#do I dare get my hopes up???
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Comte Election Story, 6th Anniversary Event (JPN 2023)
I managed to get Comte's collection story during the 6th year anniversary event in the JPN version of the game. As usual, my translation skills are rudimentary at best, so this is just a rough/general sense of the contents. Rest of the translation is below the cut:
Sweet and lovely, our everyday life is irreplaceable. After becoming a vampire, I’ve lived with him forever like this. I seek out more and more of the man I love than anyone else--
Comte: Good morning, MC. You’re up very early today.
I went down to the dining room a few hours before dawn--only to find Comte nursing a teacup gracefully at one end of the table.
MC: Good morning. I managed to wake up somehow…how about you?
Comte: Actually, I just got back.
When I asked, he told me that the host of the party started talking to him all night, and they didn’t part ways until after midnight.
Comte: I was going to finish this cup of tea to unwind, and then try to rest til noon.
He runs a hand through his freshly washed hair and brings the cup to his mouth in a series of elegant gestures that makes me fall in love with him all over again. I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve been up all night, but my heart readily starts beating faster.
Even Comte seems to notice my reaction…
Comte: …looking at me like that, are you seducing me?
Comte's eyes narrowed mischievously and he left his cup behind to approach me. A beautiful beast gazed at me as if to take aim at his prey, and he drew me in with supple hands.
MC: I didn’t intend it that way but…it’s true that I'm captivated. Your damp hair and lovely gestures are so sexy that I’m at a loss…
Comte: Saying such a thing…you’re a naughty woman, MC. Even though I tried to quell my ardor with a cold shower and hot tea...I’m glad to hear it, even though I’m far from calm.
When I raised my head--having looked down in bashful embarrassment--I can see burgeoning in Comte’s eyes an indisputable, feverish desire…
MC: Ah, mm…
His soft lips playfully brushed against the nape of my neck.
Comte: No one else would be awake at this hour…though we could be interrupted any moment. Make sure to keep your voice down.
He chuckled a little before a hot sigh caressed my skin, dropping kisses one after another. He circled around the usual place he’d sink his fangs into me, and every brush of his lips made heat gather low in my body…
MC: So impatient…Abel…
Comte: …I’ve been waiting for you to give it to me
The corners of his lips lifted a little, before he buried his fangs into my neck.
MC: Mn, ah…aaaahh…
Comte: I love you so much...and whenever we aren't together, I’m starved of you. We were miles apart all night yesterday. I’ll show you just how much I missed you.
His voice--half-intoxicated with the ecstasy of my blood--was sweet and husky with his desire.
Comte: Before you, I’m always a love-starved beast.
As I gaze into those eyes burning with emotion, an electric sensation tingles down my spine.
(Ah, I’m just the same. It’s not only my heart, my body is always seeking you out too.)
MC: Me too…all day and night, I’m always thinking about you…
Comte: --Come here. Take as much of me as you want
At his encouragement and incitement, I sink my fangs into him.
MC: ah, ha…
Pleasure washes over me in an endless cascade, every sensation in my body heightened and sharp. I clenched my hands tighter through his wet hair, and dug my fangs into him greedily to devour that wellspring of ecstasy.
Comte: I'm happy to be able to share love with you like this, as a vampire.
