Between the Lines of Fear and Blame - Gojo Satoru x GN! Reader
A/N: Inspired loosely by the song “How to Save a Life” by The Fray (hence the title). SLIGHT spoilers for ch.78.
TW: Parental Abuse, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Swearing
You hadn't had a good relationship with your father for most of your life.
The man was a well-respected jujutsu sorcerer, having become one of the most powerful special grade sorcerers at a rather young age. He went on to have a highly successful career in saving people and defeating special grade curses.
He'd met your grade 2 sorcerer mother on a group mission, and they got married a few years later, and they had you about 3 years into their marriage.
The first few years of your life were full of joy and laughter. Your mom taking you to the aquarium while your dad was on a mission; Your dad making you breakfast before walking you to your elementary school; Family outings to the park for picnics. It was the best childhood a kid could ask for.
At least, until a special grade killed your mother when you were 8 years old.
Your father had been away on assignment and had no knowledge of the incident until he returned home.
That day, the loving and kind man you'd always known, vanished. In his place, a bitter and hateful being was left.
Your father immediately started training you to become a jujutsu sorcerer, stating that if you stayed as weak as you were, you'd end up dead just like your mother.
The man would drink whenever he could, only ever sobering up just enough to go out on a mission to get paid.
He'd yell at you for every little mistake you made, sometimes even slapping you across the face when you'd done an especially poor job in his eyes. He'd deny you dinner if he deemed your day's performance "not good enough".
Your father's coworkers had no idea what the man was like at home. He would act like a perfect single parent whenever you two were out in public, and he'd trained you well in the art of acting. He'd taught you the correct responses to their questions and how to fake a smile convincingly. He would brag about you inheriting both his and your mother's techniques, boasting about how you would surely become a great jujutsu sorcerer one day.
Everyone always bought his "proud father" act. No one ever suspected a thing, or at least, if they did they never said anything out of fear of your father's power and influence.
When you were able to leave your father's house and attend the Jujutsu high school in Tokyo, it was both freeing and horrifying.
What if you weren't strong enough? How many meals would you be denied? Would the instructors be upset with your silence like your other school teachers?
To say it took a while for you to trust anyone would be an understatement. What made things worse was that you'd never been allowed to have friends growing up, so you weren't used to having people that you could talk to.
It was nice. Sure, you still carried the mental scars your father left you with, but you had no intention of ever talking about those. You planned on leaving all that trauma and all those horrible memories behind you.
That was, until you met Gojo Satoru.
He was one of your fellow first-years who had a tonne of potential. He and Suguru Getou were both extremely talented, making even some of the most difficult training look easy.
Outside of classes though, they were like regular teenagers; goofing off, playing pranks, and even sneaking out to see the city.
Some mornings, you'd hear Ieiri groan exasperatedly, to which you would open your dorm door, only to see her throw some poor unsuspecting creature out of her room. They ranged from anywhere from Whip Spiders to Chipmunks. One time, a stray cat was even released into her room (probably Suguru's idea, as Gojo seemed to favour large insects and arachnids), which Ieiri kept around to get rid of anymore random critters that the two boys tried to let loose into her dorm. She named the cat "Hunter". He was a cute little apex predator and protected his domain well.
No one ever tried anything with you though. After you almost had a breakdown from finding a handful of centipedes in your bed, everyone agreed that you were maybe not a fun person to prank.
Instead, when your peers realized how shy and quiet you were, they tried to break you out of your shell. They would try to be friendly to you, greeting you in the morning and inviting you to have lunch with them, though no one pressured you.
Except Gojo.
The guy was fascinated by you. Here you were, the only offspring of one of the most powerful jujutsu sorcerers, yet you never mentioned your family. Everyone in the jujutsu world (at least in Japan) knew what happened to your mom - it was a big deal at the time and everyone knew to never bring it up - so he understood you not wanting to talk about her, but you never spoke of your father either.
He expected you to be some big shot powerful sorcerer with a boisterous personality and hoped you'd be a great sparing partner. He kind of expected you to be like himself, what with your background and having inherited both your family's techniques. Funnily enough, he only knew about your paternal one, "Eye of Ra", since you bore the same intricate birthmark as your father on your right eye, and your mother’s family hadn’t been as much of a big name as your father’s. He knew your technique allowed you to manipulate light, which meant you could do anything from blinding others to even creating visual illusions. If you wanted to, you could absorb the light in a room and turn it into physical weapons, like create swords of light that could deal physical damage.
