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billfarrah · 1 year

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@unfortunate17 and I were discussing Wille’s anxiety and how we don’t feel like Wille’s reluctance to partake in public speaking was a result of his anxiety, but rather his history of being forced to speak and say things he doesn’t mean and follow a script in order to preserve the reputation of his family and control the public’s perception of him. He was forced to follow a script three times in season 1 - the first when he had to apologize on TV for a fight he was not sorry about, when he had to read a written speech to his classmates regarding his brother who had just died, and when he was forced to lie about the video leading to the destruction of his relationship with Simon.

In my opinion Wille’s fear of public speaking in season 2 is not related to general or social anxiety - as I do not believe Wille has social anxiety at all and is not shy at all despite some people in the fandom tending to believe he is - but rather a fear of being perceived, because that is ultimately Wille’s main struggle in the series - not being with a boy, not being in love with a gay, not being queer, but being perceived by others and feeling forced to live up to a certain standard or expectation when all he wants to do is live his life truthfully and without people having opinions about the things he does.

What’s so powerful and beautifully written about the scenes with Boris is that even though Wille is made to see a therapist by his mother, the Queen, who is the one who persuaded/forced him speak out when he didn’t want to, Wille’s sessions with Boris are the first time he is told he doesn’t have to say anything if he doesn’t want to, and the confidentiality of their sessions and Boris’ position as an unbiased professional allows him to be more honest with not only himself, but with another person without feeing like he is being judged or forced to feel or believe something he doesn’t.

We see in season 1 episode 4, when Wille goes off script and speaks from the heart about Erik, and in season 2 episode 6 when he once again goes off script, that Wille really has no issues with speaking to a crowd, but only when he feels he’s being truthful and honest and in control of the narrative. His fear of speaking in the class presentation, in my opinion, has a lot to do with how out of control of his own narrative Wille felt throughout season 2 as a result of the lie at the end of season 1 and the events of season 2 - he is perceived by his classmates now as having denied being a part of the video, as if it was something to be ashamed of, he is perceived as being interested in Felice when in reality he’s desperately in love with Simon. He just wants to exist and stay true to himself and it scares him to do it in front of an audience, and that’s what makes it so powerful when we see him slowly begin to accept how he feels about himself and the circumstances of his life through the sessions with Boris, and how that results with him re-taking control of his own narrative at the Jubilee at the end of the season, and that’s just beautiful writing.

#young royals #prince wilhelm #wilmon #havent wrote one of these in a while #dont even know if its good #also i feel like kendall roy with my control the narrative #anyway wille is the Main Character of all time and people oversimplify him a lot #hes so complex and nuanced and carefully written and portrayed extraordinarily by edvin #im mostly writing because lately my dash is just littered with uninteresting discourse about edvin and omar's career choices #and i just like #dont care about any of that lol #so please come engage with me about this wonderful show #i genuinely just love this character so much lol #and i love wilmon obviously but wille is just #ahhh hes such a good character

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hel1anthus-annuus · 6 months

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Love this bitch for having multiple gender filters on. He’s transmasc, he’s a woman who’s a man, she’s nothing at all

#i love the idea of writing mizu as effectively nonbinary because of the constant isolation and alienation she feels #identifying with womanhood in a sort of secondary manner— a samurai first and a woman second #explores womanhood through mizu lol #no matter what. shes trans in some way #though i hesitate applying that label #if only because i dont think mizu would identify as trans in any instance; i’m sure mizu thinks he just IS #stuck between womanhood (something she doesn’t really care about) and manhood (a mask for her to put on to fulfill his goals)#and yet transmasc interpretations of mizu UTTERLY FASCINATE ME #AUGH! woman who is a man (this is both a transmasc and nonbinary filter)#thinking back to mizu binding. i wonder how he felt #that scene can have so many gender filters #pain— applicable to both a woman binding to avoid misogyny and a trans man binding to avoid misogyny and dysphoria #i think no matter how you see mizu; he’s dysphoric in that scene #i could go on #blue eye samurai

