Got myself something :3

Mickey (+ a little bit of Landry) headcanons

For most of their life, they had little to no control. They were the type to go along with the abuse to try to make it easier on themself, seething silently and hating the helplessness they felt

Maybe Bailey used to use them for their dirty work (hacking-related stuff), either personally or for Bailey's clients. It was either that or pay rent, and Mickey was such a recluse they would have been doomed if they didn't have this option, as much as they despised it

When they fled from the orphanage, all they could bring was a duffle bag full of belongings, but it's not like they had much anyway. Anything they had to leave behind they either gave to other orphans or disposed of- there's no way they're leaving any trace of themself for Bailey to stumble across

Landry gave them a lot of their current clothes, old hand-me-downs of theirs that were collecting dust (a lot were old band shirts, mainly rock*)

* NGL most of the stuff they gave Mickey was thrifted (or stolen), but some stuff was obtained first-hand! I like to think Landry used to travel a lot before they settled down here (pshhh nahh not cause they were on the run what are you talking about-) so they got to experience a lot of things most of the unlucky schmucks in this town would never get to see

Mickey was never really given the chance to form meaningful connections with others- the ones they did have were other orphans, and as each friend(?) disappeared one by one (because they couldn't meet Bailey's demands or otherwise), they stopped trying. it hurt too much

Unfortunately for them, they formed some kind of attachment to Landry. It's complicated, though. (Parental figure? Friend? Crime version of a coworker? All of the above?) Either way, they care for Landry, and they don't know what to do with these feelings

And PC as well. I think their feelings involving you are a bit less complicated, but, ehh,,, Keyword: a bit.

Cuts their own hair, but not often at all. They mainly care about the bangs, 'cuz they can't stand it when it goes over their eyes, the rest they just put up in a ponytail once it grows long enough. They never go to a hairdresser, but they do eventually trust Landry enough to help cut it for them, but asking for help is a problem in itself.

Used to have glasses a year+ ago, but they broke, and they haven't been able to replace them since. Their eyesight isn't terrible, but it still affects their day-to-day life a lot. (Thankfully their job just requires being close to screens, anyway. So it's not too much of a problem atm)

Always wears socks, they can't stand the feeling of dirt and crumbs getting on their feet, whether at the orphanage or the pub

However, they rarely wear shoes, could be a sensory related issue. Either way, if they do wear shoes, it's mainly Crocs (or whatever knockoff brands there are), and only if they have to go outside

They're asexual + nonbinary

Can NOT sit normally, at all. Sits a lot like L from Death Note. Alternative is criss cross

Has chronic insomnia. Unsure if they've always had it or if it was in relation to trauma, the lines get too blurred, anyway.

When they do sleep, though, it's usually sorta in a closed-off position, with their arms folded against them. Also sleeps in fetal position

I'M CRINGE BUT I'M FREE.

every kid in this fandom MUST have their au phase where they make aus of this stupid skeleton, and I FINALLY got the courage to make one!!

I lied actually... I have like 6 sans/skeleton ocs... and 2 of them are self inserts... BUT ANYWAY this guy is the only one I posting publicly atm

btw this reference specifically is really old (I started drawing this in like- 2021/2022 I guess?? Idk honestly) but I never actually finished it till recently bc, yeah, I got super lazy... ironic isn’t it? I don't even draw Sanses like this anymore -_-

SUPER AMAZING AU INTRO ↓

THIS HANDSOME FELLA IS- IS- is...

...

he does not have a actual name yet...

I mean- I call him Dreamer!Sans but I'm not really sure if I'm gonna set with that yet, since I don't actually have a story/plot for him besides his purpose in the multiverse, but I do have some other ideas ;]

Dreamer!Sans is basically a protector of dreams, he protects mostly the realities of dreams (or the Dreamscapes, is what I like to call them) to make sure everyone from his au and multiverse have sweet and safe dreams.

Theres this things called Night Spawns or Nightlings who feeds from peoples nightmares and trauma while they are asleep. They oddly look like spiders... Dreamer is responsible for defeating these pests.

"But why?" you may ask.

Well... the Nightlings "power" to manifest bad dreams in your sleep can cause you depression, anxiety, paranoia, and much more, if they stay too long attached to someone, AND since they are really hungry they are trying to consume the dreamscapes of the person they are attached to. If they succeeds, one may never dream again (or woke up, in other words)

"What are Dreamscapes?"

Every time someone dreams, that person's consciousness is "transported" to this place, and each person has their own dreamscapes!! They are directly connected to people's consciousness and that is why they are so important.

SILLY BILLY SKELE INFO ↓

Hes mostly like classic Sans, very lazy, laid back/relaxed, and he enjoys puns a lot

but it's a little more extreme-

• He is always tired and cannot stay awake for more than 20 minutes without falling asleep again

• He aways looks tired/sleepy

• Sometimes he sleepwalks, he can do unbelievable things while he's asleep, from knitting and cooking to physically fighting or writing a quantum science research, all unconscious!

• For some reason sometimes he sleeps in super specific and random places, once he slept for two whole days inside Nightmare!Sans' castle and no one ever noticed... strange right? He wasn't even in a room, he slept in the kitchen storage the entire time lol

• He has been in and out of so many people's dreams that he probably knows EVERYONE, he has an incredible memory too!

• Sometimes he can't tell if he's really awake or if he's still dreaming, so he doesn't usually take things around him seriously. Which can make other people upset or annoyed that they're not being taken seriously.

• He learned to never try to find meanings in dreams that don't make the LEAST sense, and since he cannot distinguish which reality he is in because he is almost always dreaming- he will always accept anything absurd you propose to him.

You wanna make a birthday party for a giant unicorn baby? sure sounds fun.

You think Shrek is upset and needs help? yeah lets cheer him up.

Several alternate versions of him are fighting for some bizarre reason he doesn't understand?? yeah ok he can help, he don't mind.

• He snores when he's having a really deep sleep, he won't believe it if you tell him that tho

THE END!?

Well thats it! These are my ideas and thoughts about this Sans I created, I might and probably will add more things about him and his story later in other posts, can't wait to finally see his au takes more shape hehe~

also I will make another post about his magic skills and possible weapon along with more illustrations of him, so keep a eye out for more~~

heres a old doodle I made of him before finishing his ref, bye bye!! :3

ignore my old signature pls T-T

Ok, OK, OK.

Do you have any personal Unbreakable bond headcanons that you would like to share with the class today? /lh

oh DO i 👀

im assuming you mean sonic and tails, but please correct me if im wrong djsbsjjss i very well could be, im sorry if i am

sonic's a good cook, and tails is actually obsessed with his cooking. there's just something special abt his big bro's food, he can't help but get excited to eat

tails has to take mandatory 20-30min breaks from his work because sonic refuses to let tails work himself to death

tickle/pillow fights were a regular occurrence when tails was 4, and he absolutely loved them (they don't do them so often anymore cause tails thinks he's too old {baby you are literally eight hit your brother with a pillow if you want it's ok})

tails was regularly scruffed in the early days of his and sonic's friendship. he was getting to be a bit TOO much like sonic, constantly running headfirst into danger. sonic had to do what he could to keep his baby bro safe, and that meant scuffing him </3

they make burrows together and that is canon, don't listen to sega im correct

movie night at least once a week, snacks, cuddles, n whatever else they come up with

this is canon, but ive gotta mention it because it's one of my favorite things: THEY WILL LITERALLY DO ANYTHING FOR EACH OTHER !! (throwback to when sonic almost let an entire town of people get enslaved because it was them or tails & tails literally running into a cursed temple alone because sonic was trapped)

sonic sub-consciously pets tails a lot when they're chillin together (he's just so FLUFFY how could sonic not)

tails didn't sleep in a separate room until he was 7 because lil man was attached to his big bro's hip

when they were roughin it out in the wilderness, sonic had to regularly brush tails's fur because so many leaves and twigs got stuck in it

tails has a small area in his workshop that's sonic's designated chill spot for when he wants to hang with tails while he works

sonic'll play the guitar for tails every now and then, tails tries to copy the songs on his violin (avid violin player tails enjoyer <3)

they learned sign language when sonic was mute so they could communicate easier+it was useful for battle

sometimes they'll use sign, simply because they don't feel like talking or one of them goes non-verbal (gotta love when you n your bro are both nd)

tails is vry comforted by sonic's heartbeat, while sonic is comforted by tails's purrs (who wouldn't be tbf)

throughout the day, tails will give sonic a random fun fact about science, planes, or space

that's all i can think of atm, but i can def give more later on if you want :0

i love these boys sm djsbsjsn the best brothers fr

I want to talk about Athelstan's hallucinations in season 2

He's shown to suffer from them multiple times both before and after the crucifixion, and how it's never quite clear as to whether they're just a cinematic device to show his confliction and the stress he's under (and therefore only really there for the audience's sake), or if he's actually seeing these things in the world of the show way, or if these things *are* really happening in a sense (see - the Mary/angel (?) vision in 2.05; if you were Christian especially at the time it's set, that could be seen as an Actual Heavenly Visit, but it could like. also just be a hallucination because his brain is Bad)

I once heard a theory that Joan of Arc suffered from migraines (which can cause hallucinatory auras in some cases) and that her visions could actually have been a result of that - I'm not saying Athelstan necessarily has the same condition but like. As someone who gets migraines (though minus the freaky aura stuff) I know they show up when the brain is Overstimulated and Unhappy. I also know that hallucinations can occur when a brain is Overstimulated and Unhappy from a variety of causes. And Athelstan has like every cause atm.

(I'm mainly talking about yeah that one scene in the courtyard and then also the demon under the bed scene, and whatever was going on in the communion scene - those were the ones that seemed the most ambiguous to me, the others (blood on the hands, Random Encounter Jesus at the party in 2.10) I think are a result of PTSD and/or just there for the audience to know "oh shit he's still Conflicted about this stuff and religion haunts him")

Listen though in this episode Athelstan:

Was crucified literally like a week ago and is still obviously in a lot of pain

Likewise is probably not sleeping due both to physical pain and the trauma of his situation therefore sleep deprived as all hell

Also I can't imagine he's been eating well or very much

Is probably dehydrated and weak from blood loss

(This is pure speculation but I saw it in a fic once) possibly is taking/has been taking some kind of Medieval painkillers and god knows what's in those

(also pure speculation) could also potentially have/is recovering from a fever due to improper wound care/general extreme bodily stress

Just recently witnessed/participated in a stressful situation on top of all this

Is clearly fucking exhausted

This is a recipe for a Bad Bad Brain

Basically, your boy isn't experiencing some kind of religious epiphany or hanging out with actual demons in episode 5- your boy needs to go the fuck to bed

@levithestripper

@procrastinatingsoicanreadfanfics please please tell me if you want me to stop tagging you in my athelstan bullshit bc I'm gonna keep doing it otherwise i need t oScream with u

While I'm waiting on ny art tablet to charge for the milk day drawing I might as well take to time to show some cod cookie ocs I drew up starting from the lesst to most info I've made for them

Most simple one atm (her design or at least some of the colors will change), she's the best at negotiation, say some sweet lies and she'll have people in the palm of her hands. Never really drops the act so it's unknown is she's aware of her behavior or not due to that.

Relationship with others

Choco - tension he finds her untrustworthy, she takes that distrust as a challenge

Lico - positive he likes the compliments regardless, she finds how easily he melts to compliments cute

Pom - tension, some odd rivalry that neither know how to describe it's just there

Mush - positive for both she's a good babysitter and she enjoys taking care of kids

Red - tension he likes the compliments but also gets freaked out by it at the same time, she likes all the dogs he has

Lobster - never met

Earl - positive he likes that she's catches the attention of guests, she's neutral

Chess twins - mutual positive, same as mush

Enchantress - never met

Uses sleep magic to well- put people to sleep, it happens very quickly and looks exactly like someone passing out, upon waking up the person can be fine in rare instances but usually experiences stomach issues, vomiting, and other poisoning related side effects. She seems to be aware of this effect and can choose who is fine and not, although she only has specific people she likes as exceptions, she takes an enjoyment in making people fall asleep as she herself is quite a sleepy person

Relationship with others

Choco - Choco's negative since she always makes him pass out when he's in a bad mental state, Rosemary's positive and she think making him sleep is helpful since he can't be in a bad state if he's asleep, neither are aware of the others thoughts on it though. Choco's one of the exceptions

Lico - negative he finds her magic more bad than good, she's neutral and doesn't enjoy his yelling at her, he's fun when he's asleep though

Pom - neutral for both, pom appreciates her magic and the massive help is has and Rosemary's just happy to do her thing

Mush - positive for both, mush finds the sleep magic fun and rose enjoys having another odd individual around, mush would be an exception but as they're immune to poisons it doesn't even affect them in the first place.

