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bxtchforstyles · 3 years

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I’ll Get There.

Harry Styles X Y/N

Y/N has been struggling with her body image ever since she was a teenager, but now that she was becoming a big time model, it had only gotten worse.

Warnings: mentions of eating disorders, and symptoms similar to those of a panic attack.

Word count: 2.4k+

gif not mine.

Y/N never realized that not everyone gets dizzy when they stand up too fast.

She just figured that it was something that happened to everybody, especially since it had been happening to her for years.

That’s why she was always confused when people asked what was wrong when she had to stop for a moment to gain her balance after standing up from where she was sitting.

It was later though, when Y/N realized exactly why everyone thought she was sick when she stood.

She had also been happily dating her boyfriend Harry for almost two years now, that’s when it got the worst.

Growing up in the spotlight, Y/N never realized how much it took a toll on your self image. She never liked your body, or your face, or your hair, or anything really.

And it didn’t help that her mother was a famous model for all of her teenage years, which was only ruined when she had Y/N accidentally at the age of twenty two.

She was an amazing mother nonetheless, but Y/N had always carried this sense of guilt among her unborn self. She knew that her mother was easily one of the most sought after models of her generation, and almost everyone knew who she was.

So when the tabloids got ahold of the fact she was pregnant, her career was basically over.

Babies ruin your body.

At around the age of sixteen, Y/N began to get into modeling, just like her mom, and just like the media had expected.

‘She’s a natural’

‘She takes after her mother’

‘Let’s hope she doesn’t make the same mistake her mother made’

She had heard it all.

But with the modeling industry, comes diets, and workouts, and healthy, green, disgusting smoothies. All of which were very bad for your mental state, by the way.

The modeling world was a whole different work than the one Y/N had been surrounded by for the first fifteen years of her life, and now she was in this new world, she realized how much prettier everyone else around her was.

It wasn’t bad at first, it was just a few skipped snacks, maybe a skipped meal here and there.

It wasn’t anything serious, it was just a calorie deficit, which is what she thought she needed anyway.

Everyone told her she looked wonderful, and that only encouraged her more.

It slowly progressed until she was around eighteen, she was put in an overnight hospital stay once, but it was simply brushed aside, since she claimed her malnourishment was just due to stress.

She promised her mother that she would start consciously eating more again.

She promised.

But later that year was when she began dating Harry. It was wonderful, and she didn’t have any doubts that she was beautiful, and he made sure of that.

But now two years later, the two of them were still going strong.

Y/N had gotten the job of any model's dream, getting to premiere at the Victoria Secret Fashion Show.

And it just so happened that her very own boyfriend was chosen to be the performer.

Y/N was excited at first, finally getting the chance to be able to get on stage with her boyfriend. But that didn’t last very long when she went on twitter a little after the announcement had been posted.

It was safe to say that most of Harry’s fans were not very pleased that she was going to be walking in the show.

But there was one tweet that made her particularly sick to her stomach.

It said; “It would be ten times cuter if it was Kendall walking that runway, Y/N could never compare to her”

It had now been almost a week since she had read that tweet, and it had made her want to cry. She had definitely had her moments where she fell completely apart while in the shower, but she could never do that in front of Harry.

She wouldn’t even know where to start.

Y/N had always been the type of person to hide her emotions, and most of the time she did it very well, that was until the dam finally broke.

That's when she decided to take a hot shower, thinking maybe it would relax her, and maybe even burn a few calories.

Harry didn't even realize how long his girlfriend had been in the shower, until he went to run the dishwasher and it wouldn't start.

That meant that there was zero hot water.

“Y/N?” He knocked on the bathroom door, hoping for a response, “are you okay?”

He didn't get a response at all, not vocally at least.

He heard the water turn off from inside the bathroom, figuring that his voice must have broken her out of a gaze of some sort.

He knocked again, “baby? Are you okay? You've been in there a while.”

His voice trailed off when he heard the door open slightly, promoting for him to open the ajar door fully.

Harry was shocked at what he saw, closing the door behind them to give them some privacy, even though no one else lived in their apartment.

The sight of the small girl was definitely a confusing one to Harry, seeing that he had no clue what Y/n had been struggling with for the past years, but especially the past few years.

She was curled in a ball, her arms wrapped around her legs, pulling them to her chest with her back against the wall. Sitting next to her was the digital scale that Harry frequently used to check his weight.

He approached her slowly, not wanting to startle her or make her think he was mad at her in any way.

When he got close enough to read the number that was being shown on the scale, he was appalled. He had to hold back his gasp as he crouched in front of her in order for his eyes to be level with hers.

“Hey,” He placed a hand on top of her knee, trying to grab her attention. “What’s the matter, love?” He was genuinely concerned for her now that he saw the fat tears rolling down her cheeks.

The only thing that his girlfriend did though, was look back down at her hands once they dropped to her lap, the tears continued flowing.

“You know you can tell me anything baby, I’m right here.”

“I-” The sniffles and hiccups that still leave her small body were absolutely heartbreaking to Harry. “I just, I hate m-myself.”

Harry didn’t even want to imagine what his facial expression looked like in that moment, because hearing his girl say that, absolutely broke him.

“Y/N,” He finally spoke shakily, rubbing his hands up and down her thighs as her legs straightened. “W-why?”

He never would have imagined that she was feeling like this, and that made him feel awful knowing that he maybe could have helped her sooner. She had been hurting for god knows how long and he had no idea.

“I know that you say that you think I’m pretty, and beautiful-” She cuts herself off when another sob racks her body. “But sometimes I think you just tell me that so you don’t hurt my feelings.”

It had taken her a while to regain her breathing at times, and Harry could see why. Her body was clearly fragile, and was working way harder than it should have to just to keep her lungs pumping.

He walked into their bedroom that was connected to the bathroom, quickly grabbing the Gatorade that he had set on the dresser a few moments ago when he had begun knocking on the door.

“Here, take a drink baby.” He tried to put the plastic bottle in her hand, but she wouldn’t even hold it before she was immediately pushing it away. “Y/N, you need to drink something.”

Her tears only got stronger, her breath becoming more erratic as she shook her head no.

Her skin was pale, and the bones of shoulder protruded from her body. She looked sick, but Harry didn’t want to admit that, even to himself.

“I can’t, Harry, I can’t.” The breath that she exhaled was ragged, prompting him to put the hand that wasn’t holding the Gatorade bottle on her back, running it up and down.

“Yes, you can baby. I promise, I will be here the entire time.” He nodded encouragingly, but she didn’t say a word. “Can you please just take one sip? If not you for, for me.”

The daunting look that she gave the plastic bottle was enough to make her start hyperventilating. “You don’t get it.”

“I know I don't,” He sighed loudly, “but I want to.”

“Why me?” Her voice was barely audible, making so Harry didn’t even hear what she said at first.

“What?” His large, ring-clad hand was still rubbing up and down her back in an attempt to make her breathe even out.

Y/N took a deep breath, like she was trying to figure out what to say. “Why do you want me? You could have literally any girl you want, yet you’re still here, and I just don’t get it.”

It probably seemed horrible when Harry stayed silent for a moment, staring blankly at her. But in all reality, he was just trying to come up with an answer that would be suitable enough to make her understand exactly how he felt about her.

“I just- I can’t help you understand how I’m feeling, and what I’m going through until I understand. I-i really need to understand.”

“You know that I love you so much, darling.”

That’s when the dam finally broke, the tears starting again, and Y/N’s hands angrily slamming down on the bathroom floor. “But why? Help me understand!” She bellowed, making Harry’s eyes widen.

“Understand what, love?” His voice was calm, and Y/N wasn;t surprised by it. He had never raised his voice at her in the slightest, and she didn’t think he was going to start.

“Why you chose me! You have a million girls literally at your feet that are so much prettier, and skinnier, and nicer-” Harry cut her off.

He knew exactly what she was doing. Her anxiousness always caused rambling like this where she would spill all of her feelings, and it made his heart ache that she could ever feel like this.

“I don’t want anyone else.” He said simply, grabbing her hands. “I love you because you light up any room that you walk into. I love the way you play with your hair when you’re being impatient. I love the way you immediately run to me when I walk in the front door. I love when you attempt to cook, even though you are horrendous at it, but I know you try for me.”

“I love every single thing about you, to the point that I don’t think I could ever look at anyone else with even remotely the same amount of admiration as I have when I look at you. You make me who I am, and no one else could ever fill my heart to the extent that you do.”

Y/N looked up at him, watching the single tear roll down his cheek. The only thing she could think to do was lean her head forward from where she was sitting in front of him, laying her head on his chest.

“Everybody’s mad that I’m going to be walking at the show while you’re performing. They all wanted you to be performing with Kendall.”

Harry’s hands went under her slim arms, picking her up with ease before placing her in his lap. “I don’t want to perform for anyone unless you’re walking that runway.”

“I love you.”

He kissed the top of her head, “I love you too.”

Y/N laid in his lap for a few more minutes before he stood up, wrapping his arms easily around the back of her thighs, pulling her legs to wrap around his torso.

“Why don't we eat something, make you feel better?” At this time, Harry had completely forgotten about the image of his girlfriend crying in front of the scale.

She shook her head as he laid her down against the comforter in their bed, “m’ not hungry.”

He knew better than that, “you haven't eaten all day, what's going on?”

“I’m preparing for the show, Harry.”

That’s when he definitely knew something was off, she never called him by his first name. He also saw the look on her face when he mentioned food, she looked sad, not only sad, but disgusted.

“Did you see the same number on the scale that I did?” He didn’t want to bring it up at first, but now he felt it was necessary to lightly mention it. “If anything, you’re underweight, Y/N.”

“The number on the scale means absolutely nothing when I still look like- like this.” She motioned down towards her body, making Harry frown.

He wrapped his fingers around her wrist, his thumb and pointer finger connecting immediately, basically overlapping them. “That is not healthy, baby. You need to eat in order to fuel your body, or else you will be so weak that you won’t even be able to make it down the runway.”

“I can’t be fat for this show Harry, I just can’t. There is too much speculation about me already, and I can’t be known as the fat Victoria Secret model, on top of being the girl who’s dating Harry Styles.”

“But you’re not fat, and I know that it’s hard for you to see since you’ve had to struggle with these types of things in the modeling industry for so long, but you need to eat.” She was already shaking her head, making Harry’s eyes well with tears.

“Please, Y/N, for me. I’m not asking for you to sit down and have a full course meal, maybe just something small, healthy even. How about a little side salad, would that be okay? You don’t even have to eat the whole thing.”

Finally, he got his girlfriend to agree, slowly nodding her head.

He kneeled onto the bed, wrapping his arms firmly around her. “You’re so beautiful, baby. I love you so much, thank you.”

“I love you too. A lot.”

Harry grabbed Y/N’s cheeks in his hands, feeling her strong cheekbones against his palms. “I just want you to be healthy, you know that, right?”

She smiled lightly, leaning her head into his hand, “I’ll get there.”

“I know you will.”

i hope you like my very first imagine that i have posted on this account! should i do a part two of the fashion show? lmk!!

#harry styles x you #harry styles x y/n #harry styles x ofc #harry styles blog #harry styles blurb #harry styles x reader #harry styles imagine #solo harry #harry styles #harry styles one shot #one direction #1d fan fiction #1d au #1d imagines #fanfic #tw ed things

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petalsmooth · 3 years

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Ok.

Let’s talk Lili.

First off we only know what stars put out about themselves or other people say about them. We are not friends with these people. We are not in their homes. We don’t usually hear what they say in unguarded conversation. What we know is what is out on social media with some highly distorted soundbites from chats or DM’s with her mother that were exposed.

We were initially presented a portrait pushed by her and her family no less of a middle class family with the standard girl next door hit it big narrative. Down to earth, relatable, somewhat quirky. Strong two parent supportive household. All that was missing were the apron and pearls.

This girl came out of the gates talking about a modernized Riverdale with two girls who would be actually close and not vying for the same redhead. Feel free to add/or correct along the way of course...especially early on when not following as closely.

We got very little in the way of insight into Cole and Lili because they were trying to keep it quiet even if there were hints together. Mostly during this period what fans were fed was that she was slightly awkward socially, maybe not the most intellectual but nice and harmless. She spoke of empowering women, independence, she constantly shut down the idea of Barchie and praised Bughead. Along through the year’s she would speak to social bullying or bullying in general. She would openly talk about struggles with mental health. She’d talk and show her cystic acne and share photos not all airbrushed in ode to body positivity. She’d talk about not having an hourglass figure, and cellulite and often go out in ratty shorts and a bun sans makeup. You see she’d talk about it then follow through by showing lived the walk or calling out photoshops done of her.

Again this is “relatable girl next door quirky Lili” we told was the REAL Lili.

She would frequently talk and post about her family and dogs at home and how much she loved and missed them...though oddly not so much her older sister.

At a certain point it became undeniable Cole and Lili were together to even the hardest deniers. Of course also the Met gala eventually made official for media.

We get have her liking posts such as Miley’s about how lucky she was to have a man who checked off all the boxes. But at times there were glimpses all wasn’t kosher. People have mentioned various cons where she’d be caught flirting somewhere else, or she’d be in a bad mood giving Cole a cold shoulder. We recently saw an old video of them walking and her basically demanding he drop the fans and attend her. We have the con were Camilla is sexually harassing Cole everywhere and Lili doesn’t shut it down until Camilla tries to grind on him. It was so bad even Mads intervened. We have the interview where she is talking over him or rolling her eyes and basically being the unprofessional brat her fans claim she is not. Even though it’s ON CAMERA. Snapping at your co worker/boyfriend and rolling your eyes during a professional interview is not deniable.

Flashforward to the trip to Italy because for me there was always something off about that. That trip was obviously planned far in advance. Clearly Lili was supposed to be there. Her fans quickly blamed Cole because Lili was working. Lili didn’t have to work. It wasn’t a career changing move to do that film. It did not do well. I’m not entirely sure what was happening around that time but I have the sense Cole was disappointed/a little angry she prioritized it over him accepting very likely the offer AFTER the trip was planned.

Lili spirals during this time. Cole comes back to clean up mess. They are quiet on social media for a long time then slowly emerge again and eventually get the photo booth shots, the wedding and her mingling with NY friends for once. Turns out close to the end for them.

I don’t want to make this a Sprousehart post though although some relevance to bring part of it up. The point is Lili put her career over her relationship. It was a calculated decision. It was also the wrong decision. Her fans talk about her being this warm giving person but that was a cynical call and a pretty lousy thing to do to your boyfriend of several year’s. I’m all for supportive partners but there are time’s where you make sacrifices if you really care for someone and this was a special trip planned long in advance. She blew it off. If I’m the partner she does this too, I question why I’m putting in the effort if it doesn’t mean to them what it means to me.

TBH I think the bad choices she made there is why tried to make it up by meeting with his friends, the wedding etc...

Something than clearly happened because by January they were done. Not sure we’ll ever know but it looked like they were trying to fix things given the happiness hadn’t seen on Cole’s faces in a long time in those booth pics and then...it was done. We didn’t know at the time, but this is timeline Cole gave. There was a brief attempt at reconciliation where she babysits him at a photo shoot and posts a photo of them in bed and then shortly after...Cole calls it off.

He heads to LA, she follows him there but not without making sure to shove Casey’s face into her chest to post and rent a place close to where he is staying. She posts weepy messages about the world ending etc....and weird new photos mimicking old shoots with him so naturally people think this means whatever happened they worked through. Around same time she and hers manipulated her fans to try to cancel him earlier because she misunderstood a picture of Kaia....although flat out if he had been with Kaia he was SINGLE and it was no longer her business.

She tries to walk back the firestorm she unleashed on him by “defending” him from a lesser twitter trend after realizing misconstrued the Kaia picture, All summer she weirdly seems to be trying to avoid the topic if they are together or not despite saying once if they weren’t she’d tell people. She finally puts her foot in her mouth one two many times' and Cole confirms they broke up which she doesn’t acknowledge. Because she doesn’t want to be broken up.

As we know know it wasn’t all rainbows on the set even before all this happened as in the musical she’d launched an object at him hard enough to have the crew concerned. Lili fans keep saying Cole is abusive but the only evidence we have of abuse is her towards him. We also had her suddenly doing a 180 from past 4 year’s and excusing cheating with Archie and promoting everyone in her live recaps except Cole/Jughead.

Back to the events following Cole’s post....then we get a sudden string of interviews taking shots at Cole, doxxing him, implying he could have strayed (just to resurrect hate against him) but can’t say he actually did because she has no proof. We know this because in those chats admit it was just suspicion and paranoia and never did have any names.

We learn that Lili has been funneling news and gossip and photos to keep her mother’s hold on the fandom in check and her mother in turn has been bullying people who would stand on Cole’s side. They sought to ruin him. This is not debatable.

For year’s people had made fun and called Bree out for being an obsessive stalker unable to let a relationship go, then Lili starts doing the same. We know she has tried to copy Ari’s style, her mother made a snide comment about breast size, Lili tried to taunt Ari from on set and Ari shut her down. A girl who almost never was in the line of sight of paps suddenly is snapped everyday following break up even before the public new. That doesn’t just happen. She wanted the attention.

I’m not going to go into all of it, you all know it. Suffice to say revealing she has a bitter vindictive attitude she has submersed herself in ever since Cole made it clear no reunion. She won’t even broach the topic of Bughead/Jughead unless forced. You can spin all you like but the split screens was not an artistic choice by RD. It was spurred by need to keep them apart.

Lili last summer was doing precious little other than a post or two of Black Lives matter and then when Cole gets arrested suddenly she jumps on the me too and sets up impulsive lives. Maybe she meant well but a part of me thinks she did it to attract his attention. Notice once she got praise for it and the initial protests faded she more or less doesn’t bring it up anymore. Cole never intended to get attention, it just happened because he’s a star and got taken in to a jail cell. He never put himself on camera for notice.

