#but you try anyway. because you love them. you make their life as happy as it can possibly be under the circumstances and you try and keep
Text
at first sight? — GOJO SATORU
pairing: gojo satoru x gn!reader
word count: 10k (idek i was possessed)
banner by @/bbyseok , dividers by @/bunnysrph !!
a/n: um hi. its finally here ! thanks to all who liked the teaser, this is my first jjk/gojo fic ever but i really think everyone needs some comfort after jjk chap 261.. and fuck u gege !!
content: soulmate au, gender neutral reader, minimal use of they/them pronouns for reader but gender is not specified, sorcerer reader, nicknames ‘sweetheart’, ‘pretty’, ‘baby’, fluff, mild angst with a happy ending, slowburn??, several pov switches, suggestive/implied nsfw at the end but nothing explicit, brief swearing/explicit language, brief violence/injuries, alcohol consumption, reader gets mildly drunk but nothing else, implied satosugu as past soulmates: can be interpreted as either romantic or platonic, fic takes place after jjk 0 but before the show starts
analysis: this is a world filled not only with curses, but soulmates—in which you know someone is your soulmate when you first make eye contact with them. but for your case, things can get a bit complicated when someone is wearing a blindfold.
here, in this universe, you can tell that someone is your soulmate by simply looking at them. so with that, the saying of “love at first sight” is actually pretty accurate here. you see them for the very first time and barely know the person and yet, somehow, they’re the one you’re destined to be with.
with that, you’d think it’d be pretty common for two random people to run into each other while crossing the street or something and bam! suddenly you’ve found the supposed love of your life!
and you? well, for you, that hasn’t happened yet.
to be fair, it’s not like you’re actively trying to look for your soulmate. handling curses as a jujutsu sorcerer is difficult enough. (maybe you’ll run into them one day after saving them from a curse or something. how romantic!)
it’s better to leave it up to fate. it’s fate who decided your pairing anyway, right?
your transfer to jujutsu tech had been fairly smooth. after being stationed in kyoto for a while, tokyo was a nice change of pace.
coincidentally, you had been out of the country during the incident known as the night parade of a hundred demons. a scary event that proved the threat of curse users to be formidable.
because of that, your decision to transfer to tokyo seemed like the right thing to do. and so far, it’s been decent.
it’s a nice change of scenery. the students are aspiring; while maki and megumi aren’t the friendliest, they’re warming up to you. toge and panda are gradually improving.
nanami’s pessimistic outlook on jujutsu society and shoko’s overall unenthusiastic demeanor are certainly interesting for the most part, but your coworkers are pleasant to be around.
well. except for one.
gojo satoru knows that you are his soulmate. he has indeed known this fact right from the very start, ever since your first meeting.
even with his blindfold on, he could see your own eyes before him. his six eyes can see everything. the thing is.. he didn’t know he could have another soulmate.
his situation with geto suguru is something he doesn’t talk about with anyone. maybe shoko at times, but even then, it’s rare. it’s not that he doesn’t want to, but it’s pretty hard to talk about.
after suguru defected, gojo could still obviously feel their bond. even though they were no longer together as the strongest duo, did it really matter when their souls were still connected to one another? it was a factor that played in avoiding (and perhaps meeting up with) each other as the years went by.
satoru felt their bond die that day after the events with okkotsu and rika. and it had frightened him. that lingering presence of the bond was no longer there.
so imagine his surprise when he sees you.
a new sorcerer in kyoto, now transferred to tokyo. normally, gojo doesn’t seek out the new recruits, but yaga had dragged him over regardless. besides, he might as well get to know his possible assistant teacher that would be helping him out with the new first years.
“i guess i can check out some new faces,” he relented with a sigh, adjusting his blindfold and looking to the side as yaga’s steps slowed as they approached you.
gojo rolled his eyes–not that you’d see it anyway–as yaga introduced you with your name and your sorcerer grade. he stopped to stand next to the principal.
you extended your hand to offer a handshake, and gojo finally turned his head.
that feeling as his gaze fell upon yours beneath the blindfold was familiar—frighteningly so—and unfamiliar at the same time. as if he could breathe for the first time in ages. your eyes are unaware, but they’re so revealing to him.
satoru stuttered in his movements, reluctantly taking your hand. the skin that touched yours felt like it was on fire. he briefly held on to see if you felt it too.
but you simply smiled up at him.
“it’s nice to meet you, gojo,” you said, blissfully unaware of the revelation currently dawning on the man before you and the turmoil it brought as he abruptly retracted his arm back.
gojo stiffened. he merely offered a curt nod before turning on heel and walking away briskly. he could faintly hear yaga protest about his sudden departure before apologizing to you hastily. satoru shook his head.
how was this be possible? how could the universe give him two soulmates? he didn’t even know that was a thing that could happen. he wondered if there had been a similar occurrence before.
gojo couldn’t help but feel nauseous. was this the world playing some sort of sick, cruel joke on him? or was it perhaps giving him a second chance?
and truthfully, it wasn’t like gojo even wanted another soulmate. not after what he had been through with suguru. he hadn’t given it much thought.
was it really worth it?
what if he couldn’t protect you too?
so satoru had decided on one thing that day: the blindfold stays on. concealing his eyes from the world not only for him, but for your sake too. he was certain in his choice; he would never tell you the truth.
as far as you were concerned, you haven’t met your soulmate yet.
and never will.
your first meeting with gojo wasn’t exactly unpleasant, but it wasn’t something you could describe as good either. you’ve been left with the impression that he’s cocky and indifferent.
and that he doesn’t like you.
it’s been around.. two? three weeks? it’s been a while since your encounter with the white-haired sorcerer, and you’ve only seen a few glimpses of him here and there on campus.
okay, he doesn’t display any outright mean or ill intention towards you. on the very rare times the two of you do interact, he is obviously curt and clipped. seems like he’s deemed you worthy of the only either nods or one word responses.
you’ve yet to actually participate in a lesson or mission with gojo, but you prefer it that way. providing individual training and advice for the upcoming second years has been going great. at this point, you’re sure it’d only be awkward.
besides, the strongest sorcerer alive doesn’t necessarily need assistance in dealing with curses after all. that much is understandable.
you’re currently in the teachers’ lounge room with nanami. even though he isn’t actually a teacher, he pays visits sometimes. he’s good company anyway.
“it’s nice to hear that you’re settling in well,” the blonde says with a nod. he loosens his necktie absentmindedly as he adjusts the newspaper in his lap. “especially with that gojo around. he can be a pain in the ass sometimes.”
you frown at the mention of the sorcerer, crossing your arms. you’re seated across from nanami, watching him idly look through the newspaper.
“oh, well, actually, he isn’t too much trouble. for me, at least,” you reply, brows furrowing, “he barely talks to me.” (in fact, he seems to avoid you like you’re carrying the plague or something.)
nanami looks up, raising a brow. “huh. you should be grateful then.” he then hums, “but maybe that’ll change once there’s actually new first year students to teach. you both are assigned to them after all.”
you lean back in your seat, your shoulders committing to a halfhearted shrug. “maybe. it’s not like i never did anything bad to him though..”
nanami sighs gruffly. “don’t think about it too much.” before he can continue, there’s the sound of footsteps. nanami brings his newspaper back up, muttering, “speak of the devil.”
“nanamiiii!” gojo’s voice sounds from around the corner. it almost startles you how lively he sounds. you realize you’ve never actually heard or seen how he acts without you around.
nanami doesn’t respond, rolling his eyes.
gojo strolls in enthusiastically, blindfold on. “heyy, nanami, we should-” he cuts off when he presumably sees you, falling quiet and stopping short.
you blink, a bit hurt. does he dislike you that much? but you don’t let it show, resorting to greeting him politely like you usually do when you occasionally pass each other.
“good afternoon, gojo,” you muse, offering a little wave.
nanami notices his reaction too, but doesn’t comment on it. he continues to ignore the sorcerer’s presence in fact, eyes still roaming over the newspaper.
gojo clears his throat and resumes his pace. “afternoon,” he responds, focusing his attention back on nanami. he reaches the two of you, giving you no further acknowledgment.
you don’t care if he can see you looking at him, you opt to stare at the black blindfold covering his face. you have a hunch that he can see, or at least feel, you staring at him.
“can i borrow you for a sec, nanami?”
nanami emits an exasperated sigh, but stands nonetheless to follow gojo out of the room for some discussion not meant for your ears apparently, leaving you alone with your thoughts.
do you make gojo uncomfortable? you don’t know what you could’ve possibly done so though. from what you’ve heard from the others, he can be rather eccentric and overbearing.
does he just not like you? perhaps he views you as inferior, too below his level and power to actually converse with you. while it seems a bit of a stretch, you’re sure it’s not out of the possibility also based on what you’ve heard about him from others.
your frown returns. before you can dwell on it any longer, nanami comes back into the room. “well, i certainly see what you mean from what you said about gojo earlier,” he announces.
his words do nothing to falter your frown. “right.” you then shrug once more, “it’s okay. it’s just a bit.. strange.” you then shake your head, trying to be a bit optimistic. “but also like you said earlier, that might change! who knows?”
who knows, indeed.
megumi tucks the cursed tools inside their designated box and closes the lid. he moves on to the next one right as gojo enters the shed, beaming a smile.
“hey, megumi. you almost done wrapping up things here?” satoru asks, undoing his blindfold naturally. there’s a pair of glasses in his hand ready for use.
the teen nods. they had used a few cursed tools during training session today, and the storage did need a bit of tidying up. “almost done.”
satoru makes a noise of approval as he places his glasses on. “great! do you need help setting up your dorm room?” he looks excited at the idea, still grinning.
meanwhile, megumi looks disinterested at his offer. “no thanks. i think it’ll be easy enough. it’s not like i’m decorating it anyway.”
“oh, boo.” but gojo doesn’t insist on it any further. he actually falls strangely quiet, which causes megumi to glance at him curiously.
his teacher looks.. distraught. it’s hard to actually tell, but he seems to be looking at the floor, maybe lost in thought. before megumi can say anything, gojo’s expression changes and he starts talking again.
“you’re, uh, with the new teacher for tomorrow,” gojo then informs. he shoves his hands into his pockets and kicks at the floor absentmindedly. (he’s fidgeting. subtly.) “it’ll just be you two, i think, on a small mission. so they can get used to actually working with students on field. it’ll be good for the both of you.”
megumi nods. he tilts his head afterward. “you can say their name, you know. it won’t kill you,” he says a bit pointedly, “and they’re not technically new anymore. it has been a few weeks now since they’ve joined the school.”
“right, right.” megumi’s face scrunches up as gojo’s hand comes down to ruffle his hair gently. (a habit that has not died since his younger days.) “whatever you say, megumi.”
despite your minimal interactions and his rather closed off demeanor, megumi is actually one of your favorite students. (and yeah, maybe you shouldn’t have favorites, but oh well.)
your mission with megumi, or rather, the mission you’ve been assigned to supervise the student on, is rather simple.
there’s been reports of a low grade curse roaming the premises of a supermarket neighboring a nearby cemetery, so megumi is to obviously exorcise it under your watch. the area has been closed off with a small veil. megumi had decided to check the parking lot first for any lingering traces, so here you are.
“i think we’re good here,” the teenager confirms as his demon dogs return to his feet, seemingly in the clear. you nod and let him lead the way towards the inside of the store.
as the two of you begin to walk down each aisle with one of the demon dogs trailing behind, megumi says your name in an inquisitive tone. “what do you think of gojo-sensei?”
the sudden question has you blinking in surprise. your eyes scan megumi as you both continue to trek down the aisle. “what makes you ask?”
“no reason.” he doesn’t meet your gaze.
you bite down on your lip in contemplation. you’re not sure what brings this question to mind for him, but you’re willing to indulge him for now. “well.. i think he’s.. alright.” you pause. “as a sorcerer, i admire his strength. though, i think a lot of people think that obviously.”
