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#chris evans crack
lu-morningstar · 2 years
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tik tok inspired blurbs - Masterlist [Chris Evans]
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a bunch of blurbs inspired by tik tok trends starring Chris
Key: 「♡ : fluff 」 「☾ : angst 」 「☀︎ : funny 」 「♢ : smut/ty」
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drivers license reaction | ☾ ♡ ☀︎ (younger!neutral!reader) dropping my boyfriend’s hand | ♡ ☀︎ (neutral!reader) call your boyfriend by another name | ☀︎ ♡ ♢ (female!reader) boyfriend tries on amazon leggings | ☀︎ ♡ (neutral!reader) drop the towel | ♢ (female!reader) my boyfriend reacts to my leggings | ♢ ♡ (female!reader)
𝒎𝒚 𝒎𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕
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all rights reserved © lu-morningstar
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hoodie-buck · 2 months
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thanks for the tag beloved @elvensorceress 🩵
—more from chris doesn’t come back au bc it’s my only wip and i’m determined to finish her. ok, enjoy the angst 🫶🏼
“I uh, I should—I could…go home?” Buck offered, fiddling absently with the bandaging on his wrist. Eddie tracked the movement, keeping his eyes trained on it as he answered.
“You are home.”
It was all Eddie said before exiting the truck, leaving an odd chill behind.
Buck got his own door open before Eddie could round to do so. He didn’t need anyone taking care of him. He was fine.
The walk to the door felt endless, Buck stopping just behind Eddie as they reached it.
Chris wouldn’t be inside with Carla, he wouldn’t be away at a sleepover, or still at school. He was just—gone.
As Eddie twisted the knob, Buck began to panic watching as the door opened to reveal an empty foyer. Seeming to sense his unease, or maybe needing the comfort himself, Eddie latched onto Buck and tugged him over the threshold and into the house. It was like all the air had suddenly been sucked out of him, just like when the wave had come crashing down.
He pulled back from Eddie, but Eddie stayed strong, tightening his grip on Buck.
“H-he’s not,” buck swallowed, choking on air, his next words coming out in a whisper. “He’s gone Eds.”
Eddie sniffled. “I know Buck. I—I know.”
Buck looked away from Eddie, glancing around desperately for anything else to latch onto. Eddie didn’t need to deal with him; not right now.
Steady hands were on him again, Buck trying to twist out of them, all but fighting Eddie off.
“I-I-I can’t-cant’ be here Eddie.”
Eddie shook his head as he pulled Buck closer.
“Please don’t leave. I—you’re all I have, Buck.”
And that’s what did him in, the floodgates in him opening up like the eye of the storm.
He let out a gut-wrenching sob as he fell into Eddie, the two of them falling to the floor in a heap of sobs. Their tears fell together as they leaned into one another, holding on for all they had. Maybe if Buck held on tight enough, he wouldn’t lose Eddie too.
tagging: @loserdiaz @redlightsandicedtea @honestlydarkprincess @monsterrae1 @spotsandsocks @eddiebabygirldiaz @buddierights @wikiangela @wildlife4life @daffi-990 @giddyupbuck @eddiiediaz @disasterbuckdiaz @thewolvesof1998 @wh0re-behavi0r @spaceprincessem @hippolotamus @underwater-ninja-13 @watchyourbuck
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peggingeddiediaz · 2 months
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118 deranged tweets 8/???
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clarks-letterman · 2 years
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aftermath | steve rogers x spidey!male!reader
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a/n — this is crackfic, take nothing in this fic seriously as per usual with my smut- (also, yeah, the reader is Spider-Man. thank @denim-devil for this..)
summary — Reader shows up long after Steve's birthday party ended and is determined to make it up to him.
warnings — SMUT! 18+ Rimming (reader receiving)
words — 2k
~~~
The soft hum of a vent in the ceiling rustled the flaxen hair of the super-soldier sitting beneath it. Slumped in one of the black dining chairs, the ventilation susurrated his perceptive ear as he thumbed over one of his newest gifts. No light perforated the windows off to his side apart from the occasional firework from miles away, the moon sitting high and shining a pale glow that rivaled the square tiles of fluorescent lighting embued overhead. They created a streaking glare over the tightly melded cellophane covering Steve's new watch that was easy to pull away, leaving him with a cheap recreation of himself in silicone.
