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dollzai · 2 years

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free fall - dazai x reader - ch 3

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Summary: Former property of Yokohama's Port Mafia, you've decided to pursue a life worth living. Unfortunately, it's come at the cost of betraying one of your closest confidants, Akutagawa Ryuunosuke, who warned you that getting away alive wasn’t an option. Your only hope for protection, and discovering what it means to be free, is the Armed Detective Agency, and one bandage-wearing ability-user.

Pairing: dazai osamu x reader (ft. akutagawa)

Genre: angst, smut, (some) fluff

Warnings: explicit sexual content, graphic violence, swearing, alcohol + tobacco use, mentions of suicide (will be updating as series goes on)

Rating: explicit/mature/NSFW

Word Count: 7k

Author’s Note: chapter 3!! just want to thank everyone again who has read/liked/reblogged/commented on my story over these last few weeks, you all mean the world to me! i'm having so much fun writing this, and i have some really good things planned for the upcoming chapters so i hope you all enjoy this and what's to come! as always please let me know what you think :)

Tag List (OPEN): @yeonyeonyeonjun @grannysvomit @olivera-gajic @rika-loves-cuddle

A genuine smile. A genuine laugh.

As you were walking through a bustling, crowded street in a downtown Yokohama neighborhood, you noticed these things. Strangers around you, laughing and smiling, enjoying their days as they peered into shop windows and stopped in front of cafés.

But it was you, instead of them, whose smile and laughter were the most surprising.

When was the last time you actually enjoyed yourself, you wondered? There’d been a dark cloud looming over you for months now, as you pondered and contemplated your escape. And now that you were actually here, that you’d actually made it, your happiness was genuine.

Your laugh was musical as Yosano mocked Dazai’s sour expression, nearly hidden behind the stack of boxes and bags he’d found himself carrying.

Yosano graciously offered to carry one singular bag, easing his suffering slightly. She insisted that you not have to carry anything, and leave the heavy lifting to the man of your small group.

The various packages stacked up in Dazai’s arms actually belonged to you. After your meeting with the Agency, you were shown around the office and learned more about what it was that the Agency actually does. The thought of helping to solve mysteries too dangerous for an everyday organization like the police was a bit scary, but it excited you.

As all of this was explained to you, Yosano had wordlessly slipped away to the President’s private office on your behalf. She explained to him that you’d come with nothing on your person, and would need to get some things in order to start your work here comfortably.

The President agreed to give you an advance on your first paycheck, which would allow you to buy things like some extra changes of clothes, toiletries, and some groceries to stock up your dorm’s kitchen.

Apparently, Yosano had a passion for shopping, and was more than willing to assist you in procuring these items. When she returned to where you sat with the other agents, announcing you’d be spending the rest of the day out shopping, the people surrounding you quickly dispersed, seemingly trying to avoid being part of this outing.

This included Dazai, whom Yosano found hiding in a broom closet. Dragging him out by his ear, she reminded him that he was in charge of your protection, and didn’t have the option of staying behind.

Begrudgingly, he came along, and was obviously not pleased with being the designated pack mule. He whined and complained constantly every time Yosano ducked her head into a new store to enter, but at the same time didn’t seem too serious about his distaste for the current situation.

You couldn’t help but giggle every time he and Yosano barked insults over your head at each other. That was what really made you feel at ease with them; the way they took nothing too seriously. You were just happy to be along for the ride, and be having a relatively laid back first day.

The three of you walked around in the same formation for most of the afternoon, until later in the day when you spotted a small convenience store on the corner. An idea slipped into your mind, and you quickly excused yourself to go use their restroom.

Once inside, you stood in front of the counter and peered out the store window. You weren’t able to see Dazai and Yosano from this position, and you took that as good enough cover.

Reaching into the bag you’d bought earlier, you pulled out the envelope filled with cash from the Agency, asking the clerk for a pack of cigarettes. As the old man turned around to get them from a shelf, you grabbed a lighter from the acrylic display case on the counter. You handed the clerk a few bills, slipping the items into your purse along with the envelope.

You muttered a “thanks” before leaving to return to the pair waiting for you outside, who seemed none the wiser that you hadn’t actually gone to the bathroom. You felt a tad guilty for lying, but whisked that away quickly.

You weren’t a habitual smoker, but enjoyed a cigarette every now and again. Since you didn’t really feel comfortable asking a Port Mafia errand boy to pick you up any, you usually just bought them off of kids at school, too nervous to try and obtain them yourself on your way home.

So, in a way, this was some kind of strange victory. A small freedom that you felt, and a sense of control over your life that you’d never experienced before. It felt good.

Tired of Dazai’s moaning, Yosano conceded that you probably had everything you needed at that point. She suggested that the three of you grab a bite to eat before heading home, which your grumbling stomach greatly appreciated.

You found a small café in the shopping district, a quiet place that served delicious tea and good food. You gratefully ate everything in front of you, not even realizing you’d been so hungry. Yosano insisted that Dazai be the one to pay for everyone’s meals, which he managed to do while only being slightly disgruntled.

To get back to the part of downtown where the Agency was located, you took the train. You’d never taken the train before, opting to walk to places like school most of your life, or arrange travel via the Port Mafia if absolutely necessary.

It was a short ride, but you were seemingly fascinated with every little detail of the city as you watched it speed by. Dazai teased you for the way you stared out the window, eyes wide and hands pressed to the glass.

When you exited onto the platform, Yosano parted ways with you. She lived in her own apartment, not too far from the dorms.

Dazai and you walked the rest of the way back to the dorms. As soon as Yosano was out of sight, you grabbed half of the boxes and bags out of Dazai’s arms to alleviate some of his struggle. He gave you a gracious smile.

You quite liked Dazai, you thought to yourself as you walked. You’d only spent one day with him, but his overly cheery demeanor was a bit infectious. Right now, you could be moping around, worried about your uncertain future and missing the people and place you’d left. But it was almost as if Dazai was determined to not let that happen.

Every lull in conversation throughout the day was instantaneously filled by him asking you questions, or telling you things about other agents, or just simply being excited that you were now part of the Agency. It made you feel really comfortable, and like you were finally in the right place.

You also really liked Yosano too, of course. Having a feminine presence around you wasn’t something you were all that used to, especially such a strong one. Men and women alike stared at her as you’d walked by, though it was hard to discern which women were staring at Dazai instead.

Finally, you reached the dorms and ascended the metal steps up to the second floor. Stopping in front of your door, Dazai sloughed the rest of the boxes into your arms, nearly toppling you over the railing behind you.

Struggling to stay upright, you watched as Dazai reached into his pocket to pull out the key to your door, inserting it into the lock and turning. He returned it back to his coat pocket and opened the door, stepping inside.

You rushed to follow, unsure how much longer you could hold all of your goods. Arms just about to give out, you dropped everything you were holding onto the kitchen floor. Dazai hardly noticed your struggle, simply reaching into one of the bags to grab groceries, opening up your cabinets and fridge to put them away.

You smiled to yourself, grateful for the help, and grabbed some boxes of clothing to begin putting away in the bedroom. There wasn’t much, but you neatly put away the couple things you’d gotten in the closet.

When you were done, you returned to the kitchen where Dazai was finished taking care of the food. “Thanks,” you smiled at him.

He nodded, and held out his hand to you, palm facing upwards. “Let me see the phone,” he said, curling his fingers as he gestured for you to hand it to him.

You grabbed your bag, rummaging through to find the small cell phone you’d gotten today. It wasn’t as nice as your old one you left at Suzuki’s house, but you obviously couldn’t hang onto that any longer. Still, you appreciated that Yosano and Dazai had seemingly thought of everything you may need.

Finally locating the device, you pulled it out and handed it to Dazai, who grabbed it and went to sit on the couch. You watched as he pulled out his own phone, scrolling through it in one hand and pressing buttons on yours in the other.

Sitting down next to him, you watched him work. “I’m giving you the numbers of all the agents. Just in case,” he explained.

You nodded. “That’s smart,”

Once finished, Dazai handed the phone back to you. “Thank you,” you said, snapping the device closed before setting it down on your lap.

Dazai’s eyes narrowed at you slightly, and a smirk crept onto his lips. “You’re very polite, aren’t you?”

Your eyebrows raised. “Huh?”

Dazai chuckled. “You know. You’re all ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ all the time. It’s cute.”

Heat rose to your cheeks, and you lowered your head to stare at the phone in your lap. “Just trying to be nice to the people that are deciding my fate.” you muttered back.

“Yes, of course.” Dazai nodded, once again amused by your expression.

He paused for a moment then, considering something as he looked at you with a tilted head. “You want me to tell you, don’t you?”

You looked back at him, confused. “What?”

Dazai smiled. “What I said to everyone earlier at the Agency, before you came in. You want to know.”

He was right. It had been a question eating at you all day, but you’d dismissed it, not wanting to worry about something that ended in your favor. But, you didn’t realize it was so obvious that you wanted to know.

“I’m curious,” you admitted. “It just seemed… too easy.”

“What, you don’t think your heartwarming tale of redemption moved everyone?” Dazai joked with you.

You rolled your eyes, but couldn’t resist a smile. “No, I don’t think so. And there was what the President said, about you being passionate about her cause.”

Dazai leaned backwards with a sigh, stretching his arms to rest them on the couch’s backrest as he crossed one leg over the other. “They trust my opinion,” he started. “I wanted them to know what I thought, before you… made an impression.”

“What does that mean?” you questioned, shifting to face him on the couch.

“People are quick to judge,” Dazai shrugged. “You were nervous. I didn’t want that to affect your chances.”

It was true, you had been nervous. You leaned back, crossing your arms over your chest as you looked at him. “Okay,” you said. “So, what did you tell them?”

He pondered the question, considering his words carefully. “Just that I thought you would be a good fit. That I trust you, and your intentions for coming here.”

You scrunched your nose. As much as you appreciated the sentiment, Dazai really had no reason to trust you. You’d come from the same energy organization as him, and two good intentioned defectors seemed like a bit of an anomaly.

“But, why?” you pressed him further.

“Call it a hunch.” he answered, shooting you a wink. “And I’m not wrong about these types of things.”

You felt some kind of strange relief swell in your chest. Not even you were totally sure that you were doing the right thing, or had made the right choice in coming here. But the fact that Dazai believed in you made you more sure of yourself, if only a little bit.

“Well, thank you,” you offered, cursing yourself as you confirmed Dazai’s assessment of your politeness.

Dazai shook his head, but offered another warm smile. “Don’t thank me. Just prove me right.”

You nodded in assurance, more to yourself than him, as you smoothed out your skirt with your hands.

“There is one other thing you can do for me, though,” Dazai continued, and you looked up at him.

For a moment he looked unsure of himself, which was an expression you’d never seen him wear, but it quickly passed. “Not everyone in the Agency knows that I’m ex-Mafia. So, just try not to mention it.” he told you.

Surprised, you shifted your body on the couch. “Really?” you questioned. “They don’t know?”

“The Boss does,” Dazai explained, referring to President Fukuzawa. “He didn’t when I first started, but I told him eventually.”

You brought a finger to your temple, scratching slightly. “Yeah, okay. I won’t say anything,” you agreed, thinking again for a moment. “But, how did you… explain how you knew who I was?”

“We have a lot of intel on Mafia members,” Dazai explained. “It’s not too crazy to assume that one of us knew of you.”

It wasn’t a rock-solid alibi, but if it’d worked then you weren’t going to question it. Dazai seemed like the kind of person who would know too much about a lot of things, so you supposed the A.D.A. members wouldn’t ponder it too far.

With that, Dazai swung his arms forward, pressing his palms to his knees and standing up from the couch. “You should get some rest,” he said as he leaned side to side, stretching. “We’ll start training tomorrow.”

You blinked at him. “Tomorrow?” you asked, eyes wide.

“Why wait?” Dazai grinned at you. “We have a lot of work to do.”

The slight annoyance you felt at his comment was drowned out by intense uneasiness at the prospect of training. It was no secret to you that this was the same person who trained Akutagawa to be a ruthless killer, brutally beating him in the process.

He had to be different now, you thought to yourself. There was no way he’d treat you the same way, and you weren’t being trained to kill. This training was going to be a good thing for you. With that thought, you nodded, trying your best to put on a brave face.

Dazai walked to your door, offering a cheery goodnight and wave before returning to his room for the night.

—

“What is this place?”

The fact that you hadn’t asked that question up until this point was shocking, considering where you now found yourself. Early in the morning, you’d followed Dazai to a train station, figuring you’d be traveling to some satellite office to start your training.

Instead, you watched as he slipped down from the platform onto the tracks, ignoring your harsh whisper to stop being a suicidal maniac like Yosano had warned you he was.

He’d continued walking with no explanation, inducing an eye roll from you as you knew there was no choice but to follow him. Silently, you walked alongside the tracks for quite some time in his path, figuring it best to not ask questions. Thankfully, only one train came barreling down the track during that time, making you press your body flat against the brick wall, wincing in fear as Dazai laughed at you.

Eventually, you branched off onto a stretch of tracks that were gated off from the rest. A little ways down was where you found yourself now, watching Dazai crouched in front of a metal garage-like door.

You shoved your chilly fingers into your coat’s pockets, wiggling them. The air was getting cooler as winter slowly approached, and was especially cold underground. You bounced on your toes to stay warm.

Dazai pulled the door up by its handle, revealing a staircase going down even further. Instead of answering your question, he began descending the stairs into the darkness.

Again, you followed. “Hello? What is this?” you questioned again, a tinge of annoyance to your voice.

Reaching the bottom of the stairs, Dazai flipped a light switch. An electric hum filled your ears, and slowly you saw the space ahead of you illuminated in a warm, yellow light.

You reached the bottom to stand next to Dazai. “Bankoudou Hall,” he finally answered. “It’s a base camp for the A.D.A. Top secret.”

The room before you appeared to be an auditorium of sorts, almost like a lecture hall. Lines of wooden, pew-like desks were positioned in rows across the floor, with a raised stage at the front of the room. You walked forward into the space, looking around at the dusty but formal atmosphere.

“This’ll work fine,” Dazai mused, nodding in approval as he inspected the room. “Just needs a bit of rearranging, is all.”

Dazai walked down the room’s center aisle toward the stage, tapping each bench with his fingertips as he walked by. When he reached the front, he pointed to each of the two benches closest to him. “Let’s move these to the sides of the room.”

You stared at the benches in question, walking closer to inspect them. They looked dauntingly heavy. “Are you sure these can move?” you asked.

Shrugging, Dazai positioned himself at the far end of the bench, grabbing it with both hands. “We won’t know until we try, now won’t we?”

Sighing through your nose, you moved to the opposite end of the bench. Dazai began pulling his end towards the side of the room, and you pushed in that direction. As you suspected, the sturdy wooden seats were insanely heavy.

Time and effort were required, but the two of you managed to get the bench on the room’s side aisle. Your arm muscles were already aching after the one bench, and there was one more to go, in addition to the two equally heavy looking tables. You set to work on them as well, unsure how you were going to train after this workout.

Finally, all the furniture was moved to its new locations, and Dazai put his hands on his hips, satisfied with your work. “Now there’s plenty of space to spread out,” he smiled, looking to see your reaction. Rather than looking ready to get started, you were laid out on the stage, your chest rising and falling quickly as you fought to catch your breath.

“Don’t tell me you’re already tired,” Dazai frowned.

“I’m fine,” you said quickly, but unconvincingly. Eyes closed, you focused on not seeming so out of breath. With an exaggerated sigh, Dazai sat down next to where you lay, swinging his legs off the stage. You looked up at him. “Just give me a second.”

Dazai chuckled. “Fine. I can explain a few things first, since training is a bit of an abstract term.” he started, looking down to where you gave him an appreciative nod.

“I’m going to teach you a bit of self-defense. I assume you haven’t learned that before?” he asked, no judgment evident in his voice as he explained.

“Never had to,” you replied in between breaths.