Lili also co-opts the murder of a girl to flaunt she thinks she looks good naked. Completely tone deaf.

Lili very rarely is seen in fan photos, only usually when she’s getting flack for it online. She, a girl who talks about bullying, went on a midnight tirade against a guy who dares to critique or poetry setting her fans on him. Then deleted it probably because publicist in her ear.

She first said poems not about Cole, than said you could read into what you wanted to sell them. Now she doesn’t want to talk poetry or sequels because it flopped and was critically panned.

There are constant rumors about Lili on sets of productions to point they even had someone on her newer movie try to downplay. Yet we see in a video the cast barely talking and looking tense on a boat.

The girl who used to talk about body positivity now lets them airbrush abs onto her.

The girl who used to talk of therapy and mental illness now promotes OTC supplements for $ and cults.

If she mentions cellulite she uses other tik toks of people showing not her own.

She said she would never be on tik tok, yet now has her own and post old videos that aren’t funny.

Lili once tired to attack Cole by talking about losing yourself in drugs or alcohol or sex yet we’ve seen her drug paraphernalia because she advertises. Her friends post and laugh over her being drunk. She was in an off and on relationship with Wallis that doesn’t seem to be about anything but sex.

We were told Coles friends are bad influences but Taylor is out there solicitating questionable clients and making videos slamming LILI’S COWORKER as a bad actor and his brother,

The majority of Lili’s posts no longer feature Sunny or her family/Addy.

She insulted Vancouver, compared to a prison, and made it clear her creature comforts were of more importance than a pandemic. Not quite the attitude of an empath. Which she claims she is with intention to be a master which require sucking more gullible people into the cult.

She brags about being a “rich man” without understand the context. She went from artistic photos to modeling pinups to fuel her lack of self esteem.

She’s in her mid 20′s, claims she had grown and matured in the last year but there is no evidence of it. Still can’t work with her ex without buffers which still influences show direction though her fans deny.. Still lives off junk food and hangovers. Those glasses aren’t just for sun. Her timeline is mostly an ode to her vanity with pictures of herself and then her dog. She doesn’t seem to have any causes she’s deeply involved in on the side apart from her cult. She’s still stalking Cole as her impulsive makeup tutorial showed. She said she cut out of her life anyone who doesn’t service her. I highly doubt she is receiving quality therapy on the regular right now. She still does not seem to possess the ability to own her mistakes and apologize when warranted, rather deflects or erases when heat becomes too hot.

The content she puts out about herself post break up is very different than the bill of goods fans were sold before. She is a far cry from that quirky girl next door that stood FOR something more than vanity and shallow affirmation. So no, I don’t see what you see in her stans. Everything that once seemed to distinguish her from other spoilt princesses has long faded.

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antiloreolympus · 3 years

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10 Anti LO Asks

1. the two genders are "a geometric shape masquerading as a man" and "constant back pain, probably"

2. Idk if its a fastpass spoiler but apparently Hades took Thanatos in as a kid and put him to work and he's calling that "special treatment" and comparing it to him prioritizing Persephone over his company/employees/realm??? And saying that somehow him doing this is okay because he either gives out special treatment all the time and/or is using this as a defense in saying that he (Hades) took Thantos in when Nyx left him and Thantos is being ungrateful??? No.?

Also apparently Persephone gets mad at Demeter for making Hades "forget her" that one time?? Hello??? Persephone, Hades was drunk and showed up unnanounced and f*cked up Demeters garden and you still met him and the entire dumb / creepy thing with the nakedness happens and your mad at your mom for this? And not Hades for say, idk Tresspassing??!!!

Other anon is right - Demeter was graceful about Hades barging in and harassing her and her teenaged daughter while drunk - and I'm getting real tired of Demeter being the villian here for "getting in the way" of HxP.

On a side note ive seen people arguing that Demeter is a b*tch for being mean to Hades and his brothers when she should be treating them with respect and kindess because their kings and like... Okay - half the time the other gods drop in unannounced and f*ck around messing up Demeters garden / work and or are there to mess with Persephone - Zeus showed up to force Demeter into hiding one of his affairs from Hera (under threat of punishment and potential death), not sure about Poseidon but Hades showed up drunk and harrassed her and her nymphs (and daughter - and no I don't care if its considered a "meet-cute"),

But also Ares crashed into Demeters garden and f*cked with Persephone by lying to her so he could try to get into her pants or something.

So yeah, I do not blame Demeter At All for being distrustful of the big 3 / Kings (and other gods) - all they've done is cause her problems and be inconsiderate whenever their around her. (And yes, I know Demeter hid a murder from Zeus, but she's also an overprotective mother to Kore so... I would say at least in LO, that's in character, even if its wrong).

3. i hate to give Sarah J Maas any credit here (she loves butchering greek myth too) but her ACTOAR books are basically a HxP retelling but it made a point to show Rhysand wasn't evil and actually his kingdom is fair and just and the people like and respect him and him being a dick is for political reasons than how he actually is. It's just weird LO basically follows the same idea except its actually like yes The underworld sucks, the people are miserable, and Hades is actually evil, like??? Why???

4. Rachel going with the "well other people do bad stuff too! HxP should be excused for doing it too!' is deranged lmao. That's literally not how the world works, especially when the other characters who do the same bad stuff ARE punished for it, while HxP isn't. like ma'am, do you hear yourself?

5. HONESTLY even if hades isnt supposed to be stereotypically handsome (even tho all the men look exactly like him) is like?? why would you constantly mention how old and unattractive he is?? like is it just trying to paint him as the "underdog" even tho hes the most sought after man in the whole series? like you can have it both ways, rachel.

6. since rachel clearly can't stand any sort of criticism then ok, tell webtoons to stop promoting you then, stop taking so many media deals, hell just stop the whole comic and only do private work and work anonymously then if you cannot handle it, because with more exposure comes criticism, and LO is a treasure trove of stuff to critique. it's honestly so egotistical of her to cry about legitimate criticism when she's more often than not coddled and praised for nothing. she needs to get a grip.

7. no wonder rachel seems to only be friends with the let play's creator, because she's also a privileged white lady who cries to her millions of fans shes being bullied when people call out the many awful things in her story and some of her abhorrent comments. though even she had the good sense to at least make her mc be able to legally drink. thats asking too much for rachel apparently.

8. I also got the impression from the latest FP it was just Rachel staring at the camera and calling out her "haters" for daring to question how "perfect" Hades and Persephone are like is she 12? does she honestly think her handling of these characters and story are perfect and no one can ever dare question her on it, including the characters IN story? she knows no one is free of critique, right? but also them having no pushback in story makes it really boring too? Tone it down on the ego, lady.

-----FP Spoilers/Mention-----

9. Rachel, while showing her Hades is shit at taking care of kids and doesn't like them and doesn't even show him bringing up the idea of adoption or fostering, only in him having mini heirs for himself off his fantasies: Hades would be a great father!

10. FP talk: ok but i will admit hades being forced to give thanatos benefits makes a bit more sense only in the fact erebos and nyx hate hades and seem to only allow him power out of their own will, not his own, so hes basically forced to have to at least in the beginning give him better treatment (tho why he now humiliates and belittles thanatos on the regular is ???), but that still doesnt excuse or justify his treatment of persephone, it's still just him being gross and wanting to bone her.

#anti lo #anti lore olympus #lore olympus critical #lo critical

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slythraco · 3 years

Note

Hey I just read your sfw Tom ABC’s and I gotta ask any chance we can get a NSFW ABC’s for Tom? 🙊🙈😍 obsessed with your writing and just discovered you!!

Author's note: Here it is ! I hope you’ll like it ! I’m all very new to writing smut so i really think i could’ve done better but i guess it’s with practice that i’ll get better ! Anyway, have fun ! Also, I took the alphabet from @malfycs you can find it here (Btw, her NSFW alphabet about Draco is crazy ! I recommend reading it if you haven’t already and you like spice !

Warnings: 🔴+18🔴, This thing is all about sex so if you're under 18 please don't read it !

Words count: 1,5K

Masterlist

______________

A = Aftercare (What they're like after sex)

Tom loves to cuddle you after such an intimate moment. He always covers you in kisses and caresses to make you feel loved. He also tells you a bunch of cute words in your ear, never falling to make you fall a little more in love with him.

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner's)

His eyes, for sure. It's the first thing people see in him, and it's normal because they are incredibly beautiful. He knows the power he holds when he looks right into your eyes and loves to see you get lost in them.

And for you, It's hard for him to choose one favourite part of your body since he likes every single inch of you but you would bet that he particularly likes your belly, at night we're your cuddling on the bed or in the couch, he always lay his head on your tummy while you play with his blond hair. He also always leaves kisses all over it, which never fail to tickles you and he loves hearing your laughter when he does this.

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically... I'm a disgusting person)

Tom biggest fear is that you'll feel degraded during sec so when he feels the need to cum he'll completely refuse to cum on your face on in your mouth if you don't give your consent to it. Otherwise, he'll cum in you or on your belly.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Tom secretly the biggest dream is to go around the world with you and have sex in the most beautiful places. He already imagines himself eating you up on a beach of Hawaii or Bahamas, making you love in a bedroom with view of the Eiffel Tower, pounding in and out of you while your moaning resonate in the lanes of Berlin.

He'll propose the idea to you soon enough.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they're doing?)

It might not seem like it, but, Tom knows what he's doing. At least after making a few times, your first time together was really banal and clumsy because of the level of stress Tom was enduring, but he was already so much better the second time.

Why ? You may ask, because he remembers EVE-RY-THING. He studies all your reactions and notes in a small corner of his head all of yours weak spots and things that makes you go crazy. Trust me, after a few times, Tom is completely able to make you come in a matter of seconds if he wants to.

And the more you have sex the more it gets better since he's always searching for a new spot to exploit to make you come for him.

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

Tom's favourite position probably the missionary, he finds it perfect. As a shy and romantic guy in bed he loves the intimacy and the proximity of it. He can easily kiss you while he makes love to you, or kiss your neck to make you even more crazy. He can also look at your beautiful face screaming his name, which drives him insane.

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Tom is globally serious with you're having sex, but he can crack a joke once in a while to take the pressure off. Especially before it actually begin. He'll bring a bad pick-up line often inspired by Harry Potter like "Would you let me Slyther-in tonight ?" Is his favourite one so far, he used it a lot, but he always tries to find new ones.

H = Hot Spots (Places that drive them crazy)

Definitely his thighs or his neck, every time your hands touch his thighs he can't help but jump a bit and looking at your hand to make sure you don't move it too far in front of people because this shit can turn him on in a matter of seconds.

And his neck because when you're starting to kiss it or bite on it, he can turn into a totally different person. You can say bye to the pure and cute Tom to leave room for a dominant and nasty version of him which can be surprising at first.

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspects)

Well, there is two Toms. The really romantic and gentle Tom and the dominant and rough Tom it really depends in his and your mood on the moment.

He'll either be really loving, covering you with kisses and caresses for you to fell like the most precious thing in his eyes which you are. He'll do everything to make you feel all the power of his love, and he loves to hold your hands while making it.

Or, he'll turn into the unknown version of him. If he's mad at something, nervous or you two have been away for a long time, he'll become rough and dominant. Shocking, slaps (on your butt) and even love marks to remind you who you belong to.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

He only does it when he's away from you for a film otherwise when you're around him there is no need to do it.

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Something Tom loves to do is to take ice between his lips and trace a line on your body. Seeing the block of ice melting on your warm skin drives him crazy. And you, you love the contrast of the cold feeling on your body, it makes you even more turned on.

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Simple but your bed, you both like to be comfortable and the bed is the best place to be.

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Something that can go crazy in less than a second is when you clearly ask him to fuck you. With that, Tom wouldn't a second to get you undressed to satisfy your wishes. When you kiss him languorously too, which can be a problem sometimes when you are in public and your kisses give him an erection.

N = NO (Something they wouldn't do, turn-offs)

Don't you ever think of having him touching your feet. He hates it. And like mention before he doesn't like a situation where you could feel degraded, so you can cross out BDSM, he doesn't like the idea of being violent (more than just give you a slap on your ass), he doesn't find anything exciting about it.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc) He likes both to be honest, he doesn't really have a preference, he loves when you suck his cock it always makes him feel extremely good and make you realise it with his moans. But he also loves to hear you moans his name as he eats you up, and you just taste so good he could do it all day.

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? Etc.)

Like mentioned before, it depends on Tom's mood.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

It's not his favourite way of having sex, but he doesn't mind it if you don't have much time, and he's really horny. Quickies happen a lot when he's promoting a new film, since during these period he doesn't have a lot of free time you two manage to have quick sex between two interviews.

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Yes ! A lot of Tom's first time were with you, he's always up to try new things with you.

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last...)

Tom can honestly last really long, he knows how to keep himself from cumming

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

The only toy Tom own is a connected vibrator. One he asked you to put it in, and you went to a dinner together. Let me tell you, he had so much fun making it vibrate at the most random moments to see you keep yourself from moaning in front of everyone, and he found it so fucking sexy. You probably had the best sex night after that.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He does it all the time, he would slip some nasty words in the crook of your ear to make you shiver before disappearing. Or something else he loves to do is to snog with you until you almost do it but then get up and do something completely different, he finds it so funny when you get mad but also so hot, so he never teases for a long time before he actually fuck you mercilessly.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Tom definitively makes some sounds in the sheets, he likes you to know how good you make him feel. He's also really vocal at the moment, telling all kinds of dirty things in your ears. "Just like that." ; "You make me feel so good darling." ; "You're so tight." ; "You're so beautiful." ; "Continu like that." And that's only a little part of what he can tell you.

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Tom doesn't stop after you had an orgasm, actually, it makes him even more horny and will continue to fuck you until you have a few more. Otherwise, he doesn't feel like he did a good job.

X = X-Ray (What they look like under clothes)

Tom is a grower, I'd say about 6 inches at rest and almost 9 when he's hard. Also, his cock is long and thin, so he's definitely big enough to satisfy you.

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

He never says no to a good romp, especially with you. He just can't contain himself when he's around you, you're just too damn desirable. He always feels the need to feel his naked body against yours.

Z = ZZZ (... how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Not that quickly actually, he likes to cuddle and talk with after a such intimate moment. And he usually waits for you to be asleep before him before he can allow himself to do so.

#TOM #Tom Felton #tom felton imagine #tom felton one shot #tom felton x reader #tomblr #tom felton smut

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dreamylyfe-x · 3 years

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Reactions: 11x06: Do Not Go Gently... (etc)

You know, I was going to do one of these for 11x05 and then I got so mad about the “Pollack” thing that I just couldn’t.

Shameless is such a challenging show in so many ways... because there is a lot of cringe a lot of the time and I am a delicate flower about those things. But... I do love it and so much of its strengths at this point are the performers and just the length of time we have been with these characters. And sometimes you really see that, and sometimes you frustratingly don’t, but this episode was much more the former than the latter.

I’m going talk about Carl right off the jump when I thought I was going to avoid talking about it at all because... not a topic I enjoy. If you don’t enjoy, I will keep it all in this bullet so it’s really skipable. I will see where I eventually land on it, because I am wary -- lots of bad consent on this show over the year and very little longterm exploration and all. But. I have seen a lot of sexual assault storylines over the years. I can’t readily remember if I’ve ever seen someone on a TV show have that moment where they feels weird, tell someone why, and get someone emphatically tell them that they’re right to feel weird, because they’ve been violated. That is something that is so common in life. I have unfortunately had more than one conversation with someone that took exactly that trajectory. There is so often this period of shock and uncertainty and people will then use that against people to demonstrate how they couldn’t POSSIBLY have been hurt. If they were going to tell a story about a sexual assault, I’m glad they did this -- something that they set up like “this is grey!” and then have Debbie say “It’s not grey. It’s a crime.” Weird to them basically SMASHCUT to a totally new topic but I will swing back around to that.

I like Debbie best with Sandy so this was a rough one for me with her.

Frank: WTF, why do I care about Frank’s story? They’ve set this up all season so it’s not a surprise, but... I dunno. Frank is awful. But he’s also an addict. And the thing I will always have empathy for on the topic of addiction is the way it can steal your life. What’s happening to Frank is scary and a direct result of an addiction which we have pretty much never seen him try to get out from under in any meaningful way. He has lost his life to it -- his potential, his relationships, his children -- and now he’s losing his mind. Just. Fuck.

Speaking of: Lip. WTF are you doing? I feel like, by the end of the episode, they’d made it clear that Lip is acting out. That he’s angry and frustrated and it’s making him do stupid and destructive things that aren’t actually going to add up to ANYTHING good for him. Which... Kinda classic of Lip. But those moments where Mickey is looking at him and is the voice of reason ... I mean, I love that. But Lip. That’s not a great look for you.

Once again, V’s story just sorta weird? Like active shooter drills being a replacement for gym class... Um. Wait. What is this story about, exactly? Gun violence or school funding? Or both? What are we doing?

Liam: Stop going to Carl with your problems. Christian: I love what you’re doing. Because boy do I feel Liam’s terror. And I’ll come back to that, too.

Gallavich! It was a Gallavich story where the focus was on MICKEY. Just... Wow. I literally didn’t think that was going to be a thing this year. We love to see it.

Mickey helping Lip rob Born Free... There are a lot of blanks in all of that, but he seemed quite integral to the operation, Ian clearly knew it was going down and Mickey seems to have primarily seen it as a way to do a thing for family. I love the Lip and Mickey relationship -- I love the history of it. I love that they’ve known each other since grade school and are completely different kinds of alphas. Lip has always had being the smartest in his back pocket, but Mickey often leaves him speechless by just being the most fearless. I love how there’s always been a bit of begrudging respect (and on Lip’s side, maybe a bit of sympathy) there and I love that the show let us have a moment where Mickey is going out to help Lip do crime and then coming back to the house with donuts for everybody. Just. Beyond my wildest dreams for season 11.

