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miss-62-missunderstood · 7 months

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Don't want to fall a sleep!

I don't because most nights I have really bizarre dreams which make me to think about them all day! I dream of things I have no control over! Others deal with things I though I dealt with but for some reason they have come out from my self concussion! I don't get it! It's bad enough I have hot flashes and everyday aches and pains to deal with! I would like to have a normal nights sleep for once! To wake relaxed! Not full off sticking dread!

#sleep #Bizarre dreams #Driven crazy

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beetlejuice-animated · 8 months

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#Driven Crazy

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howifeltabouthim · 2 years

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By slow degrees it broke on her slow sense . . . That she too in that Eden of delight Was out of place, and, like the silly kid, Still did most mischief where she meant most love. A thought enough to make a woman mad.

Elizabeth Barrett Browning, from “Aurora Leigh”

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lintujoki · 1 month

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"Those stripped by the Grace of Gold shall all meet death. In the embrace of Messmer's flame"

Messmer set fire to the frame of the drawing and lit some of the candles with his flame. He's obviously pleased with himself about it.

I would have liked to share it earlier, but I started painting it a few days after the release of the DLC trailer and have been doing it ever since. In total, the drawing took 21 days in a row, and this is my longest and most difficult work in detail. Therefore, I will be very happy if you like it and share it if you want!

#elden ring #shadow of the erdtree #elden ring dlc #art #traditional art #fandom #messmer #messmer the impaler #This art has driven me crazy #But I don't regret anything

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tequiilasunriise · 10 months

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Annabel Lee & Fears: A Short Essay Based On Ep70

Here it is, folks, the truest crux of Annabel’s character, her deepest fears is not going mad or even people discovering she’s not as put together as she tries to appear, but rather:

Was that gambit of constant scheming and using others worth it, Annabel? Was always trying to think ten steps ahead and always keep yourself in a position of power and control truly worth it, because how can you ever be trusted when all you do is play 5D chess with everyone?

There is is, folks!!! Just like her greatest strength- her cunning willpower- is centered around a certain bright moon, Annabel’s greatest fear is rooted in Lenore. The deepest, darkest trenches of her soul, the one thing that would shatter her heart and send her lungs choking fer breath? The killing blow that would end her and make all these charades worthless? It’s Lenore seeing her constant conniving and asking Annabel, “Why would I be any different? You already have no problem using everyone else as a pawn, how could I ever possibly trust you, Annabel Lee?”

The way Annabel is SUCH a great morally grey character, y’all tell me you love hot villains yet many a time I’ve seen people calling Annabel too heartless. She’s the opposite! She cares!! SO MUCH!!! She would burn the world down if it meant kissing Lenore one last time, to the point where her deepest fear is losing Lenore in the process of trying to protect her. All Annabel knows is using manipulation to gain the upper hand because simply being born a woman in the Victorian era she was so throughly disadvantaged by such a horribly misogynistic society that girlypop had to scrape together any form of control she could. Annabel wants so badly to protect Lenore but all she knows are her own methods of protecting herself, which involves plausibility deniability and facades and sometimes sheer cruelty, and that’s where the conflict arises. From the start Annabel assumed Lenore and her had the same understanding of this ‘fake enemies’ ploy going on but surprise surprise babygirl, not everyone is overthinking four parallel universes ahead like you do. This boils over into her lover having doubts on what’s real and what’s not, which then culminates into Lenore asking if Annabel is using her affections as empty currency to get what she wants, and Annabel’s first move to tell Lenore to fucken kill her????

“To you alone, I have left myself completely defenseless.”

The drama of it all!! The shattered facade leading to exploding vulnerability of it all!! The dim sun sparking out into a heat death just to prove her sincerity of it all!!! The exposed innermost organs ripping out my heart with my bare hands and begging you, “Do you see it now? Do you see the way it beats for you and only you? Tell me you see it, tell me you see me…” of it all!!