Gojo expected you to be a confident and powerful ass-kicking badass with a take-no-shit attitude that he could riff off of.
But instead, he met you.
This timid little creature that flinched at the sound of someone raising their voice and who barely ever spoke. You were reluctant to use your powers around others, which baffled the male. Why would you want to hide your powers? Had you not mastered them already? Why would you shy away from others when they got angry? Were you really THAT weak?
Yet, despite appearances, whenever you were sent on a solo mission, you always came back successful and unscathed, even against grade 2 curses. You never boasted about how easy the task was or how great a job you'd done. Instead, you'd just report as was standard protocol, and scurry off to your room without a word to anyone.
Everything about you was just so...unexpected. Gojo had so many questions and no answers, which made him even MORE intrigued.
So, the white-haired male would follow you.
Not in a stalker-y way; he let you know he was there. He'd walk with you around campus, volunteer to be paired with you during one-on-one training, even offer to study with you during breaks. The guy wouldn't leave you alone.
Eventually, Gojo got tired of you turning down his offers to hang-out together and instead would just drag you to wherever he had planned to go. He'd drag you to the library for study sessions, to the city for bubble tea, even out to the movies with snacks hidden in his pockets. He just wanted the chance to observe you and your reactions.
At first, you found his actions to be terrifying. What if he was dragging you away to a place where no one could witness him hurting you? What if he was trying to get you to let your guard down so he could attack you? What if he only wanted to use you to gain your father's favour?
Clearly, your past wasn't behind you.
Gojo was trying to get you to open up so he could learn more about his new favourite fascination, but as he did so, he also slowly began seeing you as a friend. You were a great listener, often sitting through his long rants about everything and nothing. He found it nice to know that you would come to him with questions about curses and normal teenager things.
He thought it was very odd that you knew almost nothing about regular life as a teen. What rock had you been living under? You hadn't seen any of the latest TV shows, had only seen like 4 movies, and had no idea what a "bff" was, among a long list of other such mundane things that Gojo had assumed everyone his age was aware of. This all only piqued his curiosity further.
After the first few months of Gojo's attempts to get closer to you, you slowly started to become more comfortable around him. Eventually, you got to the point where you were no longer scared to speak your mind with him, which gradually started to apply to others. You began talking more in and outside of class, even asking how other people's days had been (which was a big step for you, as it had previously taken everything in you not to run away whenever someone called out to you).
By the time 2nd year rolled around, you'd managed to gain 3 new friends and a significant confidence boost. It certainly helped that you also decided to stay in Tokyo instead of going back home. Everything was turning out great.
Until your father came to visit for a guest teacher lesson. All that time away from the old man had caused your acting skills to get a little rusty, but you still did your best to act like nothing was wrong, even when you were terrified.
Everyone was in awe of him, after all, he was like a celebrity with how well-known and powerful he was. They were all impressed by his strength and charisma which were on full display when he demonstrated difficult tactics for taking down multiple high-ranked curses at once and when he helped out with teaching curse anatomy.
To your peers, the man seemed as though he could do no wrong. He was strong and knowledgeable, with a healthy dose of respect for the school’s staff and principal, whom he chatted with as though they were old friends.
And of course, he played the part of a doting father perfectly, even giving you a big hug when he saw you for the first time, squeezing just a bit tighter than he needed to. Everyone fell for his award-winning act.
Except Gojo.
Gojo Satoru had a deep respect for the strong and powerful man who had saved hundreds, if not thousands of people, and at first noticed nothing out of the ordinary with you and your dad's relationship. It was natural that you'd avoid your parent when they came to your school. Afterall, what kid would want to be embarrassed in front of their friends by their clearly loving and over-praising parent?
However, it wasn't until Gojo actually started to observe how you acted around your dad that he started to grow suspicious.
It was the little things that most people wouldn't have noticed. You'd flinch just the tiniest bit whenever your old man placed his hand on your shoulder or patted your head. Your eyes would widen slightly in what sort of looked like fear whenever the guy would call your name. And whenever the older male asked to see you later, your hands would start to tremble a little.
As Gojo put on his dark purple sweatshirt and a black pair of jogging pants after a long day of training, he realized there were just too many things that didn't add up. Why did it seem like you were afrai-?
That was when the pieces started to fall into place.