“and as a person?” megumi presses, turning to investigate the next aisle. he still doesn’t glance over to you, still preoccupied with searching for the curse.
(hell, for a teenager, he sure is perceptive.)
you choose your words carefully, thinking it over with a brief pause.
“i’ll admit, i don’t think i know him well enough to be sure. as a person, i think he’s.. self-centered and rude. sometimes, i see him act very carefree in a way. he’s.. obscure, i guess.” you clear your throat and reiterate, “but again, i don’t really... know him.”
you can see megumi go over your words silently. the quiet continues. the conversation seems to be dying, but it doesn’t matter when monstrous gurgling sounds up ahead.
a curse appears in front of you, the shelving of the aisles toppling over as it gargles some unintelligible roar. megumi doesn’t hesitate, using his technique to summon his demon dogs once more to swiftly engage in combat.
the fight is easily handled in three minutes top. (they weren’t kidding when they said it’d be easy.)
after the commotion has settled, you allow megumi to do one more check up around the store just in case. just as you are prepared to exit and bring down the veil, you decide it’s your turn to ask him now.
“and what about you, megumi?” you inquire lightly, giving one of the demon dogs a few head pats for their good work. “what exactly do you think of gojo?”
megumi hums.
“i agree with most of what you said actually,” he answers honestly, causing you to chuckle in amusement. the teenager tilts his head and finally looks at you. “but i also think he’s kind when he wants to be.”
his frontward honesty surprises you once more. this kid sure is something. you believe his words; he has no reason to lie to you, especially about gojo of all things. still, you poke at him teasingly, “really now?”
you don’t really expect him to answer, but then megumi says in a mumble so quiet that you nearly miss it.
“well, he did sort of raise me after all.”
“i just don’t think he likes me, shoko,” you puff out a sigh, watching as she puffs out smoke. “i’ve seen the way he is around other people, and he’s not like that with me.”
she’s on break right now, so you thought you could talk to her about a certain blindfolded sorcerer who’s been plaguing your thoughts.
it’s interesting to hear about the different sides of gojo satoru from your peers. from nanami, you’ve learned that he’s pretentious and troublesome. from megumi, that he can be caring in his own way. and shoko?
“he’s crazy.” the doctor waves her cigarette at you with a shrug of her shoulders. “but it beats me on why he doesn’t particularly like you.”
you groan, slouching in one of the chairs set up in the infirmary. “maybe i should’ve stayed in kyoto,” you mumble. it’s more of a joke than anything; your.. weird terms with gojo isn’t enough to actually deter you.
but shoko puts the cigarette back to her lips and tilts her head. “want me to ask him about it?”
you straighten your posture abruptly and look at her. “what? you don’t have to. he might think i asked you to or something.”
she shrugs again. “your call.”
your brows furrow. “maybe we just got off on the wrong foot somehow. even though all i did was shake his hand.” you snort. “maybe i can get him something to break the ice. what does he like?”
shoko doesn’t even hesitate. “sweets. he likes his sweets.”
oh. oh, okay! you blink and nod. who would’ve thought? the strongest sorcerer in the world likes sweets. “i can handle sweets.”
you, in fact, cannot handle sweets.
why are there so many? you’re at a local bakery staring at the rows and rows of pastries they have on display, looking as if you’re trying the decipher the world’s hardest math problem.
shoko never specified what kind of sweets he liked during your conversation with her a couple days ago. cake? ice cream? cookies? you might as well buy the whole damn store at this point with your luck. the last thing you want is to buy him something he won’t actually eat.
“oh, fuck it,” you mutter and finally decide on a small piece of cake. it happens to be your favorite kind of cake, but oh well. if he doesn’t like it, he doesn’t like it! it’s the thought that matters anyway, right?
as you exit the shop with your newly acquired dessert, you try to devise a way to give it to him. do you just.. hand it to him? or maybe it’ll be better to leave it in his office. or have shoko give it to him!
ughh, who knew how hard it’d be to give a man a cake? okay, okay. you’ll simply give it to him in person since he’ll know it’s directly from you. problem solved.
well, actually, problem is not solved. how are you supposed to give the cake to gojo in person when you have absolutely no clue where he is right now? after returning to the school, he’s no where to be found, so you eventually turn to yaga for help.
“he’s on a mission where??”
you stare at yaga with wide eyes as he names some city so far away you’re pretty sure you wouldn’t be able to find an affordable ride to get you there in a reasonable amount of time.
“oh, alright,” you say, feeling a little disappointed. the cake suddenly feels a little too big and heavy in your hands.
the principal’s gaze flickers down to your little intended treat for his former student. “these kinds of missions are no trouble for satoru. i’m sure he’ll be back soon, so you can leave that in his office.”
you brighten up at that and nod. “thank you, yaga.” you then dismiss yourself with a polite bow after he informs you where gojo’s office is exactly, and you start to make your way there.
it’s only a few minutes until you get there. you open the door and catch sight of a desk. it looks rather plain, which is understandable since it doesn’t seem like he uses this space often. (though, there is a chair that looks more expensive than your entire rent.)
either way, you walk inside and set the container down on the desk with a small sigh. hopefully the gesture is appreciated! if he really does have a sweet tooth like shoko says, you’re not sure why he’d turn it down. again, you can only hope.
you sigh again and turn to leave when the sound of the door creaking open sounds again. you freeze in place when it swings out fully, revealing the very man you were thinking about.
(yaga was not kidding when he said that gojo finishes his missions pretty fast.)
gojo perks up at the sight of you in his office, and even with his blindfold on, you can tell he’s got a surprised look on his face. “can i help you.. or do you have a reason on why you’re snooping around in my office?” he inquires, walking in.
while not evidently hostile, his appearance and words suddenly have you anxious. “oh, well, i-’’ you want to mentally smack yourself for fumbling over your words. “i’m sorry for intruding. i, uh, just wanted to leave you a little something.”
it’s only then does gojo look past you and makes a small noise. you can’t really decipher it, but you watch as he walks by you to open the small packaging to see the slice of cake meant for him.
and when he makes a small noise again, you can tell it’s one of delight. “you got me.. cake?” he asks, looking to you again questioningly.
“i did,” you clarify with a small nod, summoning a small smile and rubbing the back of your neck a bit sheepishly, “i didn’t know what kind of sweet you would like, so i just ended up choosing my favorite cake. um, i really hope you don’t mind the flavor, but if you don’t you really don’t have to eat it so-”
“kikufuku.”
you stare at him, confused. “what?”
“kikufuku,” satoru reiterates, and it’s his turn to smile. (it nearly catches you off guard because although very small, it’s pretty.) “s’my favorite. or.. one of my favorite sweets. crepes are good too.”
his newfound friendliness has you smiling a bit more evidently, pleased that this interaction is your most pleasant one with him so far in the weeks you’ve been here. “oh, okay,” you chuckle, “noted.”
gojo opens the container and unwraps the plastic fork that had came with it. he takes a bite of the cake and hums in approval. “can see why it’s your favorite. it’s not bad.”
your face lightens up at that. “oh, i’m glad.”
he hums, popping another slice of cake into his mouth. “any particular reason on why you’ve decided to give me cake, if i may ask?”
you falter once more, now nervous in telling that you’re hoping to.. resolve this one-sided tension with you. ultimately, you decide to be straightforward, inhaling deeply and looking at him. (well, his blindfold.)
“well, i’m not an idiot, gojo. you haven’t exactly been.. friendly to me. i’m not trying to win you over or anything, but if we’re going to work together with the first year students, consider this a gift for a truce. or um, a peace offering so we can act somewhat decent with each other.”
the white-haired sorcerer falls silent at your confrontation. you’re half expecting him to brush you off and walk out of the room entirely. especially since he seems to have stiffen up (similarly to the way when you first met, you had noticed).
he seems to contemplate for a bit. you don’t know where he’s looking at; the floor, the cake in his hands, you? it’s suddenly nerve-wracking.
“you’re right,” he finally speaks up, “i.. i’m sorry for my previous behavior towards you. can we start over?” he places the cake aside and walks back over to you to hold out his hand.
“gojo satoru.”
your eyes flicker to his blindfold to his hand, then back to where his eyes are hidden underneath. the rumored powerful and breaktaking six eyes concealed from your ever so curious sight.
against your better judgment, you repeat your name and take his hand.
“it’s nice to meet you, gojo.”
your new relationship with gojo is steadily becoming better. he’s no longer curt with you, and actually engages in conversations even with no other people around.
though, you can’t help but feel like he’d avoiding looking at you for some reason. which is pretty far off since you can’t technically see where he’s looking, but it’s a hunch you have nonetheless.
but hey, it’s progress, progress that you’re somewhat happy about.
like now, as satoru leans over your shoulder to peer at the clipboard in your hands. you’ve just finished wrapping up a lesson with the soon-to-be second years out on the field.
“ooh, what’s on the agenda for tomorrow, teach?” he pries.
“assistant teach,” you remind him teasingly, going over the contents of the clipboard. “more sparring. oh, and the registration for that new first year.”
“the one from the countryside?” gojo hums.
you nod. “yep. a.. kugasaki nobara. we won’t actually get to meet her, but arrangements for her arrival are getting finalized.”
“oh, boo. s’just more paperwork,” the sorcerer beside you whines, kicking at the grass.
“at least megumi isn’t the only one now,” you point out and finally turn to him.
just as you expected, satoru glances away to look at panda and toge finishing up. you squint at him narrowly but don’t comment on it.
“that’s true. not like that kid cares anyway, but it’ll be good for him,” gojo agrees airily, shoving his hands into his pockets.
you eye him. “hey, gojo?”
“yeah?” his head remains turned to the students. (further proving your point! you feel like you’re collecting evidence here; the gojo satoru cannot look at you in the eye!)
you hesitate. “wanna grab some kikufuku?”
he perks up at that. (like a puppy, really. it almost makes you laugh.) “mm, whatever happened to not trying to win me over with sweets?” he teases.
you laugh at that then, shaking your head in soft denial. “no- that’s not what i-”
“well, you did said kikufuku.." satoru interrupts you with a dramatic sigh and heave of his shoulders, “so how could i ever possibly resist?”
satoru doesn’t dare to look down at you.
“care to join me?”
but you smile up at him cheekily, and he hates the way the sunlight is hitting your features just right. it looks like the color of your eyes is glistening.
you’re just.. lying down on the grass of one of the training fields, admiring the drifting formations of white clouds on the blue canvas that is the sky.
satoru keeps telling himself that shouldn’t be doing this. his first mistake was accepting your cake. allowing himself to get closer to you. but when you look at him like that, he feels like he can do anything. which is odd, becaues really, he can do anything. it goes without saying as his status as the strongest.
but with you, it’s starting to feel a bit different.
when he doesn’t give you an immediate answer, you tilt your head and continue to blink up at him. “you can see the sky even with your blindfold on, right?”
he snorts. “yeah, i can.”
you pat the space on the grass next to you welcomingly, a beckoning that he just can’t resist again. “well, come on and join me,” you persist.
he hesitates, shifting his weight on his legs for a moment. against his better judgement, he joins you. it’s surprisingly comfortable, he finds, as he kicks out his legs and sighs.
it’s a comfortable silence that it’s almost startling. how easy it is just to be around you. (which is the exact reason why he had been avoiding you in the start, in fear of slipping up around you. he still might.)
“you get headaches, right? if you don’t cover your eyes.”
he chuckles at your question. “yeah.” it’s a half truth, half lie. he does get headaches, but for another reason now. you can’t get out of his head. (he’s got a suspicious feeling it’s because the soulmate bond is incomplete. but again, that’s just a theory of his.)
“‘m’sorry. that sucks.” you pout subconscously, still looking up at the sky to admire it.
he scoffs fondly, clapsing his hands over his stomach. “it’s no biggie. you think headaches can take down gojo satoru?”