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lunarharp · 9 months

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if i just told you i love you would this world change

#witch hat tag #orufrey #these kinda suck lol i feel like i cant draw right now *irritated sigh* BUT I FEEL EMOTIONS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#if you are gay go watch good omens season 2 right now. NO YOU DONT KNOW THO!!!!!!!!!#i know being this affected by good omens is probably cringe. I dont care any more. the last 1 minute of good omens season 2 was #some of the most affecting acting i've ever seen in my life. sometimes someone acts with the force as if their entire career led to that #like during the credits part the very end im not even talking about before that. holy god #aziraphale i know everything about you. i know what you are feeling right now. i can see everything on your face. we're going to make it #ER.... NOT THAT THIS HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS POST. IT'S NOT SPOILERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!#I JUST FEEL THOROUGHLY CHANGED !!!!!!!!!!! SHIT GETS REAL FROM NOW ON.. LIKE IN GENERAL! IN MY LIFE!#tormented gay love tormented gay love TORMENTED GAY LOVE TORMENTED GAY LOVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#btw the first 3 images were drawn earlier with an entirely different feeling and an entirely different mood.#Why do you keep pulling away from me?#It is because i love you that i do this #the lyrics from one of my japanese orufrey songs (A SONG THAT THE CREATOR LISTENS TO!!!!) led to feelings #“あなたが知らない私を残さず見ててほしいの” but i'm not translating it cause it just sounds weird. if with his eyes oru's asking “WHY don't you want #to let me in? to see all of you?“ those lyrics are like ”I actually want you to see every last bit of the parts of me you don't know“#oru you have no idea how much i want to lay bare my whole soul for you #maybe it's an alternate version of chapter 40. to me #i need to draw something really fucking good or i'm not going to forgive myself. i will not rest in this life #until i have made the orufrey that fully satisfies me nor until i have seen what the manga is leading to #NO STORY MEANS ANYTHING WITHOUT TORMENTED GAY LOVE AT THE HEART OF IT. THATS THE HEART OF THIS WORLD!!!!!#........... so Hi im normal :) haha *goes and finally makes breakfast*

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inkskinned · 1 year

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this is sort of pathetic, but when you were younger, you were sort of puzzled by the cartoon representations of fathers: how a kid would be outside with a mitt, waiting to play catch.

it's not that your father never played catch with you, but you also didn't like when he did. something about a hard ball coming quickly towards your face doesn't seem exciting. not that you'd ever say you don't trust him. you trust him, right?

it's not like he never tried to teach you anything. or never tried to parent. on rare days, a strange person would walk in your father's skin. bright, happy, magnificent. this version of your father was so cheerful and charismatic that you would do anything to keep him. and this is the version of your father that would laugh and gently coax you try again. this is the version of your father that would break down the small elements of a problem and point them out so you have an easier time with them.

as a kid, those days happened more often. but somewhere around 11, you started being too much of a person, and he was often cross about it. when he'd try to sit you down to learn something, you spent the whole time with your shoulders around your ears, nervous, uncertain. terrified because you didn't immediately understand how to navigate something. worried you will run out of his goodwill and then you will have the Other Father back, and you will have ruined a good day for your entire family. something about you being visibly afraid - it just made him angry. he would accuse you of not wanting to learn and storm away.

on tv, it's not like there's a lot of versions of men-who-are-mostly-fathers. they can be good dads, but usually their stories are not told in the household. so it's normal that your father is there, but he's never around. you know he was in the house, somewhere, it's just not that you guys ever... "hung out". he just seemed to get kind of bored of you, annoyed you weren't made in his perfect image. frustrated with how much energy it took to raise a kid. over time, you kind of adopt a bittersweet band around your throat - he knows nothing about me. he says at least i never abandoned my family.

