe Grundy left so suddenly. “It is the milking time”, all say in chorus.

Renewing the wine bar

Nelson does not have enough money for sending his satin sheets to French laundry. He can try to cut back the expenses by sacking Shane, his cook. Unfortunately, Shane is the only gay person in village, and BBC needs to fill its minority quota.

Eventually, Nelson decides to go into partnership with Pat and Tony, another line of the Archer family (seriously, Ambridge citizens should really consider extending their gene pool beyond Archers). They are going to open a whole-food restaurant “Wild Oats”. Problem is that local organic food provider (yet another Archer) cannot provide Nelson with the products he requires.

After trying to get organic food elsewhere and making for a few weeks multi-hour driving trips to another town, Nelson decides to stop. Instead, he listens to Shane’s advice and starts a gay discotheque Adonis, where Joan Collins lookalike competitions are held (male strippers are strictly forbidden by BBC). The discotheque is at first successful, but then it becomes hip in the gay community to look straight, and Adonis has to be shut down for too little audience.

Nelson also tries to redecorate his wine bar in a more Oriental style. He doesn’t have money to buy real Oriental, so he settles for fake Sari. He also wants some Oriental style statuettes, and he can try to dupe local art students to do them for him. Unfortunately, their teacher gets angry and threatens to release the local education committee on Nelson – and BBC gets complaints about Nelson cheating students.

Oversixties trip

Peggy Archer has too much things to do on Grey Gables hotel, so she cannot chaperone the Oversixties annual field trip. The Oversixties are terrified when they hear that a recent arrival to Ambridge, Mrs. Antrobus, known also as “The Dog Woman”, because of her kennels for Afghan hounds, has volunteered to lead the trip. Oversixties want Nelson to help them.

One possibility is to let Nelson ask Jennifer Aldridge, Peggy’s daughter, to take the lead. Nelson samples some of Jennifer’s yoghurt, when meeting her, and the next night he wakes with stomach pains. Nelson tries to extort Jennifer with this information, since she has been trying to sell her yoghurt into a health shop. Unfortunately, Jennifer knows some dirt of Nelson. “History has never seen a Gabriel retreat from battle so hastily!”

Nelson has then no other choice but to lead the tour himself. He has to choose the destination – either Weston-super-Mare where the Oversixties have traditionally traveled, or the more sophisticated Longleat. If Nelson chooses Longleat, Mrs. Anthrobus gets excited and starts calling to Marquess of Bath, who resides in Longleat. Marquess isn’t happy with Mrs. Anthrobus’s antics, and the Oversixties are banned from entering Longleat.

Weston-super-Mare it is then. Nelson still has to hire some entertainer for the long bus trip. The only real alternative is Mick ’n Dick, Borchester’s answer to Chas ‘n Dave – they do not have “any musical talent, but one rousing chorus of Knees Up, Mother Brown is much like any other”. After some amusing incidents, Mick ‘n Dick start to sing Eskimo Nell. The Oversixties men are delighted and join in, while the women and Nelson are too flabbergasted to say a thing. BBC isn’t and says a lot, since Morality Brigade are horrified (then again, some members of audience request lyrics for the song).

Antique shops

Nelson’s antique business is not doing well and he has to step up his business. One thing he can do is to read a DYI guide and start an antique restoration business. This evidently backfires sooner or later, and the local police officers pay a visit of a suspected fraud. Nelson might also start to knock on people’s door, offering cash for what might seem like junk to them, but what really are priceless antiques. Unfortunately, BBC vetoes this plan since older listeners are already afraid of con-merchants.

Eventually Nelson starts a house clearance service. He hires Stewart, one of the Horrobins – a family of local ruffians – to do the heavy work. Due to an extremely bad luck, during the first gig Nelson’s competition, Chippendale Charlie, sneaks in, locks Nelson and Stewart inside a closet and steals all the furniture. Stewart breaks the door and Nelson has to pay the damage so that he has no money to pay for Stewart. Next night, Horrobin clan pays a visit and demands the paycheck of Stewart. Nelson placates them with some whisky.

Final Rating Puzzles and Solvability

The Archers shares a central failing with Secret of Adrian Mole, namely, that the player often has no reasonable way to know what the choices made imply. Didn’t you know that a character going to Channel Islands meant writing that character out of the series? Too bad, you are dead already. And when the solution can be solved beforehand, it is usually too easy.

The case looks a bit different, when we do not focus on individual choices, but on a series of them. Adrian Mole tracked only a single number throughout the game (your score), and that number had nothing to do with your ability to move forward in the game. The Archers, on the other hand, tracks several attributes (at least realism, the opinion of BBC and the number of viewers). Furthermore, these attributes are essential for moving forward, since after each part their status is evaluated. Thus, as a whole The Archers feels more of a challenge than Adrian Mole.

