#don't even ask me how I managed that!
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REPOSTOBER - Day #31
the final day! halloween! in a similar spooky vein, the final reupload for Repostober is the sole piece of artwork I got to make for an extremely short-lived Ib-based RP group over on dA, Dream-of-Carafino!
it followed a similar premise where your character was pulled into an eerie art world (this time of the artist Carafino, rather than Guertina) and had to team up with others to survive-- afaik it never really got off the ground after the first "mission" or so and the group has since been deleted, so I can't even verify how long it lived! wonderful :>
have a happy halloween, and I hope y'all have enjoyed repostober! for more of my art, you can check out my deviantART or my tumblr art tag :)
#repostober#I was really looking forward to this group! shame it died almost immediately#I was away on a cruise right before this mission was issued so I had to draft it on the ship and rush the end result when I got home#it was one of my first attempts at darker lighting and I remember it was challenging trying to find that balance between detail and shadow-#-without drowning out one or the other#could definitely have done a better job in retrospect but I lost the .SAI file almost immediately after saving out the finished .png lmao#don't even ask me how I managed that!
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#selfie bee#good evening friends!! how are you doing! C:#I'm very very sleepy I got a new ikea office chair and I build it all myself#I think it went okay! I don't think I pulled the back screw tight enough and now the back is a bit loose#I can probably fix it but I can also ignore it for the next 18 years#thats how long the old chair held up!! in germany it could now drink vodka and drive a car!!#not at the same time that is illegal! not at the same time!! (❁´▽`❁)*✲ﾟ*#but the day is not over yet my uncle asked me for a big art quest and I do not want to disappoint#he wants a muppet tattoo and asked me to draw it#my uncle has started to get tattoos a few months ago#as far as I know he has now gotten 3 note clefs 3 stars a flower and multiple birds#he also started getting piercings but so far I managed not to know exactly where#I think tattoos are super cool (´｡･v･｡｀) I wish I had a good idea for a tattoo but the last time I was very sure about getting a tattoo#it was heath ledgers face as the joker#at that point I was 12 and would not see the actual movie for two more years#a muppet tattoo is a way better idea!! he asked for the count van count! that is also one of my top 3 muppets ₍՞◌′ᵕ‵ू◌₎♡#I always thought I knew a lot about muppet lore but since I started looking up muppet pictures I think there are still a lot of secrets#can the muppets from the Sesame Street actually leave the Sesame Street?#I think Kermit is both on the Muppet Show and on Sesame Street but he is also like the boss muppet#he might have special abilities#I hope you're having a good day friends!! C:#I think I'll post a Sherlock comic later this week#miss you!! ♥♥♥
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Kirby deals with existential crisis and Bandana is a good friend
#kirby#kots#kirby of the stars#kirby fanart#hoshi no kirby#king dedede#bandana waddle dee#gooey#i like the fact that gooey is canonically Kirby's roomie and we never see him therr#i don't think even Kirby knows where he goes#he's like a wild cat you let live in your house but still manages to go out and returns when it wants#did you know gooey means everything to me#everyone's pal gooey#enough about gooey let's talk trauma#Kirby's existential crisis is my favorite subtextual overall narrative from the kirby novels#it's so good how Kirby is always a bit uncomfortable every time they find someone who looks like them#and no one makes them feel worse than void#i think Kirby understood more about void than we give them credit for#and if you ask me why does Kirby have nightmares despite being inside of Dreamland and around the fountain of dreams#the answer is idk#anyway bandana is really perceptive about it#marx is an asshole as always#i wish Kirby's fear and inadequacy could be explored more#they're only hinted at by the novels#but i know Kirby saw themselves in Galacta Knight#the novels confirmed Galacta used the allies sparkler when defeating void termina and the sparkler represents something objectively pure#so my favorite hc is that Kirby was born after the heroes of yore defeated void and star allies draws parallels to that giving you og Kirby#Kirby defeated void and got friends Galacta got imprisoned for eternity#i wonder if Galacta went through the same identity crisis Kirby went through but Galacta sealed with it worse#anyway nothing bad will happen to Kirby after all they have tons of friends to rely on