Oh baby the way Annabel still retains this deep fear of Lenore not truly believing in the “only thing that’s real” to her, the way her lover’s ghost still lingers and haunts her and is then ripped up from her innermost psyche like a desecrated grave and given form by Ada’s power. The way, after all this time- and I mean all this time from Lenore’s constructed resurrection, to their relationship blossoming into a wedding, all the fucking way up to that bell tower scene, the fucken way Annabel still never truly let go of her fear that Lenore doesn’t see her, doesn’t see how she alone bashed through all of Annabel’s walls and made a home where her heart laid. I’m sure during their living relationship all the way until the wedding Annabel’s fears were greatly settled, but it’s the fucken way these panels implied that this wretched heartache never completely left Annabel’s guilt-wracked soul.

I just know, okay I just KNOW, that even up until she was putting her wedding dress on Annabel still questioned if she even deserved this happy ending because she still feel phantoms of guilt fer this betrayal. This comic only furthers this implication of unabsolved guilt when it’s made clear as day that Annabel’s biggest fear is Lenore not believing in her love. And before anyone argues how Annabel can currently feel guilt fer betraying Lenore when she hasn’t recovered the memory yet, I’ll argue back that from the very beginning of the comic these two were inexplicably drawn to each other even when they had NO memories. Therefore, even if she doesn’t have the explicit memory, I highly doubt Annabel’s subconscious would ever let go of something as huge as deeply hurting the one person she truly cared about in such a wretched way.

Fuck, dude, I mean Annabel’s greatest fear wasn’t even Lenore dying- which was already a huge thing if y’all remember her tearstreaked, panicked, “What is left? If she’s not here, what’s the point?”- no her greatest is Lenore!!! Not!!! Believing!! Her!!! Like yeah losing Lenore physically definitely would’ve cut so deep even her bones would bear the scars, but losing Lenore in the form of the other woman walking the same ground as her but choosing to stay away?? Call her fucking selfish because some people would rather have their other half still be alive even if they’re not by their side, but Annabel ain’t one of them that’s fer sure. Babygirl has spent a lifetime perfecting the craft of deceiving others fer her own gain, but the ONE TIME she’s genuine her heart is to be called nothing more but empty??? Oh babbyyy that’s gotta fucken hurt.

The thing is, I don’t think Annabel really loves herself all that much. I really don’t. A huge focus on self-preservation doesn’t necessarily mean one really loves themselves, and when we add the aforementioned guilt she carries? Plus, the fact that Annabel being forced to swallow down her anxiety attacks from a young age could easily lead to her having a rather sour view of her 'not normal' self? Yeah no yeah, I truly don’t think Annabel loves herself that much, if at all. So really, this line is adding immense insult to already grievous injury. Not only does Annabel deeply fear Lenore not believing her affections to be true, she also fears the New Yorker misconstruing her as nothing more but a shallow as hell, prissy, little pampered damsel, a role pretty much everyone else regulates her into whether she wants it or not (right from the beginning, before she even set her schemes in full effect, Annabel was already explaining, “Ada wanted a queen, so I gave her one”). Lenore, the only one Annabel had believed to ever really see her fer her, is now discrediting Annabel’s vulnerable affections AND seeing her as that unloving ice queen like everyone else?? Horrible terrible horrible!!! She may have a ribbon threatening to strangle her right now, but it’s clear that ghost!Lenore’s words are what truly cut her down to size. Y’all seeing that fucken pain in Annabel’s eyes? Her worst fear is just so… personal.

Which actually leads me to my next point, which is how just before Annabel’s worst fear is revealed in stark, horrifying detail, we see Prospero’s. Lemme just preface this by saying what Prospero went through is n o t any less terrible and is a super fucken mega valid fear/trauma, but let me cook y’all just hear me out. Prospero’s fear seems to be about medical malpractice and/or being conscious during a painful operation that likely went south (aka ‘oh shiiitttt he fucken DEAD-‘), and that’s fucking tragic as all hell. Yet, okay let me cook here, it’s more… I don’t want to say general, because that does NOT mean his fear is any less significant but it’s like. Way back when, death via medical bullshit was more or less fairly common, especially during wartimes (which is the era I headcanon Prospero to be from); meanwhile, Annabel’s fear is so uniquely hers, it’s borne of a culmination of specific experiences tied together by her relationship with Lenore.