Like drops of water moistening desiccated earth, every crimson drop fills us to the brim--
#ikevamp#ikemen vampire#ikevamp saint germain#ikevamp comte#ikevamp mc#comte propaganda#if you can't already tell from the contents of this one--i straight up died after reading it#THE IMPLICATIONS. FOAMING AT THE MOUTH.#the way they're both dancing around it. MC trying to be strong and endure properly (girl same) and. comte.#THE WAY COMTE BASICALLY STARTS SHAKING HIS ASS LIKE ONE OF THOSE BIRDS OF PARADISE. I AM UNWELL (AND ECSTATIC).#THE WAY HE WANTS HER TO WANT HIM AS INTENSELY/DESPERATELY AS HE DOES HER. THE WAY HE RELISHES HER BITING HIM HARD.#IM NEVER GONNA RECOVER FROM THIS ONE#ive legit just been that ace attorney meme with phoenix holding his head in his hands for DAYS#dare i even mention 'make sure to keep your voice down.' SIR. SIR ARE YOU SRS RN#man the way in purple moon event he was like 'oh nooooo haha no hank pank in public where we might get caught that's too inappropriate~ owo#I SEE YOU ABEL. I SEE YOU MONSIEUR LE COMTE DE SAINT GERMAIN.#I SEE THAT U SIT UPON A THRONE OF L I E S#i hope whoever writes comte as unhinged as possible over at jpn cybird gets a god damn raise#i have never in my life been so directly catered to in one chara i swear#'loved-starved beast' ILL DO YOU ONE BETTER COMTE JUST LET ME IN. LET ME IIIIIIIIN!!!!!!#straight up ive said it before and ill say it again#that's my emotional support softcore yan meow meow golden retriever#every event im like 'hope this doesn't awaken anything inside me.' and then immediately its just 'failed step one.'#although all jokes aside i do find it endlessly fascinating about the purebloods how like#while they don't experience as much bloodlust there is this acute sense of biting as a vital expression of romantic interest and/or claim#i dont think its a throwaway line that comte says at the end--id actually argue a lot of his desire for intimacy when she's human (cont.)->#is because he feels a level of insecurity in his connection to her caused by the lack of shared/reciprocated biting#you know now that has me wondering if that's part of why other purebloods frown so heavily upon the idea of a pureblood/human couple#basically because they can't fulfill the most basic tenet of what it means to be coupled in that community's perception#yeesh ikevamp really went 'welcome to normative vampire politics' and im like 'I Am So Normal About This. (lie + analyzes)'
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Regularly scheduled Dottore photo dump!!
#smooches talks#he made pancakes... that is so him tbh#him: dancing? ridiculous. but dont you dare do it with anyone besides me#in relation to the last post THE RUIN GUARD IS GONE NOW TOO 😭😭😭 i can only hope it eventually gets fixed#i need my pookie to be#enriched#well i am tired from work gonna go play genshin now 😘 and maybe ill answer asks if i feel up to it
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Hrmm... Revising my game and I feel like there's still sooo much writing left to do, for something that probably won't even amount to much, so.. I do want to narrow my focus more (especially given my health problems seeming to get worse/less energy the past few years), but I'm not sure how would be best to...
I currently have 5 characters as the Main ones with full planned questlines and such, with each character having 6 quests you can do for them. But I haven't really started the writing for the 5th main character.
So then I was thinking, if I were going to write 6 full quests worth of content anyway... is it better to allocate that time on just doing a Complete 6 Quests for ONE single character, OR would it be better to do something like.. choose THREE side characters and do 2 quests for each of them? So that people have a wider variety to interact with and sort of sample around (of course with the idea that, once the first version of the game is released, IF people actually care about it enough to make it worth the effort, I would then add additional content to complete those 3 characters stories as well)
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SO... If you were playing an interactive fiction sort of game centered around talking to & doing quests for a cast of characters (like there's no larger plot, more it's just about interacting with people, every character kind of has a self contained story, the focus is just learning about them and the world and exploring the area) --- Which would you rather have?
(and of course it would be stated up front which characters have only partial questlines, so people don't expect them to have full quests like the others and then get disappointed, or etc. etc.)
Basically, is it better to just focus in specifically on having one fully complete questline? Or for there to be a few stories that are not complete yet, but have more initial options available?