Speaking of “beyond my wildest dreams” -- that there would be some decent level of complexity with Mickey and Terry. I think a lot of that complexity was left up to Noel to convey -- but that’s a choice they’re making and I think it’s the right one. I loved Ian observing that this was the most Mickey ever talked about Terry, because that seems true. It’s a little nod, too, to when Ian desperately WANTED Mickey to talk about Terry and the fact that Ian has, for years, accepted that Mickey won’t. It’s in character for Mickey not to want to SAY a lot about his dad, and it’s also just a true fact that the writers can give Noel a non-verbal moment (or five) and get us as the audience what we need to understand about where Mickey is at. And that’s history, too. Because we have watched Noel let the audience see Mickey’s heart through nothing but his facial expression for 10 of 11 seasons.

One of those Milkoviches looks a lot like Jody, so that was weird.

So one of my less popular Shameless opinions is that it makes sense that Mickey is involved with Terry in season 10. For many reasons I won’t get into here, but one of them is just that... people who have been abused by their parents do tend to have some kind of relationship with those parents. Most of that is just the fact that Terry -- while being absolutely horrific -- is still Mickey’s father. And Mickey clearly struggles to completely shrug that off. He struggles with it in seasons 3 and 4, and he struggles with it now. He understands that he has every right. But. Mickey isn’t Terry. And that’s going to make it harder for Mickey to completely shut that door. Since Mickey actually DOES have empathy.

Ok -- everyone has and will say what I’m about to say, which is just: The scene on the couch was amazing. Being take care of is such a loaded issue for Ian. It was loaded enough that it broke them up in season 10. Ian might talk about being paralyzed, but he’s saying that knowing that he will have to rely on Mickey to take care of him sometimes. He knows Mickey knows that and he knows Mickey signed up for it. But it’s hard for him. I think Ian knows the answer to the question -- has to -- but he asks it to ground Mickey in the idea that they both have each other. Mickey isn’t going to end up like Terry. He isn’t going to be alone in his chair with every single member of his family satisfied to leave him on the curb in a hospital gown.

To take a step back, this is also why I love the prior scene on the sidewalk, because that is a lot of how Ian takes care of Mickey. I reblogged Gallavictorious’s post yesterday that talked about an accusation that the fandom promotes the idea Mickey is supposed to solve Ian’s problems. This is the show helping her rebuttal, because my gut response to that idea was “where is Mickey now if Ian hadn’t shown up and loved him the way he did?” -- and that moment on the sidewalk is an example of how that still impacts Mickey. That’s what Mickey sticks around for. To have someone standing right in front of him when he wants to do something that will blow his life up just saying “Don’t.” Like how powerful is it for Mickey to have someone care like that? Mickey doesn’t want to talk. That’s not how he wants to receive love from Ian. But I think it’s incredibly valuable and important that Mickey has someone telling him he doesn’t need to give up his life to punish his father. That Terry isn’t worth it and that Mickey’s life IS.

Back on the couch scene tip: How exhausted must Mickey BE at this point? He’s up all night helping Lip, then he’s driving with Ian all day. Just what a long 24 hours for this guy.

I love that Ian doesn’t chase Mickey when he gets up. That he follows, but he doesn’t seem alarmed. He seems to understand they are past the gun-to-the-forehead part of this experience.

I also love that Ian helps him. I’ve seen several people note that this is Ian observing Mickey’s boundaries and it is. But it’s also Ian pointing out that Mickey isn’t in this alone.

It WAS big of Mickey, Ian. I fully agree. Far beyond the call.

I think Ian’s been wanting to tell Mickey he’s better than that all day. But this was the moment where Mickey was most going to be able to hear it. 💕

Selling the house: Well, we are really getting to the “last season of Shameless” stuff. I get where Lip is coming from, when he looks at his options. I get Debbie’s reaction. I also understand, given Ian’s day, while he is IMMEDIATELY all in. I only have one question: WHAT ABOUT LIAM???? I’m already mad at all of you for not giving that kid a hug.

But. I mean, overall? Literally wanted to see that much Terry/Mickey stuff for years. I never thought it would get here, so I’m happy.

But oh my God. We’re halfway done. 😳

#of course I will always take more #but this was good #Save Liam #Shameless season 11 #Shameless 11x06

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anextraordinarymuse · 3 years

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More yelling into the void about this

Because I apparently can’t control myself and the thought bucket is determined to have thinky thoughts ...

Further thoughts on why Nathan and Elizabeth are endgame, in no particular order:

Elizabeth is a youthful, idealized version of herself with Lucas. There’s nothing wrong this and it can be a lot of fun to experience and watch, but it’s not real and it doesn’t last. But Jess, you might say, how do you know? Why do you think so? Let’s start with this: the majority of Elizabeth’s scenes with Lucas are missing the two biggest tenets of Elizabeth’s life - little Jack, and the schoolhouse/teaching. Almost all of their scenes together are just Elizabeth and Lucas. There are more scenes that include little Jack than there are of Lucas at the schoolhouse, or even being around Elizabeth and/with the school children, but most of their scenes are just the two of them (and maybe some other adults). Elizabeth and Lucas exist as an island.

Elizabeth and Lucas both have their trials and tribulations to face, but they do so alone/separately. In fact, the few times we see them coming together about some issue or another they’re doing so from opposite sides (not necessarily as foes, but definitely not from the same side). Examples: when Elizabeth goes to Lucas about letting his company with Gowen going bankrupt (she even says something to apologize for not giving him the benefit of the doubt), and Lucas’s mean words when he finds out Elizabeth knew about his parents. But also, the oil derrick: Lucas stayed up all night trying to figure out how to save it after the explosion, and was successful, but he did it alone.

Compare this to Nathan and Elizabeth, who have been presented as a team and a united front since basically the beginning. They have barely talked since Elizabeth rebuffed Nathan’s I love you, and yet this episode we are given the scene with Allie and Elizabeth barging in on the inquiry and then being right outside and the first people Nathan go to when he is exonerated. While Elizabeth and Nathan didn’t solve this problem together directly, we were still shown a unity and concern between them that didn’t need to be there unless it was to demonstrate that this is a family that has just overcome a trial together (literally, in this case). Elizabeth councils Nathan on the issue with his father, helps him discipline/guide/mentor Allie ... I mean the family imagery we’ve been given with Nathan and Elizabeth is off the charts. We are clearly meant to see them as a team. Nathan shows up at the schoolhouse all the time, sees and helps Elizabeth with the school kids, holds little Jack and is just generally shown being around him, etc. Even when they do fight, it’s undercut by a level of concern for one another (or jealousy). Elizabeth is mad at Nathan for not telling her about the promotion that will take him away from Hope Valley; Nathan is jealous that she went to Union City with Lucas. In both instances, it’s Elizabeth who confronts Nathan (even though in the cabin fighting scene it’s Nathan who is the more upset of the two, that doesn’t stop Elizabeth from seeking him out the following day and insisting that he stop shutting her out). In the only fight/disagreement that we really see between Lucas and Elizabeth, she doesn’t seek him out at all and they kind of avoid one another until she runs into him at the library. Those are two very different ways to dealing with disagreements (and only one of them is healthy and sustainable).

Elizabeth doesn’t share her sadness/melancholy/grief with Lucas. She doesn’t really let him see it or let herself feel it when he’s around. Look at all of the moments we’ve been given where Elizabeth gets that sad, faraway look and says something that is clearly in reference to Jack when she’s with Nathan. She can share that side of herself with and around him - he accepts it, and makes room for both her and whatever she’s feeling. In fact, they are both willing to share their vulnerabilities with one another even if it makes them uncomfortable. (Like when Elizabeth talks to Nathan about his dad).

Elizabeth and Nathan use inclusive/couples language. They talk like they’re already a unit. When Allie is upset about Nathan not letting her talk to her grandpa, at one point he asks if Allie can stay with Elizabeth and he says, “she just really needs us to be there for her right now” (or something similar); when Elizabeth finds out about the promotion and says “when were you going to tell me?” like they’re already involved and Nathan owes her an explanation about a future that might affect her as well; the whole scene where Elizabeth is waiting on her steps for Nathan to come home and says with clear emotion, “You made it home.”

and because it’s such a big but understated moment, let’s just have a whole bullet point about that scene. Elizabeth is clearly concerned for Nathan’s safety from the outset. She tells him often to “be safe”. But that scene where Nathan comes to tell her that they can’t go to dinner because he has to ride out of town, and then forgets that the next day is Saturday? Elizabeth is so concerned because something has clearly been bothering Nathan, and now he’s going out of town and doesn’t remember what day it is ... she’s so worried when she tells him to be safe that time. And the closeup we get of Rosemary’s face right after that? Homegirl knows that her bestie is in her feels and terrified. BUT ALSO - the scene with Elizabeth alone on her steps? She KNOWS that Nathan didn’t make it home the night before and was still away, otherwise why would she be waiting for him? AND SHE’S TOTALLY WAITING FOR HIM. She’s alone on the porch - not talking to Rosemary, or watching Little Jack play, or even attempting to do anything but wait. And the moment that she sees Nathan she’s on her feet and the tension in her face and voice and body when she says “You made it home.” She honest to god just sat there and waited for Nathan to come home. And who knows how long she was sitting there? UGH, THE FEELS!! Moving on ...

Even though it gets canceled, the first time Elizabeth agrees to go on a date with Nathan it turns into a family affair. I would say this sort of makes it a little less like a date, but it also continues this trend of the commitment to family that Nathan presents and is willing to make. Instead of Little Jack being a barrier to their courtship, Nathan acknowledges and welcomes his presence (as well as the impact that his relationship with Elizabeth will have on their families by also bringing Allie). Again, we’re presented with the family imagery. In the most recent episode, this family aspect is highlighted again - and this time, we’re given the image of Lucas outside this family unit since he’s shown standing alone in the background, witnessing this moment between a joyful and triumphant Allie, Nathan, and Elizabeth. This is pretty apparent imagery, show. Message received.

Okay, that’s all for now. I’m sure there will be another post from me at some point coming up because ... well, it’s me, lol. As always, all discourse and discussion is welcome as long as it’s respectful!

#Jess' thoughts #wcth #when calls the heart #nathan grant #elizabeth thornton #nathan x elizabeth

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ilooklikeaburntchickenugget · 3 years

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Only Mine (Pt. 6)

A/N: We’re using Taylor songs again because we love Queen Taylor. So these are not my works (obviously) but hers. However if you’ve never heard some of these I would highly suggest you check them out because all Taylor songs are absolute bops. Pairing: Gerard Way x F!Pop Star!Reader Word count: 3,541 Warnings: Swearing, implied sex (no smut though), arguing (minor)

You found the release of Fractious to be the most ironic days of your life.

You were in the media everywhere, selling only a few thousands copies less in it’s first week than your previous record. Which you were fine with, that was somewhat of the plan.

But you were no where to be seen. Hiding out in a new house you and Gerard had bought New Jersey for just under three million dollars. But no one knew about that purchase, other than your closest family and friends. Because no one needed to know.

The suspense of it all started extremely high, as you only announced the album 12 hours prior to its drop. And the world went insane, fans jumping to Twitter to go absolutely crazy over this new persona that they had already began to love, and some had already caught onto the ‘good girl gone bad’ idea.

You released the entire tracklist only three hours before the drop, and you were already stalking fan pages who began making theories about what it meant. There were already a lot of ‘THIS ONE’S ABOUTE GERARD’ and theories already popping up about him, which made you lightly smile knowing damn well a lot of it was.

The tracklist read: Blank Space I Knew You Were Trouble Style End Game I Did Something Bad I Know Places Out Of The Woods Dancing With Our Hands Tied Don’t Blame Me Getaway Car Clean

You smiled and lightly laughed once you refreshed your phone on the couch, your face and name at the top of iTunes and various other music providers promoting your new album.

“Congrats babe.” Gerard said from where he sat next to you, giving you a kiss and squeezing your thigh, “I’m proud of you.” “Thanks Gee.” You leaned your head onto his shoulder, “I love you. So much.” “I love you more.” He smiled down.

What made it all the better was how MCR was entering into their punk era, only making your album and new persona more believable. You had to admit, Gerard’s red and shaggy hair was really hot, and you were living for it, as you had told him a million times.

And you knew how much he loved your new era. As much as he genuinely loved the real, bubbly you (which is of course why he married you) he continuously admired your new all black look, managing to wear skin tight jeans and short shorts with more crop tops than usual and leather jackets galore. And you can’t forget how many pairs of Doc Martins you had, plus Louboutin boots all for the red bottoms. You basically looked like a filthy rich home wrecker, AKA the look you were going for.

But at home and in private you were the same old Y/N, always letting your natural hair fall into its regular ways, with little to no makeup and not ashamed to wear whatever you wanted.

What seemed to put the cherry on top to this new era was the newest addition to your family, AKA a black french bulldog named Rocko the two of you got. He was a tornado of chaos who would run around the house with his dozens of toys, taunting you and Gerard with them as if to show some form of superiority that he clearly lacked. You treated him like he was a newborn baby, constantly. You bought him clothes, beds, and toys, letting him sleep with you and Gerard despite your husbands protests about how he “took up too much room”. To you, the little canine could do nothing wrong.

That was until he chewed up your favorite pair of shoes, which just oh so happened to cost multiple hundreds of dollars. Gerard was furious at his actions, complaining that there was no reason for him to do so with the countless amount of toys he already had. You were mad at first too, but after only a few seconds of the pup giving you his eyes of sympathy you forgave him and moved on as if nothing happened. Gerard was still in his state of anger though.

“Oh, look, the designs for the tour outfits came in.” You smiled from where you laid on the couch, checking emails on your laptop, Rocko at your feet sitting between you and Gerard who was reading a book. You opened up the file to be greeted with all dozen outfits, which were beyond perfect. Gerard looked over, interested in the topic. “I like that one.” You pointed to one especially scandalous duo of tiny shorts and an even smaller top that could have been easily mistaken for a bra if it wasn’t for the thicker material on the all black set with black tights. “It makes me look like a whore.” Gerard nearly spat out his coffee.

“But you’re not a whore.” “Yeah, well, my alter ego is.” You smiled. “And you made her that way.” You looked up at him from quickly, “Take that as a compliment.” “How is me turning my wife into a whore a compliment?” He asked, puzzled.

“Just take it as one.” You huffed.

“I do think you’ll look bad ass in it though,” He remarked, returning to his book.

“Awww, thanks babe.” You blushed, “Maybe I’ll ask them to make you a matching outfit.” You lightly laughed. “Haha, very funny.” He rolled his eyes.

“It sucks we’ll be touring at the same time.” You sighed, “I miss being able to see you and the guys more.” “Yeah I miss you too,” He sighed as well, “And Ray does too.” You lightly laughed.

“Ray’s coming to the first show, right?” You asked, looking up at Gerard. He nodded.

“He cleared all of his schedule to go and he’s pumped.” You smiled.

“Good.” You closed your laptop, climbing over to give Gerard a kiss, which he happily accepted and did the same back. “Somedays I wish you kissed me the way as you do Frank.” You lightly smiled, letting go as he chuckled.

“I mean, I could.” He smiled at you, running his hands through your hair, “But that’s more aggressive and in the moment. I prefer to savor the kisses I have with you, let you know how much I love you.” You smiled, lightly rolling your eyes.

“You’re so sappy sometimes, Gee.” You responded, “But I love it.”

That night, as you were going to bed, you stopped in your mirror momentarily to take a look at yourself. You had gained 25-ish pounds since your break from the spotlight, still recovering from your ED. Your doctor said that you were healthy now, but some of the fatrolls that fell on your sides and hip dips as well were starting to bother you. And your stomach still had that bit of blub that you were never very fond of.

Gerard walked past you in the bathroom, immediately getting the memo. “Am I too fat?” You turned around and asked him, his face turning to a form of ridicule.

“You’re a fucking goddess.” He said looking you up and down, “So no.”

“Are you sure Gee-” Before you could finish, he grabbed your hand and practically dragged you to bed where he pushed you down with ease beneath him, giving you a searing kiss.

“You’re fucking gorgeous and the most beautiful woman alive. If you say one more thing about you not being perfect I’m going to frame every photo of you in every inch of this damn house so you know just how incredible you are.” “Fine.” You sighed reluctantly. “Now say it with me,” He began, “I, Y/F/N Y/M/N Y/L/N-Way am perfect.” You sighed, choosing to go with it.

“I, Y/F/N Y/M/N Y/L/N-Way am perfect.” “Good girl.” He said with another quick kiss. You lightly laughed, rolling over to your side of the bed to give Gerard his. You took your hand, running your fingers through his messy hair as the two of you stared at each other.

“After these two tours, I think I want to take a break.” You admitted, saying so above a whisper. He lightly nodded. “Maybe we can start a family.” He nodded again. “And settle down.” He gave you a kiss on the nose.

“That sounds perfect.”

-Time skip because I’m lAzY-

You were on stage doing what you do best, simultaneously swaying your hips to the music and going along with some of the choreography, as if the skin tight black and sparkly body suit and above the knee black boots weren’t enough.

As usual, you would look over to your husband where he was in the VIP section and sing to him, a smile plastered on his face. You would occasionally look over to see both the approval of your family, and friends, including Ray who seemed to be having the time of his life dancing and singing the lyrics.

The show was going absolutely perfect, it was bigger than any other that you had ever done, a larger stage, larger screens, larger everything. Even a larger crowd with over 100,000 people for your first show on tour. You could hear the audience echo your lyrics, jumping up and down judging by the movements of their light up wrist bands.

You of course played a few songs off of your previous album, doing a few acoustic with just you and the crowd which were some of your favorite experiences and moments. You also did a quick speech thanking all of your loyal fans who waited for you to come back with new music, despite the long period of time where you were no where to be seen.