By contrast of a more common fear vs something so deeply personal and specific to this one person- because it’s not just unrequited love, it’s being so vehemently denied and misunderstood by the ONE (1!) person who you wholeheartedly trusted in your entire life who also oops mega died on you- this distinction gives way to an almost more raw, more visceral feeling to Annabel’s fear sequence. Again!!! I am not undermining Prospero’s own trauma, I promise!!! But you have to admit that there’s something, from a narrative standpoint, that hits so much harder with how deeply personal Annabel’s fear is. The contrast is even more great when you look at how Prospero’s involved a buncha bloodied hands not really tied to any faces or even any indication of personhood like accessories, scars, etc etc. It could’ve been a group of anyone holding him down hurting him; on the flipside, Annabel is being restrained by one very specific person we see in full view. The faceless crowd who could’ve been anyone at anytime vs the lone perpetrator whose history you know like a second name. It’s just!!! So personal!!!

In conclusion, on the surface level, one would think a character so deeply ingrained in using deceptions and manipulation would have her greatest fear tie into having her true nature revealed to everyone she’d fooled, but then it turns out it’s the complete fucking opposite. What homegirl fears the most is her truest, innermost self not being believed and accepted by just one (1!) person. The way it’s framed is just so heartstabbingly personal, especially when you parallel it to a previous fear sequence just a few panels preceding it. This is it, your honor, this is Annabel’s deepest driving force broken down to its bare essentials. To hell with whatever reputation she’s carefully crafted! Who cares what anyone else thinks of her if she doesn’t believe her, if she doesn’t SEE her. Really, truly see her. Lenore is the defining point that Annabel has revolves around so wholeheartedly, and there’s no point to anything anymore if Annabel loses her. This crux of her character, OHHH BBAAABBYY it’s just so well done because we, as the audience, have been given clear evidence to build up this narrative of Annabel’s characterization fer so long now and to finally see it come together in a fiery explosion of lesbian angst with this latest chapter??? Gods, the writing of Nevermore will never not drive me absolutely insane in the membrane.

#if yall think this essay went crazy i need yall to kmow i once wrote a legit MLA cited college research paper about mf Bumbleby #and I got a high grade and everything yall heard me it was 12 pt new times roman and had literal academic sources to back up my points #i had to cut it down from 15 pages to like 10 bc of a max word count my prof set it was so sad #so yeahhhhhhh your girl may or may not just go crazy on the fictional analysis #which makes sense when u know that imma character-driven writer #anyways in conclusion i be clocking in to fight fer annabel as an amazingly written character like its a 9-5 job #to all the ppl who doubted her how yall feeling rn hmmmmmmm #annabel lee whitlock ur just so much fun to dissect like a lesbian lab project #nevermore webtoon #white raven #annabel lee whitlock #lenore vandernacht #prospero nevermore #<—i swear i care fer the rat man guys i rlly rlly do #but man. the way annabel’s shit was just to personal. it rlly got me okay???

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asylumdwellermoved · 8 months

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thinking about how Harper loves making the pc (and possibly others) into happy little unaware patients that are subconsciously sluts since all of his pills and treatments decrease awareness and increase control but then there's obviously everything else he has people do under hypnosis

So just imagining him doing all the fucked up stuff he does and erasing your memory afterwards like normal but eventually when you come to therapy you start telling him about these weird dreams you're having about a mysterious figure doing things you don't understand to you and he realizes you're just having dreams about all the shit he does when you're hypnotized and so then it becomes VERY important for you to tell him about these dreams in as much detail as possible with your cute little confused innocent face that doesn't know what any of it means while he's absolutely cranking it under his desk

"A-And how did it feel to you? Be as thorough as possible..."

