#eddie was being pressured by his parents to leave chris with them and made out he was a bad father it was so cruel | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hippolotamus · 1 year

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Fuck it Fraturday

Besties, it has been a day. I was tagged by the lovely @alyxmastershipper @spotsandsocks @ajunerose @elvensorceress and @shortsighted-owl 🥰 And, hey, it is still Friday... somewhere. As I went rummaging for this week's post I learned something about myself. Apparently I have a thing for starting mid-season spec fics, not finishing them, and naming them for Taylor Swift lyrics. So there's that useless trivia for you. Anyway, I cleaned up (to the best of my sleepy ability) my S5 offering I'm reaching for you, terrified

bon appetit, my loves 😘

I’m leaving the 118.

Buck has had his oxygen tank run out, he’s been caught in more natural disasters than he’d prefer, and trapped under a ladder truck. Among other things. Those agonizing memories pale in comparison to what he feels now, hearing Eddie’s announcement. He's a mix of breathless and numb and tingling pinpricks dancing over his skin. Of too much and not enough and loss.

Eddie is… casual? Neutral? As if he’s told them he’s only leaving town for a few days, but he’ll be right back. Except – will he? Buck doesn’t know.

For the span of a single heartbeat Buck hates Eddie with everything he can muster. If someone were to ask – in this infinitesimal moment in time – he would swear that he undeniably, viscerally hates him. It would only be true for that moment, of course. But also not true at all. Buck only believes it because he’s feeling trapped. Caught between containing his feelings in a twisted sense of maintaining decorum, and wanting to scream. A buildup of pressure that quickly manifests as shuddering breaths, wide eyes and trembling fists clenched at his side.

Irrational as it may be, this is worse, he decides, than clawing at unforgiving mud. Worse than feeling Eddie’s still warm blood spatter on his skin. Worse than hearing Mitchell Trent’s gun fire without knowing who was on the receiving end. Those were all times Buck thought he could lose his best friend, but they were external forces. The result of being in the wrong place at the wrong time while doing their jobs. This, though… this is coming directly from Eddie. Eddie, who just moments ago, was hugging Bobby by the grill.

A selfish stream of thoughts comes to his mind unbidden. Did Bobby know? Before now? He’s their captain, but why should he be the first to find out? Why does he get the news semi-privately and Buck learns alongside Hen? Maybe because you’ve been too busy playing the loving boyfriend to the first person to say ‘I love you’.

“E-Eddie?” Buck’s voice sounds far away, even to himself. It reminds him of how he would quietly seek out Maddie to patch up his latest injury before their parents could catch on.

“What-” A thousand questions, that he can’t seem to articulate with actual words, catch in his throat. Buck has to force himself to look at Eddie and hope his pleading gaze can ask for him. That’s when he finally sees it. The now obvious pain emanating from behind the mask of feigned indifference.

Then the words ‘for Christopher’ register. And Buck can’t believe he’s been so self-centered by not considering Chris before now. He’s overwhelmed with thoughts of inside jokes, endless optimism, baking experiments, movie nights, trips to the zoo and a smile that radiates pure fucking sunshine.

Does Chris even know yet? Has Eddie considered that their dynamic might change? That schedules won’t align as perfectly, or interactions could become awkward if Eddie shuts himself off.

Bobby and Athena, the enormous Christmas tree, Karen, Denny, Christopher… it all swirls into one blended image that has him swaying. He thinks someone shouts his name, sees Eddie reach out. His field of vision narrows, rapidly fading to black. The cool grass presses against his skin, until he’s not sensing anything at all.

*****

Buck blinks once, twice. He squints at the thin ray of sun that’s made its way through the crowd gathered around him. Hen, Bobby and Eddie hover overhead, poking, prodding, and performing a sternal rub.

“Ow!”

“Oh, good. You’re awake,” Hen says dryly, easing him back down when he tries to sit. “Stay still.”

“‘M fine.” He tries again, but a different hand – with a touch he would know if he were blind – firmly holds him in place.

“Buck?” Christopher sidles up next to Eddie, carefully lowering himself to the ground. “It’ll be okay. I can hold your hand if you want.” The words are so innocent, given so freely, Buck wants to cry. Instead, he sniffs and swallows down the emotions, taking Christopher’s small hand in his own.

“Thanks, buddy. I’d like that.” Buck actively avoids looking at Eddie. It’s too much like staring at the sun on a cloudy day, muted but still overwhelming.

Christopher grasps Buck’s hand while Hen takes his vitals and verifies he’s okay. As okay as he’s going to be, anyway.

“Alright, Buckaroo. Sit here for a few minutes. If you’re feeling stable then we’ll help you stand up.”

“Hen-” he starts to protest.

“I said what I said, Buckley. Don’t push it. I can just as easily turn this into IVs and recommend continuous monitoring.”

“Aye aye, Dr. Wilson.” Buck lets out an exasperated sigh and lets Hen and Bobby help him sit. He’s still avoiding looking at Eddie even though he can feel the gaze boring into him. The crowd starts to dissipate, apparently satisfied that everything is fine. Christopher throws his arms around Buck, burying his face into his neck.

“See, Buck? I told you it would be okay.”

“Never doubted you for a second, buddy.” He rubs his thumb back and forth, lets his fingers thread through Christopher’s curls, breathes in the warm comfort that never fails to slow his pulse and calm his nerves.

“Hey, mijo? Let’s give Buck some air. I think he and I have some things to talk about.”

“Okay, Dad.” Christopher reluctantly loosens his grip, but not before Buck presses a kiss into his hair and squeezes him tight before sending him on his way.

Eddie reaches out, extending a hand for Buck to grab onto, like an anchor. When he stands, Buck simultaneously wants to run away and throw himself into Eddie like Christopher had done to him. He wants to storm off and be held while he falls apart against Eddie’s chest. Instead he wordlessly follows to the relative quiet of the street, sheltered behind Eddie’s truck.

“Buck,” Eddie starts to say. Except Buck interrupts, too impatient and on edge to wait his turn.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Eds?”

Eddie stuffs his hands in his pockets and looks at the ground, scuffing his shoe against the street. He eventually meets Buck’s gaze and there’s no pretense there, no mask. Just Eddie.

“Today was my first chance to talk to Cap about it. And I wanted to tell him first. Because I knew if I went to you first, you would talk me out of it. But,” – Eddie puts a hand on Buck’s shoulder and he’s not sure if it’s more for his own reassurance or Eddie’s – “you have to know this is for Christopher. I need him to know that he doesn’t have to worry about coming home one day to find out I’m not there. So he can stop having nightmares, and worrying that some lunatic is gonna take me out because they can’t handle their own shit.”

Bile creeps up Buck’s throat and Eddie’s hand feels less like a comfort and more like a crushing weight. Because he’s watched Eddie nearly die, wide-eyed and gasping for breath, and it could still happen somewhere else. Somewhere Buck can’t be to keep an eye on him, leap into action, make sure he’s safe. “Does Christopher know?”

“Not yet. I was going to tell him tonight.”

Buck nods slowly, grateful he isn’t the last person to find out. “And what about us?”

“What about-“ Eddie looks at him, confused. “What do you mean?”

“What I mean,” Buck says, more defensive than he intends, “is you had this whole thing about the family you’re born into, and the family you choose. Made a big deal about promising we wouldn’t drift apart if we didn’t work together anymore. Can you still say that?”

Eddie had friends in the Army, in Texas, that he never talks about. Who’s to say Buck, and the rest of the 118, won’t be replaced by whoever comes next? Eddie and Christopher have become a force in Buck’s life at least as strong as Bobby and Maddie. They’re part of a core group of people who look after him, care how he’s doing, and make sure he doesn’t fuck up too badly. They’re his family. Buck can’t lose them. He can’t.

“I did promise. And I meant it- I mean it. I’ll even—” Eddie pauses, huffing out a humorless laugh. “I’ll even pinkie promise if you want.”

Buck’s eyes widen as he gasps and lifts a hand to his chest like a scandalized maiden. “Pinkie promises are sacred, Eds.”

“I know. And you know I think they’re ridiculous. I am only doing this for you.” Eddie’s hand slides off Buck’s shoulder and he extends his little finger out as an offering.

Buck tentatively holds his own out, intertwining it with Eddie’s. They curl together and Buck can’t stop staring, committing the sight to memory. He wants the image branded into his mind until his heart beats for the last time, until he takes his final breath. Wants to remember this moment when Eddie swore he wouldn’t abandon him.

Eddie pulls him into a hug, wrapping one hand around Buck’s waist, unwilling to let their pinkies separate. The gesture means more than Buck could ever put into words.

“What are we hugging about?!” Christopher barrels towards them as fast as his legs can carry him. Buck isn’t even sorry about the interruption. He welcomes it, knowing that having all three of them together can only make the moment more complete. Buck and Eddie part just enough to wrap him into the fold.

Christopher throws one arm around each of them and Buck doesn’t think he’s ever felt this loved by anyone besides Maddie. His heart feels so full he thinks he might burst. He loves Christopher. He loves Eddie, has loved Eddie. In a way he’s always acknowledged as platonic, familial. He’s never allowed himself to think beyond that. There’s always been a reason to shut it down and not get his hopes up. Ali, Shannon, Ana, Taylor.

Buck can’t even pinpoint when the lines began to blur between friend, family and more. Loving Eddie was a slow, creeping thing that wrapped around him, gradually entwining them together. Buck only realized once he was too attached to even entertain separating himself. Like ivy that climbs up a building, bonding to it so there’s a mark if it’s ever ripped away.

He tells Taylor he loves her, but it’s not the same. Not like this. He remembers freezing the first time she said the words, unsure if it sounded wrong because it was coming from her, or because it was coming from anyone at all. Buck always imagined saying ‘I love you, too’ would be easy when someone finally admitted to loving him. And it is - easy. But at the same time it still feels foreign rolling off his tongue. Too practiced and eager.

“Hey,” Eddie murmurs. “Do you want to be there tonight? When I tell him?”

Tears sting the corners of Buck’s eyes, already threatening to spill over. Of course he wants to be there. He always wants to be a part of anything with Chris and Eddie. His Diaz boys. But, this- this seems like a moment that should be between father and son. Too intimate for Buck to be involved.

“Are you sure? I don’t think-“

“You don’t think what?” Eddie interjects. “That he won’t be texting or calling you the second we’re done talking? That he won’t ask what you think about all this? Don’t think. Just come. Please.”

Eddie wrinkles his nose and furrows his brow – barely visible, like he didn’t want Buck to notice – and bites his bottom lip. “Unless you have… other plans. I should’ve asked first. Maybe you have something with...” He trails off, waving his hand dismissively.

“No,” Buck shakes his head adamantly, saving Eddie the trouble. “She can wait. I want to be there. For Christopher.”

“For Christopher,” Eddie repeats, nodding thoughtfully.

“What’s for me?” The younger Diaz finally pipes up, eyes shining behind the glare of his glasses.

“Uh, I’m coming over after the party to hang with you,” Buck says. “Obviously.”

Christopher whoops and pumps his fist in the air. “Are you staying to make pancakes in the morning?”

“If it’s okay with your dad.” Buck looks to Eddie, seeking permission he’s already 87% certain he’ll get.

Eddie studies him for a moment, as if he doesn’t understand why it would ever be an issue. Then he smiles, the stupidly fond private one he saves just for Buck and Chris. “Obviously,” he finally answers.

Their embrace becomes more snug as Eddie exhales a content sigh and rests his forehead against Buck’s. It feels like home and safety. Like a place he could stay. Like a thing he could keep.

#fuck it friday #on saturday #hippo writes #maybe i'll clean this up more someday #and now i snooze

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trashendence · 2 years

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Hmm, the nuances of Eddie thinking Buck's respect, but not necessarily his affection, is conditional on Eddie being a firefighter. I like this takr and if you wanted to expound on that I am very interested.

Of course! It’s actually something I believe is so present throughout the whole show and it makes my fingers tingle because ✨characterization✨.

So, for his whole life Eddie has felt the pressure not to disappoint anyone and, especially with his parents, open affection has always been conditional to his behavior; they respect him and his choices only if they agree with them, so that he has to earn every ounce of the affection that ensues. The one choice we’ve seen them openly accept was limited to him being in the Army and becoming a war hero, which is exactly what led Shannon to lose respect for him as a partner and made her leave him and Chris, taking her love away.

When Eddie and Buck first meet on the job, no amount of humbleness or friendliness really makes it through Buck’s walls. What eventually wins him over is a shared dangerous experience on a call, one they manage to get out of solely because of Eddie’s competence. That’s the imprinting, that’s how Eddie – who’s been working so hard to be accepted and really be part of this new team – finally gets to have Buck on his side, have his respect. It’s only after the bomb that Buck’s real personality comes out, they build a relationship based on mutual trust and affection, and Eddie involves him into his privacy. Buck’s love for Eddie gets a life of its own, detached from his respect for Eddie as a professional.

But, for Eddie, getting to know Buck also means understanding how he sees the world and himself, how Buck’s major self-esteem issues do not apply to his perception of the people around him. Buck puts everyone he loves on a pedestal (Bobby is a role model, Maddie knows what she’s doing at all times, Eddie is an amazing father, friend and firefighter). It’s because he loves all of them unconditionally that Buck thinks they’re always in their right mind – so much so that he’s not as worried about Maddie leaving as one would expect and Bobby’s betrayal in S3 completely shakes his world. And Eddie is his best friend, they’re almost the same age, do the same things in their spare time, have the same friends, and they both love Chris like crazy; Buck can’t really keep separate what he would feel in Eddie’s situation – and actually felt at the start of S3 - from how Eddie really functions.

The problem here is that Buck assumes Eddie has a choice in the matter and that, given that choice, he’d obviously come back. It’s only a matter of time, maybe when Chris is a bit older or decides he’s okay with his dad being a firefighter again, then everything will go back to normal. Eddie knows that Buck loves him and Chris no matter what because he’s proved it many times and that his assumptions come from a place of care; what they have is too good to just break for a stupid job and they’re both putting in the work to keep their friendship alive, but…it’s still unearned love. Buck is not his parents, but Eddie takes a lot of cues from him and feels like he has to take the right decision – one Buck would approve of - for Buck to a) understand him and b) respect him. The scariest thing, though, is proving to Buck that he in fact does not have a choice. Eddie keeps his head high and repeats over and over that he is a real firefighter, he likes what he does, and he’ll go back to the 118 as soon as Chris gives him the OK because once the choice is taken away from him, his ability and competence and everything that has ever earned him some respect - the very thing that got Buck to open up in the first place - disappears.

(Sorry for the essay, I’m really passionate abt this xx)

#ask #iri got asked #eddie diaz #evan buckley

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libraryofloveletters · 3 years

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The Parent Trap

Eddie Diaz x Reader

Warnings: fem!reader, mentions of war, death and loss of parent/spouse

Category: Fluff

Word Count: 2.8k

Author’s Note: Based on this request!

Part 2- The Mistletoe Proposal

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Emily, your daughter, sat beside a little boy on the playground bench while the other kids ran around in the sun waiting for their parents. “Hey” you smiled at the kids on the bench, you sat beside your daughter, she gave you a half hug. “Mom, this is Christopher, he’s my friend. He’s in my class and he likes to paint just like me!” she gushed, looking over at the little boy who had a smile on his face.

“Hi Christopher, I'm y/n. It’s nice to meet you” you leaned forward so he could see you. He gave you a big smile, the two children told you about their day at school, how they learned about amphibians and reptiles, their teacher showed them a video about frogs.

“Christopher, are you waiting for someone sweetheart ?”

“My dad” he looked over at you

“Chris, buddy!” a man’s voice shouted, looking over your shoulder you saw a man running towards you guys.

“Dad!” the little boy shouted back as he stood up, you helped him with his crutches as his father came over. “Hi bud” the man picked him up whilst he hugged him. The back of his t-shirt read “Los Angeles Fire Department”

“Dad, this is Emily my friend” Emily stood up, “Hi Chris's dad” she gave him a toothy grin, she was missing a few teeth. The man chuckled as he put Christopher down, “Hi Emily, I'm Eddie” he stuck his hand out, she gave him a high five which made him smile at her.

The interaction made your heart swell, he was good with kids.

“You are?” he looked at you, “I'm y/n, Emily’s mom” you smiled at him, he gave you a nod.

“Mommy?” Emily tugged on your hand, “yeah love bug?”

“Can Chris come over for a playdate now?”

“Oh baby,” you glance at Eddie, “I don’t know. Maybe Chris and his dad have somewhere to be”

“We don’t,” Christopher answers for his father, “can I go dad? please?” the boy looks up at him. Eddie was a sucker for his son clearly, anyone that looked at them could see how much he loved him, he’d do anything to keep him happy.

“Uh- okay yeah. That’s fine” Eddie gave in, just as you suspected. “Christopher come in!” your daughter walked up with Christopher, you watched them with a smile on your face, you and Eddie following behind them.

“Hey, sorry about them ambushing you like that. If you have somewhere to be, we can reschedule ?” you offered, you didn't want him to feel pressured just because the kids wanted to hang out.

“Nah it’s cool, we were just going to go home and play video games or something” Eddie ran a hand through his hair, “I'm sure he rather the company than a lame afternoon at home with dad” his comment made you smile. “Em! Wait up!” you jogged to catch up to the kids, Eddie followed behind you.

“Uh let me give you the address” you turned to Eddie, “oh that’s cool, I'll just follow behind you.” he said nonchalantly.

“I didn't drive today”

“Oh,” he paused for a moment, “how about you guys come with us and you can direct me? Maybe we can stop for pizza or something ?” he looks down at the kids, “how does that sound?” he asks them, a loud mess of “yes” and excited shouting filled your ears, Eddie led the 3 of you over to this truck. He lifted Christopher into the truck and proceeded to do the same with Emily. “Cool necklace!” she picked up the pendant on his neck, he smiled at her “Emily!” you gave her a look, Eddie shook his head. “It’s cool isn't it ? it’s my Saint Christoper’s pendant”

“Like Christopher ?” she asked him, still fiddling with the pendant.

“Yeah, just like Christopher”

Eddie got in the truck, he drove to the pizza place down the road from the school. Eddie asked the kids what they wanted, they both wanted the same thing but kept changing their minds each time they decided. “How about I get both and you choose when we get home?” he offered the kids, they nodded.

Home. The idea of a home with Eddie flicker through your mind monetarily, you shook the idea from your head. You had only just met this man, what's wrong with you.

“Oh wait!” you were digging through your pocket, Eddie’s eyes practically burning a hole into you.

Pulling some cash from your pocket, “here, for the food” Eddie refused to take it from you.

“I got it, don’t worry about it” he said as he opened the door.

“It’s a lot” you went to give him the cash again, he rested his hand on yours. “Next time, this time is on me” he smiled. Eddie left you and the kids in the car. You looked over at the backseat, Chris and Emily were whispering about something but a phone rang, interrupting their conversation. “It’s your dad’s phone kiddo” you looked at Chris and then at the phone, “it says it’s Buck, do you want to answer it ?” Chris nodded. He answered once you passed him the phone, he had it on speaker.

“Eddie! are we on for tonight ?” the man shouted from the other end of the call. “Buck!” Chris laughed. “Christopher! Hey buddy, where’s your dad?”

“Inside”

“And where are you ?”

“In the car”

“By yourself?” you could hear the panic in his voice, you spoke up.

“Hi, I'm y/n, I'm Emily’s mom uh- she’s friends with Christoper. They’re having a playdate. Eddie is inside getting pizza, he’ll be back in a few” you explain, the line goes silent for a moment. “Oh, okay. Can you tell Eddie to call me back ?”

“Sure” you say, “bye Buck!” Christoper says which made the man chuckle, “bye buddy, have fun at your playdate”

Christopher handed the phone back to you as Eddie came back to the truck. “There’s my phone, I thought I left it at the station” he said, getting in. “Oh no, your friend called, Christoper answered”

“Who was it?” he looked back at his son

“Buck” he smiled at his dad, Eddie smiled back at him, “He asked for you to call him back ?”

“Thanks” was all he said as he started driving. You directed him to your house, which was the opposite direction of the pizza place. “The one with the red door,” you pointed at house number 56, “that one” Eddie pulled into your driveway. Once again, he helped the kids get out of the truck, you turned to the kids, “do you want to eat inside or outside ?” you asked, they looked at each other, “outside!” they simultaneously shouted. Unlocking the front door, the kids walked in, Emily led him to the backdoor and made their way outside.

“Plates?” Eddie asked, you turned your attention to the fridge. “Uh cupboard to the left of the fridge” you leaned over into the fridge, reaching for the lemonade. “Wait does he drink lemonade- oh sorry!” You bumped into Eddie, his arm reaching for your arm to steady you.