Red - tension, the magic makes the dogs sick and he dislikes having her near because of that, rose is negative as she doesn't quite understand why he doesn't want her around and thinks he hates her

Lobster - positive for both, rose has never used her magic on them and they enjoy having conversations together

Earl - tension earl doesn't want her making guests fall asleep and get sick, she's neutral since she doesn't really care for the place regardless as it's too fancy for her taste

Chess twins - positive they play games together and she has some cool bedtime stories she tells

Enchantress - neutral for both

The main healer of the cod, despite her sweet facade she's a major sadist who enjoys messing with her patients. The cod keeps her cause despite the "accidents" she's surprisingly good at her job, no matter how much she messes with them they always leave in perfect condition. She always seems to be smiling, never once having been seen even having the slightest twitch of a frown, you'd think this would be reassuring but it just creeps everyone out. But hey! At least that means she likes her job, right?

Relationship with others

Choco - tension, he goes out of his way to avoid injuries being noticed regardless so her being the healer is just an extra reason to avoid it. Her stance is positive, she finds his avoidance cute in a 'pet hamster stands up on legs to say hi to you' kinda way, choco isn't aware of it but she actually gives him special treatment compared to everyone else and plays along with it despite always knowing that he's hiding it

Lico - Licorice hates her, pretty straight forward his quote would be "HEY! Watch where you're pointing that you could kill someone you know!". Yarrow's stance is positive, Licorice is her favorite to mess with. Her quote "aww come on, you're a necromancer can't you just bring yourself back to life after?"

Pom - they hate each other, pom doesn't let her do any funny buisness on her and yarrow hides poison in her stuff in retaliation since pom can't be sure who did it exactly

Mush - mutual positive, yarrow has a 'no kids' rule when messing around with people, she find PM fascinating and likes to use their mushrooms as expirements on the others, they're just happy someones taking the shroomies

Red - dislikes her, he's glad she doesn't mess with the dogs but he keeps finding dog food conveniently placed in his easily damaged clothes and paperwork, yarrow is positive and she pretend to not know what he's talking about

Lobster - haven't met

Earl - haven't met

Chess twins - positive for both, the kids find her antics funny and she like to have them help her in "pranks" on the others

Enchantress - neutral for both, yarrow doesn't really see enchantress and enchantress doesn't really care about yarrow's antics since she does her job regardless

Being ostracized from society a long time ago Pink Tigar simply wanted to be somewhere she was welcomed, this place just happened to be the cod in which enchantress took him in before being sealed away, he raised red velvet and took the job as the recruiter for the cod when they were low on numbers as it was easy for her to emphasize with others and her own story would be relatable. As years went by he became less involved and took up more of a fighting role. He seems to know that the cod is bad but stays as she believes no one would accept her other than them. Despite that she takes up a mother/father figure for the younger members, encouraging them to find their own path and scolding them for doing anything too bad.

Relationship with others

Choco - Choco is neutral leaning on positive, he sees her like a parent he never had while also being hesitant because of that, his quote would be "I don't need your pity". Pink is positive wanting to give Choco the encouragement he needs to leave whilst wishing he could do more to help Choco at the same time, her quote would be "once you find somewhere you're welcomed, please remember me"

Lico - Licorice is tension, he's hates being scolded by pink and sees her like an annoying parent, his quote would be "GAH! What's with all that holier than though attitude! I'm not a baby!". Pink is also tension, wanting Licorice to do better and not appreciating the rebellious attitude, his quote "If you want to be taken more seriously you have to act more mature first"

Pom - mutual tension, they disagree with each others beliefs and avoid the other

Mush - positive their quote "always accepts my shroomies!". Pink's is protective his quote "This is no place for a child, please stay safe"

Red - velvet sees him like a parent, having raised him after enchantress was sealed away, Pink sees Red like his son and checks in on him multiple times a day

Lobster - idk

Earl - Earl tension, he thinks he scares away guests, Pink neutral, just wants to make sure the twins are being taken care of properly

Chess twins - the twins are positive they enjoy playing games with her and asking all sorts of questions, Pink is similar to mush's and simply wants them to have a safe and happy childhood

Enchantress - enchantress is neutral tword positive, her only issue is pink's neutrality to the enemy, Pink's positive as she was the first person to accept her

Villareal Household: Chapter 4, Part 6

Luna has figured out why she's having trouble bonding with her sons. Luckily she has a wonderful wife whose constantly cheerful attitude can brighten the day. Her sons have definitely inherited Devin's drama skills.

TW Deals with postpartum depression

In this part Devin and Luna work on not putting too much on Luna's plate, too bad the twins can't understand the assignment. The boys are dramatic (they're teething who can blame them) and Devin completes her first movie gig as the star actress.

p.s. If you're wondering wtf some of the words they say are, and like google translate like I do, Devin is Italian, Luna is German, and the infants only speak garble atm

Postpartum depression. The reason Luna has been feeling like an inadequate mother, had trouble bonding with her sons and gets easily upset when the boys get over emotional. No depression is solved overnight but knowing what is affecting her will help her and her family cope with the speedbump.

Rilian: ba nu do

Alfred: *snores*

Rilian is awake first and annoyed Alfred is still sleeping. He spots the bigfoot toy and has a sulk about not reaching it.

Devin: Buongiorno caro

Rilian: ga la doo

Devin: Are you babbling? Well done Rilian

Scooping him up Devin begins feeding him while Alfred wakes

Alfred: *wails*

Luna: This is so dirty

Devin: When you finish do you want to feed Alfred

Luna: I don't know...

Alfred: *wails*

Devin: It might help to know you can soothe him

Luna: What if I make it worse

Devin: Trust me, you won't, he's already shrieking, can't get much worse

Luna: Okay then, milk

Luna: Good morning schnuki

Devin: You got it Lu

Luna: Are you hungry? Do you want some milk? I made this myself, I promise

Alfred: *guzzles*

Luna: He's actually drinking my milk

Devin: Magical right? Okay Riian let's-

Rilian: *spits up*

Devin: Oh dear watcher, please let that not be in my hair

Devin: Let's change this

Rilian: *cries*

Devin: Oh piccolo, that can't have been fun to get out

Luna: What do I do now

Devin: Over the shoulder and burp

Luna: Come on Alfred, lets get some air out

Alfred: *spits up*

Devin: At least your hair is tied back

Luna: Tell me where the wipes are please

Devin: Who's all ready for tasting time

Rilian: Ga boo mi

Devin: Want to swap and I'll do that diaper

Luna: No I should try

Devin: Amore mio, Rome wasn't born in a day

Luna: I know but how bad can-

Alfred: *pees everywhere*

Luna: Disgusting

Devin: Try think of it as, he's marking you as his

Luna: 🙄

Devin: Let's start on tasting while mummy and Alfred get cleaned up

Rilian: Ta loo bu

Devin: You weren't sure about the banana slices so let's try them again. I know you're cautious caro but we need to be brave

Rilian: ca bo na boo *scoffs*

Devin: It looks like you love them! Well done being brave

Luna: Finally done

Devin: Good job Lu

Luna: How's Rilian

Devin: It seems he loves banana

Luna: Good

Devin: Did everything go okay

Luna: We're clean and Alfred is in his day outfit. We did pick pretty cute hats huh

Devin: You bet we did! They're so adorable!

Luna: Did I hear Rilian babble

Devin: Yes

Luna: They're so big already

Devin: Their hair is definitely getting fuller under their hats

Luna: Alfred, schnucki, can you try banana again for mummy

Alfred: *nibbles*

Devin: Come on caro

Rilian: Ga la du

Alfred: *smiles and scoffs*

Luna: Looks as if he likes banana too

Alfred: *giggles*

Devin: Where's mama

Rilian: ka goo

Devin: Here I am

Rilian: *WAILS*

Devin: Oh duck I broke him

Alfred: *WAILS*

Devin: Did he just... cry in solidarity??? Hey Lu, at least you didn't cause both of them to cry hysterically

Luna: Shush darlings, shush now

Devin: Mama won't do that again Rilian, promise

Alfred: *plays with food*

Devin: Thank the watcher he's settled

Luna: That crying because Rilian did... that was creepy

Rilian: *wails*

Luna: I didn't mean you were creepy

Devin: Calm down piccolo mio, you're okay

Rilian: *sniffles*

Luna: Mummy is sorry. Mummy loves you

Rilian: *smiles* ha la doo

Luna has a lecture she needs to prepare for so makes use of the hallway mirror. Meanwhile Devin puts both boys down in the lounge. They get themselves sleeping and she watches over their naps while knitting. Knitting helps focus her before heading to set.

Social media updates, check. Hair and make up, check. Costume, check. Practice lines till she's feeling confident AF, check. Devin is on set for Melodies of the City. It's her first movie gig and we're pretty excited about it. If she gets gold that will be her lifetime aspiration complete.

Devin: You're Levi right

Levi: In the flesh

Devin: I'm-

Levi: I know who you are, who do you think hired you

Devin: I just want to thank you so much for this opportunity

Levi: You've earned this. Your death in Residency of the Heart left me in tears

Devin: Really?

Levi: One of the best guest stars

Devin: That's so kind of you to say

Levi: I'm excited to have you on this

Pearl: Enough chatter, we have a schedule

Devin: Right, I'll just go eat then

Heading to the food Devin takes a moment to call and check in on Luna. It's a little hard to hear her over the noise on set but she sounds okay

Emily: What the-

Devin: I went to the toilet and when I went to put my costume back on it changed to this

Emily: Watcher help us

Devin: Oh gosh did I miss anything

Levi: You're right on time, we're about to start

Pearl: Places everyone!

Levi: You all have the skills... let's commit them to film!

It is raining inside and Devin is freaked out about what it will do to her hair, until she remembers she's in a wig. She tries to ignore the water and launches into the first dance sequence, tiktok eat your heart out! She has a few scenes with her first costar, launching herself fully in to the hug.

Next up, her first solo song. Despite her initial trouble finding the rhythm, she manages to keep on beat for the sequence.

Connor: Nice job

Devin: Aww schucks

Connor: They've made me blonde again

Devin: I saw, what's wrong with the brunette

Connor: Not leading man style I guess

Devin: Unbelieveable

After her first lot of scenes with Connor, Devin has another dance sequence to complete. It's a good thing she's confident as all eyes on set are on her! She follows the music, nails her moves, and throws in a few extra to be fancy. Dance achieved!

Connor: Ready to flirt up a storm

Devin: Born ready

ACTION

Devin and Connor begin the scene, infusing their characters with romance and chemistry. When it came to the kiss Devin took the lead, something she and Connor had decided would work earlier. From the claps in the studio, they were right.

Levi: That's a wrap everyone!

Devin: Must not forget the selfie

Connor: *sighs*

Devin: Cheer up. You were good in that

Connor: Why wont they let me be my natural colour

Devin: One day mate, now get in the frame

Connor: The lights are off

Devin: Who cares, we're documenting this achievement

The day is done and the results are in. Devin scores gold for her acting in this film. She has achieved her Master Actress aspiration!

Devin: Lu I did it

Luna: I knew you could

Devin: I just have to get out of costume then I'll be home

Luna: We can't wait to see you, can we *distant infant noises*

Following dinner it's more tasting time for the boys. Rilian likes carrot and Alfred loves it! Then I commit the worst crime, I feed them applesauce. They dislike it, I am an abomination! How did these boys get Devin's drama already? After the utter betrayal it's cuddles and time for bed.