“I figured,” Dazai continued. “That will serve you best, then. You don’t necessarily have to be trained in hand-to-hand combat to work for the Agency, though it doesn’t hurt. For you, though, there isn’t really time for that.”

You tilted your head, squinting at him. “What do you mean?”

Dazai winced slightly. “I don’t want you to worry, and I’m sure you may have guessed this,” he said. “But the Port Mafia won’t hold off forever. If they see an opportunity to attack you, they’ll take it.”

“But, I thought you said-”

“I know what I said,” Dazai interrupted gently. “But Kunikida was right, to a degree. You embarrassed them. To them, you’re a traitor, and they most likely want you dead.”

He paused. “I still don’t think they’ll attack the Agency to get you back. But, if they sense weakness in our protection of you, they’ll go after you.”

You gulped. You knew it would always be a possibility that Akutagawa and the Mafia would return to finish you off, but you still held out hope that being an Agency member would deter them. It was disappointing to hear from Dazai, the person in charge of your protection, that it was likely that day would come sooner than you imagined.

“So,” Dazai continued. “We need to be prepared for that. And for you, that means holding your own in a fight, at least long enough for one of us to help you, or for you to use your skill to escape.”

Pushing yourself up with your hands, you swung your legs over the stage’s side to sit upright next to Dazai. “You don’t think I could win against one of them?”

Dazai tried his best to fight off a smile, but failed. “No offense. At least not for a long time,” he admitted.

That much was obvious, so you weren’t sure why you’d even asked. Port Mafia members trained to fight for years. They had weapons, not to mention abilities. Even the least talented of them were sure to take you down.

“Like I said, I don’t want you to worry. But I won’t keep you in the dark either,” Dazai reassured you, hopping down from the raised level. He stood in front of you, hands in his jacket pockets. “Ready to get started?”

And with that, you got to work. In the open space on the floor you’d created, Dazai stood in front of you, looking you over as he considered where to start with you.

Self-consciously, you crossed your arms over your chest, shivering a bit. There was something about standing before this man, an ex-Mafia and current Agency member who was obviously highly trained in combat that made you feel incredibly inadequate. You tried to keep a focused expression and brush the thought away.

After his deep moment of thought, Dazai finally spoke. “Hit me.”

You cleared your throat nervously. “Excuse me?”

Dazai nodded with certainty. “Hit me how you think you would. Imagine I’m some Port Mafia lackey coming at you,” he explained.

Shifting your weight from one foot to the other, you considered the request. You’d never hit someone before. Or been attacked. You figured a punch was the best course of action, but were you strong enough to deliver a solid blow? Or fast enough to land it?

There wasn’t much time to consider those things, as Dazai lunged forward at you. Without thinking any further, you bent your elbow, drawing a closed fist towards your chest before launching it forward with as much force as you could.

It was no use, though. Before you even got close to your target, Dazai had grabbed your fist, stopping it in its tracks with ease.

He smiled as you struggled against him, feeling you trying to overcome his strength and hit him. “You have instincts. That’s good,” he said coolly. He dropped his extended hand to his side and stepped back, watching as you fell forward into the space he had just stood in.

You stood up straight as fast as you could, embarrassed by the way you’d just fumbled that.

“But, a couple things,” Dazai continued. “First, it was obvious what you were going to do, the way you brought your fist back like that.”

You nodded.

“Second, you need to be faster to be able to land a hit. And stronger, for it to have any effect,” he added. “Those things come with time and practice, though.”

Unable but to feel a bit discouraged by his words, you hung your head slightly, nodding again.

“And the last thing,” Dazai started again, and you felt your stomach drop even further to the floor. “You never want to punch someone like that, with a closed fist. You’ll just end up breaking your hand, or cutting your knuckles open at the very least.”

He stepped towards you, reaching out to grab the limp arm you’d swung at him with. He pulled it up and out, smoothly forcing you to extend your arm straight forward. Letting go, he stepped back again and mirrored you, facing his palm towards where you stood.

“Try that,” he encouraged you, and you bent your wrist back to follow his instruction. Dazai nodded. “Using your palm is much better. This part, the heel,” he advised, pointing to the bottom part of your palm.

“You’re going to want to push that hand out really fast, and aim for the nose,” Dazai explained, showing you the move slowly. “Don’t wind up or anything, you want to take them by surprise and disorient them.”

You mimicked his actions, bringing your hand down to your side before pushing it up and out as quickly and with as much force as you could. Watching as you repeated the motion a few times, Dazai smiled. “Good. That’s better,”

The small praise made you smile in return. “Seems easy enough,” you replied.

“Let’s kick it up a notch, then.” Dazai said, making you regret your words. “Do that same strike, but with your non-dominant hand. And step out with the same foot at the same time.”

“Alright…” you said, bringing your other hand up and out in the same manner as before, this time stepping forward with the corresponding leg. You noticed that it added a bit of power to the move.

Dazai moved to stand in front of you again, closer this time. He pointed to his face. “Aim for the nose again. It won’t be as strong as your other hand, but that’s alright,”

You did as he said, bringing your palm toward his face and stopping a few inches before you made contact. “You don’t actually want me to hit you, right?” you asked.

He shook his head, snickering a bit. “Feel free to try. You’ll improve faster.”

A bit confused, you furrowed your brows as you brought your hand back down. Stepping backwards, you tried to focus as hard as you could, staying still to try to give Dazai less time to react. Again, you brought your hand out with his nose as the target. Only this time, you didn’t hesitate, going right for the spot.

But just as he did before, Dazai’s quick hand beat you in making contact. His fingers wrapped around your wrist, stopping your palm inches from his face.

He dropped it, brushing his hands against his coat before you even had time to process where you went wrong. From what Dazai said, though, it appeared that you hadn’t. “That was good!” he said, a bit of excitement in his voice.

You stepped back again, looking puzzled. Dazai continued with more instructions. “That was the first part of the move,” he explained. “Once you hit with that hand, you hit again with your dominant in the same way. Harder.”

Understanding, you nodded. Dazai demonstrated for you again, starting from the beginning as he pushed forward and stepped out on his non-dominant side, and then quickly hit again with the other hand, rotating his hips as he did so. “Like that,” he said.

Bringing back your focus with a deep breath, you held your arms at your sides, replaying the move in your head. It seemed fairly simple, but you understood it could probably be incredibly damaging. You could break someone’s nose, block their vision for a short while, or even knock them out.

When you felt ready, you went for it. Your first hand shot out with speed, aiming once again for Dazai’s nose. You went farther this time, confident you were actually going to land the blow.

Instead, Dazai simply stepped to the side, avoiding your hand. You narrowed your sights on him, mildly infuriated once again by the ease at which he dodged you. Not wasting another moment, you brought up your second hit, with more speed and power than the first, desperate to actually succeed at striking him. Again, he grabbed your wrist, halting you before you could.

Now angry, you ripped your hand away from him. “How is this supposed to be any fun if you just dodge every move I make?”

Dazai scoffed, his eyes amused. “I’m sorry, remind me again where I said this was going to be fun?”

You clenched your fists at your sides for a moment before releasing them. It was true that this wasn’t intended to be a fun activity. You were supposed to be learning to defend yourself in a life-or-death situation, not casually brawling with a friend.

“You’ll improve,” Dazai said, reaching forward to pat your shoulder a bit condescendingly. “When you do, we’ll be proper sparring partners. You’ll hit me. I’ll even hit you back.”

Your mind briefly flashed back to you sitting in your old room, Akutagawa bloodied and bruised as he told you how Dazai hadn’t held back on him in training. It sent a chill down your spine, the thought of you ending up in the same position.

But the less-than-serious look on Dazai’s face told you he didn’t mean it in that way. The person he appeared to you as now in no way resembled what you remembered of him. Hopefully, his training would get you to a level where you could hold your own against him.

You looked up at him. “Do you promise?”

Dazai’s smile stretched into a sincere grin. He laughed. “Let’s keep going.”

The rest of your day of training went on in a similar manner. You worked for a while longer on that first move Dazai taught you, incorporating new techniques to try to get more power behind your movements, and decrease the time it took you to do the full sequence.

He threw a few other new moves into the mix as the day went on. One was a carefully timed knee to the groin, as Dazai noted that there was at least a 75 percent chance your attacker would be a male.

Through your hours of practice, Dazai never allowed himself to get hit by you. He would use his body to demonstrate where you should land as he walked you through the motions, but when the time came for you to perform them, over and over again, he perfectly dodged every one.

Of course, he knew what you were going to be doing before you even tried it, so it was no surprise he could defend himself without breaking a sweat. That, combined with the praise he gave you every time you did something right, making your heart soar, was what motivated you to work even harder.

There was no way of knowing what time it was in the underground hall, and before you knew it, Dazai announced it was time to return to the dorms. You followed him out through the tunnels again, realizing with each step you took alongside the tracks that you were quite tired. And sore.

In fact, every part of your body ached. You couldn’t remember the last time you had done something so physically demanding, for hours nonetheless. The further you walked, the more your muscles screamed at you, and the slower you went.

Eventually, you made it back to the dorms. You used your arms to pull at the metal railing, assisting in getting you up the stairs since your aching legs couldn’t do the job themselves.

Before you entered your room, Dazai inquired if you wanted to meet a few other Agency members at Café Uzumaki, the small coffee shop on the ground floor of the A.D.A. building. As nice as it sounded, you declined, making your way to your room like a zombie. You were desperate to just lay down, not sure if you’d be able to make the walk to the building right now.

Understanding, Dazai entered his own room, and you reached yours, shutting the door behind you. The only thing you saw in your tunnel vision at that moment was the inviting look of your futon though the bedroom. You trudged your way to it.

Your body collapsed on top of the soft blanket as soon as you reached the resting spot, not bothering to change your clothes, take off your shoes, or even get under the blanket. Before your head even reached the pillow, you were asleep.

—

It was difficult to tell how long you’d slept like that.

The sun that had been setting in the horizon when you reached the dorms was now completely gone, a bright full moon replacing it high in the skyline.

Your eyes felt crusty as you opened them, indicating your slumber was more than just a quick nap. You sat up slowly, still feeling your body’s physical exhaustion from the day.

Yawning, you scratched your head, scanning the room for the bag you were sure you’d made it home with earlier. You saw it plopped on the floor right next to the front door, not having made it as far into the dorm as your body had managed to.

You made your way over to the bag, craving something in particular inside of it. After a hard day’s work, you were sure you deserved it.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw the time on the oven’s digital display in the kitchen: 2:04 A.M. You’d gotten almost a full night’s sleep since the time you’d been back.

Even though your body still felt tired, your mind was wide awake. Grabbing your bag from the floor, you pulled out the new pack of cigarettes and lighter.

Not wanting to go outside, you returned to the bedroom and inspected the large, rectangular window on the back wall. It looked like it could be opened, so you tried it.

With as much strength as you could muster, you pulled and pushed in every possible way to try to get it open, but it wouldn’t budge. It was probably a long time since anyone had inhabited this room, leaving the window dormant for some time. Sighing, you returned to the front door. Sitting outside would have to do.

When you grabbed the door’s handle, you were confused when it didn’t turn with your hand. You hadn’t remembered locking it behind you when you’d sleepily entered, an oversight on your part. Still, you wondered how it had ended up locked.

You unlocked the door, and pulled it open as quietly as you could. It made a slight squeak, but nothing you thought could disturb anyone from their sleep. Your first step onto the metal landing made a slightly louder sound, but again, nothing intense.

Closing the door behind you, you lowered yourself to sit on the landing. Your back was pressed against the door, and your feet hung over the edge.

You opened the pack of cigarettes and shook one out into your hand. Holding it between your fingers, you flipped open the lighter in your other hand, pulling the serrated wheel a few times before a flame emerged. You lit the cigarette and brought it to your mouth.

It was peaceful out here, you thought, as you took a long drag. The slight dopamine rush in your brain was one you hadn’t experienced for some time, and it made you smile involuntarily, leaning your head back as you exhaled.

The area of city that surrounded the dorms was dark. In the dead of night, most people were sound asleep, safe in their beds and resting up for another day of blissful routine. You were like them, not even a week ago. You hoped you could be again soon.

With that thought, you brought the cigarette back to your lips.

“Hello!”

You nearly jumped a foot off of the landing when Dazai’s voice interrupted your quiet moment, moving to sit down next to you. You hadn’t even heard him open the door or come outside, which wasn’t a great sign for your observation skills.

“Jesus, you scared me.” you said to him, your heart pounding as you placed a hand to your chest.

“Really?” Dazai raised an eyebrow at you. “I was standing there for quite a while.”

The idea of that being true frightened you, but you knew Dazai was likely messing with you, which after the last two days you could see he enjoyed.

He took a deep breath, and you felt his arm brush against yours with how close he sat to you.

“I’m a bit too tired to be fully aware of my surroundings,” you muttered, staring at your legs in front of you.

“I gathered,” Dazai said, his voice sweet. “I came to check if you were still alive a few hours ago. I could barely tell if you were breathing.”

You looked at him. “You came in?”

He nodded. “I was concerned. I hadn’t heard a noise in hours,”

You were unsure if you should be appreciative of his worry for you, or concerned that he let himself in without you knowing. It dawned on you then that Dazai must have locked the door behind him when he left, clearing up your earlier confusion.

Not wanting to be rude, you motioned with your chin to the box of cigarettes in your lap. “Want one?”

Dazai shook his head. “No thanks,” he said in a sing-song tone. “I’d prefer my suicide to not be drawn-out and painful.”

You hummed before taking another drag of your own as Dazai watched. Exhaling, you held the cigarette over the edge of the landing and tapped it, watching the ashes fall to the ground.

“Akutagawa always said something similar,” you said as you replayed some memories in your mind. “He hated when I smoked, even though I rarely did.”

“To be fair,” Dazai pointed out with a smirk. “I think one puff of that would be enough to kill him,”

You chuckled at that, closing your eyes as you thought about your friend. Every once in a while, you would open up your apartment’s window and sit on the steps of the fire escape to smoke. Akutagawa would sit inside and scold you for being so reckless and stupid.

Dazai stared at you as if he were reading your mind. “Do you miss him?” he asked simply.

You sighed, considering the question for a long moment. “Maybe,” you said finally. “I miss who he was to me. But I didn’t know him.”

“How so?” Dazai inquired further.

“I just thought…” you trailed off, shrugging. “I thought I could change his mind. That he would…”

The night you escaped came back into your mind, remembering how you’d asked Akutagawa to come with you. At the very least, you wanted him to understand why you needed to go. He’d done neither.

“Nevermind,” you finally finished your own train of thought. “I was stupid.”

Dazai remained quiet. You knew the Akutagawa he knew was much different from the one you’d come to care for over the years. He likely only saw the worst in the boy he’d trained, unlike you.

You pressed the end of the burned up cigarette into the cool metal beneath you to put it out, before flicking it off the side of the landing onto the ground below. Dazai watched, and you suddenly felt very conscious of your current position.

Even though you’d spent all day with him in close proximity, something about the present situation was much more vulnerable to you. The attentive way he observed you made your heart race slightly.

You looked back at his calm expression, taking in his features. He was still just as attractive as you’d remembered him being, only taller and more kind-looking now. His deep brown eyes glinted in the bright white of the moon that illuminated where you sat.

Looking away, you tried to stop thinking about Dazai’s appearance. Thoughts like that would only hinder you when it came to working so closely together, and you in no way wanted to ruin your chances of being an agent.

“So, what kinds of things do you like to do?” Dazai asked, breaking the silence and changing the subject to something lighter. “Besides, smoking I mean.”

You rolled your eyes, then gave him somewhat of an apologetic smile. “You don’t have to pretend to be interested in me, Dazai,” you offered gently.

His eyes widened, slightly taken aback. “Who said I was pretending?”

You blushed slightly. It wasn’t a common occurrence that anyone showed much interest in who you were as a person, or your interests, outside of the academic setting you’d grown up in. In fact, you had to think for a moment to remember what pastimes you actually enjoyed.

“I guess I like to read,” you said finally, remembering your collection of books back at your old place, both for school and for pleasure. “And I like music. I spent a lot of time alone, so those were both somewhat of a blessing.”

