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writefightandflightclub · 1 month

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Ride or Die (Santiago “Pope” Garcia x fem!reader): Chapter Nine (of 11 - COMPLETED SERIES)

Series summary: Together, you and Santiago have been “soldiers” then “friends” then “lovers”; but will you ever figure out what comes next, especially when Santiago can’t (or won’t) stop running?

Genre: a LOT of angst, (some) smut, best friends to… lovers?

Warnings: see collated series warnings, here. Please note this series is 18+. Minors or ageless blogs interacting will be blocked.

Series info: this is a COMPLETED SERIES. All chapters are written and queued. Posting schedule is here (includes series master list).

Author’s note: Shorter chapter this week (be warned, next week's will be the heftiest yet), but I hope you like this next instalment! It's really gearing us up for the FINAL TWO! As always, I would be super grateful for any comments / reblogs / asks you may wish to send my way. If you've read this far, THANK YOU! ILY :-*

Word count: 3.8k for this part.

Tag list info: will reblog separately tagging those on taglist. You can request to be added to taglist if you are 18+. Send me an ask, please, so I can keep track :)

Today is a new day. It’s a new day and you’re done crying. You’re done holding on to anger and resentments.

Besides, you feel as though you gave Santiago everything you had last night, and - at least for now - there is nothing else left to give.

So, instead of wallowing, you plod downstairs to where Frankie is stationed in the kitchen, offering up your favourite pastries, coffee, and even pulpy, freshly squeezed orange juice. You pull up to the breakfast bar, hopping up on a stool to survey your extravagant pity platter.

It’s true then. “He’s gone.”

Frankie nods solemnly, leaning into the other side of the island like he’s a sympathetic bartender in some old Western flick. He claps his palm to your shoulder in a supportive gesture. “I’m sorry, chiquita.”

You shrug.

His face twists. That’s not all there is. “Don’t shoot the messenger, but…”

“What, Frankie?”

“He had to bounce but he didn’t want to wake you. Said you looked far too peaceful sleeping for him to come along and fuck that up.”

Your brow notches, absorbing all of that with a contrived neutrality. “How did he… seem?”

Frankie’s eyebrows raise lightly as he ponders, thinking back over prior events. “Calm, actually. Happy, even.”

“Hmm.” You smile softly to yourself. Makes a change from lately to hear that. You get it though. After last night, you can’t feel anything else either. Even if he technically didn’t say goodbye in words, you get it. You aren’t mad. Chances are one or both of you would have fucked it up this morning. This way at least, it leaves the night you spent together untarnished. Makes it feel like holding on to a good dream, before the realities of the day can set in and make things fraught.

Frankie’s face crumples with concern as you gaze wistfully into the middle-distance. “You gonna be alright?”

You pump your eyebrows. Search yourself for feelings. “You know what? Yeah. I am. I’m okay.”

Frankie’s eyes glint playfully then. “Oh. So you won’t need alllll o’ these yummy pastries?”

You laugh as he eyes the pain au chocolat pointedly. “Get stuck in, Morales,” you invite fondly, and he obliges, scraping up a stool and wiggling on his ass until he’s comfy.

“Hey. So,” he says through mouthfuls. “Did you two figure anything out?”

You groan at the sheer complexity of Frankie’s simple question. Did you? Or are you still going around in circles? “We know we love each other. The rest? Uh. I still don’t know.”

“He’ll get there.”

You puff air out from between your teeth.

“You don’t think so?” Frankie interprets.

You wrap your arms around your middle. “It’s not that. It’s… I don’t think it was all on him.” You don’t have any blame or accusations left. No grudges to hold on to - your hands are open. You’ve both made mistakes. Manufactured this distance, in your own ways - sometimes literally, sometimes not. You were both just trying to figure all this out as best as you could.

Frankie’s brows notch and rise with a silent question. How so? What do you mean?

The thoughts form as you speak them. Clumsy yet intrepid. “I guess... It just feels like we were… Both waiting for the other person to get somewhere, you know? But this whole time, we should’ve been heading there together. Otherwise, how the fuck were we supposed to know where to end up?” You slide a palm over your face. “Christ. Does that make any fucking sense?”

Frankie ponders. “I think so. Like trying to meet on the highway without a time or a place or directions?”

You reach out and clasp his hand. “You get me, buddy.”

Frankie blinks, tangling himself up further in your metaphor, but valiantly trying to muddle through. “And so… do you…?” He scratches his chaotic mop of hair. “Do you have a map now? A meeting point? I mean… What happens next? On the highway?” Your mouth lilts into a gentle smile at Frankie’s earnest question. He notes and feeds your amusement, going off the deep-end with this metaphor now. “Are you driving in shifts, chiquita? Grabbing cheez-its for the road?”

You laugh, the musical sound mingling with Frankie’s throaty chuckle. “What happens next?” You repeat the question out loud, carefully, posing it to yourself. Hasn’t that always been the question? However, the very sentiment which used to scare you now feels a lot more like potential. Like possibility.

Still, you feel -for the moment- like leaving that question hanging. You leave a pregnant pause. You let it breathe.

For now; you let it go. You let him go.

“Where are the other guys at, anyway?”

Frankie rides your tangent with ease. “Packing shit up.”

“We should help them.”

“Yeah, we should,” Frankie grins mischievously, and yet neither of you make any effort whatsoever to mobilise.

Instead, Frankie pours you a cup of coffee from the pot.

“You wanna call off the hike today?” he asks hopefully, Frankie increasingly a creature of comfort.

“No. Hell no. I need to move.” You lock your fingers and stretch your arms above your head, a satisfying stretch extending down your spine.

Frankie’s eyes sparkle across at you. “Just not in aid of helping the Millers pack their trunk, huh?”

“Exactly! What did I tell you, bud. You get me.”

You do though. You need to move. You need to move forward. No more standing in place. No more moving in circles, always repeating.

Still, when you think about it. When you think to what is ahead, to what is next, your stomach drops. You feel overcome by a sudden anxiety which you can’t place at first. Like having misplaced something dear to you. Like having done something wrong but not being able to recall exactly what. Then, all of a sudden, you understand it entirely.

“Listen. Tell me about this job, Frankie.”

He immediately tenses up. “What job?”

You take a bite of your pastry. “The one with Lorea’s cash house.”

Frankie simply groans. He always knows more than he lets on, this one. About everything. Everyone.

“Is it true? That you and the boys are in?”

You can plainly see his reticence to respond. But you know for a fact that he’s about to cave.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

“They need a pilot,” Frankie states, looking up at you with guilty, puppy dog eyes.

“Fuck me. He dragged you back in too, huh? You know… Sometimes I wonder if any of us are good for each other.” Your tone grows mildly irate, your heart quickening, but you recognise it for what it is. It’s simply anger veiling worry. You love these boys.

“Come on, don’t say that,” Frankie bargains. “We’ve dragged each other out of hell.”

“And back again.”

Frankie takes a deep breath. His tongue pokes around the meat of his cheek. “He says it’s simple recon. In and out. No mess.”

You jut your chin up. Stare at him levelly, unblinking. You know that Frankie will give it to you straight. Know that he can’t help himself. “And you buy that?”

5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

“Not for a fucking second.”

You scoff, shaking your head. Not when it comes from Santiago, no. After all, you’ve fallen for Santiago’s bullshit plenty of times yourself. It’s the fact that Frankie would wander in with his eyes wide open to it that really gets you. It’s something else.

Still, before you can chastise him for being so stupid, Frankie glumly offers up some explanation. “Look. I need the job. I… I got my license revoked.”

Your heart drops - and your face with it. Your hands clamp over your mouth. “Frankie,” you say softly, with empathy. “Fuck.”

He hunches in on himself despondently, his hands disappearing up his sleeves, his fists clenching and his gaze cast downward. “I fucked up, man. Cassie has a baby on the way and I fucked up.” His eyes swim with a deep shame.

“Coke?” you venture, tentatively.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

Slowly, he nods.

“Frankie.” Your hand swipes over your face, and your eyes fill with concern for him. His palm waves in the air, however, quickly dismissing any sympathies you may care to bestow.

“I’m back on track. Getting there. I am.” His eyes are nothing but determined. Sincere. “But I need this gig. No matter how fucking hare-brained a scheme that pendejo is cooking.”

“Think of the baby, dude.”

“That’s exactly what I’m doing,” Frankie says forcefully, in a harsh tone he rarely uses, and you know in no uncertain terms that the conversation is done. That he’s made his mind up, and that he won’t hear you out any further on the matter.

You swallow. Regroup. You chew on some platitudes, but none of them feel quite right.

“Fuck, I’m sorry,” Frankie says after a stretched, tense moment. “I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

“It’s okay,” you jostle his shoulder, and it shakes a little of the tension from him and the room. “I get it. And shit. I’m sorry for putting all of my bullshit on you this weekend. I wish you’d said something, Cat.”

He shrugs. Speaks with finality. “There’s not much to say. It’s done. I just need to make it right. And I will.”

“I believe it. But you do know that I’m… If you need… Anything, Frankie.”

He looks up at you then, the warmth back in his eyes as your voice cracks, searching for the words. But, he already knows everything you could ever say. You’ve said it before, a hundred times. He knows you love him. Knows you’re proud of him. Knows you’d do anything for him. Knows you want the best for him. He knows it already.

In turn, you are sure that he already knows everything you could possibly call him out on. That he’s already thought about it. Weighed it up. Thought about the risks. About the possibility that he’s acting out of desperation. The possibility that he’d probably be better off staying the hell away from Pope’s schemes.

He scrapes his stool back and comes to you, bundling you into a tight, warm, big brother hug. You tug in a deep breath, and you let it go. You’re done trying to control everything around you. It never really got you anywhere.

Still, there’s an undeniably uncomfortable knot in your chest as you think about them all gearing up. Strapping on their tac vests. Shoving clotting pads into their med packs. It makes you feel physically ill. And so, you can’t help yourself. “Do me a favour, Frankie? Don’t take Tom?” You muffle the words into his shirt, half hoping they will get lost there. That maybe he didn’t even hear you. But, you know when he braces his hands on your shoulders to get a good look at you, that your game is up.

“Why not?”

You see it then, in his eyes. That Tom is not a risk Frankie has considered. His presence not something he has weighed up.

You deliver your words as plainly and transparently as possible. “He’s too hungry, Cat.”

Frankie simply locks eyes with you, as though trying to weed out your motives. Shrewdly trying to assess your conclusions. Is this just your petty vendetta talking? Is this intelligence? Is this coming from your gut?

“Please. Just trust me.”

“I do,” he nods eventually, but you should know better than to feel any relief. And next, there it is. “I do but it’s not my call.”

Well. You’ve said your piece. You guess that’s all you’ve got. Absent-mindedly, you tug on Frankie’s lapels. “You’d better come back to me, Cat,” you plead plaintively. “And by God, you’d better bring those other fuckers back with you to boot.”

With a wistful affection, Frankie tugs you to him again and you stand there in silence for a few more moments, the sounds of the other guys evident in the background. In time, you and Frankie release each other and gravitate towards them, tucking yourselves under the porch to survey their efforts packing up the trucks.

“We should probably help,” you repeat again, and, to your side, your hear Frankie’s murmur of agreement. However, when you glance to him you see his long, lean frame stretched out up against the wooden porch post. He looks like a man with nowhere else to be in a hurry.

“Fuck,” he curses at nothing in particular, surveying the animated bodies of his buddies before him with both awe and trepidation. “How did we get here? Years of service and none of us have anything to show for it.”

That’s a Santiago sales pitch, through and through, you reckon. You recognise his propaganda. Funny, since he used to swallow the flag for breakfast. Is that how he got to him then? Convinced Frankie he could finally make bank? Take what he deserved? Ah. Or give his family what they deserved? Frankie is all about family.

A sad smile twitches your mouth. “Well. That’s not entirely true, is it? Not nothing.” You think of what you’ve gained from all of this. “I got a gaggle of weird ass brothers. A suitcase full of trauma. A fucked back. And! An array of unhealthy coping mechanisms.”

Despite the darkness of your statement, Frankie’s eyes crinkle. What else is left to do but laugh, anyway? “Maybe Will should put that in his speech.”

You belly chuckle at that, moving to lean up against the opposite post. “Yeah. Scare those poor recruits off before they can end up like us, huh?”

Frankie looks wistful again. “It hasn’t been all bad.”

No. It hasn’t. He’s not wrong about that.

You ponder on it. If you could go back and change your path - would you? But, despite everything, your squad would be far too much to lose. “Sure. The weird thing is, as shitty as it’s been at times? I wouldn’t change it for the world.”

There is a beat, and Frankie reaches out across the space between you and wordlessly clasps your hand.

“Listen. You gonna be okay, Frankie?” He looks down at his worn sneakers, contemplatively, as though he really doesn’t know the answer yet. You give his hand a squeeze, trying to let him know that’s okay. “We’ll talk more, okay?”

He nods - a subtle, concessionary thing, like maybe he could really do with that.

“I get why you didn’t tell me. But I’m sorry. That I didn’t do a better job of asking.”

“It’s not on you,” he says generously. A little too generously, in your estimation. You’ve been rather wrapped up in your own shit. A little too self-involved. “I know I can talk to you. I just… I, uh. Didn’t want to ruin the weekend.” The irony of that statement causes a throaty chuckle to bounce in Frankie’s neck, and your palm slides over your face in regret even as you laugh in reciprocity.

“Christ. I did a great job of that all by myself.”

“Well,” Frankie says good-naturedly, shifting to bump your hip with his. Wrapping his crooked arm over your shoulder. “You had some help.”