Luna: Night night darlings

Devin: Time for sleep for you two and your floppy hair

Luna: Your ma came over

Devin: She did

Luna: She took the boys to the park while I studied, it was nice

Devin: That's good

Luna: Did you mention my-

Devin: I didn't, I wasn't sure if you wanted me to

Luna: Joey did😅

Previous Part ... Next Part

Popping in for a quick question for everyone with Ehlers-Danlos:

What meds do you take and what actually helps?

Please be detailed and literally name-drop those medications (if you feel comfortable) as “a muscle relaxant” or “something for joint pains,” at this point, makes me want to cry since nobody gives me answers.

↓Rant beneath cut↓

CW: Medication, Overdosing, Definitely taking too many pills out of desperation, Flare-ups

I have been on number seven since I got diagnosed and nothing helps. Seriously, I spent so long to have the pain I was raw dogging validates and now they give me medication after medication that isn't working/strong enough.

I even overdose cause I experience so much pain that all I can think of is that maybe if I take more, it will finally help.

Atm I know that at about 800mg ibuprofen, stuff is starting to work (mid-level pain is almost gone/numb, but I still feel it hurt), so I suspect if I pop another 400mg pill, it should work even better, but, let's be honest, I shouldn't eat them like M&M’s since I am meant to take one every few hours and a maximum of three a day—and the time they last is “eh” as well.

I usually took 4 Paracetamol pills at once before getting diagnosed, so 1600mg with two aspirin as a chaser, and they would do what 800mg ibuprofen does now. Still, all of it only ever works for a short time, like a maximum of 3-4 hours before I'm back at the pain I was before.

So, I don't know how to end this, but I do not want to take pills like they're candy and feel sick from overdosing, and I want medication that actually helps. I already heard somebody say I should just tough it out, and that nearly put me in jail.

I have days where I just lay in bed cause existence is pain, I have nights where I can't sleep, I am sick of being sick from too many meds that don't even work, and to be honest, I am sick of crying cause I feel helpless.

I am at a point where I actually had my best friend having to tell me multiple times that the average amount of pain a person should feel every day is 0, and me calling it BS. Because yes, I am starting to believe that it is normal to always be on a 3-4 on the pain scale after medication and on a good day. I don't even remember a day in the last few years where nothing hurt.

I looked online, and I always only find wish-washy answers that don't help me, so literally seeing what others take/see how others manage the pain, and checking with my doctor if that would be an option for me would be a serious help.

you’ve been pushing for a while now. You poor thing, the babies have calmed down but you’re so horny. I can see the juices spilling from you and leaking onto my fingers. You’re getting too weak and need a realese. There’s only so long you could push for an your reaching your limit.

I get an idea, I gently put the cloth back into the rather cold water. Then gently place it on your clit. This makes you jerk and gasp. Asking if this is alright, you moan out a strangled yes. The cold on you heat filled parts is a relief. Taking it off I blow onto it. Making your clit be exposed to the cool air. Getting desperate you start pushing again, my fingers still in your hole you’re still provided with a sense of relief. Toying with your sensitive clit while stretching and pumping you is enough to make your hormonal self cum.

Slowly bringing you down, I realise it’s time for your massage. oh my darling, let’s get you settled. I know, you’ve had such a big day. You did so well pushing. Let’s give your body a rest, you deserve it. Okay, I’m gonna start with your feet then work myself up okay? Oh baby, you’re feet are so swollen, I know this happens easily with multiples but you’re on your feet far too much. Do you wanna try bedrest soon? I’ll stop talking about it now, you just close your eyes and let me take care of you. Gently digging my fingers into your calves I slowly work out all of the knots. You’ve worked so hard housing our little babies you need to be pampered. With your eyes shut itd be assumed your sleeping, except I can tell you’re awake by the little gasps of relief. Working up to your bump I gently apply pressure from your naval to hip bone, while applying your lotion evenly. Then spending extra time on rubbing your belly. I know you love it. Moving up to your shoulders I once again work out the knots. And then rub your forehead to hopefully rid you of your pregnancy induced headaches. then to your back, i gently move you- which is no easy task due to how large you’re getting- so I have access to your back. Then start working on it. This elicits another gasp from you, as your poor back has been aching from the sheer weight and strain cause by our offsprings. Then gently covering you with a blanket, I go off to rest holding what I can of your gigantic bump. Hopefully you’ll get some rest too.

lmk how you feel about certain kinks, scenarios or whatever or anything to avoid (or if you’re really into something atm.). I didn’t really notice much when I was reading. Just lmk what you like best and I’ll try and work that in! that’s if you want me to continue to write to you (no pressure. It’s your blog. Your choice.)

Omfg the noise that I make when you make me cum as I'm pushing on your fingers........holy fucking FUCK! My hips buck a little before trembling hard as I hit that release, letting out a wild gasp as I squirt all over your hand. Omg. Omg. I can't believe I just came that hard while practicing pushing.

I also can't believe just how much I want to do it again sometime before the babies come.

Shivering, not from cold but from the overwhelming relief, I relax completely at your touch, panting very softly as my ragged breathing returns to normal. I let out a tiny sound as I feel you trying to work through the swelling in my feet, giving just the smallest of nods as I realize I probably should try to keep off of them from now on. The babies are just too close to being born now. I dazedly murmur out a promise to keep off of my feet, getting lost so quickly to your deep massage. By the time you're curling up with me, cuddling my belly, I'm so relaxed that I'm barely able to stay awake. I do though, just to press a very grateful kiss to your cheek, sleepily mumbling out a chorus of praise and thank yous for always being so good to me and our little ones. I'm really, really, really excited to give birth to them and I'm so glad that they're due to come out soon. I want to be such a good birthing boy for you and give you so many babies. 💋

[Omg you are absolutely fantastic and I just want to thank you so freaking much for reaching out to me!!! I love absolutely EVERYTHING you've done so far, and you are always welcome to keep sending as many messages as you'd like! I think I'm pretty flexible with my kinks, the only ones that really don't do it for me are things like bathroom bodily fluids and abusive non-con! Anything else is pretty much fair game, with my absolute favorites being the things you did...pushing (bonus points if you have something inside me like your fingers or a cock/strap on/toy inside me), belly rubs, multiple babies in my belly, and sex while pregnant! Like I said though I'm really pretty open to most things, so if there's anything you really wanna do, just let me know and I'd be glad to work it in if you feel up to it!!! Thank you so much again, Anon! I really hope you enjoyed this as much as I did. 💋 ]

Journal is packed away but I need brain clarity.

I think I am sitting pretty between panic and disassociation, so here's me whinging about the chaos to get it of my brain because I cannot find my journal atm.

So! RV's got hiccups. Some of this I expected. My range of solutions and subsequent picking of more mechanically minded individuals brains has netted me bumpkis atm. (Pretty sure there's an electrical issue. Alternator is my guess.) My tools are limited. My funds are limited at this precise moment. (And I have to make sure I'm careful about keeping gas money available so I can work.)

And I haven't been able to really get in there and so any work sealing up holes, because current elevation and lack of a ladder prevents me from monkeying all over it. Still missing two massive windows, rendering it unsafe to use for sleeping atm. And I cannot move it to work on it. I did run some primer on the inside and treated some of the wood pieces (I think I can get by on 1-2 small spackle cans here, the damage there is minor.)

Packing is slow and overwhelming. I think its emotional, but I'll bear it in mind next time I have to go see the doctor. Considering how much my other siblings are getting fascinating diagnosis's recently, there's a chance I too may be not as balanced as I could be with medication or some other accommodation.

Right now however, it's like pulling teeth. And I'm physically exhausted. Pretty sure I've managed to remember all the meals I need to eat. Have more going now because I felt hungry, so I'm trusting that. Also good way to get rid of perishables.

Technically I should be out tomorrow. IDK how the hell that's gonna look. There is still so. much. stuff. And only the van to put what I'm keeping into it.

This place needs to be cleaned too. I'm not sure I can let myself be petty enough to leave it as this guy's problem, even if he is a shit landlord.

I also think I might be getting sick. I'm hoping that this fatigue and that feeling in the back of my throat are all just from stress and allergies. I can't afford to get sick. (I'm an American, duh.)

The really crappy part is I might have to ask to stay at someone's for a while. With my cat...

I do not want to do that. Logically I know that even with it being a temporary thing, it's a big ask. And my friends have said that's a better alternative to me sleeping out of my car...I just feel incredibly frustrated and ashamed to have to reach out.

I've reviewed everything I know about what's happened, and aside from some minor tweaks, I don't think I could've avoided this outcome though...

The mental health had to be addressed. The meds were from my doctor. The side effects weren't caused by anything I did. And I physically could not keep up. My job hunt was long and difficult. I interviewed for the same position at the same store 3 times! And they're still "hiring.". (How???? The place was always packed with eager applicants too.) I wasn't being picky, I just picked whatever I could do that would cover my rent. Not enough.

I had 6 months put back for emergencies like this. It wasn't enough.

I partially paid the landlord and kept him in the loop. (Something he didn't do for me, I might add.)

And then when I looked into what to do once he gave me my two weeks, I lucked into the RV deal. Because rent's too high or with unknown roommates. (Bonus points for them being college guys. I'm don't want to room with guys I don't know. Did ask 1 person I knew, but we couldn't make that happen.)

All in all? It all makes sense. It all sucks. And at most I could've...applied more than just 10 apps per day? That's it, I think...

Yet I still feel guilty, like I didn't do enough, because that's how I was taught you're supposed to think of people. If you can't see them burning themselves out first, then they clearly aren't trying, and are probably just mooches and manipulators. (Ironically, I can't hold this opinion of others, but I sure as hell apply it to myself.)

Even though a few steps here and there might've forestalled worse consequences. (I guess I could've asked for help to pay rent until I found a job, but...I hate that. Intensely.)

So I'm starting to fizzle a bit and I'm going to have to ask, and I hate that. So I'm mad with my situation. Frustrated that I'm not an island and the cool self-sufficient adult I've heard about in grown-ups myths. Mostly I just feel like a very sad houseplant. IDK....

Alright, so I wanna get this out there before I watch episode 6. Diana and Tommy in ep5. yes. yikes.

I said before I was really hoping they wouldn't fuck and that I'd be very annoyed if they did, mostly because I was picturing a kind of Jessie Eden situation happening. And then they did fuck in episode 5, and it just wasn't anything like that.

Diana fucked him and he just had to take it and do it, and it's never felt so wrong and awful, to see Tommy do something he doesn't want to do for his plans. The sickening feeling was so well captured with the acting and the music and Tommy's immediate kinda breakdown reaction afterwards; it's no coincidence it happens right after they have sex.

With Jessie it was so purely transactional from both sides. It's clear she's just doing it "for the cause" and not even gladly doing it, like Tatiana who partly has fun toying with Tommy at times, but not Jessie. it took her realizing that's what it would take partly if she wanted Tommy on her side. And meanwhile Tommy is there mostly to snitch on the communists, playing seducer to gain her trust and he thinks that he can do it via sleeping with her, that it'll add another layer of trust between them in her mind? So they're basically playing each other, and then Tommy just ditches her when he's elected and marries Lizzie, but their alliance does go on as if nothing happened. So them sleeping together feels completely pointless and that's why it annoys me. (unless you consider that maybe Tommy actually wants her a bit because she represents everything he 'used to believe in' and also kind of reminds him of Greta? anwyay that'd have to be its own analysis post).

But with Diana. With Diana the whole situation is absolutely sickening. To us, and to Tommy. Diana fucks him because she 'mostly does what she wants' and if she wants and can then she does. It's the same amount of power Mosley has and wielded so blatantly on s5 and that made him so terrifying, the forbidding is forbidden for us (that could never really truly apply to Tommy no matter how much money and power he gains), and the whole "this isn't about some little transaction between us, it's about the bigger picture and changing the world and facism and trust" shit.

What is the most terrifying thing about certain antagonists in peaky imo, like Campbell at times, or Father Hughes, and Mosley and now Diana, is how they toy around with Tommy. How they could get him into situations where they had the upper hand and Tommy had to do exactly as they said because there was no choice. Basically everything with Hughes, many little instances with Mosley, like when Mosley tells Tommy the Scottish gang dude had asked for Tommy's betting places and that Mosley had given them to him and Tommy goes to make it transactional, says "In exchange of what?" and it's in exchange of nothing. Because these are just minor things in face of their alliance and changing the world. And Tommy just has to sit there and allow it, and it's fucking painful to watch.

