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shewhowantsmouseears · 10 months

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muppet drabble

Had some time off and a few friends asking about it, so I made an attempt at a Mirrorverse Muppet drabble - a look at the homeworld that Singing Swap King Kermit comes from. Someday I'd like to make this into a full-blown thing, but for now, enjoy this nonsense.

Kermit was still getting used to the castle, but to be honest he didn’t think he’d ever actually adjust to living there. Not that he planned to really live there, but he didn’t plan on telling Princess Piggy that – he wanted to live to see tomorrow. As he walked through the wide hallways full of bustling servants, he kept his arms to his sides as to make sure he couldn’t bump into anyone. Being among so many people was one of the more difficult adjustments – life in the swamp was a solitary one. It wasn’t as if he didn’t like being among people – he loved people! Being able to bring a smile to their faces with the aide of his mystical banjo was the highlight of every day. He just didn’t know how to be… around them, he supposed, when he wasn’t performing.

It was one of the reasons, among many, why he didn’t understand Princess Piggy’s immediate and deep attraction to him. A woman like that had wealthy, powerful suitors lined up at her door, and she wanted a humble man of the lily pads? Yes, technically he was the Singing Swamp King, but that’d been more his good fortune than noble lineage. He couldn’t give her jewels or silks or anything fancy, so why was she so insistent that he stay by her side forevermore? His fingers twitched – usually when his thoughts became so worrisome, he felt an itch to play the strings in an attempt to soothe himself and those around him.

It was then he did hear strings – but not his own. He paused, and after looking around for the source, realized it – and other musical additions – were coming from a nearby window. He gently excused those he had to move around, and leaned as far as he could across the open window to see who was playing. Down below in the gardens was a group of men rehearsing a song he was unfamiliar with, but it was quite jovial and within seconds Kermit found his foot tapping along to the beat. He smiled, and for the moment curiosity pushed aside his troubling thoughts.

He climbed onto the windowsill, not realizing he was gaining attention, and jumped – which also made him miss all the startled yelps of the nearby servants. Just as he hadn’t adjusted to castle living, they hadn’t adjusted to his ability to leap long distances with nary a scratch. He landed gracefully right in front of the band, and all of them instantly stopped their playing, surprised by the newcomer. He flinched, embarrassed, and cleared his throat. “Oh, uh… sorry to surprise you guys. I just wanted to say… hi!”

Thankfully, their surprise was mild at best, and they were all smiles quite easily. “If it isn’t the big webbed man himself!” said the man playing a mobile piano, nodding once in politeness. “We always welcome an audience to our groove-sessions. Especially if it may be the one-day future king of this fine establishment!”

Kermit swallowed and let out a nervous little laugh. “Yeeeaahhh… maybe…” He swiftly tried to change the subject. “My name’s Kermit. Who are you guys?”

“We have been, will be, and are always known forever and always – The Electric Mayhem!”

“Neat!” Kermit then paused. “What’s ‘electric’?”

“No idea.” The guitarist piped up with half a shrug. “But it sounds pretty rockin’, if’fn you were to ask us, so we answered, and here we are.”

Somehow that only seemed to raise further questions, but Kermit decided not to press it. “Are you guys the royal court musicians?”

Each of them seemed to make a wavey so-so gesture with their hands. “We come once a season, within reason, or else it’s treason.” Said the man on the piano, who Kermit guessed was the leader of things. “The five of us come and go wherever the melody takes us, and whoever will pay us.”

Kermit nodded along, but found another reason to pause and question. He mentally counted twice just in case before asking, “Five of you?”

The leader stood to his full height and bowed. “I am the notorious, glorious, uproarious Doctor Teeth, and I play the keys with ease. This here is our man on the strings, Floyd Pepper-”

“Nice to meet you, Frog Man.” Floyd strummed a few strings on his guitar.

“Our saxophone with great tone, Zoot,-”

“What up.” Zoot yawned and while his eyes were hidden behind dark glasses, Kermit got the impression Zoot was half-asleep.

“Lips is the one who masters the trumpet-”

Lips said something, but for the life of him, Kermit couldn’t guess what it was. He assumed it was friendly, given how warm a reception the rest of the band had given so far. Or maybe Lips just burped.

“And last but not least is the beast, Animal on the drums!”