and it's technically - technically - true. he was there for you. sometimes he even made an effort and made it to the big moments; the graduations and the dance recitals. he grins and tells everyone that he taught you. it almost erases the days in between, where he complains because you need a ride to school. the weeks that go by where he doesn't actually ever speak to you. the times you say i am struggling and he says figure it out on your own. i can't help you.

and that's fine! that's all fine. you can call him if you are having a problem with your car. or if you need a ride to the hospital. he loves playing hero, he just doesn't like the actual work that comes with being a father. and you've kind of made your peace with that; because you had to, because you don't want to live your life like he does; the whole world at a managed distance, a little rotating and controlled orb he can witness and take credit for but never truly love.

as an adult, you are rewatching some dumb cartoon - and again, the child standing in the rain, with a mitt, waiting for their father to come play catch. as an adult, there's this strange creeping dread - this little thing? this little thing, and their dad can't even show up for that? oh god, holyshit, it's not about the mitt, is it. oh god, holyshit, your father spent most of your life leaving you hanging.

#spilled ink #writeblr #:) lol . anybody notice how i write about dads in second person exclusively #me: haha silly cartoon #also me: ): this child is not getting what they need #also btw this is about a father but it might apply to any parent or caregiver #there's a really weird space of like #''this person was technically around me but either ignored me or was actively harmful to me''#and like u learn this very strange ritual of like... this person is my parent/caregiver on a technicality #that you almost spend all ur time with them like... tiptoeing and acting as THEIR parent so u don't upset them.#like you're 17 and ur mom is suddenly hit by a wave of wanting to talk to you so she's like :) lets make breakfast together :) and ur like #uhhhhhh okay?? bc you feel like this is absolutely going to go wrong and is why u usually make breakfast alone #and she starts being like: THIS is called a TEASPOON ... & u know all this stuff but you also know to just be very quiet #bc if you say like ''mom ive been making this breakfast every day since i was 13'' she would FREAK OUT and be like #DONT ACT LIKE I NEVER DO ANYTHING FOR YOU DONT ACT LIKE I DONT CARE ABOUT YOU. FUCKING DISRESPECTFUL .#so u have to smile like ur a preschool teacher and be like. OH COOL! i didn't know A CUP existed! tell me MORE! :)

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hypogryffin · 5 months

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TELL US ABOUT THE PRINCESS KNIGHT AU PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PL

ok sorry its been like two months but anyways lets talk abt the princess/knight au!!!

haru is a princess, specifically the only heir to king kunikazu. yusuke is sort of a knight, but it's more that he's haru's personal bodyguard!

his mother was a court painter. she was pretty physically weak and fell ill a lot, and after she had yusuke, she realised that, while her and her family were able to live with the royal family for now due to her work, if and when her sickness claims her, her son would no longer be welcome in the castle. since she was all the family yusuke had, that would mean hed likely live the rest of his life on the streets, and as a young child, he wouldnt have the means to make that rest of his life a very long one.

so she made a deal with the king, haru's father, and it was decided he would grow up as harus retainer.

[image ID slash written text for those who cant read my handwriting (😔):

(servant, holding a 1 year old haru in their arms): do you see him, princess? [a shot of a small baby sleeping] his name is yusuke. from now on, his job will be to protect you.

a note next to the drawing of baby haru reads "yusuke is a year younger than haru, as in canon, but it was decided very early on in his life that he would be haru's personal guard!"

a drawing of a young yusuke and haru with another note that says "he began learning how to wield a sword and bow basically as soon as he was physically able, but until he was learned enough to protect haru, he just acted sort of as an escort to her {while a retinue guarded both of them}"

end id.]

its a good thing it was decided so early, too: yusukes mother succumbed to illness before yusuke was even three years old. (he has no memory of her. haru doesnt either, but she DOES remember the funeral that was held.)