“It’s okay, yeah he does” Eddie smiled, leaving you in the house as he went out to see the kids. Hands on the counter, you steadied your breathing for a moment, you were basically pressed up against your daughter’s friend’s ridiculously hot father. Pouring the lemonade into the glasses, you take a moment before going to pick up the glasses, right as you reach for them, Eddie’s hand touches yours, startling you. “Holy shit!” your hand clutches at your chest, Eddie has a slight red tint on his cheeks, you couldn’t tell if it was a blush or from the heat. “I’m sorry” he said, giving your shoulder a squeeze before getting the glasses. “I don’t mean to keep scaring you like that” “Oh, no worries. Just been a little jumpy lately” following him out the backdoor.

Christopher and Emily sat in the shade and were painting something on the two giant tablecloths you had given them. “Why tablecloths?” Eddie glanced at you, then turning his attention back to the children. He sat beside you on the porch swing you had outside. “It’s big enough for them to express all their idea without having to squish them into one tiny piece of paper, plus you can use it as a tablecloth afterwards,” you laughed “you couldn't imagine how excited they are when they see it on the table” Eddie nodded, smiling at his son who was covered in paint beside a paint covered Emily.

“We should get going soon, I'm sure your husband-” you looked at him as he paused mid-sentence, “or wife, will be home soon” his comment earned a loud cackle from you, a hand covering your mouth. “Oh god no,” you hand rested on his arm, “there’s no husband or wife in the picture, just me and love bug”

“Oh sorry, I just assumed you were married”

“No worries, I'm sure the missus or mister is waiting for you at home too”

Eddie shook his head, “Christopher’s mom, my wife- my ex I guess, she passed last year” he said quietly, his eyes fixated on the little boy sitting in the grass. The smile faded from your face, “Eddie, I'm so sorry” you whispered. Emily’s father was never in the picture, the two of you never had to experience that type of loss or hurt. You couldn't even begin to imagine what it would be like for Eddie to lose his wife, for Christopher to lose his mom. “It’s okay. Truthfully, she had just come back into our lives. Christoper was really enjoying his time with her, so was I” his voice wavered for a moment before clearing his throat.

“What about you ? Where’s Emily’s dad ?” he turned to you, clearly wanting to get the topic off of her, you indulged his questions.

“Hooked up with Emily’s dad at a college party, found out I was pregnant with her a few weeks later. I told him, he said he didn't want anything to do with “that thing”” you used air quotes with the last part,

“I'm sorry, he sounds like an ass. No offence” Eddie looked at you making you laugh.

“None taken, I regret him with my whole being but I never regretted having her. She’s my best friend” you looked over at your daughter.

“I wasn't here for the first few years of Christopher’s life, I was in Afghanistan. I would tell myself that I'm doing it for him but honestly, I regret that. I missed all his firsts, the first steps, the first words... I know I'm here now but I can’t help but think what if I didn't make it home ? What would have happened?” you rested your hand on Eddie’s hand, “hey, you can’t think like that. Yeah, it sucks you missed the firsts but think about how many more there are. The first day of high school, first date, first car, first graduation, first time picking him up from a party” you smiled, giving his hand a little squeeze.

The sky was now a reddish orange colour, it was around 8pm and you hadn’t realized how much time had gone by. “Alright kids, let’s see those paintings” you walked over to look at the paintings, “Eddie, I think we have two future artists here” he walked over too, he smiled at the kids and their paintings. “Y/n, I think you’re right. but buddy, we gotta get home” he helped Chris up, Emily tugged herself up by clinging to your leg, “you good there bug ?” your hand rested atop her head. “Mommy?”

“Yes?”

“Can Chris and his dad stay for dinner?” Your daughter leaned from behind your leg and gave Chris a thumbs up which he returned. “What are you two up to ?” you asked her,

“Nothing! Can they stay ? pleaseeee” she begged you, you glanced at the boy and his father.

“Bubba, I don't know. I’m sure Eddie’s got work in the morning, you and Chris both have school. They probably want to get home”

“Actually,” Eddie turned to you, “if it’s okay with you, I don't mind staying”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure Chris would like that too” You nodded, Eddie picked up Christoper with one arm and came over to pick up Emily with the other. Once again, your heart swells at the sight of this man and the children.

Dinner was quiet, it was nice having a full table for once, normally it was just the two of you. “How was school guys?” Eddie asks the kids at the table, you were in the kitchen putting away the leftovers. “We painted frogs and saw a video about them” Christopher told him, Emily adding on to his statement.

“Our teacher said she went on a date last night” she and Christopher giggled.

“Did she?” Eddie chuckled, humouring the children.

“I think you should go on a date with Emily’s mom” Christoper says to his father, you can hear Eddie cough after almost choking on his soda.

“I promise she’s nice” your daughter says, you hold back a laugh from the kitchen.

“Why do you guys go watch some tv? I’ll take these to the kitchen” the sound of clattering dishes and little feet was the sound that filled the house for the next few moments.

Eddie rests the plates in the sink and turns on the tap. “I got it, don’t worry” you tell him, he shakes his head. “Please, you made dinner and let us hang out here all afternoon, the least I can do is wash the dishes”

“So, that was an interesting conversation y'all were having” you smile at him, again, that slight red tint popped back up on his face. “you heard that ?” his eyes on the sink, “yeah, I promise I am nice but I had no idea they were going to try and set us up” you laughed, you couldn’t hold it back any longer. Eddie let out a laugh too, “yeah, that was uh- a little- it definitely caught me off guard” he turned to you.

The time was now 10:30, “I think it’s time we get home” Eddie said, wiping his hands on the kitchen towel. “Yeah, it’s pretty late” you watch as Eddie walks to the living room to get Christoper. A few moments later, Chris comes into the kitchen, you walk over and kneel down so the two of you are face to face.

“Thank you for letting me hang out and have dinner here” he says sweetly, you give him a smile. “You’re welcome my love, you’re welcome to come over anytime you’d like” Christopher gives you a hug which you return. You walk in back to the living room where you find a scene similar to the one you just had wth Christopher. Emily sat beside Eddie on the couch, her little arms wrapped around his neck, “think about it ?” she asked him, sticking her pinky out to him. He laughed and nodded, “I will” he linked his pinky with hers. “Ready to go home bud ?” Eddie asked his son who nodded, Christopher said goodbye to Emily before they made their way over to the door. Emily had already ran off to go get ready for bed leaving you at the door as Eddie helped Chris in the truck. You stepped out onto the porch, Eddie was halfway between the truck and your front door.

“Thank you for having us over today”

“Thank you for coming, it was nice to have a full house”

Eddie turned on his heels and headed to the truck, he stopped and turned back towards you. “I really enjoyed this, maybe we could have a playdate of our own sometime?” your brows furrowed at his comment.

Was he suggesting that you get together and play with toys or play with something else..

Eddie senses your confusion, “oh god, I didn't mean, sorry uh-” he let out an awkward chuckle, “I meant maybe we could go out sometime ? together but without the kids ?” he made his way over to you.

“Are you asking me on a date or a playdate ?” you tease him, you bit your lip, holding back a smile. Eddie rolled his eyes playfully, “a date y/n, I'd like to go on a date with you”

“I’d like that Eddie”

Eddie pressed a kiss to your cheek, “goodnight y/n”

“Goodnight Eddie”

taglist: @ssa-volturi @advicefromnixxxx

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toosicktoocare · 3 years

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emergency contact

pt 1 of 2 and also found on ao3!

(i promise i’m not ignoring my prompts- this idea just kinda popped into my head)

“Hi, may I speak with Mr. Evan Buckley?”

Frowning, Buck pulls the phone away from his ear. He doesn’t know the number; however, the area code is local, so he can probably rule out a scam call. At least, he thinks, the woman on the other line sounds very much real and not a robotic recording about to lead in with a cruise ship he didn’t sign up for.

“Uh, yeah. This is Buck—I mean Evan. This is Evan Buckley.” He clears his throat. He can hear a lot of background noise—a lot of muffled speaking, intercoms crackling. He’s heard it before, but he’s struggling to equate the noise to a particular memory, only having a small rock of dread burrowing low in his stomach to go by.

“Hi, Mr. Buckley. I’m Nurse Johns at LA General. I have you listed as the second emergency contact for Christopher Diaz.”

Buck’s stomach bottoms out, leaving him nauseous, weightless, and far too cold despite the LA sun beating in through his window and warming his bed. He shivers and forces himself upright in bed, muscles rigid, jaw a tense, jutted line.

“His father,” Buck starts into the phone, shaky, “Eddie—Edmundo Diaz—”

“—didn’t answer. You’re next on the list. Sir, if this is incorrect, I’ll need to move on to the next person—”

“—no!” Buck jerks to his feet, nudging abandoned clothes around with his foot until he finds a pair of gym shorts. “I’m… His father’s on a shift with the LAFD. Is Chris okay? What’s going on?” Composure, he thinks, is out the window. Then again, he’s never been capable of the whole ‘cool, calm, and collected’ thing when it comes to Chris. He snags the same shirt he tossed to the floor when he climbed into bed this morning after his 24-hour, a short-sleeved, blue shirt, and slips it over of his head, careful of his phone.

“Sir, I can’t disclose that over the phone.”

“Right,” Buck mutters, nodding more to himself. “I’m on my way now. Tell Chris—tell him Bucky’s on the way, okay?” He ends the call, taking the steps down from his loft two at a time. He’s only faintly aware that he’s shaking, and the rock of dread’s grown triple in size and sits heavily against his gut. He fumbles with his keys, pockets his wallet, and just remembers to slip on a pair of sandals. If he weren’t moving against a rush of fear, he’d take the time to give a mental ‘look who’s laughing now’ to everyone who’s made fun of the sandals in the last two months since he purchased them, but, the fear is a cold hand that’s pulling on him, disrupting his thoughts, chiseling against his composure.

He doesn’t dwell. He races out of his apartment, and in seconds, he’s in his jeep and whipping out of his parking spot. He knows LA well, knows the traffic patterns, and he’s unfortunately hitting lunch rush, which, he thinks, is probably similar to some twisted second layer of hell. He wishes, more than anything in this second, that he had an engine, that he could dominate the road with the power of a siren, but his jeep will have to suffice. Still, his grip on his steering wheel is tight, his knuckles fading white, when he hits the first of many red lights.

He uses hands-free to call Eddie, not surprised to get his voicemail after only two rings.

“Eddie! Chris is in the hospital—They didn’t give me any details, and I’m on my way now. They called you first. I’m next on the list?” Buck pauses briefly on that, gets lost in that fact, but then he shakes his head. “Look, he’s at LA General—just get there when you can, okay?”

He ends the calls, somehow feeling even worse, and then he tries Bobby. Logically, he knows that if Eddie’s not answering, Bobby probably won’t either. Still, when he’s teetering on the edge of panic, Bobby can talk him down, can ease him safely back to the present.

“Buck?”

Buck’s foot slips a little too hard on the gas, and he sucks in a sharp breath. “Bobby? Bobby! Where’s Eddie?”

“Currently? He’s probably making his way back to a second story window, hopefully with one of the victims of an expansive house fire.” A pause. “What’s going on, Buck?”

Buck peers around, swallows back a groan at the cars on every side of him. “Look, can you get Eddie to LA General ASAP?”

“You’re at LA General? Are you hurt?”

“No! I mean, I will be, but it’s not me—it’s Christopher. Bobby, I don’t…” Buck sighs, drags a free hand down his face. He can feel his lungs constricting. The pressure of panic’s a bitch.

“They didn’t say anything over the phone. They tried Eddie first, and then they called me. I’m—”

“—Buck, take a breath. I’ll get Eddie there as soon as possible. You be careful driving there, okay? Keep us updated.”

Buck comes back down to earth with a low breath that’s been trapped in his lungs. “Thanks, Bobby,” he says, and he means it, pushing his gratitude hard into the two words. The call ends, and Buck forces his focus onto the road, onto making it to the hospital in one piece because Christopher needs him.

***

Concussion.

It’s the only word Buck keeps coming back to. He’s being led down hallways that are too bright, too loud, and annoyingly familiar, and the nurse is explaining that Christopher took a tumble at school and is currently being monitored for a possible concussion. Buck nods when appropriate, offers a few non-verbal affirmatives, and then he’s stopping before two large, glass windows, and behind them, Chris is sitting in bed chatting with another nurse. His hand finds the glass, fingers spread out, anxiety spread even to his palms.

“You’re welcome to go in. We’ve told him you’re coming.”

Buck nods absently. He’s going to go in—of course, he’s going to go in. He just needs to take a single second to fully capture the image of Christopher alive and breathing in his mind, an image that can break through the muddle, clear his head, bring breath back to his lungs.

“Mr. Buckley?”

“Sorry,” Buck mutters, nodding. He turns when the nurse opens the door for him, and he wills away any and all fear etched deep in his face the second he crosses over into the room.

“Bucky!”

“Chris!” Buck’s no stranger to concussions, so though animated, he keeps his voice soft, and he walks toward the end of the bed, glancing at the clipboard. “How’re you feeling, bud?” He asks, satisfied to see that the doctor’s notes are promising.

“My head hurts.”

“I bet it does,” Buck mutters, sympathetic, and he drops onto the edge of the bed, one hand resting atop Christopher’s covered knee. “What happened?”

“Me and Caleb were playing firefighter, and I fell down a step.”

Buck sucks in a sharp breath, holds it in his lungs to brace for the familiar wave of guilt that’s soon to tangle in his breath, jab past his rib cage to his lungs. “Is that so?” He settles for, breathless, and Christopher’s face falls, his eyes dropping to his lap.

“Don’t tell dad. He’ll get mad.”

“Chris—”

“—Mr. Buckley, I presume?”

Buck’s never been more thankful for a doctor to walk in for he wasn’t sure how to unpackage Christopher’s quiet plea in a way that wouldn’t be considered as overstepping Eddie’s parental authority but also in a way that wouldn’t have Christopher demanding he leave.

“Uh, yeah—It’s Buck.”

“Okay, Buck. Want the good news?”

“Will it be followed by bad news?” Buck asks, one brow arched, stomach twisting. “Because his father—”

“—no bad news today,” the doctor interrupts, and Buck huffs out a quiet sigh of relief and gives Christopher’s knee a squeeze. He gives a nod, and the doctor plucks the clipboard up.

“Christopher’s been cleared of a concussion. He’s got a few scrapes and bruises, and his head will probably hurt for a few more hours, but otherwise, he’s fine. I’ll leave a note at the front desk to begin the discharge papers. He should be out within the hour.”

“Thanks, Doc,” Buck mutters, and he nods when the doctor and nurses exit, giving him space to breathe; though, he’s not sure how much he can actually breath encompassed in four, blinding walls that bring back a pressing dark cloud of memories.

“Buck?”

Buck blinks slowly, peels his gaze from the door to see Christopher smiling softly at him, poking at his side.

“Can you lay with me?”

Buck eyes the small bed, mentally works round the best way to squeeze in, to maximize Christopher’s comfort, and he slips his sandals off and climbs onto the bed, impossibly gentle when he adjusts Chris. When he’s got Christopher against his chest, he sighs, and Christopher sighs with him, content, safe.

***

“That’s the last of them, Cap,” Eddie coughs lightly, tugs his helmet off. His lungs burn faintly from smoke inhalation. It’s not bad by any means, but he’s dabbling with the idea of having Hen look him over anyway.

“Should I help with fire…” Eddie’s words trail off when the 122 pulls up onto the scene, their members already hopping out of the engine and working the hose. “Was backup necessary?” He glances back over his shoulder. Sure, the fire’s large, but he doesn’t think it’s classified as a level high enough to warrant local support.

“Are you okay?”

Eddie whips back around, squints at Bobby. “Yeah, why?”

“Let me clarify: are you okay to leave the scene right this second, or do you need to a look-over now?”

Eddie’s still struggling to read Bobby’s tone for it’s always frighteningly composed, even in the face of emergency. “I’m okay now.” He nods slowly, and then Bobby’s turning on his heel and wordlessly gesturing him toward the engine.

He slips into the back, pausing to see Bobby sitting in the back with him, stationed across from him.

“Cap, what—”

“—have a seat.”

Eddie sits slowly, slips his headphones on, and then the engine’s roaring to life beneath him and pulling away from the scene. He’s alone with Bobby because Hen and Chimney left earlier with a patient, and he can’t shake the feeling that he’s in trouble for something. He replays his actions at the house fire, yet he can’t find an error that would warrant a private conversation with Bobby.

“Buck called,” Bobby finally says, and Eddie drags his gaze from the cars moving onto the road shoulders, now finally tuning in to the fact that the sirens are wailing overhead still, the engine demanding the street with the shrill sounds and flashing lights. The sirens shouldn’t be on unless…

“Is he okay?”

“Buck’s fine. The hospital called him because Christopher was brought in. They tried you, and he was next on the emergency contact list.”

There’s dread, Eddie thinks. Dread when he rides up to a call and gathers the first, initial assessment of the situation. And then there’s bone-deep, crippling fear—fear that twists in his gut, pools into his lungs, walls around his heart. It drains the blood from his face, freezes his muscles, steals his breath, and buries his mind in a series of what if scenarios that range from grim to downright terrifying.

“Eddie, breathe.”

He does, but only because his mind is trained to respond on command to Bobby’s voice. The breath he sucks in his short and cold, and he finally reaches in his pocket for his phone. He’s got four missed calls, three voicemails, and a series of texts from Buck, all fairly close in time to the other.

He goes through the texts—he won’t be able to hear the voicemails right now, and he really doesn’t think he’ll be able to stomach Buck’s panicked, broken voice.

[From: Buck] Chris is okay. He fell at school and hit his head

[From: Buck] no concussion. Doc said he can be discharged within the hour

[From: Buck] I’ve checked him over. There’s a bruise on his side I want to keep an eye on but otherwise he’s okay

[From: Buck] we should talk about why he fell

[From: Buck] but not until later! Sorry that last text sounded weird…

[From: Buck] discharge in 20 minutes. I’ll bring him back to yours if you aren’t able to come yet. I still have the spare key you gave me

He’s blinks around the tears pooling in his eyes, swallows thickly. “Buck said he’s okay. He fell at school.” He’s aware his voice is shaking, and then Bobby claps him on the knee.

“That’s a good thing.”

It is, Eddie thinks, swiping the back of his hand over his eyes. He works on his breathing, controlling it, counting breaths, but when they pull up to the hospital, the fear comes back, muted now, but still there, always there.

He hops out of the engine, Bobby not far behind, and in just seconds, a nurse is guiding them back. When he reaches the door and looks beyond the glass to see Christopher curled up against Buck’s chest, he breathes, deeply and fully, for the first time since he pulled himself up into the engine. Relief, he thinks, is the singular image of the two most important people in his life safe and together.

***

“Christopher!”

Buck whips his gaze from his phone where he’s got a story pulled up to read to Christopher, and he slowly turns Chris over just as Eddie rounds the bed and pulls Chris to his chest tightly. He notes, to himself, that Eddie’s in full turnout gear, that he’s got soot smudges on his face, that his jaw is a set, unwavering line jutting against his skin.

“Daddy!”

“¿Estás bien, hijo?”

“Sí.”

Buck wordlessly slips from the bed, toes his feet into his sandals. He crosses his arms and backs away from the scene, feeling all too overwhelmed, suddenly suffocated despite the brush of relief before him, and then Eddie’s looking toward him, frowning, eyes unreadable, and Buck offers a small smile.

“The discharge papers,” he motions toward a stack of papers on the end of the hospital bed. “I’ll bring my jeep around.”

“Wait, Buck—”

Buck slips out of the room, eyes cast to the ground, and he bumps right into someone, his hand coming up to fist around the turnout jacket and his head dropping against a shoulder.

“You okay, Buck?”

There are so many ways Buck wants to say no, but the one that’s most alarming, one that’s been a nagging twinge in his lungs, is the one he opts for. “I don’t think I can breathe.” His voice is breathless, and then Bobby’s guiding him with a hand to his back toward the nearest exit. The second he bursts through the double doors, he sucks in a sharp gasp that breaks way to a few coughs, and he’s being gently eased onto the edge of the sidewalk.

“Easy, Buck. Breathe with me, okay?”

Buck meets Bobby’s eyes, nods, and drags his gaze down to Bobby’s chest, watching the steady rise and fall, mimicking it, until the fog clouding his brain breaks, leaving him far too tired. His shoulders slump, and Bobby claps a hand to his shoulder.

“What’s going on?”