All heads turned toward a damaged drum set that had seen better days… by itself, with no drummer in sight. All at once, the cheerful atmosphere vanished, and Floyd whispered a worried, “Uh-oh.”

“Maybe your friend got lost?” Kermit helpfully suggested, ready to offer his assistance in finding the oddly-named artist. “The castle is pretty huge. And everyone here is really nice, they won’t do anything to him.”

Doctor Teeth tugged on the collar of his robes. “Er… it’s more like, we are perhaps a touch agitated on what he will do to them.”

Right on cure, a horrified scream shattered the atmosphere, and many more accompanied it. Kermit immediately reached for his banjo and took off running – had the Fractured somehow invaded without his knowing? He usually handled them better when he was with a team, but there was no time to ask around for help. He had yet to realize the Mayhem were right behind him, and they all headed towards the sources of the sounds.

On the one hand, when Kermit arrived at the kitchen, he was relieved to find not a single Fractured among the terrified denizens. On the other hand, he didn’t quite know how to handle the situation he did find. There was a wild creature jumping all over the place, smashing plates and kicking over furniture while terrified cooks fled for their lives. He couldn’t tell if the creature was enjoying the chaos it was causing, or the “AH-HA-HA-HA” sound it was making was just all it was capable of saying.

The backside kitchen doors slammed open, with Princess Piggy glaring hellfire at whatever had disturbed her beauty nap, and a mellow-as-always lady-in-waiting Lady Janice at her side. “WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?!” Princess Piggy roared, her golden curly hair falling all over her face. “CAN’T I GET A MOMENT’S PEACE IN MY OWN CASTLE!”

“Not with a voice like that, I’d reckon.” Doctor Teeth quietly quipped.

“Hey, Animal!” Floyd stepped forward; hands outreached in a futile attempt to capture the miscreant. “Come on down now! You’re harsh-ing everyone’s buzz!” But Animal ignored him, continuing to smash and crash with no sign of stopping. Janice tilted her head, and then silently went to an abandoned pile of wicker baskets in the corner, searching for something.

Princess Piggy stormed over to the Mayhem, towering over them in her fury. “IF THAT PINT-SIZED PARASITE DESTROYS ANY MORE OF MY CASTLE, I’LL TAKE THOSE GUITAR STRINGS AND STRING YOU UP MYSELF-” But when she saw Kermit among the group, her murderous threats were put on hold. Flustered at being caught in such an unladylike manner – not that it had been the first time – she was quick to smooth down her dress and adjust her tiara. “Why, Kermie! I didn’t see you there!”

“I don’t think they meant any harm, your highness.” Kermit held up his hands, guessing that a rib-cracking embrace was due any second. “I’m sure they can find a way to stop Animal…” he then glanced over at his new friends whose expressions didn’t really carry confidence. “… You guys can, right?”

The Mayhem made various noises of “kinda sorta ehhh”, which only increased Princess Piggy’s urge to crack some heads. “Someone had better do something! Or I’ll… I’ll…” She stammered, wanting to take control of the situation, but at the same time waning Kermit to see her as a delicate flower that needed protection. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Animal making another huge leap, and decided now was as good a time as any to up her chances with the frog, and so latched onto him with all her might. “Oooh, Kermieee, I’m scared!”

“That makes two of us,” Kermit wheezed as he felt his organs liquefy.

Animal’s charge was then abruptly halted – by Janice shoving a gigantic cookie into his mouth. Animal froze where he was, looking down at what had just entered his mouth, and started to slowly chew. Janice smiled and affectionately ruffled the top of his head. “Aw, little guy was, just, like, hungry, you know?”

Princess Piggy dropped Kermit in her shock – he made an audible THUD as he hit the floor, and made no effort to get up right away. “Janice! How did you know how to tame that wild beast?”

Janice shrugged half a shoulder. “All anyone ever needs, is like, you know, love and understanding, for sure.” She continued to stroke Animal’s head, and Animal was now sitting comfortably on the floor as he nibbled on his treat. “See? He’s a wild child, but not so bad, once you get to know him, for sure.” She then cocked her head a bit, some of her golden strands trailing off her shoulders. “I didn’t know you guys were back in the kingdom. Totally vibing to see you again.”

Doctor Teeth appeared to be a smiler by nature, but now his glinted grin seemed to grow wider as he pushed Floyd ahead. “Why, Floyd, my main man, you didn’t send word of our upcoming arrival to our fair maiden?”