“hey now, tough guy. they can take down me sometimes.”
(he’d fight off headaches from you if he could.) his heart is thudding against his ribcage, warning him. but he doesn’t heed the warning, and continues to lay down with you on the grass.
it’s a nice feeling. he doesn’t feel like the greatest sorcerer in the world with his colleague. it feels like he’s just satoru, pointing out the different shapes and animals you can spot in the sky with his soulmate.
“hey, that one looks like you!”
“hah?!”
“i’m guessing you and gojo-sensei are getting along now,” megumi bluntly comments.
it catches you off guard slightly, and you can’t help but laugh. (of course he had noticed how the both of you interacted from the beginning.) “oh, uh, yeah.”
and as you watch satoru go down the steps of the stairs to head over to you both whilst waving an arm with much more enthusiam than needed, you can’t help but smile.
“yeah, we are.”
this is a mistake. he shouldn’t be doing this.
but satoru can’t help but be so selfish, selfish in indulging in your looks, in your scarce touches. when you had confronted him with your peace offering as you had so called it, he had given in.
and now he’s spending more time with you. be it after lessons with the students, on random days where you have nothing to do, during weekends when there’s no authorities to bother him—he can’t help it.
was it the bond wanting to be complete? you were still unaware of his true identity, of what he could possibly mean to you, so why does he feel like he needs to be so close? he gets antsy at times when you’re not in his sight. it’s starting to affect him.
the soulmate bond, or lack of it—that has to be the only explanation for it. because he knows that you’re his soulmate, he’s subconsciously drawn to you and your presence. (it’s definitely not because he likes the way you smile, or laugh, or-)
fuck.
after a relatively tough mission, you’re obviously sent to see shoko. you’re not fatally harmed, maybe a scratch here and there. and okay, maybe a gash on your shoulder..
it had been enough to sort of knock you off your feet, but you’re fine. totally. exorcising a semi grade two curse at 1 a.m. in the morning was no biggie at this point.
once she’s finished tending to your wound, she dusts off her hands and places them on her hips. “you’re all set.”
you smile gratefully. “thanks, sho. can always count you to patch me up.”
she snorts. “well, it is my job.”
gojo suddenly appears right next to the table and you yelp, startled by his teleportation. shoko, on the other hand, looks unfazed, as if she’s used to this.
“gojo!” you blink, your voice taking a scolding tone soon after, “geez, you scared me! what’re you still doing awake??”
the blindfolded man falters, looking apologetic. “sorry. heard you got back from your mission.” he sounds worried, but before he can voice his concern, shoko rolls her eyes.
“they’ll be fine,” she says.
gojo’s shoulders finally drop down and he plays off his previous display of concern with a laugh. “ahaha, yeahhh, i knew that,” he scoffs with a wave of his hand, “i can’t bless you two with my presence?”
shoko gives him a displeased look before she turns around to tidy up her tools. you chuckle at her annoyance. “thanks for checking up on me, satoru,” you say sincerely. your eyes go over his appearance; he’s dressed more casually: a pair of dark slacks and shirt that expose his collarbones. not that you’re.. particularly looking.
but his shoulders seem tense again at your words and he hums quietly. (huh, strange. at least he’s not refusing to look at you anymore, you think.)
“well, i say this calls for a little celebration,” satoru suddenly purrs in delight, waving his hands in the air.
“celebration? for me getting kinda beat up?” you blow a raspberry at him, only for him to blow one at you right back. even though you had done it first, you can’t help but giggle at his childish antics.
he grins at that, then shakes his head. “heyy, i heard you beat up a semi grade two curse!” he says, “i think that does call for a celebration, does it not?”
you stare at him, unsure on whether he’s joking or not. wait, how did he even know that? well, maybe he had gone through the mission reports and assignments. still, you’re surprised that he knows. “you can wipe those out in less than a minute, gojo,” you point out with a raised brow, “don’t try and humor me.”
his grin lessens. “well, yeah, s’kinda easy for me, but i think that goes without saying. you’re telling me don’t wanna celebrate an accomplishment of yours?”
you look to shoko who is almost finished with cleaning up. she just shrugs. you look back to satoru and shrug yourself whilst rolling your eyes. “alright, we can celebrate.”
gojo fist bumps the air. and here you are again, giggling at him.
eventually, when he leads you out of the infirmary and to the teachers’ lounge. he digs through one of the fridges and hands you a bottle of what seems to be alcohol.
“i didn’t even know this was allowed here,” you mumble, settling down on what of the high chairs near the counter. you wiggle in your seat to get comfortable as gojo takes the one next to you.
you offer it to him but he shakes his head, nose scrunching up a little. “i don’t drink.”
“wasn’t this your idea?” you blink. “suit yourself, more for me.” you shrug and open the bottle to pour yourself a glass. and another. and another. and then another.
(you don’t know what particularly drives you to keep drinking as you talk with him, but perhaps it’s the way you know that satoru’s eyes are lingering just underneath the blindfold. you can practically feel his stare.)
and gojo watches you gradually drink yourself to being mildly drunk.
“okay, no more for you,” he laughs as he takes the bottle away from you and holding it above your head when you try to reach for it.
“awh, man.” you pout and rest your head on your arms on the table, looking at him the best you can. “you meanie. you got me drunk on purpose. give it back.”
he snickers, amused and endeared by your drunk antics as he pushes the bottle aside. “sorry. you’ll thank me later, pretty.”
pretty. he’s never called you that before. you wanna hear him say it again. (amongst some other things.)
“pretty.. you’re pretty. i bet your eyes are pretty too,” you say into your sleeve, your other hand reaching out to his blindfold, “everyone else says they’re v’ry pretty.”
he leans back to avoid your hand, heart pounding in his chest a little too loud for his liking. he wonders if you can hear it. “sure. i guess they are,” he says softly with a small chuckle.
“i wonder who my soulmate is,” you then mumble out. maybe it’s the alcohol, maybe it’s your incoherent slurring, but you sound.. sad.
before he can dwell on it, you’re slurring out another question that has come to your head.
“d’you have a soulmate?”
satoru’s eyes widen under the blindfold. he knows that you’re drunk. that you’re just saying things. but your hazy eyes stare up at him with a glint that makes his heart lurch.
and you won’t remember a thing in the morning, right?
before he can answer, you’re out like a light.
you wake up in the morning with a splitting headache.
with a groan, you sit up in what seems to be a bed that seems way to be to be your own, legs kicking the sheets that had been draped over you in alarm.
you have no idea where you are, but there’s a glass of water along with some painkillers on the nightstand beside you, which you down gratefully. there’s also the smell of food coming from outside the room.
you can piece two and two together that you’re probably in the home of someone you know.. your brain racks for information of what had happened last night but it’s only causing it to ache even more.
gojo.
you shake your head and make your way to what seems to be the bathroom to tidy yourself up. you notice that your’re still clad in your clothes of last night, so gojo had done the courtesy of tucking you in.
after you’re done, you take a deep breath and head outside.
you navigate your way down the hallway and follow the smell of food. as you turn the corner, you catch the sight of satoru in the kitchen. not that you doubted that the greatest sorcerer could cook, but for some reason, he looks so domestic.
he’s simply wearing sweats and a loose fitting shirt, your back turned to you as he tends to the stove, but the mere sight of it has your heart leaping into your throat. you have a feeling that it’s a sight meant for you, for you to see.
you don’t no how long you stand there, but suddenly a laugh rings through the kitchen from satoru teasingly. “take a picture, sweetheart, it’ll last longer.”
you yelp, embarrassed. (sweetheart? you try not to think about it, but you hate the way it makes your heart leap again. he’s just.. messing with you.) “erm.. sorry. good morning, gojo.” you approach the kitchen and take a seat at the counter.
when he finally turns to you, he’s not wearing his usual black blindfold, but instead what seems to be white bandages. you haven’t seen it on him before, but you don’t comment on it though.
he says good morning back before serving you some food, which you thank him for gratefully. “thank you for the painkillers too. i didn’t do anything embarrassing last night, did i?” you inquire, half jokingly.
you try to remember what had happened last night, but your memories are still a bit hazy. all you can recall is talking with him about things and staring at him. (you’re not going to tell him that though.)
“nah,” he waves off, “just told me your darkest secrets, s'all.”
you straighten up. “what?”
“kidding, kidding!” he snickers.
you groan and drag your plate to you. “i didn’t know you could cook.”
satoru looks mildly offended, emitting a dramatic gasp as he waves the spatula at you in a petulant manner. “hey now, i’m no expert. but i can at least make some sort of breakfast.”
(he totally did not look up a tutorial on how to cook for you. definitely not. but he’s a natural at everything, so at least his naturally gifted skill is in his favor this time.)
“thank you, gojo.” a smile tugs at the edges of your mouth.
“satoru.”
“what?”
“c’mon, you’re literally eating breakfast in my kitchen,” he laughs, sliding a mug of coffee (probably with extra cream and sugar because it’s gojo) towards you across the counter. “satoru’s fine.”
you test the name on your tongue, paying little attention to the way it makes the man before you stiffen up as you grab the coffee. “satoru.. thanks, satoru.” you think you can get used to saying that.
(he does too.)
satoru turns away back to the stove. “you’re welcome.”
“hey satoru, what did you say what you wanted again? i’m thinking bubble tea but i dunno..”
he likes the way his name sounds from you.
“uh, satoru? satoru? helloo, earth to gojo satoru? satoru!”
oh.
fuck, he hadn’t realized he had spaced out. gojo lifts his head in a sudden motion, making a surprised noise. he smiles sheepishly. “what’s up?”
“you feeling alright, satoru?” you tilt your head.
keep saying his name.
“awhh, i’m feeling more than alright, sweetheart.” he shoots you a grin, liking the way your eyes reflect the café lights, giving it a warm hue. “i’ll have whatever you’re having.”
“you seem to be in a good mood lately,” megumi points out. ijichi, in the front see, looks at the two of them through the rear view in silent agreement.
(a lot of people have noticed actually.)
gojo pauses, halfway through unwrapping the plastic of a popsicle. it’s the same one he used to consume during his youth, but his taste really hasn’t changed after all this time. “oh?”
the teenager eyes him narrowly. “yeah.”
gojo merely hums and pops the icy treat into his mouth.
“heh, i guess i am.”
you can hear gojo and shoko’s voices coming from the infirmary, causing you to smile absentmindedly. you didn’t think you’d be enjoying their company this much in the recent months—especially satoru’s.
(strangely, it feels so natural to be around him, you can’t help but wonder if he feels the same. you try to write it off as spending so much time together for a while now, but you can’t lie when you say he doesn’t make the stomach churn with butterflies.)
you turn the corner and announce your presence to the two with a smile and wave. you catch sight of them when they glance over to you, noticing something different.
shoko is wearing her usual white coat with a cigarette in hand, but she’s got her hair tied up in a rare bun to keep any strands from her face.
but that’s not what’s different as your gaze strays to the man next to her, the familiar frame of gojo catching you a bit off guard.
he’s wearing his glasses.
you’ve never seen him wear anything but his blindfold.
how does he look even more breathtaking than without it? you can’t see his eyes still, no—it’s a deep, deep shade of blue that still blocks his gaze from anyone else. but it’s a more casual look, seeing as his hair isn’t being help up and a few strands fall down and you can see his sharp facial features a bit more and-
and then he’s gone.
you audibly make a sound of confusion and hurt, because one moment he’s there and the next he’s no where to be seen. he had vanished without a single world.
he’s fucking avoiding you again; the realization of it makes your throat close up. after all you had been through with satoru.