“I didn’t know…” Buck sighs, dropping his face into his palms. He can hear his therapist’s voice reminding him that he’ll feel better if he’s more open with others. “I’m really overwhelmed right now.” He can feel Bobby’s hand tighten around his shoulder, a wordless sign to continue. “Just… Getting that call that Chris is in the hospital really freaked me out. I know he’s fine, but just… He’s the last person I ever want to see in a hospital bed.”

“Now you know how I feel every time I get a call that you’re in the hospital.”

“Bobby,” Buck groans, lifting his head to match Bobby’s smile.

“You look tired—I don’t imagine you got much sleep before the call?”

“A few hours,” Buck admits, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Not sure I’ll get back to sleep anytime soon. I’m exhausted, but it’s definitely going to take some time for the adrenaline to die down.”

“Do you need me to take Eddie and Chris back?”

“Nah,” Buck drags himself up to his feet, yawning. “I’m going to need to physically see Christopher safe in bed before I can even think about unwinding.” He can see one of the engines not far off in the parking lot, and he laughs quietly. “Though, I bet Chris would love to be back in the truck.” He frowns at Bobby’s turnover gear. “Did you leave right after a call?”

“I requested the 122 to come in for backup.”

Nodding absently, Buck looks back toward the doors they came from, and he crosses his arms, fingers digging into the skin. He knows that he’s taken all necessary steps when faced with an abrupt situation, yet he can’t shake the underlining burn in his stomach that he overstepped, that he didn’t get here fast enough, that he should have added a step, or even removed one, when getting here.

“You did good today, Buck.”

His shoulders slump, tension falling with them, and he huffs out a low sigh.

“Thanks, Bobby.”

***

“You keep looking at him like he’s going to disappear.”

Buck jumps; he didn’t hear the shower cut off, nor did he hear Eddie slip into Christopher’s room behind him.

“I keep thinking he might,” Buck whispers, and Eddie tugs at his arm, urging him up from the chair he’s got pulled up to Christopher’s bed. He lets Eddie guide him from the room, but when Eddie tries to ease him onto the couch, he digs his heels into the floor, and Eddie turns to him, brows furrowed.

“Buck—”

“—when were you planning on telling me I’m second on Christopher’s list of emergency contacts?”

Buck doesn’t miss the deep, calculated sigh Eddie breathes, and he opts to remain standing when Eddie sinks down onto the couch, only watching wordlessly as Eddie runs fingers through his damp hair.

“It was Chris’s idea.”

Buck blinks slowly. “What?”

“After the tsunami. When we were leaving the hospital, he mentioned how you saved him. He said he wanted you to be the person who comes to save him again.” Eddie pauses, rubs smally at the shirt fabric just above his chest. “I resisted at first—I told Christopher we couldn’t ask something that big of you, but I’ve seen countless times since then how far you’ll go for him, so I called and had you added second on the list.”

Eddie takes in a low breath, and Buck’s mutely envious because he can’t do the same.

“If I can’t get to him, it needs to be you.”

Buck’s struggling to pick something to focus on. His heart wants to chase the heat of Eddie’s words, yet the guilt, as it always is, is an overpowering force that leaves him shaking his head, backing up until the back of his leg hits the coffee table.

“It can’t be me.” He watches Eddie’s face fall, but Eddie still nods, understanding even now.

“I get it. I should have asked first. I know it’s a big responsibility—”

“—what?” Buck shakes his head again, crosses his arms. “It’s not the responsibility. You know I would do absolutely anything for that kid. It’s the fact that it’s my fault he ended up in the hospital today.”

Eddie cocks his head to the side, lips in a firm line, and Buck knows this look well—it’s Eddie’s way of signaling for Buck to continue, knowing well that Buck will finish on his own, that he doesn’t need verbal prompts to guide him toward his point.

“He was playing firefighter with one of his friends at school, and he fell down a step.”

The silence that follows feels thick enough to clog Buck’s lungs. He wants to sit—his legs are shaking, but if he sits, he can’t flee as fast, and he just knows Eddie’s going to ask him to leave, to not come back. And, Buck thinks, Eddie should. Eddie should yell at him for filling Christopher’s mind with stories from work, for encouraging this imaginative behavior that dropped him onto a hospital bed.

“Is that it?” Eddie says instead, calm, and Buck frowns, jaw opening and closing, struggling for words.

“I mean, I’m waiting for the part where you tell me how this is your fault,” Eddie clarifies, and Buck sinks onto the coffee table at this, not trusting his legs to hold him upright.

“Eddie, I’m constantly telling him stories from work, glorifying the job, painting all of these verbal, detailed images that fill his mind and plant ideas.”

“And you think I don’t?”

“Eddie—”

“—Buck, we have the same job. If Chris asks me what I did at work, I tell him. I spare him the calls that don’t go in our favor, but otherwise, I tell him.”

Buck blinks slowly, mind operating around 30% capacity, and Eddie leans forward, cupping a hand to Buck’s knee.

“No one’s at fault. Kid’s got one hell of an imagination.”

“Wait, hold on. You’re not mad?” Buck expected yelling. He expected to get kicked out of Eddie’s house, and yet, Eddie’s calm before him, relaxed, a little tired around the edges, but he’s showing no signs that he’s seconds from blowing up.

“There’s nothing to be mad about.”

Buck can only blink at Eddie. He’s faintly aware that his eyes are watering, and then Eddie’s pulling him back up by the arm.

“Okay, we all know by now that you get sappy when you’re tired.”

Buck stops in the doorway when Eddie steps into the bedroom, watching as Eddie pulls back the covers and motions toward the bed. He shakes his head, one hand gripping tightly at the doorframe.

“Eddie, I’m not taking your bed. You should be with Chris. I’ll go—”

“—Chris will want you here when he wakes up. Plus, it doesn’t take but basic math to realize you’re working on only four hours of sleep after a 24, so you’d be doing everyone a favor by shutting up and getting in the damn bed.”

“Eddie.”

“Buck.”

Buck holds Eddie’s gaze, breaking it after a few, heavy moments with a weighted sigh. He shuffles toward the bed, kicking off his sandals and climbing in on the side farthest from the door, knowing that the side closest to the door is reserved for Eddie, to accommodate Eddie’s needs to be the first to act if something happens.

The bed is heaven against his sore body, and the second his head hits the pillow, he’s struggling to keep his eyes open. The adrenaline is fully fleeing now, leaving him exhausted to the core in more ways than one. He blinks slowly, watching as Eddie climbs into the other side of the bed, sighing loudly, and he rolls toward Eddie, studying the way Eddie gingerly rubs at his chest for the second time.

“You give your oxygen mask to someone during the house fire?” Buck asks around a yawn, and Eddie nods.

“It wasn’t for long.”

“You didn’t get checked over.” It’s not a question; Buck knows, based on the sight of Eddie arriving at the hospital looking rough for wear and donned in full gear, but Eddie still responds.

“No, but I’m fine.”

Buck forces himself up on one elbow, frown deep, brows furrowed. “You should get checked out now. I can call Hen—”

“—did you forget I was a field medic?” Eddie arches a brow, and Buck sinks back against the pillow.

“No, you always find a time to remind me. You can’t check yourself over, though.”

“And how many times have you ignored a fractured rib because you ‘checked yourself over?’” Eddie fires back, and Buck groans, draping an arm over his eyes.

They fall silent, and Buck’s body is urging him to give in to the fatigue draping over him. Still, he can’t fully settle. The adrenaline of the last hour and a half is a flame that’s almost completely burned out. Still, it flickers smally, and he rolls onto his side, watching Eddie.

“The bruise on Christopher’s side. We should—”

“—I looked, and we iced it until he fell asleep. Now, please shut up and sleep.”

#911 fox #9-1-1 fox #buddie #fanfic #hurt/comfort #fanfiction #evan buckley #Eddie Diaz #christopher diaz #Bobby Nash #whump #whumpfic #op is 100% not a dr #my writing #my 911 writing

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deluweil · 3 years

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Buddie 4x14 review - if you haven’t watched it yet don’t read.

The episode starts where we left it, once Buck was on the ground, it seems like he was thrust back into reality. I noticed two things here (connected with 4x13) Eddie didn’t close his eyes until Buck was safe behind the truck on the ground. And the second thing is that Buck was spurred into action the moment Eddie’s eyes closed.

And I mean this was some BAMF Buckley right there, that was SEALS trained Evan Buckley! 😱🤩 It’s like training and instinct kicked in and all that mattered was to get to Eddie and get him help as soon as possible, sniper’s bullets be damned. I gotta say it was executed to perfection❣

Big kudos to both Oliver and Ryan for delivering this whole sequence in a heart-wrenching, beautiful manner.

The shooting doesn’t stop and they get Eddie out of there under fire, I really like the 133 captain and crew, they worked so well with the members of the 118, it seemed effortless. (I’m not touching that subject, but let’s picture Buck lifting Eddie bodily up into his arms and in to the truck for just a second here. - I mean we wanted it but not under these circumstances)

Buck taking the role of medic when finally getting Eddie into the truck, is so amazing, he’s usually the one either in need for treatment or the one who stands back and let’s Hen, Chim and Eddie do the medic stuff, it is their jobs after all, but he doesn’t sit back and let the medics of the 133 to take over, he does it himself.

He tore Eddie’s uniform’s buttons open (again, that’s not how any of us wished for this to happen), tore the pressure bandage wrap open and pressed it down on the wound, he did not step back from Eddie, until he absolutely has to, at the hospital. 😭

Eddie, my poor baby, was lying on the ground of the truck, bleeding and half conscious and the one thing he focused on was the blood on Buck’s shirt and he asked him if he’s hurt. I mean I could totally cry, because that’s Eddie. Best friend, combat medic, protective and caring, that never goes away even as he’s lying there bleeding. 🥺🥺

Eddie was legit ready to forget his injuries and try to get up and take care of Buck if he was hurt too. He loses consciousness only when Buck assures him that he’s not hurt.

Buck’s frantic litany of “Just hang on, we’re almost there.” and “I need you to hang on” (“I need you”, not we, not Christopher, “I need you”) was really hard to watch, because even though we all read and wrote it in fanfics thousands of times, watching it actually play out was heartbreaking, I totally teared up with Buck there.🥺🥺

For firefighters the job ends at the hospital doors, so Buck naturally, out of instinct stops from following. But that’s Eddie taken away from him and he looks frozen, at that moment he must have thousands of thoughts running around his head.

“You ok Buckley?”

Buck’s broken “No.” was maybe expected, but it was also earth shattering of sorts. This is Buck standing there, knowing (especially after the well incident) that when Eddie is not okay, he’s not either. 😭❤

I want to point out that I loved the fact that the 133 didn’t just drive away or waited outside for the cops, they went in after Eddie. And after trying to check in on Buck, the Captain of the 133 went in too.

I’m going to point out a parallel here between S3 Finale and S4 finale, in 3x18 Eddie asks Buck if he’s ok as his ex-girlfriend was taken in the ambulance with her new fiancé, Buck’s response was “What’s next?” and going back to work. He was okay, because Eddie was with him, and there was still work to be done.

Here in 4x14, Eddie is taken from him to the hospital, and Buck doesn’t know if he’ll live, so Buck’s obvious answer here is ‘No’.

Later we see Buck exiting the hospital, in his firefighter uniform. I’m a little disappointed we don’t see him cleaning up, I know that could have made for a hell of a scene, Oliver would have killed it, and us in my opinion.

Taylor is coming to the hospital, not as a reporter but as a friend. She was worried. I like that side of her, when she knows to put away the reporter and to make sure her friend is in one piece. Her character development is shown beautifully in this scene.

Buck, in no condition to pretend and speak to the press, turns away from her, he doesn’t trust her at that moment and he doesn’t trust himself not to break down there. He’s teary, still in shock and his hands are shaking like crazy. (in complete contrast to the usual Buck, where he can be in danger or wrap up a crazy rescue and he is normally completely steady.)

Taylor, offered to take Buck to Eddie’s house to see Christopher, telling him he can’t go see Chris looking like he does now. “You can’t got see his son like that.” - At first hear and several others it sounded like “Your son.” - of course it’s not but either way it would have been true too, because in a way Buck has been co-parenting Christopher for a very long time now. And indeed later when Buck gets to Eddie’s house he is washed and dressed in civilian clothes.

The scene with Oli and Gavin killed me! I thought for sure the breaking down will be done in private, but Buck couldn’t hold it together in front of Christopher once he found out Eddie is going to be ok, and Christopher comforting Buck was so so sweet.

Christopher’s “like the ones who fixed you?” Kind of gives us a certain idea as to the conversation Eddie had to have with Christopher when Buck was hurt. His sweet “Then he’s going to be ok,” he says it with such conviction, only adding “right?” only as an afterthought.

And as if he manifested it himself Buck then gets a text from Bobby that tells him that Eddie pulled through surgery and it looks good.

Buck actually dropped the phone from the relief and he started to cry, and sweet, adorable, national treasure Christopher puts an arm around him and tells him that Eddie is going to be okay. I definitely cried with Buck here. It was such a powerful scene and it was portrayed so well by Oliver and Gavin.

The “it’s going to be okay Buck” was kind of a call back to 3x01 - when Christopher reassures Buck and tells him “You’re going to be okay kid.” - I love these two together so much! ❤❤

When Bobby gives them the talk in the firehouse about how they proceed from there, Buck is standing with his arms crossed, looking completely dejected. And when Hen asks about the safety of their families, Bobby says there's no reason to believe they are in danger, Buck pipes in with “We didn’t have a reason to believe Eddie will get shot helping a kid either.” Buck is traumatized, and worried, he sleeps at Eddie’s house looking after Christopher.

I loved Christopher waking Buck up, and them having cereal breakfast together, a call back to Eddie and Christopher having breakfast together in 2x04. Buck doesn’t sit next to Chris, but across from him - to me it says that the seat between them is usually reserved to Eddie when they’re together at the house.

I love how Christopher’s teasing Buck about him snoring. And Buck is later confused because he’s unsure of whether or not Chris really understands what’s happening, but Carla assures him that he already lost his mother, unfortunately he understands better than he or she thinks. Which again should give people a new appreciation for Christopher’s sunshine child attitude.🥺❤

Carla showing up to take Christopher to school, is showing relief that Buck could finally sleep, which means that he didn’t for at least a couple of nights. She’s also asking him how it feels to go to work, Buck doesn’t even think about the sniper, for him all that matters is that Eddie is not out there with him and it feels off. (call back to 2x18 when Eddie seemed pensive about being back at work but Buck was not with them.)

Carla, bless her, retorts that that is not what she was asking - obviously she meant, she was worried about the sniper, but that is not Buck’s main worry, his head and his heart are somewhere else.

The crane scene was insane! I laughed when Chimney looked to Bobby and asked him “Can you blame him cap?” and Bobby flat out responded “Yeah!” 😂

The rescue was really impressive. However if Eddie ever found out about this he would probably hit Buck over the head with something heavy. It just goes to show that Eddie is Buck’s impulse control and vice-versa.

Bobby and Buck’s interaction wasn’t one of anger, Bobby was terrified and Buck was guilty but unapologetic, because he couldn’t protect Eddie but he could protect the rest of his family, so he did just that. Bobby didn’t have anything to say other than give him the same response Eddie did in Monsters - “Don’t do it again.” - Because for one, in my opinion, Bobby knows where Buck is coming from and also Bobby knows, he knows Eddie is Buck’s impulse control, knows he’s his anchor, he knows that Buck will only be his relatively normal self when Eddie comes back.

I’m not even going to touch the Taylor scene, yes she was worried, and yes she scolded him in a friendly way, but that kiss felt so out of left field for me, especially since Buck was just packing a bag to go stay with Christopher and Eddie was still unconscious at the hospital.

Also she freaking friendzoned him last episode, how fickle do male writers think women are? She gets a little scared and kisses the guy? Lucky they didn’t write in a sex scene! That was an insult to women everywhere in my opinion. It could have been set in so many better opportunities, why now? And if she’s scared now what’s to say that won’t make her leave like Ali did? I have a whole tirade about it but I will let it go for now.

Now I know ya’ll are like - Eddie woke up because his spidey senses told him someone was kissing his Buck (and I do not negate that point lol), but he just woke up and he asked for Buck. I find it so deliriously endearing that I need a moment even as I’m writing this.🤗🤗

I have to point out that there is no scene of Buck, Eddie and she who will not be name together other than the second when Buck walks in (read ran through the hospital corridors) and Eddie has only eyes for his partner. 👀❤

Afterwards it just the two of them, with a brief facetime to Christopher. I love that Eddie thanks Buck for staying with Chris, and Buck pretty much breaks down the logic behind the decision, like a true parent. - Christopher’s comfort came first in Buck’s eyes, and really that just demanded a hug right there.

“Is he doing ok?”

Buck’s response here, was very honest, a lot more honest than I expected, “better than me.” He said. Buck openly admits to Eddie, “I kinda lost it when I told him you got shot. I’m sorry I should have held it together.” To be honest, I’m very curious as to the ins and outs of Buck and Eddie’s friendship, especially during quarantine, they seem so much closer, a lot more open. More honest than you'd expect two male, straight, lead characters to be with their friends.

Buck would have played it down and shared only the essentials when it’s anybody else. With Eddie he openly saying here, in his own way, ‘I was terrified, and heartbroken, and ‘couldn’t imagine my world without you.’ - ‘I couldn’t function with a clear head.’ - ‘all my masks were shattered.’

“You were there for him when I couldn’t be, that’s what matters.” Eddie knows, buck, he understands him better than anyone, he’s telling him here in his own way that it’s okay, and he loves him just the way he is - it was his way to reassure Buck that he was doing just fine.

But Buck’s “Still I think it might have been better for him if I was the one who got shot.” - Eddie looked like he was ready to get up and smack some sense into Buck.

I want to point out that Buck’s response to Eddie being hurt or in danger is nowhere near the same as his response to anyone else in danger. Case in point in 4x14 is Bobby, he is inside, probably injured, in a fire with a gunman - if it was Eddie, Buck would have waited 0.1 seconds before he disappeared back into the flames to help Eddie.

With Bobby, he was calm, cool, calculated, he knew what Athena would do because that’s exactly what he would have done if it had been Eddie and he is ready with helpful details and a plan. He wants to go with her, but doesn’t argue when she says no.

Eddie is Buck’s Bobby, and it reflects all throughout this episode, and I think I had some parallels pointed out in 4x13 too. So I don’t know what scripts Tim reads or if we’re all watching the same show but buddie exists and thriving as far as I’m concerned.

Buck is also the one to pick Eddie up at the hospital - he tells him that the nurse is getting his meds and discharge papers ready, which means that Buck did all that process, he was busy getting Eddie discharged. (Take a moment to soak it in.)😌

Eddie sits Buck down to talk, to be honest this talk went pretty much the way I expected it.

Eddie explains why he had his will updated, and that Buck is Christopher’s legal guardian if anything happens to Eddie. - I love that after all this time, sweet Buck is still surprised.

He asks if Eddie didn’t need his consent for this and Eddie’s reply is: “My attorney said you could refuse.”

I also love, that even shell-shocked, Buck knows that Eddie knows him “You know I wouldn’t.”

And Eddie assures him that he does in fact know Buck, and he knows that Buck loves Christopher as much as Eddie does “I know you wouldn’t.”

(”I had to do it.” - “Yeah, I know you did.” this was a call back to 4x05 where Eddie understood why Buck did what he did. And knowing what we know now, I can assume that even though Eddie understood and forgave Buck, he didn’t have to like it.)

“No one will ever fight for my son as hard as you.” - call back to 3x03 anyone?

“There’s no one I trust with my son more than you.” - and Eddie proves it time and again.

And here he is basically giving Buck permission to give hell to his parents or anyone who tries to take Christopher away from His Buck. - And I love it!! 🤗❤

Buck, smart, handsome guy that he is, asks the right question again - “Why are you just telling me now?”

“Because Evan.” That first name that even took Buck by surprise, because Eddie only ever called him Buck, to our knowledge anyway. - Eddie was talking to Evan Buckley, not Buck, and yes they are two separate entities living inside one hunky firefighter. - This is Eddie saying, I know you’re frayed around the edges, I know I’m asking for a lot right now but I need you to hear me.

“You came in here the other day and you said it would have been better if you who were the one who was shot,” and I think for Eddie, who was lying on that firetruck floor bleeding out, and his only concern was that Buck may have been hurt, that was the worst thing Buck could have said.

“you act like you’re expandable but you’re wrong.”

Eddie has been where Buck is at that moment, losing his wife, watching his best friend nearly die time and again. - Really at this point Eddie just wants him safe, and if telling him about Christopher is what will do the trick, then he is not above playing dirty.

Eddie is telling Buck, you are my partner, you are Christopher's second parent, I love you, Christopher loves you, I don’t know what I’d do without you. - Because Eddie has been without Buck before and he was completely lost. - And that’s before they became even more intertwined as they are now.