It is your turn now to look wistful, as you contemplate the storm that is Santiago, and all the rubble he left behind. “He’s really gone again.” Frankie simply squeezes you a little tighter. “Hey. Anything else I should know, by the way?” you needle. “You’re not holding out on me?”

Frankie sucks air through his teeth. “Tom and Molly. She finally served him papers.”

You fold forward, hinging to collapse your upper half onto the porch rail. “Fuck. Shit. I really need to start being nicer to that shithead.” Still, from behind, Frankie’s familiar chuckle buoys you, even as you inwardly berate yourself for getting wrapped up in your own business. “We’re all messes, huh, Frankie? Do you think we can fix it?”

“Yeah. Yeah. I do.”

“Truly?”

“Truly.”

You toss him a soft, grateful smile, which extends as Will makes his way over to your position, greeting you “Hey, slackers!”. You and Frankie share a conspiratorial glance.

“All set for the hike, Captain?”

“No thanks to you.”

“I had an alternate mission. Ranks of pastries to deplete.”

Will feigns tiredness, but his baby blues sparkle even as he rolls them.

“Anyway. Didn’t need you. All set to head out as soon as you slackers get your act together. You wantin’ to do the usual route, hon?”

You brace your arms against the porch rail. Dig your fingers into the wood. “No,” you say, the words a little tight in your chest, but they feel good. “Not today. There’s somewhere else. Somewhere I always wanted to go.”

Somewhere new.

“Fine by me,” Frankie offers. “Just let me grab more pastries.”

***

You relish the hike, when it comes. You relish walking a path that is -to you- entirely untrodden. That he can’t touch. You walked the old, familiar trails for too long, and the only place it ever got you was right back where you started.

The bullshit ends here. You’ve decided.

And so, you turn your attention away from your sun, and to the wider constellation of stars around you. To yourself.

You even do your best to make peace with Tom. To put old grudges to bed.

You relish the hike. Enjoy the undulating landscape. You don’t know for sure what’s next, or where you’re going, but the difference is that for once, that feels okay. Full of potential.

You walk until your legs burn, and when you get to the summit you take a moment to drink in the crisp, clifftop air. To look out across the ocean. To see it from a distance and to know that this time, it cannot break you over and over and over.

Still, when you’re at the top, as if by providence, Santiago texts you.

“Hey. Sorry I had to take off early. I wanna say… Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For the best night of my life.”

“Ah. Fuck it,” you whisper to yourself, and you press the button to call him. You immediately call him. He immediately picks up. “Hi.”

”Hi. What’s up? They just announced my gate.”

”That’s okay, I’ll be quick. I, uh. I just needed to tell you too. Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For a proper goodbye.”

“Look, I’m sorry that I-”

“-I’m not mad, Santi. I think… I think we said everything we have to say, right? I think it was…”

”…Perfect?”

”Yeah. Yeah, pretty perfect.”

“Listen. It’s selfish, but. With everything coming up. The Lorea job and… I needed it, you know? Needed that image of you sleeping.”

There’s an ache in your chest and it’s bittersweet.

He cares for you in every way he knows how, doesn’t he? In every way he can. He’s not perfect, but hey, neither are you. You’re both a little bit broken, but that doesn’t mean you can’t heal. And most of all, it doesn’t mean you don’t deserve love while you’re doing it.

One day, he’ll turn up at your door, and he’ll be welcome. Whenever that is. Whenever it happens. But until then, you can’t just wait for him.

Until then, you’ll love him; from a distance.

No longer can you leave him in anger. No longer can he break you.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Maybe one day, that will even be enough.

“Would you promise me something?”

“Sure.”

“Come back and visit soon, huh?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I promise.”

You conclude the call, and you stretch your arms above your head. A pleasant tingle snakes down your back as it cracks. You haven’t felt so relaxed in a long time. You don’t think you’ve ever felt such peace.

The path that you are walking is yours, and you implicitly trust where it’s taking you.

***

You are grateful to slip into the passenger side of Frankie’s car, beginning the drive back to the city and signalling the end of your stay at the beach house. Still, there is something bittersweet there too as you leave behind the site of so many memories from over the years - and now, the site of your most perfect night with Santiago.

It reminds you of all you’ve been through. The ups and the downs and plenty of things which went sideways. You are starting to realise though, that perhaps the landscape of love is undulating. That sometimes the terrain is tough. It shouldn’t have been quite so tough though - so steep and unforgiving; and so, you hope for gentler, easier paths ahead.

It is bittersweet then, as you leave this place behind.

As you look forward, having said goodbye. As you wrestle with your past, future, and present.

Frankie swings the car out and onto the highway, the Millers up ahead and Tom behind, your vehicles forming a convoy through the dark, the glow of headlights illuminating the route ahead.

You sit in silence, eyes and thoughts unfocussed, in abstraction, as you watch vague shapes and colours slipping by the window, your own face occasionally reflected right back at you. You look older than you used to. More tired. But you don’t dislike that.

After a while, Frankie’s robust voice slices through the dark, his eyes on the road and hands threading the wheel. “I don’t know if this will make things better or worse but… Do you want to hear it?”

You swivel your head towards him, fractured, liquid panels of light slipping over the planes of his face as your surroundings pass by in a haze. “Hear what?”

“Pope’s heartbreak playlist?”

Your hands dig into your thighs where they rest. “Do I?”

“Well?” Frankie asks, his finger poised over the button, and evidently not willing to make that decision for you.

“Yeah. Fuck it.”

You brace a little, in all honesty. A tightness takes hold of your chest as you wonder if the first track to befall your ears might be angry. Resentful. Full of blame or sadness that you can’t hope to wrestle with and come out on top. But, as the first notes of the track sound out, you are surprised to find a full, unfettered laugh rises from out of your throat. The tears swell in your eyes next, for it is nothing if not bittersweet.

“That dickhead. I can’t believe…”

You can’t believe it. The fact he has chosen a song which reflects your life together? Which reveals a happy memory?

He loves you, doesn’t he? He has for a long time. And you can’t help but hope that maybe one day, that will even be enough. For tonight though, it will definitely do. You’ll take it. You’ll treasure it.

“Whiskey in the Jar,” Frankie scoffs as he catches on to the song, even if his fingers are drumming against the lip of the wheel involuntarily. “I mean. What the shit’s that all about? He’s a weird kid, I swear.”

“Frankie,” you laugh brightly, turning once again to look wistfully out of the window, as the view of the beach house and the ocean recedes into the distance. You catch another glimpse of yourself in the pane, and this time you look younger, you think. More alive. “Did I ever tell you about that night in Philadelphia?”

#santiago pope garcia x reader #triple frontier #oscar isaac #ride or die series

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ladykailitha · 8 months

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Well Met By Moonlight Part 3

Hi!! So I can't link to part 2 (well I can, but that whole section remains lost) at the moment because the damn post is broke and can't be edited and according the belabored staff it was an issue for a lot of people that posted during that seven hour window when the tags were down last Thursday. So they have a shit ton of help tickets to wade through, though they have assured me they are looking into it.

But as soon as they have it figured out I will link back to the original post, until then I'll link the fixed reposted version for now and apologize profusely for the fuck up.

I have the whole back story plotted out for what happened and why, I'm just not sure where the story is going to go to get to those reveals. However this means you get enjoy the ride with me.

So without further ado, Steve gets his man vampire.

Part 1 Part 2

***

Steve turned to Robin. “Telling you to leave, too isn’t going to work, is it?” he asked with a sigh.

She grinned at him. “Nope!”

He turned to Eddie who had been watching the whole interaction with a curious tilt to his head. Steve thought he looked like a puppy like that. Big brown eyes, adorable head tilt, the hair being a stand-in for floppy ears...

Puppy.

He was also one hundred percent sure that Eddie would have been offended by the comparison.

“What’s got you smiling like that, sweetheart?” Eddie asked.

“You,” Steve replied truthfully.

Robin faked retching. “Oh my god, I’m going to gag on the absolute sap oozing off the both of you.”

Steve blushed, but Eddie wagged his eyebrows suggestively.

“That’s it,” Robin said, throwing her arms in the air. “I’m out of here. Steve, don’t die. Eddie, you hurt my best friend and not even all the vampires in the coven and all the wolves in this pack would be able to stop me from ripping you to pieces, do you understand?”

Eddie smiled with just his lips, his eyes crinkling with mirth. “I read you loud and clear.”

Robin nodded and then marched back into the trees.

Suddenly Steve could feel the importance of it just being the two of them.

He cleared his throat and scratched his cheek nervously. “I wanted to thank you for the rescue. I was so sure I was going to die that night.”

Eddie grinned, shoving his hands into the pockets of his leather jacket. “I’m glad Uncle Wayne sent me.”

Steve felt his insides turn cold. “Oh. You only came to my rescue because Wayne sent you?”

Eddie cocked his head to the side thoughtfully as he took in the question. “Sweetheart, I think you misunderstand something. Rescuing you was an obligation to the pack leader, loyalty to my uncle and maker, and a sign of my love and devotion for you. I don’t need to have a single reason. I’m allowed multiple reasons for doing something.” He wagged his eyebrows suggestively. “For doing you.”

Steve snorted, but the ice was beginning to melt in his gut. Eddie took a step closer and then another when Steve didn’t flinch or take a step back. Soon they were inches from each other.

“I am worried,” Eddie murmured gently. “What kind of trouble a turned vampire and a werewolf alpha would cause in a town that is already balanced on the edge of a knife.”

Steve nodded, carefully taking Eddie’s face into his hands. “I’m worried too. But I think we’re going to need band together not just turned vampires like you and your uncle and my pack, but the coven, too. What happened to me was just the tip of the iceberg and the new sheriff seems shockingly anti-supernatural.”

Eddie pursed his lips and nodded. “God, do you know how much I’ve wanted to stand here with you like this? To have you see me?”

Steve brought their foreheads together. “I did see you, Eds. I did. But I wasn’t the alpha then and you were a mere mortal.”

Eddie squeezed his eyes shut and let out a shuddering breath. “It’s why I asked Wayne to change me, you know. Because if Hopper was afraid of him then made if he made me, Hopper would have to let me near you.”

“Oh, darling...” Steve murmured. “I wish you didn’t have to do that, but I don’t think your uncle would have appreciated me turning you into a werewolf, so...”

Eddie threw back his head a laugh. “Oh god! The look on his face would have been priceless. I almost wish I had waited until I was twenty-one to ask, just for that reason.”

Steve smiled. “Yes, but then it would have been Wayne that rescued me and I wouldn’t gotten to see how sexy you are when you chase your prey.”

Eddie’s face transformed under the feral grin that spread over his features. “You get a little hot and bothered watching me defend you, baby?”

Steve bit his bottom lip and shook his head.

“No?” Eddie asked tilting his head to side, still grinning from ear to ear.

“Yeah...” Steve said, dragging the word out slowly. “To say I was a little hot and bothered would be a little like calling a tornado a gentle breeze.”

Eddie laughed and turned his head away, pulling gently out of Steve’s hands. He looked back at Steve who now shared his dopey grin. “And people in this town call me the menace.”

Steve laughed too. “I just get to hide my weirdness under the guise of being a werewolf.”

“I’d really like to kiss you now,” Eddie murmured.

Steve stepped into his space, their chests nearly touching. “I was wondering when you were going ask.”

Eddie chuckled and tangled his hands into Steve’s hair, drawing their faces close. Their lips were a literal breath away when Eddie stopped, just taking in the mingling of their air as they were already panting.

Steve closed the remaining distance and finally, finally they were kissing. It lit every nerve ending in Steve’s body up like a firework. He never knew kissing could feel like this. He gripped the back of Eddie’s leather jacket and held on for dear life.

“Wow.” Eddie felt like he had been forced to run the mile in gym. He couldn’t breath, his heart was beating erratically, and every muscle burned. It was amazing. He dived back in and kissed Steve again. He couldn’t get enough.

Steve had never felt like this in his life. It was deep and sensual and everything he had been told growing up that love should be. And now he was standing on the edge of precipice waiting for that last gust of wind to knock him over the cliff and into Eddie’s strong arms.

“Fuck, Eds,” he breathed when they stopped for breath. “You smell, taste, and feel amazing. God, I don’t want to stop.”

Eddie let out a growl, deep from his throat. “I know, baby. I know. But if we don’t your entire pack is going to get an eyeful.”

Steve chuckled. “Nudity isn’t a problem with packs. All the shifting makes it hard on clothes.”

Eddie’s growl turned into groan. “You can’t just say shit like that when my dick is that hard. It’s gone soft thinking about seeing Murray or Hopper naked.”

Steve laugh startled out of him. “Yeah, I could see that having an effect. I do know a place we could be alone if you wanted.”

Eddie smiled. “I like the way you think, sweetheart.”

Steve let out an ear piercing whistle and a large black, shaggy wolf came running up through the tree line. The wolf sat down and wagged its tail happily.

Steve laughed. “I figured it would be you. You’re on sentry duty until I get back at dawn. I’m going to Skull Rock.”

“You got it, alpha,” the black wolf said his voice thick with a barely contained giggle.

Steve knelt down and they hugged each other with their necks, allowing their scents to mingle.

“I’m glad you’re still the alpha,” the wolf whispered.

Steve stood up. “I will protect this pack with everything in my power. I promise you that.”

The wolf nodded solemnly.

Steve turned to Eddie. “Come on. I’ll race you to Skull Rock.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow, but before he retort, Steve had shifted and was sprinting in the direction of the local landmark.

The wolf let out a breathy laugh that only wolves could make. “You better start flapping those wings, lover boy. Otherwise Steve will beat you.”

Eddie shook his head and took flight, transforming as he leapt into the air.

