#don't be afraid to bring up media that speaks to you in therapy | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

naranjapetrificada · 11 months

Text

A small addendum to the "my therapist watched OFMD and what he said next blew my mind" (what I could have called it if I wanted a clickbait title lol) post:

Part of the whole disenfranchised loss thing that comes with mourning your past selves and the selves you never got to be after discovering brilliant new and unimagined possibilities is that the new thing, whatever it is, also comes without a narrative sometimes. And one of the more unusual traits of the 🌟Gay Pirate Show🌟 that regularly comes up is that it's very much not a coming of age story.

So, so many queer stories we see are coming of age stories, and because coming of age stories usually come with a whole "I haven't figured out everything about life yet but I've got a better handle on who I really am!" vibe, the path forward feels less unknown and unknowable. A story like Stede and Ed's though? When you're a fucking adult and have the means, motive, and opportunity to finally go out and make a life you want? That kind of responsibility is fucking terrifying, because a) you have to make it happen yourself and b) you might be sitting there knowing you want a change, knowing that something has to change, but you may not have even the tiniest inkling of what this new you could even begin to look like.

You have to build the road as you're walking down it, in complete darkness, with the awareness of life's brevity that only comes with having already participated in adult life. You end up unmoored between your most recent selves and whatever this new, unknown thing is that comes next, and that makes the work you have to do even harder. And as time passes, it will feel like the likelihood of being able to try again if you fail to stick the landing this time only decreases.

#I hope that makes literally any sense #therapy #my therapist is great #don't be afraid to bring up media that speaks to you in therapy #ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd meta #go ahead and grieve yourself #disenfranchised loss

102 notes · View notes

authenticleviackerman · 3 months

Text

No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai and how the book helped improve my life.

Despite the controversy and even banning of No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai in some parts of the world as I have come to learn, it has to be one of my favourite books. The disconnect from the world, society and people hit very close to home, and it was ultimately the book which made me realize that despite what people have told me ("You're such a smiley person though", and "You have too much energy to be depressed" etc.) is just not what makes a person depressed or not.

I think that this book is a perfect gateway into the concept of mental illness. I'd like to tell you a little story. Keep in mind I don't really consider myself a writer, I'm just an insomniac who is self taught in English and has nothing to do at 4 am.

I, like Yozo, learned to fake a smile. As a child I was always talkative and loved books. I learned to speak fairly early (at about 6 months of age) and always flipped through books for hours despite it not being typical for kids with my diagnosis (cerebral palsy).

I was always a child who was very afraid of something I couldn't even name. Slight change of voice made me cry, no matter what the context. I could meet my grandma's friend and I didn't greet them (because I didn't know you were supposed to greet them yet) and after my grandma told me, I started crying because I thought I made her mad.

This never improved, even after I had entered school. In fact, it got worse. I was not yet aware of anything until the first day in 1st grade, when my teacher greeted everyone formally but me, leading to confusion and so I accidentally greeted her in an informal way as well. This of course, has led to embarrassment.

I soon got an assistant who was supposed to help me learn. I never had an intellectual disability of any kind, although I couldn't really focus on schoolwork and wanted to play instead, so her role was to be like an" at home teacher" and someone to look after me when my parents were busy.

She had worked with disabled people in the past so my mom naturally thought nothing could go wrong, and for a short while it didn't until about 5th grade when things started getting worse, but that's a whole another chapter.

Long story short, for 10 years, she mentally abused me, putting me down whenever some of my weaknesses showed, totally ignoring the fact that I had learned how to speak English (in my case a foreign language) completely on my own.

That made me think I was now fundamentally broken, leading to severe self hate while I still put a smile on my face, because depression and anxiety in media are usually showed in the most severe cases, so I couldn't be ill. I'm just an idiot.

I started writing poetry (which I now inconsistently post on my Instagram but I am afraid to do so as I fear that if my mom's friends noticed it being too dark, they would tell my mom who could scold me for it so I haven't put anything out there in a while. Besides, they pretty much ruined the tags) which did get some small audience (I got one of my favourite musician's wife to follow me there) but my brain makes me give up on things because I feel like there was no point in it, which was a frequent theme described in no longer human and his other books.