The way you refused to go home for school holidays or summer break; The way you flinched at every move when you first transferred; Hell, even the way you stayed quiet and got spooked every time someone called out to you. It was all starting to make sense. It all pointed to a very dark and alarming conclusion.
And it was starting to make Satoru's blood boil.
HOW DID I NOT SEE IT?! The white-haired boy thought to himself as he ran towards your dorm room. He'd heard your dad ask to see you after class today, and after the realization he just came to, he knew he had to go check on you.
You were his friend, 2nd only to Suguru in terms of how close you two were. You listened to all his bullshit and his issues with his own family. You noticed whenever he was hiding something, being almost as observant as he was, and you were always there to hear him out or lift him up when no one was around and Suguru was off doing gods-know-what.
How could he have been so blind to something that now seemed so glaringly obvious?
The six eyes wielder ran faster at that thought. He needed to check on you. He needed to make sure you were ok.
By the time Satoru reached your door, it was dark out. Being his usual brash self, he immediately swung open the door without so much as a knock, worried that you were injured after seeing your old man.
What Gojo saw before him both worried and baffled him beyond anything he could've expected.
There you were, on the floor, hunched over, with the only light sources being your bedside lamp and the faint glow of the full moon. You were clad in a black tank top and loose gray running shorts, one knee brought close to your chest while the other leg was stretched out. Gojo could see the sweat glistening off your skin as your left hand stilled in it's rummaging through your drawer for pain medicine.
There were large red marks the size of fists on your arms that seemed to have already started to bruise. There were scrapes and cuts on your knees that looked pretty bad, and your hair looked like it had just been through a wind-tunnel.
You looked up when you heard the door open, pure terror in your glassy eyes as you feared your father had followed you, although he'd never done so before. The man only ever let you go when he felt your punishment for that particular infraction was finished, and never a second less. If he felt you hadn’t been punished enough, he wouldn’t have let you go in the first place.
Satoru's eyes widened in shock once he took in the sight of your face. The face that usually greeted him with a smile at the start of classes first thing every morning, was now so hard to recognize.
There was a dark mark around your right eye that looked a bit swollen and encompassed your "Eye of Ra" birthmark. Your lips were busted, a cut running down both of them on left side of your mouth. Your left cheek was screaming red with a barely-there outline of a large hand.
And yet, your injuries were only one of the two things that had the Limitless user stunned.
Yes, he was very concerned and worried about your current physical state, but the second thing he'd noticed was what gave him pause.
A warm and inviting indigo glow that Satoru didn't recognize was emanating from your right hand, which was hovering over one of your knees.
That was new... Last he checked, that wasn't what your technique looked like...
Your terrified expression seemed to relax for a moment once you realized who had entered your room. However, you soon panicked as you tried to think of a way to explain your injuries without actually telling the truth. Dammit! You had planned on having fixed yourself up before morning classes.
You decided to just wing it. "O-Oh! Hey, Satoru! I-uh- just got back from a jog! I fell on my way up the stairs to get back to campus, so I was just treating myself with this handy-dandy first-aid ki-"
"Did your old man do this to you?" the male asked seriously, though his tone was careful and non-threatening. He wasn't trying to press you for answers if you really didn't want to give any, but he also really hoped you’d tell him.
Your eyes widened in surprise before a pensive expression crossed your face. You stayed silent for a moment as you looked away from your best friend, and instead focused on your knee as the indigo light coming from your hand grew a bit brighter.
Gojo walked towards you and sat down near you, giving you your space but still letting you know he was there. The snowy-haired male watched in awe as the wounds on your knee began to heal under the soft glowing light that came from your palm.
After you finished healing both your legs (with Gojo watching in fascination the whole time), you finally spoke.
"....Yeah. He did." You say wearily. You sounded tired and defeated.
The teen looked up at the sound of your voice, but you kept your eyes on your work. You scooted backward until your back rested against the side of your mattress.
You then raised your other hand from the floor and it too began producing an indigo light. You started to hover your hands over each of the new injuries, going one at a time, the worse ones taking a bit longer. Satoru spoke up as you continued.
"How long has it been like this?" he asked, concern seeping into his tone.
You let out a shaky sigh as another tear falls from your eye.
"He's been like this ever since mom died. He's always making sure I'm doing everything right. He trained me everyday, and said that friends are just distractions, as are movies and television. He said that if I didn't become stronger, I'll just end up in the stomach of some curse."