I love the second before Buck and Eddie enter, Eddie’s house, before Buck opens the door, Eddie looks like he’s steeling himself to get in and Buck has a knowing grin on his face, somewhere between ‘ready?’ and ‘they’re happy you’re back be nice.’ 👀😂

I hated the jump forward, but everyone standing on the roof looking good and Eddie with those sunglasses? wow!! 🥵🤩

This was an all out buddie episode, and I was totally there for it!! I really hope for many more, because these two give me life!!

#evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #LIs who?#christopher diaz #buck is christopher’s second dad #it's pretty much canon now #buddie and bathena parallels #call back #9-1-1 4x14 #9 1 1 on fox #9-1-1 on fox #9 1 1 spoilers #❤❤❤

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reignsforever · 3 years

Note

Congrats on 1,000 followers 🥰 you’re amazing!! Prompt idea; first kiss or maybe something valentines related for Buddie? 💕

I hope you enjoy this, Mikayla!!

Buck was a nervous wreck. He had been dating Eddie for about seven months and even though those seven months have been amazing, Buck was a complete, nervous wreck because of their date tonight. And Buck normally wouldn't be so nervous, except it was a date on Valentine's Day, his second date on Valentines Day that meant something and Buck...really didn't want anything to go wrong tonight like it did when he had been with Abby.

And Eddie - god bless his boyfriend because even though Eddie knew how nervous Buck was about tonight, he did his best to calm Buck down, his hands pressing down on Buck's shoulders before wrapping around Buck from behind as he helped Buck with his breathing. They were just about to go out to the restaurant when Buck started to panic, started to worry that this could go wrong, and Eddie - God bless Eddie, Buck thinks as he tilts his head back and blinks up at the ceiling of Eddie's living room slowly.

"Everything is going to be alright, Buck," Eddie whispers, lips against Buck's neck that leaves the spot tingling. Buck finds himself turning around, his own arms wrapping around Eddie as he let's out a soft hum before he leans down and kisses his boyfriend. Before they can get too lost in the kiss though, Eddie pulls away from Buck and Buck finds himself frowning gently before Eddie smiles and strokes his cheek.

"We can't be late to our reservation," Eddie whispers and Buck nods, knowing it's true. The reservation had been set up in early November, since the restaurant was wildly popular, and then plans had been made to have Eddie's Abuela watch Chris for the night, something Chris didn't mind too much since he missed his bisabuela. Buck and Eddie had done their best to make sure they didn't work the day and night, and that they didn't agree to anything either, which wasn't easy since no one had been told, mainly because no one knew Buck was dating Eddie - something they both agreed on early in their relationship, wanting something just for themselves first.

But finally, the day was among them and Buck, while incredibly excited, was also incredibly nervous. Because he knew what his luck was like and he really didn't want it to strike at this moment. But Eddie was by his side and Eddie was constantly touching him and doing his best to calm him down and Buck - Buck had absolutely zero qualms about that. If anything, Buck rather enjoyed being constantly reminded that he belonged to Eddie, and that Eddie knew how to help him in moments of stress and worry.

Getting into Eddie's car, Buck slowly did his best to relax, knowing that if he continued to worry about something happening throughout the night, something would actually happen and that was energy that Buck really didn't want to put out there. The drive is slow, music playing lightly from the radio in Eddie's car, the two of them holding hands when Eddie can afford to do so. Eventually though, they arrive at the restaurant and Buck finds himself eternally grateful that he managed to score a reservation because the line up waiting to get in? Incredibly long and insane and not something Buck would want to experience on the night of romance that Valentines was.

The two of them enter the restaurant quickly, Eddie guiding him, a small pressure on the back of Buck's back, something Buck finds himself thrilling over before they're seated. The tables are nicely setup and the chairs are comfortable as Eddie sits in front of him, the two continuing to hold hands in the middle of the table.

Slowly, Buck begins to relax more and more, especially as Eddie and he order their meals, and their drinks and the food and everything else gets delivered. Buck has no idea why he was so nervous, not when Eddie is by his side and Buck can see Eddie arching his eyebrow, almost like he knows exactly what Buck is thinking, which wouldn't be the first time really.

Eventually the two of them begin to eat, grinning at one another as they enjoy the meals they ordered. Just as they're ordering dessert though, Buck finds his name being called by a familiar voice and with wide eyes, he turns behind him to find Maddie and Chimney staring at him from where they stand.

"Oh," he whispers before turning to look at Eddie, his eyebrow arching a little as he silently asks his boyfriend how he would like to proceed. Buck knows it wouldn't be easy to lie their way out of this - not on valentines day, not with how they're dressed, and not with the fact that they're holding hands like lovers that can't let go of one another -- which is, essentially, the actual case between them. But Buck turns towards Eddie just to make sure, and when Eddie nods, Buck finds himself relaxing even more before letting out a grin when he turns towards his sister and Chimney.

"What are you guys--" Chimney begins to ask before stopping with a snort.

"No, that's obvious," he adds before looking towards Buck with a smile. "How long has this been a thing?" He asks instead and Buck finds himself turning towards Eddie with a grin nudging him lightly with his foot.

"Seven months - almost eight" Eddie replies and Buck turns back around towards his sister, smiling at her when she hums thoughtfully.

"Well, I'm glad to see you're happy Buck," She says and Buck nods. It hadn't been easy, especially after their parents dropped by during her pregnancy but --

"Wait, is this why you couldn't watch Evelyn?" Chim asks and Buck can only laugh as he nods, looing towards his boyfriend with his own smile, thankful for the night that they have together, especially with the fact that very soon they're going to have their own news to share about a new child in the Buckley-Diaz family.

celebrate getting 1k followers with me.

#buddie #fanfic: mine #the girl: 1k celebration #ineedapuppyandsomevodka #inbox: answered

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queerbuckleys · 3 years

Note

♝: Reading a book together and ♗: One falling asleep with their head in the other’s lap for Buddie? No stress/pressure if you're not inspired/don't like these ones. 😊

Hi Kayla!!

This, wow, this really got away from me 😂😅, I used a fairly open definition of “book” and “reading”, so I hope that’s okay.

Shoutout to @lovebuck for giving me the names for the twins 🙂

I give you- 1k of incredibly soft married Buck and Eddie being soft.

I hope you like it.

♝: Reading a book together +♗: One falling asleep with their head in the other’s lap

You would think that a night in without kids in the house would result in a scene where there were clothes strewn everywhere and sweaty bodies tangled on the bed. That was not the nature of the scene that is playing out in the living room of the Buckley-Diaz residence tonight. The kids were at a sleepover and Buck and Eddie had gone out for dinner alone for the first time in months. Not for any special occasion. Just because they could without having a baby screaming at any point during the meal. Don’t get them wrong, they love Christopher and the twins, Roxanne and Rylie, but it was nice to have a quiet evening. It was just after they had returned home from dinner and they were sitting on the couch in the living room of the house that they had bought together not long after getting married.

“What do we do now?” Buck asked yawning

“We could clean?” Eddie says, god knows the house needs it.

“If I had any energy to clean, we would be doing something much more fun right now.”

It had been a long day, none of the kids had a good night's rest so they were cranky, until it was time to go visit Auntie Hen of course. Then suddenly they were happy as clams, not a care in the world. Leaving both parents exhausted.

“Touché. Tv? Movie?” Eddie tries

“What about our wedding album? We spent so much money one the pictures and Maddie worked so hard to put it together for us. I don’t think we have ever actually sat down and looked at it together.”

“Let’s do that then.” Eddie said with a soft smile, he got up from the couch and grabbed a large white photo album from the bookshelf. They had been so busy moving and then getting ready for and having the twins that they had never had a chance to really look at it. They both felt very guilty as Maddie had done endless research about the best place to have a wedding album done, and then paid for it.

Buck pulled up their wedding playlist on his phone and put the volume at a soft level in the background, and placed his phone on the coffee table.

Their names were printed in gold on the linen cover in a script, with the date of their wedding in smaller lettering below.

The first few pictures were of each of them getting ready separately. Beautiful shots of Maddie tying Buck’s bowtie and pinning on his corsage. A similarly crafted picture of Chris helping with Eddie’s.

The next pages were of their first looks photoshoot, the first was them back to back holding a hand behind them, the next of them seeing each other in their suits for the first time which radiated the pure joy and love between them.

“God, no wonder they made fun of us. Look at that.” Buck said laughing a little

“They made fun of us for the same thing last week babe.”

“I know but this is the first time I’m seeing it from the outside.’’ he turned the page to the pictures of the ceremony. Chris and May walking down the aisle, then Eddie with Helena and Ramon, and finally Buck with Maddie. There was a picture of both of them with Bobby between them officiating and next to it there was a quote from Bobby’s officiant speech printed. There were images of when they each placed the ring on each other’s fingers. One of the moment when Buck had crouched down to Chris’ level and made a vow to him too. And of course one of the kiss.

The next few pages were of Buck and Eddie, and a few of them and Chris. Then came the reception photos, where there were notes from important guests and quotes from the speeches printed around the edges. There were pictures of their first dance. Buck dancing with Maddie, Eddie with his mom. One of Buck’s favorite moments when they had a dance with Chris. Eddie began reading each of the messages and Buck snuggled into him. After a few minutes Buck had drifted off to sleep. Eddie placed a kiss into his curls and pulled the fuzzy throw from over the back of the couch over Buck. Which only made Buck snuggle in more.

Eddie sat there for a few minutes thinking about all they went through to get to where they were. How he had never dared to dream of this all those years ago. How Buck trusted him to stay. How lucky they were to have Roxy and Rylie, and Chris. He thought about their future together. The 5 of them all together. Maybe adding a cat or dog in there somewhere along the way.

Buck shifted, rubbed his eyes, looked up at Eddie and said, “Are we a boring married couple now?”

“Nothing is ever boring with you.” The music shifted into their first dance song, “c’mon. Up.”

“But I’m so tired Eddie.”

“But I wanna dance with my husband Buck. Now scoot.”

Buck just shuffles up until he is standing. Eddie not far behind. They wrap themselves around each other just as they did that day. Buck burying his nose in Eddie’s hair and Eddie nuzzling into Buck’s neck.

The song ended and they both were practically falling asleep on each other. The physics involved with how they were still both standing was incredible.

“Okay. bedtime.” Eddie finally spoke up

“Can you carry me?” Buck whined, with a bit of a playful lilt.

“Have you seen you? Buck, I love you but I cannot carry you.” Eddie said barely making it through without yawning.

“Fine. Love you too.” Buck mumbled as he gathered his phone.

“Hey, thank you for tonight. It was really nice. Even if it makes us a boring married couple.” Eddie said, once they were settled in bed, Buck let out a contented sigh. And for the second time that night Eddie found himself with a sleeping husband on him. Eddie just smiled before snuggling into his husband, wrapping Buck into a hug and drifting off to sleep for the night.

#prompt fill #Buddie #911 fanfic #theyarnmaidstale #evan buckley #Eddie Diaz #AJ writes stuff

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thisissirius · 4 years

Text

beauty in the small things eddie/buck, vermont au

for day two of @eddiediazweek | therapy. for @hearteyesforbuck who has been waiting oh so patiently for this.

I don’t want therapy.

I don’t want to self-medicate.

I don’t want to be a failure to my son.

How, then, is a guy supposed to deal with everything he suffered during war without damaging himself and his family?

Yeah, writing wasn’t my first thought either, but here we are.

“Mom thinks you should stop doing that,” Sophia says.

Eddie snorts, swirling the drink around in his glass, and gives Sophia a look over the top of it. “I’m not going to drown my sorrows in drink.” He makes a face. “I’m not about to self medicate.”

Sophia knows him better than anybody else in the family. Adriana is his little sister and he adores her, but they don’t have a lot in common. He and Sophia are closer in age, and they were never really their father’s priority in the way Adriana is. “Eddie.”

“I’m not,” Eddie says. He puts the drink on the small table and tips his head back, staring up at the sky. Christopher is playing in the garden with Sophia’s two kids—twins—and giggling. Eddie lets the sounds wash over him and he swallows down the urge to lie. It’s not easy to talk about everything, but Sophia is the one person he can trust with his emotions. “I don’t want to do that kind of thing. I don’t want to—it’s hard, I’m not gonna pretend, but I know guys who have self-medicated and I’m not. For Chris’ sake.”

“And your own.” Sophia’s words are quiet, and she surveys the backyard. “You have to talk to someone.”

Eddie rolls his eyes. “I don’t see why. There’s nothing wrong with just not dealing with it.”

“So what do you do,” Sophia says, leaning forward in her chair and hitting his knee, “when you’re having a nightmare you can’t wake up from and Chris finds you? What if you have a flashback and Chris is right there? What if—”

“You made your point,” Eddie snaps, rubbing his hands over his face. He doesn’t want to think about it, but he can’t deny those thoughts have run through his own head. Chris needs him to be everything he can be; bad enough that he’s gotta deal with Eddie holding down three jobs while trying to keep their heads above water.

Chris giggles again, looks back over his shoulder. “Dad! I’m hungry.”

“So are we,” Alexa says. Andre echoes his sister a second later.

Eddie snorts. “Alright, Chris. Give me a sec, okay?” Giving Sophia another sharp look, he ducks back into the house, blowing out his breath slowly. It’s hard to hear, but civilian life isn’t easy to adjust to. Eddie’s finding it difficult every day, and it doesn’t help that his parents are breathing down his neck, telling him what he should and shouldn’t be doing for Chris. It’s hard not to wonder if they’re right and he should leave Chris with them. Maybe going back overseas—

No. Eddie’s made a promise to Chris and he’ll never break it.

When he finally makes it back outside with sandwiches, he runs them by Sophia.

“Bromundo,” she says, kicking his leg. “I’m not Mom.”

Eddie winces—both at the kick and the nickname—and sticks his tongue out at her. Childish, but it’s so easy to be so around Sophia. “Kids! Food!”

With the kids settled, Eddie relaxes back in his chair. He can feel Sophia watching him and he doesn’t know what to say in return. He rolls his eyes. “What?”

“You should write about it,” Sophia says.

Eddie snorts. “What are you talking about?”

Sophia slips her sunglasses up onto her head. Her eyes are bright, worried, and Eddie tries not to let it bother him. He worries about her, so it’s only natural. “Eddie, I don’t want this to get bad, understand? No,” she says, watching his eyes dart back to Chris, and she touches his knee, squeezes. “You, Eddie. I know you’d never let anything happen to Chris if you could help it, but I want you to be okay for you.”

“You didn’t want me to go in the first place.”

“Of course I didn’t. No sister wants her brother to go to war. Even less when they’re the one thing protecting you from a disaster of a home life.”

Eddie snorts. Their childhood wasn’t that bad, especially not with Abuela checking up on them, but he knows what she means. “And you’ve never forgiven me.”

“Nope,” Sophia says, settling back in her chair with a grin.”So I guess you should listen to me.”

Eddie doesn’t make any promises, but later that night, when he comes awake suddenly, tears drying on his face and the phantom memory of sand, death, and the smell of blood, he can’t help but reach for his laptop. His hands are shaking as he opens a document, fingers hovering awkwardly over the keys.

Everything feels so much and he blows out a breath, thinks of Chris in the next room who deserves so much more, and starts to write.

It can crush you, the fear.

Buries you under tons of pressure, memories, and horror. Sometimes I’m scared I won’t wake up; that I’ll be left in Afghanistan amongst the blood, screams, and echoes of the bombs. I worry that my son will find me trapped in a memory and I’ll scare him. I’m afraid that I’m not the right person to be raising him, that somehow, my worries and fears will drag us both down.

I’m trying to be the reason he turns out as a good person.

Facing your fears is the hardest lesson, but a worthwhile one to protect those you care about.

Eddie hates Thanksgiving.

It’s the worst kind of pressure, having all the family around to remind him of things he’d rather forget. His abuela’s here, though, currently lavishing attention and kisses on Christopher, and his parents have all but avoided him for most of the day. That will change once dinner happens, of course, but he can hold out until then.

Adriana comes up behind him, throwing her arms around his neck. “Eddie!”

“Hey, Adi,” Eddie says, whirling and hugging Adriana. “How’s college?”

“Exhausting,” Adriana says, with a grin. “But I’m almost done and then I can get out of here,” she says, waving a hand.

Eddie’s never been fair, really, to Adriana. He and Sophia are close, assuming that Adriana loves being the apple of her father’s eye, but it’s easy to see why she hates it. “Nice. Where will you go?”

“New York probably,” Adriana says. She leans against the fence, staring off across the garden to where their parents are laughing with the kids. Eddie feels a rush of anger when they stick close to Chris, but he shoves it down when Adriana nudges him. “Are you sticking around?”

“I don’t really have a choice,” Eddie says.

“Actually, you might.”

Eddie jumps, and Adriana peers around him as Sophia dances towards them. There’s a nervous expression on her face, but she’s also brimming with happiness. Eddie raises his eyebrows. “What are you talking about?”

“Okay, don’t be mad.”

“I don’t think anybody’s ever heard that and not been mad,” Eddie says carefully. “What did you do?”

“So,” Sophia says, holding out a sheet of paper. When Eddie tries to take it, she snatches it back, holding it out of reach.

“Sophia—”

Adriana is smaller, slips behind Eddie and takes the paper. “Oh, fuck.”

“Adriana,” Eddie snaps, gesturing at the kids.

“Eddie,” Adriana says, showing him the paper.

“Listen,” Sophia says. “I found your book when—”

Eddie stares at the piece of paper, hands shaking. “This was private!”

“I know,” Sophia says, stepping closer. She looks nervous again, swallowing and holding her arms. “I didn’t mean to find it. I wasn’t even sure you’d listen to me. But I was transferring pictures on your laptop to send to Pepa and I read and it knew it would be amazing, Eddie.”

“I can’t publish it.” Eddie’s staring at the words, though, of someone who wants to do just that. “I didn’t even write a book, not really. It’s just words. How did this even happen?”

Sophia reaches out, touches Eddie’s wrist. “You might not think it was, but Eddie, I couldn’t put it down. I love you, you’re my brother, and I didn’t know half of what was in there. I know it’s an invasion of privacy, but I want this for you; for people to see how brave and intelligent you are.”

Eddie doesn’t feel like either of those things, but he also doesn’t want to be stuck in his head anymore. Hasn’t he done that enough? Doesn’t Chris deserve better? “I don’t know.”

“I think you should do it,” Adriana says, shrugging when both Eddie and Sophie stare at her. “I’m not stupid, Eddie. I know what Mom and Dad wanna do and I know why you don’t want to live here anymore. Isn’t this the way out of that?”

The signing bonus is making Eddie feel a little sick. “I don’t know.”

“It’s your choice.” Sophia leans in, hugs him gently, and Eddie lets it. A beat later, Adriana joins in. When they pull apart, there’s an interesting look on Sophia’s face. “But if you don’t, Christopher will grow up here.”

Eddie knows what she’s trying to do. He’s not angry, not really. It does hurt that she’s done it all behind his back, but when he thinks about it, the chance to move away, to give Chris whatever life he wants, that means more than any hurt he feels. “Alright.”

Adriana and Sophia cheer, drawing the attention of everyone else, but he doesn’t care what they say; there’s a life opening up before him and Christopher free from everything else.

Hope is a strange thing.

I’ve had hope at many points during my life.

When I thought of my family. When we got my son’s medical diagnosis. When I was shipped out. When I wanted to come home.

It can give you the courage you need to go forward. There’s a sense of euphoria that comes from your hope being rewarded. There’s also a sense of despair that comes with hope not being enough.

My son’s mother left. Confirmation of my son’s disorder. Ending up in Afghanistan. Getting shot once, twice, three times.

Hope is a fickle thing.

That doesn’t mean that you ever stop feeling it.

Sophia is true to her word;

The book gets published under a pseudonym. Eddie pays off his medical bills. His parents ask where he got the money from, but Adriana and Sophia keep his secret. Chris is happy; Eddie can work less and still be around, he can watch him grow.

Eddie doesn’t care to watch what happens with the book; it’s embarrassing enough that it’s out there. People are apparently reading it, which he finds out from Sophia and Adriana both. They have a phone chat, constant messages that he wades through every day, and notes the occasional update on his book sales. Apparently, it’s a bestseller, whatever that means, but Eddie can forget it easy enough.

Chris takes up a lot of his time.

Much like Valentine’s Day, which he spends with Christopher’s school class. It’s interrupted by a phone call, and Eddie picks it up, sending an embarrassed look towards the teacher.

“Hello?”

“Is this Mr. Diaz?”

