#don’t bring s*scourse into this | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

icharchivist · 5 years

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kay now i’m just huh bc of that post i reblogged so i’ll just add my two cents on d/a di/scourses and why i want nowhere near in it and feel free to ignore and even more to unfollow if it’s somewhat bad or anything but like,

(also please d/o/n’t re/b/log)

d/a di/scourse ultimately really fucks me up because 1) there’s a lot of it, especially in jokes that strench from far far away, I end up checking every blogs i reblog from bc i don’t want that near me 2) All side tends to have characters they like and dislike and be noisy about it and it’s very hard when down to it you just really love all the characters even when you don’t agree with them bc they’re fictional and i’m interested in the emotional reaction i get from them in game

but on a personal level it also fucks me up bc my mental health had been going bad and stuff are out of my controle, until i discovered D/A and the thing that had really, really helped me recover is that playing D/A asks me to use my skills i’ve learnt mostly to deal with my issues in a way i don’t find disagreeable (most precisely: how to weight what someone is telling you in order to not have it backfire at you) and stimulates my curiosity, passion and creativity in a way i hadn’t felt in forever. It makes me want to connect the dots, it makes me want to be involved, it makes me want to draw, to write again. (I started writting things again after 5 years and it’s so silly how it’s helping me out). Hell I started modding. I did an internship in a video game school on which I was actually pretty good and passionated bc just that had me make more research and understands more easily, so i started handling the logicials quickly for the timespawn and had a lot of cultural and technical knowledge backup just from swooping around trying to learn fun facts (and i would have got into this school easily bc i had a very good file but i lacked the money and my parents fucked it up, so i’m still extremely frustrated at that because I actually had really great chances to be taken in this school) It stimulates me in a way where I can healthily forget for two minutes that my world is crumbling, that for a moment it had me consider different future path, (see again up there), if there’s a path to recovery to be had it started with it.

I’ve known for years this fa/ndom was deemed toxic and I knew of the controversial characters by name before i started the game so i sillily paid more attention to them bc “how bad can they fuck up” only to realize then “oh no i love them” bc i paid attention to them. And i’m in circles where I see more hates than others and sometimes just hear of some hate by hearsay.

I’ve wanted to keep healthy distance as much as possible but once i got in d/a i noticed i already had d/iscourse on my dash from blogs i followed from others things and it was. Huh.

And I was thinking about not letting it get to me, or regularly take breaks, i blocked the d/iscourse tags, then the main tag to avoid it (doesn’t stop some posts to slide through though so that’s not helping), i don’t feel comfortable talking about it, and hey at least i owe to that that i’m less onto this website and i’m grateful at least for that

And it’s unhealthy to be this affected by f/andom stuff, i know that, god do i know that, but i’ve been in fandom for what, 11 years now, I’ve seen some fan wars, i’ve seen and participated in w/anks, but the whole holier-than-thou attitude in really insidious way is damaging, and i can’t recall a time i was this uncomfortable being part of something. (and i was in s/uperw/hol/ock at the fandom’s heigh and in the n/aruto’s fa.ndom when it ended for christ’s sake).

And idk how much is just current fa/ndom bc i know there’s far worse on this damn website, or really this game but this is. very damaging.

Anyway point is that my biggest problem is that i’ve seen some “Hot takes” that had been more damaging for my mental health bc i didn’t even know i could expect them (that’s a fun part of depression no one talks to you about, next i’m gonna tell you again that seeing one more posts about “how siblings are if you don’t see it like that you don’t have a real sibling” and variation sent me in some very bad mental spirals and i’m that close to unfollow anyone that posts those, so hey, that’s fun)

