#editing this in here to note that this does not apply to when I bully myself to do art
Text
(03) David Chiem - First Trial (DRDT - Milgram AU)
IMPORTANT: This had to be reposted due to technical issues (it wasn't showing up on tags). There were two votes on the original before I privated it to avoid confusion. Please check you've voted if this disclaimer wasn't there when you first saw the post.
Another entry in this crossover AU! This time David, with his VD Nebula, and his MV Star in the Night! Wait. David… MV? David MV? Oh God no not again I don’t wanna go back no-! (/joke)
Thumbnail:
So for the content warnings, you know what, I’ll just make an universal list of all the content warnings I think the AU will need, hopefully I don’t miss anything. So, here are the universal CWs! Not all of them apply to David, but I do this to prevent sorta spoiling things in the CWs. In no particular order:
Universal CWs: Violent murder, suicide, self-harm, stabbing, strangling, poisoning, gun violence, fire, child abuse, animal death, bullying, road accidents, betrayals, transphobia, mass death, conspiracy to harm.
By the way, important note: when I originally made the Undercover post, I fucked up with his kill-shot. The victim was supposed to have one shoe off, and I forgot to mention it, oops. I’ve edited it, but just in case you hadn’t seen the edit, keep that in mind.
Voice Drama: Nebula
(Why is David so hard to write send help. Hope he's not too ooc)
*Footsteps*
Es: Hi!
David: Hello there! My name is David Chiem. A pleasure!
E: And I’m Es! Nice to meet you, David!
D: I hope you don’t mind me asking, but you are the Warden of Milgram, right?
E: That’s right! Why do you ask?
D: Well, I wanted to know if I could bring certain… issues, to your attention. After all, you are an authority figure here, from what I understand.
E: Oh! Of course! Is there something wrong? Are any of the other prisoners causing you trouble?
D: Oh, no! Nothing like that. It’s just, well. See, you’ve claimed every person here is a murderer, right?
E: That’s right, yeah.
D: Well, it seems there’s been a mistake. But don’t worry! I won’t hold it against you!
E: A mistake? What do you mean?
D: Well, how do I put this? I… have been wrongly imprisoned, you see. I’ve never… killed anyone.
E: Huh, really? You know, it’s funny. You’re not the first to say that.
D: Oh? Well, I wouldn’t be surprised if there were other innocent people here. But it’s fine! Mistakes can be corrected. It’s not difficult to change, if you’re willing to!
E: … Is that so? You know… you seem pretty calm about all this.
D: Hm, I guess you could say that. But it’s just who I am. See, I try to be as positive as I can, since I know there's a lot of people that don't get the privilege.
E: Really now? And you don’t think a situation like this merits being at least a little bit worried?
D: Ah, I guess so. I…am worried, deep down. But being negative can only make things worse, right? When it feels like everything else is against you, the least you can do is help yourself.
E: Hm…
D: A lot of the people here are extremely distressed, understandably so. And I have to think, well, these people might have bigger issues than me, yes? I live a pretty good life, I can look forward to returning to it whenever this all blows over. So it’s my responsibility to keep morale high!
E: Alright… And what does your life look like that you are seemingly so content with it?
D: Want to count my blessings, huh? Well, let’s see. Although I’m an only child, I have a good relationship with the rest of my family, and I have good connections with people outside of it as well. I consider myself talented, there are some things I’m quite good at! I am quite wealthy thanks to my work as a professional inspirational speaker, so I don’t have any financial concerns. In fact, one of the other murderers even recognized me!
E: Oh! What a coincidence!
D: Yeah, right? I was surprised too-
E: So why did you call them a murderer?
D: *Sputter* I’m sorry?
E: You said they were “one of the other murderers.” I thought you said you believed some of the others could have been wrongfully imprisoned? I would imagine someone as positive as you would only want to assume the very best, right?
D: *Sharp breath*
E: *Slightly smug* Not to mention, “other murderers?” I thought you hadn’t killed anyone, David.
D: Yes, that’s right! I’m- I’m sorry, it was a slip of the tongue.
E: Is that really it? You seem nervous about something.
D: *Nervous chuckle* Didn’t you tell me I should feel worried about my situation? But now you’re suddenly concerned with a bit of stress over false accusations. *Fake-sounding chuckle* You’re giving me contradictory information, Warden!
E: *Cheery* Well, at that point you hadn’t revealed you knew you were a murderer!
D: Huh? What do you mean, know I’m a murderer?
E: Well, sorry! But you are a murderer.
D: … Are you- Are you serious? I make one little mistake, just misspeak once, and you immediately assume the worst?
E: …
D: You know, things like this have happened before. People like to pretend I’ve said things I haven’t said, misinterpret actions and statements… That can hurt people, you know?
E: …
D: Just jumping to conclusions… all of you are the same. You hear only what you want to hear, and then decide I’m a murderer just because I misspoke-
E: No, that’s wrong.
D: …What?
E: I don’t think you’re a murderer just because of what you said. I just never believed you from the start. Again, sorry!
D: … Excuse me?
E: You are a prisoner in Milgram. That is all the proof I need to know your actions have led to someone’s death. Because of that, when you told me you weren’t a murderer, I knew there were only three options.
D: … Do enlighten me, please.
E: One option is that you are mistaken. Maybe you don’t consider what you did murder, when in the eyes of Milgram, it could be judged as such. The second is that you were lying to yourself, in an attempt to protect yourself from your actions.
D: …
E: The third is that you were lying to me.
D: …
E: That Freudian slip of yours was enough to tell me you do consider yourself a murderer. So you’re not mistaken, and you’re not lying to yourself. Therefore, you must have been lying to me!
D: … I see.
E: So you admit to it?
D: … Admit to it? Admit to what? Your reasoning only works if you assume this accursed prison can’t get things wrong, which is just delusional.
E: Perhaps you feel that way. Except, I know you don’t, since you consider the others murderers as well.
D: Will you just-?! *Deep breath*
E: Listen, David. I’m not mad at you. I understand your murder must have been traumatic-
D: I didn’t-
E: But lying and hiding it all isn’t going to help you here. I will find out the truth anyways, so being honest is probably your best bet!
D: Being- *Mix between a chuckle and a short wheeze* Do you even know what you’re asking me to do?
E: I don’t think I’m asking too much! Just tell me what you did and-
D: You really don’t understand anything, huh?
E: … Your eyes…
D: Oh? Are the stars gone? Yeah, they do that.
E: N-Nevermind that. What do you mean I don’t understand anything?
D: … Well. How do I put this? I can’t have you- You shouldn’t be allowed to know everything about my life, right? What gives you the right to invade my privacy? Nothing!
E: That’s unfortunate for you, then! I will find the truth, whether you like it or not.
D: … *sigh, his voice is filled with poison* You really are arrogant, huh?
E: … And you aren’t really as positive as you say, right?
D: …
E: David?
D: Ah! Apologies. It seems I was losing track of myself there. I apologize if I said something hurtful.
E: *Sputter* The stars-
D: In any case, if I may, I’ll once again state. Nothing I've ever done could be considered murder, and I wholeheartedly believe that.
E: But that's a lie.
D: Perhaps. But, you see... If you do find the truth…
E: …
D: Then you might as well just kill me on the spot!
*Machinery whirs*
E: Huh? Wait, what do you mean?
D: Oh, it seems the extraction process starts now, right? That’s unfortunate.
E: Wait, I still have questions! I just need more time!
D: Ha… well, we all want what we can’t have, I guess.
E: Huh?
D: Ah! Sorry, maybe that came off a bit depressing. In any case, I want to leave you with one last message, a quote from Shakespeare’s Othello.
E: What are you-
D: “To mourn a mischief that is past and gone is the next way to draw new mischief on.”
E: Huh?
D: "Holding grudges and focusing on the past will only lead to misfortune." It is better to focus on the future and-!
E: Are you serious?! Stop trying to convince me into not doing my job! It’s not going to work.
MonoTV: Well, it sorta is! Why are you taking so long? We’re on a schedule here.
D: *Chuckle*
E: Urgh…
E: Prisoner 03, David Chiem, sing your sins!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Trial 1 Cover: Magical Girl and Chocolate by PinnochioP
(Listen I saw the chance to play into the magical girl joke and had to do it)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Music Video: Star in the Night
(By the way, I reference Chinese tally marks quite a bit, so here they are for reference. Also to clarify they are used in other countries but I'm calling them that because their origin is Chinese (from what I understand I hope I'm not getting this too wrong), I don't know if there's a better term for them, sorry)
(I also call out real books by name, which I hope isn’t too immersion breaking, but I felt it was fitting considering who we’re dealing with lol. Now the song)
[The music sounds like a pretty standard “inspirational” pop song. Think Firework by Katy Perry]
[David speaks the first few lines]
Welcome ladies, gentlemen, and everyone else!
It’s the start of another wonderful day!
Let us make the most of it!
I hope you can trust me when I say,
It will all be alright
The video starts on a shot of an empty stage, the front row seats barely visible around it. In the center stands David, who looks small in comparison to the stage. Several spotlights shine on him, his arms out beside him. He’s wearing his canon outfit (pre-CH2 EP11), as well as a white domino mask with golden highlights (the one from the thumbnail) over his eyes. He also wears a pin on his right, which looks like a pink camellia. A red dot is visible on the top left of the screen, alongside the word REC.
The camera slowly zooms in, and David puts his left hand over his chest as he continues talking. He smiles wide and bright as the opener ends, and the camera glitches.
[Now he starts singing. I’m still basing this off Firework tbh]
Waking up again,
Watching the sun rise, (I)
Another brand new start,
Another breath of air! (II)
(I) We get a shot of David sitting up on a bed with a deep blue blanket decorated with stars. The walls are grey, but there’s a window with purple curtains in the background, which lets in sunlight. His head is off frame, but he’s reaching up towards it with his left hand. There’s a nightstand off to the left. On it we see a simple lamp, a photograph frame (the photograph is obscured), and a phone with a blue case. There’s a grey circle visible in the top left of the screen.
(II) We zoom in on the phone, the grey circle at the top right still visible. The phone screen lights up with a message.
Edward W.
Good morning. Remember we signed an agreement for an advertisement with…
After that message arrives, David’s hand appears on screen and grabs the phone.
Burning ever bright,
the passion for your life. (I)
Don’t ever put it down,
And hope will never drown! (II)
(I) We’re back at the stage, the same scene as before, but now we’re looking at David’s back. The seats for the audience are visible, and on them sit a bunch of grey figures with no discernible features. The circle at the top left is red again, and once more the REC word appears next to it.
(II) Grey circle again, as we switch to a scene with a pure white background. A hand with the following bracelet appears from the top right, holding the white domino mask.
(Please pretend that's not the shittiest image ever made)
Another, smaller hand appears from the bottom left, grabbing the mask and taking it off screen.
[Pre-chorus, the instrumental builds]
See a quasar that now spins
Emitting hope, emitting dreams! (I)
The center, truly irrelevant
When the light is all we see! So- (II)
(I) Grey circle. Back to a front-facing shot of David, who is holding the mask with his right hand. The shot starts with the mask covering the screen, but David swiftly brings the mask closer to him. His eyes lack stars. His expression is neutral-to-dead inside, and he looks down at the mask for a few seconds.
(II) He takes a breath. Then, he brings his head down at the same time he brings the mask up, covering his face with his hand. He holds that position for a moment, and as the song says “light”, spotlights begin shining on him. At the same time, the circle turns red with REC again. When the “so” plays, David brings his hand up and we zoom in as he points to the sky.
[Chorus!]
Tally up the good things like dots in the sky! (I)
You’ll find there’s always hope if you’re willing to try! (II)
And even when you feel that you’re lost in the dark, (III)
Then I offer my advice, allow me in your heart
And then let me be your star in the night! (IV)
(I) Thumbnail image, except the tally symbols start off as yellow dots that look like stars before turning into the tally symbols we see in said image.
(II) David continues singing, but we get different angles to make the shots a bit more interesting.
(III) Front-facing shot of David again. His right hand is over his chest as he sings with a slightly less enthusiastic smile. The stars in his eyes fade out. When the song says “dark”, there’s a quick flash to another scene. The background is now black instead of blue, and while David is standing in the same position, his appearance is a bit different. Hair clips off, messy hair, tie undone, black circles around his pupils. He’s wearing a black and blue domino mask, similar to the other one he was wearing before. The pink camellia pin has disappeared, but now he’s wearing a black rose pin on his left. He looks vaguely frustrated. The circle is grey.
(IV) After only a moment, we’re back to the previous scene, and David continues singing as the camera slowly zooms out. Just as the chorus ends, the camera glitches a bit. We see this for a moment:
(Okay so there was an image here, but it gets the post shadowbanned for unknowable reasons. I'll just put the image description here:
"David stands neutrally, with his white mask outfit. He's in front of a green screen on a grey wall. It looks as if he's being recorded by a camera which shows things such as the time of recording, the camera battery, the pixel size, etcetera. Red REC circle on the top left.")
Then, the camera suddenly goes dark with a bright flash at the center, as if it had been turned off.
[More spoken words]
There will be times in your life, when you feel that (I)
you don’t have anything worth living for. (II)
This will always be false. (III)
Let me tell you some, uh, paraphrased quotes from books I like,
which help me maintain a positive attitude! (IV)
(I) We see David from a POV to his right. He’s sitting on a comfortable looking blue and yellow chair as he talks with a calm smile, wearing the white mask and pin with the red REC circle visible. He’s in a small room, with star decorations hanging from the ceiling. On the blue walls, there’s a poster of David (white mask and all) holding a book with a big smile on his face, alongside some unreadable text. The book has David's face on the cover.
(II) The screen glitches, and we’re now looking at David from the left. He’s still sitting on a similar chair, except it’s black and purple. He’s back to his bed-hair, black mask, dark circles around pupils, black rose pin costume. He’s smirking as he talks. The background is completely black, but the circle is still red with REC.
(III) Screen glitches again, and we’re back at the same scene from (I).
(IV) We’re now in a different room, with a wooden floor and blue walls decorated with stars. Red circle with REC. The back of David’s head covers most of the screen, a hand with the same bracelet as before on his shoulder. In the background, there are four blurry, white silhouettes of people.
[Back to singing]
One: (I)
Being harmed by cotton wool,
Happiness scares the weak (II)
(I) We see a grey background with a horizontal line glowing bright yellow in the middle. There is a small table in the foreground, which shows a book with a pink cover and a black silhouette on front. The side reads “No Longer Human.”
(II) Red REC circle. We see one of the white silhouettes, with long hair, holding up a daisy flower as David (white mask) gives a thumbs up with a wide smile. The background is completely blue.
Two: (I)
Our doubts, traitorous
Make us lose what we may win (II)
(I) Same grey background as before, but now the glowing symbol in the background is the Chinese tally mark for 2. “No Longer Human” is still there, but now there’s a book standing next to it. It’s orange and has a scale on the front, alongside the words “Measure for Measure.”
(II) Grey circle. The screen is split in two. On the left, David without his hairpins (post-reveal hair), but also without a mask, is staring blankly at his phone. The background has the grey walls and purple curtains from his bedroom. On the right, we see someone in a suit with a pin which looks exactly like David’s hairpins accepting money being handed to them by a white silhouette. The white silhouette has similar pins on their other hand. The background there is blue.
Three: (I)
Time and the hour,
Run through even rough things (II)
(I) Same scene with the books, but now the symbol is the Chinese tally mark for 3 and there’s a new addition. A book with a red cover with a skull and a crown, labeled “Macbeth.”
(II) We see a white silhouette with short hair slouched over on a desk, in a dark room. They’re looking at a computer screen showing David’s white-masked, smiling face. The circle isn’t visible in its usual spot, but it’s on the computer screen, red with REC. The desk the computer is on has discarded candy wrappings all around the keyboard, as well as a white mug with a yellow star drawn on it.
Four: (I)
Time soothes sorrows,
Be content you have known me. (II)
(I) Book shot. The symbol is now the Chinese tally mark for 4. Apart from the books which were already there, there’s now a white book off to the side, with a small, stylized drawing of a person with blond hair and green clothes standing on a grey sphere. We can barely see the words “The Little Prince.”
(II) Another white silhouette in a blue background, a book with David's face on the cover beside them. Red REC circle. The silhouette is on the floor, their hand outstretched towards (white-mask) David, who is leaning down over them and offering them a hand with a placid smile. It looks as if David is trying to help them stand up.
Five: (I)
There’s relief when you know,
You won’t carry burdens, see…
(I) The same scene as before, except all the books are gone. The symbol in the background is the Chinese tally mark for 5. On the table stands a book with a dark cover showing a big house, with the title “And Then There Were None.”
(II) We see David’s face (white mask, but hair undone), with a smile that doesn’t reach his (starless) eyes, as he accepts his usual hairpins being handed to him by a hand with the previously shown bracelet.
[Pre-chorus]
And there is so much, so much more (I)
So many reasons to carry on (II)
Even when the world’s against you
You just have to find your hope! (III)
So (IV)
(I) Back to the scene with the comfortable looking chair for a moment. Red REC circle again.
(II) Grey circle. We see David’s back (post-EP11 hair) as he looks out the window of his bedroom, which shows a pitch black sky, the purple curtains framing the shot.
(III) David walks off frame, but his reflection remains still on the window. It’s David with the black mask outfit, smirking.
(IV) Screen glitches, and the window disappears, but David (black mask) is still there, on a black background. The circle turns red with REC, and spotlights begin shining on him.
Tally up the good things like dots in the sky! (I)
You’ll find there’s always hope if you’re willing to try! (II)
And even when you feel that you’re lost in the dark, (III)
Then I offer my advice, allow me in your heart (IV)
And then let me be your star in the night! (V)
(I) David (still black mask, black rose pin, black circles around pupils, no hairpins and post-CH11 hair) points up, the camera zooms in on his hand. It quickly goes back to showing his full upper body, he’s still smirking. The background remains completely black, but the circle is still red with REC.
(II) We zoom in a bit. David tilts his head and rolls his eyes behind his mask.
(III) We change to the back of David’s head. We see the four white silhouettes on the black background, looking as taken aback as silhouettes can look.
(IV) Screen glitches, we see a side shot of white mask David holding his hand out with a bright smile. Screen glitches again, now black mask David is standing in the same position.
(V) We see this:
[There’s a small guitar solo, as the music suddenly switches to a very fast-paced rock style instrumental. David can be heard laughing]
Still with his black mask outfit, David sits down on the same comfortable looking purple and black chair from before. He’s laughing.
[The next lines are sung very quickly]
One: (I)
I wonder, does it make me a villain… (II)
Two: (III)
If I choose to discard the ideal? (IV)
Three: (V)
Should I regret what is true now? (VI)
Four: (VII)
Is it my fault? Does it make me inhuman? (VIII)
Ah… hahaha! … (IX)
“Correct” (X)
(I) Back to the grey background with a table in the foreground. We again see a horizontal line glowing bright yellow in the background, but now there’s a withered daisy laying on top of the table.
(II) Screen is split, the circle is gone. To the left, David (black mask) has his mouth open in a smirk as he points to his head in a finger gun gesture. There is blood on his hand. To the right, we see the long haired white silhouette’s head laying on the ground with their head turned to the side, a splatter of a pink liquid under it.
(III) Grey background with Chinese tally mark for 2 glowing. The withered daisy is still there, but now there’s also a broken pin beside it which looks very similar to David’s.
(IV) Screen is split again. To the right, a side shot of David holding his now bloodied neck with both hands, again with a big smirk. To the left, another white silhouette laying on the ground, face down with their hands to their sides, and without any pink liquid visible.
(V) Chinese tally mark for three on the grey background. Alongside the withered daisy and the pin, we see the broken pieces of a white mug with a star drawn on it.
(VI) In the bottom left, a shot from David’s left, where he’s giving a thumbs down with a bloody hand, the blood still on his hands and neck. On the top right, another white silhouette laying on a pool of pink liquid on the ground, their limbs bent in unnatural positions.
(VII) Chinese tally mark for 4 in the grey background. Alongside the other objects, we see the book with David's face. It’s completely drenched in water, several pages ripped out and strewn around the table.
(VIII) To the right, a side shot of David pinching his nose, still smirking. On the left, another of the white silhouettes lays on the ground with their head tilted to the side, again without pink liquid.
(IX) We see David’s upper body as he stands up and cackles, throwing his arms out to the sides. As the laugh trails off, the screen glitches. David changes a bit. His hairstyle turns into his pre-Ch11 hairstyle, but he doesn’t have the hairpins. His eyes have neither stars nor dark circles around the pupils, though he does have eyebags. He’s not wearing a mask or a pin, and his tie is undone. He’s looking at the camera with a horrified expression. The grey circle returns. The screen fades to black as the laugh fully disappears and there’s silence for a moment.
(X) An image fades in from the black. It’s the same table from before, but lit more dimly. The grey background shows the Chinese tally symbol for five written in blood. The only thing in the table is the bracelet, stained with blood.
[Bridge, the instrumental slows down again]
Count up my mistakes, like stars in daylight.
You will find “me” again, if you’re willing to try.