It was meant to be a joke told on Tony's behalf, giving it to him as the final gift after the party had started heading out that he had teased for weeks leading up to today. Steve was a bit confused when he saw the red, white, and blue-striped wristband, followed by a cartoony caricature of the man out of time, represented by the fact that his mouth was open wide with a small LED panel matching the likes of a calculator keeping track of the time. While Steve did not get the joke at first, he instantly understood the technology. He was grateful to receive a coherent device rather than some complex machinery with knobs and buttons that would perplex him for weeks until he would eventually cave in and ask you for help with it after accepting his own defeat. Sure, it ruined Tony's joke, but it felt from his time like the whole day had.
Thanks to the other male, Steve had gotten to spend the day in an olden times party themed around the decade that he went into the ice. The kitchen and dining area had been left untouched, but everyone on the team tried dressing up in an appropriate outfit for the decade and even attempted to bake a cake with an authentic recipe from then—a rich and moist raspberry cake with a bulky layer of thick cream cheese frosting coating the sponge. They were lucky that the requirements for a cake have stayed roughly the same for over a century. The bash got wild as Tony drunkenly invited as many people as he knew, leaving the kitchen a mess. In the end, the party went off without a hitch, and the only thing that could have made his day better was you.
Down the hall, distanced from the scattered confetti and half-hung streamers, came the repeated strike of rubber against shiny linoleum flooring. Steve heard the rushed footsteps grow closer until they came to a halt in the same room as him, and his bowed head scanned the floor until reaching your feet, following up the set of spandex-clad feet to the rest of your body, favorably outlined by your suit.
"Did I miss it?" Your voice came out with a huff as you glanced around the room, seeing the various party decorations and litter coating the floor, complete with knocked-down high-rise chairs and a few booze-stained spots on the furniture. However bad this got, you knew you had missed all of it, "Shit. I'm sorry, Steve."
He sat up, placed the gag gift on the dining table, got up, and reached down to a cabinet under the sink. He spoke as he fetched them, "It's alright. Since you're here now, we could clean this mess up together before everyone gets back." Steve returned with two trash bags, and you instinctually shot a string of silk out to one of them before reeling it across the room.
"Where did they go off to?" You asked, reaching down to pick up the disposable cups that contrasted the party's original theme of an older time with a touch of something modern.
"A club that Tony has VIP access to," Steve answered, doing the same on the opposite side of the kitchen, "I know you probably don't want to be doing this after your long day."
You continued to pick up the scattered litter, “Well, we met cleaning up the scum of New York, so cleaning up trash is just like that. But one sounds so much lamer.”
A few moments went by before you realized that you could easily pull things from the ground into the bag with a quick thwip as you were still wearing your suit. You thought about walking straight to bed and letting Steve pick up the trash on the floor, but you had already missed his special day, and he didn't deserve to be stuck cleaning up everyone else's mess.
“I can change out of my suit after this, and we can head out for dinner or something else? I’m sure something’s still open, and they can sing those stupid songs about it being your birthday. Are you gonna tell them you’re one-hundred and four or thirty-six?” You offered, “I want to make it up to you, Steve.”
Steve tied the knot on the ends of his trash bag, tossing it against the wall and retrieving a second bag, “Knowing that you were saving everyone else is how you make it up to me. Besides, the only saving I needed was from Tony’s party by the end of it.”
You let out a low and knowing chuckle, “Let me guess it turned into another birthday rager, Rogers?”
“Yeah, I convinced him to clear it out before it got too crazy. Glad he took everyone else with him.”
“So, you were waiting for me?” Steve stayed silent, and the silence ushered you closer to him. You moved into picking up stuff in the area he was working on—the junk covering the wide kitchen island and the surrounding countertops. The dark counters bordering the island were the remnants of the ingredients used to make Steve's timely cake, one of which was a hefty piping bag still half-filled with icing. You took it with one hand. Surprisingly, it can't be much bigger than Steve himself when he hasn't seen you all week.
Regardless, the guilt gnawed at you as Steve stayed silent, his eyes burning you from behind as he watched you, “I’m sorry, Steve.”
“Why do you keep saying that? You were saving the world,” He opposed.
You turn, still holding the bag of icing, “Because I am, and if I can’t separate hero stuff from you and me, then where does that leave us?”
“Hand me that icing?”
“What?“
“And get on the island, all fours.”