#I guess I just feel weird about investing too much into characters if possibly nobody will like them. so the idea of being able to sample#around a wider variety opens up the option of like 'hey even if neither of these 4 are your favorite - you have 3 other options soon too!'#or whatever. BUT I also am very anti-the trend of releasing half finished games or shit like that where people preorder and then#the game sucks on actual release and isn't fully playable or good until 5 updates later#HOWEVER.. those are giant companies with hundreds of employees and millions in funding. I feel like it's different for someone#if they're just like ''hey I am getting zero money for this and doing it entirely on my own in my free time and before I do like 50+ hours#of work on top of the 100+ hours of work that I already did - I would like maybe to at least see some proof#people are interested in this - so I'm releasing the game with like a small amount of the originally intended content removed#that I still have planned out and hope to add later and the game is still entirely done and completely functional#except for just a few quests I might add later.. sorry'' etc. etc. ??? like I think that's different. but maybe some people dont see#it that way and would still be like 'grrr.. how dare there be unfinished options..>:V" idk#And the nature of the quests is such that it's not weird to have it be partial like.. again.there's no major plot. it's not like the quests#are leading up to some dramatic thing and having them half done would make it feel like a cliffhanger. It's meant to be very casual just#chilling and doing little tasks and such. And last thing to clarify I guess - by 'side character' I don't mean taking some unimportant bac#ground character and forcing them to have quests. I mean like.. originally the game had 8 full characters and I thought that was#too much so I cut it down to 5. So I still had everything planned for all the side characters too. Id' just be like.. re-giving them#quests and focuses that were already planned from the beginning but that I got rid of.. former main characters banished to the side lol..#ANYWAY... hrmm... hard to decide... It's just so niche I think. I feel more and more like I should just get it to a 'proof#of concept' state and get it out there to interest check rather than invest in it soooo much for nothing. Because I really do not have the#tastes other people do or interact with games or have interest in things in the same way. A lot of the stuff that I love (slow. character#focused things with basicaly no action or plot where its' just about getting to explore a world and learn about#people in a casual low stakes setting but ALSO not romance) I think people find very boring so... lol...#This year as I try to pick the project back up again after abandoning it for like 3 years I keep looking at stuff and going.. ough...#yeah... cut this maybe.. I should cut that too.. I should make them a side character.. remove this.. blah blah..#Though I did ADD a journal and inventory system and other things that like People Expect Games To Have so.. maybe#that will count for something.. hey..you can collect items.. it's not just 'talking to elves for 600 hours simulator'.. are you#entertained yet? lol.... When I was making my other tiny game for that pet website and I gave it to the play testers and someone was like#''it should have achievements so I feel I'm working towards something concrete'' I was literally so blindsided like..??... people WANT that#in games..? is the goal not simply to wander aimlessly &fixate on world/character lore& make your own silly pointless personal goals? I did#do them though because it IS fun to make up little achievement names and such but.. i fear i am out of touch so bad lol..
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Honestly I think the #1 thing about moving into the professional space that I wish I learned about sooner was the importance of finding a true mentor in your field. There's so much talk about network network network but having a few people with knowledge and experience truly ride for you beats the thousands of linkedin connections ten times out of ten.
#i wish i was told at 18/19 about really leaning into people you admire/who believe in you instead of burning yourself out for tons of ppl!#ive been really lucky to have amazing people in my corner throughout my university years in my jobs who have really looked out for me!!#my research supervisor is the one who gave me the job i start friday (!!)#bc i talked to him about my short career history and fears of this tight job market and uncertainties etc etc#and he gave me this opportunity saying 'i know this isnt what you want long term and i will support u searching for what that is but for no#- i think you should push yourself to try something different!#and my old mentor who was my absolute ride or die just messaged me about coming back to my old job in a closed off industry rn#basically sat with me for an hour the other week just catching up hearing my plans talking about what i want for my career#hoping to line me back up with my old team to hopefully break the market and then help me move around once im in#to get to where i'm really passionate about#i know im soso lucky to have people like that in my corner and a lot of that just came from happenstance that personalities seem to click#but its such a weird falsity we push about#'grow your network full of these strangers at conferences! but never dare admit youre only doing that for a job opportunity!'
