my first drawing of husk vs my most recent difference is crayzy btw

Oct 31th, Saturday 15:27

„So here we are. Casa Stoffels.“ Jens provided happily, as they stepped into the open space, kitchen and dinning space to their right and living room on their left. And right infront of them on the floor on spread out pages of newspaper sat Robbe, Sander, Milan and Lotte. Already deeply indulged into their craft, drawing shapes and discussing designs. Knives, tools, pens and four orange pumpkins of various sizes placed in their center. 

The fifth one was currently infront of Lotte, who had taken the space next to Sander. And Jens swore to god, sometimes this boy just didnt think things through.

„Sander, you do not give my eight-year old sister a big fat sharp knife to carve into a pumpkin. And herself while she’s at it.”

„She has to learn to do it at one point.“ Sander tried to defend casually shrugging, not yet having let go of the handle of the knife, he was about to press into Lotte’s tiny hand. His sister was looking up at Jens too, almost pleading to be allowed to do it. 

„Yes, but not at eight.“ Jens insisted and then continued directly at his little sister: „Sander, can cut it open and you can hollow it out like last year, okay? Maybe you can try and help to cut some pumpkin for the soup later?“

That seemed enough to please Lotte as she happily nodded, agreeing to Jens completely, before turning back to Sander. This girl loved Sander so much. Mainly because he was always playing and fooling around with her when he was over. He remembered the huge blanket fort they had set up in her room last winter. A massive structure that englufed all furniture and stood for weeks. 

Or the one weekend, when Sander still went through the end of a depressive phase, Lotte had offered her bed to him, and then talked, and read her two-graders school work to the sad boy all day long. 

Or the one day when they spend hours online on Zoom, him rating all her drawings. 

It was great actually, because it meant that Jens and Robbe had lots of time to themselfes when they all met up. And Sander really seemed to enjoy his time with Lotte quite a bit too.

Just as he was about to ask what Lucas would like to drink, in order to be a good host and also make Lucas feel welcomed, Robbe and Milan had greeted the newly arrived boy, who replied explaining the spontaneous invitation by Jens last night. That made Lotte spun around surprised. Apparently she hadn’t noticed Lucas standing in their house at all.

„Who are you? You sound funny.“ She inquired blunt and straight forward as only a child could. 

„I’m Lucas, a new friend of your brother from school. I’m from the Netherlands actually.“ Lucas introduced himself yet again this week. He seemed a bit taken aback as she had adressed his dutch accent, but certainly amused by the little girl, who thought long about his answer and then smiled up at him.

„Okay, I’m Lotte. You can share Jens’s pumkin then.“ She decided, making everyone laugh and her instead very confused why it had prompted such a reaction.

„Sounds like a really good idea, Lotte.“ Jens agreed as soon as he had calmed down again.

„Only if I get to draw the face. You probably can’t draw shit and I’m not having an ugly ass pumpkin for Halloween.“ Lucas said leaning over just a bit towards Jens, his elbow poking his side, which made Jens suddenly realise how close they were actually standing. He turned his head just enough to find the smile he liked so much on those pretty lips. They were way too close for his comfort, especially having his sister and friends watching them.

„Sure.“ Jens barely managed to get out and then with a bit more confidence pointed towards the kitchen counter, that showed a huge glass carafe, filled to the brim. „Would you like something to drink?“

„What do you have?“ Lucas asked as they both made their way over, the others back to their task of carving the pumpkins. Only Robbe had thrown them another brief glance, Jens had noted, a bit worried if he had made his nervousness too obvious perhaps. Robbe knew him too well to not see that Jens was acting a bit off at times.

„I’ve made ice tea.“ Jens stated as he grabbed a couple of glasses from the cabinet across, placing them beside the carafe, for the others to take later as well.

„You? You made it?“ Lucas asked looking impressed and Jens felt even more proud now, that he could surprise Lucas like that, as it honestly was just ice tea. Lotte probably could have done it. He didn’t mind the boy‘s praise though.