You follow through with what he says, passing him the piping bag and hopping up onto the surface of the kitchen island with your hands and knees propping you up, and the next thing you know, a large hand pulls the lower half of your suit down, exposing your backside to the chilled air inside the compound.
“Steve, what are you—,“ He cut you off before you could protest his actions.
“I think you’re right about what you said. We met on the battlefield, so we can’t be us without embracing the hero stuff and its downsides. Now, I don’t usually proposition myself as a—,“ Steve pauses for a moment before choking out the words, “—bussy lover, am I using that right?”
“Yeah, you are, old man.”
“Then this ass belongs on the field as much does to be loved,” Steve confessed, gripping the bag firmly in one hand, careful not to let any spill out from the top and angle it to your ass. His hand tensed, squeezing his digits into the pudgy cream encased in plastic film. The pressure forced the solid-colored cream to puff out at the pointed tip.
Steve doled out the thick icing along the line of your crack, funneling a hefty stripe of it from your puckered hole to your lower back. With one broad stroke of his tongue, Steve lapped it all up in one go without interruption. It added a world of sweetness to what was otherwise flavorless eye candy for him to admire, and brief notes of tangy wonders reminded him of the perfect peach in front of him.
As for you, your arms went limp after the initial shock of a feeling sending more shivers through you than the air against your exposed skin after a long day in the summer sun. Steve wasted no time cleaning up his purposeful mess with an impressive singular stroke that was teasing and warm. That was just from one taste, and yet you both wanted more. With a single hand, a slow arch came to form as Steve slid his hand down the scarped ramp that was the small of your back, using his newfound hold to bring you closer to him. Your ass was on full display as your knees were hidden, tucked into your lower middle, while your hole revealed itself from your assumed position.
A soft press to the flimsy plastic on Steve's behalf sent another, much smaller, dollop of frosting to fall over your waiting pucker. The feeling of a soft and wet press to your opening elicited a cry from the other end, but Steve only sat there for a moment. You thought he would lave over your crack with a broad stroke of his tongue like he had done before to savor the taste of what was offered to him, but he deferred himself from the idea. Steve kept the tip of his tongue prodding at a dab of icing layering your hole, his nose ghosting along the trail leading to your tailbone until he pressed further.
Steve used his pointed tongue to dive into your warmth, building pressure inside from his wide tongue as another strain came from the crotch of your suit. You caved to the urge to work against the strongest—and most pleasing muscle—Steve had received throughout his ancient history, pressing back until you felt his lips against your rim. His tongue reached deeper, exploring new places and taking the creamy frosting with it.
It didn't take long for Steve to start moving, bobbing his head and reeling his tongue back and forth. And it took even less for his hand to abandon the remaining icing and glide his hand amid the space between your heat-radiating erection and the chilled counter surface below, creating friction with his hand that stimulated your lycra-clad cock. The two of them working in tandem poured noises out of you that didn't reflect the tune of a happy birthday but were a new song, complete with high cries and low begs for Steve to drive you to climax.
Soon, Steve's lips started to do with your hole what his broad muscle of receptors couldn't. He kissed at your sensitive nerve-endings, catching whiffs of the sweet cream while his tongue was as deep as he could push it, stretching those same nerves out with the reach of it. That was it. That was your breaking point. It was in those final moments that you had fireworks bursting in your mind as your suit became a mess of its own, white spurts pooling with each movement of Steve's mandible.
His absence was noticeable as he pulled away from your rear, giving a few laps to the bits of frosting on your cheeks to add additional instigation to your slowly fizzling high. Almost as if it were the scattered remains of powder drifting down from a deflagrated uproar.
You turned, flipping on your back to the dark granite as you laid flat against it, "I forgot to say happy birthday to you."
Steve let out a low chuckle as a sign that everything was okay again, "It really was a happy birthday to me."
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The thirst don’t stop over here. If buddy stays looking good and puts out entertaining projects, that’s really all I need🤷🏿‍♀️
That said…
😂
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innerslumber · 1 year
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I went to the Marvel: Universe of Super Heroes exhibit and wanted to share for anyone who has not seen it. I am under the impression that the installation changes from location to location so I wanted to show this snapshot in time. I fully admit to being biased in what I will post so if you want to see a particular character, please let me know! Apologies ahead of time for my crappy photo taking skills.