For years and despite my mom literally asking me to stop crying all the time, not one teacher or professional suggested therapy. I was just told to "grow up already" or laughed in the face by my assistant (who caused me to develop PTSD like symptoms), so I had to beg my mom to bring me in repeatedly.

Thankfully, bringing the book up in therapy this summer got me on antidepressants, (which, again , I thought I don't need because in my brain I wasn't "sick enough") and now my mom is aware that I am fighting my own brain, so she isn't frustrated with me when I cry.

That is what I'd like to say, but unfortunately it was a bit too late and I learned to numb down my emotions because I'm afraid of being shamed. The only people who see me cry are my therapist and psychiatrist who saw through the (very believable) fake smile, and people who I truly trust.

The antidepressants definitely worked though, and I believe if Dazai lived in an age where antidepressants existed and mental health wasn't stigmatized, he would feel at least a little better.

I hope I manage to feel human one day.

2 notes · View notes

yourmomwatchesskam · 4 years

Note

This is hilarious. TharnType and Effect are NOT for teenagers! They have stereotypes that are DANGEROUS for lgbt+ community! I don't know much about both this series but for example tharntype this is serie where not gay man was raped and then he's living with gay man in one room and they started war. And you know what this gay roommate do? He kissed him when he was drunk and touched him. And this is only beginning (i don't know what next and i don't wanna know). You can watch it but be aware

I’m thinking that we have pretty different definitions of ‘hilarious.’

CW/TW (sexual assault)

My teen group consists of 16-19 y/o, which the u18 y/o need permission slips from their parents for anything rated M.

With that being said, the common theme in both of these series is sexual assault. There is absolutely nothing hilarious about censoring this information from teenage viewers (which are the majority of their viewers) especially LGBT+ youth.

We watched The Effect & had some very important discussions following the series.. Discussions we wouldn’t have had without watching it.

The LGBT+ Community is already full of stereotypes, & it’s important that young people are aware of them.. whether they are participating in that behavior, witnessing it from others, or experiencing it themselves. Awareness is key, & by shielding them from the harsh realities that exist, doesn’t make it go magically away.

It’s long, but here’s the article I just published about it: (TRIGGER WARNING)

How Culture Crosses Over in International LGBT+ Films

*trigger warning/content warning

I facilitate a LGBT+ Support Group for teens, parents, & teachers integrating the use of film & media to focus on current & relevant topics that youth are facing in today’s society. Society variables change across cultures in how they affect LGBT people, but there are a few major things that don’t get lost in translation. So when the teen group asked that we watch & discuss these international shows, I agreed.

In the United States, the suicide rate for boys & girls remains the same until 10 years old, but after that, the suicide rate doubled for 10–14 year old boys. At 15–19, they’re 4 times more likely to die by suicide & 5 times more likely by age 20–25. (Although, the highest rate for men is middle-age.) Also in the United States, at least 1 in 6 boys under 18 years old are victims of sexual assault or rape.

I don’t know Thailand’s stats, & I’m not going to attempt to speak on behalf of their culture when it comes to such sensitive subjects, but this is a prime example of when LGBT films around the world, & across many different cultures, provides accurate & relatable representation for a large variety of different audiences. With stats like these, if you haven’t experienced something like this yourself, chances are you know someone that has.

These are the significantly complex, yet very necessary conversations we need to be having. Especially on behalf of those who are unable to have them because they’re too afraid or ashamed to. From what I know, the themes of these shows are unlike a lot of other plots that these drama series normally have- which is why so many people (that haven’t read the novels) have been surprised by them. There are, however, many people & reviews showing support for highlighting such issues. The thing is, people know all too well that these issues exist. That’s why some people watch shows like this to begin with, because it provides an escape from the everyday world. But, no matter how true that may be, it’s also important to make room for the other side of LGBT experiences & allow them to be brought to attention as well.

The Effect was a prime example of:

Kind behavior getting misinterpreted as flirting.