“what the fuck was that?”
shoko stares at the space gojo had just been standing, just as lost as you.
there’s a distance between the two of you again. it’s painstakingly familiar to when you had first met gojo and he had kept himself strictly professional with you.
and you don’t know why.
it’s back to the cold shoulder from him; you’re seeing him less and less around campus, and those times where you did hang out off duty are practically a thing of the past now.
satoru is going to be the death of you one day, you’re sure of it.
and you and satoru aren’t even.. a thing.
then again, you’re not even sure what you are. you’re friends, yes, that’s much more than clear, but why does it feel so much more intimate than that despite the fact that the two of you have never even done anything?
however.. a part of you knows that you want more. more of those days lying in the grass with him, more of those mornings eating breakfast with him in his home, more of those afternoon café runs, more of everything with satoru.
is that why does it hurts so much now that he’s pushed you away again?
satoru is praying that you’re not in there with shoko as he approaches the infirmary a week later. she had called him over, and though he could’ve easily refused, he found himself obliging anyway.
“hey, what was that the other day?”
shoko is blunt and straight to the point once he arrived, striking him with a petulant and expectant gaze with her tired eyes.
gojo blinks innocently, tilting his head at shoko. “what was what?”
shoko then rolls her eyes. “you know what i’m talking about. what was that. you just- walked out like they we’re going to kill you or something.”
that’s the thing. you just might.
the white-haired man frowns and continues to feign innocence. he’s starting to wonder why he bothered coming here. “i have no idea what you’re talking about.”
his avoidance causes shoko to frown as well and she crosses her arms. “you’re doing the same thing that you did with them when they first joined here.”
when he doesn’t say anything, she continues, “avoiding them, pushing them away. i thought you didn’t have any problems with them. at this point, make up your mind because you’re just toying with their feelings and it’s not going to-”
“we’re soulmates,” satoru blurts out.
shoko is cut off, staring at him all wide-eyed for once. “you’re kidding.”
satoru falters. “i’m not. s’why i always wear the blindfold. and that’s why i.. i ran last night. just my glasses was too risky.”
what if he had angled his head the wrong way, what if you saw his eyes, what if you finally realized that you were fated to be together at the whims of the universe? he couldn’t do that to you.
“how long have you-”
“since we first met. i.. i could see it because of six eyes,” he explains, running a hand through his hair. “i don’t know why. i didn’t think i could have another one after-”
the two fall quiet at the mention of suguru, a heavy feeling hanging in the air between them.
“what are you going to do?” shoko asks quietly.
satoru sounds wrecked. “..i don’t know.”
“well.” shoko smushes her cigarette against the surface of the metal table. “you better do something before it’s too late.”
unfortunately, the higher ups have also noticed.
(the push and pull that has been going on between the pride of the gojo clan and a random transferred sorcerer from kyoto. nothing goes unseen by their tight hold on jujutsu society.)
and you are none the wiser when you’re an assigned a mission late so at night, at a secluded edge of tokyo. you would’ve questioned it, but after looking over the details, it seems easy enough since it was a low level curse.
ijichi drops you off near the location and bids you luck. the night is dark, with the shape of the moon only peaking out every now and then due to the clouds to offer minimum light, and then the veil is coming up.
it’s fine though, as you start walking to get this over with. the faster, the better.
what the fuck? the cursed energy here is much stronger than you had anticipated, almost as if it’s suffocating. now uneasy, you continue your search with more caution.
a low growl sounds from somewhere behind you, and you turn on heel to brace yourself in case the curse decides to catch you off guard with an unexpected attack.
your heart drops.
it’s a grade one curse.
something’s not right.
satoru can feel it. he can sense it in the air. something is lingering, a presence that makes even him feel uneasy, and he doesn’t know why. nothing makes him feel uneasy. but it’s a gut feeling, it’s the bond tugging and tugging and-
you.
something’s not right.
and then gojo is teleporting and finding ijichi in record time, giving the poor man a scare. gojo’s voice is on edge and leaves no room for argument as he demands the assistant director where he had driven you minutes prior. the veil still stands, undisturbed.
fuck, fuck, fuck- shoko was right. he should’ve done something before it was too late, because now it might actually be too late as he steps through the veil.
it’s too quiet for his liking, but the lingering silence only lasts for a few heartbeats before he hears you scream.
you’re going to die.
you don’t want to think that, but you’re definitely not going to make it out of this unscathed as you dodge the curse’s scarily accurate attacks, as if it knows where you’re going to move and land.
the curse screeches out something ugly, and you’re too stunned to react in time as one of its malformed limbs swings down with a speed that you can’t comprehend.
your throat cries for help even as the air out of your lungs, but then there’s the sudden brilliant flash of red that blinds your vision.
satoru?
you can’t see and your body aches everywhere while the sounds of the curse fade out. it’s replaced by the sound of someone speaking frantically. it is satoru as he crouches down at you, hands coming to lift you up gently. his infinity is off. “hey, hey it’s me,” he voices, “it’s me, sweetheart.”
satoru, it’s satoru. satoru is here.
you emit a sigh of relief, cloudy vision gradually focusing. you try and focus it on satoru, tracing over his features repeatedly, trying to engrave it into your memory.
“shit. those damn higher ups,” gojo grits his teeth into an angered scowl. the higher ups? were they behind this? you don’t know, but you know that you’ve ever seen him this furious before. “i am going to rip those old geezers apart limb from li-”
“satoru, we need to head back.”
he looks dazed, tufts of snowy hair now hanging a bit loosely over his blindfold compared to when it’s normally pushed upright. he even sounds dazed, the great gojo satoru, when he says, “yeah. yeah, okay.”
he’s holding on to you tight and suddenly everything seems to get blurry for less than a second before you blink. you realize he’s teleported you both not to the school, not to shoko’s infirmary, but to his penthouse.
the interior is at least familiar: white walls, a little messy, a couple of decorations, and—
“my place,” he clarifies, as if he had read your thoughts. he sets you down on his couch, uncaring if you’re staining the color of the cushions. but he doesn’t let go, hands still cradling your form so tight that you don’t know if you’re still shaking or that he is.
“are you okay?” you utter out weakly and scan him for any injuries while clutching at his arms, which is ridiculous because he’s untouchable. but you’re not in the right mind right now, and you have a feeling he isn’t either.
“i should be the one asking you that,” he retorts, and you also have the feeling he’s doing the same thing with you with the help of his six eyes.
“i’m alright,” you try to reassure him with a small shake of your head. it only aids you in wincing, but the pain is the last thing on your mind. especially with him here. “it’s fine.”
“it’s not fine,” he argues, his hold tightening even more on you, if that was even possible. is that a slight tremor in his voice? “you almost died.”
“and why do you care?” it’s not a malicious question from you. it’s more of confusion, of genuine. after all you’ve been through with satoru, you’re not sure where he stands. what he feels.
he seems startled by your question, like he can’t believe you could ask such a thing. “of course i care! why-”
you clench your fists in your lap, eyes tracing over his face repeatedly. “i don’t know what you want anymore from me, satoru! you’re not- you’re not telling me the truth.”
“i didn’t want to hurt you,” he tells you hoarsely. god, you wish you could see what he’s thinking. what’s going on in that head of his.
“you did hurt me.”
gojo trembles. “i know.”
“you seem to know a lot of things.” your voice sounds tired. your hand goes to rest on his chest, where you can faintly feel his heartbeat underneath. (oh, to be the only one who can touch gojo satoru like this.) “what are you hiding from me?”
“i can’t hide anything from you.” he draws a slow intake of breath. he then whispers,
“but how am i supposed to tell you that we’re soulmates?”
your heart skips a beat.
gojo satoru is your soulmate?
astonished, you now stare at him with wide eyes. “why- why didn’t you tell me??” you ask, voice cracking. to think, all this time, your soulmate had been right there, right beside you, right in front of you.
then it all clicks. his off-standish behavior, his reluctant interactions, his avoidance. his blindfold. he didn’t want you to see his eyes.
he’s known all this time somehow—and oh, oh. his six eyes. your lips part in realization as you stare hard, as if you could see his damned eyes beneath the cloth that hides you from the truth.
“i thought that if you knew that we were soulmates, you’d-” satoru shakes his head. “something always happens to the people i love.” he hesitates, “you still have a chance. you can find someone else.”
“what if i don’t want someone else??” you say out softly in protest, gripping the lapels of his uniform.
gojo shakes his head again. despite this, he doesn’t let you go. like he can’t, like he doesn’t want to. “we’re not bonded yet,” he says your name shakily. “please.”
still gripping the collar of his uniform, you tug him closer to you desperately. it’s so clear, so obvious that he wanted this.
“satoru, have you thought about what i wanted?” you breathe out, feeling tears well up in your eyes, “that maybe, there’s a chance that i want to take the risk? that i want to be bonded to you?”
your eyes flicker down to his lips momentarily. “that i want you too?”
satoru’s breath stutters.
“you haven’t seen my eyes.”
you cup satoru’s face in your hands, swiping your thumb under the space where his eye is hidden with a fierce tenderness that makes him listen.
“satoru, i didn’t need to see your eyes to fall in love with you.”
your confession has him stilling.
(all the times he had stiffened up in your presence, he had been falling for you, bit by bit. you know that now.)
his hand comes to cover yours, the one that’s still resting on his cheek, fingers smoothing over your knuckles. and then his hand continues to go up, up, up, and-
he tugs the blindfold up and over his head, revealing his eyes to you at last.
his eyes are gorgeous, a blue that seems to spill into your vision and take over your senses. a blue that you can get lost in, a blue that reminds you of the summer sky, a blue that tethers your soul to his, and you both can feel it.
the bond between you is so electrifying that you nearly forget how to breathe.
and then satoru is surging forward, closer, even closer, until your breath is his and you forget how to breathe for a whole different reason entirely.
he’s kissing you.
he kisses you like you might disappear right before him, his head angling into yours to capture your lips with a force that makes your world spin.
and you return it tenfold, one hand still cradling his face while the other sneaks to dig its fingers into his undercut, and he’s making a noise into your mouth with fervor.
you’re all too aware of his heat against you, the frantic touches he’s now giving into as he draws you closer. the surface of the sofa dissipates into nothingness and then-
suddenly he’s teleporting you both again—or maybe he’s kissing you dizzy. but you realize you’re now in space that’s not overly familiar with you, but you can tell it’s most likely his bedroom based off of the feel of the lush satin sheets underneath you.
less than an hour ago you were fighting for your life, and now you’re fighting for your life on gojo satoru’s bed.
“satoru, s’toru, wait-” you’re gasping for air, for something as he engulfs you with his presence. he’s everywhere all at once, and it feels as if the bond is intensifying everything he’s doing to you.
“nuh uh. think we’ve both waited long enough for this, baby,” he gasps against your lips, like it’s impossible to be separated from you again, “don’t know how much i wanted this, wanted you. drove me crazy.”
his words makes your head all fuzzy. you don’t even know if it’s the bond anymore, or just the way he makes you feel. maybe even both. your lungs feeling like they’re burning, but even then, you manage to get out,
“you have me, ‘toru, you have me.”
“yeah?” when he pulls back, it’s not even a few inches, his nose brushing against yours. his alluring eyes glimmer in the darkness of the room, and you’re almost so mad that you feel like kissing him again because he’s kept them from you for so long.
your hands hook over his neck again. when your fingers run over his undercut again, you can actually feel him shiver, causing you to giggle in delight. “yeah, ‘toru.”
“yeah, pretty,” he sighs out and he’s losing himself in everything that is you once more so willingly. your eyes, your very being, compels him to give you everything, so he does. “y’have me too. all of me.”
his confession rings through your ears before he’s kissing you again, kissing you breathless. it’s a blur on what happens next; feverish touches and passionate symphonies, but one thing’s for sure,
the magnetic glow of his eyes in the dark of that night is something that you’ll never forget.
as your stir amongst the tousled bedsheets, you can feel the warmth of a certain someone creeping over you, like a cozy cat searching for cuddles.
your eyes peer open to meet the blurry sight of the ceiling, along with the sight of messy white hair tickling your chin.