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a really good way to get blocked is to send me unsolicited opinions on my chronic pain management fyi
#'um advil is bad for you' 'um chiro isn't Real'#how about this. this is basic Body Upkeep and without these things i can't even move around#i really don't need any able bodied opinions actually ty. nobody knows more about pain management than the person Managing The Pain#sergle.txt#the Feigned Concern is really sweet and cute but it's actually totally okay if you wanna slam your hands in a door instead of typing an ask#if you actually cared to Ask about it instead of talking At Me w the confidence of someone who's never needed these things then you'd get i
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i say this with love. house fanfic writers, if you ever want me to beta something for medical accuracy, i'll fucking do it no questions asked
#hate crimes md#house md#hilson#listen. every medstudent is some version of an idiot and i am only a second year so for the love of god do not ask me#for Actual medical advice that i am not qualifed to give. i'm just qualified enough to check Fanfic. and i'll do it too just ask#this isn't directed at everyone. some of you have managed to put together well-researched compelling cases and i am kissing you#on the mouth for it mwah. even as i don't actually give a toss about most internal medicine#(look. i am just in a very monogamous relationship with trauma surgery)#anyway don't rely on the show either - sure it's one of the more accurate medical dramas but these morons still shock asystole#you can ask me how medschool works too!! the show is house md not house getting his md yet i've lost count of the ridiculous ways#people have gotten medschool wrong just. mentioned in passing. so concise and yet so wrong#serious offer.#these inaccuracies bug me more than they should
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man living with toxic relatives really is the worst, you come home and you just deal with more bullshit when you should be relaxing
#sil talks.🎤#your girl is losing her mind#everything i do is wrong#ive been told i might be 18 but i have an experience of a highschooler#even tho my aunt literally does not know what i did in turkey and believe me it ain't highschooler lever#and when I ask her something it's always why are you asking me google it#like maam arent you supposed to be this super experienced 50 year old why are you bitching at me when I ask question about a country i just#moved to 2 months ago#like god damnit#i dont know how much of this i can take#and im not even mnetioning her constantly saying “the new generation doesn't want to do anything”#the new generation doesnt know how to use google#the new generation doesn want to work#the future of coorparate america is screwed because the new generation doesn't know how to do anything#WHO RAISED THAT NEW GENERATION?????#YOU#YOU DID#SO STFU#her kids literally don't know how to communicate with other people and when i do something I'm constantly in the wrong lmao#mind you she knows my manager loved me and I'm getting a raise this week#and after i told her she said i have experience of a highschooler and I'm not ready for new york#well i sure as hell ain't gonna be ready for it living with you#god i hate it#ah and also me needing to hide my hips#delete later
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Seeing something about a Fire Emblem class being offered at college. I would never want a class about Fire Emblem, I wouldn't survive hearing anything discourse about it by modern college students IRL.
But it is reminding me of the time I delivered a senior thesis on the evolution of the hidden/overt LGBT representation in video games using Ike as an example back before Awakening was released.