“Flirting” getting misinterpreted as consent for sex.

Sex being rejected but still getting disregarded.

Rape, followed by victim-blaming & shaming because “they were the one that started it.”

Followed by fear, shame, guilt, obligation, confusion, regret, a decline in mental health in some cases & at worst, the inability to feel safe within one’s own mind/body, that the only option believed to be available for escape from the inevitable pain, is death.

It’s important to note that we weren’t told the sexual orientation of the main character in The Effect. & I think this highlights the prominent question of, “Does it matter?” Because what we absolutely do know is that he said no.

There is a quote from a scene in CMBYN where Mrs. Pearlman is reading an excerpt from a book with the quote, “Is it better to speak or to die?” & although it sounds fictitious in nature, the truth behind that is people believe some things are best left unsaid when it comes to their own irreconcilable feelings. In some cases, that can be helpful. But, in other cases, it can be harmful. Men are taught to be strong, to not appear weak, to toughen up, to put yourself last, to let bygones be bygones, to not show emotion (aside from anger), & to not talk about uncomfortable things to help prevent others from feeling uncomfortable as well. As a result, what’s also taught is to quickly move past those feelings, but what happens to those that can’t?

How are people supposed to move past pain that they’re not allowed to have, but are forced to keep? That’s not strength, that’s suppression.

Depending on culture & other circumstances, mental health therapy might not even be (considered) an option. Depending on the individual, there might not be any reporting of the crime, as we saw on The Effect. Many cases don’t ever get reported, & some that do, an arrest is never made. This is something every country can relate to, but not everyone country is talking about. & with the stigma attached to it with the way that trauma affects the mind & the body, who could blame anyone for not wanting to draw even more attention to their experience by bringing it in the spotlight?

If you’re also watching the show TharnType, you know that we get direct insight into a person’s trauma response, as well as what can sometimes happen as a result of when it does get reported. Not that anyone’s trying to condone Type’s homophobia & his personal struggle with his own sexuality, but if we are to condemn it, at least we understand it. We know a few things: Type being attracted to Tharn is not a result of the childhood assault that occurred. Just because Type is attracted to Tharn doesn’t have to necessarily mean he’s exclusively gay (although he very well could be). & if he were gay, it doesn’t make him an offender. (Even though a lot of society tends to think this way.) There is a common misconception that all gay/bi men are pedophiles & rapists, often stemming from men who have been the victims of abuse/rape as children, to older predatory men. Sex offenders exist within all categories of: age, race, class, nationality, religion, sexuality, profession, income, political party etc.. nothing is exempt.

We need to be able to communicate clearly that sexual abuse/rape is not a sexual orientation. & that suicide does not only affect people with mental illness.

These are both emotionally involved/intense shows with such deeper meaning, that are definitely worth the watch. If you are sensitive to these topics than proceed with caution for The Effect because it is very graphic. However, with such prevalent topics, they are necessary conversations to have that we can no longer afford to avoid.

*To watch The Effect with English subs: https://tv.line.me/embed/10372516

*To watch TharnType with English subs: https://tv.line.me/embed/10255603

If you are in crisis, call the toll-free National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1–800–273-TALK (8255), available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The service is available to anyone. All calls are confidential. http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org

Or The Trevor Lifeline at 1–866–488–7386 or via text by texting START to 678678

If you were the victim of sexual abuse/assault & are seeking support: 1in6.org

#the effect the series #tharntype

34 notes · View notes

thefreshfinds · 5 years

Text

KID PRO:

One who takes into consideration that the world is his oyster, Kid Pro effortlessly plummets your favorite rapper's career.