Eddie frowns, listening to the voice on the other end of the phone, and leans against a wall so that he doesn’t fall over. The words are going in but it’s taking him a while to understand them. The caller is a woman with a kind voice, who seems to understand what he’s feeling.

“Is that satisfactory?”

“Are you serious?”

“Of course,” she says, sounding amused. “I’ll give you some time to think it over, Mr. Diaz. Give us a call back within three days, or we’ll assume you’re not interested.”

Before she rings off, she gives him the signing bonus, and Eddie thinks he’s about to throw up, has to lean over and breath slowly through his nose. When he recovers enough to go back into the classroom, he knows he’s distracted and that Chris knows.

“Is everything okay, Dad?”

“Yeah,” Eddie says, voice shaky, but there’s happiness welling in his chest so he crouches down, touches Chris’ face. “I think things are about to get even better for us.”

Chris looks excited, even if he doesn’t know what Eddie’s talking about.

Later, when Chris is in bed, Eddie calls Sophia.

“I was just about to step into the bath. You have the worst timing, Bromundo.”

“Please stop calling me that,” Eddie says. Then, “I think I just got a movie deal.”

There’s silence from the end of the phone.

“Sophia?”

“Wait, wait, I’m calling Adriana.”

Eddie frowns down at his phone, but Adriana joins the call and he snorts, puts the phone back to his ear.

“I’m studying,” Adriana snaps. “Do you guys know how hard it is—”

“Eddie got a movie deal,” Sophia says in a rush. Eddie can hear the happiness in her voice, the excitement, and he lets the same bubble up in his chest. He’s been trying to keep it at bay, to ignore it, but now he lets it loose, grinning up at the ceiling in an attempt to control himself.

Adriana lets out a cheer—which is probably gonna piss off their parents—and Sophia laughs. “Eddie, that’s awesome!”

“I don’t think I really believe it,” Eddie says. “I don’t even know what it means.”

“You didn’t get the paperwork for the option?” Adriana asks.

“What?”

Adriana sighs, laughing but also sounding annoyed. “Eddie, they have to option a book before they can greenlight it. If you’re getting the green light, it means that they love your book. Like, a lot.”

Eddie doesn’t understand it; he doesn’t know what happens when a book gets picked up. “It doesn’t even feel like a book that gets a movie.”

“It’s about a war veteran,” Sophia says quietly. “Whatever people think about that, it’s a story that needs to be heard, Eddie.”

“So,” Adriana says, cutting across the silence Sophia’s words leave behind. “How much are you getting.”

When Eddie tells them the cheque they’ll cut him, his sisters scream again, and Eddie feels a tremendous weight lift away from his shoulders.

State of change means to change from one state to another without a chemical composition change.

My chemical composition doesn’t change, but my mind does. My body does. My emotions do. I may look like a breathing, living human, but inside I feel like I’m flying apart in a million different directions. There’s a monster on my shoulder. A voice inside my head. A shadow following me down the street.

No matter where I turn, there’s something reminding me of what a failure I am; of a son, of a father, of a brother. I have made mistakes that I can’t escape from, but that doesn’t mean I stop trying to be better. I can break out of a cycle I have forced on myself. I can fight the monster on my shoulder. I can silence the voice in my head. I can see the light beyond the shadow.

It’s a hard fight, and I have a million reminders of the ways I am still failing, but I am strong enough to continue on.

Change can always be a good thing.

Vermont.

Freedom and Unity.

Mountains are green. Or something.

Eddie hates it.

There’s a tree in his fucking house. Chris is crying, scared, and Eddie wraps an arm around his shoulders, and tries not to cuss. Holding Chris tight, he carries him out of the room, shushing him gently, and taking him through to the living room.

“You okay?”

There’s a yell from the front door, and Eddie looks up to see his neighbour Bobby and his wife Athena. “There’s a tree in Christopher’s room.”

Athena immediately comes forward, crouching down in front of Chris, and touching his cheek. “I’ve got Chris, Eddie.”

Eddie nods, reluctant to leave Chris, but lets Bobby lead him towards Christopher’s room. Bobby lets out a low whistle when he sees the damage, and Eddie presses a hand to his face. “He could have been killed.”

“Eddie,” Bobby says immediately, resting a hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “You can’t think like that, okay? Chris is fine, he’s alive. There’s damage, sure, but—”

“It’s not just that,” Eddie snaps, stepping away from Bobby. “It’s everything. Busted pipes, the outlet that almost set the whole damn kitchen on fire, the fact that I have nobody here. My son loves his school, loves the state, but every time I walk out of the house, I feel like I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life. I don’t know anybody, I miss my sisters, and I just want to not feel like a failure.”

Bobby lets him get it out, just stands in the middle of the room, amongst the debris, and Eddie tries not to imagine it’s him, in the wreckage of his life. “You feel better now?”

Eddie snorts.”Not really.”

With a kind smile, Bobby gestures to the mess. “I’ve got a tarp in the basement. I’ll grab it and we can cover this up.”

Eddie nods, folding his arms across his chest. “Thanks.”

“I’m gonna give you some advice, alright?”

Not sure he’s going to want to hear it, Eddie nods. “Sure.”

Bobby smiles. “You have friends, Eddie. I think the fact that Athena and I are here is proof of that, no?” Eddie’s got to nod at that. “There are plenty of people in this town, however small, that would like to get to know you. You’ve kept to yourself for a long, long time.”

Eddie admits that is true. “I find it hard to—I can’t make friends easily.”

“It’s not easy,” Bobby says. “But you have people in your corner, Eddie. You just have to want it.”

With another nod, Bobby gives him the out, and leaves the room. Together, they cover Christopher’s room with a tarp, making sure it’s weighted down with bricks and sturdy debris that won’t get dislodged during the storm. Athena gets them a safe place to stay for the night; her friend Hen lives across the street. Eddie recognizes her immediately and almost says no on reflex; she lets her dog pee in his yard every fucking morning and he’s tired of it. Except that she’s got a kind smile, apologizes immediately—”I thought you were an asshole,” she says, sotto voice—and offers up their son’s room for Eddie and Christopher to sleep.

“We shouldn’t—” Eddie starts.

“Trust me, you don’t wanna be outside in this,” she says, waving a hand. “Besides, I can call my contractor in the morning and get you some help.”

Eddie agrees because Bobby is right; he could do with some friends.

Loneliness is a difficult feeling.

I used to think I had everything. Family, friends, a job I loved. That’s before war; my friends couldn’t put up with me flaking because of my PTSD. My family couldn’t handle the memories I couldn’t share. My job was responsible for everything falling apart.

Suddenly, I was lonelier than I had ever been.

Covering those feelings isn’t easy. People are watching; when they think you have problems, they always do. Even if those problems are certified, medical, and something nobody would want given the chance.

Friends are something I can’t afford.

Or is that just something I tell myself?

Evan Buckley is—

Evan Buckley looks—

Well, fuck.

“Hey.” The guy standing on Eddie’s doorstep has muscles on top of muscles. He’s dressed in shorts, a tank, and a flannel shirt. He’s wearing boots that are scuffed and dirty, and his toolbag is slung over one shoulder. He grins, smile lighting up his face and fuck, it’s been a long time since Eddie’s felt the gut punch of attraction. “I’m Evan Buckley.”

“Diaz,” Eddie says, internally wincing. “Uh, Edmundo—Eddie, Eddie Diaz.”

Evan’s smile widens. “So—Which one of those should I call you?”

“His name’s Eddie,” Chris says, coming up behind Eddie. “And I’m Christopher.”

If Eddie thought Evan’s smile had been brilliant before, it’s so much more as soon as he lays eyes on Chris. “Hello, Chris,” Evan says, bending down. “Those are some cool crutches, buddy. You like Nemo too?”

Chris’ crutches had been one of Eddie’s superfluous purchases; specially made with Nemo decals and themes. Chris adores them, and Eddie’s proud of himself for that one choice. Chris grins. “Dad got them for me!”

“Did he?” Evan says, looking back up at Eddie. “He sounds cool.”

“He is,” Chris affirms, and Eddie’s chest flutters. “Do you like being called Evan?”

Evan winces. “Actually, how about you just call me Buck?”

“Okay, Buck,” Chris says easily. “Are you here to fix my room?”

Eddie clears his throat. “Sorry.”

Evan—Buck frowns. “Don’t be. Nothing’s wrong.” To Chris, he winks. “You bet I am. Wanna show me?”

Buck seems content to walk at Christopher’s pace, following them through to Christopher’s bedroom. He stares at the ceiling, eyebrows raised, then back to Chris. “He was in here?”

Eddie nods, not wanting to think about it. He looks away for a moment.

“Can you fix it, Mr. Buck?”

“I’ll try,” Buck says, then leans down and pretends to give him a conspiratorial look. “Can your dad not do it?”

Chris giggles. “Dad’s okay with some things, but abuela says to never let Dad have a hammer.”

“Hey,” Eddie says.

Though he tries to keep his tone light because he knows Chris is just joking, it hurts that his mother is talking about him like that. There’s something knowing in Buck’s look, but he covers it quickly. “I better take a look outside first. Then I’ll do all the hammer work, buddy.”

As they work, Eddie tries to keep Chris out of the way, but it’s a lost cause; Chris is following him around, asking questions at a mile a minute, and while Eddie’s expecting it to bother him, Buck doesn’t seem to be annoyed. He answers every question, seems enthusiastic with his replies, not that Eddie can tell what those questions are.

Buck is—well, Eddie can’t stop watching.

Whether it’s the way he flexes his muscles, the smile on his face, or the stretch of skin between shorts and shirt that gets exposed when he stretches. Eddie’s doing his best to not have an emotional breakdown. When Christopher is busy with lunch, insisting on eating it outside so he can see Buck work, Eddie hovers nearby, leaning against the entrance to the doorway so that he can see both Buck and Chris.

“Thanks for doing this.”

Buck gives him a quick glance, flashes a smile. “No problem.”

Eddie searches for a subject, latches on to the first one he can think of. “What’s that tattoo of?”

Buck’s got a lot of tattoos and he grins, gesturing at himself. “Which one?”

“The one over your heart,” Eddie says. “I can’t read it.”

“Want me to come closer?” Buck’s expression is guarded, but there’s a look in his eyes Eddie hasn’t seen in a long time.

“Um,” Eddie starts. “I don’t think—”

“It’s a quote,” Buck says, turning back to the roof. He shifts along on his knees, working on the next beam. “From my favourite book.”

There’s a pause. “Well?”

“You’ll find out one day,” Buck says.

Eddie tries not to hear it like a promise.

I missed you all the time.

Those are the words I focus on more than I like to. They’re words my son said to me when I first came home from Afghanistan. Knowing that I would have to do so again, that I needed the medical coverage from the Army was heartbreaking. I didn’t want my son to miss me. I didn’t want to be the kind of father who would leave.

Leave I did. Because I thought I was doing the right thing.

Sometimes, the logical choice isn’t always the right choice.

I am here now. For my son and with a ton of baggage I wish I could shed. My son doesn’t seem damaged by what I have done and every day, I’m grateful. I know I am not the only person who has raised my son, but sometimes it’s hard not to be proud of everything he is; that kindness I have yet to find in somebody else.

“Want me to check out the rest of the house?”

Eddie’s a little offended that Buck looks at his house and thinks it needs more help, but given the way he yelled at Bobby and started this whole thing off, he supposed it’s right. He sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I thought this would be a good buy.”

“It still can be,” Buck says kindly. “A lot of houses in town were like this. Though if it’s the money—”

“Not a problem,” Eddie says easily, then thinks about how that might sound. “I mean, it’s not—”

Buck smiles gently. “You bought this house, Eddie. However much help it needs, it’s nice. Big. I assume you have some money. Or is that too forward? Chim’s always saying I talk too fast and don’t think first.”

Eddie laughs, feels his nervousness slip away in the face of Buck’s own. “It’s okay, Buck. I’m still figuring out this friend thing.”

They lapse into silence. Chris is at school so he’s not there to break the silence, and Eddie doesn’t know how to fill them himself. He’s still figuring out how to be a person comfortable in his own skin. Maybe he should re-read his own book. Apparently it helps people and besides, the movie’s supposed to hit theatres soon.

It takes the better part of the late morning for Buck to go around the whole house, marking down on paper what needs fixing. It’s a long list and Eddie’s stomach drops with each new thing. “That much?”

At least Buck’s expression is apologetic. He softens it with a smile. “I can fix them all though!”

“Great.” Eddie can at least count on Buck being around a little bit longer, even if it’s only a few days.

“Although,” Buck starts. His face falls along with Eddie’s happiness. “I’ve got classes and other jobs lined up that I can’t just—it’ll take me a few weeks to get it done.”

Buck keeps talking but Eddie’s not really paying attention. He’s thinking about weeks and having Buck around—okay, so he’s mostly thinking about the fact that Buck’s gonna be mostly shirtless in his house for even longer.

“I could always see if Chim can find someone else,” he starts.

“No,” Eddie snaps quickly. At Buck’s surprised look, then hurt expression, he takes a step forward. “I mean, Chris is pretty shy. I don’t want—someone else would be a pain. You could—you could stick around.”

Buck’s smile is brilliant.

Love.

Love isn’t something I see for myself.

Attraction. I’ve had that. Comfort. That’s been there. My son’s mother was a beautiful person, a good soul, but she just couldn’t be a mother. I respect her choices, loved her for them, but I am not sure if I loved her. I don’t think I’ve ever loved someone in such a visceral way that isn’t my son.

Someone who will care for me, will look at my fears, my experiences, and not see someone who needs to be fixed.

But see somebody, broken, put back together, but worthy of a love that consumes us both.

A few choice words could be the life raft you need to come home.

To be seen. To be found. Isn’t that what we’re all searching for?

Buck presses Eddie down onto the couch.

Eddie traces his fingers over the curve of Buck’s ribs, follows the cursive with his hand. “This quote. I know it. Where’s it from?”

“My favourite book,” Buck says, leaning down to kiss Eddie’s jaw, moves slowly across to his lips. The kiss is lazy, wonderful, and Eddie’s hands drift down to Buck’s waist, holds him in place. It’s comfortable in a way he’s never expected he could be, and Eddie closes his eyes, hums gently. “It’s called Tango Uniform.”

Eddie freezes. “What?”

Buck rocks back a little, straddling Eddie’s hips. He looks pleased, pink blushing over his cheeks. His fingers rest against Eddie’s chest. “Have you heard of it? It’s by this virtually unknown author and he’s so good, Eddie. His writing is perfect.” Buck ducks his head. “Not that you want me to talk about that.”

Eddie opens his mouth, closes it. He’s not sure he knows what words to find, but then Buck’s ducking back in, kissing whatever he would say right out of his head.

Everyone deals with trauma differently.

I hear that so often, so many different ways.

I’ve always felt as if my trauma didn’t matter. My son has a whole future ahead of him that’s going to be difficult. People I knew, friends, died in Afghanistan; their families had a future of nothingness. People out there have suffered the unimaginable, and I have dreams sometimes, can’t stop myself having episodes of memories.

Trauma never felt like the right word, but maybe that’s because I don’t believe myself worthy of having trauma.

Believing that I am is the first step to becoming the person I want to be.

“Are you kidding?”

“Shut up,” Eddie groans, resting his forehead on his arms. “I couldn’t even tell him.”

Sophia cackles. “I can’t believe this is happening. I love it.”

Eddie narrows his eyes at her, but it doesn’t help. “He took his shirt off.”

This time, Sophia’s laugh is almost hysterical. “Oh my gosh, I can’t wait to tell Adriana about this.”

“Nope,” Eddie says, holding up a hand. “You can’t tell anyone else!”

Sophia shrugs easily, leaning on the table in front of her. Her kitchen looks immaculate, and Eddie knows he caught her mid-clean, but he’s not sorry, he needed someone to talk to. “I love you so much. Though, honestly, I have half a mind to come up there and knock some sense into you.”

Eddie snorts. “No, don’t do that. I’m absolutely certain I would never survive you and Buck meeting.”

“I like the sound of him.” Sophia sounds gentle, and her smile is warm. “You look happy.”

“This whole book thing,” Eddie starts. He struggles for the words, finds them. “It’s made me happy. I have you to thank for that.”

Sophia looks embarrassed, but she smiles brightly. “You did the work, Eddie. You wrote everything, you put those feelings onto the laptop. I just spurred you into action.”

It’s true, but that doesn’t mean he isn’t grateful. “Thanks, Sophia.”

“You’re welcome, Bromundo.”

“What did I say about that!”

Someone once told me; your punishment is that you lived. Now make it worth a damn.

Everyday, I try.

The next time Buck comes over, this time to finally fix the sparking outlet in the kitchen, Chris is sitting at the table. He’s doing his homework but spending most of the time trying to talk to Buck.

“Work,” Eddie warns. “Otherwise I’ll send Buck home.”

Not that he could; Buck’s only got so many spare nights and Eddie knows it. It gets Chris moving, though, focusing back on his homework. Buck snorts, working against the counter, and Eddie looks at him, admires the curve of his shoulders, the length of his body. It’s hard not to stare, to remember the way he’d felt pressed against Eddie’s hips, the way he’d fucked into him, curling hands around Eddie’s neck and whispering sweet nothings in his ear.

“Eddie?”

Eddie looks up. “Sorry, what?”

Buck laughs gently. “I was saying, I think I’m done.”

“You alright here for a second, Chris? There’s something I wanna show Buck.”

“Okay, Dad. As long as we get pizza for dinner.”

Eddie pauses, narrowing his eyes. He knows it’s bribery, but he doesn’t care. “Alright, fine. Pizza.”

Chris goes back to his homework, pleased, and Buck raises his eyebrows. Whatever, Buck doesn’t know anything. As they walk through to the bedrooms, Eddie thinks about how things have changed; Buck’s clothes are in his closet; there’s a toothbrush in the bathroom that doesn’t belong to Chris or Eddie; there are textbooks and movies and items Buck’s brought over that are still there. Buck’s in every area of Eddie’s life, and Eddie doesn’t want anything to change. He’s worried it will, though.

“I have to tell you something,” he says, turning to face Buck head-on. “It’s not bad, or I don’t think it is, but it’s a lie.”

Buck raises his eyebrows, face expressionless.

“It’s—that book?”

“Tango Uniform?” Buck frowns, then something clears. “Have you read it?”

Eddie opens his mouth, closes it. “I wrote it.”

Buck laughs.

Eddie feels his stomach drop. “Someone once told me; your punishment is that you lived. Now make it worth a damn.”

“Everyday I try,” Buck finishes. “Eddie.”

Eddie looks down at the floor, unsurprised when Buck rushes out of the room, and he swallows down the urge to cry. He can’t, he won’t allow himself. All he can think about is having to tell Christopher why Buck’s gone and he can’t bear it—

“Listen,” Buck says, and Eddie’s head snaps up. “This,” he says, shoving a dogeared book at Eddie, “is my favourite part.”

The book is his, Eddie realizes. His hands are shaking as he takes it. The shape of the book; Buck’s obviously read it a lot. There are pages turned over, things bookmarked with pieces of paper and highlighter, and he feels something burst in his chest. “Buck.”

Buck’s hand is on his chin, and Eddie lifts his head at Buck’s prompting. There’s an expression on Buck’s face he can’t understand. “This book? It’s the reason I’m here, Eddie.”

“In my house?”

Lips quirked up, Buck shakes his head. “Vermont. Here, wherever I wanted to be. It gave me the courage to be the person I thought I couldn’t be. I’ve read it so many times. I fell in love with every word before I even really knew who you were.”

“You love—”

“You,” Buck finishes.

Eddie doesn’t know what to say.

“It’s okay if you can’t—”

“I love you too,” Eddie says. “Buck, I love you.”

When Buck kisses him, Eddie knows that every moment that’s come before is nothing to this; the future he, Chris and Buck have stretching out before them.

For Buck; I am seen. I am found.

#eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie #buddie fic #911 fic #fic by me #otp: i forgive you #protecteddiediaz2020 #djsafhdjskfa #i dont know what to do with this #fic: vermont verse #IT'S HERE #oops

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florenceandthemachine · 4 years

Text

that original lifeline

chapter 5 / 5 - “you deserve what you are given” - 3.6k

in which Eddie has a good day, has a bad day, sees a familiar face, and tries not to blow up an ambulance. not necessarily in that order.

it’s all done! my first ever standalone, prompt-free fic! I hope you all at least tolerated it as much as I did. I also would like to say—please, if you’re seeing things that look messy or need to be touched up, you’re welcome to let me know. I'm sure I'm going to go over it and re-edit a million times over the next week.

read on AO3

Eddie knew that things were going to be different the moment he slapped his alarm the next morning, because for the first time in months, he actually turned his alarm off. He didn’t lie in bed and ignore it, he didn’t hit snooze until he could get the energy to see the day, he turned it off, he got up, and he started to dress. He couldn’t remember the last time he had greeted a Monday on time for an early morning workout, but the few miles he was able to get in on the treadmill was nothing compared to the look of happiness on his son’s face when he got to join him and Carla for breakfast—instead of running out the door, a granola bar lodged in his mouth. He literally felt like he just woke up on the right side of the bed this morning; judging by the way that Chris lit up, and Carla rose her brows in surprise, his change in attitude was already being noticed.