After the finale, you ran back with a huge smile still on your face with your team, drinking some water constantly to hydrate yourself. It only took you a few moments in the back hallways of the stadium before you saw your husband at one end, smiling at you. You smiled back, running up to him and clinging your arms around him. He hugged you back, giving you a quick kiss. “You did great.” He whispered with a huge smiled, “I’m so proud.” “Thanks.” You smiled back, giving him another kiss. The two of you walked away, arms around each other as you leaned onto him. You tried to keep PDA to a limit, especially since the documentary was actively being made and was recording everything.

Once you were back in your private dressing room where no one else was, he gave you an even bigger hug, swinging you around and you lightly squealed. “You’re just so good.” He laughed.

“Thanks.” You smiled at him, letting go to go and take off your makeup at the chair. “I just gotta meet a few fans then we can go back to the hotel.” You told him through the mirror and he nodded.

“Y/N?” You heard your assistant knock at the door. “Hey, Betty.” You smiled up at her and she smiled back.

“I assumed you would want Rocky with you.” She said, putting the small black dog and he ran up to your chair.

“Ah yes,” You smiled down at him, picking him up and giving him a bunch of kisses on his little face, “Thank you.” You told her and she nodded, “No problem.” She closed the door back. You held the small dog in your lap, finishing off your face and hair before getting up and putting him down to change into regular clothes from your stage outfit.

“Gee?” You asked and he hummed, looking up from his phone, “Could you unzip me?” You asked and he nodded, getting up to do so. Usually Gerard would pull something after that, making it less PG, but you shot him a quick glare warning him not to do anything, so he didn’t.

You quickly replaced your stage clothes with a pair of jeans and sweatshirt, turning around to see Gerard still staring at you, wide eyes. “Oh please,” you sighed at him, “We’ve been together for over eight years Gee, handle yourself.” “Sorry, it’s just really hard to.” He tried to defend himself, you rolled your eyes.

“I’ll be back soon, babe.” You smiled, giving him a peck on the lips before excusing yourself.

The meet and greet went by as always, taking about half an hour before you said bye to everyone, taking photos, and then went back to Gerard. He was still on his phone on one of the couches in the room, Rocko by his feet. “Ready to go?” He asked, looking up, and you nodded grabbing your phone and backpack.

On the way out you couldn’t stop smiling, hand in hand with Gerard going in one of the large black SUVs, you going in first, then Rocko, then Gerard. “How’re you feeling?” Your husband asked and you just smiled.

“Great,” You admitted, taking a sip from your water, “Everyone loved it.” He gave your thigh a squeeze and looked at you.

“It was definitely pretty bad ass.” He smiled and you lightly laughed.

You had walked into your suite, setting your bag and the dog down, placing him in his bed (in the living room part of the room) while Gerard grabbed him a bowl of water. You gave the dog a quick good night kiss, resorting to your own room where Gerard followed, closing the door behind you.

Almost immediately your lips were clashed together, his hands on your waist as he swiftly put you on the large plush duvet of the bed, moving down to your collarbone and neck.

“Do you want me to stop?” He asked for only a brief moment, as a double check. You shook your head violently.

“No,” You sighed out, “Please no.” He smiled down at you connecting your lips against. “Whatever you want, sugar.”

-Another time skip-

You wouldn’t have ever known if it wasn’t for the insane amount of fatigue and throwing up you were going through, only a month into tour. Initially you could’ve sworn it was just a cold turned to maybe the flu, as many of the symptoms you were having would go away within a few hours, so you were ready for show time.

But here you sat in your hotel room, curled up on the bed with Rocko next to you, your mind completely empty as you stared into the thin air, Betty had run to the nearest pharmacy. What were you going to do on tour? Fans would figure it out easily. But what would you tell Gerard?

Once Betty came back she gave you a somber, almost apologetic smile handing your the small bag. You thanked her, closing the door and going into the bathroom.

You stood over the bathroom sink, your hands gripping the granite edges for dear life as you stared down at the three tests. All positive. It took you a few minutes of staring, rocking back and forth, for everything to sink in.

This was not how you planned it, it was never supposed to go like this. You and Gerard were going to take a break, settle down, have your first child and be together all through your pregnancy. Now you were both on huge tours promoting your new work, away from home for at least the next five months.

You could feel warm tears stream down your cheeks, a small sniffle coming from your nose as you grabbed your phone. Reluctantly, you pressed on your husband’s name, pressing the small phone icon displayed underneath it. You put your face up to the screen slowly. Only a few rings and he answered.

“Hey Y/N/N,” He said, “What’s up.” It took you a few seconds, but you immediately bursted into sobs. “Baby? What’s wrong?” He spoke up, voice with lots of concern.

“Gee,” You began, sniffing again through the sobs, “I’m um- I’m pregnant.” You said. No one spoke for the next few seconds, complete silence on both ends of the line.

“Sweetie,” He said in a light voice, a small laugh following afterwards, “That’s great!” “No, Gerard, it isn’t.” You snapped, “We had all of this planned out perfectly, no one was going to know unless we wanted them to. But no, in the beginning of a fucking world tour this has to happen.” You raised your voice, “And I get it, this is gonna be a fucking walk in the park for you because you’re not here, and you don’t have to play in front of over 50,000 people every night in body tight suits. And you’re going to be separated from your pregnant wife. Life’s probably fucking perfect for you.” You weren’t sure what had gotten into you, but whatever it was it wasn’t pretty.

“What?” He asked, “You say it like we never wanted this. Sometimes things don’t go to plan Y/N.” He snapped back.

“Well they have to in our world Gerard!” You yelled, taking a deep breath to calm yourself down, “We have our lives set out for the next six months. And this is a big deal, and something we can’t do right now.”

“So are you going to get an abortion? Are you going to put it into the adoption system?” He yelled back. You took a few moments to think.

“No.” You admitted, barely above a whisper, “Gee, I’m sorry.” You began sobbing again, your sad feeling taking over any angry one.

“No, sugar, I am.” He clarified with a sigh, “You’re going through a lot and I should be supporting you, not arguing.” “Well I kinda started it.” “And I shouldn’t have continued it.” He responded. “Honey, we’ll figure this out.” He insisted, “We’ll talk to your tour manager and everyone who needs to know, we’ll figure something out. Some way to hide it.” “Okay.” You said somberly.

“Give me a few minutes,” He said, “I’m going to figure out a way to get to you.” “Gee, you’re booked for the next fews months on tour.” “And so are you, but you’re also carrying our child right now.” He spoke back, “We’re going to figure it out, okay? We’re going to have a kid, and start a family, maybe a little off track from what we intended, but this is what we’ve wanted, right?” You nodded despite him not seeing you.

“Yeah, of course.” You calmed down. “This is what we’ve wanted.”

It took a full week for a plan to be made. A week of unnecessary stress and anxiety for everyone on your team who was high enough on the roster to know about the pregnancy. Not even your families or friends knew, everything right now was business.

Gerard managed to fly in during a three day break the band had, consoling your emotions during the time as you two began to discuss personal plans. There was a lot of crying, both tears of sadness and joy, as you two began to discuss where you would live most of the time, which room the baby would take, how to even handle a child.

You already knew the baby’s name, which could go for either a boy or girl: Shiloh Monet Way. You were still very unsure about planning to have a baby, but since your tour would end when the third trimester began, you would have at least a few months to plan and figure out everything.

Gerard had already talked to the guys and their managers about pushing back some of the dates so there was a month break for him to be home around the baby’s due date. At the very least he wanted to be with you while giving birth, but he also wanted to help both you and the baby recover.

New outfits and plans to completely hide your pregnancy were already in the working with your teams. It was like a completely undercover operation to keep both you and your child’s privacy to a fine tune. And of course. Gerard and the guys promised to not say anything at all, even a hint towards you being pregnant wouldn’t be dropped.

“I say we wait to tell our families and friends,” You admitted to your husband, the two of you on the hotel bed getting ready to go to a sound check. “Just in case anything happens. I mean, we have to tell our teams and the guys and stuff, which we did, but no one else.” He nodded.

“Just not for too long,” He said, “Or at least once we know that baby’s developing fine.” You nodded and sighed.

“I was hoping having our first child together wouldn’t be this stressful.” You admitted, almost shamefully in a way.

“It’s okay, sugar.” He put his hand on your thigh and gave it a light squeeze. “We’re going to make the best of it, okay? You have a little less than five months left on your tour and then I get to take a break. This’ll work out just fine.” You nodded, placing your head on his shoulder as you knew he was right.

“You make everything better, Gee.” You said, playing with his hand as he placed a kiss on the top of your head.

“I’ll do it for you, sweetheart.”

#gerard way #my chemical romance #gerard way x reader #mcr gerard #my chem #my chemical gee #my chemical gerard #my chemical romance x reader #gerard way fanfiction #mcr

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weasleyslag · 3 years

Text

i’m not coming home | p.w

summary: A collection of letters between Percy and his girlfriend Penelope Clearwater following his estrangement from his family.

pairing(s): Percy Weasley/Penelope Clearwater

wc: 6.2k (lol I’m sorry)

warning(s): heavy cursing, hella toxic relationship, no happy ending

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30644294

Dear Percy,

See, I told you I would write! I really am so proud of you and your new job. I hope you’ll allow me to come visit your new apartment soon. I know you’re very busy, but maybe not too busy for me? My dad told me he’d pay for my stay in London if you invited me, but I think it’d be more fun for me to stay with you and go to a show or something. I heard there’s some good muggle performances down there, I’d be interested to see that sort of thing. It’d be an good change, I’m up to my head with wizards that think they’re so talented.

Please tell me all you can about your job when you write back! I know it must be super under wraps, being the Junior Assistant to Fudge himself, but I would be interested in knowing the most mundane of things you can tell me, it would most certainly be more enthralling than the highlight of any of my days. I was hoping I’d be promoted to something more dignified by now, but they’ve still got me watching over some of the Ministry workers’ children. You know I like kids, but I’d rather not be a glorified babysitter. There’s not even many learning activities I can do with them, I’m pretty much instructed to do puppet shows and other silly tasks for them all day. Hopefully someone recognizes my potential soon. Maybe since you work with Fudge now, you can say something to him???

I hate to turn this letter sour but Fred and George have gotten into contact with me this week. They’re really worried about you. They said that they’ve all written to you and the letters are always sent back, unopened. You must know this hurts them, why don’t you at least read the letters? You know they love you and I know that you really are kind at heart; you must still have love for them. I know it must have been hard for you to hear that after all your efforts, your dad doesn’t believe you’re capable of receiving such a prestigious job on your own merits. But of course they are all paranoid, what with all that happened last Spring. I hope you can find it within yourself to be the bigger person and reconcile with your family. Maybe they’ve even apologized in their letters, you’ll never know unless you read them. Don’t read Fred’s though, he’s more mad than the rest of them. I’m sure he’s thrown every name in the book at you.

I hope my next letter will be in better spirits. I hope Hermes is doing well and I hope even more so that you will adjust to life in London well.

With Love,

Penelope

Dear Penelope,

I cannot express with words how excited I was to receive your owl. I hope you don’t mind that I kept her for a few days, Hermes adores her and she reminds me of you. However, I also had to keep her back because it took quite some time to give you an adequate response to everything you said in your letter.

Hermes and I are well. He hasn’t adjusted as well as I have, but I understand. The air is polluted and there’s not much room for him to roam. There’s no forests in sight, only a bunch of buildings. If I wasn’t taking your letters, I would send him back to the Burrow. He was happier there and besides, the ministry has provided me a new owl for business letters.

I, on the other hand, am doing the best I ever have been. I am extremely efficient with my work and I appear to be pleasing my superiors. In my off time, I watch live shows and read. I have been getting into some Muggle classics, like War and Peace. Their culture is quite interesting, although ours is clearly superior. I am glad I am nourishing my mind as much as I can, I only wish there wasn’t so much noise outside my apartment. Jackhammers and traffic is all l I hear all day. It gets old fast. I’m not sure if you would like it here, but I would be happy to have you if you wish to visit. Although, I thought about your proposal to stay with me and I must decline. I would love to and I am sure my hormones would have a field day, but your father wants you to stay somewhere else and merely visit me during the day, trying to trick him would be wrong. I am sorry, but rules are rules, even when it comes to you.

I will speak with Fudge about your employment. I am a bit nervous to do so but I think he likes me, so I will certainly try. You’re a very smart girl and I believe if they just took notice of how you applied yourself, they’d move you up the ranks swiftly. It would be a shame to let such an academic be reduced to a daycare worker. That seems like something my mum would do if she worked. And you certainly surpass her when it comes to brains and ambition.

Dismayed is an understatement for how I feel knowing that my family has taken advantage of our relationship to try to shake me. I do not wish to speak to them now, I will only speak to them when they realize that I am right, which I hope won’t be much longer. You’re right, of course, I do have love for them, even Fred and George, but I can not continue a relationship with people that discount my accomplishments and constantly laugh at my expense. Reading their letters is pointless. I read the first letter I received from Charlie and although he tried to be eloquent, he still wasn’t seeing things my way. He was basically just regurgitating everything my dad had said, just in a kinder way. He and Bill have always been the most sensible so I see no point in attempting to read the other letters, they will only be worse versions of Charlie’s. I will admit that curiosity got the better of me, however. A letter from Fred came in the same day as yours. You were right, it was awful. I shouldn’t have expected anything more, however, that boy is barely literate. Here is a snippet of his abomination of a letter (I have fixed the spelling mistakes, there’s no reason to subject you to that):

“You are a massive cunt, you know that? After all mum and dad have done for you. Seriously? I can’t even call you a prat anymore, that’s just an insult to prat’s. You’re a slag for Fudge and we all know it. If you wanted to give him a good rimming, you could have just said so instead of causing us all this grief. Well not me, I don’t give one fuck about you. You could be in a ditch tomorrow for all I care. And maybe you will be, Fudge and his friends would just as well see you there as in an office. How could you choose him over your own mother? I hope you’re happy that you make her cry every night. I hear that you get paid three times dad’s salary and you have sent home not one knut. But twats like you don’t care about their family, huh? Enjoy your cushy apartment, I hope when you open the windows, a pigeon flies in and takes a shit on your head.”

Isn’t it just terrible? And it’s all one huge paragraph too, with unbearably non-flowy sentences. He is a right idiot if he thinks I’d ever want to respond to that. And why would I want to send money to people who treat me like that, anyway? I can’t put myself into his pea brain so I guess I will never know. Please make me take your advice next time so that I won’t have to subject myself to that kind of torture.

As for what happened this Spring, I’d rather not talk about it. The Ministry says that you-know-who is not back, so I’m afraid Harry must have been lying. Perhaps he had a fever and hallucinated the whole thing. I don’t hate him, by the way. I know my family must be trying to convince you of that but it is just not true. I think he is foolish and many adults are using him as a pawn. It’s sad, really. My family has gotten so desperate that they made Hermione and Harry write me letters too. I had already been informed by Fudge himself to turn over any correspondence from Harry, so of course I did that. I do wish I had the forethought to read the letter first, I’m very curious about it now, but oh well.

I care for you very much and hope we can arrange a visit soon.

With Even More Love,

Percy

Dear Percy,

I was hoping this letter would be more positive than the ones we have exchanged lately and that perhaps we could even arrange my trips to London, but I have gotten some terrible news. And I will not believe it until you confirm it.

There is a nasty rumour going around that you are to be court scribe for the Wizengamot in Harry’s trial. Say it isn’t true, Percy! I know it’s such an honor to work so closely with the Wizengamot, you’d be the youngest person in all of history to work as a scribe for them. But at what cost? Harry is your friend. I’ve been spending more and more time with your family and I consider Harry to be a friend now, too. I know the details of the case, and I’m sure you must since you’re apparently working it. Even if you don’t care for him, you must understand that objectively, Harry is in the right, at least morally. He was saving his cousin. The cousin that he grew up with and besides the kid being an absolute terror, he was basically his brother. Wouldn’t you cast magic to save your brothers or sister? How can you work for a case like that when you know you’d do the same as Harry?

I love you, I really do, and that’s why this breaks my heart so much. You’re turning into something that you aren’t for the sake of ambition. Please don’t do this. Come home and if Fudge truly does value you as much as you think, he will continue working with you even after you are on good terms with your family again. You must be missing them, aren’t you?

I will have to postpone the trip to London until you get all this figured out. I hope you understand. I am always open for you to come back here to visit me. We could all meet for dinner at the Burrow, where you belong.

I don’t have much else to say. I’m scared about what’s happening in the world and I’m nervous for you. I miss you, but I’m not sure if the you I miss is still you.

P.S: Tell Hermes I love him.

xxxx,

Penelope

Dear Penelope,

You have heard right, at least about the Wizengamot. I beg of you not to let my family poison your mind. Clearly, they want everyone to think I’m a terrible person. If they had it their way, we wouldn’t even be together right now. It’s not their fault, really, they suffer from cognitive dissonance, but they only think with their heart. That’s not sustainable and most certainly not how the world works. The court specifically wants me to be scribe and like you acknowledged, that is a huge honor. This is really going to help me get ahead even further. You know I have big dreams. I’d like to be the Minister one day and having all this under my belt would be a big help.

I really am not allowed to be discussing the case with the public, but I suppose I will make a tiny exception for you. I can’t help but have a soft spot for you; I musn’t make bending the rules for you a habit. You’re lucky I’m even physically able to say anything. The Ministry is heavily monitoring all the mail that comes in and out from high ranking members, but they haven’t done that with me yet (as far as I know, at least). I guess it must be because I’ve been so loyal and I won’t even receive my family’s letters, so they trust me. Little do they know that I have a weakness for you.