And even when it feels it’s all lost to the dark (I)
Then I beg you, I beg you… (II)
(I) Screen fades in again, and we see David standing in the stage from chorus one. Grey circle, no spotlights. The shot is zoomed out, so David’s face is impossible to see, but his arms are to his side neutrally, and his head is tilted down. His hairpins and chest pins are missing, and his tie is undone. There is a stool next to him, the white mask laying on it.
As he stands still, words appear behind him, slowly rising from the ground and scrolling to the top of the screen.
CREDITS
Main cast:
Chiem D.
正
Williams E.
Producers:
Chiem D.
Williams E.
MILGRAM
Script-writing:
Williams E.
Chiem D.
Camera Operator:
Chiem D.
Original Idea:
Chiem D.
Special Thanks:
Background Characters:
As the credits scroll, David brings his hands to his chest and fumbles around a bit. When he moves them away, his tie is now done correctly and his pink camellia pin is back up. He then takes something out of his pocket, and brings his hands to his hair. After removing the hands, his hair pins are back up.
(II) Right as “Background Characters” appears on screen, we cut. Zoom in on the white mask on the stool, and David grabs it. Shot switches to David’s face, his eyes closed and mouth pressed in a thin line. He slaps the mask on his face, and quickly swipes his hand up. As he does, his mouth twists into a big smile, the circle turns red with REC, and the spotlights begin shining on him again.
Tally up the good things like dots in the sky!
You’ll find there’s always hope if you’re willing to try!
And even when you feel that you’re lost in the dark, (I)
Then I offer my advice, (II) allow me in your heart (III)
And then let me be your star in the night! (IV)
(I) The camera zooms out slightly to show David’s upper body, as he points up. The credits behind him now start scrolling backwards (top to bottom). He’s singing cheerily, but there are no stars in his eyes. Right as he says “lost in the dark”, the credits fully disappear from the screen.
(II) Cut to the ‘正’ symbol, written in blood, on a grey wall. Grey circle.
(III) David’s hands appear on frame, holding a mirror with a golden frame. He puts it over the ‘正’ symbol, covering it completely. In the reflection, we see white mask David frowning at the mirror with starless eyes.
(IV) Screen glitches, and we’re back to the same screen as before (white mask - no stars - spotlights - red REC circle - stage). David finishes singing, but he’s still breathing quickly.
[Instrumental begins to wind down]
The camera zooms out as David continues breathing heavily.
Let me be your star in the night!
The camera fades to static before suddenly cutting off.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
MonoTV: On the topic of inspirational speaking, do you need any encouragement?
Es: Uhm, I guess it couldn’t hurt?
M: Too bad! I’m not gonna be nice to you!
E: Who are you talking to again?
M: The only encouragement I’ll ever give you is when it comes time to cast your verdict. And speaking of that, it’s… g
VOTING TIME!!!
23 notes
·
View notes
Text
The Similarities and Differences Between Michael Swango and Bryan Kohberger
I have been holding off on writing about this since my phone conversation with serial killer Michael Swango last week. While I have permission to write his thoughts, I have been waiting for a letter or email of his thought so I could take direct quotes from him. Mail is slow and Swango is not super fast about getting snail mail or emails out, so for now I will put my and his thoughts down here and then amend or add when I get his actual in-writing information.
And of course, we all know Swango was convicted of four murders and admits to more than 60, while Kohberger has said he hasn’t done anything wrong and has not had a trial yet. So for now this is just an exercise Swango and I did, based only on what we know about Kohberger so far, assuming that he is indeed the perpetrator of such murderous misdeeds. I’m not going to type in “alleged killer” over and over, so please keep “alleged” in mind when reading below. Also, please note when writing on my personal Tumblr I do not proof or edit, so there will be typos.
Swango and I (and I think we can all agree) that anyone who can kill so callously, seemingly without reason, is a sociopath/psychopath. In order for that to make sense you’d need to understand the characteristics of one. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/antisocial-personality-disorder/symptoms-causes/syc-20353928
A person with antisocial personality disorder does not need to have ALL the characteristics but would have many. I’m not a psychologist.
When I first started my Letters from the Inside project one of my requirements was to only write to those who had high IQs. Both Swango and Kohberger had advanced degrees and were academics. While Swango was an actual doctor, Kohberger studied psychology and immersed himself in criminology, going so far as applying for a police internship before the murders, hoping to assist law enforcement in technological profiling. Swango immersed himself in both the EMT community and the medical one.
Both are remembered as being “odd” by other students.
Both Swango and Kohberger would seem to be glib – Swango is known for his (superficial) charm and while we haven’t heard Kohberger being charming, we did hear him say a few very glib things like when asked why he had gone into Idaho he said, “The shopping is better in Idaho.” He also allegedly used famed serial killer Gacy line when arrested, asking if anyone else was arrested.
Another characteristic is addiction or compulsive behavior – Kohberger was said to have once had a heroin addiction. Swango, had a mother with severe alcoholism and he even wrote to me about how this upset him while he was growing up. Another compulsion they both seemed to share is that Kohberger was a strict vegan and described by his relatives as requesting them buy new pans that never touched meet. Kohberger has reportedly been overweight and bullied and now appeared compulsive about staying slim and watching what he eats. Swango used to drop down and do exercise in class, becoming the butt of fellow students’ jokes. He was reportedly a food hoarder, keeping tons of rotting sandwiches under his bed.
Swango told me he had boundless energy throughout his killing days. He could work a 12-hour shift at the hospital or even a double and then stay up all night. It was reported Kohberger also was up all night, oftentimes vacuuming at 1am and going out all night driving.
I think a major difference between the two is that Swango was known to be very good looking and was quite a ladies man, juggling several women at a time. It appears, at least for now, that Kohberger did not have an significant others at the time of the murder and so far no one from his past has seemed to come forward discussing how he was in an intimate relationship. There have been jusa few friends, students and one Tinder date he had who came forward so far.
Swango believes that he and Kohberger share a similar reason for their seemingly random killings: Both were narcissists who got an almost orgasmic (not necessarily a sexual charge) feeling of being the smartest person in the room for even a brief period of time. While Swango says very clearly he did not specifically target people he had feelings about – such as anger or jealously – he only killed or poisoned people out of opportunity. It was about the glee he felt being able to try to get away with someone under others’ noses. He believes Kohberger shared this sense of glee and overinflated sense of intelligence and cunning.
Swango was clearly a serial killer and he said his first inklings of it were at the start of college. While we have no idea if Kohberger has committed anything else and not gotten caught, I think it is pretty safe to say he may have done this again if not caught.
Swango entered the military prior to med school and Kohberger’s yearbook says he, “Wants to use his skills to become Army Ranger someday.”
Another difference is that Swango had trouble with the law prior to killing. He was arrested for poisoning EMTs long before he ever was arrested for murdering patients. It appears Kohberger had a clean arrest record. Swango also falsified documents to get his medical license, jobs, etc. So far we see no evidence of Kohberger ever lying, being deceptive, etc.
This is only the start. In the next year I’m sure more and more will be revealed about Kohberger leading to a trial. I’m interested in hearing what Swango has to say about himself and Kohberger as well.
Generally, l I feel it’s noteworthy that I am in a rather unique position to have direct access to an infamous serial killer to weigh in on this topic. It’s pretty unique to be able to call someone who had perpetrated diabolical crimes on the scale of Kohberger’s (obviously Swango’s were more numerous that Kohberger’s.)
***
This just came in from Swango:
The IDAHO suspect MUST begin with a famous
quote that KNOW you've seen. To paraphrase:
"He who stares into the ABYSS must be careful
that the ABYSS does not stare into him."
WHEN you find the exact quotation and author
PLEASE send it to me. Thanks.
I want to say NIETZSCHE but not sure. John
Douglas used it in one of his FBI BSU profiler
books. I believe the IDAHO suspect became SO
fasinated by criminology that he FELL INTO
the ABYSS. Unfortunately, he apparently forgot
EVERYTHING he had learned about DNA/ cameras/
cars/ etc. Will try to write more, but that is the
gist.
This just came in from Swango (updated: 1/10/23)
Few more points on the
“differences” you queried: After “falling into
the abyss”, our young PhD student (Apparently)
METICULOUSLY PLANNED the IDAHO crime.
And as mentioned, DESPITE his knowledge and
planning, made numerous fatal errors.
With a few notable exceptions (i.e., the dentist/ doctor), DR. X [EDITOR NOTE: Swango calls himself Dr. X] acted randomly based on current situation and conditions. Blink of an eye. Permission to use info and/or name.
1 note
·
View note
Text
i. Bittersweet Vanilla | Bang Chan x Reader
° 𐐪𐑂 synopsis: Have you ever heard of the phrase, “Right person, wrong time?” You and Chan would have made such a perfect couple had your destinies and dreams not gotten in the way. With no assurance of what you each truly felt for one another you both struggle to keep each other grounded among the different obstacles you face.
° 𐐪𐑂 genre: idolverse, angst, childhood friends, pro swimmer! reader
° 𐐪𐑂 warning(s): mentions of abuse, trauma, insomnia, anxiety attacks, depression, death of a family member
° 𐐪𐑂 8k words
° 𐐪𐑂 author's note: Hello! I am extremely sorry that this was published late, but unfortunately, my other priorities in life came up so I had to push back the release and editing. As you know, bittersweet vanilla is a fic I released a year or so ago. This is a fic I hold dear to my heart, and I was a bit disappointed with how I had written it, especially with the multiple plot holes and gaps. This led me to rewrite and expound on the development of both reader and Chan, this fic will hold the same plot as the previous fic but will be much more detailed compared to the original one. Without further ado, I hope you enjoy and show this fic some love!
series | next | ao3 | Spotify playlist
Such a simple yet comforting flavor
A few blocks from school, two from your swimming club and one from the street you lived on, was an ice cream parlor. Winter’s Star was a place of comfort for both you and Chan, albeit not being that popular for its remote location. It had begun a small tradition and routine for you both.
Ice cream after swim training had become a norm for you both, despite the strict healthy diet your father had established for your growth as a swimmer. You would both intentionally opt not to take the bus and walk to the parlor as to walk off the calorie intake you’d get from the dessert as to get your father off your case.
Every time you’d visit, Chan would dash in, beaming over the glass in excitement at the variety of flavors, selecting a different flavor for every visit, a stark difference to your simple preference of classic vanilla.
And every visit, Chan would tilt his head and pout in confusion, asking why you’d get that every single visit. And each time you’d reply, “I’m paying, and I like it that’s why.” rolling your eyes as he sighs at your boring nature.
Though one evening, after practice had ended a bit later than usual, you can see him deadpan at the sight of the creamy white of your vanilla ice cream. And though he doesn’t ask, you decide to explain, “I’d simply not want to risk trying something new, and honestly I just like sticking with what I’m comfortable with.” You shrug, popping a spoon of the comforting flavor into your mouth.
Chan doesn’t ponder much at your explanation nor does he reply that day, too exhausted to think of one.
𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂
This routine of yours had begun the summer before middle school. Moving a lot at a young age, Chan had found it difficult to get settled into the new atmosphere, with his distinct features, he barely fit in. Therefore he found himself once again in the corner of his new school’s swim club unsure of how to apply and whom to approach.
His eyes wandered around, observing the different children doing laps and warming up. Swimming was a sport he and his father enjoyed, and it had made his father extremely happy that he had taken enough interest in it to compete in the said sport.
“Oi, newbie, what are you doing here?” The smaller boy flinched at the loud voice, turning towards the source. He sighs, here we go again, the nine-year-old boy thought.
“I c-came t-to a-apply for the swim club.” The boy managed to softly stutter out, eyes downcast, feeling intimidated by the difference in height.
“And at your puny size, ya think ya can swim fast-”
“Oi, why don’t ya shut up Jacob? A big dumb bully like yourself can’t beat me and here you are trying to scare the newbie, being all talk. Why don’t you stop wasting your time picking on new people and spend it practicing and trying to improve your times.” Chan widened his eyes as he turned to the female voice that had interrupted the confrontation.
He was shocked to see a girl around his age, twirling her goggles around her fingers as she approached Jacob, as she had called him, and his crew that currently surrounded the smaller boy.
Jacob, quite flustered with the unknown girl’s statement, attempted to come up with a good comeback but failed to do so as he muttered, “Why’re you butting in L/n, don’t you usually mind your business?” Eyes avoiding yours in the process.
“And so, what if I decide to butt in? Does your ego inflate at hounding the new kid? If it isn’t going to make you swim faster, I suggest you get your butt moving.” The smaller girl scoffed, raising her eyebrow at them, daring them to cross her.” I suggest you all get moving before I call the coach and tell him you’re slacking, wouldn’t want to swim extra laps now?”
Before Chan could even blink, they’re all dashing off into their respective sides of the pool. The transferee chuckled at that, in awe at the confidence the girl carried. She introduced herself, (Y/N) (L/N) he had learned that day, specialized in free, though claimed to be preparing herself for Individual medley.
Chan introduces himself as well, mentioning that he specialized in butterfly. At the revelation, her eyes glowed in excitement as she tugged the smaller boy towards her father.
“Dad! He swims butterfly! He can complete the relay!” Chan observed, fascinated by the complete 180 in her vibe, wherein the confidence and intimidation she had carried earlier, now dissipating to something more suited for a fellow nine-year-old.
She bounces in excitement, tugging at the end of her father’s shirt, to garner his attention. “We can finally have a relay!”
Finishing his conversation on the phone, her father turned towards the pair, raising an eyebrow at her daughter’s excitement. Bending down to their height the older man asked for Chan’s name, to which he replied a soft ‘Christopher Bang’ at this the older man’s eyes widened in surprise.
“You’re that boy that broke the record for the 50 m freestyle swim! Your dad called me earlier to inform me that you had transferred here and wanted to join, fill this up, and (Y/n) here can show you your lockers and the shower rooms to change.”
“Really! What’s your time?! Ugh, I hope it’s not faster than mine.” You had frowned at him, enthusiasm and competitiveness lighting her e/c hues at the revelation of a broken record in her specialty. “Come on, you change, then we race. Loser has to buy ice cream.”
You raced five times and lost all five. It had frustrated you though at the same time had triggered a new type of excitement at the knowledge of someone who would no longer shy away from your competitiveness.
𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂
Since your first meeting, Chan had indeed become a huge influence and development in your already hectic life. It had shifted your dynamics and attitude towards the sport you had dedicated your life to since you could walk.
Before meeting Chan, you had little to no drive when it came to training and warmups, accustomed to the fact that no one could come close to you in your age range and category. Though now, with the Korean-Australian around, not only did it shift your energy towards the sport, but something had shifted in your relationship with your father along the road.
Your father was a loving man, dedicated to his daughter and bedridden wife, he had been applauded far and wide for raising such a talented daughter dedicated to a sport he too had once dedicated himself to.
It may have seemed that way to the public. However, during the early stages of your childhood, your mother had been in and out of the hospital, something that your five-year-old self couldn’t have understood nor questioned. Living comfortably with the income your father had as a coach and your mother’s family inheritance, your father had opted to hand you over to nannies and private chauffeurs to ensure that you were busy and occupied.
Among the multiple extracurriculars your father had enrolled you in, you had been six when your interest in swimming had peaked. At the discovery of your interest, it had only been then when your father had decided to become more attentive and present in your childhood.
In awe of how quickly you picked up the technique and the different styles, your father had enthusiastically enrolled you into more classes and going further as to fix your diet around the sport, proudly declaring he would raise an Olympian in his stead.
At the age of seven, he had entered you into your first tournament, there you had gotten gold, and honestly, that didn’t matter. What mattered was the warm embrace your father had given you.
Shortly after the tournament, you had arrived home, surprised to see that there had been more staff present as well as unfamiliar people dressed in pajama-looking attire and some donning a white coat.
Soon your nanny leads you into a room faintly smelling like medicine and cleaning materials, it made your nose sting. Though what caught your eye was the bedridden figure connected to multiple machines next to her, sunken eyes, and ghastly figure, you had not been able to recognize your mother.
Having little to no memories of the woman that had given birth to you, made you blink back tears as she called you, voice frail and raspy “Y/n? Is that you? My how big you’ve grown.”
You had slept in her room that night, the soft beeping of monitors and machines lulling you to sleep as you dreamed of picnics and beach trips had faith decided not to be so cruel.
It was then when you promised yourself to bring your mom more medals if it meant spending more time with her. Each tournament you’d finish, you would run in, carefully avoiding wires and the nurses, beaming in excitement about the race and how good you did.
“Are you happy?” She had said to you one day.
“Of course! I just wish you could come to see me swim.” You smile, understanding bits and pieces of her condition, you had never been that good in science.
“Do you have friends in school? Spend time with them, instead of here with me.” The statement confused you, remembering how your father had ensured that you were picked up from and to, preventing you from having playdates, with the statement that they would be mere distractions to your training.
“No not really, but I like being here with-”
“Y/n, you should be living your childhood alright, can you promise me that, love?” She raises her hand to your cheek, caressing it softly.
“Okay, I will, mom.”
A few days after that conversation, you had met Chan, a boy who would, later, be your north star.
𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂
Chan was never careless, especially when it came to things like equipment and his stuff in general, he was always so thorough when it came to packing, so it was rare to see him coming back to school to get something he had forgotten.
What he also hadn’t expected was to see you here as well, fully knowing that your father had a private pool in his residence used not only to train you but as well his private students.
“You had been getting too comfortable, look at your weight, look at your times.” Chan hears your father’s voice from the locker rooms, the Korean Australian hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but with how loud your father’s voice echoed it was hard not to do so. “Do you think your mother would be proud?”
“She said, I should make friends-”
“YOUR MOTHER IS SICK.” Chan flinches at your father’s loud voice as it echoes.
“She’s sick, just because she says something it doesn’t mean you should follow through.” Your father’s voice softens this time, exhaustion peeking through.
“Friends? You’d be distracted and before you even know it. You’d be toppled off that little podium of yours.” He pauses, scoffing. “Don’t make me regret allowing you to hang out with the Bang boy. Beat his times, don’t get too comfortable just cause you’re topping your bracket.”
Chan doesn’t realize he’s been holding his breath till he hears both your footsteps as you exit the hall. What he’s heard has left him baffled, you weren’t exactly talkative when it came to your family affairs, you never seemed to be so bothered either.
The Korean-Australian remembers faintly the rumors that followed your persona. All about your reluctance when it came to making friends, never taking into consideration that perhaps your father had played a part in your icy exterior and reputation.
No wonder most of the kids in your academy had been so shocked to see you interact and talk with the transferee, knowing that you had never been the type to prefer company.
𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂
It wasn’t like you to be so careless either, you were quite attentive when it came to maintaining your grades and health as an athlete.
So, the D on your most recent math test, as well as the onset symptoms of cold was something that had made your blood run cold. Your school followed a strict protocol that required athletes to maintain a good record, which included having Bs and upon all tests.
Anything less than that would mean a week of suspension when it came to training as well as being supplied a set of reviewers to “catch up”, which you were required to finish and submit by the end of the suspension.
Not only that but surprisingly, your father was quite sensitive when it came to your physical welfare, a result of your mother’s condition, honestly. Which meant that the man would not let you near any body of water until you would be in perfect health.
Dread seemed to settle into your system as you hand him your slip, which would signify your suspension. “You were coughing earlier, take time off, I’ll call the nutritionist to change your diet. I’ll call the tutor-”
“You’re getting a tutor?” Chan beams behind your father, “I can help you, I’m in advanced remember?”
Times like these the Korean- Australian baffled you with his audacity, as he continued to grow out of his shyness, and despite your dad having explicitly stated that he had preferred you not to spend any time with your fellow swimmer, he still respected the Korean Australian’s talent and dedication to the sport.
“You’re in advanced math classes Chris?” Chan nods at this in hopes that the coach would consider his offer. “Your times have gotten better, you could take a few days off, with her.”
What?
You’re both in the locker rooms packing your bags when you whisper, “How’d you do that?”
“What do you mean?” Chan hums, amused by your intrigued form.
“My dad, your coach, the F/n L/n, agreed with your suggestion. How did you do that?” You’re poking at his sides, determined to make him spill.
“Secret~” He pokes his tongue out, running out of the training hall.
𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂
You had your chauffeur, drop you off in the Bang Residence, surprised to learn that you lived a street down. You’re warmly welcomed by Chan’s parents greeting and smiling at them through your mask.
“Looks like you didn’t my help nor a tutor, Y/n” Chan smiles seeing that you’re almost through seven worksheets, the swimmer knew you were smart and could keep up with your grades. Though for you to be this careless, he knew that something might’ve been bothering you.
“Come on, let’s go.” You’re shocked as he pulls you up to stand, making you drop your pen and papers, the boy barely gives you any room to argue before he’s pushing you out of the doorway.
“But- my work”
“Could be done within the week remember? Not in one go.”
Before you could even argue, you’re flabbergasted to find yourself seated on a bus, on the way to some location that Chan would not tell you anything about. “We could’ve taken the car, Chan.”
“And where’s the fun in that?” He grins dimple popping out.
“Just remember we have to be back at seven before my driver arrives-”
“Yada-yada, we’ll be fine now let’s have some fun, my style, and my treat!” Chan gestures to the mall you’ve arrived at, giggling at your stunned expression.
𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂
Honestly, you’ve never ridden a bus, nor have you been to a mall, or arcade. These are all things you’ve seen in films and movies, living such a secluded life, your father would bust a vein to find out that you were here.
Though there’s a first for everything. It’s also been a while since you’ve had this much fun, laughing, and giggling at every little thing. You’re thankful to have released a little bit of stress, even for just a moment.
Chan even manages to win you a small whale plushie from the arcade. Though you probably think he could’ve saved by just buying you one from the shop across. It amazes you to see teenagers and kids just your age, littered across the mall, you had never thought to come to a place like this.
“Thanks for today.” You nudge him with your elbow, the plushie safely tucked underneath your armpit, digging into the vanilla ice cream you had gotten on the way home.
“Sure, but you’re treating me next time.” You halt, raising an eyebrow at the older boy.
“What do you mean next time?”
“Y/nnnnnn..” He drags your name in a whine. “Fun things are supposed to be done again, you can’t just live your life just swimming and going to school. We’re kids! We’re supposed to have fun and live life and make memories! That’s what life’s supposed to be! Alright?”
You should be living your childhood. Your mother’s voice pierces through your head, at Chan’s words, had this been what she meant?
“Hey. are you crying? Ya! Don’t cry” You hear Chan say something inaudible perhaps in Korean, as he frets over your crying figure, you see him pat himself down, hearing a small “aha!” before he’s reaching over to dry your tears with a handkerchief.
Softly patting down your cheeks, he sighs. “You don’t have to tell me, what’s wrong, but I’m right here, and I will always be.” He’s pulling you into a hug, you feel your body stiffen from the contact, surprised at the display of intimacy.
You don’t question why, but it feels warm and safe. Just like a cup of vanilla ice cream after a nice swim on the beach.
𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂
“Hey, wake up, we’re here” a soft nudge pushes at your side, you hum in response, finding the boy’s shoulder comfortable.
Chan sighs, smiling at how comfortable you were with your head on his shoulder, cooing at your initiation of intimacy. It had taken you a few years before you were comfortable with any form of affection at all, putting two and two together to realize it must’ve had something to do with your family.
The young swimmer was well aware he was never obliged to fix you nor your situation despite his young age, but seeing you glow and smile at the different yet simple aspects of life that had been prohibited by your situation made him feel warm.
Ever since your first hug, albeit its awkwardness, you had become more receptive to little bits of physical affection and verbal affirmation. Chan smiling as recalled the first time you had initiated a hug, mindlessly throwing your arms around your best friend after he had gotten you a present for your birthday. Needless to say, you had become quite flustered at the realization of your actions.
Over the past few years, your father’s complaints about your friendship with Chan had lessened, seeing your continuous development in terms of grades and dedication. And despite being friends, the competitive fire within you had never ceased, holding on to that desire to beat Chan’s record.
The sun has set. You realize as you open your eyes, blinking out remnants of your drowsiness as you yawn. You’re raising your head from Chan’s shoulder when you realize his hand was extremely close to your face.
You’re jolting up in embarrassment before muttering, “Have I been drooling?” Quickly patting and wiping your lips for saliva.
“Uh, maybe, but it’s f-”
“Don’t you dare say it’s fine Christopher! Augh! This is embarrassing you should’ve woken me up!” You’re storming out of the car, cheeks warm in your flustered form.
Chan chuckles, how cute.
𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂
Ever since hearing of your newly found friend, your mother had continuously asked for you to bring Chan over. And since their meeting, your mother had continuously asked for the return of your polite and talented friend.
It amused you how your mother stated he was like an angel with his voice and good nature, well she wasn’t entirely wrong. Your mother had never shared anything about her life before her sickness, you knew that she had been an only child like you, and from the number of books and records on the shelf in her room, as well as the violin and record player on the side, her interests must’ve been aligned with those.
So when Chan had asked, “What’s your mother like?” You didn’t really know how you could respond to the question and before you know it the line of liking music and books had been stumbling out of your mouth.
Chan’s eyes had lit up at the mention of music, proceeding to ask which artist, what genre. Though with observant eyes, Chan could see your aura dim, he decides to drop the topic, he asks you about the latest Pokemon game. That had been the first time, you’d taken note of Chan’s interest in music.
Though it still surprises you when the day he meets your mother, he arrives with a fresh fruit basket and a ukulele.
He had smiled at your mother that day before he began strumming a soft melody you didn’t recognize. It takes him a while before he states that he had made the melody on his own, struggling to find the lyrics to suit them.
You remember your mother’s words; “It should come from here, whatever you do in life, ensure that your heart will beat for it.” She had said.
Your mother at times was an enigma, speaking in poetry that you struggled to decipher. Some days, you were envious when you’d see her with Chan, seemingly sharing a secret they wouldn’t let you in on. Chan would always seem to understand the puzzling lines she’d say.
It’s another afternoon to which your mother had invited Chan over, you’re both stepping into her room when you find her immersed in one of her classics, a thick leather bounded book, you’d be too terrified to try and read, without busting a vein.
She doesn’t look up, when she hears you two enter, she never does, and you know better than to disturb her amidst her reading. Though you admit that there’s this aura about your mother when she’s immersed in a book, it’s as if she takes a step into the world she’s reading about, escaping whatever pain she currently faces in reality.
It’s only until you set the peeled apples on the table next to her when she looks up. “How has your day been, love? Your father hasn’t been overworking you too much?” She sets the book and her glasses on her bedside table.
“I’m fine mum, Chan brought you some apples, and look they’re cut like bunnies.” She smiles as you offer a slice into her mouth, carefully biting onto it.
“That’s good to hear, Chan dear, my you’ve grown look how tall you’ve grown since I last saw you.” Your mother reaches to ruffle his curls.
“Mom you saw him last week-”
“Have I? really auntie!” You roll your eyes at the overly enthusiastic reply at the mention of his height.
A knock halts your conversation, the door opens to reveal your father’s secretary, she calls your name, stating that your father had called you into his office. You take one last look at Chan and your mother, letting them know that you’d be right back.
𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂
Perhaps it’s the thick atmosphere of your father’s office, but at the sight of the envelope with its infamous school colors, it’s as if all the oxygen in the room had been sucked out.
Your father passes you the envelope, “Everything’s been settled, we can get you a flat there, or perhaps you’d like to live in their dorms. You start next semester, you can move after your graduation.-”
“Does mom know?”
“She does.”
“When had this been sent in?”
“Just last week, you really don’t need to worry about anything dear, be sure you graduate and get a good result on next week’s tournament.” Right graduation.
With all the exams you had recently finished as well as training it had completely slipped your mind that you were entering high school in two months.
You faintly recall a conversation you and Chan had after finding out about his interest in music. “(Y/n), What are you going to be when you grow up?” He had asked you during one of your trips to the ice cream parlor, digging into his salted caramel ice cream.
The question caught you off guard. What did you want to do? Eyes downcast you began to finding interest in the vanilla ice cream, as you picked at it. “I’ll probably continue swimming, that’s what my dad wants.”
“Yeah, that's what your dad wants, but what do you want? Like I want to do something with music! I want to use it as a platform to spread messages, to help people find comfort in music the way I do.” He had looked so bright, so gleeful, like a star so far and out of reach.
“Oh, that’s amazing Chris. Though I don’t know what I want to do.” How you wish you were just as passionate as Chan, wishing you could break through your comfort zone to chase after the one thing you loved the most.
“Then I’ll help you find something, something you’ll come to love the way I do with music.”Maybe at that time, I had found something to love, maybe I just didn’t know it yet. “But if you love swimming, then you’ll be the greatest swimmer in the world, you’ll be an Olympic medalist!” He raises his ice cream cup as a toast, you clink yours with him, smiling at how happy he looked.
Chan was your north star, no matter which direction the universe spun, he remained unwavering, shining bright and leading you to home, him, your comfort.
Dazed, you don’t realize you’ve been standing in front of your mother’s room until Chan opens the door, he yelps in shock at the sight of your deadpanned eyes.
He says something in Korean, clutching his heart at the unintentional scare. “You scared me, why are you standing there like some zombie.”
“Oops, sorry just a bit occupied.” Quickly hiding the envelope behind your back, something his eyes don’t miss. “Let’s go, dinner’s ready.”
𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂
After dinner you decide to take a walk to have some ice cream at the familiar parlor you frequented ever since becoming friends and after you had lost to him the first time you met.
Sitting down you both order, asking for your usual vanilla-flavored ice cream, Chan picks the mint chocolate chip, a special for the week. He’s silent all of a sudden, fixing you with a serious gaze as he takes in a deep breath. It made you uneasy suddenly as if whatever he would say next would change your fate.
And it did.
“Y/n remember when I said I wanted to make music?” He asks, fiddling with the spoon, nervous which was a rare sight for the charismatic boy.
You hum in response allowing him to continue. “Well, my parents and I made a deal, they would allow me to live in South Korea as a trainee, as long as I got into a good company. And well I got in, you’re now looking at the latest Australian trainee of JYP Entertainment. I'm leaving after the tournament next week!” He points to himself with his thumb, smiling and giddy to hear your response.
Korea as in Korea within Asia? That's 6828 kilometers away!
“(Y/n), are you alright? You’re not saying anything, there is something wrong.” Without noticing you had turned your head down, allowing your hair to create a curtain between you two. He reaches out to tuck your hair behind your ears and is surprised to be met by your tear-stained cheeks. “You’re crying.” He says, unsure of what to say and what made you upset. “Are you not happy I got in?”
“No, I'm happy! You’re finally getting what you dreamed of! You’re going to be amazing Chris. I’m crying because of how happy I am for you.” I’m going to be all alone. You’re going to be living 6828 kilometers away, in a foreign country when we barely turned 14. I’m going to be all alone. I want to be happy for you but why does this hurt so much? I’m going to be all alone.
You might as well tell him. “I’m moving, I got into Griffith so I’m moving into the dorms as well.”
“That’s huge! That place is a breeding ground for Olympians! That’s amazing! We’re both chasing after our dreams, after all. Congratulations Y/n.” It honestly didn’t feel like something to be happy of.
All will be alright, with time. We’ll be alright.
𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂
The next following day came faster than expected you both tried to pretend he wasn’t leaving in the next few days, you tried to pretend that you’d still be able to see one another in the next few years and maybe the next few days. A sense of normalcy in the upcoming days of uncertainty. Neither of you had any idea what fate had in store for you both and you could only hope.
And soon enough the day of the tournament finally rolls around. You’re buzzing with excitement as you entered the building. Chan, on the other hand, was nervous at this being his last swim meet, he hoped to make this as memorable as possible. And though you never say it, Chan knew that deep down you loved swimming, no matter how much you tried to make it out that you only did it for your dad.
He sees you glow the moment you step into the pool, he knew you’re meant for this, to be up there with the pro athletes he too had admired. And as much as it hurt him to leave you, he’s stunned and in awe of how much stronger you’ve become.
He loved the confidence that you had as you walked into the competition hall, ignoring the curious gazes, and turning heads at the mention of your name. You have been destined to reign the competitive world of swimming, and he knew he wasn’t as good as you were to reign alongside you. He had accepted that a long time ago.
He walks with you to the locker room to prepare and change, trailing a few steps after you. Observing the looks of both younger and older swimmers in awe at the sight of you, your reputation in the sport was indeed something to uphold.
You turn to him gripping your gym bag tightly, which he had offered to carry but had been rejected along the lines of saying that you were a woman that could carry your belongings or something like that. “Well, I’ll see you later, wish me luck.” You raise your fist to him, initiating your signature good luck handshake before every competition. The handshake brought you a lot of reassurance and strength, taking away any worries you’d have.
You grin at him one last time, turning at your heels to enter the room, but before you take another step, he pulls you in for a hug, squeezing you tightly, your hands awkward by your sides, unsure of whether to hug him back. “You don’t need luck, go wreck them.”
You scoff at his words, finally deciding to wrap your arms around his shoulder. “Of course, see ya later Bangaroo.”
Up in the stands Chan observes you as you take your positions on the starting block, he smiles to himself as he sees you wearing the goggles and swim cap, he had given you during your last birthday. He had saved for it the whole year to surprise you with your favorite swimming brand. You had teared up at the gift, before smacking him for the times he had complained every time you invited him to the parlor.
He had never seen you wear the cap and goggles at practice, you had told him you had to save the luck for competitions. He had asked you to explain though you brushed off the statement by pushing him into the pool.
“It’s nice to see you here, isn’t this your last swim meet?” Chan blinks in surprise as the older man takes a seat beside him joining him to observe his daughter.
“Coach (L/n)..” Chan greets, unsure of what to say. Since, the knowledge of his rough treatment of his best friend, he had preferred not to stay too close to the older man, aware of his dislike for him.
“She’s still as amazing as ever.” Your father whispers in awe more to himself rather than Chan. “I was surprised you know, at her growth and development since your arrival. You’ve been an amazing push to her capabilities as a swimmer, that I have to admit.”
The older man stands up all of a patting him on the shoulder, “Well good luck, and thank you for giving her that push. Hug her for me later.” Chan’s surprised by the time your father leaves is just in time you finish the swim, realizing you had already won.
28.08 He gasps as he sees the scoreboard alongside your name. 28.08 You had broken his 50M Free record by a second, after years of competing and ice cream trips, you’ve finally done it. He sees you shocked as well, he meets your eyes, throwing you a thumbs up from the stands, grin highlighted by his dimples.
You looked radiant, a small voice in his head reassures him that he made the right choice., that you’d be alright. He starts heading toward the locker rooms to prepare. He’s stunned by your father’s words, he knows in his heart he made the right decision, and he knows he shouldn’t let this bother him, especially when he’s about to compete.
He steps into the starting block, slipping on his goggles, snapping them against the back of his head to erase any of his worries. Lastly, he’s putting on his swim cap. Taking deep even breaths, it’s his last swim. Chan wants to make this as memorable as possible.
He closes his palm clenching it, testing to see how shaky and nervous he was, only to see that it wasn’t that bad. His heart rate isn’t so accelerated either. They’re given the signals to take their positions. And Chan is surprised there are no unpleasant jitters in his stomach.
Chan reacts with the beep, kicking off the starting block and then diving into the waters, he feels the pull of gravity just as he surfaces to take his first breath. Rotating from his shoulders, he paces his breathing for the first lap to maintain his stamina. Though once he approaches the end, he gives a powerful kick to the touchpad turning as he accelerates. In the last lap, he pushes himself to go faster, erasing all thoughts and worries. He reminds himself that this is his specialty, the one style in swimming you couldn’t beat him at. He’s slipping his goggles and swim cap before he even realizes he won.
Chris places gold. And it feels exhilarating, he feels so happy he could cry. He sees you in the stands, grinning and he’s sure he mirrors your grin.
You’re taking a few pictures, not missing the chance to take matching iconic pics biting gold medals. A small voice at the back of your head asks what the odds of would be you two doing these pictures at a larger scale.
After dinner, which his parents had invited you to, you’re both walking to that ice cream parlor two blocks from his house. You’re chuckling as Chan waves his wallet, a show that he would be paying for the first time.
You smile as he hands you, your usual cup of vanilla-flavored ice cream. You’re now walking back to his house, soaking up the comfortable atmosphere trying to let the events that happened today sink in. Chan would be leaving tomorrow morning, and you’d be leaving in a few weeks as well.
“So, mister idol, are you excited?” Deciding to break the silence, nudging at him as his ears turn pink.
“A bit, it’s a huge leap, you know, absolutely knowing no one, I still have an accent when I speak in Korean it might sound weird, gosh I have to make friends and all that. But oh god, what if I can’t make any? What if I don’t debut? What if I just don’t cut it? Oh god, you’re not going to be there to treat me to ice cream, to binge on anime, treat me to food and ice cream. I just-” Chan pauses as his voice cracks, footsteps coming to a halt, “I’m just going to miss Australia so so much.”
You find yourself gaping, as you see the taller boy crumble. Between the two of you, it had always been you to be the emotional one, the crybaby, on the other hand, Chan had always been your rock and your shoulder to cry on no matter the situation. Seeing him cry pulled at your heartstrings, soon enough you’re throwing your arms around him, rubbing circles into his back.
“You’re going to be fine, Chris, you’ll be amazing, and if any of them starts anything with you, I’m booking a flight to kick their arse.” Pulling away from the hug, you cup his cheeks, wiping his tears for the first time in your friendship.
Knowing how worried he was with all the changes, it was your turn to be his rock, after all the times he had been yours. Chris was amazing no matter what he was doing, whether it was sitting in class paying attention to a math problem, or asking for your opinion on his swimming, or just talking to you. He was meant to be amazing.
You don’t realize you’ve been staring at him until. “Are you going to miss me?”
You sigh at his red-rimmed eyes, endeared at his sniffles. “Of course, I am, I care about you a lot, what makes you think I wouldn’t, you better not forget me when you’re all famous. I’m just a bit disappointed we’re going our separate ways, we’ve been through a lot, you’ve been there for me no matter what, I’m grateful for meeting you, Chris.” It takes you a while to realize that you’re tearing up.
“I’m really really going to miss you, Chris. It’s going to be different not swimming with you anymore, not going to the parlor to get ice cream, teasing you for how much you eat, letting me win video games, who’s going to teach me math!? If I weren’t good at swimming the teachers wouldn’t be so patient with me!” You struggle to hold back your tears, deciding to reach up and hide your face in the crevice of his neck and shoulder, squeezing him in reassurance.
Chan fixes his arms around your waist, returning the hug, “We’re going to be fine, so long as that no matter what you do, make sure it comes from here, you’ll be alright, we’ll be alright, you’re stronger than ever. Don’t you ever let anyone take that from you, okay? I have something for you. Can you close your eyes?”
With your eyes shut, you can feel Chan’s hands around your neck, you can feel his soft breathing, and the soft click of a clasp. “You can open them.” You gasp at the sight of the pretty mermaid tail that sat on the crevice of your collar bones.
“You were meant for this Y/n. You radiate and glow when you swim, you’re going to do amazing.” Chan presses a soft kiss into your forehead, a reminder of how much taller he’s grown. “I have something else for you tomorrow, but that’s a surprise for you tomorrow, I’ll give it to you at the airport tomorrow, okay?” He presses another kiss into your cheek, wiping the few tears that had escaped.
Soon enough, you’re on your way back home, the previously comforting silence disrupted by distant yet ear-splitting sirens, you pay it no mind until you notice how it sounds closer as you near your house.
You’re gasping at the sight of the bright blue and red lights, frozen still as you see paramedics roll your mother out of the house. Everything blurs as you’re pushed and ushered here and there, calls of your name passing through the other ear.
As everything goes dark.
𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂
“I’m sure it was just fatigue.” In and out of consciousness, you found it difficult to determine which parts of it were real, and which weren’t.
“Mom?” Fluttering your eyes open, you were surprised to see a bright white interior, contrasting the blue hues of your room in your house.
“Y/n?” Turning towards the voice, you’re met by your nanny’s worried eyes, as she hovers a damp towel to your forehead. “You’re in the hospital dear, you passed out after we fetched you last night, your mother I’m afraid, she doesn’t have much time left.”
“Where is she-” You’re rushing to stand, wincing in pain when you realize that you have an IV attached to you. “Bring me to her.”
The nanny struggles to aid you in your haste, pushing the IV behind your quick steps. Luckily your mother had been in the room next to you, had it been any further your legs would have given up.
The soft hum and consistent beeps of machines echoed throughout your mother’s room; the sharp scent of antiseptics clouded your thinking. Your father stands from the side of her bed, you’re surprised when he meets you at the door, softly telling the nanny to leave as he takes your hand in his, guiding your IV in the process.
He quietly helps you up into your mother’s bed, who’s surprisingly awake, and smiles at the sight of you. You can feel tears well up, your heart heavy as you take in her figure, engraving it to your heart. She still wears the blue and white scarf atop her head, something you had given her after receiving your first allowance as an athlete.
You don’t realize you’re shaking as you reach to caress her cheek, carefully avoiding the wires attached to her. She holds your hand to her cheek, appreciating the warmth you brought. “Hello love, I heard you passed out, are you doing alright?”
You could only nod in response, your chest heavy as tears began to drip into the white sheets of her bed. “Now listen to me love, you are the sun, you are my sun, and I know I haven’t been there that much to show you all the love you deserve, but I do love you. You are the sun that brought me warmth in that cold room of mine, you are the light that beams when you step into the room. Don’t you ever let anyone dim your light.”
She carefully pulls you into her chest, rubbing small patterns into your back, in an attempt to soothe the shaking of your chest. “You’re going to be alright, love, live the life you love, and everything will be alright. Mom loves you so much, you're so amazing you should know that. I might not be a part of your bigger achievements, your ups and downs in life, falling in love, and all that. Though I do hope you find someone, who’d be there until the end, someone to hold your hand in this dark and empty world. Though I want you to remember that you are beyond your medals, I will still love you no matter what you choose to do in life, alright? I will forever be proud to be your mother-” Her voice dwindles as she trails off, her arm dropping from behind your back, as her breath stills in the process.
The room goes up in flames as everything begins to beep loudly, you could do nothing but sob harder as you cling to your dying mother. The next few minutes are a blur, in the chaos, you feel someone pull you from your mother’s chest as the room floods with medical personnel.