Even if Carla was good enough not to comment on it.

Honestly, Eddie didn’t know what was going on himself, but he wasn’t going to complain. A day ago, he had almost started to cry at one of those family car commercials with an old dog in it, and today, he was already back into the familiar motions of ‘being well’.

He had been through enough therapy in his life to know the “highs and lows” mental health speech every which way, but what he hadn’t realized until this morning was that when you were low, being low becomes your new normal. Eddie had been through it before (with Shannon, with his parents, with… name a thing), and he knew it would probably come again, but that didn’t make the moments that he got to stand in the light on the other side of the tunnel any less sweet.

It felt like he was standing in the sun.

“Morning Hen! Coffee?” Eddie grinned as he took the stairs up into the loft two at a time, box of danishes in one hand, coffee holders stacked high in the other. He had literally been smiling since he parked his car outside, and was now beaming at Hen only because she was lucky enough to be the first person he got to see that day. Lucky, sure, but he still didn’t miss the way that her brows rose into her hair as she took her cup and her selection of baked goods, knowing full well that this was probably… a lot to take in from his behavior for the past many weeks.

“You’re… cheery.” Hen commented easily, staring at Eddie like a puzzle to figure out—and while that would have made him nervous before, it was actually kind of nice now, a friend showing that she cared.

To his credit, Eddie just shrugged, pulling off another coffee as he put the boxes down on the table, knowing full well they would be devoured before he could even look back. “What can I say? It’s a good day today, the sun is out, and I only have to be here for eight hours. Hey, where’s Chim? I got Mr. Asian James Bond an extra bear claw, since he’s been driving everyone up the wall with his whole sorority girls speech.”

Hen let the topic drop (and Eddie thanked her silently for it) as she groaned and shook her head, taking another drag from her coffee cup as, sure enough, the pastry boxes started to draw everyone in like flies. He started handing out coffees to those who’s orders he could remember, grinning as Hen launched into it. “No no, ‘Asian James Bond’ was last week, now it’s ‘Asian Sex Symbol’ to you. God, that stupid calendar, between he and Bobby I am ready to enter myself, blow them both out of the water as Miss July, and—”

“Hey, hold up, where’s Bosko?” Eddie said, cutting her off before she could pick up too much steam, staring at the last coffee in his hands as Bobby pulled his own free.

Hen and Bobby shared a glance as Bobby cleared his throat around a mouthful of coffee, swallowing before he started to speak. “Actually, Lena’s back with the 136 for the foreseeable future. I’m happy to say that we finally have that vacancy filled.”

Eddie felt his brows launch into his hairline, only vaguely remembering that Lena was supposed to be here on a temporary basis—and he had been a complete ass to her for the past few months. Well, that was going to be a fun little addition to his long list of issues, and he winced as he made a mental note to swing by the 136 later on with another danish and an apology. Hen caught the look, her own brow tilting in return, though she was good enough to redirect her attention back up to Bobby. “So, wait, who’s going to be the newbie on the 118?”

“He is walking up the stairs right now, if you want to turn around. Just graduated out of the Academy last week. Pretty much top of his class, apparently impressed enough people that I had to fight off station 6 to get him to come here—welcome, Evan Buckley.”

“Hey, uh, you can just call me Buck.”

Eddie almost choked on his coffee as he heard a voice behind him, grabbing a napkin to catch a few drops as he turned, trying to repress his cough as he turned around, meeting a pair of blue eyes, staring at Eddie with an intensity that made his insides curl like he had just been sucker punched. He didn’t say anything, of course, just reached out and shook hands, introduced himself, did the whole shebang—with a smile, he might add!

Today was a good day. It could still be a good day. It really, really had the potential to be a good day.

Today was not a good day.

Eddie wanted to work well with Buck, he really did, but every time Buck opened his mouth, all Eddie could feel was pressure, water pushing in on him at every angle, the choking taste of mud in his mouth. At this point in time, Eddie wasn’t sure what was worse—that Buck seemed to put his foot in his mouth whenever he talked to Eddie, or the fact that he didn’t seem to give a fuck where and when he was flapping his yap.

An exploding man hole cover literally knocking someone’s arm into the nearby pool? He had barely started with “Hey, you good? You must have lucked out after that firetruck and all…” before Eddie was talking over him, asking for gauze and a tourniquet to try and save some of the live tissue in the very-much-not-alive arm.

A stab wound to the ass that resulted in the most lifelike Michelin man that Eddie had ever seen? “So, silver star, huh? You save a platoon or something?” Eddie managed to smile, jaw tight as he shook his head. “No, nothing like that. I was just in convoy.”

Even their downtime wasn’t safe—a grocery run that wound up with the entire team stacked high with grocery bags as they walked back into the station? “Hey, I saw a piece about that drill—“

“Alright, who wants lunch?” Eddie was immensely thankful for Bobby’s distraction, not bothering to hide the fact that his interruption was far from a coincidence. By now, even Hen was looking at Buck like he was a crazy person at that point—or maybe just an asshole.

Somehow, after all of their calls, it only came to a head in the gym. Apparently, Buck had decided that the subtle approach (not that anything Buck did could be called subtle) wasn’t good enough, and for whatever reason decided that the gym was the best time to approach Eddie.

Honestly, if Eddie wasn’t a good thirty away from the first real workout he had had in weeks, he probably would have walked away.

“Eddie, you… you know who I am, right?”

His jaw twitching in time with his punches, Eddie finally relented from the poor bag and looked at Buck directly, jaw set as he started to rewrap his hands. “And what if I didn’t? You think this would have gone over well with HR, the new guy bringing up the worst days of my life and all but asking me about a fucking guardian angel?”

“Jesus, that’s not what I—“

“I met Athena.”

Eddie could almost hear Buck’s mouth shut, the clack of his teeth somehow louder than the din of the station behind him. “I met her and she told me that she didn’t know what had happened, and then she offered to make me forget. Forget about you, about everything, because not even she knew where you had wound up.” Eddie started, rolling his wrists easily. “She apologized to me, she said she missed you, well, not that she was alone in that sense. You should probably find a way to apologize to her, too. Let her know you’re okay. Hold the bag.” Eddie’s voice was low even as his tone started to sharpen, doing his absolute best to keep his face neutral, lest he want any attention from Hen or Bobby for harassing the new guy.

To Buck’s credit, he did as Eddie asked, holding the bag steady as Eddie started to wail on it anew, thankful that he at least had the temporary distraction of pressure against his knuckles to stop the urge to scream into the sky.

“Athena… she really did that?” Eddie didn’t respond, just threw another punch, grunting with the exertion. Buck’s voice was low, barely louder than the sound of Eddie’s hands making contact with the bag. “Is that what you want? An apology? Because I’m not going to apologize for saving you, Eddie, I’m not going to say sorry for not leaving you in the bottom of a pit to… I’m not sorry for that. So if that’s what you’re after, I don’t know what to offer you.”

Eddie threw a kick from his left, giving Buck plenty of time to adjust his grip before his ankle came smashing into the bag, panting as he stared Buck down, feeling the anger start to drain out of him as he breathed, shaking his head. “Buck, is that what you think this is about?”

Buck, bless him, just looked like a lost puppy when what Eddie said sunk in.

“You saved my life. I mean, you’ve always kept me safe, but back there you saved my life. You let me go home to my kid, you… I could never thank you enough for that. I’m not mad about that.” He shook his head, flexing his fingers as he took another fighting stance, his poster lower, more subdued than the all out attack he was waging before.

“Well then what—“

“I’m not mad at you because you left.” Eddie repeated, starting another round of punches, each hit slower, shorter, but packed with more force than was strictly necessary. “I’m mad at you because you fucking—because you didn’t come back. Because you chose not to come back. You went through the academy, top of the class, and that was eighteen weeks of you being here, just miles away from me in Los Angeles, and you let me think that you were dead that entire time. You were with me my whole entire life, you were a constant, and then I lost you, Buck, and I had to try and live with that. And then you show up at work today, and you’re alive, and human, and I’ve had barely eight hours to deal with all of this, after I—I fucking mourned you. I mourned you, and you let me, and that—that’s why I’m mad.”

Although, the more he spoke, the more Eddie realized that he wasn’t mad, not really, not that he would own up to it that easily. He wasn’t angry, he was just… crushed. His hook got sloppy and he went wide, eyes wild, stumbling only a little before catching himself on the bag.

“Why does everyone leave me? What did I do, Buck, why didn’t you come back?”

The sudden sound of footsteps drew his eye up to the loft where the next shift was pouring in, easily exchanging pleasantries with Eddie’s team, and Eddie felt the last bit of fight drain out of him as he started to unwind his gloves. The day was done. His shift was over. And after feeling nothing but empty for weeks, Eddie had just about exhausted the entire range of his emotional capabilities in less than a day.

“Eddie, I—“

“Forget it, Buck. I’ll see you tomorrow, or whatever.” Eddie said, not even bothering to look over his shoulder as he headed back to the locker area.

“Fire and Rescue, hello?”

Eddie was having another… long day. Not a bad day, not necessarily, but not a… great day either. He had still managed to get up, he had still brought himself to work, he still managed an honest smile when he kissed Chris goodbye, but he found himself hesitating before he wound up walking into the 118. He didn’t know if he could handle Buck again today—thankfully, it seemed like he didn’t have to. Buck was mostly absent that morning, giving Eddie enough apologetic looks over the table to display that he got he had been an asshole the day before (or, more likely, that Hen and Chim had verbally beat that fact into him before Eddie got there).

Their morning had gone off without incident—there had only been one real call outside a few false alarms, a moron with his head literally cemented into a microwave—and to be honest, Eddie couldn’t deny the fact that he loved how easily he and Buck could work together. Well, how easy they worked together when Buck shut up for three minutes.

Another save, an easy lunch, and Eddie’s eight hour shift looked like it would be ending easily when they got the call to head down to Torrence, walking into what felt like the worlds most mothball-scented Army Navy Surplus store.

Eddie felt his body tense up as soon as the word ‘grenade’, having to take a split second to remind himself that he was still in the States, he wasn’t in wartime, he was still safe. Because he was safe, they were okay, until Buck moved the dressings and a gold glint caught his eye.

“None of the guys I’ve worked with were dumb enough to shoot a live round into their own leg, but I’m familiar with the ordinance.”

Eddie felt his jaw twitch again as Buck stared him down, a tic that he was sure would come to be familiar in over the next few days. Honestly, he was starting to think that Buck was just bringing all the mess with him—he had gone months without a call that threatened his life and limb, and then as soon as Buck came back into his life, there he was, with a grenade stuck inside of some old, gun collecting bastard. He could almost feel the moment where Buck opened his mouth—it was the same feeling he got whenever Buck had appeared, years and years ago, whenever something extremely stupid was about to happen.

“I’m in.”

Of course he was.

For what it was worth, Buck had stellar bedside manner. It was easy for him to to make small talk with Charlie while he hung the morphine, asking about his wife, his life, and Eddie found himself a little bit reassured by how easily Buck was able to buckle down and rise to the situation. After all, Buck had been doing that for Eddie’s whole life—it would be a shame if he lost that skill when he could use it the most.

They kept their talk small and professional as Eddie worked, even though most of his work was giving short, clipped orders, like he was afraid that the grenade would be able to tell how stressed out he was and put them both out of their misery, then and there. They both let out a collective sigh of relief as the grenade plunked, solid and heavy into the bin, Buck hastily closing it like a lid would save them all if that thing were to blow up.

Eddie was just finishing up, throwing a few stitches to try and keep things together until Charlie could make it up to surgery when Buck finally found his voice.

“I was scared, Eddie.”

Eddie didn’t even bother looking up, his fingers working quickly. “I know, but we got it out, we just have to be careful not to move the box too much.”

“No. I mean, about coming back, about seeing you, I… I was scared.”

Eddie looked up as he threw another stitch, sparing a quick look to make sure that the old man was still out cold. When Buck looked up to him, Eddie rose his brows, giving him a little not of encouragement.

“You said I’ve been with you your whole life, but… that goes both ways, Eddie. I don’t even know what happened, one minute I had hurled you out of that lake, and the next I was nothing, there was just nothing, and then…” He took a breath as he moved the dressings, letting Eddie continue his easy stitchwort. “And then I was in a loft in Los Angeles, with a drivers license in my pocket and a brochure for the LAFD Academy on a dresser. I still don’t know how I got there, but I knew it would bring me to you.”

“Here, cut here.”

Buck snipped the end of Eddie’s suture easily, passing him a tube of antibacterial gel, dolloping it along the messy wound site.

“For the first time in years, I couldn’t feel you anymore. I didn’t know what you were doing, or how you were feeling, or if you were safe, and it scared me. I missed you, of course I did, but I knew that if I just went right back to you, it would be like nothing had changed, when really, everything had changed.” Eddie looked up as he covered the gel in an adhesive gauze patch, hanging another bag of fluids, eyes tracking between the steady blip of the heart monitor and the very live grenade in a bin at the end of the ambulance, while his brain tried to keep up with the live grenade that he and Buck were lobbing back and forth.

Nodding for Buck to open the back door, Eddie waited until they both had their feet on the ground to respond, rolling his neck. “Well, that’s kind of par for the course. Being scared, I mean.” he started, a small smile on his face as Buck looked back, catching his eye. Eddie shrugged, eye darting over to the rest of their team, still safely out of earshot as he nudged Buck’s shoulder, the motion easy and simple, muscle memory built up over years.

“Welcome to the human condition. It kind of sucks. You’re going to love it.”

And fuck, Buck was smiling again. Eddie would give anything to keep that look on his face, even as they handed Charlie off to the medics, even as the bomb squad guy called in the robot to… well, to do what, Eddie didn’t know. But that was the beauty of it all—he didn’t have to care anymore. All that mattered to him in that moment were his boots on his ground, the air around him, and maybe, if he played his cards right, the team he got to work with. He could feel Bobby’s eyes on him as he pulled his flac jacket off, a little slow on the uptake of whatever had happened in the ambulance.

“You know, you’re pretty badass under pressure.” Eddie said, his face curving up into the first real smile he had worn in days. Buck looked like a deer in the headlights, like Eddie must have been talking to someone, anyone else, and even Bobby cracked a grin as Eddie smacked him in the arm. “You can have my back any day.”

Buck looked, well, Eddie would have framed the look on Buck’s face if he could. It was a vision of pure joy, the simple sentence meaning more to both of them than anyone else could ever know, and Eddie had to resist the urge to pull him into a bone crushing hug as he kicked at the ground.

“Yeah. Or, you know, you could… You could have mine.”

If Eddie smiled any wider, he felt like his face was going to crack.

They were still not great—not by a long shot—but for the first time in almost six months, Eddie finally felt something close to closure, to peace, a starting point for the two of them that would take them both who-knows-where.

“Deal.”

And then, because nothing in Eddie’s life was ever easy, the ambulance exploded. Eddie wasn’t even phased at this point in his life—any exploding vehicle was fine by him as long as he wasn’t on it.

“Are, uh, are you guys hungry? There’s a great burger place around here, they’re open for another hour or so.”

Hanging back as the rest of his crew packed up, Bobby pulled his phone out of his pocket as it buzzed, a small smile gracing his lips as he unlocked it.

New Message from A - 11:12PM

Well? Was I right, or was I right?

“Cap, come on! Burgers wait for no man!”

To A - 11:14PM

They’re going to be one hell of a team.

#guardianangel!buck #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie #911 #buddiefic #911fic #so happy to have this out of my drafts #srsly don't feel shy about pointing shit out to me #it's what I can do so I can an grow #FINALLY THIS IS DONE #I HATE IT ALREADY LMAOOO

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ravens-words · 3 years

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Tagged by @christopherismybuddie to do my top ten favorite 911 episodes and why. (Disclaimer: I haven't watched season 2 episodes in a LONG time, so sorry if I mixed up some stuff lol)

This got out of hand and I apologize? (And Yes, these are in order)

Edit: 1 & 2, because I love these equally and thought I could choose my favorite, but apparently can't.

3x2-3 The TSUNAMI EPISODES- where do I start with the perfection that was these two episodes??? I can write a whole essay about them. From Eddie having a key, to him figuratively dragging Buck out of bed, leaving Chris with him, "his buck", to the utter perfection that is the Christopher and Buck relationship???? Buck's fear, his relief when he finds Christopher, the way he looked for him, for HOURS, him breaking down at the mere idea of telling Eddie when he was on the phone with Maddie to the ene after that (Eddie's face, Buck collapsing only when Christopher was safe, a return of the "Bobby knows" look) And finally. WAIT FOR ME TO COME. "THERE'S NO ONE I TRUST MORE WITH MY SON THAN YOU"

4x 13-14- I mentioned 13 because that end scene was GOLD. Buddie being the only ones there, the way it was framed, the silence, Buck just freezing and having to be tackled out of the way of fire. EDDIE REACHING FOR BUCK.

As for 14, ooh, that opening scene- Badass Buck was amazing (the smooth roll under the truck, hauling Eddie to saftey, and then hefting him over his shoulder and into the truck👀)

Then we have Eddie freking Diaz, bleeding out, asking Buck if he was okay. "Eds" 😭.

Buck shaking when he was outside the hospital, the automatic way he took on the responsibility of telling Christopher.

Buck trying so hard to keep it together while telling Christopher, and then breaking down, and Christopher comforting him, when he found out Eddie was okay? I did not see that coming. I loved it beyond words though. Buck staying on the couch just so Christopher could stay at home 😭. And then of course the freaking bed scene. It still feels surreal that it's now canon that Eddie trusts Buck with Christopher so much that he would name him as his guardian if something happens to him. That is so freaking significant. Also, the fact that he only chose to tell him because Buck thought it would be better if he was the one who was shot, because Buck thinking he was expendable was just UNACCEPTABLE to one Eddie Diaz. I love these two so much (and they love each other, I don't make the rules)

3. 3x15 Eddie Begins- The Eddie Diaz backstory I was craving, and it didn't disappoint. His relationship with his parents (I hate it) with Shanon (I've managed to keep my opinions on Shanon/Eddie to myself for a long time and will continue to do so). And finally, with Christopher- I love this relationship so much, and I love how Eddie was not a perfect father, but they did show us he was a GOOD one, who would do anything for his son. Eddie Diaz is one of the best young fathers I've seen on TV and I love him for that. "I miss you all the time" will forever break my heart.

Eddie doing everything to save Hayden (and this being a characteristic we see whenever there are children involved) is something I also loved to see. Buck's reactions were unexpected and jarring and perfect. I get chocked up every time I see it.

4. 4x4-5 the Buck Begins Episodes- My love Evan Buckley deserves the world. I hate the Buckley parents. I love Maddie Buckley, and I LOVE the freaking firefam. The Buckley Siblings moments were gold. Maddie is amazing and also deserves the world. We got such a good insight into why Buck is who he is, and it broke my heart and made me love him even more. My one complaint about these episodes is that we didn't get any Buck hugs (I really wanted Maddie, Bobby and Eddie to hug him 😭)

5. 4x06 Jinx- the most hilarious episode and one I still watch if I need a laugh. The helium scene is the best thing ever.

6. 2x13- Fight or Flight- I love all the relationships on the show, but my top two are Buddie and the Buckley siblings. This one was just a beautiful episode. Maddie saving herself, Buck going out of his mind with worry, their HUG. Their talk in the ambulance. Just, ahhhh.

7. 4x12 Treasure Hunt- SCHEMING. I loved this one so much. All the team ups, another appearance by jealous Eddie, return of detective Bobby. Moments I loved: Eddie pouts- Buck caves immediately, Buck's hate for Math (me too, man), Ravi totally abandoning ship at the chance he might get in trouble, and Eddie jumping into the firetruck head first)

8. 2x04 Stuck- I love this episode so much. The whole "is your son really why you don't date?"/"they're not my type" 👀 also, Christopher being the angel that he is 😭. This one was the first instance we saw Buck having Eddie's back outside of the job, and it was so beautiful.

9. 2x06 Dosed- my god, I will never get sick of this episode. "Teeny Tiny" and "Oooh, you made him cry" 😂😂. Hen and Buddie being high was just so freaking funny. Bobby broke my heart in this episode. Also, first sighting of Jealous Eddie. That was gold.