As of right now, I’m not too worried about Harry (of course, they might change when court is in session and I get all the details). I think his case makes sense. I’ve poured through court cases similar to this one, although the defendants were never as much of a public figurehead as Harry (but that shouldn’t matter, the Wizengamot is totally unbiased and will not take Harry’s fame into account when deciding a verdict), and every court case similar to this ended in a not guilty verdict. I am not sitting as a court scribe to try to lock Harry away, it’s just my job. I don’t approve of him, but let’s not pretend like I never want him to see the light of day again. Anyway, I was surprised that someone that possesses your caliber of intelligence relied so hard on pathos to convince me that being a court scribe is wrong. Everyone knows emotion is a flimsy argument and certainly has no place in the courtroom. The fact that he saved a muggle’s life will definitely be brought up in court, but it won’t be because it’s someone he cares for. It’ll be because we have all sorts of laws about self defense and protecting each other, even a few about protecting muggles. I fear you might not have a place high up in the ministry if you continue preferring pathos to logos. And anyway, you trying to my emotion by bringing up my family makes no sense. My family are wizards, so if it came down to it, I could protect them and it wouldn’t be against the law. It’s not my fault that my family is better than those Dursley’s.

I really must beg of you to stay away from my family and especially from Harry. That will probably not end well for you. Do not mistake that for a threat, I’d never hurt you, but I’m being realistic. Harry is off the rails and my family blindly believes him. In my opinion, Harry needs to be in a mental hospital, not roaming around as a public figure where everyone hangs on to his every word. He clearly suffers from PTSD after all he went through as a child between his parents being murdered in front him, a very powerful dark wizard trying to to murder him, and the muggle abuse he endured. And that’s not even mentioning all the pressure the world, especially Dumbledore, has put on him. He’s not a bad guy, he’s just insane. If the adults around him cared as much as they say they do, they’d put him away for a while until he can heal. But they won’t, that’s the problem. And now I hear that little Ginny is in love with him. I have never in my life been so in despair. I can’t help but think how bleak her future will be. Maybe I should write a letter to her. I doubt she’ll listen, but I do need to try.

I really do hope you decide to come visit me. Maybe I can speak with your father and come to an honest agreement about you living with me soon enough. I am really lonely here and I’ve been thinking a lot about the future. It seems my family and I will never get along again and I have no one else besides you. I have all this extra income so I think it might be practical for me to marry you. Then, you wouldn’t have to hear all this rubbish from my family in order to feel close with me. I will speak with him about it soon. It’s not really all that bad here and even if you’re not good enough to have a real job in the Ministry, that’s okay. I make enough money and I do want a lot of kids anyway. It wouldn’t be practical for you to have a demanding long term job.

Love,

Percy

Percy,

Maybe I am a sensitive fool but I found much of your letter to be highly offensive. You essentially called me unintelligent throughout the letter, then didn’t ask but rather told me that you would be marrying me (only caring about what my father would say, not me). And to top it all off, you told me I was to be your personal incubator while you get to have an actual job. It’s insulting, really. What if I don’t want to do that, did you even consider that? I care for you and I believe I always will but I am not in a place right now where I fancy marrying you. I think I’d rather tie the knot with one of twins or Charlie. Besides, I felt unsettling how you alluded to muggles being lesser beings. They most certainly are not, they’re just different than us. I don’t know how I can be with someone that sees a whole group of people as lesser than them.

I must not have too much respect for myself. After all, I felt all those things that I wrote in the first paragraph, yet I’m still writing to you. What terrible damage love can have to the brain. I think I know how this whole thing will turn out, yet I still hope against my better judgement that we will end up together. I will try to put this past me if you can promise to not be so cruel.

Things are the same as always in my life. Spending most of the time with Mother and Father and the rest tending to children. I think I might die of boredom. I have been thinking about becoming a Hogwarts teacher, at least it would be less degrading than playing babysitter for a bunch of toddlers. Curiously enough, I received a letter from Snape about receiving a position, not Flitwick. He liked me well enough back in school, but I definitely didn’t think he would ever think about contacting me for a teaching role. I didn’t think he ever thought much about any student that wasn’t a Slytherin. I think maybe he sees himself in me. You know I was treated pretty horribly throughout school and something tells me he might have gone through a similar experience. That aside, however, he wrote me a letter requesting my presence to a meeting in a few weeks. It’s a meeting with all the current teachers, so I’m quite nervous about it. They want to speak with me about a new class, I think, it wasn’t any sort of curriculum I was familiar with. Still, I’m heavily considering it. It would be a big step up. I am a little worried about moving out there, but I think I’ll be alright.

I know you act like you don’t care about how your family is doing, but that’s all it is, an act. So I will at least tell you the good parts. I’m sure you’ve seen by the addresses of the letters that they’re still sending you (because they care), they have moved. The Order has been restored, we’d all love to have you there, although I don’t have much hope that you would consider joining. Even Charlie and Bill have come back and joined. They miss you and I think they’re more than a little disappointed. Ginny is dating a kid named Michael Corner, not Harry. I’m sure you’re over the moon about that. Ron and Hermione have become prefects. That’s really good news, yeah? I’m not quite sure how Ron snagged it, but he did.

I promised myself I wouldn’t talk about any more conflict with you, so I won’t even bring up what you said at Harry’s trial. Just know I’m disappointed. What, I will say, however, is that it was so cruel that you didn’t even speak with your own father once court ended. I know you knew he was there. Look, I have a really bad feeling about the future and I can’t help but fear that something bad is going to happen and you’re going to regret being such an ass to them.

This letter was all over the place, I apologize. I just have all these emotions and you don’t seem to understand. Or if you do understand, you don’t care. I don’t know which is worse.

Take care,

Penelope

Dear Penelope,

I apologize for my behavior in my last letter. You’re right, I was only thinking of myself. I’ve just been by myself so much that I guess I find it hard to think about what other people want. I hope you can forgive me. Truly though, I think we could reconcile easier if you met me out in London. Of course only corresponding through letters has led to a strain.

Please brace yourself, because I know if you do not prepare for what I’m about to tell you, you will be very mad at me. I consulted with Fudge and we have decided that you shouldn’t become a teacher at Hogwarts. It’s not a good look for me and it’s safe for you. Dumbledore is off his rocker, I’m not going to allow you to be put in harm's way. Fudge has sent a letter to Hogwarts, strongly suggesting that they find a new candidate for their position. I agree that the role is important, kids need to learn, and you would have been a great teacher. But it’s not the right time for you. I know you will probably be royally pissed for a while, but you’ll get over it. I did it for your own good. I hope you will be happy to hear that I have talked to Fudge about you having a proper job in the Ministry and he agrees. He will be writing to you with an offer soon enough. All’s well that ends well, you get a safer, higher paying job. And you can be near me!

Yes, I knew that my family had moved. I hope they move back soon, it’s not safe for them there. You’re right, someone is going to get hurt. I can feel it in my bones. And of course I will be utterly inconsolable, but it will not be my fault if something happens. It will be Dumbledore’s and inadvertently, Harry’s. I would love to give my family advice, but I know they will not listen. Therefore, there’s no point in writing letters. Besides, even if I did want to write to them, I think Fudge would catch on and have someone start monitoring my mail. I trust the Ministry completely, but I still find it’s in my family’s best interests if the Ministry doesn’t know their exact going on’s.

I heard Ron became prefect. I’m very proud. I wrote him a letter, which the Ministry read (and unfortunately a few unkind edits to, but I’m sure it was for good reason), congratulating him. Unfortunately, I don’t think he’s received it. He hasn’t written back. Maybe Dumbledore has started screening letters? I’m proud of Hermione too, although I didn’t write her a letter. You seem to speak with the lot of them often, so please send her my congratulations. She’s such a smart and sweet girl, she’s a good match for Ron (I can tell he likes her). I would have preferred a Pureblood but oh well, she’s better than most muggles. Oh and speaking of people dating, yes I am very pleased that Ginny has found a nice guy that’s not Harry.

Love,

Percy

Percy,

Before I write anything else, I must address your hilarious claim that Dumbledore is monitoring letters. Ron got your letter, read it, then proceeded to burn it. He found it very offensive. He’s not happy with you, so maybe don’t send him more letters.

Fred and George are still mad, more than everyone else. George invited me out last week, I think only because he knew it would get a rise out of you. Fred’s the maddest of them all, as you know so well from his letters, but he’s with Angelina Johnson, so he couldn’t take me on the “jealousy date”. I don’t really fancy George, don’t worry, and I don’t think he fancies me. I must admit, however, that it was a nice time. It was a welcome change to listen to someone talk to me about their interests instead of being obsessed with a job. It was even more welcome that he asked me questions back and seemed to actually care about my responses. My favorite thing, though, was going out with someone that cared so much for their family. Someone that not only understood romantic love, but also platonic and familial love. I’d been missing that part of you for a while. But like I said, I don’t fancy him. I didn’t even let him kiss me. I feel guilty about it all, of course, I’d like to come down to London and try to get things in our relationship to run smoothly again.

Also, yes, I am very upset that you had that letter written to Hogwarts. You totally crossed a line and if I had any balls, I would have broken up with you over it. But alas, I really do want to make it work. This is another thing that I think we need to work on together. In London. Please tell me your thoughts.

With care,

Penelope

Dear Penelope,

Literally, what the fuck? I saw red when I read your letter. You. Went. Out. On. A. Date. With. My. Brother? And the little traitor tried to kiss you? I had half a mind to challenge him to a duel. But you’re right, he’s just trying to get me to act out and he will not get that out of me. There are so many problems with our relationship right now and I cannot bear to let you go, so we must meet and work things out immediately. And I’m not coming home, so you must come here. I’ve taken a week off at the Ministry, please arrive here as soon as you receive this letter. I will not be bested by the likes of George Weasley and a few other misunderstandings I may have thrown your way.

No need to write back,

Percy

Dear Percy,

I am so glad we had that meeting in London! I really do feel like we’ve fixed things. It makes me so happy that you have agreed not to be so unkind with your words in the future. And as promised, I have decreased contact with your family and all the other members of the Order. George has written me about a dozen letters since then, checking up on me and filling me in on what’s going on with your family. But as promised, I have not written back. If I expect you to uphold your part of the agreement, I must hold myself to the same standard.

I think I will take that secretary job Fudge offered me. It’s not all that you made it out to be, but at least I can be near you. I’m still too wary to marry you, after all it hasn’t been too long since we were falling apart, but I think it would be nice to be physically closer to you. I’ll see what I can do in terms of flats, since you’re too prudish to lend me room in yours.

Love you lots,

Penelope

Dear Penelope,

I don’t have much time to write at the moment, I’m very busy, so please excuse the short letter. I, too, am glad we are doing better. It was impacting my efficiency at work and I could not have that. I’m just glad there’s no more Fred and George, they were trying to hijack your mind and make it theirs. Besides, I have heard from more than one female that has come into contact with them, that they are basically a pair of incubi. I know you think I’m dramatic when I say that, but those two boys have turned evil, I know it. I should have seen the clear signs. It was so obvious from the time that they were little boys, chasing poor Ron with spiders.

Thank Godric that you are coming to join me at the Ministry! I can keep a close eye on you there, make sure you’re safe. I know the job isn’t glorious, but not everyone is as fortunate as me. You have to work your way up. I know you’ll have a very important job in no time. And I never said I wouldn’t let you live with me by the way, I said that I didn’t want your father to become cross with me. You really shouldn’t call me a prude, or do you not remember what all went in London when you came to visit? I didn’t think it was quite that forgettable, but I’ll just have to remind you when you move here.

Love,

Percy

Dear Percy,

I’m sorry for the distance between letters. I meant to write, I really did, but everything went to shit here. I know I said I would distance myself from your family, but George wrote to me and said that your father is in the hospital. So now I’m back to semi-living with them. Did you not read your mother’s letter about it, Percy? She marked it “urgent” on the envelope. Your father was utterly distressed that you didn’t even write, much less visit him. It made his recovery harder and longer. Don’t you still care even a little bit? What if he had passed, wouldn’t you have felt so guilty?

Also, your mother collapsed and fell into a fit of tears when you sent your Christmas jumper back. Why didn’t you just keep it? It would have spared her feelings, even if you think you’re too good for the sweaters now. She made me a sweater, I loved it. But oh well, please think about the repercussions of your actions on others. You’re making it very hard on all of us. Also, Fred wants me to let you know that he wants to bring back drawing and quartering just for you. George is more straight to the point, vowing to castrate you if you two ever cross paths again (by the way, they both thought your incubus comment was very funny, I think it inflated their ego).

I know you are on the Ministry’s side, saying that Voldemort is NOT back, which is horseshit and you know it. But you do know who attacked your father, yes? Surely that should be enough proof for you. You’re very smart, why are you letting an institution think for you?

With peace and love,

Penelope

Dear Penelope,

I am slightly dismayed that you didn’t keep up with your end of our agreement, going back to speak with my family. I do understand, though, my father’s attack was a shock and could have ended tragically. I know he’s better now, though, so please cease contact again.

On a similar note, yes, I did read Mum’s letter and know that he was in the hospital. I sent flowers anonymously, if that means anything to you. And I kept tabs on him from the Ministry. If I felt that things were going downhill and he wasn’t going to make it, I would have visited. But he was fine, so it’s not a big deal. Maybe he will learn to not poke his head where it doesn’t need poking from now on.

As for the sweater, it’s not that I didn’t want to keep it. I love her sweaters, I wear some of the old one sometimes. But keeping the sweater would have sent a completely wrong message and given her false hope. So really, sending it back was a selfless act.

I know you want me to say that You-Know-Who is back. But you just don’t understand. I represent the Ministry now. What they say goes. That doesn’t mean I don’t have my own thoughts, it simply means that I stand with them.

Just wanted to remind you that you’re very beautiful and I miss your kind heart. I can’t wait for you to move here.

Love,

Percy

Percy,

I am most certainly NOT moving to be with you in London after the stunt you pulled. Betraying Dumbledore and holding Harry in place whilst being questioned by Fudge? What a dick move. I don’t know what I expected, you provided me all the warning signs. I guess that when it mattered, you’d do the right thing. Now I see how wrong I was. I need some time to myself, and you need to think over in your heart why you thought it was okay to do what you did. You just better be glad that Fudge sent you out before you got smacked the fuck up by Dumbledore.

From the top of my head to the bottom of my toes, fuck you

Penelope

Dear Penelope,

This is the fifth letter I’ve sent to you in a row with no response, please answer. I know I shouldn’t have done what I did and I’m sorry. I’m embarrassed, really I am, but I’ve dug myself too deep. I miss you, I miss Ginny, I miss Charlie, I miss Bill, I miss Ron, I miss Mum and Dad. I even miss Fred and George. But it’s too late. I wish I had seen it before. They were right, you were right. I can’t let them know that. I feel so ashamed. I want to help them, but I also want to never bother them again. I saw You-Know-Who in the Ministry. I know all along that he was back, but I kept denying it for my job. But now I don’t have my family and I don’t have you, so my job is all I have. Please know that anything you see from me from this moment forward doesn’t represent my heart. You’re right, I don’t remember how many letters ago it was, but you said I wasn’t the person you fell in love with. You couldn’t have hit the nail on the head any better. There’s barely any left of that Percy, just his shell. So really, I shouldn’t be talking to you at all. I’m not the person you committed to. But I still love you. It’s total wishful thinking that I can have you back, but hoping is the only thing that keeps me from going insane. Bill wrote me a letter saying that he was engaged. I don’t want to face my family but I’ll go if I can see you.

Love, Percy

Percy,

I felt like I should write you one last letter because despite myself, I still care. I want to give you closure. It’s clear to me that you’re never coming home, which is clear symbolism that you are never going to do the right thing. You said it yourself in your letters, you’re digging your heels in and standing by the ministry. You’re a filthy coward.

Yes, Bill is getting married in a few months. We’re all very busy with preparations, it seems like that’s the only good thing that’s happening around here. You have an invitation, of course, but you shouldn’t come if you just want to see me. If I see you, I will make a scene and there will be more than just mashed parsnips being thrown at you (yes, Fred and George told me about how you visited just for the benefit of the Ministry. It’s pathetic, really). Your mum is convinced you will show up to the wedding and everything will be magically better. I know you better than that. I wish I was in blissful ignorance and thought you still loved us all, but you don’t. You’re not going to be able to get your head out of your ass until it’s one of us that’s laying lifeless somewhere because of the monsters of people that the Ministry have allowed to roam for so long. I know where you stand and you know where I stand. So there’s nothing else to say.

I’m sending back all the things of yours that I have. You should receive them all with this letter. Please write back if I missed anything.

Sincerely,

Penelope Clearwater

#percy weasley #fred weasley #george weasley #hp #hp fanfic #harry potter

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being-of-rain · 4 years

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I've been enjoying the Time Lord Victorious series so far, and since I caught up with a lot of it recently and we’re about half-way through it, I thought I'd post a bunch of thoughts on it here together.

I’m fascinated by the idea of a Doctor Who series made up of lots of different interconnected media, which feels like a natural thing to do when you consider how much history the franchise has with so many different formats of storytelling. And it’s wild to me that, contrary to what I first assumed, it was actually conceived before the whole global pandemic thing happened; it felt like almost perfect timing to give Doctor Who fans something to think about during lockdown.

One of the series’ greatest shortcomings was its promotion, which seemed to consist entirely of the title and that one promo visual. The lack of a clear, simple, all-encompassing premise from the start means that I still see fans reacting to TLV with confusion. Using ‘Time Lord Victorious’ as the only promotion also feels a little misleading - I think many people imagined the series being an Evil Ten AU (similar to the timeline glimpsed in the Four Doctors comic), when really most of the content is either building up to that or just tangentially connected to it. On the other hand, the series was clearly lovingly designed for Who fans (who are all about piecing together timelines and consuming a large range of stories) instead of a wider audience, so the unclear promotion feels more like a miscalculation than a fatal error.