It takes you a while to realize that it’s your father who holds you, turning you away from your mother’s figure as you continue to sob, unable to say anything but cry. The word I love you lingers on the tip of your tongue, regret weighing heavily on your chest.
𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂
You hadn’t realized you had passed out once more, eyes adjusting to bright hospital lights as everything feels numb. You’re surprised to see your father passed out on the chair next to your bed, eyes swollen and sunken with everything that had happened.
Feeling a bit parched, you reach for the water bottle that had supposedly been there, but instead, you find a small iPod and some earphones. Chan’s unique penmanship on the iPod catches your eye, intrigued, you reach for it.
Another strike of guilt threatens to pull at your heartstrings, of the realization that you had missed his flight. “The Bangs came by the house to drop that off, they mentioned that Chris had wanted to give you this before his flight.” Your father blinks sleep out of his eyes, stretching before he leaves the room.
It takes you a while to untangle the earphones before you plug them in the iPod with a soft click before you wear them. The small square weighs heavy on your hand as you press play.
“Hello, Y/n!” You jump a bit at the loudness of Chan’s voice quickly adjusting the volume.
“Since that fateful day where you saved me from the bullies, I have forever been in your debt. Kidding! “You roll your eyes amused as he continues talking.
“Well not really, but honestly Y/n you have played a huge role not only in my development as a swimmer but as well as a friend. You had been someone I wanted to protect from all the cruel things in this world, had I not met you I wonder if I would’ve had any friends here.” Says the social butterfly, yeah right Christopher.
“I really wished it hadn’t been this way,” I wish it hadn’t been this way either.
“We had a good run Y/n, I am forever grateful to have met you. Now I don’t have much to say, but in a few minutes, a song will play. It’s a song I made. It's something your mom helped put together. I do hope you enjoy this little gift from us, and please do give her a hug in my stead. I do hope you like this song, and may you continue to shine as you take on the professional world of swimming! With love, Your Bangaroo” With everything that has happened, you don’t really feel disappointed or sad with your best friend’s decision, maybe a bit of regret from the lack of time, but all you could do is hope that time and faith would not be so cruel once more.
Chan’s voice fades out as a soft melody of piano notes begins to play, your heart warms as Chan’s voice begins to sing.
“And take, take her to the moon for me
Take her like you promised me
Say you love her every time like how you told me the last time”
You could understand why your mother had told you that Chan was like your guardian angel. Albeit a bit of an exaggeration for a boy your age, but his soft and giving nature had been your source of comfort and happiness throughout middle school and for that, you will forever be grateful.
“Someday I know we'll meet again
In heaven by the rainbow's end
And I only wish you happiness
Until we meet again”
𐐪𐑂 ₒ 𐐪𐑂
next
#inkidz#stray kids scenarios#stray kids imagines#stray kids fluff#stray kids angst#bang chan x reader#bang chan x you#bang chan fic#bang chan imagines#swimmer! bang chan#idol! bang chan#swimmer! reader#childhood friends to lovers
41 notes
·
View notes
Text
Fazbear Frights: What We Found Analysis
Here’s my analysis for What We Found, the third story in Gumdrop Angel. I wrote this as I read so it may be a little different than my previous analysis where I read the story first and went back.
If you’re a Michael Afton fan I highly recommend this. Also, there’s possibly some insight into William Afton, Mrs. Afton, and Henry too, so it’s worth a skim.
Pg 144 '...a place thirty-some years forgotten'
Just reconfirming FNAF 3 is 30 years past *one* of the FNAF closings, presumably FNAF 2 location.
Pg 145
"The whole building was giving him [Hudson] a headache."
FIX THE VENTILATION BRUH
Pg 148 '...they were able to use salvaged derelict equiptment original to the old pizzerias.'
Another confirmation of something we heard from Phone Guy.
Pg 147 "How old are you?" "Twenty-three, same as you."
I think this gives us Michael's age during FNAF 3.
EDIT: This kept me awake last night. Obviously this is impossible because he has to be alive for at least 10 years before 1983, BUT maybe its just reconfirming FNAF 3′s year? 2023?
Pg 149
"Hudsan's dad died and his mom married Lewis, a ridiculous balding man who wore plaid vests and smoked a pipe"
Did... Did this book just seriously imply Mrs. Afton left William for Henry? Really? (Yes, there's differences; the husband is dead and the man wears plaid 'vests' but it seems very odd to include that detail. This could just have been the writer's own imagination, though.) I have seen this as a fan theory and 100% explains the jealousy aspect of William, but I can't help but kinda hate it. I think this is very important, though, and probably Scott's intention.
"This horrible little man [Lewis]... would make Hudson's next ten years a living Hell"
This REALLY intrigues me given the context I just went over. The text implies Lewis was fairly neglectful to our main character / Michael stand-in Hudson. Maybe I'm wrong and for some reason Mrs. Emily left and went to William? XD Haha, I'm reading too much into this page. Maybe I'll come back to this later. I figure it's more of Scott possibly including double-details (contradicting stuff with the same character that really applies to two, which has been something I heavily pointed out in previous anaylsis on this blog) Having said that, I'm going w/the former because I can't imagine Henry being abusive (neglectful yes, abusive no) and he's never been portrayed that way in official works like William has in the novels.
Pg 150
"Hudson began to screw up in class...a product of spending the night in fear that his stepfather [Lewis]... [would] beat him just for the fun of it."
Ooof. Big confirm on William actually being abusive. Unless we stick with the Henry theory for Lewis (combined with Midnight Motorist Henry theory / alcoholic).
"...near-daily beatings..." "his mom started taking pills to get through the day..."
So, whoever Mrs. Afton is, she was definetly not paying attention. But then, most people married to serial killers either don't notice because of denial (like this) or because the killer is so manipulative / careful they can't notice.
"Barry, who had red hair and freckles..."
Yo?! Is that a description of Fritz?! These friends in the story could be the other kids Michael knew's stand-in's, aka the two gravestones with names he used (Fritz and Jeremy), as shown in the checks for the games and FNAF 6. I've long figured Michael was probably friends with the victims--it makes them easier, although riskier, targets [for William]. The two friends are male, too, like Fritz and Jeremy. If you're curious about Duane's description (our stand in for Jeremy), it's "tight black shirt... muscles... black hair long enough for a glossy ponytail..." I'm not sure if this matches anything found in the novels or contradicts them, though. (The novels = TSE trilogy)
"And so it went... until the night of the fire."
For context, this is before FF burns down. We're learning of Hudson's life from his close friends in childhood, his father's death, his mother remarrying, to his abusive stepfather, to his grades slipping to this line. This would be a new fire not seen/mentioned in the games...
Pg 151
"...go to Charlie's for a sundae..."
Really. Really Scott. Just gonna use this name again. OK. I'm not even gonna discuss this because it's probably irrelevant. *This is confirmed on pg 158 to be an ice cream shop. No lore relevance aside the annoying name coincidences Scott loves to troll with.
"This is not... an advance into enemy territory, a fight with demons, or a descent into Hell..."
Uh, what? What is Hudson talking about? XD I'm only noting it because it seems so out of place. He's probably talking about video games or something.
Another note, although I don't have a specific reference since it is mentioned off-hand many times, is that Hudson keeps referring to his "history" which is implied to have kept him from getting a well-paying job and a girl he's crushing on doesn't know this "history" which is good for him. Seems good old "Michael Stand-In" has done some jail time or something.
Edit: On pg 154/155 the girl asks Hudson, "Did you do it?" Seems he may have killed his stepfather or been involved with something else just as bad.
Edit 2: No, I was thinking too deep into it. This probably refers to Evan's death at Fredbear's. DUH.
Pg 156 describes an actual "prize corner" in FF! What am I even reading? IIRC this is in FNAF 3, too. So they just hand out these scary gift boxes to people that complete the attraction? (Hudson says he *would* have fun handing out the scary toys to kids when this location opens--kind of a bully thing to do, eh?)
"[Hudson] avoid[ed] glancing in any of the mirrors..."
I'm only pointing this out because it could be reference to one of two things. 1) We know because of one of UCN's music tracks, William has a fear of his reflection. Michael probably shares this trait, especially since 2) after Ennard and all... and later on pg 157 it also says, "he never wanted to face: himself" Sounds like guilt, my guy.
Pg 157
"blonde hair... blue eyes..."
Hudson shares an eye color with Michael. It's possible Michael had blonde hair as a child and it changed to brown (it's common, something I personally went through being technically blonde/ blue eyed myself)
"He [Hudson] knew from personal experience that toys could turn from fun...to torture ina heart-beat"
Fairly self explanatory. Either Hudson's worked at a creepy location before or he doesn't like remembering Fredbear's.
*checks how much is left.* There's still 35 pages (not counting back/front) left of this... This is gonna be a lot of notes.
Pg 158
Hudson doesn't have a car. Poor Mike, probably having to walk everywhere. Especially as a corpse.
Pg 160
This page describes many physical issues Hudson has that prevents him from entering the Navy, all from the abuse of Lewis. Obvious paralell to Michael becoming an undead [because his father sent him to CBPR indirectly causing his condition]
Pg 161
"How's your granny, Hud?... ...Is she still alive?" "I don't think she can die."
Does anyone in the Afton family really 'die'? XD
Pg 162
These few pages discuss Hudson's grandmother. She's described as "a seer who claimed to know the future... ...wore big men's plaid flannel shirts with baggy jeans"
Um, more plaid / flannel? AGH. STAHP. Lowkey, I would totally headcanon my Aunt Jen like this, though.
Pg 163
"Hudson's mom... the way she was before Hudson's dad had died... never... particularly warm and fuzzy... but... effiencient and responsible..."
More about Mrs. Afton, so that's kinda neat.
"Hudson's dad was fun and attentive."
There's a good Dad in this series?
"Unfortunetly, he also struggled with mental illness."
"invisible low points" (Pg 164)
Kinda reminds me of how Henry is described after Charlotte's death in the books.
Pg 164
"When Steven got himself into a bad deal that cost him his small business... he'd taken his life."
Oh, it is Henry! SMH. Way to use confusing paralells. So, from our understanding thus far, Hudson's real father, Steven, is our Henry stand-in. His step-father despite being described similar to Henry, is actually our William stand-in. Fair game, Scott.
Pg 164
"...he [Hudson] was locked into a supply closet..."
Oh shit, you guys. So, let me go on a tangent here, because this IS important! I just watched a retrospective on Sister Location and FNAF 6 earlier and one theory for Midnight Motorist was the person in the chair was the mother and the kid was Michael. I think this little line may confirm that. In fact, the story may be the key to figuring things out. Obviously, the line is a paralell to FNAF 4's scene in which Crying Child was locked in the supply closet of Fredbear's. I know some people, including Matpat, believe[d] CC was Michael, and in this book's context, it sort of works. This does contradict Step Closer and 1000 other things that make Michael the older brother, but maybe it's hinting at MM? Abusive stepdad (possibly Henry... maybe William is gone at this point), checked out Mom (hey, grey couch lady with Foxybro's font). IDK, but its definetly something to think about.
Pg 165
Lewis is mentioned as calling Hudson "nothing" and saying "you're nothing" on several occasions on this page. Just more abuse, for those accurate fanfic writers like me. Also I kinda wanna watch Morel Orel again. Yall know my fav character is Clay. Yall know.
"You're smoke." <-- Lewis / The text later reads, "...there was some irony, given what eventually happened."
BRUH. Why did your stepdad die in a fire? :V TELL ME.
"When his family's house burned down at the end of his senior year..."
Huh. Is there a fire we don't know about in the game-verse? Could this explain what happened to the FNAF 4 house before MM house?!
"...it purged Hudson of Lewis and his mother."
MRS. AFTON BURNED ALIVE, TOO? Bruh. I can't with this story.
The text later describes the fire is concluded to be man-made and Hudson was blamed for it. Can't say if this ties to Michael, but it IS interesting... TBF, there is a small paralell to draw between Henry in FNAF 6 and his history of suicide in the books, too.
Pg 166
"...this place's [FF] busted thermostat.."
I just find this line funny.
Pg 167
"...after three weeks of keeping an eye on the place"
Some more timeline context for FNAF 3. We know that Michael worked there a little while before we start playing the game thanks to one of the phone calls, IIRC, so this makes sense. If Michael was accused of [something] and also wanting to hunt down his father, then it makes perfect sense why he's working a dead end job at Freddy's over and over and over. Fun fun fun.
Pg 169
"He hated to think about a functional character [Foxy]"
This line is in regards to Hudson not liking the set up of Pirate's Cove and Foxy's hook to scare people. Sounds familiar, don't it? (For Michael anyway.)
Pg 173
"Some big find is arriving tomorrow."
SPRINGY BOI! COME ON BOOK, get on with the show?
Pg 176
"Granny was wearing a red-and-green plaid shirt and her baggy jeans."
Nothing special, but it was specifically brought up twice. I'm kind of racking my brain trying to understand what the point of this character is outside of "woooo everything is haunted don't you know that" kind of character.
Pg 180
"...dropped the crate on the linoleum with a resounding thud."
HEY. Poor Springtrap, just gettin' tossed around like the trash he is.
Pg 186
"If you weren't so stupid, I'd tell you more about it."
Springtrap bringing the burn. =:)
"A voice with a burr-like rasp...hint of a Southern accent"
I'm going to assume this is because it's Lewis probably in the suit in this story and not our old British lad.
"It's was Mr. Atkin's voice."
THE MATH TEACHER? *goes back to check* 'The algebra teacher'. Okay...
Pg 190
Okay, so Hudson hear's Lewis' voice this time. Okay, I get it now. Springtrap in this kind of imbodies all of Hudson's old bullies, including the teacher. He also has PTSD, just FYI. IDK if anyone finds that important, but it's fairly obvious by the line "He wasn't in his bedroom. Lewis didn't just slam his head into a desk; his head had been slammed into the [arcade] game."
"Why did he hallucinate a scene from his childhood?"
Oh, it's not PTSD, then. It's just the VENTILATION ERROR. lol Okay.
Just a note, as I'm reading through the more action-based stuff, I kind of feel bad for Michael if he had flashbacks like this guy. They're intense.
So, Lewis' voice finally comes out of Springtrap on Pg 213. There's that.
Pg 220
"You can just stay there [in his room]"
Kind of a paralell to Midnight Motorist. Lewis is saying it to Hudson. I really feel like the kid in the MM game is Michael because of this story...
Pg 223
"Heat purges. Fire heals."
I'm sure that's Henry's life motto.
The ending was stupid, but most in these stories are. Hudson is hallucinating and is implied to have burned himself alive in FF's oven. Meh? The first half of this one is A TRIP and a little insight into what I 100% believe is Michael's childhood. I think the saddest part of it all is that we never got Springtrap speaking to Michael in FNAF 3--and if it's ever remade I hope we get more of them interacting.
#fazbear frights#fnaf spoilers#spoilers#what we found#michael afton#springtrap#fnaf theories#fnaf theory#fnaf 3#midnight motorist#mrs. afton#henry emily
32 notes
·
View notes
Note
@/28nachos just encouraged and suggested suicide to younger tinhats in the fandom as if larries haven't already faked suicide multiple times to threaten those who dare call them out. Watch the documentaries where parents were scared for their teens who believe in larry conspiracy and when @/hsdaily was bullied into deactivating when a larrie faked suicide a like a year ago. The ultimate attention seeking and bullying of anyone who dares question their beliefs. How is this not a cult?
I forgot to turn off Anonymous, but I'm laid up in bed with a second round of COVID and a sinus infection. So, I'll take the time to reply here. Apologies in advance for any brain fog wording or typos.
Your tone is hard to interpret but it doesn't seem like you want an actual discussion, as you stated your opinions as facts. But since tone is genuinely hard to convey, I won't dismiss your message. Let's break this down:
1. You're referring to the actions of one Tumblr user and fandom member. I have not seen the post you're referring to but will take your word that this person said something like that. It's still a single person. One individual is not indicative of the entire fandom's behavior, beliefs, or attitudes.
Edit - I didn't recognize the username you mentioned at first (COVID brain is not fun) but I follow @28nachos and saw absolutely nothing like what you're referring to...?
2. You, yourself, are dismissive of the alleged s**cidal actions of Larries by calling them fake. That's extremely contradictory. You - and I - have no knowledge of the mental health status or issues that individuals struggle with. How is it okay to assume these people threatened suicide solely over being called out?
3. Side/personal note: As a s**cide survivor, I have a hard time respecting anyone who says someone is faking it. You have no idea if that is true.
4. If you want me to watch a documentary or you refer to an incident as proof, you can provide the links, tags, proof, etc for it. I have never once had an anti actually link me to anything, ever. And the typical "do your research" response does not apply here - these topics were presented by you.
5. Again, these teens and their parents you refer to - these are the experiences and actions of individuals. A) They're not indicative of the entire fandom. B) There is no way to know everything about the situations and mental state of these individuals.
6. You genuinely don't seem to know the definition(s) of "cult". Here are a few from various references online:
- "a system of religious veneration and devotion directed toward a particular figure or object."
- "a relatively small group of people having religious beliefs or practices regarded by others as strange or sinister."
- "a misplaced or excessive admiration for a particular person or thing."
- "A cult is a group or movement held together by a shared commitment to a charismatic leader or ideology. It has a belief system that has the answers to all of life's questions and offers a special solution to be gained only by following the leader's rules."
Larries simply do not fall into the category of a cult. Period.
Frankly, I've seen a large number of Larries discuss how we should not idolize Harry and/or Louis, and I see numerous posts holding them accountable for questionable behavior or actions.
In my personal experience with antis and solo fandom members, I've seen more cult-like behavior exhibited from them.
7. I truly don't say this to insult your wording, but it's hard to take someone seriously when they group thousands of people together based on the actions of a few people or a single person.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and opinions; I hope my answer was thorough and clear. Have a good afternoon.
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
Tangled Salt Marathon - Happiness Is
This is possibly my favorite episode of season two. Yet, it is also the point the where the series starts to fall off a cliff. Only that’s not something that you would realize upon a first watch; just in hindsight and only with some basic knowledge of the behind the scenes drama that led to this and the fall out with the fandom that followed afterwards.
Summary: Rapunzel begins to feel homesick for Corona when she finds an old letter written by her father in one of the many lanterns sent from her previous birthdays. In attempts to uplift her spirits, Rapunzel explores the island and comes across a magical idol that brings instant happiness to whomever possesses it. Rapunzel begins to hallucinate her family and friends back in Corona and soon shares the idol with the rest of the group. However, everyone starts to become obsessive over the idol, desperately wanting it for themselves. Rapunzel tricks everyone into giving her the idol, but when the Lorbs try to help Rapunzel, they fall under the idol's control and soon begin to terrorize the village.
Let’s Start with the First Elephant in the Room; Frederic
So throughout the episode Rapunzel is struggling with being homesick. Which is fair enough, that’s an understable reaction to being on the road for months by now. However, to showcase this Rapunzel keeps seeing hallucinations of her father. There are some other characters too, but her dad is the first person she sees and the only one in Corona with speaking lines. He’s the one to tempt her with the idol.
Did we just forget that Frederic is her abuser?
Look, even if you accept his apology in Secret of the Sundrop and believe he has learned his lesson, that doesn’t just erase the pain he caused her. Her thoughts about her father should be more realistically complex then this. Now add in how she makes a such a clean break from her other abuser, Gothel, but still holds him on a pedestal shows a disturbing bias on the part of the writers.
Also where’s this love for Arianna? You know the only real mother on the show? The show that’s aimed at little girls? The one parent who hasn’t flat out abused the main character yet?
Seriously, Chris, what the fuck?
This is a Missed Opportunity
So part of the reason why I like this episode is that we get insights into each of the characters and their desires. As such this is one of the few episodes where the group actual feels like a group friends. However, Cass’s vision is wasted here.
So at first glance this seems to aline with what we know of the character thus far. She loves her dad and wishes to impress him. That’s only if you take season one into account, though. Later episodes will contradict this goal. If you wanted to set up praise and validation in general as Cassandra’s motives, then here is where that should have happened.
Show her getting a medal, have cheering crowds surround her, have her be a hero, or something. You can’t claim her relationship with her parents as the driving force of behind her later actions if you don’t actually involve one of those parents as part of the resolution to her arc.
Either she lacking attention from her dad or she’s jealous of Rapunzel. You can’t have it be both because those two things don’t intersect. Rapunzel is not and never was a threat to her relationship with her father.
So Umm...I Don’t Think This Plot Point Has the Impact That the Writers Think It Does
So this hilarious, and it is intended to be funny, but it’s not for the reasons that the show gives.
The idea is that this is some shocking revelation. That Rapunzel would never do this under normal circumstances and it’s a hint that the idol is corrupting her.
Only the rest of the series doesn’t aline with that at all. This is just the real Rapunzel behaving as the she normally would but without the usual veneer of excuses.
It’s funny because it’s the show calling out Rapunzel hypocrisy for what it is plainly, not because it’s out of character.
But funny only gets you so far. The show is perfectly happy to play up Rapunzel’s awfulness for laughs, but then conventily ignore it when it comes time for the characters themselves to call her out on it so that she can grow and learn.