Eddie managed to barely pull out a win by tackling Steve right before the rock out cropping and rolled to the finish line.

Steve ended up on top of the vampire fully human with bright laugh bubbling from his lips. “You cheated.”

Eddie grinned. “Of course I did. It’s the only way to win, babe.”

“It’s a good thing you’re so cute.”

Eddie hummed, his hands roaming over Steve’s bare skin, calloused fingers catching on the smooth expanse.

“Feels good,” Steve murmured, nosing Eddie’s throat.

Eddie’s hands continued their trek down his back, to cup his ass. “You feel amazing, sweetheart. How did I get so lucky?”

Steve gasped, grinding down into Eddie’s hips. “I’m the lucky one. I never thought I would find someone who gets me the way you do.”

Eddie huffed out a laugh. “You werewolves go fast, don’t you?”

“We have to,” Steve murmured. “We might live longer than humans, but we don’t live nearly as long as you vampires do. If we don’t move fast we might lose a chance to breed and that would hurt the pack in the long run.”

Eddie’s expression softened. “I’m sorry, babe. I wasn’t thinking when I said that. Are you going to have to breed with someone as the alpha?”

Steve buried his head deeper into Eddie’s neck. “I don’t want to. I want the Harrington line to die with me. But as the alpha I might have to.”

Eddie’s hands went back to roaming over Steve’s skin, this time to comfort. “What made you decide to go for the alpha position after Hopper was declared dead?”

Steve raised his head. “Because I looked at the other options and knew that if I didn’t, the pack would be stuck in the old ways and people like Carver would kill us all.” He gave Eddie a peck on the lips. “Would you want to be in a pack under Ted Wheeler or Murray Bauman?”

“Wait,” Eddie said raising both eyebrows in surprise, “those were your two options ultra-conservative Ted Wheeler or super conspiracy nut Murray Bauman?”

Steve nodded. “Yeah. It was insane.”

“What about Derek Sinclair or oh...” Eddie’s brain finally caught up to his mouth. “Oh shit. It was literally you or the old guard, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah,” Steve said. “And then when Joyce got supplanted by Nancy as alpha female, her and Murray conspired to bring Hopper back so that things could go back to the way things were before.”

“That’s messed up,” Eddie said. “Could you banish them for that?”

Steve sighed, rolling off Eddie to lie next to him on the ground. “I’ve thought about it a lot, I won’t lie. But I worry how Jonathan and Will are going to react to their own mother getting banished. Would I end up having to banish them too? Could I split up a family like that? Would they willingly go with her?”

“That’s a lot to think about,” Eddie agreed, rolling over on his side and propping his head up by his elbow. “Especially for someone so young.”

“I’m not a fan of Billy Hargrove, the racist, homophobic asshole that he is,” Steve said, “but he is the reason I tried for the alpha role in the first place. If he could take over the coven at the young age of eighteen, then I could take over the pack at the tender age of nineteen.”

“Wayne told me that the amount of supe on supe violence has gone down since you took over,” Eddie said. “The coven respects the pack and the pack respects the coven.”

Steve nodded. “I still wouldn’t mind having outside voices from the pack. The echo chamber has gotten so loud that we get bullshit like the pack tearing apart a vampire that wandered into the encampment instead of helping him or accepting his help, in the case of you rescuing me.”

Eddie nodded. “It’s that suspicion that breeds contempt and allows people like Jason Carver to stir up the town against its supernatural founders.”

Steve sighed. “I worry about the undercurrent of distrust that’s been building for god knows how long.”

“Let me help you forget about it for awhile, baby,” Eddie murmured.

A shiver ran down Steve’s spine in anticipation. “Yes, please.”

Eddie leaned for a kiss and then pulled Steve back over on him.

***

Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13

Yes, everyone, Billy is in this and while he still is all the things that made him repugnant, Steve still respects him. But we'll get more into that at later date.

Tag List: @spectrum-spectre @estrellami-1 @zerokrox-blog @artiststarme @swimmingbirdrunningrock @gregre369 @pyrohonk @renaissan-vvitch @goodolefashionedloverboi @chaoticlovingdreamer @maya-custodios-dionach @messrs-weasley @val-from-lawrence @a-little-unsteddie @i-must-potato @danili666 @carlyv @rozzieroos @wonderland-girl143-blog @itsall-taken @justforthedead89 @emly03 @bookworm0690 @bookbinderbitch @littlewildflowerkitten @vecnuthy @redfreckledwolf @scheodingers-muppet @mira-jadeamethyst @just-a-tiny-void @potato-of-the-lord @goosesister

#my writing #stranger things #steddie #ladykailtiha writes #vampire eddie munson #werewolf steve harrington

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fruitylo0pz · 1 year

Text

Caretaker

Larissa Weems x fem!reader

Warnings: NSFW, 18+, smut (fluff towards the end), dom!Larissa, fingering, cunnilingus, strap-on

A/N: I am so sorry I haven't posted anything in a while. I have been working on this for some time, and I am not 100% satisfied with it, but I just haven't felt very inspired or motivated lately so I pushed myself to finish this. Both because I wanted to post something for my readers and followers but also to get back into it! As always, there might be some errors and mistakes, but I hope you enjoy.

Word count: ~2.8k

-----

You had been working at Nevermore as a caretaker for about a month now, and the job was pretty straightforward except you were the only normie and your boss was a gorgeous woman you felt yourself infatuated with. You thought you had seen her looking at you, but you dismissed the thoughts just as quickly. What would she see in you? You had barely spoken to her other than when she needed something fixed in her office or she had specific tasks for you. You were shy and quiet, and she had a dominating presence. You had your own quarters in the staff hall, and you had just gotten out of the shower after a long day when you received an email from Principal Weems, asking you to come to her office. You were afraid someone had complained, not that you could think of anything you had done. It was just your immediate way of thinking, that someone had made complaints or she wasn’t happy with the way you did your job. You got dressed and anxiously walked to her office.

You knocked on the door, and she opened it with a smile. “Please come in, Y/N. I’m sorry, I know it’s late and you have no obligation to be here. I should have mentioned that in the email.” You smiled nervously and nodded before you walked into her office and sat down in the chair in front of her desk.

You were hesitant to speak, but you also wanted to know if you had done something wrong. “P-Principal Weems, I am sorry if you aren’t satisfied with my work. Has anyone made any complaints?” You fiddled with your thumbs, realising your hands were shaking like crazy.

She chuckled and tilted her head. “Oh, Y/N. No! I am so sorry if you have been worried about that. I simply wanted to get to know you better. I have noticed that you seem to spend most of your time alone, and if that is something you prefer I respect that. I was worried that you might feel lonely. I know you’re new in town, and you always fascinated me. And please, call me Larissa.” She smiled and you couldn’t quite figure out what the look on her face meant.

“Oh, I’m so relieved to hear that pr- I mean… Larissa. I’m settling in well. I’m just not very social, and I am pretty shy and reserved so I don’t mind spending my days alone. A caretaker job seemed perfect for me, because I don’t have to interact with people too much. I do appreciate you inviting me here, though! Don’t get me wrong. I would like to get to know you better too.” You blushed and immediately looked down, fiddling even more erratically with your fingers. You weren’t used to being so open, and especially with someone like her. You had a crush on her that had lasted since the moment you saw her, and the thoughts you had about her were anything but pure and appropriate.

“There is nothing wrong with that, Y/N. I am pretty much of a loner myself. Partially because my job gets tiring and solitude is a blessing at times, and the job doesn’t make you too popular. Being the headmistress means making decisions not everyone will be too happy about at times. Would you like a glass of wine, Y/N? I was just about to open a bottle, and it would be nice with company for once.” She looked at you with a gentle smile that made you melt and you found yourself blushing.

“Yes, please. Thank you, that would be lovely.” You were relieved that she asked, because you figured you might be less awkward and nervous with some wine in your system and sharing it with her was even better.

“Let’s move to the sofa. Sitting here by my desk feels so formal.” She went and poured two glasses of wine before you both moved to the sofa, and when her hand brushed over yours as she handed you the glass you felt yourself gasping softly. You had never been this close to her before.

You caught her eyeing you up, but you brushed it off. It was probably nothing. “So, Y/N. What do you like to do when you’re not at work? And what brought you to Jericho? If you don’t mind me asking. If it’s too personal, please let me know. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” She looked at you with a curious look on her face, and you knew she genuinely wanted to know.

“Well, I mostly read, hike or tend to my plants. I also like running. I guess I’m pretty boring, but I find that it’s important to fill your time with things you like instead of things society thinks you should be doing. I did that for too long and it drained me. I moved here after my girlfriend broke up with me after she had cheated. I forgave her, but she did it again and then she broke up. I moved to New York because of her, not knowing anyone else and her friends and I didn’t get along too well. So I had to get away. Then I saw the posting here, and I grabbed the opportunity. I am still so grateful.” You found yourself surprised by your openness. It wasn’t like you to open up like that and you had always been an introvert, but it felt surprisingly liberating. She made you feel safe, and it felt good to have someone show such genuine interest in you. You did however feel like you had given her far more than she asked for and it made you feel slightly anxious.

“Your hobbies are pretty similar to mine, Y/N! I like quiet hobbies, and you’re right. Your life is yours and you should fill it with things you like. I am so sorry to hear about your girlfriend. She clearly didn’t deserve you. I am happy you took the chance, because I have been so happy with the work you do here. Your ex-girlfriend must have been a fool. You deserve someone that appreciates you.” She laid her hand on yours, and you immediately felt yourself getting warmer. Just the touch of her hand and her words was enough for your panties to dampen.

“T-thank you, Larissa.” You were nervous, and you found yourself speechless. Your brain couldn’t form a proper sentence and you felt yourself blushing again.

Larissa moved closer to you and the way she was sitting revealed her red lace bra due to her slightly unbuttoned blouse and you couldn’t stop yourself from staring. She put her finger under your chin to lift it and her eyes met yours. You thought you could see a hint of lust in her eyes, and it made you even more certain when she rested her hand on your thigh.

“You know, Y/N. Forgive me for being bold, but I have wanted you ever since I laid my eyes on you when you showed up for your interview. There is just something about you that I find so extremely attractive.” Her voice was deep and hungry. You had always been attracted to her voice, but when she said those words and confessed that she wanted you, your core tensed up and she was the only one that could untangle it.

“I- I… Feel the same way about you. I just couldn’t say anything. You’re my boss, and I… I shouldn’t have thoughts like that about you.” You smiled at her, and found yourself moving even closer.

“Oh, you have been having thoughts about me, have you? Care to share them with me, Y/N?” her hand moved further up your thigh and you felt like you were on fire.

“Thoughts about you… About you using me for your pleasure. About you fucking me.” You never thought you would admit these things to her, and you couldn’t believe that you found yourself on her sofa with her hand on your thigh.

“Use you? Oh, I think I can find good use for you. Are you going to be a good girl for me, Y/N?” She was practically whispering, and her lips were so close to you that you felt them brush over your earlobe.

You let out a small whimper and gasped “Yes, Larissa. Yes, I’m going to be such a good girl for you.” Your panties were soaked already, and she hadn’t even touched you yet.

“Strip down for me, Y/N. I want to see all of you.” She leaned back and looked at you with a smirk.

You blushed, but got up from the sofa and stood before her. You had truthfully never stripped for anyone before and you had little to no idea what you were doing, but you gave it your best. Her eyes grew darker and followed your every movement like a hawk. Once you had removed your panties you stood there looking down. She got up and slowly walked over to you.

“I was right. Your ex-girlfriend was a fool. You are beautiful, Y/N.” She leaned down and kissed you intensely, and when your lips crashed together it was as if everything just fell into place. Her hands gently slid down your back, giving you goosebumps all over.

“Sit down for me and spread your legs, Y/N.” You blushed and sat down on the sofa, hesitantly spreading your legs while looking away. She put her finger under your chin while kneeling between your legs. She maintained intense eye contact as she started kissing her way up your inner thigh, starting just above the knee. Your breathing went harder and faster and she smiled when she saw how wet you already were.

“L-Larissa… I need you. Please.” You whimpered and she smiled. She took her time and knew how much it tortured you. She knew it would make you a desperate mess, and she already loved hearing you beg.

“My sweet girl, so impatient and so ready for me.” Her breath on your skin made you twitch, and she let her tongue slowly slide all the way from your opening to your clit.

“And you taste so good.” She let out a groan as her tongue went back to your clit in lazy, firm movements. You let out a loud whimper, and you could feel how it was already dripping from you. Her tongue swirled around your clit and it was as if every flick, every movement sent pulses through your body.

Suddenly, she pushed two fingers slowly inside you, making your walls clench around them and she let out a chuckle and you felt her tongue pick up the pace while she finger fucked you deep and slow. You had been fantasising about what it would feel like ever since you shook her hand and here you were, her face between your legs and her deep inside you and it was even better than you had imagined. You could feel your orgasm build up, and she had clearly noticed. Her tongue found a steady pace while her fingers curled up and it only took seconds before you came in what felt like an explosion as your hips bucked and your thighs shivered.

“O-oh my god, Larissa... I…” You were exhausted, and your mind was so fuzzy you couldn’t really form a coherent sentence even if you tried.

“Now, my sweet girl. I’m glad you enjoyed it but I am not finished with you. Please be a good girl and bend over my desk for me. I will be right back.” Her voice sounded almost hungrier than before.

She disappeared through a door and you followed her orders. You bent over her desk, and while you felt vulnerable and so exposed and almost dirty in this position, it also made you eager with anticipation. Suddenly, you heard her coming back. Her steps were slow, and it was almost as if you could feel her hips swaying even though you couldn’t see her.