As an active member of society, Kid Pro has tapped into a higher knowledge that most don't possess. In the midst of flipping the pages of philosophical books that speak on self-absorption & swimming against the current — he also impliments it into his own work. If he isn't speaking on racial issues or our very corrupted government, then the all-around prophet is slapping around those with "murder on their mind" with a word of advice, e.g Classified ft. Mickey Jaggs which speaks on how we're still slaves in todays society, police brutality & how we sell our own stories to tabloids. Mickey Jaggs: "Taking attention of off the sh*t where the focus should be at/Gave us freedom to choose but don’t give a f*ck about the choice/We all pawns & the bosses are anonymous/So distracted by idols that they idolize never even notice that they feed them lies.. goodbye” Yet his deep appreciation for golden hip-hop gives him the ability to mesh all of these subjects together with hard-hitting rhymes like "“Last name 'fuck', first name 'don’t', middle name 'give a so-nigga what you want." or “My true knowledge only came from true suffering now a nigga 4G so I ain’t never buffering.” (Technical Difficulties), boom bap & east coast vibes.

To simply put it, Kid Pro keeps in mind that there's always room for improvement. If he isn't venturing into his own Cons & Pros "The protagonist been laying low/Charging up like a proton." then he's encouraging others to "think global" & to "never get stuck on the locals." (ProZilla)

Bleeding yellow, red & blue — Kid Pro basks into his Columbian heritage with pride.

Even though he's from Parsippany, NJ where the music scene isn't booming, Kid Pro has found a way to make it work. "It’s a big enough town to hold two high schools, but small enough to where everyone pretty much knows or knows of each other."

Asides from being an MC, Kid Pro is an influx of other things.

On the whole he's an producer, engineer & even a father of two who teaches them about life. Yet he also learns more about himself in the process. In a word, KID PRO says it's an enjoyable journey that continues to levitate with time. " My constant pursuit is to be the best version of myself that I can be. I’ve gotten to a point in my life where I can no longer stand by & just do nothing. Any day spent just lounging around is a wasted opportunity to learn a new skill, improve on an old one, read a book, write a new song, etc. I hate that it takes death to appreciate life, but Nipsey’s passing hit me harder than I thought it would because of all the good he was doing outside of music. We were practically the same age & he was able to change & affect so many lives for the better. That continues to speak volumes to me and it’s been one of my sources of inspiration."

The moniker he chose stands for three important elements needed in order to live a prosperous life, "K stands for “Knowledge”, I stands for “Intensity”, & D stands for “Determination." According to the artist, if one wants to become a Pro at anything, these things will get them far. Hence "KID PRO."

If it wasn't for “Midnight Marauders” by A Tribe Called Quest, Kid Pro's love for hip-hop wouldn't be so massive. Still, them along with 9th Wonder & Little Brother have paved the way for his conscious sound.

His music journey started off with poetry in a middle school English class, which then transitioned into rapping in a basement on a $10 USB microphone & posting songs on Soundclick & MySpace.

According to the MC it was just something he thought was cool because he always watched music videos & listened to rap. But over time, it became his passion & therapy. For Kid Pro, making music allows him to express himself in ways that he isn't able to with just speaking. In fact, he can perform those same songs on a stage in front of people & have them relate to what he's saying. "My life was all about music." Kid Pro adds.

Thus far, Kid Pro has been blessed with many opportunities. He's traveled to different open mics/showcases/competitions & always meet new acts that are bringing new energy & rocking new flows that keep him on my toes. To Pro, the new generation of MC’s in that 20-25 year range look the absolute hungriest & impress him with how they’re able to command a huge presence not just on stage, but with social media in order to help push their brand.

Ultimately, Kid Pro is moved by those that go beyond their boundaries & don’t accept any limitations because the idea of making something out of nothing & presenting it to an audience to help them feel something comes with great joy & a never ending addiction. But his main source of inspiration comes from those he holds dear to his heart: His family.

As he asserts into lyricism, Kid Pro takes into account that music is forever changing. "I would say my strength comes in not being afraid to explore new concepts, flows & beat selection.” Kid Pro adds "You never want to get caught up in recreating what’s hot currently, but being a trendsetter for the next wave. I enjoy every aspect of the writing process. Being able to tell a story over a beat, rhyme & have consistent imagery & metaphors throughout, all while keeping the listener engaged with a melody is not the easiest thing to do. If it’s done right(& marketed right), you can change the world, & that’s what I aim for each time I pick up the pen."