The show runs under the sitcom idea that comedy excuses all sins; which then backfires horribly when it tries to be serious and mature.
You can’t joke that the king threw a random person in a stockade for little reason and then expect us to still like him when he persecutes a child. Same applies here.
The sitcom set up only works when there is minimal at stake and all parties involved are equally awful in their own ways.
Then Why Not Just Go Home?
Once again, there’s nothing at stake in season two. Rapunzel has no real reason to be on this trip. Nothing is stopping her from just going home if that’s what she wants. The idol only makes her happy because it shows her want she wants, but she could actually have what she wants as soon as the next ship arrives. So what’s the issue here?
This is why you need external conflict in order to make internal conflicts work. There’s has to be something preventing the main character from achieving her goal or otherwise she just comes across as a dumbass.
And Now Here Comes the Second Elephant; Varian
I have several things to talk about here, and none of them actually concern the scene itself but the creator’s treatment of the character and the show’s fan base.
For you see, Chris did a very, very stupid thing.
He wrote the character driving the plot out of the show. The character who also happens to be the most popular person in the series. Only to then use said character’s VA and this one cameo as promotion for this whole season.
Needless to say, fans were disappointed.
However, the Tangled fandom is exceedingly polite; more so than most. The lack of Varian was met mostly with confusion, and maybe a few off handed jokes, rather than anger. When opportunity arose people naturally had questions concerning the character.
And that’s when Chris put his foot in mouth.
This Tumblr post details how Chris got kicked off the Tangled The Series Discord by bullying a bunch of Varian fans while on there.
https://starxapple.tumblr.com/post/617852117763391488/zhantiri-uuugh-fine-since-people-are-getting
I shan’t get into it fully, but for those who discovered the show after season two had aired, this caused a massive backlash from the fandom.
A good chunk of the fandom just walked away, and rightly so. The few that stuck around despite these remarks found themselves harassed by certain sections of the fandom who saw Chris’s bullying as permission to pursue the same behavior. However, most importantly, the ratings plummeted.
Season one hovered around the the 1 million mark, give or take a five point difference. The first part of season two dropped to half of that, and after this episode and the hiatus it sunk even lower, down to the mid-thirties. That’s over 20,000 people who just jumped ship over this. That’s not a normal decline.
No matter what your personal feelings are of the character of Varian or how he was handled in the show, that’s still a massive PR fassico that cost the series big time.
To add to this mountain of bullshit, there was also a massive walk out of crew members after season one had finished production. Most of them women. They even desperately threw out ‘we’re hiring’ calls to cover this. Which given that’s it’s Disney and that nepotism is usually how one gains employment in the entertainment industry, something unusual must have happened behind the scenes. Especially if most of the people who left were women.
We’ll probably never know what really happened. People don't usually talk about behind the scenes stuff like that due to contracts and the aforementioned nepotism. However, all clues point to Varian.
Something changed at the last minute concerning his story. Chris himself had confirmed as much when discussing the note and the Brotherhood. We also gotten other hints that content was edited out at the last minute. Plus the writing becomes more shoddy as the series goes along, showing how slapped dashed everything is together.
Then there’s the rumors.
I must stress to you that this is only a rumor. As pointed out earlier, most animators aren’t in a position to talk freely about what goes on behind the scenes. Do NOT harass them over it or make things awkward by asking them to clarify this. However it’s been suggested that the female crew warned Chris that removing Varian from season two and re-writing his story, along with making Cass the villain, would be a bad idea before they left and Chris didn’t listen. Much to his folly.
Chris is no longer a Disney employee and has yet to move on to any other projects. He says he left, but I more suspect that Disney just didn't renew his contract and no one has picked him up since. I take no joy in the idea that someone may have lost their job, but if true, then Chris has little to blame but himself.
So What Did Change?
We don't know anything for sure. We know from discussions about the note that there was a proposed Brotherhood plot that involved Varian that was then cut. There was also talks about a Cass and Varian team up in season three.
This was then changed to the Saporian take over, which is foreshadowed in this scene. However even that got edited down and under the flimsiest of excuses.
One of the writers, Ricky, suggested that they thought cutting back to Corona would be too confusing for the audience; which is a load of bull. I mean how poorly do you think of your audience’s comprehension skills that they wouldn’t understand a change of scene or a flashback? Yet you fully expect them to pick up on your lazy foreshadowing involving the mirror? So much so that you sent them on a quest to find it between seasons two and three.
Then there’s this gem from Chris.
Ok ignoring the fact that you so totally could have featured both Gothel and Varian, seeing as they serve two different functions in the story and mean different things to Rapunzel.... What guilt?!!!
Rapunzel doesn’t ever act guilty over anything involving her treatment of Varian.
That’s when you realize Chris isn’t talking about her feeling guilty about Varian’s predicament. He’s saying that Rapunzel feels guilty of leaving her father behind with this ‘dangerous’ criminal. Which is a big fuck you to everyone.
That’s why Frederic is the center focus of Rapunzel’s hallucinations. Why she’s more concerned for his safety over Varian’s trauma. Chris really be out here trying to use the abused 14/15 year old orphan as a scapegoat for the grown ass dictator who ruined countless lives. Because he thinks a grown woman should feel guilty for leaving her abusive father behind and pursuing her life’s dream.
Dude, I try not to assume the worst of people just cause they write fictional characters that I dislike, but Chris really makes things hard not to when he treats his self insert this way.
Oh but we’re not done yet.
When Varian Fans Complain About the Lack of Varian; We’re Complaining About the Lack of a Coherent Plot.
Certain sections of the fandom, bolstered by Chris’s BS, try to act like simply being a Varian fan is grounds for dismissal of any criticism of the show and it’s writing. As if having personal preference for something makes you automatically ‘entitled’ or some such bull. Yet doing so ignores the fundamental complaint that they are making.
We’re not whining about our favorite character not getting enough screen time. No one would have complained about his lack of presence in season two if they had properly resolved his story in season three and had Chris not been a dick to the fans. But it becomes evidently clear as the series goes along that removing Varian left a major hole in the plot. One that makes the entire story and the rest of characters suffer as well.
Think season two is boring?
That’s cause they cut out their main villain at the last minute and failed to replace him with anything.
Upset that Hookfoot was brought along for zero reason?
He’s the replacement character for Varian who no doubt was going to appear in season two originally.
Wish there was more on the Brotherhood and the Dark Kingdom?
Their story impact was greatly reduced when Varian was written out.
Are you a Eugene fan and mad about how the Dark Prince plot went nowhere?
That’s cause the original Brotherhood/Dark Kingdom plot was dropped when Varian was.
Dislike how Cassandra’s character was ruined with her villain arc?
She was originally meant to be possessed but was changed last minute to be a Varian rip-off in the hopes that she would gain some of his popularity.
Wish Zhan Tiri, Demantius, and the Disciples actually went somewhere and that ZT had coherent plan?
That plot were changed last minute to make Zhan Tiri a scapegoat for Cassandra now that her story was changed to replace Varian.
And of course let’s not ignore the character who suffers the most from lack of Varian.... Rapunzel.
Chris’s defense for leaving Varian out of S2 is that it’s “Rapunzel’s Story” and that Varian was only ever a plot device meant to push her along on her quest.
Which means that Rapunzel no longer has anyone pushing her along on her quest!!!
All characters are plot devices. If they aren’t there to serve a story function then they need to be cut. Even Rapunzel herself serves a plot function. She’s meant to be the protagonist of a coming of age story. Which means she needs both an external conflict to face and an emotional arc where she grows as a person. Varian is the plot device that serves both of those functions but he’s now been removed and is no longer allowed to serve his original purpose.
Chris reached into the machine while it was running and pulled out one of the main gears and acted like he always meant to do that. He legit sat there and pretended that everything was running smoothly even as smoke poured out and warring alarms blared. He then tried to shove bubble gum in its place hoping no one would notice as everything fell apart around him.
Cause he’s the thing; no idea is without merit. It’s all about presentation. Removing Varian from season three still could have worked, but it required A.) replacing him with another foe and B.) making sure his arc still got a proper conclusion.
I’ll talk more about Varian’s half-arsed redemption when we get to it; but for now let's focus on the more immediate problem. No one thought to give season two an actual overarching conflict in light of Varian’s absence.
That’s a fundamental oversight that pretty much signals that season two was re-written at the last minute. You have an overarching plot in an action adventure show but no main adversary? I refuse to believe that everyone involved was too stupid to do that on purpose; but if they were rushed and lacked a crew because they walked out due to last minute story changes....yeah that’d I buy.
Because there’s more than enough options to go around; Lady Caine, The Baron and Styalan, Hector and/or Adria, Zhan Tiri’s Disciples ect. were all options. So was keeping the rocks a threat, or have Cass start her villian arc earlier; with proper motivation this time. They could have even come up with someone entirely new.
You had over four years to plan this shit out; why is it not more well put together?!
How Come Rapunzel Can Easily Admit Fault to Pascal But Not Anyone Else?
Pascal should have sat perched on Varian’s and Eugene’s shoulders giving Rapunzel ‘I’m done with this’ looks all throughout season three. It’s apparently the only thing that she responds to.
Why is the untalkative camelanion the only one allowed to call out the main character’s BS without going villain?
Conclusion
That’s all there really is to talk about in this story. The actual episode itself is good. It’s the behind the scenes crap that bubbles underneath its surface that needed to be discussed. That way when going forward with the marathon you’ll better see what I’m talking about when I explain how future episode suffered from the lack of planning and foresight.
#Varian#tangled#anti-tangled#anti-rapunzel#cassandra#tangled the series#rapunzel's tangled adventure#tts#rta#king frederic
186 notes
·
View notes
Text
The Bias of Body Language
By Admin 1, with help from Admin 2
“About social media…it’s easy to interpret. People think they’re moral or ethical. They talk about themselves thinking they’re logically perfect. In fact, in a relationship, even my mother doesn’t know me, for example. About Yoongi or Hoseok who have lived with me for 10 years, it’s hard to say I know them well. Do I really know the person? It’s hard to know myself. “I know him and he’s like this”. “He’s such a person”. I thought this is quite dangerous.”
-- Namjoon, vlive “Namjun’s 7 Behind”, 57:30 onward
Everything in our life is centered around biases, preferences, our partiality toward everything, regardless if it’s about big or trivial matters. Instead of having a single cellphone model for everyone, you can choose one based on your bias. Walk into a fashion store and depending on your bias you’ll gravitate toward darker clothes, longer dresses, shorter skirts, pants, and so on. Someone could present you the very same dress but in two different colors and despite them being exactly the same, your bias, your preference, will dictate that you’ll think the yellow dress is hideous while the black one is gorgeous. Yet the next person might think the exact opposite.
If that weren’t enough there’s also something called a confirmation bias, which is characterized by a tendency to search for, interpret, favor, and recall information in a way that confirms or supports your prior beliefs or values. Both these things, our bias and our confirmation bias, are something we come across and tend to apply to content, in this case, BTS content specifically, and how we view and interpret body language.
Have you ever noticed how when it comes to certain scenes, moments, and/or interactions, suddenly there are thousands upon thousands of body language specialists within ARMY? Suddenly everyone will try to convince you that “based on my experience as body language expert/someone who’s amazing at reading body language this interactions means that”, coming from people who prior to it might’ve never mentioned being such expert or who are plain wrong yet try to convince you otherwise to feed into their own confirmation bias.
Interesting though is the fact that claiming that you’re able to interpret someone’s body language in an infallible manner based on a three-minute video is, to put it lightly, plain wrong and impossible at that. In order to do something like that you’d have to study that person 24/7 in every kind of situation imaginable, take note of every minute detail, interpret it all and, on top of all that, be able to have a conversation with that person to ask them to confirm or deny your theories. Once you’d have all of that, you’d be able to attempt a proper body language reading, and chances are you might still not get it right each time, or at all. Every person behaves a little differently, has their own behavioral pattern, things characteristic for them, and acts a certain way with different people and in different situations, so just because you can read one person right in a singular given situation, doesn't mean it’s the same for every person and every situation.
An example I find very curious is Jungkook during their most recent performance of Life Goes On at the GDAs. When you watch it, you’d think that yes, he liked the miniature set of No More Dream, but that’s it. He was calm, focused, professional. And yet when you watch the behind the scene glimpse at the performance, and watch him specifically, you notice that he was constantly focusing on the set and having to stop himself from messing with it. (x)
What does that tell us? Easy. We only see small glimpses of BTS, of their behavioral patterns, and even the things we do see are polished, controlled, and not entirely natural, so to speak. That isn’t a bad thing by any means, it’s what you’d expect of a professional performer who still is a human like everyone else.
So, if we get body language wrong with something like that, how can these “experts” be sure their interpretations are correct? Even more so when you take into account that every person has some sort of tic, or a number of them. It can be something like absentmindedly playing with a ring, licking/wetting your lips or biting them, scratching or messing with the cuticles on your nails, tapping your foot, or a million other things. There’s also cultural influences/norms that shape certain behaviors in ways someone from another culture might not understand or will interpret completely differently since it means something else entirely in their culture.
And here is where a lot of people, these “experts” as well as those unable to put aside their bias and confirmation bias, go wrong.
More below the cut:
To preface the next two sections, a little disclaimer: I don’t mean to badmouth people like this, after all putting aside these biases is tricky and staying objective about something you’re passionate about is a hard thing to do, as well as distinguishing between an objective observation and a bias one, but it doesn’t change the fact that sometimes people purposefully present their bias opinions as facts. That doesn’t necessarily cause issues, but sometimes it can have a very negative ripple effect that can affect and influence others, taint their opinions and cloud their objectivity when it comes to certain things.
That’s when it becomes a problem.
Section One – non-shipping related interactions between the members
You’d think this would be the more unproblematic section, but turns out it isn’t, though it’s problematic in a different way. While most casual fans or OT7 ARMY watch and enjoy interactions between the members without looking too deeply at them, without analyzing and trying to interpret things, therefore leave aside most biases, there are others who do not.
OT1s for instance go into Episodes, Bangtan B*mbs, or RUN with a bias and a need to feed their confirmation bias, be it by finding “evidence” to prove that their fav is being left out or is mistreated or a plethora of other (usually) negative ideas. People like that don’t watch interactions as just friends trying to make each other laugh or playing off of each other, but instead look for things to get upset or up in arms about because their bias going in is that their fav isn’t happy (because that’s what they want to be the truth in many cases).
Or a situation where a member might be a bit more quiet or stiff. Quickly “body language specialists” jump in and interpret this as that member being unhappy, being overworked, wanting to quit and not getting along with the other members, being bullied or silenced by them. When in reality it’s far more likely he just wasn’t feeling well, was tired or maybe his back hurt. But rationality has no place in a bias view, when the sole purpose for that person to watch that content is to find evidence that feeds their confirmation bias.
You could argue that maybe those people are simply looking out for their fav, just want what’s best for him and that they mean well, but do they really? How come those without that narrow bias lens see the same interaction completely differently? If those same people would take a step back and switch from their bias lens to an objective one, would they still see all that negative “evidence”? Chances are they would not.
Section Two – Shipping related interactions between the members
The irony of calling this section in such a manner is that oftentimes these interactions have no actual shipping relation, hold no proof of anything romantic whatsoever. But I’m getting ahead of myself.
When shippers sit down to watch a piece of BTS content, they enter the video with a clear bias—X ship is real, as example—so they are (only) on the lookout for interactions between their ship and interpret those interactions in a shipping context, while disregarding/ignoring interactions with other members in many cases since those are uninteresting, or when they care it’s only to again feed into their bias. They look for any piece of evidence to feed their confirmation bias, which sometimes goes as far as completely misconstruing, misinterpreting, and manipulating interactions in order to twist them to fit their bias.
Here’s also where body language and tics come back into the conversation. A lot of ship evidence videos on YouTube rely on body language, somehow every creator being an expert in this field and their interpretations are usually backed by thousands of comments confirming that they are right, that it’s the only logical way of interpreting things. Because that interpretation fits their agenda, feeds their confirmation bias. The funny thing though is that many of the things presented as evidence can be easily explains in a different way once you put aside your bias.
Take wetting/biting your lip as example. Thousands of videos edit together interview moments in which member X supposedly looks at member Y while wetting his lip. That, of course, is taken as ship evidence, interpreted as proof that member X is in love with member Y, that they feel romantic/erotic attraction for member Y showcased through that lip bite. That though is a very bias way of interpreting that action, especially since it removes all context and logic.
Let’s try looking at it a bit more objectively:
I don’t know if you noticed this, but the more you wear a mask, the more your lips are dry and chapped, which explains the need for lip balm. What’s that remind us of? Exactly. The members have been seen countless times using lip balm, even on stage, and they also wear masks a lot, as you do in a pandemic and also because it’s a completely normal thing to do in Asia. Why do you use lip balm? Because your lips are dry. Why do you bite your lip? Because they are dry/chapped, and/or because it’s a tic.
Now, if we look at that same scene again, member X looking at member Y while biting his lip and take into account the above deduction, isn’t it a far more likely explanation than member X feeling the need to showcase his attraction for member Y in that very moment, especially if they are at an interview about their new album, for example? Furthermore, does looking at someone necessarily mean it’s an action done out of love? Isn’t it far more likely that member X looked at member Y because Y was saying something and it’s the polite thing to do, or X was simply looking in Y’s general direction since you have to look somewhere, can’t just stare at the ceiling or close your eyes, right?
Another example I’d like to discuss is how “body language experts” interpret the very same action in two drastically different ways depending on which bias it’s supposed to feed. This point, I think, highlights just how ridiculous and bias these body language interpretations really are, and how unreliable they truly are.
Let’s take member A lying down and cuddling with member B, which is interpreted as two lovely boyfriends cuddling in bed, but when member A lies down and cuddles with member C it’s interpreted as just two bros and nothing more. Even though the scene looks exactly the same. A and B cuddling feeds their confirmation bias, so A and C cuddling is dismissed and downgraded to not interfere with their bias. This is oftentimes done subconsciously, because they are so deep into their bias mindset, they see no other way of interpreting these actions. Even though the basic scene is the same, yet occasionally it might actually come across more relaxed and “romantic” when A and C do it as opposed to A and B, but since that doesn’t fit the confirmation bias, it’s dismissed and interpreted otherwise.
And this is where we circle back to Namjoon’s quote at the beginning of this whole thing: claiming you can interpret their body language with a 100% certainty is a foolish and naïve statement because all we get to see are small glimpses of their days. We see what they want us to see, the best version of themselves, we see edited clips and controlled behavior, the members putting forth their best faces, their nicest smiles, and thinking that just because your bias tells you that a touch of a thigh or upper arm or bitten lip with their face turned in the general direction of another member must mean something or another, it doesn’t mean it’s truly so.
We can theorize, we can analyze, we can make jokes and have fun, but the moment people get into fights or start hate against other members solely based on bias body language interpretations, that’s where we have an issue. And that happens all the time. And it doesn’t just happen with their body language, but also with their words, but that’s an entirely different can of worms I might try to dive into another time if you’d be interested in my thoughts on it. Let me know.
TL;DR: Body language is a very complex thing, interpreting it in an infallible way basically impossible, so making claims of exactly being able to interpret it without bias is naïve, as is believing those interpretations. In order to truly be able to interpret/understand the dynamic between members, body language alone isn’t enough in any kind of way. It isn’t a good enough source or tool to make proper judgements, it’s actually the weakest and most lacking one, especially when it isn’t done in an 100% unbias manner.
The only thing body language can tell us if someone’s a good actor or not, but figuring out true feelings between the members solely based on it, especially when these interpretations are usually skewed due to a bias, isn’t really possible. Even less so if you don’t also take into account the context in which whatever interaction you are interpreting is happening in.
#lets talk about body language#discussion#BTS#admin 1 seriously doesn't know how to use less than 2k words#I applaud anyone who actually finishes this entire thing you're the MVP#bangtan sonyeondan
38 notes
·
View notes
Text
Canonization and Fandom Purity Culture
I wrote a 1k-word twitter thread (as proof that I am Not made for Twitter and it’s goddamn 240-character limit) and am pasting it here with edits and updates (it’s now 2k words).
I have thoughts to share (which I know have been stated more eloquently before by others) about this trend of demanding/obsessing that certain ships become "canon" and how it overlaps with the rise of fandom purity culture.
Under the cut.
Here in 2021 there is a seemingly large and certainly loud and active contingent of online fandoms who desire (or even demand) "canon validation" for a given interpretation of a source material. This is more true with shipping than anywhere else.
First, it is important to note that the trend is not limited to queer ships or to any single fandom. In the past few years I've seen it for Riverdale, Voltron, Supernatural (perhaps most extreme?), The 100, etc., and less recent with the MCU, Sherlock, Teen Wolf, Hawaii 5-0, etc. It is a broad trend across ships, fandoms, and mediums.
So if it is more common for queer ships, it is hardly unique to them. Similarly, pretending that it is about queer representation is a clever misdirect to disguise the fact that it is most often about ships and shipping wars. If you ever need proof of that, consider that a character can be queer without being in a given relationship or reciprocating another character's affections. Thus a call for more/better queer rep itself is very different than a call for specific ships to be made canon.