“good morning to you, sweetheart,” a voice says cheekily, followed by cascading kisses down your jawline, prompting you to giggle softly.
you watch sunlight spill over into the bedroom, engulfing the man above you in an angelic glow as he finally pulls back to look down at you.
so maybe you didn’t fall in love at first sight with gojo satoru.
that’s okay.
cause as you stare up into your soulmate’s pretty ceruleans in the morning light, you think you can fall in love with him like this a little more.
BONUS!
“you owe me.”
nanami drags a hand over his face as he digs into his pocket for his wallet. “this is the first and last time i make a bet with you,” he grumbles.
shoko merely smirks. “you have such little faith in gojo.”
“bet or not, can we go back to before they were together?” nanami looks like he’s close to investing in a pair of one of gojo’s glasses that can block any normal person’s vision.
satoru is clinging onto you like a sloth.
“babyyyyy,” your boyfriend whines, resting his chin on your shoulder with his arms wrapped around your torso. you can’t help but giggle, endeared by his clinginess. (he had claimed it was to make up for the way he had acted in the past and for lost time.)
he’s like another part of you now. not that you mind. being his soulmate is everything and more—from the tender touches to the passionate ones, to the talks of everything: to the mundane to the serious. after all, your soul is his, and his soul is yours.
(and then his hands are sneaking off to places they shouldn’t be.)
“‘toru, not here!”
nanami heaves out another sigh as his hand comes to pinch the bridge of his nose. “is it too late to quit being a sorcerer again?”
TAGLIST : @spn-obession , @deepestartisanhumanoidshark , @scarasw1f3 , @kalopsia-flaneur , @90s-belladonna , @peachipeachy , @chrystinaamanda , @kalulakunundrum , @hunnyheavenn , @dekusdante , @dontmindmelove , @cherries-lostgirls , @rv19 , @etherealstarlightqueen
+ a/n: this fic ended up being way no longer than i expected omg.. but thanks to all who asked to be on the taglist !! some didnt work so im sorry about that </3
like this fic? feel free to go ahead and check out my other works here! -> masterlist
#gojo x reader#satoru x reader#satoru gojo x reader#satoru gojo x you#gojo satoru x gn!reader#gojo x gender neutral reader#gojo x gn!reader#gojo x you#satoru x you#gojo satoru x reader fluff#gojo satoru x you fluff#satoru gojo x reader fluff#satoru gojo x you fluff#gojo x reader fluff#gojo x you fluff#satoru x reader fluff#satoru x you fluff#gojo satoru x reader angst#gojo satoru x you angst#satoru gojo x reader angst#satoru gojo x you angst#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen x gender neutral reader#jujutsu kaisen x gn reader#my writing#rain’s writing
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coffee, croissants, carm. // c. berzatto
hi guysssss <3 trying something a little different with a social media au (smau.) just some brief context i guess, lol. you're syd's best friend and have been away for a year, studying abroad, then you meet carmy through her. and it just progresses over a few months. ANYWAY, i hope you guys like this. (no pictures are my own, all from pinterest, credit to the original owners.)
yourusername made a post
liked by sydddadamu, yourcousin, and 43 others
yourusername: london was lovely, but it's good to be home! syd coming through with a home-cooked meal >:)
tagged: @/sydddadamu
friend1: miss you already!! come back soon <3
-> yourusername: you know i will!! when i'm not broke lol, gotta job hunt now :/
sydddadamu: damn who is that very professional chef in the second slide?
-> yourusername: idk but the meal was 1000/10. get this woman a michelin star NEOOWW
yourcousin: so, i should be expecting you this weekend for the debrief, yes? i need to know all the details about those london boys ;)
-> sydddadamu: BOYS? am i missing something??
-> yourusername: NO LMAO if there was something to tell, you would already know
~~~~~
yourusername made a post
liked by user1, sydddadamu, youraunt, and 38 others
yourusername: sweet home chicago <3
tagged: @/sydddadamu
youraunt: lovely ladies!!! that tree outside your window is beautiful!
-> yourusername: it's my favourite view <3
sydddadamu: couldn't have chosen a better photo?!
-> yourusername: shut up, ur hot
-> sydddadamu: your hand in marriage, then?
~~~~~
yourusername made a post
liked by sydddadamu, thebeef_chicago, and 46 others
yourusername: MY GIRL A CHEFFFFFFFFFFFFFF (gotta drive her to work tho) i hope they don't remember us here, because the study sessions we used to have were loud.
tagged: @/sydddadamu, @/thebeef_chicago
sydddadamu: didn't have to expose teenage me like that
-> yourusername: teenage you was incredible. she just frowned a lot.
~~~~~
yourusername made a post
liked by friend1, sydddadamu, cberzatto, and 52 others
yourusername: in my 'spending all my money on coffee and books' era. (i've been like this my whole life.)
friend2: iconnnnnnnn
sydddadamu: yo the last slide??
friend1: who is that?
-> yourusername: that's my wife obvs
-> friend1: you know that's not who i meant
-> friend2: oof no further comment? it's a boyfriend for sure.
~~~~~
yourusername made a post
liked by cberzatto, sydddadamu, and 68 others
yourusername: coffee, croissants, carm.
friend3: ???soft launch???
-> yourusername: perhaps.
youraunt: which cafe is that? we need to catch up :)
-> yourusername: i'm free this weekend!! i'd love to see you and uncle dave!!
sydddadamu: this is your version of live, love, laugh.
-> yourusername: you get me <3
~~~~~
yourusername made a post
liked by cberzatto, sydddadamu, friend3, and 72 others
yourusername: all in the details.
tagged: @/cberzatto
cberzatto: <3
-> yourusername: <3
-> richierichjerimovich: fucking hell, he does know how to use his phone. doesn't pick it up, tho.
sydddadamu: how did richie get here before i did?
friend1: glad to see you're making some new friends! bring them to london next time around <3 friday karaoke isn't the same without you!
~~~~~
yourusername made a post
liked by cberzatto, sydddadamu, marcus.brooks, and 77 others
yourusername: he's so pretty when he... you guys know the song.
tagged: @/cberzatto
friend2: the hardest of hard launches!! so happy for you!!
friend1: NOW i know why you've been kicking your feet and giggling whenever we factime!!!!
sydddadamu: the caption is insane on this one.
-> yourusername: pretend you don't see it.
marcus.brooks: bringing the energy to the beef!
-> richierichjerimovich: we've always had energy?
-> marcus.brooks: not the good kind.
-> sydddadamu: there's definitely less yelling now, thank god
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
OKAY hi <3 thanks for reading this :) this is a bit all over the place because i didn't have any kind of plot in mind when putting this together, but i have a few other ideas that i'll be able to articulate better. this was just a bit of fun hehehe love y'all. let me know if this is something you'd like to see more of!!!
tagging some cuties: @martiansodas-blog @foreveraimingtowardsthesky @laiiaaa @thecapricunt1616 @nolita-fairytale @carmenberzattosgf
#the bear#the bear fx#carmy berzatto#carmen berzatto#jeremy allen white#carmen berzatto x reader#carmy berzatto x reader#carmen berzatto x you#carmy berzatto x you#sydney adamu#syd adamu#richie jerimovich#marcus brooks#the bear hulu
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I've seen a lot of really excellent analysis on Charles' reaction to Edwin's confession, but there's a huge aspect that I haven't seen talked about at all yet. And that is, namely:
Charles Rowland is a people-pleaser.
Doesn't seem like there's a connection there, does it? Have a seat, my friends. Let me break this down.
The show lays the groundwork for this aspect of Charles' personality early. It's one of the very first things we learn about him, in fact. He's kind and agreeable and helpful, and he's always, always smiling. When Crystal insults him, he laughs it off. When Crystal and Edwin fight, he scrambles to diffuse the situation. He calls himself "a good sort of a chap," and it's important to him that he is.
In episode 3, we find out why. At home, love was always conditional for him. He spent his entire life trying to please his father, and he confesses to Crystal that no matter how nice he was, or how good at sports, it was never enough. That's how Charles sees the world. If he can make people happy, he might actually be good enough for them to love him.
Not only didn't he earn his father's affection, he didn't even manage, in his own eyes, to clear the low bar of being good enough to earn the privilege of not being hurt. And his mother, he says, was "quiet." From the flashback we see, she never stepped in for him or defended him. However hard he was trying, it wasn't enough to get her to intervene on his behalf.
So who else does he have? His "friends"? The ones who literally murder him when he steps in to stop them from doing a terrible thing? The act he put on wasn't enough to win them over in the end, either. However friendly he was, however personable, they turned on him and left him for dead.
Then he meets Edwin.
And when he meets Edwin, he's at his absolute lowest. He's not smiling and putting on a show, for once. He's in a corner of an attic cowering while he slowly freezes to death. But here comes Edwin, offering him kindness, and company, and comfort.
All these things that Charles has spent his whole life chasing, trying to be good enough to earn? Edwin just gives them to him.
Of course he stays with this boy. Edwin is there when he's lost in the dark, shining a light to guide the way. Edwin has seen him unsmiling and afraid, not a shred of his usual act in place, and Edwin has offered him kindness anyway.
So they begin their time together. And what are the things Charles will pick up on almost immediately?
Edwin says right away that he's spent ages in hell. He's plainly had an awful time. He doesn't know how to handle people anymore, but Charles, he knows how to be amiable, how to smile, how to offer levity when things get grim.
So he does. He falls back into what he thinks Edwin needs, the way he always tried to be what his father wanted to see. In the very first episode, he tells Crystal, "I try to be extra happy for all of us, don't I? And I do a pretty good job."
He doesn't ever discuss his own trauma because these boys are terrible at communication, but more than that. He doesn't ever bring it up because he's busy being the support he thinks Edwin needs.
And importantly, Charles doesn't have the self-reflection skills to realize that's what he's doing. Crystal clocks him with shocking accuracy, three episodes in. "He's been hiding it from you," she tells Edwin. "Probably been hiding it from himself." She's spot-on here: when Charles doesn't want to examine his own emotions, or can't face them, he shoves them down under a smile and he carries on pretending.
But that's not the only thing Charles will have picked up on from Edwin.
It's blindingly obvious that Edwin is bad at people. He's terribly repressed. He's from a culture in which emotional honesty and physical affection were not valued or encouraged. But more than any of that, Edwin has his sexual awakening during the events of the show. Before then, he is absolutely clueless about his own wants.
So we have a situation where a consummate people-pleaser who has spent his entire life learning that he has to earn affection finds his way into a friendship with the first person who ever saw him with his mask down and gave him kindness anyway.
Of course he stays with this boy. Of course he wants to keep this.
And what's the best way Charles knows to win someone over? Well, by being what he thinks they want.
So, out come the smiles, for Edwin's sake as much as his own. But more importantly, out comes whatever Charles thinks he needs to perform, in order to keep what is the single most important relationship in his entire life and afterlife.
At this point, Edwin has shown zero romantic or sexual interest, not just in Charles, but in anyone at all. He doesn't especially seem inclined to dating, or to romance, or even to physical affection.
So Charles takes his cues from Edwin, and the cues are very firmly, for thirty years: this boy doesn't have a glimmer of interest in him, not that way.
Fast-forward to the events of the show. Fast-forward to a staircase in hell, where they are being chased by a literal demon. Suddenly his best mate, who he has spent thirty years with, who is his most important person in the world, is saying that he's in love with him.
Of course he needs a minute. Of course he has to sort that through. Any feelings he has for Edwin are things that he has spent literal decades firmly ignoring in the scramble to try and earn affection by being what he thinks Edwin needs him to be.
Because Charles is a people-pleaser at heart. And he may be dreadful at self-reflection, but he is aces at hiding things from himself.