Score: 2.

Interface and Inventory

I complained that Adrian Mole had too simple an interface, since the player could do nothing beyond choosing a number between 1 and 3. The Archers seemingly uses the very same interface, but the feel is quite different. Partial reason could be the complexity behind the surface that I mentioned with the previous score. Partly it is all about the context – while making decisions from three well-defined choices is something we rarely do in everyday life, I can imagine a showrunner having to choose from few possibilities to continue a plot (i.e. scripts).

Score: 2.

Story and Setting

The town of Ambridge and its occupants, as described by the radio series, form a rich background for the game. What is more, this background has an actual effect on the events of the game, which now feel like an organic growth of the history of the radio series instead of mere tacked-on stories. In addition, there’s the interesting metaelement of the player being the showrunner striving to find balance between spectacle loving audience and conservative BBC authorities. The biggest failing storywise is that all the little stories form no grand thematic whole, but are mere daily stories in the life of Ambridge.

Score: 5.

Sounds and Graphics

Every plot line has its unique distinguishing picture. Some of them just show the place where the main action happens, others reveal more plot details. Just like with Adrian Mole, the graphics are a bit more memorable than they have usually been in Level 9 games.

Score: 4

Environment and Atmosphere

The Archers is essentially a soap opera producing simulator. The idea may seem daft, but it is surprisingly fun to tinker and try to find different plot lines and reactions from the audience. I can just imagine that a similar concept with some modern genre show would be great fun:

Tyrion Lannister stands upon the Wall and decides to relieve himself. What happens next?

1) Tyrion makes a quip about people on top of the world being able to throw their wastes on the lower classes. He then soliloquises about the unequal division of power and muses about the possibility of people governing someday themselves.

2) Suddenly a hand appears from the other side of the Wall. It’s a White Walker! Tyrion grabs a sword, cuts the hand and kicks the body down. He says to the corpse: “I am sorry we couldn’t arrange a warmer welcome.”

3) One drink too many tonight has deteriorated Tyrion’s sense of balance. He leans a bit too far and falls to an icy death. Nameless watchman says: “I thought he would make a bigger splash.”

Results:

1) Entertainment Weekly writes a detailed and approving review of the show: “Rarely is a sword and sorcery show so deep and thoughtful. We may be watching a new Wire.” You gain +10 % general viewers.

2) A Song of Ice and Fire Wiki section “How the show differs from the book” has grown. You lose -20 % G. R. R. Martin fans.

Reddit goes hot: “Best action scene EVER”. You gain +30 % preteen viewers.

New Yorker columnist writes about the empowerment of minority groups in modern fantasy. You gain +30 % viewers with university degree.

3) A Song of Ice and Fire Wiki sections “How the show differs from the book” and “Beloved characters killed off too soon” have grown. You lose -40 % G. R. R. Martin fans.

Teacher from Minnesota sends an angry tweet about school children imitating the death of Tyrion: “Kids dropping from roofs like apples!” Parents all over the country restrict their children’s screen time. You lose -50% viewers under twelve years.

Little People of America is offended by the exploitation of persons of short stature in modern media. You lose -40% progressive viewers.

4chan goes viral: “This ain’t free country if we can’t make fun of dwarves!” You gain + 60 % alt-right viewers. Don’t expect to visit your mother anytime soon.

Fox Corporation considers purchasing the rights for the next season of GoT. Kelsey Grammar rumored to get the role of Sir Davos.

What doesn’t work very well is the need to carefully min/max your audience reactions. Especially the fourth part started to feel stale, because I was forced to replay the same events over and over again, when trying to find a working combination of events. Either more variation in the possible storylines or less stringent criteria for a successful run would have been appreciated.

Score: 4.

Dialogue and Acting

I enjoyed my time reading this satire or parody of a soap opera. Some sites suggest that the writers of the show wrote parts of the text, and it is quite believable that some professionals were involved. The writers showed a good sense of humour and wit, especially in their descriptions of what the BBC executives and the audience liked about the show. Furthermore, all the four characters have a different and believable voice.

Score: 5.

(2 + 2 + 5 + 4 + 4 + 5)/.6 = 37. Most of you had significantly lower score guesses, but Will Moczarski nailed it almost perfectly and chose a one point too high a score. Congratulations!

Well, I wouldn’t have believed it when I started this game, but yes, this is one of the best Level 9 game so far. Of course, this is mostly due to the story and the writing being at least decent. Viewed solely as a game, The Archers is not much to look at, but as a piece of interactive fiction it is at least entertaining, if not that deep of an experience. In fact, the rating of The Archers might give us some indication how visual novels would fare with the PISSED ratings.

source http://reposts.ciathyza.com/missed-classic-the-archers-won-or-lost-with-final-rating/

#retro games #dos games #retro #crpg #adventure #amiga #oldcomputers #8bit #16bit #blog #repost

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watchingthesuperbowl · 7 years

Text

Notes taken during Super Bowl XXVIII

PREGAME

This is the Channel 4 version of an NBC broadcast. Again. Dick Enberg on PBP. Trumpy on color commentary.