Also note that when audiences frame it as wanting to recognize a specific *character* as queer, it is almost always in the context of a ship. Litmus test: would making that character queer but having them *explicitly reject* the other half of the ship be seen as a betrayal?
(Note: none or this is to say we shouldn't push for more queer rep and more *quality and well-written* queer rep! Just that that isn't what I'm talking about here, and not what seeking canon validation for a specific interpretation or a specific ship is almost ever about.)
Why does this matter?
the language of representation and social justice should not be co-opted to prop up ship wars
it is reciprocal with a trend toward increasing toxicity in transformative fandom spaces
Number 1 here is self-explanatory (I hope). Let's chat about 2.
Demands for canon validation correlate with a rise in fanpol / fandom purity culture. What is fandom purity culture (and fandom policing)? This toxic mentality is about justifying one's shipping preferences and aiming to be pure (non-problematic) in your fictional appetites regarding romance and sex.
Note that this purity culture is so named as it arises linearly from American Protestantism, conservative puritanical anxiety around thought crimes, and overlaps in many ways with terf ideologies and regressively anti-kink paradigms.
It goes like this: problematic content is "gross" and therefore morally reprehensible. Much like how queer sex/relationships get labelled as "gross" (Other) and thus morally sinful, or how kink gets labelled as "harmful" and thus morally wrong. The Problematic label is applied by fanpol to ships with offset age or power dynamics, complicated histories, and anything they choose to label as "harmful". As such, they would decry my comparison here to queerphobia itself as also being harmful, because their (completely fictional) targets are ~actually~ evil.
(The irony of this is completely lost on them).
This mode of interacting with creative works leaves no room to explore dark or erotic themes or dynamics which may exist in fiction but not healthily in reality. Gothic romance is verboten. Even breathe the word incest and you will be labelled a monster (nevermind Greek tragedy or GoT).
As with most puritanical bullshit, fanpol ideology only applies these beliefs to sex and never to violence/murder/etc, proving what lies at its core. It also demands its American-based values be applied to all fictional periods and places as the One True Moral Standard. It evangelizes – look no further than how these people try to recruit others to their cause, aim to elevate themselves as righteous, and try to persuade (‘save’) others from their degenerate ways of thinking.
“See the light” they promise “here are our callouts and blog posts to convince you. Decry your past sins of problematic shipping, be baptized by our in-group adulation and welcome, and then go forth and send hate to others until they too see the light.” In many ways “get therapy” by the antis is akin to “I’ll pray for you” by the Christian-right (and ultimately ironic).
(Although it has been pointed out to me that these fans are likely not themselves specifically ex-evangelicals, but rather those who have brushed up with evangelical norms and modes of thinking without specifically being victims of it. In many ways they are more simply conservative Christian in temperament and attitude without necessarily being raised into religion by belief).
What this has to do with canon validation is that these fans look to canon for approval, for Truth. On the one hand, if it is in the canon then it must be good / pure or at least acceptable. The authority (canon) has deemed it thus. It is safe and acceptable to discuss and to enjoy watching or consuming. In this way, validation from canon means a measure of safety from being Bad and Problematic.
For example, where a GoT fan could discuss Cersei/Jaime's (toxic, interesting) dynamic in depth as it related to the canon, fans who shipped Jon/Sansa (healthy, interesting) were Gross and Bad. The canon as Truth provided a safety net, a launch point. "It's GRRM, not me, who is problematic." It wasn’t okay to ship the problematic bad gross incest ship, but it being in the canon material meant it was open for discussion, for nuance, for “this adds an interesting layer to the story” which is denied to all non-canon ships labelled as problematic.
(Note: there are of course people who have zero interest in watching GoT for a whole slew of very valid reasons, including but not limited to the incest. That’s a different to this trend. A less charged example might be The Umbrella Academy, where a brother canonically is in love with his sister and antis still praise the show, but if you dare to ship any of the potential incest ships then you are the one who is disgusting).
On the other hand, a very interesting alternate (or additional) explanation for this phenomenon was raised to me on twitter. (These ideas aren’t mine originally, but I wholly endorse them as a big part of what is likely going on): Namely, as with authoritarian individuals in general, they see themselves as right and correct, but the canon (which has not yet validated their ship) is not correct, and is in fact problematic, and so they can save the canon from itself.
As mentioned, these fanpol types see their interpretation as Good and Pure. So if they can push (demand, bully) the canon into conforming to their worldview and validating their interpretation, then they have shown the (sinful) creators the light and led them to the righteous path. This only works if the canon allows itself to saved though, otherwise the creators remain Evil for spurning them.
How is this different from fans simply hoping for their ship to be canon?
For a second here, let’s rewind to the 90s (since Whedon has been in the news recently). This “I want it to be canon” thing isn’t 100% new, of course. We saw this trend then for the show Buffy the Vampire Slayer, but it was different then. At the time, fans who hoped for a ship to be canon might have been cheering for a problematic one to begin with (Buffy/Spike). So shipping was still present, minus vocal fanpol.
(And Buffy fans learned that canon validation...can leave a lot to be desired. A heavy lesson was learned about the ways that fan desires can play out horrifically in canon, and how some things are best left out of the hands of canon-writers).
These days, this is still largely true. Many fans hope for their ships to go canon, as they always have. There are tropes like “will they/won’t they” that TV shows may even be designed around, which a certain narrative anticipation and a very deliberate build up to that.
But while shipping *hopes* occur for many fans, almost all ships fans that *demand* to go canon and obsess over are now the ones deemed as Unproblematic, or as Less Problematic. I’m talking here about the ships that aren’t necessarily an explicit will/won’t they dynamic but do have some canon dynamic that leads them to being shipped, but which the creators aren’t necessarily deliberately teasing and building up a romantic end-game for.
These ships often have fans who are happy to stick to fandom, but there has also been a huge uptick in the portion of fans who are approaching shipping with an explicit lens of “will they go canon?” and “don’t you want them to be canon?” and now even “they have to go canon” and “the canon is wrong if they don’t make this ship canon”, to a final end-point of “if the ship doesn’t go canon, the source material is Wrong and Bad.”
These latter opinions are the one we see more by extreme fans (‘stans’), hardcore shippers, but especially by fanpol-types, the ones who embrace fandom purity culture at least to some extent.
Why them?
In pushing for canon validation, fanpol types seek to elevate their (pure) interpretation of canon. As mentioned above, it’s validation of their authority, a safety-net, and a way to save the canon from itself if only they can bully the canon into validating their right and good interpretation.
There’s also another reason, which is that canon validation is a tool to bludgeon those seen as problematic. They can use it to denounce other (problematic) ships as Not Being Canon and therefore highlight their own as Right and Good, because it is represented in the True Meaning of the Work.
Canon validation then is a cudgel sought by virtuous crusaders to wield against their unclean enemies. It is an ideological pursuit. It is organised around identity and in groups sometimes as insular as cults.
How does this happen?
Fanpol tend to be younger or more vulnerable fans, susceptible to authoritarian manipulators. As many have highlighted before, authoritarian groups and exclusionary ideologies like terfs are very good at using websites like tumblr to mobilize others around their organizing beliefs. Fanpol tend to feel legitimate discomfort, but instead of taking responsibility for their media engagement, ringleaders stoke and help them direct their discomfort as anger onto others; “I feel ashamed and uncomfortable, and therefore you should be held accountable for my emotions.” Authoritarian communities endorse social dominance orientations, deference to ringleaders, and obedient faith to the principles those ringleaders endorse.
As these fans attach more and more of their identity to a given media (or ship), and derive more and more validation and more of their belongingness needs from this fanpol community, they also become more and more anxious about being excluding from this group. This is because such communities have rigid rules and very conditional bases for social acceptance. Question or "betray" the organizing ideology and be punished or excommunicated. If that is all you have, you are left with nothing. Being labelled problematic then is a social death.
What this means is that these fans cannot accept all interpretations of a media as equally valid: to do so Betrays the ideology. It promises exclusion. And, in line with a perspective around ‘saving’ canon and leading others into the light – forcing and bending the canon to their will is what will make it Good (and therefore acceptable to enjoy, and therefore proof of them as righteous by having saved others). As was also pointed out to me on twitter, endorsement from canon or its creators also satiates that deep need they have for authority figures to approve of them.
Due to all of this, these fans come to obsess over canon validation of their own interpretation. In a way, they have no other option but to do so. They need this validation -- as their weapon, as their authority, as their safety net, as their approval, as their evangelical mission of saviorship.
Canon validation is proof: I am Good. I am Right(eous). I am Safe.
(In many ways, I do ache for some of these people, so wrapped up in toxic communities and mindsets and so afraid to step out of line for fear of swift retribution, policing their own thoughts and art against the encroaching possibility that anything be less than pure. It’s not healthy, it’s never going to be healthy.)
In the end, people are going to write their own stories. You are well within your rights to critique those stories, to hate them, to interpret them how you will, but you can never control their story (it's theirs).
Some final notes:
This trend may be partially to do with queer ships now being *able* to go canon where before so no such expectation would exist. Similarly, social media has made this easier to vocalize. Still, who makes these demands and the underlying reasons are telling. There are also many legitimate critiques of censorship, queerbaiting (nebulous discussions to be had here), and homophobia in media to be had, and which may front specific ships in their critique. But critique is distinct from asking that canon validate one's own interpretation.
26 notes
·
View notes
Note
Where, besides Tumblr, can people find you doing fannish things? (Obviously only mention sites and usernames you actually want to be found at. Don’t expose your secret identities on my account.)
What other names have you gone by on these platforms, including Tumblr, if any?
When did you join the IT fandom? And what got you into fandom, to begin with?
What are your favorite ships, or characters, if any, and why? What do they mean to you?
In what ways do you participate in fandom? (ex. Posting memes, reblogging/commenting on content, writing fanfic, making fanart, creating fanmixes, etc.)
Do you have any in-fandom inspirations? Other members of the community that drive you? (And if you have the time/energy, in what ways do they inspire you?)
Name and link some of your favorite works, please!
Do you have any works of your own that you feel particularly proud of, or wish more people would’ve consumed? Please provide links if possible.
Have you ever participated in a fannish event (ie. IT Week, a fic Big Bang) or applied to be a part of a fanzine? If so, which ones, and can you please link them?
Without any form of bashing or lashing out, what is something you feel this fandom is missing?
HI!! since you asked before sending it, I knew this was coming but my First Cool Guy Tumblr Ask is so neat,, anyway!!
This is my only IT-specific account, but I post almost everything I draw on my instagram, https://www.instagram.com/fabricsofteners/ (I don't know how people make links cool on tumblr aaa) I also have an AO3, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tangledheadphonecord , where I might post this one really long fic I’m working on (maybe not, as it’s super lame but God am I putting in work)? But mostly it’s just really old stuff atm, and no IT content right now - just some random drabbles from past hyperfixations tbh.
I used to be ‘fabricsofteners’ everywhere besides here - tangledheadphonecord is a username I used for my tumblr because I want a change from the fabricsofteners brand, as I've had it for quite a few years and have just grown kind of bored - just waiting a bit to change my instagram user. I also used to be ‘unbrandedmarkers’ like, three years ago on instagram? but, that era ended fast. I think I might have an old Tumblr under some variation of ‘fabric softener’ but honestly even if anything is up on it I’d probably be embarassed to look at it now.
I watched IT for the first time in 2019, I believe, but wasn’t really in the fandom until actually like, April of this year. I entered the fandom and developed a hyperfixation (sobs) by complete mistake - I read all the fics for michael mell/rich goranski on ao3, and was on a camping trip and wanted to read some Homosexual Fanfiction and literally remembered IT on a whim (rich-to-richie association) and read a bunch of Reddie fics, and it was all down (up?) hill from there.
Unshockingly, I’m sure, Reddie is my number one favourite IT ship. I’m also an enjoyer of Benverly, as well as Stanley/Patty - IT is like, the only fandom where I actually like the canon ships. I do also think Streddie/Stozier is really cute and Bill/Mike (unsure of the shipname?) is nice when I see it!! I think Reddis is cute because I am a total sucker for best-friends-to-lovers, as well asthe ‘I tease everyone but mostly you’ and the ‘I’m so tired of you bullying me but if you ever stop I’ll cry’ and... just, the entire dynamic that they have. Stanley/Patty - there is no reasoning, I just want Stanley to be happy. Benverly - the way they were each other’s first Meaningful Interactions in so like?? agony, they’re so cute. They both deserve to be happy, and I’m so happy they find that happiness in each other.
As for characters - Richie is absolutely my favourite. I (unfortunately /hj) kin and relate to him on so many levels it hurts. Having a character that feels that fear of their sexuality because of a horrible environment is painfully real. covering up struggles with humour and all that?? yeah, mood (also, crushing on your best friend-). What he means to me, in a sense, isn’t really canon - I read strictly fix-it fics, because I want to feel that hope that like fanon Richie, I don’t have to hide forever. I can be myself and be happy. Obviously I can’t much look to the movies or anything for that but hey - what’re Andy or Stephen gonna do, tell me to stop reading fics?
I also really like Stanley!! I don’t,, have a reason. I just think he’s adorable and I love his dynamic with the other Losers a lot. Stanley breathed like, once, and instantly became a comfort character and not even I know why at this point, he just is. Eddie & Bev are up there, too - honestly, Bill is the only Loser I don’t have a strong attachment too. And honestly, he’s growing on me rapidly.
I mostly draw whatever my goblin hyperfixated brain can think of, as well as rebloging just about every post that I see and like (art, jokes, edits, fics, etc.) - I start and stop a lot of fics, maybe one day I’ll finish one but as of yet I have not... Sigh.
I honestly don’t think I do have anyone to tag for inspiration? I follow IT blogs but none I would go to for inspiration (no offense to any mutuals-) inspiration for me is mostly just seeing a pose and going ‘okay’ and suddenly I have a drawing - I have no clue what happens in between.
So, my current all-time favourite IT fic atm is https://archiveofourown.org/works/18213215/chapters/43087232, though I will say it’s a really heavy fic and to read with caution. Going away from Angst, any ‘famous Reddie’ AUs are amazing, but I constantly reread the entire https://archiveofourown.org/series/1560019 series. It’s cute and funny and I THRIVE for domestic Reddie content.
Actually not Reddie, I throughly enjoyed https://archiveofourown.org/works/23201011 for giving me the Mike content the movies have robbed me of for too long, as well as https://archiveofourown.org/works/25262698 which is pure stanlon greatness and made my heart flutter for the boys more than once.
I don’t really have any IT fics up of my own creation, and honestly my reception in way of Tumblr notes is far better than I expected so honestly, I have none to link lol. As long as I get minimun interaction I will thrive.
I wish I could say I’ve been in anything like a zine or anything, but I have not! I’m relatively new to the fandom (and having a social media dedicated to one thing) so I wouldn’t even know where to begin to join or be qualified for one, y’know? I’ve done art weeks in the past and found them incredibly fun but haven’t seen any for IT - but if anyone does happen to know of any... Feel free to send them my way-
As for the last question - other than like, hyping up Chosen and Jeremy just as much as we do the other IT kids (which, honestly I’m not even sure if is still a problem - I’ve just seen posts about it and it’s made me wary), I’m not sure? I’ve honestly not encountered anything in the fandom I find awful and honestly, for a fandom about a movie that is... Well, IT, I’ve really just kind of enjoyed my time in the fandom thus far?
(I will say we need 200% more attention being drawn to 1990s adult Eddie Kaspbrak, who is one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen - but I also feel that way about James Ransone, so I’m not mad.)
(Also, we should be calling out the 1990s IT more, I watched it recently and it’s so bad /lh)
Anyway!! I feel like this answer was incredibly long and I am so sorry!! But like, thank you so much for asking me anything at all fihabsfhbafb I thrive at any chance to talk about the dumb clown movie. (Also, i’m sorry I say ‘honestly’ so much-)
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
The Archer, a musical birth chart. Pt2 Capricorn the man
Let's start with :Uranus in Capricorn
Uranus here is not so comfortable and their revolutionary ideas are hold back, Capri is more concerned with real change than fictional utopian ideas, In the case of Swift she took her sweet time to publicly discuss her political views and to be open about her posture on a lot of civil rights, don’t misunderstand me, they were there, just very hidden (the 12 house) but when Capricorn gets down to business they meant it and it can be verified in the tangible changes she made in 2019; she did something beyond the performativity: she pushed a ACT she made a real and tangible change, she was not comfortable just telling homophobes YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN, now we are turning tables (note: At the moment of writing this the equality act has been reintroduced to change.org and is currently at 832k, come guys you have made her debut with 1 million units at the b200 so many times) http://chng.it/5wYyBW4Rvw
But as it is usual with her, the haters were still after her, so much bullshit even after it all, is so easy to go after Saturn on the Ascendant, is it not?
One interpretation of having Saturn in the ascendant is an individual who is prone to be bullied, people are MEAN to them, they doubt their words, and in turn the person becomes so aware of how they come across, some people choose to present themselves in a serious and controlled manner to avoid this, and even more for Saturn in Capricorn, but then we have an opposition, and what does a stern Capricorn stellium say to a soft cancer moon who feels very deeply the words? one day you are going to be living in a big old city, one day you are going to be so big that they can’t hit you, With effort, hard work with a strong work ethic, one day you are going to move the big apple Take your broken heart, put it in a drawer, and it going to sound like WELCOME TO NEW YORK, we have been waiting for you, the Capricornian dream! (Neptune in Capricorn) and now is time to be up in the lights, like diamonds in the sky, you are the LUCKY ONE, Miss swift: money by millions, records after records, your discography is worth so much money, you have an enormous squad of famous friends who have your back when you fight, a big department in New York, but darling... did that fill empty seats at the lunch tables of your past?
And as it is usual with Saturn, he returned. And in her chart it was an intense transit: first for her sagittarian sun then for her ascendent: It was 17 of July of 2016, Saturn was starting his transit in Sagittarius, close to her sun. Meanwhile Pluto was transiting her ascendant, that was the day an influential female libra published an edited conversation that put Taylor in a really bad light. Celebrities rely a lot on images, her image was shattered, and her reputation dragged to the mud celebrities rely a lot on the perception the public has of them, and images are so fragile that a mishap can destroy them, but in her case she had so many people just waiting to have a valid reason to hate her, little it matter to them that the reason was a fabricated lie (if by this point you have not listen to the whole record call, please do so, as it will become very important for the Scorpio section) everything seemed lost, they assassinated her reputation, and then the pain to know that you were lied to, double crossed and declared "death" everything seemed lost for EVERMORE..... but it wasn't. Saturn returns also speak of reclaiming our power, learn lessons and overcome challenges, and its ironic, back on the 1989 world tour she made a big and deep speech that she gave before performing a song that will be the lesson she had to experience in her bones, and it goes like this:
I just hope that you will look in the mirror and remind yourself of what you are, and what you are not. You are not your mistakes. You are not damaged goods or muddy from your failed explorations. You are not the opinion of someone who doesn’t know you. You are a product of the lessons that you’ve learned. You are wiser because you went through something terrible. And you are the person who survived a bunch of rainstorms and kept walking. I now believe that pain makes you stronger, and I now believe that walking through a lot of rainstorms gets you CLEAN.
Unfortunately Saturn was not done yet, and so it returned to her natal lucky Saturn 13°, all 2018 she had Saturn transits, first for her ascendant then by her natal lucky Saturn 13, behind of the scenes the work of 15 years, 15 million tears was sold for 300 million of dollars to a man that participated in her takedown, while she was “kindly” offered to recover 1 master for 1 album, the scooter brought each master for 50 million dollars, while she was asked to give a entire album, AN ENTIRE ERA, for each master, it was not fair, but it legal. Oh Capricorn women, you play by the rules, you hustle, you stay your ground, you let your work speak for itself…and what happens? The system showed to you the place they have selected for you. to continue to work with these men or to just give up and move to something different, Sometimes walking out is the one thing That will find you the right thing
IT WAS TIME TO GO, but go where?
To THE LAKES, to enjoy melancholy and solitude, after all Capricorn is a feminine sign and is in the same axis with cancer and now I want to point to another of her placements: Mercury conjunct Saturn, This one is a challenge and a gift, difficult learning, a lot of repetition to get the grip of concepts, but once this is tackled, it becomes great at using words, it was a running joke that Taylor made swifties grab a dictionary so they can understand the album folklore, and there are lyrics that exemplifies this:
I've come too far to watch some name dropping sleaze Tell me what are my words worth
Its said that mercury in Capricorn are scientific and pragmatic thinkers, but honestly I have found a couple of song writers with this placement who are very poetic , you can say is the conjunction Neptune and Saturn , I like to say that Capricornian mercury is systematic, which is very prominent in Scientists and engineers , but this structural thinking can be applied to arts as well, and also can be a failed system. After all is about connecting points and words, I could also put a selection of the colors of Taylor swift, another recurrent theme in her writing, but you know what? I say that is just Taylor, it has nothing to do with her birth chart.