🔴⚫️🔴⚫️🔴
Wade Wilson (Deadpool)
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Okay, see that picture above? Yeah. That's it. I looked through the whole exhibit and only saw that ONE wall display of Deadpool. Is it possible that I could have missed something? Yes. But do I think I did? Not really.
Which makes me basically think, what the hell man?!?! Where's Deadpool?! If you got space on the wall for freaking Morbius then where is my Merc with a Mouth??? Also his reading material of choice? 👇👇👇
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Did @vancityreynolds commission this particular art installation? Because this is exactly the kind of shit he would pull to troll Chris Evans.
The ONLY saving grace from my disappointment was that as I was approaching the wall art of Deadpool, the sweetest and most adorable child voice says: "Look! It's Deadpool!" with happiness and glee. Then his (who I assume is his mother), said: "Oh. My. GOD." with the disgust and disdain reserved for a forgotten box of takeout that got shoved so far to the back of the fridge that it became its own ecosystem and is now declaring independence.
The sheer willpower I had to apply not to burst out laughing was monumental. Knowing that Deadpool is out there corrupting our youth to the horror of their probably sensible parents brought me so much joy. It was just enough to overcome my sadness that this exhibit had no section for Deadpool.
But you know what wasn't going to let me down? That's right, The Gift Shop. Because Deadpool ain't gonna be showcased in the legitimate exhibit space but oh no, capitalism don't care about optics! There's shirts! There's magnets! There's hats! THERE'S COOKBOOKS!
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And of course it was going to be a chimichanga recipe! Did we ever have a doubt? I will say this looked better than Captain America's Beef Tongue Terrine recipe that was also in the book. (Sorry Steve...)
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Oh and speaking of more Deadpool and Captain America synergy, remember I mentioned hats? Yeah. Just a whole ass display of beanies that only came in two designs. Like...this was a CHOICE, okay? It can't be a fucking coincidence that they only had these two options.
Honestly by the time I was done my 5th lap of the gift shop, I wondered if this is how Cameo Chris Evans felt watching Free Guy and seeing Ryan Reynolds just do whatever the fuck he wants with the shield.
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I mean, I know I sound like a whiny punk ass but not even a single comic cover of Deadpool? 😭😭😭 Omg the fangirl tears I would have wept at seeing a Spider-Man/Deadpool cover! Did Ryan and Andrew kissing at the Golden Globes mean nothing to you, Marvel?!?!
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Fuck No! I love that museum, okay? They do awesome work. This was obviously an oversight done by the person I blame any time Marvel shits its pants: Kevin Feige. Maybe also the Russo brothers.
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Uhh...well I got these.
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Look how adorable little Cap is!! 😍😍😍
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Shut up, Ted Lasso! It was worth it! I already have a bunch of stuff with your mug on it so I wasn't going to buy more! Now this is me, walking away into the sunset with my precious cargo. Sayonara motherfucker!
(And sending vibes to the next location for the Marvel exhibit to show some damn Deadpool. Don't let me down!)
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evansbby · 1 year
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me during the entire ghosted trailer: 😐
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bookishtheaterlover7 · 4 months
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If you pay attention to the trash that is US weekly, even tho their articles are mostly fluff and recycled bs, even they know to word things strategically so they can avoid getting sued.
For every other guy on that list:
“Milo made sure to let US weekly know first” with exclusives of his wedding
“Jack gave us plenty of time to adjust to the news when Margaret flashed her engagement ring”
“Dylan has been open about his love for Barbara and the two announced their engagement earlier in the year.”
Chris: “we heard he tied the knot” - meaning they never got confirmation so they can’t really say yeah we confirm it. It’s all through a page six grapevine anonymous leak.
See the difference? I know trash articles are trash articles but wording is key.
Lastly: Milo and Jarah also never confirmed their relationship but they gave US weekly their exclusive wedding photos and news. Jarah doesn’t have any posts of her and Milo up on her socials either. They don’t really have any other public sightings but they straight up took photos by the beach together and confirmed it that way. That’s true privacy, IMO.
Then TMZ: https://www.tmz.com/2023/10/30/this-is-us-milo-ventimiglia-wearing-wedding-ring-married-model-jarah-mariano/
TMZ made sure to include a line where Milo’s rep confirmed with TMZ, therefore TMZ can confirm the marriage on their post.
Simple as that.