With Diana it's the same. There's no choice, no "Tommy wanted it" or "Tommy perused her" or even the ever reliable "Tommy is getting something out of it as a mean to his own ends". She brushes off his requests and says that this isn't about charitable houses, it's about changing the world, and a deeper kind of trust. That once again he needs to prove himself, that it's more difficult to lie with your body than with your words (and this echoes to when Mosley asked him to do the Hitler salute, to "prove it physically"). It's having sex with the representation of everything he despises and is repulsed by and is fighting against atm, and he can't even pass it off as completely transactional in his mind (though I'm sure he tries; it is, after all, all in the sake of bringing down facism).

The "Everyone's a whore, Grace. We just sell different parts of ourselves." has never felt more poignant and literal. There's been plenty of things Tommy's done to meet his own goals that he inherently didn't "want" to do, for sure, but this feels like a special kind of rock bottom (and the way he proceeds to immediately have a meltdown-ish in the boat afterwards...) .

Anyway, rant over. This was a very well done scene and I'm enjoying (and hating) Diana as a character a lot more than I expected. I can't wait to do a rewatch already.

hello!! i was wondering if i could have a genshin impact matchup? if not thats totally fine!! i hope you have a great day ahead!! :3 𝐈. 𝑨𝑷𝑷𝑬𝑨𝑹𝑨𝑵𝑪𝑬 + 𝑰𝑴𝑷𝑶𝑹𝑻𝑨𝑵𝑻 𝑺𝑻𝑼𝑭𝑭 (APPEARANCE + IMPORTANT STUFF) my name is sam!! i dont mind any pronouns but i prefer they/them a lot more! im pansexual (but have a strong leaning towards women but also men and sgshshahshhwhd everyones so hot)

im very fidgety and use a lot of hand gestures. with how much i play with my hair you'd think it wasnt tangled (spoiler alert: it is lol) , i also bite my nails a lot

𝐈𝐈. 𝑷𝑬𝑹𝑺𝑶𝑵𝑨𝑳𝑰𝑻𝒀 (PERSONALITY) im an intp-t and ambiverted!! my personality overall is sarcastic, funny (or at least i try to be-) , chaotic, talkative, moody, and i have a bit of anger issues, and some people describe me as a pushover :(

i have mood swings very frequently and im very very stubborn

i usually burst into song or have random bursts of energy at the worst times, and have a horrible sleep schedule

i also get distracted easily, have trouble remembering things, and have trouble with deadlines lmao

due to my horrible memory, i usually miss meals or forget important things like my laundry or cleaning my room. i always say ill make a list to check every morning, but i dont. (also a funny way i like to describe my horrible memory is that every time i wake up its like the morning after getting dr3n1k cause the night before is a total blur) i like a lot of things! but mainly drawing, flowers, watching movies, making jokes (theyre more sarcastic or sexual in a way- kind of like kenny mccormick or chandler bing-) , doing my eyeliner , games, skittles, dying and cutting my hair, styling outfits, painting, and talking with my friends!! i also like telling stories and making little songs in my free time!! i like greek mythology, making theories, and psychology! my hobbies are gaming, art (in general), making little theories, and singing! i would add dancing but im not very good at that lol 𝐈𝐈𝐈. 𝑳𝑶𝑽𝑬 𝑹𝑬𝑳𝑨𝑻𝑬𝑫 (love related) my primary love languages are words of affirmation and acts of service! 𝐈𝐕. 𝑺𝑪𝑯𝑶𝑶𝑳 𝑹𝑬𝑳𝑨𝑻𝑬𝑫 (school related) i try my best to get good grades in school, but i usually get a C or a B, maths and AP (araling panlipunan, its to learn filipino history) are the ones where i fail the most 𝐕. 𝑯𝑬𝑨𝑳𝑻𝑯 (HEALTH) i have a hard time taking care of myself and pass out a lot from lack of iron in my body (which i joke about a lot)

to add to this ^^ i also joke about bad things that happen to me which nobody laughs at except me if you need anything else pls lmk or dm me!!

also, im very sorry that was so long, i tried deleting some things that didnt seem very important. pls take your time with this!! you can ignore this or delete it if youre uncomfy with my request, thats totally fine with me!! :)

CELESTIA HAS SPOKEN, AND THE ONE CHOSEN FOR YOU IS...

GANYU [ISFJ]!!

ISFJ x INTP is one of my favorite MBTI pairings, so i hope this was a good match!

Ganyu is naturally more of a listener than a talker, so she'll be glad to listen to whatever is on your mind atm!!

She's VERY shy around you like "omg they're so pretty??" and she starts shutting down bc she's so attracted to you??

She's much gentler and passive than you, so you two contrast well imo <33 however, she is also very stubborn (at least, when it comes to work that is)

I'd hc her to also have a shitty sleep schedule due to overworking, so she can't help you much there :( she does try though! she offers that you two sleep together to ensure a better sleep schedule :))

Although she does skip or forget about meals, she does her best to remind you to eat once and a while (hypocrite [affectionate])! she helps you make a check list for things you might need to do, with reminders here and there

I'd think that she loves drawing as a hobby! She may not be that good, but she tries and that's all that matters <33 she would love to draw with you!

she also really likes flowers (despite her loving to eat qingxin flowers)! her dream is to have a garden that doesn't carry the burdens of work

OH and her face gets so red when you give her words of affirmation! despite it being one of her main love languages, she still can't help but get so flustered!

compliment and comfort her about her body and she'll love you forever <33 she isn't the biggest fan of herself, so she'd really appreciate it if you were to comfort her when she gets to her worst

she's very giving! maybe a little too much, but she'll be glad to help you with things to show her love!

she's also pretty bad at taking care of herself, but maybe you two can help each other when needed!

cocogoat gf is the best i love her <33

Precolonial HWS SEA Rant Post, feel free to ignore

If you're still reading, then you're probably looking for evidence or some juicy tidbits to throw back at me or to try and find dirt to cancel me, like typical Tumblr/Twitter. Go ahead, I don't really care.

First off, let me just say that If you like Precolonial South-East Asia AUs, feel free to keep enjoying them. I will respectfully support your passions from afar. This post is just to explain why I don't like it, especially the way they keep insisting/portraying PH in it.

Still here? Then let me begin.

Since the recent confirmation that the ASEAN Six Majors (Can't really say ASEAN 10 atm since it's still missing some people) Were completed and the Ma-Phil-Indo Trio was included, there has been a large surge in 'Precolonial' fanarts and portrayals of South East Asians, those three especially.

Even long, long before, circa 2010's ish, a rather well-known fan universe known as 'Maaf' dealt with their story and how their Author thought their intertwined histories went. Written by (my best guesstimate) an Indonesian writer who wants to explore the old, SEA bond.

When I first stumbled across Maaf (I was in Highschool at the time, around age 16-ish), I took a casual interest in it and tried to read it through. But, I will wholeheartedly admit that at the time, Pre-Colonial cultures of South-East Asia in general, let alone Philippine, did not really interest me that much. The focus (I think) was mostly on Indonesia, a country I didn't really know back then, and the liberal use of 'ancient' names and artwork just made it feel like an entirely Original Work (that needed a degree in History to really appreciate) and not something from Hetalia. I also completely disagreed with what I could gather was the story's portrayal of PH but I'm getting ahead of myself.

Do I hate 'Maaf'? No, I don't hate it. Do I wish I never came across it or that it didn't exist? Of course not. Just because I didn't enjoy it or appreciate it that well doesn't mean I wish any ill toward it, its fans, or its creator.

Fast forward to April 2021, the long awaited inclusion of South East Asia to the canon Hetalia verse. I was happy, the other fans were happy, all was good.

Then started the questionable fanarts, fan theories and fan pairings.

Especially the expansion of Precolonial! PH.

Let's go back to Maaf for one moment. From what I understood of Maaf, PH there was a character who once was like all the other South East Asian cultures, trading with them, all around being a nice family.

But all that changed when the Spaniards attacked, so cry the precolonial buffs. They destroyed everything, ransacked and marginalized the tribes, erased everything that PH was!

Did that happen? ABSOLUTELY. The Spaniards had this vision in mind that they must spread Christianity to all of the 'savage, unchristian heathens' of their realm. :V /s

But back up a second, back to PH's portrayal in Maaf. The way she (yeah, she) was portrayed there was that she was slowly losing her memories of being a 'true' South East Asian and grew more and more westernized in the process, like some sort of Culture-specific Alzheimer's or something.

Firstly, that is seriously depressing, and secondly, I just really don't see that happening.

Here's why.

Point 1: Even before Colonial Masters, Filipinos as a people cannot agree on anything.

I'll just begin this segment with a Philippine proverb that outlines what Filipinos call 'Crab Mentality' or 'Crab Bucket Mentality'.

"You don't need a lid for a container when you're keeping multiple crabs. If you keep at least two crabs together, they will just pull each other down instead of helping each other up."

I don't know how it goes with Indonesian or Malaysian history class, but what I know of my homeland, both pre- and post-colonial history, we were never really 'united' or 'together' in the sense that Indonesia and Malaysia were (from what I assume).

Let me pull up a somewhat related question on r/AskHistorians.

The reason I brought this up as it shows the reasons why, in my opinion, a single entity that is 'Precolonial Philippines-tan' is an impossibility.

The answers are long and would extend this already long post to stupid proportions, so I'll just quote relevant sentences. The link is here for those that wanna deep-dive into the answer.

"All this to say that there wasn't a name used for the entire Philippine islands before the Philippines that people now would agree to. An interesting comparison would be the Holy Roman Empire, which might also be characterized as disparate politico-geographic groups of relatively small size that had a history of relations between each other, but one thing they had that the Philippines did not was a common language, or at least a family of mostly mutually intelligible languages, so that the name Deutschland or Germany isn't terribly offensive to anyone. If you called the Philippines the 'Lupang-Tagalog' or even 'Lupang-Tao' the other ethnic groups would protest."

For those in need of translation, 'Lupang Tagalog' means 'Land of the Tagalogs' and 'Lupang Tao' means 'Land of People', specifically. The first one is already exclusive and offensive, as the Tagalog peoples are but one of many ethnicities here.

And for the 'Lupang Tagalog' suggestion specifically, it's even more offensive as they are the majority ethnicity (not by much, just around 28%) From this chart from Geography Now! It would basically be alienating everyone else in the 72% remainder that isn't 'Tagalog'.

And even 'Lupang Tao', the most generic name in a local language you can think of, would be met with contempt because the name itself is in the Tagalog language.

Just travelling between two individual island groups today would sometimes require a translator because the words can change very rapidly and very drastically. Here's a sample of some differences coming from a friend living in Visayas (in Red) vs. the words I know living in Luzon (In blue).

Ate vs. Manang = Older Sister

Ibon vs. Pispis = Bird

Tumawa vs. Kadlaw = To laugh

Takot vs. Hadlok = Fear

Kain vs. Kaon = To eat

Ngayon vs. Subong = Now, at this point in time

Iyak vs. Hibi/Gibi = to cry

Talampakan vs. Tiil = Foot (in Tagalog, the word retains its 'body part AND unit of measurement' meaning)

Tulog vs. Tuyo = to sleep (Tuyo in Tagalog is either a dried salted fish or 'to dry')

The kicker is that just like Tagalog is just one of many languages here, so too is the language my friend speaks. Ask an entirely new person, like someone from Mindanao, they'll probably have an entirely new set of words.

It's not just Luzon vs. Visayas vs. Mindanao, either. Here's a map listing some of the ethnic groups here.

Even the way they're written differs from location to location.

While we're on the subject of Island divisions, a casual skim across Twitter and Tumblr has shown that their Precolonial PH has been one of the following ancient civilizations: Tondo, Butuan, Sugbu, Namayan. There may have been others but that was what I have found.

Notice how even today, the posters of Precolonial PH can't seem to agree on what he's supposed to be? With Indonesia it's either Majapahit or Srivijaya and Malaysia it's usually Malacca iirc.