Enberg: Both kickers are Canadian. Steve Christie and Eddie Murray.

FIRST QUARTER

Huge kickoff return from Kevin Williams on the opening kick. Nearly takes it to the house. Returns it to the Buffalo 48.

First play from scrimmage: Aikman to Irvin across the middle for 20 yards. Bills blitzed and went single coverage and got burned.

Cowboy drive stalls there. Aikman didn't see an uncovered Alvin Harper on third down. Would have been an easy touchdown, but he threw to Williams instead.

Dallas settles for an Eddie Murray field goal. 3-0, 2:19 into the game.

Bills moving the ball well on this drive. 24 yard swing pass from Kelly to Thomas beats the Dallas blitz. Buffalo is inside the Dallas 40.

Enberg: Bills RB Kenneth Davis owns an auto repair shop in Dallas. He got a bunch of crap last year after the Super Bowl.

Third and 7, Bill Brooks drops what would have been a first down. Steve Christie will come on to attempt a long field goal. 54 yards. It'd be a Super Bowl record. And it is. Would have been good from 60. Tie game, 3-3.

Hey, that's not Mick Luckhurst. Someone new is hosting for Channel 4. Bob Golic and Mike Sherrard are the expert commentators. UK host takes a swipe at Scott Norwood in referencing that Christie field goal. Not cool, man. Not cool. Scott is family for Bills fans.

Sounds like a pro-Bills crowd. They let loose with a "BRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCE" after Bruce Smith stuffed Emmitt Smith.

Third and 11, Aikman trips over an offensive lineman's foot on the snap. He gets up but gets sacked anyway.

Tasker gets held flagrantly (and facemasked) as he attempts to block the punt. No call. Bills take over at their 41.

This is a violation of the agreed-upon rules.

Thurman Thomas fumbles on the first play of the drive. Dallas recovers at midfield. Washington forced the fumble. Woodson recovered.

Aikman sees Harper open this time. Gains around 25 on a down and in. Tackled at the Bills' 15.

End around to Kevin Williams. It's not a reverse, dammit. Gains six yards.

Enberg: Marvcus Patton's mom was a pro football player for the LA Dandelions.

Cowboys stall again in scoring position. Murray hits a chip shot. 6-3 Dallas.

Bills moving the ball well, but Bill Brooks drops another pass on third down. Great throw, just dropped. Argh.

Dallas gives the Bills a get out of jail free card. They run into the punter on fourth and 3. Buffalo has it, 1st and 10 at its own 46.

Punters aren’t supposed to be on their back.

Jim Jeffcoat hits Thurman Thomas almost immediately after the handoff. A weird-looking play - It almost looked like Thomas didn't even try to get away, but I imagine he didn't expect to have a 300 pound dude falling on top of him the moment he got the ball.

Buffalo still moving the ball as the first quarter ends. Kelly to Andre Reed, down to the Dallas 34. 6-3 Dallas after a quarter.

SECOND QUARTER

Andre Reed is in pain. Reed's right leg bent funny when he got tackled at the end of the first quarter.

Cutaway: Former heavyweight champion Ken Norton Sr. Enberg says the Nortons are feuding.

Trumpy: Bills are throwing the ball all over the place, throwing well. High percentage stuff, short passes underneath.

Kenneth Davis with a nice run up the middle, gets around 10 yards, inside the 20.

Third and 3, Kelly to Beebe for a first down at the Dallas 5.

Cowboys DBs are trying to strip the ball on nearly every tackle.

First and goal, Thomas dances his way into the end zone. Touchdown. 10-6 Buffalo.

Trumpy: "That was a beautiful drive."

17 plays, 80 yards, nearly 7:30 of possession on that drive.

Golic: Bills needed to stretch the Dallas defense laterally, Kenneth Davis did that and it opened up the middle for Thomas.

Host asks Golic whether that drive will give the Bills the confidence to play their normal game, instead of doing what they did in the last two Super Bowls. Golic says yes, it would certainly make it easier if you stuck with your gameplan instead of throwing it away.

Speaking of sticking with your gameplan, the Cowboys run another deep in route on the first play of their next drive. Aikman to Irvin for 15.

Now Emmitt Smith up the middle, rumbles to the Buffalo 49.

Cutaway: Dallas backup QB Bernie Kosar.

Trumpy says Aikman told him he was having trouble sleeping and doing basic things after a concussion in the last game. Aikman said he didn't tell his coach or trainer. This was meant as a funny anecdote, but kind of makes me feel icky.