Dazai nodded, leaning forward to rest his head in his hand as he looked at you. “Tell you what,” he said. “After you get paid, we should go back downtown to get you some of those things. Your dorm is kind of sad without any personality,”

Your mouth hung open slightly, unsure of how to respond to such a considerate offer. “That would be nice,” you admitted meekly.

With a grin, Dazai leaned back against the door again. The two of you talked for a while longer like that, about things you enjoyed to do, and to eat. You asked a bit more about Dazai’s fascination with suicide, which he readily told you about, and you discovered it wasn’t as strange as you’d thought it was.

He was easy to talk to, and a good listener. Eventually, you felt the draw of heavenly sleep slowly pull you back in, your mind catching up with your body.

Your head found rest atop Dazai’s shoulder, and you closed your eyes once again.

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kara-records · 3 years

Text

BSD Headcanons

↳quick info

summary: again with the short and random headcanons hjshdks. you guys know the drill😎 /j.

characters: nakahara chuuya, akutagawa ryuunosuke, dazai osamu, edgar allan poe.

others: s/o is fem. some ooc characters. wrong grammar n spelling.

NAKAHARA CHUUYA

fancy wine💯

when the winds are cold in yokohama, he'd willingly place his coat around your shoulders even if he gets cold to kajssj

dw if you're not from the port mafia, your relationship with him is kept secret to the PM's competitors so you're safe

will do anything in his power to not get you to interact with dazai, chuuya knows you're an attractive woman so dazai will really target you to rile him up

koyo is one of the biggest teasers abt yall's relationship😭

you.are.taller.in.this.relationship.

^doesnt mind often coz he secretly likes being small spoon.

AKUTAGAWA RYUUNOSUKE

not much on pda but holding pinkies when you walk together for a bit, will make his day

is happy that you get along with his younger sister, gin <3

(will be a bit jealous if you simp for gin tho HAHAHA)

will request if you could make hot chocolate coz he likes it when you make it <33

appreciates it when you take note and remind him when to take his meds coz he keeps forgetting

DAZAI OSAMU

tbh how to start off with this mf he shows you off 🤧, to the ADA (theyre sick of it rlly), he annoys chuuya abt it every second

"can't even get a girl shortstack?"

will go and find numerous ways to go come up an conclusion to keep you safe from any harm

many flirting happening in this relationship

will tag you as his go-to double suicide person

God bless whoever crosses you.

EDGAR ALLAN POE

if he gets so flustered when interacting with people, then he will hide behind you no matter what height or size you are

LORDT PROTECT THIS MAN AT ALL COST COZ he still gets blushy when you guys do pda😭

^^nose kisses are a go dear <3

you will be the first person he'll go to if he needs you to check his detective book story (i forgot what it's called i-)

yalls have a specific time of the day where you rant to each other🤧

will place his head on your shoulder when you sit in front of him

dies out of cuteness when he sees karl cuddled near you, he quietly settles too

hello good am, nn, pm !! i hope you enjoyed these bsd hcs <33

sorry again about the wrong grammer, spelling and etc.

stay safe always !! ఇ ◝‿◜ ఇ

#bsd #bsd x reader #anime headcanons #bungo stray dogs #bungo stray dogs x reader #nakahara chuuya #akutagawa ryuunosuke #dazai osamu #edgar allan poe #port mafia #armed detective agency #guild #kara.hc

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yandere-romanticaa · 3 years

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What is the best pet names yandere’s have for their sweet little obsession?😳

It heavily depends on the yandere in question! If the yandere leans more on the sweet side, they won't be shying from affectionate pet names any time soon! They can range from sugar, baby, dear, honey, prince/ess, precious, literally anything cheesy and corny sounding! However, some yans might use these terms to degrade and belittle their target obsession, making them feel helpless and weak. The yandere in question can provide for them, there's no need for the darling to ever lift a finger.

Some soft yandere examples would be Thoma (Genshin Impact, KING of nicknames), Izuku Midorya (BNHA), Yoichi Saotome (Seraph of the End), Barbara Pegg (Genshin Impact), Bennett (Genshin Impact), Mikaela Hyakuya (Seraph of the End), Ochako Uraraka (BNHA), Lilia Rouge (Twisted Wonderland)!

The ones that degrade hmmmm.... The first ones that come to mind are Childe, Kaeya (both from Genshin Impact), Dabi (BNHA, HE'S A PRO AT THIS, DON'T @ ME, IF DEGRADING YOUR LOVER WAS A JOB THIS MAN WOULD BE A MILLIONAIRE), Bakugo Katsuki (BNHA), Dazai Osamu (Bungo Stray Dogs)

And then of course, we have the more sadistic yanderes, the ones who flat out see you as a helpless little creature that just NEEDS to be protected at all costs. They're the big and strong knight in shining armor, and you're.... you! Asbjhswty, you make them soft, okay!!!! Just, use them as a shield or whatever, let them love you!! Just, stay soft and sweet, and you'll be fine.... Maybe!!! The nicknames would probably be something along the lines of "my love", "light of my life", they'd probably call you their spouse or something!

Examples would be Germany, Russia and England (Hetalia), Diluc (Genshin Impact), Xiao (Genshin Impact), Dazai Osamu (he's a versatile dude lmao, he can fit anywhere tbh)!

#yandere #yancore #yanderecore #yandere aesthetic #yandere x reader #yandere imagines #yandere x you #yandere scenarios #aesthetic

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caffeinatedseri · 3 years

Text

The Strength of Selfishness

Each character in BSD has a degree of selfishness or selflessness in themselves, but the way this concept is executed opens discussion on the nuance of “selfishness,” or specifically the flaws in believing selfishness is an inherently bad trait.

Atsushi

Atsushi fits the description of selflessness, but I’d argue that he’s actually more selfish than he thinks he is (keeping in mind that being selfish isn’t necessarily a bad thing).

Akutagawa points out how Atsushi will needlessly risk his life in order to protect others, which sounds like a pretty heroic act, but it comes with a cost. Atsushi isn’t invincible, especially at this point in the story when he hasn’t fully mastered his ability, but his insistence on protecting others puts him in constant danger.

At the end of the day, Atsushi would have a greater chance of surviving many of the dangerous situations he puts himself into if he was more selfish by protecting himself before others.

However, Atsushi is also somewhat selfish in his motivations for acting so virtuously.

Once again, Akutagawa points out how Atsushi only acts this way because of his deeply rooted belief that he has to risk his life for someone else in order to give his life value. You could argue that Atsushi only saves others as an attempt to prove to himself that he’s worthy, an inherently selfish motive. If Atsushi actually died, he would be endangering the people he could save in the future.

Selfishness also includes self-centeredness. Particularly with Akutagawa, Atsushi’s tendency to focus solely on himself becomes especially noticeable. Atsushi constantly doubts himself and his strengths; he also ignores his privileges and the struggles of others, particularly when he can’t completely understand them — hence why he views Akutagawa so harshly but sees Kyouka and Lucy as people who need to be saved.

Despite all of this, Atsushi still creates a positive impact in other people’s lives. His innately selfish motivation is what drives him to protect others, and he ultimately succeeds in doing that (case in point Kyouka and Lucy again).

Akutagawa

Akutagawa is pretty similar to Atsushi in how his past led to his inevitably selfish motives, but his manifests in a different way.

Akutagawa has to be selfish to protect himself, due to a mix of his past prior to joining the mafia and Dazai’s teachings that collectively reinforced the belief that if he’s weak, he can’t survive.

This results in Akutagawa taking other people’s lives, a direct contrast to how Atsushi saves others, in order to prove his worth as a strong individual that deserves to live. However, this sentiment narrowly crosses the line of hypocrisy when Akutagawa does the very same thing that he criticized Atsushi for: looking for value in his life through other people.

Akutagawa also unnecessarily risks his life in order to prove his strength, which is arguably more dangerous and selfish than what Atsushi does.

When Akutagawa fights Hawthorne, he practically eggs on Hawthorne to kill him, or at the very least fight with the intent to kill. Akutagawa was also injured before entering this fight, so running away would’ve been all the more reasonable than continuing to fight.

Drawing another parallel to Atsushi, Akutagawa has that very same resolve of risking his life unnecessarily to prove his worth.

It’s undeniable that Akutagawa has killed many people — which is arguably extremely selfish — and loss of life really isn’t something that I want to push as morally correct. However, I would like to push the idea of redemption: finding a way to escape this messy lifestyle. I sincerely doubt that the incessant cycle of killing is any good for Akutagawa, or that it’s the life that he wants to have.

With Atsushi and Akutagawa, both of their character arcs will develop accordingly to this balance of selfishness and selflessness.

Ranpo

Ranpo is characterized in a slightly selfish way, but this mindset comes with good reason (relating to Ranpo’s past).

When Atsushi was kidnapped, Ranpo places priority on protecting the agency. If he were to meddle with Atsushi’s problem, which was technically a personal issue, then the agency as an organization would be put at risk. This isn’t necessarily a “wrong” mindset, but it is self-centered.

Of course, this is one of many examples to showcase Ranpo’s arrogance, but his arrogance is actually a form of self-protection.

“So his father knew, after all. He understood that Ranpo possessed an extraordinary gift. He knew his son had the special ability to observe, remember, and uncover the truth in the blink of an eye. That was why he sealed it away. He didn’t want Ranpo to go astray, to ever hurt others and make the world his enemy. His father wanted Ranpo to learn virtue and what’s right just like any ordinary person until he had grown up with good judgment and knowledge.” — LN 3, “The Untold Origins of the Detective Agency”

Before Ranpo met Fukuzawa, he was just a young, lost boy who didn’t recognize his extraordinary talents. His parents taught him to be modest to allow him to develop as a normal person, but he never truly understood who he was in comparison to other people because he was orphaned at a young age.

Thus, Ranpo had to embrace his superiority, in an albeit dramatic way, in order to accept the world and himself. If he believed that people weren’t as intelligent as him, then he wouldn’t have to hate himself for feeling like an outsider to a world he doesn’t understand.

Similarly to Akutagawa, Ranpo’s selfishness isn’t born out of hatred or negligence for others, it’s simply a survivalist instinct.

Dazai

Dazai’s case is a little trickier to define, but I feel that he’s changed a decent amount throughout the series. I’ve seen some people argue that Dazai only helps others because of Oda’s dying wish, which would make his motivations for doing so inherently selfish. This rings true for Dazai before becoming a part of the agency, but I’d say he’s changed a lot just from interacting with the other agency members.

Dazai’s shown to be capable of the selflessness that involves risking your life for others, but because he’s Dazai, he’s most likely never going to actually die (he has taken necessary precautions to make sure he doesn’t die like in Dead Apple). In this case, Dazai was willing to risk his life for intel from Fyodor, similar to how he got captured by the PM intentionally for intel on Atsushi.

What he says here is especially important: “Certainly, people are sinfully stupid. But what’s so wrong about that?” The Dazai that was once isolated from others, that lacked a sense of direction and purpose in life, has grown one step closer to finding that purpose.

It’s no secret that character to character relationships have a big impact on everyone in BSD, but it’s especially relevant for Dazai who’s growth comes from learning about human nature. He and Fyodor both share a level of super intelligence that ostracizes them from the rest of society, which consequently makes them incapable of understanding other people.

Dazai’s statement here just shows how he’s willing to look past people’s mistakes — yes, they may be sinful and/or stupid, but that’s just a part of human nature.

And in this case, he acts in a stupid way by risking his life for someone else. Yes, it may be stupid, but this selflessness is also a part of being human.

I’d also like to add that Dazai was somewhat selfish in leaving the PM so suddenly after Oda’s death. As an executive, he undoubtedly had some responsibilities to handle, and not to mention Chuuya who was dragged into the mafia because of him in the first place. However, leaving the mafia was ultimately better for his development, and you could argue that the PM is doing just fine with Mori remaining as the leader. Thus, Dazai is another example of how selfishness isn’t harmful in nature.

Mori

On the topic of Mori, he’s a character who outright acknowledges his selflessness as a necessity for the mafia’s advancement.

As I mentioned before, selflessness is a stereotypically heroic trait, but it’s flipped around in BSD. You see protagonists with greater selfish convictions than the antagonists, who live their life based on this idea of selflessness.

Of course, just because Mori is an antagonist, this doesn’t mean that selflessness is an innately “evil” trait. In fact, this selflessness is how he grows his organization and gains respect from his subordinates. Mori’s selflessness is used for the benefit of everyone else in the PM (ignoring the obvious crimes that the mafia commits of course).

Oda

Oda is often seen as the role model example for a “good man,” in the world of BSD — which is true to a certain extent. We certainly know how he was selfless in a multitude of scenarios, from saving the orphans at the Dragon’s Head Conflict, to his resolve to not kill anyone, and his push for Dazai to leave the mafia.

However, I’d like to discuss Oda’s selfishness. Oda was well-aware of Dazai’s issues during Dark Era, and he seemed like the only person who would understand Dazai at that level. Despite this, he still chose to die.

“(Dazai) is just a child who’s too smart. Just a crying child who’s been left alone in the darkness, a world of nothingness far emptier than the world we can see.”

— LN 2, “Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era”

Oda is an idealist first and foremost; when reality fails to match his ideals, it becomes unbearable for him to continue living on.

Oda was selfish in his conviction to die, because he knew he could’ve done more for Dazai, but he chose to leave him with a dying wish rather than staying with him to potentially fill that void of loneliness.

(I’d like to mention that Oda wasn’t wrong for his choice, because Dazai ended up on the right path in the end. It was simply an act of selfishness that ended for the better).

Kunikida

Kunikida is an idealist, much like Oda, but he also draws close to being a realist at certain moments.

Kunikida shares the same selfless resolve as Atsushi: to save everyone. His ideals seem unbreakable to the point where he would risk his life and succeed in the end no matter what, purely because he’s just that committed towards his goals.

This treads closely to Atsushi’s selfishness. In this case, for Kunikida, it’s somewhat a part of his self-fulfilling prophecy to make his ideals come true, but he acts selflessly because of these ideals that he believes in.

An important thing to note here is Fyodor’s grin, because Fyodor — as an idealist — is well aware of the fact that the greater the ideals, the loftier these ideals become in reality.

“By that very logic, then Miss Sasaki was not responsible for any of these recent events! She didn’t even want a world in which all criminals are rightly judged! She only— Tell me, Dazai! Was it right for her to die? Is this the ideal world I’ve sought for…”

— LN 1, “Osamu Dazai’s Entrance Exam”

At the end of the Azure Messenger Arc, Kunikida realizes the flaws in his ideals when he fails to uphold them. By trying to save both Rokuzou and Sasaki, he ended up losing the both of them. No matter how hard he tried to save them, there was no possible way for him to achieve the level of “justice” that he desired.

This teaches an incredibly valuable lesson to Kunikida that shifts his mindset towards a more selfish direction.

Kunikida’s experience leads him to teach Atsushi, another person strongly motivated by ideals, to not follow the same path as him. You could interpret this as a sign of Kunikida’s declining resolve, but I prefer to view it as another form of self-preservation.

Kunikida very well understands the pain that comes from not meeting his ideals, which could easily affect to Atsushi considering how difficult it would be to save Kyouka.

The scene in which Kunikida goes to save Atsushi parallels what Kunikida told him previously: “Your boat can only carry one person. If you let someone beyond salvation come aboard, you will only drown together.”

Notice how Kunikida is in a boat with plenty of space, but out of fear that his ideals won’t be upheld, he’ll lower them to an lesser standard. Instead of trying to save two people, he settles for one, despite the fact that he has the capacity for two.

This instance is a moment of selfishness from Kunikida, an act of self-preservation to prevent the inevitable pain that comes with unmet ideals.

However, Atsushi subverts his expectations by pushing himself to save Kyouka regardless of his sinking boat, because Atsushi’s own ideals motivate him to do so. Kunikida teaches Atsushi to be careful with the balance of selfishness and selflessness; Atsushi teaches Kunikida the beauty in being selfless.

#bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd meta #bsd atsushi #bsd akutagawa #bsd rampo #bsd dazai #bsd mori #bsd oda #bsd kunikida #idk what an idealist is tbh

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animepreferences · 4 years

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P R E F E R E N C E #4 - U N P R E T T Y

A K U T A G A W A

“You can’t just keep running away from me.” You would finally break the deafening silence, your hand grasping onto his wrist preventing him from walking away. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Akutagawa would argue stubbornly, ripping his hand away from you. “This. This is exactly what I’m talking about. The second things get uncomfortable, you leave me. You leave me here to worry, to fret, to make myself sick over whether or not you’re safe.” Towards the end of your statement, your voice would grow thick with emotion, the tears betraying you as they rushed to the surface of your eyes. You didn’t like arguing with him. You didn’t like spending your limited time being upset with one another, but this was necessary. Communication was necessary. “I’m going crazy, Aku. Just please. Please let me in and then maybe I could understand, maybe I could help. I just feel like you’re holding me captive here,” Akutagawa would let out a dark, humorless snort as he would turn around to stare at you menacingly. “Captive? Prisoner? Worry? What you don’t understand is that I’m trying to keep you safe. There is a big fat target on my back at all times, Y/N. And because you’re stupid enough to associate with me, that means there’s one on your back as well. Do you have any idea how much I worry about you? How often I rack my brain trying to assure that your safety comes first?” His words were laced with desperation, his hard exterior crumbling before your eyes as you watched him deteriorate. This was the first time he had really let his guard down to tell you all this. “Aku, I can take care of myself—“

“I don’t think you understand that you are my life now, Y/N. I will protect you at all costs. I will do whatever it takes. You-You don’t see the monsters I see everyday, you don’t know of how ugly this world really is. The only reason why I know is because I am the ugly and the evil.” Dropping his head in his hands, your mouth would drop. How could he say that about himself? “You are not ugly and evil. You’re good. Your heart is warm, and your soul is pure. You’ve just been through a lot and have some wounds to heal and that’s why I’m here.” Lifting his chin with your thumb and forefinger, you would be surprised by the tears that trickled down his cheeks. “I just wish you knew how much you mean to me. I’m not doing all of this to make you feel imprisoned, I’m just trying to protect you.” He would sniffle, tortured eyes locking on your own. “I know you are. I’m sorry for getting upset with you. I just need an explanation as to why all of this is necessary, Aku, you understand, correct?” You would ask, watching as he nodded his head slowly. “I just don’t want to lose you.” He would whisper softly, his eyes darting away from yours that were filled with compassion and understand that he just felt he didn’t deserve. “You’re never gonna lose me.” Were your last words before you pressed your lips to his, electricity radiating through both of your body’s.

D A Z A I

“I can see so much going on in that head of yours.” You would smooth the wrinkles between his furrowed brows, your fingertips gently tracing down his face. “And yet, you continue to selfishly keep me out. Quit leaving me in the dark, Dazai. Please let me know the real you.” Your pleading words would cause him to wince, his eyes clamping shut in pain. You wanted to know the real him, but were you prepared? Prepared to know who he really was? Prepared to know what he’d done? Prepared to know that he himself was a killer? “There are things that are better unheard and unsaid sometimes.” Turning back to his desk, his face white as a ghost, you would stare at him first in shock then with anger. “You know what? Enough.” Slamming his laptop closed and pushing the papers off the desk in a blinding rage, you would swing his chair around so that he was forced to look at you. “I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough of not being able to help you. Enough of watching the pain in your eyes knowing there’s not a damn thing I can do to help you recover from the things that you have seen. I want to help you. I don’t care if you think I’ll see you differently, I don’t care if you expose me to something that you don’t think I’m prepared for, all I care about is you and you alone. And I’m exhausted of trying to read between the lines. I’m not Rampo, Dazai. You need to free yourself at once and tell me before it’s too late because I swear to god if I have to be the one that buries you six feet under, I’m going to piss on your grave.” These were words he had never knew you were capable of saying, the harshness intertwined with the urgency showing him that you were no longer going to endure being left in the dark. It was words he never wanted to hear, but words he needed to. Words to know that you meant business for once and for all. Dropping before you to his knees, he would clutch your slacks with his fists, tears racking through his body as he hid his face in your knees. “D-Dazai...”You would say in surprise never seeing him before in this state. Hands finding your way to his head, your fingers would stroke through his shaggy locks desperately trying to calm him but it wouldn’t let out. Soon, you would join him on the ground where he would tell you his story without breaking eye contact the entire time, fearful the moment he looked away you would have time to perceive him as the monster he knew he was. “You are a different person now, my love. Nothing will ever change what you mean to me. Your heart is pure.” You would utter, pulling him to your chest as you comforted his tortured soul. It was not too often Dazai allowed you to coddle him as he always enjoyed the feeling of coddling you, but this time he was too tired to fight it. Relaxing into your arms, he would let out a sigh, his eyes closing as he drank in your sweet aroma. “Don’t ever leave me Y/F/N. I really think my reason to exist would cease completely the day you were to walk away.” Pressing his head against your heart, he would sigh peacefully at the soft thuds, thankful he had you in his life. “I will never leave, Osamu Dazai. Not ever.”

C H U U Y A

“What is wrong with you?” His words would be calm, though it would be blatantly obvious that a storm was brewing behind his words, the anger building with each syllable. “You always asks me what’s wrong, what’s going on, if I’m okay when you should really be asking yourself that. What’s wrong with you, Y/N? Are you really so mentally unhinged that you would really allow yourself to stay with someone who’s main purpose in life is to serve the Port Mafia to kill and to be a weapon? Do you really even hear yourself sometimes?” His words were cruel, his temper unyielding as he stared spitefully back at you hoping to warrant some kind of reaction. Much to his dismay, however, you would simply just stand there, staring back at him blankly. “Are you even listening to me? Y/N, I don’t understand how someone as intelligent as you could really choose to be so stupid. I am one of the most powerful people in this affiliation and with power comes danger, yet you stick around. You’re so idiotic and naive,” You could hear the desperation in his voice as you continued to stare at him, your eyes narrowing ever so slightly. “That is quite enough, Chuuya.” Taking a step towards him, he would gulp at the calmness in your eyes. How were you not even flinching at his words? “You may frighten everyone else, but you don’t for a second frighten me. I know who you are. I know what I was signing up for the moment I fell in love with you and learned the truth. I am not stupid. I am not dumb. I am not idiotic. I am not naive. Which is why I can see what you’re doing: you’re trying to push me away because YOU are the one that is scared. But you have met your match, Chuuya-San. Because I am just as stubborn as you and I will never allow you to push me away. So, do your worse. Hurt me. Tear me apart. Damage me. You won’t do anything to make me leave you; to make me love you less.” He would stare at you, mouth parted in horror, eyes scintillating with complete fear. Very few had ever been willing to stand up to him like this; to put him in his place with little difficulty. Among these people you were the least intimidating and yet, he had never once felt the need to relinquish so much in his life. He had messed with the wrong person. “Y/N, I—“ He would choke before taking a step toward you, his face unreadable to most. You, however, could see the desperation hiding under those cold features. He didn’t mean it, of course he didn’t. He was only scared, you knew this. He needed you, arguably more than you needed him. Approaching him, you would grab his head and crush it to your chest giving him a tight, sincere embrace. Body melting into you, Chuuya would fight the tears that brimmed to your eyes. You were thankful he couldn’t see yours. “I’m sorry, Y/F/N. I don’t deserve you.” He would utter, lifting his head to meet your own wet eyes. Kissing away your rolling tears, he would pause as you began to shake your head. “That’s when we get into trouble, Chuuya. Can’t you just understand that we deserve each other? That we’re both lucky to love one another?” This would make him smile, as he leaned in to press a gentle kiss to your lips. “We are very fortunate, indeed.”

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xxxsoukokuxxx · 4 years

Text

There’s more than what meets the eye

Bungo Stray Dogs

Character : Dazai Osamu

Note: A little oneshot, Angst

Warnings : dazai’s typical mentions of suicide (except a little deeper)

The midnight sky envelopes Yokohama in it’s dark embrace. Thousands of stars litter the sky. The cold but gentle breeze rustling a few leaves in various trees. A man in a sand trench coat stares at the endless sky. His expression blank. Though his eyes carried dark secrets. His dark chocolate brown hair blows slightly in the wind. His mocha brown eyes showing that he was deep in thought.

He sighed heavily whilst closing his heavy lidded eyes. ‘Anything I would never want to lose is always lost. It is a given that everything that is worth wanting will be lost the moment I obtain it. There’s nothing worth pursuing at the cost of prolonging a life of suffering.’ Is that case now as well?

He went into nostalgia thinking about his dear friend. How he was the only one who could understand him. Was he destined to be like this? A monster? A person who doesn’t deserve happiness? Was he destined to lose everything or anything that he bothered to obtain?

The cold breeze kissed his skin as he opened his eyes again to look at the ivory moon placed at the centre of the sky. It was at times like these that he finally let his mask fall. He was emotionally and mentally tired. It was exhausting but it was better than letting his mask fall. It was only when he was alone that he would let his guard down a bit like this. He gripped onto the steel railing of the balcony upon which he stood on. He leaned some of his weight against it not bothering if it would give up or not.

Of course he wouldn’t bother about such a thing. He’s given up on life. He only exists because he gave up on death too. ‘Countless suicide attempts’ It’s like not even death wants him. Or maybe he doesn’t want death to embrace him just yet. Only he would know such a thing. ‘Perhaps I deserve to live in eternal suffering’ he thought. He chuckles with a pained expression, “Am I a good person...Odasaku?” he asks to the starry skies above him. He sighs.

A little tear falls from his heavy lidded eyes and trails down his pale cheeks. He tries to hold it in but he can’t. All day he keeps smiling and lazing about like he doesn’t have a care in the world. But...there’s more than what meets the eye. The tear falls to the floor and his grip tightens on the railing. ‘I’m so tired’

He turns around and sits down, crouching with his knees tucked up to his chest. Memories of his friend shoot past his mind. He lowers his head. “Be on the side that saves people. If both sides are the same, become a good man. Save the weak, and protect the orphans. Neither good nor evil means much to you, I know…but that'd make you at least a little bit better…” “How do you know?” “Of course I know. I know better than anyone. Because…I am your friend.” He has a lump in his throat. He finally lets out tears without holding it in. The wind starts getting a little heavier as it starts to drizzle. The midnight sky crying along with him.

He holds in screams of agony and sorrow. Darkness clouds his mind. Perhaps he needed to let some of it out. Instead of harbouring all that pain. The rain starts getting heavier as it drowns out his little cries of sorrow. The pain in his chest getting a little heavier as well. It was only when out of sight of anyone that he let his mask fall.

#dazai osamu #angst #depression #bungo stray dogs #mentions of odasaku #this seems amateur...i hope someone likes it

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crow-writes-stuff · 4 years

Text

Reprieve

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: 文豪ストレイドッグス | Bungou Stray Dogs Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Izumi Kyouka & Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu & Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), possible Dazai Osamu/Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs) Characters: Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Izumi Kyouka (Bungou Stray Dogs), Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs) Additional Tags: Chuuya joins the ADA, Chuuya is basically a big brother for Kyouka, Protective Izumi Kyouka, in a cute way, Protective Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Stressed Nakahara Chuuya (Bungou Stray Dogs), Nakahara Chuuya Needs a Hug (Bungou Stray Dogs), Nakahara Chuuya gets a hug, from Kyouka, Future Armed Detective Agency Member Nakahara Chuuya, Caring Dazai Osamu (Bungou Stray Dogs), Chuuya-Typical Swearing, Light Angst Series: Part 2 of Affirmation Summary:

Chuuya is awaiting the decision of the ADA's president. At least Kyouka is happy to see him.

Sequel to Death Sentence

Ao3

Everyone is staring at him. Chuuya has to force every muscle in his body to stay still, do not fidget. He wants to tell them all to stop looking at him. He can't.

Dazai left him with the rest of the Armed Detective Agency to talk with the president in private. Chuuya feels like he's been thrown to the wolves. And he can't fucking do anything about it! He can't tell them to fuck off, he can't threaten them. Because for some fucking reason, Dazai thinks he should join them.

Someone moves. Chuuya doesn't react. It costs him almost everything, but he doesn't move.

"Chuuya-san." Kyouka. It's Kyouka who moved, standing now in front of him. Chuuya relaxes. He can deal with Kyouka. She's one of his. Not in the sense of belonging to the Port Mafia (or not anymore). She is one of his just like the Akutagawa siblings are. People to take care of.

She looks so serious. "Are you alright, Chuuya-san?" He smiles at her. "I'm fine. You don't need to worry about me." She nods and lowers her eyes. She's fidgeting with her phone. "Really, it's okay," Chuuya adds. "What about you? How are you doing?"

He's still painfully aware of all the eyes watching him. But he can focus on Kyouka. Even if it's just to distract them both.

There is a moment of more fidgeting before Kyouka looks up. "I like it here." Chuuya nods. He understands what she's trying to say. "That's good to hear."

Kyouka suddenly dashes forward, wrapping her arms around him. Chuuya has to take a step back in surprise, before hugging her in return. He isn't sure what this is about, but he's not going to push her away.

Before she can explain, the door to the president's office opens. Because, of course, it does. Chuuya wonders if Dazai planned this timing. He couldn't have, right? It's Dazai. Of course, he could.

Kyouka scrambles to let go of him but doesn't move farther away. Chuuya finds himself silently grateful for at least one person not being horribly suspicious of him. Not that he can blame anyone. He'd be doing the exact same thing in their place.

He straightens his back and turns to look at the president. Dazai is standing right behind him, with an easy smile on his face. That's a good sign, Chuuya supposes.

It's also Dazai who speaks first: "Kyouka-chan, I have a question for you since you're already here." Kyouka visibly stiffens, and Chuuya has the urge to tell Dazai off. She shouldn't be pulled into this. Dazai continues undisturbed: "If you had to choose right now, between Chuuya and me, who would you want to stay?" This time, Chuuya can't hold back. "Dazai," he warns lowly. But Kyouka surprises him. She pushes her chin out and looks at Dazai defiantly. "Chuuya-san."

Chuuya looks at her, amazed. There are some murmurs behind them, but he ignores them. Dazai just keeps smiling. "Thank you." Kyouka nods stiffly and moves minimally closer to Chuuya. He's going to have to ask her how Dazai's been treating her. Chuuya is not above kicking Dazai's ass, even now.

"Nakahara-kun," the president finally speaks. The room goes absolutely silent. Chuuya can feel his own muscles grow rigid as he looks at the man. To be perfectly honest, he has no idea what to expect. His previous interactions with the man didn't exactly paint Chuuya in the best light. He would not blame him for just sending him away right now. If it wasn't for Dazai, Chuuya wouldn't even have tried talking to anyone here. "Dazai has made the proposition of you joining the Armed Detective Agency. I am going to be honest: I was and still am sceptical."

No shit. Chuuya glances over to Dazai. He's still smiling. Alright then.

"However," the president continues, "Dazai has made several good points." It's Dazai, he could argue for almost anything, and most people would start believing him. But Chuuya doesn't think the president that foolish.

"I have agreed to let you stay for now." Chuuya stares at him. "With a few conditions." Of course. "You will stay with Dazai at all times until we have determined if you truly are suitable to join us. You will follow any orders you are given by the Agency members. And, though I hope this is a given, you will refrain from killing anyone."

That... That's it?

Chuuya blinks. "Okay," he says because he has no idea what else to do. Dazai grins at him. Kyouka's hand finds his, and he looks down at her to find her smiling as well. The president nods at him and turns to leave.

"Uh, thanks," Chuuya adds lamely. Dazai's grin turns amused, and Chuuya glares at him. The president nods again and returns to his office, the door closing behind him.

Chuuya continues staring at it until he feels a tuck on his hand. Kyouka is looking at him, worry written all over her face. "Chuuya-san, do you need to sit down?" "I don't know," he answers honestly. This day is so far removed from anything he had expected to happen. He has no idea what he's supposed to do or how to feel.