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playing pathologic 2 as a disconnected ndn hitting harder than local man expected, more at 8
#spoilers#ive played pathologic classic a few times now and i'm finally finishing up 2#its good i just found myself walking to the termitary with dread in my stomach#like i knew#ive played the first game i know theyre all dead#but there was a part of me that had dared to have any amount of hope for the past 9 days in the game#you know against all better judgement#the day prior going to sabhas and talking to the man with questions about his language#how the only words he knew for certain things were russian ones#his own language had lagged behind the changing vocabulary#and in true artemy fashion you have that kind of exasperated answer choice of just#so make up more then#you dont need someone else to tell you what to do#just do it#i dont know it just all started hitting#talking to oyun and watching artemys dialogue options where a day prior he was coming into himself more and the choices for talking with#the kin were getting more and more organic#like he actually knew what to say#or felt comfortable saying what he wanted to his family right? and even thinking of them as family#all of that disappearing and going immediately to fear#i dont know man its just a lot. and its all hitting especially hard right at the end here#theres more i could say and more i probably will say but good god following this narrative on artemy's back is hurting my soul.
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Men will give us anything but season 2 of Moon Knight smh
#i will fight Oscar Isaac#how dare him tease us#BUT#if we get finnpoe or more of the two in general#thats fine#do I have my hopes up?#yes#should I?#probably not#but here we are#moon knight#star wars#marvel#mcu#poe dameron#finnpoe#stormpilot#finn dameron#oscar isaac#john boyega#oscar isaac fight club 2022
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This just in:
I am apparently a Very BadWrong Person because the writers of HotD did a good job of writing incest in a house where incest is (from what I've seen) non-coercive and a literal tradition, because the intimacy coordinators did their jobs of making it look hot while keeping everyone IRL safe, and because the actors did their jobs and made it believable.
Yes. We use critical thinking very hard on this website.
#The things we like in fiction#DO NOT mean we like them in real life#jesus fuck people#Game of Thrones#House of the Dragon#daemyra#targcest#y'all be GAGGING when you find out some of my other BadWrong ships#but I've been used to that since nearly Day 1 of my fandom journey so#eh#whatever#I hope I get to see the day where the things we accept now as normal are seen as AWFUL BAD WRONG HOW DARE#and I know it'll have to be from the afterlife#but god I'm gonna be looking down (or up) and laughing my fucking ASS off#antis never change
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There's something so specifically infuriating when someone uses one of your experiences or your demographic in an argument, especially if said argument is about spreading hatred or is just so wrong. They "speak on behalf of the ___" to say such fucked shit.
"You're not thinking of the ___!"
"I literally am ___. You saying that adds nothing as you do not speak for me or for other ___. Shut up."
#I really really hate it. It angers me in such a specific way that just skldjf ksdl#...#vent below. idk. I'm really sorry#Mad rambles#Terfs will be like “oh think of survivors! 'MEN' can share women's spaces!” like shut the actual fuck up. SHUT UP. Shut your damn mouth#A terf is so much more dangerous than a trans person. Me. a tiny cis woman is so much more dangerous to a terf than a transperson is.#Because I will obliterate you. How dare you say you speak on MY behalf? As if I don't know what I'm fucking talking about.#as if you're “protecting me” by spewing such bullshit? by treating someone as a danger when they're not?!#Especially when they believe it's a fucking TRUMP CARD. Like mentioning it means they're right!!! when obviously they're not!!!#Or when they think the fact that I'm cis will make me agree with them! I'm cis simply because I am. I'm not better or worse because of it#being cis doesn't mean I'm fine with bullshit though!#I really hate feeling almost as if like...idk I'm “known” for talking about this but it's just so so infuriating. people will act like they#know when they don't. Obviously every experience is different and terfs who are survivors I hope you find peace and my heart goes out to yo#but you also need to get your fucking head outta your ass. Saying such things isn't the way to heal and you're hurting others with it.#It's NOT about hating men or trans people! the “men are always violent/women are always victims” mentality needs to fuck off#as if it's just the script of life and that it's inescapable no matter what. that it's the truth even if circumstances say otherwise.#...I'm going to possibly block the epic tag for a bit. I have the name of the saga blocked but like... It's just genuinely upsetting.#my story got picked apart too on how it wasn't actually that bad. that I'm actually the fucking worst. “Men are just like that sweetie”#BULLSHIT!!! Gender doesn't dictate a person's morals. Being good and kind does. It doesn't matter what form that takes!#not even saying HE'S good and kind as he's horrible and wonderful at the same time but about this stuff? Do what you want but#I DO think you're insane if you see it as otherwise and it makes me wanna lock my door. You're not a bad person probably but also 🙃#I get that there's history but there's also the fucking TEXT.#I don't know. I'm really sorry#tw trauma#tw sa mention#I'm not necessarily against reblogging this (I don't care) but don't post with tags. please
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I’m still several episodes behind on HiroPre (and uh. Basically need to watch OtonaPre. In its entirety.) but I have now seen New Evidence In Favor Of “transformation sequences are diegetic and people outside of them are aware.”