#Don't ask me why my English Lit course permitted this#Only ask why the professor was surprised that 3 of the students managed to do 3 completely different essays about LGBT themes in video game#I think I got a B on that paper#Which was great because I distinctly remember it being a Mess™#And no#I don't have it anymore#So even if I wanted to share it would you#Which I do not#I couldn't#The class was about LGBT themes in media#The fun part was figuring out how to cite a video game in MLA format
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watching that british guy who plays buck talk about being bisexual on television with my silly little supernatural brain with its supernatural thoughts:
#in a different timeline they are sitting down jensen ackles and asking him if the first time cas walked into frame ans dean became defensive#and mad. if it was about the confused feelings of attraction he did not know how to manage#interviewer: you think dean stabbed him because he didn't know what do with his attraction to this thing be perceived as a monster?#jackles: ahahaha...well...ahah..you know. at that point in time we didn't - we didn't think about going in that direction for dean although#there was always that foundation of possibility of..of a kind of ostracizing experience of life with this guy. he's a man's man! he's#sarcastic! he's attractive he gets the girls you know? but there's definitely an element of - of performance to that. so i mean.#and we remember. we've told this story a hundred times before but when misha walked in on set. i mean! ha! that was reallt quite a day.#he was this weird dorky dude in his weird sweater and we did noy know what to make of the guy. so I'm sure that - that definitely#contributed to the way i ended up playing dean. and while. again. thos storyline was very far from being explored but we - i mean looking#back — definitely. definitely sure. it's possible. atleast the fans are convinced so. hahahaha. what do you think mish?#misha: i think he wanted to fuck him#yes#HEHEHEHEHE#anyway#god.#should i even post yhis on main#castcrew fans don't come for me jesus
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Saw this prompt for incorrect OC quotes and couldn't resist with a bunch of my Breach goobers. Some of them would absolutely say these things word for word in canon if I gave them half the chance to, though. XD
They're in order of when they showed up in person - Qīng, Ghost, Red, Marisol, Shio, Cam, Daruk, Tawoos, and Alondra - as well as some important honorable mentions who have only been mentioned or gotten dialogue - Star, Blake, and Creation.
Star's design is a slight spoiler, I suppose, but it doesn't reveal if they're human or impostor, so it's all good. Creation's "design" also isn't a spoiler at all, because They can look however They want, LOL. As for Shio...some of you who have seen the body horror I've done of them may be wondering why they look so normal here, but I promise there are Reasons. :3c
In other news, will I be making a liar out of Shio in an upcoming Breach canon divergence? ..........Maybe~ >:3c
#original characters#breach#among us#(technically lol)#look i even revealed what their colors would be - as if it wasn't already patently obvious#aside from creation but - uh - ignore them (trust me it's better this way)#meanwhile qīng's color isn't even available which is a Damn Shame#there needs to be a sky blue already ffs#cyan ain't cutting it#if it were an actual lobby qīng would waffle so hard between blue and cyan and would miss his chance to pick either XD#the closest quote to canon is cam's because she REALLY wants a different job and she'll take yours in a fucking HEARTBEAT#meanwhile the closest quote to BECOMING canon is creation's and it is taking all of my willpower to resist their insistence that i allow it#the most incorrect quote of all is definitely blake's - he is so mad at me for drawing this and calling out how he feels about his old job#the biggest lie here is red's - he absolutely thinks about breaking rules and does it a lot more than he'd like to admit#someone give poor tawoos a fucking break - they didn't ask for this#i promise that marisol is more than The Bitchy Sunflower Girl - just give her some time - i promise#alondra has other aspects too but she would be weirdly offended if you tried to assure her that she's more than just Squeaky Mouse Girl#if daruk ever had to go to anger management he would accidentally incite a rage riot just like dan did in that episode of dan vs#ghost i'm sorry but your fashion sense is incomprehensible and i don't even know how i come up with half the stuff i put you in#did blake steal the jacket off of crinklytinfoil's pink/chase from the skeld? absolutely not - he borrowed it cuz those two would be BUDS#these tags are ridiculous#ok im done now