„Yes, my mom used to do it all the time, she taught me and now I’m the ice tea chef or however you wanna call it. It is basically just green tea, with some roasted rice, and added apple and elderflower. And some honey.“ Jens explained brightly, pouring two glasses and handing one to Lucas. Their hands touched. Obviously they would, no wait they really wouldn’t. Why was Jens so affected by it? He couldn’t help himself though and watched the glass instead, as it was been brought to Lucas’s lips, who in turn never took his eyes off of Jens. Shouldn’t this be wierd? 

„Wow. This is really good. I love it. I guess I’ll move in now, knowing you are amazing at ice tea making.“ He teased grinning like an idiot and Jens just stood there, absolutely overwhelmed and even a bit insecure for fuck’s sake. He never was that. He was Jens. Jens was confident and cocky and brazen at times. Now he didn’t know what to do with himself. 

„Already moving in, isn’t that a bit hasty, shouldn’t you take me out on a date first?“ Thank god for years of flirting experience and cheesy lines, his brain seemed to still be working, even if his body has decided to fail him, as he spilled half his drink as he had tried to put his glass back down.

„Shit.“ He mumbled, already grabbing for the paperr towel by the kitchen sink.

„Let me.“ Lucas appeared directly behind him. Jens could feel the heat radiating from the boy’s body, as he reached around him, taking it from the counter. He knew if he would lean back just a little, he would fall into the body of Lucas. A thought he found way too alluring to have on a saturday afternoon, with guests just across the room. And then Lucas was gone.

„Thank you.“ Jens said smiling anyway, ignoring the little dissapointment in their distance again, as they both cleaned up the tea.

„Could you bring us some spoons, to cave them out?“ Milan asked, looking over, presenting them with his pumpkin he held high up into the air. A proper halloween pumpkin face was outlined on it’s deep orange skin and it reminded him, that they actually were doing the whole pumpkin carving thing.

„Will do.“ Jens replied loudly, already opening the drawer to pull them out.

„Alright, Mister Artist, let’s see what you can do.“ He winked at Lucas, feeling much more poised to handle having the dutch boy here, and walked over. Followed close by Lucas, who plopped down next to him once Jens had taken his place in the circle.

„No, this is your pumpkin!“ Lotte complained pointing towards the flattest one in the middle, when Lucas had dared to take the tall one next to it. „This one is mine, Sander had promised me to put a witch and a cat on it.“ She explained, as if Lucas was dumb and it was common knowledge.

„What the hell are you doing, Robbe?“ Sander questioned his boyfriends dotted pumpkin, pecking a kiss at his cheek, delighted. Only recieving a wiggle of brows in response and a short: „You will see.“

„Am I the only one doing a traditional face here?“ Milan feigned hurt and looked between their designs that started taking shape.

„What can I help it, if you are just as uninspired as most of the boring people on this earth. Bad gay.“

„Sander! Very thin ice, my friend. I am the one on the rental agreement for the flat, that you decided was your new residence.“

„No, I love you, Milan. For real. Promise. Don’t kick me out.“

„Asshole, I couldn’t even if I wanted to. You are lucky I love my little Robbe too much to put him on the street. Because I swear to god, this boy would follow you right out, if I dared.“

„Good to know.“

„You better not use that as leverage in the future.“

„I wouldn’t even dream about it.“

Maybe not having a big, loud halloween party this year wasn’t as bad, Jens thought only half listening. Instead he observed Lucas intently drawing a scary set of teeth onto the pumpkin, biting his lip in concentration. While Milan and Sander went on teasing each other, in an endless cycle of jabs and quips, much to Robbe’s and Lotte’s entertainment. 

Yes, maybe Jens could get used to this quiet bliss.

TW: insults towards depression and anxiety, toxic behavior, father/parent mention, trauma discussion, self-harm mention, suicide idealization

just a rant because im just too fucking tired of the bullshit of other sites.

i’ve really taken for granted how non-toxic tumblr is in the nice little corner i’ve tucked myself into. since i’m pretty desperate for money, cause now i think ill just have to live off disability if i can even get it.