Larissa chuckled and stopped behind you “Oh, you do look beautiful bent over my desk, my sweet girl. You think you can take my strap?” She caressed your butt, it was as if her soft hands wanted to reassure you that you were in safe hands.

“P-please give it to me, Larissa.” You could feel how wet you were and it made you blush, but no one had ever made you feel this way before.

“Such a good girl for me, darling.” She rubbed the tip of her strap on your clit and it made you gasp. She could feel how needy you were for her and she loved it. You were desperate for her to fill you up and eventually she pushed it in. She let it slide in slowly, making you clench around it. It was bigger than you had thought and it surprised you, but it felt so good. She started off slowly, letting you adjust to the size and the sensation.

“It feels so good, Larissa. O-oh my…” You realised how pathetic and needy you sounded but she seemed to like it.

“Oh, you are taking me so well, my sweet girl. You are so good for me.” She picked up the pace a bit and let out a deep growl that made your core tighten. You could tell that she really enjoyed fucking you, and you had truthfully never thought this day would come. Bent over the headmistress’ desk with her deep inside you, praising you for being good for her.

As she picked up the pace again, you grabbed the edge of the desk to keep steady. You never thought anyone would make you feel so filthy but so well cared for at the same time. Your orgasm was getting closer and closer, and she could probably tell by your uncontrollable moans and your shivering thighs. You clenched to the edge of the desk while she pounded you harder until you came so hard your legs nearly collapsed and you swore you could see stars. She grabbed your hips and continued fucking you, and you could immediately feel another orgasm build up.

“Come for me again, my sweet girl.” Her words sent a deep shiver from your spine down to your core and you came in yet another intense orgasm, and you could feel how it released a wave of arousal down your legs and her strap.

She pulled out gently and you just stood there, exhausted but so content and satisfied. She went back to the room next to her office and you got up and went over to the sofa to get dressed.

She came back wearing a robe and looked at you with an almost concerned look on her face. “You don’t have to leave, Y/N. I’d really like it if you would stay the night, but please don’t feel pressured to do so unless you’re comfortable with it.” She smiled gently and chuckled lightly.

“I would love to if you want me to stay, Larissa.” You blushed and grabbed your clothes.

“Come, my quarters are just through here.” She grabbed your hand and smiled. Her quarters were beautiful, and matched her office. Her bed was huge and looked like it was custom made just for her.

“It’s beautiful here, Larissa. I love the art on your walls.” You admired her artworks. They were all paintings of nature or landscape, and although they were from very different landscapes they all fit so perfectly together.

“Thank you, my love. Art is very important to me, and when I got the job here I wanted to make my office and my quarters my own, so I have carefully selected everything myself. Thank you again for noticing, Y/N.” She smiled and kissed you.

She removed the cushions and bed throw and took your hand in hers again. “Come, my sweet girl. I don’t want you to be cold.” You followed her to bed and crawled up next to her. You didn’t want to get too close in case it made her feel uncomfortable, but she wrapped her arm around you and pulled you in. You blushed and she kissed your forehead.

“Thank you for letting me stay, Larissa. This has been very unexpected and overwhelming, but in a good way. I have never felt like this before, and it still feels like a dream.” You moved as close as you could get, just to feel her warmth.

“You have been my dream for months, Y/N. I would love to stay awake for hours and talk with you, but I’m afraid I’m going to fall asleep. I will make you breakfast in the morning, and I want to know everything about you.” She gave you a lazy kiss on the cheek and you could tell that she was already drifting off to sleep. You were exhausted yourself, and fell asleep with a smile on your face feeling so safe and cherished.

#larissa weems x y/n #larissa weems x reader #larissa weems x you #larissa weems smut #larissa weems fancfic #f!reader #wlw #principal weems x you #principal weems x reader #gwendoline christie

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babyjakes · 5 months

Text

on the @sarah-writes-stucky situation.

(tw for this post: discussions of pedophilia/sexual depictions of minors, mentions of trauma.)

hey everyone. the discourse that unfolded regarding this interaction i had was very upsetting and anxiety-inducing for me, so i took the past few days to step away from tumblr and take care of myself. i'm returning now with a clearer head and feel i'm in a better place to speak on what's important to me. thanks for your patience, and here are my (sort of) abbreviated thoughts.

i feel obligated to start by saying that i understand and support anti-censorship and its basic principles. i get why outlawing forms of written speech is dangerous within a democracy. i recognize the need for spaces like ao3, and the important role they play in preserving free speech.

with all that being said, i don’t condone sexual depictions of minors and neither does tumblr. the point of this conflict (for me) has been that my work was taken and used to inspire conversations involving sexual depictions of minors, in a space/on a site where those themes are prohibited. tumblr is not ao3. tumblr has explicit rules prohibiting content involving "harm to minors":

"Don't post or solicit content that features the abuse of a minor, that includes suggestive or sexual content involving a minor or anyone that appears to be a minor, or that facilitates or promotes child sexual abuse. "Content" may include photos of real individuals, illustrations, animation, or text." [source]

this incident has not been a case of me being "very sensitive" about "mature themes." it's reasonable for me as a writer on tumblr to expect that my works won't be used to inspire depictions of harm to minors. any creator who wants to write themes as dark and controversial as smut involving minors should be aware of what spaces they're speaking in and the rules that apply to that space.

i want to say the biggest thank you to everyone who has spread awareness of the issue, spoken out about it, gone over to her page to hold her accountable, supported and been there for me, etc. it's been very upsetting to see the way she's been speaking to those confronting her. to anyone she has insulted, belittled, or hurt: i'm so sorry. you did not deserve that.

my takeaway has been that this person seriously lacks the social awareness and maturity needed to navigate complicated topics like this. it was interesting to watch her speak from an incredibly high horse about many different things, like her volunteer work (when my real-life job is in crisis response), her superior knowledge of psychology (when i just got accepted for a ba+ma program for psych), and her takes on trauma as apparently the only trauma survivor in the world (when... well... anyone who knows me knows what i could say here.) as far as i know, she's still going. and there's nothing i can do but let her.

i just wanted to thank some people i saw in real-time voicing their concerns and calling her out. i have so much gratitude and respect for you all. i'm so sorry for the way you were treated through all of this. (and apologies if i miss anyone, she has deleted replies on some posts and collecting names has been hard.)

@vellicore and @slvttyfied (i'm so sorry she made that post about you) @sgt-seabass @evansbby @brandycranby @boxofbonefics @ttyls @vase-of-lilies @buckets-and-trees @ladyobscurus @the-iceni-bitch @targaryenvampireslayer @fushic0re

#important #eun talks #sarah-writes-stucky

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newtonsheffield · 9 months

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molly, when you write kate and edwina`s relationship in your fics that is always so sweet and caring it like more based in the books right??? becasue they did such a mess in the show with kate lying to edwina and with edwina not paying attention to kate. In fact, do you belive that edwina should have listened to kate when she command her to not let anthony court her??? that feel bad honestly, kate was like being bossy with edwina.

Okay, I’m going to run through this one more time really quickly because I have like 12 hours of videos on season 2 that you can watch that details all of my opinions on these things but the dynamics at play here are a lot more complicated than we’d like.

It’s below the cut. This post is not tagged for a reason.

First off, I had my characterisation of Mary and Edwina set long before the show came out. Basically: I’m the one writing it so I’m gonna do whatever I want tbh. There are plenty of other people who write the dynamics differently.

Before we discuss Kate lying to Edwina let’s discuss the events of the show up to the point where it would have been best if she had told Edwina.

Kate Sharna meets a handsome man in the woods. He was cute, and charming, and sure they flirted a little and Kate liked Anthony a little. We see this because-

She sees Anthony again at Lady Danbury’s ball and she confirms that she thinks he’s handsome (Mary’s look to Kate in this moment is so sweet, don’t even get me started). She then seeks out Anthony’s company again after she sees him dancing (poorly) and sees him talking about how he’s not interested in getting to know the woman he’s marrying. Worse, he talks about them as though they’re all the same, interchangeable and only really good for one thing: Having children so you can fulfil an obligation and move on with your life. Anthony immediately tries to flirt with her again and Kate feels honestly stupid. She came to London thinking she was prepared for the task ahead and at the first hurdle she’s found out that she wasn’t. She feels awkward and uncomfortable and upset and she needs to regroup.

Anthony has now set his sights on Edwina. There’s no interaction here.

Anthony makes an idiot out of her by essentially organising someone to spend time with her. It’s insulting and disrespectful. Edwina then has her moment of teenage rebellion

They go to Aubrey Hall and this is where the shift starts to happen. They play Pall Mall and they have a moment of shared sameness where Kate starts to realise that maybe the version of him she saw at first is the real Anthony. They then have that moment with the bee but this is only the beginning of Kate recognising what she;s actually feeling for Anthony. She’s still not very sure.

They have their moment in the library they go hunting, they actually spend time together, learn about each other and they dance together and this is when Kate begins to be sure that she;s having actual feelings for Anthony. Here. Following the fact that Edwina already wants him to propose. So she’s already in a difficult position. This was the perfect time to tell Edwina and get I think some blowback but it would have been minimal.

Anthony has already proposed out of his own fear.

The window was minimal because of the fact that Anthony acted out of his own fear for what he felt. He was so sure that if he just proposed to Edwina all of this would stop. It was more than expected of him at this stage. To the outside world, Mary is right, he has shown her every attention in the world. He took her and her family to his home privately, if he had withdrawn even then there would have been questions about what was wrong with her. Bare in mind, that Kate has no confirmation from Anthony that he has feelings past lust for her so even if she told Edwina she was in love with Anthony: What could come of it? She feels it would be selfish to ruin it for Edwina, to ruin it for Anthony because if what she feels.

This is further complicated by the fact that Kate is used to sacrificing what she wants for what Edwina needs. This started because it was made clear to Kate when Edwina was about 10 that she needed to marry nobility for them to have any hope. Kate couldn’t marry because she herself would have then been expected to look after her husband’s family and there was no guarantee that they would allow her to have the same amount of contact with Mary and Edwina so I think this just seemed best at this point. Because Kate, in a way, feels that she owes Mary the life she gave up in Marrying her father. In choosing Kate and her father Mary gave up her life in England and Kate wants to give it back. This is misguided because Mary doesn’t actually want it back but alas, Kate hasn’t asked. So Kate’s entire life focuses on Edwina’s education now. Mary is obviously deeply depressed and I think when they were in India was probably less distant with the girls than we see. Being in England has likely brought up a lot of shit with her husband and family and the ton in general so I think we’re seeing Mary struggling more than she has for a while. Somewhere along the line Kate has likely stopped only doing what Edwina needs and has started giving Edwina what she wants. Frankly, we need to stop viewing their relationship as sisters and start seeing it as an unequally mother daughter relationship. Edwina is also, very used to getting what she wants, and she’s 18. So I think when she learns that there’s more going on with Kate and Anthony and even with Mary to a certain degree: She’s surprised because she is used to being at the centre of their family unit. So that shatters as well. Do I think this was managed perfectly in the show? No, I have my own ideas about how to fix that but Netflix isn’t paying me so I’m not gonna hand them out.

So we’re now in a situation where really: Everyone feels betrayed

Edwina feels betrayed by Kate.

Kate feels betrayed by Anthony but more importantly she feels betrayed by herself. Because she should have put aside her own needs she shouldn’t have been there in the way.

And Mary feels betrayed by herself as well. And here’s where most people get this wrong (in my opinion) Mary does not feel betrayed by Kate. Mary feels guilty. Because the second she saw Anthony kneel in front of Kate she realises exactly how much she has let slide. Exactly how much Kate took on herself. Because I think until that point she genuinely thought she still had the kind of relationship with Kate where Kate would have told her this. Kate was telling her the truth. Kate is her daughter, who she has never known hide sections of herself away. Why would she now? Thus isn’t even to mention the fact that Anthony gets a lot of praise for defending Kate to the Sheffields but Mary did it first. Mary stood up to her parents and said: That is my child, take it or leave it.

So no. I don’t think Kate was bossy with Edwina. She was very hurt at what she’d done and she was trying to make Edwina see that Anthony wasn’t going to love her. Which she was right about. Edwina probably should have listened. Would have saved everyone a lot of time but I also think she was a young girl who got swept up in the romance of being in a Different place and being so sought after. I’m not saying she’s vain, I’m not saying she’s frivolous, there are plenty of signs that she too was under a lot of pressure. But she got swept up in the moment. It’s easy to do.