and some of them were 1) “Green!Ha/wke is a manipulator and it is far less sincere than Red or Purple” which really, really fucked me up not because I fancy Green this much but because saying being diplomatical in times stuff are going down is manipulative is super damaging and as someone who is always calculating how to be true to myself while also not triggering a fight around short tempered people, calling it “manipulation” had drove me to major anxiety thinking i was no better than my family, 2) the whole discourse about C/ullen which is the w o rs t bc i get where people come from when they dislike him and they have cause but i see a lot of my reactions to my own trauma and self-destructiong numbing addiction (i mean my self h//arm before anyone think anything) in his storyline in an unflattering way, and it’s something that really drove me to him in a way no other characters did (and i mean it especially bc, in term of experience? I relate to L/eliana more. But in term of reaction on a personal level on oneself? I couldn’t even start without getting uncomfortably personal about how dear C/ullen’s writting is to me. C/ullen’s reaction to trauma is extremely personal on the way also how he takes it on himself and it’s so, so important to me). and this one i kinda expected bc i love others characters that can follow this sort of patern and i know they have tons of w/anks about it but boy it is far less vicious than i’ve seen there (and i know others chara have tons of others d/iscourses but like i said i happen to be following people who will bring this one much more than any others)

Or maybe i’m just far more sensitive than i used to be, but therefore it triggers my fight or flight stuff and since i refuse to involve myself into fight it makes “flight and think about it for hours until it makes you feel terrible for liking it in the first place” so that’s fun.

And I know. I know it’s unhealthy to be this affected on f/andom stuff, and i’m not going to change anyone’s mind, nor do i want to.

Bc in the end those games requires a lot of personal involvement and therefore our sensitivities to shine through, and i refuse to let my view affect others when the emotional journey is far, far more interesting when you take it with your own heart, even if it means i must fundamentally disagree with all of the experience others may feel,

But ye. I know. And i’m trying to work on that, it’s been a year i’m trying to work on that, and as i said earlier, i’m taking breaks from this website every once in a while lately, which is far more healthy anyway, and i think i’ll carry on doing that.

And I still will not posts d/iscoursy stuff of saying “this interpretation of the character is wrong here how you should interpret it” even if i agree bc i’m too tired for it, and anyway i don’t even want to learn what’s the fa/ndom’s opinions on the characters are at this point, i couldn’t care less, I care about how i feel for them and I don’t even want to hear how people discuss it.

(and tbh so i feel for the lore in general too bc i really like the lore of the game, sue me, and as much as i love to dig for details i’m too tired for opinions)

but that last post is the first time i see a post specifically written on the very topic that makes me anxious about C/ullen stuff, i didn’t feel like letting it past, i want to keep it on my blog.

Anyway also if you’ve stuck this far, i’m also going to be far more ready to unfollow stuff that really makes me spiral down now, the last few breaks i took from this website made me feel like i don’t want to deal with it anymore. I’m still anxious about what i post and i doubt i’ll still share a lot about it, bc at this point i don’t even feel like sharing this much either so there’s that,

but therefore if you’ve stuck there you’re also welcomed to unfollow for whatever reason you feel like and especially if you don’t want to deal with my bullshit, bc god knows i don’t want to be dealing with it either. Don’t let things you can controle upset you, that’s not worth it.

Anyway, icha’s out, didn’t want to talk much about personal stuff more but here i am! and i’m taking my leave bye

#ichapersonal #bOY now is time to NEVER talk about this subject ever again nice to have heard of you #slight past s/elfh/arm mention though - nothing big it's just slightly mentioned

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dmdumouchel · 6 years

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Sigh...

Ok, so, I wasn’t rly gonna address this here, but it’s been on my mind.

Under the cut bc this might get long. Why?

1) I talk a lot. Like...it’s just how I am.

2) This is hopefully the last time ...at least for a while, that I’ll be addressing this. And I have a lot to say.

A while ago I got into a few arguments about the ol’ Di/sc//ourse and you know the one (bc I’m impulsive and lack self control...and I was rly annoyed. I know it was pointless....altho at least one conversation was calm and civil and I even ended up changing the other person’s mind about something).

And basically, I’m a bit disheartened, because what I feared was basically confirmed, which is the abundance of misunderstanding when it comes to a/se//xuality.

Why do I put dashes in that word? Because I can’t even post in that tag without having someone latching onto the post and spewing b.s. at me.

Seriously, you don’t even have to post about Di///scourse(TM) to have someone start a screaming match with you. It could be the most harmless un-opinionated (is that even a word??) post ever about being a//ce and someone will immediately try starting a fight. That’s how much the di/sco//urse has polluted the online community. So uh...no thanks lmao. (and if this by any chance still ends up in any of the tags, you will be immediately blocked if you try arguing with me. The purpose of this post is solely to vent).