I gotta say my mutuals and the people who reblogged my donation post, im so fucking grateful for you and i cant thank you enough. but besides the point, rant.

posted my donation post on twitter and later reddit, like the naive fool i am. the first comment i got on the twitter one was very homophobic and the guy was just an overall creep upon a quick look on his tumblr. i responded to him but immediately deleted it cause i knew thats all he wanted was to make me angry. think i was able to get him banned but fuck if i know.

this is more about the lovely reddit post i got

sigh im not going to bother replying and i just reported them, but i wanted to get out of me all the shit i wanted to say. just, first of all i know trolls and shit just do this to get attention, but this on the fucking r/donate subreddit like??? why isn’t it moderated better?? besides the point

i dont care if you believe my donation post is a scam, whatever, believe what you want and move on. i understand there is a lot of people out there trying to get money they can easily get themselves, instead they take it from goodhearted people.

you need to grow the fuck up. i redirect back at this person because, you spent your time, what? hating on a post that might be a scam. and they regularly do this to from just a quick look. so immature and annoying. this hurts so fucking much to hear too cause it strikes a perfect nerve of trauma.

anxiety and depressions are perfectly valid reasons to not be able to hold down a job. they sound like my fucking dad. i have panic attacks when people raise their voice or if there is too much going on around me, like tvs and crowds and what not.

ive mostly been sleeping lately and cant even make myself do simple physical tasks. not just because of my depression but because of my chronic joint pain that i still haven’t fucking got working medication for yet.

plus i have 472147921 other disorders that i havent been able to get diagnosed or help yet because of my stupid fucking parents. who finally are getting me help after years upon years of having obvious mental issues. ONLY BECAUSE a big argument that my sister had to speak for me in, because i went nonverbal and was hysterically laughing because my dad denying he called me fat.

but yeah i cant even brush my teeth, or shower, the only hygiene habits i have are because if i didnt do them my brain would make me have a panic attack or some intrusive thoughts of self harm.

how is it fucking entitled to ask strangers to donate, H O W? i dont think i deserve this, i dont think that im better then other people, im posting this because others who are in similar/worse situations posting donation posts gave me the confidence to do so.

yes im so entitled to be begging on my hands and knees for money because capitalism and my body and mind are working against me. im not even saying HEY DONATE AND IF YOU DONT DONATE YOU ARE A FUCKING HORRIBLE HUMAN BEING. or anything even remotely close to that.

i gave the needed information and background as to why we would need money, and why we struggle to get it ourselves. and asked that people at least share, but there is no obligation to go any of these things.

i know i cant live my entire life on freelance transcription but it is LITERALLY THE ONLY JOB I CAN GET. yeah just simply go out and get a real job, because you can totally form sentences around strangers and dont feel like you are going to throw up from anxiety. its not that hard.

i totally have the endurance to do whatever it is necessary in whatever shitty ass 8 hour shift job i could get, because every step i take doesn’t physically hurt. because after walking too much, my knees wont give out ever, that never happens. because i dont have a fear of failure because my dad totally didn’t get mad at me when i took to long to learn something. i have no trauma related to that at all. im a totally capable human being. 

all of these last two paragraphs are sarcasm btw if that wasn’t obvious

i dont even know what couch sufing on craigslist even is. i had to look it up. how is that advice, how. oh yeah just live on other peoples couches, people you dont even know. thats not dangerous at all like HUH?!?! fuck no. if i wanted to get myself killed id do it myself.

also shelters are totally safe, and never have any issues whatsoever. i didnt ask for fucking advice that was going to make our situation worse you p.o.s.

also i know what im fucking doing, im researching and trying to make the most feasible and realistic plan to leave. even if that is i have freelance transcribing jobs and disability and my sister has whatever job and my so probably in the same boat as me. im not just going to move out without the needed things unless i was kicked out. which, as of the moment, none of us are currently at risk of that, yet.

if it really came down to it where Brutus would need to be rehomed, we’d probably do it. but he means so fucking much to us, we dont want to rehome him because we dont have anyone we can fucking trust to take care of him and we arent just going to give him away to whoever. Brutus and my pets and my sisters are all part of our family, and we aren’t just going to fucking give them away.

whatever, the rage is gone, im tired and i want to cry, this wasn’t posted for attention or anything i just wanted to rant. please dont leave negative comments im not in the goddamned mood.