What is the big deal? Well, let's go back to the Ask Historians post. "Why didn't the Philippines ever change its name to remove the colonial mark that being named after a Spanish King has?" The answer: "If you suggested something dating to precolonial times, the other ethnic groups would protest."

Since we're on a roll with maps, let me bring this up.

As you can see, the precolonial PH posts have a reason to not be able to agree on one thing, as there is a LOT of options. Do you also see how THAT list is also split up?

It's split up into those aligned with China (Sinified), aligned with India (Indianized), aligned with the Middle East (Islamicized), and no alignment (Animist). Now, let's go back to the main suggestions for which Kingdom/Polity/Civilization/whatever Modern Philippines used to be.

If the Filipino peoples' couldn't agree on something as simple as WHAT TO CALL THE LAND THEY'RE LIVING ON, what more a living, breathing, walking, talking entity that is supposed to be a beacon of all of their 'unified' culture? ESPECIALLY if that entity used to be a currently existing Kingdom/Polity/Rajahnate/Sultanate/whatever.

Tondo? "Of course, always the damn Tagalogs. Tagalog this, Tagalog that. First the capital city, then the language,* THE REST OF US EXIST, YOU KNOW! What about us in Visayas? Mindanao?"

*The national language known as 'Filipino' is just standardized Tagalog*

Butuan? "Wait, you want Butuan to represent us? They're they only Indian-aligned city in the Islam-majority Mindanao! They're not even that many of them! I'm not gonna change my religion!"

Sugbu, the other name for the Rajahnate of Cebu on the map? Lemme bring back my Visayan friend again. According to her, she hails from the Hiligaynon part of Visayas.

"Sure :v and the other islands are what?

Chopped liver?

Not to mention the language and writing barrier helloooo"

And Namayan? Well. I'll let this pic speak for itself.

To summarize, no matter who you pick as Modern PH's previous identity, it will not end well nor be accepted by the other Kingdoms at the time.

"So where does that leave Modern PH, he had to have been ONE of them, right?"

Well, not really. He doesn't HAVE to be one of the Ancient Kingdoms that lasted till the modern day. I mean, predecessor representatives exist in Hetalia canon, after all. Like Modern Greece is a different character from Ancient Greece, Ancient Egypt and Modern Egypt, heck even England and his brothers have a canon mother that was the rep before them.

Or you could even use the same logic that Germany does, in that each specific region has/had its own representative and that Modern!PH is just the 'mediator' between them (cause gawd does PH need one). There could be a Tondo, a Namayan, a Butuan, and a Sugbu, all arguing and this Proto-PH is just trying to make headway in making them all satisfied.

But, even after all this, there is another reason why I personally don't subscribe to the 'Precolonial PH' idea, and by tangential extension, the Indo x Phil pairing.

Point 2: Even without intending to, Precolonial Indo x Phil just comes off as patronizing

This second point is just ENTIRELY personal preference and barely has any facts to back it up.

Again, if you like the pairing and disagree with me, You do you. I will respectfully support you and your passions from a distance.

But for me, Indo being Phil's seme/bae/boyfriend and consistently bringing up precolonial times just comes off as patronizing.

Just one more time, I'd like to point out that I am NOT bashing Indonesia, its people or the subscribers of Indo x Phil. This is just how the pairing feels to ME specifically.

The way I see it, Indo x Phil as a pairing, especially if it extends back into precolonial times, reads the same way as a long-since married couple where the husband/wife CONSTANTLY brings up that ONE outing you had together, or that ONE prom night where you kissed while dancing, even it happened like 30 some-odd years ago and so much more happened since then.

Even in a platonic sense, It reads like two besties where one ALWAYS mentions stuff like 'Yeah but you looked so much cooler back in High School' or 'Back in Grade School you would've known that', or 'Remember back in Pre-school we did X? How could you forget that?'

How does one respond to the notion that no matter what you do now, it will never compare to a past you've already forgotten or barely remember? That the best version of 'you' is already long gone?

"That's because the westerners made you forget your culture! You gotta take it back!"

While it is true, yes, as a collective we barely remember the Kingdom that commissioned the Laguna Copperplate, or created the Banaue Rice Terraces, or created the millennia old bonds that we still share with Indonesia and Malaysia.

But to keep pushing the precolonial identity would be to neglect and cast aside the one REAL binding belief and culture that spans the entirety of these islands we call the Philippines.

We take on all the bad stuff that happens to us, conquer it, and make it our own. Be it natural disasters, foreign powers, or negative stereotypical mentalities.

Yes, we've forgotten the ancient kingdoms of old and are just now digging through the closet for those remnants of the past. Yes, the colonizers imposed that on us, and made us forget. But in the process we've also taken everything that they left behind, everything that they threw at us, and created something that can only come from us.

The lanterns that the Spaniards used to light the way to the morning masses they made us attend became our globally known symbol of Christmas. The junked vehicles that the Americans left behind in World War 2 are now rolling works of art that announce themselves loud and proud on the streets (for better or for worse). The iced dessert recipe that the Japanese forced us to learn while they were occupying the country is now so distinct and famous it is synonymous with us, and is so delicious even Italy has taken notice.

Even after all this? Even after all the 425-ish years total we have been under a foreign power, with all the progress we've made as a country, a people, and a nation, you would still imply our fragmented, jigsaw puzzle state of being in the past was better just because it was pure 'South East Asian' like everyone else?

We might not be as well put-together as Indonesia or Malaysia, but we made this melting pot of angry, leg-pulling, dogpiling, Native, Mestizo, Chinoy, and Fil-Am crabs OURS, damnit!

It's now 4:30 AM and I have work in 5 or so hours. I'll be going to sleep now.

In your deltanauts au, what are the other deltarune chapter 1 characters like, like rouxls or the king or lancer

Fun fact! A large amount of my characterization for the characters is based off of my main deltarune au! (which I'm kinda reworking atm) So fair warning a lot of this is just "I just think they're neat, so I took the liberty of spicing up these boys." Also, fair warning, this is a long one.

Rouxls Kaard

*Points at Rouxls* This motherfucker is SO so transgender.

One of the Spade King's partners, the others consist of the other rulers (aka the other Card Kings and Queen). Though he and Spade are the closest, he was appointed Spade's advisor when they were far younger, and they've been together ever since.

Still mainly the one who looks after Lancer, the kings are usually far too busy and Queen kinda disappeared one day (didn't re-appear until the Aquatos arrived at the Motherlobe and caused the worlds to merge). He's a lot better with children than you'd think, most just don't realize because he himself has a lot to do other than assist in looking after his son.

Like mentioned before, he's actually more of a royal advisor, or at least something along those lines. Doesn't really like the pressure that comes with being a king, but he can handle a lot of the responsibilities.

His personality is mainly the same, as well as his speech patterns, though his attitudes towards others might be a tad bit different considering the changes with them.

Lil bonus bit: How he behaves towards Razputin! Rouxls deals with a rather energetic 7-year-old spade monster every day, he can handle being around a slightly rowdy 10-year-old human boy. He's a little bit wary of the boy at times (those are some very much not magic powers he has) but he likes him well enough. Holds a bit of respect for Raz, considering the close relationship with Seam and Jevil (they're practically family).

The Spade King (also known as "Spade King" or simply "Spade")

A complete turnaround to what he is in canon! Mostly, at least.

(Also be aware that I perceive him as being a cat-like monster for whatever reason, and this applies to Lancer as well.)

In terms of the au I mentioned earlier, he did end up acting evil, but it was only because of external forces, some unknown and rather nasty curse that impacted how he behaved and his entire way of thinking, as far as to make him disregard his own son and wish to cause the world's end. Being defeated chased the bad darkness out of him and returned him to his normal state.

But, before that, and in this crossover entirely (because I'm not sure if I'd include the curse here atm) he was/is an entirely different monster. Extremely sweet and loving, protects his son from any harm, loves his partners and his subjects more than absolutely anything in the world.

The Spade King is an odd one, his parents were the complete and total rulers of the kingdom, the parents of his partners simply being part of a council of sorts. His father loved him dearly, his mother wasn't as kind, but he did have some of the best friends in the world, including his advisor. He defended Rouxls from the previous Spade Queen's remarks when the young man specified he wanted to be referred to as a young man, and no matter how much Spade suffered for standing up to his mother, he considered getting Rouxls newer clothes worth it. When he got older, he completely replaced his parents, gave his partners far higher status' (making them fellow kings+ a Queen), and made sure that nobody would ever have to endure Rouxls' pain ever again.

Very very cuddly, due to obvious reasons he and his partners can't all sleep in the same bed, but whoever ends up sleeping with him is usually enveloped in mass amounts of fluff and put to sleep by so much purring that it sounds like an engine.

Though with all his sweet nature and his need to protect young children, that doesn't mean he's not stern when he wishes to be. A king simply can't be a king if he's entirely nice, especially when giving out orders or speaking with a subject, or if his son is being particularly stubborn. When he turns to being serious, it feels like he's somebody else, because the way his tail flicks with irritation is very much unlike how he normally behaves. He's no tyrant, but he is rather intimidating, which helps to keep the more unruly subjects in line. It's good to keep in mind that no matter how much he cares, this kitty bites when he's mad, and he bites hard.

His bonus Raz bit: Ohhhh goodness this spade monster LOVES this little boy. Raz reminds him a lot of his own son, and he can't help but admire the young boy's pure dedication to every task he's given. Spade has taken to viewing Raz as part of the family, what with his closeness to Lancer, as well as Seam and Jevil, and mostly just...the way this boy has talked about his home and with how much Spade cares for him, how could he not be family?

Lancer

Sonboy time sonboy time!!

Whilst Lancer is the son of Rouxls, all of the card kings, and Queen, he's biologically the son of Spade and Queen (look we don't ask for logic or specifics here, just pretend it makes sense). Which explains how he ended up looking exactly like his biological father.

It's hard for anyone to keep up with him because of how energetic he is, constantly on the move and doesn't really focus on things for long if they aren't that interesting to him. They got him a bike to hopefully manage this energy, it's mostly worked.

Lancer is actually more powerful than you'd expect, which nobody ever does, because he doesn't really fight or use his more dangerous magic without his one of his parents' guidance (when they train) or he feels like he's in danger and has no other choice.

He's really excited to become a king one day, though he doesn't have the best attention span for boring things, he tries is darndest to focus when his parents give him lessons. Lancer does have his own little crown and cape just like Spade, but he only ever wears them during those lessons or if there's an important event. Because he doesn't wanna risk breaking the crown or tripping on the cape.

Rouxls may be his main babysitter, but at times all his parents are busy, which usually gets him passed around the castle by the ones trusted most with him, everyone around the castle loves the kid. Sure he can be a bit annoying at times, but he's only 7!

How he feels about Raz: Just like his spade-dad, Lancer absolutely LOVES Raz. He's like the cool big brother he never had! They're 100% besties and when Razputin is in the dark world, they're usually always together. Lancer just kinda tagged along with him at the start because he was curious, and this lightner is hanging out with his uncle Seam and uncle Jevil, so he's gotta be like a cousin or something, right? Then they ended up becoming extremely close, now they're inseparable. They also make a pretty good team in sticky situations.