Defender of the Daleks: Titan’s comic is easily the weakest link of the series for me- it didn’t have a meaningful part of the series to fill, I was bothered by a lot of the page layouts, and it felt like a lot of it was made only for Dalek superfans. Well, I genuinely hope the Dalek superfans enjoyed it.

Monstrous Beauty: It’s really nice to see BBC give Nine some love in the series, and you can tell writers like Scott Gray and Steve Cole enjoyed writing for him and Rose. The extreme gothic aesthetic for the Dark Times, the Great Vampires, and the coffin ship is lots of fun, even if the story itself is a little straight-forward and meandering. Rassilon turning up felt very unnessecary to me, at this point I wish authors would leave the Time Lords’ founders alone unless they have something genuinely interesting to add. Admittedly, seeing the Cucurbites return and Nine make an explicit reference to the ‘90s Eight comics made my day. Y’all know I’m an Eight comics nerd.

Master Thief/Lesser Evils: Honestly, both of these stories left me a little confused to what actually happened in them, and what the point of them were. The first one didn’t even seem to tie in to TLV at all. Despite that, I’m really happy to see the Delgado Master and Ainley Master get some audios to themselves. Both characters were captured wonderfully by the stories and were a joy to listen to.

He Kills Me, He Kills Me Not: I was really surprised by this just being an out-and-out Western, but I loved it! Brian sticking close to his hostage while the other characters slowly pieced together what was going on and what they should do about it made for a very different kind of tension to the usual Who story. Brian’s explanation about killing with a thought made me properly nervous about him being around any other characters. I’m glad they got to do some non-formulaic stuff with Eight before the Daleks turned up at the end. Overall, the Daleks have a larger part in TLV than I’m happy with, since it makes it feel like the series is split between experimenting with new ideas and retreading old ground.

The Knight, The Fool and The Dead: The novels are definitely the heart of the Time Lord Victorious story, and so I’m very happy with the choice of authors for them. This first one was great. I really liked Ten’s characterisation of being at his limit but trying to continue on as normal and do what’s right.

His temporary companion Brian the Ood Assassin is every bit as fun as the concept sounds. I love how Brian doesn’t (usually) try to hide that he’s a merciless murder, but is still very polite and dresses in a tux. The little descriptions of him commanding a space fleet of mercenaries like a headwaiter running an expensive restaurant are hilarious. I can’t wait for more stories with him.

The villains of the piece, the Kotturuh, are surprisingly and delightfully eldritch, with their tentacles and their symbols in the sky. Not to mention their plans for the universe written on the cave walls of the planet that acts as a gateway between their cosmos and ours, writing which make people who look at it go mad. The Kotturuh, or Kotts, spread the effects of a natural lifespan to every species in the universe, ending an era of immortality for most of them.

This leads me to the heart of the story, and the premise of the series as a whole; is the Doctor doing the right thing by trying to stopping natural death from spreading in the Dark Times? But there’s a problem here. The concept of death being unnatural is one that TLV introduces to the Doctor Who universe without warning or really giving you space to process it. If all death by old age is something artificially added to the universe, and isn’t a natural part of life and change (as has been part of the heart of basically every other Who story), then is it really wrong to oppose that? Surely that would make the Kotts the uncontested biggest mass murderers in the history of everything. It feels like we need to develop a whole new moral compass just to reckon with this. And it doesn’t help that the other side of the argument is about if it’s right to change time, something the Who franchise has never been super consistent about and another thing that we don’t have morality established to deal with in the real world.

It feels like far too complex a set-up to be explored in just two short novels and a collection of tie-ins more interested in Daleks and Ood than the Time Lord Victorious himself. I’m a little worried that the moral question will be boiled down to the ‘killing is inconceivable even in the face of genocide’ stance that the franchise has held before, and practically never handled well. But needless to say, I’m very interested in what will happen in the future stories, especially second novel and series finale All Flesh Is Grass.

#Time Lord Victorious #Tenth Doctor #Ninth Doctor #Eighth Doctor #Daleks #my posts #my thoughts #I hope the read more works #also sorry if there's any mistakes or bad wording. It's past midnight whoops #Yknow maybe I should get a real blog and not a tumblr one for this kind of thing #Ten #Brian #Nine #Rose #Eight #Master

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bitter69uk · 3 years

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In honour of Faye Dunaway's 80th birthday today (she was born 14 January 1941) - my analysis of The Temp (1993). Tagline: “Don’t get mad. Get promoted.”

Following the box office triumph of Basic Instinct in 1987, it felt like every other film was some variation of the “erotic thriller” or the “psychological thriller” (or better yet, the “erotic psychological thriller”). Basic Instinct, Single White Female and The Hand That Rocks the Cradle all emerged in 1992, which clearly represented the cycle’s zenith. The more forgettable examples had generic, interchangeable titles like Body of Evidence, Body of Influence, Consenting Adult and Gross Misconduct.

The Temp is a threadbare and hackneyed late addition to the genre that also manages to be an unintentionally hilarious camp fest. It tells the deeply implausible “yuppie-in-peril” story of Peter Derns (Timothy Hutton). He’s a thirty-something marketing executive at Appleby, a struggling cookie company in the midst of a merger with a major food conglomerate (tense management shouts things like “our asses are on the line!”). As if this wasn’t already stressful enough, he’s estranged from his wife and son and it’s implied he’s also recovering from a recent nervous breakdown. Peter urgently requires a new personal assistant and into the breach steps “the temp” of the title – the ultra-efficient, enigmatic and alluring Kris Bolin (Lara Flynn Boyle). It soon becomes apparent Kris is a manipulative psychopath who will do anything – ANYTHING! – to climb the corporate ladder. Even resort to murder! (You will never look at a paper shredder the same way again). Rest assured The Temp’s climactic finale will leave you scratching your head and saying, “What?!”

Lara Flynn Boyle really sinks her teeth into the role of Kris and has a good line in knowing smirks while scheming. (Remember when nineties starlet Boyle was a ubiquitous red-hot leading lady following the success of Twin Peaks? Since then she completely vanished off the radar. A cursory Google search uncovered some really tragic stories about alcoholism, health problems and botched plastic surgery. David Lynch pointedly didn’t invite her back for the Twin Peaks re-boot last year).

But it’s Faye Dunaway in the secondary role of Charlene Towne – Appleby’s power-suited, cappuccino-drinking, icily composed, tough-but-vulnerable female chief executive - who truly owns The Temp. The scary, surgically enhanced veteran diva attacks every scene with her customary blowtorch ferocity and intensity (and won the Razzie Award for Worst Supporting Actress that year for her efforts). As far as Faye is concerned, The Temp isn’t low-grade schlock. She’s reprising her triumphant 1976 Oscar-winning role as a driven career bitch in Network here, in the same way Joan Crawford in decline brought her A-game to late-period hagsploitation horror b-movies like Straitjacket and Trog.

Speaking of Crawford: Charlene is definitely a kissin’ cousin to Mommie Dearest. “Don’t fuck with me fellas! This ain’t my first time at the rodeo!” Dunaway’s Crawford memorably lambasted Pepsi executives. She gets an equivalent speech here. “This is just my latest battlefield, Peter,” she hisses. “Sexism. Cronyism. Now it’s ageism. But if they think I’m going down without a fight - they’re mistaken! Don’t be fooled. People still stomp on your toes and stab you in the back, just like they did in the eighties! Now they just smile in your face while they do it. Believe me – I’ve had more knives stuck in me than Julius Caesar!” Dunaway’s finest moment: Appleby is in a PR disaster meltdown because a batch of the oatmeal and raisin cookies has been sabotaged with broken glass! Charlene – yanked straight from the tennis court, glowing with perspiration and still clutching her racket - is in crisis mode and raging at underlings. She announces Kris will be appearing on the evening news to make an official statement. When another female employee protests, “But I handle media relations” Faye snaps, “Kris is more camera-ready!”

#faye dunaway #the temp #bad movies we love #bad movies for bad people #diva

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purplellamanator · 4 years

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I saw your prompts and I actually liked them a lot and it was hard to choose one, but can you write the soulmate au for Heizuha? The color one? I love your writing and I’m a writer as well and I aspire to be like you one day 💗💗

A/N~ So sorry this took so long! It's pretty long for a drabble because I still have no self control. Since it has been so long, I hope you are able to see or are interested in this still and are able to read it! Hope you enjoy and thank you for the request as well as your very kind words! Also please ignore all my mistakes -_- I’m sorry if this seems a bit messy towards the end <3

Color~ Only once you meet your soulmate can you see colors. Until then, your vision is grey

oOo

Admittedly, Hattori could be a bit dense. Especially when it came to the emotions of girls that apparently had a 'thing' for him. He'd almost argue it was because he simply didn't care about that aspect of his life. And something he'd be less vocal about- if it wasn't the attention from a certain person then he didn't want it anyway.

But this-! This was not his fault. No one had told him. There was really no way he could've just known this.

That he had known his soulmate the entire time.

Just thinking about the stupidity of it all had him placing an embarrassed hand to cover his face.

Because finally seeing the world in color was the sign. And seeing as meeting Kazuha was his earliest memory, he had completely missed it. He had no recollection of a moment in his life without color. He didn't even know it was a thing until junior high.

And now that he was thinking about it, people had tried to tell him before then. On the playground and his friends were making guesses about how bright the sakura blossoms really were.

Heiji had thought they were stupid; playing dense. "Are you blind? They're pink."

The moment the comment had left him though, his friends looked at him as if he were crazy before rolling their eyes and saying they knew he was lying. That they knew the flower looked the same bland and boring gray hue they could see.

It frustrated him because they didn't believe him and on top of that, they were acting like he was the crazy one. If they really couldn't see it was pink then they needed their eyes checked!

"That!" Heiji pointed sharply at the tree above them. "What color are those blossoms?"

He had dragged Kazuha all the way over to the park just to check if maybe it was him that was the insane one. Kazuha wouldn't lie to him after all. And though he was embarrassed to say it around his other boy friends, she was his best friend.

With her hair in a short ponytail, she tilted her head slightly in confusion as she looked where he was directing her. "Pink. . ?" She had answered slowly as if she was being tested and she wasn't sure if she was giving a correct response.

"I knew it!" Heiji jumped with his small, five year old hands clenched in a fist. And when he saw his other friend was confused he explained the previous incident with his other friends.

Like it had made him want to do then, the small girl laughed. "It sounds like they need their eyes checked," she giggled and he laughed in agreement.

Now eight years later, Heiji wanted to punch himself. It had been him that needed his eyes checked. Something was wrong with them- well not wrong . . . but different. They were the weird ones.

In junior high and sitting through that class. Heiji wanted to scream. Because by this point, Kazuha had moved. It had actually happened shortly after the sakura blossom incident. Her father had gotten a promotion and had moved the family to Kyoto. And now he was stuck sitting in this family life class all alone and getting hit with the realization that he met his soulmate- no, that he even had a soulmate. As if having to sit through a class detailing the birds and bees wasn't already bad enough.

Heiji couldn't believe it. And full of rage and frustration, he exploded on his mother the moment he walked through the front door. Because she knew. There was no way his parents hadn't known. They had to teach him what he was seeing after all. They knew what seeing the world in color meant. And they hadn't told him.

He felt like a fool.

"You two were too young to understand at the time," his mother spoke casually as she continued preparing their dinner. "Her parents as well as your father and I agreed it was best to wait for you guys to learn."

Her tone had the same calm bearing quality. In his annoyance though it was sounding uncaring. It was like she was shrugging him off. It was making him mad. But one thing just became glaringly obvious.

"Her parents knew and they still moved?"

"Heiji," his mother sighed giving the only sign she was getting irritated. "Yes, both her parents knew but again- we agreed. It was best for you two to learn about it the proper way like everybody else."

Which was fine. If he would've met his soulmate the proper way. It was practically unheard of to meet one's soulmate so early. An exception should've been made for people like them.

Shizuka could probably see that he was not happy with any of the excuses she gave. It was clear she had been hoping he'd be satisfied with those responses but that clearly was not the case. When Heiji continued to fix her with a pissed off glare, she finally put her spatula down and faced her son.

"When we all found out, us parents got together to discuss over a dinner. We agreed- all of us, that it would be best for you two to be separated. We were worried you would depend on each other too much. Having another half; just knowing about it is heavy. You two were too young," his mother reiterated that firmly and Heiji hated that he thought it, but he was actually understanding.

Sitting in that classroom not even five hours ago and for the first time learning about all of that- it was a lot. It was heavy. It felt like he had a weight on his chest and his head was about to explode. The only problem was he couldn't tell if that was because he just found out he had a soulmate or the fact he already knew who his soulmate was. Not to mention the inexplicable frustration he felt.

Heiji wouldn't lie and say he completely forgot about Kazuha. He hadn't forgotten about her at all. In fact, he had taken it pretty hard when she first told him that she'd be moving to Tokyo. He could remember trying to put on a brave face when his family went to their house to say their farewells. At the time and even now, he never thought anything of it. That his parents brought him to say goodbye. Did he think it was unusual for his stern father that did nothing but work to take off just so they could do that? Yes, but in his young childish mind, they were very close to the Toyama's. Both his and Kazuha's father worked closely together and since their children had been linked at the hip as well, Heiji didn't think anything of it.

Kazuha had been the opposite of course. She hadn't bothered to conceal her tears, which unknowingly to her, made it harder for his 5 year old self to do the same. She surprised him though. She had given him a gift- a charm. At first seeing it dangle from her clenched fist messily, he felt extremely guilty. He hadn't brought her a thing. But she gave him a bright, watery grin and a few sniffles to stop her tears.

"Don't worry about it! I had it for awhile and look!" After practically shoving the charm into his chest, she quickly pulled on something that was wrapped loosely around her neck. "I have one too!" she smiled cheekily.

Sure enough, a charm that was only slightly different in color hung from her two fingers pinched together.

After that scene, it was honestly embarrassing how long he continued to where that charm. When he was just about to reach junior high and one of his old classmates that had remembered Kazuha saw he still wore it, he had gotten the teasing of a lifetime. He had stopped wearing it the very next day.

And coincidentally, he was hit with a bout of horrendous luck. The incidents all ranged from something as small as waking up late for class to failing terribly on a test. That week also marked the worst he had ever done in his kendo matches. Finally when he had been walking home after a rainy day and a car sped by him, successfully drenching him from head to toe in the puddle they just drove through- Heiji had enough. He continued to wear the charm even as he slept and no amount of taunts from his friends would have him taking it off.

Honestly, it was weird how he was able to disconnect the fact that the charm had been given to him. How easy it was for him to not think about Kazuha even though technically he wore of part of her with him everyday. It just felt natural to wear the charm now. He didn't feel right without it and in most incidents would actually refuse to take it off.

Other than the charm, she was like a random memory that would float in at the oddest moments. Those moments usually being when he was laying in his bed waiting for sleep. Admittedly, the amount of time he'd spend staring at that charm at night being reminded of her- that she had given him this, was honestly more than what was considered healthy he was willing to bet. It was like his body and his mind were reminding him constantly not to forget where it came from.

And now he knew the reason why.

It took him a while to cool down after that. It wouldn't change anything. What's happened has happened. In all honesty he was mostly irritated that he was basically lied to for more than half his life. But in the end, he also understood why they did it and if possible, that made him even angrier.

Over time though, he got over it. Or more like he learned how to deal with it. After it was in the air and both him and Kazuha had been made aware of who they were to each other, they were allowed to exchange letters from that point.

The letters felt weird at first. Kazuha used to be his best friend. But the years of separation- it just wasn't the same. They didn't know each other really anymore. It was weird and clearly they didn't really know what to talk about with each other. The obvious topic would've been that they were bonded, but it was clear neither was comfortable or brave enough to start that conversation at first.

Over time and as the years passed by, it became glaringly obvious that they would have to though. They were both in high school now and with that came the obvious flaw in their logic. They could avoid it in these letters but sooner or later, they would hit a point where they'd have to acknowledge it. The two were soulmates and though they hadn't seen each other in person for a very long time, that would eventually have to change. The reality hadn't slapped him in the face till her next letter.

‘I have news (hopefully that is good). Dad just got reinstated in his old position working with your father so I'll be moving back to Osaka by next year. I don't know if you can remember it, but we'll be moving back to our old house again as well. Turns out dad never sold it and we've just been renting it out.’

Heiji wasn't stupid. He knew what that meant.The Toyama's had always planned to move back just like his father always planned to 'reinstate' Kazuha's dad into his old position. It was a temporary move that was done only to give them space.

But all he felt like it had done was make it so they'd have to have an extremely painful and awkward 'first meeting'. None of this 'sudden move' was a surprise but it admittedly was like a gut punch. He was not prepared at all. They didn't know what each other sounded like. What they looked like-!

What they looked like?!

It was embarrassing and quite ridiculous of him, but that one thought threw him into a panic. She had no idea what he looked like now. Obviously she had seen him as a child and he would look somewhat similar to that but. . . he aged. He hit puberty! And though he always thought it had been somewhat kind to him- as kind as that stage of anyone's life could be- believe it or not he also had his fair share of insecurities. Like his dark skin. Though it was something his friends liked to tease him about, it wasn't something that actually bothered him. He honestly didn't really care about it. He didn't have anyone he cared to impress.

Until now. Now he had someone to impress and the anxiety he was pretty sure he never had until this whole soulmate thing, hit the roof.

It was so dumb and immediately something he regretted doing after dropping his mail in the post box. To send a letter accompanied by a picture of him. Granted it wasn't just him in the photo. It was a picture of him with his parents that his mother had somehow forced him into being in. But he knew, he was well aware that Kazuha would know, that the intention of sending the picture was so she would see him.

He wasn't that much of a compulsive dork that he just randomly sent it without some sort of explanation- even if it were technically a lie. In the letter he mentioned that his mother wanted him to send their annually taken family photo. In reality however he sent it because he didn't want her to be disappointed. He wanted Kazuha to know exactly what was awaiting her once she returned. He didn't want there to be any surprises and if she had a problem with how he looked, for her to say it now.