(one of the last pieces yusukes mother ever painted was of a young haru holding a baby, a man who would one day become her guard. it became a pretty significant piece for the okumura kingdom for a while, actually: it was used to mean "serve the royal family and it shall serve you, in turn". its hung up on the stairwell into the castle guards' quarters.)

anyway, so yusuke and haru grew up together. they were paired so early on into their lives that neither of them have any memory of a time without each other: for all it matters to them, they were born hand-in-hand with their roles set in place.

they were very close as children, especially before yusuke was considered sufficiently trained in his weapons. it was very common for them to walk around the castle holding hands, and they barely ever separated, only ever doing so for things like sleep or bathing, or lessons-- though the last of those wasnt always true. yusuke would have lessons alongside haru in things like etiquette, of course, but could also be found in the room for things such as history, or her music lessons. likewise, haru would watch yusuke train, though she wasnt allowed to wield a sword or bow herself and could only cheer him on.

(not until they were a bit older, when yusuke taught her how to fight with a sword himself. even then, they used wooden swords, so that haru wouldnt get hurt.)

yusuke was the only boy other than the king himself allowed in harus bedroom, since the only others given access were the handmaids responsible for things like cleaning her room, dressing or bathing her, et cetera. he used to enter as he pleased as such, and only got into the practice of properly knocking and announcing his presence as they got older. hes all-together almost completely stopped actually going into her room, opting instead to stand at her door until she leaves, herself.

as they grew up, they were steadily more and more discouraged from being as physically affectionate as they were as children. yusuke was punished for doing things like holding her hand if they were seen, and was taught to instead be a silent presence to her side or two paces behind her, seen and not heard, the way a "guard" ought to be. at the same time, harus etiquette lessons taught her the necessary decorum to be a princess and one day a queen, and there was no room for a friendship with a retainer, even if it was yusuke. though they care for each other just as much as when they were children, perhaps even more devoted, youd be fair to miss it, since neither of them are able to be open with each other anymore.

(yusukes still slightly more touchy-feely than whats probably expected of a guard. its not really physical affection in the same way, but he'll do things like brush dust or pluck lint off of haru's dresses himself or adjust her hair or jewelry or clothes-- of course, only to make sure her highness looks her best, so its forgiven to the outside observer, but still something technically not of his station.)

haru is a lot different that she was when they were children. proper etiquette is extensive, obviously, and the young girl that was considered the country's daughter, kind and open whenever seen in processions, has long since been stripped for parts. her public face has matured quite a bit by necessity, though her kindness and permanent smile remains-- it's simply that it's more of a part she plays, at this point, any of her natural disposition worn to steel, as a certain amount of control is necessary for a woman of her station.

she doesnt regret the person shes become, even if somewhat conniving-- after all, she needs a certain amount of cunning to keep her head above water in the political scene. or its more that she's not able to regret it, as she's never had any other option than to become as jaded as she is today.

still, it's hard not to yearn for the old days, when they were innocent children. shes not quite aware of it, herself, but she certainly misses yusuke, her friend. its just hard to figure that out when to this day, yusuke, her guard, remains as staunchly by her side as her best friend always has.

when i made the initial drawings for the princess/knight au, i wrote the beginning of a short story of a yusuke pov that i unfortunately must have tossed it because i dont have it anymore, but his character is defined by his devotion. hes never known anything other than being haru's, after all, and considers everything he does a labour of love for her. every moment he spends training is for her, every injury for her sake, every callous a simple, unavoidable byproduct of his servitude. he keeps the posture he learned in his etiquette classes even in private, because erring once is to live with the knowledge of his erring forever, and more than that, risking forming the habit of being anything less than the perfect knight for his lady is something he can't bear the thought of.

luckily, there isnt much danger living in the castle, so yusuke only trains as ardently as he does as precaution for the most part, but there was one incident in which the castle was attacked by royal detractors. haru wasnt actively targeted, being only 8 years old at the time, but there was a spot of trouble where he had to protect her. yusuke, being 7, wasnt fully learned in his swordsmanship yet, and sustained a few scars, including but not limited to one on his eyebrow he hides behind his hair, but considers himself barely harmed, especially considering that that was the incident that took many other castle guards' lives, as well as the life of the queen, haru's mother.