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: you left your headphones here, mate Jimmy: got 'em in my pocket if you wanna collect Jimmy: wouldn't subject you to Cass' interrogation tactics Jimmy: better off buying new, rich girl Janis: yeah, realized when I went to start this run Janis: already in Twix's bad books so can't have that, like Janis: drop in and get 'em in a few Jimmy: 💔 on the rocks already you two? Jimmy: gutted Jimmy: stay for breakfast if you want Janis: Are now, like Janis: How to explain with a look that you can't take her out 'cos you tryna be 🤐 tragic misunderstanding Janis: [pic of protein shake thing] 👍 Jimmy: did try & let her know my dad was in the mood to do you for dogknapping but Jimmy: she ain't the sharpest pup at the park Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Rude Janis: she got plenty of potential Jimmy: where? Janis: 🙄 Janis: she got as much as you in her right paw, like, don't be rude Jimmy: says you as you're then snide to me 👌 Jimmy: you know my smoothies are 💣 & so my future is set Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: gotta stand up for my girl ain't I Jimmy: 💪 Jimmy: who took her out? she best remember that 🥇 Janis: didn't know you cared 💕 Janis: can handle the competition okay Jimmy: nah, you'll be 💔 when she's only got 😍 for me Jimmy: especially 'cause I don't care, double blow 🎻 Janis: Scandalous Janis: hitting her up with the screenshots as we speak Jimmy: no secret, babe Jimmy: go on Janis: Poor bitch Janis: #youdeservebetterhun Jimmy: shoulda fought the law, Juliet Jimmy: reckon you'd have gotten pretty far with her before the take down Janis: Appreciate the faith Janis: but as I didn't even make it out the door without being #exposed Janis: idk Jimmy: Just by the 🐶 though? Janis: Nah, your Dad had to share how full of the joys he was this AM, like Jimmy: sorry Janis: ain't your fault Janis: and no big Jimmy: I invited you & he's my dad so as much as it can be, it is Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: just accept the apology Janis: alright Janis: might wanna tell him i'm not a prozzie though, just look like one Jimmy: did he say that? Janis: No, nah, 'course not Janis: just 👀s Jimmy: then don't be a dickhead Jimmy: he knows you're my girlfriend Janis: just joking Jimmy: funny Janis: gotta laugh Jimmy: nah Jimmy: join me in misery Janis: that bad? Jimmy: just joking Janis: 👌 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: when you working 'til today Jimmy: 3 Jimmy: why? Janis: just working out when i can drop in to get my headphones Jimmy: I can give 'em to your sister Jimmy: she drops by at lunchtime like clockwork Janis: 😑 Janis: that would require talking to her Janis: for you and me Jimmy: I was reckoning more on a shove 'em at her & run Jimmy: gotta go on my break, soz gracie Janis: good 🍀 Janis: if she can read social cues at all she ignores them Jimmy: save me then, babe Jimmy: come yourself Janis: will do Janis: not lunchtime, obviously Janis: been summoned home anyway 🙄 Jimmy: you in the shit too? Jimmy: how #goals of us, Juliet Janis: truly Janis: it's only my dad, he ain't got no balls Jimmy: @ me in some shit to demonstrate our mutual pining like Jimmy: no way I'm allowed out until my dad's home at least Janis: figured Janis: least if you're effectively grounded no one waiting on that first date like Jimmy: he can't stop me taking the sibs & dog out but probably best if you don't show up too Janis: 👍 no problem Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: if you wanna keep it coupley, gonna have to be in work hours Janis: guess i got no excuse not to be there atm Janis: hmm Janis: i will show up at lunch, least we'll have a definite witness Janis: that'll keep 'em going Jimmy: they travel as a pack, we'll have 5 Jimmy: take some selfies, make a scene, go again. Easy, yeah? Janis: 🙄 such a fake bitch Jimmy: law of Leprechaun town Jimmy: got us in on it even Janis: least we're going for gold, what the fuck are you doing gracie Jimmy: least we know Mia's going for the throat Jimmy: god bless Janis: gonna have to go for yours Janis: don't take it personal Janis: no time for half-arsing it Jimmy: 💕 Janis: that's the #mood Jimmy: it'll piss my dad off too so sign me up Jimmy: more lasting you can make it, the better Janis: no amateur at either, babe Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: I remember Janis: Yeah? Janis: told ya Jimmy: you tell me a lot of things, Judith Jimmy: so chatty you Janis: 🖕 Janis: be off then Jimmy: alright Jimmy: 'til lunch my love Janis: 💘 Janis: you know the deal, have something not shit waiting for me Jimmy: I'm already there, baby 💕 Janis: 😏 dickhead Jimmy: do you want food or you just gonna snack on me like you're channeling a mia move? Janis: she's not inspiration or goals Janis: can't have her reckoning that, ever Jimmy: #thinspo Janis: 😂 Janis: get me a bacon sarnie to fuck her off Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: nowt sexy bout that but I'll 😍 best I can Janis: how rude Janis: what you want me to order, like u got anything phallic on the menu lads Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: you'll have a straw with your smoothie, it's fine Janis: I've been forced to endure many a teeny romcom, it's fine Janis: know what to do, boy Jimmy: weren't doubting Jimmy: easy for you anyway, what am I gonna do? lick out a coffee lid suggestively? nah Janis: please do Janis: need a good laugh Jimmy: piss off Janis: still think you're cute, don't worry baby Jimmy: yeah I know Janis: shut up Jimmy: save it for when you can make me Jimmy: the audience will love that Janis: yeah expecting applause Jimmy: I'll take the hit when Mia throws her iced coffee Jimmy: workers comp Janis: Love that for her, if only you didn't take your coffee like a basic bitch, might have the desired effect Jimmy: only gonna make me look hotter, girl so tah Janis: who isn't about a wet t-shirt moment Jimmy: she helps me out loads for someone who reckons they're a #hater Janis: save your thanks for the acceptance speech Jimmy: 👌 Jimmy: not gonna thank her the way lads usually do Janis: #notliketherest is it? 😏 Jimmy: #standardsunliketherest Janis: If you say so Janis: me being your 'girlfriend' probably has 'em doubting that Jimmy: I had said it, loads Jimmy: Start listening, girl Jimmy: might stop you chatting shit for a sec Janis: Yeah yeah Janis: I heard ya Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: 🤷 Jimmy: the manager's here Jimmy: in a bit Janis: 👍 laters Jimmy: 😘 Janis: [After] Janis: [Headphone selfie] Tah Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: [Selfie to show the general disheveled state of him after that glorious PDA] Jimmy: likewise Janis: 😳 Janis: worked though Jimmy: I didn't reckon Mia's voice could get this high Janis: Ha 😂 Janis: so pressed Jimmy: their debrief is the real show Jimmy: & you're missing it Janis: Gutted 💔 Janis: gimme the play by play Jimmy: nowt you ain't heard before I'm sure Jimmy: 🎻 & 🗡 Janis: usual then Janis: sure gracie will fill me in on how much of a bitch i am no worries 🙄 Jimmy: if she don't you didn't do enough Jimmy: you'll have to come back Janis: yeah? doubt that was her shout somehow 😏 Jimmy: let me know Janis: If you think I'm letting her dictate 'round 2 you got the wrong twin Jimmy: 💔 Janis: Yeah, be sure to tell her how gutted you are about that Janis: love to get it #confirmed Jimmy: you're alright Janis: can't say i didn't try Jimmy: nobody can Jimmy: not after that display Janis: too much? Jimmy: nah Jimmy: it was spot on Janis: 🥇 Janis: no need to come back then Jimmy: unless you wanna smack Mia Jimmy: I'd be down to see that Janis: Perv Janis: and 'course I do but her bones might legit crumble and I don't need to get sued by Daddy Jimmy: 💔 Janis: I know babe Jimmy: more gutted I can't accidentally dump this order on the lot of 'em anyway Janis: can't even be mad Janis: #thecouplethathatestogether Janis: I legit couldn't stick another second of them Jimmy: I know babe Jimmy: A lesser ego would think you were desperate to get away from me, but not this one Janis: Thank God you're you 💘 Janis: can't be dealing with stroking egos and destroying others in one Jimmy: 💕 Jimmy: Love you too Janis: when will your dad forgive you/me enough Janis: wanna see twix, like Jimmy: He doesn't get back til 6.30 Jimmy: usually later Janis: so, between the hours of 6.30-6.30, she's all mine? Janis: well, share with the kids, not a total heartless cow Jimmy: yeah Janis: good to know Jimmy: not gonna stand in the way of #truelove am I? Janis: try it Jimmy: ain't got the energy today, darling Janis: 😏 Janis: oh colour me surprised Jimmy: you shouldn't be Jimmy: you know how I slept Janis: i know Janis: he was alright though once you went in with him yeah Jimmy: after a bit Janis: 👍 good stuff Janis: consolation i didn't sleep all that good either Jimmy: like I said, join me in misery Jimmy: you should drink coffee Janis: why are you trying to ruin me Jimmy: says the girl trying to kill me by any means she can Janis: You asked for it Jimmy: 😱 Jimmy: # something relevant for me 'bout that Janis: not blaming or shaming Janis: but you can't fool me, babe Janis: #youwantit Jimmy: #busted Jimmy: 😍💕 Janis: didn't know you were arty Janis: btw Jimmy: why would you? Janis: idk, feel like i shoulda guessed Janis: #softboi Jimmy: piss off Janis: you're pretty good Jimmy: now really piss off Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: 😑 Janis: 'scuse me Janis: giving you a compliment Jimmy: save it for when you can gimme one that matters Jimmy: just doing my bit Janis: Fussy Jimmy: what? Janis: My compliment not good enough 😜 Jimmy: gimme a better one then Jimmy: 'cause that's bollocks Jimmy: it's just a doodle not even that #goals Janis: can say my standards ain't high as yours then Janis: whatever, boy Jimmy: give & you take 💔 Janis: You're prettier than you've drawn yourself Janis: happy? Jimmy: you're prettier than I've drawn you Jimmy: shit artist Janis: ugh stop Janis: 🥊 Jimmy: take the compliment, dickhead Janis: you first Jimmy: 👌 Janis: Cute Jimmy: tell me something I don't know, Jennifer Janis: Alright Janis: I wish I could come back Jimmy: why can't you? Janis: Lots of reasons Janis: they're still there, for one Jimmy: that's a point in the 'why you should' column Jimmy: don't leave me with 'em Janis: poor baby Janis: but I don't know if I can chill Jimmy: we don't chill Jimmy: so fine Janis: you gotta work Jimmy: I'm on the clock with you putting in those fake boyfriend hours Janis: but Jimmy: what? Janis: I want you Jimmy: then come back Janis: it's okay yeah Jimmy: we got interrupted last night, it's only fair we get to make up the time now Janis: it's so hard just kissing you and walking away now Jimmy: I'll be done here in a bit Jimmy: we can leave together Janis: alright Janis: they better not say shit, actually not in the mood Jimmy: I'll fake sick & you can meet me outside? Jimmy: hangover's believable Janis: where we gonna go? Jimmy: I don't know Janis: Come back to mine Jimmy: ain't there 100s of you? Janis: Yeah but rich bitch no Janis: there's places, don't worry Jimmy: alright Jimmy: but if we get interrupted again I'm fake dumping you Janis: we won't Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: where are you now? I can meet you there depending Janis: Gym Janis: had to distract myself somehow Jimmy: like I said, trying to kill ME constantly Jimmy: you're welcome for the headphones then Janis: Like I said, gotta make sure you feel it too Jimmy: you're wearing those clothes again, aren't you? Jimmy: I'll pass the news on to Mia before I go Janis: What else was I gonna wear, like Janis: sure she'll be thrilled Janis: fill in the blanks yourself though, babes Jimmy: a ballgown for all I know Jimmy: not set foot inside a gym Janis: don't let on Janis: so not #goals Janis: who they gonna take #gymselfies with Jimmy: you Jimmy: I'm ken to your barbie, Julie, basically surplus Janis: Please, I actually workout when I'm there, not stare at boys whilst also making sure I look #fit at all times pracing on the treadmill Jimmy: I know Jimmy: I can tell Janis: so 💪 Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: you're really fit Janis: shh Jimmy: I get it, you don't wanna talk Jimmy: I'm leaving, don't worry Janis: Good Janis: I'm done with waiting and interruptions and other people Jimmy: where am I going? Jimmy: realised I don't know where you live Janis: Ugh, middle of bloody nowhere literally Janis: Easier if you dare to step in the gym and I'll come with Jimmy: could've sent a car for me, rich girl, or a 🐎 Jimmy: but alright Janis: 🙄 we don't have horses, thank God Janis: there is a donkey if you wanna be that dickhead, very Blackpool, init? right at home Janis: [gym location] literally, down the road and do a left, you'll see all the wankers in the window benches posing Jimmy: swap you for the dog, just kick them cats out & you'll be right Jimmy: gimme a sec Janis: give you 5 mins, even as a 🚬 Jimmy: tah ���� Jimmy: that's love Janis: it's something Janis: show you when you get here Jimmy: not what I want you to show me Jimmy: but I guess Jimmy: I'll survive Janis: what do you want? Jimmy: last night didn't help you figure it out? Janis: Got some ideas Jimmy: you'll get more Jimmy: just wait 'til I get there Janis: Inspiring Janis: thought I was meant to be the #muse Jimmy: you reckon we're a team Jimmy: I remember you saying Janis: I remember lots of things you said Janis: and everything you didn't Jimmy: won't have to repeat myself then, will I? Janis: I won't be mad if you have to repeat some things Janis: just saying Jimmy: you can do some of the exact same things too, if you want Janis: I intend to Janis: and more, better Janis: had plenty of time to think now Jimmy: just how far away is your house? I need to catch up Janis: Glad you said it 😏 Janis: like 15 on the bus 🙄 but I can tell you all about it then Janis: if I whisper, like Jimmy: 🤞 our fave grandma is there Janis: 😂 Janis: down to give her a reason to really hate Jimmy: are you even goals 'til you turn a hater into a fan? Jimmy: don't think so Janis: ew don't be tryna turn old ladies on Janis: omg, are you your ex Janis: tryna let me down gently Jimmy: there never was an ex #plot twist Jimmy: Barry is my true love Janis: damn Janis: i don't need you to be my true love though barry it's alright Jimmy: stashed the baby in the back of the CG it's why I take such long breaks Jimmy: don't even 🚬 Janis: suspiciously good with kids Janis: damn wait 'til they find out the real #tea Jimmy: 😂 Janis: imma look a fool but i hope barry isn't cheating on you, hearing that cry for help now, babe, soz 💔 Jimmy: channel it into my art, don't I? 