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dailymothanon · 10 months

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THE ALASKAN DREAM CONSISTS OF HUGE FUCKING FISH ‼️ I don’t know if y’all in the Lower 48 also learn about fish in your schools, especially salmon (and yes in Alaska we do indeed say salmon like ‘samen’, salmon without the L cuz we’re always winning no we’re not), I had to learn atleast like two weeks worth of school of purely salmon and watching salmon documentaries and dissecting salmon cuz of how important they are to Alaska 😭 (I didn’t mind tho cuz I love learning about Alaska) (also, a really long rant below, I don’t expect y’all to read all or any of it— it’s not a sad or deep rant, just like a long letter of appreciation for you guys)

Btw I’m sorry I couldn’t do more this post :( my heads been a little preoccupied with some struggles so I couldn’t focus on drawing much else, also I just simply hit a creative stump is all as well, I have considered talking a little deep about me (or technically, my life a little bit) for y’all, I dunno why, maybe it’s simply the fact most people I’ve talked to within this fandom n such has simply just been so nice and relaxing (although, I’m aware I don’t interact that much or consistently) sometimes I really like deep conversation as well, or just spouting random facts and ideas I have, it’s nice, especially if there’s people that atleast somewhat get my rambles— but I suppose this is a thank you, to be honest, because I love that you guys like my work and sometimes even use them or build off of them, even if I think the idea I had was a bad idea (Punk Ny for example was an idea I was worried about not being a good one), most of the time I don’t edit them out because I think maybe one person out there might like it and want me to keep it there, like my girlfriend who encourages my ideas or helps me shape them, I never had this type of interaction and it makes me so giddy at times, so I really appreciate it :)

Also, I know I’m not obligated to draw so much with each post (maybe I’ll talk about how long my process is and what I do for most posts) but sometimes I feel like I owe you guys it because a lot of you are very respectful, and a lot of states do not have the amount of content that one who is passionate about would want, I mean, that’s why I joined this place and immediately started drawing Alaska like a mad man since there wasn’t much content about him (especially specifically about him), im passionate about my state, I yearn to know as much as I can and see how others think of it and us, I wanna do the same for other states but I worry that I don’t feel the same amount of passion for them as I do Alaska and I know that’s fine, but I still feel bad about it because I think I can do better for you guys, Indiana and Arizona and North Dakota for example I feel I can do more, even if you guys are content with what I came up with, but it’s very relieving to hear the expectations were not unreachable like I expected you guys to be about them, and I’m glad you guys aren’t critical about the fact I’m very inconsistent with Alaskas design because I’m not quite sure what I want for him and how much his design feels like him so I’m still trying always

anyways, have a good day or night yall <3 much of you guys are simply so so nice. Err, idk how I feel about this rant cuz I don’t wanna waste y’all’s times because I know you’re here for the states, so I might delete it depending on how I feel later about it

#wttt #welcome to the table #welcome to the statehouse #ben brainard #wttt fan art #wttt alaska #wttt fanart #wttt headcanons #wttsh #wttsh alaska #wttsh fanart #wttsh headcanons

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frillyfacefins · 8 months

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A constructive approach to building a solid Femslash Subculture in a new fandom, a thread (+ anecdotal “Case Study”)

(I posted this as a thread on twitter a week ago in response to some pretty old arguments getting thrown around again; the situation has cooled down now, but somebody asked me to put this thread on tumblr, and I thought it could help some people, so here we go.)

In 2013 I was in the Silmarillion fandom when the Hobbit movies brought in a giant influx of new fans.

I was not one of the people who had been into the Silmarillion for ages, I only just read the book too, and the fandom at the time was very much in flux.

Since Baldur’s Gate is in a similar situation - a very old fandom with a new influx of fans and new characters - I think it might be helpful for me to explain how we created a space for fanwriters and -artists to explore and celebrate femslash ships.

Here are my recommendations for femslash fans who want more f/f fanworks in the Baldur’s Gate 3 fandom, sectioned off in

“3 Warnings”

“3 Ways forward”

and a “””Case Study””” of what happened in the Silmarillion fandom.

Warning 1: Be aware that your fandom is a baby.

Nominally, the game has been out for less than a month. Most people who will write amazing fanfics for your favorite characters maybe don’t even have the game yet because they can’t afford it until the Christmas sales, or they just haven’t finished it yet (like me). Most people don’t want to write for a fandom until they have consumed all available canon. You don’t know how the fandom will look like yet, but you can start building a solid foundation to influence it.

Warning 2: Don’t alienate the Astarion-fans.

Astarion is fandom-bait. He is the exact kind of character people who ‘don’t get it’ have been fuming over for decades, and who people who ‘do get it’ get obsessed with. He is the exact formula that has been working since at least the 80s: A morally grey bad boy with slightly edgy good looks who is also - and this is THE key for this kind of fandom-bait - very vulnerable and can absolutely be made into a better person/ be healed by his love interest.

This is why most heroes in (especially older) romance novels work. This is why Lestat worked. This is why Kylo Ren worked.

The thing is - the people who go gaga over him now? A lot of them will grow bored at some point. Either they will leave the fandom, or they will become invested in other characters from this fandom.

So the worst thing you can do is make them feel like the femslash community is rude, confrontational, whiny. Sorry, but that is how fandom works.

Fanwriters write fanfics for 2 reasons: 1. They have fun while writing something specific. 2. They get great interactions because they write something specific. If they look at the f/f corner and see people constantly fighting or complaining, guess what? They won’t be as interested in writing about their favorite female characters. And especially in Baldur’s Gate 3, the female characters are not easy to love, but once you do, they have potential to make you into absolute stans. I disliked Lae’zel a lot during Act 1, but by now I honestly think she’s the absolutely cutest. And Shadowheart is definitely intriguing, but I want to know how her story ends before I get really invested in her. (And we don’t even have to talk about Karlach…)

Warning 3: Lurkers have no voice in fandom.

Sorry, but this is a fact. If you don’t write fanfic or draw fanart, you don’t get to complain about what other people draw/write about. We create fanworks because we are enjoying them, not because of some social obligation. We are giving you free labor, and if you keep complaining about the things we write because it’s not what you want to see, we will just be less likely to write the things you want to see. So if you don’t create your own fandom content, you can whine as much as you want, but you will just make those who actually do create look at your whole niche of fandom with way less interest than they might have had.

Now, what can you actually do to build the basis for a solid femslash subfandom?

Measure 1: For lurkers: Support those who create fanworks you like.

And I’m not saying financially. I’m coming from an old-school-fandom perspective here. You know what will absolutely make me want to write another fic for a pairing that maybe doesn’t have as much works about them as the big ships? Really, really nice people who either write detailed comments on my fics, or who engage with me on social media - like, actively comment on my post or even hop in my DMs and tell me how much they liked something I have written.

Complaining about people who don’t write your ships is the worst thing you can do. Celebrating people who do write your ships is the best thing you can do.

Measure 2: For most writers: Kind of logical, but - write.

Write long-fic, short-fic, flash-fic about your favorites. Plaster your social media profiles with it. Do monthly challenges, request your pairings in cross-fandom exchanges, write long rambly threads about how awesome they are. Right now, YOU get to potentially create the fanon. You get to sway people’s opinions of characters. And you get to actively build this community.

And please, try not to get discouraged if it’s hard at first. Like I said - this fandom is a tiny baby that only just started screaming its little red head off. New fans will come. And they will do the same as the person in the screenshot, and maybe if they actually look through the ‘other tag’ bar or by filtering for F/F, they will find your works and be super happy about it.

Measure 3: For fans who want to invest more time and effort: Organize cool stuff for your community.

Fests, exchanges, challenges, discord servers, tags on tumblr or mastodon - there are tons of things you can make happen that will inspire people to create. Make a femslash month with themed weeks and prompts every day, for example, both for fanfic, fanart, edits, fanvids, whatever kind of fan-work anybody wants to contribute. Or make a challenge with a list of prompts, or a generator, or anything else you personally are able to do. Invite people to participate. Make it easy. Make it fun and welcoming.

And now to my “”case study”” which is completely anecdotal but which definitely left an expression on me.

The situation: The winter of 2013/2014. The second Hobbit movie has come out, Elrond is hot, Galadriel is hot, Tauriel is polarizing, Legolas looks weird. A ton of new people come into the Tolkien fandom, and discover the Silmarillion.

The Silmarillion-fandom has to deal with a new influx of people like it never has since the LotR-films. These are new fans who are used to new fandoms, not the LJ-survivors who make up a lot of the fandom. The new fans glom onto the usual suspects - Maedhros/Fingon, especially. But with Galadriel and Tauriel being so prominent in the Hobbit movies, the few fans who were already trying to put some femslash flavor in this fandom suddenly get a trickle of new people. Not that many. But some.

And then somebody decides to try and build a little bed for that trickle. Tumblr-User Elleth (not sure if she’s still around) creates the (by now defunct) archive “Textual Ghosts” to register all 600 unnamed wife characters in Tolkien’s work. A labor of extreme love for a fandom, and a big stepping stone for a developing femslash-subfandom. Soon afterward, tumblr-user Elleth and I start the first Legendarium Ladies April Event (legendariumladiesapril.tumblr.com) which would - without my continued support because I’m a fickle bitch and I’m still sorry about that - continue until 2020 and fill the event archives on AO3 with 150 new fics - which doesn’t seem a lot, but it also leaves out a lot of fanfics, fanart, fanpoems, fanedits etc. that were only ever posted on tumblr.

Meanwhile, I - always a multi-shipper and not devoted only to femslash, but VERY devoted to kinky smut which is also not really such a big thing in the Silmarillion fandom at this time - open a kink meme for the fandom. It creates a few new smuttier fanworks, but it also creates a few handful of female-centric works when I make a mini-event for world women’s day.

I am sorry to say that I abandoned this one too after about a year or two, but the kink meme is still there. (It would take another 8 years for somebody to be like “Hey so maybe you have incapacitating adhd, would you like to try ritalin?”)

Anyway, in this way, that trickle did become a brook. The M/M and even M/F works still outnumbered the F/F ones by miles, but F/F fans (and fans of female-centric works) WERE fed. And maybe more importantly - we built a community of people interested in the stories of women who were treated extremely badly by their source material. We made friends, we wrote stories for one another, we had fun. And that’s how you make a community within a fandom - you find some way to make it FUN.

(If Elleth should read this, I’m sorry for being an absolute flake, you’re wonderful.)

Oh also this is when I realized I’m not straight. So there’s that, too.

So if really love a fandom and you want to have more femslash works in this fandom? Start working towards it. You don't have to do it alone, there are other people out there who want to help you. But you need to find each other.

And you REALLY need to encourage each other.

(And also, stop making people outside of the femslash space associate you with nothing but complaints. That's not going to bring anybody into the fold. Be inviting, welcoming, have fun, be a positive community people WANT to join.)

And just to make my own position a little clearer:

#femslash #wlw ships #f/f fanfic #fandom culture #fandom history #baldur‘s gate 3 #bg3 #text

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schoolmysteryno69 · 10 months

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META ANALYSIS - Mitsukou (part 1)

General topic - how they’re written as a one of the romantic couples in the story

Before I start, I need to say few things:

1. I’m not native english speaker. I’m probably going to make a lot of errors and mistakes, mix times, have a lacking vocabulary etc. Please be ready for it. I want to write my meta post anyway, so I would be happy if you will stay to the end with me!

2. If you do not like Mitsukou/hate this ship or anything like that - maybe this post it's not for you. It's totally okay to ship different thing and like different things, I don’t mind. My post is not a starter for a discussion tho, I’m not interested in discourses, argues and hate. I don’t really plan to “prove” anything to anyone or force you to change your mind, whole post is only MY analysis and my point of view. You are not obligated to feel the same way I feel, to see things the same way I see them.

3. I’m not interested in proving if Mitsukou is going to ever be canon or anything. I don’t know that. I’m also not going to analyze if they’re ever going to be a CANON COUPLE or an ENDGAME COUPLE. It’s only about if they’re written as a romantic relationship, and being written as a romantic couple =/= being a canon couple, they’re a lot of pairs in media that definitely are written as a romantic relationship without them being together ever or being an endgame. I’m not going to speculate about endgame, especially when one of the characters is supernatural and one is a human.

Okay, I think we can start now!

Let's start from the beginning. Because my first language is not english my post may be a little bit chaotic, putting all my thoughts in at least some order and with at least some sense it's actually hard, haha. In part 1 I will try to cover the first meeting between Kou and the ghost of Mitsuba.

So!

They first met during chapter 18. And it was meeting between Kou and ghost of a Mitsuba Sousuke, so it wasn’t our currently Mitsuba - it worth to mention they're not the same person, even if they are extremely similar, share a lot elements of their personalities, they look nearly the same, and current Mitsuba even share some dead Sousuke's memories because of School Mystery No. 4 Shijima Mei and her Picture Perfect arc. Still - not the same person and Mitsuba Kou met in chapter 18 is not the current Mitsuba.

At the beginning they're not really that much written as a romantic, their short arc was more like something starting Kou’s personal arc and his development. He got some background, some motivation, some angst, he changed. For most part Kou behaved pretty normal, just like himself - a selfless, lively boy that really wanted to help a lonely, sad ghost that Mitsuba was. (he wasn’t traumatized yet). Even if some of their interaction could be readed with a shippy glasses, there wasn’t anything that was inherently romantic about them.

I think it's kind of ironic how this is literally their first panel in the manga. Mitsuba literally looks like some kind of eldritch horror and he says “Did you forget about me?”. Yeah Kou, did you? This quite sums some elements of their arc. We know that Kou actually did forget about Mitsuba, who was one of his classmates. Also, Kous' trauma, related to everything that happened to Mitsuba, hunts him for the rest of the story. He also, clearly has a problem with recognition of both Mitsubas, with dealing with Ghost Mitsuba death and with the idea of forgetting someone and leaving someone. We also know that, when current!Mitsuba was made by Tsukasa, he didn’t remember Kou. That's why this quote here is very ironic.

There is nothing really to analyze here but I find it funny. Yeah, you quite literally just haunted the wrong guy and it’s going to be a problem for you and said guy for the next 15 volumes of the manga. Good luck.

Even after calling Mitsuba an “evil spirit” Kou still tries to help him and even decides to “take the big tough guy approach” to make Mitsuba feel safer about him. Kou is not really “the big tough guy”, even if he tries to pose as one. He is a 14 yo kid with kind of fucked up situation in life, even, if he doesn’t recognize it yet.

Maybe you could learn something from Kous stupid earning, mr. boy who DIED in the car accident.