Mercury is also about our writing style and when I was reading her lover diaries a lot of them had the signature of capricorn "I just cant wait to be older" yeah that is, also this:
Speaking of writing lets talk about folklore, the album of the year 2020! She did that! an by that I mean she created a new perspective for her music, the old tired argument that “she only writes about her exes” fell flat as she made stories about different characters that captivated thousands of new listeners and I can see a placement in action here:
Capricornian Mercury opposite to Cancerian Jupiter :
The history of James, Betty, and Agustine
It was 2020, a terrible, terrible year for almost everybody, and Taylor found herself in a situation outside her control, the lover era was cancelled like pretty much everything else, she was lucky enough to be in a safe and comfortable place, it was when her imagination flew wild and made history with Folklore and Evermore, from these pieces of work she did something people didn’t gave credit: Writing. As she expanded her storytelling abilities outside her life (which she had already explored not just as much) she crafted a story that was connected across various songs:CARDIGAN, AUGUST, BETTY, TIS IS THE DAMN SEASON and DOROTHEA there is one big picture(Jupiter) and each song gives us details(Mercury) in how the participants lived it; they were in the same classroom,: BETTY, Inez, DOROTHEA, James, their teenage years full of dreams and problems, it was just a summer break when James took the train in AUGUST, and had a summer fling, breaking 2 hearts but he came back to apologize, and she accepted him. Meanwhile Dorothea was trying to make it in LA selling dreams and magazines, while Chris missed her until THE DAMN SEASON came around and they connected one last time. If you remember I selected these last songs for the freedom seekers of the zodiac: Sagittarius and Aquarius which let me jump to the next section.
#capricorn#the capricornstellium of 1989#saturn in th 1st#saturn return#neptune in capricorn#mercury in capricorn#saturn in capricorn#capricorn rising#uranus in capricorn#cancer-capricorn axis
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
NYT; wrongthink vs. groupthink
The resignation letter of Bari Weiss, an Op-Ed editor of the New York Times. My highlighting in bold.
“It is with sadness that I write to tell you that I am resigning from The New York Times.
I joined the paper with gratitude and optimism three years ago. I was hired with the goal of bringing in voices that would not otherwise appear in your pages: first-time writers, centrists, conservatives and others who would not naturally think of The Times as their home. The reason for this effort was clear: The paper's failure to anticipate the outcome of the 2016 election meant that it didn't have a firm grasp of the country it covers. Dean Baquet and others have admitted as much on various occasions. The priority in Opinion was to help redress that critical shortcoming.
I was honored to be part of that effort, led by James Bennet. I am proud of my work as a writer and as an editor. Among those I helped bring to our pages: the Venezuelan dissident Wuilly Arteaga; the Iranian chess champion Dorsa Derakhshani; and the Hong Kong Christian democrat Derek Lam. Also: Ayaan Hirsi Ali, Masih Alinejad, Zaina Arafat, Elna Baker, Rachael Denhollander, Matti Friedman, Nick Gillespie, Heather Heying, Randall Kennedy, Julius Krein, Monica Lewinsky, Glenn Loury, Jesse Singal, Ali Soufan, Chloe Valdary, Thomas Chatterton Williams, Wesley Yang, and many others.
But the lessons that ought to have followed the election—lessons about the importance of understanding other Americans, the necessity of resisting tribalism, and the centrality of the free exchange of ideas to a democratic society—have not been learned. Instead, a new consensus has emerged in the press, but perhaps especially at this paper: that truth isn't a process of collective discovery, but an orthodoxy already known to an enlightened few whose job is to inform everyone else.
Twitter is not on the masthead of The New York Times. But Twitter has become its ultimate editor. As the ethics and mores of that platform have become those of the paper, the paper itself has increasingly become a kind of performance space. Stories are chosen and told in a way to satisfy the narrowest of audiences, rather than to allow a curious public to read about the world and then draw their own conclusions. I was always taught that journalists were charged with writing the first rough draft of history. Now, history itself is one more ephemeral thing molded to fit the needs of a predetermined narrative.
My own forays into Wrongthink have made me the subject of constant bullying by colleagues who disagree with my views. They have called me a Nazi and a racist; I have learned to brush off comments about how I'm 'writing about the Jews again.' Several colleagues perceived to be friendly with me were badgered by coworkers. My work and my character are openly demeaned on company-wide Slack channels where masthead editors regularly weigh in. There, some coworkers insist I need to be rooted out if this company is to be a truly 'inclusive' one, while others post ax emojis next to my name. Still other New York Times employees publicly smear me as a liar and a bigot on Twitter with no fear that harassing me will be met with appropriate action. They never are.
There are terms for all of this: unlawful discrimination, hostile work environment, and constructive discharge. I'm no legal expert. But I know that this is wrong.
I do not understand how you have allowed this kind of behavior to go on inside your company in full view of the paper's entire staff and the public. And I certainly can't square how you and other Times leaders have stood by while simultaneously praising me in private for my courage. Showing up for work as a centrist at an American newspaper should not require bravery.
Part of me wishes I could say that my experience was unique. But the truth is that intellectual curiosity—let alone risk-taking—is now a liability at The Times. Why edit something challenging to our readers, or write something bold only to go through the numbing process of making it ideologically kosher, when we can assure ourselves of job security (and clicks) by publishing our 4000th op-ed arguing that Donald Trump is a unique danger to the country and the world? And so self-censorship has become the norm.
What rules that remain at The Times are applied with extreme selectivity. If a person's ideology is in keeping with the new orthodoxy, they and their work remain unscrutinized. Everyone else lives in fear of the digital thunderdome. Online venom is excused so long as it is directed at the proper targets.
Op-eds that would have easily been published just two years ago would now get an editor or a writer in serious trouble, if not fired. If a piece is perceived as likely to inspire backlash internally or on social media, the editor or writer avoids pitching it. If she feels strongly enough to suggest it, she is quickly steered to safer ground. And if, every now and then, she succeeds in getting a piece published that does not explicitly promote progressive causes, it happens only after every line is carefully massaged, negotiated and caveated.
It took the paper two days and two jobs to say that the Tom Cotton op-ed 'fell short of our standards.' We attached an editor's note on a travel story about Jaffa shortly after it was published because it 'failed to touch on important aspects of Jaffa's makeup and its history.' But there is still none appended to Cheryl Strayed's fawning interview with the writer Alice Walker, a proud anti-Semite who believes in lizard Illuminati.
The paper of record is, more and more, the record of those living in a distant galaxy, one whose concerns are profoundly removed from the lives of most people. This is a galaxy in which, to choose just a few recent examples, the Soviet space program is lauded for its 'diversity'; the doxxing of teenagers in the name of justice is condoned; and the worst caste systems in human history includes the United States alongside Nazi Germany.
Even now, I am confident that most people at The Times do not hold these views. Yet they are cowed by those who do. Why? Perhaps because they believe the ultimate goal is righteous. Perhaps because they believe that they will be granted protection if they nod along as the coin of our realm—language—is degraded in service to an ever-shifting laundry list of right causes. Perhaps because there are millions of unemployed people in this country and they feel lucky to have a job in a contracting industry.
Or perhaps it is because they know that, nowadays, standing up for principle at the paper does not win plaudits. It puts a target on your back. Too wise to post on Slack, they write to me privately about the 'new McCarthyism' that has taken root at the paper of record.
All this bodes ill, especially for independent-minded young writers and editors paying close attention to what they'll have to do to advance in their careers. Rule One: Speak your mind at your own peril. Rule Two: Never risk commissioning a story that goes against the narrative. Rule Three: Never believe an editor or publisher who urges you to go against the grain. Eventually, the publisher will cave to the mob, the editor will get fired or reassigned, and you'll be hung out to dry.
For these young writers and editors, there is one consolation. As places like The Times and other once-great journalistic institutions betray their standards and lose sight of their principles, Americans still hunger for news that is accurate, opinions that are vital, and debate that is sincere. I hear from these people every day. 'An independent press is not a liberal ideal or a progressive ideal or a democratic ideal. It's an American ideal,' you said a few years ago. I couldn't agree more. America is a great country that deserves a great newspaper.
None of this means that some of the most talented journalists in the world don't still labor for this newspaper. They do, which is what makes the illiberal environment especially heartbreaking. I will be, as ever, a dedicated reader of their work. But I can no longer do the work that you brought me here to do—the work that Adolph Ochs described in that famous 1896 statement: 'to make of the columns of The New York Times a forum for the consideration of all questions of public importance, and to that end to invite intelligent discussion from all shades of opinion.'
Ochs's idea is one of the best I've encountered. And I've always comforted myself with the notion that the best ideas win out. But ideas cannot win on their own. They need a voice. They need a hearing. Above all, they must be backed by people willing to live by them.
Sincerely,
Bari “
It’s all there; the Left’s engrained anti-semitism (so often now cloaked by ‘respectable’ anti-Zionism), the refusal to admit of other opinions, let alone to acknowledge the possibility of their validity, the narrowing of the mind, the cancel culture, the terror of the twitter storm and the mob in the street (”the people” as they like to call themselves) , the sheer spinelessness of the institutional ‘leadership’ unless it is in support of those people who have the ‘right’ opinions. Sadly, exactly the same process is going on at The Guardian, the BBC and our once great universities. Only Illiberal Groupthink is allowed, and former bastions of liberalism close down independent thought, the better to signal their virtue.
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
how to support content creators
i see a lot of posts that complain about the insanely unbalanced like & reblog ratio on posts these days, or that posts just don’t get any notes anymore and while i 100% agree on this, i think it is also important to point out how exactly we can actually change this, especially for people who might not even have been on tumblr when it was almost normal to get at least 1k notes on a regular gifset.
i’m fully convinced that it is not only the popular culture of having certain blog aesthetics that stop people from reblogging things, but that also tumblr itself has made it harder and harder for content creators to spread their work around because of certain changes this site has made over the years. here are some quick things you can do to frequently see new content:
turn off “best stuff first”, luckily i’ve “only” seen this feature on the mobile app, but it is turned on by default & if you regularly use the app, please turn it off. otherwise you will mainly see content that is already circulating around, while new posts will be pushed back.
another thing you can do if you use mobile and search for specific content, switch to #tagged, so you can see the most recent posts without relying on the search function.
if you use the desktop version of tumblr and lets say you’re searching for example new star wars content, switch the default “search” to /tagged/ instead. you might ask yourself, why? simple: because the search function is trash, but more on that in a second.
if this seems too much of a hassle for you, you can install xkit extensions called “classic search” and “tag tracking +”. it will automatically redirect you to the old tracking system instead of the search one. and also! you can easily keep track on new content through your dashboard, like it used to be before tumblr introduced search. so lets say you love the lord of the rings and marvel, you will always be informed quite easily if someone made something new by tracking related tags, right on your dashboard (it’s called “follow this search” now, you’ll see it if you’re on the /tagged/ page of a specific tag).
if you insist on using the search function, switch it up to let it show you the “most recent” posts. tumblr will always show you the most popular posts on default. meaning: tumblr will always show you posts that already have thousands of notes/posts that are currently circulating around and new posts will be at the back, if they even show up at all. “search” is at least in my experience, not reliable and has a tendency to eat up posts and just don’t show them at all. (especially on blogs). however it is worth mentioning that “search” is supposed to find at least the first 10 tags someone made, while “tagged” shows the first 5.
peak into tags creators use to tag their work! i’ve already shown some examples on some of the screenshots above, but basically most creators use [fandom]edit or [fandom]edits tags on their work. this can also apply to specific characters [character name]edit or even fanficiton [fandom]fic. don’t be afraid of unnecessary discourse in those tags, you’ll usually only find creative content on there.
this is very important: because tumblr has made it so hard for creators to be seen, these days no one will see content unless people reblog it and share it with their followers. you might have seen a popular theme on this post of tumblr showing us “the best stuff first :)” and such. this is why we keep complaining about the unbalanced like/reblog ratio. blog aesthetics aside, if you clicked on “like” on a gifset, it usually means that you liked it, right? now imagine this gifset someone has made for 4 hours straight and you though it was pretty, slowy dying away unnoticed even though it was meant to appreciate our nerdy interests together, because it will die.
another thing: i know fandom can be toxic, full of bullies and incredibly close minded in their little “purity culture” bubble. if you are afraid to reblog something because you might get shit for it, don’t be. we need to slowly re-learn to like things just for the sake of having fun, because fandom is supposed to be fun. we have valid problems on this earth and i can guarantee you they have nothing to do with a fictional villain in a movie. you don’t owe anyone on this site anything, unapologetically love what you love.
that’s all i can think about right now, if i have forgotten something, feel free to add it on this post. please be aware that if we as users do not change our way of using this site, nothing will change, because tumblr as a website simply does not care about their content creators. and content creators in return, will slowly delete or stop making content for us altogether.
#sweetpca#userbrit#bisexualgorgeous#userkt#signal boost#im tagging u guys cause i know u made good posts about this problem & maybe ur interested in spreading this around? lol#tumblr#long post#i have finally snapped
3K notes
·
View notes
Text
Bari Weiss Resignation Letter from New York Times
Dear A.G.,
It is with sadness that I write to tell you that I am resigning from The New York Times.
I joined the paper with gratitude and optimism three years ago. I was hired with the goal of bringing in voices that would not otherwise appear in your pages: first-time writers, centrists, conservatives and others who would not naturally think of The Times as their home. The reason for this effort was clear: The paper’s failure to anticipate the outcome of the 2016 election meant that it didn’t have a firm grasp of the country it covers. Dean Baquet and others have admitted as much on various occasions. The priority in Opinion was to help redress that critical shortcoming.
I was honored to be part of that effort, led by James Bennet. I am proud of my work as a writer and as an editor. Among those I helped bring to our pages: the Venezuelan dissident Wuilly Arteaga; the Iranian chess champion Dorsa Derakhshani; and the Hong Kong Christian democrat Derek Lam. Also: Ayaan Hirsi Ali, Masih Alinejad, Zaina Arafat, Elna Baker, Rachael Denhollander, Matti Friedman, Nick Gillespie, Heather Heying, Randall Kennedy, Julius Krein, Monica Lewinsky, Glenn Loury, Jesse Singal, Ali Soufan, Chloe Valdary, Thomas Chatterton Williams, Wesley Yang, and many others.
But the lessons that ought to have followed the election—lessons about the importance of understanding other Americans, the necessity of resisting tribalism, and the centrality of the free exchange of ideas to a democratic society—have not been learned. Instead, a new consensus has emerged in the press, but perhaps especially at this paper: that truth isn’t a process of collective discovery, but an orthodoxy already known to an enlightened few whose job is to inform everyone else.
Twitter is not on the masthead of The New York Times. But Twitter has become its ultimate editor. As the ethics and mores of that platform have become those of the paper, the paper itself has increasingly become a kind of performance space. Stories are chosen and told in a way to satisfy the narrowest of audiences, rather than to allow a curious public to read about the world and then draw their own conclusions. I was always taught that journalists were charged with writing the first rough draft of history. Now, history itself is one more ephemeral thing molded to fit the needs of a predetermined narrative.
My own forays into Wrongthink have made me the subject of constant bullying by colleagues who disagree with my views. They have called me a Nazi and a racist; I have learned to brush off comments about how I’m “writing about the Jews again.” Several colleagues perceived to be friendly with me were badgered by coworkers. My work and my character are openly demeaned on company-wide Slack channels where masthead editors regularly weigh in. There, some coworkers insist I need to be rooted out if this company is to be a truly “inclusive” one, while others post ax emojis next to my name. Still other New York Times employees publicly smear me as a liar and a bigot on Twitter with no fear that harassing me will be met with appropriate action. They never are.
There are terms for all of this: unlawful discrimination, hostile work environment, and constructive discharge. I’m no legal expert. But I know that this is wrong.
I do not understand how you have allowed this kind of behavior to go on inside your company in full view of the paper’s entire staff and the public. And I certainly can’t square how you and other Times leaders have stood by while simultaneously praising me in private for my courage. Showing up for work as a centrist at an American newspaper should not require bravery.
Part of me wishes I could say that my experience was unique. But the truth is that intellectual curiosity—let alone risk-taking—is now a liability at The Times. Why edit something challenging to our readers, or write something bold only to go through the numbing process of making it ideologically kosher, when we can assure ourselves of job security (and clicks) by publishing our 4000th op-ed arguing that Donald Trump is a unique danger to the country and the world? And so self-censorship has become the norm.
What rules that remain at The Times are applied with extreme selectivity. If a person’s ideology is in keeping with the new orthodoxy, they and their work remain unscrutinized. Everyone else lives in fear of the digital thunderdome. Online venom is excused so long as it is directed at the proper targets.
Op-eds that would have easily been published just two years ago would now get an editor or a writer in serious trouble, if not fired. If a piece is perceived as likely to inspire backlash internally or on social media, the editor or writer avoids pitching it. If she feels strongly enough to suggest it, she is quickly steered to safer ground. And if, every now and then, she succeeds in getting a piece published that does not explicitly promote progressive causes, it happens only after every line is carefully massaged, negotiated and caveated.
It took the paper two days and two jobs to say that the Tom Cotton op-ed “fell short of our standards.” We attached an editor’s note on a travel story about Jaffa shortly after it was published because it “failed to touch on important aspects of Jaffa’s makeup and its history.” But there is still none appended to Cheryl Strayed’s fawning interview with the writer Alice Walker, a proud anti-Semite who believes in lizard Illuminati.
The paper of record is, more and more, the record of those living in a distant galaxy, one whose concerns are profoundly removed from the lives of most people. This is a galaxy in which, to choose just a few recent examples, the Soviet space program is lauded for its “diversity”; the doxxing of teenagers in the name of justice is condoned; and the worst caste systems in human history includes the United States alongside Nazi Germany.
Even now, I am confident that most people at The Times do not hold these views. Yet they are cowed by those who do. Why? Perhaps because they believe the ultimate goal is righteous. Perhaps because they believe that they will be granted protection if they nod along as the coin of our realm—language—is degraded in service to an ever-shifting laundry list of right causes. Perhaps because there are millions of unemployed people in this country and they feel lucky to have a job in a contracting industry.
Or perhaps it is because they know that, nowadays, standing up for principle at the paper does not win plaudits. It puts a target on your back. Too wise to post on Slack, they write to me privately about the “new McCarthyism” that has taken root at the paper of record.
All this bodes ill, especially for independent-minded young writers and editors paying close attention to what they’ll have to do to advance in their careers. Rule One: Speak your mind at your own peril. Rule Two: Never risk commissioning a story that goes against the narrative. Rule Three: Never believe an editor or publisher who urges you to go against the grain. Eventually, the publisher will cave to the mob, the editor will get fired or reassigned, and you’ll be hung out to dry.
For these young writers and editors, there is one consolation. As places like The Times and other once-great journalistic institutions betray their standards and lose sight of their principles, Americans still hunger for news that is accurate, opinions that are vital, and debate that is sincere. I hear from these people every day. “An independent press is not a liberal ideal or a progressive ideal or a democratic ideal. It’s an American ideal,” you said a few years ago. I couldn’t agree more. America is a great country that deserves a great newspaper.
None of this means that some of the most talented journalists in the world don’t still labor for this newspaper. They do, which is what makes the illiberal environment especially heartbreaking. I will be, as ever, a dedicated reader of their work. But I can no longer do the work that you brought me here to do—the work that Adolph Ochs described in that famous 1896 statement: “to make of the columns of The New York Times a forum for the consideration of all questions of public importance, and to that end to invite intelligent discussion from all shades of opinion.”
Ochs’s idea is one of the best I’ve encountered. And I’ve always comforted myself with the notion that the best ideas win out. But ideas cannot win on their own. They need a voice. They need a hearing. Above all, they must be backed by people willing to live by them.
Sincerely,
Bari
Source: https://www.bariweiss.com/resignation-letter
#Bari Weiss#new york times#journalism#politics#controversy#authoritarianism#first amendment#freedom of speech#liberalism#liberty#conservatism
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
Q&A:
Hello! Sorry for the belated question-answering. My concussion symptoms got a lot worse for a hot second, but I’m feeling better now and ready to tackle my inbox. So I have over 30 academic-related questions and they mostly fall into these groups:
Can I read your dissertation/are you going to publish it?
Yes! And hopefully. The plan is to publish it as a book once it is complete, but even if that doesn’t happen I’ll share it (maybe even on AO3) with anyone who wants to read it.
What is your dissertation about?
That is a dangerous question. The shortest possible answer: my dissertation is essentially an ethnographic study of the interconnected online platforms that facilitate transformative digital fan culture and the people that use them. I consider fic literature and fic archives repositories for both this textual literature but also the metatextual and paratextual elements of fan culture. My focus is on the AO3 as a groundbreaking archive that has changed how transformative fandom operates, is treated legally, and is viewed publicly.
How are you getting a PhD in fandom? Is that a thing? Did you take classes for it?
Fandom studies is a thing! When you get an English PhD you specialize in certain things, and fandom studies is one of my specialties. Alas, I did not take classes in it, though I did do a significant amount of directed reading on my own/in preparation for exams. PhD coursework prepares you for the broad range of English classes you may be called upon to teach as a professor. So I took multiple courses in my primary fields (see below) but only took classes for my first two subfields. I also took Victorian lit, British lit, American lit, etc.
What did you take your quals in?
Primary Fields: (these are things that make colleges want to hire you)
Book history/archival (focus movement from print-digital)
Feminist/queer theory
20/21st century lit
Subfields: (these are the things that you think are neat if not included in the things that will make colleges want to hire you)
disability studies
minority literature
comics studies
fandom studies
Where do you go to school?