Halloween episodes, huh?
Anyway, what I WAS in the tags for was the Hype That Is Dog Precure. (Pets Precure? There’s clearly gonna be a dog, that’s for damn sure.)
Looking forward to seeing both the inevitable “leaks”/speculation for character designs and the ACTUAL character designs.
#precure blogging#precure#precure spoilers#wonderful precure#do I dare get my hopes up for a duo?… not super ngl#but hey we’ll see!#if we get another cat Cure I hope they’re not purple#not out of principle but so that we can add another color to the Team Made Exclusively Of Cat Cures#as it stands you either have to not count either Beat or Gelato or double them up#(though it’s not more because COSMO’S OFFICIALLY RAINBOW)#but anyway. we are approaching the point where we can make a team that is All Cat.#and obviously this is a good and noble goal.
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i really believe you should shut the fuck up about what you think closeted people have to do to be deemed legitimate and respectable
#am i really gonna have to do a dash clean up in 2022???#like i dare hope it doesn’t come from a bad place but for god’s sake#fucking think twice before you throw out your opinions on people#and take a step back from your idealized not-as-bad-as-before world#acknowledging queer people literally always led to my outing#in a dangerously homophobic world the closet isn’t a choice#especially in that industry and you having no idea what kind of fucked up contracts they’re stuck with but that’s a whole other subject#that if you know what happens to queer people and that doesn’t make you understanding idk what to tell you#and if you don’t get there fine whatever but have some compassion for the people who you know will read what you had to say about them#anyway closeted people are so cool and brave#i hope you find belonging and peace within and outside of your community#x
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anyone have anything about the resistance they wanna share in my inbox
#i know the answer is no but AUGH#im having Thoughts but i cant get them into words and it's aggravating me each time i try to type it lol#im sooooooooo normal about the new lore that dante had no choice in this war#he never believed that. he never believed anything. he did what he was told#maybe he did believe that stuff to some degree but he was never told there was another option#the resistance probably did surprise him. why would anyone dare oppose shen? oppose ME?#do you think he could have been a better person if he had been saved from all that before the resistance#or do you think he was just as messed up in the rift#i like to think there was hope for him in some reality out there#jhksdgnsdglsdl..... i need to beam my thoughts directly into someone's head#ark get over here im having a moment we need to be in a 7 hour discord call#chat#sorry (not sorry) for the sudden activity after not posting much the past few days#im pretty much immobile today so i have nothing else to do#and i cant sit at my desk so no games either. hurts too much :/#i already said all that but im saying it again bc if i stop typing i will explode
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to the adult man who condescended to me about not putting his name on his cup like some fucking 8th grader i hope your wife fucks your brother and i hope ur kids never go to ur funeral
#image.txt#this man was so fucking unpleasant idk how anyone could love him let alone put up with him#i was on bar too i wasnt the one taking orders#so i call out a peppermint mocha and he reaches for it i go thats not ur sir#he goes 'well how am i supposed to know that theres no name' IM LITERSLLY RIGHT HERE ILL FUCKING HAND IT TO YOU WHEN ITS READY#so i get to my second drink in the line ans this one has a name on it so i call out the name and he goes-#-sarcastically 'there you go' DO YOU WORK HERE. DO YOU WORK HERE. DONT YOU DARE EVER DO THAT AGAIN#i shot my head up so fast ans stared at him. like full on eyes not moving stare#ans hes rock solid he doesnt move not even a muscle so he KNOWS hes a dick#i hope ur wife fucks ur sister#i hope your kids disown you and you die sad cold and alone#im over human beings i really am were good by nature yadda yadda. i never want to talk to a person again
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friendly reminder that even if youre open about something on your blog, even if you think its so obviously right in your about/description/pinned/whatever, most of the people who will interact with you are not even looking that far at your blog. they dont know your name or your pronouns or your disabilities or your interests or your credentials or whatever you think is just *so obvious* that they *must* be intentionally ignoring it just to hurt you. ESPECIALLY not if theyre a random stranger who youve never interacted with once before, has never interacted with you once before either, and has absolutely zero reason to care about you. its not a personal attack, its just a fact. this is literally the internet