You tried to take a deep breath to calm yourself. It didn't help.
"But he's.... he's never punched me before... Usually, it's just face slaps and hair-tugging. He said I deserved it for how bad I did today; For how much of an embarrassment I am to him. Said that my mother would be ashamed of me if she saw how weak I am...." you explained while slowly healing your would-be black eye. Your voice trembled as the tears started to build up again.
“Is he why you don’t really use your technique around others?” Gojo asked. You couldn’t tell what he was thinking.
You nodded. “I don’t want others to see how bad I am with my powers. I don’t want them to know I’m just...”
You stopped healing yourself and finally looked up at Gojo to meet his gaze through the dark circular shades he always wore. You looked at yourself reflected in the black glass.
All you saw was a weak little child staring back at you; a child with no skills and no use.
"I-I'm r-really weak... a-aren't I?" you smiled bitterly, tears streaming down your cheeks as your gaze moved back to the floor.
"I'm not the smartest or the strongest or the most clever. It takes so much for me to create a domain that I can b-barely sustain for more than 5 minutes. I-I'm only good with my studies b-because you and Shoko help me c-constantly. I'm always a nervous-wreck around others t-too, like some scared little m-mouse. I’m just...I'm just a weakling..." you stated, keeping your eyes trained on the floor boards.
You then heard the sorcerer-in-training step closer to you and take a seat on the bed you were leaning against. There was a long pause that followed the movement, creating an awkward atmosphere.
Finally, after what felt like an eternity, Gojo spoke up.
“You’ve never been a weakling.” he stated honestly.
You looked back at your white-haired classmate, an incredulous look on your face as tears continued to fall.
“You don’t have to lie to make me feel better, Gojo.” you said.
“Do I look like a liar to you?” the boy asked jokingly, softly nudging you with his knee.
You laughed a bit. “Yes. You look like the poster child for liars.” you replied with mirth in your voice.
Gojo let out a few laughs.
“Well, you got me there.” he responded with a chuckle that soon died. “But I’m not lying about this.”
The boy behind you lifted off the bed, removing his shades as he lowered himself into a seated position beside you.
“You are not useless. You never have been. I’ve seen you on the training grounds. I’ve seen how well you handle yourself with and without weapons. You’ve survived solo missions against grade 2 curses and-”
“Gojo, you’ve taken out curses that are grade 1, though. My dispatching a few grade 2′s is nothing compared to yo-”
The aforementioned male put a finger to your mouth, effectively stopping you.
“You shouldn’t interrupt people, (Y/n). Some might consider it rude~.” he said teasingly. You huffed but remained silent.
“As I was saying,” he continued, removing his finger from your face.
“You’ve managed to utterly crush many grade 2 curses, even outdoing me in number of curses exorcised. You’ve managed to make it through your father’s abuse and the trauma that came with that, and still become a powerful sorcerer. Hell, from what I’ve seen, you have another ability that you’ve yet to show anyone! By the way, what ability is that?” Gojo asked, his curiosity having finally caught up with him and causing him to de-rail his own speech.
You sighed as you looked at your hand, activating the indigo aura once again and hovering your hand over a bruise on your left arm. The boy next to you watched your movements with interest.
“It’s the family technique that I got from my mother. I never learned the name of it, but I know that it allows me to heal myself and others, though I don’t use it often. My father never really let me near my mother’s family, saying that he had no intentions of letting their “weakness” rub off on me. So, I never got to learn much about this power. I think he just didn’t want them to see me like this and take me away from him.” you said, a look of melancholy overtaking your features.
“My dad hates whenever he sees me using it, so I don’t do it out in the open if I can help it. I think because it reminds him of my mom, and then he’s reminded of her death.”
Gojo’s eyes remained focused on the glow emanating from your palm.
“Have you ever thought of fighting back?” he asked nonchalantly.
You turned quickly to the male next to you, a look of pure shock and terror plastered on your face.
“What?!”
The blue-eyed boy shrugged. “I’m just saying. If he were my old man, I’d punch his lights out.”
You stared at the boy beside you.
“Are you kidding? He’s a renowned sorcerer who has the respect of the whole jujutsu community, and not to mention decades of experience that I don’t have. You seriously expect me to just go up to the man and say 'I challenge you to a fight you damn bastard'? What are you thinking?!” you exclaimed.