Likewise, Kid Pro's main message to the crowd is to always strive to be the best version of yourself at all times. After all, tomorrow is never promised for anyone & we all have to live life as if we won’t get to see another day. "Before I get off stage at a show, I always recite a small “poem” I wrote randomly a few years back: “Keep Your Eyes Open/Open Your Mind/ Mind Your Business/ Business Before Pleasure/ Pleasure Your Life/ Life Is Good/ Good Night”.... It means a lot to me." he adds.

With this in mind, Kid Pro overcomes all in order to achieve true greatness. He gives those listening a crash-course on how to perceive, act & think about obstacles. He's learned how to deal with the source & never the middle man. And so, he aims to test his limits. Wait until mid-June, Kid Pro will be releasing an upcoming collab EP with @obbeatzz titled “KICKvSNARE” on all streaming platforms along with a solo project which will release in the Fall.

In the meantime, check out his freestyle series called #VersesAboutNothing. In this series he films & edits his own music videos. Kid Pro also showcases his lyrics over classic beats & original beats from producers he's met throughout the years.

"I’ve also put in the groundwork to jumpstart a YouTube channel & make it a full media experience where I’ll be doing everything from music videos, interviewing other artists, comedy skits, Vlogs, Podcasts & much more." he says "I want to take full control of the content I put out & not have to wait on anyone else to get it done. My creativity & motivation is at an all-time high so please be on the lookout for more coming your way!"

P.S: His favorite song to create was Cons & Pros which has two versions! (He even performs it frequently via acapella.) It consists of a rhyme scheme using words that start with “Pro.”

"It’s one of the most challenging songs ever, but that’s what makes it fun. It’s like starting this huge 10,000 piece puzzle: at first it seems impossible, then you start connecting more and more pieces, and before you know it, it’s all coming together flawlessly. The song also has a great message behind it and not just me rhyming a bunch of “Pro” words. I believe in the power of lyrics and always make sure I’m bringing some sort of positivity and knowledge to the listener."

By: Natalee Gilbert

LINK(S):

1. SoundCloud: https://soundcloud.com/kidpromusic

2. YouTube / Apple Music: Search “Kid Pro”

3. Instagram: @iamkidpro

1 note · View note

therapy101 · 7 years

Note

I just wanted to say thank you for the post about #metoo. My own experiences are things I haven't been able to bring up in therapy, don't want to acknowledge and would die if anyone I knew found out. The social media on #metoo has me going back and forth between wanting to join in and at the same time being afraid to and then guilty that I havent. Your post made me feel a little less ashamed that I don't have the courage to speak.

(anon is referring to this post).

I’m so glad it helped, anon. I just want to reiterate that no one owes anyone else- not a therapist, not another survivor, nobody -their disclosure. There are reasons to consider disclosure but it should be an autonomous decision that you are okay with.

6 notes · View notes

sgkjd · 4 years

Note

(1) hey, you're an angel. thank you so much for always being so open and sweet🥺 so about the last ask: no, I'm not diagnosed but I've also never seen a therapist, so I don't really know. I think actually I've already talked about it here on anon a while ago? I'm sorry I'm a mess with sending anon messages, sometimes I just go and vent on a couple of inboxes and I never remember what I said to whom, lol. But yeah to sum it up I've spent the last 4ish years (and counting) obsessing

(2) over the possibility of being mentally ill but I've never seen a therapist because 1 I can't afford it 2 I'm afraid they might tell me I'm just a desperate attention seeker and all the bs I tell myself about having anxiety and potentially avpd tendencies and mild depression is all fake and just a way to manipulate people, myself included:)) why do I always have to write this much oh god. anyways. the thing is, everything just feels impossible rn, and (3) I'm too much in my own head to pay attention to anything else basically, if that makes sense? and I'm afraid I'm just being lazy but I can't for the life of me find a crumb of motivation to pick up a textbook and Do something. Also here were I live basically all subjects have oral exams? and it irritates me SO MUCH like I have no idea how it actually works in the rest of the world but from what I can see in the media everyone seems to only ever have to hand in papers or take tests?