Bills continuing to do what they've done. They're moving the ball 5-10 yards at a time, methodically moving up the field. Kelly has plenty of time to throw.

Kelly: 13-16, 127 yards. Enberg says he hasn't thrown an interception in 14+ quarters.

Kelly fires deep down the left sideline to Beebe. Just barely overthrows him. Trumpy says that play is intended to make sure Dallas knows they're willing to throw deep.

Third down, Dallas with seven defensive backs and a defensive lineman dropping back into coverage. Nearly picked off by Kevin Smith, but Smith drops it and they'll punt.

Great punt by Mohr, all kinds of hang time, caught by Steve Tasker at the 1. Trumpy: Tasker is the first player Levy went out and got when he took over in Buffalo.

Cowboys offense moving in fits and starts, but they've made it into Buffalo territory. Less than 2:00 left in the half.

A short pass to Emmitt Smith gets Dallas to the Bills' 32. Being the smart player he always was, Emmitt gets out of bounds to stop the clock.

Aikman drops to pass, nearly has the ball knocked out of his hand by an onrushing Bruce Smith. Nate Odomes picks it off, returning it 40 yards into Dallas territory.

Swing pass to Thurman Thomas for 13. Inside the Cowboys' 35. 0:36 left in the half.

Andre Reed wide open, gets to the 12. For some reason, he doesn't get out of bounds. Bills burn their second timeout. Argh. Get out of bounds, Andre. 0:27 left in the half.

Kelly: 17-23, 173 yards. Has thrown 126 consecutive passes without an interception.

Second and 9, Kelly throws an ill-advised pass as he gets pressured. THROW IT AWAY, JIM. Goes through McKeller's hands, maybe should have been picked but wasn't.

After a Thurman Thomas shovel pass, the Bills use their last timeout with 0:02 left on the clock. Steve Christie comes on to attempt a field goal.

Enberg: Steve Christie replaced Scott Norwood, who missed blah blah blah wide right.

Trumpy opines that nobody in Buffalo will ever forgive Norwood for that, ever. Perhaps he missed the time, a couple days after the miss, when tens of thousands of Bills fans chanted Norwood's name and cheered him wildly when he spoke. F that noise, Trumpy. We protect our own.

Norwood splits the uprights. The underdog Bills lead Dallas 13-6 at halftime.

THIRD QUARTER

Okay, second half. Here we go. Time to watch my heart break in real time for the fourth week in a row.

Bills get the opening kickoff. Al Edwards takes it out to the 25 or so. Kevin Smith, the Cowboys' best cover man, is injured and it looks fairly serious. Eventually he gets up and walks off under his own power.

Buffalo moving the ball well early in the second half. Thomas up the middle, then a short hitch to Bill Brooks out to the 43.

Third play of the Bills' drive, Thomas fumbles on a run up the middle. The Cowboys' James Washington picks it up and weaves his way through the Buffalo offense for a touchdown. 13-13 tie, less than a minute into the second half. Leon Lett stripped the ball from Thomas, atoning for last year's botched fumble return.

I hate this so much.

Decent kick return from Copeland, out to the 35 or so and the Bills start again.

Trumpy: If things go badly, Thurman Thomas can begin to turn on himself and struggle.

Speaking of things going badly, Jim Kelly is sacked on third and long. Buffalo goes three and out. This half almost couldn't have started any worse. Dallas starts at its own 36 after the punt.

Trumpy: This is a dangerous drive for the Bills. If Dallas scores here, it will give them a psychological boost.

Cowboys driving, pounding the ball with Emmitt Smith. Into Bills territory. Trumpy says the team that adjusts better at halftime generally wins. That's obviously been Dallas so far.

Emmitt blasting his way through the defensive line. Another chunk of yardage, inside the 25.

Cutaway: Bills LB Darryl Talley injured on the sideline. Shoulder injury, it seems.

Now Bruce Smith is injured. Trumpy suggests maybe he hit his "crazy bone" on the Astroturf. Talley comes back onto the field.

Not that it matters. Emmitt Smith is unstoppable. He almost singlehandedly took them the whole way down the field. Breaks a Jeff Wright tackle and gets into the end zone. 61 yards rushing, just on that drive. 20-13 Dallas.

Le sigh.

Bills DL Phil Hansen injured on the touchdown.

Buffalo offense trying to get Thurman Thomas back up emotionally.

Enberg: This possession for Kelly and Thurman Thomas, if they go three and out, we may have just seen the end of the game.

Big return from Beebe on the kickoff. Finds a seam and gets out to the 36.

Kenneth Davis starts the next drive at RB for the Bills. He gets decked in the backfield on a screen pass. Loss of 8.

Davis gains 18 yards rushing on the next two plays, just barely gets a first down at the Buffalo 46.