What he had not been expecting was a photo in return.

‘I guess it's only fair that I have to send one as well’, had been her excuse for including it. That and on his photo, she said not a word about how he looked. She commented that his mother still looked as young and beautiful as she could remember and joked that his father still bore such a stern and serious exterior in a holiday photo. But she didn't say anything about him. There was no disgust or ridicule in her letter. Granted that also meant there was no praise but she didn't sound disappointed in her letter and surely she would've if she didn't like what she saw. . . right?

Her family however looked as he had remembered it. They appeared slightly more aged and it looked like her mother had cut her hair much shorter. But all in all they looked the same as he remembered. Not even Kazuha looked all that different. She had the blue eyes- which he could've sworn were teal but still close to the same. Her bangs were parted the exact same way as well as it was pulled up in one of those ribbons he could always remember her wearing. The only thing that was different was that she very obviously was not five years old anymore.

Blushing with a small frown at his thoughts, he couldn't help but think puberty must've been kind to her as well.

oOo

The picture she had gifted him had been a surprise but apparently a welcome one. He had been so focused and preoccupied on what she'd think of him that he hadn't stopped to wonder what she looked like now herself. It was safe to say if she was as worried like he had been, she had nothing to stress about because he was not disappointed. And though he wouldn't lie about it if she asked, he kept the picture of her on him at all times. Of course it was after he cut her parents out of it- which he felt guilty about doing. But carrying a picture of his . . . in-laws? . . . around would just be weird.

He was a real idiot though because no picture would've ever prepared him for seeing her again. The photo didn't do his soulmate justice and he would eternally be grateful for the fact that they happened to run into each other on accident and not in the company of their parents as had been planned. Because the moment they met eyes everything just burst. Color exploded around them but not into anything he hadn't ever seen before. Only something he had forgotten.

Her eyes were teal. He hadn't been mistaken. The color from his vision had been fading- dulling. Now taking in everything around him, he saw the world with a new vibrancy he had unknowingly lost. He saw the world as it really was.

And then after that, he couldn't logically explain what happened. They were both still staring at each other in shock but after taking a moment to look at his surroundings, his hurriedly turned back to her. Only for him to freeze in shock once more. Because he wasn't staring at the Kazuha from the picture. He was staring at the Kazuha he had met twelve years ago.

At first he had to wonder if he was going crazy- if he had lost his mind. The only thing that calmed him down and reassured him that this was normal was that Kazuha seemed as startled as he was. She was seeing it too.

That and-

‘The eyes are the gateway to the soul’, his mother had always told him.

A childlike giggle erupted out of the five year old Kazuha. "You're the same old ahou I remember," she sniffled and for the first time Heiji realized that she was crying.

He didn't like that and stepping forward slowly, he gripped her at her upper-arms, holding her back slightly as if to make sure she were real. To make sure she was really there. The moment he touched her arms however, everything changed again. He was back to staring at the now in high school Kazuha and his eyes blinked rapidly to refocus with the change. And he couldn't tell if she jumped from the sudden feel of his hands gripping her or the fact their vision once again changed as if flipping a slide on a projector, but he knew they were both experiencing the same thing.

They both saw each other as they had looked the first time they met. Something he thought he had long forgotten and could not pull from the deepest recesses of his mind.

The eyes are the gateway to the soul, he reminded himself.

oOo

Things were strange after that. He had wanted to hide the fact from his parents that he had already run into Kazuha again, but it became obvious that would be impossible when he wouldn't stop just looking at everything in awe. His mother had picked up on it right away but he couldn't help it. Though they had departed ways again briefly after that, the vibrancy of everything did not fade and he realized that must've only happened slowly over time from their extended distance to each other. He couldn't even be bothered by the fact that his mother was trying to tease and prod him. It was like he was seeing the world all over with a fresh, new pair of eyes. It took him quite awhile to get over this new reality.

Finally his mother demanded to know what had happened. When he still refused to open his mouth, she gave him one of her calm and at ease smiles. A smile that made him feel the complete opposite.

"I guess that's alright anyway. I'm sure Kazuha-chan would explain it much better over dinner."

There weren't a lot of people that could actually scare him. Even his father's intimidating demeanor had wore off on him. Something he was sure he'd never get over however, was how manipulative his mother could be. He had already been aware that the Toyama's would be joining them for dinner. He was also aware that his mother just threatened to have Kazuha expose the both of them over their family dinner.

With a heaving sigh and a mumbled, "Hag," under his breath, he gave an extremely brief rundown of what had happened between him and Kazuha earlier that day. Of course he left out the part of how suddenly Kazuha turned twelve years younger and how he was also not disappointed with her in the looks department. He did explain however that his colors had unknowingly been fading over time and suddenly things were so bright it almost hurt.

Sadly, the fact that he finally broke down and told her that did not make the dinner any less awkward. Both of their father's seemed content to discuss nothing but work but their mother's had apparently been adamant they would be talking about the fact their children were bonded. That and the witch still somehow managed to get Kazuha to go over her account of the previous evening. All he could do was sit and glare the entire time at his scheming mother whom likely had no intention of holding up her end of the deal.

Kazuha explained everything almost exactly as he had. It seemed that they had both silently agreed that it was not necessary to describe how they were both taken back to the first day they met. It made Heiji smile inside. He liked that that would just be for them.

Overall and besides the fact his mother lied to him, dinner had gone well. Heiji had been worried at first that things would only continue to be uncomfortable between them. They were soulmates but they hadn't known that and had gone years without even talking to each other in person. They had their letters but that still wasn't the same either.

But that dinner had made one thing clear. It seemed the only time either of them had the nerve to acknowledge the other as what they were- soulmates, was in front of their parents. Out in public or even alone, they held what was seen as a normal distance between each other. They could've been mistaken for just friends honestly. Truth be told, he wondered sometimes if that was how Kazuha saw him. A glorified best friend.

It was a little frustrating to him. At first he began to think it was partially his fault for her treating him like that. He hadn't made any efforts to take her on dates. He didn't invite her out to do 'overly couplely' things. That's when Heiji thought it had become clear for him. Sure, on their break he made sure to see her practically everyday. But maybe how they were spending their time wasn't enough. Maybe she needed more and didn't want to ask him for it.

Her family had moved during the break for school. The coming semester she would be enrolled in the same high school as him. She hadn't asked him to but he made it his mission to drive her to school with him every morning.

It was pretty rare to meet your soulmate while still in school. Even more so if you went to the same school. But it was practically unheard of to meet your soulmate at five. Again, at the time he hadn't realized just who Kazuha was to him nor had he or his classmates had any idea that soulmates were even out there. Sadly however, that had not stopped his classmates from making fun of him. Of course at such a young age, he had denied any and all accusations.

In high school now and facing the same taunts however, he realized that it was almost just as embarrassing. Maybe even more so because now it was actually true. Heiji never felt the need to admit that though and when Kazuha always remained silent at his side, he assumed she felt the same. That he wasn't ashamed to have a soulmate this early. He wasn't even disappointed. It was just simply not anybody else's business.

That's what he thought she had felt. But after how distant she still seemed to be, he stopped staying quiet. Most of the time it was his friends doing the taunts anyway so it was likely about time he got them to shut up.

He hadn't meant to embarrass her. He thought he had been doing the right thing- that he had been doing what she wanted. Apparently declaring to the whole school courtyard that Kazuha was his soulmate and if anybody had a problem with that they could answer to his fist, was just as humiliating as ignoring the taunts. Heiji hadn't meant to yell either. He to an extent had also gotten sick of the constant teasing from his friends and it wasn't his fault that his voice . . . carried a little. . .

Kazuha didn't seem to think so however and it was like all of her blood rushed to her face. Her mouth dropped open a few times silently as if she didn't even know what to say. She probably didn't but it was only once her eyes flickered around them that he realized practically the whole courtyard had gone silent and was staring at them.

That was the first time since Kazuha had moved back that she had actually yelled at him. So startled by her actually raising her voice at him, he barely caught anything she was saying to him. He was sure he heard a few 'ahou's and somewhere in there he caught that he was more mortifying than their parents. A little scared of her explosive temper he just stayed quiet and took it, thankful that his mom hadn't been there because she surely would've laughed at him.

When she was done though, she turned around and simply left. Now he was the one at a loss for words because all he could do was stare at where she had made her exit. He still could not believe someone had yelled at him like that.

"Well, you guys sure have bantering like a married couple down."

"Shut up!"

oOo

Kazuha didn't talk to him at all after that. It seemed like she wanted space but Heiji also had the sinking feeling that he should apologize. Which at first irritated him. Why should he apologize? He only told the truth. And to top it off he thought he had done what she would want him to do. In a way he thought he had been defending her because they hadn't just been teasing him alone after all. He shouldn't have to apologize!

Of course none of those thoughts changed the fact that he was going to anyway. The guilt was already eating away at him and if saying he was sorry was what got her to finally talk to him again, he would suck up his pride and do it.

Which all of that was easier said than done. It was quite sad but Heiji was quickly coming to the conclusion that he never really had to apologize for something before. It wasn't something that he actively refused to do. It was more of he never actually felt like he needed to. It was probably not a good thing that he could count on one hand how many times he had apologized. It worried him that he wouldn't seem sincere to her.

Apparently that wouldn't be his biggest problem. He wasn't counting on his soulmate being even more stubborn than he was. It was like she didn't want to give him the chance to say sorry. That or she just wanted to make him squirm more. They never had a chance alone. They usually walked home together but the past few days she always had something to do. Today she said she needed to stay after class.

Two could play at that game however. If she thought she was stubborn, she obviously still didn't know him well enough yet either. He waited for her.

The sun had already begun to set but Heiji refused to move. He had the idea to just wait at her house but he had a feeling that would do more harm than good. When he caught her expression when she realized that he had actually waited for her, he still felt like this maybe wasn't a good idea either.

"What took you so long?"

Her expression had been neutral up until that point. Now it was thunderous.

"Sorry to inconvenience you. I didn't exactly ask you to wait."

Her tone was dismissive.

Heiji scowled. "You haven't asked me to do anything. You haven't been talking to me," he accused. Briefly he had the reminder that it was him that should be apologizing yet he was already throwing around accusations.

"Oh, I haven't?" she asked with feigned nonchalance.

Her response had him forcing himself to take a breath. Remember why you came out here, he told himself adamantly. She's trying to distract you to hold onto her grudge. Remember why you're out here.

"I'm sorry!" he blurted out but with how frustrated he was, he sounded more angry than apologetic.

His apology, whether it sounded mean or not, had her eyes widening slightly and her mouth falling open. "H-huh?"

That couldn’t be good. . .

He didn’t like the sign of that. She sounded surprised. It was embarrassing and already he could feel the tips of his ears heating but there was no way he could take back an apology.

"I'm sorry," he said again only this time calmer.

It was a little annoying how she only continued to stare at him. As if she were still unsure if she had heard him correctly. But when it became apparent that she had indeed heard him right, she nodded her head.

"Okay."

What?

The irritation he had been trying to hold back blew.

"What am I supposed to do with that?!"

To her credit, Kazuha actually looked confused and shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know. What am I supposed to do with your apology?"

Heiji actually felt a knot start to form at his temple. "You're supposed to say if you accept it or not, dummy!"

"Well how can I accept it if I don't know what it's for, ahou!"

Her response actually made him pause for a moment. Then her words registered.

"What?!" he almost exploded. "Weren't you mad at me?"

Her face was the perfect one of confusion. "Mad? Why would I be mad at you?"

"Two days ago- in the courtyard," he reminded and slowly he saw it dawn on her what he was getting at. When her face began to turn red he knew she definitely remembered. "You haven't said a word to me since!"

When it seemed like it had all finally settled in for her and she still looked confused, Heiji wanted to scream. Then why had he felt all this guilt? All the mental pep-talks he had to do just to get the courage to apologize to her and she wasn't even mad.

"You know what," he finally burst and turned around as if to head to the front gate. "Forget about it." He wasn't going to play this game right now. He apologized. He did what he felt like he needed to do. He reached out. Now he'd allow her the space she apparently so desperately wanted-

"I miss my friends."

So stuck in his head, he almost missed that she had said something. Freezing to look over his shoulder though, he knew he heard her correctly. She wasn't looking at him. If anything he'd guess she was staring at her shoes in . . . shame?

"I was a little upset," she admitted softly. If it wasn't for how somber she looked he would've demanded to know why she hadn't accepted his apology.

"I'm mostly upset with myself so I'm sorry if it seemed it was about you."

How was I supposed to know that if you ignored me for two days, he wanted to grumble.

"I just saw the way you and your friends were interacting and it . . . made me jealous."

"I mean- how stupid is that?" she shook her head as if scolding herself and it looked like her shoulders were trembling. "To be mad at you. Leaving my friends and my home is worth it if I have my soulmate waiting for me." And her voice finally cracked; her voice thick with tears. They started streaming down her face and her arm that wasn't carrying her bag came up to wipe them away hurriedly.

"But I'm sorry. I can't help it. Sometimes I just wanna go home," she hiccuped.

He had not been expecting her tears. He had not been expecting anything she had said. And for that, he felt he could never forgive himself.

How selfish was he? It hadn't even crossed his mind if Kazuha had even wanted to move back. He had always assumed she did. He never questioned if she liked it here. Because in his mind, she had to. He was here after all. If she wasn't saying anything, then nothing was wrong, had been his thoughts.

And watching her break down, arms shaking and voice quivering- the guilt he had felt before was nothing compared to this.

Gently, and slowly so as to give her a chance to pull away, he grabbed the hand that was still swiping at her tears that were still falling. She startled slightly but other than that, allowed his hand to hold hers carefully. When their eyes connected, it made his heart ache all the more.

He was sure his eyes reflected all the pain he was feeling as well. He'd be lying if he said her words hadn't made him feel the slightest bit inadequate as a soulmate. But it wasn't just about what he wanted anymore. His feelings weren't his priority anymore. Hers would always come before his own now.

Clenching his jaw, he still held her hand and he dropped his gaze to it. Her hand was smaller than his and much paler as well as softer. Swallowing the emotion down that was trying to surface he said, "Do you want to go back?"

He didn't want her to. It was strange how quickly the bond took control of his heart but each person experienced it differently. And for the first time he was realizing that maybe . . . she didn't want this yet. Maybe she didn’t want to acknowledge this yet. And she didn't have to. They were only in high school. They had a lifetime after this.

"No!" Her adamant response startled him but what was even more surprising was how her hand was suddenly gripping his back. "I don't think I could ever want that. I just have nobody here and sometimes I feel so . . alone," she whispered the last part slightly and Heiji once again took in her somber appearance.

Something finally struck him. Was she having a hard time adjusting because-

His mind blazed and his eyes narrowed.

"Is someone messing with you?"

"What- no, Heiji. I just don't know these people."

"Don't lie to me," he said sternly and he took another step towards her. The close proximity obviously made her nervous because immediately she was sputtering, going to take a step back. But in her panic, her feet tangled together and suddenly she started falling.

"Hey-! Careful, dummy!" And in his panic to grab a hold of her, one hand grabbed her arm firmly and the other had gone for the front of her uniform at the collar. But his fingers tangled in something and accidentally pulled too hard.

It happened like slow motion. A charm flew from under her shirt; the string that was wrapped around his fingers broke and the charm too went falling. Too wrapped up in the fact that he recognized that charm, he had almost missed the fact something had flown out of it. And almost comically they both watched it flutter to the ground slowly. It fell facing up and he could see perfectly what it was as well as recognize it. It had his eyes widening and his mouth dropping open in shock; the barest tint of pink dusting his dark cheeks.

He never told her he kept the charm she had gifted him all those years ago. Not because he was actively hiding it. It just never came up and like he said before, it was simply a part of him now. But not once had it occurred to him that she had kept hers as well. It hadn't even crossed his mind that she might've thrown hers away and thought he was weird for keeping his. But she didn't.

And even more startling was, she had a picture of him inside it.

He can see the embarrassment and just down right panic as she quickly dropped to snatch the charm up. And almost like someone was trying to torture her, each and every time she went to pick up the picture, she couldn't seem to get a good grasp under it. It stuck to the floor, his smirking face pointing upward as if mocking and he could feel her frustration grow.

Though he was shocked at first and that made him freeze up, when he realized what just happened, he couldn't help the smug grin that began to creep up on his features. He wasn't that terrible however, and he squatted down next to her, picking up the glossy photo from the floor easily.

Probably before thinking it through, she was already snatching it from his hand and holding to her chest protectively as if praying he hadn't seen it yet- which they both knew that of course he had. Her face was so red and she was refusing to look at him and looking closely, it looked like she was about to cry again from how mortified she must've felt.

He frowned. Why would she cry over that? Shaking his head slightly, he grinned slightly again.

"Kazuha."

Still, she wouldn't look at him at first. She clearly thought he was going to make fun of her, and though that was highly tempting, he knew it would've only been hypocritical. She still was stubbornly refusing to look at him though and he knew she had heard him.

Sighing, he slouched on the floor heavily beside her, hopefully as evidence to her that he would not be leaving. They were still at the school gates and any of their classmates that stayed behind could spot them if they walked by, but he didn’t care. He wanted her to realize that he had all day.

All it did was make her turn her face further away from him. It was clear she wanted to be left alone again after she was probably feeling so humiliated.

But Heiji didn't see anything humiliating about it. He felt giddy. Because she finally gave him what he had been needing. Seeing the way her blush went from the tips of her ears and down her neck, he felt his smile soften.

Dummy. All I wanted was for you to acknowledge this. To acknowledge me.

The rustle from his clothes as he shuffled for the yarn that was wrapped around his throat just under his own collar- he knew it got her attention from the way she tensed slightly. She stubbornly refused to turn towards him until, like he knew it would, her curiosity got the best of her and she looked at him confusedly.