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#these past two weeks have been so intense that ive just.. not spoken about it once i got home from work#blocked it all out#my beloved colleague whose desk is next to mine has cancer#breast and uterus. she needs two major surgeries#they just diagnosed her two weeks ago#so we've been trying to deal with that as colleagues and friends#because we love and miss her and i am so deeply sad as well#but i feel like i couldn't process that at all bc two days after the news of her diagnosis i was asked to take on half of her work#on top of my fulltime#which i agreed to do bc i like her tasks and i want to help her and i also know i can do it#but it does feel very off bc i know i don't earn enough money for this workload to be long term and it is def like this#for the coming four months at least#so i did tell my manager that i would like a raise and. that bitch told me to BUY MORE SECOND HAND SHIT.#i seriously thought i saw my life flash before my eyes#then the day after she asked one of my colleagues who's been with the firm for over 30 years whether she was looking for another job maybe?#which caused that colleague to instantly go home in tears and be home from basically a nervous breakdown the past 1.5 week#which is her full right and i support her with all my heart but bc my management sucks it meant that we had to also carry her tasks ofc#i felt soooo spread thin and super super angry actually but i didn't even realise how angry i was until last thursday my colleague w cancer#came by the office. and talked about all of it. and i suddenly realised how sad i was but then also how angry#but i was just blocking it all out trying to stay afloat#bc we told her about what the manager had said and she said “i hope that i get the chance to really tell her how it is someday.”#“because the stress she causes with people can actually kill you. just look at me.”#and the rest of the day i felt so ready to be done with everything actually#but seeing her anger made me see my own anger#and released me of my own pent up emotions bc i had actual leg pains this week and it was purely psychosomatic#i then managed to tell some friends yesterday about what was going on and their outrage spurred me on even more#so today i emailed hr. demanding a raise#doing this amount of work while constantly feeling like the house is on fire while also struggling financially seriously makes me suicidal#and i am not joking#so.. if nothing comes of that im leaving that job and not looking back
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https://youtu.be/XsFmx10B298?si=W2u5ROOHchCew0B4 you I fucking guess
hkjHDSHGKJEHGJKEHKJGHEJKGHKJE HELP
#asks#THAT POOR FUCKING PLANT#that is me indeed i don't even know how my body manages to live#i say as i'm the skinniest and palest motherfucker alive#teachers always get concerned when they see my weight or pale skin#from elementary to now (high school)#if i were an actual sunflower i'd be dead where i am standing on god
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it's so frustrating dealing with a friend that seems set on finding imaginary slights against their person and seethes in silence waiting for you to figure out what you did 'wrong' this time 🤦♀️
#this is the fifth time since october i've invited her somewhere to catch up and she said no#always with some excuse#which. sure. i can't verify#maybe the 8th time in the last year she refused for some reason or another#but there's only so many times you can give someone the benefit of the doubt#when she never initiates anything and just waits for us to ask her out#and if you don't happen to do that within the secret interval of time she is available and which she never discloses#she registers it as a slight#i'm so tired of these stupid mind games how old are you/??#also she is SO hard to get hold of. never answers anything on any messaging app for days on end including the weekends#even if the proposal is time sensitive#girl you are NOT that busy bffr#i remember we invited her to see barbieheimer and she did not freaking answer on time. as usual.#and we had to get tickets without her bc the time slots quickly sold out#and ofc she was pissed at us bc she's can't be bothered to reply 🤦♀️#she always is pissed even when it's clearly her fault#when she clearly sees the message bc she DOES check the apps whaddyaknow#and the one time we did manage to see each other she had the gall to propose that we go out more often!!!#and then never initiates anything and refuses everything#ik if i were to recount this to a third person they would tell me she already checked out of this friendship#it's so stupid#having to walk on these eggshells#bc we didn't even have a falling out she's just finding pretexts to become offended#that was been her modus operandi since the freaking pandemic#good lord the stories i have#lemonposting#anyway i'm bummed out now
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:((((((((( boss didn't buy me lunch like they normally do on people's last day. Commence absolute minimal effort to finish out this job.