Now a completion to Bill Brooks, gets into Dallas territory with a first down at the 43.

Cowboys go to a 4-0-7 defense on third and long. Kelly throws incomplete and the Bills will punt. A poor punt from Mohr, 22 yards and out of bounds at the Dallas 23.

I know, Jim. I know. I feel it too.

Dallas doesn't do much and will punt. Downed at the Buffalo 15. 3:05 left in the third quarter.

Enberg: Cramps are keeping Thurman Thomas on the sideline. I was just about to say that Kenneth Davis was dramatically outplaying Thurman, and then Davis dropped a direct snap. Chris Mohr comes on to boot it away.

Lincoln Coleman (who?) is in the backfield for the Cowboys. No word on Emmitt Smith's health. Looking it up, he's an ex-Arena Leaguer, was the third running back behind Smith and Derrick Lassic. Coleman ran for 57 yards in the Thanksgiving Day ice bowl against Miami, the one Leon Lett lost with a brain fade.

Cowboys go three-and-out, and we seem to have settled into a field position battle. Somewhere in Youngstown, Jim Tressel smiles.

Third quarter ends. It's a 7-point Dallas lead. The Bills have the ball and are still in it.

Golic: The Bills aren't doing anything dramatic or remarkable right now, but they're not letting Dallas get momentum.

Channel 4 shows the Phil Hansen injury. Blame Astroturf - his foot planted, then didn't move when someone fell on his leg.

Channel 4 host suggests Thurman Thomas isn't suffering from cramps, but is suffering from embarrassment. I really don't like this guy.

FOURTH QUARTER

First play of the quarter: Kelly telegraphs a throw to Don Beebe. James Washington picks it off. That was Kelly's first interception in 16 quarters, 140 passes.

Cowboys getting the ball to Emmitt Smith on the ground and through the air. He takes it to the Buffalo 25 for a first down. Trumpy says he wants to watch this game again and count Emmitt's broken tackles.

Bills blitz, leave Nate Odomes in single coverage on Alvin Harper, and it's first and goal at the 5 after a 20 yard completion.

Third and goal, Emmitt Smith tackled inside the 1. Cowboys will go for it on fourth down.

Touchdown. Emmitt goes left on a pitch and makes it to the end zone without much trouble. 27-13 Cowboys.

Emmitt: 25 rushes, 117 yards, 2 touchdowns

Bills moving the ball a bit on the next drive, but the clock is at 8:00, they're at their own 35, and they need two unanswered touchdowns.

And as soon as I say that, the drive stalls. Kelly sacked on third and 10. Chris Mohr will punt, and I suspect we're about to see a whole lot of Emmitt Smith.

Poor kick. Cowboys take over near midfield with exactly 7:00 on the clock.

Smith: 340 touches this season, 1 fumble.

Cowboys drive: Run, run, short play-action pass. First down. Clock still rolling.

Enberg: No team in the history of American professional pro sports has lost the championship four years in a row. Bills: Hold our beer.

4:17 left on the clock. Cowboys still have the ball. Aikman goes deep to Irvin, trying to twist the knife and end it. Just barely overthrows him.

Enberg: 1988 draft top three WRs: Sterling Sharpe, Tim Brown, Michael Irvin. So that was good.

Aikman goes deep to Harper. Tackled at the 1. First and goal. Cowboys call timeout with 3:23 left on the clock.

Trumpy: Do we talk dynasty for the Cowboys? Enberg: The scary thing is that the Cowboys are such a young team. This might be the end for the Bills' dynasty, but the Cowboys will be around for a while.

Enberg: If Emmitt Smith scores a rushing touchdown, he would be the first to score three in one Super Bowl. Trumpy: Well, let's give it to Emmitt.

After a false start penalty, Smith gets back to the 1 on first down. Second and goal from the 1, Daryl Johnston stuffed.

Trumpy: Emmitt Smith was the first Dallas Cowboy to be named NFL MVP.

Enberg: Thurman Thomas and Emmitt Smith are close friends, worked out together last offseason.

Trumpy: It's almost painful to look at the Buffalo bench. Almost, Bob? ALMOST?!?

Bills call timeout after Johnston's second down run. Third and goal from the 1. 3:01 left.

Buffalo stuffs Emmitt on third down. They call their final timeout. 2:54 left. Eddie Murray on to put it away with a chip shot.

Yep. Got it. 30-13 Cowboys. 2:50 left.

Trumpy: Bill Bates, Jim Jeffcoat, and Mark Tuinei are the only players left from the Tom Landry era in Dallas.

Cutaway: Bernie Kosar being congratulated by teammates.

Bills moving the ball down the middle against a very loose Cowboys defense keeping everything in front of them. Well, they were until Keith McKeller got called for offensive pass interference.