(5) I just wanted to thank you for always being so lovely to anons in your inbox (you've helped me already a number of times, even if you don't know👀) I don't think the situation is going to change anytime soon but at least I feel better than I did in December, so I know there's at least a chance I might feel better. and there's people like you who just get it and it makes me feel less alone. so thank you from the bottom of my heart💜💜💜

i think tumblr has eaten the 4th part of ur asks:(((

and i might remember u now that u mentioned that!! but i'm honestly so bad at recalling things and discerning who's who particularly on this site, so don't worry about not remembering too much💗 as long as we both know that we tend to forget stuff we've said and take that into account, i guess that's alright haha

about therapists, they usually have an unspoken rule to not be dictated by a person's diagnosis, meaning that they don't care THAT much whether u really have depression and avpd or not, they just look at u as a whole? they don't see u as an illness but rather a PERSON w struggles. if that makes sense. ofc bringing up an illness u think u might have can help them navigate how to help u out better. they don't dismiss it completely. well!!! but that's how most therapists should be, i've met some that weren't like that at all:// and it really sucks that they usually charge so much for an appointment and the ppl who need therapy the most can't get it ughhh

i live in europe and i think most of the countries here have exams that usually consist of both oral and writing parts? unless it's like sciences?? where u can't really speak about it and need to solve things. what is ur major though? if u don't mind me asking👀 also have u heard about laziness not being an actual thing?? there's sm layers of other feelings hiding behind that one word. it really helped and still helps me to try to think this way, then trying to understand the hidden emotions and going on from there. but like i'm quite obsessed w self analysis😳 so i understand why to others this wouldn't seem like such a revolutionary idea as it is to me lol

u are truly a sweetheart, thank u for being so kind + i also really appreciate u sharing ur concerns on here💕💌💫 really happy to know i added to u feeling better even just a little🌸🌸🌸

#anon #💗💗💗💗💗

0 notes

naranjapetrificada · 11 months

Text

This is going to be long so the short version is this:

I convinced my therapist to watch the 🌟Gay Pirate Show🌟 and now I have to confront a previously unidentified and terrifyingly deep emotional wound that could be as transformative to heal as it is terrifying to approach.

My therapist and I have a lot of let's say...demographic things in common that have made this the most successful therapeutic relationship I've ever had, but also that just made me think he might like the show. It's no secret that ofmd has been a deeply moving experience for its viewers, and queer, neurodivergent, and/or people of color have written at length about the special ways it touches us (or doesn't). Those are three categories both he and I fit into and it feels relevant to say that for context.

So yes I thought he might like it, but I also wanted to pick his brain about Big Feelings it was giving me that I hadn't experienced with the same intensity with other media/fandoms. Y'all, he gave me a completely unexpected reading on the show (and its story and its fan works) and why it makes us feel So Much that I haven't seen anywhere before.

When I say Big Feelings, I mean like I've literally had to swear off a couple of pretty innocuous categories on AO3 ("Growing Old Together" and "Domestic Fluff") because they would devastate me in ways that I couldn't attribute to anything specific. Growing Old Together comes with the possibility of death separating them, which is heartbreaking, but that didn't feel like it was the thing that was gutting me. Domestic Fluff could probably be called the most innocuous tag ever, but anything that saw our blorbos settling down and watching the Revenge sail off into the distance was fucking me up as well.

There are plenty of reasons why OFMD makes queer people feel so much, but when I say this was fucking me up I mean like, well, remember when people outside of classical music started learning about appoggiatura? Like intellectually knowing why I was crying but at a loss how intense everything felt. And my therapist (who is as good at analyzing a text as he is at being a therapist) was like "oh, it could be all the grief."

The grief.

The audacity of this motherfucker (affectionate).