Dazai appears next to him, puts a hand on his back, grounding him. Chuuya looks at him. "What the hell did you say to him?" he finally chokes out. Dazai's smile turns soft, and something twists inside Chuuya. "Just the truth." Chuuya's eyes widen, and Dazai is quick to add: "Nothing too personal, of course." They both know exactly what he's referring to, and Chuuya finds himself surprisingly grateful. Grateful for Dazai. Not a thought he expected today either.

"Alright," a voice interrupts. "Dazai, care to explain what is going on here?" It's Dazai's new partner. Kunikida, if Chuuya remembers correctly. He looks justifiably pissed off. Though more at Dazai than Chuuya, to his surprise.

Dazai grins at him. "Isn't it obvious?" This causes Kunikida to start yelling at Dazai that, no, it is not, explain, dammit. Chuuya feels a weird kinship with the man. It is undeniable that he has been working with Dazai for a while. Dazai sighs in that infuriating way of his, only it's not directed at Chuuya. "Fine, fine. Short version: Mori wanted to get rid of Chuuya, preferably by him dying. Chuuya said no and left, and I suggested he join the Agency. And the president agreed to let him stay, as you just witnessed. It's really not that complicated, Kunikida." The man is fuming at this point.

Kyouka pulls gently on Chuuya's hand. She leads them to a small couch and sits down, Chuuya following. Dazai is still being yelled at. He clearly doesn't care in the slightest, only causing Kunikida to shout even louder. It's awfully familiar.

Meanwhile, the rest of the Agency, clearly used to this sort of thing, move closer towards Chuuya and Kyouka. The tiger boy, Atsushi, Chuuya reminds himself, is the first to speak up: "So, uh, welcome to the Agency, I suppose." He clearly tries to sound cheerful, but his nervousness is painfully apparent. "He hasn't really joined yet," interjects the detective. Edogawa Ranpo. Chuuya is not particularly fond of him. For obvious reasons. "But he's staying, so we should all be nice to him!" That's the farm boy, Kenji. Chuuya likes him. They didn't get to seriously fight but what he saw was impressive. Also, the kid's too genuine to dislike.

Dazai grins at him from where he's still getting yelled at. The bastard knows Chuuya has a soft spot for children. Speaking of children, Kyouka is silently glaring at Ranpo. Chuuya almost laughs. Instead, he just squeezes her hand slightly. She still hasn't let go of him. She blushes and looks away.

The doctor, who up to this point has been silently watching, steps forward. "I'm just going to say this once: If you hurt anyone in the Agency, I will personally rip you piece to piece, skin you alive and then do it all over again." Chuuya nods at her. "Good." This seems to take not only her by surprise. Chuuya shrugs. "What? I wouldn't trust me either if I was in your place. It could all just be a trick, as far as you know." "Is it?" The detective looks at him. "What?" "Is it a trick?" Chuuya looks back, just as intently. "Not as far as I'm aware." "What's that supposed to mean?" The doctor glares at him, but the detective nods. Chuuya is self-aware enough to know he's intellectually not on par with Mori. This could all be part of some kind of convoluted plan. He doubts it, be he can't discard the possibility. The detective understands. And so does Dazai, he's sure.

"Well, Dazai's going to keep an eye on him, so I'm honestly not too worried," says a new voice. "I'm Tanizaki Junchirou, by the way." Chuuya nods. The one with the illusion ability. "And this is my sister Naomi." The girl clinging to his arm smiles adoringly before turning a far colder look towards Chuuya. She's clearly not impressed. He can live with that.

Finally, after having yelled enough at an uncaring Dazai, Kunikida also stalks over. He stabs a finger towards Chuuya. "I will also keep an eye on you, and if you do anything suspicious, I will not hesitate to end your life." Chuuya is honestly a bit surprised by all of their confidence that they could hurt him so easily. That said, they do have Dazai on their side. And as much as he hates to admit it, the detective also successfully tricked him before. So, Chuuya nods. "Got it."

Somehow, now that everyone that wanted got their threats out, the atmosphere seems to relax. Dazai joins them finally and lets himself fall down on the couch next to Chuuya. He throws one arm around his shoulder and grins at him. "Welcome to the Armed Detective Agency, Chuuya."

#bsd #Bungou Stray Dogs #bungo stray dogs #Nakahara Chuuya #bsd chuuya #izumi kyouka #bsd kyouka #Dazai Osamu #bsd dazai #soukoku

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hnnnfdfds · 5 years

Note

Prompt: 63 Indigo skies just before dawn with Mafia Dazai x Atsushi. :)

Here, Anon... I’m sorry for the ending of this. But thank you for the prompt! I loved to try my hand at Mafia!Dazai... somewhat. Anyway, a quick warning due to Dazai being a mafia member, I had to tweak Atsushi’s character a bit... I hope you all are ok this Atsu.

Here are the prompts!

—

63. Indigo skies just before dawn

—

Atsushi knows fear.

He has learned from a young age how to taste, feel and see it. How to sense and polish it until it can be either used as a shield to protect himself or as a weapon to fight. He isn’t natural or comfortable hurting other people but growing up in an orphanage full of people who hate you, teaches two or three things about ignoring that uncomfortableness.

Which is why he senes the fear building in Ranpo before it shows.

“Behind me, Atsushi,” he says, voice somewhat urgent.

Ranpo doesn’t show that amount of care towards him usually. Whilst it’s clear that Ranpo doesn’t hate him—by the sweets on his desk whenever he finishes a job or a pat on his arm whenever he comes back safe—it’s unusual for Ranpo to voice it. Words come hard for someone who doesn’t know what to do with them.

He nods and steps back for the moment. Both of them know though he’d leap at the enemy the moment he smells danger towards Ranpo. Atsushi knows he’ll do it because he’s the combat type. Ranpo knows Atsushi’ll do it because his subordinate is a fool that cares way too much.

Both also know that Ranpo will try to stop him.

“Oh, my,” a voice echoes around the beach, “I haven’t seen anyone of you for a while now.”

Atsushi looks up at the new arrival and… stares.

He can’t deny the man’s beauty. No matter how much a part of him wants to, there’s no denying that those sepia-brown colored eyes are probably the most calming ones he’s ever seen or that he’s rather fluffy hair fits around the shape of his head well. Or that the face maybe has been structured by a god.

That said though, Atsushi’s also someone who doesn’t really care that much about looks. His hair is still that unevenly cut created by someone who wanted to see him suffer after all.

So it’s not hard to notice the steel-cold look in those pretty eyes or that cunning smirk resting behind that nonchalant attitude. This man breathes danger and Atsushi has to take a few seconds to shove down the fear he develops and turn it into a resolve to not panic.

He has to make sure Ranpo stays safe at all costs.

“Hmm, a new one?”

He can feel the other’s gaze on him, burning deeply into his skin. In front of him, Ranpo draws a sharp breath.

It’s not good that he’s getting noticed for Ranpo.

For Atsushi though, this is an opportunity to make sure Ranpo stays safe.

He glares at the other but keeps his face impassive. The fear in him is boiling and he’ll use that to his own advantage.

Apparently, that catches the man’s curiosity.

“Well, should I introduce myself? My name is…”

Ranpo turns to stare at him as he mouths, ‘Atsushi, run!’

He shakes his head gently in response, ignoring fear filling into the other’s emerald eyes.

“... Dazai Osamu.”

He knows that name. Months ago when he joined, Kunikida called him aside and explained to him what was essential knowledge about the agency. That knowledge included the Port Mafia.

Especially it’s member Dazai Osamu, the very man standing before him.

“If you see this man… run Atsushi.”

He remembers the tone Kunikida used, remembers realizing that running was just a fickle hope because most likely he’d end up dead.

And now he stands before this man that contradicts anything Atsushi used to stand for.

But Atsushi knows how to wield fear as a weapon, knows how to look at men with more blood on their hands than color in eyes and persist. Atsushi cannot run. Not with Ranpo there, not with the shattered windows of the orphanage in the back of his mind. So he walks in front of Ranpo and continues to glare at the mafia member.

“Ranpo-san,” he speaks up for the first time of this encounter, “leave.”

“Idiot, what th—”

“I told you to leave, didn’t I? Get help, preferably Yosano-san or Kunikida-san.”

It’s silent for a few minutes and Dazai raises an eyebrow in amusement. Then Ranpo runs, curse words leaving his mouth.

“He left you to die all alone, huh?”

Atsushi shakes his head. “You are not here to kill me.”

“And why are you so sure of that?”

“I wouldn’t be standing and breathing if you wanted me death… You probably only see this as a quick, fun past-time activity.”

By the quirk of the other’s lips, Atsushi knows he’s playing his cards properly.

“Hmm, but what if I get bored?”

And Atsushi smiles back at him, knowing fully well how much that smile conflicts with his empty eyes.

“Then I’ll try my best to entertain you.”

Fear has shaped Atsushi and made a place for something way worse.

“Oh, but my games are not for those of faint heart, kid.”

“Dazai-san,” he starts, crouching down with one knee as he puts his gloved hands on the ground, “I wouldn’t mind feasting on your blood.”

It has made a place for a creature so luminous beneath the moonlight.

He shifts his whole weight into that one leg and waits.

And then he charges at the other, leaving behind any form of humanity he wears.

He’s the beast beneath the moonlight and he’s used to wearing cloaks made of a crimson color.

“Dazai Osamu posses a nullification ability which can be activated by touch.”

Avoid contact and dodge. Easy, he’s been doing that all his childhood.

He twists out of the way of the other’s attacks and dances around him, ready to strike whenever he finds an opening.

“There’s no hesitancy in your movements,” Dazai notes, smirk fully visible. “Not like your co-workers who hold back from killing me out of all people.”

Atsushi still wears his smile.

“I don’t see the point in leaving someone so troublesome alive,” he admits.

The killing has never been easy but the corpses rotting in the orphanage didn’t happen out of anywhere.

“With that attitude to taking lives, you’d fit perfectly into the mafia.”

Atsushi sees the words for what they are—a taunt. Dazai hopes to use his morals to provoke him into being careless. The thing is, if those two share something then it’s probably the lack of their morals.

“Probably,” he responds shamelessly, jumping out of the way of a kick.

Dazai blinks at that reply.

“Then why aren’t you?”

Atsushi shrugs.

“If I don’t care either way it’s just better to do the thing that makes people happier—saving lives and all, you know?” He doesn’t mention that that way of thinking is inspired by people being more intractable when he kills others.

But apparently, he doesn’t have to because the mafia member is staring at him with wide eyes now and suddenly Atsushi has the feeling that the situation is about to change.

Minutes pass.

And then—

A smile so blinding settles on the other’s face, as indigo colored light shines on him.

“Say… you won’t join the mafia at all, will you?”

Atsushi thinks about it for a moment but then realizes that Kunikida would definitely kill him for joining and Ranpo would never talk to him again. Plus Yosano can be quite scary when she’s mad…

“No, not really. Why?”

“Hmm, then I’ll join the agency instead!”

“What the fuck?”

Both turn around to stare at Kunikida who is gaping like a fish at Dazai and Ranpo who just shakes his head with a sigh.

Atsushi turns to look back at Dazai before his gaze wanders up to the indigo sky. It feels almost like the sky wishes him good luck for somewhat reason but when Dazai steps closer, smiling at him he thinks he needs luck.

“Don’t dream of indigo skies,” he mumbles.

“Is something?”

He looks at the mafia member—apparently former mafia member now—and smiles.

“Just something I read in a book years ago.”

It’s quite sad. He’s pretty sure the book’s covered in blood now.

#dazatsu #bsd #bungou stray characters #my stars #requests #i dont do serious endings most of the time im sorry #also i rly just wanted dazai to suffer of flashabacks rip my mans #Anon #ask

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abripikuunah · 5 years

Text

The Setting Sun

Pairing: Odazai (Oda Sakunosuke x Dazai Osamu) || Word Count: 2886 || Rating: Mature (Suicidal Thoughts)

Ao3

A/N :Finally this baby is done and I can finally rest in peace! BEAST was asking for it so here you go guys- MORE ANGST.But in all seriousness, I wanted to write for a long time after not writing for almost a year and BEAST came and when I saw Harukawa's illustrations, I knew I have to write BEAST!Dazai's character and express it with words. So I try to put myself in his shoes while writing his thoughts about Oda. I planned it to be simple 1500k words but my brain love giving myself pain so I ended up with 2500 more. Needless to say,it was painful af :/.Also there isn't a full translation yet so I might be incorrect with some actions and the setting if there is a full translation. The Setting Sun effect was inspired in the BEAST cover.

A possible illustration will show up in my twitter @AbriPikuuhnah (tumblr too prob) so stay tune for that I guess. But rn my eyes need rest so yep.

Comments and Criticism is very much appreciated and I want to here your thoughts! I hope you have enjoyed this fic <3.

Summary: Today is the fated day where Dazai will witness the last moments of his life. He did it, he made sure that this world won't be swept away in their existence, that everyone would get the ending they deserve. Especially his dear friend that would be able to finally live and write the novel in his dreams.He already talked to Odasaku for the first and last time but after saying all those selfish things, what more does he possibly want?

No matter…

The setting sun would be his audience and partner to execute the finale of the play.It was afternoon and the sun is about to set.

There's a sound of clapping followed by footsteps that could be heard and are now marching closer. The two men that were just fighting momentarily ago are now staring at the man clad in black, with the exception of the red scarf hanging from his neck. He continued to walk, but halted as he proceeded to tell the people in the roof about his plans, making no time to waste.

He then introduced them to the book who birthed them all into life. The book that granted his wishes into a reality. The book that allowed those black broken wings to sprout once more and grow more corrupted than before. A book where he held a pen of revolution to let his bloodied selfish heart write in it.

He told both Atsushi and Akutagawa the importance of the book and why it must be protected. That nobody else should touch it and nothing should be written in ‘it’.

‘Because this world would be destroyed.’

He then appointed the two young men to secure the book at all cost, therefore not giving them a chance to choose. But he knew they both value their own lives and did not wish to be erased from existence, that, he could let his manipulative mind to use. After his proposal , he gave the book to his subordinate, Atsushi, whose eyes were disquieted in fear. The superior gave him a smile of assurance to the young boy, providing a cold comfort before walking towards the edge.

"D-Dazai-san." Atsushi mutters, a hand reaching out, "It's dangerous over there. Please step away from the-", but before he could finish his sentence, the boss tilt his head slightly to hint a small curve tugged in the corner of his lips, eyes still hollow as ever.

"Atsushi-kun.” he calls, and stops momentarily before directly meeting his gaze, serious , breathed an heavy weight in it’s depressing color. “Don't tell anyone about the book. Not even Kyouka-chan."

Before Atsushi had the chance to open his mouth and ask the obvious question, he was interrupted again. A sigh expels out of his superior’s lips followed by a warning they both needed to heed.

"If there are three people that have the knowledge of this books true existence, the world itself would cease to exist." he admits and let those words echoes back, giving Atsushi the full message, and he knew what they mean very well. Without saying a word, he restrained himself from grabbing his boss from the dangerous edge.

The boss turned his face towards the city he owns. He’s looking towards the world his dirted hands created. The world he built and worked hard for, sacrificed almost, no, everything from his previous self for its sake.

Two pairs of eyes trailed behind him. While Dazai knew Akutagawa had no plans to save him, Atsushi’s eyes are in pain, as they were only able to watch his superior started walking closer to death's door. Dazai’s body swayed while going towards the edge, the taps of his steps though, is deafening. As he felt the sun beckoning him closer. He also felt that the world seems to stop. Everything went into a slow painstakingly motion and only his rapid thoughts dances around mercilessly.

He still revels into it nonetheless.

The wind seems to only have the freedom to move solemnly as it caressed his exposed skin. He doesn't want to wait if he has a choice, he is impatient and death is already welcoming him . He wanted to asked the damn gods why not just let him fall off and perish already to finally burst down these emotions that has been bottling up his chest in the cold ground like asphalt.