Two minute warning. Bills still have the ball, but it's academic at this point.

On third down, Kelly rushed and tries to throw the ball in desperation to offensive lineman Glenn Parker. It's knocked down and somehow there's no intentional grounding penalty.

Fourth down conversion: Kelly to Brooks down the middle to the 30. 1:20 and counting.

A weird play on first down. None of the linemen do anything, for either team. They all just kind of stand there, except for Jeffcoat, who decks Kelly on an incompletion.

Bills get inside the 20 on this drive, but nobody really thinks it matters.

Fourth and long, Kelly throws to Beebe, it's complete and Beebe immediately goes out of bounds. Which would have been smart if he weren't way short of the first down marker.

Emmitt Smith is the MVP.

Bernie Kosar takes the final snap and takes a knee. Game over. 30-13.

POSTGAME

Immediately after the game, Emmitt Smith went to console Thurman Thomas, who told Emmitt that Smith is the best running back in the NFL. Smith returned the favor.

Enberg on Smith calling Thomas the best: "That's kind, even if it's not necessarily correct." Harrumph.

Golic: Bills came out and played well, but it was like one play (the fumble recovery touchdown) completely destroyed them.

Sherrard: Cowboys will keep this team together for a long time.

Golic: Bills aren't losers, they're the second-best team in the NFL for four years in a row. They see themselves as a very strong, very successful team.

Sherrard: Emmitt Smith is the offensive MVP. Golic: James Washington is the defensive MVP.

Host: Jimmy Johnson may want to leave Dallas and coach an expansion team. Golic: Jerry Jones won't want him to leave. Jones: Hold my beer and watch this.

Jerry Jones: This is possible because Jimmy Johnson has given everything he had since he got there, and his spirit is reflected in the way this team plays.

Jimmy Johnson: People say we've been at each other's throats. When you win Super Bowls, the only things you're going to do with each other's throats is hug them.

Johnson: Didn't change much at halftime. We made some mistakes in the first half, second half, they made more mistakes than we did. Bills are an excellent team, otherwise they wouldn't have been here four years in a row.

Host: Sounds like Johnson wants to stay. Golic: We'll see what happens. I don't think Johnson's going to want to sue, and will honor his contract.

Apparently the host is Gary Imlach. Good to know.

#football #nfl #super bowl #super bowl xxviii #buffalo #dallas #bills #cowboys #buffalo bills #dallas cowboys

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papermoonloveslucy · 6 years

Text

LUCY’S PUNCTURED ROMANCE

S4;E22 ~ February 7, 1972

Directed by Coby Ruskin ~ Written by Fred S. Fox and Seaman Jacobs

Synopsis

Lucy takes an interest in a new man (Robert Cummings), but the milkman tips off Kim that he may be a womanizing alcoholic. To protect her mother, Kim and Harry scheme to make him think the family is crazy, hoping he'll run for the hills.

Regular Cast

Lucille Ball (Lucy Carter), Gale Gordon (Harrison Otis Carter), Lucie Arnaz (Kim Carter)

Guest Cast

Robert Cummings (Bob Collins) was born in 1910 in Joplin, Missouri. His godfather was the aviation pioneer Wilbur Wright, so naturally he got his pilot’s license and studied aeronautical engineering. After the stock market crash of 1929, he gave flying up to study drama in New York City, making his Broadway debut in 1931. In 1934 he moved to Hollywood and started making films. During World War II he was a captain in the Air Force Reserves. His television career kicked off in 1952, winning an Emmy for his role in the series “My Hero.” Starting in 1955, Cummings starred on a successful NBC sitcom, "The Bob Cummings Show” (aka “Love That Bob”), in which he played Bob Collins (the same character name he uses in this episode of “Here's Lucy”), an ex–World War II pilot who became a successful photographer. The show ended in July 1959, just a few months prior to filming “The Ricardos Go To Japan” the penultimate episode of “The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour.” Cummings returned to “Here's Lucy” for an episode in season 5. Cummings was married five times and fathered seven children. He died in 1990 at the age of 80.

Bob Collins graduated from Carnegie Tech and is a field representative for a cosmetics company. He enjoys dancing.

Mary Jane Croft (Mary Jane Lewis) played Betty Ramsey during season six of “I Love Lucy. ” She also played Cynthia Harcourt in “Lucy is Envious” (ILL S3;E23) and Evelyn Bigsby in “Return Home from Europe” (ILL S5;E26). She played Audrey Simmons on “The Lucy Show” but when Lucy Carmichael moved to California, she played Mary Jane Lewis, the actor’s married name and the same one she uses on all 31 of her episodes of “Here’s Lucy. Her final acting credit was playing Midge Bowser on “Lucy Calls the President” (1977). She died in 1999 at the age of 83.