#dead boy detectives#payneland#edwin payne#charles rowland#edwin x charles#dbda#dbda spoilers#meta commentary
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when ed says "this tatty old thing?" about the piece of silk, he instinctively does what he's used to: he puts on a brave face and pretends that in no way is he affected by human emotion and sentiment. it's not manly to care for a childhood trinket, and it's certainly not piratey.
stede, though? he immediately recognises the cloth for what it is and treats it with respect. and ed? ed knows that he can trust him. he doesn't have to hide.
on the contrary, ed does hide his softer parts from izzy – and for very understandable reasons! he hides a figurine because at no point in his life did izzy even try to get to know him. maybe he did at the very beginning – if the whole "blackbeard is you and me" thing is even true, it could easily be just one of izzy's tales – and said, "no, that's not what you're going to be, we're going to make you a legend." both ideas are, by the way, really appealing and i would love to discuss them someday.
anyway. stede is back, and what do we see happen? ed shows him the fish, stede reacts the way ed expects him to react – it is a test in trust, a trust fall, if you like – and then recreates the "you wear fine things well moment". not just to tell him that he wants to be kissed (he does, obviously)! to show stede that he's passed. ed is safe to trust him again.
in conclusion? i'm really fucking happy that they didn't go with "izzy has his own memory dear to his heart that he cherishes and hides from everyone" idea because the bastard doesn't fucking deserve it.
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I’m already gone
Character: choso x m!reader, yuji x reader (PLATONIC)
Warnings: character death! SPOILERS FOR 259
A/N: This wasn’t requested, just sort little something because I love pain 😭✌️
A/N: GOJO NEXT
A/N: THE TIMELINE IS DIFFERENT TO MAKE IT FLOW BETTER.
🎵Listen to already gone by sleeping at last🎵
Growing up in the world of sorcery, you were taught that curses were evil. They were ugly and were the most vilest things on this earth, but then you met him. Choso, a hybrid between a curse and a human, and he was beautiful. He was introduced to you as yuji's half-brother. You were erie of him at first, not understanding how could a curse be good. Even if he was only half, over time, you and him grew closer. You began to see he was more human than anything. He had more humanity than most humans. His soul and everything about him were beautiful l, even during the moments he didn't feel beautiful. Those moments were he cried into your chest, that he was a monster. You never understood how he could think that. The love that he showed you and his brothers was love that monsters couldn't possess.
He was the best thing to ever happen to you. He was kind and gentle to those he loved. He cherished and projected y'all like his life depended on it.
You were currently out of fighting during an injury. Choso told you not to stay awake waiting for him to return, but you never listened anyway. It always ends with him coming home to you asleep on the couch. This night was no different. One moment, you were lying there watching the tv, and then the next, you were asleep. It was a beautiful, peaceful dream. You and choso were at the beach enjoying the waves and the sun. It was empty there as if it were only you and him on the earth. No other soul, no curses, no fighting just each other
He was chasing you around the beach, the sound of yours and his laughter being music to your ears. Then, all of a sudden, he stops and just stares at you. The action caused you to stop in your tracks too. You took a breather for a second before walking up to him. "Hey, what's wrong?" You brought one of your hands to his cheeks, caressing the apples of them gently. He nuzzled against your hand slightly before bringing his hand up to yours.
"Nothing is wrong, this is perfect." He smiled so gently at you. He cupped your cheeks, his hands bringing your lips to his. He kissed you so softly as if you were the most fragile piece of glass. Then he pressed his forehead against yours. " I love you," He whispered to you. "You couldn't have loved me better, thank you." He pressed longing kissed on your head.
You let out a little giggle, "There's no need to thank me, silly." His arms rested around you and slowly caressed you back
“I know, I just wanted to also so you don’t forget.” You could hear his voice break a little bit
“Cho don’t get sad on me baby, we’re happy and plus you’ll be back soon and we can do nothing but be with each other” He nodded his head at your words. You quickly escaped from his grasp and started running. “Now come get me lover boy”You yelled back, it caused he to start chasing after you full force.
You were awakened from your slumber by a knock at the door. It was yuji. He looked distressed, and he was crying. "Hey, are you okay." He quickly shook his head, and his lips started quiver. You quickly brought him into a hug not rushing him to get his words. He was sobbing into your shoulder. You could barely make out the words he was saying, but then you heard a broken "I'm sorry" and "choso"
"What?" The world felt like it stopped spinning and had begun to crumble around you. Your chest felt heavy, it felt like you could get air into your lungs. You pulled away from the crying boy and walked slowly to the couch you were previously sleeping on. He followed you in and set on the couch with you. You deep breaths, trying to keep your composure.
"I'm sorry, he sacrificed himself for me. I didn't know he was going to do that. Everyone keeps dying around me, and I can't do anything to stop it. It's all my fault." He barely gotten through his words with the hiccups and the crying. You gently pushed his head onto your shoulder.
"It's not your fault yuji. Choso was selfless, he would do that thousands and thousands of times again even if he knew the outcome. Which he did, and that's why he did it." Your voice was breaking and cracking, but you just gave him a soft smile trying to comfort the young boy.
Eventually, exhaustion hit yujiand he slept on your couch. You laid alone in the quiet room, the only noise were your wails. The pillows that still smelt like choso were soaked with your tears as you held it tightly to your body.
"Wake up, you have to wake up. This is just a nightmare, you'll wake up." You spoke to yourself in between your wails of sorrow and pain. In reality, you knew the truth. This is reality and he was truly gone. He will always be gone
I ADDED YUJI AND READER COMFORTING EACH BECAUSE THAT POOR BOY NEVER HAS TIME TO GREIVE AND HE DESERVES SOME AND COMFORT
BYE Y'ALL ✌️😭, I HATE YOU GEGE
#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen x male reader#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x male reader#male reader#choso#jjk#choso kamo#choso x reader#jjk x reader#choso x male reader#jjk choso#x reader
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hi andie!! 🥺 i have a few lil questions for you, if you don’t mind 🥺 (you may choose to answer this publicly or privately, whichever is more comfortable for you!)
would you have any tips/advice for writing/posting on a schedule? 🥺 how do you manage to stay on top of releasing/writing parts of your series consistently? do you keep daily goals? internal deadlines? a system? 🥺
i’ve always adored how organised you are with your fics!! and how regularly you write and update too 🥺 i am currently ~~trying to write and post more regularly (esp the ones for ficsforgaza!) but am stuck on how/where to start 🥺
Hi Sellie my love!! Omg yeah of course I'm happy to answer!! Idk that my system will work for you because everyone is different but I'm happy to explain my process!
These days I do not have much time or large stores of the right kind of focused energy it takes to write, mostly due to work and other personal life things I have going on right now. So I'm all about keeping goals microscopic as hell, removing blockers that distract me, and removing any pressure to write, actually lmao. I find that I'm most enthusiastic and productive when I don't feel like it's another obligation to deliver on, in the midst of all the other thousands of things I am responsible for in my day-to-day, if that makes sense?
In terms of goals, I have a loose one of writing just 100 words a day, but I cannot emphasize enough how loose it is. I do not ever try to make up for days I missed because that just adds more pressure. I do not try to push myself into doing it if I'm not feeling it because the last thing I want is for writing to feel like anything but a fun hobby. If you intend to take the Andie approach, I would advise you to set a goal that you think is so small you could achieve it by sneezing on your keyboard. Meeting goals is like, proven to release dopamine & boost your mindset, so it's more important overall to meet any goal than it is to have an impressive one.
Relatedly, I only promise things on a schedule when I know 100% I have the enthusiasm to meet it. I don't set deadlines to motivate myself, rather I let the deadlines be motivated by me, if that also makes sense? And if I have competing fics, I will prioritize working on whichever one has an actual deadline (like I set aside all my other fics to work on the one for Lore's a/b/o collab) because I know the boost I'm going to get from delivering on that is going to help me write the other ones after anyway.
I also try to remove as many blockers as I can so that writing is easy as pie. I write when I know I can control most of the factors that would sabotage me—early in the morning. If I can help it, I usually try to write first thing before I log on to any of my socials in case there's some spicy discourse I'm going to be absorbed by. It's also essential for me to do before work because work sucks the absolute life out of me right now, and I am almost never in the right headspace when I get home. Also no one ever tries to call or text me first thing in the morning so there are fewer distractions at play and it's quick work to just sit down and bang a few lines out.
I also set up my fics so that it's easy for me personally to work through them. They are all planned in advance so I know where I have to go with my writing and I'm not stuck waiting for an idea. But they're also not planned down to the detail, so that I don't feel like there's nothing left for me to explore mentally when writing!! That helps keep things directed but still interesting to me, so I feel motivated to keep returning to them.
It's really all about finding what works for you! Reflecting on what you've written already, when did you feel most motivated to write? What time of day was it, most often? What fic was it and how had you planned that/what was the subject material? Was it when you'd had a deadline to work against, or when no one knew you were working on it? Recreating those conditions to the best of your ability is what I think will help you stay engaged.
And again I cannot emphasize how much more important it is to stay motivated than it is to deliver anything regularly or on an impressive timeline. The motivation is the key to helping you to keep delivering long term. If you write something regularly for 2-3 months but then burn out, that's not gonna help you!! And honestly, meeting small goals and feeling good is actually going to motivate you to write more and faster anyway, so it's a win-win lol.
#i hope this makes sense!!!!!!#feeling a lil bit jumbled this morning so it's not as directed and articulate as i would like but i hope the key points are clear & helpful#ask andie
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About Stolas's mortality:
Stolas is confident enough in his invulnerability that he doesn't take assassination attempts seriously (see Loo Loo Land and the beginning of Western Energy). But at the same time he's fixated enough on his mortality that as a young dad (early twenties?) he sings to his daughter about a time when he'll be gone and later, in the present, worries about dying alone. So what gives?
I think there are a few possibilities.
He's seen a prophesy about his own death. I've seen this theory floating around a bunch, and it's compelling. Stolas's job is to study the stars and find prophesies. Maybe when he was young he saw something about when and/or how he'll meet his end. Maybe he knows a lot, or maybe he just knows a little. Maybe he saw something else too- something about Blitz and/or something that makes it impossible for him to blindly follow what his family expects of him. If this is the case, I still don't think we have to worry about Stolas dying any time soon. If he dies in the series, it will be at or near the very the end. I'm confident about this because he's the main love interest, and a huge facet of Blitz's character development is overcoming issues so that they can be in a relationship. If Stolas were to die, that arc would be halted. I'm NOT WORRYING, guys.
When things get bad, he fears that he's going to unalive himself. While it's not strictly canon, there's that "Do it for egg" moment on Blitz's sinstagram that suggests that there were times when Stolas had to push himself to keep going just for Via. This could also account for the worry about dying alone. Does he see his life as only continuing for as long as he can stand it? I think this theory is a solid one too and could explain the inconsistency without any prophesies. It fits Stolas's character development- he spent thirty-five(ish) years of his life functionally living for others- his family's expectations, his daughter's wellbeing . . . and now he has to learn to live for himself. This could be very moving to explore.
There's no impending doom. He's really just aware that he's both powerful and mortal and working to reconcile that like anyone else. If Blitz has a shorter natural lifespan than him (which . . . he has to, right?) then "die alone" isn't about literally expecting to have Blitz with him when he dies if they get together- it's about getting to experience the kind of relationship he wants in order to give his life meaning. I think this train of thought would be pretty amped up after his brush with death in Western Energy. I think it fits, and I like it.
Anyway, what do you think? This is basically just me trying to sort out my opinion (and procrastinate on my actual work/fill time until Full Moon with HB discussion!), and I arrived at . . . idk, I like all of them. I like the prophesy theory least, probably just because I like Stolas and want him to live and be happy. 😩
#stolitz#stolitz duet spoilers#duet spoilers#stolitz duet#stolas#stolas goetia#my helluva meta#tw mental illness#tw suicide#How is he this cute and silly and this serious at the same time?