There is a reason why all the tabloids trashy or not have to meander around how they report on this whole CE wedding thing. They know something the public doesn’t and even if they keep writing fluff articles it’s intentional why they’re being excluded from a larger list.
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No other additional thoughts... It's basically like the wedding articles all over again...
And I'm actually laughing. Because this reminded me that none of the articles can agree on the location of the "wedding" 🤭🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
"Cape Cod" or "his Massachusetts home" 🤔🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Even then, the narrative was pathetic and weak...👀☕
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trashendence · 2 years
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“i just want to know what these other candidates have that i don’t” he says in front of the man who chose him to be his son’s only legal guardian.
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austnbutlr · 8 months
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One last comment on the marriage situation before I’m done. It’s always rubbed me the wrong way that people look down upon, judge or laugh at fans who are upset that their favorite is getting married. The whole “he was never going to marry you” line is so condescending and diminishing of peoples very valid feelings. People are allowed to feel what they feel — especially when their favorite is marrying someone 16 years younger than them and who wasn’t legally able to rent a car without an additional fee and/or adult approval until a year ago and this image said celeb cultivated isn’t exactly what it seems to be — and they shouldn’t be made to feel bad about it. I’ve never been in the camp of blindly accepting your favorite celebs choices or that not agreeing/liking it makes you less of a fan.
BUT being upset, sad, whatever is different than actively bullying and harassing his partner, his family and her family.
You can be upset and hurt while not resorting to calling that person names or wishing ill upon them. At the end of the day, he’s a grown ass man and can do whatever he wants, you don’t have to like or respect it and you are allowed to be mad/unhappy with his choices. But at the end of the day it’s his choices and harassing him/her/their loved ones isn’t gonna help.
So mourn and be sad, but don’t be a dick or a lunatic about it. What you feel is valid but that doesn’t give you a pass to express those feelings to these REAL people on their REAL relationship.
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frankthesnek · 4 months
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I find it very funny how many scenes in MCU are intentionally staged so you can't tell how much shorter RDJ is compared to his costars.
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Not to brag but I do already have My Alpha Chapter 4 written, and I have started on Chapter. 5....
Cruel summer chapter 3 is finished and Im starting on chapter 4!
Midnight rain Chapter 3....is still in the works!! I've been trying to get out of the slump I've been in with writing and this story has taken the back burner compared to my other two. So Im sorry to those who love this series, Im working on it as much as I can!! Hopefully chapter 3 will be done soon!
and thats all I got folks! LOL Let me know what you think HERE!! :D Im around to answer questions!!
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oh-my-damn · 2 months
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Never has a private life been that publicized LMAO
They're being private?? Since WHEN?? WHERE??
The thousands of articles they have put out every time they do one single thing would speak to the contrary but whatever.......
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chrisevansonly · 2 years
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UM?!?! SWEET BABY JESUS THIS FUCKING MAN THIS FUCKING MAAAAAAN
omg idk whether i wanna scream or just lay motionless for hours
this fucking mustache is too sexy i can’t i can’t😭😭😭
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innerslumber · 1 year
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I literally had "Don't forget to send Nav a cute ask" in my social to do list lol for like, uh, a week . . . Then came time to think about what the heck qualifies as "cute" atm, and then I was like - wait, I know what she'd like to open her tumblr to . . . 😎
So here, have a meme ~
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Omfg the absolute chaotic crack of this meme you've made is sending me lolololol. Thanks so much hon. I always welcome Chris in my ask box lololol
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bookishtheaterlover7 · 5 months
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I will forever find it weird that both Seb and Mackie made sure to be posted elsewhere or make it seem they were elsewhere the day of this alleged wedding in the states.
Mackie was at a sports game. And Seb was at what a baby shower or something?
I’m like, hypothetically let’s say this blows up and it’s revealed there was no wedding at all not even two “ceremonies” …..how the hell are all the people involving themselves to sell this going to look like and say then? 👀
You claimed you went to a nonexistent wedding so……we’re you all on shrooms or something?
Maybe Albitch dosed them with hallucinogens 🤭🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
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Sorry! Had to crack at least one joke, because I'm too tightly wound to do much right now. 😂😅
But true! The two guys that should've been there weren't. Neither was Scarlett (Dinner with RDJ doesn't count if Chris wasn't there or even at the fucking ceremony 😅). And if that dinner pic was anything to go by, it might be the reason she wasn't there. She hates this.
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