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#ch: zay babineaux
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Riley: There has to be something that makes you cry. What if you saw a three-legged puppy?
Zay: [starts to cry]
Smackle: I’d be sad, sure, but I wouldn’t cry.
Riley: What if the puppy said ‘Help me, Smackle! All the other puppies pick on me!’?
Zay: [cries harder]
Smackle: Cry? I’ve just found a talking puppy, I’m rich!
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riga789 · 6 years
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Won’t you dance with me — Chapter 5
Summary: Asking Maya to the school dance should not be this difficult.
(Set in the same timeline as, and a sequel to, my earlier fic Sanctuary)
Read on ao3 | ff.net
Ch.1 | Ch.2 | Ch.3 | Ch.4
After dinner, Maya escapes to her room. As soon as she disappears, Shawn heads out, after making vague excuses to Katy. He’s thankful he doesn’t have to do the same with his sharp-as-a-whip daughter as well, his wife looks suspicious enough.
He tells himself he isn’t being an interfering parent, but if he’s being honest with himself, he’s worried Maya might see it as exactly that. He’s still relatively new to this parenting thing, but he knows there are limits to the amount of meddling the father of a teenage child — a teenage daughter — should do. (Look at what Cory’s near-constant interference has done to poor Riley.)
When he and Cory were growing up, Mr. Matthews had bailed them out of many a crisis, but he’d usually left them to fumble their way through the ones that were merely a result of their own stupidity. Shawn is aware that Maya’s current predicament definitely doesn’t fall in the crisis category. But just remembering her sad little face at dinner compels him to do something.
Because if his years of shenanigans with Cory have taught him anything, it’s how to spot a fishy situation from miles away — and this feels exactly like one. From what he’s seen of Friar’s behaviour around Maya, there’s no way that country boy likes his daughter only as a friend. And he’s pretty sure Maya reciprocates his not-just-friendly feelings; he’s seen the looks they give each other when they think no one’s watching.
Shawn doesn’t know why Friar risked upsetting Maya by not asking her to the dance (and no, of course he’s not going to force the boy to go with her now!). But he intends to find out (and that’s all he’s going to do). Unintentional though it might have been, Maya suffered badly from her friends’ actions in freshman year, and he’s not going to let that happen again. He needs to get to the bottom of this precisely because the more he thinks about it, the fishier the situation appears.
On the way, he calls Zay Babineaux to Topanga’s. The boy doesn’t keep him waiting, arriving at the cafe only a couple of minutes after he does.
“What’s up, Mr. Hunter?”
Shawn gets straight to the point. “Why is Maya not going to the school dance?
“Oh man,” Zay sighs through his teeth. “I thought she’d pull something like that.”
“Why?”
“Every time someone brings up the subject of the dance, she changes it two seconds later — and avoids looking at anyone, but especially Lucas.”
Damn cowboy. “Who’s Friar going with?”
“Actually, I don’t know,” Zay squints as if he’s just realizing it. “Every time someone brings up the dance, he looks miserable and changes the subject too — except he’s all anguished, longing gazes at Maya.”
“I knew it! I knew that boy liked her.” Shawn’s pleasure at being right about something regarding Maya is cancelled out by the fact that he now knows for sure that Friar’s thoughts about Maya are not just friendly like he pretends.
“Like her?” Zay laughs. “Lucas has been half in love with her practically since he first met her. He was just too stupid to realize it.”
“If he likes her so much, why didn’t he ask her to the dance?”
“Ah.” That brings up Zay short. “I don’t know. I didn’t think to ask him.”
“You didn’t ask your best friend who he’s taking to the school dance?”
“Nah. I’m not really interested in going myself.”
Shawn sighs in exasperation. “Why not? I thought school dances were a big deal? I know they were back when I was in high school.”
“Well, you see, the girl I like is going with someone else,” Zay explains. “And the girl I was going to ask instead is going with someone else too. So, not interested.”
Shawn pinches the bridge of his nose. “Anyway,” he says, holding on to his patience. “Call Friar here.”
“Why me?”
“Because if I call him here, he’ll be suspicious, and he might tell Maya.”
“How do you know I won’t tell Maya?”
“Will you?”
“Nah man, I wanna see the fun first!”
*******
It takes Friar barely ten minutes to arrive. It’s lucky they all live so close by. The Farkle kid arrives with him.
“What are you doing here, spawn of Minkus?”