Episode 7 - “And I have no idea what a Willa is.” -Chips

Bryce

I guess Liana voted me? how odd. Colin voted Nicholas I presume but uh me and Quillynn lived which is all that matters tbh! Im happy that we get to live another round I was scared(pumpkin)

Colin, from the grave

fuck these hoes

QuilLynn

So.. I survived tribal! I'm super happy that we were able to get out Colin, as much as I love him as a person and would have wanted to work with him under different circumstances it was the only thing that made sense. Basically Bryce and I put ourselves in a position where we were the swing votes between Colin leaving and Nicholas leaving. Although there were benefits with both options, we knew that Colin would be harder to convince to also vote out Liana if we lose again, and we feel safer (for now) with Nicholas. At this point I feel great, I don't want to sound cocky, but I now just don't see either Bryce or I leaving before merge! 

Dana

Hello Dads and lovers! I don't have too much to say about the game, except the tea is that i'm ready af to merge. The fastest way to kill me is to make me go to tribal on this tribe. Chips hates me, Jay O knows about my friend group premade, and Kelsey is inact af. Zach and I want to convince Kelsey to vote with us, but umm basically i'm going to pressure him into playing some advantage. I'm going to make him king of paranoia and tbh it won't be hard. Also i'm an actual slut for letter # like i crave it. So thanks hosts!

Trixie

hi my tribe is gonna lose this challenge xx

**Malam loses immunity**

Bryce

We got 2nd in immunity thats iconic. but im afraid ppl will see me as a threat but like.... I had to score since quillynn and liana did nothing and nicholas wasnt on much.Im just happy we won and are one step closer to merging where i can try to meet back up with bryan!

Bryan

So me and trixie fought our hardest but we still weren’t able to win. EMPHASIS ON ME AND TRIXIE AND NOT OUR ACTUAL FUCKING TRIBE! THESE BITCHES DIDNT DO JACK SHIT! I was talking to trixie about it, how we are fighting the hardest when we aren’t even the ones at risk and they don’t even care. But the votes are probably going to be heading towards Willa.

Zach

WE WON IMMUNITY! WIG! I expect Trixie to use her idol that I provided her... my impact. I shouldn;t have, and I kind of regret it but I don't. It's weird. I want merge to come pleASEeee

QuilLynn

One step closer to merge! My team of icons won immunity again! Although, to be honest I didn't really try or participate, because I would rather us go to tribal again. We have the numbers on our tribe to vote out Liana and I want to do that before we get to merge and she just acts as Chips' double vote advantage. 

Trixie

My tribe loves going to tribal apparently! We’ve lost/come close to losing every single challenge that I’m praying to the furby gods for a mercy merge. 

Being a villain, naturally I have satan on my side. Although I had described zachary rae as being an angel, he’s more akin to a devil because he’s left me a gift that I don’t know what to do with yet. I feel like I have Bryan and Christian down to vote Willa. Willa, on the other hand, thinks we’re going to vote Christian and is “willing” to go to rocks, which is a big fat lie imo. I feel like he’s going to try and flip the heroes on me, and I’m hoping they won’t listen. After all, I do a lot more for my tribe than he does. 

I’m always worried something will happen, and I don’t wanna be that fool who plays the idol when unneeded, but I also don’t wanna be the bigger fool who goes out while holding one. help

Willa

I'm being voted off is this necessary 

Chips

Alright, so the challenge was the one where you get letters and then you make words from them. In general, I'm pretty decent at it... but also I never have any time online for that sort of challenge so I saw if I could sit out... and I did. http://imgur.com/dYxDGuG.gif And then I wasn't added to the chat or whatever so I was kinda in the dark about our team's score (which is odd, because I believe that in the show when they sit out they are still at the challenge) but I was hoping that we could be successful and not have tribal. Then the results were posted and our team was number one! So no tribal! And the marshmallow tribe is going to tribal... https://68.media.tumblr.com/744c19eadd3d19f73b4dfece4e0ae798/tumblr_olvj861Lu01u2ragso1_500.gif On that tribe are Bryan, Christian, Trixie, and Willa! Bryan I'd like to stay because I think he's most likely to work with me in a situation where we are reunited. Christian is here and there, but would likely stick with me as well. Trixie is basically QuilLynn so if she were to go it wouldn't be bad for me. And I have no idea what a Willa is.