#i am TIRED. yes this is a vaguepost idc#utter stranger shows up in my notifs DEMANDING i explain a simple little joke tag about me and my loved ones experiences#as if i owe them the slightest ounce of attention in my day#and then when i do explain my & my loved ones lived experiences. they get mad & say im using THEIR personal experiences as a weapon#like. i dont have the slightest clue what your personal experiences are! i dont even know your name!! and i dont want to nor do i have to!!#i dont mean this rudely. but factually: you are not important enough to me to care even a little bit about your experiences#i dont bring up suicide or addiction or any shit like that because its Your experience. bc i have no fucking idea what your experience is#i talk about those things because its MY EXPERIENCE. that IM TALKING ABOUT. in the tags of a post that doesnt belong to either of us no les#this is probably the last thing im gonna post abt this bc i know youre still up my ass looking at everything i post rn#but to finish off. i was never even making a Point about anything in the tag. i wasnt starting discourse about anything.#it was just an Acknowledgement of a shared experience that me and many of my loved ones have. whether u like it or not#like literally i dngaf if YOU personally wouldnt describe your experience that way. We do describe it that way! We can be different#i just made a silly little tag for my friends to see. and YOU decided that you were entitled to both hear my life story and blatantly#misinterpret everything i say about it. like literal 'how dare you say we piss on the poor' type shit#like. saying 'x can cause y' does not mean im saying 'y is literally x' fucking OBVIOUSLY. god#i didnt fucking ask for this! YOU DID!! YOURE the one who DEMANDED it of me unprompted#& clearly must have just gone looking thru the tags of posts for ppl to beef with lollllll#i mean cmon. you didnt follow me i didnt follow you and that wasnt even your post. theres no other explanation lmao its p obvious#anyway i hope u find a better hobby or at least a more fun and fulfilling way to use this website. sincerely#at least get some better critical thinking skills before picking stupid arguments with random strangers online#but hey! play stupid games win stupid prizes<3 right??#also one final note: to hear someone talking about the lived experiences of them and their real life loved ones and go 'hmm. sounds fake'.#its just giving Friendless. its giving 'how could anyone make fun art without doing crazy drugs!!'.#its giving 'Wait yall have friends irl? i thought it was just a joke'. its fucking hilarious and im gonna think about it forever#thank u for a lifetime supply of laughs godspeed
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if you take someones outdoor cat i will break into your house and steal all of your cats, hope this helps! xoxo❤️💋😘
#idrc how you feel about outdoor cats.#in many ways- who gave you the authority to decide what happens to someone else's cat?#dont talk about the environment and endangering birds bc theres plenty of other shit that does that and yall dont hammer nearly as hard on#those things#i dont think its a good idea but its also not my place to decide for people- its my job to inform them#bc tbh idk but it uh. seems a lil more fucked up to just STRAIGHT UP STEAL SOMEONES FUCKING CAT. instead of maybe idk#at the very least in form them about your fucking concerns.#some of yalls only goal is to feel edgy and cool and stealing shit is the only way you know how to do it#and so you're gonna justify it and tell yourself you're doing it for all these Good Political Reasons when really you just want an excuse#to steal shit let alone something that matters deeply to someone.#hope you feel good. hope you feel like you won. that misinformed family thinks their cat was abducted by those creepy christians who#kill black cats on halloween and shit but its probably fine bc at least you get to tell yourself you're doing praxis#misinformed* as in. they dont know its wrong to not put your cats outside. like MOST people.#as in: your average american#and yes i have every right to be upset about this attitude since someone kidnapped my outdoor cat. idk what reason they did it#but whatever reason aside from thinking its a stray is dumb. if the cats not actively being abused who tf are you to step in and decide#whats right for ppl you could have otherwise just fucking talked to.