king kunikazu and the kingdom at large is currently pretty uneasy due to a war brewing just a bit away; neither the kingdom nor any of its current allies are being actively threatened, but its one of already many due to one kingdom's ancient rome-esque conquering of a path of smaller countries, and the "okumura" kingdom looks as if it will be on the warpath sooner or later. due to this, the kingdom's engaged with an alliance with a comparatively smaller kingdom that it neighbours. the alliance is going to be officiated with a marriage: haru is kunikazu's only heir, but due to some societal stuff, as a woman she's considered unfit to rule as a monarch. so, she's now to be married with one of the sons of said neighbouring kingdom, who will act as ruler with her at his side:

akira is the son of the king and technically an eligible heir to the kurusu kingdom, but due to his place as the 4th son, he's not a crown prince/not considered to be in line for the throne-- or at least, not to his home nation, as he's now set to be the king of the okumura kingdom.

he seems to be of the same mind as haru: uninterested in her in a romantic sense, but has accepted the marriage for the sake of his country. however, he also seems completely uninterested-- or perhaps actively against-- the prospect of being king, not of his own country and not of the okumura kingdom. it seems that hes grown up acting as more of a free spirit; hes pretty crafty, and has a reputation amongst his own retinue for always managing to sneak off, running away as soon as hes left unattended by his father or instructors, or disappearing overnight (much to the grief and distress of his caretakers), though he's always returned, apparently rather aware of his own limits, or at least capable of getting himself out of whatever trouble he ends up getting into, without drawing the ire of either the common people or his father, the king.

because of his nature, he either sees himself as unfit for king, or merely feels stifled by the idea of the position, and in private talks has disclosed to haru that hed much rather her take her (in his words) rightful place as the queen and head of the nation, and is more than alright with her being the brains/power of the operation, even if in the end it has to be him giving speeches when necessary.

however, while disliking the idea of being a king in general, and also disinterested in haru as anything more than a confidant (having also privately disclosed to her that he does have his eye on someone), he seems attached to the arrangement of this marriage, for “some unknown reason”.

((thats right baby its ALSO a kitashu au get fucked))

akira and haru are officially engaged at the time of the story, and are in the midst of planning for the wedding! they tentatively become friends, since theyre both kind of stuck with each other presumably for the rest of their lives. hes seemingly made a goal to make haru let her guard down, and has even convinced her at some point to sneak out of the castle with him (at a point where he and his father were visiting) to explore the surrounding town without their retinues-- something that gave yusuke specifically about 7 heart attacks, as its something harus never done before.

oh yeah, and by the way, yusuke fucking hates akira.

haru really liked seeing the town without her guards, and without having to put on the air of princess. it was freeing to act as a commoner, and the first time shes been able to strip herself of her etiquette-- something she cant do around anyone in the castle, not even yusuke, at least not to the extent she has to to blend in with the townspeople. she liked it so much that it becomes a regular thing whenever akira is at the castle and not in his own country.

some of harus caretakers have noticed her disappearances, including yusuke, who is at her side in almost every waking moment: he greets her in the morning to escort her to breakfast and brings her to her room at night. when hes not standing at her side, hes guarding the room shes in, and only leaves her when its time for him to turn in for the night, as well. obviously hes noticed this sudden habit of disappearing, and more than that, HES the one who ends up tasked with discouraging harus maids from disclosing this to king kunikazu, since haru isnt aware theyve figured her out, and their social standing disallows them from discussing it with her themselves. haru asked yusuke to keep her and akira's outings a secret from her father when he confronted her after the first time, so its his duty to make sure its a secret.