“If you don’t want to, I’ll do it for you.” Gojo replied, expression unreadable
You chuckled. “That’s kind of you, but I can’t ask that of anyone, let alone a frien-” you began.
“I mean it, (Y/N). I don’t care if he’s the damn Messiah himself. He can’t be allowed to get away with what he’s done to you. This ends now.” Gojo stated, about to get up.
Your eyes widened at the realization that Gojo was completely serious. You reached out your hand to grab his sweatshirt sleeve, stopping him.
“Wait! Don’t! Please...” you pleaded, worry and alarm evident in your eyes.
Gojo looked back at you with a look of frustration.
“Are you seriously defending a man that just beat the hell out of you?” he asked. The words came out harsher than he’d meant them. He was about to apologize, but you spoke before he could.
“I don’t care about him, I’m worried about you! Gojo, you can’t face him. He’s got so much more experience and power. You can’t beat him! What do you think he’ll do when he finds out that someone else knows about he’s done? Do you think he’ll leave you alive to tell others?!” you shouted, scared of what would happen if Gojo went to your father. You finally had a friend that you could trust. You didn’t want that to be taken away.
Gojo simply smirked at your words. “Believe me, I won’t let myself be killed by someone like him.” he stated confidently.
You looked to the ground, letting go of the purple sleeve reluctantly.
“...he had surgery on his left knee last year. And he just recovered from his carpal tunnel.” you muttered, just loud enough for the boy to hear.
Gojo looked back at you with wide eyes before his expression softened a bit.
“Thanks for the tips. I’ll keep those in mind.” he said, a small smile gracing his lips as he knelt back down to be face-to-face with you before placing his hands on your shoulders, causing you to bring your eyes up to meet his.
“I’m gonna make sure he’s never going to hurt you again. You hear me?”
You nodded as a small flicker of hope started to grow in your chest. Maybe Gojo could really do this. He was one of the strongest people you knew and if anyone could defeat your father, it was him.
With your silent confirmation, the white-haired male stood and made his way to the door. Before exiting, he looked back one more time.
“I’ll be back in a bit!” he said, waving at you with a confident grin before walking out the door.
You waved back at the empty space, the fatigue from using your technique so much finally taking it’s toll on you. You tried to stay awake, worried for your friend, but your eyelids kept drooping and your blinks kept getting slower.
Eventually, you fell asleep right where you sat.
~Short Timeskip~
When Gojo arrived back at your room an hour and a half later, battered and bruised, he was surprised to find you off in dreamland in the same spot he’d left you in.
Gojo had defeated your father and called an ambulance for him, as he’d kind of beaten the guy bloody and knocked him unconscious. He’d also gone through the guy’s phone and found under the blocked numbers, your mother’s family.
He called the main house and told them everything. Sure it was the middle of the night, but from the sounds of their reactions they didn’t mind. Apparently, they’d suspected something had been going on for a while. They just never had proof of any wrongdoing by your father that would give them custody of you.
With your abusive father and future living situation all taken care of, Gojo decided to head back to your room to deliver the good news.
However, when he was greeted with the sight of you fast asleep with your back against the side of your mattress, he couldn’t help but smile a little. You just looked too precious.
He pulled back the blankets on your bed as quietly as possible. Then, with what strength he had left, Gojo carefully picked you up bridal style and placed you onto you bed.
However, just as he was about to leave, your hand gently reached out and grasped his sleeve.
The blue-eyed boy turned around expecting to see you awake, only to find that you were still letting out tiny snores.
He sighed before trying to pull out of your hold, only to find that your grip on his sweatshirt got tighter.
The boy could only chuckle at your unconscious behavior as he came to your side and sat on the bed. Eventually, he managed to reconfigure your positions so that he was laying next to you with his sleeve still in your grasp and the covers over both of you.
“You’re safe now.” he said as he turned to face you, his unoccupied arm coming up to stroke your hair.
In your sleep, you let out a small hum as your lips curled into a soft smile.
It wasn’t the end of your problems. You still had a long road ahead of you, but it was a good first step. And now, you had someone you could trust who would be there to lend a hand you when you needed it.
-THE END-
A/N: I’ve never written for Gojo before, so I’m super sorry if he’s OOC. I tried my best though. I’m happy that I’ve finally finished this dang thing, though I’m sorry to all my people who wanted more fluffy things, but this song never really felt like a love song to me, and I wanted to stick to the vibes of the song.
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