10. 2x01 Under Pressure- Ahhh, Eddie and Maddie introduction!! The start of Buddie. Them going from "you're my problem" to "you can have my back any day" *chef's kiss*

If you actually made it this far, hats off to you lol

I won't tag anyone, but I do hope if you see it and want to do it, that you tag me!

#911 episodes I love

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0ciestiel0 · 4 years

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Buddie Appreciation/Ted Talk

Buddie Appreciation

This is going to be extremely long, basically a novel. For Real, this is loooong. I have tried my best to organize what we have for Buck and Eddie’s relationship and the building up that has been done and give some theories/explanations for our Buddie moments. I don’t necessarily mean that in the totally romantic sense as they aren’t actually a couple as of now, but I discuss why Buddie is a ship and why it is a valid ship and what it seems like the writers are doing. I cover all of seasons 1-3.I have posted everything before the updates sections before, but this is the complete seasons 1-3. Without further ado,

Welcome To My Ted Talk

So obviously Buck and Eddie are close. Buck calls him his best friend in Searchers. They didn’t start out that way, however.

Buck was jealous of Eddie. Not just because he was a new hot guy who was in his turf and he felt threatened with that whole hot firefighter calendar but of how easily the team accepted Eddie into their ranks. Buck had to fight and earn a place and respect but Eddie just walked in and had it. It stung and you could see it in Bucks facial expressions and overall attitude.

However, that animosity quickly subsided the minute he and Eddie share an intense call. He sees that Eddie has experience and skill. Eddie offers him to have his back and Buck offers the same. But Eddie acknowledges Buck’s skill. He tells him he’s good under pressure. He offers verbal praise which I think is something Buck kinda craves. He seems to need that verbal validation. He must not have had that unconditional love growing up, at least from his parents and Maddie left for school and then got married and had her own set of problems. But Eddie gave that validation. That was a very quick progression to friends but not necessarily unreasonable given Buck’s personality.

They slowly bond over their time being partnered in the field. Buck spends the most time with Chris out of anyone else on the team. Buck helps Eddie out, giving him rides, going to see Santa, getting Eddie Carla, and who knows what else we haven’t seen. The lady elf even thought they were a couple and Chris was their son. Buck obviously cares about Chris. He loves spending time with him. When Eddie brings him to the station Buck was already informing Bobby and getting the necessary permissions. And he was Playing with him on the fire pole with Eddie. Maddie even picks up on their closeness by teasing him about having boy-crush on Eddie.

Eddie talked to Buck about his relationship with Shannon. Buck was the one to take Eddie to the school to make sure Chris was ok and to pick him up, after the earthquake.

There was a lot of this trust built up and then Eddie emphasizes it when he drops Chris off with Buck before the tsunami. He drops by Bucks unannounced, clearly having a key to his place. Like it’s normal for Eddie to just show up without warning. I bet only Maddie would have a key besides Eddie. He gets Buck out of bed, not caring about his personal space. He says Chris is spending time with His Buck today. He’s Chris’s Buck. And maybe Eddie’s too. We don’t really know Eddie’s full meaning behind those words. We’ve never seen Eddie leave Chris with anyone but his family or Carla prior to this. He has a very overprotective nature with Chris. He wouldn’t even trust Shannon with him when she first came back.

And with Shannon is the first time we see Eddie get kind of angry at all. This is important for later. Chris has been the only thing that Eddie expresses lots of emotion for, aside from from his anger at Shannon which is still about Chris.

Then we have the tsunami episodes. And Eddie was happy to show everyone the selfies Buck was sending. He didn’t even seem worried that Buck and Chris were out that day. He likely assumed they were at the movies but still. He trusted Buck. And after Cap said that Buck still has them even if he doesn’t know it Eddie has that look of like ohhhhhh. And boom. Christopher basically becomes Bucks therapy.

And after. That scene at the end of Searchers. Where Eddie tells Buck there’s no one is this world he trusts more with his son than Buck, that’s intense. That’s meaningful. Parents just don’t say that to anyone, friends included. He also said Buck loved Christopher enough to never stop trying. Also an important thing to note. And Buck needed to hear that. Buck needs verbal affirmations it seems. He needs to hear that Eddie and Chris are still going to be a part of his life. That Eddie doesn’t hate him. That Chris doesn’t hate him.

Now to this whole lawsuit non-sense. After the tsunami Buck was cut off from his team. Even Eddie and Chris it seemed. Chris was having nightmares but Eddie didn’t go to Buck for it. It didn’t seem like anyone came around Buck much. And then he comes to find out Lena has taken his locker, his place as Eddie’s field partner. They taped over his name. Eddie is clearly spending time with her. It was all too much for Buck after the loss of no one coming around and he did something stupid. He filed the lawsuit. All he wanted was to get back with his 118 family. Including Eddie and Chris. I think the thought of losing Eddie as his best friend hurt him the most. He didn’t mean to cut of ties with Chris. He never wanted to hurt his family, especially Chris. He just wanted to feel like he belonged again. Like he hadn’t lost his family.

But he did act rashly. And Eddie took his rash decisions the hardest. Which came out at the grocery store. His whole speech was I couldn’t call you. I couldn’t reach out to you. It may have started with Chris misses you but it led to I need you why didn’t you consider that. It also made clear how much Buck means to Eddie. How much Eddie considers Buck a parental figure to Chris. The only other time Eddie got emotional was with Shannon. He felt betrayed when she left. When she left Chris. And it seems like Eddie had very similar feelings here. Like he and Buck had built this relationship and that relationship included Chris and then Buck just up and leaves. It’s like he stopped trying. If he loved Chris so much why would he have done this. To Eddie that felt like a Shannon betrayal all over again and he snapped. Which makes his grocery store outburst make so much more sense. And I think Chim was clearly picking up on just how intense this outburst from Eddie really was.

And It wasn’t just that he couldn’t talk to Buck either but that was certainly part of it. Buck was obviously Eddie’s first choice to bail him out of jail. He said to Lena he couldn’t call the team, he couldn’t call Buck. He separated Buck from the team. Like Buck was more to him than just a colleague or work friend. That he can trust Buck when he can’t trust anyone else. Buck obviously means a lot to Eddie. He even looked ready to deck Buck before the car accident in the parking lot happened. And what happens next? Eddie goes and does illegal street fighting. And Buck? He looked crushed when he heard that Eddie and Chris are hurting. I bet that’s exactly why he gave up on the lawsuit. He didn’t want millions. He wanted his family. He was wondering where Eddie was at the rage room. Just wait until Buck finds out about that. I have a feeling he will be the one to pull Eddie back from this spiral that he’s on.

Updates:

First thing I’d like to add into this is how the directors/writers add in these very…romantic tropey things with Buck and Eddie. Like how they set up shots for example. During Eddie’s ceremony when he’s finally like not a probationary firefighter and Chris is walking his helmet up the aisle and they have in frame: Eddie’s Abuela, Christopher coming up the middle, and Buck. And let’s take a min to look at Buck’s face as he sees Chris walking to his dad. It’s the face you’d expect a proud mom to have. But anyway. The fact they put Buck and Eddie’s Abuela in the same shot like that seems intentional and seems meaningful. Because Chris and his Abuela are two very important people to Eddie. And they have now included Buck into that moment. Giving us the impression Buck is as important to Eddie as his son (well almost, No One will be more important than Chris to Eddie but you know what I mean) and his Abuela.

Also, During Buck’s welcome back party we see Cap push Eddie, who was looking already ready to pounce, right to Buck to get the first hug. Everyone else waits while Eddie gets to greet his best friend first. And give him a very not bro-like hug. This kind of setup is also something we normally see with romantic partners. The love interest being the first to greet or hug or whatever.

Then we have that shot when Buck finally confronts Eddie for ghosting him when he comes back to the station. When they are standing apart Buck to the left Eddie to the right. It’s a very couple dynamic cinematography. Then after all is said and done, Eddie is still lying to Buck. He won’t meet Buck’s eyes. Like he knows if he makes eye contact Buck will push to find out what Eddie’s been secretly up to. And he knows he’d probably tell him. He tends to do that with Buck. He didn’t exactly want to talk about his relationship with Shannon when they took Chris to see Santa but it happened anyway. He talks to Buck. And Eddie currently doesn’t want to talk.

Next we have Buck and Eddie having dinner together at Bucks place with Christopher. We never see Eddie having dinner or hanging out like that with the other fire fam. Maybe as a group sometimes but never alone. And Eddie, once again, seems perfectly comfortable in Bucks place. we’ve seen he has a key when he showed up to get Buck out of bed pre-tsunami. And now we see him taking plates to the sink like he’s done that a million times before. He didn’t need to ask Buck what he wanted him to do.

And then we have that conversation in the kitchen. While Eddie does seem to have forgiven Buck, for real this time, Buck can’t seem to forgive himself. He apologizes for like the hundredth time. And Eddie is honestly shocked. He thought Buck knew things were good. But to Buck things weren’t. He still felt awful. He never meant to hurt his basically family like that. I think this is an interesting parallel here back to Shannon. She wanted Eddie to forgive her but she never really apologized. Not really. Eddie said he CAN forgive her. But wasn’t sure if he could trust her. He said he forgave Buck. No can, no maybe words. I think a lot of that has to do with their approach’s. Buck went out of his way to show Eddie he was sorry. He verbally said it multiple times. Eddie saw his remorse. He saw how much Buck was hurting just by the thought of hurting him and Christopher. That’s why Eddie thought they were past it. And why Buck didn’t. Buck seems pretty insecure with the people in his life. Like if they don’t tell him straight out what’s up he will worry. I don’t think Eddie’s the only one who feels like he’s not enough. I think Bucks love language thingy would be words of affirmation. He needed to hear Eddie tell him they were past it. To see Eddie really had forgiven him. And once they do get past it they are back to their weird flirty but not flirty thing they do. ([i](I mean did we all see Buck saunter over to Eddie with hands on his belt telling him he could take him?? Like that was a flirty way to say that, Buck))

And I think it says a lot that Eddie says his kind of therapy is just being with Buck and Chris. Buck does seem to be a grounding point for Eddie. Saying that out loud to Buck I think was important too because like I mentioned above Buck needs to hear things. Hearing that tells Buck that Eddie loves spending time with him. With his son. Basically like it’s his ideal day. It makes him happy.

And then we have the Christmas episode. Eddie invites Hen and Denny over to build gingerbread houses with Chris. But he also invites Buck. Hen points that out. All three of the boys. Buck, Chris, and Denny. Eddie knows how much Buck means to Chris. But I also think on some level he’s moral support for Eddie since he just told Hen that Chris was mad at him or upset really because he had to work on Christmas. And then Chris asks, His Buck, if he can spend Christmas with him. Like if he can’t have his dad he can have his Buck. Which is saying something right there. He knew he was going to be with his Abuela and his aunt but he still asked Buck. Buck obviously has a special place in Chris’s life for him to feel that way. To ask that kind of question knowing the alternative choice. But of course they both work and Eddie and Buck look heartbroken when Buck has to tell that to Chris. Let’s not overlook the face Eddie makes when he watches them make the gingerbread houses. Eddie looks so…happy when he looks over to Buck helping the kids. He doesn’t really look at other people that way.

Then at the station during the dinner, Buck is sitting next to Chris. Or more like Chris gets to sit next to both his dad and his Buck. They group Buck with the Diaz family a lot during this part. When Buck gives Chris his gift, it’s Chris, Buck, Eddie, and his Abuela off to the side. During dinner they sit like a family. During the fire fam photo Buck stands next to Eddie and the Diaz clan. When they return to the station to find all their family there the look on Bucks face is pure joy as he sees Eddie see Chris. And as he watched Eddie rush to Chris. Buck to doesn’t really make that face for other people. He made a similar face when Chris walked Eddie’s helmet up to Eddie after his probation status was up.

The writers and directors are intentionally making Buck look like part of Eddie’s family. They started this in season two but it’s increased since then. The way they film the shots, the way they write the dialogue, and the way the actors act the parts all add up to a very romantic/family centered relationship.

[c]It makes me wonder how much is implied off screen between Buck and Eddie. Like how much time does Buck really spend with the two, how much co-parenting are we not seeing. Because Chris isn’t attached to anyone else from the fire fam like he is Buck. It must mean Buck spends quite a bit of time with them. Kids don’t just get attached like that otherwise.

Episode 11 of season 3. So they start off giving us an odd look between Buck and Eddie on being asked if they are single. Was that necessary? Why did they look at each other? Are they setting up a not single scenario? In all honesty I feel like it’s too late to give us a love interest for either of them this far into a season for it to be a serious love interest.

Then we have Maddie scolding Buck for not bringing a gift to Eddie’s house. He didn’t need Maddie to “save him from himself”. Buck knows when to bring gifts, he’s done so at least twice before. Like with Bobby and Athena’s Christmas thing he brought like wine and eggnog. So he didn’t bring a gift because he was being forgetful or rude he did it because he doesn’t feel like a guest in Eddie’s house. Because Eddie has made him feel this way. Eddie wants him to feel that way. So when he says this is Eddie’s house, he’s not really a guest, both he and Eddie mean that.

Eddie also gives Buck and Chris that really soft but huge smile he only gives them while Buck was playing with Chris on the couch with Albert. And Buck hovers next to Albert and Chris as everyone is getting dinner, like he needs to supervise.

Episode 12 of season 3. Now this episode was stressful for many Buddie shippers I’m sure. But we are not yet to the famous line of Dante “Abandon all hope ye who enter here”.

Yes, Eddie does flirt with that teacher. But Eddie is still human and the pretty girl kinda flirted with him. And sometimes there is a “mistake” relationship before the real romance happens. Many late season love interests don’t end up staying on tv shows. They are a stepping stone almost. If she does stay at all or more like if they continue to pursue this or if Eddie leaves it. Who knows where they were going with this, it could be a thing or it could end at flirting. Although I do fail to see how they could possibly build to something as good and developed with a new love interest as they have with Buck and Eddie. The foundation has basically been built for them already and they would literally have to start from the ground up with someone new to make this any sort of believable. Not just some nice, cute, woman thrown into either of their lives.

Eddie did apologize to her but some of the things she said make me wonder if they are hinting to Eddie’s future Buck feelings. Like her whole “There’s also some value in learning that… you don’t like horses.” Could that mean she picked up on something Eddie hasn’t? Or foreshadowing? Writers do dirty tricks like that. And I’d personally like to believe they wouldn’t set up Eddie with someone we the audience haven’t had anytime to get to know. He’s not that kind of guy from what we know. He’s had like one relationship. And even when he was separated (before she died) from Shannon he didn’t date?? So why would he just jump into something with this teacher whom we and he know nothing about??

Buck’s teasing Eddie while they got that woman unstuck from a window also seemed a little jealous maybe? Not to say he’s jealous Eddie has a date and he doesn’t but jealous he’s not the date even if Buck doesn’t totally realize that’s why he’s jealous. A stretch perhaps but why did he need to bring it up right then. Plus Eddie looked like “hey, I didn’t tell you that to mock me” kind of face. Like shocked Buck said that. And if Bobby’s face was anything to go by that was something he only had told Buck about because Bobby looked very shocked and confused, and clearly knew nothing of that situation Eddie had gotten himself in. Buck blurting that out seemed a little...out of place, is all I’m saying. Was he maybe a little relieved he may never talk to her again outside of school necessities? But Eddie apologizes anyway soo...

And we can’t forget about the poker game at Maddie’s and how Buck was not at all offended that he would get set up with a man but that his sister said she wouldn’t do that to Josh. Plus I think Buck isn’t really looking to date. I know he said all those things but since when has Buck ever had trouble getting a date if he wanted to. I was getting the vibe that Buck just isn’t actively looking. That he’s kind of ok with where he’s at right now.

We also can’t ignore how Eddie clearly vents to Buck. Not only about Chris but his terrible flirting and snippy behavior. And Buck also puts things into a better perspective for Eddie. He doesn’t just offer up some weak moral support, he offers actual constructive advice. He trusts Buck. Yes, that comes with being his best friend but when you pair that with all the other romantic subtext you get that close bond that Eddie likely isn’t going to get with someone else. (Cute English teacher I’m looking at you). And he also trusts Buck with Chris. He trusts Buck’s advice even though he’s not a parent himself. More than he trusts anyone else according to Eddie. And they are at Buck’s place. Alone. No Chris? That was clearly a hangout so Eddie could vent and talk out his feelings. Plus Buck uses baseball as a stepping stone for his point. He knows Eddie likes it. And they only just brought baseball up last episode. But we know Buck pays attention to small details. Did Buck actually read that book in the hospital? Or did he research people who were different but found ways to succeed before Eddie came over? Also, Eddie knew who the player was so he probably knew some of the details of his interesting story. But he let Buck explain.

And ok. When Eddie is talking to Chris he tells him things he told Buck in regards to Chris. He told his son to never stop trying. He told Buck he knows he loves Chris enough to never stop trying. He also tells Chris that next time he wants to try something they will try it together. And that just happens to also mean with Buck. That was likely Buck’s idea, just like with Carla, and Christmas. Buck doesn’t hesitate with Chris, if he can do something for him he’s going to get it done. He puts so much effort into being there for Chris, for making sure Chris is ok, he already loves Eddie’s son so much and the tsunami only bonded them more.

And the most heartwarming scene of the episode? Eddie and Buck surprising Chris with the special skateboard while Carla films the whole thing. They way Eddie and Buck look while they both spend time with Chris is just so domestic and comfortable and sweet. They feel like a family. They look like a family. They act like a family. Buck and Eddie are so in sync with each other. They only look at each other that way. Eddie’s flirty eyes are still different than the “heart” eyes he gives to Buck and his son. It’s a look so far that is exclusively reserved for them.

There’s also a lot of this parallel of it being pointed out that Buck is single but then they cut to him, Eddie, and Chris as a family unit. Maddie and Chim seem to think they don’t have a kid but oh they have Buck, but Buck has been coparenting with Eddie for a while now and knows more about raising a kid than Maddie or Chim.

And the episode title, Fools, leaves a lot of questions too. The episode Eddie happens to flirt happens to be titled fools? The fools were not limited to the calls they received. Our fire fam is not immune.

Now on to Eddie Begins. Let’s start with the big moment. With Buck breaking down when the rig collapsed trapping Eddie. He screamed his name, began to try digging for Eddie, has to be pulled away by Bobby where he breaks down and cries. And then everyone, Bobby, Hen, Chim, and I assume a guy (who works with those digging rigs?) has to reassure him that no, no one thinks Eddie is dead. And that no one has given up. Buck even suggest to dig by hand. It was the same level of panic he had when he was separated from Chris during the tsunami. When Maddie was missing. It’s his, my family is in danger panic.

Now I know Buck would be worried about anyone he cares about. But he’s never been that overwhelmed with emotion for anyone except Maddie. Someone he finds especially close and dear to him. He hasn’t responded that way to the others the way he responds to Eddie. It’s like the thought of losing Eddie truly broke him.

And then when Eddie is losing consciousness he thinks about Chris, Buck, and the fire fam. But there’s a lot of moments he brings back that are just him Buck and Chris. That relationship with Buck and Chris is important to him. And the look of pure relief and joy on Bucks face when Eddie is okay, is that look he reserves for Chris.

We also had Buck looking at Eddie with the same level of anticipation of his answer to Chris asking him to be part of his show and tell that Chris had. And his level of comfort with Eddie just coming right up like he’s part of that family. And he just takes Eddie’s medal like no big deal. And Eddie let him.

And how they set up the scene where Eddie reunited with the team very much reminds me of when Buck was trying to tell Eddie he lost Chris in the tsunami and then Chris shows up behind him. Everyone was trying to keep Buck calm, make plan to find Eddie, and then there he is. They start with buck’s face. Show his emotion as he realizes Eddie’s not dead. Then we see Buck, and the others rush to him. As buck supports Eddie, we see the look of relief on his face. The look of joy/love at Eddie being ok.

Also, Buck asks the same questions as a nine year old. Just a fun fact not sure what to do with that yet.

[c]The One That Got Away

Let’s just start with Eddie’s sass when Buck says he wants to do something reckless.

I would like to point out how out of character it was for Buck to not go to Eddie’s for Chris’s sleepover. Eddie invited him outright. Even after he declined and everyone else had date night Buck could have showed up at Eddie’s. I understand that they wanted Buck alone at the bar to point out how alone Buck feels but I think they should have picked a different excuse for Eddie. And maybe this is showcasing Buck doesn’t feel like he’s part of Eddie’s “people” but Eddie clearly thinks of him as his people or he wouldn’t have invited him to his plans. Plus, Chris loves Buck so much. He was who he wanted to spend Christmas with when his dad had to work.