It's definitely not an accident that Mitsuba died hit by a car and Kou has a BIG earning with a big caption “TRAFFIC SAFETY”. Even after reading all chapters up to 103 I’m not really sure how I should interpret this exact symbolism in their relationship, but it's definitely done on purpose by the authors. I think it may symbolize that Kou, with a “traffic safety” earning will save Mitsuba, who previously died in a traffic accident from dying another time? Like, now Mitsuba have Kou by his side and maybe Kou will manage to keep him safe. His earning is mentioned by Mitsuba too many times, it's done so we can notice it, for sure. And I wonder how it turns out.

It’s the first time Mitsuba suggests that Kou either has some kind of feelings toward him, tries to do something dirty towards him or something similar. Every time he just jokes or tries to provoke Kou or something like that. At first I thought it's just how Mitsuba is, some people love to joke like that, but then I noticed, later in the story, that Kou is quite literally the only person Mitsuba ever does this to. Sure he does not have many friends “his age” but still during the manga it would be possible for him to behave like that toward other characters, but he does not. He jokes like that only toward Kou and I think during the next parts of my writing I will point it out more.

Even after 20 minutes of insulting he is still concerned about Mitsuba. That's so funny and sweet.

Yeeeaaah sure it totally does not relate in any way to the fact that ghost Motsuba got to die after taking a photo of KOU out of everything yeeeeaaaah nada nope. It's crazy how the authors planned this because Hanako really started as some kind of funny manga about kids and ghosts and supernatural things, but the angst we get later is actually top notch and kinda scary. There was few moments I really had to like, stand up and walk in my room because of the emotions I felt after reading.

Look how happy he is with the idea of being a model to the Mitsubas photos. He is bright, smiling and even blushing. The next ironic thing is how he cried after actually seeing a picture of himself made by Mitsuba. Also I like how prominent his earning is here.

Mitsuba is very particular, he really made pictures only of animals, plants and other non-human things. That's probably why his photo of Kou hit me like a train. That's literally narratively confirming that Mitsuba saw Kou as something (someone) he likes, someone that is important to him. Kou also realized it after seeing the picture, that was one of the reasons why he was so devastated.

There are few things about that whole scene I would like to point up. The first are doves. Mitsuba, especially Ghost Mitsuba, is often presented with doves as a form of his symbolism. Doves and cherry blossoms are probably the most prominent symbols of his character. I’m not really that good when it comes to symbols, but I think doves symbolize things like peace, but also some form of innocence/purity and love. Some sources also say about transformation and spirituality. I think one of the reasons for choosing doves is to symbolize how he didn’t deserve to die like that, that his soul is actually good and seeks for peace. In Kou’s eyes he is also someone innocent, definitely. Especially when we are talking about ghost Mitsuba at the beginning of a story.

ALSO I’m pretty sure birds are foreshadowing to current!Mitsuba being made from the school mystery no. 3 who looked like a bird and who current!Mitsuba gained a lot of his characteristics from. Current!Mitsuba hair looks like feathers, his hand looks like talons etc. He is heavily associated with birds from the beginning. Even if Ghost!Mitsuba is associated with doves more and current!Mitsuba with ravens or crows.

The next thing about this scene is Kou finally realizing he knew Mitsuba and it hit him. Understanding that Mitsuba actually KNEW Kou and it was Kou who didn’t remember him probably made him feel remorse and generally really bad about himself. That’s not a nice thing if you forget about a boy who was with you in a class, and the fact that ghost Mitsuba actually tried to talk to him and asked him “Did you forget about me”... It's hard for me to even imagine what Kou felt at that moment.

Also, Mitsuba surely didn’t know about Kou being from an exorcist family, so he wouldn't expect that Kou will take direct action after meeting a ghost lol. If it comes to Mitsuba, I’m pretty sure it was very scary.

I wish we could see more of them like that. Just like two boys having fun with each other. I love angst, trust me. But I think they deserve rest and to just have a chance to play and talk a be… normal for once. Everytime when they get a chance to have fun they’re cute and hilarious together.

Rain can symbolize sadness and hard emotions soooo yeah, I’m not surprised it started raining. I think it sort of symbolizes feelings of both Kou and Mitsuba here.

They’re going to the third floor and I’m sure it's foreshadowing to Mitsuba becoming a School Mystery no. 3.

I’m still impressed how much foreshadowing is during their first meeting (chap 18-20). Like the birds, nr 3, traffic safety earning, motif of remembering/forgetting etc. You could also think that photography would be something like that but… it's not. Photography becomes a thing that is helping recognizing human/ghost Mitsuba from current supernatural Mitsuba. They’re similar but not the same person. Photos were one of the main characteristics of the original Mitsuba, both in this arc and during a moment with Mitsubas mother later. It was always about photos, but it's never about photos when it comes to our current Mitsuba.

Yeah, that kind of explains why Kou didn’t remember him immediately, even after seeing how Mitsuba looks and hearing his surname he should know. Because, like, Kou should remember him, they were in the same class, sit close to each other etc. But the mask that Mitsuba created was so strong that made him nearly imperceptible (like, you know, a ghost hah) and at this point tbh I don’t think Mitsuba liked it very much. He is actually a pretty bold and cocky person and all of this probably bugged him. Of course he wasn’t bullied, but was it worth becoming somebody different, somebody boring and bland to others? I think there is some form of regret. But also I don’t think that ALL of this was a mask, because Mitsuba definitely has some of a calmer and more sweet side to himself, he showed it a lot of times.

He tries to fix it up by recognizing him now for who he is. With both his positive and negative aspects, even if he points out mostly his flaws. Still, this is the Mitsuba he met, the Mitsuba he knows and the Mitsuba he IS GOING TO remember. Mitsuba he befriended now. It actually means a lot for Sousuke. He is dead, he may have thought that it's the end for him and for all of his relationships he ever had. Its funny how Mitsuba said he is a ghost because he still wanted to do photos, but the truth is he wanted relationships, but the true ones. Not based on his “fake” nice self, but on real him with all his flaws and that's why he haunted other students rather than just… go do photos or something. He tried to connect to others, because he subconsciously thought relationships and friends he had when he lived weren’t really true and real. It’s ironic how it resembles the current!Mitsuba in Picture Perfect act.

Kou started to realize who Mitsuba was and how tragic his situation was, he started to empathize. Kou has a martyr complex, so he wanted to help Mitsuba any way he could. It was also shown that he does LIKE Mitsuba even with his twisted personality, Kou said it himself and it surely means a lot for Mitsuba who wasn’t liked before for his true personality. That was probably the moment Mitsuba felt a real bond towards Kou and become attached to him.

And Kou even blushed a few times.That would still be read as platonic and sweet tho!. I think it was, personally. The most important thing during their first meeting was, of course, how it ended, because, in my opinion, it was a moment when most (not all tho) Kou's mental problems started. There was still his family, of course. Teru loves Kou very much, but still his mentality and behavior was a root for Kou’s low self esteem and some other elements of his personality, tho I think it may be a topic for a whole different post.

In this small arc, in my opinion, the moment that was the beginning of me perceiving them as written as one of the couples, a romantic relationship was this exact moment:

“I don’t know… maybe something important to me?”

And also a moment when Kous saw this picture for the first time, when he developed photos, and how this cracked him.

Generally, becoming friends with Mitsuba was very important to Kou. Not only because he wanted to help him (and, internally, also making Kou feel better about himself) but also it was probably the first time when… Kou may feel somewhat special? He always was in the shadow of Teru, he wasn’t an “official” exorcist, he wasn't going to missions in the town, he wasn’t very strong (Hanako literally KO’ed him without a sweat and Kou couldn't do much to Hanako), the girl he got a small crush on (Nene) clearly had something with Hanako… Kou was always pushed back and now, with Mitsuba, he made an actually special relationship between the only two of them. He felt NEEDED, and we all know how much Kou desperately needs to feel NEEDED. In his own mind, he was the only one that could help Mitsuba and that understood Mitsuba, that's why Mitsubas ghost death was so hard for him. He finally got something special for himself and he couldn't even protect it and he let lonely, poor ghost tragically vanish. That's some trauma for you.

I’m not going to write much about Mitsubas feelings there because it was Sousuke Mitsubas feelings - and currently I’m going to focus more on a School Mystery Mitsuba. Tho Sousuke definitely perceived Kou and his help as something special to him. That's where their fated bond started.

“You can help me develop them tomorrow and then… I think I’ll be okay”.

Yet we can’t see his eyes when he speaks, and that suggests he thinks something different that what he speaks. Not showing eyes is a common motif to show that a character is lying or saying something he does not think or hiding something. Here is just like that - it’s not about photos, it's about KOU. It’s because of Kou he is going to be okay, not because of the photos he took today. Something changed for Mitsuba when Kou recognized him for someone he actually is and wanted to become friends with him. For Mitsuba it means a lot because when he was alive he couldn’t get true friends and real relationships with others.

Yeah walk walk trauma baby. I know I mention ‘trauma” a lot when it comes to Kou, but the whole manga is like a one big parade of traumas for this boy and it's not even funny. I’m not surprised he is starting to become more and more insane with every next arc. Especially in the Night Out small arc we can clearly see how detached from actual reality Kou starts to be and how he stops recognizing differencs between supernatural and real word, good and evil, selfless and selfish behavior etc. It’s all the result of the traumatic situations he was put in for like 16 volumes straight. And he is bearing it A LOT WORSE than Nene is.

Ouch.

“You wished for people remembering you but now youre happy with just a one person?” That hits hard but also I’m angry at Tsukasa, like leave that boy alone.Even one person can make a change in someones life, and thats what Mitsuba felt at a moment. For Kou he was someone, he was real, he had a personality, Kou recognized him and that gives him a true sense of identity. For him it was enough

You met like half of a day before and you are calling him your friend and fighting for him with an unknown dangerous supernatural who looks exactly like your other friend. Bruh that's some dedication. Kou is desperate to save Mitsuba, but Kou is generally desperate to be a savior. He tries to “save” Nene a lot of times even if it’s not really necessary, because Nene also has other friends and people who support her and is pretty clever and capable of bearing problems on her own (most of the time). Yet Kou still treats Nene like some damsel in distress that need his protection when it's CLEARLY not like that. Sadly, Kou mostly fails anyway. He fails now with Mitsuba and if it comes to Nene, if she needs saving, the person who (usually) saves her is Hanako. Kou rarely has something he can actually do and it's cracking him up mentally.

Yeah, “I’m supernatural who grants wishes” not “I’m a ghost of a boy who once lived in this town”. Yeah. It was right here from the beginning.

I just hope it’s not a form of foreshadowing.

His last words were “Minamoto-kun”, it's so sad. On this last panel he actually looked a little brighter than on the previous panel of his transformation, and that's because he looked at Kou.

I need to say, seeing a person you treat important to you and calling a friend dying in a horrible way and hearing their last words being your name must be pretty stressful. It would probably haunt me for a long time and I’m sure Kou is still affected by it.

On the 20 chapter cover Mitsuba is together with the rest of the main squad (Nene, Hanako, Kou). It was pretty weird back then - he literally died and looks like he was going to be a one-arc character that started Kous character development, but this cover was a hint that it's going to be different and Mitsuba, probably, is going to play a whole different role in the story. He, also, had a hand around Kous head and nearly touched his hair gently - its a symbol of intimacy.

That was a proof how strong, narratively, their relationship is and is going to be during the progression of a story. And, in my opinion, a foreshadowing to Mitsubas feelings. Because I think currently, our Mitsuba is aware of his feelings toward Kou, but I’m going to cover this topic a little bit later.

On this cover there is a lot more symbolism,especially with Hanako and his role in the story, but it's also a thing for a whole different post.

What Tsukasa said was that Mitsubas wish was ‘“ want to stay with my friends forever and ever”.

That’s literally what I said earlier.

It’s a recurring topic with current!Mitsuba and his relationship with Kou. Mitsuba feels lonely and… Kou also feels lonely. Even if he has a brother, father and friends (Nene and Hanako and other school friends) Kou is incredibly lonely because of his inferiority complex. He desperately needed to be needed, needed to be special to someone, needed to be important to someone, and that person was Mitsuba. Right now, he is the most important person to Mitsuba and that's both good and very bad for Kou. Good because he finally feels like someone important and someones one and only, but bad because of how traumatic his relationship with Mitsuba is to him and how unhealthy it is. And by it I don’t mean they’re toxic or bad people - they are kids who want to be loved and who want to have their place in the world. But Mitsuba is a monster, he is a supernatural, whos life is stained away by his instinct, who needs to eat other monsters and who does not really… have any actual bright future and Kou is traumatized boy with low self estem, problems with his selfworth, with martyr complex and some sort of suicidal tendencies. They have a lot to work out.

Kou is going to be a supernatural / is going to try to be a supernatural / is going to be forced to be supernatural - hint number one.

Yes, I will go back to this topic, because I’m literally scared of it so much. It's prominent during the whole story that Kou is foreshadowed to have a plotline related to becoming supernatural in some way. And when this topic is touched it's usually related to his plotline with Mitsuba. I’m kind of scared of HOW it’s going to happen or if it’s going to be only a try or Kou really will become supernatural in some way. But it's too much of a recurring topic of Kous WHOLE character arc to not being important and to not happen. It's even hard to call it foreshadowing, its literal hints everywhere.

Kou spent with Mitsuba literally… one day, outside of being in the same class for a while (Kou didn’t even remember this time THAT much, time they spend together this day was more important) and yet he CLINGED SO HARD to the idea that Mitsuba is his “friend”. He desperately needed to be wanted, needed, to have a special bond, to being able to help, to save someone. And yet he lost Mitsuba at this moment, he couldn't do shit to save him, he was absolutely… just useless during a fight. It affected him a lot.