Anyway, this is what I’ve discovered, which honestly isn’t new...

- Many people think of a/se//xuality as a modifier and not a se//xual orientation in its own right. I had a civil discussion with someone about this though and managed to change their mind (which is the person I mentioned earlier).

- I’ve had someone claim I’m bigoted because I’m a/s//exual. Because being a/s//exual...automatically makes you bigoted?? As if that makes literally any logical sense at all.

- Said person generalized the entire a/s/e//xual community as being bigoted. Even though there’s bad apples in every community, for some reason, the a//ce community is the only one generalized in this way to this extent.

- And I can’t believe this has to be said, but no, I don’t mean generalizations in general. Ofc other communities have generalizations placed on them. But that’s not what I’m talking about. I’m specifically referring to certain generalizations pple within the LGBTQ+ community make about the a//ce community, and how it’s hypocritical. If you’re familiar with this dis/co/ur//se, you know what I’m talking about.

- Said person also claimed we don’t /have/ a community, which is contradictory and just...well, wrong lmao.

- Pple mock the a//ce community for being small. Like, seriously? You’re mocking a minority group for being...well, a freaking minority group??

- Our community is growing. We don’t have many resources or information...but we’ll get there.

- Pple tend to pull the “I used to identify on the a//ce spectrum” card, as if it serves as an excuse to generalize, and speak for all a//ces, as if they somehow know or represent all a//ce experiences.

- Pple assume the worst things a//ces are told is “so like a plant?”

- Pple also assume the worst things that happen to a//ces is “pple being mean online.”

- Pple with no knowledge whatsoever of a//ce experiences try speaking for us and telling us what our experiences are.

- Pple continuously, over and over, and over, and over again, incorrectly define a//se//xuality. They define it as someone who doesn’t have sex. To take issue with this is not nitpicking. You don’t define a se//xual orientation as who you have sex with, or whether or not you have sex. Behavior does not equate to an orientation, and is completely irrelevant.

- Pple think of h//et a//ces as “st//raight pple who don’t have sex.” This is incorrect.

- Speaking of which, I’ve even had someone call h//et a//ces “h//eteros/exual a//s/exuals” .....how does that make sense. Do the fucking math.

- Pple continuously invalidate a//se//xuality as a se//xual orientation.

- Pple think it’s totally ok to bully a//ces online. In fact it’s encouraged. Seriously, no one cares if an a//ce is bullied. They don’t give two shits.

- Need I remind you being bullied leads to feeling suicidal for many pple? You don’t fuck around with that.

- And no, once again, being bullied online is not the worst thing a//ces ever experience, you ignorant dumbasses. But it’s still not ok. Fucking obviously.

- A//ces are under NO obligation to reveal personal info in order to “prove” the prejudice etc. they experience. Some a//ces have gone through some traumatizing shit and to pressure them into sharing such personal info is super fucking gross.

I didn’t even wanna ever bring this shit up again on my blog. But pple are still spreading all this toxic bullshit online. I’ve done a pretty good job of avoiding it here, but then find it on other sites too. That’s when I snap. Bc even after all my efforts to avoid it, it still finds its way back to me.

I’m soooooo sick of it, you don’t even know.

I never even check the a//s/exuality tag anymore. Hell, that’s why I’m leaving dashes in every other word, because I don’t want my post to end up in any of the tags and have to interact with anyone there.

Sometimes I get so annoyed with misinformation that I have to speak up, even if I don’t always get my thoughts across as well as I’d like. But I get tired easily and I don’t wanna do it anymore...I’m going back into retirement lmao.

I’m tired of having to explain a//se//xuality to pple who are overly nasty and aggressive, and don’t want to listen to someone with a perspective different than their own.

From now on pple like that will be blocked on sight. Unless they’re willing to have a mutually respectful, calm, and level-headed conversation. Arguing is utterly pointless.

Just want to make that clear.

#so like.....yeah lmao #I'm so disgusted #personal

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