And can we talk about how Buck looks pointedly at Eddie when they talk about not losing touch as a fire fam. Buck’s eyes go straight back to Eddie. Every time he says that won’t happen to us or it better not. It’s once again a subtle point to how important they are to each other.

I guess this episode does point out that Buck has self esteem issues. That even when being blatantly offering an open door Buck doesn’t feel like he’s welcome. But that could all change with a simple conversation. A simple talk with Eddie. And hell it could start with Eddie telling Buck he understands what it’s like to be left behind. Shannon left him. Without warning. He knows. They could talk. It would honestly probably be good for both of them. Buck obviously has a big heart and what he did for Red was sweet. But he also took it too seriously as that’s his future but that’s simple not the case and someone seriously who isn’t Maddie, and probably Eddie, needs to tell him so.

This episode opened the door for Abby’s return and I honestly hope it brings us closure for Buck so he can move on. So he can maybe have that talk with Eddie. So Eddie and Buck can heal together.

The finale parts of season 3.

There are two finale eps this season. The first part isn’t too Buck or Eddie focused but we have a few moments we can talk about.

First up is the moment in the fire truck as Buck is giving hot air ballon facts and when Eddie asks where he heard that from and asks Maddie, then Buck goes no someone else. I was a bit surprised at his reluctance to tell Eddie. Eddie is the only person there who doesn’t know Abby personally. He only knows what Buck or the team has told him. He has no first hand bias. It felt like he doesn’t want Eddie to perhaps judge him or pick up on he’s still got some hang ups when it comes to Abby. But Eddie is his best friend and relationships are certainly something they talk about with each other and not the rest of the team. Eddie in particular. Not to mention Eddie’s suspicious eyebrows. He probably knew exactly who Buck was avoiding talking about.

And then we have the scene with Hen and Karen and Hen saying she doesn’t want to invite tons of people for the “dinner” with Chim because of cost. Well if Hen brings Karen, Chim brings Maddie, Maddie invites Buck (probably out sibling loyalty), Buck invites Eddie. And then Bobby and Athena have to get invited. This was set up in such a way that couples were grouped together with the exception of Maddie and Buck but she has that sister love of inclusion thing with him. That’s more subtext. More tropes.

Now part two. The first big interaction with Buck and Eddie would be when Eddie is bringing up summer camp with the fire fam. Eddie doesn’t seem too worried about letting him go but Buck seems to have all kinds of concerns. None of the others voiced any concerns or challenges Eddie’s decision to let him go. But Buck does. Acting more like an overprotective parent than a friend. And when he says what if he gets homesick felt like it had two meanings, much like when Eddie said/yelled at Buck in the grocery store. For Eddie when he yelled Chris misses you, there was an undertone of, I miss you. For Buck, what if he gets homesick, felt like what if I miss him? The added snark of sounds like child labor adds to that feeling. Like he’s just trying to find fault with this summer camp idea. Of course Buck wants Chris to have a good time but I think his worrying goes a bit deeper than seeing Chris as his best friends kid even if he doesn’t realize it. And of course we have another frustrated Bobby eye roll at Buck’s words. Like he knows Buck is being ridiculous but isn’t going to actually tell him so and that he probably sees it what Buck doesn’t. The looks Bobby has been giving Buck and Eddie this season have been wonderful overall, just saying.

Then when have when Eddie and Abby and talking and Buck shows up. Eddie notices the change in Buck’s demeanor. And his shocked face throughout the encounter is priceless. And after they rescue Sam, Eddie asks Buck if he is ok. He gives him the chance to tell Eddie he’s not ok by asking him directly which Eddie doesn’t do too often. His concern for Buck is obvious but he doesn’t push. He is trusting Buck for the time being that he will at least be ok enough to work and maybe Eddie understands better than anyone that focusing on the job is what he needs at that moment.

Next we have Buck wanting to do something reckless to save both Abby’s fiancé and the other person. Buck is adamant and fighting with Bobby. That’s normal. Buck challenges Bobby quite a bit when it comes to reckless decisions. What is unusual in this case is Eddie stepping in. Yelling at Buck to stop. He says this as Buck brings up the fire truck that crushed his leg. Almost like that was too much for Eddie. He had to watch that happen to Buck and was there when the truck came off him. He doesn’t want to risk his partners life. Normally Eddie is the one to jump into reckless situations with him but this time he didn’t, he tried to talk Buck down and out of the idea. Obviously that didn’t work. And Eddie doesn’t raise his voice often. Shannon and Buck are really the only people he has yelled at. He didn’t even really yell at Chris’s teacher, it was a sort of raised voice and he was angry but he didn’t outright yell. I think that means something or speaks to the level of closeness Buck and Eddie share. That the only two people he ever yells at are his son’s mother and Buck. The show puts a lot of parallels between Buck and Shannon and that can’t be for nothing.

And then May’s party. Not only was it adorable, it was very Buddie subtext heavy. First let’s talk about how each couple was shown taking pics together and then Buck and Eddie. They are, once again, paired like a couple. Taking many goofy photos with each other and then with Chris. Buck even taking many solo pictures with Christopher. No one else does that. Buck also seems to be helping Eddie keep an eye on Chris. They were even standing next to each other during the beginning of the party. He’s the one who helps him write a message for May. While keeping a general eye on other people’s kids is ok Buck goes above and beyond for Chris. More than what friends typically do. I would need to see more evidence one way or the other but Chris also says love Christopher in cards addressed to both Buck and Eddie and I wonder if Chris would do that for the other members of the fire fam or just Buck. They really played up Buck and Eddie and Chris being a family at the end of this episode.

Season 4

Alone Together

The only really note worthy moment to happen was Buck talking to his therapist about telling people how he really feels. That could mean a lot of things, like maybe stop people pleasing all the time or actually tell people when he’s feeling something that’s not happy things. Or it could mean having a talk with someone with an adorable son about feelings you may have that are totally not platonic.

Future Tense

We get our first real Buddie moments of season 4 in future tense. Specifically with Buck and Chris pranking Eddie. Eddie did always strike me the type to be a slight technophobe so it was hilarious. But back to the Buddie.

When Chris and Buck are playing video games and Eddie says “we’re taking an internet break” only for Chris to ask to go play games at Buck’s place, forcing Buck to look at Eddie. Eddie gives him that crossed arms you better have my back look. And Buck obviously compiles. It’s very good cop/bad cop parenting dynamics if I’ve ever saw them. It’s also very domestic. Like a couple where one is sorta still new to the whole parenting and rules thing. Much like Bobby was with Athena’s kids at first. He didn’t want to be the bad guy right away and usually deferred to Athena. That’s kind of where Buck and Eddie are at and they aren’t even a (canon) couple.

Then we have the actual prank. When Eddie opens the box with the coffee maker. Chris is right away on the phone with Buck. So either Buck is on speed dial or Chris knows his number. Either way that’s important. If Eddie has him on speed dial, and Chris knows the speed dial number, it only emphasizes how important Buck is in their lives. If Chris knows the number that’s also telling on his importance as most kids don’t memorize phone numbers easily, and only memorize important ones.

And final point of this episode, is the look on Buck’s face after Eddie hangs up. It’s the same look we have seen Buck make after talking with Abby, the first real love he’s had. That can’t be totally a coincidence that Buck makes that face with Eddie then? Why was it necessary to make that same face that seems to only be with someone he has feelings for previously?

The Crossover with Lone Star

First thing, both Eddie and Buck seemed a little disappointed it wasn’t going to just be them for the Texas trip. Then Buck seemed rather jealous when Eddie wasn’t going to be with him in the field. And seemed rather ruffled that Eddie didn’t seem to share his distress.

It also seemed weird that Eddie and Marjan were so almost flirty? Eddie doesn’t flirt well even when he’s trying. I wondered if he bonded with her so much, insta following, the selfie, and all, to get her to follow Buck back. He subtly hyped Buck multiple times, telling her he’s not so bad and that he helped with Chris’s skateboard.

Then we have TK assuming Buck was flirting with him, Buck looking confused but not immediately reacting negatively, and Eddie showing up right after. Nothing is an accident in film. Eddie showing up is either a subtle nod to future stuff or continuing the aid of the Buddie Baiting. Plus why was that scene even necessary at all? Having TK think Buck is flirting is a deliberate scene. Yes it does add to TK’s story by finally admitting he and Carlos are serious, but they didn’t need Buck to do that. And if it’s more Buddie Baiting it’s dumb but if it’s not then it’s another way to slowly build up to Buck and/or Eddie coming to terms with not being straight and having feelings.

The conclusion here?

Buck and Eddie definitely have an established relationship. Maybe it’s not romantic, at least yet (I can hope), but Buck has become a parental figure in Christopher’s life, regardless. And Eddie doesn’t let that happen with just anyone. And hell, they have more actual chemistry than most actual tv couples. I’m always a bit surprised when people say they don’t see how anyone could think Buck and Eddie should be a couple or how they look like a couple. You don’t have to ship them but saying you can’t even see why people do? Confuses me, Because they show is really hitting us hard with romantic tv tropes. Like you can have male friendships without romantic subtext. Like Jake and Charles from Brooklyn 99 or Shawn and Gus from Psych or JD and Turk from Scrubs. No one ships these friends seriously because there is no romantic subtext or tropes.

If this is just slow burn, like say Booth and Bones were on Bones then fine. I get it. All these little moments were just part of the build up and that’s fine. Booth and Bones took like six seasons before they became a couple. And they dated other people while still having those underlying feelings for each other. I would be ok if this is the route Buddie is taking.

However, if these tropes go nowhere and Buddie doesn’t develop, then this show is probably going to take the title for best queerbaiting show on network television.

And in all honesty I want Eddie to have someone who loves his son as much as he does because his son is his world. And who loves him too. And Buck already does that. And Chris loves Buck. And I want Buck to have that family that loves him because family is clearly something important to Buck and something he may not have had growing up. And he has that with Eddie and Chris. They could easily be each other’s happiness. They made something wonderful, it didn’t just fall into their laps.

If you have made it this far...

Thank You for coming to my Ted Talk and we will see you again once season four airs for more!!

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glorifiedgpjfic · 4 years

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Glorified G - Chapter 45

New Years Day 1992

Joanne stood staring down the man in front of her, she had pleaded with him not to do this, but he’d gone past the point of return. As she stood attempting to talk him down she noticed how his hand shook as it held the sharp blade, the next few moments happened in slow motion for Joanne. The blade swiped at his neck and the blood began spewing, Joanne leapt forward her hands reaching to apply pressure to the wound, as she moved towards him he seemed to move further away,

“NO!”

Eddie woke up to Joanne yelling, which happened to wake her up from her nightmare too- despite drinking copious amounts of alcohol before going to bed the images of what she had witnessed hours earlier still seemed to play in her mind on a loop, she had done what Dr Isles had suggested and tried to go to a happy place before but nothing seemed to work, the images she had seen that night were seared into her brain. A few beads of sweat were gathered on Jo’s forehead, she swiftly freed herself from Eddie’s embrace and rushed to the bathroom where she attempted to gather her thoughts. After what felt like hours Jo heard a timid knock at the door,

“Jo? Babe, are you okay?” Eddie’s voice was laced with concern and Jo wanted to smile at the man she loved, but she couldn’t muster the strength, she shuffled to the door and led Eddie back to the bedroom, “Do you want to talk about it?” Jo quickly shook her head, “okay, we don’t have to talk- is there anything I can do?” Jo shook her head again and let out a sigh, Eddie didn’t speak again instead he took her in his arms and began playing with her hair as she drifted off to sleep.

Joanne arrived at work early, she hadn’t fallen asleep as Eddie had thought she had, instead she’d pretended to sleep until Eddie had drifted off into a deep slumber, and then she’d snuck out of the bedroom and left for work. She made her way straight to the coffee machine when she arrived, filling the largest mug she could find with the bitter liquid. As she sat at her desk it dawned on her that she would have to write up her report on the events from the previous night, the thought made her queasy resulting in her sprinting to the toilets, much to her coworkers’ surprise.

William Webster hadn’t slept that night, he hadn’t even gone home; he had no reason to go home, there was no one waiting for him. So he’d made a headstart on his paperwork before falling asleep on his desk. For one of the first times since she had started at working at the FBI Joanne was actually early to work, William knew why- she was processing a big trauma, most if not all of his agents had suffered something similar to Jo on the job - he’d lost some of his best agents to trauma, many quitting to go find a more normal job. He prayed to some sort of higher being that Jo would not be one of the agents he lost, there would be no replacing her. William watched as Joanne stood and rushed away from her desk, he briefly considered following her but decided best not to- he’d speak to her when she came back.

As Joanne returned to her desk William called her to see him in his office, with a feeling of dread Jo made her way to him.

“Agent Taylor, Joanne- what you went through last night was a trauma, and I just wanted to let you know that if you need to take some personal time you should do so.” What the director had not expected was for the young agent in front of him to scoff,

“Oh is that what you want to call it? A trauma? You know what sir, it was worse than a fucking truama! Finding your grandma dead that's a trauma! Being abandoned by your parents that's a trauma! Watching someone slit his fucking throat is more than a fucking truama, taking some personal time isn’t going to make it go away.” Joanne paused for a moment before muttering under her breath, “It should’ve been you.” William raised an eyebrow almost challenging her to repeat what she had just said, “It should’ve been you, I should’ve never been the one following him! It should’ve fucking been you!” Tears threatened to fall but Jo blinked them away before storming out of the office, she marched all the way to Dr Isles’ office.

Joanne didn’t knock before entering the office. She didn’t care if there was someone else in there, it wasn’t like her. She always cared about everything, she always cared too much. Luckily for her Dr Isles wasn’t busy which meant Jo was able to vent like she desperately needed to, it was only when she calmed down that she realised how out of line she had been with her boss.

Eddie was worried about Jo, he woke up and she had left, there wasn’t a note or anything- he’d assumed she’d gone to work. He sat in the kitchen armed with his notepad trying to find some sort of lyrics that the guys could use, but Jo was all he could think about so he decided to ditch the songwriting and start looking at houses. He felt guilty making a start on it without Jo, but he just wanted to get some ideas to make the whole process easier for Jo, a new house would take her mind off things. After a few hours he decided to give Chris a call, he wanted to chat to someone and out of all of his friends Chris was the one he was most likely to get a mature conversation out of, he just hoped Chris wouldn’t be too hungover.

Joanne was reduced to tears during her session with Dr Isles, she’d been forced to relive the night in great detail and Dr Isles had suggested that she was probably suffering with PTSD, or that the chances were she would need treatment to manage how she processed the trauma. Dr Isles had suggested that Joanne tried Cognitive Processing Therapy, a relatively new method for dealing with trauma that had come about in 1988 - it was supposed to help the patient to learn how to modify and challenge unhelpful beliefs related to the trauma,

“Now in the time I’ve gotten to know you Jo I know you’re going to be apprehensive about this, but it’s been found to be really effective and I think it could help you. Would you be willing to give it a try? It’ll be twelve sessions, and after those we can have a meeting to discuss how you feel it’s gone and then we can re-evaluate where we’re at.” Dr Isles spoke in a way that always seemed to calm Jo, Joanne had lost her voice slightly from crying and ranting at the therapist, so she simply nodded in agreement, “Okay, we can schedule your first session for next week, shall we say same time as usual?” Jo nodded again and Dr Isles gave her a warm smile,

“I uh- I should go and apologise to agent Webster.” Jo mumbled and her therapist gave a slight chuckle,

“Don’t worry too much about it, I’m sure he’s had worse.”

After apologising profusely for her behaviour to the director Jo finished up her paperwork with slightly less anxiety than she had before her session, the images were still vivid in her mind, but she felt assured knowing that she was going to get help. Once she managed to get her work finished she headed to William’s office to apologise one final time before leaving. She drove home in silence, mentally praying that Eddie wouldn’t mention any of it, she didn’t want to have to talk about it again- she just wanted to forget about it and move on.

Eddie and Chris had spent a few hours wandering around Seattle before they’d gone back to Eddie and Jo’s apartment, Chris had managed to shed some of his infinite wisdom on Eddie’s dilemma which had helped the singer feel much calmer about things. They were sitting drinking a cup of coffee in the kitchen when Eddie heard the sound of Jo’s car pulling into the driveway. She shuffled through door oblivious to Chris for a moment,

“Cornell!!” She smiled when she finally noticed him, he was quick to give her a hug, “how hungover were you this morning on a scale of one to ten?” She quizzed and Chris pondered it for a moment before replying,

“Probably like a twelve?” He groaned before downing the rest of his coffee, “well I should probably go and try to sleep off this hangover- I’ll catch you guys later!” He said pulling the couple into a brief hug before bounding out of the door, Jo sat down at the seat previously occupied by Chris before letting out a sigh,

“I feel like I could sleep for a week.” She complained Eddie simply smiled moving to sit next to her,

“Jo, I need to talk to you-” Jo could feel her anxiety spike as those words left him, “about you and your work, is that ok?” She nodded, afraid of where the conversation was going, “I was thinking- and well- I uh, I know how much you love your work- and I’d never ask you to um, change that- but, last night was so scary, not knowing if you were gonna come back and then when you came b-back covered in blood, it uh- well it scared me Jo, and I don’t like waking up everyday not k-knowing if you’ll come back.” Eddie’s voice was quiet and low, Jo could see he was nervous about her reaction, she didn’t speak for a few moments to allow herself to gather her thoughts.

“I can see where you’re coming from, but being in the field is what I do- It’s the best part of the job, I-” Jo paused when she noticed that Eddie didn’t look happy with her response,

“Jo, please try and see where I’m coming from- how would you feel if you never knew if I’d be coming home, or if I came home from work covered in blood and broken?” Jo took his hand in hers,

“I do, honestly I do- I just don’t know how to do anything else, this is all I’ve ever done. This is kinda who I am. I don’t know what else I could do, but if it’ll make you happy I’ll see if I can stay out of the field.” Eddie grinned at her, but it quickly faded,

“Promise me you won’t hate me though if you do come out of the field.” Jo let out a quiet chuckle,

“Eddie, I could never hate you.”

#Pearl Jam #pearl jam fanfiction #pearl jam fanfic #Eddie Vedder Fanfic #eddie vedder fanfiction #grunge fanfic #grunge fanfiction #dave abbruzzese #mike mccready #stone gossard #jeff ament

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0ciestiel0 · 4 years

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Buddie Appreciation

((After the episode Fools I think will update this weekly now because who knows where they are ultimately going with Buddie))

((Also including two of my newest edits))

Now, Welcome to my Ted Talk:

So obviously Buck and Eddie are close. Buck calls him his best friend in Searchers.

They didn’t start out that way, however.

Eddie talked to Buck about his relationship with Shannon. Buck was the one to take Eddie to the school to make sure Chris was ok and to pick him up, after the earthquake.

Updates:

It makes me wonder how much is implied off screen between Buck and Eddie. Like how much time does Buck really spend with the two, how much co-parenting are we not seeing. Because Chris isn’t attached to anyone else from the fire fam like he is Buck. It must mean Buck spends quite a bit of time with them. Kids don’t just get attached like that otherwise.

Episode 12 of season 3. Now this episode was stressful for many Buddie shippers I’m sure. But we are not yet to the famous line of Dante “Abandon all hope ye who enter here”.

The conclusion here?

Buck and Eddie definitely have an established relationship. Maybe it’s not romantic, at least yet (I can hope), but Buck has become a parental figure in Christopher’s life, regardless. And Eddie doesn’t let that happen with just anyone. And hell, they have more actual chemistry than most actual tv couples. I’m always a bit surprised when people say they don’t see how anyone could think Buck and Eddie should be a couple or how they look like a couple. You don’t have to ship them but saying you can’t even see why people do? Confuses me, Because they show is really hitting us hard with romantic tv tropes. However, if these tropes go nowhere and Buddie doesn’t develop, then this show is probably going to take the title for best queerbaiting show on network television.

And in all honesty I want Eddie to have someone who loves his son as much as he does because his son is his world. And who loves him too. And Buck already does that. And Chris loves Buck. And I want Buck to have that family that loves him because family is clearly something important to Buck and something he may not have had growing up. And he has that with Eddie and Chris. They could easily be each other’s happy. They made something wonderful, it didn’t just fall into their laps.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk

#buddiehope #i love buddie so much #buddielove #buckandeddie #911 buddie #911 buck and eddie #buddie #evan buckley and eddie diaz #evan buckley x eddie diaz #buddie ted talk #buddie is endgame change my mind #i am a buddie ball of stress right now #evan buckley and eddie diaz ted talk #thank you for coming to my buddie ted talk #buddie seasons 2-3ep12

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