“Zay said to come.”
Shawn looks at Zay, who grins back unrepentantly. “I didn’t want him to miss out on the fun either!” he whispers behind his hand.
Lucas eyes Shawn and Zay suspiciously. “What’s going on?”
“You tell me, Friar,” Shawn shoots back. “Why was Maya upset when I brought up the school dance?”
To his surprise, Friar’s eyes turn hard. “She was? I swear, if he’s said or done anything to make her upset—”
“Who?”
“Charlie Gardner. He asked Maya to the dance last week,” Lucas says shortly.
This, as Shawn knows, is not true, because Maya isn’t going to the dance. If someone had asked Maya to go with them, and she’d said yes, she would be going. She wouldn’t abandon them. Maya isn’t like that.
But before Shawn can interrogate him any further, the door to Topanga’s slams open and another boy storms in. He looks as mad as Lucas.
“Well, speak of the devil!” Zay exclaims in the hearty 1950s accent Maya uses whenever Charlie is around.
The boy Shawn infers is Charlie Gardner strides up to them. “What the hell is your problem, Friar?” he growls, almost getting in his face.
Lucas doesn’t generally use his size and strength to intimidate, but he isn’t feeling particularly charitable towards Charlie right now. So he — with deliberate, contemptuous calmness — nudges Charlie back. “What’s your problem, Gardner?”
They confront each other, practically nose to nose, looking for all the world like two boxers squaring off, though Charlie is a good half a head shorter and significantly less muscular than Lucas.
Shawn, Zay and Farkle all roll their eyes.
“Do you have to go after every girl I like?”
Friar looks confused at the other boy’s words, but still angry. “What the hell are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about how every time I like a girl, you butt your big nose in!”
“Since when have you liked Maya before I did?” Lucas demands. “I’ve liked her since middle school! I liked her before you even knew her!”
He misses the wide grin that appears on Zay’s face, or the way Farkle’s jaw falls open in surprise.
Shawn raises an eyebrow. If Lucas really has liked Maya since middle school, and still managed to cause the mess that was the triangle between himself, Maya and Riley, then he really is a bonehead.
“Maya? I’m not talking about Maya, I’m talking about Brenda!” Charlie yells (too dramatically, Shawn thinks). “I was going to ask Brenda to the dance! You just had to go and ask her first, didn’t you?”
“You were the one who asked Maya to the dance first!”
“What are you talking about? I never asked her.”
Shawn mentally groans. This is what he gets for trying to look out for his daughter: having to deal with a bunch of teenagers with questionable intelligence.
Lucas and Charlie have simmered down, both looking more bewildered than angry.
“Friday, last week,” Lucas reminds Charlie. “When you were standing by Maya’s locker before first period.”
“I was asking her advice on how to ask Brenda out!” Charlie explodes. “And when I finally asked Brenda today, she said she’s going with you!”
“You asked Brenda?” Zay chimes in, pointing at Lucas.
“Yeah, after I overheard Charlie ask Maya—”
“I didn’t ask Maya!” Charlie interrupts, nearly apoplectic now.
“—Brenda’s in my physics class, and she said no one had asked her to go the dance either.” Lucas finishes. “Why?”
“I asked Brenda a couple of days ago,” Zay says, “And she told me she was going with someone else. I didn’t think it was you.”
“You don’t mind, do you?” Lucas asks his best friend, a bit worried. “I know you liked her, but I thought you were over her, man. Besides, I thought you like Sma—”
Zay jumps up and covers Lucas’s mouth before he blabs anything more, nearly taking him down to the floor. “Never mind him,” he says to the others, clinging to Lucas’s back, “He never makes sense anyway.”
“Even if you liked Brenda before, why would you ask her out now instead of asking Smackle?” Charlie asks.
Since he’s still trying to restrain his best friend, Zay can only mentally facepalm. If it’s not one person, it’s another. What is it with people blabbing out other people’s feelings?
“Hehehehe!” He hopes his laughter isn’t too forced. “Why would I ask Smackle? I have no reason to ask Smackle.”
Charlie snorts. “Come on! You like her, you spend all of biology staring at her with that stupid smile on your face while she practically takes over the class.”
“No, I don’t,” Zay says nervously.
Lucas takes advantage of his distraction to push aside his hand and shrug him off his back. “Looks like everyone knows you like her, man.”
“No, I don’t!” Zay insists. “Besides, she’s going with Farkle.”