#imagine i tell my 11 year old kid its ok to go to the playground 2-3 blocks down and he can walk there. you walk up to him and go#'omg this poor child all alone you must be an orphan!' or 'how dare your parents mistreat you by abandoning you outside here and letting#you think its safe to go out!'#and then you just straight up kidnap my kid. like. you dont know the situation thats going on at my home. maybe i shouldnt have let him go#alone but hes older and walks home from school aloneperfectly fine and its like 2 blocks away so i can go there whenever i need to#sure its a bit different with a cat but still like. you're essentially stealing someones family member bc you decided you have the#authority to step in and go 'actually im going to raise you now bc i dont AGREE with the way they raise you'#and while theres abuse cases where thats warranted i dont feel like having the general idea and belief that it is and should be safe enough#outside for my child to go to the playground w/o me if its 2-3 bloack away- i dont feel like having that as a general belief means that im#abusive or that ppl who think that are abusive.
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I love seeing those TikTok’s of plus sized girls speaking about how we get treated differently by men when compared to our smaller friends cuz they honestly speak nothing but facts
#like this shit has had me fucked up since who knows when so my immediate response to male attention irl is to shut it tf down#cuz it’s either a) a joke or his friends bet him to do it for a dare#b) he wants to worm his way in by befriending the ‘unattractive one’ to get to the hot one#or c) maybe the dude is interested but it’ll fizzle out so fast cuz I can’t keep in contact to save my life#like the amount of times I’ve been treated as less then by a guy my friend was trying to get into a relationship is so sad#cuz he’d treat me like a nuisance right at the hello and she’s less then a foot away just watching#especially when the ‘she’s shy and just doesn’t know you card’ when he’s also meeting my other friends I came with for the first time too#I know that dude took one look at me and hoped tf out of trying to even get past hello#he really cemented it by asking for everyone’s socials and purposely didn’t look my way at all when collecting#and yes when I did try and talk his face would just gloss over until I was done and then he’s be fully engaged with my other friend he met#even in my own friend groups that involve some guys I usually get treated as the last resort#I honestly think the best treatment I ever got from a man was actually from a toddler 💀💀#now THAT is sad as fuck to know that a 3 year old be treating me better then the guys around my age
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#srry to be all vent posts and no art but the stress is high rn#i feel a little better now. i forgot how much i love working with the culture collection#i go in when theres no one there and i just spend a few hours listening to podcasts as i move slime from tube to tube#it forces me to do one thing bc once i start i cant stop. i just like it a lot. i havent done for like the last 2 semesters bc we had the#money to pay a student to do it. and at the time i was in the thick of taking photosynthesis measures and it was causing me a lot of pain#and transfering was like the one lab task i liked to do so it felt like i was being punished. i could no longer do the thing most aligned#with my interests. and i just let it go bc in my brain im not allowed to do things that i enjoy. if i enjoy it its not hard enough.#so i just let it go. and let myself be crushed under the weight of things i don't enjoy and now here we r#a little light has returned to me#and its not all bad. i am looking forward to giving a lecture next week. i like communicating info to others and deciding what to talk abt#ill try to make it fun. if i have the time. and im looking forward to my meeting tomorrow morning. everyone ive met with so far does really#cool research. id be happy to wind up anywhere. but if i get into the big scary uk uni then i have to go there bc the project is so perfect#i dont dare get my hopes up. and tho my interview today wasnt the best i learned some really cool things by talking to the guy and im more#prepared moving forward.#however i did agree to make both my sisters sticker sheets for xmas and that is gonna take so much time i might die. so ya kno rip#but like i said. not all bad.#unrelated
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