But he doesn't complain.

Dazai… does admires the sight showing its behold . The dusk reminds him the reason why he did all of this in the first place, why this cruel and unfair yet giving world existed and hoped that it perpetually keep moving on its wake.

"Odasaku!"

A voice laughs in the back of Dazai's mind.

"Are you admiring the setting sun again?"

‘Ah, again’ he thought.

His constant habit of reminiscing starts once more.

It was like this time again, where the two of them are at the docks, wandering aimlessly where they let their conversations and idle topics leads them to wherever place they ended up to, not caring about the society in a whole. Somehow, along the way , they landed in the pier, where they were just in time to witness sundown.They watched while admiring it as it slowly started to sink deep into the ocean.

"It is beautiful is it not?" He hums, looking at the older man next to him expectantly.

“It is.” Oda simply replied, nothing more, nothing less.

But regretfully now, Dazai knew that there’s more deep inside his thoughts. He knew that there’s a reserved blank canvas of Oda’s mind, a place for him paint the sunset with words, carefully crafted words and would make the downfall of the day more alluring than Dazai could comprehend.

Dazai couldn't keep count over how many days had passed since he last saw Odasaku’s warm gaze comfort him. It has been so long that it became nothing more but a distant memory that is just close to his depths of his scarred heart.

His sight is completely set on the scarlet sky, appreciating the way how the setting sun bids goodbye to him. He still wonders until today what kind of words are blooming in his mind. Odasaku never said he wanted to become a writer, until everything was too late. But Dazai remembered clearly when he started to think what does he write inside of his sentimental thoughts.

‘They're surely beautiful.’

And Dazai doesn’t feel anything else but to agree.

His rusty eyes are now transfixed to its changing hues of reds and purples of the late afternoon sky that are followed by the darkness of the night.

If you ask Dazai, however, of how he would describe the dusk , it would depend on which type of person he’s with. Like the series of masks he has, he will give you a different answer as well.

But if you honestly want to see the true answer that's been etched deep inside of him, it would've been…

“It looks a lot like you, Odasaku.” He says offhandedly.

Oda looked at him, like his word popped him out of his bubble.

Wide eyes stared at the young executive while the said man kept his gaze and purposely not looking at the red head, or else he might falter to let out a laugh. But the taller, blinks, “I see.” he breathed out and let themselves basked in the welcoming sounds of the crashing waves and watched the crepuscule.

“I mean it by the way. “ he muttered out.

And he truly does .

Dazai can fathom a lot of reasons why, from the obvious one of how the shades of red surrounded the sun that could easily be compared to his paprika hair . How the sunset flares also reminds him of Oda’s eyes that glows with a determined passion to provide and show the light.

To Dazai, he is his light, his sun. The one who provides warmth of the day and shows the beauty and grace of the never ending sky from dusk and dawn.

But the setting sun seems to fit him the best.

Not because of Oda’s features, for he just said that he is the sun himself. He realizes that it's mainly because even the time of the sunset is limited itself. As long the sun doesn’t drown deeper in the horizon, it’s your last chance to for you to be leaded back home before the shadows covers your way and be swallowed by the night.

In his previous lives, that’s exactly what happened. Before he was consumed by the abyss of hell, Oda came and became his sunset. His last chance to leave the darkness and live towards the life filled with a bittersweet light. And he took it willingly.

Now however, he doesn’t reach for it.

He strays away. Away so there won’t be any sunset to fill the hollow sky or to witness it slowly goes away again and again in his eyes. There won't be a sun to provide a day and afternoon but only a haunted starless night will be present in this life. His lip quirked into a frown before moving his eyes away from the setting sun and drifted his field of vision to the farthest surface of the earth his eyes could reach instead.

God, he keeps thinking about him too much. It hurts, it hurts too bad to miss him terribly, terribly so and the setting sun doesn’t do anything to help. His fist clenches, he then look towards the gap and finds the lonesome ground waiting for him.

Every recollection he has of them that he yearned very terribly started to plague him mind. It must be because he already decided, that this would be the fated day he would die. Death that he mourned for so many year is finally within arms reach. Maybe that's why the his world decided to drag time and let Dazai bask himself with these painful memories.

It's doesn't sound wrong.

He knows that his world thrives on schadenfreude towards it and manipulates his own corrupted being. But he let's it, he let's this sadistic life of his toy with the masochistic devil inside of him like a puppet once more. But ironically, he hates pain. He hates these abrasions that are gripping his insides torturously that he desperate wished that he had a knife for to stab himself to be relieved from the agony.

But he still continues. He willingly delves deeper in a past that would never be reversed by his own hands despite the power he has. And he relives them, no matter how it make him feel like throwing up, he relives to them, even if it breaks him slowly . He relives them, because in the clarity of its cruelty , beside it was beauty and color.

And it was addicting.

The phenomenon light rays scatter, bursting beautiful shades out of the scarlet sky. Oda did just that in Dazai's own monochromatic life. In the midst of death and violence, the quiet comfort, futile conversation they had at Lupin was enough to tint his sights to see the colors in his life. Sure it doesn't satisfy the lonely hole he has, nothing will ever will, but it doesn't also mean he won't value the things they did. He had something for him to hold on into and let these selfish desires have a purpose. This last moment of his, how he's constantly thinking of him proves that alone.

He believes that it made him human .

“So Odasaku, how was your job?”

“How are you holding up, Odasaku?”

“ Odasaku are you alright?”

“Odasaku-”

Odasaku, Odasaku ,Odasaku-

As his voices started compiling in his mind, filling it like replacing the oxygen in his body, the overwhelming asphyxiation invading his sense. His thoughts kept chanting his name like a mad prayer.

“Why are you so obsessed protecting this world?” Akutagawa's voice snaps him out of his thoughts.

Why?

Dazai kept himself from scoffing bitterly,

The answer is simple.

“This is the only world where he reads and writes a novel.”

The last ray of sunlight is about to came into close. He has to go soon and join the beautiful sun to drown themselves in the shadows of Yokohama. City lights however, are coming, not letting the shadows around Yokohama conquer every structures. It's a bit poetic really. Atsushi and Akutagawa are the world's new light, they would protect the book and will ensure it's safety.

But the tall building of the dark Port Mafia’s shadows is enough to consume him whole and take his sins and finally be punished.

Come and think about it,

It was afternoon and the sun is about to set at that fateful day .

He unconsciously brought himself back at the time where he held Odasaku’s dying body in his arms. The last glow of his skin that was seeping away life along with his warmth. The moment where Odasaku gave out his last breath and told him things that let Dazai walk towards the path of light.

‘Save the weak, and protect the orphans.’

Dazai turns around and faces the two once more. He could feel the heat wrapping around his body. It feels too nostalgic as the warmth that lingers in the corners of his body, as if tantalizing it to be Odasaku’s warmth that he will never experience again and will yearn forever in the eternity of the ice piercing death.

He lets out a shaky laugh.

He first looks at the detective. Despite being used to see him clothed in black, Dazai couldn't help but admit that the lighter colors suited Akutagawa well . It felt like the weight has been carried in his shoulders are lesser and more breathable than his other selves have.Odasaku really did patiently teach him as there's a light that are now reflected in his eyes.

He then looks at Atsushi. He can't deny the fact that he did hurt him with his manipulative tendencies, in fact it did worsen the undeserving broken boy at all. But it was for the sake of this world. He cannot apologize. After all, in the end, he guaranteed that Atsushi would be bathed in the light once more just like his other selves were and probably a little bit more better.

He cannot justify himself for the despicable crimes he committed in this timeline. But in the end, just like he said, he will take all of these sins with him and purge them in the deserving punishment they would receive.

No one would forget his crimes, but they will all move on to a better rail.

Atleast, he could say that he still fulfilled the oath he vowed that day, just in his own twisted way.

The only thing that's changed was that he fixed the fate and let the true deserving person to die in front of the setting sun.

‘Me’

Unlike him , the one who truly values human life and settled his heart in the right place will continue on living . The world where Odasaku is living in the light and will shine others paths in the right direction and claim his well worth legacy.

Even the Agency and to the others he has somewhat cared for…

Will at least be happy or content, even without him.

“I can't let a world like that disappear.” he finally says as he let's the last chapter of his life come into close.

Maybe the agency and the others who knew him in the previous life will mock him at how stupid he is.

That's fine.

Maybe the other Odasaku's in the different worlds would be disappointed at him…

…

The wind strengthen and his body felt light and was tilted towards the back as he was pushed and fell.

“This is it,” He mutters as the adrenaline in his body pumped faster by each matter of second, “The moment I've been waiting for. I looked forward to it, truly…” And he smiles with closing those tired eyes and expel every burnt out emotions.

Like that, peace was glazed in his face.

And like that, he finds a dream inside those lids.

“I only have one regret.” He unconsciously says.

In a soundless dream, he sees Odasaku inside of a kitchen, holding a pen, a manuscript resting in his table. He wonders what type of novels he will write? Then it dawned on him,

“I can't read the novel he would one day complete.” He breathed out as he can hear the rushing wind kept chanting for death.

It truly is a shame, “I… I regret that a little now.” He says as he kept picturing Odasaku writing the novel he longs to tell. The light has faded, the world was gone, Dazai numbed his senses as he stopped caring about anything anymore.

Except him .

He can see it but not perfectly, as his face was blurred out in his imagination.

What would Odasaku expression be? Would he be confused? Tired? Was there a smile curved in his lips? Are his soft eyes glowing with thoughts as he will write down to convey a story into life?

Before he met total darkness, he wants to imagine and see Odasaku's face one last time.

He wants to open his eyes once more to look at the setting sun that resembles a man name Oda Sakaunosuke .

He took a deep breath.

But when he open his eyes it all went black.

#Odazai #Oda Sakunosuke #Dazai Osamu #My writing #dazai x oda #oda x dazai #BSD #bungo stray dogs #literary stray dogs #BEAST AU #BSD BEAST

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leonawriter · 5 years

Text

Previously, I went over a line in No Longer Human that I thought referred quite closely to the BSD version of Dazai Osamu, and now, I’m going to go over another one. Please bear in mind that I’m essentially liveblogging the book, and there will be bits of context that I won’t know until later.

In this passage, the POV character is referring to events that have happened wherein he had met with a waitress, connected with her - possibly the first person he had ever met who he felt he could understand, with how she was honest with her feelings of sadness and depression - and then because of his anxiety, left her and never came back.

After some time, however, while drunk he takes a friend of his to the café he’d first met her at, and when she comes over, she sits next to his friend, instead of him.

“It wasn’t that I regretted losing her. I have never had the faintest craving for possessions. Once in a while, it is true, I have experienced a vague sense of regret at losing something, but never strongly enough to affirm positively or to contest with others my rights of possession. This was so true of me that some years later I even watched in silence when my own wife was violated.”

The protagonist states outright that he doesn't tend to have feelings of possession, and doesn’t have strong enough ties to anything to fight for it.

However, I am completely ready and willing to call bullshit.

Half of this is because even before reading the next passages, my mind connected to two things within the quote I shared-

One, is that when the protagonist mentions “never strongly enough to affirm or contest [...] my rights of possession,” I can’t help but feel that this is more an extension of the protagonist’s chronic social anxiety, than actual lack of desire to keep things that they wish to keep. When one feels that they do not belong, or that they are so anxious that they do not want to take up space, then it’s only natural to not want to fight for, or over, anything material, let alone people.

Two, the phrase “I even watched in silence when my own wife was violated” does not, to me, mean that he felt nothing; in fact, it speaks to me of (if I am reading this correctly, and he means “violated” in the manner that I read it as) a time before PTSD was truly understood, if at all. Specifically, the fact that when the actual traumatic event is happening, one’s mind and emotions can tend to shut down, feeling nothing, in order to protect one’s mental state. In fact, actual emotional reactions may not happen until quite some time later. But to someone who already believes that they are excluded from being human, such responses will appear as merely further evidence toward this pre-conceived notion.

Now, what has all this got to do with BSD? Well, anyone who’s into BSD and has seen the Dark Era episodes might have recognised some of the sentiment given here.

Now, for reference, I’m going to quote what Dazai, while talking to Ango and Odasaku in Lupin for the last time, says,

“Anything I would never want to lose will be lost. It is given that everything that is worth wanting will be lost the moment I obtain it. There's nothing worth pursuing at the cost of prolonging a life of suffering.”

Notice any similarities?

Because to me, the main thing connecting the two ideas is that both speakers are speaking from a point of view where the core sentiment isn't that they don’t care, and is more to the point that they do care, but they know that whatever they want to keep, they won’t be able to hold onto, so what’s the point in trying.

This is important, because in a sense, BSD Dazai is being more open, honest, and aware of what he’s feeling, than Yozo, No Longer Human’s protagonist.

Another interesting note is that, when IRL Dazai Osamu was writing No Longer Human, it was published only three years after the official end of WW2, and both world wars are infamous for the way they treated soldiers with PTSD, or rather, “shell shock.” BSD is written during a time in which PTSD and all sorts of trauma are more deeply understood, and people with trauma and mental illness are given more understanding, so although the characters within may or may not be aware of there being words and names to put to why they felt the way that they do, the writers are more aware of those names, diagnoses, and the ways that trauma and mental illness (and neurodivergence) can affect people, as well as how someone would recover, or attain a better ability to stand on their own two feet in society.

Given Japan’s general treatment of neurodivergence, disability, and “anything that resembles as a nail sticking up that needs to be hammered down,” all of this should be taken in with that in mind, but even so, the ideas behind it all are there and present, and anyone who is interested enough can find the materials to research such things, even if they’ve never been formally taught, and even if they’re not in any given community of disabled or neurodivergent people.

Tl;dr: Yozo’s sense of innate despair of not being able to hold onto anything that he wants to keep influenced BSD!Dazai’s same despair, and in neither case is it an apathy, but more a symptom of depression and could be either a result and/or symptom of trauma and/or neurodivergence in one or both cases.

#bsd stuff #bungo stray dogs #no longer human #dazai osamu

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dollzai · 2 years

Text

free fall - dazai x reader - ch 2

Index - Previous Chapter - Next Chapter

Pairing: dazai osamu x reader (ft. akutagawa)

Genre: angst, smut, (some) fluff

Warnings: explicit sexual content, graphic violence, swearing, alcohol abuse, mentions of suicide (will be updating as series goes on)

Rating: explicit/mature/NSFW

Word Count: 7.1k

Author’s Note: hi everyone!! firstly, i just want to thank everyone for the incredible support i got on chapter 1!! every like, reblog and comment truly means the world to me, i appreciate your feedback so much and would love to continue hearing from you! i was trying to steer this chapter away from being a boring/cliche character introductory, i hope i accomplished that and did some necessary establishment for the rest of the story. i’ve also opened a tag list, so please leave a comment or send an ask/message if you’d like to be added! :)

Tag List (OPEN): @yeonyeonyeonjun @grannysvomit @olivera-gajic

The first sensation you felt was warmth. It was gentle and kind as it pulled you from your sleep, making you aware of your comfortable condition before your eyes were even open.

When you did open them, the warmth revealed itself to be sunlight. It streamed through a large rectangular window, situated high to a wall on your left. You blinked as you stared into the brightness.

Feeling the need for a morning stretch, you pulled your arms toward your head, feeling the softness of a cozy blue blanket brush against your skin. You stretched your arms upwards, palms flat as you stared at the plain-looking ceiling above you.

The pleasurable stretch, warm blanket, and soft sunlight, all combined with the comfortable white futon you found yourself on to create an indescribable sense of calm. Your mind was blank, devoid of any particular thought, in the best way possible. You basked in this moment, your eyes closing again.

Unfortunately, it didn’t last much longer.

Eyes shooting open, memories rushed into your brain faster than you could grasp at them. Running, blood, pleading for your life, pleading for help, much more running and much more blood. It was an unpleasant blur that ruined any chance of staying in your peaceful state.

You latched onto one particular thought: your body. The last you could remember, it was in an abysmal state, your side torn open and all of your limbs throbbing.

