Rewatching for the 6th time

A few days ago I made this drawing. I love to represent symbolic concepts such as emotions, thoughts, inner pain or dilemmas through wounds or blood in my drawings. More than a morbid interest in gore art, I think it is a good tool for expression.

FIRZT BLOG:3 ENJOY EHAGAHE!!!

rambling

just to preface; the dahmer series on netflix is awful and should never have been made

unfortunately i was led to watch it when it came out (not knowing the ethical concerns surrounding it to a large extent) on a piracy website and while it's genuinely very problematic and immoral piece of media to create i feel so close to it.

theres something strangely comforting watching something so real and awful and knowing that this was a real person who had rationale and a decent understanding of morality. its relatable; the feeling of somehow knowing you are unable to love correctly or be loved (in fact, i wouldnt call it love at all) and all for a lack of empathy and understanding. there's an understanding, but it's objective and void of emotional value, and this drives you to commit things that only a daemon would- and you know this, but do it anyway. it does not grip your heart with guilt, and yet you know "for what i did i should be dead". to some point, you are so unable of love that even pretending it happening and directly hurting the one you supposedly love is the only thing you can do to feel that- and you become numb and distant. there isnt a guilt or genuine anxiety coming from this hurt, but a stimming feeling of fear of getting caught, rooting from the objective knowing of committing something immoral.

this isnt really about the series but rather the mental process of the person himself- but i feel that it really humanised him and that was one of the flaws of the creation of the movie- or not, i guess it depends how you look at it. i think even serial killers deserve to be humanised, in a way it's the best and only prerogative to finally understand their motives and stop any future violent crimes. for me, i think i finally realised the extent of my lack of empathy and saw myself in him; and then the impacts of his awful actions on everyone else around him, and it actually helped me get better. by 'get better' my empathy hasn't really changed, but in an objective lens i can sort of see how the implications are also awful, and others' perception of what he did. that there are other, genuine and real ways to love.

it makes me a bit confused when people dehumanise people like this, because understanding mental health is important for everybody. it's difficult when a large portion of people are shunned and discredited humanity for (in the very basic sense) having little empathy. many people can have little empathy. they're still human. their actions can and should be judged, but silencing their motives will only make things worse, i think

Dahmer during his Ohio trial in February, 1992.

Assista a "Jeff Dhamer monster Netflix tiktok Evan Peters" no YouTube

Cooking With Jeffrey - Digital art - 2022

Un día tuviste todo de mi, pero tú inseguridad y mi caos no pudieron entenderse.

Jeffrey Dahmer, Sims 1 Custom Content

Finished this model of Dahmer, replicated from his first court appearance, complete with slippers.

Finally, there is company as you casually torment your sims, he might even want your scraps. Grab the skin here.

He Wasn't Pulling My Leg - 3/29/23

So I was at the optometrists today, getting some new frames ordered (why are the trends making frames so big?? They're so ugly!! Or look like something Dahmer would wear!!😭🤢) and when I left I saw I'd missed 2 calls from the bf 45 minutes prior. It was about 4ish at this time. I texted him back asking what's up, and he replies "bad news. I was let go".

Obviously I freak out and call him, thinking 'is he for real or is he getting me back for all the jokes I've pulled on him?' Nope, he was fired after he got back from his lunch. Because of an anonymous complaint, and his habit of consistently being 5-10 minutes late. Which usually would have an effect on work performance, but he's so quick at what he does, that 10 less minutes doesn't make a difference. Ugh.

So now we don't know what's gonna happen. I'm unemployed. He's gonna have to process today, and decide what he wants. There is a place here he could get into as a server, but that would be a pay cut. If not that or any other cook jobs here, he'll probably find something in the town that's 2 1/2 hours away where his daughter lives so that he can be closer to her. If he does that, I don't know what that means for us.....I don't think I can do a LDR. Especially with the baby mama trying to get all flirty with him now that she knows about me 😒

I'm...kinda panicking. On the inside. My brain is that meme of the dog in a house fire, going "this is fine" 🔥

Well baby just call me Jeffrey Dahmer because you're looking like a snack right now 😍😋🍴🤌🥩🍖🥹