Bryce

I hope Bryan plays his idol

Christian

I don't know why Willa doesn't like me, when I've never spoken to him or even played a game with him. Unless he friends with someone in the community that hates me lolol. I lowkey feel like he has an idol, and I'm gonna get idoled out. But I guess we will see. If I do go tonight, I'm not mad about it. It is what it is. But once confessionals are released, Willa feel free to tell me why you have it out for me. Ctfu 

Liana

I'm so glad we won because if we proved anything the last tribal, it's that this tribe is a mess.

Jay

I just got out of work ahhhhhhh!!!! Anyways im super happy my tribe pulled out a win because i did NOTHING in the last challenge. I've worked for the last 4 days so i was either at work or tired af during the challenge. Hopefully (!!!!) That changes and i can start pulling my weight.

**Willa is voted out, round 8 begins**

Bryan

Lol at Willa thinking we were going to rocks when in actuality he was going

Kelsey

The sitch is that once again; the foxy lady gets to stay~! I feel very grateful that I was able to stay out of tribal the last week. This streak of safety is sooooooo nice to rely on and now...we're heading into the top TWELVE of the competition! I can't say I ever saw myself making it to this stage of the game and gosh...merge can't be far away! At this point, I just want to break away from this sort of "tribe" game and I just want to get started on playing in the final traction of the competition! You know what? I DESERVE to make it to the end and, at the very least, I deserve to FIGHT for it. On this tribe, I do believe I've tightened my relationship with Dana as well as with Chips. And if I do have to vote someone off, I'm quite comfortable switching over with the villains to eliminate Jay as I trust him less than Zach. I just...I feel CONFIDENT! I feel so ready to keep going! I'm filled with excitement and I just wanna- I want to be in the heat of it again soon enough! I said this earlier, but they're going to have to rip and TEAR me away from the crown and I'm pumped to fight for it! Send home the next hooker already, I'm raring to go! And THAT'S all there is to it~! But who are you pointing at? -Kelsey V Mikaelson #TeamIBelieveInYall #TeamBEES #RIPColin #RIPWilla

Bryan

VL DR: YA BOY SLAYED THIS DAMN MAZE! "Hard AF maze" YEA RIGHT

**Malam loses immunity again**

Bryan

JKNFCDBEJLWBFCHJLBWEHJCLBHWJBC I GOT FIRST PLACE AND THEY BOTH GOT LAST!! THIS IS SOO DAMN FRUSTRATING!!! but i dont want to vote out Christian or trixie. Christian has been loyal to me. and trixie is so nice. i have my idol and i want to use it but i also dont. im afraid trixie might flip christian on me. and thats scary. 

Zach

kisses we safe xx kay now i'm expecting trixie to idol, considering i think bryan/christian are friends. whom will she vote? idk?

later...

I kind of feel really good on my tribe. I do want merge though cause I think it may get more interesting. It's kind of bitter sweet because A) It's SUPER boring tribal wise rn, but that's because of B) my ass ain't going to tribal - and i wanna keep it like that!

QuilLynn

We won immunity (well second place but w/e we’re safe!) that means we’ve probably made it to merge which I’m super excited about! We still have Liana, but her joining up with chips might make her and more importantly chips easy targets. I like them both but see 0% chance of us working together in this game at this point so they’ll definetly be the first people that i’ll be wanting to take a shot at. 

Bryan

Ok so. Christian thinks I’m voting trixie. And trixie thinks I’m voting Christian. Or there is this epic blindside coming. But I’m leaning more towards keeping trixie. I can def count on Christian to be a loyal goat but I know trixie has the skill to be able to make big moves with me.

Bryce

Um liana ditching last second was scary but we won so im happy. Malam keeps losing so its awk LOL. But im happy me and quil are safe with nicholas

Liana

Haha, Malam sucks. Enjoy tribal!

Christian

I'm pretty sure I'm gone tonight lol. There's not much to say, considering there's only three of us left on our tribe. Everything is just open I guess. 

Bryan

VL DR: Trixie is such a troll. I was wondering why she never goes on video chat. But i know now. She is one of the trolls from that shitty animated movie so called trolls. 

**Christian is voted out and round 9 begins!**

Dating Advice For Females.

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