Billy Sands (Mr. Larson, the Milkman) returns to the role of Lucy's Milkman from “Lucy's Lucky Day” (S4;E15). Sands began his professional acting career in 1946 when he appeared on Broadway with Spencer Tracy in Robert Sherwood’s Rugged Path, but he eventually became a television character actor who appeared regularly as Dino Papparelli on “The Phil Silvers Show” and as ‘Tinker’ Bell on “McHale’s Navy.” He will make one more appearance on “Here’s Lucy” (but not as the milkman).

Larry J. Blake (Fire Chief, left) first appeared as a Native American Medicine Man in “Lucy the Rain Goddess” (TLS S4;E15). He was an ex-vaudevillian making the sixth of his eight “Here’s Lucy” appearances.

Orwin C. Harvey (Fireman, center) was an actor and stuntman who played one of the singing and dancing teamsters in “Lucy Helps Ken Berry” (TLS S6;E21). This is one of his six appearances on “Here’s Lucy.”

Sid Gould (Fireman, right) made more than 45 appearances on “The Lucy Show,” and nearly as many on “Here’s Lucy.” Gould (born Sydney Greenfader) was Lucille Ball’s cousin by marriage to Gary Morton.

The script for this episode was dated October 6, 1971. It was filmed on October 28, 1971.

The title may have been inspired by the Charlie Chaplin silent film “Tillie’s Punctured Romance” (1914), remade in 1928 with W.C. Fields. It may have also inspired “Fester’s Punctured Romance,” a 1964 episode of “The Addams Family.”

In his book I Had A Ball: My Friendship with Lucille Ball, Michael Z. Stern recounts when he attended the filming of this episode in 1972.

The date this episode was originally aired, film director Walter Lang died at age 75. He had directed Lucille Ball (who was uncredited) in two films in 1935: Carnival and Hooray for Love. In 1957 Lang was nominated for an Oscar for directing The King and I.

As the episode opens, Mary Jane is sitting on the living room sofa reading the November 1968 issue of Better Homes and Gardens magazine. In “Redecorating the Mertzes' Apartment” (ILL S3;E8), Lucy Ricardo says she got the idea to hold a painting party from reading Better Homes and Gardens. The magazine got plenty of airtime because the writers felt bad after making a ‘Better Homes and Garbage’ joke in “Men Are Messy” (ILL S1;E8).

In the Carter living room, the large gold-framed mirror on the landing has temporarily been replaced by an ornate cuckoo clock in order to make the final gag pay off. If the clock looks familiar, it was formerly in a home of “The Munsters” (1964-66) at 1313 Mockingbird Lane. The raven has been replaced by a cardinal, but it is otherwise identical. Both “Here’s Lucy” and “The Munsters” were filmed at Universal Studios. [Thanks to Lucy fan Bill Graff for spotting this!] In 1957, the same clock was seen on “Those Whiting Girls” - a Desilu production.

Also, just for this episode, the French doors in the living room can only be opened by banging on the wall above the fireplace mantle.

Lucille Ball’s ‘showgirl style’ entrance down the stairs gets a round of applause from the studio audience. Mary Jane admires her new outfit. Lucy and Bob (her new boyfriend) ‘met cute’ in the supermarket when she dropped her knockwurst and he dropped his sauerkraut.

The studio audience is very enthusiastic, also bursting into spontaneous applause for Bob’s entrance, Mary Jane’s exit, and the end of scene 1.

MILKMAN: “Cross my heart and hope to die. May my sweet cream curdle if I tell a lie.”

Mr. Larson the milkman reports that the Wilsons down the street are splitting up. Larson says his wife calls him her “homogenized Walter Winchell.” Walter Winchell (1897-1972) was a journalist and radio host who was the narrator of “The Untouchables.” His voice was heard (uncredited) in the 1949 Lucille Ball film Sorrowful Jones and “Lucy the Gun Moll” (TLS S4;E25). His name was in the lyrics of the Desi Arnaz song “We're Having A Baby” sung on “Lucy is Enceinte” (ILL S2;E10). Winchell died just two weeks after this episode first aired.

Mr. Larson awkwardly used the ‘modern lingo’ with Kim:

Pad (apartment)

Swinger (wolf)

Splitsville (break up)

Kim calls Bob a “Cut-Rate Casanova”. Giacomo Girolamo Casanova (1725-1798) was an Italian adventurer and memoirist who’s name became synonymous with a man who seduces multiple women. Coincidentally, in "The Gossip” (ILL S1;E24), the milkman was labeled a “cottage cheese Casanova”!

In order to convince Bob Collins that the Carters are crazy, Kim and Harry do the following:

Convince Lucy that Collins is partially deaf, reads lips and has a hearing aid in his cuff links.

Pretend that Lucy has been married six times by prominently placing her wedding gown in the hall closet.