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Dr Greyson headcanons pt 3
🩺 Romantic & NSFW 🧸 MDNI 🔞
Once again, nobody asked but at this point all of this is just for me anyways and I graciously tag it so yall can block it 😂 Regardless, I have a lot of fun with these so I'll keep making them~ As said before, a lot of these are based on the limited info we get of Grey in game, while the rest is pulled right from my brain based on my own history with personality and character analysis. You don't have to agree with any of it. 💜 ps- it's a long one folks. Per usual I like to yap about this man A LOT so yeahhh
☤ Warnings: obv MDNI for 18+ content. Reader is femme coded afab (will do a m/m one if there is a want) Breath play, teasing, size kink if you squint real hard, oral (f receiving), mild cardiophilia, public sex-ish (his office).
Part 1 sfw part 2 sfw
This man doesn't really flaunt his money the way most people in his salary bracket do, he just doesn't care to, but what he does flaunt is you. Expect the most unabashed pampering of your life with Greyson. Work has been hard? Spa day. Life has you down? He booked you and your BFF a week vacation getaway for some you time. Feeling lonely? He'll try to take some time off and you can demand anything of him. He might not always be able to give you his undivided attention (work be like that) but he will always make sure you know you're loved.
On the mornings he gets to stay home and wake up with you, he's a cuddle hog. Good luck getting out of his clutches. He works out so you can't escape the iron grip. Truly though, it's so, so soft. The epitome of a switch, he'll take big or little spoon. If he's wrapped around you, with your head resting on his bicep and your legs intertwined at the knees and ankles, expect his hand to be firmly placed over your heart. If he's the one safely tucked away against you, then please, please run your fingers through his hair and leave little kisses on his shoulders. Or put your ear to his back and listen to the deep rhythm of his heartbeat and breathing, and hear his soft chuckle reverberate through him when he tells you how much your hands on his sides tickle.
The playful banter in this relationship is a communication staple. Accidentally said "you too!" When your waiter told you to enjoy your food? He's absolutely going to remind you of that the next day. But he can take it (and expects to! Please tease him back it's his ACTUAL love language) just as well as he dishes it. That one time he misheard your friend's introduction and called them by the wrong name for an entire day? Yeah, definitely never let him live that down.
There is always music during mundane activities, and he WILL dance poorly to it, and he WILL ask you to dance with him. Don't break his heart, no one is watching while you fold laundry in your living room, just laugh at his two left feet with him and have a really terrible dance party together.
So. Many. Outdoor. Dates. I hope you like nature because this man wants to show you ALL OF IT. Picnics at all the Linkon parks, walking all the nature trails with him and Archie, camping at all their 'special spots', hell, he'll be happy to teach you to fish too if you've never been. You thought looking at the stars with Xav on a rooftop in the city was nice, just wait until you see them from the top of the hidden hillside at Grey's favorite camping spot. Brightest you've ever seen them before in your life.
Despite how much he disliked cooking while he was single, he likes doing it a lot more with a partner. If you are someone who enjoys cooking and doesn't mind Greyson turning the mixing spoons and spatulas into drumsticks, a microphone, butt slappers, and anything else he can think of at the time, then he will be a lovely (and enthusiastic) helper. Ask him to cut the veggies and meat especially so you can hear his speel about how good he is with a knife. He's been waiting to tell you that one for AGES and he might explode otherwise. (If you ALSO hate cooking however, you're both fucked lol. RIPperoni to you both when his mom hears y'all live on takeout no matter how healthy it is.)
His love language is quality time, with affirmations being a close second. When I tell you that this man just wants to share all of life's experiences with you, be it at home or abroad, he doesn't care so long as he's in your company. He'll take baking at home with you over an expensive vacation, but as long as you're there, he'll go where you lead him without hesitation. His chatty nature also means he's both giving a lot of affirmations, as well as seeking them. Within the affirmations of always reminding you how wonderful you are and how much he loves you, Grey is also The King of pep talks and talking you through your worries and woes. Lay your head on his chest and tell him everything that fills your heart and head with heaviness and let him untangle and unravel the threads with you. And at the end of it all, tell him he treats you well, won't you please? He could use the same soft treatment as well. He bears his burdens with a quick laugh and an easy smile, but they're still heavy. Remind him that he's doing a good job and that you love him for who he is- every single part of him. Especially the ones he hides away.
Just, so much laughter. Everything about a relationship with Greyson is about not taking yourself or life too seriously and letting yourself enjoy the time you have together. He knows he's busy, he knows he spends too much time away from you at work. So he works extra hard on his time off to make up for it, to fill the time you do have together with incredible memories and cherished moments that he hopes fill you with warmth and happiness that can keep you company until he can get back. And when he's not around, he's sending you silly videos and memes and jokes and other things that remind him of you to keep your spirits up when he's got a 5 second reprieve from his busy schedule. He'll send all sorts of goofy selfies, many of himself but also lots of the Akso staff you know and all their shenanigans (HIPPA whompst lol) and share aaaalllllllllll the Akso Tea Time drama with you as it unfolds. Even if he's gone a lot, he keeps you as connected to his daily life as he possibly can.
I said earlier that teasing was his love language, but it goes hand in hand with the affirmations really. The teasing is more frequent than say, Rafayel, but it's also less harmful, and by that I mean there is less BITE. Grey will nEVeR target an insecurity or sore spot knowingly to get a rise, and if he does so on accident, you will get the most sincere apology of your life (followed by a very mature conversation about said insecurity if you wanna talk about it because he wants you to know how much he loves you regardless of whatever it is.) The teasing should be fun and lighthearted. If it isn't done with a smile and a laugh, especially laughing at yourself, then it isn't the kind he's keen to participate in.
Will not hesitate to hoist you into his arms or haul you over his shoulder (assuming you're smaller than him, of course) if you're being bratty or downright silly. Sometimes even in public, depending on the situation (mind you, this is all in good fun, 100% playful). The reason he keeps so fit is so he can wrangle you when you get too big for your britches.
But make no mistake. This man folds easier than a camping chair made out of wet receipt paper if you turn the tables on him. Grey acts all confident and cocksure when he thinks he's got the upper hand, but all it takes is your hand on his upper thigh under the table out on a date, or a bold statement of intent (tell him how nice his ass looks in those new pants and how much you wanna see him out of them, I dare you, I double dog dare you), maybe even take a page put of his book and take a confident step into his personal space, grab him by the collar and pull him to your level, and watch him crumple. It's so much worse if you maintain eye contact through it all too. Stare into those bright blue eyes and enjoy the show of him falling apart in your arms. When it comes to flirting, he can dish it, but man, can he NOT take it. 0/10 resilience.
Now that your Greyson has melted faster than ice cream on a hot summer's day, you have roughly one (1) minute to do whatever you want before he snaps out of it. He is putty. Jello. Boneless. But DO NOT GET COMPLACENT. If you happen to activate The Horny™ in that time frame and falter or let go of the reins, the only thing that's getting folded now is you.
God is this man a Tease with a capital T. We've already established that in your regular lives, but during sex? He wants to hear you say exactly (in explicit detail even) how badly you want him, what his touch does to you, and how crazy you're going to go if he doesn't stop ghosting his fingers over your achingly sensitive clit and just touch you already! But you can't get too mad at him, not when his lips are on your jaw and that sweet laugh of his resonates through the both of you and he finally, finally gives you what you want and curls one and then another of those long dexterous fingers inside your welcoming walls while his thumb apologizes with haste for the previous slight to your poor neglected bud. "Ah- no need to get upset my love, you know all you had to do was ask politely." That's a lie of course. No matter how softly he says it, his impish little smile says it all.
He will do everything in his power to keep connected to your heartbeat. Call it a kink if you want, maybe it is, but it's more of a connection point to him. Sometimes it's him grabbing your wrists and pinning them above your head with his thumb pressed firm to the pulse point on the radial artery. Or his hand tightly gripping the crook of your thigh for the deep thrum of your femoral artery while he has you caged against him on his desk. Other times, he's got you in a mating press, mouth to your ear telling you how good you are to him, for him, while his hand is securely squeezing your calf for your tibial artery. But Kay, you say. What about the most obvious one? The easiest one? The throat. The carotid artery. It'll take a little convincing (not much, just tell him you trust him with your whole heart) and those skilled surgeon's hands will be put to very, very good use. Grey to too conscious of you, of his most precious person, to ever leave marks on your beautiful neck or risk hurting you. As a physician with extensive knowledge of the complex cardiovascular AND pulmonary systems, he knows exactly how much pressure is required to feel the beautiful rhythmic beats of your heart. If you ask it of him, the first time he wraps his hand around your throat, feels that immediate surge in your pulse, and you let out an airy little gasp, it's all over for him. "... well shit-" he'll groan in that cute little drawl of his.
Thanks to that little discovery, breath play is also absolutely on the menu if you're into it. As stated above, he knows all the signs to look for and is very VERY cautious with you. You'll have to encourage it, but once he gets to see how much you enjoy it, and how beautiful you look all dazed out on his cock with your throat fitting into his hand so perfectly, he'll get it. Grey probably didn't even realize he had a bit of a fixation until then either, but he loves to see how his larger palm and longer fingers - that are what make him such an adept surgeon - so nicely encompass your neck. At some point, he'll buy you a very nice piece of jewelry, something subtle to remind you of his hands, but elegant enough none would be the wiser when you wore it out. He especially loves it when you keep in on at the end of the night, the only things covering you are that little golden hand, and his.
A man that talks this much and laughs this hard without passing out has legendary head skills, and I will die on this hill. Jaw and tongue muscle endurance for days and that's damn near canonical. Tell him to put that tongue to good use instead of yapping at you, and he will happily show you why you should be careful what you wish for (after he's picked himself up off the floor, that is). He'll have you on your back with your knees over his shoulders, hands lifting your hips up into the air to meet him, and tongue so deep you'll be seeing stars soon. Just take care when you look up, because those smiling blue eyes will be fixed right on yours. He's going to savor every part of this from your taste and feel, to your sounds and expression. This is a feast, and like any proper country boy, he will say grace by worshiping at the source. He really likes it when you get both hands in his hair and lock your ankles behind his head when you're close. Not that he would dare move away (oh yes he would, he's done it before just to see you beg and whine a little), but your desperation has him smiling all the way through your orgasm. That cheeky fuck. But sometimes, he gets lost in it too. Too many overnight shifts, too many doubles, he hasn't been able to properly appreciate you in too many days. So he makes a little quip about you taking a ride (something something save a horse, of course) and the next thing you know you're smothering your dear beloved doctor in pussy - but it's okay, he practically begged for this. Greyson doesn't have a particularly large nose but the shape is oh so exquisite for face sitting, and he knows just how to rub it along your folds, diligently pressing your clit while his tongue takes great care to love and lavish every part of you it can reach. His hands aren't idol either, grabbing for the fat of your thighs, your ass, your wrists and hands, whatever can anchor him to you. If you can think straight enough to remember, thread your hands in his hair and give a little tug. Enjoy the low groan you'll pull from him, eyes slowly opening, half-lidded as that bright blue looks up at you all hazy and dazed. Now who's smiling hmm?
Vocal. As. Fuck. In multiple ways. Obviously, the teasing banter. Lots of "oh no you dont, dont hide from me" And "Hmm I didn't hear that, what did you want me to do?" Or "I don't know, should I?" All said with that signature smile and quippish tone that drives you mad and wild all at once. But once you're both tired of the little games and he's buried in your warmth trying to keep his thoughts straight, it's all praise punctuated by the delicous slap of skin to skin. "Gods you're perfect" or "Look at how well you take me Love, like I was made for you" and "Shit- keep rolling your hips like that and-". Of course, all of this is peppered with some choice expletives, though he's really not much for swearing outside of, well, you. When he gets close, you'll know it by how tight his grip on you gets and how soft his voice is. "Are you here, with me?" Nothing is sweeter than getting to hear that low drawl snag in the back of his throat when he asks you if you're close to cumming with him. Lungs too wrung out from the pace he's keeping to sound steady, each syllable is emphasized by a huff or grunt. We can't forget about the other noises - the sharp hiss he makes when your lips wrap around his length, or the shuttering moan he tries to quiet in the crook of your neck when you're slowly sinking down onto him on his office chair. Grey has a litany of wonderful noises you can pull from him. This man is rarely quiet, after all.