SMU. In Dallas. We have great libraries and lots of white people who wear Vinyard Vines apparel.
You’re the xiaq that wrote LRPD/AHTU/Strut! Are you going to talk about your own fic in your dissertation? Yes. And yes! I’ll speak as a 3rd party academic observer in chapter 1-3 and 5, but chapter 4 will be a case study/interlude where I speak in depth about my experience writing and posting LRPD (https://archiveofourown.org/works/11304786?view_full_work=true). I’m doing this for 2 reasons: 1. The project asserts that there is nothing shameful about participating in fandom and fan works/archives ought to be shown respect and appreciation. I want both fandom folks and academic folks to know that I’m “all in” as it were. 2. When I sat down with my chair to plan my case study chapter, we decided I needed a “top-ranked” work within any moderate to large fandom with over 50,000 hits and over 5,000 comments, and I needed to ask the author detailed questions about their writing, editing, posting, sharing, and comment-answering/interactive habits. LRPD fits that criteria and I don’t have to ask anyone else invasive questions.
Who all have you interviewed?
Cesperanza/Astolat and a couple other AO3 founding folks. Several people currently volunteering for the OTW, one of the volunteer coordinators, communications staff, and a LOT of fan writers (over 50 at this point)—including BNFs like Kryptaria, Earlgreytea68, Emmagrant01 and (much) more. And then a bunch of academic folks too—Karen Hellekson, Abigail De Kosnik, Francesca Coppa, Rukmini Pande, Suzanne Scott (who is on my committee as an outside reader!) and more. Every single person I’ve spoken to was very kind and generous with their time and I love everyone in this bar.
And these were three specific questions that didn’t fall into those categories:
You look so young—is that just good genetics or did you skip a few grades?
Thank you! Well. I skipped getting my masters. Sort of. Most PhD programs require an undergraduate and a masters degree before you can apply. SMU is one of the few that does not and has an extended program that essentially gives folks straight from undergrad extra intensive coursework and a masters upon completion of 2 yrs in the program. It’s difficult to get accepted without a masters, so consider me an outlier and not the standard. I’m also on course to (hopefully) graduate a year early—which means I’ll have my doctorate before I turn 30! You too can be an overachiever with the help of OCD, anxiety, and sleep deprivation (not an endorsement, tho).
what does otw mean in your ao3 post about academics being assholes
Organization for Transformative Works! The OTW formed before the AO3 did. You can read more about it here: https://fanlore.org/wiki/Organization_for_Transformative_Works
Concerning your post on AO3 and the pettiness of academics - you mentioned the real, serious negative issues concerning AO3. Might you expand more on that? What do you find to be the negative aspects of AO3?
Ah yes. So there is one “big” thing that occasionally came up as a negative in my interviews and research. Fandom has a long and storied history of racism. It’s not isolated to the AO3, but several of the POC I spoke to said they dislike the fact that there’s no way to mark a work as racist, or warn others about it (usually, if an individual points out that, say, an author has treated Finn as a Big Black Dick and not, you know, a human being, the author isn’t particularly interested in noting that their own work is problematic. See also: slave AUs. Where Finn is a slave.Yikes.). While the majority of POC I spoke to didn’t advocate for some sort of censure of these works in the terms of use (some did), what most wanted was a way of being able to warn others, or receive a warning, that a work is racist. Implementing something like that is, obviously, complex (if not impossible) however. Personally? I doubt it will happen.
Related, and perhaps more important, when POC tend to speak critically about the erasure or infantilization or animalization of non-white characters, white authors often 1. police tone rather than engage with the criticism, 2. focus more on defending themselves rather than actually examining their, maybe accidental, biases/stereotypes or 3. cry bullying or kinkshaming instead of actually listening to what POC are saying. Again, not an issue isolated to the AO3, but an issue nonetheless that we, as a community, need to recognize (for more on this history, check out, for example, https://fanlore.org/wiki/RaceFail_%2709).
There’s also the whole “should illegal sexual things--like underage or pedophilia-- be allowed,” which I don’t have the energy to dissect right now, but the overwhelming majority of folks I spoke to were of the “if you don’t like it, don’t read works with that tag. If it’s not tagged correctly, close the tab” school of thought. The AO3 has always purported itself as a hosting, not a policing, organization, so I doubt that will ever change.
48 notes
·
View notes
Text
Coco Writes
OK, so I know I’m not always great about summarising my fics on here; I usually just post links. But here is a masterpost of all my fics!
Les Miserables
The Leader And The Cynic
Rated T
1/1 chapter; 1226 words
Summary:
A series of moments from the relationship of Enjolras and Grantaire. Because now my happiness depends on the happiness of fictional revolutionaries. Modern AU
Read on FF.net
Series - On Se Sent Comme Par Magie
The Destiny Of Cosette
Rated T
No Archive Warnings Apply
22/22 chapters; 88,475 words
Summary:
Cosette is an ordinary Parisian teenager - until one day, she stumbles across a powerful Faery being attacked by an ogre! And when she inadvertently uses magic to protect the Faery, Enjolras, she realises that she’s maybe not as normal as she thought. Enjolras invites her to attend Faery school in another dimension with him, where they become friends with three other faeries - Courfeyrac, Jehan and Éponine - and form Les Amis. But all is not well in the Magic Dimension -
What’s the deal with Grantaire, Marius, Bahorel and Combeferre - four cute wizards from another school?
What are Patron-Minette - a trio of witches - planning?
And who is Fantine, the mysterious Nymph who keeps appearing in Cosette’s dreams?
Read on AO3
The Shadow Phoenix
Rated T
No Archive Warnings Apply
26/26 chapters; 165,435 words
Summary:
Les Amis start their second year at Musain College for Faeries, and right off the bat, strange things begin happening in the Magic Dimension. Musichetta, a water Faery, arrives at the school begging for help to rescue her friends, the Piskies, and Patron-Minette have busted out of rehabilitation with the help of a strange skeletal knight - who matches Musichetta’s description of the Piskies’ kidnapper. With the help of Musichetta, Feuilly - a Wizard and new member of Les Amis -, and Professor Mabeuf, the wise new philosophy teacher, this year promises to be as exciting as the last!
Read on AO3
The Warlock Of The Flame
Rated T
Major Character Death
18/25 chapters; 122,516 words
Summary:
Cosette’s life is going great! With Lord Méchant defeated, her final year at Musain College for Faeries is going to be normal (for once); her relationship with Marius is going spectacularly (and it looks like there’s a proposal in the pipeline!); and there’s nothing to suggest that the Magical Dimension is in any danger. But then news of something horrible happening on Musichetta’s home planet reaches the ears of Les Amis - and according to Headmaster Myriel, there’s only one Warlock who could have caused it. As Cosette and her friends face off with the culprit, it becomes more and more apparent that his true nature and past are darker than any of them could have imagined...
Read on AO3
***
Total Drama
Dear Diary
Rated M
Major Character Death, Reference To Eating Disorders and Attempted/Implied Sexual Assault
9/? chapters; 27,617 words
Summary:
"Dear Diary -
My teen angst bullshit now has a body count."
Heather Chandler. Gwen Duke. Lindsay McNamara. Courtney Sawyer. Together they make up the most powerful clique at Westerburg High. Most people would die to get into it.
Courtney would kill to get out of it.
Enter Duncan Dean. He has a way with women, a way with words, and a very special way with a gun.
"It's God versus my boyfriend, and God's losing..."
Read on AO3
Read on FF.net
A Little Fall Of Rain
Rated T
Major Character Death
1/1 chapter; 663 words
Summary:
In the midst of the July Uprising, Gwen Thénardier takes a bullet for long time friend Duncan Pontmercy, despite his love for Courtney and his obliviousness towards her feelings for him. Gwen as Éponine, Duncan as Marius. Based off the scene in the musical. I don't own TDI or Les Mis. Warning: Character Death.
Read on FF.net
Freak Out, Let It Go
Rated K+ (G for AO3 users)
1/1 chapter; 271 words
Summary:
Alternatively called ‘What Happens When I listen To Avril Lavigne For Three Hours Straight’. One-shot starring our favourite crazy redhead. Enjoy.
Read on FF.net
Bubblegum Bitch
Rated T
1/1 chapter; 539 words
Summary:
Heather is shiny and perfect on the outside, but on the inside she's a backstabbing user - a mess.
Read on FF.net
I Wish
Rated T
Implied Character Death
1/1 chapter; 357 words
Summary:
When Courtney doesn't show up after TDWT's finale, Duncan does some serious thinking about the past.
Read on FF.net
***
Miraculous Ladybug
mArinette
Rated T
No Archive Warnings Apply
7/8 chapters
Summary:
Marinette tells a lie. A pretty big lie. And soon one lie turns into another, and before she knows it, she's going out of her way to keep the lie going.
When Lila lies, it's sloppy. But Marinette's lie is all too believable.
At least no one else is getting hurt by her lie.
But Marinette's about to find out how hard it is to be known as the school slut.
An Easy A AU.
Read on AO3
Series - A Miraculous Musical
Cute Boys With Short Haircuts
Rated G
No Archive Warnings Apply
1/1 chapter
Summary:
Marinette sees Adrien and Kagami kissing and jumps to conclusions. Hurt and upset, she heads up to her balcony to do the one thing that cheers her up: singing a really angsty song.
Adrien had nothing to do with the kiss. He just wants to ask Marinette out. He passes her balcony as Chat Noir and hears the most beautiful singing voice... but the song is so sad. And then he sticks around just a little too long, and catches sight of something he shouldn't have...
Read on AO3
Act One: Whalesong
Rated T
Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
2/? chapters
Summary:
Marinette's family receives tragic news, and suddenly her cousin becomes her roommate. With her only possessions being a small suitcase of clothes and a bizarre hair-clip, anyone connected to María Sugrue-Dupain begins to become infected with some sort of singing virus - in which they have no choice but to sing about their problems. Ms Bustier, ever resourceful, takes the opportunity to direct the class in a production of the musical 'Heathers', and there is drama on-stage and off it.
But why does the singing virus exist at all? Why is Gabriel Agreste suddenly so interested in Adrien's schoolmates? And seriously, is Nathalie OK? The Gorilla wants to know if he should call someone. Should he call someone?
Read on AO3
Series - Let Me Be Loved
More Adventurous
Rated G
No Archive Warnings Apply
1/1 chapter
Summary:
"And it's only doubts that we're counting
On fingers broken long ago.
I read with every broken heart
We should become more adventurous..."
As Marinette sings at a Kitty Section concert, Adrien starts to notice her in a new light. Unfortunately, he's too late, even if he's not quite sure what he's too late for.
100% inspired by 'More Adventurous' by Rilo Kiley
Read on AO3
***
Equestria Girls
Dazzlings
Rated M
Contains Major Character Death, Reference To Eating Disorders and Attempted/Implied Sexual Assault
13/13 chapters
Summary:
"Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw! Nancy Drew is onto you, Sunset."
Sunset Shimmer wished she was popular, and she became popular -
And suddenly she wished she wasn’t popular.
When Sunset is faced with a fate seemingly worse than death, mysterious new kid Flash Sentry suggests she take matters into her own hands and use drain cleaner, Ich Lüge bullets, and adult ignorance to make the world a better place.
But is his vision of a world without bullies really worth the cost?
Read on AO3
Read on FF.net
***
Original Work
Our Relationship Was A Rainbow
Rated T
No Archive Warnings Apply
1/1 chapter
Summary:
An original piece following the course of a relationship that in spite of glowing all the colours of the rainbow, ended grey and cloudy.
Read on AO3
An Anthology Of Verse, written by a traumatised (yet certified) idiot
Rated G
No Archive Warnings Apply
2/? chapters
Summary:
I asked my followers on Tumblr if they'd be interested in reading some of my original poetry if I posted it here. Four likes and a comment saying "Yes please!!" is more than good enough for me. I hope you enjoy it!
(Note: A lot of this was initially written a few years ago - or even longer. Some of it has - naturally - been edited since my initial draft, but some of it may have a different style to my more recent writing.)
(Another Note: I will be posting new poems as they come to me, or I rediscover them. I will also update tags as I go.)
Read on Ao3
#long post#Les Miserables#les mis fic#on se cent comme par magie#the destiny of cosette#the shadow phoenix#the warlock of the flame#marisette#enjoltaire#courferre#eporel#jefeuilly#jolychetta#jbm#total drama#total drama island#total drama fic#dear diary#duncney#miraculous ladybug#miraculous fic#adrienette#ladynoir#marichat#ladrien#maría sugrue-dupain#equestria girls#sunflash#sunset shimmer x flash sentry#timbertwi
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
So now I’m gonna be that butch bitch.
Socially relevant wide topics is not a specific sub blog of anyone that happens to hold an opinion in that topic. I barely even touch my home tab because of how insufferable this fandom dialogue tends to be beyond scrolling through entire vats of whatever the hell is going on and addressing it in general address in a wide host of conversational points. Which literally anyone can see with how few blogs I engage and how rare a burst of gif reblogging even is. Did you tag me directly and land in my notification stream, no, then I probably have no idea what you’re saying. This isn’t hard.
This, on the other hand, is a petty gay sub blog.
youtube
Please note there’s a very distinct difference between these and LGBT cinema discussion someone may or may not take offense to.
I’ll give you a hint: my sub blogs are short, pointed, sassy, generally include a random media reference like a video game video or this little piece of art, and are doused in sarcasm. They’re the fandom version of “ok, boomer”. Sure, I do sub blog. We all do. Let’s be real dears. But nah fam. That ain’t it.
Anyone that insists on projecting themselves into a set of shoes left on the floor is free to do so, but they need to recognize that’s what they’re doing with general discussion. No, picking a fight with me on a different social media platform and then pretending any other conversation is targeting you isn’t how it works. I can’t stop anyone from recoiling to the content. And I’ve been EXTREMELY forward on where the door is if they want to continue using regressive angles or taking personal offense to general conversation points. This isn’t new.
Jesus fucking christ.
And for the love of fuck stop treating me like I’m some big name fan. I don’t do conventions, events, actors, I don’t give a shit about shipping culture, I don’t do FB groups, I’m literally not *here* for any of that bullshit. Respectively having a few thousand followers isn’t *shit* on a platform where the big blogs range 8-14,000. I am not. Here. For this clout. Chasing. Bullshit. And I don’t want it anywhere near me. And I didn’t ask to be any kind of leader, or want to be any kind of leader, and magically, this BNF leader that I am had a grand total of 0 fucking people coming at anybody. Just a few telling them to stop escalating their own internalized issues against someone else. If you think that’s unreasonable, I don’t know what to fucking tell you.
If you’re here for fandom drama or personal validation, please, leave me the *fuck* alone. I am not here to be the mother to 2000 grown assed people. Thankfully many of you are reasonable, but for whatever 1% is out there getting *mad* that I’m not conforming, I swear to god, leave me the FUCK ALONE.
I have never been a proper agent of fandom. I have never obligated myself to washes of fandom yelling regardless of if it’s “my lane” or “my friend.” And no, I’m not due to “self reflect” just because *somebody else chose to think I was talking about them.* That’s not how that WORKS. I can’t self-reflect to magically engineer intentions or thoughts somebody else put in their head and projected my way, holy shit balls man.
You wanna know why people talk bullshit about Destiel fandom? This narcissistic manipulative bullshit, this false extremization of talking points, all of it. And no, not every Destiel fan does that before someone warps that. But there’s a reason so many people are hiding from this shit in tag commentary, and it’s THIS. You can deadass say “While I agree we should aspire for better representation we should also make sure to not trample on the work of what people ARE fighting for right now” and SOME FUCKER, SOME WHERE, will turn that into “You’re telling us to settle and stop fighting! You’re a homophobe!” even though it says the opposite JUST ABOVE WHATEVER THEY’RE EXAGGERATING, and yet SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, will be like “You know what, this resonates with my current feelings, now I’m going to make it dictate this real person’s reality even though that is clearly NOT WHAT THEY’RE FUCKING SAYING.”
I have. ALWAYS. Said. I am not here. For fandom bullshit. This 0 to 100, all or nothing, black or white, Fall In With The Hoard Or Perish By Us Lying And Footstomping And Demanding People Unfollow The Person Who Won’t Fite Me Nao *bullshit.* No, taking a strong stance or having a strong opinion contrary to the Borg is not hArAsSmEnt. What’s fucking harassment is intentionally stalking down people’s materials to pick fights across multiple SM platforms and trying to make it all about YOU while they’re minding their bullshit on their own walls. CHECK YOURSELVES. What’s ~~bullying~~ is trying to incite hive mind attacks. What’s abuse is demanding anyone else tolerate it, much less warping “them or me” choices just because someone *disagrees* with you.
Nobody sent anybody at the person in question. In fact, they sent themselves, and continued to double down that it had to all be about them, then directed friends to engage and continue it afterwards. The only person that outted them was them, and they fucking @’ed me, so I don’t know what the *fuck* you expected from me. Even if I WAS sub blogging them -- which 1000% not -- not a soul on the fucking planet would have known them until they threw themselves out into the field because IT WAS ADDRESSING MULTIPLE FANDOM TOPICS; and even when they threw themselves out, nobody actually came at them. They just told them to stop. ... And then after that when their friends were told I won’t judge them? ESCALATION! YOU MUST COME ATTACK ME! uh, no. That’s not how this works. Maybe that’s how you’re all used to this working, but that’s not how this works. I can very well say “Kay, whatever you wanna do with yourself” and leave it there.
I don’t ask anybody to come to my wall. I don’t ask you to come pick fights with me. I don’t ask you to troll across multiple media platforms looking for an opening just to get mad when I’m already too exhausted to deal with you.
I can tell you the one thing you probably shouldn’t do though, and that’s follow a fandom commentary opinion blog and head nod and bobble to it and go “YEAH, YEAH!!” until your own general behavior crops up into the discussion and then turn into a bunch of rabid bobcats and start saying you had a problem with that blog the whOEL tiEM. So, what, you... agreed when it suited you while having a problem with my methods? They’re only a problem if they apply to someone you prefer?
Get out. I literally do not have the time and energy for this bullshit. I am literally in the middle of my second legal battle in a year while dealing with crippling pain, I can BARELY make my own content BEYOND this conversation, I haven’t even been able to edit for like two weeks, my game and my projects are all indefinitely paused, I fucking PROMISE YOU that randomopinion dot tumblr dot com is not the highlight of what I’m just out here to inspire shit for, holy shit. Like sure fam, I can barely walk into dollar general to buy a pizza for dinner right now, my house is in limbo, I’m trying to work side jobs while my hip is literally falling apart and my spine is disconnecting from my ribs intermitantly, I might puncture a lung with the effort of sitting down, but you know what I want to do? Stick it to some random FUCKER on tumblr (who can’t keep themselves off of my content while pretending I’m coming at them.)
If you’d like, with the magic Clap On Clap Off Gay TV invention, if we can also come up with “disability trade” for a feature to live one day in the life of someone, I would gladly invite you to deal with the pain of your anatomy trying to casually rearrange itself. I mean, if we’re all about shoving ourselves into random shoes, go ahead and try mine on. See if you have the patience for this kind of fandom bullshit, let alone to methodically do whatever the fuck a segment of fandom decided I did as some sort of machiavellian plan to sub blog someone I didn’t know fucking existed beyond some other random name account trolling into the middle of an existing conversation on a whole other social media platform.
Is it absolute bullshit to kick into the middle of a conversation, not catch up on the conversation, assume the worst of a conversation because you heard something applicable to you, and to start yelling at people having a conversation that had NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU? Yes, yes it fucking is. No, I don’t care you think I’m holding some grudge from when you farted wrong in the room earlier today, your self consciousness on that front is yours, not mine, fart the fuck away.
Is it even more bullshit to say you aren’t obligated to catch up to the conversation you entered with this angle to and pretend it’s everybody else’s fault? Sure the fuck is. Is it bullshit to @ someone and make literally famously socially abusive demands and then pretend anyone came at *you* after you superman jumped one, two, and five assumptions that it was ABOUT YOU? To just double down because someone’s your *friend* even when the barest application of logic would show they walked in yelling at someone unrelated to them before they set up their drama with a whole ass bass boosting entertainment boom box for everybody? Why yes, yes that is a huge pile of bull shit. I’m not sure why this is a hard thing to grok.
So sure, now I’m sub blogging you. Because somewhere, in the midst of me blogging on every platform about people’s application of bad faith arguments, you decided to bad faithedly attach some sort of fucking motivation to my posts that made it all about *you*. The irony is fucking mind blowing.
I’m so. Done. With this shit.
#fandom#mildew#holy shit yall#i'm serious#leave me the fuck alone#I don't come for your walls#or your blogs#or your twitter feeds#or try to fuse all the discussions you have into being about me#so what the fuck#genuinely#what is this kindergarten#Minnie said things I don't like so now you can't be friends with her and me#what the fuck#honestly#long post for ts
9 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
bbr1914
Let's Start Again
violentlongings
Violent Longings
civilwarmusician-blog
The History of American Civil War Music
ogeewankenobi
Dear Diary..
amurchurch
Amur_church