its not that yusuke resents akira for giving him more work-- hes more than happy to do something as trivial as this for haru, his princess, but its more that this means yusukes forced to be idle while distinctly aware that haru, who hes spent his entire life protecting and caring for, is off somewhere unknown, could be in danger or could be physically harmed, and hes not only none the wiser but also complicit, by allowing her to do this. though he cant ask her to stop, because its clear haru is happier with these momentary escapes. its a miserable position to be in, and he fully blames akira for being the one to put him there

(and resents him for the fact that akira is an outsider and a newcomer. despite this, its clear that hes doing something for haru that yusuke hasnt been able to, not since they started growing up. hes making her happy, and comfortable.

its anxiety over harus safety, and an intense, burning jealousy that hes not really able to identify in the same way)

[text id:

yusuke looking angry as he says "my lady's happiness is of the utmost importance to me. it is for this reason alone that i will allow these escapades to go on, without reporting them to the king or your father." "this marriage will be essential to this country's future, and i have no intention of interfering in your relationship with your fiancée, even considering my role as her loyal servant."

the second drawing reveals him to have cornered akira, seemingly pinning him to a wall, as he continues "however, if i find you to ever, ever put the princess's life in danger, then this country as well as your own be damned, i will strike you down myself, and i swear on my life to make your death ten thousand times as painful as whatever harm you have caused to her highness. do you understand, my lord?"

akira is blushing heavily, knees cowed slightly. he stutters out a "uh. uh-huh" like he's in a trance. an arrow points to him with a note that reads "his gay ass is NOT listening!"

end id]

for some actual story…

during a banquet held in celebration of akira and haru's engagement, king kunikazu suddenly collapsed and lost his life in that room. it was discovered that the cup he was drinking from was poisoned.

no one has any idea who assassinated the king-- it could very well be some of the many citizens that disliked the king's rather strict policies. the taxes are high, and punishment for crimes tend to be much stricter than in other countries. however, a common rumour among many of the townsfolk is that it was the world of the neighbouring kingdom: a ploy to get prince akira in power in order to take over the nation and subsume it as part of the kurusus' country.

regardless of whether or not that has any merit or is simply baseless rumour, the wedding has been temporarily postponed so that the country-- and haru-- may focus on the investigation. akira, at the least, seems more than willing to help. if it really the scheme of his nation, or of his father, he seems both unaware and unwilling to be a part of it, offering every aid he can to haru, even if it ends up only effectively being an open ear.

yusuke remains by her side, as he always had and as he always will-- perhaps a bit more protective of her, somehow, but the entire castle is on edge, so its not as if thats unexpected. as a knight, a simple extension of his lady's will, he cant do much for her to solve her problems, not possessing the intelligence to solve the case of her father's murder, the political knowhow to aide her and her fathers advisor who's acting as regent pro tempore in ruling, nor a magical ability to bring king kunikazu, someone who he had come to see as his own father in some form, himself, back from the land of the dead. still, he is harus humble servant, and devoted to her above all else, and whatever his lady needs, he will do his best to provide.

the story is about the political aspect of haru and akiras ascension to ruling and of trying to find a culprit, but also about the relationship between the three of them: akira getting closer to both of them, and yusuke and haru reconnecting. :)

#asks & requests #yusuharu #...should i tag? other stuff? hrm #p5 #akira kurusu #...i guess.#im not sure if i imagine any pairing as 'endgame' in the actual story #but yusuharu would be certainly the most prominent and i can only imagine thered be a lot of fuel both kitashu & shuharu throughout lol #....so i guess the endgame would be shuharukita? somehow?#if i actually wrote about the story past the setup i KNOW id get way too into worldbuilding and political intrigue #but im appealing this as a yusuharu au so i dont know if anyone would actually care if i went on abt that aspect lmaao #also sorry for putting you in an arranged marriage and also killing your dad again haru. i cant promise it wont happen again #at least this time ur fiance is a stand-up guy!👍#chef recommended #<i think im big brain. for lots of things but for this au specifically i like this one

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