Hello, Detective Hoffman. I know you. I followed you, as you've pursued me. I know you. I know about your sister. I know about...your car.

Hello, Johnny Ghost.

In front of you is Spooker Soup. You must treat him decently for one mission and not take any opportunities to sacrifice him specifically for any reason.

If you fail to do so, you will seperated from Johnny Toast for a day.

Hello Charlie.

In front of you is one (1) frozen Philadelphia Cheese Steak flavored Hot Pocket. Your goal is to follow the provided cooking instructions using the 750-watt microwave on the wall beside you. Should you succeed, you will find the key to escape inside. Should you fail, the key will remain frozen inside the Hot Pocket.

You have six minutes to complete this task before the door locks permanently. Live or die. Make your choice.

Hello Fast and Furious Franchise...

We are too busy to watch Billy so we're hoping you can watch him. He has a tricycle and mad skills.

Thanks...

Dr. Gordon

just saw the post about in-universe saw forum roleplay and specifically mentioning sonic krazy kult made me holler so loud i LOVED that stream and also this is such a good idea if it ever happened that would be SO fun !!

if it happens, it will either go really well or rtvs will sue me and get custody of this blog in the settlement

Hello David Cage. I want to play a game. You wrote an allegory for the Civil Rights movement. In front of you is a computer. In the room is a shotgun that sets off fireworks through a megaphone. You must rewrite Markus' storyline. If your writing has the subtlety of a shotgun, the shotgun-fireworks will trigger, blowing you to smitherines. You have 40 minutes. Your time starts now.

Hello flat earther, in front of you is a physics textbook. You must read it and pass a physics test made for 11 year olds. If you fail you will be flattened by a steam roller

jigsaw copycat uses ai kramer voice but john doesn't know about ai so this triggers a massive crisis which ends with him gaslighting himself into thinking those were his traps, actually

-mod amanda

Do you think that a modern day Jigsaw copycat would use a really bad ai kramer voice

ABSOLUTELY. I need this movie immediately.

-Mod Sam

A blade is coming down from the ceiling and you are tied to a table. Usual set up. To escape you have to guess my star sign in one try. I will only speak to you in the explanation.

Hello, Rube Goldberg. As you can see, the lever in front of you will pull a ramp up so the golf ball can roll down it where it will then fall into that suspended basket and weigh it down to press the button to release the tension in that spring which will bounce the razor blade upon it up to cut the string across the ceiling which will let loose a pendulum to fall down and barely brush past that match over there which will then light the fuse of the firework it's against which will launch out of that small hole in the room pulling the sickle attached to the back of it forward to cut the strand of copper wire string through its concavity which will break the circuit powering the room's lights which will make the sleeping bat hanging from that Newton Force Meter wake up and fly off which will let it spring back up and push a second pair of dominoes which will then

Do you think that a modern day Jigsaw copycat would use a really bad ai kramer voice

ABSOLUTELY. I need this movie immediately.

-Mod Sam

Hello cockatoo. In front of you is a chocolate fountain. Its delicious, creamy extrudant is all you desire. You have five minutes to drink your fill of chocolate without covering the outside of your body or random people will think I'm subjecting you to animal cruelty and try to get me canceled. Don't worry, they'll get their own saw trap if you fail. I'm fine with that. Make your choice.

Do you think it's true Billy is in a relationship with Chucky?

They're married with three children, actually.

-Mod Sam

Hello, Pon and Con from Kirby.

There is no trap, you're going straight to the death pit. Goodbye, motherfucker.

saw 2 but during all the interrogation scenes john kramer is hitting the pen nonstop

Hello Mr Kent,

You run and hide from disasters, leaving behind your fellow citizens to be saved by Superman.

Hello Charles. I recently realized I could do a lot more good for the world if I helped people practice self care instead of murdering people. As such, I have now rigged your entire house with devious saw traps. Each room has a set of tasks for you to complete, each with their own unique fate awaiting you should you fail. First, you must get out of bed, it will become your deathbed. Next, you must change into new clothes, as the current ones you are wearing have recently undergone modifications you do not wish to discover. Upon moving to the bathroom, you must brush your teeth, or you'll swiftly find that the fluoride in your toothpaste is the least of your worries compared to the fluoride in the hydrofluoric acid you will be doused in. Afterwards, you are to apply deodorant on your body, or your own odor won't be the only noxious gas you fail to notice. You must then enter the kitchen and make yourself a healthy breakfast. If your meal does not contain at least 1/2 cup of fruit, you'll soon learn what it's like for the fruits in your kitchen to be turned into a smoothie. If you also choose to make a coffee, it must be black or Billy will shoot you, because black is the only acceptable way to enjoy coffee. It's not health related, but it's for your own good.

One last thing: you have to leave for work in thirty minutes. If you are still in the house by then, you'll be "fired" in more ways than one.

I hope this helps you on your self-care journey.