🎻🎨 Janis: you did a good job not making me look like an old man Janis: hard to resist, I'm sure Jimmy: shoulda seen my first draft Janis: 😂 Jimmy: you do look better than I can draw you though, for real Jimmy: it ain't my preferred method or whatever Janis: yeah? Jimmy: bit rude if you don't know what is 'cause you've been spending loads of time posing for it Jimmy: means I'm shit at that too Janis: huh, no Janis: that makes perfect sense Janis: you do take a good snap Janis: also why they all thirsting, casual personal photographer 🙄 oh ladies Janis: not that you ain't fit too but you know Jimmy: we all know what the real attraction is Jimmy: keep getting more #goals me Jimmy: shame I had to be in 'em or I could've taught Mia about angles and improved her story even more Jimmy: you fucked up there, mate Jimmy: should've gone with Pete and let me film it Janis: full package, babe Janis: didn't feel like a shame, trust me Janis: though your desire to make money outta me making more and more sense #starvingartist Janis: you're the one that'll have to edit out his cum face Jimmy: hang on, you can let me know what this feels like Jimmy: [dramatic gym kiss hello] Janis: Well Jimmy: unconvincing Jimmy: [kisses her again because] Janis: Jimmy Janis: if you don't stop I'll have to start something right here Jimmy: nowt you've just said is making me want to Janis: I know Janis: Why do I want you this bad, fuck Jimmy: 💔 why wouldn't you, dickhead Janis: Shh it ain't personal Jimmy: what is it then? Jimmy: you said me Janis: I meant Janis: I don't know, this ain't exactly what I do everyday Jimmy: it should be Jimmy: you're good at it Janis: you Jimmy: us maybe Jimmy: it works Janis: Yeah Janis: that's what I mean, I think Janis: it's weird but it just does Janis: really good Jimmy: Like I said, you're weird Jimmy: 'course you like it Janis: why am i weird Jimmy: 'cause you're just Jimmy: different Jimmy: from them, from what I thought you were Jimmy: I don't know Janis: i cannot believe you thought i was one of them Janis: 😂 in what world Jimmy: not your sister, the collective them of this whole town Jimmy: you're just more like someone from before Jimmy: I can't explain it alright, shut up Janis: It's alright Janis: [Kisses him] Jimmy: we gotta go Jimmy: I can't stay here doing this and not Jimmy: I can't even finish the sentence 'cause you're like Jimmy: we just need to leave Janis: Me too Janis: Come on Janis: we just need to Janis: yeah Jimmy: yeah Janis: [On bus 'cos they can't keep kissing the entire time without anything happening so reprieve] Janis: I didn't think this would happen Jimmy: why? Janis: well, you know,you were kinda a dickhead, i'm kinda a dickhead all the time Janis: this wasn't the first logical conclusion to jump to Jimmy: sort of is Jimmy: we're both dickheads Jimmy: #matchmadeinheaven Janis: 😏 when you put it in words it sounds logical Janis: grace reckoned you were using me to get to her and i knew that weren't the truth but idk Jimmy: I know what it is, you reckoned I'd be a shit kisser all big ego & worse chat Jimmy: thought you'd have to suffer through it Janis: pretty much Janis: spot on Jimmy: not the first time I've made that impression Jimmy: or proved it wrong Janis: i bet Janis: wouldn't be the first time i'd suffered through so you know Jimmy: really? Janis: 'course Janis: hasn't everyone? Jimmy: gimme names I'll put them on blast Jimmy: twitter campaign with my newly unlocked account Janis: 😂 productive Jimmy: if one is Mia especially Janis: Christ, as much as she wants to turn me so she can be vindicated in her gaybashing Janis: hell no Jimmy: her teeth could fall out & choke you Jimmy: #goals Janis: 🤢 Janis: she can't be a good lay, I don't get it Jimmy: she isn't, I can tell Jimmy: just an effortless catch Janis: yeah? guess if you ain't yourself, ideal girl Jimmy: she'll be one of those girls who just lies there Jimmy: makes you do everything & then slates you for it Janis: exactly, 'cos heaven forbid you try and chat shit back Jimmy: why is your sister friends with her? I don't get that Janis: bitches of a feather Jimmy: but when she comes in on her own she's like Jimmy: shy Jimmy: nice in a 'don't you dare look at me' way Janis: meh, she's a co-dependent Janis: always has been Jimmy: is that like a twin thing? Janis: fuck off, I don't need her Janis: see me with a Mia to chase around like a puppy? Jimmy: nah, I mean like, she needs you but you don't need her so there's Mia ready Janis: idk, maybe Janis: i think anyone can be like that, some people can't hack being alone but it probably done help that she weren't even in the womb, yeah 🙄 Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: my brother & sister need me Jimmy: it's exhausting but I can't not do it Janis: they are kids though, that's excusable, like Janis: still hardwork, no doubt Jimmy: Cass ain't much younger than me though Janis: yeah but gracie has two perfectly lovely parents and an array of brothers and sisters and various fam about, if she's that arsed, know what i mean Janis: being close makes sense when its small like you gotta Janis: she don't need to be how she is on me Jimmy: I'm being a dickhead & you're being spot on Jimmy: I just want her to settle in, you know what I mean Janis: you're alright, most people think it 'cos loads of twins are freaky joined at the hip, so that's what she reckons she wants too but tough shit, you know, didn't ask to be born with her Janis: 'course Janis: it must be shit Janis: she'll be alright, it's that age where everyone's sorta stil mates, not dead separate Janis: she can hold her own Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: least my dad timed it better for them than he did for me Janis: you know Janis: parents are cunts Janis: our older sister had to do so much for us 'til she got sick of and fucked off basically Jimmy: hang on while I tweet that wisdom & @ him Jimmy: yeah he has twitter honestly Janis: cringe Janis: probs subtweeting 'bout me this morning like 👋 Jimmy: I don't reckon he knows what he's doing on it Jimmy: just wants to tell his girlfriends how relevant he stays Janis: can't really slide into someone's fucking linked in Janis: 'less it's with a business offer Jimmy: he does like to mix business and pleasure Jimmy: many an office romance Janis: 😬 Janis: always a good idea Jimmy: I told you, keeps jobs only slightly longer than he does lasses Jimmy: it's all connected, mate Janis: effort Janis: least i can ask to move seats Janis: can't be like, sack debbie from accounts bye Jimmy: don't be trying to have me expelled when school starts Janis: alright, thought you'd be buzzin' but i'll go Janis: cba Jimmy: I wanna go 'cause its bollocks not 'cause they've told me to Jimmy: more of a fuck you to my dad that way Janis: rebel with a cause okay 😍 Jimmy: I'm just saying he'd love it if I got kicked out so he can pretend he's right about what a waste of space I am Jimmy: like I don't do everything he can't be bothered to Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: seriously though Janis: that's just shitty adult speak for 'do my job for me' Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: I keep telling him that I reckon Bobby needs to like talk to someone or some shit but nah, I'll do the work for free Jimmy: qualified fucking child therapist me Janis: duh, got that PHD done between CG and school and full-time childcare Janis: 'cos when nothing happens, or only bad does, can blame you Janis: not deal with how some of it's likely on him Janis: and sorting it fully is, what can you do, or poor Bobby Jimmy: just worry bout him all the time 👍 Jimmy: tah dad really helpful Janis: useless, all parents are Jimmy: didn't wanna sleep in my own bed or get a decent night of it anyway Jimmy: it's fine Janis: but if you complain, you're selfish, yeah? when it ain't complaining for sake of, you just want something actually done Jimmy: 🙄 Jimmy: & fucked if I wanna stay with you or have you over Jimmy: how dare I Janis: how wild, a teenage boy with urges Janis: right for him though 'cos his roof and all that Jimmy: & new house new rules Jimmy: 'cause that makes sense Janis: 🙄 Janis: only stupid people would have kids, that's my theory Janis: if you had a brain, and could be sorta in change of another human, you wouldn't want to Jimmy: @ Barry next time, babe Janis: fuck you Barry, coming for your mans too and what Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: how do you do that? Jimmy: make me laugh when everything is still shit Janis: Just my renowned personality that Janis: everyone reckons, like 😏 Jimmy: [kisses her 'cause he does reckon, sorry bus peeps] Janis: Welcome Jimmy: when I don't say it that means you don't either, dickhead Janis: soz, new to this friends malarkey, like Jimmy: #friendzoned Jimmy: 💔 Janis: shut up Janis: you need reminding of what we're about to do Jimmy: maybe Jimmy: I do need to shut up & stop throwing my emotional baggage at you, very ungoals Janis: [Kisses him for the reminder and 'cos] Janis: Not to shut you up 'cos nah Jimmy: a bit Jimmy: but its alright Janis: got plenty of baggage to throw at you should you ever wanna even that score Janis: but I ain't telling so far as the world is concerned we're both 🥇 Jimmy: It's like I said last night, I don't mind talking to you but not this second Jimmy: I just want Janis: What? Jimmy: just kiss me again Janis: [More] Jimmy: I'm not saying tah Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 😏 Janis: Glad to hear that ain't what you say after Janis: would have been a struggle to act my way over that Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: what was it you said? Very polite very un me Janis: Something like that Jimmy: I'll try & call you by the right name though Jimmy: not let any Barry's slip out Janis: 😑 please try Janis: no convincing myself I heard you wrong Janis: ego can't hack that, like 🤷 Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: 🖕 Janis: could at least give me false promises now, boy Jimmy: no fake shit Jimmy: not for this Janis: deal Jimmy: [kisses her again cos yolo bitches] Janis: that was real? Janis: shit Jimmy: or how we make deals in the north, Irish girl Jimmy: figure it out Janis: 😏 as amusing as the mental image of business bro dickheads getting off with each other literal to seal a deal is Jimmy: you're welcome Jimmy: just don't think about my dad or we've got a problem Janis: no danger Janis: safe to say the feeling's mutual too Jimmy: least you'll be long rid of me before I start to look like him Jimmy: again, welcome Janis: 👍 Janis: baz can have you back Jimmy: he'll be dead Jimmy: come on Jimmy: life expectancy of 61 up north & that's if you try Janis: 😂 whoops Janis: pine then bitch Jimmy: 💔🎻 Jimmy: black's my colour anyway so sorted Janis: mhmm, buzzin' for it, I know Janis: welcome again Janis: i really fucked your neck up didn't i [touches] Jimmy: I okayed it before & during, didn't I? Janis: okayed during is an understatement but i'll allow it Janis: save your blushes Jimmy: I didn't have the blood spare for 😳 Janis: such a waste Janis: all the times you've turned me on in public Jimmy: how many? you can round up or whatever school ain't started Janis: Let me think Janis: I don't know, every time we've met up, before you've even kissed me half the time Janis: sometimes just when we've been talking like this, you're hot Jimmy: Where are we if we stop the bus and get off right now? Jimmy: 'Cause I really want to properly turn you on now you've said that Janis: Umm no neighbourhood I know, babe Janis: we've got all afternoon Janis: patience 😘 Jimmy: I'm too northern for that Janis: Excuse for everything 😏 Jimmy: if I'm gonna be dead in 40 odd years that's the only excuse I need Janis: Cheery 😉 Janis: go on then Janis: don't waste any more time, see how turned on I am now [moves hands winkwonk] Jimmy: [saucy activities ensue like I'm surprised ruster don't appear like don't steal our thunder bitch] Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: ?? Janis: just practicing Janis: can't say it out loud right now Jimmy: practicing trying to kill me, yeah? alright Janis: you don't need no practice, clearly Jimmy: #muse remember Janis: you're good let's do this all day Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: if I get cramp and can't sling a latte tomorrow, on your head Janis: what do i care, i don't drink 'em Janis: 😈 Jimmy: that's the most #goals thing you've ever said to me Jimmy: as far as my personal ones go Janis: the ones we're keeping off the 'gram Jimmy: yeah Janis: do need to think of a non-cringe way to hype up how good you are though, don't get it twisted ladies 😍 Jimmy: while you're thinking Jimmy: [keeps being a saucy bastard cos no chill] Janis: Oh my God Janis: please, I need to bite you some more Jimmy: shit, I've never heard you say please before Jimmy: real or fake Janis: too real, you got me polite as you want, come on or this bus is gonna hear my prettiest too Jimmy: 😍 Jimmy: alright Janis: you taste so Jimmy: if its anything like how you taste then I Janis: i wish we had more time i just wanna climb on top of you and Janis: but we're about 3 stops away now Jimmy: [moves her himself 'cause he's cheeky like that] Jimmy: and what? Janis: fuck me Janis: we're gonna get in trouble Jimmy: that's the plan Jimmy: I'll get in trouble for you, it don't matter Jimmy: if anyone asks I'll just say it's all fake Janis: you feel pretty real under me right now Jimmy: you feel Jimmy: I thought I liked kissing you but this is Janis: I want it all Janis: so fucking much I didn't know I could this bad Jimmy: like you said, we've got all afternoon Janis: not long enough Janis: it's a start Jimmy: warn me if you're gonna say shit like that so I can warn everyone on this bus how I'll react Janis: Not sorry Janis: only sorry it's not School time so we could bunk and have all day without feeling bad Jimmy: excuse me while I turn it into a laugh/cry 🎭 Jimmy: don't mind me everyone, rehearsing my death scene Janis: They're all impressed, can't hide it Janis: 🥇 Jimmy: impressed by you Jimmy: you look Janis: Nah only you Jimmy: take the compliment, Janis Janis: Okay Janis: as you remembered my name, like Jimmy: I said I'd try Janis: I'm impressed by your efforts too, don't worry Janis: not gonna go unrewarded Jimmy: [kisses just because] Janis: How do you do that Jimmy: what? Janis: make kissing Janis: good Jimmy: I told you, you're good at it Jimmy: I take pretend it's all me Jimmy: can't* Janis: Suppose so Janis: doesn't say much for everyone else I've kissed but maybe I was shit then Jimmy: like I said, gimme the list Jimmy: they must've been fucking it up 'cause you're Jimmy: you're just not shit Janis: thanks Janis: sorry everyone but not really, ain't that deep Jimmy: were you really surprised when we first kissed or just me Janis: No, I was like Janis: you're gonna think I'm cringe or just saying it but I didn't know it could feel like that Janis: that's why it's got me thinking on everyone else, like what the fuck lads, why were you holding out Jimmy: I get it, I didn't expect it to feel like this either Jimmy: fuck you, Barry, honestly Janis: 😂 Janis: For real Janis: like, it wasn't even 'cos I thought you'd be shit really Janis: idk Janis: weird Jimmy: I didn't think you'd be shit Jimmy: for the record Jimmy: just not into it Janis: 🤷 Oops Janis: that's what I expected and intended too, I guess, just a deal, like Janis: but Janis: just feels too good Jimmy: We've still got a deal Jimmy: only it's changed a bit Jimmy: now it includes getting to finish what I started without some dickhead interrupting me Janis: Please Jimmy: [kisses her 'cause she said please again it makes him die] Janis: [Misses stop 'cos really, has to get off at next one] Janis: That was your fault Jimmy: yours too Jimmy: I don't know the stops, girl Jimmy: you've got one job, I was doing mine Janis: Hmm well perhaps if yours wasn't distracting me you could be doing your REAL job by now 😒 Jimmy: if that's what you wanna call how you felt, go on Janis: Hush, you cannot break my concentration now Jimmy: where the fuck are we? Janis: Farm town, boyo Janis: you ever fucked in a barn before? Jimmy: how would I? Jimmy: you know where I'm from Janis: idk how adventurous your life has been Jimmy: it ain't been well travelled Jimmy: til now Janis: you're welcome for the detour Jimmy: how long 'til we're back where we need to be? Janis: Only 5 if you keep up Janis: wasn't THAT distracted, soz Jimmy: let me get some blood circulating and stop being brutal Janis: 😏 Jimmy: 👍 lets go Janis: Do your best to sneak, yeah, God knows who's about Jimmy: easy for you to say, still so quiet on that bus somehow Jimmy: like a horny mute Janis: piss off Janis: that's such an unsexy thing to call me you bastard Jimmy: calm down Jimmy: it's impressive Janis: it's just self-control Jimmy: what's it gonna take to make you lose it? Janis: Maybe you'll find out Jimmy: I will Jimmy: challenge accepted Jimmy: if it takes me longer than this afternoon, then fine Janis: you wanna do this again Janis: not this exact scenario, detour included like Jimmy: do you? Janis: you always do that Janis: answer questions with questions Janis: sly Jimmy: that still ain't an answer from you Janis: yeah Janis: i wanna Janis: i like it Jimmy: I like you Jimmy: don't be weird about it Jimmy: weirder Janis: forever a dickhead Jimmy: piss off it's a compliment, how many times Janis: 😂 okay okay Janis: i get it, you like weird Janis: i like dickheads, namely you though Jimmy: bet you love yourself, you massive dickhead Jimmy: I like you & you happen to be weird, it's not a fetish or owt Janis: do actually 💪 Janis: got my own name tattooed on my arse, like Jimmy: 📷 one for the insta then Jimmy: least it'll help me remember it Janis: That's why I got it Janis: saves a conversation Jimmy: stop making me laugh Jimmy: trying to be mad at you for making us miss our stop Janis: you know you can't be mad at this face Janis: or this arse Jimmy: [kisses her and touches the booty 'cause true] Janis: See Janis: 😍 Jimmy: alright, shut up Janis: can make me in a minute Jimmy: I can make you now Jimmy: if you're gonna keep on Janis: Back to being mute Janis: thought you wanted to hear some noise, contrary Jimmy: leave it out Janis: 🤐 Janis: ❓ Jimmy: [starts being saucy to try and get her to make noise] Janis: You know how much I like to win, yeah? Jimmy: as much as me Janis: Oh baby Janis: you wish 😏 Jimmy: I know Jimmy: [cranks his naughty behaviour up a notch which makes me lol like where even are you lads? calm down] Janis: You know I have to live 'round here, right Jimmy: you do, I don't Jimmy: you know how to make me stop Janis: Bastard Jimmy: just stop holding it in Janis: I don't know if I'll be able to stop if I do Jimmy: I don't want you to stop Jimmy: do you? Janis: No but Jimmy: you want everything, gimme this Jimmy: [more sauciness 'cause] Janis: [is loud, hopefully no one is about lol] Jimmy: Fuck Jimmy: you really were holding out on me, weren't you? Janis: It's just Janis: embarrassing Jimmy: It's just amazing Janis: No bullshitting? Jimmy: I said I wouldn't Janis: Okay good Jimmy: You're so hot Jimmy: how you look, feel, taste, sound Jimmy: I just want it Janis: You're Janis: I don't know why but I'm not gonna question it because I want you just as much Janis: More Jimmy: [more kisses] Janis: We need to keep walking Jimmy: yeah Janis: I don't want to either but I need you to fuck me so Jimmy: It's alright, I need it too Jimmy: we can do this Janis: 💪 Jimmy: 🥇