During the scene when Hanako “kills” Mitsuba, there are sakura petals. They’re heavily associate with Mitsuba and are one of his symbols:

This scene, narratively was a scene that said to us he is GONE. For good. It was a “goodbye” for him and Kou, he is dead. That's all. At this point we couldn't know we are going to meet current!Mitsuba, so we could thing that is the end of Mitsuba and the beginning of a Kous arc. And… it was both of these things but in the whole DIFFERENT meaning. Of course it was goodbye to the Sousuke, he is dead, he can’t come back. Of course it was a beginning for Kous development. But… it was also a beginning for our current!Mitsuba, for slowly progressing Kous insanity as an effect of his trauma and the beginning for Mitsuba and Kous actual arc and relationship. We thought it was the end but it was actually the beginning that changed… the whole Kou, to be honest.

I think it's related not only to Mitsuba but to Hanako, too. Imagine what Hanako could feel at that moment. He is a ghost and a supernatural who know how doomed he is and he only protects school and Nene. But Kou said it's bullshit and clearly believes in what he says. Sadly, Hanako is so stubborn.

One of the symbols related to Kou is a lion. Lions may symbolize a lot of things, like strength, courage but also - protection. Just like Kou tries to protect everyone and tries to be strong and courageous for others. I actually think it suits him quite well. Lions also symbolize the sun and it was shown a few times that Kou is like a sun to Mitsuba.

At some point of a story he is definitely going to do some crazy shit I’m telling you. He really tries to believe that he can find a way to change how the world works and it can end up good but.. it can also end up INCREDIBLY BAD. It’s not that good to mess up with life and death and when you cross up a border there is no coming back. With every arc the manga is becoming a little bit more dark and serious with topic it shows and och boy I’m kind of scared for Kou and Mitsuba.

You can literally hear me crying. It was probably the first moment in the manga that actually had any impact on me, I was really like… I had to stand and walk for a bit before reading. Kou sees a photo of himself and remembers Sousuke saying “Who knows? Maybe something important to me?” and starting crying was like. I wanted to cry too. I can’t even imagine what Kou felt at this moment, it was probably absolutely heartbreaking.

This small arc finished with chapter 20.During the next arc, Kou, already affected by Mitsubas death, gets to know that Nene also has a shortened lifespan and it's going to die very shortly. That wasn’t too good for his mental state and he literally fixated on a goal in saving her. When Kou learned about Nene’s situation, Hanako even related it to Mitsubas situation, so we can clearly understand these two examples are related to Kou. He doesn’t want this situation to happen again.

“Just like with this boy, there is nothing you can do” - Hanako you little shit

But yeah. Again Kou understands how useless he is. How weak he is, how he can’t save anyone the way he is. How he could do nothing about Mitsubas situation and how he can’t do nothing about Nene’s situation. That's tragic. And it's clear Kou doesn’t know what to do about it. Thats why, when current!Mitsuba appeared, he started to find such a ridiculous (and unhealthy) solutions to Mitsubas (and Kous) problems. He don't know what to do but desperately needs to do… something. Anything. To help, to be important.

It's sad. He said he dont know what he is gonna do, but HE WILL DO SOMETHING. And yet… we know how it all goes for him. He is a brave kid, who is determined and wants others to be happy and alive.

He even tried to stop a kiss between Hanako and Nene after reading Nenes book and failed. He always fails.

There is also an special page

It is titled “Love stories” that should be about Mitsuba. And it contains both Mitsuba and Kou. It's just a joke, but I need to point out that Mitsuba generally wasn’t shown to be interested in any girl during the progression of the story or never talked about it in general. He also does not crush on Nene, even when both Hanako and Kou felt something toward her at some point in the story.He also talks about how cute he is A LOT and I’m going to say something about it someday, but not now.

I think it's enough for part 1! I think I covered everything I wanted for their first meeting. Let's see at Mitsubas resurrection in the Hell of Mirrors!

#Mitsukou #minamoto kou #mitsuba sousuke #toilet bound hanako kun #jibaku shonen hanako kun #tbhk #jshk #meta post #analysis #long post #yugi amane #hanako #yashiro nene #Yugi Tsukasa

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ugh-yoongi · 11 months

Text

hello, friends 🫶🏻

just a psa/personal rant?? not really a rant but

i wanted to talk about a few things, and i think the cleanest and easiest segue is to say: i have left all of my writing networks. it is 100% nothing personal to any of them, i have enjoyed each and every one, but there are a few reasons why.

one, i am not active in any of the discord servers, so there was ✨anxiety✨ about not contributing and feeling obligated.

two (and this is the segue part): obviously these networks have a big reach, and i am feeling more and more anxious about exposing my work to the masses.

it’s a double-edged sword, because i write what i want and what makes me happy, but there is always a part of me that wants feedback and wants other people to see and enjoy it. but it has been tense here lately and the “please do not perceive me” feelings are REAL.

there is just… no nuance anymore. me posting “i don’t think it was a good decision for jungkook to go to qatar” turned into a bunch of anons calling me islamophobic and a bunch of other stuff. me saying it was a bad look for jimin to feature on a song by a r*pist turned into “you can’t have an opinion because you’re a rap line stan.”

i’m most certainly not perfect. i try to do the right thing. but tumblr has turned into a place where you will get bullied off the site if someone does not like you personally and decides you’re the internet’s villain of the day. you are put into situations you cannot win. if you defend yourself, you’re making excuses. if you don’t, you’re guilty and all those things people accused you of being are true.

it is literally this tweet:

this is not a fandom known for being welcoming of discourse, but we have to be able to give others grace. there has to be nuance. like, we are literally stanning bts, who have done and said and written problematic things. we should not excuse intentionally harmful behavior, but we need to be able to have conversations and believe, to a certain extent, that not everyone behaves in malicious ways.

we all fuck up and will continue to do so. i hope your mistakes are handled with grace and you are given the benefit of the doubt, and i hope you extend that grace when others inevitably make mistakes as well.

i am not involved in drama here. i am 31 years old and too old and tired. i just want to write and cry over seokjin and shitpost with my friends.

i’m sure this has all been said before, but: i was offline at the time everything went down with m (shout-out the fucking car accident i got in on my way to pick up my friends from the airport, why did this seemingly happen to everyone??) but they are someone i have interacted with both here and offline, and how all of that played out was fucked up, to say the least. others have explained it far more eloquently than me, but it bears repeating.

so while i love writing and i love sharing my work, there is a part of me that’s anxious every time i post. including this. i will continue to do so and hope that this site becomes warmer and more welcoming, because i see a lot of posts lamenting writers leaving or deactivating, and i just think: “well, yeah.”

enough has been said about interaction and the like/reblog ratio, which is definitely a huge part. it can be demoralizing to spend so much time and effort writing a fic that gets little interaction. but the environment is a big part, too, and i’m hopeful that can change.

(but also—protect your peace, whatever that means for you. unfollow that person. block that tag. you don’t have to engage with everything, especially if it raises your blood pressure. one of the few good things about the internet is that you’re largely able to curate your experience. don’t feel guilty about taking advantage of that.)

i will finish this by saying: i am always open to having conversations so long as they’re in good faith. it is not anyone’s place to police my behavior, but if i ever do or say something that is not cool, you are more than welcome to address it with me. i encourage you to do so. as flor once said: comfort can’t help me grow up.

love u all. pls be nice to one another. 🖤

#filed under: personal ramblings

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writefightandflightclub · 1 year

Text

What’s Mine is Yours Mine: Nathan Bateman x fem!reader

Summary: Nathan has a present for you…

A/n: shameless smut / half-developed PWP I found kicking around in my drafts while I’m having a declutter. I’m getting too in my head about posting smut on here these days, so I thought I’d just bite the bullet and put this out there. Don’t look at me 😅 Originally was going to be part of a larger thing which is why I haven’t posted until now, but I’ll simply leave the rest to your imagination 😉

Warnings / ratings: 18+, explicit, minors do not interact. Dom/sub dynamics, collar, oral sex / throat fuck, mentions of choking. All consensual. Fairly mild compared to some stuff I’ve posted in the past. LOL.

“Come here,” Nathan purrs darkly, and the lust-laden, commanding tone of his voice is eminently familiar. Your muscle memory responds before you do, and you’re already turning towards him before you consciously respond, so used to obliging him by now.

Whatever he’s about to offer, you’re already interested - you can tell from his voice alone.

“What for?”

When you see the look in his eyes, you throw a little sex into your walk, swaying those hips of yours. Slinking over towards him.

“Got something for you,” he explains, moving to sit on the couch, his thick thighs spread wide apart and straining against those slacks of his.

“What is it?”

“Kneel down and maybe I’ll show you.”

You do. You oblige him, your knees settling into the plush rug as you settle in between his spread legs.

“Close your eyes.”

You do, and your heart hammers in anticipation. You reach out for clues, noting he is moving to grab something. You hear a subtle jangle. Something like a buckle. You wonder if he’s liberating himself, hard already, but in the next moment, you feel a sensation like cool leather at your neck.

A collar? You’d been asking for one, and now he’s spoiling you. A flood of heat travels right to your crotch as Nathan’s nimble fingers fasten it around you, deftly threading leather through buckle, until your neck is straining just right against the subtle tightness of it.

Your eyes remain obediently closed, but you hear Nathan hum in satisfaction. “There. Mmm hmm. That’s it.”

Sensing he is done, you open your eyes. You can’t see yourself but you can feel it. The slight tension and give of the collar bracing against your neck as you swallow. Your fingertips come up so you can explore the texture of it, seeking out the cool metal of the “o” ring right in the centre. You know without seeing that the leather is blood red, to match your wrist and ankle cuffs. You know Nathan wouldn’t give you anything but the best.

A devilish smile blooms over your face, and your eyes devour Nathan. Even while you are the submissive, you feel very much in control of where this is going.

“Christ. Jesus. Fuck.” Nathan praises as he drinks the sight of you in like this.

It’s not just the physical feeling of being dominated. The loss of control. More so, it’s the satisfaction that comes from Nathan wanting to “own” you. Knowing how badly he wants to make you his. That he chose you for this, and so much for besides.

“Oh,” you purr. “You like that? Like how I look?”

“You look so…” His fingers skim over your collar, up and down your throat.

“So what, Nathan?”

“So… mine.” His final word is practically a growl. A greedy sound.

“I am. Yours.”

“Yeah? You are?”

Your heavy gaze drops down to his crotch, where you note he is already swelling, a sizeable erection tenting beneath his pants. “Mmm,” you affirm, the sound drawn out and syrupy, hinting at the way you might sound if he treats you nicely. If he makes you feel good.

The pad of Nathan’s thumb brushes along your lower lip, the ghost of a touch. Your breath hitches in your throat, reminding you of the collar as it strains against your neck. Reminding you you’re his. That you belong to him. That he wants you to. Needs you to. “Is this mouth mine?”

“Yes.”

“Show me.”

You know what he wants. You open up for him, and he abruptly shoves two fingers over your tongue, sliding them all the way to the back of your throat until you gag on them. He tastes like barbell metal. You love it. You hate it. Abruptly, he does it again, his gaze flitting all over your face, awed by your compliance.

“Hnnnnnng,” he praises, shifting himself forward, until he is perched on the very lip of the couch, bringing the straining mass of him closer to your mouth. His thighs box you in, and a smugness drags over his mouth as he reaches out to you, wrapping both of his warm, broad hands around your feeble throat, no doubt feeling your racing pulse beneath his caress.

“Mmm,” he hums again, the sound almost involuntary in his throat - like a pre-programmed command - as he adjusts and settles his fingers one by one, curling them around your neck and that pretty collar. From the sounds he’s making, you have no doubt that the way you lean into it rather than shying away will have his dick throbbing hard and full in his pants. The way you push him for more, his touch far too gentle; for now.

Nathan’s gaze is obsidian by now, blown-out pupils engulfing bark-brown as he reads the dirty heat blazing in your eyes. He doesn’t squeeze yet. Not really. In fact, he kisses you, dragging you to his lips with his hands still folded around your throat in an unfulfilled promise.

The kiss is hungry but restrained, and it only leaves you wanting more.

Nathan shifts then, moving one hand to his crotch, threading leather through belt loops as he finally liberates himself. He bucks his hips slightly forward and you’re so close. So close to having him in your mouth.

You can smell him, musk and salt and skin. You tongue darts out, in anticipation of tasting him.

“You know what to do, Princess.” His tone is dripping with condescension now, but it turns you on. Makes you feel safe, even. “Go slow, don’t strain yourself.”

You part your lips, readying to sink down on his appealing, veined length, the head of him flushed purple with want.

You want him; but you know how to get him.

You hesitate, and then, impatient, desperate, needy Nathan grabs you by the collar at the nape of your neck and shoves you down on him, surging up and into your throat.

This time you don’t even gag. He can use you all he wants - you like it when he does.

You work your lips and tongue along his length, enjoying the way Nathan uses the collar to drag you off of him when it gets too much. When he gets too close to coming undone. You enjoy the pressure you feel around your neck. In your throat. Enjoy the way him filling you up squeezes tears out of the corners of your eyes.

“Who do you belong to?” Nathan stutters darkly, when your mouth has him holding on by a thread, as thin and delicate as the spit trails linking your lips to his cock.

“I’m yours, Nathan,” you sing-song obediently, and with a groan he shoves back into you, every pulse of his cum down your throat showing you how much he loves that you belong to him.

“Mine,” he growls, his hips bucking up into your mouth as he spills himself for you. “All mine.”

Funny - you think, as you eagerly swallow down the salt tang of him. You even think Nathan enjoyed your present just as much as you did. Maybe even a little more, so far; but you know it won’t be long before he evens out that score.