Having Kim make inappropriate advances on Collins while sitting on his lap.

Spiking Collins' hors d'oeuvres with a concoction of Tabasco sauce, cayenne pepper, hot mustard and chili pepper.

“Lucy is just a deaf alcoholic who's been married six times!”

Even after they confess their deceit, things get even crazier when Mary Jane shows up dressed as a chicken, Lucy banging on the wall to open the doors sets off the phonograph and the cuckoo clock, and Lucy burns the roast causing the fire department to smash the front door glass.

A flustered Mary Jane makes it clear to Bob that she is unmarried by stressing that she is MISS Lewis. Miss Lewis was also the name of a single lady who lived at 623 East 68th Street, played by Bea Benadaret in “Lucy Plays Cupid” (ILL S1;E15).

Lucy says that Bob Collins tangos better than Rudolph Valentino. The dance was responsible for the longest laugh in “I Love Lucy” history in “Lucy Does the Tango” (ILL S6;E20). Heartthrob actor of the silent era Rudolph Valentino was also mentioned in that episode. Valentino was one of Mrs. McGillicuddy's favorite screen stars and was mentioned in “The Hedda Hopper Story” (ILL S4;E20) and “The Homecoming” (ILL S5;E6).

This is the first time that Lucy has had a boyfriend since Tony Rivera (Cesar Romero) in “A Date for Lucy” (S1;E19). Lucille Ball had no plans for Lucy Carter (or Lucy Carmichael) to have a serious relationship.

Robert Cummings played himself in a 1959 episode of “The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour” set in Japan.

A cuckoo clock played an integral role in “The Kleptomaniac” (ILL S1;E27). Lucy hid the clock under her coat - but the ‘cuckoo’ nearly gave her away!

A milkman (Bobby Jellison) was the conveyor of "The Gossip” (ILL S1;E24) about the marriage of the Ricardo’s neighbors Grace and Bill Foster.

Trying to make her mother out to be undesirable, Kim says that Lucy has always married men who’s last name begins with ‘C’ so she doesn’t have to change the monogram on her luggage! Is this a reference to “The Lucy Show”’s widow, Mrs. Carmichael? Other folks named Collins in the Lucy-verse include:

Kitty Collins - Lucille Ball’s character in the 1936 film Follow The Fleet

Sylvia Collins - an unseen character on “I Love Lucy”

Dr. Collins - Mr. Mooney’s eye doctor on “The Lucy Show”

Mr. Collins - Manager of Stacey’s Department Store on “The Lucy Show”

Eddie Collins - Viv’s boyfriend on “The Lucy Show”

Pat Collins - the ‘hip’ hypnotist on “The Lucy Show”

FAST FORWARD

Lucy would finally become Lucy Collins in a 1975 special titled “Lucy Gets Lucky” co-starring Dean Martin and set in Las Vegas.

Character Consistency! Two episodes earlier Kim moved out of the house into a garage apartment nearby. But in this episode she is apparently still living at home.

Fur Blur! When Lucy comes from the closet after retrieving her stole, the camera momentarily goes out of focus.

Props! On the bookshelves behind Lucy's head, a small ceramic vase has been tipped over by some books. This was probably caused when the finale with Lucy banging on the wall and the picture frames falling was rehearsed before filming.

No Stove Is A Floating Island! In the kitchen, the counter top island has been awkwardly moved out of the way to make room for Lucy’s tango and give better sight lines of the refrigerator. This island also holds the cook top range, so it would be technically impossible for it to be un-grounded by electric wires or a gas hookup!

Cap Redact! The first letter of the name of the milkman’s dairy (mostly illegible) is covered with white tape. This was likely done to avoid any legal action by a company with the same name.

Let Yourself Out? When Kim marches into the living room to have a heart-to-heart talk with her mother about Bob, she leaves the milkman alone in the kitchen!

Wardrobe! Kim’s picnic table skirt does not have pockets, so there is a conspicuous pouch sewn to her waist in a slightly different pattern in order to hold the small bottle of spices she intends to use to spice up Bob’s hors d'oeuvres.

Plot Loops! Mr. Larson thinks Bob Collins is a wolf because girls are seen coming and going from his home and he orders five quarts of orange juice daily. He reasons some people mix orange juice with liquor for wild parties. At the end of the episode, the girls are explained by his being a cosmetics distributor but the orange juice surplus is never explained. He may not be a wolf, but he might be a lush!

“Lucy’s Punctured Romance” rates 3 Paper Hearts out of 5

In this episode, the roles of mother and daughter are reversed, giving Lucie Arnaz a larger and more commanding role. This fits in with plans for her to launch a spin-off series after the end of season 4. Lots of sight gags in this episode. The living room runs amok in a very visual (but not very character-driven) finale. Mary Jane in a chicken suit.

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