hello!! day 6 woo :D i just noticed how long our messages are and it makes me so happy awwww <3

hope you got your quizzes and other work done! i have 2/3 questions answered for a final paper which i'm surprisingly enjoying, it's on gender and queer theory which is soo interesting...

hopefully you'll make friends in your workplace tho! i met my best friend through work and she's literally one of my fav people so i hope you can find that!

omg i'm kinda scared of that bridge and intrigued!! i'm sorry to hear your anxiety makes being in cars with other people difficult, it must make long journeys so uncomfortable...

yeah i'm the same with my birthday, the only time i'll make a big deal out of it to my family bc it's all jokes yanno... i think my last 'party' was probably 14/15 too... i just have so many different friends and the idea of them all coming together makes me so anxious... too many conflicting ideals and personalities!!!

i mean you could still go out and not drink, even tho i know it's supposed to be a huge part of turning 21, just make sure you're comfortable!! i only really drink when i'm around people i'm comfortable with and even at that, i've never been pissed before. i hate the idea of losing control ahaha (just lil control freak me!!) yeah i do think alcohol tastes rotten tbh... i've a v sweet tooth so i tend to stuck with cocktails (hello pornstar martini) or just vodka and coke bc you can't really taste it! or there's this one cider that is soo sweet that i'll go for sometimes but don't force yourself to drink!

nameless nights was sooo good, it was one of the first ones i read! ahaha i can't imagining turning my irls into larries, my sister lectures me all the time about assuming L and H's sexuality (they're so loud, like idc they're not straight men!) and ugh. sounds like a dream!!

omg yay!! me too, although i haven't had time in soo long but i love reading, my fav genre is young adult, and within that i'll read fantasy contemporary dystopian, i'm not fussy! you read so fast wow!!! i love when you can escape with a good book! my fav atm is the daevabad trilogy by SA Chakraborty... absolute rollarcoster of emotions. an auto buy author for me is marie lu or beth o'leary!

enjoying talking to you so much!! have a great day <3

- your ss <3

hii! i know our messages are so long but i feel like i have so much more to say lol. honestly i love getting your messages, i always check to see if i have any new ones even though i know you only send one a day.

i finished all but one quiz, i still have a paper due in one class and three other papers due in another .. plus whatever is due this week so .. it’s gonna be rough especially bc i close every day this week for work.

which i’m currently writing this as i’m sitting outside my job for my shift to start. where do you work or what do you do? (don’t have to answer if not comfortable)

it can make long rides uncomfortable but really i sleep during super long rides. i have always loved sleeping in cars. when i was a baby i would fight sleep and cry and my mom would put me in the car and drive around the neighborhood and i’d fall asleep really easily lol.

it’s not just drinking either, i just genuinely don’t like being around big crowds or people i don’t know. and a bar or club will smell like alcohol and i hate the smell just as much as the taste. maybe i’ll try it idk. i mostly want to go to concerts for my bday.

i never talk about 1d or larrie with anyone irl. i’ve been a fan since 2011 and my best friend didn’t even know the extent to how much i love them and i’ve known her for like 7 years. idek how i turned her into a larrie, i think i mentioned it a few times cause something was happening in the fandom or something and then she went and did a deep dive of larry and now she’s obsessed and reads fics with me ! not only did i turn her into a larrie, i made her a bigger fan of 1d as a whole ;)

i like young adult , new adult and romance (cause like .. spicy scenes yk lol) i want to get into fantasy but it’s hard cause it’s just so much going into one book or series. i don’t have a auto buy author. before i buy books i have to read the first few chapters to see if i’ll like the writing style, characters, and stuff like that. i can never just see a book cover or read the synopsis and buy it off bat. if i see a cover or synopsis i like i’ll google it and read the preview of it.

questions for you :

do you have or want any pericings?

do you have any or want any pets?

do you like wearing makeup or going natural ?

hope you have/had a wonderful day :)