#nathan bateman x reader #nathan bateman #am I posting too much?#sorry if I’m posting too much #as I mentioned #my brain is but a ping pong ball 🏓

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spiderpussinc · 9 months

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I don’t think it’s very fair for you to try and knock others from reading Miguel’s OG run because truthfully that’s the only place you’re going to get his full character since every run after that is just “Let’s place him in different time scenarios to fix other people’s problems”. I’ve read ur reasonings and some of the issues I just don’t see and that’s coming from someone who’s ALSO half Hispanic and had similar family experiences. Idk I guess comic Miguel is rlly important and relatable to me and you shouldn’t turn others away from having that potential connection too. :/

NAH LOL it is *not* the only place to get his character truthfully -- his character is not consistent between runs, or between comic and movie! Not even Pdavid's runs have an unified version of Miguel since he just becomes an author self-insert after one point. The way Pdavid writes '92 Miguel - Gabriel is also shamelessly almost the same as he wrote Bruce Banner - Rick Jones. (another series where he ended up being pushed off the book after he started making really weird decisions; and notice these last two are white guys, which is how pdavid depicts Miguel all the time.)

I haven't even told people to not read them. In multiple posts i say 'read the first ones to see how it is, stop when you get annoyed, look up summaries, don't feel obligated to treat it as canon because it isn't.' If anyone feels threatened by this they should examine where that defensiveness is coming from.

I'm gonna be real with you that's like saying "the only way to REALLY understand Miles Morales is to read his ultimates run." You know, the one where his mother gets eaten alive by Venom, his dad thinks he's at fault for killing her and nearly beats him with a cane, where the closest thing he has to peter is a clone named jessica drew, and that eventually gets completely retconned in a universe explosion so main universe Miles can be rewritten. Do you remember seeing any of the things above in ITSV? Would you call them *the only real way to fundamentally understand Miles as a character?*

I keep seeing the rhetoric that 'real fans' have to subscribe to the very first script of these characters and that somehow enjoying their ATSV versions is fake-stanning and that is just... not true. That's not how comics work. Our most iconic, definitive, memorable traits for MANY of these superheroes have come from subsequent comic runs, rewrites, feats of adaptation and the interaction between fanwork-becoming-canon. Even uncle Ben's 'power and responsibility' schtick is NOT an original part of Peter's first draft. That came from re-imaginings and rewrites.

I'm really, truly not a fan of the argument that 'relating to parts of a character' completely absolves the text from criticism. It's not a good comic. It barely tries to be latino rep and frankly, I'm not going to praise it for just placing a label on him and doing nothing with it. I don't care for this white man's truth. It's racist and creepy and I should be paid reparations for having to read a storyline where the same girl gets paired up with two different brothers and then their father just to end up getting killed for a sexier token love interest. I am constantly frustrated by the argument that new fans should be forced to read it and potentially get turned away from comics forever; it's one of the worst offerings you could give them. 90's Marvel and DC are a public fandom joke and nearly led the market into bankruptcy!!!!! (Marvel filled for loss in 1996. IT WAS BAD. That's part of why the whole 2099 line went up in flames! The money was going down the drain.)

I've been a comic reader for a long time and I just can't give them blissful innocence passes like that. The current editor-in-chief at Marvel did yellowface and pretended to be a japanese man for years to write some shitty superhero weeb comics with no accountability whatsoever. He still has a job. RUNNING the company!

And here's the thing: I like Miguel too. I have a shitty family and I empathize with that but I KNOW he deserves much better than to be confined by white people's scripts and fetishes. I *want* him to have a chance, multiple chances even, to be completely rewritten and remolded by latine voices without the need for them to constantly refer or tie back into that white man's work; It is our right just as any other.

ATSV throws away most of Miguel's baggage, and straight up refuses to refer to the weird indepth sludge pdavid had going on; the artbook doesn't mention these first comics or most of his runs, they actually talk about other groundbreaking sci-fi concept work and the idea of basically rebuilding the landscape from scratch, and I am deeply thankful they do that. One of the biggest themes of the movie *is* that the idea of comic canon is fraught and full of holes, and that we should subvert it into joyful and honest expressions of these characters' cultures. These are movies that begin with the Comics Code Authority stamp, a censorship marker that among other things explicitly prohibited the positive depiction of pro-civil rights narratives and homosexual relationships, and actively turned their nose at protagonist black characters — & proceed to rip it to shreds. That's what we should be doing!

#miguel ohara #miguel o'hara #spiderman 2099 #atsv #spider man: across the spider verse #spiderverse #marvel comics #spiderman #meta tag #miles morales

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cloud-somersault · 2 months

Note

Hey, how are you doing? I hope you’re alright. 💕 I’ve been reading your status updates on Constellations and the Epilogue, and I just wanted to let you know that I think you’re amazing. Your writing is incredible and I love it. Your stories are so well thought out and the characters are ✨on point✨, and the plot is complex and detailed and aaahhh! It has me hooked! 🤩

And I understand how it hurts when you put so much effort and love into a story, only to post it and not see others be anywhere near as excited or invested as you are. I know how discouraging it can be. And it may be a little silly, but I do want to apologize for not commenting lately—life took some difficult turns for me healthwise around the end of last year and I haven’t been able to catch up! I’m still on Chapter 4 of Constellations! 😭 BUT Chapter 5 is open on my phone, and I am READY to read it as soon as I have the time (and mental energy, but that’s a whole ‘nother issue 😩). Don’t worry that your writing isn’t enough, or be discouraged if some readers don’t catch hints while others are figuring it all out seemingly too easily. Everybody reads and comprehends stuff differently, and it’s not a sign that your writing is bad if they don’t catch it! Honestly, I’m pretty bad at catching hints the first time I read a story unless they’re pretty darn obvious. I don’t usually notice subtle hints until the second, or third, or even seventh read-through, haha! (on the bright side, rereading stories and rewatching TV shows is always fun!) 😅

I guess what I really wanted to say is… don’t give up hope. Don’t lose your love and enthusiasm for your works, or feel like they aren’t worth writing because others don’t seem interested in them. At the heart of it all… at the end of the day… write because you love to. Because it makes you happy. And know that it doesn’t have to be “perfect”—the main goal should be that you enjoy it. That’s something I’m trying to teach myself, too. 💕

Thank you for taking the time to write this message and send it. I appreciate you're very kind words 💕I'm doing okay, I just had to take a step back for a bit from socials and stuff. I'm gonna keep that up for a while.

Please don't apologize for not commenting or taking your time reading. Your health always comes first, and I'm sorry if I came off as childish or needy, that wasn't my intention. Two things just happened that set me off and the timing of it was incredibly poor 😓

Please take your time reading; none of it is going anywhere, and don't feel obligated to leave comments either. i'm realizing that, even if chapters are short or long, finding the time to finish things is difficult, and everyone lives different lives. And I'm sorry about all the spoilers on this blog, I'll tag that better from now on.

But I really do think I got confused or disjointed in my perceptions; everyone here knows so much because i've been asked questions and given answers and people have interacted, so people following me here have more context than the average ao3 user. But I've kinda been expecting everyone to be on the same page, which will never be true.

I'm also the same way where it takes me a while to pick up on hints. I actually changed my writing style to prevent this. I got tired of reading books in college where you had to dive into every little thing. the hints and clues weren't obvious to me. I decided then that, when I wrote, I wanted things to be bold, obvious, but beautiful. I didn't want to make readers feel like they're missing something. I wanted them to trust that every answer, every clue would be answered in time. I made that promise to myself a decade ago, and being reminded of how different people interpret things just...made me remember.

I take writing really seriously, probably too seriously, but I've been doing it for so long and I love doing it. I want to be good at it. When it feels like I've gone back on that promise to myself, I get frustrated. I think of ways I could've fixed things. But I also remember that those books and those writing styles just weren't for me. I wasn't the target audience.

Sorry to go off on a tangent, but I wanted to explain why I got upset. I still love Constellations and I'm posting it on ao3 out of convenience, really. It's easier to reference and search there in one "Entire Work" than to have 5 documents open. The fact that others can see and read and have fun is a bonus. But I'm committed to telling this story, and I'm gonna finish with a bang.

Thank you, I won't forget why I'm doing this and that my thoughts/feelings come first! 😤I hope your health concerns are taken care of soon. Take it easy, and thanks again! 💕

#ask #this is very kind i'm sorry i worried people i was just REAL upset/mad #but i'm better now. i just needed to take a minute and refocus and remind myself of a few things #we're still chugging along #but seriously thank you for sending this. i'm really glad you like constellations! that means a lot to me #but seriously--health comes first. and DON'T FEEL PRESSURED TO COMMENT!!! 😤#okay love you bye~ 💕

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deadratio · 2 years

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Javy 'Coyote' Machado x gn!Reader Headcanon

You're married to Javy 'Coyote' Machado, but you're Jake 'Hangman' Seresin's ex.

Word Count: 1.1k

Warnings: One mention of sex, heartbreak - not a warning but no mentions (to my knowledge) of readers gender.

You met Jake when you were in your late teens after deciding to move from your small hometown to San Diego, California.

Jake was attending Top Gun, and was a few years your senior. You both decide to take things slow and get to know each other.

You spend the next several years into your early twenties dating Jake and traveling to wherever he goes. You love getting to explore the country and try new experiences.

After being together for so long, you think that Jake is ready to propose to you. Jake, on the other hand, is not keen on the idea of settling down.

Because of “your differences”, according to Jake, you break up.

You’re devastated, having thought that Jake Seresin was your one and only.

You move back to your home state, throwing yourself into your career.

You spend the next few years working at a start-up firm that eventually hits the ground running, with you being in their corporate field.

While visiting San Diego for a business conference, you go to The Hard Deck and run into Phoenix. You met her through Jake, and although you weren’t super close, you still considered her a friend.

You catch up with her, and she’s not surprised when you tell her that Jake broke up with you. She’s empathetic towards you, and eventually you decide to take a selfie together.

Phoenix shares it to her social media, which prompts Jake to see the photo.

You’ve already flown back home when you see a follow request from Jake on your Instagram. Skeptical, you accept it on a whim.

You had gotten over Jake a long time ago, but it still hurts to see that he’s engaged to a model-type who is way out of his league.

You follow him back, although neither of you interact with each other besides liking the occasional post.

Ever since you had followed Jake on Instagram, you’d made a point to be less active on all of your socials and focus on yourself.

Deciding to get back into the dating scene, you download a couple of dating apps.

You have a few dates here and there, but many of them don’t work out.

That is until you meet Javy Machado. He’s also a Naval Aviator, but he doesn’t act the same way Jake did.

You and Javy do long distance for a while before you decide to start working remotely so you can move in with him.

Life is sweet to you and Javy. Although he travels a lot for work, any time he is home he dedicates his time to you and your love.

After being together for a year and a half, Javy proposes to you, and you can’t say ‘yes!’ fast enough.

You’re both overjoyed, and only tell your close friends and relatives.

A few months after your engagement, you and Javy decide to elope in the Grand Tetons.

The pictures from your ceremony are stunning, and you can’t help but post a few photos of you in your wedding attire on your socials.

You leave Javy out of the pictures, operating on a consensual ‘private but not secret’ basis.

Phoenix and others congratulate you, but you can’t help but feel a little torn by the fact that Jake doesn’t like or comment on the photos.

You speak with Phoenix a short time later and find out he had called off his engagement and is living the single life.

Your conversation makes you realize just how invested you seem to be in someone else’s life.

You decide to delete all of your social media to give yourself peace of mind.

You spend your honeymoon in the Caribbean Islands.

The next couple of years go by without a hitch, and you couldn’t be more in love with Javy.

When he gets called back to Top Gun, you decide to stay behind because of some projects at work.

That doesn’t stop you from texting Phoenix, who has also been called back, asking her to watch out for him.

Phoenix obliges and gives you updates.

Once back on shore from the detachment, Javy is hanging out with the Dagger Squad at The Hard Deck when he reveals that he’s married.

Everyone is shocked, and they practically beg him to show them photos.

Phoenix can’t help when her jaw drops at the sight of you and him. Even though she knew, she was still surprised.

Jake remains silent, sipping his drink.

Javy can’t help but question it, but he doesn’t say anything to Jake at the time.

When he comes home, you’re so relieved.

Javy tells you he wants to invite the whole squad over to meet you, and so they can all get together during their leave period.

You’re more than happy to have company.

You spend the next several weeks planning the party and the dinner.

The day of the party, you greet everyone with an excited smile, hugs and laughs are exchanged.

You can’t help your disenchantment when Jake walks through the door.

Javy practically tackles him to the floor in a hug, which makes you realize how close they are.

You avoid Jake at all costs, spending time with Phoenix, Halo and Rooster on the deck.

Your stomach drops to your feet when Javy steps out, asking you to speak privately.

Jake had told him about your past relationship.

He asks you why you didn’t ever tell him that you had dated Jake. You can see the hurt in his eyes.

You choke up trying to explain to Javy that you didn’t tell him because Jake was the dark part of your past, and that you took years to recover from the emotional and mental damage it did to you.

Javy is understanding, and you both agree to be more transparent about your past, and your future.

You’re reluctant when Jake steps into the room and Javy leaves the two of you to talk.

You can’t face him.

He tells you that he still loves you, and he always has.

You can’t believe your ears, especially since Jake had been the one to split the two of you up.

You tell him that you’re flattered, but that quite frankly, he had lost his chance all those years ago, and that you won’t let him ruin the best thing that’s ever happened to you.

After your talk with him, you spend the rest of the party in Javy’s arms.

Once the party is over, Javy and you have the most mindblowiing romantic soft sex you’ve both ever had.

When you wake up in the morning, you can’t believe how lucky you’ve gotten, and you can’t wait to see what the future holds.

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