And at the end of it all, when you're both too tired and too boneless to get up for a warm wet rag and a glass of water, Greyson still will. There is no unending amount of stamina here. He's not a god, a demi-human, or something so strangely other. He's just A Guy. His love for you, however, is all the same. Make sure to laugh a little, when you see him wobble when he stands. Tell him he needs to do more squats so he can hold up to his own paces better. Be prepared for the pillow that gets throw at you when you do, of course. His kiss is tender when he gets back, murmurs of adoration and gratitude against your lips as he helps clean you. He is just a man, sure, but he is yours - completely.
#lnds#love and deepspace#lads#l&ds#love & deepspace#love and deep space#kay writes#lnds dr greyson#lnds greyson#lads dr. greyson#lads greyson#drgreysonmd#lnds headcanons#lads headcanons#18+ mdni#special thank you to dearest Cathy- my Pearl- for helpinf me with that center image#its so perfect and im sooooo grafeful#i hope yall like these#i spent like 4 days working on them but like i said these are mostly for me at this point lol
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You guys ever think about s/c/a/r/e/c/r/o/w. Augh.
#if I were feeling more eloquent I’d type up a paragraph about it but as it is I’m sitting on the floor procrastinating cleaning my room#half-asleep wishing I were watching Star Trek instead. but scarecrow came on and <33#og#mcr#god its lyrics are SO good#the futility of everything but the overpowering love leading to attempting anyway#being so dedicated and devoted to your child and you know ultimately you can’t do that much. you *know* that against bombs and real weapons#there’s nothing you can do#but you try anyway. because you love them. you make their life as happy as it can possibly be under the circumstances and you try and keep#them in childhood innocence for as long as possible. painting everything as a game because that’s how children understand the world and#because you want your kid to be happy against all the odds#calling out with your last breath for them to run because even in death you love them more than anything#now that I’m thinking about it danger days might be my favourite album lyrically
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insane about lucina today
#tactician's log#awakening#imagine. you’re the ONE PERSON with the power to end the nightmare your world is living through#(technically one of two or three people but the others are your younger sibling and cousin and you won’t put that on them)#you grow up knowing this. your mother and aunt and the other adults in your life try to protect you from it for as long as they can#but already the sword is in your hands and the weight is on your shoulders#over and over you watch your father’s friends die just to buy time for you to grow up enough to do what he failed to#(all because he trusted his best friend too deeply)#and when you get to the end you find that it was all hopeless anyway. one of the gemstones is gone and there’s nothing you can do about it#and there’s no other way to fix things. your timeline is lost#but because you can’t stomach the thought of all of it being in vain you decide to go back in time to try and prevent it#just so there can be ONE timeline where the apocalypse never happens. where some version of you and your friends can grow up happy and safe#it makes me INSANE man#number 1 eldest daughter syndrome haver in the world i love her so much
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Well now I have to ask for a song and/or band rec! I love new music!
aaah here's one of each!!
i started working on a playlist today and one of the songs it's based off of is Library Magic by The Head and The Heart :) i love the vibes of this song, to me it feels like warm sun in a forest glade standing next to someone you love, and it's just so so lovely <3 (youtube link)
if you like rock, give The Gaslight Anthem a try! they're from New Jersey, they've been in and about the heartland rock scene for ages, and they came out with a new album last October that I adore :)) (and another link)
#if you already know these ummm. I love you#and if not then I hope you enjoy them!!#I've always been the kind of person who loved sharing things because if it makes me happy I want to share it and make someone else happy too#but my whole life when it comes to music I've usually been spurned or ignored when I try to give recs#and like I don't blame people. it's hard to want to open up to something you don't already know and understand#but it's also so sad to me because I want to share this thing that might make you happy!#anyway I've gathered a few friends in recent years who listen to my recs and it's the best#so um 👉👈 thank you for asking for recs! it means a lot to me to share my music#even if it's not your vibe in the end! thank you. if you were aiming to make my day you succeeded <3#asks#bluecat speaks#music recommendations
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Fucking hate that I can't even talk about a guy that I think is cool without somebody thinking I have a crush on that guy :|
#like i was out at our local bookstore with my friend and there's this guy who works there who is definetly some kind of queer (i'm pretty#sure he's trans)#and he's so cool!!!#like i once asked him if they had any neil gaiman books and he was really happy to show me and was like 'have you read good omens already?'#and then he showed me all the books they had and i just really like him because he's cool#and after my friend and i were out of the bookstore again i told her about that guy just because i wanted to but then she was like making#suggestive comments and idk i just don't like it#and then i have to defend myself but that just makes it sound even more like i have a crush when i Don't#hhhhhhh#like also when talking about male celebrities that i think are pretty or cool#i always try to tone it don't because i'm afraid people think i have a crush#and like not everyone knows that i'm a lesbian#but also why is that always the first thing people assume??#can't i just say this man is cool??#it's the amatonormativity#anyways#idk where i'm going with this post all i'm saying is#if i ever call a man on here pretty or say things similar to that then i am saying that from the comfort of my own room and i would never#ever want to be in a relationship with him#same goes for famous people in general#like no matter the gender#like i don't get that that's apparently a real thing#that people actually want to be with a celebrity or kiss them or have sex with them#like noooo please no#looking at them very cool very nice yes i love doing that#but ever actually doing anything in the romantic direction with a person you literally do not know?#why would you do that?#like yes i say that i'm in love with charlize theron but only as an actress#never in real life#lea's random thoughts
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what's the theme you're fucking going for here voliiii!!! what are you fucking getting at!!! what are you trying to say, what's the point??
#still working on this drama chapter in Swept Up. they're. confusing to work with? from an empathy standpoint at least.#skill who is trying to honestly understand the other skills VS skill who is just always lying and putting on an act.#and then theres the whole thing that im not going to spoil yet but the dynamic. fuck man. i dont even know what im trying to say here#lying is bad? no i dont care about that. honest communication is important maybe? i feel like i need a central theme for this.#and i dont want the theme to be ''empathy good'' because low-empathy people are also good and i love them!! and also:#empathy is a flawed character!! i try to portray this. i dont like moralism/centrism which empathy believes in and is the main skill for#empathy you stupid centralist (affectionate) i know this is just because you don't know how to make everyone happy. who can fix this?#you dont think you can fix this! you feel too much debilitating sadness to make meaningful change!! responsibilite to others more capable#still. i do depict empathy as often kind on a small level because i think that's in character. empathy just helps you understand.#i guess this fic is also a ''empathy doesn't mean kindness. kindness is a choice you can make afterwards but empathy just means empathy''#but that's not a centralizing theme that all the chapters share. its also about vulnerability and the mortifying ordeal of being known#urgh. i'll think about it some more. knowing me its probably another ''love (in all forms) is the meaning to life'' type story lmao <3#i need to make a skill chart for this harry. all i know is that Volition is his skill signature but Empathy is his highest stat#hyper-empathetic harry with the rsd that comes from adhd!! haha!! suffering. everybody fucking hate you. this is based on me btw lmao#i was working on voli's chapter which has a flashback and child empathy! new to the mindspace looking out through harry's eyes and crying#the world is full of sad people and it's just too much for a lil guy! the backstory i have planned for this like. huh okay. wild. anyway!!#oh shit ive made a fucking breakthrough with the drama chapter. its not a theme but its something i figured out at least. we stay winning!!#chemi chats#task: swept up
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12 year old Kiwi would simultaneously be Very Very Disappointed and also Very Proud
#disappointed because I’m 24 still single never had a boy friend no job no degree and dropping out of college soon#but proud because i drew a person and he turned out decently well#ive written a lot of fiction which includes and centers on original characters and i even have a completed 20k words fic#(and while i didnt know fanfiction existed at age 12 i would have loved it. and also just been proud at having written fiction)#i have a car of my very own#i own a nice gaming console (switch) and games for it and my family still has a working wii#12yo Kiwi would have been astounded and very happy to see the 112% completion (or whatever number it is) in botw and just how many korok#seeds i collected#she would have loved to see the 10% exploration i have in every genshin area to date#she would have been happy i have friends even tho 95% of them are online (I love you all so very much here have hugs 🫂🫂)#I’m sure theres way more#anyways my point is i should try and be proud of where i’m at right now#even if its miles away from where i wanted to be st this point in my life#I’m gonna try and do nice and fun things as a gift to 12yo kiwi#maybe that will help reduce the incessant negative voice in my head telling me what a complete failure and letdown and disappointment i am#also i think 12yo kiwi would have had her little mind blown at the existence of weighted blankets#and would have LOVED the loz games/franchise/etc#and also would have laughed to discover that i am still the exact same height as her#(I haven’t grown since like 7th grade. i have been 5’2” for around half my life at this point#anyways i guess what I’m saying is do what makes you happy. make little child you happy.
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shit like kizuna and distant blue sky are going to be the fucking death of me man
(long kizuna and pokemon rants in tags + a lot of emotional rambling and spoilers)
#digimon n pokemon were my first two animes and like. i hold those memories very dear to my heart#i loved both of these btw i am holding back tears i just saw distant blue sky i love ash man he’s just. like he’s just some guy i love him#he gives off this kind of childish joy that made me love pokémon in the first place when i was little . like baby etke would sit and watch#the gengar episode from the first season on repeat SOBBING#i don’t have to say why kizuna one hit KO’d me do i? /lh#mini rant actually because it’s been an . Hour#agumon and gabumon were so and are so important to me as characters . the point of digimon partners in season one is that they are there#to be a mirror to what their partner needs to accept and overcome. gabumon never gave up trying to make matt feel loved and helped him stop#repressing his feelings and agumon and tai gave eachother things to live and fight for!! that’s why agumon’s speech about life in 02 gets me#because he has had to fight a lot. but he did it all because he had tai and tai had him#and i think what kizuna missed the mark on was that it wasn’t that tai and matt didn’t need them or want them anymore.#it was that agumon and gabumon helped them get to a place where they don’t need that mirror anymore.#it sucks and i wish they hadn’t left but like. i think that’s the point#like we’ve all had shit that has helped us grow and cope and learn and when we leave it or when it leaves us it feels painful. it sucks#but you realize how much that thing really helped you become a better person#christ this got personal and ranty. anyways i’m still emotional about kizuna#kizuna’s ending wasn’t happy. but you could tell in the credits that even if they didn’t have their partners anymore#the lessons they learned from them is still there#digimon#gamma’s static#pokemon#digimon last evolution kizuna
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#gonna be venting I guess lmao#this is what happens when you delete your twitter account I guess lol#I'm getting real tired of being me but above all of being someone struggling with substances. it's hard to be kind to myself#especially because I feel like I dont deserve it#I'm burying myself in debts I barely talk to my friends I'm trying to build routines but it all falls apart the MOMENT I relapse#I've self-harmed for the first time in years I've been more suicidal than ever and I can actually see my body breaking down#and it's hard to care about me cuz well. I've never cared about me. and every time I talk to the people I love I try to put on this front#bc I don't want to upset them or make them worry about how unwell I actually am#and honestly...... I'll be so surprised if I survive until the rest of the year. I honestly don't see myself surviving past my nephew's bday#and that's... two months away? how can it be two months away already wow time really flies when your a piece of addicted shit#not the best way to refer to myself but Oh Well lmao#I'm sorry I'm not a good person to be around friendos. And I'm sorry if my death is gonna affect you/traumatize you but like#me dying would make the life of a LOT of people better. and I think it'd make me happy to go out by doing a good deed I guess lmao#anyway#here's wonderwall
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