"It... gave me a weird feeling in my stomach. And my body felt really hot-... Dr. Harper? Are you okay?"

"Hm? I'm fine, keep going..."

"But your face is all flushed and your breathing is kinda... A-And you're shaking! Your arm especially-"

"Do the dreams make you feel uncomfortable at all?"

You pause for a moment, despite your concern.

"They... didn't at first, not even a little bit. But now something feels a little weird about them. I can't really put my finger on why."

He hums in feigned thought at your response. He was trying not to let his eyes linger on your face for too long, but god, you were so cute like this.

"Maybe your treatment wasn't the most effective. I believe some exposure therapy might help... We can start today. One moment."

You look at him expectantly, nodding in acknowledgement. His cheeks start to flush a little again.

"Now I want you to watch what I'm doing... and not look away. Get close and take in every detail..."

#was driven crazy bc harper getting off to you just out of view while youre unaware trope is my favorite and shat this out at 2 am #so it may not be great but i had. thoughts.#harper the doctor #dol #degrees of lewdity

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sadlynotthevoid · 29 days

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Because of that dream I had (mentioned in this post), I headcanon that og!Cale's only fear that applies to himself are teachers. All his other fears implies other people being the one who suffers, but he's deeply scared of teachers.

He's teacher-phobic like some people are clown-phobic and like some little animals are afraid of humans. (Or I to spiders)

In my mind, that's the actual reason he abandoned his studies. He had a whole conversation prepared to convince his father that he could do self-study and have Ron or Hans test him every some months. He was so ready to have to present a whole list of arguments when he ditched his classes.

Instead, Deruth just agreed to it almost immediately. Cale was so shocked that he forgot to tell him about the self-study part.

A few days later, he heard some people talk about how "the young master's behaviour got worse and worse" and how "he refused to have any education at all". Then they mentioned how Bassen was so dedicated in comparison.

So he decided that this misunderstanding was quite useful and let it be.

Anyways, I headcanon this so strongly that sometimes I forget it's not canon.

Everytime I read a highschool AU where og!Cale is skipping classes, I'm like "yeah, I would do that too if I were him". Then I remember that that's not canon, not even in the fic. He's just keeping with his "trashy" persona.

(Although, if the fic doesn't contradict it, sometimes I keep going with my reason instead).

#og cale henituse #original cale henituse #og!cale henituse #that dream was so detailed #cale was so scared but also #didn't care that much about himself like to do something about it #then his tutor almost hurt his sister before she was even born #and he got pissed off #his tutor was strange #he wasn't evil #just an amoral curiosity driven guy #he was brillant but crazy #and shouldn't be left alone with children #lcf headcanons #og cale #og cale's nonexistent teacher AU #if he saw a teacher he would walk backwards really fast

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aq2003 · 8 months

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i feel like ten and martha's friendship is kind of doomed from the start because like. ten kind of needs a friend to be around him lest he go insane (even if he's in semi denial about it). and martha likes and admires him in return. and they both inherently trust and rely each other, because how could they not. but also ten is very much not in a great place at all. he just lost rose and refuses to talk about her with anyone. the guilt is eating him alive and he's trying so hard to ignore it and it's resulting in him becoming more and more reckless and self-sacrificing. and he (unintentionally) puts it all on martha. he trusts her to save him and he also trusts her to sacrifice him in the name of saving people. and at the same time every time he finds himself getting closer to or more vulnerable with her he stops and pushes her away (see: his guilt over rose). and that is so unfair. that is so much to put on one person, especially someone that is in a spot of mutual care and trust. like i wish martha had met ten when he was more stable/healthy/not haunted by his extremely fresh grief but she didn't, and i think they will save each other over and over until one of them comes apart at the seams. basically