I really miss Dorian, and sometimes I think that's okay, and sometimes I think it isn't
Holy shit I want to tear this statement apart with my teeth, I want to bite down and shake it really fast like hrrrrrr
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"I have all the faith in the world for you guys all of you but I have also spend time thinking of how to neutralize all of you."
I don't think I could be more Orym coded if I try. Between this and his admission to being lonely. But this did get me giggling.
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fearne and the shard
c3e79 spoilers ahead!!
i want fearne to put her foot down about refusing the shard
i want her to react in some way to laudna and imogen’s “disappointment” and constant urging to take it
but i also really want her to talk to orym about it
ashton knows she doesn’t want it and clearly respects that choice, chetney urged her to consider it the second they left the ziggurat, and fcg isn’t exactly validating her feelings either
whenever fearne and orym communicate, it’s so clear how they have a deep patience and openness to understand each other. i think if fearne runs her thoughts through him first, she’ll have a better time convincing the others to get off her back about the whole shard thing
i’m not trying to baby her and imply that she can’t articulate herself without orym’s guidance
i think part of the groups insistence despite fearne’s refusal comes from not understanding the whole “dark fearne” thing, and orym witnessed it himself. he can back her up on her claims about this darker self and push the others to realize how deep fearne’s fear of the shard goes
i still think she needs to be firm and even mad at the others for belittling and ignore her opinions (whether they realize it or not, that’s how it comes across), but maybe having orym on her side would help the others understand the importance of her decision
she’s not a coward for fearing this power, and they need to see that
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Cant shake the feeling that Bells Hells are more coworkers than anything else. The enormous burden placed on their collective shoulders makes it very hard for some of them to see both themselves and each other more as instruments than people.
Imogen and Laudna delving into their very dangerous "dark sides" and pressuring Fearne to do the same despite her very much not wanting to because It Will Make You Stronger Why Wouldnt You Want To Be Stronger.
Nobody saying anything to Imogen after she expressed the intent to micromanage the group through severe invasion of privacy because it might keep the group functioning more steadily.
Even Oryms speech to Ashton, however heartfelt, had a main point: We Need You To Be Strong And Fight.
Even way before this episode almost everyone in the group had some kind of "My main purpose is to be useful/to get things done" kind of speech and it is a pattern through the campain since Ludinus and the Predathos were introduced as a main threat.
It is a pragmatic approach to your subordinates in this scenario, it makes sense for them to do that. But when from time to time somebody alludes to them being a family i just do not see it. Yes, they all like and care about each other. But with apocalypse on the horizon they have certain priorities which make it hard to really deeply care about personal issues.
I enjoy the dynamic as is but still i hope these trials will lead to some kind of breaking point and realization that without really caring about and dealing with problems they might not get much further.
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List of the truths shared in Nana Morri's Honesty trial (C3E79):
Imogen: I am genuinely scared to meet my mom again.
Laudna: Deep down inside, both Delilah and I want the shard...Fearne should have it, but I don't know anymore what's my opinion or desires or feelings, or hers.
Imogen: I love Laudna deeply but I'm disgusted at the thought of Delilah looking at us all the time.
Orym: I'm super lonely all the time, especially at night. It doesn’t matter if I'm bunking with one of you guys.
FCG: Sometimes I pity some of you because you have beating hearts and opportunities and you don’t do enough with them...Chetney, you have so much love to give and it doesn't seem like you're interested in anything other than wood! There's people out there who you could love and experiences you could share with someone else, but all you care about is wood!
Orym: I've always kind of laughed it off but I guess I do kind of wonder if Chetney is my dad.
Ashton: I am the reason that the Jiana Hexum robbery went fucking wrong, and the reason why I got thrown out of a fucking window.
Fearne: I feel like we’re very ill-equipped for this job and we're going to fail at saving the world. (Laudna: Honestly that's probably true, I'm right there with you.)
Chetney: While wood may be the superior material to metal, I do fear that, with the dwindling interest in it, that children will find my toys - and thereby myself - obsolete every year I grow older.
FCG: I think it's something buried deep down in my circuitry, but every time I hurt or kill something - it feels really good. It makes me sort of relax a little bit and some of my stress goes away.
Imogen: I know we're supposed to save the gods, but I've tried talking to them my whole life and none of them would ever respond. I think I'm tainted. I dont know if I want to save gods that don't love me.
Laudna: You know we could rip-cord out of [saving the world] at any moment...right? And sometimes I fantasize about it all the time.
Fearne: I sometimes do stuff to you guys while you're sleeping - not weird stuff, I just like to look at you closely...and maybe like, twiddle your hair or braid it. Nothing bad!
Ashton: Whenever it starts to get quiet, I start worrying that one of us - most of us - are going to end up killing another one of us accidentally...I have panicked thinking about when one you kills another one of us.
Orym: I have all the faith in the world in you guys...and I have also spent time thinking of how to neutralize each of you.
FCG: I kinda worry that I put all my eggs in the Changebringer basket and she might betray us all. I had a really weird conversation with her and I think she's just out for herself and she might not really care about me - but what if she does? And I'm saying horrible things?
Imogen: Fearne, I was really disappointed in you for running away from your power. You should take the shard!
Orym: I really miss Dorian, and sometimes I think that's okay, and sometimes I think it isn't.
Ashton: I feel fucking worse that I just fucked up Fearne's life way more than mine and I should've died instead of that happening.
Chetney: I grew up in the Bramblewood outside of Westruun, and when I was a kid, I came back from learning how to make toys and found that my whole family had left. All they left behind were toys. They ran when Errevon the Rimelord was running across the plains, and so I'm kind of afraid of dragons. And I had five siblings - Alabaster, Pepper, Sugarplum, Hermey, and Chad - and I was so mad that they left I never looked for any of them, and now I'm pretty sure they're dead. So I think any family I have is just gonna look for a reason to leave me. That's why I don't get attached to anybody.
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