“No she’s not.” Farkle pipes up. “I’m going with Missy.”
Lucas, Zay, and Charlie all raise their eyebrows at him.
Looking back and forth between the four boys, feeling like he’s watching a doubles tennis match, Shawn infers that this turn of events is completely outside the realm of belief to the two Texans and the boy he now remembers Maya referring to as a cheese soufflé (he has no idea why).
“Missy Bradford?” Lucas asks, disbelievingly.
“Yeah, she asked me last week. She thinks I’m cute.” Farkle gives them the cheeky Minkus genius smile. “She says she thought I was cute back in middle school, and wants to go with me to the dance. Smackle doesn’t mind. We broke up months ago, guys. She and I were only going to go together as friends if we didn’t have someone else to go with. When Missy asked me, I said yes, and pushed Smackle to ask you, Zay. I’m pretty sure she likes you back.”
“What??”
Shawn closes his eyes and massages his temples. He can feel the headache brewing in his skull. What is it with these teenagers and their convoluted dating lives? More than that, all this meddling in each other’s lives. If Shawn was worried before that his investigating this situation would have seemed like interference, he’s definitely not worried now. Not with these guys making such a mess of things themselves.
“I thought Smackle spoke to you about it.” Now Farkle looks unsure.
“She didn’t! All she did was ask me a couple of days ago in the cafeteria what my plans for the dance were.”
“And what did you say?”
“I told her it was just a stupid school dance and that I wasn’t going, and then I left! I haven’t really seen much of her since.”
There’s a pause as the four boys just look at each other in confusion, clearly aware that something’s wrong but unable to figure out exactly what that is.
Shawn raises his eyes to the heavens, praying for patience, reminding himself that teenage boys are dumb and that he was once one himself. “That might have been Smackle angling to ask you to go with her,” he says, and the boys turn to him. “And your reaction may have given her the impression that you’d rather not go to the dance at all than go with her.”
Zay makes a strangled noise as his mouth opens and shuts like a goldfish.
Lucas pats his shoulder in comfort, then freezes, eyes wide as he remembers something that’s far more important to him. Realization has dawned. He turns to Charlie. “So you didn’t ask Maya out?”
Charlie nearly rips his hair out in exasperation (And Shawn sympathises with him). “For the last time, Friar, NO! I wanted to ask Brenda, and I was asking Maya for help!”
“Then why did you wait this long to ask Brenda?”
“Because I wanted to make it really special for her.” A beatific, daydreamy smile appears on Charlie’s face. “My cousin helped me set up a romantic dinner date tonight, and I gave Brenda flowers and balloons. I even made her a banner, with petals to make the words asking her to go to the dance with me.” He sighs, then his smile disappears. “And she said no, Friar! You know why? Because you butted in and asked her first!”
The irony of the situation is not lost on Lucas, and he almost laughs — this whole mess seems to have started because he himself delayed asking Maya to the dance because he wanted to make it special for her. But he doesn’t think Charlie would find it very funny. Besides, he has more important things to deal with first. Such as—
“So, Maya’s not going with anyone to the dance?” He asks, a mix of horror and hope on his face.
Finally!, Shawn thinks, they’ve gotten to the point of this entire exercise. “Maya’s not going to the dance at all,” he announces.
Lucas looks appalled, and Farkle and Charlie join Shawn in glaring at him. Only Zay isn’t paying him any attention, still grappling with the terrifying revelation that he now has to ask Smackle to go with him (because he wouldn’t be able to live with himself if he didn’t).
Just then, a young brown-haired girl walks in, looking around curiously.
“Brenda!” Charlie exclaims. “What are you doing here?”
“Farkle messaged and asked if I could come...” she trails off undecidedly.
“What?” Farkle shrugs when everyone turns to stare at him. “She needed to be here. Someone has to clean up this mess you three dum-dums created.” He points to Lucas, Zay, and Charlie, who scowl back at him indignantly.
“What’s going on, Charlie?” Brenda asks, eyeing the boys and Shawn warily, no doubt wondering why she’s been invited to this circus.
Charlie hesitates.
“Ask her!” Lucas, Zay, Farkle and Shawn simultaneously yell.
“Okay, okay! Brenda, will you go to the school dance with me?”
“I already told you, Charlie, I’ve agreed to go with Lucas.”
“It’s okay Brenda,” Lucas interrupts. “You can go with him if you want. I don’t mind.”