By that point, he was already loosening the string keeping the charm cinched closed and tugging out something else that he cherished closely to him. She wouldn't look away though. He already knew she was probably surprised to see that he still held that charm around his neck. The real shock came when he held the small glossy square in his hand, angling both that and the charm so she could easily see.

"Don't worry about it, dummy. I have one too." The soft grin he gave her was not intentional, nor was it something he could hold back. A smirk or even a joke was probably more like his style. He couldn't deny how warmly she had touched him though. As he was almost positive was the same for her, he had no intention of showing her what was in his charm. He hadn't even thought to tell her he still had it let alone tell her he carried her photo around in it. But to see she did the same as well. . . He couldn't explain the sensations he was feeling right now. The way his heart kept stuttering in his chest- was that normal? Probably not but he liked it and he wanted her to experience that feeling as well.

What he was not wanting her to feel was the trembling of her bottom lip nor the tears that sprung to her eyes. He would've asked if she was upset still if it wasn't for the messy, watery grin she gave him. Her cheeks were still red but this time it seemed more from being happy.

Once she had the charm placed back in the bag, he opened his hand expectantly. After she complied, he began to reattach the string around her neck.

"You can go back if you need to," he spoke softly as he finished tying off the yarn. Her whole body tensed but he continued.

"It'll suck at first but I don't want you to be unhappy here." Throat feeling a little tight he added, "I can wait-"

A small noise of surprise escaped him when suddenly her hand was touching his cheek. Still looking down, he hadn't really paid attention to see she was now facing him. But looking at her now, he wasn't sure if it was the bond acting up again but her eyes felt . . . brighter.

And suddenly she was laying her head just under his chin. Her hand having slipped down to wrap around him tightly in an embrace.

“I want to stay.”

#dcmk #heizuha #dcmk fanfic #fanfic #fanfiction #ask #request #writing #writing prompts #soulmate au #heiji hattori #kazuha toyama

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softschofield · 4 years

Text

tidbits i’m thinking about today ♡:

blake and scho hand-stitching their lance corporal stripes onto their uniforms, and scho hand-stitching on his wound stripe. like, just imagine scho hidden away somewhere by himself while the other soldiers of his company chat and laugh around him. and dusk is falling, and shells are bursting beyond the german lines, and there’s a warm breeze, and his back is resting against the trunk of the tree, and the needle in his hand gives him something to do, something to keep his mind quiet and orderly and gentle - bring the thread through, pierce the wool, repeat. he’s alone. he’s always alone. it’s almost peaceful.

and i know it’s not accurate, because even if blake was snatched up for promotion as soon as he was conscripted (x) (x) he would have stayed at kingston-upon-thames or wherever he had been based after enlistment, but it’s such a soft thought to imagine his mother sewing on his stripe in their kitchen on a warm, gentle evening, with the sun setting and tea brewing and the birds singing the last of their songs, before her boy goes off to war :’)

scho didn’t enlist for patriotism - he probably wouldn’t have enlisted at all had conscription not been introduced, a white feather in his mail box be damned. he wasn’t swept up in the fear mongering and the tide of patriotism - he was more level-headed, more thoughtful, more empathetic; he wasn’t overcome by love for his country, he didn’t fear the hun marching down the london streets like monsters of old. he knew they were just people like him. he wanted to stay with his family, where he could actually make a different, where he was needed, where he mattered. he understood it was war, unlike the younger boys; understood that war was not an adventure.

what’s also very interesting is the fact that scho isn’t an officer, given that he’s clearly more middle class than either joe or tom and almost certainly more wealthy, a little more distinguished, and better educated (and, as we know, that’s check, check, check for officer school). it’s very likely scho enlisted only wanting to do the bare minimum - he could have been an officer, but he chose not to and he didn’t have that ambition and he’s made an effort to make lance corporal the highest he’ll rise in the ranks, and even that he’s only allowed because it means he’ll be able to help people a little better.

my own tags on this post: #like have they tried to promote scho and he said no?? has he just sunk into his silence and become almost invisible and forgotten? has he done something wrong and they won't promote him because of it? bad behaviour? did he go mad after thiepval and do that thing some soldiers in the trenches did where they just try to go over the top and get themselves killed? and they've been watching him distrustfully ever since in case he has another outburst? did he used to be a higher rank and they demoted him because of shellshock or a lapse in ability because he just went silent after his trauma? did he ask to be demoted? has he really just stagnated at lance corporal? there's so much DEPTH there. like i feel like someone can only be that... quiet and Given Up and distant if they’ve absolutely lost it at one point and then just accepted that there’s nothing they can do and crumpled into learned helplessness by the time we meet them. that’s my headcanon now: he lost it and was just unhinged and raging and screaming against the injustice of all his friends dying and he was given an official warning and maybe demoted and eventually just faded into a silent nothing when he realised no one cared and no one would do anything and nothing would change

continuing on from that - maybe, if he were ever a higher rank, whether it be corporal or sergeant, he earned a reputation with the officers of caring too much about the boys under his command. it frightened and unnerved them, that perceived weakness of his, the danger of it, and they disapproved. an NCO can’t worry about whether the boys in his platoon live or die - they’re only there to follow orders and see that their inferiors follow theirs. but scho couldn’t do that. he was never close to them - he’s too shy, too anxious, too withdrawn and odd for that - but, my god, he cared. he raged against the wilful waste of life. and then, one day, he went too far. he snapped and assaulted an officer, whether physically or verbally - and he would have been demoted, had he not been the one to tear the stripe off his shoulder first and throw it at the officer’s feet. “find someone else to send them to their deaths,” he snarled, eyes wild and hateful and insolent. he stormed off, and he was left to rot as a lance corporal and disappear into that quiet, hardly interacting, unimportant, just a forgotten NCO who’s given up, who pretends to himself he’s hardened his heart and doesn’t care about all the boys being sent over the top if he’s not the one who has to order them up, who knows he cares so much and his heart is soft and bleeding, who’s dismissed and sneered at by the officers, who drops his gaze because he’s so close to apathy and numbness and he’d be there already if the sight of something beautiful in all the horror - a budding flower or a lark - didn’t make him tear up with grief.

basically, scho as a bit of a renegade who’s been bruised and broken by the military establishment for his natural protectiveness. because even if he’s stiff and awkward he’s still a father and his heart is full of so much love and i’m a wreck!!!!!!!!!

#what's this? :') a post? i love to see it <33 #1917 #mine #I LOVE HIM SO MUCH #!!!!!!!!!!#and i love u all too!!!!!! i hope you're doing beautifully I LOVE U #shout out to me plagiarising myself from a message i sent to hailey LMAO <3

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youareinlovees · 3 years

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about that anon who sent that ask to Nat: i don’t know why people are so hellbent in saying shit about haylor tho 💀 like i find it boring, i think it was exaggerated for marketing but a big part of it wasn’t even taylor’s fault. like we have 2 or 3 songs confirmed basically to be about him, and the nasty harry fans say shit like “thank harry or else you wouldn’t have 1989” when its like... just not true. cause she explicitly said hundreds of times the era and the album was inspired by movies she was watching at the time, talked about ikp being a what-If situation (tho she prob felt like that at the time) . so idk i personally think it’s hilarious when people say “haylors are insane and still going strong til today cause taylor made it seem like the greatest love story of our time” like... i’m sorry but she didn’t lol. i personally think it was a very real short fling that even when they “broke up” they did end up going back to each other like 3 times or 4 lmao. and like... i just don’t get why people blame it on taylor. i’ve been a fan since 2010 and i never got obsessed with haylor because she “painted a story that wasnt true” like no... most people who are obsessed with them until today were 1D stans at the time that liked her, or solo harry fans who happen to stan her as well. idk i wouldn’t blame taylor for haylors still existing

Fair enough, I don't think she did anything wrong either, like the interrupt your wedding thing and the Vanity Fair quote are both on her but she was also making the best of what she had? So many people were mad about her dating Harry so why not market and promote the hell out of it, and it clearly worked so good for her.

#lets talk haylor

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tbr-agency · 3 years

Text

uninformed thanksgiving.

“What do you mean? We invited you! Didn’t Jihyun or Hyejung tell you guys?”

synopsis ∣ The Bloody Roses had invited Got7 for a thanksgiving supper but it seems that their invitation were uninformed intentionally.

timeline ∣ November 2020

characters ∣ Jung Ahrin, Ahn Eunhee, Kim Yeonji, Bang Nara (The Bloody Roses), Jackson Wang, Park Jinyoung (Got7)

a/n ∣ slight angst. poor the girls :( they just wanna spent time with Got7 and to think their new management is somehow like poop, mention of Ace of Devils members

“Hyunji should have just pulled her nasty hair,” Yeonji commented as she was smashing the potato in the bowl.

Ahrin gave a look towards Yeonji and the younger one knew the leader was somehow glaring at her.

“Although I don’t advise violence when necessary…… I agree with Yeonji,” Eunhee commented as she was putting turkey into the oven - causing Ahrin to snap towards the girl.

Eunhee looked towards Ahrin with widened eyes. “What?”

Ahrin shakes her head a little, earning a shrug from Eunhee as she leaves the kitchen.

“Well, they kind of deserve it.. I mean, they are rude to JYPE staff… I mean I know Division 2 deserves it but… c’mon? Even the staff from other Divisions? That’s too much...” Nara added as she was leaning against the wall - seeing some of the members in the kitchen preparing Thanksgiving late supper

The girls - mainly Ahrin and Haejin - wanted to spend time together. The 7 of them didn’t get to spend time all together ever since they were promoted to NIS.

So here they are, preparing Thanksgiving food with some of the members helping out. Haejin, Chaeun and Hyunji had to extend hours but they promised and booked the earliest for them to end work.

This was also a good opportunity for all of them to gather together and just spend time, enjoying each other's company - but at the same time, Eunhee had brought the idea of inviting Got7 too and all the girls immediately agreed.

The Bloody Roses considered Got7 as family too. They are open to each other so the girls didn’t mind.

“They haven’t got back to me though,” voiced Ahrin as she was looking through her phone after taking pictures of the table settings and the on-the-way prepared food to the 3 girls who were in the office.

“Got7?” Eunhee questioned as she turned towards Ahrin who was nodding while typing on her phone.

“They will probably get back to us later. They might have ended AAA awards,” answered Nara who was on Instagram - posting pictures of their mini-celebration on her story.

“Hey! I need help here! Stop looking at your phone and give me a hand!”

A whine came from the kitchen as the 3 girls looked up from their phones as they were in the dining area.

“Aww! My baby! We’re coming!” With Ahrin answering Yeonji’s call of help in a teasing tone, a chuckle and a giggle came from Eunhee and Nara as they too ran towards the kitchen - knowing Yeonji might be sulky if they didn’t come.

“Bye hyung!”

“Text us if you have reached home!”

Bambam and Yugyeom waved towards Jinyoung and Jackson since the 2 older members were the ones waiting for their ride. The other Got7 members already parted ways since their ride had come first.

All of them ended their night with excitement and happiness with Jinyoung receiving an actor award and Got7 winning an award as a whole group.

As Jackson was checking on his phone, seeing fans tweets and instagram stories of them congratulating Got7, a story caught his attention - as he nudged onto Jinyoung’s arm who was also checking on his own phone.

“Look at the girls,” Jackson showed Jinyoung on his phone, as the Hong Kong man gazed towards Jinyoung’s reaction, seeing him pouting.

“They didn’t invite us. How mean,” Jinyoung sulked as he began to text a certain someone regarding what he had just seen. Jackson chuckled at his reaction.

It was a video of Nara zooming onto Ahrin, Eunhee and Yeonji basically running back and forth from the kitchen with trays of food on their hands.

“Don’t be like that, Jinyoung-ah… Maybe they are having their girls time - you get what I mean,” Jackson cooed towards Jinyoung, seeing his friend still pouting.

But what Jackson said isn’t a lie though - it looks like they are having a girls time.

“But—

Jinyoung’s words were cut off by his phone ringing, a name popping out on his screen. Jackson’s eyes immediately went towards Jinyoung’s phone, to see EUnhee face-calling him.

Jackson snatched Jinyoung’s phone as he answered the face-time call - putting the phone slightly away so that his and Jinyoung’s face can be seen.

“Eunhee-ah!” Jackson waved towards the phone, to see Eunhee somehow showing the camera towards the other girls. Jinyoung silently pouts while waving towards the girls.

“Oppa! What’s with the pout?!” Nara yelled at the back and Jackson can’t help but turn towards Jinyoung who was glaring towards the camera.

“He is sulky because he isn’t invited to your thanksgiving dinner!” Jackson teased and there were some taken aback reactions from the girls as now Eunhee’s face was seen while looking towards a certain direction.

It seems Eunhee was passing her phone to Ahrin, as Ahrin was looking towards a certain direction - looking confused and hearing Eunhee stating what Jackson had said.

“What do you mean? We invited you! Didn’t Jihyun or Hyejung tell you guys?”

Jackson had that iconic frown where he literally looked super confused, turning towards Jinyoung as the Hong Kong man scans Jinyoung’s eyes. Jinyoung too was analyzing the words Ahrin had said.

It seems they were uninformed regarding their invitation.

“But.. no one told us anything..” Jackson answered in a sad tone, seeing Ahrin smiling slightly while tilting her head.

The atmosphere completely turned the opposite as the air felt with sad and disappointed vibes - mainly Jinyoung who felt it.

He was disappointed with Division 2, again.

At the same time, there were loud voices coming from Ahrin’s side - causing the leader to look towards an area with widened eyes. It caught Jackson’s and Jinyoung’s attention because the loud yelling was coming from Eunhee.

“Save it! I’m personally going to fight Aelia and those bitches!”

“Yah! I’m trying to talk to Jackson and Jinyoung! Why are the 2—

“Yah! Eunhee-ah! Language!” Jinyoung commented, causing the girls to look towards him through the phone.

He was taken aback, to see his bodyguard-girlfriend looking furious.

By this time, Jackson on the other hand was really confused.

“Jinyoung-ah, I don’t understand…” Jackson muttered towards Jinyoung with the puppy-eye. Jinyoung could only mutter to him with ‘I’ll explain later,’.

There were more unclear conversations of Eunhee and some of the girls were heard, and that’s when Ahrin had to step in as she pulled Nara out since she looked unbothered - the leader passing the phone towards the young one.

“Hello oppas! Well, now you are watching the eonnie line of The Bloody Roses having a slight argument. Don’t worry, it’s not really that serious because it’s just Ahrin trying to calm the mad Eunhee down! Mad Eunhee isn’t—

“YAH! I can hear you clearly, you punk!”

Eunhee shouted at the back, making Nara to show a panic expression towards Jackson and Jinyoung - causing them to chuckle.

“What’s going on, Nara-ah? What did Eunhee mean?” Jackson questioned and Nara looked towards a certain direction while walking to a more quieter area which was the kitchen.

“Well, Eunhee directly called Aelia about it - asking if they had told Division 2 management about Ahrin’s invitation for Got7. Jihyun and Hyejung told Aelia about it because you know, everything has to get through to Aelia and… she purposely didn’t tell Division 2 about Ahrin’s request, because it’s not necessary, a waste of time and meaningless.”

“Bwo!?” Jackson repeated with a loud scoff.

Jinyoung had to pat him on the back multiple times to calm the pissed Jackson down - Jinyoung wasn’t surprised at all actually.

“I’m going to tell Jaebeom hyung about this. The new bodyguards are too much, really— I don’t get it! They aren’t our manager!” Jackson muttered with a loud sigh, and Nara could only look at the 2 Got7 members with a sad smile.

Jinyoung on the other hand now understood why Eunhee was furious.

If it was him, when someone said those words to him regarding a group of people he cherished the most with ‘not necessary, a waste of time and meaningless’, Jinyoung thinks he wouldn’t get a hold onto himself.

“It’s okay, oppa. Hyunji and I will personally leave some for the 7 of you. I don’t think we can finish all of this!” Nara tried to sound cheerful while showing the different types of dishes.

Nara somehow revealed that Eunhee has cooked different types of Korean dishes, Ahrin has cooked Mark’s favorite Thanksgiving food, Chaeun has made pre-made Thai-food just for Bambam and some Chinese cuisine just for Jackson.

The maknaes of The Bloody Roses have made chocolate milkshakes and brownies just for them.

With the sight of different types of cuisine on the table, Jackson and Jinyoung can’t help but feel touched as the girls were thinking of them.

“It’s okay, Nara-ah.. You don’t have to—

“No, oppa. We did this just for the 7 of you. So whether you like it or not, we will be your delivery girls.“ Nara said firmly yet in a soft tone, earning automatic smiles from the 2 grown men.

“Thanks Nara-ah, we really appreciate it,” thanked Jinyoung as he couldn’t stop himself from eye-smiling while Jackson made a finger-heart.

From that incident, Jackson and Jinyoung knew the girls really had genuine and caring hearts - even though they had different personalities yet they are all precious in each of their own ways to Got7.

“Nara-ah! Stay with us for a while! I mean we wanna join your mukbang!” Jackson asked for a favor and Nara immediately asked the other girls who somehow calmed down.

“Ahrin and Eunhee said ‘sure’!”

And from that night onwards, The Bloody Roses were considered family to Got7 - especially to Jackson and Jinyoung.

A few hours later, let’s just say Nara really meant what she said as there were spam messages from the Got7 members, thanking the girls for the random delivery but only Jackson and Jinyoung knew the full-story which they would one-day would tell the rest of the members.

masterlist : Got7 Bodyguard Au

#got7 bodyguard #got7 bodyguard au #got7 scenarios #got7 imagines #got7 jack #got7 jinyoung #got7 jackson scenarios #got7 jinyoung scenarios #got7 jackson imagines #got7 jinyoung imagines #jung ahrin #ahn eunhee #bang nara #kim yeonji

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