Instantly, your hands flew to your left side where the gaping wound should have been. Instead, all you were met with was the smoothness of skin untouched by any trace of injury.

Your hand recoiled in shock and your heart rate quickened. How could this be possible? There was no way it was. You were practically torn in half before jumping off of a balcony just hours ago. Had it all been a dream?

The question crossed your mind, but was quickly dismissed as you took in the sight of the room around you. It wasn’t your room in the Mori Corporation building, the only place you’d spent the night since you were a child. The unfamiliar surroundings you now found yourself in were confirmation that you hadn’t dreamt that horrible day.

Moving quickly, you sat up and pulled the blue blanket off of you, still expecting to see blood or bruising on at least one part of your body. But again, there was nothing. It was just your body, completely normal except for the cotton shirt and shorts you wore that didn’t belong to you.

A small panic began rising in your throat, triggered by the foreignness of your current situation. You whipped your head around desperately, searching for anything in this strange place that you could recognize, that could reassure you that you were still you.

There was nothing, though, except for the soft outline of a figure in the other room.

Dazai.

He was laying on a couch in the adjacent living space, looking perfectly content. His legs were stretched in front of him, crossing at the ankles as his feet hung over the armrest. His hands were positioned behind his head, propping it up slightly. You noticed that he wore a similar outfit to the one you’d seen him in before, with the only addition behind a set of headphones over his ears.

His eyes were closed as you inspected him, but only for a moment. As if he could feel your eyes on him, he opened his, tilting his head to look at you.

He watched for a moment before a smile grew on his face. “You’re finally awake!”

Unsure of how to respond, you sat up straighter on the futon. Your body told you to go over to him, so you pushed yourself up with your hands and tucked your legs under yourself to get to a kneeling position. As you did so, a stabbing pain began pulsing behind your eyes.

Dazai noticed you wincing and your face going pale, and he pulled his headphones off before quickly swinging his legs over the side of the couch to get up. “You should lay back down.” he said as he began making his way over to you.

Not listening and intent on standing, you pushed the floor again with your palms, struggling to raise a knee. Dazai was at your side before you could push yourself any further, settling his hands on your shoulders and gently pulling you back down.

“No, no,” he said with an almost musical quality to his voice. “None of that right now. Just relax.”

Unable to protest, you allowed him to guide your body back down onto the futon. A delicate hand slipped behind your head just before it reached the pillow. He pulled it away once you were settled comfortably, before reaching with his fingers to brush a stray hair out of your face.

Heat rose into your cheeks, and you prayed Dazai was unaware. It didn’t seem he was, though, as his eyes twinkled down at you. He sat down with his legs crossed on the floor, his hands clasped in his lap. You noticed the bandages covering both of his arms peeking out from the sleeves of his tan jacket.

It was then that you realized you were yet to speak to him. “Hi,” you croaked out, your voice still raspy with sleep.

Dazai chuckled. “Hi there,” he replied, obviously amused by some aspect of this situation. “How do you feel?”

You considered the question, taking another mental inventory of your body. All of your injuries from the previous day were miraculously gone, and the pain in your head had diminished since laying back down.

“I’m fine,” you admitted, an obvious tinge of confusion to your voice. “Somehow.”

“Ah, you can thank Yosano for that,” Dazai explained, and you blinked at the unfamiliar name. “She’s a member of the Armed Detective Agency. Usually, she has to injure her patients half-to-death in order to use her ability, but thankfully you were already on the brink,” Dazai explained. “Arm shattered, lung punctured, blood loss, and so on.”

So, it was an ability-user to thank that you were still alive and in good condition. You should have assumed, given that not even modern medicine could have achieved this feat.

“That’s good,” you said, releasing a deep breath. “I’ll have to thank her.”

Dazai hummed in agreement, his eyes drifting down and to the side. You followed them, your head lifting slightly from the pillow as you realized your shirt was bunched up high, revealing much of the area of your torso that used to be torn apart.

Embarrassed, you quickly pulled the cotton shirt you were wearing back down, and Dazai looked away with a smile still plastered on his face.

There were a million questions racing through your mind, so you decided to ask the most basic of them. “Where am I?”

“This…” Dazai lifted his hands, motioning to the room around you with grandiose. “…is a dorm room owned by the Agency. I hope it’s to your liking.”

“Oh,” you said, absentmindedly scanning the unpersonalized room. “Is this… your room?” you asked.

Dazai dramatically pressed a hand to his chest, closing his eyes as he leaned back. “How honored I would be to share my room with such a beautiful woman,” he chirped, causing the blush to return to your cheeks as you stared intentionally back at the ceiling. “But no, sadly. This is currently an unoccupied room.”

“Oh,” you said again, not sure how to react to the compliment mixed into his explanation.

“All of the Agency members have been taking turns watching over you while you slept,” Dazai continued to explain. “Lucky for you, I was the one here when you finally decided to join us.”

You narrowed your eyes at him, the end of his remark catching you off guard. “How long was I asleep?”

“Hmm…” Dazai pondered thoughtfully, pressing a finger to his chin. “You got here Friday night. It’s now Monday morning. So… two and a half days, just about.”

Shocked, you gasped slightly, your eyes wide. Over two days you were out? It felt like everything had happened just hours ago before you drifted into your dreamless sleep.

Your concern was obvious, but Dazai reassured you. “I wouldn’t worry about it too much,” he said. “Like I said, you were practically a goner. Yosano wasn’t sure if she could even save you at that point, so it’s not strange that you needed a lot of rest.”

‘Not strange’ wasn’t really how you would describe anything about this situation, but you decided it best not to question the miracle of being alive.

A quiet moment passed then as you thought of what you wanted to ask him next. But before you could, Dazai had a question of his own. “Do you remember me?”

Though you were slightly taken aback, it was a fair enough question. After all, you did remember him, and he appeared to remember you. “Yeah, I do.” you answered him.

Dazai nodded. “Good, good,” he said slowly. “I wasn’t sure. I mean, you were just a kid the last time I saw you.”

“So were you,” you pointed out to him, scoffing slightly. You were fairly certain Dazai was close to your age, if not just slightly older.

Dazai’s jaw dropped in mock offense. “No, I was a Port Mafia Executive. You were just…”

He wasn’t sure how to end that sentence without coming off as rude. If he weren’t concerned about that, he would have said you were just some kid. Some unwanted kid at that, property of the Mafia that was more a nuisance than anything.

Of course, Dazai knew all of that having been an executive, especially since he worked directly under Mori for so long. Mori was technically your legal guardian, having been the one your father entrusted to carry out your life plan. While he wasn’t particularly interested in you, he did respect your father enough to put the plan in place.

Still, being the boss meant he had little time for you. He summoned you every now and again, more out of courtesy than anything else. Around birthdays you could expect to be called to see him, and he’d offer you some strange but kind words. There was no present he could give you, because you had the resources to buy whatever you wanted.

It was one of those times when he requested your presence that you first met Dazai. You trekked up to his quarters on the day of your thirteenth birthday, preparing yourself for the annual awkwardness of Mori trying to compliment your academic progress.

When you arrived, you saw him there. A young, solemn-looking boy, not much older than yourself. He wore a long black coat, a white shirt and black tie, and most notably a bandage over his right eye and left cheek. Mori introduced him as Dazai Osamu.

He said nothing as you walked past him, opting to continue staring at the wall somberly. You didn’t mind, but couldn’t help sneaking glances at him as Mori talked to you. He was undeniably attractive to your thirteen-year-old self.

Not long after that, you heard murmurs around the building that he was promoted to an executive, the youngest in the Mafia’s history. You seldom saw him after that, as he was presumably very busy with important duties, but whenever you walked past him in the building’s corridors you felt your heart flutter just a little.

Once you were friends with Akutagawa, you heard about Dazai much more frequently. Akutagawa was training under him, and from what he told you, Dazai was not the best of mentors. The training he put your friend through was brutal, dangerous and extreme. He was suicidal, and seemingly had no regard for Akutagawa’s life either.

From the way he complained, you thought Akutagawa hated Dazai. But he also had a profound respect for his mentor. He was desperate to win his approval, but seemingly never could, no matter how hard he fought or how much he improved his ability.

When Akutagawa barged into your room one evening to tell you that Dazai who had left the Port Mafia and disappeared for two years, only to join the Armed Detective Agency, you were shocked. How could a man so cruel join an agency meant to help people?

The man that sat on the floor next to you now was nothing like the Dazai you remembered. He seemed playful, attentive, and was honestly a bit charming.

You shook the thought from your head. “I’m surprised you even recognized me,” you said to him.

“How could I forget Akutagawa’s girlfriend?”

Your eyes nearly popped out of your head upon hearing that. “What?!” you questioned him, pushing yourself up onto your elbows to sit up higher. “I am not his girlfriend. Or, wasn’t…” you tried to explain, fumbling your words. “No, I never was.”

“Forgive me, it’s just…” Dazai grinned at you, entertained by the reaction you gave him. “You know how rumors spread in that place. You can’t deny that you spent a lot of time together.”

You shot him a look. “How would you know how much time we spent together?”

Dazai shrugged, not answering as his eyes danced mischievously. “Poor Akutagawa was always so defensive about it too. He hated when I brought you up to him.”

A subtle tightness in your throat started when you heard his name that time. You laid back down slowly, looking again to the ceiling. “He never told me about that.”

“I suspect he wouldn’t have,” Dazai mused, sensing your change in mood. “Besides, what else was I supposed to think? All morning you’ve been talking in your sleep, moaning, Akutagawa, please, Akutagawa…”

Knowing that he was teasing you to lighten the mood was not enough to stop your hands from reaching up to cover your face, ashamed by what he’d heard. You didn’t remember having dreams of any kind over the time you were asleep, and certainly not any kind like that. You were sure that if what Dazai said was actually true, it was a nightmare where you were begging for your life.

“He tried to kill me.” you pointed out, still covering your face.

Dazai nodded. “You mentioned that.”

You separated your fingers over your eyes to peer at him. “I did?”

Nodding again, Dazai reminded you of a conversation you’d seemingly forgotten about. “Before Yosano fixed you up, you were trying to explain what had happened. It wasn’t totally coherent, but I put the pieces together.”

You returned your hands to your sides, feeling thankful that you wouldn’t have to relive the trauma of that day by talking about it again.

“That’s good.” you said simply before attempting to change the subject slightly. “So, um…” you started, not knowing how to phrase the pressing question on your mind. “What do I… do… now?”

“That is the question, huh…” Dazai answered, rocking back and forth slightly as he considered how to respond. “I should let everyone know you’re awake. They’re probably all at the office by now, so we can go over there, to…” he trailed off.

You raised an eyebrow at him. “To…?”

Dazai sighed. “Well, we have to talk about some things. And, I mean, decide some things.”

“What does that mean?” you asked pointedly, feeling a bit concerned with his ambiguity.

He smiled warmly at you again. “Don’t be worried. We just don’t really know what to do with you at the moment.”

Your mouth opened and closed. You felt slightly offended, but not enough to voice that right now. After all, these people had taken care of you and protected you over the last three days, so you didn’t want to say anything that would ruin your chances of continuing that.

Still, you cursed yourself for being so naive. They knew practically nothing about you or your ability. You should never have expected to walk up and join the A.D.A. without question or discussion.

Dazai watched as your mental gears turned, knowing you understood what he meant. He felt a bit bad, but there was no way to avoid the subject.

“Come on,” he stood up and extended a hand to you. “Let’s get you dressed and ready.”

A bit shakily, you accepted his hand. He began to pull you up from the futon, and with ease, you noticed, allowing you to get to your feet. The dull pain in your head returned when you were upright, not as bad as before, but it still made you dizzy. Dazai’s other hand found a grip on your shoulder, helping to keep you standing.

“Thanks.” you muttered sheepishly, closing your eyes as you did your best not to fall back to the floor.

Even with your eyes closed, you could tell Dazai was grinning, waiting to tease you. “Take your time,” he told you.

It took a long moment before you were steady enough to open your eyes. Once you did, you let go of Dazai’s hand, testing the waters of your stability. You seemed to be alright, and went to take a step.

When you did, though, a thought occurred to you. “Dazai,” you started, giving him somewhat of a pathetic look. “I didn’t bring anything. I left all of the things I packed when…” you trailed off, remembering the half-full bag you’d left at Suzuki’s house, not having time or the wherewithal to grab it before you jumped.

“We figured. You didn’t show up with anything,” Dazai said. “The clothes you had on were ruined, obviously. But don’t fret, Yosano picked something of hers out for you to have. It’s in the bathroom.” Dazai motioned with his chin to an open door just ahead of you.

“Oh, wow,” you said, feeling eternally grateful to this Yosano who not only saved your life but also gifted you a change of clothes.

You took a step forward, and Dazai let go of your shoulder, allowing you to make your way, albeit slowly, to the bathroom. When you did, you closed the door behind you, giving Dazai a meek smile. He waved back at you.

The first thing you did was inspect yourself in the small mirror above the sink. Only slightly surprisingly, you looked exactly the same as you always did after waking up. Eyes a bit puffy, hair bunched up from rubbing against the pillow. The only thing different about what you saw was where you were.

A pang of sadness washed over you, but you whisked it away. You weren’t going to get anywhere feeling homesick for a place you could never return to, that was barely home to begin with. You had to move on.

You turned your attention to the neatly folded clothing resting on the countertop. Pulling up each piece and holding them up to yourself in the mirror, you inspected them: a fitted, white button-down shirt with long sleeves. A short-ish, dark grey plaid skirt. A thin, black ribbon-tie. Black tights. Black loafers with a bit of a chunky heel. Some undergarments that you silently prayed would fit.

To your surprise, everything did fit. Quite well, actually. You looked over your outfit in the mirror, trying your best to ignore the fact that you looked somewhat like a schoolgirl. You looked fine enough, you thought, as you combed your hair with a tool that you supposed Yosano, being ever so thoughtful, had left for you as well.

When you were ready, you turned the knob and returned to the bedroom, finding Dazai leaning against the wall. He let out a relieved sigh when he saw you. “Great! You look great. Are you ready?” You nodded, and followed Dazai as he led you out of the dorm room.

Your shoes made a clanging noise as you stepped out of the front door, hitting the metal landing of the second floor stairway. You watched as Dazai locked the door behind you, before slipping the key into his coat pocket. You turned around to look at the building you’d just stepped out of, noticing there were two doors to the left of the one you exited.

“This one’s mine,” Dazai pointed out to you, drumming his fingers against the next door as the two of you walked past. “If you were curious,” he added, looking back at you to give you a wink.

You looked away and rolled your eyes. You were getting used to his slightly flirtatious comments, having been subjected to them since almost the moment you woke up. It definitely wasn’t what you expected him to be like, but it was clear this was just part of his nature.

He led you down the stairs and down onto the sidewalk. “It’s just around the corner,” Dazai explained, and you continued to follow his lead as he started walking in the direction of the office.

“So,” Dazai started, glancing at you as you struggled slightly in your tight shoes to keep up with his long strides. “Tell me more about your ability.”

You swallowed, remembering how he’d told you that you had explained your situation to them somewhat. You must have mentioned your ability. “Well…” you started, trailing off. The only other time you’d ever explained it was to Akutagawa the other night, and looking back you’d done a subpar job. “It’s kind of hard to explain.”

“Try me.” Dazai grinned, his eyes twinkling as he looked at you.

Humming, you thought for a moment. “It’s probably easier if I just show you.”

You stopped walking, standing still and closing your eyes. Your ability took some amount of focus to do the most accurate job, and you secretly felt a need to impress Dazai. It might be your only chance to convince him to let you join the A.D.A.

Realizing you’d stopped, Dazai did the same and turned to look back at your focused expression. Inside your head, you accessed the part of your consciousness where your ability resided. You conjured up an image, one of the same sidewalk and street you were currently on. But instead of the next concrete block of pavement ahead of Dazai, you placed a tall, wide brick building.