“Are you sure?”
“Of course.”
Brenda looks relieved. “Okay, Charlie, then I’ll go with you.”
Charlie grins hugely. Shawn thinks he looks a bit like a moron, but well, there are three other young morons in here, so Charlie’s in good company. Everyone watches as the reunited couple walk out.
“Ah, young love,” Zay pretends to wipe a tear from his eye.
Shawn clears his throat. “Don’t you guys have somewhere to be?”
“I have to go.” Lucas scrambles hurriedly out of the cafe.
“Yeah, me too.” Zay follows on his heels.
Both of them leave, forgetting Shawn and Farkle, who grins conspiratorially at him.
“Off you go, Minkus’s robotic offspring.”
“I’m a real boy!” Farkle protests.
“Scram!”
“Scramming!”
Ch.6 | Ch.7
This was a really hard chapter to write, mainly because it's dialogue-heavy (and dialogue is where I struggle the most), and the mixed PoVs. What did you think of it? How did I do? Let me know!
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Conversation
Zay: Over here, old friend. In case you haven’t noticed, you’ve fallen right into my trap.
Lucas: You can’t trap justice. It’s an idea! A belief!
Zay: Well, even the most heartfelt belief can be corroded over time!
Lucas: Justice is a noncorrosive metal!
Zay: But metals can be melted by the heat of revenge!
Lucas: It’s REVENGE, and it’s best served cold!
Zay: But it could be easily reheated, in the microwave of evil!
Lucas: Well, I think your warranty is about to expire!
Zay: Maybe I’ve got an extended warranty!
Lucas: Warranties are invalid if you don’t use the product for its intended purpose!
Farkle: [groans] Girls, girls! You’re both pretty! Can I go home now?
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Conversation
Zay: My favourite words are ‘cancelled’ and ‘free’
Farkle: The free pizzas were cancelled.
Zay: [serious] Don’t even joke about that.
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Conversation
Cory: I never thought I’d ever get the chance to give you this. Good job.
Zay: You’re giving me a sticker?
Cory: Not just a sticker. It has a kitten that says “Me-Wow!”
Zay: I’m not a kindergartner.
Cory: Alright, I’ll take it back.
Zay: Hey, I earned this, back off!
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Conversation
Zay: Man, I really like Smackle.
Zay: I better show her how much she means to me.
Zay: *sends her a meme at 3am*
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Conversation
Zay: Ask me questions I think I hit my head too hard.
Lucas: Whats 7 multiplied by 7?
Zay: Ask me stuff I would know!
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Quote
I'm dead! Smackle's gonna rip my eyes out, punch my face in, and then break up with me!
Zay Babineaux
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Conversation
Zay [sees a bee on Farkle’s arm]: Uh oh.
Zay [rolling up newspaper]: Farkle… stay still…
Zay [using the newspaper as a megaphone]: THERE’S A FUCKING BEE ON YOU!
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Conversation
Cory: What do you think is the most appropriate solution to overpopulation?
Zay: Condoms
Smackle: Education
Riley: Laws that require every orphaned homeless kid to be adopted so that everyone have their own kids without producing more babies
Farkle: Or we could just fly all the extra people to Mars
Maya: Even better - the Hunger Games
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Quote
Isn’t it so great to be the most beautiful person in the world? Not that you would know cause it’s me but can you imagine?
Zay Babineaux
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Conversation
Zay: what do you call a midget psychic that escapes jail?
Maya, Riley, Lucas and Smackle: …
Zay: A small medium at large.
Smackle: [hits Zay repeatedly with a magazine]
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Conversation
Zay: Can you ask Smackle if she likes me?
Farkle: You guys are dating
Zay: Yeah, but can you??
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Conversation
Zay: It's a white flag and you may as well start waving it now, Smackle!
Smackle: The only thing I'll be waving is your decapitated head on a stick in front of your weeping mother!
Zay: ...Good lord
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Conversation
Smackle: Zay, you..
Zay: I?
Smackle: Uhm.. y-you..
Zay: I what?
Smackle, nervous af: You make my heart have premature ventricular contractions!
Zay:
Farkle, from a distance: She meant you make her heart skip a beat.
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Conversation
Riley: I personally don’t think it’s possible to come up with a crazier plan.
Zay: We attack Lucas with hummus.
Riley: …I stand corrected.
Zay: Just keeping things in perspective.
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