#totes bro#he like. forgot. its not exactly targeted#just emblematic of how they take me for granted#IDK! i just think i shouldn't have to office manage my going away lunch#if he doesn't take me to dinner i will block his number upon exit so he cannot ask me any question ever#its an office joke how much i enjoy free food#absolute minimal effort from this second on#this doesnt count as one of those things that therapy would be like 'dont assume people can read your mind and say how you feel'#1. because i don't have a different relationship to him than literally every other coworker#2. he's my boss and not like someone i care about on a personal level#:((((((((((((((#not to keep bringing this up but im the only person they didnt get a wedding gift either#i. don't. care. if its usually my job to arrange this partially and remind my bosses#am i supposed to arrange my wedding gift and going away lunch because i do office managing?#i dont even have my bowl to eat my sad frozen bag of peas because i left it accidentally#i on some level knew this would be the case
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i'm so sorry to see that you're being vagueposted about for your sylki takes. it may be true that how you see sylki is a bit different than a certain section of the fandom, but that doesn't at ALL mean that you shouldn't be allowed to have your own takes! fwiw, i followed you bc i actually agree with and really enjoy ur perspective on sylki. i was getting frustrated with how many people seem to view this ship in a super heteronormative way and want sylvie to basically become a housewife, and i was so glad to find a blog that felt the same way. this fandom has become tiring tbh with how many people are now freaking out that sylvie hasn't immediately started having lokis babies in s2, and i really wish that people would at least leave room for others to have their own opinions!
this! that section of sylki shippers do not leave any room for you to have your opinions! they act like a fanon police controlling what you say in your posts on your blog!
and god forbid that what you say opposes their own hcs and takes, if you commit this unforgivable sin of having a take that is different from theirs, you better be ready for some good old online group harassment! they will make you feel like you are not welcome in this fandom, they will make sure that you are hurt, they will alienate you and force you out!
but no, you are the bad guy for jokingly calling a fandom in general "vanilla" and saying (after several disclaimers that it's your personal opinion) that when it comes to canon, you don't think that sylvie should be all about being loki's housewife.
at this point i honestly hate this fandom. there are some decent sylkis out there and i love the ship itself, but a big portion of the fandom has simply sucked all the joy for the series out of me. i wonder if they realize what the consequences of their behavior could be? back when i said (in my blog) that i don't think sylvie having babies is a compelling completion of her story in canon, and this bunch came to my blog to harass me for my takes, i was in a very *very* bad place already, and the space that was supposed to be my escape pretty much turned on me and added up to an already depressing state i was in.
and bfr anyone says that it's just a fandom wank, let me tell you that these people know how to be really cruel, whether they realize it or not, their behavior is simply cruel. they don't just argue in favor of their opinion, they shit on you personally, get aggressive towards you personally, make you feel like you "can't sit with them", ect. it gets really creepy and ugly.
and the thing is, i never addressed anyone specific in my posts, i never said *this* person and *that* person have shitty hcs/takes, i never even vaguely hinted at a distaste towards the hcs/takes of someone specific, but they accuse me of pointing fingers. when i said that i didn't think canon sylvie having babies would work, i never said anything about sylki babies in fanfiction, yet people accused me of pointing fingers at the fic writers. and they would come to my blog, harass me in the replies and asks, and talk about how despicable i am in their own blogs, and it went on and on for a while.
thanks for your nice words, anon, they are uplifting. and to those who can't stand me so much, don't worry, i'm going to leave this fandom once the series is finished. i hope you are satisfied that being a shitty, gatekeeping, narrow-minded, egocentric person worked for you! but don't ever feel entitled to complain about how lokius shippers treat you.