Opening your eyes, you focused them on Dazai. Your stare was intense as you entered his head and planted the vision in his consciousness.

He watched as you stared at him for that long moment, before you averted your eyes to look at something behind him. Dazai turned around, coming face-to-face with the building you’d made.

His eyes widened as he took a step back, staring at your creation. He craned his neck up and to both sides, trying to find where the massive structure ended, but it didn’t. He pressed his palm to the scratchy bricks, feeling them as if they were real. To him, they were.

But you could see the illusion for what it was. Your ability allowed you to see what you’d created in addition to the way reality actually looked. It was hard for you to understand the mental processes, but your brain could see both images.

You walked up to the wall, standing next to Dazai. He watched as you mirrored his actions, placing a hand to the bricks. It stopped as it hit them, just as his had. But after a moment, you pressed your hand through the wall as if it were a thick fog, stepping forward as your body disappeared entirely behind the wall.

Dazai stared in awe, his mouth hanging open slightly as he tried to figure out what he was watching. He brought his other hand to the wall, hitting both of his fists against it lightly. The sound of skin against brick reverberated in his ears.

“Walking through walls?” Dazai guessed, knowing that couldn’t be true when the wall had appeared out of thin air.

You stuck your head back out through the wall, peeking at his confused expression. “Not quite,” you laughed nervously. You thought for a moment. “What’s your ability again?”

“No Longer Human,” Dazai answered. “It nullifies any ability with skin contact.”

“Oh, yeah,” you said softly to yourself, confirming your memories of his ability. You watched him on the other side of the wall, looking around as he continued to search for an answer. His palm was pressed again to the wall. You raised your arm that mirrored him, placing your palm flat against his.

As soon as you touched him, the wall disappeared, in both your mind and his. His eyebrows raised as he watched you. “An illusion ability?”

You nodded. “Sounds fitting.”

Dazai’s eyes widened, and a large smile grew on his face as he clasped his hands together. “Fascinating! Really great stuff,” he exclaimed.

You gave him a small smile in return, a feeling of relief and pride washing over you. You’d succeeded in impressing him.

Not wasting another moment, Dazai continued walking down the sidewalk. You followed after him again, now feeling slightly tired from your mental efforts.

“How do you do it? Take me through the process.” Dazai requested, still smiling at you as he walked.

“Okay,” you started, thinking about your order of operations. “I think first about… the illusion, I guess. What I want the other person to see. If it’s simple, it doesn’t take very long for me to imagine. The more complicated it is, the longer it takes.”

Dazai nodded. “Then what?”

“Once I can see it fully, I kind of… go into the other person’s head. I see what they’re seeing. And then I put the image there.” you continued to explain. “Once it’s in place, I can still see the illusion in my own mind, but also reality. I don’t know how, but I can see both.”

Nodding, Dazai pressed his finger to his chin with a thoughtful expression as he listened. “Interesting,” he said. “And then, it just stays there? Or do you stop it?”

“I stop it on my end,” you told him. “But, for most people, it just stays part of… their reality. It’s totally real for them, everything about it.”

“For most people?” Dazai questioned you. “So that’s not always the case?”

You shook your head, remembering the last time you used your ability. Somehow, Akutagawa had come out of it and seen you, forcing you to jump.

“I used it on Akutagawa. When he attacked me,” you said softly, your eyes dropping to the pavement. “But it didn’t last long enough for me to leave. He saw me while I was looking for a way out, which is why I had to jump off of a balcony.”

Dazai stopped walking, thinking for a moment. “You had told him about your ability, didn’t you?”

You nodded. “Yeah, the night before, I did.”

“Okay…” Dazai said, obviously mulling something over. “Do it again for me. Make the same exact illusion, if you can.”

Making the same thing twice wasn’t something you’d technically done before, but you figured it was possible. You closed your eyes again with determination, bringing the same image from before to the forefront, ensuring all of the details were as you remembered them.

You opened your eyes once more, focusing on Dazai as you placed the illusion in front of his eyes again. When you were done, he turned around to view the wall.

“There has to be some sort of weakness,” he explained, looking around with intent. “Some kind of tell, that you wouldn’t think anything of unless you knew there was a possibility that what you’re seeing isn’t real.”

Scanning the wall with him, you didn’t see anything obvious. It looked totally real, just as it had the first time. But finally, Dazai found something.

“Aha!” he exclaimed, excited. He pointed down and to the left, where the wall met the ground about 20 yards away from where you stood. “Do you see that?”

You shook your head.

“Look closer.” Dazai instructed you.

Squinting, you tried your best to see whatever it was that Dazai could. It took a second, but as you continued focusing on the point where the illusion of the wall met the real ground, you saw it.

“It’s… fuzzy. Like static,” you described. Dazai nodded. “Exactly. So faint that no one would ever see it, unless they were looking for it,” he explained.

“And now that I see it, I can…” Dazai blinked, and the illusion was gone. He grinned, giving you a proud look. “See?”

You gave him a small smile of acknowledgement, but it was clear from your expression that you were disappointed. Knowing that your ability could so easily be exposed, when you were still just learning how to use it, made you a bit discouraged.

Knowing what you were feeling, Dazai slung an arm over your shoulder as he began walking again, forcing you to continue along the way. “Don’t be upset,” he told you, a hint of teasing present. “Abilities aren’t infallible. Except mine, of course.”

You rolled your eyes, but the joke made you feel slightly better.

“Besides,” he continued. “Your ability still has one major advantage,”

Looking up at him, you blinked. “What?”

“It’s our little secret.”

—

It was a bad habit, you thought, as you picked at the skin around your thumb. One not very becoming of an A.D.A. member.

Clasping your fingers behind your back, you made a silent vow to stop. Confidence was what you needed to exude, not nerves.

But truly, you felt extremely nervous, waiting outside the frosted glass door for the second time in your life. You’d asked Dazai to not leave you alone here, which he responded to by making fun of your jittery state. You weren’t sure what he needed to talk to everyone about before you could enter, but you sucked it up and waited.

After all, this was no longer a scared-for-your-life type of nerves. Dazai had assured you while you walked that there was no way the Port Mafia would risk attacking you in or outside of the Agency building. At least not right away.

It was likely why Akutagawa had let you walk in when he saw you instead of killing you on the spot. At that point, he was there for surveillance, needing to know for certain that the Agency was where you’d ended up.

That wasn’t what you were concerned with right now, you thought, staring at a dark stain on the carpet in front of the door. No, this situation currently filled you with an anxiety that mimicked taking an exam, a kind of high-stakes task that filled you with dread. You needed these people to accept you, to believe in you, and to help you.

You heard muffled voices from inside the office, but couldn’t make out any distinct words, or even emotions. Assuming that Dazai was announcing that you were awake and right outside the door, you were hoping to hear maybe some kind of excited commotion. But it was just noise.

After what felt like an eternity longer, the door opened slightly. Dazai’s smiling face peeked out at you. “Sorry about that,” he said, his tone chipper. “You can come in now.”

Taking a silent breath, you walked through the entryway as Dazai held the door open for you.

You were met by a half-circle of Agency members who stood waiting for you. The only one you recognized was the tall, blonde man that Dazai had called Kunikida. Everyone else looked friendly, for the most part, and most looked to be around your age. It wasn’t quite what you expected, you thought, as you looked them over. Whatever mental image you’d painted had included more men in their thirties or forties. Nonetheless, you were glad to see some younger people, who you hoped might be more willing to accept you.

Dazai’s arm draping over your shoulders snapped you out of whatever trace-like state you’d just fallen into. “Y/N,” he said, squeezing your arm gently. “This is everyone.”

Embarrassed for staring, you gave them all a sheepish bow. “Hello,” you said, standing upright again. “It’s nice to meet you all. Properly, I mean. Not like…”

“Let me introduce everyone,” Dazai interrupted your rambling, which you were somewhat grateful for. He proceeded to go down the line of heads that stood before you.

First was Kunikida, the man you recognized from your abrupt meeting on Friday. He looked just as stern as he did then, but offered you a small smile as Dazai introduced him. He wore the same rectangular glasses as he did then, and his hair was neatly pulled back into a low ponytail.

Next was Yosano, who you’d heard from Dazai had been the one to heal you with her ability, and graciously donate her clothing to you. She was a beautiful woman, appearing to be slightly older than yourself, and she had an air of mystery and seductiveness about her. She had short dark hair that was pinned with a gold butterfly clip, and unsurprisingly, wore a similar outfit to the one you had on.

There was Tanizaki, a friendly-looking young boy with wavy orange hair. Dazai explained to you that Tanizaki was also an illusion ability-user, the only one at the Agency. He stood next to his sister, Naomi, a pretty girl with long black hair and a beauty mark under her left eye, who stood clutching onto her brother’s forearm as she kept her eyes glued to the floor.

The other members present were Ranpo, who introduced himself as “the greatest detective in the world” with a proud smile. He was another young man, who had messy black hair and wore a brown cape and matching hat, giving him the appearance of a detective like he claimed to be. There was also Kenji, the youngest of the group, a boy with golden hair, cute freckles, and blue overalls.

Finally, Dazai Introduced you to the President of the Agency, Fukuzawa, who remained stoic throughout this entire interaction. His face showed minor signs of aging, giving him a dignified appearance that was bolstered by the transition Japanese clothing he wore, and his long, silver hair. He didn’t say anything to you, but offered a small nod.

“Should we proceed with our meeting?” said Kunikida, coming out as more of a statement than a question.

Dazai sighed melodramatically. “Sure, sure,” he said, his eyes turning to you to give you a somewhat apologetic smile. “Kunikida doesn’t like to waste time on pleasantries.”

Ignoring Dazai, Kunikida turned and began heading to another room in the office. Everyone else turned to follow, chattering amongst themselves, but you felt someone grab your hand before you could go with them.

“It’s so nice to finally see you conscious,” Yosano smirked at you, in a way that was more warm than menacing. It made you feel at ease.

“Thanks,” you smiled softly back at her. “For saving me, too. And giving me your clothes. You really didn’t have to.”

Yosano waved your comment off with a hand. “Don’t be silly,” she said. “I have your back. If you need anything, just ask.”

You gave her another grateful smile, unsure what you did to deserve her kindness. “I will,” you nodded. “And I’ll have to repay you, somehow.”

“I’ll think of something,” Yosano said, shooting you a wink.

“Y/N!”

You craned your neck to see Dazai waving at you from across the room, motioning for you to come join everyone else.

Yosano scoffed, looking over her shoulder at Dazai before turning back to you. “Also, let me know if he’s ever bothering you. I’ll make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

That earned a dry laugh from you, understanding that Dazai’s co-workers were likely used to, and tired of, his strange behavior.

Yosano led you to where everyone had gone, a conference-style room with a long, wooden table, black chairs, and a map of Yokohama hanging on the wall. You sat down at the open seat at the head of the table, with Dazai sitting to your right and Yosano joining you to the left. Everyone else was already seated, with the President sitting opposite you.

“Let’s get started,” Kunikida said, his hands clasped on the table. You found it a bit odd that he seemed to be taking charge, considering the President was here, but were obviously not going to question the very people deciding your fate.

Kunikida turned to you. “Y/N,” he started, addressing you directly now. “Tell us about yourself. And why you’re here.”

You parted your lips, blinking slowly to make sure you understood the question. You didn’t expect this job interview-esque atmosphere, but the phrasing of the question made it seem like that was the current situation. You looked to Dazai, wondering what to say. He smiled at you, giving you a small but encouraging thumbs up.

The gesture was appreciated, but you subconsciously cursed yourself for being so helpless in the face of a seemingly simple question that you needed Dazai’s encouragement. You weren’t sure why it was his that you needed either, but you assumed that it was because you’d spent most of the day with him, and knew him to a small degree.

But this wasn’t something to think about right now. You straightened your posture and took a calming breath.

“Well…”

You started talking then, and didn’t stop for quite some time. Unsure of how much Dazai had filled them in on, you explained everything you possibly could to the people that sat before you: your father, your childhood, your upbringing, your education, the Port Mafia’s plans for you, your friendship with Akutagawa.

And then, the more pertinent details: your decision to leave. How you wanted to do something worthwhile. How you told Akutagawa your plans, left, were attacked, and ended up on their doorstep.

Only one pause was taken amid all of this explanation, and it was before you explained your ability. You remembered what Dazai deducted; that once someone knew about your ability, they could more easily reverse it. You needed to keep it as secret as possible.

But you decided that these were people you had to put your trust in. They saved your life. Letting them in on your ability was the least you could do in return.

And so you did. And when you were done explaining everything that you possibly could, you sighed. “I think that’s it.”

All eyes in the room were on you. No one had any particular emotion written on their face, but looked as if they were absorbing all of the information they just received. It was quiet for some time while they did this.

The President was the first to speak up. “I think we can take a vote now.”

Stunned, your eyes widened with worry. “Is that it?”

“Is there anything else you want to say?” he asked you simply.

“No. Well, yes…” you fumbled, searching for the right words to make one final plea. “Listen. I can’t change my past. Who my father was, who my friends were. I did what I had to do to survive in the place that I was born into,” you explained, your words resolute.

“But ever since I found out about my ability, I knew I had to do something more than what they’d planned for me. It took me a long time to figure out, but once I did, I knew; I need to use what I was given to make some kind of difference. To help people like me, who were never given a choice.”

You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. “That’s it.” you said.

Another quiet moment. Your heart raced. It was impossible to know what everyone was thinking.

The silence was broken again. “All in favor of allowing Y/N to join the Agency?” the President asked the room.

You winced, instinctively closing your eyes so as to not see the results. Slowly, you opened them again, and looked at the hands that were raised in your favor.

Dazai. Yosano. Ranpo. Kenji. Tanizaki.

“All opposed?”

Only two hands raised: Kunikida and Naomi.

“Kunikida-“ Yosano warned in your defense, her voice obviously annoyed.

Kunikida cleared his throat. “It’s nothing personal. But I would prefer to not start a war with the Port Mafia over a prospective Agency member.”

“Oh, please,” Dazai responded, his voice melodic but sharp. “They know they can't win. Akutagawa has known she was here for three days, and there’s been no attack. No threats. They wouldn’t risk going against us for one girl.”

His words were slightly abrasive, but you knew he was right.

Kunikida stiffened, his voice raising ever so slightly. “Still, it’s an embarrassment to them,” he explained. “To let her leave unscathed. Not to mention, not knowing she was an ability-user for two decades while they owned her.”

“Kunikida‘s right,” Naomi chimed in, the only other nay-sayer in the room. “Besides, why do we need another illusion ability-user? We already have Tanizaki,” she added, her hand grabbing onto her brother’s shoulder defensively. “Their abilities are so similar, it’d be a waste to-“

“Enough,” the President said, sounding bored as he put a stop to the bickering. “It’s already been decided. She’ll join the Agency, dependent on the results of the entrance exam.”

This was the first you’d heard of an entrance exam. You thought that was what you were doing now. Nevertheless, you were extremely grateful. “Thank you, President Fukuzawa.”

He nodded. “In the meantime, you’ll benefit from training. Probably intensive, given your lack of skills.”

You swallowed at his bluntness, while simultaneously respecting his honesty. You nodded back.

“Dazai,” the President continued, turning to the man in question. “Since you seemed earlier to be so passionate about her cause, I’ll let you handle that, as well as her protection.”

Wearing the same smile you’d seen him don over the course of the day, Dazai glanced at you out of the corner of his eye. “Of course, Boss,” he said.

The President nodded. “Tanizaki, Dazai may want your help as well, for training with an illusion ability.”

Tanizaki looked a bit surprised by the request, but turned to give you a polite smile. You returned it as his sister glared at you. “No problem,” Tanizaki said.

“Good. We’re finished, then.” the President said with finality, standing from his chair. The other Agency members followed suit, and one by one exited the small conference room, returning to their duties.

Eventually, the only people left in the room were Dazai and you. Feeling a little bit more at ease, you leaned your head back, your neck resting on the back of the chair. You took a deep breath before letting out a long sigh.

Dazai chuckled at your clear fatigue. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

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