Floyd stumbled and jerked as he was pushed ahead, and he quickly pulled his hat off his head. “I – I didn’t… I just, you know… I was planning to…” All the cool chillness this man had once possessed had vanished instantly. Kermit dizzily began to stand again, and while he’d only known Floyd for less than a few minutes, even he could tell the man’s personality had swiftly changed. Floyd rolled his shoulders, trying to look at Janice while somehow not look directly at her. “It is… uh… it’s… It’s good to see you, Lady Janice.”

Janice let out a little laugh. “Floooyd! I’ve, like, totally told you, the Lady thing is so non-important. I’m so just regular Janice, just with like, you know, a title? But my story’s the same on the inside, for sure.”

Floyd wrung his hat in his hands, and the rest of the Mayhem all watched him with sheer amusement written on their faces. Kermit and Piggy couldn’t help but have their eyeballs bounce back and forth between the two, feeling as if they were now watching a fanciful play on the stage.

“Yeah, um, of course. But I didn’t send word, because… because I figured, with your gig here, you might be too busy to come and see us play.”

“No way! I can, like, always make time for my friends. Come on, Floyd, you know I’ve never missed a single one of your jams.”

Floyd was doing everything in his power not to smile and was failing miserably. “I know, I know. I always see your face when we put on a show.” He then jerked. “N-Not that I look for it! I mean, look for you. I mean, I see everyone’s faces…” He could hear the men behind him snickering and shot them an angry look, not that it made them shush.

Janice just kept on her serene smile, perhaps oblivious to the obvious. “I’m sure Princess Piggy will totally let me have a night off to see you guys, for sure.” She then looked toward her superior for added confirmation. “Right, Princess?”

Princess Piggy’s expression now almost mirrored Doctor Teeth’s to the T, minus a gold tooth. “My, my, Lady Janice! I didn’t know you were… acquainted with this young man.” She nudged Kermit with her elbow a little, but only got a confused expression in response.

“Oh, for sure! Floyd and I knew each other back when we were little guys. I used to, like, sneak out and play with him all the time. Floyd, you remember the time we had, like, the tree climbing contest, and both got stuck up in the branches for hours?”

Floyd chuckled with fondness. “I remember your old man blowing his top off! I thought he was gunna turn me inside out when he found us up there. He tried to ground you for a week, but that next day, you were out in the fields before the sun was even out. Ain’t nobody that can keep my Janice for long.” He seemed perfectly pleased with that assessment, until he realized one word shouldn’t have been there, and he instantly collapsed in on himself. “LADY Janice! Lady Janice, not my – just Janice!”

“JA-NICE.” Animal suddenly barked, finished with his snack. “JA-NICE. JA-NICE.”

Floyd decided he had more than a lifetime’s worth of mortification, and after returning his hat to his head, began to tug on Animal’s arm. “C’mon, guys, we gotta go rehearse! We’re behind schedule enough as is.”

Animal decided that clinging to Janice’s legs was much more important. “JA-NICE, JA-NICE!”

“Animal!” Floyd barked, but he knew better than most that controlling Animal was like controlling the weather – which was impossible. “Don’t bother her now, we gotta go!”

“JA-NICE, JA-NICE!”

As usual, Janice took it all in stride. She ran her fingers through Animal’s fur again, and crouched a bit to meet his eyes. “I promise to totally, like, come by later with lots more snacks, for sure.”

Animal glanced up at her, eyes hopeful. “PROM-ISE?”

“Promise,” she repeated, and even kissed the top of his forehead. “For sure.”

With that, Animal released his hold on her and obediently stayed at Floyd’s side. Floyd mumbled his gratitude and began to push Animal and the rest of the Mayhem out of the kitchen. “It was, uh, nice meeting you, Frog Man!”

“Come catch the next gig!” Doctor Teeth shouted as he was led away. “I have a funny feeling we got some love songs in our roster-” Any further teasing was interrupted by a swift kick on his rear.

Janice giggled as she waved them goodbye, and once again Princess Piggy gave Kermit a knowing look, and once again Kermit was just befuddled by whatever was supposed to be implied. Kermit decided some questions were better left unasked.

Such as who was going to clean up this mess?

#mirrorverse #fanfic #the muppets #kermit the frog #miss piggy #the electric mayhem #floyd pepper #janice #doctor teeth #is there a ship name for floyd and and janice???

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