It's a romcom! It's a romcom that we were explicitly told would have a happy ending! It's a romcom where the characters will get to sail off into the sunset together like they want and like we want for them! Stede and Ed, after four decades of self-hatred and trauma and fear and isolation, somehow find each other. And one of the sweetest things about their story is that it's a late in life love story, because it's incredibly inspiring for someone to get to experience a part of life they thought wasn't for them. The inescapable fact that their time together will be shorter than any of us would like is sad but not unaccountably sad to me, because of how much joy they'll be able to cram into the time they have left. I could be wrong but I don't think that alone is the source of what's been overwhelming me.

Grief is a constant presence in the world-building and the storytelling because grief is a natural response to well, so many things about being alive. Grieving is some of the hardest shit any of us ever have to do, but it's also so universal and so many of the things that make us uniquely human also make grieving well, maybe not easier, but something we can endure and process through ritual, community, and the example of those we've witnessed grieving their own losses. Many kinds of grief come with narratives that you can accept or reject all or parts of, but the narrative exists.

But have you ever heard of disenfranchised loss? Loss that's not easily labeled or classified or given the time or space or understanding it deserves? Have you experienced a loss like that? Can you imagine how much more difficult it makes the grieving process?

Well what my therapist suggested, the thing that knocked me on my ass hard enough that I had to come have Online Feelings about it, is that eventually, we all have to mourn ourselves. Not necessarily in a "mortality is inevitable" way (that happens to everyone) but in ways that are often unique to people like him and me (black, ND, queer). Even if we work on ourselves, if we grow and heal our trauma and feel at home in our identities and our bodies and build beautiful lives, eventually we will be forced to mourn the selves that we never got to be in the societies in which we live and the selves we once had to become to survive this long.

And that mourning is a kind of disenfranchised loss, with no clear path forward. Obviously this conversation happened within the context of everything my therapist knows about me as an individual, but I thought certain things might resonate with other fans as well so I wanted to talk about it. The story of this bizarre little man and his remarkable second act and his lovely little found family and his incredibly beautiful love story (that we've been guaranteed will end happily) is still haunted by the specific kind of grief that comes from learning what's possible, and regretting that you didn't know it was possible sooner.

And does anybody have more delayed milestones, later-in-life discoveries, and/or need to invent places for themselves than those of us on the social fringes? Than those of us in societies unequipped for (or actively hostile to) the ways we exist and the things we need to survive and thrive? Than those of us who have to create our own narratives or be saddled with inaccurate or harmful narratives created by others, or even no narrative at all?

And narrative is so much. Narrative is everything. Narrative is the story we tell ourselves and each other and that literally shapes our reality. So those story beats where we discover something better than what came before are inherently stories with loss and will require mourning, because we mourn loss.

Even when the story has a happy ending. Especially when the story has a happy ending for someone who never thought they would be allowed to have one.

I mean just like, FUCKING HELL. I can't blame anyone for this but myself. I know my therapist. I know how insightful he can be. I did this to myself and now I have to live with it. But my god is it a massive mountain I'm about to have to climb now. My therapist and I have always found it helpful to discuss media that makes me Feel Things (see all the trauma work that came from Life is Strange) but if you had told me that I'd be looking into this new dark cave of unprocessed shit thanks to what I thought was just gonna be a harmless little gay pirate show starring fucking Murray from Flight of the Concords I would probably just have assumed you were in the middle of having a stroke and taken off to get you the medical attention you desperately needed.

#not to be dramatic #but I definitely worry this might still be dramatic #my therapist is great #but the problem with a good therapist #is that sometimes they will fucking read you #and then you get whiplash #don't be afraid to bring up media that speaks to you in therapy #you never know what might come of it #or how much it might shake you #I should also be clear that all this grief in a story with a happy ending isn't a bad thing #it just kind of is #and when you enjoy it #just enjoy it #every moment of joy is a gift #no matter the context #go ahead and grieve yourself #also I couldn't find an elegant way to fit this in #but the storytelling is very neurodivergent #or at least unfolds in a way that is friendly to my neurodivergence #that's why I'm not a big TV watcher anyway #but I was able to sit down and mainline this #it's the first new show I've watched in literal years #ofmd #our flag means death #ofmd meta #our flag means death meta #🤯🤯🤯#😳😳😳#disenfranchised loss

95 notes · View notes