#asks#sylki#sylvie laufeydottir#loki#i regret ever getting invested in this fandom i really really regret it#learn from my mistakes my friends#unfortunately a lot of your mutuals aren't actually your friends#they are going to turn your time in the fandom into hell if you dare to voice your unpopular opinion/hc on your own blog!#i had mutuals harass me and ppl i thought as friends not come to my aid bc of nonexistent sylki babies lmao#anyways anyways#you win! good job at forcing the last sylki who has unpopular takes/hcs out of the fandom!#you could have just muted or blocked me but i guess it was your duty to make sure it was clear that sylki fandom hates me!#oh & thank you for destroying my desire to ever read a sylki fic vanilla or not bc i can't be sure that it's not written by someone who#felt so insecure bc of my hcs that they decided to ruin the fandom experience for me!#mf i never insulted your fic i'm sure i have never even read it i was simply ranting about what i would like to read in case there was#someone wondering if there would be an audience for that sort of thing#and i never told you not to hc sylki/sylvie a certain way when i ranted on my blog how i don't think housewife!sylvie would work in canon!#but deep down you know that you just don't want anyone to have a different hc/take#again don't worry! you won! hope you are happy!#actually you managed to destroy my desire to be in any fandom ever! i should replace fandom with grass-touching bc maybe the lack of said#grass-touching is the reason some of you think everything is about you and targets you and your precious hcs#god i just cant stop thinking regretful i am for getting invested in this fandom when so many shippers turned out so hypocritical bad peopl#maybe one good thing that may come out of this is some poor soul reading it and getting a reality check regarding twitter/tumblr fandoms#DON'T GET ATTACHED THESE PPL WILL HARASS YOU AND HURT YOU OVER MADE-UP BABIES#it's not worth it! prioritize your mental health!#i have wasted so much of my time defending sylkis from the antis here & on twt only to have the majority of them turn on me#i want my time back god i really want all that wasted time back#why are you mfs sending me angry asks i told u that u won i'm leaving this fandom what more do u want from me?!#im not wasting my life in the fandom where the mfs would harass a real person bc of their parasocial relationship with hc babies#be content with hurting and forcing a person out of the fandom bc u took smtng that wasn't targeted at u too personally
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today should be a t break day
bc I'll need it to be more effective in the coming days if we see family, and then I'll have the survey shifts
but since late last night i keep randomly nearly breaking into tears and thinking abt the stupidest shit that needs to stay in the box in my brain
so idk. maybe it will be. it is thus far. but I'm not leaving my room without a container of some edible or another in my pocket either
#text post#no idea where the fuck this came from and it kept me up until fucking four in the fucking morning#but only NEARLY crying my body/brain still won't let me FULLY cry#and i did email my prior doc with a 'can i ask u just abt this one current symptom and if it is abt what i think & ill send u 20 bucks even'#she said no to the twenty bucks but said yeah it does sound like my ptsd has been triggered by multiple things over the last year#and the not being able to cry is a part of it. my body's trying to protect me from feeling anything abt it and breaking down#and part of that means not letting the tears fall so there's no physical acknowledgement of any feelings#which is what i was thinking was going on but it's nice to confirm it with someone who knows their shit#doesn't fix it but at least i know.#the thing is that the triggers are like. good? bc im in a healthier safer environment now with ppl that don't do what my mum & fam do to me#but it means my brain is learning just how much of a lot of it Wasn't Normal and was actually Pretty Harmful and that's.#i want my brain to just accept and get over that already tbh. okay so that's the case it doesn't change anything????#why are we still thinking abt it and having feelings over it at this point bc that feels like a waste of time#there are no apologies I'll get for things that happened from when i was younger and there's no closure it just Is What It Is#I'm tired of even wanting to cry over it when I'd rather be throwing myself into making money & being productive art-wise#it manages to interrupt so many fucking facets of my life like#whatever. anyway considering a music au new draft where ed and izzy meet seth. and immediately offer to kill him for Pickles aksnsjfnfgj
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I think actually on of the things I find most striking and hurtful are Hawk's reactions - or rather none-reactions - to people saying super homophobic stuff in his presence, assuming he agrees with them.
It's basically like he's being hit right in the face. And he doesn't flinch. And it really hurts me in a way I'm not sure I can describe.
#fellow travelers#me watching stuff#like you can basically see him switching into survival mode#also marcus when he was like 'they called YOU a queer' and i was like nah my man you know that is not what happened#like they try to distance themselves#and i think they even manage to a certain degree#but like at what cost...#(the show also made me think about the ability or like the option to pass and how some people have them and some don't#which of course has a huge influence on the way they experience and navigate things)#urgh i just really like this show#bc i feel like it makes you ask yourself the 'right' questions#(also i saw some review or so describe hawk as don draper meets brian kinney and that too is a very interesting thought isn't it?)
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